Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 120 : Yesterday

Episode Date: June 21, 2021

And they caused the iraq War

And we're back A brand new episode Lovely sunny day outside We're inside We've got the curtains pulled Yeah We're in a lead-lined room Just in case the vaccine

tries to get us Yeah Vitamin D You know what the D stands for Not nah I don't want to find out It's so weird Is people outside

Like having drinks and laughing And kissing and touching Yeah We're inside Like looking at them Yeah Scum They're literally across the road

They're frolicing You know what it is It's like the beginning Of every drunk driving ad You've ever seen They're all gonna hop in the car Now and run over a three-year-old Yeah, they're all like

You okay to drive Yeah, doesn't matter if I'm drunk, does it What's the worst that could happen And there's a little kid Like playing with a Thai car Yeah Okay, and little kid's like Oh, I'm gonna be a doctor someday

Vrum, vrum! Then the car comes and kills him And it's like a crazy Like fucking like a Kronenberg like his head splatters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For no, like, the car hits his foot and then his head explodes, okay?

Doesn't even make sense. And then the blood goes in a toy car. Yes. And then it says something like, vote you kid. The car was foreshadowing, but that was accidental because the people who made the ad

don't know what foreshadowing is. So, yeah. Okay, we're going to jump, to give you a layout what this episode is going to be. We're going to talk about yesterday. Yeah. The film.

The film yesterday. Absolutely. If you like or even enjoy yesterday, you're a non-s. Yeah, I remember when I saw the trailer for yesterday and I was, I was disgusted. It made me so angry. Nobody remembers the Beatles. This guy's about to find out. It's literally worse than childbirth. Than what? Than childbirth. Childbirth.

What's he called? Yeah, pushing a child out. Yeah. It's more. painful than that life. You're right. Which makes me sick. And, uh,

Himmash Patel, is that the guy's name? Hamish Patel. Hamish Patel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, uh, it's interesting. The casting choice,

it's kind of like a UKIP recruitment video is like an Indian fellow takes credit for all the Beatles songs. Fuck you know, this is what Nigel tried to warn us about. They're taking the Beatles. They're taking the footy.

Not in secret. We want to take Blue Peter. It's going to be called Black Pete. Brown. Peter now. I can't even enjoy kneeling down anymore. They robbed me

of that pleasure too. So we'll get on to yesterday in a minute. Is there anything you want to talk about first? Have you been up to much crazy shenanigans? No, I have not. I've been working. I've been trying to get a job actually. Oh yeah, yeah. I've done two like proper exams.

Where was this for? I don't know why. It used to just be like handing your CV and that's it. And now all these places they're like, oh, put you only 30 spare minutes to do this exam. Okay. So I did one for the SSE, you know, eartricity. Oh, airtricity, yeah, yeah. It's so dumb. It did like

little questions to start. They're very generic, like, the customer is a problem. Should you listen to the customer or like, you know, take a big shit? You know, they're very basic kind of stuff like that, you know. One of your co-workers is a problem. Should you help your co-worker? Should you take a big

shit? Yeah. You know, it's very... I'm seeing a pattern emerge here. It's the same like you know. And that was easy but then there was like Matt's questions. Really? Yeah. And I mean like proper like leaving a certain maths question. They said please have a calculator and pen and paper. Oh my god.

And you know it's so it's so frustrating because they had like 10 questions I was doing them. It was taking my time and I was like Jesus now it's like doing a fucking Suduco now it's difficult but you figure it out when it's kind of rewarding you know. And there's like all different like equations and like you got to find percentages of something and I'm like

sub that in and like this time like if something's traveling this time when will I get to here even if it's the time difference it's crazy questions all right if there's a train traveling at 40 miles per hour how long will it take for you to take

a big sheet yeah yeah and then I was doing it was like you know what it's difficult but I'm getting it done and I pressed the final question and said practice over oh Jesus Christ

yeah and then they had 18 more questions with a time limit oh my God and these were impossible questions What the fuck? Like, they were so needlessly difficult. What was the position exactly? I think sales.

Sales. Yeah. Oh, my God. For, for... That literally any dog on the street could do. Yeah, there's anyone with charisma. Anyone who knows how to use a phone. Yeah.

And, like, the questions were like, okay, if, um, here's a number of times, put this onto a graph, okay? But the times are like 12.45 a.m. 2.46 p.m. And the graph is like 1 to 6. Okay. And I'm like, okay, so I assume it's 24 o'clock then.

Right. So I have to put this on the... Yeah. Accurately, but it's like, there's like only like five minutes left on the thing and there's like six more questions ago. I honestly think it might have just been a thing to see how you deal with pressure.

Right. And how do you deal with pressure, Brian? I just sent him debt threats. Which I think they'll appreciate. Yeah, yeah. This guy's thinking outside the box. So that was one interview I did, kind of exam interview thing I did. And I haven't got word back from that.

So who knows, maybe I... And they don't tell you, like, how well... You don't tell you straight away. Right, okay. The other one was Sky. Right. Again, sales, they're going with Sky. And again, they're like,

you're going to need 30 minutes for this. And you're going to have to record video. Oh, my God. Of yourself. So I was like, oh, shit. This is very... I had no ideas. Very job I've had, I just...

Every job I've had, I just... I just walked in and said, oh yeah, see him. I'm his mate. Okay, good enough. My daddy owns this company. I'll have you deported. I'm from Wexford. Yeah, exactly.

Back to picking strawberries for you. You'll be back with Mammy tonight. Oh, it doesn't really work, actually. So I did the sky thing, all right? First it starts off, like, are you married? What's your sexuality? What's your age range? Okay

Age range Yeah Oh So are you like I thought Why not just like your age No it's like Do you think like which

What age range do you prefer to bang Yeah No it was like are you 18 to 25 Or are you 26 to 40 Right It was like weird kind of like Oh wow okay So I did them

I picked white Caucasian straight I think that's where I went wrong Oh big time And they're literally like Have you got any disabilities I'm like no Are you sure Come on.

Come on. Any autism at all. Come on. Just give us something. Are you even a little wheelchairy? Come on. Yeah, yeah. Look at you.

So I got to that bit and I said, now you can do the next part. Here's video questions for you to do. Okay. And the video questions are all like very, it was all the same two people as well and all of them. It's like one kind of fat Northern Irish guy. Right. And he's like, there's a video of him going like, thank you very much, Mr. Johnson. That's good to hear.

Oh, yeah, Mr. Johnson. I'm sorry to hear that. Mr. John. And then he turns to his colleague He shot himself on the phone Oh my God He turns to his colleague He goes like

Mr. Johnson was very difficult there I did not enjoy that experience And then the woman working next to him Gets a phone call and goes like Hello Mr. Johnson You want to wish to make a complaint About a colleague And then the woman turns to the camera

Goes like What should I do here And your options are like Be a Narc Okay You know report this Sure Try to help

the customer or sit down with your colleague and explain where they went wrong okay so I picked help the customer right

I think that's where I made my mistake oh is that you're not meant to help the customer I think they want you to be a little rat oh of course yeah yeah okay there's a few of those

kind of questions or like there's another one where the guys like again Northern Irish guys like thank you very much Mrs. Johnson or whatever

fuck yeah yeah yeah thank you very much mrs your husband's a prick by the way thank you very much mrs phillips that's nice to hear from you look if his name is patrick and i call him packy i don't see how that's a slur like what's the problem there yeah there's like a bit where he's like thank you very much mrs phillips thank you very much and the guy next time was like i think he could have handled that better that was very unprofessional and then the northern irish guy turns the camera's like i don't appreciate his criticism what should i do do and it's like you know should you listen to him should you file a complaint or should you ignore him what exactly about his performance wasn't good though nothing yeah it was just him like thank you very much and that's that's all you see right yeah so and again i picked like listen to him right but i think they want you to make a complaint they want you to be a rat

yeah a rat little snitch cunt fuck that shit so i did the 10 so anybody yeah just a quick warning anybody that has sky they're all fucking They were rats. And you know what? Sky, directly responsible for the Iraq war. Yeah? Directly, yeah. Finally, somebody's saying it. Murdoch. Yes.

Yeah. Fox. The Anointed Tony Blair. If you work for Sky, you got blood on your, oily blood on your hands. Oily Iraqi child blood on your fucking mittens. Your scum. Your fucking scum. Yeah. You're all, and I'm too straight to work there.

Yes. Yeah, so I did the questions. I didn't even get to the video part. They're like, we've looked at this now and you are not Sky Material. But don't worry, you can reapply in three months. Jesus Christ. You didn't tell me where I went wrong.

Well, because they just said you're not... That's a theory about being a rat. Probably what? They probably do want you to a rat, like, you know? There's other questions that are more generic. Like, I think another mistake I made is I never picked the one that was like

just give the customer what they want. Right. So let's say customer calls up and he's like, I don't like Sky anymore. I want to quit right now. Yeah. The options are let him quit, offer him something else,

explain to him the benefits of Sky. Yeah. Or, I don't know, throw in a free modem or something. Something like that, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I would pick, I would always pick the one

that wasn't just like, give him what he wants. Okay. I think that hurt me? As in, well, what is, give him what he wants is cancel the subscription? Let him leave. Yeah, so you don't want him to do that.

Yeah, I'm right. Yeah. So I don't know where... That's the 90th. I don't know where I went wrong. So in three months' time... Oh, let's be honest. I'll be dead by then.

And the baby skies fault. Yeah, yeah. Just another... This is... I had no idea. From my place of privilege, my ivory tower, I had no idea the struggles of the common man. Yeah, it's very disheartening.

Jesus, yeah. It's like, it's just fucking, like... It's not even a job I really want, you know? And they're like, you can't even work here. You know? the fat norty he won't let you work ah yeah yeah

fuck that so keep keep plugging there toler keep grinding but hey look the good thing is have no jobs have more time to focus on the podcast

yeah that's good and more time to focus on a new segment we have called oh production trouble oh and those are question marks

right yeah yeah yeah so I'm gonna pick there's four films I've been looking into that have like that haven't come out yeah that have been completely shot

and haven't come out they haven't been like released yeah yeah right right and you have to try and pick like which one you'd actually fucking even attempt to sit through okay okay so the first one's called El Tonto El Tonto yeah yeah

written and directed and starring Charlie Day oh okay I like Charlie Day it's about it's him as a deaf mute oh okay yeah who ends in 1920s Hollywood, I think. Okay.

And it sounds, they ever see the film Being There? No. Sounds a bit like that. What's Being There? Being There was about a deaf mute who like ends up like, he just meets lots of famous and successful people and they're like, hey, this guy agrees with me because they're so self-centered.

Right, okay. And he ends up becoming powerful. Is it good? Yeah, it's very good. Yeah, it's Peter Sellers. Oh, okay. So it sounds a bit like this, where this one's like he just kind of wanders on set and they're kind of like, hey, this guy must be a good actor because he doesn't talk.

Or he can't hear anything Yeah He's a deaf mute you say Def mute yeah Okay He's been described as a Mr. Bean character Right Okay

Right And he gets up the crazy shenanigans Hmm Yeah I'm not Yeah Well apparently he was made in 2018 Wow And he they haven't been able to find

Anyone who will Dare go near it Really? Yeah Why any reason Apparently it's just not very good It's got like a big name It's got like E.

E.D. Falco and Ray Leone the biggest names in Hollywood move over Jennifer Lawrence we got Ray Leota yeah that's a shame now because I like Charlie Day but apparently he said it took

him six years of his life to make and he turned down Tarantino that was a mistake Tarantino wanted him to be in once per time he wants a time in Hollywood and he's like no I'm doing fuck you you feet

you feet cunt yeah you freak yeah I'm doing El Tonto and it sounds like they've had like a couple of distributors but they're all like distributors but they're all like, you know, like,

oh, some, like, weird French distributor, and that, that even falls through. Right, okay. So it's kind of, it's kind of a shame, you know? It is a shame. Well, it's obviously not very good. It's kind of like, um, not to drill us, because I know you got a few,

but Zeroville, did you hear about that? Yeah, so I was taking a sip of my coffee by nodded, but this is audio medium. I actually have another James Franco one on this. Okay, he has a lot. Man, it's weird. You ever going to, his ATM, his ATM, his IMDB, he was doing like

he was directing like five films a year and none of them ever like would come out did come out did never like to get released in like Vodd yeah yeah yeah what was ZeroVille again ZeroVille was like

I think he's like a fucking like skinhead or something but he basically it's weird because it actually got released in 2019 I think yeah it gets released and you have no idea about it because it got I think overshadowed by once upon a time because it's set in the 60s

in Hollywood. I think there's a Manson subplot. Yeah, it's kind of similar to what you just said about that being there where he's just like some weird conter's just floating through LA in the 60s and he meets a whole cast of wacky characters. The thing about Franco

is he was making all these films that like will either never get released or like it's like, oh yeah it got released but he literally can't even find it on PrimeWire because he don't cares enough to put it up online illegally. But he'd get like oh he got like you know Megan Fox and Will Farrell to be on set for a day

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of It's, um, he has a lot of those Like, he was doing a lot of shit, like, plays and then, like, a Faulkner adaptation. Art, art exhibitions. The one I'm going to talk about is he did a full on Bukowski movie. I did hear about this.

Yeah, I think a postal or the, or it's a ham, ham on right, they may be ham on right, but like he did, he directed and it's got like, fucking like Josh Peck and like Robert Duvall. Josh,

yeah Robert Duvall and go suck to car Josh Peck it's a Drake of Josh Reboot with Robert DeVall that's Drake

where's the other one Ah he's gone a bit of trouble Yeah yeah yeah Actually Josh Peck is in the new Turner and Hooch TV show Wow

Yeah So things aren't going well For Josh Peck And he's the good one Yeah You know what's so weird I read the synopsis It sounds very dark

It's about So Josh Peck plays Tom Hanks's son okay but Tom Hanks is being murdered by Hooch no it's

you son of a bit wait which one was Hooch Houch was the dog yeah yeah yeah I never seen Turner and Hitch so basically

it's like his dad's been murdered so him and the dog have to try and solve his dad's murder the same dog I think it's the son of the dog

yeah okay I think the dog get killed at the end of Turner Hooch he might have yeah you might be right I think the dog killed himself

cause of cause of allegations yeah he saw He saw what Tom Hanks was getting up to. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so he did, again, again with this, it's a completely shot film, this Bukowski film. Yeah.

And it's like just sitting on the shelf somewhere. Yes. And you think like in the world of streaming and shit, like someone would pick it up. Pick it up. Just leak it on YouTube. But I think didn't it? Because it sort of coincides with fucking Franco

getting me-toed and all. So like maybe nobody wants to. This was like 20, he filmed this all in like 26. Okay, right, right, right. This was like when he was big and he still couldn't get it released. Yeah, yeah. Test them into what a piece of shit it must be.

This is one, now a lot of these is kind of like, we don't know anything about them, so we're just speculating. Yeah. This one, I've heard from lots of people that it's literally just like incompetent and like, like, literally like, literally like leave the lens cap on bad. Okay. It's called All Star Weekend. Right. It is the directorial and the writ, written, rhetorial. Nailed it

Switch, nothing but net It's written and directed by Jamie Fox Oh Yeah It's Jamie Foxes Okay It's Jamie Fox and Jeremy Piven Yes

This was filmed in like 2015 Right right Star is two truck drivers Who love basketball Okay So they decide to head down To the All Star Weekend That's where to have all the big basketball players

Do a big game all right Right right So they decide to head down I think hilarity ensues. Okay, so it's like kind of a road trip. A road trip, yeah, yeah. Right, okay. And I think Robert Downey Jr.

plays a villainous Mexican. I think they've darkened them up a bit. Oh, I see. Now, what's interesting is, Jamie Fox has a big name, okay? Yeah. So you think, like, oh, it'd be some fun cameos, basketball cameo. None. Really?

Yeah. Wow. So that's one, like, hmm, that's interesting. Also, a lot of people on Reddit say they worked on the film and they said it was like, very clear Jamie Fox had no idea like

what he was doing like how to shoot a scene like blocking or anything like none of that stuff like you're like

basic stuff where he's like what are these lights for like that it's brighter than a motherfucker in here

yeah no you think though after like fucking a 30 year long career in cinema you would have an understanding

like I was listening I was reading like these people they're extras well this is red it so take away

grain of salt. Nope, I believe every word. They were saying they're extras and like the days like

would just run on for hours because he was just like I don't know what I'm doing here okay and he would just be like standing around

be like can someone yeah what's the camera do? Okay, what's that one called All Star Weekend

yeah okay and this there's no it's just never going to see the light of day probably

probably for a mixture of Piven and probably Downy Jr. Browning up Junior's like I did it once, I risked it once, and I got away

with it. I think twice they might start seeking a pattern here, you know? Fuck, he really, I mean, wow. Wow, what a legend. He got there. And you know what? Just right at the perfect time. But you know what? It's like, it was back then where it's like, look, we're doing

it's a take on something and I'm a mocking actors to go too far. Yes. And the idea of blackface. And people could sit down and be like, okay. Now, not so much. No, no, no, no. They will get a little bit I mean have you ever

went to a shop and bought boot polish oh the locks that you will get it's like I just want to shine me shoes how you know what

you kill you you got to be you have to buy your boot polish on the dark web but you're winking with cryptocurrency yeah

no it's true you just you could not get away with it now like funnly enough though you said that because

Jamie when Jamie Fox was on Joe Rogan this couple of years ago they were talking about that movie. I only saw the little clip on YouTube, just talking like, you know,

it's a really hilarious bit of satire, but you definitely couldn't get away with it today. So that's just like an interesting little, you know, coincident or whatever. It probably maybe it came up because they were talking about the film. It was like, yeah, I got Robert Downey Jr. to play a Mexican.

I think it'd be a funny prank to like black up people but it's like permanent. You know? Like tattoo somebody's face black? Yeah, yeah, yeah. then they have to live with it and no matter how they're like no I didn't have anything do with it

this tomatoes being thrown at them that would be a good little prank it would yeah for jackass four yeah yeah oh boy is that gonna be sad for everyone Jesus Christ

the pranks are just like you know I'm gonna take all my medication silver lining though you know Ryan Dunn's family will go see jackass four in the cinema and for the first time they'd be like it's for the best that he

yeah I think we we came out we dodged the bullet we dodged a bullet yeah yeah and the final one I want to talk about and this is coming out but I've heard that

there's talks they want to do lots of reshoots and not like re-edits and stuff like that the new Batman movie oh yeah yeah yeah now I've been hearing rumblings but this for a long time

from your sources on the inside yeah I've got a few little birds little birds tweeting In my ear. Yeah. So I just heard that, like, there was a bit of trouble on set.

And it caused the coronavirus, the shooting got extended for, like, an extra, like, four months. Right, yeah. Yeah, like, it was ridiculous. And they kept, like, having to shut it down. Because remember Pattinson? He got COVID. Allegedly. Or did he?

Well. Because the rumors I'm hearing now, Pete, listen to this, people. I'm telling the people, right now. They got this fucking skinny fag here playing bad man. What's going on? That's me sick. Well, he's not a fag anymore. Oh.

Yeah, you're right. Because I've heard that he's been like a real pain on the arse, pain in the arse on set, all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He refused, like, getting cheap, but he already showed up all fat. Sweet. Yeah, legend, right. Fat man. Love it. And that, like, he's, like, he was banging Zoe Kravitz.

Yeah. The son of Lenny Kravitz. The daughter of Lenny Kravitz. And the rumor is he got, he was banging her on top of the Batmobile and got her pregnant. Nice. Yeah, I did see, like, there were legitimate articles, like, that came out as, like, we're hearing rumors of now some of the articles

were being little cowards and saying these rumors are ridiculous and there's no truth to it but then there are some brave journalists out there willing to tell the people what's really going on regardless of fact yeah don't let that shit get the way but yeah Robert

Patterson was banging Zoe Kravitz on top of the Batmobile got the bitch pregnant he was raw dog and cat woman boom love it and apparently there is video footage of it this is the real drunk people, okay? We're bringing you the truth.

And the studio is trying to hush it all up. Yeah, yeah. You know, like, I mean, is it really inconceivable to think that the studio maybe fabricated this whole COVID-19 thing? And I don't just mean him catching it.

I mean, the entire thing. They got Bill Gates on the blowers there. All right, Billy, boy, yeah. We still have the pictures from Epstein Island, try to call in a favor here. So, yeah, I mean, who knows? You know how important Batman is.

to the Warner Brother's schedule. Look, did you see how fat Colin Farrell get? This has to be a success. Imagine that, like... I ain't some witty fucking cababs. Right. Why better get the asker now, I'll tell ya that. I imagine I started on something

Colin Farrell. He's just watching Patenton going up and down on Zoe Kravitz and Top. He's like, oh, I didn't used to be fat. This is not fair. I used to be a sex symbol too. Yeah, yeah, and he just goes over and sniffs the roof of the Batmobile after they've cleared everyone off set.

I heard you ever watch his sex tape No, I've never seen nobody Yeah, he did have one Who is it with? Some black lady Pornstar No, I think it's just a model Or something like that

Oh, okay But it's funny It's very, it's very Irish dad He's literally like Look at me meat and two veg Look, yeah Look my balls Yeah

I'm not talking about football He's like making jokes All the time He's doing little bits Yeah It's kind of like Am I watching Lee Mac sex tape What's going on here?

Yeah, he's all sweaty yeah yeah is this Vic and Bob are they gonna pop out of each ball what's going on here yeah he's taught she's very chatty yeah

and she's like just would you just fucking I think that got leaked without his permission well yeah I would imagine yeah

but I think she I just assumed she did it oh okay but well the statistics will back up your hypothesis Mr Rout

yeah but I was expecting more just like yeah take that but he's just chatting the whole time he was probably

coked out of his mind, though. Probably, yeah. Well, your fairness, he still got hard. Good. Well, he probably popped the Viagra as well. Yeah. Viagra, Coke, black model. I mean, that's the trifecta.

And some cababs as well for later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Abra cababra. That's what he called her funny. So, that's the rumours going around at Batman, but even that, apparently the studio just aren't happy with it. I heard other wild shit, like, you know,

he'd show up drunk, but then he had, like, a gun on set, and at one point he kidnapped. the director like held him I think people are getting a little bit carried away no, no

that's what I've heard I did hear they had they were having arguments but you know the problem is there's two problems with this

one is this is probably his first big studio film since Twilight right so this is probably bringing back

a little bad memories yeah okay yeah there's a reason why he did all small

he did lighthouse instead of like he did lighthouse instead of this new Star Wars the rover

he did good time three really good films that he is fucking great in like yeah i mean yeah you know like obviously from fucking harry potter to twilight i as everyone did dismiss them was like this guy is just a fucking i kind of put him up there what was that other content twilight taylor lotner just a pretty face with no substance but then

you see fucking the rover and good time you're like oh shit this guy can actually act so i think now he's doing a big budget studio movie again yeah bringing back you know all the all the memories of when he's probably traumatic like yeah like his girlfriend's beat on him and everyone was like everyone's just making Jimmy Kimmel's just making fun of it the indignity of it yeah

like so that's probably bringing it back and also I heard she left him for a younger guy well to be fair he is 300 years old oh yeah see I could write for Kimmel

you think that's funny I think Kimmel starts crying yeah but like so it's that and also I think a lot of these actors now

they think like you know doing a comic movie it's like doing hamlet look what Joaquin did you know I need to get into the mind of Batman yeah so I could see him like bringing a gun around being like oh this killed my parents

oh Uncle Ben is that Batman Uncle Ben touched my ass and Alfred watched Shall I get your jiz rag So that's That's all the films I was going to talk about Okay well I'm looking forward to the Batman movie

just because of all the wild shit I'm hearing you know I want to see all of them I was legitimately excited for Bukowski for a while and then I realized like oh this isn't coming out also I kind of realise like oh Franco is just annoying yeah he's annoying and like

he's whenever he is like the main creative driving force it's always shit he kind of ruins it with Ziegle like that room movie disaster artist oh yeah yeah I mean like did he need to put in all those cameos and all his friends and

shit. Yeah, I and also cast his brother in the film as well. Davy Franco. Yeah, I was a bit

like, come on. I show a bit restraint. Yeah, I wasn't too keen on that but I never really gave a shit about the room.

Like I watched the room once and I got bored halfway through it's like, I get it it's bad. But like people are like, I watch it three times a year

and we go to screenings and throw spoons at this, well you're mentally ill. You're more mentally ill than that fucking Yeah, you work for Sky. Yeah, that's right.

You're mentally. ill rat but like yeah you're right this kind of the joke the room like we get it

okay move on yeah people still like it's hilarious because he says yes doggy yeah oh hi Mark

remember when he said that yeah yeah like it's a bad film but like it's not worth

don't dedicate your life to it yeah people are obsessed with it like you know simpletins

that's troglodyites at least the fucking that Mongo freak I mean at least he's like

he's literally carved out a career you know because that's the thing all the people that go to like meet him think they're doing it ironically and the jokes on him he's getting your money pal you're the fucking idiot oh you're giving me money ironically oh it's jokes on me

you know it to be more ironic if you gave me twice as much money yeah that would make you look a fool yeah so I don't know look if you like the room be it ironically or unironically you're a worthless dog as you dive face down in the street.

That's just me. We're guarantee you next little while we're going to get like a complete remake of the room but with like loads of like people, like funny, happy people, being like, oh, I'm doing high mark. Yeah, yeah. I can't wait for the article that says, the room's diversity problem. Why is it at all white cast? There are lots of very untalented people of colour actors in Hollywood.

but why weren't they in the room? You know? Okay, let's go on to a... Very satirical there, Cadden, well done. Brian's not going to congratulate you? It's a bit too satirical. It's a bit, isn't it? Sometimes you can hold too much truth to power.

Very inside baseball now. Anyway. Okay, so let's go on to something that also made me sick. Yesterday. Yesterday. So we're talking about it to start of the show. Yes. So we just jump into it.

Yeah, let's do it. No, I'll tell you what, you intrigued me earlier which doesn't normally happen. Okay. So I watched this film and I'm so used to like, I watch the film, you sit there and I talk about it, all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I walked in, you're like, you've seen them yesterday as well. I only watched it this morning there, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, and you told me

there was a different version. Yeah, so I was watching it, I'll say this, no, okay, let me just preface by saying, yeah, watch your words. Yesterday is dog shit. It's fucking just happy go lucky fluff nonsense typical Richard Curtis

bullshit the fact that Danny Boyle did it is disgusting but he's kind of not done anything good in about 20 years anyway so who gives a shit anyway but like so it started off right and I kind of expected to hate it immense because I saw the trailer

as I said and when I saw the trailer I was like what the fuck I got so angry the magic of the be oh it's not even that like obviously the Beatles has some great tunes, but I'm not one of these fucking, like, oh, the trailer just had this real, like, sweet sickness to it, or so, I don't know, and I'm not even describing

it, well, I don't know. That's a good description, sweet sickness, yeah, just like, it was disgusting and vile, but had this, like, cotton candy aesthetic, like, nobody remembers the Beatles, well, and I'll bring the magic to the world. She la la, la, la. It was like, And he's an Indian but you can't say now about that

But no, right, so I started off watching it And I was actually into it Like I think your man Hamish Patel Hamish is good I thought he was very good in this He's got that EastEnders training Okay, yeah He's honed his craft with Ian Beale

And Phil Mitchell Yeah, yeah All those other actors is fucking what It's like, you know like Rada You know like if you haven't done EastEnders You're notting Yes, exactly So yeah

So it started off and it's like oh this is kind of interesting because no the bit that I found interesting was this bit it goes up it literally loses it but like when he started like so yeah you know the stupid blackout thing happens which they don't explain good

yeah why bother fuck it we're you know let's just buy into that retarded bullshit premise but anyway when he starts performing the Beatles songs right but nobody gives his shit it's like you know he's not like his parents he's like he plays let it be for them

they keep interrupting and then he's in the pub doing it nobody really cares everyone's like whatever and then he's like you know he's having that moment like oh the problem's me it's like um i know the songs are good but it's not connecting with people because of me and that was like i was like oh that's an interesting thing and apparently now obviously they fucking literally three seconds later he gets signed to a fucking label and he becomes a big star and goes exactly the way you'd expect it to go pure bullshit takes a nosedive but that little moment I was like now there's

something that could be interesting you're right there's something there or maybe a thing where it's like people are too cynical now yeah and that kind of beetle shit it's like doesn't fly now exactly yeah now here's the thing the writer Jack Barth is his name I believe Jack Barth

oh roasted end the episode I take that back actually not because he's going to kill himself now we're going to drive Amanda suicide because we're too satirical. Jack Barth, he got this script picked up when he was 62,

right? He's the oldest guy to ever have a screenplay brought into development. That's interesting. It was held, the original title was held by Raymond Chandler back in the 50s. So, now this guy fucking Jack Barth, he was like trying to get fucking scripts

made for years. He actually wrote a spec script for The Simpsons. Oh. That turned out to be, you remember the one with Troy McClure marries Selma, a fish called Selma. Now he, like, it was a spec script, obviously. Oh, I did like that episode. They punched it up or whatever. So he basically wrote

the original, and it was like he kind of had this idea if nobody came up with Star Wars and I wrote Star Wars, I bet you I couldn't sell it. Because of the way the system is, studio system works now. So we thought there's an interesting premise. That's basically what happens in

his original version. The guy, you know, the Beatles, never happened and he like you know he like records all the songs releases them but he doesn't get success and he kind of dies broke or whatever that's a way more interesting premise for a film yeah but then

of course fucking Richard Curtis comes in and like just does what he does can't they all be smiling yeah exactly turns it into shite now another thing actually can I ask actually where are you getting this information oh I've got sources have you got little birds as well I've got lots I've got birds

that are bigger than your little Birds. Have your little birds got big tits? Yeah, they do. Big lovely Wikipedia, Brian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, see... I'm literally talking to children me. Hello, little birds. I just did this. I just went on Wikipedia just to illustrate to the listeners and to you how inconsequential you are. If I wanted to be the research notes guy, I could do it in a heartbeat. But I just let you have your little moment in the sun. And then everyone thinks, oh, Brian is the academic. And Cadden's the fadding. video to those racist voices.

I'm the one in the library late night, like scouring through books, okay? And the guy, security guy, is like, morning, Brian. I'm like, is it a morning already? Brian, when you ever gonna settle down and find Mrs. Reich? Well, I got the podcast. Ain't no future net podcast nonsense.

That's the white people shit. Anyway, but yeah, Jack Barth's like Richard Curtis, like, you know, he basically re-adapted it. But he says he never read Jack Barth's original version. But then Jack Barth was like, well, there were literally lines of dialogue and jokes in my original what's in this. So you definitely did read it. So there was like a bit of a fucking

you kind of, you took my idea, bastardized it, made it the worst version of itself, claimed you didn't read my script when obviously you did and plagiarized shit. So I think Richard Curtis really did this guy dirty. I would believe that. He got, he got but very fucked over. And, uh, you know. Anyone who's like that real tweet, like, hmm, I like to write films about people who have a good time and they're all friends.

Yeah. It's like, well, a warning sign right there. Literally, you dig up graves and fuck the remains of people that you know. You're being all Hugh Grant about it. Oh, I'm terribly sorry. You do pardon my indiscretion, my dear. But anyway, yeah, so I just, that was so, yeah, up until that point, I was like, oh, I'm actually kind of into the.

this he's a struggling musician he you know they forget about the beetles and he releases the songs and nobody cares but immediately after that like three seconds later they record it by the way when they did that little fucking recording montage why the fuck is his misses like his female friend doing back and vocals she's a school teacher she's not a musician also to do the percussion they clap and hit fucking buckets get a fucking drummer you mangoloid you can get a drummer for 50 quid a day it's not inconceivable it's fucking retarded and stupid and it just had that little fucking sweet

disgusting sick little montage of happiness and like they're all laughing and giggling recording it it fucking turned my stomach Brian I'm glad this is what I want now it's the passion I want I'm surprised I didn't use teapots yeah no let's oh just jam jars like from that

montage bit onwards it just got progressively worse and I got more violently but let's let's rain it back stand down okay put the knife down all right all right how long we've been going

we're okay we're good you just squeezed that stress ball I'm sweating I'm sweating he's on the ground now he's convulsing all right he's okay now

so let's you went a bit too far ahead there okay let's go back to the beginning yeah and we'll just go through the film now do you remember what the character's name was Hemish Patel don't we call him Hemish Patel Jack Jack Marlin

or Martin or Marrick Jack So Jack is a struggling musician Yes Okay And he's got his Platonic friend Lily James Yes

Who is just a fucking hated her and this Really? Yeah I hated her too The worst Like She's not a real person She's kind of like generic Like

Hello We're friends We're friends But I've actually been in love With you forever Yeah We're friends But I'll kiss you

On the cheek Sometimes And she has no Like Real purpose But she's just like, yeah. It is very, I mean, like, the Bechdel test

does not apply to this film, you know? Yeah, and she's like... Which, which, that's what angers me the most, Brian. Yeah, so... The Indian Bechdel test. Two women on a bus have to know each other and have a conversation that doesn't evolve

being raped by a man. Terrifying. So, like, and she's just a very generic, like, go on, Jack, you can follow your dress. You're my little brown friend Come on, Jack Let's take a picture together And I'll put it on Instagram

So everyone knows I'll tag it My friend Not romantic interest Because you know You're more like a little dog to me Like a little chihuahua That's what you were

And I'll kiss you and touch you Because you're literally That lowest sexual threat in my eyes Yeah Like you can literally take your cock out And I'd be like Ooh cute Oh lull

Yeah So she's his manager but he's not doing very well like even like he's doing a gig yeah but it's like no one's watching which i you know back in back in the old days we now were rocking rolls to yeah i remember like doing a gig at a festival in a tent exactly like that but uh the stripes were on the main stage so everyone just like went there so we literally played to an empty tent so i know that pain and i'm not even indian so i mean what the fuck like we were four straight white men and we couldn't get success. That's what really

twists the knife. So, like, he's leaving the gig then. He's like, that was my last gig. Yeah. No more music. I'm not following more dreams anymore. Yeah. So he's cycling home, all right? Yeah. But then, the whole world blacks out. The whole world

blacks up. The whole world. Blackface for 12 seconds. Yeah. Some were more ready than others. Like, the whole world blacks out. Yeah. Okay. wouldn't that cause like crashes and like yeah like car crashes playing

like if the entire world blacked out for 12 see if it was a second even I'd be like okay maybe but like for 12 life support machines there would be yeah I mean there would be maybe close to like 100,000 people dead yeah yeah yeah well all we care about is him

so he wakes up he gets hit by a bus and he wakes up remember like Lily James like oh it's not really funny but your teeth are fall now it's very funny actually look your teeth and he's just lying there oh

look your teeth are falling out that was the only white part of you now it's gone oh tough luck the only pure good part the only part I liked yeah yeah so you know he's in the hospital

then he's recovering okay and as they do a very unsubtle hint so like there's no Beatles around like he's like oh will you still love me when I'm 64 and she's like what Why 64? He's like,

What you mean, you daft bird? Yeah. And then he meet with... Very ham-fisted and contrived. And then they meet up with some friends and he like... Yeah. He's like singing...

They bought... They buy him funny presents. They buy him a toy bus because you get hit by a bus. So I remember that time that at my dad's funeral, you bought me a rope. Ah! What a goose. I was swinging around.

He's like, look. Do you get it? It's from yesterday. Hasn't come out yet, but you'll laugh. Oh, I know I'm 64. But yeah, so then they buy him a new guitar. And they're like, play us one of your songs, but he decides to play yesterday by the Beatles.

And they're all like, what song is that? That's brilliant is that. The rest of your stuff shite. And Lily James, and she hears me, like, oh, I'm coming. She is literally frothing at the gash. Like, br-hr! Yeah. Like a wild dog.

Literally, yeah. Okay. So, and then there's like some, lots of funny jokes. Like, it's almost as good as cold play. You what? Yeah. Cold play. That shit. Yeah.

So then like, you know. So he, he's like, what? Come on. You're playing a prank on me. It's by the Beatles. And they're like, who the Beatles? Who's that? So then the penny drops, okay?

Yeah. He runs home and starts Googling the Beatles. And he sees pictures of actual Beatles, all right? He's like, what? And then like, no oasis. Yeah. That was a nice little dig. get Oasis

basically saying because they're they ripped off the Beatles I guess yeah yeah you could have done the other band

the Beatles would have influenced lots of bands yeah I know yeah but anyway obviously Danny Boyle has

something against Oasis probably this is basically his version of a debt trest like so he's like

wait no no Beatles songs all got me an idea am I really going to do this so he starts playing the songs

as his own and then you as you say at first doesn't work out very well yeah then like seconds later

Ed Sheeran's like, oh, I... Yeah, literally Ed Sheeran calls him up. It's like, oh, I saw you on that local British TV show. It's like, did you really, Ed Shearer? I just lived down the road and I love local radio. Yeah, yeah. I'm not in a Hollywood mansion

getting my dick socked by a girl who I hope is 18. No, I'm in I'm in peck him. Fucking watching local access television. Down the nag's head with Boisey, okay? So, like, he just shows up at the house. Now, how is this a funny scene, all right? So he's

in the house and Jack's dad is around, okay, looking for food. Now, the joke is he doesn't really care that Ed Sheeran's in the house. He's in his kitchen, he's kind of like, oh, look, you're in my way there, yeah. So he goes, oh, do you know where the pickles are to Ed Sheeran? Why would he know? Why would

he think, is he mentally defective? He clearly is, yeah, yeah. Why would he think this ginger man knows where the pickles are? He doesn't make sense. He's never seen before in his house. doesn't introduce himself, like, where's your pick-oach? Yeah. Like, oh, well, you're just a mentalist.

Also, do you notice his parents are the two from the Kumar, like... I did notice that, yeah. Is that kind of lazy casting, is it? Just be like, oh, get the two Indians who played a couple and that other thing. Yeah, probably. I mean, I actually do like those two. Okay. I forget their names now, but, like, they've been...

They're working actors. Yeah. They've probably both done Doctor Who, you know? They've done Doctor Who, Casualty, Holby City. the bill, they've done it all, baby. Have you done Hotel Babylon? If not, you fucking kill yourself. But yeah, so, like, there is parents, and then, like, Ed Sheererner's like,

you want to be in my opening act? In Jolet. Yeah. So then he says, opening act, all right. And then you remember this bit where Ed Sheeran's like, I got an idea. Let's have a little song writing contest. Yeah, which is like, what? Yeah.

Ten minutes. Is this your idea of a rap battle, is it? Yeah, literally. Ten minutes, you have to write the best song. Don't use anything you've worked on before. as if you can tell. Yeah, as if it, like, yeah, so it's just,

it's weird, yeah, because it's kind of like, wait, is it, is it meant to imply that fucking Ed Sheeran doesn't think he wrote the song? I think, or is it just like an ego,

he better not be better than me? I think Ed Sheer just wants to see, like, how good is this kid? This kid swim with the big dogs and me. By the way, Ed Shearin, his guitar gives a more,

like, you know, charismatic performance. He is just pure, dead weight, just a lump of timber floating in a canal and somebody decided to film it. Whose idea was it? I thought he was a cameo. Whose idea was like, Jesus, Ed Shearing guy can act? This guy, he pops. Yeah, we need write more scenes with him in it.

Can we get rid of the Indian and just have Ed Shearan? Kind of feels like he doesn't want to be there. Yeah. You know what I mean? He really, it's just like no effort. He's kind of like, hi, I'm Ed Shearin and, oh, that's your song, is it? That's pretty good. Yeah, it's magic, isn't it? Yeah. He really, yeah I get sensed the whole time he's kind of glancing over to the side

He'd be like Can I, am I done now? Can I leave now? Will this Scottish man put down the knife? Yeah, this is a weird Brit award ceremony So we have lots of Ed Shearing Montages of them all like, you know

giging with Ed and then like going off on their own and people are screaming and we get kind of like the friends reunion people being like oh I love this music from all over the world Right, yeah, yeah

so yeah he becomes like a big sensation and his clips go viral and blah, blah, blah. So now we get Kate McKinnon. Yeah. As Ed's agent, now this is a huge missed opportunity because I think they're somehow mocking the music scene. Yeah, yeah.

But there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with Kate McKinnon or their ideas, really. Yeah. Just kind of like maybe some nice pictures. Yeah, yeah. It's not crazy. Yeah. I mean, like, if you wanted,

you should have done crazier where they're like, how about we have the Apple logo tattooed on your head? Right. Or something like, something something a bit wackier to show like

they're just kind of like maybe shave and wear a shirt so are you trying to change me that's not

who I am yeah or maybe they're like forget about the music you need to be on reality shows or there could be like

instead of Abbey Road why don't you call it iPod Road something sure I'm spitballing yeah

yeah no like I would hope so I hope these aren't ones that you writ out it's like you're a workshop

up on the bus on the way here. Like it Eminem and eight come on the come on man you can do it yeah

yeah one chat iPod road it works but yeah I get you but she's just like yeah

I'm gonna make you lots of money yeah yeah because she is she's very what's the word like very matter of fact

she's like she's very L.A. kind of like yeah look this is what you got to do you know you gotta be fuckable you gotta have

we gotta make money here yeah she's just a business woman, which is just how business people are. They should have done, like, maybe she yells at interns. Yeah. Or, like, I know something. Maybe she's, like, grabbing his balls. I may say something that might anger you, please don't throw your

cup at me. I actually, I didn't mind Kate McKinan in this. I thought she was good. Missed opportunity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let her act more. She's just playing generic, like, yeah, good. I kind of like her playing a LA Kant because

she is an L.A. con. Yeah, so... It's easy for her. Because, like, when you see her fucking dressed as Hillary doing Hallelujah, you're literally... Oh, please kill yourself three times in a row right now. Yeah. Everyone she's dancing and doing her little S&L shit. That's the Ginsburg.

It makes me fucking sick. But when she's playing a horrible conch, that's what I like. I'm kind of like, oh, I wish I'm going to try Turner. Yeah. Um, so, well, oh yeah, also, why do you about this? There's no cigarettes in this world. Yeah, what is that? or like there's no Coca-Cola

he has to get Pepsi is that even a joke like what is that? That serves no purpose except for that one little line is like any Coke what? Oh Pepsi oh it's like what? That's it

yeah so just eradicate Coca-Cola for that one joke but what was the so it's a world that's slightly different but like no cigarettes go for like there's no fags in this world oh that sounds terrible there.

Keep going. Keep going. You know you want to. No, I don't. But yeah, like, it was just like, oh God,

I wish I hadn't quit smoking. I'd love a cigarette. And then his friend Joe's fries. Oh, yeah. What's a cigarette? Yeah. Like, what?

And that's it. They don't explore it any further. Go further then. Like, maybe something crazy. Like. Pointless. Yeah.

Pointless. What they should have done is he's doing well with the Beatles stuff, but he finds out the world's actually crazy. Yeah. Like there's low, Let's say he's like, oh, is there any Jews around? What's a Jew?

You know, I'm going to make him after all. You know, like, it turns out that Holocaust happened. Like, everyone's a Nazi. Like, they should have done something funny, okay? Yeah, yeah. That would be a goof. Funny and inspirational. What I think Richard Curtis, I think Holocaust gags, definitely.

I don't know. There's something, okay. Or, like, he's like... Four weddings and a Jew. funeral, yeah I'm okay but then so next he's like

he can't remember the lyrics of the Beatles songs yeah so he goes to Liverpool to see the grave of Elnor Rigby right yeah

and then they show a priest and he goes to strawberry field and yeah Abbey Road yeah yeah but there's people

watching him yes even at that early gig in Moscow there's somebody there like oh you know

something's afoot so you're like oh this might be thing with like the adjustment bureau or something like that right they say there's a secret secret organization have to take him out yeah you know it could become like a you know like they're going to kill him

yes and he's got to get back to his own reality something like that yeah yeah yeah but no just watching him so next he meets lily james again yeah brings her back to his hotel room starts grabbing her arse or she loves it yeah so he's kissing her and she's like oh i can't do one not

stands and he's like we could do more and she's like Now you're going to leave for L.A. tomorrow. That's the one not to stand. You're good boy. Yeah, well, you broke up Dominic West's marriage, you bitch. Now touch it. Yeah, who high and mighty here?

Yeah, yeah. Hore, homewrecker. That was her, wasn't it? It was, yeah. Yeah, your knowledge of whores is very impressive. Thank you. Thank you. Much to learn you have about hoars.

When we're to big Hollywood parties, all right? You can point at them and say it to straight. their face and we'll be popular yeah yeah they'll love us so then he does oh yeah here's another missed opportunity he goes to like a marketing meeting

right yeah they're like here's your new album she's a picture of his face yeah and it just it's called one man only yeah basically he's like it's called he wrote all the songs himself and you steal it from an alternative reality because they keep going

oh just you're just one man and you wrote all these songs you're a genius you're incredible oh my god but he starts to get imposter syndrome yeah

not really imposter syndrome because he actually is an imposter you know what a lot of people who have imposter syndrome maybe there's a reason

yeah yeah have you ever taught of that yeah yeah like but did I learn to deal with it should you or I've just got better at lying yeah

fucking hack fraud come on name names too let's say erredin yeah so he um also they mentioned Thursday night live did you catch that? Oh I didn't even now

another of what was that's Oh is that oh that's a joke like Saturday night live? Yeah yeah wow Wow that's actually the most pointless one That's literally even more worthless than Oh no Coke Pepsi or cigarettes don't exist Like Thursday night live but here's the thing

you could have like a thing where it's like you know the Beatles not being in reality has changed little things

in ways that you couldn't think of but coke and cigarettes they are not connected to the Beatles at all

yeah yeah like maybe Thursday night life you could like oh well maybe that affected

the schedule because the Ed Sullivan show got cancelled their leads so right so lower and had to

put it on different you know something like but like here's the thing they don't even make

attempt to investigate how the world is different because, I mean, okay. I'm telling you, Holocaust. Should we go in Holocaust? But that's, I mean, to, dare I say, a Holocaust of even greater proportions has been, you know, avoided by the eradication of the tobacco industry. So what is this? The tobacco plant never existed. Is that why you don't know? Cigarettes? Because John Lennon didn't get to hit Yoko, is that? like what's and like Coca-Cola like arguably the biggest corporation that's ever existed

even bigger than iron brew yeah if you could imagine but I'm saying like those two things would undoubtedly have an effect on like you know like the capitalist structure and even I don't know just like lots of shit like there would be huge ramifications

of cigarettes having never existed that's my phone you keep talking Jesus I thought I was like what's happening to my head right am I dying? Yeah, James' phone went off But it's like a what? What is that?

A stream? Yeah, it's... A babbling brook. A babbling brook. That's not you. I know what? It should be like, go boon, diga, dinga dinga dinga ding digger digger diggit.

That's what I hear on my head. That babbling brook is just to turn down the noise in my brain. Turn down for what? Yeah. But yeah, so just pointless. But it would be so good if it was like, you're famous, you're successful, but also space lizards rule American.

yeah yeah and he's like oh oh is it worth it you know but there's still no Jews right okay well hmm I this really is a space lizards they have the state of Lizrael Lizrael ladies and gentlemen Liz rail are you with me come on come on come on please that's that's I'm not gonna top that give me my sitcom you can't give me a sex and cheery's your shit. Raymond's got a sitcom, what about me? Lisreel. Come on, people. Ah, I'm applying to Grip

next week. I don't care. It's the end times. So, um, he goes on well, we, we think he goes on Corden. Remember this? And Corden's like, it's good to have you on. Did you write all the songs yourself? Yes, I did. Really?

Because there are two white men backstage who said you robbed them. And I'm inclined to believe them. Is this that would happen on like

a fucking not like syndicated like huge American talks was like is Cordon

the Martin Bashier of America now but it's a dream yeah it's a dream yeah

yeah so I I was gonna hate the movie there but it was like oh it's dream okay

you got me there yeah oh you were babboozled I was yeah I was like I was being

all like you know James Corden wouldn't ask that because James Gordon's a good man yeah who wouldn't

fuck up someone's shit or yeah smithy wouldn't do that smitty's no grass smithy wouldn't work for sky I'll tell you that

okay so now now he is the album launch all right yeah Lily James is like you know the way you said you love me and we've been friends

for you thought I just bring around my boyfriend no problem is it yeah and her boyfriend's a real like acaster looking land

yeah he's actually the guy the sound engineer who recorded the songs for him like oh yeah yeah yeah so you go that's why you can't let them talk to any men any men yeah that's actually that man is literally the only other man in the film that lily james talks to for any extended period of time so obviously she's gonna shag him again you like a wild dog he's just got some treats in his pocket you know something interesting here's a bit of wikipedia

knowledge to i got okay there was a whole subplot with and Ana da Armis you know Anna de Armis the girl she was dating Ben Affleck she was in Knives

out War dogs okay right yeah sorry yeah the whole subplot where her

where he like meets her and he like has a fling with her okay but it's not the same and they took it out

because they were like the dog-brained audience to be like how can he how can he love one woman but not do you're

supposed to be with one person your whole life yeah you know so they just cut out all her scenes, cause it made him unlikable, that's the reason. That's weird

actually, yeah. It's such a simple to movie where it's like, you like someone when you're kids, and eventually you tell them you love her. Because you're the, you know, soulmates and the one and all that shit. And the woman you love, you know, she, she doesn't really do anything else. Yeah.

She doesn't really... She just sits in a room and waits for you to come to your senses and she doesn't leave the house. She doesn't wear makeup when you're not around. Yeah. She shops online because she doesn't want to meet men in car parks because she'd be gagging for it which actually makes sense.

The Anna, the cut parts make sense because near the end he goes like, I'm sorry he apologised to her. And I'm like, why is he apologising? I'm sorry I let you out free. Yeah. But anyway, so back,

so he has the album launching is huge, all right? But then some people show up and they're like, we know your secret, we know the Beatles as well. And you're like, holy shit. Yeah. This is going to get to net now. Yeah, yeah. It was like, because there's kind of like, at a press conference, you just hear,

who was your biggest influence, John Paul, Georgia, Ringo? Yeah. He's like, wait, what? And then, you know, it gets overshadowed or, like, the other reporters start shouting. But then you just see a yellow submarine been held up in the back of the room as if to go, oh, yellow, you know, you're thinking, these two people show up and you say, we know your secret. Yeah.

And if you want to keep it, you got to work for us. Yeah, pay us money. got to kill princess diana you know yeah sure you know we're time agents and stuff I keep I keep thinking of ways to make this movie better my talents are wasted here yeah they are

but yeah so these people it was like you gotta kill 10 children yeah and it's like a moral dilemma or even if it was like we want a cut of the profits or just rob a bank just anything literally so like the one little moment that's the thing it goes back to what I said earlier

so you have that little oh oh this is interesting. Immediately they throw a bucket of cold water on it irrelevant. The exact same thing here. So these people show up, we know your secret. Oh, what's going to happen? And we want you to do something for us. And you know what that is? What?

Keep making music. We just want you to thank you because the world without the Beatles is so much worse. And neither of us can sing. So it's got to be you. Because I'm a woman and he's Russian. Yeah, yeah. Yes, the Beatles. I am so thankful for you

Oh, I'm Russian Yeah, so they're like It's great So now he's got nothing to worry about it here He's like Those two no more secret Imagine if he was like I'm gonna kill him anyway

Because I can I wrote let it be you dogs You know, that'd be great If he just gets coked out of his mind He's like maybe I actually did write him Why does John Lennon get all the fun Get me in Asian go on

batter us yeah go on we're going to get naked and it's going to stop the war somehow yeah yeah

but no they just they don't have fun with it at all they're just every I mean

so now let's just this is sorry yeah joking on my own right so now

they've got the whole thing like the new album's coming out or when the new album coming out

it's going to change the world probably going to stop all war and genocide yeah

and even he's like to Lily James, like, oh, I might just stop, I might not release the album, you know, I might just become a music teacher and she's like, you can't, because the magic that will be released from

the album, it's the most magic magic, magic. If you become a teacher, you're going to use your magic on children, and they don't deserve the magic, because the magic is magic. I won't be able to get wet for you anymore if you're just a fucking school teacher. But you're a school

teacher, I know, but I'm a thought. That's why I'm banging this, James Acaster looking cunt Hello Jack I love your songs They're so pretty Because you know

Male and female Hmm Alright Do you remember that bit he has No There's a bit where it's like Male and Female And it's like sexist

Oh I don't remember that bit It's another bit where it's like Brexit's like when you make tea And you put the tea bag in And the tea bag goes all mushy Anyway Yeah Anyway

God I'm getting wreck I'm gonna get a Cabab after this You do You can't stop me You've earned it Yeah

So now he has the big album launch All right Yeah And it's like Album launch Commencing in In 10

9 8 Stop the presses Stop And he runs down And he's like You know what I didn't write

Andy's songs The Beatles did It's from a Power of Universe The Beatles wrote all the songs Okay Keep up

but it's actually on stage in Wembley at an Ed Shearing concert where he does it Oh you're right Oh shit I forgot we forgot about John Lennon Oh yeah yeah Oh yeah so that bit when they're like Those two weirdos are like Thank you for doing the Beatles songs

It's like maybe and he But your man's all like Oh but I feel like a fraud Because I didn't write them And is it right to do this And then they were like Well here's someone who could maybe Help somehow or for whatever reason

Help Yeah Very good Yeah so he goes to John Lennon, okay, and John Lennon doesn't seem to have any idea about his past life. What do you mean? I didn't get the sense that he knew about the Beatles.

No, no, he didn't. So it's just this random famous guy's like, hello, are you John Lennon? Yes, I am. Did you have a good life, did you? Yeah, yeah, and it's so weird, like, yeah, because he's just some like old man who lives by the scene. Yeah, and he's like, so did you, did you...

Imagine Justin Bieber showed up to your Gaff, it's like, are you Bride O'T? Like, yeah, it's like, Have you had a good life? No, I fucking have it. But I'm putting on a brave face or Bieber. Like obviously, this, this new John Lennon, he's just a guy who's worked this whole life, okay?

So if you were like, you were probably better off working than being successful and famous. I would have gone to your head. Yeah, I worked as a plumber fucking in the cold, in the snow, and me bones hurt, and me, my wife don't mean, my wife don't really get on too well, but, you know, he's like, did you love your wife?

Like, yeah, I guess. I've never had the option to even question What you think I can pick Alright She sucked me dick And I got her pregnant Alright

I didn't even know How that works I didn't even fuck her But You know That's what I get For getting with her Romanian

You know Her dad had a gun Used her a voodoo To get her pregnant But yeah And because of it Now did you notice Alright

So he just goes like Well It's good to you The happy life You're a strange one you are because of your skin color but like so

Jack leaves alright yeah there's a shot of John Lennon they start playing beat Ed Sheeran's music yeah

they kind of like be like we know who the new one is they used a lot of Ed Sheeran music in this as well a lot yeah but so because of this

he's like now I can tell people the truth which doesn't make sense you think like it would have been in a case where he's

you know what it is though John Lennon was like, It's not so hard If there's a girl you love, tell her you love her That's the only way to be happy Wouldn't it be better

If it was a case where like He meets the John Lent And John Lennon is just a junkie on the street You know, oh God, I wish I learned How to Guitar He's a 78 year old rent boy Who wants to be to cook tonight, boys Are you happy?

Actually, yeah, I am It's quite fun Meet new people. Plenty of exercise. Lots of interesting characters. Get my steps in. And they beat me. Yeah.

But again, just everything about this film is so stupid and cheesy and ham-fisted chite. So finally, he gets up on stage at Wembley and he's like, guess what? I didn't write the songs, the Beatles did, and I've uploaded all the songs on the internet. For free. Yeah. So power to the people. and then the show like came being like

No! Do you have any idea how many people work How many careers he ruined? Lives destroyed. Because if he's like... Because they sank probably millions into marketing campaigns,

studio time, all this shit. And then he just goes, oh, you know what? I'm uploading it all for free. It's like, well, you're going to jail then because you signed multiple contracts. You have infringed upon

you've lost us millions we're legally allowed to kneecap you right now literally that's in your contract that's gonna happen right now Kate McKinnon's licking her lips but yeah so he and then he's just like well that

the career's over now do no one asked any follow up questions so I'm just back in fucking wherever he's from could you imagine if like Mick Jagger got up on stage like guess what I'm not the real Mick Jagger I'm actually a ghost and it was just like okay well

it was nice when it lasted do it TikTok yeah it's just like you could have fun with that where like he goes he ends up the mental asylum yeah see the whole thing about this

it's just like when you have a premise this huge there's always an inevitability of missed opportunity there's always going because you can't do but that's what I'm saying in a fucking film like this

with a premise that's so big missed opportunities are inevitable because you can't do everything in two hours. Yeah. But they literally don't attempt anything at all. You know what's like? Like there are so many ways they could have gone to make it slightly interesting and they just don't at all. You know, it's like if I was like, hey James, I've got you 100 pieces of Lego.

Yeah. You can do anything. You can make a Millennium Falcon. You can make a pirate ship. You can do anything. And you were like, okay, and you started licking the walls. Yes. And I'm like, well, you can do anything.

he's creative in different ways it's just such a like yeah so then like he's like oh now I'm a teacher with Lily oh no and then he goes like Lily James I apologize take me back yeah oh what I love you forever

now that I've decided I'm not gonna be rich and famous I'm willing to shag you also Lily James is never like wait what yeah she's just like oh you you wait a minute lads yeah men Oh, you did it all just to impress me. Yeah.

So the next scene is them just like, is there some joke about Harry Potter? Yeah, which apparently was pitched by Sarah Silverman. Wikipedia, baby. Yeah, but I, you know what, because... Are you looking at a different week? Are you looking at smart people, Wikipedia? Oh, you just get baby Wikipedia.

Yeah, I get the real shit. It's just all drawings and shit. Pop-up Wikipedia. What's she doing, Wander, and on set? I don't know, but just said in the production, Richard Curtis said the Harry Potter joke was given to him

by the friend Sarah Silverman but here's the thing I don't even remember the Harry Potter joke what was it's just something like that it doesn't exist they've just retired now and they're Googling shit

and there's like there's no Harry Potter and he's like should I and she's like Matt's my man or like you know kind of like

oh here we go best not oh right so he's like Harry Potter does exist maybe should I do it and she's like best not

We don't want a repeat of that You're being successful Yeah, you being rich and famous We literally can't afford Our kidney is an operation And we can't afford it It's so, I mean like Ugh

As if anyone in their right fucking mind Would turn that down Is like imposter syndrome Look at fucking pop stars now It's all It's literally bitches They get ripped them out of the womb They feed them miracle grows

So that they're 18 wink wink get the fake tits fake ass fake lips you put them in a studio with 16 producers they write all the songs you trot them out and stage

in the little dress they dance and sing that's literally what the music industry is now because because of mental health we've added a new chapter now because it used to be like getting when they're young and sexy

milk them for all they've got talent wise then throw them in the bin before they hit 30 and then throw them in the skip and kick them on the way out kick him in the cunt on the way out

all right but now 10 years later you can be like okay let's bring her back now okay and she's all crying being like

I was but I'm still staying strong even though now I'm ugly because I'm 30 and now we've got we can milk him some more

yeah yeah so it's just it's awesome but God I love Hollywood but I'm just saying like anyone in today's

modern you know music industry system that like would even nobody would give a shit like imposter syndrome like the whole thing is fake nonsense you know so I don't know

again it's just another aspect of why this film is so god-awful and shit and just does not in any way attempt to scratch the surface of what could have been an interesting idea yeah but hey but so that was yesterday so how did did you enjoy it

you know what actually all joke in aside we put on the character I thought it was a laugh a minute feel good romp Yeah, yeah, yeah No, I did though, for a bit I was like, for the first like half hours You're so gullible I know, yeah

You're just clapping to Well, you know He's singing, let it be That's what I do But yeah, no But awful, really awful Yeah, I hated it So yeah

And I knew I would hate it So, but you know I think we like Give us an opportunity A rare opportunity to talk about something we didn't enjoy. You're right, actually, yeah. It's a bit of a novelty, isn't there?

Alright, let's get a kebab now. Yeah, it's very sweaty in here. I'm so sweaty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, thanks everyone for listening. Goodbye. Head over to Patreon for extra episodes. Peace.

Peace.