Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 117 : Dead Room Mate

Episode Date: May 28, 2021

You wanna play a game? Also Paul Mooney

whoa yeah let's go we're back two mad dogs are back Brian and James How you doing James I am very tired under slet

You did say this was gonna be a grumpy one Yeah I'll be grumpy Yeah More so than usual No I just Do you ever get it like

Where you just can't sleep Where it's like You're just lying there It's like you feel tired And you want to go to sleep But it just will not happen So you're just lying there For hours and hours

Well I've given up fighting there Yeah but it's like you can't even watch anything or read anything you're just like kind of stuck in this horrible limbo you're just sort of you sure you can watch something no no like i just feel like i just like i'm so fucking like wrecked that i can't even focus or concentrate on it so i just turn it off and then i just lie there it's pretty horrible that sounds like literally i'm not even joking worse than death it kind of is yeah yeah no it was awful uh so yeah i'm under slept i got another I woke up with like a real sore jaw, so I think I was like plenching or grinding in my sleep.

I don't know. It's not been a good day for cab. That doesn't sound fun. No, I'm not feeling the best. But you know what? I'm here now and I'm going to rise above it and give these people the content they deserve. You're going to put on a smile.

Smile, though your heart is breaking. Now, I don't want to be the guy who connects two things that shouldn't be connected. I do remember you saying that you got vaccinated. That's true, yeah. Is there a possibility they've put nanobots in you? Possibly, yeah. Who knows, man, who knows?

Yeah, I don't know. I'm never, like, I've never been an anti-vax kind of guy, but like, it's just when there's so much out there of like, nanobots and it's depopulation agenda 21 build gates. It's like, fuck, maybe, who knows, you know, maybe they put some shit in me and I'll be dead in five years but like I mean come on who care like let's be honest it's not getting better folks what what were you going to do what were you going to achieve that you being dead within a decade really impacts I mean it it who cares you know it's fine if if they've injected me with some

poison and I'll be dead soon if this is my Tuskegee experiment I'll take it you know it is what it is well the thing is I know Spotify are cracking down on anti-vax content okay so we're going to say we're pro-vax even though I'm not and people have honestly died but I'd rather they die than me get in trouble with Mr. Spotify

Like I'm not particularly keen on it but I've got the first dose I will get the second dose because it means I get to go down the booze with the lads and it's bloody worth it yeah it's not really but like I'm not gonna they're gonna bring in the vaccine

passport and shit so it's like fuck it I might as well yeah I took it the rumor is it'll be a mandatory vaccine you won't be able to do anything without it yeah yeah yeah yeah you won't even be able to wank

no you won't good that's good though because I haven't been able to get it up for years now so and now yeah and it'll be a yearly thing you have to get your oh really that's what the men

on the computer are saying okay but I wouldn't say that because I don't want to piss off Spotify Mr Spotify yeah look I mean he's a oh what's his name

name again. He goes Daniel. There's something because he was trying to buy Arsenal a while ago. Daniel Spotify was. Yeah, yeah. Danny Spots. Yeah. I spot to you. We love you. Spotsie. We do. Tell you what, a lot of people who are scared

to get the vaccine, James. So lay it down. What was it like getting it? It was very nonchalant. It was just like I went into my GP. See, yeah, like the reason I should probably like, not even explain

but I I like You stole it off an old lady I did yeah yeah I was like see that blind

child there I want his and I want you to well obviously we'll do it in front of him even though he can't see

but if you describe it audibly he's like Mr. Cadden gets his vaccine I want him to smell

it and little Bobo or whatever he's called he can go shit up a spot now see like

I have always had this thing since I was a child, like, I get, like, real bad, like, chronic ear infections and sinus infections, and I've had, like, surgeries on my right ear and shit. So, like, I've had, you know, I guess because of that, I'm in, like, a category where it's, like, because I've been on lots of antibiotics and shit throughout my life. Whatever. Look, I, I pay a few brown envelopes. I got the vaccine. Fuck you. You pay your taxes. I'm better than you. What do you want for me? What do you want for me? I work in Satanto, baby. I'm in the, I'm in the one percent.

but anyway yeah so i got it so they brought me in sat me down just inject you and like i think my doctor my gp even's like oh you know a lot of people are reluctant to think we're injecting them with bill gates nanochips i was like hmm interesting that you said that doctor but uh yeah using sarcasm to disguise the truth i'm a comedian sir i see what you are doing jacques the emperor has no clothes good sir uh but yeah so they give it to you you sit there for 15 minutes and if you don't fucking, you know, start shitting blood or spas out and die, you're allowed

to leave. So I didn't really have any side effects. Felt a little tired, sore arm, but really nothing. And now, but like, you know, to be honest, like insomnia, clenched jaw, crippling on happiness and misery and loneliness, all these things

predate my getting the vaccine. And you shitting all that blood. Yeah, yeah. I'm actually shitting less blood since I got the vaccine. so that's at least something's improving that's good I hope that convinces people to take it yeah yeah there's a big problem at the moment one apparently

in drotida there was a big problem where like a lot of people signed up to get the vaccine then there were no shows didn't show up yeah I've heard that's been happening a lot yeah yeah and also a lot of black people and beams you know bames black Asian

Mexican or something like that they don't want to take it either there's a big a lot of minority parties don't want to take the vaccine because they don't trust the man. Well, but, you know, the thing is there is a historical precedent here. I mean, I made a very witty reference to the Tuskegee experiments. Now, the intellectuals who enjoy this podcast will get that reference. But if you're just some average shit muncher, Johnny six-pack, pleb on the street, go do your research.

But yeah, the Tuskegee experiment, they basically infected a lot of, like, African-Americans with syphilis. Just for the crack, really? tracks like, here, let's see what this does. Here, Jamal, get your ass over here. This will help fight communism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When was that, like, the 50s or 60s or something? I think around 60s, yeah, yeah. But, like, and then, like,

let's, that's in fucking America to do that. You get to the third world, fucking, like, like, places like Haiti and fucking, like, India and, like, you know, where there's this, like, real impoverished fucking, like, it's third world conditions. There are fucking corporations going around

jabbing cunts with fucking random needles. Like, here, let's see what this does. So there is definitely a historical president that, like, minorities and underprivileged people have been sort of subjected to, like, horrific experiments against their will. So I can understand why there's a, look at Cadden, getting all progressive. Even minorities in the nursing sector and stuff like that, even they're kind of like, mm-mm, I don't like it. You ain't putting that up in there, me. I see some white man coming up here with his little peat. little needle dick i know what he won't oh little prick i've seen that before yeah

i'm not joking the UK government got all over the people uh black celebrities to try and like drum up support with the youth right so they got Lenny Henry oh yeah and Ramesh Lenny Henry to appeal to the youths yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he's like you know I didn't get and I end up marrying Don French uh but yeah but yeah Yeah, so there's definitely a lot of, you know, people are hesitant, but look, look, this is, this is what it is. You know, if it is all a big ruse to depopulate the earth, fair play to them. They played a blinder. They've nailed it.

I mean, they're on the home stretch, you know what I mean? They really, you know, credit or credits due, my compliments to the chef, they really, they hit a home run, knocked it out of the park, so fair play. What do you think of the theory? There's a theory going around again online. none of these are theories that like I formulated myself I'm smart enough but there's a theory that

this vaccine is actually going to save people for the next disease what do you mean like so they'll vaccinate the people and like you know like the riffraff and you know the certain people

who don't get it then they'll release another disease that kills off anyone who hasn't got the vaccine okay so that's why I think I won't get the vaccine and you will and this will be our little experiment. And we'll see, yeah, so we're doing our own experiment here.

Kind of like, yeah, we're doing our own little Johnson and Johnson. It's like Brainiac. I'm going to walk in Custer as well. Yeah, so you're not going to get it. I'll get it and we'll see how it goes. We'll keep you updated listeners. Oh, I don't have a funny sketch.

Oh, yeah, this would be a very funny sketch. We should film this, okay. We'll do a little funny skit. Yeah, okay. Put it online. So I go into the hospital, all right, to get my injection. Yeah. But I get lost, all right, and I go into the wrong room,

and there's a whole room full of the astro-vaccine. Astrozenica? Yeah, there's a room full of them, okay? Yeah, yeah. But I accidentally knock him over. Right. And I'm like, oh, gee, oh, I got to fill them all up myself. So I j-s it.

I've also got talking bear with me as well. Oh, okay. I jizzing all of them all right and they're injecting old ladies with my jizz but the old lady's like hmm

brings me back yeah yeah to be four years old again reminds me of the scouts yeah that is a funny sketch I think that would be very good and then I come in in black face

like I will not take the vaccine you will not effect me because it gives the gay gene and then what they do is They eat the pooh. They smear their poopo from the enos on the leans. But I interrupt you, I'm like, no, Tuskegee Airmen. He mentioned that, so it's okay.

It's okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We ride your fine line. It's very, very clever, very intellectual. Yeah. So that's what you've been up to. That's what I've been doing, yeah, getting vaccinated with nanochips and whatnot. I haven't been up to much.

The few things going on in my life that will save for the Patreon. Okay. A teaser, I had a bit of a blow up with my uncle. I think my uncle might be bugging my phone. Yeah, and then, so, you know, yeah, you'll get into that later. But you were about three hours late today, and I wasn't able to contact you. So I was legit thinking, fuck, maybe he, like, crashed his car and he's dead. Yeah.

Could I do an episode without him? Could I fly solo? Could you Bill Burrett? Well, I do a Bill Burr. So, ah, unbelievable. This asshole. Can't drive his car. I didn't know. I didn't know O'Poole was a fucking Asian name.

Am I right? His fucking guy can't drive. Yeah, yeah. So, uh, no, but you're here and you're alive. I'm here, yeah. Well, speaking of being alive. Yeah. Well, let's do the closing chapter in the saga of Therow.

Oh, shit. Yeah. R-I-P. If you haven't seen my Instagram story recently, my roommate Thero, so this podcast is basically without us knowing, the other way to say, like, a documentary you find the story. Yes, yes. This podcast was basically a time capsule

documenting the story of a great man called Tero. Yes. So Tero is dead. He is dead, yes. The choir invisible. Alas, poor Tero. I knew him, Horatio. Yeah, so what happened is

I lived with a guy called Taro. We're going to his backstory again. We've talked about him before, but yeah, let's give a brief summary. Just to... For the newbies. Tell you why we're talking about him. I live with a guy called Tiro, and I was like, geez, I wonder what happened to him?

I text my roommate, and it turns out he's dead. He's dead. Now, who is Taro? Yes. He's an alcoholic, smelly man I lived with. I'm glad he's dead. Yes. Punk rock, dude.

Man, do you mount to people? You won't believe what Brian says in this episode. I'm smoking as well. Take that square. I'm fighting This is punching up You are punching up Because he's up in heaven now

You can't get any more up than that My friend It's so funny Because I used to complain about him all the time And a lot of people are like Oh Brian, you joke about it But you would be sad when he dies You showed then

I tried to tell him No, he's an unempathetic sociopath I was like Well I've been proved right again And it's even me being like Well maybe I can use this to score some poon. Yeah.

Did you get any sympathy poon? No, I couldn't stop smiling. I was like, ah! It's so sad. He-he! So he's dead and you're not sad. No. You don't miss him.

The only thing I'm sad about is that I miss the death. You missed the death. It happened like right after you moved out, didn't he? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, Tero Lino, a tribute. Yes. Born in Finland.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He became a journalist. Ah. story. Oh, I thought you were going to say he was like he was tagging along with Woodward and Bernstein, you know, he actually introduced them to deep throat, you know,

but he didn't get the credit and that's his life went off the rails after that. Yeah, I think he like did some big Finland stories which is like, oh, might as well be Narnia stories, you know? But he seemed to have a weird career. I imagine looking back on he probably just pissed off people and just kept moving.

So he was a journalist, then he tried to run as a Christian Democrat, like a politician. A Christian Democrat? Interesting. I think that's the big party over there. I think Merkel's a Christian Democrat and it's not really that

religion-y. Right. Okay. It's just kind of like a... Yeah. All right. It's just a name. It's interesting Christian Democrat because you can kind of play both sides because Democrat, you know, you're progressive and you're all about open-minded, inclusiveness, blah, blah, but then that Christian thing is like, but we still hold

like traditional values, families, family. the core structure all that shit so it's kind of like they're cowards that's what it is pick aside they're just sitting on the fence with a big crucifix up their ass yeah fucking dweeb be a man yeah get the swat stick a tattoo yes let us know where you stand come on so uh he was journalist for a while then he was trying to be politician then he was like an english teacher for a while right and uh didn't seem like a very good english teacher no no and like i assume like he like he like he He was just drinking and his alcoholism, you know. It doesn't start magically one day.

Yeah, yeah. It's kind of like a progression thing. And then when I met him, he was living in Dundalk, so things must have been going really well for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a journalist, a politician and an English teacher in Finland, but then you end up unemployed in Dundalk. That to me spells success.

It's his retirement. Things went very right for terror. So when I met him, he'd been laid off from, IBM. Wow. This guy's out of life. Yeah, yeah. And he would just spend

all his days moving from the couch to his room. Yes. And just be passed out with cans of lager watching like say yes to the dress. Yes.

You know, watching like shitty like reality shows. Just dreaming for when a man will come and take him away. Yeah, yeah. And very smelly you would Very smelly. Yeah, yeah.

Like his room, I used to look and, he all used to always like be passed out and stuff so I have a little looking through. to try and steal some of his money you know because I'm trying to help of course yeah

it would always just be like rotten fruit and yogurts everywhere yeah his bedroom looked like the album cover of an Allison chain CD huh I don't get that

there's a reference that nobody will appreciate but I know it's quality yeah he slept there was no duve or anything on his bed it was just like just mattress yeah so that's a sign

yeah what he called immaterialism Oh like minimalism Minimalism yeah I assumed that was it And it wasn't just he's just a smelly fucking drunk scumbag

Again RIP Yeah yeah This is me I just how I deal with grief What like he had Kids right Apparently as kids and a mother were Alzheimer's back in Finland Jesus Christ

Yeah So tell you I can't wait to tell her multiple times she probably subscribed to the Patreon after this no yeah yeah it's the only thing

she recognises everything else it's like it's just a fog to her yeah she's like Brian and James

Brian and James bring me peace in my mind yeah so he was he also was diabetic and he just always like going diabetic

comas right and like his his go-to thing was like ringing up the ambulance right yeah he'd almost like

alert him he'd be like I feel bad bad ambulance please and they'd be like are you he's like

I'm going to be in diabetic coma soon he's almost like he's planned it out you know right yeah yeah and then did all take him away

kind of like you know when it was his turn to do the dishes yeah you know diabetic coma every single ambulance

coincidence so like uh taro you're really not adhering to the cleaning schedule I am very sick

please leave me alone so like multiple times a month he just like nearly die all right yeah and like i i honestly like i'm joking but i i was trying to look into like can i get him sectioned in any way or something right for his benefit like he was hallucinating yeah yeah he's too he'd say like i he wouldn't say to me because he just mumbled to me but i'd hear him talking to paramedics and they'd be like are the hallucinations back tarot and he'd be like

yes they come and go and i don't know what's real that's so fucked up that's scary man that's like my biggest fear of shit like that happening to me that'd be fun so you can watch say yes to the dress how would you oh oh no god no man one stage they brought him home and the guy was real chipper all these paramedics

are like weirdly chippered like all right buddy yeah yeah they try to keep like an upbeat it's like all right guys how's it going look you've got you just got a bad mental attitude terror have you read this secret it'll change your life pal okay so one guy one time they dropped him home

okay and they were like alright okay buddy now you've learned your lesson there now no more drink alright

that's where the problem starts now you see off the drink you'd be grand all right and then Tiro's like no more drink no more drink

and the paramedic left and he's just on his own on the couch being like no more drink no more drink Jesus Christ yeah

I'm trying to watch Futurama I'm like shut up Bender's doing something. Oh, God. You know, like, we should maybe just take a moment to,

no? No. Okay. Oh, you go ahead. Well, be queer. Yeah, I'll be a big buffy here. Just say, obviously, this is like a kind of defense mechanism using humor to mask your

well, I was honestly, like, I'm so annoyed I missed him dying. Because he died. That perfectly backs off. the statement that I just made I'm crying on the inside yeah yeah yeah well like I was like he's going to die any minute and I would have

moved out of house like probably like weeks earlier but you were just like he's going to die soon you don't want to miss it I want to see a dead finish man okay that would be really cool for your bucket list yeah yeah yeah I was thinking like we could do something to promote the podcast right like what if I wrote Brian and James

on his head and Sharpie are you doing like a weekend at Bernie's thing we bring them around with Sunday glasses on. Yeah. But he just died right after and it's like blue balls. That's a shame.

I wonder what to live with the body. It's probably still there. Decomposing. I hope they flush him in the toilet. They just left him out in the garden. It's like this will be good now. The blue bells will come in very nice.

It's why he would have wanted. It's what he would have wanted. It'll be good for the daffodennels. There's nothing that fertilizes the ground more than the decomposing corpse of a Finnish alcoholic diabetic. I mean, read gardeners, world and not telling you the exact same thing.

It's weird. I think I was joking about this with some people and I think I touch a nerve with some people. They're like, oh, Brian, you shouldn't. Yeah, a lot of people were kind of like oh, Brian, you know, you shouldn't be making these jokes. All right, so let's, I'm going to put that on you right now. What's your defense here, Brian?

How do you defend yourself? He's shit in the shower. Perfect. Done. Game over. And I cleaned it. You cleaned his shit in the shower. So fuck you. Am I allowed, okay? You've earned It's not like I killed him No

Okay It's not like I gave him The chocolate cake to kill him Okay You give him a brandy cake I just killed him Yeah Man the last time

I saw him Okay Yeah There was a woman At the door Yeah One of his hose No he was yelling at her

He was like Go away I need to come back Tomorrow Go Go away And she was like Come on Terrell

Please I was like walking past and made eye contact and like oh god now I'm involved in this yeah yeah wait with her

yeah and she kind of looked to me like help right apparently she worked well that's what they do isn't it the bloody buds

now I now big buff brine here is got to solve a problem all right like your Marty McFly's dad hey you get your damn

hands off of her just close the door and walk away oh tool no apparently she worked for IBM and for like months he was like

they were like can you please give back all the computers and shit you know because they gave him stuff yeah like company laptop yeah like there's a computer and a monitor and a screen and stuff like that right I think that's all the same thing isn't it computer monitor screen there's like a desk as well and stuff right yeah yeah and they're like can we have

it back and he just been like perfect response using his mumbo jumbo his legal jargon He's right There is a legal precedent to back that up I will refer you to the 1984 Mongo versus McGuire case

Yeah God damn he's so smart But anyway Apparently they'd sent a woman over to get it While her kid was in the car Right oh Yeah And she was like I'm too scared to go in

can you help so I had to go in alright and he was like in like standing like up to me he's squaring up to you yeah it's weird

he's like no what are you doing yeah yeah yeah and he kind of made a kind of like a slapping motion but like he didn't make contact

you know he kind of like misjudged the spatial awareness of all things he's kind of just waves his hand a bit

and I was like all right I'm going to get this computer now Tehr and he went okay and he just

lay down the bed right so now I have to lift a fucking desk in a computer while the woman watches.

Oh, of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, is this a quality? You're not gonna roll up the sleeves, love. Yeah. I voted to repeal.

Now, come on. Put your back into it. Oh, I'm invoking my vote now. Send it back. So, like, I was taking the stuff. While he's on the bed

just going like, you will not take it tonight, come back, come back tomorrow. Right, yeah. Just impotently just waving his arm. on the bed

very very sad yeah and that was the last time I saw him tragic it really is like tragic

like you know what it would be tragic if I felt like he made any attempt to be a nice person or likeable

okay if he was like wanted help he didn't seem if he wanted help yeah it's kind of like yeah

like here's a thing when somebody is in that fucking in the depths of like despair I mean

wallowing like but they're not making any attempt to better to like better their situation they're kind of like and not only are they relying on others but they're like actively taking a shit literally and uh you know figuratively yeah yeah so like they're literally

just like making life harder for everyone around them and it's just like when somebody is going out of their way to push people away they keep pushing and pushing and pushing eventually people are just going to be like fuck this you know life's hard enough i have to deal with my own shit. I'm not going to try and rescue this person who's a total stranger. You know, personally, I think you should have that attitude to people in your immediate family. If they slightly inconvenience you, even once, walk away forever and don't feel a thing about it. Done. Write jokes about their suicide and profit of it, my friend. That's the Caden philosophy. It's the only mentally healthy thing to do. Yeah, yeah. Don't listen to Bresi,

or your therapist they're all against you get a podcast and mock the feeble that's the only way to do it yeah like I did try I tried to get him apparently there's no way to help an alcoholic

person in this country if they don't want help no I tried I was like is there any way because he's hallucinating he's shitting in the shower and he's seeing things and he's like they were like hey it's not your problem dude yeah yeah come on dude

just acuna matat or my friend. No, he's mentally unwell. He needs help. Snooch to the nuch. Just check out the new episode of Hollywood man and blaze one for the homies. Yeah, that's the thing. Like the infrastructure

in this country, especially in the public sector, just is virtually non-existent. I mean, the suicide rate is skyrocketing in this country and there's really little to no fucking help for the people that need it. Even the people that are actively seeking

out ways to better their situation are kind of meeting like brick walls and pitfalls in every turn. So when there's somebody who's literally doesn't, who can't be helped doesn't want to be helped and when you attempt to help them they push you away what could you do? I try, he went

missing for a week. I was the one who went to the garden station. Like should I file out missing persons? Yeah, yeah. They were like, ah, come back tomorrow. Come back tomorrow. I can't find me pen. Yeah, yeah. No, but it's like, I made made more effort than anyone else than anyone else in the house

Here's the truth about it though This is the truth about life Okay This is you know Why like you know Not to be too fucking Pretentious about it But film television literature

It's all lied to you Because at the end of the day You can't actually save anyone And you can't be saved by anyone At the end of the day It is down to you Only you can save yourself Only they can save themselves

Some people are equipped to do it and some people aren't, and it's just a matter of time before you find out which one you are. Well, I think that's a little bit bleak. Well, I think if you're taro, you can't be saved. Everyone can be saved apart from Teiro.

That's why I've learned. Yeah, if he's the only one. Yeah, yeah. Those six million Jews in the Holocaust had a bad mental attitude, according to you. Couldn't be safe. Couldn't be out. You know, get up on two feet.

Pull the bootstraps where the fuck is it. I'm just saying, you know, yeah, you can be saved and there is like stuff out there, but only if you personally wanted enough or are willing to make the, like the landlord didn't do anything. The landlord did nothing.

That's the thing, you can't, you can't, like, rescue people. It's not like a fucking, this isn't, I don't know, like... I don't think I ever told you this, but when I lifted a fucking desk and a monitor, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put it in that woman's car and she was like, cheers and drove off, all right?

Didn't even suck it. A bitch. So she drove off. let you have a go on the kid She drove off The second after she drove off The landlord texted me Okay going like

Hey good work Brian Thanks for handling that Very mature Oh So obviously she was onto the landlord And the landlord Was just like not getting involved Until he found out it got sorted

And then he was like Nice one brother But also he said Very mature as if like Yeah you really grew up there And handled that Like you should I'm proud of it

Like an adult That's what life is now yeah this is my life you always be so funny I moved to a new house and I open the door

and it's like another another taro basically yeah yeah a house full of taros just outgo Scandinavians

everywhere you go yeah well he's dead now so what are you gonna do yeah and I have actually tried to make efforts to contact

his friends and family I'm not even joking here I've messaged all picks is it yeah this would cheer you up send one to the wife over here, you're back of my market, love.

Come on. It'll cure your Alzheimer's. But, no, I have me send them like, oh, your friend's dead. Brian and James. Yeah, you haven't been doing that because you're a coward and a pussy. No, I have been texting,

and being like, hey, did you know Terry? I text anyone that he followed on Instagram, anyone that follows him on Instagram. Wow. Okay. I texted very generic. Like, hey, do you know Terro? What are you going to do,

like a talented Mr. Ripley thing, and kind of, you're going to... I'm Thero. Yeah, I was actually his doctor, and I need to speak with you about his last will and testament. Yeah, I seem to have misplaced medical records. Could you just give me a bit of information

and show me that pussy? Show me that pussy. Well, you are in the HSE. Yeah, so that's the end of... That's the closing chapter of Tero. I hope there's another chapter. Oh, maybe the story's only begun, my friend. Oh yes

Like I hope something else happens Like maybe his son shows up Right His wacky son Yeah And he's like a heroin addict Yeah A bit of chain

Or no There's a straight lace son Who's like I'd never do drink And I'm like go on Have one It won't hurt And literally the next day

He's like shit in the shower Oh like fad or like son Oh We're about half hour in Okay You're steering the ship Now James Where do you want to go

Oh don't Why are you handing it over to me? Do you want to talk about Paul Mooney? Oh, yeah. Do you want to talk about... I got a good reaction with Paul Mooney. Do you want to do Paul Mooney or Saul? Let's do a little bit of Paul Mooney.

I go Paul Mooney. And then maybe end it with Saw. All right, yeah, okay. Okay, let's talk about Paul Mooney. Yes. So Paul Mooney... You know what? People are like, oh, Brian is fucking no empathy, fucking freak.

Hey, when a black man dies like here, you don't want me? yeah he can read the room he knows what way the wind's blowing i know what type of life matters yeah yeah so paul mooney yes at the comedy godfather yeah a great guy i'm going to say it great guy great comedian i used to love paul mooney really yes i always find him a bit kind of like no but like very very like kind of like overly preachy sanctimonious but kind of like a condescending thing but I guess he was one note he had his thing yeah but there was like also

like uh what would you say kind of uh he was like begrudging or he had an axe to grind it's kind of like it didn't really pan out from it was kind of he was always sort of like Richard Pryor's underling and that's all

that anybody ever saw him as you know what I mean well it sounds like he had a real Patrice attitude where he would multiple times just go into a room full of executives and be like, oh, fuck you, honky. Yeah, all your shows are shit, I'm better than you. And then it's going to walk out being like, why did that not go well?

Yeah. No, look, before, look, but I will say, obviously he is, you know, very, um, like a very important cultural milestone in comedy, especially for like African American comedians. He's like, people put him up there next to Pryor because he wrote with Pryor, like, they work together on all, like, Pryor's big stuff. So very influential. contributed a lot so I'm not trying to dismiss his importance I'm just saying like as he as he went on in his career he got more and more I don't know cynical bitter that things hadn't really

panned out that he never he was always kind of eclipsed by prior and that never got away so he was a bit kind of annoying than that respect but obviously you know respect to you know credit where credit's due he was very important he's interesting there said it can't come after me Fuck you. Yeah. So that makes up for everything else he's done

in the last 10 years. But, like, he's an interesting guy. Apparently he started off as a ringmaster in a circus. Okay. Literally,

he was, you know, the guy like step up what, yo, see the amazing elephant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he went from that to like comedy. You know, motherfuckers want to see this elephant. Do some crazy shit.

That's what you white people like, ain't it? What's wrong with the ringmaster, Daddy? Why is he so angry? I don't

No, but mommy seems to like him. That's right, motherfucker. I'll be fucking your white-ass bitch. And she'll love it. What you're gonna do? So, yeah, he went from that to comedy and then met up at Pryor and started writing. Yeah, yeah.

And so I knew about all this stuff. Okay. But there's a whole other section of his life. I did not know about till after he died at all. It's weird because you think, like, I liked a guy. I would have known about this. Yeah, yeah.

But it wasn't really that reporter on and wasn't really... And like, okay, so apart. from like let's just for anybody that doesn't know uh paul mooney like apart from his career with prior like he definitely was he was seen kind of he he had respect amongst the comedy community yeah you know and he was but he was very contentious he would argue with people very rare like very heavy on the issues of race racism that was kind of he would kind of be you know angry black guys kind of thing was a A bit of a shtick of his... He played into it.

Yeah, he played into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck the White E. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm sure, like, there's definitely a genuine aspect to it and deservedly so because he came up in the fucking,

like, 50s and 60s when, you know, the real racism was going, you know? To be a black ringmaster in the circus, like... In, like, the 50s, like, probably didn't have a good time of it, you know? Yeah. But yeah, no, so, yeah,

deserve... Like, I think his anger was certainly justified, but anyway. so okay apart from prior though what else did he kind of do not much he was in the chapel show he's in chapel he was just it seems like he was always around comedy clubs he was a gigging way up until the end yeah yeah he was a road dog yeah it's kind of like he had made such a big splash with his time with prior that he was always that's the thing with comedy you can always go out on the road and do a few gigs if you have

like a decent credit to your name you can like ride that all the way to the end There's guys who, like, they, like, they were an S&L cast member for three days. Yeah. And, in, like, the 70s, all right? Yeah. And was it, S&L in the 70s? Yeah, it started, like, 74 or 5. Yeah, so, like, they were like, oh, yeah, I was on S&L for a week in, like, 78.

Yeah. And they're still going around with that. Yeah. And people are like, are you Pete Davidson? And he's like, basically, yeah. Chevy spat in my face twice. So, if I'm not headlining, I'm a. smithling. Can we agree on that?

So the thing I want to talk about now is apparently in 2018 Richard Pryor's bodyguard came out and he was like oh yeah by the way Paul Mooney raped Richard Pryor's son

You just can't wait to tear down another black man's legacy prominent black man yeah I'm like the fucking the press you know Any black man going through his bins trying to find any dirt Okay, so yeah Pryor's fucking bodyguard came out and said

Paul Mooney raped Pryor's son When he was underage Wow And the son did deny it Really? The son was kind of like, yeah You know, I was on I was on pills and a lot of people

You know, someone abused me I won't say who But Jesus And the wife One of Pryor's ex-wives Not only agreed with it But she said that fucking

a Mooney basically admitted it to her in public at the funeral service at Richard Pryor's funeral? Yeah, yeah. Holy fuck. He basically said out loud. It was one of the worst eulogies I've ever experienced.

Not the worst, but it was up there. I mean, it was up there. It didn't work as an icebreaker. Okay, so, was there ever a falling out with Mooney and Pryor? Well, here's the weird thing. According to the bodyguard,

Pryor was miffed about this. It irked him. It helped him the wrong way. He really irked him, all right? So he wanted to get a hitman to kill Paul Mooney. He was willing to pay a million dollars

to get Paul Mooney whacked. Wow. And then Richard Pryor went on fire. Oh, so it's around that time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Then the free basing accident happened. He went up on fire.

Yeah. I think that kind of like distracted him a bit. Yeah, because then like, you know, he had to get a lot of skin grafts and physio and it was a whole big thing. And it probably made him retink some things and stop being so judgmental. And just realized that his son had a sweet little ass. But do you think it's weird that like even up until the end, Mooney was literally pushing Pryor's wheelchair? Really? Do you think you ever have a friendship that's so strong that you can like be like, ah, look, he did that.

I think, though, but here's the thing, like, with, you know, Hollywood, back in those days, you know, Prior, like, he himself was, like, molested as a child. He had a lot of, like, bad, like, he was very abusive to women, a lot of issues with drugs. He grew up in a brothel. Yeah. His mother, a prostitute, his dad, a pimp, his grandmother is the madam of the brothel. So, Pryor has a very fucked up, warped sense of what's allowed. and what's okay and what's not okay

so like yeah he probably was just like look we have a business interest together there's money if we like started going at each other it probably caused a whole lot of headaches that I don't need so let's just fucking forget it or whatever I don't think it's beyond just considering

Pryor's history and upbringing I think that there's yeah plus this is Hollywood in the 70s banging a teenage boy is like hey we all look we had a few too well Polanski can do it Boy, can't. Oh, double standards.

A few too many ludes and I got a little wild in a hot tub. But I don't think, I'm not justifying it in any way, all right? Yeah. Wink. I have to say that now, don't you? Oh, can't say anything these days. But I'm just saying, no, none of us will ever get to the level that these people wore in the 70s in terms of just how fucked up they wore. Yes.

And just how, like, everyone was living on the edge. Yeah. You literally, imagine like being so fucked up that you're just basically gone in the head for a month. You come to your fucking Marilyn Brando in the ass. You're like, oh, what day is it? And you just go back into your coma for like a month. And then you come back out and people are like,

you're pretty wild there. Oh, okay. You know, Terro really was just a white Richard Pryor without the money. You know, that's really what we're saying here. It's like, if you have money living in Hollywood like that, it's all good. you're you know fucking marlin brando in the ass and you're you know shooting at your car

and lighting yourself on fire but if you don't have the money you're just face down in your own shit in a Gaffin Dundalk and some little dweeb from Carlos like oh he needs to be helped yeah oh please help

yeah so it's like it's it will it's insane to a level that we'll never comprehend just how off the rails they are and obviously the thing to learn is like don't do loads of drugs and rape children but they didn't know back then

that's the thing there was no social media back then so how were you meant to know that you weren't supposed to rape a child on cocaine now here's another thing this is almost like this confuses you even more there was a long standing rumor that

Paul Mooney was gay and they asked his son about this alright they're like is it true that your father was gay and the son says this is perbatim now. Verbatim. This is ferv...

This is ipso facto. All right. He goes, he never try to fuck me in the ass. That's what he says. Nice. Yeah. So the sun's got a bit of humor as well.

Ah, yeah. Yeah. That's good. So the rumor is that, like, I think all those guys, like, just all bisexual. Yeah, I think Hollywood in general is just like,

when you're living in those sort of circles, you're detached from reality and you just have infinite money and drugs. coming in and nobody tells you know, you just get bored of the same thing and you just start banging men, women, children,

dogs, who cares, you know? You put a insect under your foreskin, you know, for, just for crack, you know? I was listening to one guy and he was saying that he had an interview lined up with Mooney. Right. To talk about this, and

Mooney was up for it. Oh, yeah. It was a tell all. The family stopped him. Because he get this stage as well, was starting to get Alzheimer's. Right. And the family wouldn't let him go on camera and talk about molesting children. It might look bad.

When he died? Not as old as you think. 70s? Okay. I thought like, geez, he must be a fine old age. Yeah, yeah. But no, no. Charles Groton died as well.

Yeah, well. You're not like Charles Grotin? No, white. The white Paul Mooney, I always called him. Wait, I only know him from the Niro movie. Midnight Ron.

I don't know. anywhere and I have bad memories of that film yeah it's no just because I had an argument with my parents at the time okay I remember sitting down like a real huff like fuck this film fuck this film I'm putting all my anger on to Groden I love Charles

Groden because he had a real really good at the kind of like a deadpan dry sarcastic thing like he was great did you ever see the original heartbreak kid no they talk actually the writers of Father Ted said they very much based Ted's character

on Charles Groden in the original Heartbreak Kid, just that kind of like you know, always like everything going wrong from blah blah what else was he in? There's that Albert Brooks film, the pint of mockumentary one. Remember that? An American Life or something like that?

I have not seen there. Well, I have a big gaping hole. Yes, yes you do. And I need to fill it. Yeah, you've got a big Richard Pryor junior right there and I'm going to come along like Paul Mooney and fill you up

with knowledge My film knowledge of that actor that particular actor Mr. Grodden is lacking Well I I also know him

from the Beethoven movie Yeah What was he in the He was the dad In the Beethoven movie I've seen that I don't remember

I was more focused On the dog Like a freak You were like Oh what's the dad do And I was like Look with a dog Yeah

As a seven year old I was like Ah the The subtle nuances Of Groden's performance You know, you see him as this sort of emasculated, castrated male, smothered by domesticity. But then the introduction of this large St. Bernard and Jax's much-needed chaos into the mundane everyday life. And then my dad was like, would you shut up, you little buffy, I would kill you right now.

And you're like, Father, you don't understand. It's not what he's doing. It's what he's not doing. You wouldn't appreciate it, you troglodyte. Yeah, yeah But no, so yeah RIP, Charles Groden I'm just going to say that

But sorry, not to Dorelia Back to Mooney No, that's basically all it had It's about Mooney Okay Maybe, I wonder Did Charles Groden Never rape any children

There's the question you should ask To investigate for yourself Listeners Fuck the dog Yeah Give Beethoven the old How's your father Yeah, the dog OD on pills

Yeah So yeah So we're coming up to the end Of the show now We've got a little bit now Oh, yeah, we can do, we can finish up with SAW. Let's talk about SAW. Yeah.

Now, here's the thing, folks. I have watched a lot of SAW recently. Yeah. Because it's the summer of spooks, as I say, okay? How dare you on the week Paul Mooney died, you disgusting individual. You know, because it's the summer of spooky scleries, okay? I'm just in that mood. So I was like, I'm going to watch all the SAW movies.

Yeah. That's what a mentally healthy person. Yeah. That's how I deal with grief. I make fun of a dead alcoholic and I want to watch the saw movies. Yeah, that'll cure the soul. So I watched a lot of them

because I want to get ready as well for Jix... Spiral. Spiral, yeah, okay. The Chris Rock. Yeah. Is it a sequel or a reimagining of the franchise? It's set in the same world. Okay.

So I thought, hey, I'll start from the beginning and watch all of them. I've made notes for all the films. I'll be honest. We'll see how much we do. Yeah. We'll see. I'll know from your eyes.

I don't think we need to go. through every single one. I think we do. Okay. Because I have made the notes. Okay,

right. I've made a lot of notes on something that is pointless. Yes. You know what also is funny because there's a bunch

of people on YouTube like this as well would they be like ho-ho, look at the saw movies. The continuity between Saw 6 doesn't match up

with Saw 7. It's like the filmmakers didn't really care because they weren't just making money. It's just that pointless cash grab

as all those horror franchises are. Yeah, it's like yeah, that's exactly what they're doing so who's the real winner you know you think you're smart

yeah they're in the Hollywood Hills raping Richard Pryor Jr while you're being a little fucking dwee making a vlog about Saw 6th yeah and you think you're better than everyone because I'm the only one who noticed this very obvious

mistake that everyone has noticed oh I'm so clever so that kind of made me sick of myself sure yeah but let's talk about Saul let's do it so saw is basically very influenced by 7 yeah and it's basically

what if 7 was directed by an Australian Asian Jesus Yeah so James 1 and another guy Actually the guy who wrote it Is the guy in the film

The photographer Have you seen Saw I saw Saw fucking years ago Like when it first came out I remember it was a big deal When it came out Yeah it was huge People loved it

And I remember as well It was a thing where Every single Halloween I wouldn't see the movie But I see the cool poster What was the poster with the puppet was it? There'd always be something a weird poster

where they'd imply gore would it be like a guy's head but it looks like it's about to get cut off or like there'd be a hand but it's obvious that the hand isn't attached to anything or a cock and I remember going like yes every poster I see just has a big cock on it. You see the poster for up

it's like it's a big cock tied to balloons I remember like as a kid I'd see the posters in the cinema while I'm going to watch something else to be like oh man those movies must be fucking flipping awesome yeah oh what were you going to see your little dweeb

probably fucking Wallace and Gromit curse of the wear rabbit I even down like oh no I'm too scared the corpse bride was it it's like oh I can't tell my parents I saw this I'm sneaking in with a bottle of pop I'm going mad

you got a trench coat and a hat on and like a fucking groucho marks glasses and must that. First Saw movie, okay? We'll just go through him, all right? Go on. The first Saw movie, the classic.

A kind of like a Hitchcockian thing. Two guys wake up in a room? Yes. And why are they trapped there? One is Dr. Phil, the other is Shaquille O'Neal. That's the opening of Scary Movie Four. Oh, is it? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I missed that. Should I watch that? You're what? I can't watch all the solos and not watch scary movies as well. No, you can't. There's a gap in your knowledge, good sir. I don't, sorry, God. Was that funny, was it when?

No, it wasn't. Dr. Phil and Shaq. No, it's like, I think Dr. Phil goes to saw, but then he saws the wrong leg. It's like, really? You couldn't tell you were sawing the wrong leg? Yeah, that's not real. Bit silly that, isn't it?

Let me think now, okay? It would be Dr. Phil, okay? Yeah. And he try and gives Jigsaw counseling. Yeah. And then he'd be, but this isn't really like, Dr. Phil's really matter, okay? He'd be like, Jixaw, you are not the fader.

Woo! Yeah! Oh, right. Yeah. And then Shaq would throw a free throw. There actually is a bit where it's like, oh, we'll be able to escape if you make a free throw. Oh, yeah. And he misses, obviously.

Oh, I'm so fucking smart. You're vindicated now. And all right, look, let's get back to it. So two guys wake up in a room. Yeah. Okay. Why are we here? There's a dead guy in the middle of the room.

Yeah. Now, spoiler alert for all these films, okay? They don't touch the dead guy. You don't kick it. Well, aren't they chained though, right? Yeah, but they get out of the chains and they still don't go near the dead guy. Oh, really?

I think they could probably tickle his feet or something, you know? Isn't that a thing, like, is he missing something? Or the dead guy, is he headless or something like that? He's got a big hole in his head. Okay. Well, it turns out that's just movie prosthetics. Yeah, yeah. And that's the real jigsaw.

Okay, yeah. That's the big twist. Yeah, that's the big twist that the guy who is dead in the middle, like... He stands up at the end. So they never actually tried to find out. who he is or anything he was just a random dead guy and they didn't try to be like do you know him no I don't know him

it's like oh dead guy immediately that's very dumb yes yeah yeah okay so that's the first film is basically like oh why are we in this room yeah oh there's a guy called jicksaw and he likes to mess with people and Danny Glover's the detective right okay and then

he is too old for this shit he really is yeah and there's a funny bit in it where they're like oh this guy sets up loads of traps let's go to the let's go to the let's go to his house and not tell anyone. Yeah. And they're like, do we need... Should we call backup?

Nah, no need. Backups for pussies. Yeah. Yeah. And then, like, you know, he's got the two guys in the room. He's like, oh, you got to kill one guy or else he'll kill your family. Right. That's kind of like this moral, like, oh, what would you do?

Would you play his twisted game? Kill my fucking family. What do I care? Do it. That is the running team. I always take of these films. It's been funny if it was like someone like me where it's like, yeah. Yeah, good.

Sweet. That bitch. Yeah, yeah, saving me a lot of headaches. So that's the first film. Very kind of like, ooh, turns out it was a twist, the end, all right? Wasn't there a big thing, like the guy he saws his own leg off to get out or something? He does and he crawls away. Right, okay.

That's at the end, okay? The next film. So you got your first film done, nice low-budget feature with a cool idea. And big impact, it resonates, people are like, holy shit, this is, because that was the whole thing was going back. it's so fucked up and disturbing and sick and you know well in the first film didn't really show a lot of the gore yeah and later on they showed the gore and gore always looks silly it does yeah it's hard to make especially kind of silly stuff like we're gonna rip out her

fucking rib bones yeah yeah either gonna pop out it's hard to make that look like when it's big like huge ridiculous set pieces they're on like a conveyor belt and it's like sawing off you know uh you know pickaxe goes up her conch or something and you're like oh no it's like we would like me and the lads would have some cans and shplafs to be like ha ha ha that's hilarious because we were rock and roll dudes you know were you into soul as a kid no no i remember we did like we watched a couple of them at a gaff party but we were all drinking and we were all just kind of like laugh and it's like yeah yeah yeah that's fucking that's you up the time with the that fat one when you were fingering her

you know that type of shit I missed out on all that I was just sitting on my own and being like I'm pointing at myself and I'm like that's like you that's like you Brian yeah you've got like your stuffed animal collection

yeah there was a kid two kids in my school who are really in the saw that's a red flag isn't it yeah like really in the saw and would like describe all the traps to you yeah while you were just sitting there trying to do your geography you know he's like a dude a dead

in the next trap there's a big fucking thing wrapped around his head and if the timer goes his head will split open like a fucking apple fucking awesome I get so fucking hard

watching that shit I remember being so scared because I was like people hear him talking but they if I reply back I'm now part of this it kind of seems like you're with him

but you're just I get you yeah he's the mouth and I'm the brain you're like spastic by association you're a mentalist by association that guy also no joke was also really big

into the Kirk Cobain suicide Oh Draw spots tickets Oh yeah This guy sounds pretty awesome Where does he now He is our list He's our fan base

Now he's like a crypto billionaire Probably I do remember one thing I don't want to Ah who's not gonna listen No go on There was a girl he liked in school I remember

Yeah Okay and then like We went on like some school trip and for some reason we got two small buses instead of one big one we were that type of school sure yeah yeah yeah is that what they told you it's like oh we have to put you on the short bus

for a financial reasons just you yeah just you and saw saw guy yeah and he's just there going live or die I'm like oh I'm stuck with this now I want to play a game so I remember like there's a girl he liked

and we the girl sat on a different bus with a man with it with it not a man like a growing adult with another guy another student

right and he was there was sitting beside a Chad was he a big Chad was he a big Chad yeah big Chad

just lifting all the time all the time all right yeah I remember like she was on one bus and he could see her

right okay and I'm like two rows down I can hear on proper like just proper like twirk

tweaking basically going like what the fuck she's sitting there she knows what the fucking she's trying to piss me off fucking fuck fuck

like she probably made the bus driver drive right beside us so I can see he's probably he's probably paid the bus driver what do you call it like stopping short yeah short stop

yeah like stopping it so like she goes back and he can touch her tits that's a perfect saw game right there look at this schmohawk touch her tits

you decide okay so yeah he was being a saw so did he get the girl on the end no Oh, it's sad. I don't know what happened to him.

It's best not to look it up. So that was Saw 1, all right? Saw 2. It's like, how do you make a sequel? Donnie Wahlberg. Yes. Yeah. So Saw 2 is Donnie Wahlberg, and he like bursts in on Jixaw.

And he's like, I got you now, punk. And jikso's like, really? And then he puts on a video feed, it's his son. Donny Warburg's son is in the trap. Oh, right. Yeah. And then like... And it's just like...

Just a black guy. on a conveyor belt with a hard dick just going closer to his son. No, don't let my son be a little fake. Yeah. Yeah, and that film, like, there's like a girl in the trap with the son. Yeah.

Who's like, oh, I'm scared, but turns out she's an accomplice of Jixot. Was she like the junkie bitch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't there a bit where like she falls into a pit full of dirty needles? Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good, isn't it? Because that's so funny because, like,

it's like, someone's got to get in there with all the needles and get the key and some guy just picks it up and throws her in. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Stan, what's it? Walk your own way. Yeah, yeah. Back when men were men, Brian.

So the second movie ends with the girl turns out she's evil and she locks Donnie Wahlberg in like in the closet or something. Yeah. She's like, game over. And the sun was actually all right the whole time, wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The video feed was from a week ago. Yes, yeah, yeah. The third film, if I know, I believe, the third film is like he kidnaps a doctor right and she's got to do surgery

but just like DIY just with a drill and a saw yeah yeah you know and the thing is like he ties like a collar around her neck and the collar will explode if his heart stops

okay so that's motivation for her to like do the surgery correctly but at the same time there's a guy in one of the big mazes yeah and JXo's like around your son died in a drug driving accident.

I have all the people responsible here and you can decide if they live or die. Yeah. So it's like, you know, the woman who saw and didn't say anything. Right. Right. The guy who was driving, the evil judge. Judge who let him off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're all like, you know, the judge gets

drowned in pig fat. That's right, yeah. There's a bit where like pigs are like liquefied. Yeah. And then the judge drowns in liquefied pigs. Yeah. Yeah. See, is that meant to be scary? it's just retarded and like the whole thing's like it's huge big set pieces they get more and more elaborate it's like what's the dude is it the same guy the whole time it's his name's kramer yeah yeah john kramer is

his name yeah yeah and his whole backstory is um he had cancer no well in the in the in the third film like he had cancer and decided to like make other people appreciate life right and later on you find out he also had like a hot wife who was pregnant right and the wife got most of did she have a miss card and he was like there's only one thing to do now how can he afford all this shit and what's his background that he can design all these things i think he's like an engineer or something so it's very like loose and silly it's very loosey-goosey yeah there's no point being like oh it's not like you know how did joey and chandler afford the apartment you know it's damn good question if you ask me yeah no one said that before yeah it is like that but like you're

right later on the film it's like in the films he's proper got like basically read it out an entire building full of traps He probably had to get a bunch of fucking illegal immigrant workers like Mr. Kramer

wants us to build the big vet to liquefy the big but we're not allowed to ask what he wanted for Jorge could you come here please this really isn't

the planning permission that I approved I mean this is going way over budget I'm sorry Mr. Kramer but this is what we have to do and your cousin he's smoking the

Gondja, what's going on here? What's funny is, the Kramer in it, John Kramer, is Jixaw. Jigsaw is very old already in the films. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they keep doing flashbacks where, like, he's dating like a hot bitch. Yeah, but he's still old as well. He's getting older.

So they keep doing flashbacks further and further back where he's looking older and older. It's very funny. And he's, like, dating a girl, and she's like, we're going to start a family. He's like, yeah, we're going to start a family. John, are you going to

ask me to prom? Yeah, I'm going to take you to prom and we're going to go all the way, Stacey. Oh, John, you're the best quarterback the school's ever had. I know, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, in the third film, it ends with, it turns out the guy with the kid who died from drunk driving. Yeah. That was the husband of the doctor he kidnapped. Right, oh, wow. The final test, all right, was if the doctor could forgive

no if the drunk driver guy could forgive saw uh jigsaw and but he he doesn't sounds like this movie's a bit too cerebral for you bro yeah I can't keep track of all the characters but isn't it like they always had to do like a really stupid plot twist

where you're like oh my god and they always play that do do do do do do like like oh god game over yeah so basically in the third film he dies yeah okay in the fourth film it's

starts off with them cutting up his body and they find a tape recorder in his stomach and it turns out he planned another crazy jigsaw adventure how fucking coked up are these cunts at this point that they're just like but he's dead what do we do

I know yeah somebody passed me Pryor's kid I forgot in Saw 4 okay yeah this is hilarious in Saw 4 the kind of plot is that

Jixaw wants an apprentice so he finds a black cop who's like disillusioned with the system and they show like why the cop is disillusioned with the system all right and there's a flashback where like

the black cop is like he's talking to a little girl and he's like little Stacy did the bad man touch you you can tell me I'm a cop and the girl's like well

am and then they show this isn't a police station now they show the guy who's accused proper like shaking his fist at her cram it Stacey You better Doing the thing around his neck

Yeah Yeah One of these days Stacy One of these days And then the cop turns around He goes back to normal Like

Yeah So then he's like The little girl So he didn't touch her And of course the guy's like Oh exactly And you'll be hearing From my lawyer

Yeah Yeah It's all lies man So it's Jixot is trying to recruit the cop But in the end it turns out A different cop is the apprentice of Jixot Oh right, okay, wow, yeah

It's just like the The thing is as the sequels went on The uh It just got more less More fucking ridiculous And nonsensical The set pieces got more elaborate And like the big reveal or whatever

It just was more retarded and loose And just didn't really work But don't question it But again like you know As we can't I kind of said there at the start, it's like, why would you who the fuck is actually deconstructing saw for

its artistic merit? It's torture porn. You get what you're paying for. The fifth one is very low effort. Really? Yeah. The fifth one, a bunch of people wake up fucking in some, again, another like huge, like Crystal Mays style

series of traps. And they've all done something bad, James. Oh, right. But like the bad things they've done is like, oh, she worked in city planning and she took a broad It's like that level So now, yeah So now she has to watch her children

Be liquefied And then somebody fuck the remains Yeah, so it's like They all have to like solve these things But at the end it turns out James That like They were meant to work together Right

But they fought with each other And that's why they all died at the end So it's a team building exercise Yeah, yeah It's just a corporate retreat gone wrong Just cut off your arm That's a team building thing And then this is solo effort

Like the new cop, the new jigsaw Yeah He's getting chased by a different cop Who's like, I'm on to you Cause the the jigsaw The new, we'll call him Hoffman All right Hoffman Hoffman's the new jigsaw

And Hoffman's always like Looking at the traps You know when they find the traps after It's like gee whoever Did this must have been Some kind of genius Yeah Wink you know

So then the cop's trying to capture Hoffman But at the end Hoffman kills the cop And that's how it ends It's like wow Not even a twist Yeah, it's just like whatever

Because at this stage you're like Hey, we're coming out every Halloween baby Yeah, how many did you Did you watch in the end? Seven I think You watched all seven Yeah, up until 3D Jesus

But you didn't get the 3D Experience No, I didn't Which is funny because I watched the trailer for Saw 3D And the whole thing is that like The hands will like Yeah, yeah

There's hands reach out of the screen And pick you up Out of your seat and shake you around Yes, I went to see Saw 3D Was it fun? It wasn't fun no you want to finish up or will I tell my little anecdote. Tell your story.

All right. Well, okay, so this is about 10 years ago it came out. I was like out the night before because I was the rock and roll dude. But now I was doing like I took a load of yokes or whatever so I was like coming down scagging real bad. I get back to the gaff. It's like fucking 11 in the morning but I've lost my

keys and there's nobody in the gaff to let me in. So I'm like ringing around as like anybody home, anybody even in a different gaff I could go over to and everyone's like no, no, no. So I was like right what will I do to kill a couple hours I know I'll go to the cinema and like the only thing that was showing

was Saw 3D so I went to see Saw 3D because it was like snowing I had no choice I had to fucking It was that or dying the snow Yeah exactly yeah so I went to see Saw 3D while I was coming down off pills And it was fucking horrific man There were like lumps of flesh

flying at me and shit I was like your one that in the counter was like do you want to see it in 2D or 3D and me like a fucking retard said 3D big mistake 2D wouldn't have been much better but at least there wouldn't have been lumps of flesh firing

flying at me it was horrible man it was a horrible experience yeah and I don't I don't even like Saw so like I wouldn't have been psyched to see it anyway but that was just like

the worst possible conditions imagine from the woman in the cinema's point of view where it's like it's air in the morning and you just show up and you're clearly gagging yeah it's like scagging off yokes I'm just in bits.

Yeah, you clearly like just like worse for wear and you're all cold and shivery and you're like, I love Saw. One for Saw 3D please. It's like Jesus Christ. But anyway, yeah.

Awful experience. I don't even remember the film because I literally watched it like with my, I was, I tried to go to sleep while the screaming was happening.

It was horrible. So we'll just wrap up really quick. Yeah. The sixth saw a movie. That's where it gets political. Oh. Yeah. That's where Jixaw's like,

you charge predatory interest rates on loans Oh really? Yeah Does it go into the fucking Yeah Yeah Yeah

Exactly yeah And Bernie made off The whole plot is like There's a cartoonishly evil boss Right Who runs a company He's like Hmm let's fire the pregnant woman

He he he he Yeah Oh the janitor Let's kick him in the face Because that will Up productivity Synergy synergy Yeah

No he's just like a real cartoonish guy Right, right. And then Jixot puts him a load of traps, but it's funny because, like, the boss is never in danger. Oh, really? Yeah. The boss is, there, Jigsaw is like,

I've captured your janitor, and you've got to decide if you want to kill the janitor to secretary. And he's like, ugh. And in the film, he's like, oh, no, the janitor, I loved him both. Right, right. But, no, that wouldn't happen to be like. Yeah, and he was like, This is awesome.

Look, kill them both. What do I care? I get to watch this for free. Yeah, yeah. Is there a subscription service or something? Usually I have to wait for an invite to little St. James to get this kind of fun. Yeah. Yeah, so that's a...

That's so... I kind of lose track out there. I saw seven. So, I think... Well, that was all six. Saw seven is a 3D one. And then at the end, I think it turns out that, like, the guy from the first film was also working with... Right, yeah.

also jigsaw's wife was working with jigsaw's multiple apprentices so dumb it's so fucking stupid the whole thing but are you are you psyched for spiral now well i still got to see jicksaw oh was there another one yeah they made a movie called jicksaw about three years ago okay that was meant to be the reboot is that like a or was it a prequel uh no it's just like a copycat okay who is also uh an apprentice of Jigsaw's manny apprentices Yeah, fucking hell

he's like the safe pass didn't he like every fucking retard who was on the dole ended up

working for fucking Jigsaw Yeah he's got a bunch of kids who really care about

a chicken fillet roll and a packet of benching and hedges and now I'm gonna go Saw

an illegal immigrant and half Ah sure and the Spirles in ninth film the series

okay apparently Spirle's done so well it's Saw is now a billion dollar franchise

Wait, it did well financially Yeah, apparently did really well Not critically though The Saw fans like it Really? Yeah, yeah Okay Because there was that Movie review from The Guardian

Yeah, the Guardian didn't like it Carmode didn't like it What were they saying about it? Oh, it lacks subtle taste Yeah, yeah Made me actually want to watch it Okay So that's all the Saw movies

And it's Chris Rock That's doing spiral as well Very interesting choice But anyway Hey Don't knock it till you try it But like Will I be out of the loop

Having not seen I think I think you will be out of the loop So I have to watch all the saws I think if you want to fit in anywhere You gotta watch all the saw movies Otherwise you're just gonna be left Someday in the future

Okay you'd be at a dinner party all right Yeah And they'll be talking You'd be like Oh does anyone What about Palestine And look at you like a freak

You're like Oh you don't know Who let in this shit I'm sure. We're talking spiral here. We're talking John Kramer's legacy. Yeah, yeah. Okay, this has been a fun one.

So we went, yeah, this was a wild one now. You know what's so funny? When I was originally, I'd get kind of caught up in the moment sometimes. Yeah. I was watching these song movies like, God, this could be like a, this could be like a tree part episode. I was like so into it. I was like, fucking just so much, the fucking mythology and the lore. A rich tapestry.

Yeah. It's kind of like, it's like a, it's like a, a. drug where it's like oh this is fucking but then it wears off the second you like walk away

like oh no that was that was nothing that was a load of shite yeah yeah and they're all

it's the same it's the same film seven times like but they're making they're already uh confirmed

the will be saw X oh saw 10 and the companion TV series Jesus Christ so so the spiral

has really breathed new life into the franchise spiral is there's going to be spiral two well I think what they want

is they're going a spiral series and a saw series it's going to be a whole like the Marvel universe and it's all

going to intertwine and they'll probably get John Kramer back and like you'd be like

you know I think they should just go full on like mystical or like from the grave yeah

yeah yeah but the problem with these films is they kill them off in fucking part three yeah

he also had this planned yeah he had all this shit planned out yeah he had fucking

of this I'm not of Matt's. I think he had like six films worth of worth of plans and tricks and traps all set up. Yeah. While dying of cancer. Yeah, he was a multitasker.

See, he fucking, he does it. You can pretty get out of bed. I know, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. God. Yeah. Well, that's, we're going to wrap up there now. Yeah, we'll finish off now. Have you got anything else? Sorry, I just, I just hit a wall there.

You're a bit tired, so we're going to forgive it. give you gold what more do you want i'll tell you what we'll do we'll do we'll tease the patreon go on that's what we'll do yeah so as i said before let's see what we can talk about in the patreon we can talk about army of the dead oh yes new zack snider movie that's what the kids are into meant to be dog shit uh we can talk about john sina offending china sweet yeah yeah i haven't paid attention to that at all so you're gonna have to fill me in there's a Muslim woman writing a book about being a horny Muslim.

Oh, yes, please. Yes. Dear Penthouse. Yeah. I never thought it happened to me. We can talk about Kevin Spacey is back. Oh, the King, return of the king. Guys, you need to switch over to the Patreon. Oh, I tell you what, I watched Don't Mess with the Zohan.

Oh, that's so funny. I watched it as well. Did you? Yeah. Oh, we can talk about on the Patreon. Well, look. Don't talk about it now. Okay. Or I'll hit you. Much like. Israel. I live in fear. And we will talk about my uncle. Yeah. We'll talk about

Harry Kane is on the transfer market. I know you're fucking so excited about that. Yeah, yeah. Jesus. I'll tell you, we'll end on this. So Harry Kane is a football player, right? Yeah. A football man, all right? Mr. Football, they call him. He plays with Tottenham, but he's literally too good for Tottenham.

Right. And he wants to leave. Tottenham, I'm a Tottenham fan where shit. Right. Where shit Harry deserves better. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, imagine you with a girlfriend, though, right? and she was like oh James should I stay with you or marry Zach Ephron

well you know big mistake time will tell on that one he'll probably be ugliest shit in two years

whereas me I can only get better couldn't possibly get worse but I listen to a podcast I'll listen to a Tottenham fan podcast all right

sure yeah while painting you know a nice nice chill day and there was the fans found out he made a transfer

request during the episode. Oh. Yeah. So he got to see the guy's heartbreak live. Nice. It was very fun to watch. Like, what's his name? Cronkite reading about JFK's assassination. It was so funny. Was it Cronkite? I think it was Cronkoy.

Oh, who cares? Yeah. As if anyone gives it enough to be like, actually, it was Dick Cavett. The guy's like, oh, I just saw on Twitter there. Harry Kane wants to leave. And the other guy was like, what do you mean?

What, what do you mean? He couldn't. What, what, what, what you mean? It says he wants to leave. What, what you mean? It don't make sense. What you mean? He wants to leave.

He doesn't want to be in the club anymore. He wants to leave. What, what, what you mean? Where are you seeing that? You see not on Twitter. It says on Sky News. What, where's I saying that? I said Sky News.

But that, but that's the media. can't trust the media god i you know i'm almost envious of people that like care that much about football it's great i wish i could be emotionally invested in anything like that it's so good man you switch off everything else you're not you're forcing it though brian no i know the truth i do you're acting like you're just as deeply involved but you're not really i would die for whatever football team wins yeah yeah oh we can also talk about the hs c cyber attacks oh yeah We've got loads of stuff to talk about guys.

So that's fucking jam-packed. Patreon. Yeah, Jesus, we're nearly an hour and 20. And I always say we should keep this an hour. And we get fucking too excited. Well, let's just end it now then. We just get too horny. Yeah.

So, okay, guys, thanks for listening. Thanks for listening. Goodbye. I'm going to eat pizza. Oh.