Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 118 : 8 Mile FC

Episode Date: June 3, 2021

Jamie Vardy is having a party.

Right, we're going again, guys. Yeah. Brian and James are back. I'm back in James' house for Brian and James fuck each other. Yep. And I'm in the house legally. Legally. It's not as fun, is it?

No, no, I kind of don't want you here anymore. Remember during lockdown, you know, it was breaking the law. Yeah, yeah. I had to wear a fake mustache. I felt like Harriet Tubman, you know, just sneaking you in here, you know. You knew get you in trouble. You didn't care. Because you knew it was for the greater good, God damn it.

That's right. You're standing up from my rights. We're saving the world. Yeah, there was. It was like a kind of like a trill, like a criminal kind of trill coming up, you know, because I could have died. You could have. Yeah.

We were hoping. But hey. Now everything's just kind of gray, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Now it's just, uh, now it's just whatever, yeah. How's your week been going? Uh, fine. Any highlights?

Highlights? My doctor says you should always think of one, I say doctor, he's a homeless guy. You should think of one highlight of every day. Oh, really? Yeah, sit down and think. That's not a good, no. Take a one good thing. Every day.

Yeah. Oh. Doesn't that sound like I'll work, doesn't it? It's like, Jesus Christ. Oh, I made of highlights. I had a wagged interracial porn, quite progressive of me. I don't like, I don't like the new you. Have those more comedians been talking to you?

They have. They've got in my ear. Yeah, yeah. What was the, was it, this is important now? Who was doing what? Oh, it was a white woman pegging a black man. Wow. That's the only way it works for me.

That's the only way it works. And he's wearing a Trump hat. Tell you, my highlight, okay. Let's have a little sporting corner for a second. Oh, okay. Lester City won the F.A. Cup. Oh, yes. That was my highlight now.

You're a Lester City guy now. I like this. This is your flavor of the week. You chop and change, right? No, I tell you, because it was against Chelsea. and I'm a Tottenham fan till I die London is white That's what I say

I know That's why you're not allowed to go to London anymore Because of those flyers you printed out And that tattoo But that's what they say London is white Oh what the Tottenham people Tottenham yeah

Chelsea fans say London is blue That's disgusting Okay Yeah Or Arsenal fans say London is red No London is white my friend White is right Yeah yeah well

go on the tube and let's see what yeah you might change your tune then walking around kiddled hood you win the ends bro what's your problem fam yes well it is kind of funny like they keep saying that they've tried to change it now say you mean

London is they're trying to change it to make it less problem mag it's hard to change it isn't it they were like say London City is white oh it doesn't really work what they think The London part is where they take the issue

White. Look, we love the white thing. That stays. That's gold. That's never going to go bad, okay? Like a fine wine that will only get better with age. Can you change it to England? Yes. The world is white, my friend. Well, it's a, I'll tell you what, I think the Leicester City story could be like a movie. Yeah? So pretend I'm pitching this now. Okay, go on.

The story of Leicester City. Yeah. So they're in the doldrums. Yeah. They're in the shit. Yeah. They're in, like, the third tier, third, get it? Yeah. Of football, all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one likes Lester. Okay. They're almost bankrupt at one stage. So it's like an underdog story. Yeah. And now, he's just going to work in China? It's going to play in China.

That's a big market over there. It would love it because there's a Chinese man involved. Oh, they won't like that. Well, they don't like it when you take one of theirs. They don't like that. Well, no, he's from Taiwan. Taiwan. Yeah, so I don't know what the relationship is.

That might be an issue where, like, Japanese won't like. like the Chinese will or do the way or vice versa. I don't know. I'll leave that up to marketing, you know? Look, we'll make him Nigerian. Everyone loves them. No problem is there. So the story is...

I have so much fun playing as a Taiwanese man. So no one will know who to get offended there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, just that's the thing. Confuse him. A Nigerian man playing a Taiwanese man. It's like if I was like... Playing a white man playing for them.

If I was like, ooh, I'm from Jamaica. He'd be like, I don't know what to think. Oh, be a hanky, panky, how's your father? Oh, jab less. Oh, yes. Are you a rude boy?

Are you? So the football team, they're the underdog. Everyone's laughing at them, okay? Along comes Jamie Vardy. Yeah. Jamie Vardy, okay? He started off the very bottom. He started off old.

Oh. Yeah, he was older than, like, he didn't, like, he didn't get an early start. How old was he? 22. Probably like, I don't know, probably like 22, but for football that's pretty young. Yeah, normally start off in the academy and stuff like that, right? Yeah, you'd get groomed as a nine-year-old to say,

I like what you do with those balls, no, let's see how you handle these. Yeah, he missed out on the grooming. I think he always had a chip on his shoulder because of that. Okay, yeah, yeah. Because all the cool kids got molested, all right? Yeah, and he'd show up to practice an extra short shorts. It's like, you're riding the pying pony, my friend. You're on the bench, Fardy.

So he, like a... Your wife's a lying whore. We'll get to that, actually. Yeah. That's a nice little spit of spice. That's so sad that that's the only bit about football I know. The Wags gossip. Oh, good.

Yeah, I'm talking about the game. You're like, oh, his wife wore a nice hat. Oh, she's fashionable. Oh, who are you wearing, my dear? Yeah. At one stage, he was playing for... I think he was getting like 20 pounds a day for playing football. Wow.

He started low. And he got on a fight at one stage And he got in trouble A bit of trouble with Johnny Law Okay So he had to wear an ankle bracelet While playing football What are you

What are forgetting in a fight Yeah I think an altercation A physical altercation Some sort Not unracial He's a real lad's lad Yeah he's a lad's lad Yeah he's a bloody poop

In a fucking Batchty's bullocking Okay So he gets him with Lester And then they get bought By a Taiwanese businessman A billionaire okay

played by Ken John Solanguebeye Yeah he can be Dr. Ken in there Doctor Ken Yeah yeah But so the

The Taiwanese businessman puts lots of money In the club And they invest wisely And they get good talent And they had a 5,000 to one shot Of winning the fucking Premier League

And they did Wow 5,000 to 1 One the biggest upsets in sports history Okay Okay, so it's all going well And it's like, this is great Guess what?

Taiwanese businessman gets in a helicopter That's never good No, what happened? He gets the helicopter He's on the set of the Twilight, so He gets in a helicopter On TV, it's on TV, you see the helicopter Going up because he used to like to have it land

In the stadium Fly away, bitch showy offy So on live TV They have the helicopter going up in the air It crashed right outside the stadium And he died? Died. Oh.

Blew up and died. Jesus. Everyone's sad. A bit of a Kobe situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then the sun takes over. Right. Okay.

And it's like, oh, are we going to win? They win the FAA Cup this weekend. It's a story of redemption. It's a Illuminati blood sacrifice. That's how they won. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's good.

Good for Lester. Yeah, isn't that inspirational? You know, they got knocked down You got back up again They survived from tragedy Yeah, yeah And Chelsea lost That's good

London is white That's how we'll end Yeah, London is white Anyway So that was my highlight of the week That's good That got me pumped All right

And also the hockey playoffs are coming up They are, that's right Yeah So I'm watching more hockey now Yeah yeah I was live with the hockey There the other night You enjoying it

You're going to put money down No And no I don't have any money Or the ability to enjoy enjoy things. So that's a negative on all fronts

there, Tuler. The NBA playoffs are coming up? Yep. Is that, are any difference there? No, I mean, fine. NBA is an all right sport

to watch, except for like the amount of stopages they do. It's quite frustrating. They stop all off. Well, that's because everything's weak now, you know?

It's all a bunch of pussies run the league. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just going to give me a sec, someone was texting me there

Okay, we'll cut this out Yeah, I'm feeling sleepy actually Why? Because I ate a lot of chicken balls You did actually I ate a lot of chicken balls A lot of chicken balls How many did you get 10?

Well, what happened is I ordered Like a combo of shit And I forgot those chicken balls with that Right, so you ordered extra chicken balls And now I got a load of them I was like, I've got to eat them all Can't give them to anyone else I know you were looking

Yeah, I was Yeah, yeah But you're like no none for you You had your hands inching towards and I was like get the fuck away yeah and you stab me in the hand yeah yeah you deserve it like I did no it's good I'm feeling a bit sleepy from the chicken balls

I kind of feel like my stomach feels but you ever like get this where like you're like oh I should take a shit right now yeah and you don't and then you don't need to take a shit anymore oh that's gonna come back to haunt me you missed your window yeah yeah that's gonna come back and haunt me in strange ways it will new and interesting ways you need to give yourself an enema like a homemade enema It's like, I don't know, just shove a bunch of stuff up your ass and just get the pipes moving, you know?

Well, I still got a lot of those laxatives in my house. Okay. From bought last time I was constipated. Yeah, yeah. So, you know what, after my exams? You've got an evening planned? Yeah, oh, that's going to be a wild evening. A bottle of Jack.

And of Jack and laxatives. Whatever. Just me and the bat. Having the crack, watching the playoffs. Yeah, yeah. We're watching the Leicester game, like a real man. Remembering the good times. Yeah.

Well, I'll tell you what. For this episode, I thought we're going to get mainstream, all right? Okay. And I taught people love 8 Mile. Yes. And friends. Yes. People from 2003 love 8 Mile and friends.

That's who we're appealing to. We're not going to attract the Doja Cat fans, all right? Or K-pop stands. None of that. We don't understand any of that shit, right? No, we don't. We like things from the past before every. everything got, you know.

Yes, I do. Before everything changed and it got scary. Back of the old times, you know. Back when no one knew what a pronoun was. We were happy then. Yeah, we were. Before, yes. Yeah, the before times.

Yeah. So, well, we're going to talk about eight mile then. Yeah, we can do eight mile or friends. And I feel like you're in more of an eight mile mood at the moment. Yeah, well, I mean, I'm a wigger at heart, you know. Yeah. Is Wigger allowed? Is Wigger like a bad term?

Oh, yeah. London is Wigger. Well, you know what I mean? Because like here's the thing, you don't really, like, around the time of like 2003, so like late 90s early 2000s, you know, and like hip hop was like a really huge and M&M and stuff. You saw a lot of, like the term Wigger got thrown around a lot and was all like white kids wearing Fubu track suits, speaking black, and using ebonics. fancy terms

so I was like yo you're a wigger y'all a wigger or whatever so everyone was saying even like gay Byrne was saying wigger yeah

it was like a very but now is it like ooh is it too close you know do we have we are we flying too close to the sun

like an icarus n word well look if I can't say wigger hey listen you got a choice it's wigger or the other right

I'm not going to say oh it's a wigger say oh new row a whitical or something yeah yeah yeah so wigger

I don't think anyone gets offended but I did notice a girl one time make a face and I said it Really? Yeah, yeah I was at a house party once

and there was a girl there She was white as well Come on, mate But I did say It was very casual Something like Someone was talking with Kendrick It's like

Oh, I love Kendrick I'm a big wigger All right You know Well here's the thing Maybe the younger People don't remember The term wigger

So all they hear They might just think Of a speech impediment You're like Elmer Funn's saying the N-word Your dollies Wesley Wiggers around here Yeah

She didn't see anything But I did see her Go kind of like move her head You know the way women You've got experience with this When a woman kind of like She puts her head back And makes the face

Yes of course And looks around like Can you believe he said it Yeah And then she tells the press Then they put a little dossier together That just means she wants it She's playing hard to get

Well we did actually Shift Oh well then Not that night Okay This is later Right Right right

Like I think like months later You had to grind her down Yeah I had to keep saying wig her over and over again Until I broke her down Well you know Obviously Being of a certain age

You know I remember M&M back I mean I remember Eminem back when he was fucking When he was great When he was at his best And so yeah I guess I was a bit of a Bit of a wig at heart You know

Are you glad you went through that phase? Well, I mean, I didn't like, you know, I didn't do the whole thing. Yo, what's that?

I didn't do all that. Like, you know, listeners of this podcast may think I do because my voice, my accents are so convincing. Here's the thing, though, you're saying, you didn't do that because you're a monohen?

That's true. Do you think if you were in New York during this time, you would have just gone full turkey? Oh, I could have, yeah. What, turkey? Turkey, like, lame,

like. Oh, okay. What? I don't, I thought it was a term. See, I'm not, I'm not one of you. Okay. How do you people talk?

Yeah. God damn Whiggers. I was just trying to think of a different word. You would have gone full, what's it, what's a different term for Wigger? I'm trying to get some creative terms. I don't know, yeah. You would have gone full Rappaport? Full Chet Hanks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think you would have gone full Chet Hanks and you think you kind of regret that in a way. You didn't, you went half measure. That's right, yeah. No, my life could have been so much different. I could have been Chet Hanks. I could have had that guy's life. Do you ever, like, look in the mirror and be like, you know, punch yourself.

Yeah. I wish it was chet. Yeah, it's like, you call this a white boy summer. This isn't even a Pakistani summer, pal. You're a joke. It's not even Indian winter. But, yeah, no, I definitely think I would have been at risk of being a wigger. So I'm glad that I, you know, did, you know.

You got half exposed. Yeah, I mean, look, I still like hip-hop music and I always have. Where do you feel about Eminem at the moment? okay yeah well here's the thing I'm a kind of person that like if I like at one point or any time in my life like really fucking loved your shit like I'll always have a saw spot for you

yeah obviously his best work is behind him you know that's you know goes without saying but I mean like I listened to his last one the fucking music to be murdered to B-sides and there were a couple of tracks on it that were decent he still got a really good flow and like you know just yeah

it is impressive like you know it's always if you just take each one you know for the I don't know

the song itself and don't like attach any of the yeah you know whatever he's had a lot of misses

he has a lot had a lot of misses he has a lot of misses and also as annoyingly a lot of songs about the misses about like how like

yeah that last album was bad but this is a good one and then next year I was like oh psych I was tripping this is the real one

yeah yeah see there's none of that like this one there were a couple of decent tracks but again like it's nowhere near but like here's a thing man

like I mean fucking Eminem when he was at his peak there was nothing like it there was nothing as big as that you can't be that fucking huge and famous and like prolific

and producing all that stuff forever like it just doesn't last and he's got he's had a career that span nearly 30 years and he's still relevant for the most part like you're still working you know Yeah, exactly.

He's not on the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, I'll always have a soft spot for M&M, but, you know, anyway, look, whatever. Yeah, I would agree with nearly everything you said. I would just, if M is listening, I would put, please be more silly. I missed a silly M&M. But, like, here's the thing. Maybe when you're, like, pushing 50, do you want to be silly?

Do you feel? I want to team up with courage the dog. What was his name? What was the dog? Oh, the insult dog. Yeah. It was something like something the insult dog Yeah, yeah

Flipper Wigger the insult dog Yeah, yeah Oh that's gonna drive me crazy You talk for a second I'm gonna look it up All right Yeah look his best work is behind him

But like I get what you mean Like his early shit Like there was some like really funny stuff In it like the little skits And just like lines going up people Like there were some really And he put fart noises in I love that Yeah

And like dick sucking like Oh yeah I was like, oh, that's a man sucking another man's penis. Remember the skits? They were like, oh, yeah, yeah. Well, he did a character. Remember in his albums he had a character as well,

like an alter ego. Yeah, it's like shady, like slim shady. But there's another one as well who's a loser. Oh, Marshall? I don't know. This is deep lore. Yeah, whatever. But anyway, it was triumph, by the way.

Triumph, the insult dog. Triumph the insult dog. Yeah, right, right, right. But I feel like a lot of stuff now, he's trying to be real important, like, you know, like, Trump is a, Trump is a champ. Yeah, yeah.

Like, his next album would definitely all be a police brutality and stuff. Well, like, yeah, I mean, here's a thing, you know, you live in that fucking bubble. Like, you know,

he's created an entire empire. You're completely cut off from the outside world and the realities of everyday life. So the shit that you put out just isn't going to be relatable anymore, you know what I mean?

And he's always, like, his entire career has always just been people attacking, attack and attacking. That's got to do a weird thing. You're just like so defensive about everything. like him in the machine gun

Kelly thing yeah like I personally like the rap devil track the machine gun Kelly put out I actually really liked that and I thought it was the closest to anyone ever came to proper like disin M&M

and making it stick you know what I mean and then he came back with Kill Shot which was kind of just standard M&M disc track it was like a template almost you know but yeah copy paste yeah exactly yeah

what do you think about the theories that a lot of people say like it's kind of weird that he's never really seen with women that much or like you're like, I mean dating women you don't read the stories like oh him and J-Lo

he's not like Ben Affleck where it's always going with him. People say that's because he's gay. That's what they say. Well, don't they say like all rappers are secretly gay and I? That's what I've been saying. I said that to Jay Z's face. Wasn't the whole thing with him and Mariah Carey though? Like they banged and then

she denied it and then he put out of track saying you lie and whore? You know you'll suck my dick. You see that's what a gay guy would do. Oh, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a bit like Halston. He's the Halston of rap. We should explain real quick. No. No. People need to know. No. Halston, a Netflix show, me and James watch, but we only watch the gay sex scenes. Don't worry. We're not queer. We only watch the gay sex scenes. Not all the talk about fashion. Yeah, yeah. Just two dudes

banging in an alley. Yeah, that was great. It was. Yeah, yeah. It was like, Jesus. And that's what we can't be sure, we can't do that with COVID. No. No. Well, no. Well, no. you can put a mask on. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway, back to eight miles. Let's get to eight miles.

So eight mile, a seminal film. I always feel a bit, I'm always a bit angry because I didn't see him and I was real young. Yeah, my friends saw it when they were in their formative years.

I saw it in college. Yeah, no, it's a bit too late. I saw it when I was like 13. There's a couple of films like this from perfect age. Yeah, where I'm like, I was such a freak

because I was fucking watching, you know what I was watching, you know, fucking only fools and horses. And carry on. instead of eight miles. Yeah, yeah. I feel like that really,

that really changed me in ways that I can't even figure out. Well, that's good, because now we have the current Brian O'Toole that all these listeners enjoy. They're like, who's the, what's the best Eminem album?

And I'm like, oh, who's better Uncle Albert or Granddad? Look, look. Granddad's an OG. He's the original, but, you know, Uncle Albert, he's the young blood coming up.

You know, he's the new generation. know you can't handle it yeah granddad's old shit and okay eight mile let's just jump into it because we've been dancing around the issue go on eight mile a great film yeah i really like it i wish to watch them i was younger yeah it's it's a very um what's the word like level-headed film like understated there's a subtlety to it it's not like you know kind of you were saying before it's not like there's not like one big monologue's like yo i gotta get out of these streets me, you know, blah, blah, blah. I gotta make it. It's just kind of like he's just

sort of, you know, living in Detroit and everything's all run down and shitty. He works in a fucking, like, you know, warehouse. His life kind of sucks. He's in a trailer park. And he's just like trying to make it. But it was a very real representation of like, you know, you're surrounded by certain people and like your friends are like, oh yeah, we're all going to blow up and go make it together, which is never the way it works out. Usually one person breaks off and goes and does it and leaves the others behind.

And then you've got that other guy wink who's like always in his ear. He's like, yo, I'm going to get you to the top. It's me and you. I'm taking you. And then he ends up just fucking him over by banging his misses. So it's like but it's all very, it's not like ridiculous and over the top. It's very like kind of real and true to life

or whatever. Now bear in mind Eminem could have got anything made. Yeah. And like he could have done some shitty vanity project where it's like, Mr. Eminem the CIA need you to rescue these sexy hostages You'll bust them out When I bust some rams

Yeah Like it's like Or like it's like A Mortal Kombat thing Where there's a mystical rap battle That you have to In the center of the earth Yes

Yeah And there's a guy with like six mouths And he can rap with Yeah Yeah Or something I know what you mean He could have gone retarded

And instead he went like Oscary Yeah yeah It's very like you know And I think people You know Before the film came out A lot of like

critics were kind of sharpening the knives like oh he was yeah i think a lot of them were like oh this is just going to be a as you say a vanity project self-indulgent just a fucking you know ego circle jerk for m&m and then it came out and they were like oh it's actually a pretty decent film like you know it's a well-made kind of story but yeah anyway so the film starts yes be rabbit be rabbit is psyching himself up in the bathroom yeah and you're like oh because in your head you're like that's m-and-m he's probably going to be crazy good at rapping. No.

No. No, he freaky. He gets sick. He, Mom's spaghetti. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever got sick before a gig? No.

Pissed a lot. Like, as in taking, like, you know, anxiety, you know, where you got like nervous pissing. I forgot about that. I used to piss all over the place. I had to bring about three

colostomy bags. I'd fill them before the emcee was done introducing the opening act, you know. You're like Oh, it's Stanley. What's he going to do to me? Ah, I need another piss bag. You're in prison.

You piss yourself no one rapes you. Yeah, exactly. It's like that. Well, yeah, no, I've never gotten sick now, yeah. A lot of pissing and sweating, but never vomiting. I tell you what I used to do a lot is I always be like, oh, should I take a shit before the gig?

Oh, no, I don't have time for that I've only got an hour. Yeah. But instead I just pissed myself a lot. I used to, I used to a lot I would, uh, you know, know, because I'm thinking about the show and stuff like that, you know, dribble a bit on my jeans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like a big, huge wet patch on stage.

Yeah, they get bigger and bigger. God, I miss gigs. It's not the same when you piss yourself during a virtual gig. Because you can just, you can literally be pissing the whole time, and they can't even tell. There's no thrill to it. I put the camera down, look at that. Yeah, but even the pixel-ated images,

it's just not the same. the real thing, the energy in the room while you piss yourself. That's where the magic happens. I love the idea of me doing a virtual gig and I'm trying to piss on the MC but I'm just piss on my laptop

and I don't understand how it works. I'm like, yeah, take that, yeah. I'm the king of comedy. Ma! So yeah, he pukes, all right. And they're like, come on rabbit, you got to get on stage. Yeah.

He gets up on stage, chokes. Jokes. Yeah, yeah. He just like freezes up and just doesn't think of anything. And it's the guy that he goes against is proof from D12. Yeah. Yeah. Logue names and I was going to say big names. I wouldn't say big names. Not big names. Just kind of like, yeah, yeah. The biggest name would be, look, Michael Shannon. Michael Shannon, McKay, Pfeiffer. Yeah, and Anthony Mackey. Yeah, yeah, he's, yeah, he'd be the biggest name in it. Black Captain America. Yes, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, he chokes, he freezes and then he walks out and there. he has to go back to his

live in his mom's house because him and his girlfriend just broke up so goes back to the trailer park and he walks in he walks in his mama banging Michael Shannon now I have to say now Michael Shannon this film I forgot how great he is because you know what when you're young you see Michael Shannon

this film you're like oh what a loser and when you get to around our age you're like that guy's actually pretty cool what a legend he's banging Kim Basinger in a trailer park he's waiting for a settlement like a fucking man just drinking and then

like giving shit to like his Eminem Zildol for not having a job you dead beat I'm here breaking home the bacon with my settle

I'm here playing the lottery every day like a man like a bread winner what are you doing dumb bitch you fucking whore but yeah

so they walk in and you see some some of Kim Bessinger's ass and side boots I like as well they're writing like the daughter definitely heard that

yeah 100% I mean they're loud It's just a little trailer It's a tiny little trailer Yeah Again she was probably like Oh come on Greg isn't it

She's like come on Greg Don't bang me to her He's like I don't give a fuck She needs to hear now Once I get my settlement check I'm gonna bang everybody Yeah So he walks in

And M is almost like Yeah he's just kind of like And just as if this has happened before Oh it definitely has Yeah yeah yeah If your mom looks like that You're used to like every Every Christmas morning

You know Yeah let's be on honest now if your mother looks like Kim Bessinger but lives in a trailer park she's going to have quite a few gentlemen callers I would imagine plus yeah why didn't she just you know whore herself out you know

we're just going to the bedroom you know they're like right there in the foot I was going to sit in room of the of the trailer the living room of the trailer yeah yeah just the part worth the so I don't even know what's in a trailer but whatever basically like they've positioned themselves so you can't if you walk in

you cannot miss them can't miss them yeah But I guess they weren't expecting company Some people liked the trail of like Someone could walk in Like I was telling you downstairs I walked in once on two people naked Yeah But they weren't having sex

They weren't they were just chilling out They were just sitting there You got the vibe that they just finished You had the vibe that like Because you know He was out of breath And she was unconscious Yeah

I was like I don't want to interrupt you guys I don't want to be the ghost At the feast here They were weirdly open With the whole thing Kind of freak me out because like you know we walked in they were sitting down on the couch naked

and we were like oh sorry it was me and like some other people right and two of them were the roommates like it wasn't like I just burst in the door like anyone having sex Greg yeah so we were like oh sorry we walked we walked down this hallway and we're like Jesus that's awkward oh no and they're like

I come in guys and we're like oh what's going on and we walked in just had like a basically like a towel over the nip and stuff yeah yeah just about a kitchen roll over her titt yeah one was American and the other guy was like Polish or something. Oh, yeah. Giving her the pole, yeah. I'd tell you.

And this is the free one. Oh, you lucky people. You don't know what you're missing. Okay, so Rabbit, you know, his life isn't great. He's had to move back in with his sexy mom. In the trailer park. And Greg, and his daughter's there as well. Daughter doesn't really do much.

No, it's not his daughter. I think that's his sister. Oh, really? Yeah. No, I don't think it's his daughter, it's his sister. I thought it was his daughter. No, it's Kim Bacenscher's daughter. That changes everything. Oh, okay, sorry.

I mean, they never specify, but... They don't, like, I assume... You can forgive me for the missing... You can put down the whip. Not really, because, well, okay. You need to learn your lesson, bro. Yeah, yeah, you got to take your lumps to... Look, I'm gonna, you know, humiliate you for this now,

but you'll thank me later, you're fucking Mongolai. Should I look it up? All right, yeah, go on, look it up. this could be fun I'll tell you what you want to make a little make a little interesting Yeah go on

then let's make it interesting How would you want to make it interesting Here look I know I'm going to win So why don't you just choose your defeat Now I've lost Oh no you've lost it I've lost confidence now Oh my phone's broken

Oh yeah Here comes the excuses What should I look up Dot 8 mile Rabbit's daughter Yeah Fuck me

Alright I'll just gonna riff her I know you're wrong Chloe Greenfield was only six years old when she played the little sister Lily you sister

what's I say sister yeah no what shall I make you do I'm ruined yeah yeah do you want to see her now

no well oh god she looks old really oh wow that's a god oh she's 25 Jesus Christ

she looks like 40 really yeah well that's what happens when you're living in a trailer park yeah she wasn't even an actor

she was just a prop with a pulse He just picked her up Michael Shand just found her Hey guys Can I bring this along You do whatever you want Michael you're great

It's part of his process Yeah yeah Yeah you're right So you can do something to me I'll decide I'll decide You can do something to me On the Patreon episode

Yeah okay Yeah that's something sweet Yes Let's ruminate on that So things aren't going well And he has to get a new job Down factory Down the factory

And the what is it Some kind of like generic Detroit factory Where you just make parts Yeah they make car parts I think One of those factories where like You're literally your job's just moving your left arm Up and down Yeah it's like pushing it

Yeah it doesn't look nice though Yeah it's moving your arm up and down For an entire day What I like about this film though Like it takes place in Detroit And you really, it really shows the urban decay Of like a city in decline I mean

It's an accurate representation of Detroit You know Detroit literally is like one of the worst of cities in America Yeah, yeah Like,

I think they got like wolves Walk around People from Ethiopia Put money in a troker box And send it to Detroit Because they saw eight miles Yeah We have been blessed

With so much good fortune The people in Detroit Need money For their rap demo Yeah So he gets the job But hey Is that everything

There's always a nice little Something Okay Yeah Nice little piece Yeah A certain little girlie is an adult woman Is walking around

A certain legal woman Legal. Yeah, yeah. Who, you played Luan in King of the Hill. Brittany Murphy is walking around. RIP. Looking for her brother. Yeah.

And, you know, M. Rabbit sees this. He's like, hmm, yeah. I'm going to have me something sweet. Yeah. I'm going to get this fan-ass bitch with my sweet sweet. So he sees her on work and then him and his friends go out to the club

and he sees her again. Yeah. How serendipitous. She talks on black guys and he's like, oh no. I got to keep her away from the black guys. That's going to be hard in Detroit, but I'll manage. Do you want to go Sweden right now?

I don't have any money, but can't be that far. We can probably drive. Do you have a car? So he sees her out in the club. Yeah. And then they kind of a nice little date where they go burn a house together. Yeah, well, like, because they're all at like a club and stuff. And like, yeah, so they're kind of like, just him and his mates are talking about like all the abandoned buildings in Detroit.

And then they talk about how, you know, you hear that one story about that crackhead who raped that little girl in the abandoned building. So it's kind of like as a, it's sort of like a symbolic, you know, fuck you to the government for leaving them behind. there's like all these abandoned buildings are just like creating like I don't know they're like places where drug addicts can go and do drugs and you know

rape people or whatever blah blah blah I'm not really articulating it very well but yeah basically they're ruining the vibe yeah that's what you mean yeah yeah just an eyesore so M and Brittany Murphy

and like all of his mates like yeah there's a whole gang of them that all do it well yeah actually you're right rabbit isn't really one going like let's burn it down yeah it's his friends too well yeah there's his mad future who's like you know kind of like the leader of the gang yeah and then there's cheddar bob who's like the retarded white guy i could relate to cheddar yeah yeah i think me and you we're both like we're both cheddar maybe someday i can be

cheddar yeah yeah if i work hard need my vegetables i can be cheddar bob yeah yeah so but yeah so they burned down the gaff together it's a nice little moment it's good yeah yeah and be honest you were talk you're doing a little hyphilufin talking there james i think this like watching things burn okay i don't think it really was like uh this will show bush no well they literally there's a bit where they talk about it like there's like a close-up of his friend's face i don't believe that well let's you want to look it up yeah okay and i know that i'm right it's his friend who's like with the glasses and he's very militant yeah yeah yeah whatever he's one damn like no you're right yeah they're just yeah they're black people so they like the bird things is that what you're saying brian i just a

assumed I stopped listening. Yeah, yeah. I went to go read the Guardian for a while. You kept eight mile playing in the other room. It's like a safe distance. I'm going to socially distance from eight mile, the motion picture. So then he comes home. What happens next is turns out his mother's like three months behind on a rent.

Right. Yeah, and she's like freaking out. This is the best bit. She's like, oh, we can't let Greg find out. Yeah. Because Greg's going to leave that. catch Greg is going to leave. Yeah, well, she's just waiting for him to get his stimmy check, you know?

Yeah, but she thinks, like, oh, Greg will stick with me when he gets his settlement check. Yeah, and take us away. No, Greg's looking, Greg's hanging around the high schools, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's right. He's making future plans. Yeah, he's going to trade her in for a younger model. Yeah, he's going to take the daughter and leave town. Yeah.

After work one day, uh, rabbit and his associates are having a little kind of a street disagreement you really were reading the Guardian when you were making these notes weren't you? Cheddar pulls out

a gun his mom's gun Yeah well like you know there's like a rival group that kind of was given Eminem shit for

bombing or choking in the club or whatever and there's like rap battle like that's the whole thing is like it's all geared towards like rap battles and

whatnot but yeah so they all square off and start punching and fighting and then Cheddar Bob pulls out a gun It's like, I'm going to show you I'm going to show you guys

But then unfortunately he tries Put the gun away and ends up shooting himself Like the hip or something like that It's in the leg I always thought it was the dick when I was younger I was like I shot his cock off You know what? I feel like

I'm surprised it wasn't his cock Yeah I feel like Eminem would have loved Having a white guy get his cock shut off Again very subtle understated Yeah see we would have gone for the cock It's hilarious because we're juvenile

M&M is much smarter than us So Cheddar shoots themselves That's just another thing going wrong In M's life Sure, yeah In Rabbit's life Skipped over a lot of stuff But all right

Yeah well we're going There's a lot of stuff to talk about Okay I've made notes All right, yeah Okay So next At the rabbit's job

I'm a little rap session Yeah What was going on there by the way They were handing out like food Was that just lunchtime Yeah it was just lunchtime Looking up Yeah, they're just buying food from a launch truck

I remember there's a lady rapping And then exhibit shows up Exhibit shows up He's great Yeah I keep forgetting he's in it I'm always like Oh I want more exhibit

Yeah Yeah Did exhibit do many movies He did a couple He did the bad lieutenant movie With Nicholas Cage Yeah Yeah

And yeah he goes in a couple of things He's been more Yeah But anyways Pimp my ride So they're like doing like You know rap battles Okay

Yeah And exhibit's like Ugly motherfucker Your dad should have wore a rub you know stuff like that but Eminem schools his eggs yeah he teaches him how to

truly rap and we're like yeah yeah the white man shows the brothers how to lay it down and this is interesting like

like the exhibits almost doing like kind of like anti-gay stuff yeah he's like making fun in this gay guy yeah and then Eminem's like yo with the gay jokes

yeah yeah what's the exact okay folks enough of the gay jokes. Exactly. Why are you fucking with that gay guy, G, you the one with the HIV? Now he said it differently than I did.

He said it with more of a flow, but that was the general gist. Yes, it was. So even back in on the streets Eminem was standing up for gay guys. Well, only because he was absolutely vilified for his homophobic lyrics. If you believe homophobic. Well, I mean,

you know the song, Criminal? Uh, recite it word for word for me okay no no I do like wait no no no you hang on no what is it my words are like a dagger

with a jagged edge I'll stab you in the head whether you're a ag or les a homo sex homafor trans or viz pants or dress hate fags the answers yes something like that

yeah so like again you know that's very homophobic well let's say shocking yes but that was the whole thing back then he was just he was basically being like a shock jock type you know jeez imagine him like trying to start today like they'd proper be like getting the government involved and being like uh well they did there was like you know anti tipper gore was it yeah like tipper gore and like you know like uh gay like the glad people came after like all those

christian coalition like all those big organizations all came after i'm like you know he like there was a lot of people gunning for him like from the very beginning but again the more controversy he stirred up the more records he sold. It's just a bit of crack. Yeah, yeah. That's what he should have said. That would have settled everything.

Just a bit of banter, lads. You never listen to the two johnnies. It would be clear funny if he was like, you know, glad or like, oh, hateful lyrics. And he's like, hey, it's just a bit of crack. I'm like, oh, we didn't realize. Oh, okay, right. All right. Go on, go on, dude.

Go on, more sad. Go on. Yeah, but anyway. So, yeah, you're right, though, in that rap battle moment, he kind of sticks up for his gay co-worker. And takes exhibit to. task for his problematic views. Yeah. And Britney's dear, Britney Murphy.

She's in the background. And you know, not makes a girl more wet than standing up for a gay guy and defeating exhibit with logic. Well, evidently not, as we will point out. What do you mean? Well, you say she gets wet, but then the sex scene,

she like full on licks her palm and then rugs her pussy. So didn't get her that wet. Oh, yeah, that's a... We're going on. out right now. This girl, she's a fucking gawar now, just fucking gawar. She's right little salt,

you know, me. You get a few cheeky tequila's down a gullet. Oh, she'll go on up, like a fucking jurorice old bunny, in it, pal? Yeah, it's great. He's like, oh, you want to go on a date? And she's basically like, no, fuck me in the factory right now. Okay.

I want exhibit to watch. It's a very, like, kind of gritty sex scene. It is. Now, why do you think they made the child? of having it so like it's not just like you know like it's not really it's almost like makes it uncomfortable in the way

it's not sexy yeah it's like kind of like yeah it's weird because there's no like it's like it's just like weird like labored breath and just it's very real you know there's no like your cock so big I guess you know if they're kind of like

doing it on the sly kind of fucking in a factory they don't want a bunch of dudes to walk around like oh rabbit we pull in a train on this bitch but yeah but like that one point where she like licks her palm and then yeah and like when I was younger I was like

why is she doing that what is that and then only when I was older is like oh I see only after experiencing not making women wet was like oh I know that trick yeah you're going to need more saliva than that loaf you're not fooling me yeah let me just golly right in your

twat Yeah, yeah, so... It's a very... It's a very gritty sex scene. I wonder whose idea that was to the spitting in the hand bit? Because that's almost like... I would imagine Curtis Hansen, probably the director. I don't think Eminem would be like...

Let's have a scene where she's not wet. Yeah. Who knows? Who knows what... Some women can't get wet, I've heard. Is that what they tell you? Yeah. Some of them can't come here.

Yeah. Some of them can't return phone calls. Some of them can't stop themselves. from having sex with your brother. Women are a very fickle breed, you know? Very curious. Enigma.

Yeah. Yeah, well, it's their star sign, you know. You can't really help it. Yeah, Mercury's and retrograde, so I fucked your boss. It's a great scene, though. It is. It's a great scene.

Yeah, and he comes in her. Very memorable sex scene. Yeah, he doesn't use Johnny. No, well, he's rabbit, you know? That's the whole point, you know? He likes to fuck. Yep. And, Jesus, I'll tell you now,

there's something I love about a girl like that It's just like You know None of that like Oh no Just like come on Fuck me in a factory Come on with it

Don't be gay Yeah Fucking do it Yeah And afterwards Just kind of like walks off Probably the way it's dripping down You know

It's like Alright see you later Cheers for that pal Yeah Yeah It's a look at you You got a vacant gaze Like a thousand yards stair

I kind of go down Watch it again Yeah we will We will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, after that, it's hard to top that, all right? But let me see where they're going after this. So he comes inside.

I wrote down that. He comes inside her. You've written, I see you've written that three times, exclamation points, and you've actually used a highlighter to just, you know. But, like, a lot of these girls, you think, like, oh, hit it and quit it, you know? That's all I always say, right? But he comes home, she's hanging out with the mother. Yeah, yeah.

And he doesn't like that. No, no, because, like, one of his friends. brought around and this is the friend who I was talking about earlier who's all like yo I'm gonna fucking bring you to the top man I'm making moves I'm making deals and I'm you're next you're next for the big time he's like a bullshitter

con artist type guy you know and he also he's like kind of linked up with the rival rap group that Eminem and his friends were fighting with so you don't know who to you can't trust this chap what were the what were the rival rap group talk called or something like society

free world free world free world Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, Rabbit doesn't like it because he doesn't like the eye, like she knows now

that he doesn't that he lives in a trailer. He doesn't live in a mansion, you know? Yeah, that he, wait, you're telling me you work in that

car parts factory in Detroit but you don't have a Beverly Hills address. Yeah, she was like, I thought that commute was a bit much. You're not secret millionaire.

Then I want you to take your jiz back out of my pussy right now. That'd be funny if a girl breaks up with you. It's like, yeah, here's your shoes. Here's your hoodie. And here's all the jizz you put in me. I kept it all.

I kept it all. Zip locked, frozen, labeled with dates. And now you've got to raise it and pay for its college fund. So that happens. Also then Greg finds out about the eviction and he's pissed. Yeah, it's like, you fucking deadbeat bitch, I'm out of here. He calls her a loser. Yeah, yeah.

What, did this guy just know what a good thing he has, you know? Oh, come on, man. You're banging Kim Bess and surely. He gets in a fight with Rabbit. Yeah.

Now, here's one thing I kind of wish. Rabbit kind of hits Greg. Yeah. And Greg walks away. I kind of would like to see Greg beat the shit out Rabbit. Right. Just add one extra thing

of like everything's going wrong. That'll make the ending even better. Yeah. That's me being a Monday morning quarterback. Yeah, I mean, well, like, later on, he does, but whatever, like... He gets what's coming to him. He gets hit

again, so I can't even... This is me looking for faults. Yeah. It's the problem with critics, okay? It's like, I've got to think of something wrong, but that's why we're scum. Like, we don't create, we destroy. Yes. You put yourself up there with Corbode, do you? Yeah, and Ebert.

Nah, you're Mayo, pal. No! Mayo and Corbode! Oh, God! You're Mayo. Christ! Yeah, yeah. God, what Mayo. Everything wrong with the word. Now, that's white. Mayo and Cormode

Yeah You know That's really bad Between you and Mark Kermode You're still the whitest Motherfucker You know he plays jazz

Who Mayo No uh Kermode He's got a jazz band Now you can't That's black What does he play What instrument I don't know

Triangle It's probably It's a weird thing It's not a guitar It's a Fong Phanugi Or whatever

Yeah So so um so fucking greg leaves okay yeah and rabbit's mom loses it she can't handle life without gregg she needs that michael shannon dick yeah yeah she immediately goes on the drink she's wasted and remember she's like maybe if i go bingo i can see gregg i gotta find gregg yeah yeah and she's desperate like addict all right and then rabbit you know rabbit kind of loses it bit is like you fucking yeah why you like this mom yeah yeah did that you know you like that scene Yeah, that was a good scene.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I like Eminem's performance because, again, it's never, it's fairly understated. That's probably one of the most, like, you know, you know, emotion acting bits that he does, because a lot of it is kind of just like sort of a detached, sort of like, yeah, whatever, man, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, which works for the film, it works in the context or whatever for the character, blah, blah, blah. So then to go to a radio station.

What happened? I forget here, what happened? You see, yeah, his mate, his mate is called Wink. And Wink is like, oh, I've, you know, I've got you like, you know, I'm doing fucking basically, I'm hooked up with this like producer guy in a fucking music studio. You should. It was a radio station. Radio station, whatever.

It's like sway. Yeah, yeah, like sway. And so he's like, come down and, you know, fucking bust him freestyle and show him what you got, blah, blah, blah. And then fucking Eminem gets there and fucking Wink is banging Britney Murr. Murphy, right there on the mixing desk. This is why I tell you, James, why you shouldn't have a girlfriend. And I don't. Yeah. This is why it's why he got rid

of mine as well, because I saw 8 Mile and I was like, she's going to do this. You're not allowed me radio stations. You're going to ruin my rap career. Yeah, yeah. Well, M&M loses it and beats the shit out of your man, wink. It's pretty cool, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. And that's how you deal with your problems.

So now, rabbit's dead inside. Yeah. And this is when you perform best. that's why whenever I'm about to do a big giggling let's say I'm doing the crunch okay that's why I purposely wrecked my life the week beforehand

yeah yeah just so I walk in just dead eyes you know what people don't know is you've actually been doing the crunch like every week during lockdown you've been breaking in to the stag's head and just like hey hello where you guys from England Oh, welcome to Europe

Yeah, you're like Rupert Pupkin You've just got like cardboard cutouts of Danny O'Brien and other people I'm talking to cutouts like How do I do, Danny? Don't ignore me Think you so good And I hit him and his head comes off like Oh Jesus!

I'm sorry, please don't tell Bill Burr I'm trying to put a stick his head together why he's so cold Look what you made me do God we should do that What Everything I just said We should break into the Stag's head

Okay Oh shit they're opening the pub soon though Yeah they are yeah When I think 7th of June But I don't know Oh we got time Let's do it and that's for the Patreon

Yeah let's do it now Let's just leave this shit and go there We can break into all the clubs That'll be a nice little tour We do a world tour of Ireland of every venue. Too bad I thought of this just now is the lockdown ending.

Yeah, 14 months. Yeah, yeah. Well, actually, I watched Simon, you know, Simon Bird from the Inbetweeners. Yeah. He played Will. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He did a stand-up special recently and he did it with no audience. And how was that? Not good. Not good. No, it was weird. It was very, very monologue.

Like, it felt more like he was doing like a one-act play. Right, right. And obviously, it's not going to feel like proper. Because there's no crowd. Like, proper stand-up. But didn't feel like,

like jokes even. Yeah, it just kind of felt like Oh, you know, crying up in, yeah, looking at him was weird. Yeah, wherever he's from. Yeah, well, it literally was, you know, the parody of a one-man player was like, my mother, she was crazy.

Oh, really? It was kind of like that. Oh, no. She, and my mother would say, you'll never make an entertainment, Will. You should become a lawyer. I showed her, didn't I the stupid bitch? I turned around and said shut up, you bummed

Remember from the show? And then my uncle was saying, you should be a sailor like me. I call him a bus wanker. That wasn't even your life. Shut up! And then we went for Friday night dinner. Yeah.

No, I just remembered. What was his name? What? Yeah, the dad. The dad is dead. Paul Ritter. Yeah, yeah. I tried to call him recently.

he won't answer. Rude. Oh, too dark, was it? It is pretty funny. Don't want to joke about his death, but it's pretty funny how he made Chernobyl and then he died from like a brain tumor. Ah.

Yeah, you're right. That is funny. Not really any connection there, but you see, that would work if there was no audience. Yeah, yeah. You being here, that kind of ruined the momentum of it.

I'm sorry, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I don't like, I don't like when stand up tries to go experimental like oh yeah let's do it but like there's no crowd or like no words let's take away all the all the bits that

make stand up yeah well if I'm sitting on a chair and I don't talk yeah I'm dressed up like a horse oh what just because I'm challenging your perceptions you can't handle it yeah yeah there's a lot of that in Edinburgh where it's like

yeah yeah I'm gonna do something and it's actually it actually takes more work because it isn't standoff It takes more work and is less enjoyable, but the critics will love it. Fucking, I just remember there, man. I mean, this other guy, and I felt so bad for him

because he was the guy being like, oh, this might be good. It's got a lot of stars on the poster. And we went to it as a guy, like, it was fucking like he was dancing, he was leaves on stage. I don't even know if there were real leaves. Probably fake.

But, like, he just kept throwing the leaves up in the air and dancing. I remember, like, my friend felt so bad. like he was acting like he'd written it yeah yeah he was like oh brian i didn't know i'm so like there is nothing worse though when you kind of recommend something and then it turns out to be dog shit yeah and you're like oh it's just such a poor reflection on you it's one thing being like hey we should watch this movie and like you know 10 minutes

in you're like oh but it's one it's another thing where like you're in a room and also there's not many people in the room yeah so you can't really leave yeah and like i'm just making eye contact with him the whole time yeah i for i wish i knew what he was called he was like I think he was dressed up like a tree or something Okay

See she's we're missing out on that aren't we Bring back the fringe Well I think they are looking to do it Yeah it's gonna be a weird Kind of like socially distance one Yeah it won't have the same vibe You know like that guy you know Actually won't affect him at all

It'll be the same number in the room But anyway Let's finish up on this So like he's dead inside is what I was saying Okay Yeah yeah yeah And instead of going to the crunch she decides to go back to the rap battle right yeah yeah yeah and uh you know it's uh it's almost like

a like a mortal combat thing you gotta work your way up the levels yeah yeah so it's like a rap battle thing and uh you know it kind of like it's uh the only thing we could compare it to is like the roast battles you know in comedy or whatever which again we like to do when we we break into the venues and there's nobody there and it's just me and you and stage and we call each other gay retards and it's a fun time and neither of us win or there's like an imaginary woman there

and we're like oh you yeah you you're so fat end of there you go yeah and then we're like we high five like we showed her didn't we then we pull a train on her

but she's not there so she's us kissing hot pretty hot so he's winning the rap battle see all the all the black guys they're all doing like the usual like You're white. Yeah.

And he uses... This is crazy. He uses what the weapons they use on him. And it's almost like it's like a self-deprecation thing where he uses the insults his armor to protect them. Yes. It's pretty ingenious like. And... I noticed some...

A bit of sneering cynicism in your voice there, Brian. No, I think you could you? Come on. Buster freestyle right now. Let's hear it. A boo, chikaboo, chikaboo, chikaboo, chikaboo, hip hop. So, you know, he brings up all the stuff, you know, like, yeah, I live in the trailer park and I'm a bum, you know,

I'm not going to recite, you watch it yourself, mate, and he wins. Yes. And even, like, sometimes in it, they turn off the music, he still keeps rapping, you know, fuck it, I'll go a cappella, you know, and he really shows them. He sure does. And I also like, you know, Anthony Mackey, he's the big. guy, the big dog at the end, he doesn't even rap, he chokes. Yeah, he chokes.

Yeah, because he knows. The white man came and showed me what it is. He took my culture and improved it. Cultural Improviation. So Eminem wins the rap

battle. Yes. And then like, you know, all the guys like, curses, we'll get you again, Rabbit. Yeah. And then he's hanging out with his friends afterwards. Like, oh, you want to come with us? He's like, no, we're going to go home. Yes. And he realized in that moment, I need to leave my group

of friends behind and go and befriend some Jewish men in Hollywood. And that's how you do it. Yeah, and then he made friends of Jimmy Iveen and Paul Rosenberg and Dr. Dre, who is basically a Jewish man at this stage.

So now he's in the big leagues. They fit him up good, you know? Oh, they do, man. They pull a train on him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great movie. Oh, yeah, it is. I do like the ending as well. It's a nice little understated, like, I'm going to go home.

It goes back to work. Yeah, yeah. See, being responsible. Exactly. I used to do that. When we were running gigs, I remember, like, you'd go off partying. I used to be like, have fun, James. I'm going to go home.

Oh, really? No, a lot of times I'd go out with you. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. No, there's a few times I didn't, and I always regretted it. Why would you go home? What was the logic? You know what?

In my head was like, I'm going to go home. and work on my jokes but I'd go home and just kind of be like I feel sad now but he's having fun I wasn't so we were both miserable yeah yeah you were just in a room somewhere in my head some reason in my head it's like you're in a room and everyone's like fucking but you're off in the corner smoking a cigarette like it's it means nothing to you yeah yeah it's like eyes wide shut you know I'm just sort of sitting there yeah you've been there done that you you've done every single act imaginable I'm all I'm just desensitized to it all now

yeah well truth is I just couldn't get hard you know that's what the problem was so I just pretended like ah it means nothing to me would you excuse me for a moment and I go in the bathroom

fucking come on I'm just trying to whack myself hard you fucking worthless yeah you choked I did I choked like bee rabbit and maybe because of all the mom's spaghetti I had and puked up all over myself

man we're at an hour oh wow yeah okay we didn't even get to friends no we didn't I was going to do friends and then Joey oh we can't rush that no I think we need to do another episode okay yeah all right

because I think like friends maybe we're going to do the finale but Joey we're going to need a lot of time yeah I mean per saying we should do an episode per episode you know the way Gomez watches Seinfeld yeah Brian and James watch Joey I think my God we were cornered a market

of the racist, sexist, joey fans. There's a Venn diagram somewhere and those fans, they will pay top dollar. They will, they'll die for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, so we'll wrap this up in a few minutes.

This has been a fun one. Mm-hmm. Have you enjoyed yourself? Yeah, I mean, as much as one could possibly enjoy this. That's what I want to hear. Yeah, yeah. Don't overdo it. I'm like Curtis Hanson understated.

I like as well. you never do the fake like, gee whiz, Brian, I sure had a whale of a time today. I was actually thinking about that not too long ago. I was like, I think I do on this podcast. I do have a like, oh boy, you know, I like I do like a real like animated. And it's very like, it's just fake.

It's like it's not real man. It's contrived. It's fake bullshit. It's Hollywood garbage and it doesn't belong here. This is the home of truth. Actually, I'm the opposite where I was listening to an episode recently and we were both having fun on it. And I was like, oh, I'm too hyper.

Yeah. I didn't like that. I need to, like, I'm trying to go, I'm going to try to lower the energy. Yeah, yeah. It's weird. It's a weird fucking line, because obviously, you want to be, like, entertaining and stuff, but you don't want to be so fucking like, Hey, all right, guys.

We're going to have a wacky, cookie time. We got a phone in coming up, and a prank phone call. Ring, ring, ring. Hello? Hello, is this Mrs. Hasselhoff? Your son's a fast. Is your refrigerator running? Yes? Well, you're gayed.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Classic, classic. Now, for all these classic prank phone calls and more, you can get the Brian and James CD-ROM. An interactive CD-ROM. You can put it in your computer, and there's a surprise game on it.

Called Child Porn. The game is try to not get arrested. Brian and James crucified by the FCC They just don't understand comedy, man You know actually just to like Go away from this for a second I just noticed It's been interesting me for a while now

On my can of Diet Coke There's a thing on the side that says I get a two months free digital magazine trial Okay What is that? A two month free digital magazine trial Yeah I can read Esquire for free from this can of coke and it's something that like it's not really

worth talking about in the podcast no but I've been thinking about it for a while now that's like you might notice while I was talking about eight mile there I did notice you were like eyeing up your can I was like it seems quite transfixed I'm not very good of reading so I was proper like W

is that no that's an S queer what's that sounds hot or E yeah yeah Yeah, well, I don't know.

Esqueer Mousy. I love it. Yeah. Should I do that for a crack? What, sign up. Yeah, do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sign up for S-Quire.

That'd be wild. Yeah, that'd be crazy. You'll just turn into a suave gentleman. You'll be wearing like a, you know, like a Hugh Hefner robe, smoking a pipe. You'll have like 18-year-olds locked up in cages. It'd be awesome. Yeah, it's wearing my pajamas everywhere. Yeah.

Like what a real gentleman does. It's so funny. It's like, yeah, like the whole kind of. of like pyjamas look of Hugh Hefner like back in the 70s was very suave and sophisticated but then towards the end he just looked like an old decrepit

mental patient in his pajamas you see that all the time when the old fellas get out of the home like to wander around show me your tits oh what oh how classy yeah yeah I watched an episode entourage recently where they all went to play by mansion

oh is it and dramas like barred from it yeah because this is funny Was it a Polly Shore? Yeah, but the whole joke is that, like, oh, someone let out the monkeys and ripped off a model's face. Oh, my God. And they're like, it was you drama. That's bad form.

Yeah, yeah. That's not good crack. Yeah. Obviously, we're not going to, you know, prosecute you or anything because it's just a woman, you know. It's just her face. Yeah. No, it wasn't even her tits, so we could live with it. It's good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn, you drama. Yeah, break it, you buy it, pal. Yeah. God, that show is just, uh. I really. watch episodes every round again

just to so I feel like I'm in the business you know yeah and you know I can like you know

it's like a lot of people do this to watch entourage like I'm learning so much now so many tips for when I make

in Hollywood yeah that's funny if it's Hollywood changing now so a lot it's like a lot of like

black women are producers now yeah it would be funny like you're trying to be like

entourage by like Ari Gold yeah I won't skull fuck your fucking infant son you fucking twat

you know just to get like yeah just to get like the movie deal or whatever I'll slit your fucking throat in front of your mother okay well I've called security oh you can't see anything now you can't handle this is Hollywood baby can't stand kitchen heat get out of the

kitchen you're just making a small indie film in Dublin and you're like you can't handle it I go into the eye If I is like, who's dick do I got a shock to get a fucking movie deal out of it? What the fuck is wrong with your people? Yeah. You're like a bunch of funnooks. It's a fun guilty pleasure.

Yeah. You'll see in Turtling the boys. Jeez, it really saddens me to know that Turtle defiled Meadow. Yes. They were dating. That doesn't, that's not right. Yeah. That's not right.

That's even worse than, you know, her dating a black guy. Oh, Jamal Ginsburg, the Hasidic Homeboy. Oh, I don't, yeah, any of them like But it's, it's, it's, it's sickening think of turtle I thought you were referencing the Sopranos episode No, I just meant in general, like Oh, okay, that's much worse It's sickening to think of turtle

On top of beautiful meadow This is this one, he was fat as well Not your skinny turtle So, it's a win for the boys Yeah, yeah I'm all for it, you go turtle Fuck AJ as well Yeah

Fuck Carmelah, fuck every one of them Fuck Polly Wolley walnuts in his ass. Furial. What are you doing into my asshole? Please, I know. I have a turtle

in my asshole. Yeah. We'll wrap this up now. Yeah. This has been fun. I like this. Any plans now for the rest of the week, James?

I like to give people a look into our social lives. I, yeah, I'm getting the vaccine. Oh, okay. Yeah. You worried? Not really.

You're selling out, were you? Yeah. Right, yeah, I'm going mainstream. You're probably going to try and push your agenda on this show. Good thing the voice of reason is here, Brian O'Too. It'd be so great now if I got the vaccine and I go super awoke. It would be weird if your personality immediately changed. You're like, Brian, chill out.

Everything's cool, dude. Ryan, everything's fine. I tell you, it's just a ride, man. It's just a ride, you know? You just got to go with the flow, baby. Yeah, yeah, I'd just become like super chill and likable. Yeah, and I'm terrified by this. Yeah.

I'm like, just to have you right. Yeah. You and Aiden, Killian, like, form together. It's like, we need you to stop this. Is that what you call that lad, Aiden? Yeah, whatever it is. Killen. I think it's Killen or Killian.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The conspiracy comedian. It'd be like, remember the episodes of Flintstones where Homer hit his head and he became, like, all suave? Flintstones and Homer? Remember the... Oh! Twat! Fucking twat!

Worthless Cod Shame, shame, shame, shame I don't know the lore I don't know, it's a lot to remember When Flintstones, man Went to Springton And did the beavis and budhead With the family man

You fucking worthless dog Oh, you piece of shit Yes Yeah, I'm cutting that out Because I can't let anyone know The shocking truth He just knows Flintstones Wait, so what was the Flintstone's episode?

Oh, I don't know, I can't remember now. Okay, we want to wrap this up now because we're losing this. This is going to be going into the next episode. All right, okay. So, yeah, thanks for everyone for listening. All right, yeah, thanks for listening. Head over to Patreon to hear new episodes. Yeah, to hear, I got very angry in that last one.

Yeah, yeah. New exclusive episodes. I wonder, like, let us, give us some feedback, because I feel like we're just talking to a void here. Yeah, really. Do you want James to get angry? Because he can get angry if you want. Do you want James to say more hurtful slurs? Yeah, because I've been cutting them out.

Your editing skills are just top-notch, man. You are really, yeah, yeah. Sometimes one kind of slips in a little bit. Slips so well. Yeah, yeah. Look, you're only human, you know? You make, some of them I didn't even know. I have to Google them.

That was a slur in like ancient Egypt. Yeah, well, I'm constantly getting on to the people at Webster's Dictionary. to update their, their, you know, bibliography. But anyway, good, good, okay. So,

give us some advice. Tell us what you want. Yeah. Go on. Oh, I'll tell you what, Paul Marsh said we should do the Big Lebowski.

Yeah, we'll do that. That's good, but I'll tell you, that needs a bit of time. Sure, yeah. That needs to go real in depth. Like, for eight miles, I was kind of watching it,

I was kind of like, you know, on my phone. Yeah, yeah, you really glossed over it. Personally, I wasn't impressed. Well, I can't, I should have written down all the wraps

and told them to you. You should have transcribed the entire script, interior, bathroom. I just act out myself. Yeah, yeah. But, uh, alas not. But Big Lebousie, kind of, you need to, like, really focus on it. Yeah, because there's a lot in it. But anyway, you heard the theory that it's, uh, this little teaser.

Have you heard the theory that it's all about American foreign policy? No. Well, what, what, huh, well, exactly. It's this, uh, Brian O'Toole original theory? You heard the theory about eight mild. It's all about American foreign policy. Because think about it. Keith's fucking Britney Murphy

Yeah, yeah Her pussy is Palestine His cock is real Yeah What, do I have to spell it out for you You're worthless dogs Come on, it's pretty obvious Wake up, will you

fucking drink the coffee And this episode is dedicated Britney Murphy by the way Yeah, RIP man She died not from drugs, wink wink Isn't that how Weren't a family like Oh, she just died of pneumonia

Yeah, they said it was caused by mold in her ceiling but then her boyfriend died like a month later of the same

thing there was apparently there's suspicions possibly foul play but who knows

we'll investigate that more no we won't yeah who cares yeah just another bitch

yeah in the ground where she belong yeah anyway okay let's end it there guys bye

bye