Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 130 : Australian Child Love Zone

Episode Date: September 27, 2021

Murders, pedos and the Chinese

uh you know have you heard about what's going on in china at the moment oh wow god would those lads ever just give it a rest yeah shit's going oh my god it's like the the pieces are falling let's say that what's happening and it's very obvious what the picture's revealing the other shoe is about to drop it so they've cracked down a lot of shit in china at the moment all right yeah no longer the you know the free love hippie commune it always was yeah so now they've cracked down it's a to have a name for it's like cultural it's something to do with like fixing culture right yeah cultural improvement something like that okay they're removing all sissification sissification yeah yeah what is that now I think sissy related

so we better watch out now what classes of sissy related I think it's fairly obvious Russell T Davis yeah Russell T Davis would not queer as folk would not be acceptable to Chinese people I'm afraid to say and also anything like unpatriotic

okay right so they're already cracking down on that they're turning off like they've banned Bitcoin they've banned like social media they're also cracking down any kind of like fandom like let's say BTS for example

any kind of like weird fandoms they're like cracking down on them they basically being like stop being weird it's now illegal to be weird what what happens if you're calling being weird prison

oh yeah basically the the Uyghur camps like wow yeah just this is

if you're caught writing fan fiction about BTS oh boy yeah yeah say good boy to your family you know

you're going to the cool well the family you're going with you so they've done that and also there's a big housing crisis

now in China have you heard about this no you heard about this guys no I've seen good

you heard about me in China so apparently there was a housing company called They eat dogs Evergrand

Evergrand Evergrand Okay The big housing Company started in the 90s Right And they do a thing Where you give them money

And they build you a house Eventually Eventually Yeah And how long So they'll be like Oh we'll build your house When we get to it

Right So you give us your life savings Yeah And then we build you a house In a while And how long is the average weight A few years Oh

But the weight time was getting longer and longer. And the houses were getting shittier and shittier. Yeah, there'd be no twigs. And basically I think instead of... You tell Bobby a dream house.

No, what I want. Not what I want. I want my money bank. So, yeah, and also you don't own property in China. Okay. Because it's a communist country.

So the Evergrand, they just rent the land. They don't buy the land. So when they went, they've gone banked. Now, but any other company to go bankrupt, like, at least we still got the land. Right, right, right. But they're like, oh, we don't even have that anymore. Okay.

So now there's going to be a whole bunch of people in China who are going bankrupt. Right. Like millions and millions of people. Yeah. And you know what happens when your population are angry and complain about the money? Revolution? No. War.

Oh. Start a war to distract the people. Okay. Yeah. So that's what they're saying is going to happen now. China are going to go to war? China is going to become more jingo-wistic. More what now?

What did you say there? More jangolistic. That's rewind that back. Yeah, you're not jingo-wistic. Jingle-wistic? Yeah, yeah. That means more like negatively patriotic, more like, you know, it's us against them. Oh, like, jing.

I don't know where it comes from. I just heard the term. Yeah, yeah. Right, right, okay. So that's what they're saying is going to happen in China. So they're kind of like, okay, China, number one, America, America, They're going to do those voices too So I'm not even the bad guy here

They'll respect you You're under level James Cannon number one He tell truth He tell a lie he's So why are we talking about China I don't know You brought it up

I just want to talk about there I got all riled up It is pretty interesting though It is yeah It's a whole country over there So it's the whole thing It's not just four and ones down beside the bedding shops

these people have their whole they have a whole thing going on they've got a whole culture over there I couldn't believe it it's not just Jackie Chan movies but it's like a big like uh yeah they call it the C hate

with the Chinese communist part CCP yeah he's big into CCP yeah yeah yeah he's like this is great yeah and you're so funny it's so funny that like there could come a day now

or like Jackie Chan destroys us all declares war on America Yeah, yeah. Imagine that like, it was like... Damn, Jackie, you're wild enough. Chris, please, I have to do this. China number one. Do you understand? Where's coming out, ma-ma?

No. Just make all those allegations disappear. I'll do whatever you want. I hope Chris survives. I don't mind if we get killed by the Chinese. He fell off. No, I think they're still friends. No, but like, I mean, Chris Tucker sucks now.

Does he? Yeah, man. He went fucking, like, Christian and his comedy's all. clean. He's boring as far. He sucks. He's not funny at all anymore. Like his last special he's talking about like, plus he's like best friends with Michael Jackson.

Like all of his specials, he like, he did this whole bit. It's like, so there I am. I'm just dancing with Michael. And I was like, this is a trip man, there's Michael. We're having so much fun. And then he's on the Lolaida Express with fucking Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Clinton and Kevin Spacey hanging out with Michael Jackson.

Then all of a sudden he goes, you know, born again Christian. I don't know something not right about that my friend and I used to love Chris Tucker

and I still do I still love his early stuff I'm still I'm still I only like him now

rush hour three and silver lining to playbook that's all I like but I know like old

Chris Tucker rocks man I love early Chris Tucker oh yeah well that's that's the news

guys that's the news Chris Tucker bad China number one China is gonna go to war

in America that'd be pretty funny now Biden fighting the Chinese be good I try my best

these people are duplicitous you can't trust the jingoistics the jangos the day is silent jingoistic unchained Jamie Fox is over there

Chinese man it's crazy yeah yeah that's the Chinese now we'll keep an eye on them let's move on something else alright

because I got some things I was doing research on all right I was looking at pedophiles really yeah I get, kind of a Chinese in a way

They've got a whole thing going on They're their whole thing It's not just a four in one guys They've got their whole culture Oh that's what they like A four in one Four years old Penises make it work

Fuck sake hadn't So I was looking They started off because I was looking up This guy called Richard Huckle I never heard of him Yeah Richard Huckle He's like this really big pedophile Like really prolific

Prolific Yeah yeah he got killed in prison wait there was like a BBC thing about this guy he was like a fucking exchange student you know it

you know it fucking Thailand so you act like you don't know yeah yeah you act like and then you suddenly start listening all his stats no much like Chris Tucker did his best work in the 90s

no I because when you you said you brought him up earlier and you said Richard Huckle I was like why is that name so familiar and then it literally just came to me as okay

Yeah, yeah, and you're eyes lit up and you got an erection, you're like, I just jizzed myself there. Richard Huckle, number one. No, did you... Mirisha Hako. Oh, so good, so good.

Did you watch that BBC thing and, like, he had, like, a diary, right? Yeah. So they had, like, a voiceover artist, like, reading his diary. But did you notice, like, the guy who's reading it sounded really, like, sleazy and slimy? Obviously, the shit that he's reading

is grotesque. horrible, he's like, those little babies are so sweet and everything, he was definitely having fun with it. Very creepy. But would you rather, how else would you do it? If you're, if you got the job there, they're like, James, you're good at voices. Yes, so yeah.

You know, be careful now. How would you do it? Would you do it like just like flat, like, and then I touched the little girl's penis? Yeah, because here's a thing, it's, you're taking something that's already so grotesque and horrific and unimaginable

he's kind of like oh let's make it more salacious more sleazy as like you don't need to do that it's already fucked up enough you don't need to be like

oh this'll let's already freak him out won't it he's put on a scare woo I raped a little girl I want those I'm going to suck

one penis two penis yeah can't fuck you la but yeah I'm just I remember that little it was like a BBC thing it's on YouTube

it was a BBC or Sky News I don't know but yeah I just remember even listen to it's like why is the voiceover artist like really trying to sound creepy and sleazy it's like

he was like this is my big break yeah yeah what if Scorsese's watching this but he just hires Richard Huckle instead love what he do love what you do

great great stuff so yeah Richard Huckle he started off selling fake Pokemon cards in school. Yeah. That right there, that is disgusting. Yeah.

And then he like, he didn't do well in school so he did like a foreign exchange thing. Was he like a rich kid or just... No, I think he was like standard middle class, I think, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was funny, he was always just like, they were like,

oh, do you want to work in the, you know, you can work anywhere and he's like kids every time kids, I want to work with the kids, yeah. And like, you can volunteer in the chocolate factory? No, kids. Is there kids in the chocolate? factory.

It was like umpalumpas. No, not good enough. Not good enough. Yeah. Although I do want to bang some orange children at some time. Protestants, that's what he means. Anyway. Yeah.

So he just like basically like did a world pedo tour all around like India and like all the poor countries. Yeah. But then when he got found out all the schools came out and they were like, yeah, he didn't actually. Well, he wasn't near any of the children now. Definitely wasn't, you know, but he was, you know. Wait, what schools?

Like, over in the... Well, schools, orphanages, all the, like, in the poor countries, like India and... Yeah, and, like, Vietnam. Yeah, Vietnam. Yeah, Cambodia. Well, like, yeah, that's a whole thing over there, though. It's called sex tourism, and it's very, very... Well, don't be little...

Sex tourism isn't just paedophiles. No, it's not. But a lot of it is paedophiles. Sex tourism is a beautiful thing. Is it, yeah? Between a father and son. That's how Russell Brand lost his virginity. What?

His dad brought him over to, like, like uh... Cambodia? I think Thailand or something like that yeah yeah they fucked the girl

together took turns I think really yeah that's not okay it is winky winky

whatever I call yeah I put my little winky wink in her dinky in her stinky stinky stink stinky stink

the dinky had the stink and I put in my winky and she were a chill oh no no no you're not

going to get me ah ha this is when he's on Big Brother's little mouth like you went to talk about the show yeah yeah but anyway so richard huckle he's over there in cambodia it's a holiday in

cambodia but then this is how they caught him all right right so there's a website called love zone okay the love zone on the dark web oh so it's probably not like just you know for cool couples to meet up you know love zone yeah kind of sounds like uh i don't know like an RT2 like for young like you know for teens like welcome back to the love zone

okay guys you know when you're like on the scooter and you're going on the bebo and before you know it you're raping children in Cambodia my gosh guys amazing so there was this website and it was really encrypted

and the police couldn't figure out how to use it and also I think it there was like a pint system in the website point system yeah yeah as in like you earn pints by doing teens and posting things and sharing things, all right?

So if you're a cop trying to infiltrate it, they're just like, where's your point, noob? You're not a real pedo, are you, loser? This guy's a poser, man. And the cop's like, no, I swear, I love Bieber. He's too old. Had a Montana. Boring.

Yeah. So the cops were trying to figure out how to get into his website. they're trying all different angles all right and then the Australian police realised that the main guy who runs the website he always starts his messages with

hiya all as in hiya one word that's kind of like an Australian colloquialism is it or British no it was just a thing he said okay and they were like

oh hiya he starts always with hiya let's do a search of anyone online who always starts her messages with hiya Okay And they found A guy on like a car website Basically in like

Hiya Look at my cool car Yeah Hiya This is a great car Okay But he had pictures of his car Just left the registration plate

Right To be seen Right Yeah yeah yeah So the Australian police This is so easy The Australian police was like Oh let's just go around his house

And see what happens Yeah So they went around his house Literally just like two guys Knocking the door right Yeah The Pido opens the door with the computer

opened the background with the love zone with child porn just open on the computer yeah yeah and they were like oh I think we got you

and he was like yeah fair yeah fair enough all right fair do you've got me and write me you've got me

red end you there oh now oh they can't what you do in there yeah yeah that's how easy it was to catch him yeah

and because they caught him they got into the website then this is weird the Australian police then ran that website for six months. Yeah, that's a pretty common thing, though. Imagine the lucky cop who gets like,

oh, you, I got to run the PDA website. I guess I got to watch all the little girls. Yeah, yeah. But that's a common enough thing, like they infiltrated and then they basically facilitate it because they see how many they can catch, like, you know. Yeah, that's how they cut Huckle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

apparently they had if you took all the images of children and of your children mean abused and rape stuff like that yeah

and you printed them out on paper it would be hired in like three skyscrapers really yeah what that was just on this website yeah okay that had been like

shared over the years yeah right right and was it your man Huckle was he running the website no no no he was just one the guys on it what about the Australian was it him either no he was running it

he was running it he's the fucking mastermind apparently yeah not much of a mastermind if he opens the door and leaves the child porn still visible like playing out loud

like he's wearing a t-shirt going I love just Dolby surround sound of like a chainsaw and a three-year-old crying yeah so they caught Huckle then and then Huckle's parents

were just like fuck them yeah well yeah fair do's I think you know I think you kind of have to... Tough love. That's the one thing that they really can never, like, you know... Pedophilia and smoking grass in my house.

Smoking the devil's lettuce. Yeah, yeah. Like, murder even. Murder, people are way more forgiving of murder than they are of, like, you know... Because it is, it's the worst thing you could do. The whole child. The kids...

No, don't give me that look. It is. I suppose, yeah. Number one. Number one with a bullet, my friend. Either that or making racist jokes on Twitter. It's definitely one of those two. Yeah.

Yeah. So Richard Huckle, he's in jail now. No, he got killed in prison. Oh, really? Yeah. What? This isn't how he got killed, okay. They put, I think, um,

they put something up his ass. Think they put like a toothbrush up his ass. Okay. A knife up his nose. Okay. Broke his jaw and then stamped his head in. Wow. And the guy who killed him,

all right. Yeah. He was like pissed off because he's like, oh, you stop me before I got a chance to eat him. What the fuck? Eat him?

Yeah. Where was he in prison? In England? In England, yeah. Jesus. And the guy was like, come on, give me like five more minutes.

He wanted to eat him? Yeah. Wow. I mean, it was funny. I think a lot of people were like, oh, you probably kill him because he was a pedophile, right? He was like, what?

What? Oh, I was just hungry. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, you got fucked up in prison. good fair fucks you know

I'll buy that lot of pipe yeah good man you know you have a little nibble on me it's fair dues

fair dues yeah my little pinky yeah there you go but yeah fuck that's

that was a wild I remember like hearing about that and it's just like he's like one of the

most prolific he was basically like a Jimmy Saville type character but over in the third

world but without the showbiz you know without the talent you know yeah exactly he wishes

he was Savile Savile was like the kind of like the James Bond of Pido's, you know, he was just slick. Actually, speaking of Pito's, no, not Pitos.

Do you hear what Andy Richter said about Norm MacDonald? No. You hear no... Oh. Oh, it was so funny. Because, like, you get to hear all these different people doing tributes

and Norm McDonald's. Yeah. Funny, because, like, Carrotop do the tribute. Yeah. And he was like, it was really funny when he made fun of it. When he made fun of me,

yeah, I saw that. And I was like, oh, respect to Caratop. You know what? I'm going to say this now. I've never hated Caratop as much as everyone hates Caratop I'm kind of like

I'm of the opinion that if you got tickets to a Caratop show you'd have a good time Man the amount of people I've heard who are like Oh yeah we went to Caratop ironically and we loved it

Yeah yeah I bet you it's actually a lot of fun I've heard great things about it Yeah anybody out there got a fucking problem with Caratop I will kill your cage I'll Oh, if Richard Huckle was still alive

And let him loose on your cage You leave Caratop alone Yeah But, uh, no Yeah, I've heard nothing about good things Yeah Like he doesn't, like, he does like almost two hours of props Yes, yeah

And it's just fun You know what I mean like But yeah, people are like Oh fuck Eric Cap man You know why they hate him so much It's because he's successful Exactly And he's ripped

Yeah, he is ripped And his nose Looks like it belonged on a Barbie doll from the 80s. And the nostrils keep getting bigger and bigger. Yeah, and the hair gets bigger and, yeah. Look, Caratop, he's the one, but I'm sorry. But yeah, so there was that very famous bit of Norm on Conan shitting on the Caratop movie.

Caratop, like, played the clips like this is fucking great. Okay. I loved Norm. A lot of people are posting, like, very, like, nice, I think. What the fucking Andy Rector say there? Even Lorne Michaels at the Emmys was like, Lauren was great. Or Norm was great.

Oh, yeah. No, he said, I, Lord Michaels is great. He was the best weekend update host ever. Better than Quinn. Yeah, yeah. No, he was like... Everyone was given props to Norm, except a few who weren't. The few undesirables.

Oh, wait till China takes care of you. I wonder if they, what category they'll fall into under the new Chinese rule yeah but yeah so Conan O'Brien did a special

podcast yeah about norm right right right it was him and I think one of his writers or some maybe producer or something like that

smigle maybe no not smikel someone else someone we wouldn't really know right okay but anyway they were just talking

about norm and it was like really funny they were talking about you know different norm stories stuff like that and how

like he was always on basically and he never quite knew if he was fucking around with you yeah

it was quite sad that they're kind of like near the end they thought like they pissed off norm or something because he just wouldn't do the show okay because they didn't know you're sick right so it wasn't until he died they're like oh that's why he wouldn't do the show yeah yeah yeah well wow so he never even like he was just like no i'm not doing it yeah yeah oh wow yeah so they taught like they pissed him off or something right right right okay

it's interesting and they couldn't get him on the podcast even like but i think norm was probably worried that like his senses were getting dulled probably by the chemo and stuff yeah true yeah yeah yeah But anyway, so Andy Richter was on the podcast as well, and he starts off being like, you know, he'd joke about me and the people say, did you get offended? Of course I didn't get offended, you know. He'd call me Andy, Richter, the Swedish German. That's just funny, you know, it's just silly. Yeah. Apparently, he was saying that, like, the producers kept telling Norm to do jokes about Andy because it was really funny.

Yeah. And, you know, Norm, of course, like, yeah, sure, yeah. So Andy's like, oh, yeah, I didn't. I was defended at all. Yeah. But... Oh, here we go. He was basically saying,

I'm queer. Yeah. Okay? He came... You know, it's an old style of comedy. You know, this guy's queer. That guy over there is queer.

That guy likes gay porn, okay? It's a type of comedy that, you know, we don't do anymore. And that's a good thing, you know? Yeah. And, like, I had this thing where, like, you know, Norm would say, Norm would make a joke where the punchline

is I'm a gay prostitute who gets raped and how am I supposed to look at the staff on the Conan show who are queer and look them in the eye you know it just wasn't right oh such a fucking how is that like what a Conan

how did he just everyone just moved on from Richter's little everyone just ignores Richter God he is just a fucking worthless little con imagine though I must warp your mind fucking hate him so much must warp your mind being the sidekick for so long.

Yeah. Like imagine if it was the Cadden show and I'm just you know the sidekick and every time people keep going like

oh my God have you heard the new episode of the Cadden show oh James oh he was a revelation yeah and then

everybody's like what about Brian oh yeah he was on it as well James James kept called them queer said he was a gay

prostitute who should be raped yeah and you know what all the queer staff of the Cadden show loved it they were like

yeah get that buff yeah Get him, kill him, kill his case. Squeal. But yeah, no, like, you're right, though. That is an interesting thing to be the sidekick for, what, like 30 years? Yeah. And didn't he, like, leave?

He left. He's like, I'm going to go make it on my own. He was like holding the suitcase, me like, goodbye, Conan. I'm going to make in Hollywood. Screw you. You'll come back to me. You're big fat. prick so he went off he did uh two sitcoms andy richter p i andy controls the universe i think

both got cancelled after a season what's andy controls the unit like andy richter p i is pretty self-explanatory yeah yeah yeah what's controlled the universe it was just a sitcom oh there's no like supernatural no i think the gimmick was he imagines what he do if he like so let's say this is me coming up with this on the spot so let's say it's like the boss did something mean to him We cut to, like, him in his head, you know, like... Killing the boss or something. You know, throwing the boss out a window. Right.

And it cuts back to Andy being like, yes, sir. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Pretty reminiscent of his time on the Conan show. His boss called Ronan, who's like tall and ginger-haired. Ronan O'Tyne. Yeah, so he had two failed shows, and he had to come crawling back with a little Bindle. How long was his time away?

I think like three, four years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, did he come back before or after the whole Leno debacle? Oh, he came back for Len. That's what made it worse, I think. Right. Yeah, that's early stuck, twisted the knife. I think that's why Leno is kind of like, I can't let Conan.

Yeah. I'm doing this for Conan's own good here. And he was right. He was right. But, uh, yeah, no, fuck Andy Richter. But like, yeah, the sidekick. But like, he would just sit there, just looking so depressed. rest and then like

kind of like when you had a sandwich and everyone's like yeah sure anyway so the new movie's good is like but my sandwich joke yeah no we heard it Andy

very good wait wait you had the lettuce which represents gay rights yeah well I love that kind of what he did there because he was like

he couldn't admit that like it pissed me off because he was getting more laughs than me so just be like no I'm standing up for all queers.

Oh, like, you know, Kevin over there, he's probably being queer, aren't you? No, I'm not. Ah, look at you with your hair. Blue hair and a septum piercing. Yeah. You're either a punk band

or a punk bitch. It's one of the other. Yeah. Yeah, poor old Andy Richter. Yeah. Yeah. No, fuck him. Who are the other sidekicks, though? There's Ed McMahon was the most

famous one. He was for Carson Yeah Right There's some funny clips Of him just drunk And they're all laughing at him Really?

Yeah Not with him The very big distinction Yeah And you'll come to know that in time I will Yeah Yeah yeah

Yeah A few times like You know Johnny would be taught And that's A lot of stuff From Larry Sanders show Comes from

Right Like Hank Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Where a lot of times Like you know

Johnny would ask You know Ed McMan Aude be like Yeah Yeah He's like Look at Ed over there

You dumb drunk You dumb drunk Hey I bet you you don't know That a Mexican gardeners Bang your wife You're a drunk You're a drunk in the 70s

You know what that means You know how extreme you have to be To consider a drunk back then That's true It's a very good point Now it's like you have Half a bottle of wine Two nights and they're always like

You've got a problem Yeah And they have to go to AA and stuff Like it was bad I was a beast I had a rock shandy Yeah But yeah

The sidekick now is something that like This is why it's an equal partnership This is why otherwise things would Who between you and me Yeah otherwise things would fall of I like to believe it's equal Yeah yeah you tell yourself that You do in your house

Yeah You talk most of the time You come to my house And I kick last week I had to kick you out I was like get out I was like Where's the blankets Where's my bed

Yeah Tell one of your roommates to sleep on the floor Brian's here now Look there's a shed out there You can't sleep in it But you can sleep beside it Okay let's move on something else

Alright Yeah yeah yeah Let's just do a quick round Okay Gabby Petino Dead Yeah dead people You know missing white woman syndrome

That's right Yeah's what everybody's going on about Yeah Who is she some YouTube Some YouTuber Yeah That she documented her life With her boyfriend

Okay How ironic Yeah and then he was thinking how about a final cut yeah yeah but um he's like i'm gonna do what richter should have done the cone in a long time ago so they went off like on a hike or something then he the the boyfriend came back and everyone's like where's gabby where's poochie and he's like i don't want to talk about it and then what's all the fucking questions but then uh so then people are like oh yeah it's been a while she hasn't come back let's go looking for her they find her body

makes off running. Yeah. Yeah. Literally running. Just like, he's all sweaty after like a minute. Yeah. I should have took the car.

Yeah, it's, I deliberately haven't fallen up in a story. It feels like every gobshite and dumb true crime, true crime cunt. Yes. It's like, oh my God, have you heard about the crazy.

Guy kills woman. Yeah, but it's it like. It's crazy and it says so much about our society today. Does it? No. No. really like but so it was them and then they had the response it's like a white woman dead am i

supposed to care yeah i'm on their side i'm like yes yeah yeah well they do that's literally it's called missing white woman syndrome so it's always like yeah a white woman who's attractive that's a big thing you got to be if some dog goes missing nobody gives a fuck unless it's an actual dog yeah if it's actually if it's called like uh you know uh if it's scamp goes missing people care but if it's like you know trap

if Sharon goes missing who gives a fuck oh yeah I wish have you ever met a Sharon who wasn't a con a Sharon

like you listen to or you don't want to kill yourself yeah exactly oh here's okay I wrote this down because it's so crazy right

so she went missing in Wyoming Gabby Petino becomes a big news story yeah in the last few months 700 indigenous people

have gone missing in that same area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Indigenous. I don't know what that means. I think it's like Native American, right? Is it? It's a catch-all term, I think.

Okay. Kind of like minority. Right. Like P-O-C? A-O-C, yeah, yeah. What? Oh, personal colour, yeah. Yeah, that's what I mean.

What's the thing they call in a Bain? In the UK, it's called Bain, yeah. Bame. Not Bame. Babe. It's not fucking Tom Hardy. I've got missing. Batman.

You're not. find me because of missing white woman's syndrome no bam it's like black asian something or other yeah Asian minority or something like that yeah so it's kind of like and now people are firing back being like okay saying white woman's syndrome is actually reverse racism uh yes so it's like basically like a ping we're having it's like ping pong you know they hit it you hit it back you know and it's just like ah you're both worthless yeah it's like oh well you both you're getting something nowadays you're both get to be angry

of someone now so that takes some time out of the day good for you it's kind of like no one's a winner

really yeah it's kind of like I didn't read up too much of it but there was like a thing

going on line last week but it was like a white trans rapper got in a fight with a a cis

white no a cis black rapper but then a black trans rapper got in a fight with

the white trans rapper and then there was a black guy that everyone hated I think that's how it worked okay they're calling it the Neapolitan wars

I was just a big like you know Twitter drama thing all right and it's like okay no one's a winner here yes everyone's being awful everyone the trans woman's being racist the black guy's being transphobic

right okay the black trans woman is like saying honky which is the worst thing you can say it's just a big mess and it's like guys this doesn't matter it doesn't the Chinese are taking over I keep saying it's actually kind of relaxing

is isn't it it's like global warming yeah yeah it's like if I get dumped by a girl now I'm like hey the Chinese are coming baby enjoy enjoy your time left yeah yeah yeah you and your new life partner will be in the camps

you can trust me on that one yeah oh shit I forgot about this I'm just looking at my notes here this is good now just take up some time this is what the whole podcast is about taking up time

yeah yeah get into the hour mark just killing time have you heard about the Murtock family Murtock the same as in the lethal weapon Murta

oh Murta yeah it's the Murta family yeah have you heard about them oh this is the big thing now this again another thing of like it's crazy

the story's so crazy it's not that crazy but it's interesting okay so the Murtaugh family basically run South Carolina. Okay. There has been a Murtock family member

in charge of the local prosecutor's office for the last 100 years. Okay, so that's a proper dynasty. This is old money, okay? Well, it's like local old money. Yeah. So they're hillbillies compared to the... Yeah, they're kind of like big fish

in a small pond. Yeah, yeah, right, right. And they're kind of like, they're not as smart. So as we read up about this, did the ponds get in trouble, they hire some fixers, it's gone most of the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's solved.

Or there's like one guy takes the blame. The Rothschilds even better. Yes. Ross Childs, you don't even hear about that shit. No, you don't at all, ever. The Murtaff family, they're kind of the hicks of the elite families. Right, okay. So the Murtaff family, as I said, very powerful.

They run South Carolina, basically. Yeah, yeah. The newspapers are afraid to talk about them. Right, okay. The mayor is probably like, please can we can you please stop raping everyone? Yeah

if I feel like it Yeah All right That's what the martyrs Have always been about For centuries Proud noble tradition So we'll start off

This story's kind of convoluted But we'll start off in chronological order Oh okay So 2008 Dead Maid in the house 2008 Yeah Okay

2008 dead maid in the house dies in the Murta family house no one asks why she's like gosh she was 28 probably natural causes old age probably moving on

you know maids they age like dogs you know so 28s she was a thousand of maid years and again keep remembering they're in charge of basically the local prosecutor's office

so they're basically in charge of the police Yeah, yeah, there's nobody coming after them Yeah, okay, yeah So, a maid dies, no one talks about it It's not a news story, moving on Sure, 2008, the global recession was happening Yeah, yeah, yeah

2018, that's 10 years later It sure is, yeah, thanks for telling me, though You'll see, in the margins of my notebook I have a whole maths equation Yeah Figure out, what the fuck Oh, watch it, time travel I used the pie symbol, like, what?

It was actually a drawing of a pie. I just smeared apple pie on the page 3.14. Daddy, I'm doing maths. Okay, 2008 now. Paul Mertagh. 2018. Oh, Jesus. Jesus Christ.

You're reading from a notebook. No excuse. Okay, 2018, I got it right. Paul Mertat, he's the son. Right. He's the young book of the Mertah family. Right, right, right. He kills an underage girl

in a boating accident Now before you judge He's also underage the time Okay What's 17? I think 17 yeah He was driving the boat erratically Yeah

He was three times over the alcohol limit Legend And there's CTV footage of him Buying beer with a fake ID Right So it's kind of hard to sweep that under there This kid likes to party Yeah

Also this kid apparently He had a second identity So his name was Paul but when he was drinking, he was called Timmy. Oh, is this like he gets drunk and this new person? You hear about this happening. Who is a...

Dave English is like that. Dave England from Jackass. Yeah, when he's drunk, he becomes barfie, I think. Yeah, yeah. And I've heard like other rock stars were like that and it's just like, it's completely like, so they,

them, it's not exactly multiple personality, but they black out drunk and this new person comes out. Well, I think that's someone who's just been repressed their whole life. Yeah. Or like there's some part of them that like Something that a lot of therapy could fix

Or just some bottles of jack Yeah You know what I mean like So then it just comes out And that's kind of like I don't know A lot of people are like Oh that's what they're really like

When they're drunk I don't believe that Oh really? I think it's just like You would have to say that I have to say that yeah We've all been around you When you're drunk

I'm like no What do you call him Who's that person What could be my identity be What would be a good name Yeah Who likes to go into the women's bathroom and piss everywhere

we'll get back to that we'll get back anyway so this guy yeah and he does it in public as well in front of everyone you know in front of the big boat show he's just like driving the boat around covered in dead teenage girl

so this is 2018 so it goes to court obviously but it gets held up for years and years because the family doing a lot of maneuvering the background I get you yeah just like yeah just stall it as much as possible around the same time

so like a few weeks before a boat accident there's a teenager called Stephen Smith I say teenager like 19 okay Stephen Smith a gay man he is found dead in the middle of a road yeah okay and they're like

oh what happened it must have happened okay is he probably ran out of petrol yeah because he had an empty tank right he's probably walking along the road and then he'll hit by a car hit and run yes case you know, case clothes. Clean, easy, done.

Easy, not unsuspicious. Also, he'd a bullet wound in him. Probably from the car. Yeah, yeah. You know, where was the bullet wound? Like, I think in his head. Oh, wow. Okay.

All right. But that kind of like didn't get mentioned in the reports. So they were really just like, hit and run. Hitting run. That's it. He fell on a bullet on the way down. You know, we've seen his case all. If I had a dead gay teenager

For every time I saw this Okay, so who is there I assume one of the murders Or potentially implicated? There's no suspects yet Okay But is there even like a No, at the time it's just like

Case closed Okay We won't even bother trying to find Who did the hit wrong Why are you bringing it up then? Well, let's wait and see Well, that's why I'm asking Next, all right

The case hasn't happened yet all right Yeah Remember Paul, A.K. Timmy? I remember. Him and his mother Are found dead in the family house Oh! Shot to Bix.

with two guns Okay Two guns Yeah like the movie Mark Wahlberg And Denzel Washington And guess who the main Suspect was straight away

They were like Well Walberg wouldn't do this He's a good man But that Denzel Walberg is a peaceful You know He loves everyone Yeah

But Denzel Something about him Gives The HebeGBs You ever seen fences Hmm He drove a plane drunk Remember that film

I get it. You're the girl from My Name is Earl's in there. I think you see your tits. The blonde one? No, the hot Latina one. The blonde one's pretty hot too. Yeah, Jamie Presley.

Yeah, she's got nice tits. She does, yeah. Yes. She was in Joe Dirt. Yes. That's why people listen to the podcast find out who's got nice tits. Yeah, but the Mexican maid chick.

Yeah, she plays fucking Nick Kroll's wife in the league. Anyway, we're getting very off track. Yeah. So, yeah, Paul, aka. Timmy and his mother dead shot to bits

shot to pieces like your pulp right okay can't even figure out what it is turned them into caviar yeah you're just like

what is is this supposed to be two dead bodies okay it's just bits of pud is dead bodies or guacamole

I can't tell bits of meat and teeth all right yeah yeah um tits and teeth

so of course the father is the main suspect all right right but they find out he's got a rock

sort of rock hard a rock hard hard nine inch alibi raging vainy alibi circumcised alibi because the night of the murder the father was visiting his dad in hospital

because the dad is Alzheimer's so he went to the hospital loads of people saw him in the hospital so he's not the suspect but then the police kind of like are putting things together and they're like well we have there's a lot of stuff the police haven't revealed

yet right we have evidence connecting the gay dead teenager with the murder of the son and the mother. Oh, what? Yeah. That the gay teenager killed them? No, the gay was also killed.

Oh, with the same gun? No, just like they won't reveal what evidence it is. Oh, okay. They're being cagey about it at the moment. Right, right, right, right. It's like, we have reasons to suspect. Okay. Okay, this is an ongoing case, by the way.

Right, right, okay. So the next weird thing is, remember the dad I told you about? Sure. He calls up the police and he's like, just like, you know, I've just been shot in the head. Yeah, you look to confuse right now. I'm very confused.

The police were confused as well. He's like, yeah, I've been shot in the head. It kind of grazed the skull, but yeah, someone tried to kill me there. So you should probably look into there. Yes, I'll hold. As he's like, just like a comical squirt of blood coming out.

This place is getting very dusty. Where's that mate? Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. We probably should have hired one since then. Maybe I should get a guard dog or something because... You know, my... The wife should be clean.

Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. So, oh, I forgot to mention as well. Yeah. He... So, the family aren't all dead. There's one son left. Oh.

One young son left. I think he's like 12. Oh, okay. And he's asking questions, you know? Where is everybody? What's going on? Come alone I made my family disappear

They just steps in the body He's like ew So anyway So the dad one day He's like I got shot in the head guy He should investigate that Sure

A week later he comes out He's like By the way he's in the office During all this time In what position Like As the local prosecutor Okay

He's still in the public eye That's crazy Yeah Like the next week he comes out He's like Oh yeah by the way guys I'm addicted to the office oxy cotton.

Oh. Yeah, so I'm going to rehab now. Wow. Tell you, this family has a lot going on. Yeah.

My family's pretty boring. My dad just bought a new tractor. That's pretty wild, isn't it? Mr. Murtaugh. He's addicted to Massey Ferguson's. A cruel addiction.

So anyway, so the dad is now recovering from a head wound and addicted to oxy cotton. Yeah. Next, they catch a guy his name it's some kind of like very uh almost like uh like a parody like raymond or leege swaggle bottom you know like a real like uh hillbilly kind of name okay you know

cleatis or um slaves were cool pleas or hates beeps you know all right so they catch him right he says hey yeah that's right I caught that that rich guy okay he paid me to shoot him

wait what yeah turns out the dad had paid this hillbilly to kill him you look a surprise

yeah because the dad took out a big life insurance policy so he paid this hillbilly to shoot him in the head on purpose

so the remaining son would get some money because apparently the dad is actually bankrupt. Oh wow. The dad's been like pretending like, oh yeah, you know, very rich. A hundred years in this place. He's just, he spunked all the money. On oxy, probably. I'm probably oxy in Chinese hookers, you know? A bad investments. You know? And, uh, so the, and the dad admitted this. So what happened to the wife and son? The dad's explanation now, okay, is he's like, yes,

I'm admitting. I paid that hillbilly to shoot me in the head. Yeah. I'm coming forward now so I don't distract you from hunting down the killers of my wife and son Right So this is all we know so far Okay What do you think's going on there Oh man, I don't know

You're throwing a lot of fucking That's a lot of shit there It's hard to digest And the theories are What's the theories? The theories I kind of believe is Someone killed This guy's

Uh, wife and son Out of like For some reason, we don't know Like debts or We don't know. Might have been debts, might be a mafia, whatever.

Right. And the dad was like, I'm so fucked here. Yeah. I've got one son left and I'm hooked on the oxies. I'm no good to him. Yeah.

The only thing I can do is I'll take out a life insurance policy. Yeah. Now, if I kill myself... They won't pay out. They won't pay out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I hired this redneck to kill me

and the redneck fucked up. He fucked up. And then ran away, okay? That's what I think what happened is. Okay. Some people think the dad... This is kind of silly, the dad killed his wife and son

and then paid a hillbilly to graze his head to make it look like someone tried to kill him for some reason okay where does the gay guy come into it who was found on the road

we don't know the police won't reveal the true extent to that but it seems like if I had the guess I think the son Timmy you know Paul A.K. Timmy was just a mess and he was just like drink driving hitting people

you know crashing his boat into people I think the son maybe he like hit him but he was still alive he was like

oh I got enough problem and shot him in the head drove off yeah now what about the fact

that the police are publicly coming out and going like we have very very almost

concrete proof that this gay kid it wasn't just a random killing it's connected to this bigger

case what about the family of the girl he killed on the boat Are they suspected? Oh, they're probably You know They're not rich

So, you know That's what I mean Maybe did they like Kill the wife and kid In a revenge killing? I've never thought about that Yeah Um

I mean it's a motive at least It's another It's another branch Of this crazy tree Now where did you stumble across this story How did you hear about it? It's been a big thing Okay

But it's been like It's been Boiling This is way more interesting and then Gabby Petito. Yeah, that's what I mean. So the whole thing is I've been kind of hearing about this, but it didn't seem interesting

when it's coming out piecemeal. Yeah. So when you hear like, oh, rich kid kills girl. Yeah. Like, okay. Rich family murder. All right, okay.

Rich man shot. You're like, okay. But when you put the whole thing together, that's when you're like, okay. What about the dead maid? Again, that's just another little thing. People are like, I think maybe dead made might just be dead made.

Okay. She might have just, like, died, but people just like looking at every, they're picking up all the stones now and looking underneath. Right. See all the dead maids and bugs. This is very interesting. I'll definitely look into this, but, yeah, I don't know, it's way too sporadic and all over the place, but there's definitely, something is a foot, good sir. I think something suspicious going on. Yeah.

Well, I'll look into it now. What do you think? it was just uh so do you are there any theories as to who

killed the wife and so? No no if I had to I would have to guess it's the dad did some dodgy dealings and some lads

came along was like you owe us money bang bang bang yeah and he was like I won't pay it what are you gonna do

I'd like to see you try and get back at me okay or maybe the dad was kind of like you know they shot a son he was gonna like

well I mean that kind of solves a lot of my problems yeah That's true. Because the sun seemed like it was going to be a liability. And it seems like if they somehow manage to get the sun off. Yeah.

From the killing the woman with the boating, he would be like, Oh, awesome, dead. I got to go to spring break. Another thing is like, yeah, he could have won the legal case, but then there's a civil case, which is always like pay out money to the families. And this guy's already bankrupt. So that's like, I can't afford to be paying more money

to make this all. go away, I'm bankrupt. So maybe, yeah, I don't know. That's just so funny, like, if it was the DuPontz, this would have been, like, solved. Exactly. The white woman, the women who got killed by the boat, the family will just disappear.

Everything would have been wrapped up in a neat little package. And then we get a Steve Correll movie out of it. What? What? DuPontz. Oh, yeah. Oh, fucking give me that. No, that went way over my head.

Yeah. I was like, what? Anchorman. Break down I love lamp Yeah I went over an hour Did we? Yeah

Oh fuck Alright Wow That really went by quick I go other stuff Talk about But fuck it Well what do you go

Anything pressing What are I funny little things Do you hear about Aaron Jones The football player He lost his dad's ashes No What was that He's Aaron Jones

He's an NFL player Okay And his dad died Over the summer So now he plays football With his dad's ashes in a pendant Oh, whoa

Yeah But he just lost it During the game And instead of being like Oh my God Oh no He doesn't sound like that Oh no

Where's my dad He's my dad He's actually Oh no He was just like Oh yeah My dad's out there Somewhere

I better find him At some stage But Why was he playing with it Around his neck I think it was like His dad's birthday Or something like

What an idiot He was a little So he wasn't like Carrying a full urn Like flave a flave Just like a giant clock filled with that That's just, yeah, boy!

What else can we talk about real quick? What about that footballer who's banging his niece? What was the story there? Did you see that? Oh, that's in Brazil, yeah. But again, like, that's like, oh, what happened? It's like Brazil. Oh, that explains everything.

Oh, yeah. Well, maybe to you, that explains everything. I've had, I spent time with the Brazilian people. It makes a lot of sense. Okay, yeah, all right, fair enough. It is, uh, Brazilians now, geez, they know how to harass a woman on the bus. they make the Indians look soft Indian suck at them

and think Very problematic views towards women You must not Very bad practice Sir Let me tell you Oh my God The Indians

Are they're a good budget folks Let's be honest now Sure yeah And the Brazilians are They're all good It's all good I love them all I love them all

What else? Boris Johnson admitted he had six kids oh he was always denying he was always he was always very cagey about like how many kids do you have prime minister he's like oh how long's a piece of string my deal

what yeah so he finally admitted it there good what else this is like a speed round now well I think that's everything is that a new notebook yeah it's a new notebook yeah

how many notebooks do you have you gone through since the start of this podcast a lot I like to write down my funny ideas. I got it from work, actually. Okay. Oh, didn't tell you, I made a sale in work. Did you?

Yeah. Oh, congratulations. Yeah, made a big, yeah. No commission. Okay. Yeah, that's fun. The fun thing about the companies, you don't give you commission,

because that might, you know, that might incentivize you. So, it's funny when you make a sale, especially because my company is kind of evil. Right. So, like, he's signing documents, I'm like, you poor fool.

Yeah, how does it work with your company? It sounds like a scam. It's variable prices. Yeah. So, you know the way, like, you know, all these boring companies are like fixed rates yeah you have to pay the same amount

every week our company is kind of a mystery box yeah yeah you might pay 12 quid you might pay 196 quid that's what people like

about bills like what's it gonna be yeah yeah spin the wheel it's funny because like he was like an older guy and he was like this seems like a good deal

I'm like yeah it is yeah yeah and like you can't really go into detail yeah I can't I'm just like I'm looking at his cat being like

you're probably gonna have to end up eating that cat Because things are going to go real bad for you, Mr. And I don't care. I like eating pussy too, brother. And I know for a fact, he's going to call me up in a month and be so angry at me. That's what you'll like. That's what you'll like.

You know, I'm just jerking off in the office. Now we're like, brine, brine, brine, dula, toler. We have a little bell to ring. Really? Yeah. Like in Wolfo Wall Street. You know what our office is like? You know, in Wolf Wall Street, when he starts off with like the...

The penny stocks? Yeah, with Spike Jones. that's what your office is like or like boiler room you ever see that? We wish it was boiler room Yeah you're nowhere near a boiler room Apparently now

We can end it on this But isn't there a big crisis Coming with energy crisis? Yes my God James Is it bad, yeah? It's really bad What's gonna happen? I'll say this okay

Rolling blackouts There was 70 energy companies in the UK I think two years ago Yeah now it's 10 Okay That gives you now That's less than seven No.

How does it work? I need the bell here to make me think. Let's get angry, start hitting my computer. And they're all in it and worked already used to it. They're like, just ignoring. Just it'll tire himself out. So, yeah, there's an energy crisis coming. Apparently, they're talking about blackouts this Christmas.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, all the little kiddies, you know. What's causing the... Multiple reasons. Okay. Number one, let's be honest, it's the Chinese. Okay.

developing countries You ever notice that anytime we go Hey what's the problem here What's the Chinese Like yeah they're really They really got They have us over a barrel When I'm with a girl

And I can't make her come The Chinese Yeah So one of it is developing countries Okay Countries are developing They want more energy Right

Like we want energy And we're like no The way it works is we take it all And you sit in your own shit that's how it works okay it's God's plan you have sex with a goat and we have VR technology

and we have the internet to watch a video of you having sex with the goat and I get to play WrestleMania yes I'm gonna make Cole Cogan fight Rick Flair oh Rick Flair got Me Tooed as well No what really It's a pretty silly me too

What is it It's one does me too It was like everyone knew about it Okay Because the thing called the plane ride from hell, you ever heard about that? Yeah, I think you mentioned it before, yeah, but what exactly? Basically, it's a thing where, like, they were flying somewhere, and they kind of got, like, stuck in the air for a while. Right.

And they had, like, an ungodly amount of drugs on the plane. Right, so it just turned into a party? Turned into a party, and there was, like, a bunch of stewardesses on the plane who weren't really up for a party. Right. They really had no choice in the issue, like. I think Rick Flair had his cock out and was, like, making women touch. shit and so they're like rubbing their face and they're going woo

so it's okay yeah Air hostess I like the way you dress but it's like everyone knew about this and it was just silly you know yeah waggle your willie on the face when they're sleeping you a bit of a laugh you cut her head off

woof if you say woo it's okay you go to her funeral and screaming her daughter's face And the dad's a big wrestling fan, it's like, oh my God, it's nature boy. He's given the eulogy. I cut that bitcher's fucking head off. So what are we talking about?

Oh, yeah, so it's the energy crisis. The energy crisis. Okay, so it's Rick Flares fault. The other, all the woo's take a lot of power on the woo scale. So another big thing is technology, big tech. So data centers, they take up an extreme amount of technology. It's just like, yeah, like just millions and millions of servers. Yeah.

It's just, yeah, yeah. So what's going to happen is, this is literally what's going to happen is, okay, big tech are going to use Ireland as basically a big toilet. Okay. And this is what the reports are saying, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're going to stick all their shit, you know, the data centers, they don't want in California, all right? No, of course not. They're going to stick all their big brown data centers in Ireland.

And they're going to stick out. you know Croke Park gone you're the Molly Malone statue they're putting a data centre in their tits you can put two in there okay so it's just going to be data centres everywhere

right okay probably giving all the kiddies cancer and it's going to use up so much power there's going to have no power in Ireland right and the you know the T-shocks he used to like you know

kiss Zuckerberg's arse yeah yeah it's actually great the fact that we don't need energy in Ireland love having data sent when Michael Collins would have loved this Jesus Christ

Do you know that I think one transaction of Bitcoins is the equivalent of like using up

two iPhones what really yeah how just because it takes so much energy and NFTs are even worse

really you know all the like carbon offsets you know that no carbon offset is when like you know

like you fly a private jet but you plant a tree oh right okay right yeah yeah yeah you plant a tree it's like that sorts it out yeah that's all been negated now oh they just don't bother anymore no I mean it's just like it's

let's say the help they've done by planting all those trees has been uh cancelled out like five times over yeah it's like a because of all the new NFTs and stuff like that so it's like a bandaid for a bullet wound kind of thing

yes yeah yeah yeah Wow They're literally shooting Mother Nature In the tit Yeah Shoving it right up our cunt Nature boy Woo

Mother Nature boy So that's what's causing it In the moment I probably shouldn't say this But like I've been seeing things at the moment And it's not things are You know

Really? It's bad It's really bad I mean like You know You thought COVID was bad Yeah It's gonna pale in comparison

Like The Blitz That's what I'm telling you now, yeah. Wow. Yeah. What can we do? It's going to be a perfect storm of, we'll lose all our power, and then the Chinese just come sneaking around. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, here's the thing, like, the rent prices go up, so you can't afford to live in the house with no power. It's just, it's bad. You know, the scary thing. Yeah. Things are going exactly according to plan. Really? This is what they want.

Who's they? What they want? Who? Oh. Oh, let's get, wait till the Patreon, people. Oh, I've heard about the new thing called the carbon credit cards. I have heard about this, yeah. Because I've been telling you, in the middle of the night.

Ringing me up at 4 a.m., James, the carbon credit card. The carbon credit cards, the new kooky idea they have, that's really cool and fun. Yeah. Where basically, they're going to punish you for the energy you use. Okay. Okay, so let's say You were a naughty boy And you left a light on

In the house Right Next time you try and use your credit card It'll come up Dear Mr. Cadden You have used too much energy Yeah And they won't they use your card

And don't you be able to use it Okay Let's see you're trying to buy you A kick card in a middle of the night All right And you can't buy it okay And you're panicking And you're sweating

You're getting angry all right And the Chinese guy in the shop Is laughing at you All right I presume Okay The only way you'd be able to use your card again there's no fact

keep going don't worry about that keep going this is stuff of read on the internet alright yeah yeah yeah you'll have to

buy a carbon offset there and then oh wow so you'll have to throw in a hundred euro to buy a tree okay in order to buy a

kitca Jesus Christ and that's the reports I've been reading I better go with a kit cat chunky then get my money

swirce huh go with the old multi pack my friend so that's what it is okay it's used for fascism yeah

yeah okay so what will happen is the big companies they'll keep fucking using all the energy they will they'll use even more energy now

because we're the sheep we're bailing them out yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you know what that's why I've been here that's my manager told me the manager told me

that straight from my face he said don't tell Cadden I was like how do you know the carbon overlords they've got a special plan for Cadden yeah I told you for

their plan as well. They're going to put stuff in your food that will make you stop liking like red meat and stuff. Really? Yeah, yeah. What kind of stuff? They're going to make you eat bugs. Yeah, because like...

If you eat too much red meat, you're going to a concentration camp. Again, this is the kind of stuff I've heard. Yeah, but it's like technically, I suppose vegetarians and vegans would use up less carbon or like, you know, they're more environmentally sound than somebody who eats meat. if you're a dairy farmer right now

you're better off killing yourself my father was a dairy farmer he saw this all coming he saw the future he did he saw an episode of Hong Kong fooie and he used to tell me all the time like genuinely he'd be like he was very um you know almost had a like this survivalist

kind of instinct as like is there all so like this is like back in like the early 2000s he was like when I was like playing snake on a Nokia 3310 is like he's all fucking addicted to technology. Computers now, it's all bullshit.

Like, you're going to just get, it's going to get it. He was very like Ted Kaczynski in a way. He's, you know, like the industrial revolution was a misstep and, you know, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, he's all addicted to computers. Like, it's, it's the land. That's the only thing you can really rely on these natural resources. Blah, blah, blah.

I felt your dad's going to be disappointed. Yeah, well, no, he's not. Because guess what? You know, who doesn't have to worry about the carbon credit card Or climate change or COVID. Dear old Daddy Cadden. He found the cheat code. He got a one-way ticket out of this misery.

Two tickets to paradise. Well, you know the whole idea of what he was saying about owning land? Yeah. Nope. That's all going to be taken away by the state. It is. Yeah. No, it's true.

It's bad. It's bad. And it's getting worse. But like, you know, I... But it may be. man you know that's just why you got to dance now you know we gotta experience life when we can yeah can't just sit around the room recording a podcast using up more energy oh no yeah we're gonna have to go and fuck a tree or something just to you know i gotta give my natural resources back

to the tree there you go mrs nature is that okay zuckerberg yeah i'm gonna photosynthesis this all over her tits. Anyway, me and you can pull a train on a tree. That'd be fun, yeah. I get a big, torn stuck in my cock. Yeah, and I'll talk about getting wood, am I right?

Yeah. There you go. Anyway, this has ended on that, I think. We're all doomed. What's got any plans for the week, James? I think, I tell you what, I think you need to start doing more stuff. Do I?

I think you got a bit more money in your pocket now? No, I don't. Are you saving a bit money and rent? No, well. So why don't you start?

I think you start splashing the cash a bit. Okay, like what? You're going to meet up with people and I've been making an effort now to meet up more people.

Yeah, well people like message you like let speed up No, I message them. Oh, do you? Oh, I'm telling you, I'm the one putting my foot out there they're not messaging me now.

Right, okay. Sometimes I message them, okay, and they're like, no. Yeah. And just for the crack, I just pretend they said yes. And you show up at their house. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm here for our play date. We're in our 30s. Yeah. My mom says you have to make me dinner. I want my juice bags. Yeah, yeah. So you should... You're right.

You're right. Look, I should do... There are many things that I should do to better myself, but... You should get on Bumble? Yes. I should get on... I'm banned from Tinder for some reason.

What? Yeah. You're banned from Tinder. Yeah, yeah. I have no idea why. think it's because there was one stage where me and the girl

I was seen at the time we were posting pictures of ourselves on Tinder together Oh and you're not allowed to do that apparently I don't know what I don't know

what the problem I think because it's a it's an app for single people not for couples No but we were trying to find like another couple like we were trying to like

have a bit of fun and Mr. Tinder You're not allowed to do that I don't know what was going up because I wasn't because I didn't You know here's the thing like yeah it's

it's an app for single people but if you got together over Tinder that's like a success story Yeah And we did They'd want that We got to be a

She left Yeah she left Yeah And then Tinder like Yeah you could post that We'll all laugh at you For being a loser Well I don't like as well is

So I got banned from Tinder Whenever I complained to it But anyone they were like You probably were abusing women Weren't you Brian That's what you do isn't it What did you kill them Did you tooler

You're digitally killing them Did you go into the Matrix? Yeah Yeah So no one's on my side like Wow banned from Tinder. You can't appeal it.

It's just like you're done. Yeah. That's mental. It's fucking Nuremberg. Have you locked up even like what are potential reasons to get banned? They're very vague just like, you know, for violating our policies. But policies like, you know, don't harass people and, you know. Yeah, you're, you don't, you're not harasser, harasser.

You're not a harasser. Yeah, no, I'm the opposite. I don't know why that won't roll off the tongue. You are not a harasser, Ryan. Something doesn't sound. Yeah, just sticks in the craw. Almost like subconsciously, you're like, I can hear the cries of his victims.

Yeah, yeah. So I went on Bumble a bit. It's not the same. Bumble is where the women contact the men, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. Some reason you're not working. No, you're not getting many...

No, but it's always... When I move to Dublin, they'll all be different. Yeah. Because, see, the problem is, okay, I'm normally bumbling with, like, Carlo women or Dundalk women. Right. Not my type of... women, you know? Right, right, right. But I think

there's a lot of freaks in Dublin. Yeah. A lot of, in the gutter, you know, a lot of rat women. Yes. So I'll attract them. Hood rats. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you need to like go up to like Bali Firmitt or Summer Hill or Sheriff Street and get the absolute, just

dregs, the dog, the pond scum. Just pull up in a van. Sewer cuts. The other way they're like, in America, they like pick up day workers. I just like, pick up like oh, come on, come on. Andalie, Andalee. Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, we're kind of falling apart here. We're going way over. We're going to way over. Yeah, Jesus, very doom and gloom with this one. Energy crisis, pedos. It's all bad. Bad news, my friend. But things will all start turning around, you know?

Yeah. Eventually. Yeah. Anyway. Cheers, guys. We're back next week. We'll do some funnies. You might do the Spider-Man movies.

No. Let's not do that. What are you going to get out of that? he goes Kipsu Kep'su Yeah Or whatever

The Batman The Batman The Batman movie Batman returns Maybe Because you got Danny Devedo there Yeah

Christopher Walk Oh sorry The Penguins Yeah Yeah I don't know Where that came from All right

What are we going to Next Got any food in this house Uh No Well I got like a Frozen pizza You can have some of that

Nah It's a chipper Around the corner Although what is it A Friday night A lot of hoodlums Hang around the shops at night

here and I mean not like I mean these are You mean people who like You know west side story They're just all like little Like north face jacket wearing scumbags on bicycles Would they make a comment

You know They would Oh I'd get back door I'd make a scading comment myself Like oh you don't go You probably dropped out of school Hey your mum's on the dole Yeah

She's probably on antipsychotic medication The Big Freak No these looked like they'd stab you to be honest I don't like walking around here at night man I was walking in a second I know you want to get out of here I was doing a sales call there

a couple days ago it was like an early morning one I was meeting a restaurant well actually you might get a deal out of him yeah yeah but I was walking around another person you're scamming I'm ruining his life I'm like hope you like having a restaurant because you're going

out of business soon let's just say you'll be ordering your food to go your girlfriend's got to sell her just to survive. To me. Yeah. That's part of my plane. My five year plan.

But anyway, I was walking around, guys just, like, proper early morning around Dublin, like, especially around the Keys. Yeah. Guys are just proper shooting up and stuff. Like, I saw guys, I saw people just swapping drugs

and, like, they were yelling at me. Yeah, no, don't. I was walking past, but, oh, what you doing day? You want to be careful, like, you know, you're not in Kansas anymore. I was walking along with my little clipboard. Yeah.

Morning, guys. No, no, they will, like, they will kill you if they want. Had my wallet fallen on my pocket? It's getting, it's getting way worse in Dublin. Like, it's bad, like, you don't want to... That's another bad thing, yeah, yeah, you don't... And that's what I was saying, like, you know, it's all heading... Just be very careful, Brian, because you are, you are a prime...

Oh, what you mean! Oh, beg your pudding! Oh, do you like the WNBA? Oh, are you familiar with... Russell T. David. fucking are you being served oh my pussy yeah no you want to be careful

where you're walking yeah they were yelling at me yeah yeah what were they saying oh yeah yeah yeah like that yeah dwarf saying proper English ah yeah folkin what

they looked out fucking no they were like oh like that at me and one way they were following me really yeah yeah now this is what

and I got into my little car and I was like fuck you yeah be careful oh that's what I might start carrying a weapon

yeah What weapon should I carry? Like a can of mace? No, I'm going to like a... Someone we know does that. My granddad's got a sword. Really? Yeah.

Like a what kind of ninja? No, like a navy sword. Oh, okay. Like a bayonet. Yeah, something like that. And we're going too long. Yeah, look. Let's end it.

Just don't get raped on the keys. You can't tell me what to do. Yeah, okay. You're good for the podcast. It would, yeah. We do an episode with your rapist. That'll be fun. Bye.