Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 150 : The Batman

Episode Date: March 13, 2022

No More Lies for the BJ Boys

And go. Hello everybody. My name's Brian O'Toole. We're back with the podcast. I'm joined by a little fella known as James Catton. A little fella. I'm so happy to be here, Brian.

And it's brilliant. You, yeah. It's me, little Jimmy Cairn. Yeah. It's a good start. I'm feeling very good. Big dog, cat. You're right, actually, yeah.

Oh, shit, he's become the dog. Yeah, so here we are. Back at it. Back again. You know what I like now? I like the paradigm where I can

talk shit okay but we all know if you wanted to you could crush my little head I let you have your little

moment in the sun yeah yeah let me like pretend I like how you you know you flinch

every time I scratch my head you know makes me feel good I'm feeling good we recorded a different podcast yesterday

that's right we recorded a podcast with Betsy Betsy Spear we did an episode of book, Bash, a returning episode. We're returning guests. Yeah, we're getting, people are calling us back now.

Things are starting to go well for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great, yeah. Nothing sells, says success. Like, record a podcast and a damp basement flat eating cold Burger King. Yeah, and I asked for that. I specifically asked. Thank you very much, Betsy. It was lovely. Betsy was like, should I give you a hot burger king? It was like, you fucking what? Put, leave it on the window cell for 20 minutes. it was good now I'll tell you what

there's one thing I've been thinking about a lot since we recorded go on Betsy if you don't listen to the podcast

Betsy said her friend fingered a dog yes now and we moved on from that that should have been

the whole hour that should have been that's the new podcast now forget bad book bash it's my friend finger

the dog episode 100 and it's Betty like kind of looking like

can you believe it you won't believe what Happens. She doesn't sound like that. Well, she doesn't not sound like that either. But I digress.

Betty's friend, the friend was eight years old. And, like, Betty, they were eight years. This are this, guys, okay? Yeah. I'm even, I'm trying to. Dog pushing finger, child. I can't even get the words out. I'm so. I want everyone at home to play armchair Frazier.

Okay. Pretend you were psychologists. Pretend you've studied Freud. You're getting those salad and scrambled eggs. Exactly. And listen to this, all right? So Betsy's friend, eight years old, grew up in foster care in Chicago. Yeah, Shy Town, baby. He comes to Betsy's state of, I believe, Arizona, or maybe Tennessee, California.

One of those dirt bag, white trash, scum holes, Toronto. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so. So he comes along, he's eight years old, he sees a dog, and his first reaction is, I've got a fingered at. Yeah. Now, do you think maybe something happened? It was Betsy's dog, by the way. And this kid who, uh, Casey or something.

Maybe don't say the name. What, Casey got to come and finger me now, is he? You're the dog now. Oh, no. Yeah, so this eight-year-old kid starts fingering Betsy's dog. And Betsy's like, what are you doing? And the kid was like, oh, don't worry, she likes it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so they all like it. So foster kids. seems pretty cool right now. They're learning the right thing. It's a bit like Harry Potter in the way, isn't it? Well, yeah. Now you just haven't been able to think of anything else. Haven't, haven't.

We had good time because, so we recorded the episode and things were going well. We were feeling good. Yeah, we're like, I'm on top of the world. Nothing can bring us down. Then we walk out, okay, I've parked now. I'm a bit naughty. Yeah.

I've parked where I shouldn't be parking. A private property we parked on. Well, I mean, I'm recording the podcast. This troglodyt obviously doesn't understand arts and culture. Yeah. Well, like, I've parked there before. So it's outside Betsy's apartment. There's spaces, okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A few spaces, yeah. So I'll park in one. Sure. Record the podcast. No problem. I've done it before, no problem. If we come out this time, there's a traffic cone in front of me.

Yeah. The guy has parked diagonally, he's parked deliberately in front of my car so I can't get out. Like, yeah, if you, basically he's, yeah, he positioned himself in a way that you can't reverse without hitting his car, you know? So my car is now stuck between a hedge and a car. Yeah. And on the side, he's got like something that's being typed out. It's like a printed out sticker that I assume he has plenty of that he put on your window and said this is private property. Like, yeah, whatever about like a traffic warden or like a fucking, you know, caretaker of the property.

This is just some random fucking Johnny Doogood Or coming along with it I've got my stickers You're not allowed to part here Because it's for me He also had a traffic cone up Yeah pretty heavy one This wasn't your lad's night out

Traffic cone in the taxi And a stag do This fucking thing Like I had to really shift it out of the way You know it was pretty heavy You notice I didn't even try to move it I was like I'll just embarrass myself and you That was the right call

I'm just putting it my ass shit's right so he also on the note he left a phone number to call yeah

and I was really indignant I was like I'm not gonna call that fucking number you just ripped it off so we didn't have the phone number

then because I ripped it up deliberately the little pieces all right I was like I'm gonna get out of here so my my idea was we just drive into the bush

yeah that bush is weak yeah there was a bush in front of us and you were like yeah just kind of but it's not like you were gonna plough

right through it just sort of nudge forward enough nudge forward enough to be careful at your end words

just to nudge it on a little bit there nudgers yeah Brian was being a real nudger

about the situation yeah nudger please so yeah but lo and behold this this this hedge

wasn't as malleable as we thought I thought the hedge would be mostly green foliage

it was mostly wood wood hard wood just like ripping through your little car's bonnet mushy A little weak soft car Anniolating it

Hit the back wall So yeah It kind of fucked up your Well like what happened is The I've looked at it now So what happened It must happen is

One of the branches Kind of got under a wheel Yeah So then when I reversed out from the bush It was pulling the car Yeah Yeah yeah And it's making awful noise

Yeah like Like so you basically It was kind of like Pulling But it wasn't just the bumper it's like the whole front kind of panel was being ripped from its hinges or whatever

yeah yeah like that bush fucked up your car big time it did and I was worried about that bus as strategy because then the guy came out yeah he came out I was just standing there like it's in the rain the picture this guys it's me in all of my glory I'm standing

there in the rain with a big hood over my head I probably looked terrified because this guy came out he was like mid-fifties to early 60s long hair you know a bit you know very nice shirt white hair he kind of the vibe of a guy

who like he's older a James May type yes yeah yeah yeah older guy but he's still a bit like oh no I'm I'm hip a little bit yeah I'm kind of like I'm cool in the fact I am old I listen to the monkeys what yeah you know

and then I saw her face all the money yeah yeah of course yeah yeah he kind of had that vibe. I guarantee you, if it was just me he would have come out and be like, oh, I'm sick of you, punks, okay? You people, you kind of swan around, taking you own the place. You know, I'm going to call the

police and I'm going to call your mum. He would try to be like that. Because you were around, he was all like, well. Yeah, no, he came out. It's like, is that your car? And I just made sure to go like pure like kind of retarded and angry at the same time. I was giving him like one word answer.

He was like, well, yeah. Is that your car? No. What? his car, not mine. He's like, well, this is private property. He was like, yeah, well, whatever. And then he was like, well, at least let me move my car. It's like, all right, yeah, move with the. Yeah, yeah.

He got in his little bitch mobile, his little pussy wagon. I was in my car. We were like, yeah, get him, Mugsy. Don't worry, boys. I'll take care of him. Yeah, let me at him. Where me at him? Yeah, yeah. So I,

I, uh, I shits he's up this geyser, he fucking octin his motor, and he fucked you off. That's up the apples and pays. Yeah, so he got his car, he moved out of the way. What did he say to me? He said something like Where are you from? Yeah, where are you coming from? Yeah, that's

a weird... What was that meant to be? What was supposed to say that, like? Maybe he meant which gaff were you, like, which apartment? Oh, I don't know. But he didn't say much to me now. He was still scared to you. Yeah, that's right, yeah. But you were wearing a Michael Myers mask. it's part of my new skin regime

skin regiment you know so yeah we get away from him we're just kind of laughing like oh that was silly yeah look he's married then we got your house we checked the bumper and it's like basically falling off

there's like a bird's nest in and shit there's a man in it his wife don't bring me back he's no fun at all I'll come live with you now

then we fucked her yeah yeah that's right A much like situation before It's like you did all the fucking I was like, yeah, get him Get her, get her, yeah Oh she doesn't like it Keep going

Yeah It's a fictional woman I was Casey and she was the dog You know what I mean But yeah so But your bonnet was all fucked up Yeah it's all fucked up now We tried to pop it in

Back in Because I thought it's like It's like jigsaw pieces Exactly like stickled bricks It wasn't going in No And I was trying to put on a brave face Like, hey, look, easy come, easy go

Hey, I mean, the things you own end up owning you, man You can't possess life You know So we went into your house We watched Crystal Mays for a bit I needed that to calm me down Yeah, yeah, yeah Watch a bit of Crystal Mays

A bit of Uh, no, I can't say Yeah, that's a good around Crystal Maze Crystal Maze They watched a bald homosexual And that cheered me up a bit Frolicking around

You know very clearly coaked off his face he's always like run around like oh all these puzzles and so little time oh hello

he spends a lot of time with the male guests yeah women guests he's like I told the researchers not to let women do this it makes it less fun that's Richard O'Brien

yeah big fan of Richard O'Brien I think he co-wrote the Rocky Horror Picture show you told me that and it blew my mind I'm still real and I can't believe that

I know for a long time people want to be the next Doctor Who I can see that Back in the time You're like What are you doing BBC And for some reason

Richard O'Brien I'd rather do Crystal Mays and Doctor Who Well you made the right call In my opinion I love Crystal Mays The things that could have been

Yeah Alas Alas But then's yeah So I drove home then It was so annoying me The fact that I've got Wobbly bumper

Yeah What if someone drives past Looks at that Yeah What if there's a bus Okay full of busty blonde Yeah Big tididish Swedish

Playboy bunny's like oh look at Brian's car the bonnish falling off hey floppy bonnitch ma'am you can't satisfy me oh yes don't shut up just give me a minute I'll get it right

double standards yeah but I stopped then I try to pop it in for a while like it wasn't going it's like come on Brian just accept it then I drove for like two minutes like no I can't accept it and I pop it was a bit of some twigs

inside it. Okay, it was kind of blocking it. I took them out. I popped in. And it seems grand. Right. I kind of don't want to test fate. Sure. But it seems, I've tried wiggling it. Okay. Nothing's falling off. Right. It's all back to where it was. You can kind of tell if you look at it, some parts are a little bit crooked.

Yeah, yeah. Parts are supposed to be straight, are now got a little like dense in it from tree, I imagine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From hedge. Your car got beat up by a hedge. Yeah, a squirrel sneezed it. but well that's good now at least you don't have to like take it to a mechanic or anything yeah we just hope that doesn't like fall off while you're driving i was thinking about that that's why you didn't like it wobbly yeah because if wobbly if i hit a speed bump wherever like they could have a chance that it goes underneath the car and i drive over it and that caused the car to fly off into the air okay yeah yeah yeah and then i do some cool flip well i don't know i'm not a mechanic. Well, I was actually

at the mechanic not too long ago. Okay. About two weeks ago to change my wipers. It was more aesthetically than, I didn't really even need it.

I was just like, you know, I've got some cash. Yeah, yeah. I'll go hang out some grease monkeys for a while. Actually, you know what? Swear to God,

it was a Carlow garage. Okay. Swear to God, they were listening to Richie Kavana. Wow. Yeah. Ian Fucklega, Fuckle 3,

Focalella. It wasn't on radio. Oh. It was CD. Yeah. Well, probably cassette. I don't think Ritchie Kavana

made the jump to compact disc yeah there's all that's all stupid that's for Jews yeah that's what

Japanese want us to do but yeah that was fun well as we was recorded we since we we recorded

we went to Clomel went to Clomel we saw a weird looking person in Clomel yeah remember that fucking green lady

yeah yeah Splatterponks I was scared of her Robo Pop too we We were walking, we did a gig in Clown Mill.

Yeah. Fun, fun gig. It was fun. I had fun. It was fun, yeah. There were all characters there. Yeah, to be honest, it was kind of a small crowd, and they were a bit quiet, except for this one table with Jimmy and those two younger women. And Jimmy was very drunk and shouting the whole time.

And he kept trying to, like, storm the stage and sing karaoke, even though it wasn't karaoke. He was trying to storm the stage. It was like January 6th, and instead of the White House, it was Carl Spine. but yeah it was fun you know it was fun and like carl spain fair play with me he bought us some food afterwards bought me a chicken burger yeah busted our chops a little bit you know it's funny he asked me what i wanted and some reason it's like i got so i'll get something small chips and you were like you know this is a metaphor here like give me a burger yeah and spain respected you and he's like here's your chips you just threw them on the ground on your hands and knees and eat them like

there you go chipped hard then he fingered me yes yes but yeah so we went to the chipper on the way there there was like women who looked like it was Halloween yeah I mean there was one in particular she was like a big lady

I mean height and width very big kind of had like mostly shaved head except for this like bright green mohawk was she wearing don't gris as well yes it was very and also I swear to God did she have vampire teeth

there might have been something like she had sharp looking teeth there was so many things going on it was hard to take inventory of the wall you know what I mean you just don't expect it had a chipper and Clon Mel also she was the only one like that

The rest were like wearing Gar jerseys and all You know It wasn't like they were like Get Away from me They were like this is what she's like Is this really what I'm glad I grew up my generation

I tell you know what would have happened If one of those were walking around Ballin back in the Tuller times, you know? Oh my God. What would you... I swear to God. Your crew, your squad.

Remember in the Irishman where he has the guy the flashback to the war? He makes the guys dig their own grave. And you'd hold a rifle just as a limply as a deigned Robert De Niro. My face is weird.

You try to beat up a shopkeeper but your mobility is very limited, you know? Yeah, like, man, it's like back of the day was like, yeah, there's the punks and the jocks. And the mods and the rockers. The freaks and the geeks.

Yeah. And there's like, but now it's like yeah, so there's like band camp and the chess club. And then there's like the turtle lady. She literally looked like Bebop and Rocksteady man. She was full on bebop rock steady like fucking bulk and skull from the Power Rangers.

In my head she's breathing fire. Yeah. It's fucking chariote. I thought she was going to attack Carl Spain. Yeah, we were hanging out with a bulbosaur in Clown Mell. Fuck.

It was a fun night though. I'm sure she's lovely. Sure she is. You'll embrace your inner cunt. Embrace your inner ugly freak. Yeah, yeah. She'll go to N-CAD

and it'll all be good. And I bet she's talking to us and thinking the same thing. She was like, who are these freaks? Are they attacking Carl Spain? We're like yeah, we're mugging Carl Spain.

Get us some chips, old man. Yeah, yeah. I wanted a chicken fillet burger you cut. Carl was good though, very funny and yeah, he was kind of busting our balls a bit. Oh shit, my car broke down the way back from Clomwell. Oh yeah, yeah, what happened there?

Jeez, your car's been going through the ringer. That's why... Your car broke down on the way back from Clondell and then you just went to the garage to get new wipers. Yes. Jesus Christ. You really are. It's just magic beans, aren't you? I think these wipers

when the engines fell out. There's literally just black smoke coming out and like, make it a different colour. In GTA I press a button it changes. When it wipes away the rain and it goes squeak, squeak,

I don't like it. It's bad for my... Make you sing a song. Make it sing happy birthday to me every day. No, it's my own fault. So what happened is I was texting someone

and I kind of been not replying because I was distracted by Carol Spain Obviously Yeah well who can blame me Okay Oh of course Imagine this okay

I'm with Carl Spain Paul Marsh and James Caden Yeah And this fucking bitch wants me to talk to her Love please you can't compete So what I was doing We were yucking it up And a chipper

I was feeling bit bad though So what I was doing was I was stopping on the way home From Clomel I keep pulling over to respond to a text Right, okay And then driving off again But what I did is I was I was replying to a few texts

Oh I left the car running for a while And then I turned it off Oh okay So I drained the battery Oh I see It was a while like you're texting You're sending like memes and stuff

I'll try to find right meme you know Of course Which cat meme says Brian What should Gene Wilder as Willie Wonka Be sarcastically saying That's a pretty old-school one now, but, yeah. You can't just remember Gene Wilder?

There was some good old memes. Yeah. Remember, show up and take my money? Yeah. Yeah, that was good now. But yeah, so I broke down. I'm always very impressed myself when I don't freak out. I have such a low opinion of myself that when I break down,

I'll just call the insurance company and I'll get someone to come out to me. I'm like, fair play with you, Brian. You didn't start crying and shitting yourself. You just start, like, lighting flares. Yeah. May Day. May Day. I start eating myself.

Like Franco and 227 hours. I just cut off my own arm for no reason. Because I'm holding the keys. I'm like, oh, no. They're stuck in the ignition. Oh, Jesus. But, yeah, so I've said FVD, very nice. Okay.

very nice and I felt so professional because I was like I knew what road I was on I knew I was between certain amount of exits so I called him up and he was like I was like I don't have any information he was like doesn't matter all he needs is your registration

we'll do the rest sweet took about 20 minutes I first said it take an hour yeah and I was like okay I call him up I was like I don't know why I told like

I don't know why I literally said I have money and they're like no it's you're covered I was like, you sure, because I got the cash? Well, I think I'm a deadbeat? I think I can't afford it. I might make more than you do in a year, you fucking scumbag.

Fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. So this came out, it was a nice guy, had a little bit of banter. Yeah. I still, I was still kind of like, I still was like, this can't be free. So I had an awkward thing where he was like, yeah, it's going now. He just kept putting money in his pocket.

Please, Mr. Otoe. Between his tits. It's G Street No, it was like a thing where he was like Okay, it's going there And I was like, good But I'm going to get into the car now You sure you're

Because it looks like you need something Yeah But yeah He was cool Nice, well I'm glad Got home That's good, yeah Loz of adventures of me

And then that was Clott and Mel We were on Galway as well Let's not talk about Galway What? I'm joking I'm joking James came fort I did

In the competition Oh, that's how you're talking about In your mom's day I stepped in my car So I think he's an idea I got I was very sick The next day

Paul Marsh was getting us all drunk Buying shots and stuff Yeah Paul Marsh was living like It was spring breakers Yeah he had dreadlocks And a grill and two guns Alien Yeah

But I'll tell you Here's a quick thing I want to say about Galway Is I think I might of it pissed off the northern Irish comedians. There's a few comedians from like Belfast or whatever. You always think you pissed off everyone.

That's kind of a mental illness you have. Being conscientious of fellow human beings. You're right. I'm an empath. You're right. I think I pissed him off. I'm like walking around kicking people being like, no, James, they love it. No, because I was like just, you know, you have eight minutes, you want to get a new material

quick, so I want to talk about mona. And it kind of, it comes from what Carl Spain said to me during my heat. So he was headlining the heat I was in. When I came off stage, he was like, you know, you talk about being from Monaghan, you know, a lot of people aren't too sure where exactly Monaghan is in terms of which side of the border you're from, you know what I mean? Yeah. So I just wanted to kind of like get to that real quick or get it out of the way. So I said something like, I know I sound like I'm from the North, but I'm not like any of those weirdos you saw earlier. I said

something innocuous and stupid like that. And then I was getting salty vibes. No, definitely no. No, they want to kill me. They've probably, You know what Protestants do, fatwa? You sent a Protestant fatwa out. I'll be dead in a week. You'll start a casino. It's going to be you. They weren't even Protestant, actually.

No, definitely. They're all sound. Okay, cool. They're all pretty cool. I was chatting to all them after we went to a pub after. Yeah, yeah, a few pubs. We were boozing it up. I kind of feel bad because Paul Marsh is buying us all shots.

I didn't really talk to Paul Marsh enough. I should have entertained them more. Oh, he was having, he was Grant. I know, but I should have done more. Yeah, you should have done more. Yeah, you should. Shut of. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got distracted. I was talking to these American ladies. Okay. Did they start talking to me? I'm not even sure why. I went to the, went to take a piss. Yeah.

And the way back, these Americans were like, there was a gaggle of them. Oh. And they were like, hey. I was like, hello. And we're from Penn State. As in Jerry Sandusky,

Penn State? I literally said, because I was kind of drunk, I only know Penn State for one reason. It's a bad reason. They were like, ha! And we started talking about Sandusky

and Joe Paternal. Wow. They were into it. That's great. But you know what's so funny? So if they were into, I was like, yeah, but I hear, like, Joe Paternal, like, he saw him getting raped in the showers, he did nothing. They're like, well, you know, it's, you know, I don't know about that, but I'm glad I took to the statue. But he did do a lot of good work for the school.

Okay. I was like, okay, but then I tried to segue that into actual, just regular sports talk, where I was like, so how are Penn State doing this year? Because I hear Notre Dame got a new coach, and they, like, are meeky, you're like, oh, you're boring. Oh, Jesus. And they did that thing was like, we have to go and they just turned around. Were they, like, college girls? Yeah, they're in spring break. Oh, wow.

They're in Penn State. It came to Galway for spring break. Yeah, I said that to them as well. Ridiculous. They were very dumb. They're idiots, obviously. I hope they're dead. Actually, it's funny enough, because the morning after, I was in a petrol station, I wasn't one of them.

It was, I was really hung over. I just, like, went in to get a bottle of water, and there was just, like, middle-aged American woman there. It's like, do you know how the gas works? And I was, like, hung over, was like, wait, what? Do you know how the gas works? I was like, no. and just like, she was wanting to know how to, like, pump petrol, but she, the way she phrases, like, you know how the gas works? Like, this is a fucking riddle or something.

Get out of my fish! And I swung at her, you know? As if it's like, in the periodic table, where's gas? Where's it come from? Explain this to me, sir. Yeah. Well, the only issue there is, in some states in America, I think nearly all of them have changed now, but there's some where you're not allowed pump your own gas. Yeah, yeah, they have to have, like, an attendance.

I think in New Jersey for a long, long time until, like, the last two years. I fucking hate that when you pull up in a four court and then some young cunt comes out and it's like, I can do it myself. That's only happened like twice. Yeah, and then I try to stick it in but it's all floppy. What's happening? The nozzle won't get hard. You gotta know how to treat it just right.

I happen in Applegreen actually a while ago there, a guy, but sometimes now, you don't know if they're staff or not. Don't worry how I am. Give me money now to pop the gas. No, this one guy, this is like bald-looking cuntor, right? He was like, I'll do that, yeah. And he was going to stick it in the hole here. He was being all jovial with me.

I was like, I don't know you, sir. He was like, oh, what do you want there? And I was like, what? Because he didn't say, like, hello, can I? He was like, I'll take that. Yeah. I was like, I'm being mugged here. I mean, it was like, oh, what do you want?

It's a bad choice. Ha, ha, I'm going to joking with you. You didn't have the right to joke with me. No, that is despicable. I want to speak to your manager right away. Do you have kids? Well, they're going to go hungry tonight because you are losing this job.

Ironically, they'll be doused with petrol. Oh, and here comes Mr. Match. It's like an episode of the Twilight Zone. We're almost 27 minutes already. Okay. Okay. This episode's about the Batman. Is it?

Yeah, yeah. So because it's 150 episodes. What is? This is our 150th episodes. Is it? Yeah. God, that's sad. So I talk, we'll talk with the Batman.

Yeah. Three things, okay. The Batman. Chisle Beach and Equis. Yeah, you know what the people want. Well, the cool cake, like, do you want to talk about Euphoria? No one likes that. No one likes Zandaya.

Only Pido's watch Euphoria. Even if you're under 18, you're just a pre-defile. That's what you are. A Pido in the making. Yeah. So maybe we'll leave Batman to last. Spoilers ahead for Batman. Yeah, I'm going to spoil Batman.

But we'll leave it to the end. I kind of feel bad because I thought you wouldn't mind if I spoiled it but now I sense a bit of not resentment I always get resentment No well that's always there

You know A little bit of a hesitation trepidation Worry fear Why are you talking to me Like Russell Bryant Oh hello It's cocky-locky cadden

No spoil the bad man I don't get a fuck It's fine really Okay well we'll do Chisle Beach first Okay So I want to get your take on I want to get

Why do you think the meaning of this is So Chisle Beach is a novel Came Out of 2007 Very well regarded This is so weird Nominee for Booker Prize It's written by the guy Who wrote The Good Son

The Good Son Yeah Remember the one It's McCauley Culkin And he's evil Oh he's a little Yeah he's like a psychopath But he's only like 10 years old

Yeah same writer And it's Elijah Wood as well Exactly yeah That we're episode about that That'd be fun yeah But this is not that You know way that would be fun this is not fun

this is Chisle Beach so Chisle Beach it's Florence and Tom Florence is Already Sirsher Ronan okay Oh god And Tom is generic

Handsome foppish British Young Hugh Grant type Oh terribly sorry Oh I've knocked over your violin Oh I've grabbed your tits Oh I do apologise Oh I've been caught with a transvestite hooker

Oh dear So Chisle Beach Okay it's about this young couple they meet yeah but they both got kind of when's it set 60s

okay maybe 60s they're like have you heard about this new Elvis guy okay 50s then

I'd say maybe maybe yeah there's another guy uh what's his name the guy who he was

he was filming women on the toilet oh Chuck Berry Chuck Berry they love Chuck Berry yeah Johnny be good yeah exactly

so they're in England okay very stiff upper lip kind of family okay but the boat got kind of weird childhood so the guy

Tom okay his mother is a little bit. I was going to say spastic, but I'm going to try and be a bit more caring about the mental health and all that. So she's a mongo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A mega mongo, right?

No, she's a little bit mentally ill. Okay. She walks around naked a lot. Okay. And the father has been like, oh, honey, please come back. Hello, I see the future. She's walking around with her tits out. Nice. Nice tits? There's something about older women's tits. They're kind of nice

sometimes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's Like, you've seen things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A pair of tiddies that, you know, can rest on your knees. Yeah, it's kind of like Antiques Roadshow tiddies. Dickinson's real deal. Yeah, yeah.

And then Sertia Ronan's character, Florence, she plays the cello, but her dad's been touching her. Okay. We find out later on, yeah. Right. So they go, they get married, but it's like young lovers.

It's like, oh, I like you, I like you. Let's get married straight away. Yeah, yeah. And Tom keeps trying to bust. I'm only 14. I'm not getting any younger. So Tom keeps trying to fuck, but she's,

Florence always like, oh, oh, I have to go make dinner or like, oh, oh, I forgot to turn off the oven. Yeah,

there's always something, you know, okay, like, oh, you know the way these brolards can be. Or she's like,

oh, hey, let me break off a little piece shall do some sweet for daddy, yeah, what are you saying? Yeah,

yeah, he's like, oh, your mother's got our tits out again. He's like, oh, that old excuse. Yeah,

well, that's what's getting me going. So they get married To go to a little hotel on Chissel Beach It's a place in England, okay? Right They try to have sex And

He, what happens is he puts in like He's like, phrase like Is it in yet? Yeah I think it's in She's like no I think it is Eventually it goes in

He's like It's too good Ugh Jizzes straight away Really? Yeah And he pulls out And jizzes it on her leg

Alright And then she sees the jizz And then she sees the jizz Reminds of her father So then she starts screaming And she's like Don't look at me Don't look at me

And she cries and runs out The hotel Well Then they go to the beach All right And she's like I can't have sex with you Okay

I can never have sex You always want to have sex With your wife I can't do that Let's just have A platonic marriage Wow That's awful

And he says no And he's selfish Okay Okay What? Yeah Yeah No

Yes Yes Look at you Oh, society. And you know what, if it was the other way around, if it was the dude, it didn't want to fuck the woman. Everyone, every cosmopolitan reading code would be like, Oh, no, it's so depriving here, her of her basic needs.

You go, girl. She needs that cock 24-7. Yeah. So, um, they, they'd be married for like 10 hours. They'd get divorced. Nice. Okay. A bit of a Brittany K-Fed situation.

Exactly. Next, we cut to like, 30 years later. Yeah. Tom is now working like a record shop. He's got a black girlfriend now. Whoa. Only 10 years later, you say?

I think 30. Oh, 30. Yeah, I think it took him some time. Yeah. Even still, what is that, the 80s? I'm like it's a record shop, you know. It's a bit like smoking dope and stuff like that. Okay, right.

He meets a little girl. Turns out is Sertia Rona's daughter. What the fuck? Yeah. Well. How'd that happen? The immaculate conception, I think not. So then we cut to

40 years later Tom's an old man now and he's alone and he sees a poster for Florence's final cello show cello is that how you say? Sure. Violin show, okay?

Well a cello is like the big thing. She plays cello, okay? So apparently she's a big celloist now and she's doing her final show. So he goes to it and turns out it was the shallow that got her pregnant I thought that child's face

had strings on it you hoar so then he goes to the show he sees her on stage they make eye contact a single tear comes out the end of her or him

both now what's the meaning of that why would you write that or direct it yeah and I liked it by the way oh really I kind of like films

have no real meaning and just kind of like happen but so what they never addressed How do they... Is they never find out like who... No.

Okay. Right. I don't know. Well, what's the meaning? I don't know. Is it... You watched it. I didn't.

I don't know as much as me. Okay. Is it something about... Let me just trying to make a pull it out of my ass, okay? It's about, you know, sometimes we let sex distract us from a more true or love. Okay. And sometimes we need to be more understanding of someone. Instead of just divorcing, he should have.

stayed around for 30 years so until she finally learned how to yeah so I guess like the reason he left her is because he wouldn't she wouldn't let him smash and then he's alone at the end he's alone at the end and he also like can't stop thinking about her because he goes to her fucking

cello thing so it's kind of like yeah pretty much what you said he let sex kind of distract him so much that he lost out on true love but also because she's so repressed yeah sexuality the target's way it's got free by the way that's great that's why you liked it

when's the sequel I want to see the spin off with the dad just got her out I can't get caught oh look at this he's back do do do do do cat touches

and he's going to America and he's going to America you can tell by the way I walk I'm a woman's man no time to talk and maybe you could say something about who cares?

I guess I mean there's the fact I suppose the argument is sex intimacy that type of stuff fades over time

and it's sort of like maybe he's also like the grass is all as greener that kind of thing is like what you could

have had you know we always come back to that yeah it was such a short relationship

and this old man it's like it's all he can think about this could be the one yeah

because it's the one he didn't smash yeah he smashed all the one that got a

no he did fuck her though he put it in he put it in jizzed that's a fuck

a lot of women don't count that though if you put it in one thrust and come immediately on their leg yeah they're like that wasn't great well you know I blame BuzzFeed for that

putting ideas and all these broads noggins oh you deserve the 12 inch hog hitting your back walls he needs to be deep dicking you while flicking the beans

simultaneously if you're not seeing a bright white light as you come and lose the power of your legs for a day and a half afterwards, honey, you need a new man. Mom, please stop reading this article out loud, okay? We are in church right now.

Look at the levels, man. I'm building on it. It just gets crazier, man. Yeah. Let me add something to that. No. So, Chisel Beach. Yeah, Jizzle Beach.

Yeah, that's good, yeah. Oh, right. That's a joke. I try to add something. I'll stop, I'll stop. This is why I didn't come forth. Yeah, I got the coveted fourth prize. I didn't get anything.

I agree with Jason Roach actually. I'm on his side now. I'm doing his competition. Enjoy your barbers drink virtues. That was the best part of it. Having that, when a cider touched my lip, I was like, yes. That sweet explosion of apple alcohol. Yeah, Jason Tears.

mentally ill man who probably shouldn't be bullying tears he bullied us first yeah yeah that's not true whatever

who cares but yeah so Chizzle Beach yeah Chisle Beach um that's that and that's that's that

I have to get professional head shots done I've been told why for the because the prize I got was a slot at the Wild Roots Festival

oh yeah so the professional head shots doesn't really mean anything no I know but I just have to It basically said, it can't be, like, just a picture of me on stage. Like, basically, what all of our Facebook profiles are.

It has to be, like, I have to get legit pictures where it's just me looking at the camera, one smiling one, and one serious one. I wish I could remember who. I've got head shots from a few people. Yeah. Always shit. Yeah, I actually detest having to just sit there

while somebody takes pictures of me. Actually, I'll take it back. I hate it. Colin McGintzy? McGlint, call him McGlinchy McGoochy

he took some pictures I'm your hoochie cochy me he took pictures all right but remember like the first time I was like

newish in the comedy yeah and oh it was a dank bass spin to say don't worry all the comedians

are doing this now drop trow there it's like you know you're near the end of Zodiac where he's down

he's down the basement yeah yeah no um with Charles Fleischer

Fleischer Was that a stare? No, I remember like There's this guy Who, I think he pulled up him rent a comic He was like, hey, I'll do

Headshots And I was like, Only broads, Big Titty Broads Yeah, but I was like This is an investment 500 euro It's a steele

I'd be a A rube nutta So then I remember He was like He was like Yell me here, okay I remember the gig later on that night as well

Yeah So I was kind of hoping Like he wouldn't take forever Right I was like all these artist types You know He might be like You know

Take 100 pictures Yeah the position of the sun Isn't right Yeah But we met up okay And I was like Where we're gonna do He's like

Let's do it here On the street Yeah He was like Give me the money He just takes out A flip throat There you go

No he takes out He walks away Do I get the picture Oh That's extra pal that's extra you should have read the terms and conditions

no like he just like took his photo out and he's like stand under the street lamp yeah okay click but it's not even on yeah

don't worry about that we'll fix it in post yeah they ran away yeah never saw him again Hollywood you know that's that's showbiz

for you there's another cunt actually a few cunts have fucked me over oh god no there's not another guy I remember he was like

oh I've got a studio we'll do it really nice we'll have some fun pictures okay I was like yeah I might do that yeah you with a rubber chicken and a Groucho Marx mask yeah yeah and I was like oh that'd be fun he was like yeah I'll get back to you never did oh well hopefully

he's dead hopefully yeah it's another guy no this is this a long road this could be its own podcast you get me started and Paul people who fucked me over episode one yeah

they'll fuck me over the midwife in carlo hospital was Puerto Rican I didn't sign up for that yeah oh yeah okay fuck

maybe we'll do we'll do Batman actually maybe Equist I think might be a bit too long okay let's just do Batman okay

so if you haven't seen the Batman you know we're going to spoiler yeah yeah so the Batman and I haven't seen it so this will be a spoiler

for me this is going to fun originally it was going to be written directed and starring Ben Affleck Okay Can you imagine that

That's But he's already Batman No that's what He was going to be A Batman Ben Affleck movie Years is years ago Oh sorry

Before Batman v Superman No after that Yeah After that Yeah But isn't he still Playing Batman In like that franchise

No Well he kind of Give up for a while Yeah And he's doing the flash But the flash He's playing minor role. I just can't keep track of

all of this. Yeah, there's a lot of Batman. Let's get too common. This is focus on one film. Too many Batman. The brochures said there'd only be a few Batman. This is a terrible franchise. So, let's focus on the Batman. I was going to talk about all the

canceled Batman Project. Yeah, please don't do that. We originally going to get a Batman Beyond movie with Darren Aronowski. I remember Batman Beyond the animated series. Yeah, that's pretty cool. The intro music was pretty sick. that was pretty sick I actually rewatch that

I actually I didn't rewatch it myself a cousin of mine was watching it he's kind of got into a little bit Batman Beyond

yeah yeah I was like yeah fair plate yeah and just watching it'll be I was like

I was like yeah it's fucking good yeah I'm like Terry McGinnis yeah Brian

you have to go to your job now in go power I want to watch Batman Beyond Batman

Batman yeah what was his name the new Batman Beyond Terry McGinn Terry McGinnis. Sorry, you did say that.

Listen. No, I didn't know who Terry You said Terry McGinnis. It could be anyone Yeah. It would be a guy or no. Is that Martin McGuinness's brother? Ah, what about you know? I bought man beyond it. Forgot about the Redlar. It's the fucking Protestants we have to worry about. They're the real

scourge of Gotham. I'll tell you, you have a lot of fun with this movie, okay? Because they filmed it in Liverpool and Scotland. That's two places that have voices. Yeah, they all, I guess, because they wanted a really gloomy depressing aesthetic. Pick the biggest shit hole in the world

Liverpool. Then sprinkle some Scotland in there as well Jesus. And the Joker in it is fucking Barry Kogan. Yeah. So we got Dub Joker. Yeah, yeah. And we were having fun with that. The Joker comes off. Alright, I'm glad man. Could you give us your fucking utility belt? Gives a shot of it out.

Yeah, fucking he-ha. I've a master plan for you, Paul, yeah. You'll be gotcha fucking rock. Rock, Batman, the Rock man. You know what I mean, yeah? Yeah, yeah. New verse, a pile album coming soon, boys. Yeah.

Batman, the Ratman. Looks like a fat man, yeah. And this could go on for quite a while. And you're going to hear a lot of that. Because he's going to be the Joker now in a few movies I like Barry Kogan a lot by the way

I think he's great I'll get to Barry Kogan later on so I will say I watched this movie I was kind of expecting I let myself have hope you

this has been a recurring theme in the last while if you're like oh this movie's gonna be great and then you come out in the cinema fucking shit and you were very angry

about the Batman I wasn't I was annoyed to the extreme I was perplexed this was another don't luck up situation. You got very angry. But I can't down. I think the

length is what really, it's like three hours long. That is fucking long. But it doesn't it's very weirdly paced. When you watch this, you'll notice like it's all you know in most movies have like subplots and like other things going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is very like A, B, C, D. It's just

Batman does this. Yeah. Therefore he does this. It's all nearly always focused on Batman. Okay. You barely ever focus on any other characters. It's called the Batman, Brian. Did you not pay attention, asshole? Yeah, sorry, you know. I get what you mean, though.

It's like never deviates from him or shows other. It's very unrelenting. But with that, just with all the Batman stuff, also with the tone, it's very grim. Very dark and moody. Very moody. A little bit, right on the edge of like being silly, you know. Okay.

Like, they're playing Nirvana. Yeah, well, I remember the trailer. I've also heard a lot, it's always raining. Yeah. A lot of rain in this movie. It's very little levy. and that's grand okay but when it's three hours of that

and this is not when I went to the cinema a lot of kids in there I don't understand how any kids could enjoy this really or like really like be like oh yeah imagine a kid

he loves like a Lego Batman movie and he watches this yeah bit of a difference okay like they say fuck in it oh really yeah the whole plot is

the riddler is Zodiac right he's like doing is he like killing people and leaving little riddles But he's killing powerful people who he believes are corrupt and of light, so he kills the mayor. Riddle me this, riddle me that. The rich man dresses like a bat.

And what of that? They're not even like fun riddles. It's kind of like, oh, what's blind? Justice. Yeah. What's always low and gets even lower at nighttime? My serotonin levels. I'm very sad.

Nah. Kind of like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, he's going around killing people and it's like disturbing saw stuff. Like one guy, he puts his head in like a basket full of rats

and the rats eat him. Oh, that's horrible. Another one, the Riddler kills him by just bluddering his head with a big fucking rock. That's a little less sophisticated. Yeah. He's kind of running out of ideas.

Actually, yeah, the Riddler, a lot of people he kills, like blunt force to the head just like you know rock to the head stone to the head oh my devious plan come to fruition

splat with a big brick cross the face he's also like riddler and this he's like a weird mask like I am kind of like you know

I am the Zodiac he's like I am the Riddler he's like leaving like literally he leaves what do you call in Zodiac those kind of like they're like crosswords but they're all like

squiggles and oh yeah it's like a cryptics it's like a cold thing. Yeah, there's a specific type of... Yeah, but he's leaving those exactly, yeah. Squiggles.

Yeah. It's Mr. Squiggles. It's the squiggler. Hello. It's made the squiggler. Oh, you're all in trouble now. So, Riddler's killing all these people, powerful people, okay, because they're corrupt.

And that's hurting, and everyone else is scared. Love other people are corrupt in the city of Gotham. Oh, yeah. So now the Batman's helping Commissioner Gordon. far along is the bad man. This is a year two. Okay, so he's just kind of... Yeah, which I like. I like, we don't see his parents get shot around him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, let's start with the positives. Okay. So, the cast are all very good. Yes. Robert Pattinson? Yeah. Great. Yeah. Very good. He plays dark and weird. Very well. Yeah, but when the whole movie's like that, it's a bit too much. But he's very good. Yeah, yeah. He's kind of a creepy

Batman. I like that. Yeah, I like that. He's weird. Yeah, because think about what it is, like a rich guy dressed in leather beating up homeless people. Yeah. It's kind of weird. I'm sure about Bill Gates is there. But I mean, like, you know what the Nolan movies, a lot of them as well.

They like to show Bruce Wayne's going to pretend to be like the dumb, foppish playboy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is fun when Christian Bale does it, but in this, he's very like, he kind of doesn't know how to be human. Right. He just kind of stays in the dark. He's like, Alfred, leave me alone. Kind of like, in-cell, Batman. He's on A-chan all the time.

There's one catwoman, you whore. Look what she's wearing, smelly bitch. He literally does think Catwoman's a whore later on. Really? Yeah, well, so he kind of like sees this lady at, he's investigating the riddler, okay? Goes to the Penguins nightclub. And it's Burgess Meredith, reanimated.

Yeah, we spent so much money on the CGI, but it's worth it. Where's that Joey Kravitz, son? Let me have a piece of her ass. You're a bum, Batman, you're a bum. So the penguin is played by Colin Farrell. Yeah, in like a fat suit and makeup. Now, what's funny is, so that was meant to be Jonah Hill.

Oh, okay. So basically producers were like, hey Jonah, we need someone to play a big fat freak. And we taught of you. So you guys want to give me like weird makeup? No, no. Just a light, really. Just shine a light on your face. And that's as repulsive as we need.

Maybe clean all the crumbs off your face. Now, in your contract, you have as many donuts as you want. but Jonah Hill's like Can I play the Riddler? Okay They're like Oh let me check the script Is the Riddler a big fat freak

There riddle me this Hardy squeeze into that tight suit Yeah So Jonah Hill said no Okay So they got the paint He's also not that He's not like he's war dogs fan anymore

Like he's lost a good bit of win It's a he obviously So wants to not be the fat loser kid But that's always what he's going to be to everyone. It's a weird complex, I imagine. Yeah, but also he seems to like getting fat sometimes. Almost like it's like, look, I still get fat and lose it again. Yeah, yeah, because it's kind of like, yeah, you get fat, and then you lose the weight.

It's like, awesome. And then you're a skinny guy. It's like, oh, people don't like me anymore. I know I'll get fat and lose the weight again. That's kind of when people love him most. Yeah, he's like, wait, I'm skinny and I'm wearing my Hawaiian shirt. It doesn't have the same vibe. Yeah, yeah. He's kind of got a weird. like surfer beach bum thing going doesn't he? Yeah, skater surfer kind of vibe

So anyway Back to Batman Colin Farrell Yeah, he's a penguin He's fun But he does a real like I didn't touch the guile Like he's doing like

That kind of level of acting Right It's silly And it's fun But it's kind of Kind of doesn't match the movie Okay But I wish there's more that

They keep trying to make Batman real It's not real Yeah they try to make it As like gritty And grounded in reality as possible but at the end of the day he's a bat man

you can make it as real as possible but then you see him like swinging around and you're like yeah silly yeah yeah yeah yeah give me Adam West yeah exactly um so what was talking about um oh yeah so like he goes to the penguin's

a nightclub okay sees a waitress and she he finds out that she is connections to a woman who was killed and he follows Zoe Kravitz home okay and he like watches her with binoculars while she gets dressed and he's all like

she's part of my investigation Alfred you're looking at this I certainly am I prefer the vanilla personally but whatever floats your boat I'm glad your father's dead bossed away

so yeah we see some pokey's okay yeah she has some nice pokey's yeah but anyway but then later on okay, he finds out that Catwoman, okay, I'll call her Catwoman from now on, Zoe Kravitz, has a connection to a mob boss

played by John Totoro. Okay. And Batman's all like, how are you connected to him? What do you do with him? What did you do? He's all, gets all angry. Do you let him smash?

Has he seen the heavies? You fucking whore. And then she's like, he's my father. Well, what? You mean he? And you? Yeah.

But John Titoro is a And you're I know I know Hey it's me John Titor That's not what he sounds like at all I couldn't even attempt to do

I thought I was like Hello I am John Tataro Oh hey it's me Elon Musk A Kee G John Tuturo Hey how's it going Do you remember that Jesus rolls Yeah

John Tatoro he's good as well But he's doing a real like Family It's more important than family Because this is family He's didn't seem godfather I don't know This thing about us

Yeah We also find out Just a nice little twist On the Batman mythos Okay Turns out this Godfather type character His name's

Falcone Okay He had connections To Thomas Wayne Oh okay So in this universe Thomas Wayne Ran for mayor

Okay No he wasn't corrupt But Falcone Was trying to corrupt him Okay So there's a journalist going around who was trying to leak

stories about Marta Wayne turns out she's also a spastic what she was a mongo she spent time in Arkham oh right

yeah because she was mentally ill so this journalist is going to leak this to the press okay and Falcone was like hey I can whack him

for you yeah and Thomas Williams like don't but Falcone did it anyway whack the reporter yeah

and he was kind of like hey look everyone will think yeah it's a little bit too much serendipitous isn't it

like he was going to tell of how your luny bin wife was in the straitjacket her arms all tied up and then

the orderlies would make her go bobbing for apples keep the mouth open you know what I mean that's what happened up in Arkin with your spastic wife

but he was going to tell everyone did you ever see Nightmare and Elm Street part three they were going to turn her pussy into dream warriors back you know

did you get to reference I made there. Is there a specific part in Dream Warriors? Yeah, what was that? That's where we find out the origin of Freddie Kruger was his mother worked in insane asylum

one time... Got raped by a freak? By, I swear to God I think they say like 50 inmates. Wow. All took to her... It's some silly number like that, yeah. The security guard really dropped

the ball there. I think the storyline is she's a nurse there and actually locked her in one night. It's a very silly movie. It is, yeah. But anyway, okay, so So anyway, it turns out So Falcone did this

He's like, hey, I did you a favour Now you gotta do me a favour, sunshine Yeah But Thomas Wayne went to the police straight away Okay And that, that very, no, he was going to go to police And that very night Shot

And she was shot too Yeah, it's the same as regular Batman movies Who takes a loony, a loony tune To the opera? You know, you're meant to be all quiet And respectful And she'd be, dh-ehah! Where's your peanuts?

I want peanuts! Yeah, I think he was like, I'm going to go to the press, but I got to do the opera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's a kind of... Very inconsiderate. That's a little twist to the Batman mythos. Okay. We're getting this.

Cool. So, um, it then, it's just Batman walk around solving riddles for a while. Not much happens. It's very seven-like where basically the riddler just gives himself up near the end. Detectives! Basically like that, yeah. So he gives himself up, and it turns out the riddler was doing all this because he's an orphan. Oh.

Little orphan riddler Booh-hoo Why don't you grow up asshole But he's a big fan of Batman So he thinks he's helping Batman How? By killing corrupt people

Yeah he's like Yo I get You get the criminals With violence I get them with my smarts No you don't You bludged them to death

With bricks and hammers Yeah but I always tell a riddle Before I do it See I'm in Mensa I'm just going to get my note I've made some notes about the Batman

So then It's Paul Dano right Is the Ridler But he's basically doing You know that movie Prisoners Okay He's doing that Where he's kind of like all weird

Yeah it seems like Everyone in this movie Is either weird or retarded Or doing a different movie Yeah Yeah So yeah Come on Tuler

Get the Nottley's trying So hard folks To get his notebook Out of his bag I keep dropping it Yeah Yeah This is the wrong notebook

Set down Put the mic down No no I have two notebooks One for the podcast One for more Kind of general ideas Your manifesto

Yeah exactly Your avenge Well speaking of manifestos That's basically what the Riddler Isn't this Okay So he started an online community Right

Yeah Yeah Like 4chan Kind of 4chan Yeah And he's got all these Followers now Who now like

Carry out his bidding They all have opinions About Zoe Krabbits Yeah I saw your dad's dick and it was too big Yeah, yeah So the Riddler

Okay He gives himself up okay But then it turns out He's planted bombs Around the seawall In the prison? No, around Gotham City What, oh the sea wall

Yeah I don't think that's what it's called That's what they call in the film Really? Yeah, I never heard the term for Sea Wall It's the levee Isn't it?

They say seawall in this movie It's where to God So he blows it up And the whole city floods Oh, okay So then Batman He's got to fight all the Riddler's followers. But, like, he can't swim.

So he's wearing those, like, water wing Arban things, you know. He's got, like, that inflatable tube around his... Help me, please. A little rubber duck. Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes snorkeling. So, um, let's just go through my notes here and see.

Is there any questions you have about the Batman? I mean, I, yeah, okay, so, like... There's very little Alfred. Yeah, Andy Circus. Yeah, he's only... for like two scenes. He appears in it and he gets blown up by the Riddler. He survives, but he gets blown up.

Now, Barry Kogan, apparently he had a scene that got caught. Is he in this at all? He's in the very last scene for the credits or maybe this penultimate scene, but you don't even see his face. It's just the Riddler is in prison and there's a guy

like, hello, maybe we can join forces. Yeah, yeah, right. I'm a friend. Okay, well, look, I just I'd like to see Barry Cogan doing well, you know. Yeah. Yeah. He's not on the street, you know. Yeah, he's not back in Summer Hill,

slinging rock. So, yeah, that happens. There's a few weird things there. So I mentioned to say, fuck. Yeah. There's a lot of, like, intrigue, like, political intrigue. It's like, oh, my God, the DA might be corrupt.

The DA wouldn't be corrupt. What about the police? Who can we trust? A lot of stuff like that, where it's like, I don't think kids would really be like, you know, oh, we can't trust the DA. Now, did you, because I just remember you,

when you literally you're just Batman is shit and you were annoyed now you kind of calmed down on it like what are why did you hate it

so much was it the runtime the runtime the lack of shit going on the real just like is it boring at times

it is boring yeah even people like the film I think you can't deny the fact that you could cut out 40 minutes

it is yeah so much is this Batman walk Batman's very slow in the movie okay

he do a thing where he kind of walked around slowly like cowboy almost he's like you know and they all

all the space dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun just constantly

yeah oh so it's bad man in the hisie keeping

the jiz with lizzy it's frizzy no none of that there's a weird thing where like

they do drugs in the movie but they call them drop heads the drug is drop how is it

administered with your eye oh okay like eye drops yeah like eye drops yeah

so there's all it's all drop heads around the city which is kind of like just say you've already said fucking shit

yeah why can't they be like crack heads yeah but this is like it's a no it's a cool and is it

like what kind of effect does it have on you just get you high but like do you become erratic violent

no you know anything cinematic that doesn't happen oh okay it's like even the car chasing it's

like it's good but like a lot of this Batman just kind of hit someone I'm kind of even lose energy

just thinking about it yeah yeah it wasn't great also very weird so there's a kind of backdrop of

an election going on in the city against the kind of the kind of Republican white man. Yes. The hero. And the democratic black woman. Young black woman Okay. Wow. This is very weird. This is how the movie ends. Okay. Movie ends.

So the Gotham is flooding. Yeah. And they're like, Mrs. Mayor, would you call her Mrs. Mayor? I guess. Miss Mayor. Mrs. Bitch. Tiddy Mayor. Yeah. Cunty Mayor. Get over here. They're like, Miss Mayor, we've got to get you out of here.

And she's like, no, I got to. got to give his speech I got help the people she goes out to give his speech okay but there's those like riddler followers with like machine guns all like perched it's very real like they're all got real

guns and they're all standing above her okay to sniper and they shoot her in the chest like and then Batman's got to beat him up and it felt very January 60 it felt very like the guy who shot up

um comet pizza Yeah, or like Las Vegas or any of those things like it It felt very real Okay, right And then Batman beats them up They're like five

Just regular guys though Just like They're just Twitter trolls basically Oh right And then Batman beats them up And that's the end of the movie Does he kill anyone Because not the whole thing

Batman never kills people He doesn't kill He doesn't use guns or anything like that Pussy-o bro Man's a pussyo and ting Yeah So then he decides that He's going to stay here

And help Gotham Because it's all flooded now Yeah But he's not just going to help them As Batman He needs to help him as Bruce win as well. Okay.

Through charity initiatives and fundraisers and hot dog eating contests. Teacher bomb to swim. Yeah. You know, but yeah, okay. So then, I did like the end of the movie, he's helping, um, like, refugees and stuff like that. It's kind of like a nice little scene or he's helping people. It's very, you don't normally see Batman doing that.

He's finally learned to be human. A little bit, yeah, exactly. You've got it. You've got it in one. Yeah. And then, but Catwoman's like, I'm getting out here. Well, cats don't like getting wet, you know. this pussy don't get web

unless there's something in it for me and he's like what? Ew. Ew! Get out of here, you. Yeah, so Catwoman leave. She's like, he can come with me and he's like, no, I'm going to stay here in the city. Yeah. The city needs me.

The scars, they're not just on the outside. They're also on the inside. Lame. Now, does he do a silly voice when he's Batman? No, he doesn't actually, he doesn't do the... That's the only bad thing about the... Christian Bill. Yeah, it's really bad, isn't it?

It is. It's very annoying. He just, and you know what? It's like, when you hear this one he's just doing like a regular

kind of voice we're like oh wow really emphasised how bad that dark night Batman was makes it very silly

yeah very silly he's a good Batman all around like does a very good bit Pattinson does

where like so Alfred gets blown up okay and he's been like non-human the whole time but now he's kind of

like oh no Alfred's dead oh I can't clean the house myself it's massive

oh please wake up Alfred please I don't have to hire a Mexican come I can't trust him

Senior bad man We clean a bad cave But we have loose Your precious jewels You goddamn border chopper Give me my money asshole So he kind of like So Alfred's in the hospital okay

He's like He kind of does a cool thing where he's kind of like A little split second of emotion And he kind of comes off almost constipated Where he's like Mm-hmm You're like Like

like it's kind of it's like so alien to him the fact that like he's a little bit upset you know he's like gonna push it down push it down good yeah he's very good now I have to say I'd love to see more these characters I liked all the characters even though like

Paul Donald Riddler not given enough Alfred not given enough Zoe Kravitz it's so serious because she's looking for her friend okay so whole time she's like my friend's dead

oh my friend's dead dead oh my dad's evil oh just the whole time now one criticism i heard about this and i you know it's obviously going to be from the biggest loudest retard but like um me yeah but like you know apparently there's a real oh they bring up woke shit that and that ruined it for me apparently they just talk about like white male privilege or something there's one bit it's kind of glaring bit where it's kind of funny because she's like you know come on batman we got to stop these white privileged A-holes. Okay.

And I, if you want to say, yeah, I was like, rolled my eyes a little bit, but the reaction in the Carlo

Cinema, yeah. I was almost a little bit like, Jesus. Really? Yeah, there was like,

such an audible, like, ugh. Yeah. Like, such an like, ugh. But it does

feel very contrived and tacked but funny because she's talking about the Italians. Yeah. That's the,

they're talking about Falcone. It said, the wops are the white privileged assholes. These Denny

Wop, three small pieces of shit And our white privilege Yeah Oh, it's Columbus Day Shut up Yeah

Looking back on it I don't think I'd watch it again Maybe there's a few scenes I did like Batman's a real detective in this He's like Examining crime scenes and that Okay

Yeah I uh And there's a good few things in it There are like references That like are made for people like me Right Yeah But I was kind of like

Oh yeah It's right That's a reference to a character Who appears to comics What I'm supposed to do with that? I still have to sit here for another 90 minutes. It's like they're like showing me pictures of food being like, look, you hungry?

You have Disney sequel? There's a bit where a Batman, he gets barred a bit too hard, but he takes out this green stuff and he checks himself with and then he gets like royd rage. What is that? That's venom juice. That's bane juice. Where did he get bane juice? We don't know. Oh. We have to find out.

Now is it violent? How violent is it? Is it violent? Is it sexual and violent? Do they get blood and jays mixed up together. Surprisingly, there's no jays in the Batman movie. Disgusting. Or blood, really. He does hit people...

That's the only white washing I like. He does hit people pretty hard. Yeah, yeah. But apart from that, not really. Always a weird thing. Alfred is a maid. Yeah. Alfred has an old lady maid.

Yeah. What are you doing, Alfred? That's how rich Bruce Wayne is that even his butler has a Butler. The help has helped in Wayne Manor. I think she's Irish. Oh yeah? I think he names like Harry. She's like, oh, hello. Just imagine the absolute abuse Alfred must give her, because he feels

you know, subjugated and marginalised and lesser than and locked down upon. So then he gets this old toothless Irish bint from over the fucking border. He just kicks her around. He just kicks her around. It's like, get up the stage. You smelly

out. Fuck off. I'm glad. I'm glad your baby's in a fucking septent tank and chew them you old rancid bint get up the stairs and clean the fucking attic cunt I'll fucking do you in

you little muggy cunt is everything all right Alfred oh yes sir just fine just step tending to the help you've got to break them in

yeah yeah so that's the batman overall it's something that you Probably what, I think you best off watching this while you're not in a cinema. Yeah. When you can, like, you know, eat some pizza and look at your phone for a bit. I do that in the cinema anyway.

Yeah, I come in. Did anyone order pizza? Yeah, over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring it over here. What's up, baby? I don't want the anchovies, so they're all yours. So there's plans for two spinoffs, two TV spinoffs, HBO Max.

Oh. There's going to be a police series set in, uh, Gottham, but the cops. It's going to have Commissioner Gordon in it, played by... Well, I'll just name the black guy in it. He's cool. Oh, I can't think of the...

I'll look up for a second there. So one's going... One's going to possibly focus with Commissioner Gordon and one's going to be a penguin show. A penguin show would be kind of intrigued just to see, you know,

Colin Farrell in a fat suit having fun. Because, again, it's a spoiler, but at the end, Falcone gets killed by the riddler. So a penguin takes over. So he's kind of... Falcone's lackey.

Oh, I see. Okay, right, right, right. So now, and because it's, Gotham's all flooded, uh, you can, he can use that to his advantage now. Because penguins can swim. Yes, okay. Uh, Jeffrey Wright is, Commissioner Gordon. Oh, I don't know who that is.

Actually, one of the riddles in it is literally something like, oh, oh, yeah, it was like a rat with wings and they're like, oh, it must be the penguin. And later on, they're like, falcon, falcons also have wings. That's the level the riddles are. That's stupid. I thought it was going to be a cool thing with the end, like usual suspects thing, where, like, everything the Riddler did at all, like...

Ties up, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was one funny riddle thing where, um, uh, Riddler caught off someone's thumb. Oh. But there was the code for, uh, oh, yeah, he caught off someone's thumb and put in the car and it was called for Tum Drive.

Well, like a flash drive. Yeah, so then they found the flash drive. That's a catchphrase. You say what you see. There's a thumb. Chop. off in the car. Is he a phone drive? He bloody is

Karen. Well done. You've got pride. Fair play to you. Catchphrase is awesome, by the way. I love catchphrase. So the two TV shows. I remember his time about the police show. He doesn't like me ever talk about catchphrase. It's always about

Batman's and Spider-Man's and Doctor's. I want to talk about catchphrase. We'll do catchphrase next week. Roy Walker was a revelation. He should have been the Riddler. Okay, so there's the Penguin Show and the Cop Show. Yeah, okay, but then also there's movies, of course. Okay.

So the other characters want to introduce, Mr. Freeze. Okay. I like see Mr. Freeze in this world. There's really, how can you make Mr. Freeze not silly, though? That's the thing, though, because he made it so real, you fucked yourself. Yeah. Because when you want to introduce Mr. Freeze. Yeah, it's like there's no way.

that that's not going to be retarded. They have to make it so scientific they take the fun out or it's just like a guy with like a fucking ice cream.

No, literally they'll do it like it's a guy with like liquid nitrogen or something like that it's like oh it's fun isn't I just want to see Barry Kogan as the Joker

I just want to see what that's like hopefully get him we're going to get a catwoman spin off as well I hear they want to bring in the court of owls I don't the court of owls

what is that they're a secret society of owls like Moloch The Owl Grove? Yeah, that's where it comes from The Hemian Grove shit Yeah, that's where it comes from

Okay Yeah This is like a newer addition To the Bat mitos Okay What do they do The owl people The owl people

They run the government And all that Of course But what they do Is they're like All rich old people They're very weak But they have assassins

Oh Yeah And they carry out their deeds Right okay Talons Like the claw The Matthew Talon The Matthew Talon

So they've hired a bunch of hot press article writers. We're going to take down Gotham with a spicy article. Secret societies are always fun, you know? So that's all I can really take out of the Batman. You know what? Not complete shit. There's something there. I'd like to see more sequels.

I'm definitely going to watch it, but I don't know if I'll... And you know what? I didn't even ruin it for you, really, because it's more about just seeing... The performances. police and all that yeah very fun also they

for some reason the other way in the wire yeah did you have the actors didn't kind of tell who is just actually it's

Baltimore people sure yeah yeah yeah you know and you can't you can't act like that Snoop yeah yeah

yeah snoop in the wire in this is a few people playing cops you're like oh you're not like a few people they've got weird voices

one guy I laughed out loud and was like this guy did he win a contest I can't replicate the voice it sounds

is so cartoonish She'd be like, hey, commissioner. Oh, we got, we saw something that. It was, like, so, like, silly in this serious scene where they're going through, like, the Riddler's, like, plans and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It felt like he was, like, someone's adult son who never left the house. Nice. Yeah, so, oh, also, Hush might show up.

What's Hush? Hush is a villain. They reference him in the movie, because remember the... Ah, I see your face. No, ah! Hush, he's like a childhood friend of Batman, okay? Well, of Bruce Wayne. Of Bruce Wayne.

He also had rich parents and they died, but the twist is... He killed him? He cut the brakes. Okay, why is it called Hush? Because, um... Why is he called Hush? Uh, it kind of sounds cool, I suppose. Oh, he likes secrets and stuff.

Okay. Right. Good. Yeah, I don't know. They were feeling a bit lazy that day. Yeah, evidently, yeah. The villain, he's called, uh... Squeak.

He's called Baddy Man. I'm Baddy. I'm a bad man. Yeah, I'm a wrong one. I'm always up to no good. I see a dog in the park. I just kick it.

I don't care. There's also, this hasn't been confirmed yet, but they're working on the Arkham Asylum show. That'll be kind of like an ontology show. So just like mongoes in an asylum? Yeah. Sweet. Having fun.

Yeah. The lock of nursing there by accident. Was that what happened to Harley Quinn? She was a nurse in Arkham right? She fell in love with the Joker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That good Joker, that nothing will fuck you better than a mentally ill freak.

Oh, man, we might get in somewhere now, in some sequel, we might get Barry Kogan, banging Margot Robbie, full penetration. Wait, yeah, wait, hang on, what about the rumour that Robert Pattinson fucked Zoe Kravitz on top of the Batmobile? I see... And, like, wave the gun.

gun on set and like threatened to kill the director and didn't and didn't lose weight he got real fat did it yeah I heard that yeah

he's Batman fat in this he is important I tell you he's not in any way he yoked he's kind of he looks like me yeah I just like ran a little bit

it's just like really skinny and scrawny he kind of skinny look and emaciated look yeah he kind of

swear to God like when he's walking around he kind of looks like you can very easily take him down yeah

yeah okay it's a weird why that then why not bulk up get you know but everyone on Twitter's like yes my hero

he didn't do what he was told to do yeah he didn't do a very good job yes there's like yeah launch array models now that are 400 pounds oh yeah that's you know that's hot let's see now um Peter

Starsguards in the film I don't appear on the front of a magazine with my shirt off because nobody wants that right and I know that nobody wants I don't need to be told and I don't feel you know miffed or

or bent out of shape when somebody says hey you know people don't actually like that like now you know some big fucking 400 pound galou with a fucking oxygen mask

fucking breathing heavily with her tits out and I'm problematic if I can't get hard to that immediately but anyway what we're saying I'm trying to go with Batman

yeah sorry yeah Anyway, yeah, it's like Catchrays and Fat Models That's all I have saved of Batman And we've just hit the We've gone over the hour there Yeah, yeah, yeah So yeah

Actually, you know what, I've talked myself into it I kind of liked it Yeah It wasn't bad You tell you what, if you cut it down It's good I think just a three hour one runtime unless you're doing something very

You know, special There's really no fucking Unless he got loads of shit going on Yeah Well, it really wasn't that much shit You fix up the riddles You make that better All we're going to say is well

When you brought Barry Kogan Apparently originally he was going to be Like a Hannibal Lecter character Where Batman would go And trying to help from him Okay interesting But they cut that Because they're going to save it for the sequel

Right, okay So the sequel's definitely happening then Oh yeah How was this movie received critically quite well I believe? A lot of people like it People have comments on the time But a lot of people have been transported

By the And financially, how's it done? Very well very well yeah not as well as the other Batman movies but you know the pandemic and all that also this is going to be on HBO Max in like next week yeah yeah so I'm just waiting for that then then you get a good copy I'm just gonna download it you actually use a copy downstairs but it looked really bad it was a cam I can't watch cams it kind of fucks you yeah it's just I can't it's very bad look at the princess I demand I must have perfect picture and audio quality

yeah anyway let's uh let's wrap this up and we're gonna hop over to the Patreon okay I have a feeling

the Patreon's gonna be very fun this week oh yeah yeah we're getting juicy oh lots of stuff yeah

yeah yeah I can't even remember well Equis we talked about Equis Daniel Radcliffe did Equis got his cock out as 17

yes you want to see that head over to Patreon you want to see underage Harry Potter Cock follow Brian and

James we'll lead you the way Oh, and it's not illegal Somehow Ari, Ari, put your knob away You're only a child, Harry I'll get in lots of trouble I will

Harry, you dirty beggar Get over here Oh, it's Cracker Yeah, yeah Anyway, so that was fun All right, cheers everyone, bye Goodbye, goodbye, baby