Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 152 : Away with the Drunk Fairies

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

Brian gets gay for Napoleon

Right, it's a free one Who gives a fuck? That's right Yeah, we've been drinking He said that like five times now Yeah, this is how I motivate you Don't give a fuck James You all the fuck to me

Giving who cares Keep drinking more I will keep drinking Yeah You know what, I'm drinking coffee No, I'm going to open another can You're a pussy, have a beer I have to have my caffeine

If I want to be funny Well the thing is like There's no pressure now Because we do the Patreon episode Patreon episode was great It was Patreon on, that's in the can now.

We can just, you know, it's kind of like, you know, you're going to work. And the first hour you try, and afterwards you kind of like just start wanking. Yeah. I'm fired right on. But his new job as a tour guide is going to be very interesting. I didn't realize you were acting like it's a big deal.

Like, I've never, like, um, quit my job. I've just this, I've never, like, told him I'm quitting. I didn't think it was a big, well, the lads on Sarah's, they were acting like I raped a child. They were like, you what? You disgusting. Well, it's just, because they're all in jobs where like they're, you know, the kind of jobs they have is like you really need to have. Surgeon.

Yeah. Protector of children. No, like, you know, they need their good references and the good career history. They can't just, basically it's pretty common practice to give two weeks notice. For squares maybe Oh, I just hop my motorbike Come on, Susie, get on We're going to go to

Debt Mountain Yeah, yeah We're going to Hollywood You're going to make it as a model, babe And I'm going to just live off you And it hit you I'm going to be in the NBA I'll be the first fat white guy

To do that You think I can't? Oh, how ironic, Kobe You think I can't do it? but yeah we're feeling good we've been drinking a little bit how are you being getting on I'm all right yeah a little liquored up you know what's this episode going to be about

this is going to be a very loose one here yeah I mean I watched I tell you now we can talk about I watch ready player one why because I was going to watch the Oscar movies and I got confused and distracted so I watch

it's like I need to watch 23 movies at once so I'll watch ready player one Is that the whole thing with that movie They'd just like reference a bunch of old movies Yeah man It's so embarrassing It's you know the nine thing is

It's that oh by the way The live show is coming up Who gives the fuck? 24th of April Hapenny Buy your tickets on the line Yeah Our lives are on the line right now

We were just talking with this Like we know a guy And he's a real like He's a seller just naturally Yeah Just always grinding And grifting Stealing

Scaming old women out of money And pensions Yeah, that's the grind, isn't it? You know, taking her medication, that's the grind right there. That's what Kevin Hart does. He steals white ladies' medication. He was in Belfast there. That's right, yeah.

Kevin Hart just popped into a random comedy club in Belfast. Not even a good one. That's a pretty good one, I think. I mean, but for his standards, you know? Yeah, but that's the whole gimmick. Well, I assume he was doing a bigger show, so he didn't just fly over to do what laveries or whatever it's called. Yeah, I suppose you're right, yeah. He's like, you have a gig, please.

You know, I gotta, I gotta perform right now. I'm sorry, who are you, Calvin what? Kevin Bridges? Is it Calvin Bridges? No man, I ain't no Kevin Bridges, I told you that before. Please give me on the stage, I belong up there. To cancel me from the Oscars, this is all I have left now? I'm doing the Irish comedy scene.

I'm sorry, you said what in a tweet in 2011? A dollhouse? Let us just hate speech, good sir. Wait till Kevin here is what they call Protestants up there Yeah I love that now Like Kevin trying to make it in our scene now Yeah They're actually kind of cunce and we're like yeah

Yeah It's the only scene is like no other scenes like this Yeah yeah that's right Yeah What are we talking oh yeah so ready player one Yeah yeah yeah I watched that and we watch deep water Yes I watch deep water

water. So we can talk about that. I watched a movie for the podcast. Yeah, you... It was very weird. You text me, you be like, can I do something?

Yeah, yeah. Well, you want me to do something? I'll do it. No, because you were off like going to retard farm school with your daddy or whatever,

so I had time to kill. Yo, daddy, I don't want to go to farm school. Yeah, they don't get there if I'm what, listen to the Patreon episode. Well,

Brian's retard dad shipped him off to retard farm school. There, they caught up. Let's before we go on to the movies let's just do a few little small things here so

I'm drunk by the way yeah well I'm kind of a little bit drunk as well but who cares you haven't paid for this so we're going to get in a car we're going to start screaming we've been watching the man show and drinking beer we have we have this is so funny because I think

there's a lot of people in the scene that like have a picture of what we do yeah and right now we're pretty much ticking all of those boxes we watch the man show which is just Tits and Joe Rogan And Noel Edmonds You watch a bit of that

Yeah Yeah We're out It's great It's on her own Some wrestling in there We saw a shack wrestling

We're just like We are broing out right now You couldn't get any more manny It's too much testosterone We'd get more mannies If we were men Yeah Yeah yeah

If you weren't bitch boys That's right Well you know what men would do They'd bring some smelly girls In here and ruin our fun With their vaginas and opinions just harsh in my

boss you got a twat full of opinions that's what you got and I don't like it get out but please love me but get out

yeah in that order so yeah what are these you're gonna do some things I'm gonna say some stuff I've got some topics here before we got into the movies

it's going topics so first of all see Mihal Martin went over to the White House and got COVID did he? Yeah, he almost gave COVID to Biden Really? Don't know so funny

If he killed the entire White House Hey man They let Michael Flackley in here Man, Lord of the Dance man He gave me him and corn pop Coming in here Give me COVID man That's crazy

Yeah, well imagine if he killed Almost like the interview You know that The set Rogan movie He just killed the entire White House My fellow Germanians Arnicious

But yeah he went over there it's so raged for him because the last year he couldn't do you know the whole the party's day the perk of being T-shock okay

you get to go over to the White House you go over there you give him some shamrocks you eat shamrocks out of the president's asshole I believe is the yeah

like Leo brought that in well that's probably wait oh oh have you heard about the homophobic thing no you should know

about this I've stopped subscribing to homophobia weekly no daily baby yeah so weird Meho

Yeah Well, that's that then That's that Let's go on I want to get your opinion This okay Again, this is a very loose episode

So I'm gonna calm down now We got a bit too wild There I'm calming down All right All right Hey I'm chill Nice and chill

This is ASMR All right So You know The Healy rays Yeah So on the healy rays In the doll

You got an argument With Leo Leo Leo Marr I think I did hear this He used The term Airy Fairy

Airy Fairy, yeah. Okay. Now, that's a Kerry term. Yeah, that doesn't, that's not, there's no gay connotation to that. Airy fairy means kind of, you know, fairies when they're prancing around. Yeah. And sucking cock. No, airy fairy just means kind of like, you know, silly or daft or wrong.

No. But you know what I mean? Like, airy fairy is kind of like just. Yeah, it's a term you wouldn't even think about, you know, usually. It's like you're away with the fairies. Exactly. Yeah. Way with the queers.

No, but that's more in terms of like the folklore, Irish folklore, the fairies, the people that live in the trees or whatever. What was the whole thing with fairies? But there's a big, for some reason, Kerry and that whole region is a big fairy kind of mythology. Yes. Where have you heard of fairy hills? No. A fairy hill is like a hill with one tree on it. Okay.

Why do they call it a fairy hill? You're filling the blanchers. You're sucking off that tree. Yeah. And then like the whole thing about They're bringing the fairies like Let's say if there's like a weird spot of road That's kind of slippy

Okay That's the fairies Yeah so there's a whole thing like that Like the Irish folklore mythology is like Oh the fairies will get at you or whatever There's really no way to say any of this now Without signing like a whole phone Are you go to San Francisco

They're all over the place Harvey Milk He was the way of the fairies Yeah yeah The fairies took came away for good. Yeah, well, my brain's going over the place. Okay, so now people are coming at the Healy Ray.

Yeah, and it was very awkward. So this happened, okay, now, context. They're talking about environmental stuff. And they're kind of getting a bit of an argument in a doll about this. Leo and the Healy Ray. Okay. Right. I forget which one.

There's a whole, like, there's a whole, like, they're fucking like the Corleone's. Okay. There's a whole... Dynasty, man. Yeah, yeah. yeah so of course the healy ray is a very anti-environmental stuff because they think that's anti-farmer yeah yeah yeah and he's working towards his base you know he's trying to like you know show off like hey i care about you guys i'm gonna fight the man here the fairy man all right and then he used this and people were saying that like he knew what he was doing okay okay okay that was a bit more it was a little bit like uh nudged nudge wink wink like okay like you know the way you always like if i say like hey boy that's okay but you know you know know, if I emphasize, you know, a certain one of those words, all right, yeah. I don't even think the way you said, hey, boy, there was okay.

I think you think it's okay, but I don't think it is. I see it all the time. They love me in those scenes, you know, when walking around the hood. Hey, you're away with the fairies, boy. My man, chibble with the fairies! No, they don't like that. And that's why, that's why I lost my open spot for Kevin Hart. yeah so okay so now there's kind of like oh he knew what he was doing yeah so he went on

it's the thing where if he just went like ash i didn't know i didn't mean that the end okay but he went on joe duffy oh no and then they got in a big argument then about it was joe duffy yeah yeah and then he tried to make a link between the healy ray try to make a link between like dyslexia and like homosexuality wait what yeah they kind of and your ears pricked up yeah I was like, finally. Dad, dad, get in here. In the Venn diagram, it's me. Okay, so the Healy Ray was like, dyslexics are gay.

Yeah, he was basically like, I'm sure I'm dyslexic. Yeah. Sure, he's a queer, I'm dyslexic. We're saying, peas in a pod. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Joe Duffy got a bit flustered and he kind of got a bit, he didn't come off well anyway. Yeah, sure.

Yeah, that is a bit, that's what you people do, though, you dyslexics. You try to, you try to, you try to wear. worm your way and it's like oh sometimes big words are confusing so I know

all about a parsite and we're trying to make children dyslexic that's their so a very early age trying to give them

dyslexic propaganda bad spelling hormones yeah oh Jesus oh we're having fun um

oh were you talking with Harry Milk there oh my brain's fucked right now I'm a little bit tipsy Have you heard about the Twinkie defense The Twinkie defense Yeah I think that's it there I know in the movie

It was Josh Brolin Yeah Yeah yeah yeah I think the guy The real guy in real life He tried to use At the defense okay Let's see if you can

Side with him all right Okay His defense is he had low blood pressure Or blood sugar Yeah He had low blood sugar He ate a twinkie And made him a bit mad

Wow Yeah That's why he shot? Yeah. Why did he actually shoot him, though? Ah, because, you know, but let's be honest. No, but, yeah, I don't even remember. Gay.

Was he, like, in love with Harvey Milk, though? Was that the thing? I don't think so. I think he just didn't like gays. Oh, okay. But he was like a, what was he, like a cop or something? Yeah, I haven't seen the movie in a while. I try to watch this in Michael Rice's house and he wouldn't let me.

No? Yeah, I wanted to watch. I remember one Christmas that came over. I was like, let's watch milk. Yeah. And they were like, no, Brian. He shouldn't have went to his house on Christmas Day. I keep trying to tell you that

And you just won't hear it I'm not going to stop No evidently not He's in the out of the country Now he lives in London You're still showing up every Christmas morning I've got Harvey milk on Blu-ray

Come on It's just Michael's brother Like Home Alone And it's me and you It's the wet bandits Fasin, wash and rest of Fusson Yeah

Okay, do you want to move on another topic Go on But oh yeah So he got COVID anyway. Mihal Maron. Oh, Mihal got COVID. Yeah, he got COVID.

So he couldn't go see the president. Right. So sad. That's hilarious. And he's got to do a lot of stuff on Zoom now. He's got a lot of like UN stuff and like, you know, G8 leaders. I hope he gets caught wanking like Jeffrey Toobin, you know. Oh, Jesus, no.

Oh, you're away with the fairies, boy. Goherly, fairy, quiet. Queries. I actually, you know what's weird. Like, he is the T-Shok, all right? And he's probably the T-shock. I know least about and I've heard the least. Like I've heard him in like, you know, snippets, okay, like sound bites.

But I've heard him very little. Actually, I was driving one time there, I think, to a gig and I listened to him on like Today FM. Yeah. And he was like a 15 minute interview. Most of heard him talk ever. Yeah. I've never, like, the only time I've ever really sat down and listened to him is when he's like telling me whether I can go to the pub or not. Yeah.

Well, can I go get a point, can I? Yeah. Master. You fascist I'm just your boy, aren't I? I'm sorry, boy. No pints for you. Yeah.

Yeah, so let's move on another topic, okay? Go on. Brittany Grindr. Have you heard about her? Oh, I thought you were going to... For a second, I thought you were going to say Britney Spears has transitioned and is now on Grindr.

But he's kept the name Britney. You know, Brad recognition. Yeah, no, Britney Grindrinder, okay? This is what happens when you let her out of the conservatorship, you know? She runs mad. All these women that are getting out of there, like Amanda Bynes just got off there. You know what? I will love everyone those women like burnt down the hospital.

And just the dad's like, so I'm the bad guy? Well, well, someone owes, you won't mean an apology, boy. Yeah, me and Dan Schneider did nothing wrong. Wait, so. Brittany Grindrinder. Britney Grindr. She's a WNBA. NBA player

Yeah, female NBA player Very good Considered one the best now Right She's been arrested Okay She's been held in captivity In Russia for over 40 days

Why? Because she was smoking a weed pen Oh like a vape thing Yeah So she went over there Okay I think she was playing basketball In Russia

All right for a little while She used to be big in the WMBA She went over Russia Okay She got caught with weed pen she's been trapped Yeah, they can't get her out At the moment, okay, it's interesting

At the moment, the American government are trying to get her out but they're deliberately trying to not make it a big deal. So they're trying to go like, yeah, I mean like I'm glad you coughed there. Sorry. Yeah, well I'm talking with Brittany.

Yeah, go on. So they're trying to be like yeah, I mean, we'd like her back if you want to give her back, we don't really make it a big international instance okay? It's why it hasn't been in the news that much. Right, but you've been doing

some digging. Oh yeah, I mean, I, you know the way like the police radio. I've been listening all the time. You're just driving around and down with a police scatter. Where's Britney Grider? Okay, so wait, I'm sorry, where did they, wasn't like going to an airport or something? Yeah, an airport, yeah.

Okay, right, right, right. She was taking a little puff of a weed vape. Are you going to be like she deserved it? No, I'm just like, it seems pretty harsh for a fucking weed pen. She's trapped now. She can't get out. That's a bit mental. They say that she's going to go into forced labor. What?

Yeah, with the Uyghurs. Wow. Yeah. The Russians are cool now, do you? No, I don't. Well, I never did. No, this is a bit mental, actually. Is this what the Ukraine thing's all about?

Yeah, they love WMBA. I knew it. They don't like men's basketball. Not too fond of that. A little bit too, you know, the demographics. But WMDA, they like. Britney Grindr, she's very good. She did get a bit of trouble a few years ago for beating her wife.

Oh, okay. She kind of like slapped her around and stuff like that But she, the wife agreed Not to press charges Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Fair enough Well, the wife probably

Hit her weed pen That's what happens When I tried to hit, brod, yeah No, I was reading something there He gave me nothing there I was reading the next thing And I got distracted You're coughing a lot there

I am, yeah What's happened to you? I smoked some weed there And it kind of sitting in there You're not too cool, are you now? You're telling me like back in the day You were awesome and now

I'm an old bitch I'm just an old chunk of coal but I'll be a diamond someday I'm much like Norm you dead soon Yeah that's right Yep

You want to talk with deep water I do more than anything Or I'll tell you decide now You want to talk deep water Or ready player one Okay well you already started With ready player one So let's yeah

So ready player one So I watched the west side story Yeah with Stephen directly with Steven Spielberg and I was like oh awesome I'll watch another Spielberg

I was kind of in the mood okay right yeah yeah yeah so ready player one I watched it's um it's weird it's kind of a all right kind of story

but they've ruined it you really are coughing like mad here you want you want a can you want a can't okay I'm back

you see my confidence crumbles every cough like you hate me Tell me about Ready Player 1 Yeah, keep drinking, baby Get nice and liquor up Chub, chum, chum Okay, yeah, I'm crying

You know what I've been doing recently Oh no, here we go No, it's not a bad thing all right You know when you take a shit all right Yeah, I'm familiar Yeah, I'm trying to stop looking at my phone And take a shit I think it's bad for you

Okay So I mean, I was trying to shit without my phone But I was getting bored, right? Yeah, you would do So what I've been doing now is I get a full bottle of water, okay, like two not gallons, two liters.

Yeah, yeah. Gallons. I get two full-sized camels and drink from their humps. And I down it while I'm shitting. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

So it actually feels great. Does it? Yeah, I don't, I breathe from my nose. Okay, I just go goop, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp, while it's coming out, all right? You feel it's like flushing out? Yeah, yeah, it feels way more natural and it comes out just so quick.

It's insane, like. Really? Yeah. I would recommend everyone, and I, like, I'm gulping, like, real hard, like... I have never heard this from anyone. Well, no one's going to do it. From any doctor or a nutritionist, psychologist. I'm pretty sure that every, I mean, every single field of medicine would probably come together and say, don't do this.

Why, though? Why can't I do? If you can, if you can, if you can transition, why can I do this? Well, maybe it is good, you know? It feels good. and I'm like really going to go gut and like you know what my tears come out of my eyes you know you're just shoving the whole bottle down your throat my mascara is running I'm a little whore I tell you what shitting sometimes you'll be a bit of struggle seconds okay it just like

falls out wow yeah no pushing at all I really don't think I don't think water travels through the body that quick maybe it's psychological but I don't know I love it like I'm addicted to it I mean, that's the chili now You're like, come on, I need my next fix Yeah You're just eating Chipotle all the time Like, come on I need that good stuff

Yeah I've been thinking about doing it with coffee But I think that might be a bit too much That would no Just chugging coffee Oh Yeah Not even iced coffee

Just scorching hot It's just a best shit of my life this is a news you should start in ONi fans

just doing this chugging two liters of water while taking a shit I'm exploring my body you sure are

we're doing it for years about time tool dog did it big black tool over here yeah yeah

I was also how long have you been doing this about two days yeah yeah I feel very

dizzy I'm shitting a lot more blood usual my eyes keep bleeding another thing I was looking at is we'll get to the movies in a minute but I was looking at

about the male G-spot In your ass Yeah, I'm becoming very interested in that Yeah Because I listen to a skateboarder talk about it Jason Ellis Yeah Jason Ellis He's very interesting

He's by though right He's by yeah I think he stopped skateboarding now He just focuses on the male G-spot Yeah Now can that be reached with a finger Or do you need a full No, no

You need something Bigger than a cock Oh really? Yeah What? You need You only inspect your gadget Yeah

But I mean Uh-huh I think Maybe Uh Surely a cock Is hitting the G spot No

Oh I don't I haven't I haven't experienced it myself Yeah Yeah Yeah

But he was saying That you can Have multiple orgasms Like a woman Like Well Yeah Apparently, I don't believe women have multiple orgasms

I won't allow them Well, they do have multiple orgasms Once a month, there are 12 months in a year So that's multiple That's enough for you Any much you'd get sick of it You'd be bored of it really Yeah

Yeah, it's like going to Brighton, isn't it? It's like Pringles, you know Too many's bad for you It's like Pringles You pop once and you stop it's like Pringles you see them in the shop but you just keep walking

you mind your own business you're smelly a whore it's like Pringles you're shoving the entire Pringles can up your gunt that's the only way you feel anything isn't it you fucking

yeah yeah so the male G the male G spot I'm exploring my sexuality evidently yeah not yet but he was saying he feels like

guys are lame if they don't fiddle with her G's ball Okay I mean Yeah So there take Listen to that Hey I got nothing wrong with that Any girl wants to stick their finger in my ass

Hey have added Even if a fella Wants to get in there And have a good old root around Be my guest, pal I hope you're not too partial To that wristwatch Because it's not coming back with you

That's right Now your wristwatch is away with the fairies. A little sketch for you there. Yeah, yeah. I was having fun there. And then I realized, oh no. It's not just me with my thoughts and funny voices.

I'm here in the room with Brian. He's going to talk about Ready Player 1. And I was just going to have to sit there like, oh, yeah, really? Oh, what's the shining nowhere? That's mental. A robot or whatever the fuck. Walking around in the shine and the gaff, that's mad.

Are you fucking serious, pal? Oh, I've got to be sick. I've tried too much. Yeah, you have. Good, good, good. Yeah, it's ready player one. So the male G-spot? Yeah.

Well, I don't even want to talk about now. Okay. Ready-player one. Ready-player one. That's your male G-spot. Only Spielberg can hit it just right. If I watch it, I can come five times. It's ansel e gork Ansel faggelford

That's fun Faggelford Faggolfs Yeah We're doing gigs in hysteria We can say that That's right I think we can get away with it

Can we Only one way to find out We're punching down I believe Okay so ready player one Yeah It's set in a world Okay

So let's give a bit of background Yeah Because I really don't know Anything about it It's written by a guy He can say like Ernest Klein. Okay.

He sounds like the most... I'm saying this in derogatory way, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The most nerdiest autistic fucking, like... So he wrote one novel, okay? Yeah. Ready Player 1.

It's about a nerdy guy who saves the day by knowing movie trivia. My God. Yeah. This is me. Yeah. It sounds exactly like me.

I can name all the John Hughes movies, yeah. Yeah. So the next movie was about a guy who plays video games and saves the day. because he's so good at video games.

The next novel was. The next novel, sorry, what did I say? You said movie. Oh, well, yeah. Yeah. They're all basically movies. Like, in his head, like... Right.

That's how novels are. They're just films in their head. No, but he kind of writes, like, it's very, like, screenplay focused. Okay, right, right, right. And the novel after that was Ready Player 2, which was, again, like, a nerd who saves the day again because it's cock so big, and he knows so much about... Sonic the Hedgehog.

Yeah. He knows all about Mario and Luigi Nick E because of that he can bang bitches Crash Bandicoot Crash Bandicoot Crash Banda Gooch

Crash Banda Cooch Yeah yeah we got there So Ready Player 1 was his first novel Okay And it's It wasn't very well reviewed The novel Fans loved it

But actual critics were like This is pretty dumb Yeah It's just references the things. Now what exactly is happening in the world? I'll describe the world okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's set in like 2045. Oh, yeah.

After the food shortages and the bandwidth riots. The bandwit, when was the novel written? Uh, like 2015. Oh, right, really? Maybe 14, yeah, yeah. When was the movie? Not long after that. Maybe, I'll tell you no, sorry, the book was maybe like 2013. Okay. And then the movie was like 2006.

16. Right. Yeah. Something like that. Okay. Right. So it's set in the future, right? And the world is shit.

Yeah. For like guys like us. If you're a millionaire, you're okay. For guys like us, it's shit. We all live in like shanty towns. Yeah, not like the real world right now. Yeah. We're in a big mansion right now.

We're not just in my shitty bedroom. We're basically in Saudi Arabia right now. Pretty much. So, uh, we're views against women. Yeah. So, um, it's everything's shit. Okay. They'll live in shanty towns.

But they've all, everyone's kind of giving them. on the real world. Oh, so they got like the VR. Yeah, the metaverse. They live in the Oasis. The Oasis.

Yeah, that's what it's called. So in the Oasis, you can go there can be anyone. Yeah. So you can... Everyone's Noel Galaher. All right,

pal, you're fucking... You're a fucking gay boy's ass, yeah. Get it? Oasis. Because there's the band was Oasis.

That's the joke. I'm surprised, honestly surprised in, like, because the rival company in the movie, okay? I'm surprised it wasn't

Blur. That would have been such a dumb joke Yeah, and Joe Rune he's like You gotta get me a part

in this movie Please! I need This is I was born for this So the guy He created Oasis

Okay Mark Rylens And he's basically You know Mark Rylans He's an actor? No Okay He plays the creator

Okay He's basically Steve Jobs Oh right Right So Steve Jobs Create the Oasis

All right And he died And he hid the Easter egg in the Oasis. Up there. So if you have the Easter egg,

if you find it, you can control the entire Oasis. Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay. So this was like

maybe like 20 years ago he died and he was like, I've hidden the Easter egg and no one can find it. Right. And they've all given up. Okay. But then this one cool kid

finds out that the only can find Easter eggs by solving movie trivia. How does he how does he figure this side? I don't know. Okay.

I got bored very quickly Yeah, yeah It's kind of fun It's a fun kind of concept Okay, where it's like It kind of is a fun concept Like yeah, that's to go around It's like him and his friends

Like yeah But the problem is like Like the goonies You know They're searching for treasure Yeah Yeah But the problem is

They write into the thing That like Steve Jobs guy Okay A Steve Jobs character Yeah Was big into the 80s Right

So it's all 80s stuff Yeah Which doesn't make sense Like It's not like they all Just embrace the 80s do other shit. Because it's set

in 20, it's 2045. Yeah, and you can be anything, all right? Yeah. But instead,

like all the dialogue, it's like Kevin Smith stuff where it's all just like, Millennium Falcon Star Wars. Oh. DeLorean Back to the Future. And then the punchline is Bill and Ted.

Excellent. And then another scene is like, Fast Times of Richmond High. Uh, Duran Duran. Uh, that's just that. Like, it's just nonsense.

I don't think that's the dialogue, Brian. I don't think that's an accurate representation. Though that is it, but if I had a few, like, you know.

They've made it a little bit more intelligible. Is that what you, that's all you heard? No, there is a scene, it's a scene, okay,

where the villain is like, oh, yes, he's trying to, like, convince Ansel Fagalfefort that he's like, who was like, yeah, I love all the John Hughes movies.

And Ansel's like, yeah, what about fast times? He's like, I love fast times. Ah, that wasn't directed by John Hughes.

Cameron Crowe. Yeah. See, I want to, I'd rock it. You, you, man. I'd rock us. You're ready for it in there. Yeah. You're the hero.

You get the hot chick. Yeah, yeah. How old is she? Who cares? We're in the Oasis. The Oasis. Everything's legal. There's no age of consent to the Oasis.

I want, actually, I want to see if you can get the first kind of a game in it. I'll get them all. Okay, let's see them. And I'll fucking kill anyone who says I can. So the first game, all right, there's a big race. Yeah. Oh, no. I'm out.

I won't win this. I don't think you what race I don't like. I'll tell you this. I once showed up to a community games race wearing a pair of jeans. That's a true story. Were you accepted by the community? I care. I didn't even, I was so far behind all the others that I just stopped running.

I was like, this is stupid. I'm just left. And I remember the look of disgusting. on my mother's face. You know what? This is a bit, I keep remembering a free one.

Go on. Oh, yeah, who cares if he's the fuck like, I remember there's a girl in our primary school had like bad bones. What are you really?

It's just like, who knows? Like fucking Samuel L. Jackson and on Breakable? Yeah, Mr. Mr. Glass. I don't know why. She had bad bones anyway.

She's grand now, I presume, or she's dead. You know. But did you have this like In our primary school We used to think in the morning We had to do two laps around a field No

What? Yeah No Yeah we had that Yeah That's not Who's doing that So weird teachers

Ain't everybody Who running for me A very hairy teacher I guess the shorts on You don't need to wear the shorts here Yeah In the morning I guess do two laps

Around the field All right Like running Yeah Running Yeah every morning Yeah Every morning

Wow Now the girl with bad Bones would take part But what she'd do okay is we do two laps and she'd walk around once but I remember like sometimes like

we wouldn't take it too seriously so we kind of like be kind of like we're not like fucking yeah yeah yeah we're slowly jogging around okay and then she'd do like the one lap and she'd get there before we do complete the second lap and it'd be like oh we won

it's not stuffy it didn't really count you're not human so it doesn't even out did you ever just go this is stupid I'm not doing it Oh, wow, am I going to question the system, am I? What is this woodstock? Who am I fucking Crosby Stills and Nash?

Yeah. All right, back to Ready Player 1. Okay, so the first challenge, okay, it's a big race. And they all drive, like, the Lurian, the Batmobile, other cars, you know? A Buick. Yeah. Yeah, there wasn't a lot of movie cars back then. Speed racer, you know, all the, like, the dumb cars, okay?

Yeah. So they'll have to race and they're all, like, go through these levels. so like King Kong is there Okay You know the dinosaur from Jurassic Park Yeah He's there as well Not for really 80s, though is it

Ah they're kind of stretching Okay Okay So they'll have to do it And they always lose the race Because you keep getting this You know King Kong will eat you

Or like There was like a bridge And a bridge It'll turn out to be fake Right okay So what would you do there Like there's a race Yeah

And everyone keeps losing The race Everyone Every no one's ever Completely the race Okay It's a track No one's complete the track.

Right. What would you do there? What am I supposed to know? Come on. Come on. Come on, you know trivia. I'd just start listing off, I don't know. John Hughes movies.

Howard the Duck. Sick reference, bro. Yeah, I start listing John Candy's appearances. SCTV alongside Rick Moranis. I don't know. This is a gibberish. gibberish okay so what what's how do you win you have to go backwards well that's just dumb well you're not gonna like the rest of the movie then okay

and nobody figured that out no in 40 years 40 years yeah and what is ansel fagletforge is like why don't try going backwards and he goes backwards he wins yeah okay dumb and that's the first challenge but here here's the thing first time trying it yeah here's the thing though there's a rival company owned by ben mendelson oh he's good yeah and They want to take over the internet so they can fill full ads. Evil ads. And he's like, oh, I love making money. What a...

Dollars and dimes and cents. Oasis is just... We're just here for the pure content and love. We just hear everyone to have a good time, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oasis is like fucking little St. James, you know. Hey, man, I'm out over here in the Oasis, man. So then Ansel goes on like a big quest

And they go to the Shining House Okay Originally apparently a novel It was Blade Runner The Go to Blade Runner world Why change it to the Shining? Because Blade Runner 2040 Whatever was coming out

Oh right Yeah yeah okay They're like we kind of want to separate it Because we want this to be a serious thing And this to be a silly thing Yeah fair enough So it's shining Apparently got like Spielberg

Was good friends with Kubrick Wow Which is weird I imagine Kubrick probably just humoured him Yeah I don't think I mean Did they ever like hang out or anything, I don't think so.

Yeah, they hung out, yeah. Did he? Remember, they did AI? Oh, yeah. Well, see, Kubrick was, like, always fascinated with doing the Aryan papers, right, as a movie? But then he eventually abandoned it.

And then fucking Spielberg did Schindler's List. Yeah. So. And Kubrick also was spent ages trying to do Napoleon. Yeah. Trying to do Napoleon movie, which they're making now. Is Spielberg doing it?

No. Um, who, uh, Ridley, Ridley, Ridley Scott. Okay. with Joaquin Phoenix That could be good I listened to a podcast about Napoleon

Really? Yeah How do you feel afterwards better I feel a bit better Yeah Good yeah To be honest now

So you learned about The drinking two liters of water While taking a shit Yeah it's only It would be offensive now But the guy It was like a BBC podcast about And the guy seemed pretty gay

For Napoleon now Everything about It was like people think Napoleon was short He was actually very tall And handsome With a big cock People think Napoleon was bad

He's actually very good He actually should have ruled society forever it was all just non-stop people think Napoleon was bad you made a mistake invading Russia actually was a very clever thing to do but he still lost

but he's still very clever wasn't he like pretty much he was a dictator though right no not according to this guy he brought in a series of rules and laws he brought in rules he brought in rules okay structure

people need structure especially certain people need lots of structure Pull up your pants Napoleon Band Duregs Doesn't make any sense of the time

But he could see the future Oh yes Napoleon's a cool guy I know fucking nothing about Napoleon You should man It's very interesting It's like Um

What do you know you listen on one podcast Yeah They were like, you fucking idiot. Well, I can't even talk about it. It's very, you know, it makes he think. Go on, give me a Napoleon fact there. He was born into, like, relative poverty. I mean, he still had, like, a castle and shit,

but compared, like, other rich people. Yeah, okay. It was nothing, all right? So then, like, he joined the army, and he kind of was pretty good, like, the, you know... Strategist? Yeah, strategy and stuff like that, like, um... Like, all these little things he'd pick up,

though, like, very smart. all right but he got big because there was some kind of riot with some workers and he was sent

up like you know teach the workers lesson and he used real bullets it's clabbering time yeah why did they

they didn't have what what do you mean the real bullets well I mean as opposed to what sorry what I meant was is they're like

you know just like you know just like you know some batons all right okay or just like you know

shooting at their feet he was just like I'm gonna shoot a few yeah and that really impressed the French military he's like yeah but uh now there's no one to work at the factory napoleon you shot them all is that my problem

okay so back to ready player one oh but like uh yeah okay oh wait do you have more napoleon not really no one hit me some more napoleon knowledge so he became like this general he kind of he took over france what's your sources on that yeah can you prove that he took over can you prove that he took over france all right great guy but russia fucked him oh yeah he tried to invade Russia and it was just they used scorched dirt. Okay. So, like, his whole tactic was they invade Russia slowly and, like, they take over

a village and they'd drink their milk and shit, all right? Okay. But the Russians did retreat and burn their villages and take their supplies and stuff. So, French, like, we've got nothing. Oh, yeah, okay. And that ruined the morale, the French army, okay? And eventually had to eat their horses and shit.

Really? And, yeah, you're excited. Oh. And then... For Tesco got the idea. Oh, top of it. Not really And that Yeah, that's the joke, Brian No, it's not

The joke gage I'm too drunk to care Yeah, yeah And then he got He lost anyway He lost in a Waterloo To Wellington Yeah, I know that from the Abbas song

Yeah And then he got banished to an island Really? Yeah I used to think like He got banished to islands Like when you know There's like cartoon islands

Where it's like one palm tree Yeah Yeah It's an island full of people So it wasn't that bad Yeah The British Who just moved

I was going to move Basically he had nice retirement And he got real fat Yeah Like comically fat Yeah Nice Like um

Because how tall was he That's the whole thing He had small man syndrome Yeah that's all You know what That's all from cartoonists Really Back then cartoonists had all the power

Oh So The Charlie Hebdo boys Yeah Yeah Literally it's all stem They know the cartoonist Saturday There's one cartoon

Where they portrayed him As short Yeah And then every And then it all stems Is he not actually short? No. No, he was.

He was like average size. So what height was he five? Walking Phoenix is playing him in the movie. So he's like, he was the size of like you. Look at you. You're a little... I'm gay for Napoleon. He was so big and strong.

He's a great man. Oh my God. He was so good. Invade my... I'm going to scorched earth of pussy. Anyway, look, back to Ready Player 1. Come on now. There's not much to say about really.

this kind of go around for a while going to the things you recognize so like they meet Chucky and they see Batman and shit all right and like it's just like kind of CG AI shit it's not actual actors

yeah there's maybe like in the whole film it was like 15 minutes of like actual real shit and the rest of it's all CGI nonsense and like I don't really I mean I didn't really pay attention to it when it came out but it was kind of like people didn't like that about it or the critics

anyway were like this is kind of which I agree with just like who wants stuff i don't want to pay to go to the cinema to watch basically the cutscenes of a video game yeah i just don't want that you know the iron giant yeah would you pay money see him run around i never saw the original iron giant neither of i yeah it's stupid it's meant to be like a class it's shot you fucking shot the iron fag yeah yeah who cares like you really have been drinking how

the mask is slipping baby yeah yeah yeah what else you want to talk about dark water yeah you deep water oh I watch you do film then no deep water I watch it yeah Ben Affleck getting cooked for like two

hours basically what can you explain because I watched this I kind of felt like it was a bad dream so let's explain okay yeah so dark water is a deep water sorry yeah doesn't dark water sound better it does so deep water okay it's a move starring Ben Affleck and Anna Da Armis.

And they filmed it while they were fucking. Okay. So they actually were fucking in real life? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Because I was thinking like some of those sex scenes are pretty raunchy. You see he eats her ass. You see her titties.

He's rubbing lotion on her legs and his hand is going right up the leg to the whoo, whoop a bloody sweet spot. Yeah. You got a sweet spot I call the Hellhole. so um yeah so it's based in a very popular novel okay it wasn't popular at a time but it's growing a cult status and like you look at any like a crime writer now they all talk about this book when was this written then like nine i swear it's like 1950 okay right long ago long ago so they all talk about like it's a classic inspired me to write trailers right and like you know like

Gillian Flynn Gone Girl They all loved this book Right So got made into a movie Like two years ago And then it sat on the shelf It was meant to get like

A theatrical distribution Okay And then they kind of all gave up Everyone involved And it was like nah It's not good By the way I'll just start off by saying

It was a bad movie But you know what I tell you this I wasn't bored by it Because it's so stupid And you're seeing tiddies A lot of the time So I don't know

And I like Ben Affie I like Ben Affleck. But it's not good. I like Ben. I like Ben. He's a big alcohol sad sack. No matter how many hot chicks he bangs. Or like really good films he directs and like all the success.

He's won an Oscar. He's won an Oscar. He was funny. He's won an Oscar. He's like, I'm fucking shit. I'm just so sad. But yeah. So the whole thing is like Ben Affleck is married to Anna Darmis. And she's just going out banging dudes all the time.

they have a kid together they have a family together I like the kid Yeah the kid was very good You know what I'd been getting real broody Oh yeah? Yeah What's that

What do you mean? You know what I'm Everyone knows what I'm No I don't No I just like I really want a kid now Oh what? Yeah

Are you serious I've been looking at kids A lot recently I actually like No don't look at me like that I'm trying not to look at you at all I'm really I'm getting drunk

No it's like I'd be a great dad I mean thinking about that a lot recently Do you really? As I'm a swigman Do you really think you'd be a good dad? I think I'd be a great dad.

I think I'd be so fun. Wow, okay. I mean, you might be fun for the kid, but I don't think, I think, you know... When I see the kid in weekends, yeah, I'd be fun. Anyway, your mom bring a lot of guys right now. Is your mom doing a deep water? Yeah, yeah.

Would you really want a kid, though? Oh, yeah, indubitably. You definitely want wife and kids, and that whole thing. Loads of kids. Wow. No wife. She'd get in the way.

If a kid could be, could we make that? Is that a thing? Yeah, ready player one in the oasis. That's where you get that. So anyway, so Anna da Aramis,

who's very hot. So hard. She's my type. Yeah. Sexy. She's just my type. Fucking hot. Yeah, okay.

You ever seen Blade Runner? The original? The new one. No, I haven't seen the new one. She's in that. She's really good in that. Okay. She's really good in this.

I'll tell you, it's weird. The performances are good, but just... It's not a good movie, you know what I mean? It's not. They got a little rel in it? Yeah, and Dash Myhawk. Don't know who that is. He was the little Ray...

He was the white one. Okay, now I know. He was the friend of the white one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's from Ray Donovan and a bunch of other shit. I never watched that story, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm apologised. I know the movie's coming out.

I never watched it either. I watched the first season, but I never, like, went... You should watch first season in the movie That'll be grand I don't think that'll be good, no I think it would be better For you, yeah I'll say I'll have some kids

You watch Ray Donaldvin We'll meet up in five years We'll do it our thing You know I'm never having kids Really Yeah definitively never I'll give you some mind

I'm going to have so many Yeah I have been thinking like I would love okay If the doctor told me Like I've got six months to live All right I'd go around

Just impregnating everyone So many illegitimate my children and it all be happy. Yeah. You're kind of, there's a middle step there that you're not really

thinking about. It's like you got a, you know, or maybe that doesn't matter if you've got six months to live. Maybe you could fluff the numbers a little. Grease the wheel,

as they say. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. This doesn't make any sense. No, I know. But, yeah. You're going to rape women, Brian,

is what I was saying. I'm not. Yeah. I just want to be a dad. it's not like if you have kids right if you get a divorce all they're going to have to do is play this podcast like they're taking the kids off in court yeah yeah straight away they bring me in like exhibit a you're just going to take long i need to go back and watch ray donovan i got to go wank over ray donovan yeah that live schreiber piece of ass uh yeah so anna darmis is

banging a bunch of dudes but Ben Affleck knows about it yeah she's very open and like he kind of acts like he doesn't care

but then he obviously does because he starts no they've meant I like this now I like this now because the whole thing is he knows it's happening but they're not banging

no they are banging well not as much as he'd like well she's too busy I mean she's got to put an ice pack on her box you know what I mean she's just like literally she puts a lump of ice

her gie and just shh yeah condensate Contensation That's how it in science We learned about that Yeah

But yeah So she's all banging dudes He's like Oh well you know what I'm not gonna She's wild and free And I can't stop But she says herself

Like if you've married anyone else You'd be so bored You'd kill yourself Yeah Yeah He kind of likes this Yes And then like he goes around

And starting to kill All of her No originally he just makes a joke About killing Because her friends Disappeared Yeah And he makes a joke

About killing the friend And they're like you've got such a dark sense of humor and then the friend turns up dead but then we see him actually kill others so I'm assuming he did kill that one well they don't specify but yeah also we see Nancy from peep show

yeah looking looking good all right not as good as Lil rel Howie yeah how do you say his name his name's Howard Howard his name's Howard he's Howard you're like what's that crazy name Howie Wowie Jigew

Yeah, so he starts, like, killing him. Also, very weird that, like, he made his money by designing the microchips they put in drones. No, he designs drones, and he also has, like, a studio? No, he made the microchip that they put in drones. No, I know that, yeah. He made microchip drones, okay? Yeah, yeah. You said he makes drones.

Well, it's his fault. Right. Get out. And, yeah, he has a, and snails. He has a bunch of snails. Yeah. now he what I think

let's step back from this from him what do the snail so he's his wife is fucking other men and when he's angry goes in touch his snails

yes what do the snails represent because snails the shell yeah protection maybe he goes into

his own shell how stupid no he says he talks about well yeah that does but then he talks about

how a snail will travel like a great distance to find its mate and it's tracking it by the smell he says that to one of

her fuck buddies it's like yeah come and look at my snails if you fuck my wife I'll kill you it's like a pretty sweet power move there

I gotta say I have more snails than you but my sorry I think you misunderstood me my point was so he designs the chips for drones he has snails but he also is like a photography studio yeah yeah

he has a lot going on there's a lot going on it's very dumb and silly and thrown together like that bit at the end with the car chase. Yeah, he described that. Right, so... He's killed a guy. He's killed a few

but there's this one guy he drowned in a river, then he goes back to make sure that the body's there and like his neighbour has sort of been catching on. He's like, I know what you're up to, buddy. And then he comes, the neighbors like sees Ben Affleck trying to drown the body

some more. Because the body's been dead, but it's bobbing, okay? It's floating, yeah, yeah. So then the, the neighbor is like, I fucking do it. I'm going to the cops. You're going to jail. Motherfucker. Then he hops in the car, starts driving. Ben Affleck is on his bicycle. Yeah. And he keep, like, the dude is flooring it. Like, oh my God, I need to get away. He's driving. He's panicking. Ben Affleck is cycling. He keeps up with him the entire time. Yeah, yeah. It's fucking retarded. Like a Terminator. He's just going to say it. It was ridiculous.

He's like, shit, he's going to catch. He's got a bike. Yeah. Like, it was so ridiculous that I was like, this. to be a dream sequence or something. So the guy in the car, he's so freaked out by Ben's biking ability that he crashes the car. He was texting. He was texting. He was genuine. I'm not making this up.

I knew I was right. He starts texting his wife saying, I was right. And then he drops it, and then, yeah, he basically loses control of the car, and it goes flying off a cliff. I laughed. I genuinely laughed out lied with that happen. And then Ben's like, that's a freebie.

Thanks, God. that for me. And then he goes home the wife. The wife has found out he's killing people. She kind of likes it. Oh, she loves it. It's like, because she says, I know you won't kill me, because I'm the thing that you kill for one. Yeah. See, that's my, this, my

theory, because remember earlier, by earlier I mean, like, months ago, I was saying that like, yo, women don't actually like guys who cry or anything like that. No. They don't like... They like men who hit them. Yeah, yeah. It's hard. Yeah, and kill for them as well. And kill her. I have snails.

but don't kill the snails because that'd be sick So that's what I mean They don't want the guy He's a cunt He's dangerous He might attack him He doesn't but he might

Yeah So I'm moving up to Dublin soon Okay I got a new job It's gonna be a whole new brine Yeah Yeah What's this new brine gonna look like?

It's dark tool Dark, dark tool Yeah Yeah like negatool I'm gonna make a Like nega duck What I'm gonna make

Is that that what he's called Yeah please Darkwing duck Duck please But like You know the way I'll be very smiley Yeah

No more You're not very smile What are you talking about I do I laugh I laugh a lot Do you? Oh yeah All the time

Not with you No evidently But I do I'm kind of like Jimmy Fallon I fake laugh a lot Out nervousness So I'm like

You know If I meet new people And I was like Ha ha yeah Yeah They're like You know I work in the morgue

Ha ha yeah So like I think That can gonna be Be a bit off So what's What's dark tool gonna look like tats, you're getting tatted up

Bling. Pearson. Basically, talon. Yeah, he's gone very punk rock. He's gone punk rock and hip-hop at the same time. Yeah, it's a lot going on, yeah. That's power to him. He's smoking crack. He's basically DMX now.

He's got like seven kids. I'm so jealous. Well, I'm the hood, what a hood, what a hood. Yeah. He's, yeah, he's, a lot of guys rocking the bling, though. I've noticed that. You noticed the, uh, the, uh, the turrets. A turtleneck with the gold chain lock is very big.

Well, that's good for them. I've got a gun, so we'll see who wins in the end. Can your turtleneck... Is that turtleneck bulletproof? It is? Oh, shit. Surprise, duck. Is anything else say about deep water?

Deep water. Terrible. Do you like her tits? Yeah, she's nice. They're nice. She's hot. I've said four, like, small tits. At one point, she's like, kiss my ass

and he just starts eating her asshole pretty sweet that's what inspired me to eat eat more ass and then you got a big headache from it

I think that headache's unrelated I think it's more related to my dad than eating ass now if those two are connected oh boy

you might be a redneck yes but didn't it feel a bit like I guarantee it there's some kind of tax thing for this movie

there's some kind of like money getting there's some kind of money laundering thing happens is money Do you get like those big names What's a shitty kind of hallmark movie?

Yeah, I mean If the book was very popular And like you know Coming off the Gone Girl Like all that shit is really big Like yeah that was 2014 Wait what was Gone Girl, that was age ago

Yeah, yeah So you're dumb And a queer Okay Well just stop saying what I was saying Good good Yeah I got my own points here

Have you seen I've mentioned I'm a big fan Adentown 2 You've watched Adam 22 recently Have you? No

Okay right No don't be a mood Like that No I'm not in a mood I'm having a wonderful time This is why a lot of girls Don't like when I date them Because I get a bit too wacky and drunk

Yeah I'm like yeah you shut up I have no You do say that to people So I'll shut up you It's like I don't think he should say that to that guy Yeah

With the Dobermans Yes Well I'm with hanging out the Aryan Brotherhood Hey, you be quiet You know I

Shut up Whitey Cracker ass Unkey motherfucker Doctor Who Knowledge is lacking Wait Adam 22

Know what's new In the world He's got so big now So I've told you before He makes porn now All right With his wife Yeah his wife

And like Like you think like Making porn That's gonna be fun Yeah He goes into like The actual money Of it

And like all the document It sounds like a pain the arse. Really? Yeah. Because you gotta get them so like you gotta be so careful

about getting like me too these days you know like even like what's the the big one Mia Khalifa yeah

you know the way she came out and she was like oh I didn't like making those porn she was like I want all the porn of all videos of me

to be taken down yeah it's like that's not how the internet works you realize we can't even tackle child pornography

so you know what I mean or or streams of the Premier League. Look, you're on the list but it's a long fucking wage, you know? Eventually Chris Hanson

would be like, take a seat. Were you going to watch Mia Khalifa porn? No, I swear, oh. It was child porn, I swear. I want you going to do nothing. She's going to feed her. Some Down syndrome

around he comes in there. I love Mia Ganeva. Oh, too. Sorry, buddy. I like this story. Yeah. Down syndrome This mask comes right off

Oh Okay Well it could have been But it sounds like such a pain So like Let's see what female porn stars are right Yeah You got to sign all these documents

Saying they consent to it all right Just in case And then you got like Get them on camera saying they extend it But the problem is You'll sign all the documents Then they'll show up on a day drunk Then all the shit they sign

That goes out the window then if they're drunk Yeah They're like going like Like they're just like even like a bit like tipsy That's risky Because then they can be like Oh I was drunk Oh okay

Yeah So why not just like have a policy Or is like no drink or drugs? They do but these porn stars Very unreliable These smelly hoars are all liquored up They're all hopped up on goof balls Well that's that's one thing

They should be choking on these goofballs I am pointing at my crotch right now That's why it works The audio assistants for the blind James points that crotch Daddy's so wacky Wacky Cadden

That's how all blind people saw by the way But you didn't know that Yeah My Napoleon Lackage is gnarling Well Ha ha But he's saying

It's one thing For a female porn star That's a mere annoying to game For male porn stars It's so annoying Like he was saying There's this one guy They hired the fuck girls

On camera right Yeah And he shows up And he's like Actually I need to drunk to get hard where the cameras are set up man he was like okay I won't

get drunk then he goes into the bathroom okay for a long time what are you doing and they're brushing my teeth I'm taking shit alright me and Captain Morgan are having some fun why don't you just take a fucking

Viagra you think that though but it's nerves he's nervous even though he's agreed to fuck on camera now he's like I don't want to If Viagra would bust through that. But you'd still be nervous, though, about camera thing. Oh, okay.

No, he's probably, he's an alcoholic. Oh, okay. You're trying to, like, reason with him. Yeah, you're right. Could you try not drinking? Maybe try some breathing exercises. I'm a fucking junkie pal, right? So he was saying they had this one guy on, he went to the bathroom, got fucked up, all right?

Yeah. He starts trying to rape all the girls. What? It's a real annoyance. Wow. Just a hindrance, okay? So he's like, you know, he's meant to, like, Wow, it's so, because, like, he shows up to fuck.

He's like, I gotta get drunk to fuck. And then he gets drunk, and then he starts raping. It's like, well, but you're here to fuck them anyway. Yeah, I know. Why are you trying to rape them? The thing is, like, with porn stars, before, in the professional sets, not amateur, but in professional league, all right, you agree what to do. And it's very specific. It's like, pussy.

Yeah. Maybe one finger in the mouth. Right, okay. It's very choreographed, like the WWE. Like Vince is dear My God That cock A splitter pussy at half

Dear God Look at the puppies J.R. Puppies, she got her Compt out king Or do you fucking Aye or something You fucking retard

So like Yeah Is it agreed okay But this guy's all drunk He's like Come on Let me stick that finger In your ass bitch

What if I choke you You agree to that Didn't you She didn't Okay And then they had to kick him off set Right Yeah, the whole day's ruined

Because you know when the guy He tries to rape all the girls He can't be like Okay, he's gone now Let's film the scene Yeah Now who's feeling hot Who's feeling sex-a-fad

Now all these girls are crying all over the place Yeah I tell you After hearing about that I don't want to do porn anymore Don't say that Brian Come on, don't give up How are you ever going to have kids

If you don't do porn You know? I want my kids to think of a queer Exactly yeah Hey, dad's a regular Amsel Fagglet Fort. They look at Harvey Milk over there. Yeah, also, Adam 22 was saying

there's like a guy, when I say guy, I mean like maybe like a 16 year old boy, okay, who's like a big fan at Adam 22. Okay. And he's making a documentary about him where he's like going to like his old school and like his old neighborhood. And like he's filming all like where Adam 22 used to go to.

Yeah, isn't he rich? Adam 22, from a rich family? Yeah, Bill Clinton was friends with, like, his dad. Okay, yeah. So, which makes sense, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so the kid, this 16-year-old's filming all the... Yeah, just making an independent documentary about Antoine 2, like... Well, I'd say there's probably a big audience. You'll watch it, won't you? I will, yeah.

It's just for a little buffy's like dudes like dudes. It's just kind of weird, like, a kid, like, talking, like, Anne-22 of all people, like his teacher. Being like, what was he like? Because he fucks girls in camera now. And he's awesome. He talks to XXXX Xxxon now.

Yeah, yeah. Did he always have that neck tattoo? Yeah. Yeah. It's, uh, someday that'll be us, though. I can't wait for that. Yeah? For like a child to make a documentary about us.

Uh, yeah. There's no limits. There's no limits to us. I tell you that now. You think? The only limit is like, uh, reality. Time, space, physics, cancer, suicide. My dick.

You haven't kids. You have kids. You have kids. You ruin this whole thing. You're right. Actually, you know what? I'm stopping it now. I'm stopping this trip I'm calling her up now

Vasectomies Live vasectomies on the... That's the live show That's the live show Oh yeah We're doing a live show On the hapity On the 24th of April

Tickets are on event right now And we're getting Phasectomies right there Marshie's got a knife You wanted punishment I'll give you a punishment baby Vesectomies I used to always think

they were like 100% reversible Apparently no No If you get like a vasectomy And you reverse it you might get like 80% of your sperm back but not all of it that's why I've heard

it depends how strong your sperm is some people are like real weak you're like oh excuse me where am I sperm about this oh yeah your sperm is like

yeah so indoctrinated by the lip tards when it like reaches the egg it's like oh is it okay for me to enter here yeah that's be your sperm sounds like

this is an asshole this is wrong I heard about this shit ages ago that like it's like a sort of a gel stuff that you can

kind of inject into the eretra and basically prevents you know it's kind of like a it's kind of like a it's going to know that stuff to use

to fix walls yeah exactly yeah yeah but it's like shit they can put it in your fucking your your sperm duct right

they can inject it there and then they can take it out so it's like sort of you have the option it's like renting with the option to buy you know what I mean oh yeah

yeah I know never heard, I never, there's always like a story about like male contraception. Yeah. A lot of women are going against contraception now. Yeah, they're going off the pill. It's very anti-vax vibe. Well, they're saying that

the pill kind of changes their hormones. Yeah. And is that, what are they saying? They're saying that and they're saying it's like it's anti-nature big pharma is bad. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. You should listen to Mother Nature, not fucking Mr.

You know what he is. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Mr. Fides knows more than astrology. I don't think so. I'm an Aquarius. Oh, Fouchy or Queen Nature? Fouchy or Megan the Stallion. So, yeah, they're all going against it now.

Yeah. So none of them, they're not shaving. Jesus. They're not taking the pill. They're forcing men to bang like 16th century trolls. They're not wiping when they shit. They're going goblin mode. Have you heard that?

What? Goblin mode No, what's that? That's the new craze taking over now All women are going Goblin mode What's Goblin mode?

Goblin modes You embrace the filth Okay No shower What? Yeah, you eat in bed You get fat Hairy everywhere

Yeah Goblin mode It's in the crypt community Not Crip community The Cript What's Cript? The Crip community is like you're all the

Goblins together You identify as a dog Goblin Whoa Yeah, welcome the internet James Oh my God Ready Player 2

Takes a very weird I've never heard of this Goblin mode Oh you're missing out man You can be a goblin too if you want I mean I pretty much am already I mean I do all that I don't shower

No they wouldn't accept you Why? Because you're wearing your clothes aren't covered in piss I can piss on No way Give me a second Oh yeah Well yeah

No that's So is it kind of like Nobody wants to fuck a goblin though I assume No Why, though? It's because you don't want to Or because the system, man.

Because you smell. You've got flies buzzing around your cunt. That's Mother Nature. I don't want to go near your box If it looks like an Ethiopian child. Is that a Troika box? Yes. I love what we drink.

We should drink all the time. I always, yeah. I'm such an addict, man. Like, the reason I don't drink all right because whenever I'm drinking I'm like I'm doing this all the time fuck everyone if anyone says anything

I want to hit them how many cats of your head not that money not enough to be like this yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of time I've been good now thank God if I was bigger I think I've been arrested right now

okay I have a lot of anger issues all right sure do yeah so like it's a lot of times like even people I like you know I just like catch myself if I'm drinking

it's looking and be like so easy to smash your head in It's so easy. I'll bet me funny if I smashed your fucking head and your eyes came out there wouldn't

it be a fucking little cartoon animaniacs but more blood oh yes yeah I do have that a few people I won't say who now

but a few people that I've told you like oh yeah I like them but I've just been like it's just like smash its glass

and stick in your throat yeah maybe a bit of the lens slices your thorax and your larynx We're over an hour We're over an hour, yeah Any else you want to say before we go?

Like we just plug the live show again Keep plugging, baby Yeah, we gotta keep having that How can we promote us more? I don't know I'm gonna promote it to like All the people in my new job It's a tour guy

They can promote it that way I guess I mean, yeah I don't really like It just gets lost On the ether of social media People Look, we're not big titted whores

We got shadow band I tell you that Jake? We know we have How do you know? Because when I type in, on my Instagram account, when I try to type in Brian and James fuck each other. Yeah.

I have to type in Brian and James F. Okay, before it comes up. Before it wasn't, but you know why? Because I put up a picture of Daniel Radcliffe, all right? With his cock out. Yeah, and I, you know, I deliberately kind of showed a bit more than I should have. You did, yeah, I noticed that. Yeah, and I shared it.

Yeah, you know, the bottom of, okay? Yeah. Then I got a thing saying that, like, I pose my story, and I got a thing saying that, like, it's been taken down. Oh, I didn't get that. I don't know, it's weird. That is weird. I was seeing all these, like, systems in place.

Yeah. It's like, it's all just like an algorithm. Doesn't catch everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like kind of like, just casting a wide net and sometimes a sexy little fish slips through there in the shape of a 17-year-old cock. Same way, sometimes like you post something like that, like, the vaccine information thing would be under it.

Yeah. Even though it's not to do what you posted. You never mentioned the vaccine. Yeah, I'm just posted like a picture of like Aaron Rogers and like the, you know, like to have like the vaccine. Well, he's anti-vax. I know, but it's not in the. post about that but they'll have like that there just because like the system like

it can't I've always said this the worst end word is nuance I've always said that so yeah this binary system here I'm very anti but I'm actually non-binary I am all right it doesn't pick up

nuance yeah there's a spectrum here okay it's not just swim or don't swim All I heard was All I heard was Edward And don't swim What's going on Back in a good old days Ah yes

So yeah The show is what I'm talking about The live show We're going to have lots of fun things I'll tell you what Before we go Take a one good idea Fuck off

I'm going to hit you a slap If you say something stupid To be like that again There's a good idea A little conchie Oh I had two bears And he's the big man Don't fucking come there, me, pal.

I will knock you clean out. Okay, that's a segment there. James threatens Brian, and Brian doesn't do anything. And then Brian leaves. And the show's over forever. There's a segment. Ten minutes in.

How many breaks will we have? I don't know. How long should it be? Should it be like two hours? It should be long. Yeah? Like way too long. Like six hours.

You know, like return of the king? We locked the doors. It'd be like the Stardust Nightclub. nobody's getting out I set a fire yeah yeah chains on the doors I'm gonna fight that

stupid bitch from a private school of bad bones gonna use her perfumer as kindling you know get a nice of spark

yeah I definitely I brought her up you know it's so funny because I'm a bit drunk yeah I brought her up and kind of forgot why I brought her up halfway through the story

you were talking about running around yeah but as I was telling it this happens to me a lot around telling the story I'm like why am I telling this What's going on?

Why am I driving right now? What's going on? Bad bones. They're like, do you know how fast you're driving? Bad bones. I've got the live podcast on the 24th. Ready player one. N-word.

Faggle fort? Anything? I say faggafort. It's like, hey. They give you like an escort. Yeah. Anyway, let's end it there Yeah, I need a piss

Yeah, so do I Yeah, there's no big ending here, boy Much like life, it just kind of fizzles out It fizzles out and you come To the live show Or I'll kill you I'm gonna be drunk No, actually don't think it will be drunk

No, I don't like you when you drink Yeah You're all, you're just slobbering around Like a whore You've gone goblin mode Look at you, you've shit You've shit yourself Oh, my tits have accidentally

Fall now Oh, great, I hope no one rapes me No, I think what I'll do is for a second half I'll get a point. Okay. So I'll be kind of a little bit tipsy but not too tipsy.

Yeah. All right. Well, look forward to that. Look forward to see Brian a little tipsy. I'll tell you what, it'd be pretty easy jump me

if anyone was trying to... I don't think they need the booze for that. But all right. Goodbye.