Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 154 : Batman Returns Again

Episode Date: April 18, 2022

The Shadow knows who's the best prostitute.

All right. I'm recording. I'm here now. And you're not even holding a microphone. I am holding it. Now you have to position yourself on my bed with a hot cup of coffee in your hands. Exactly. I like the pressure, the excitement.

Kind of like the show 24. I like it when you're... Did you spill coffee on my bed? I'm only on my notebook, so it's okay, yeah. Surely, coffee's not too bad to spill it. No, no. I spill coffee all over the place. You be honest, I don't...

I... We've never really addressed how comfortable you are sitting on my bed, considering how much... jizz i've spread all over you'll spread it around do you oh it goes everywhere i have quite a i kind of i don't know my the tip of my dick is sort of like a one of those watering cans for flowers you know just holes in it it goes yeah yeah it's oh it's good for the environment yeah yeah no i'm pretty good with my jizzin now i've cut back on my jizz quite a lot really uh you want a nofap no fap just i've sometimes i'm just so i just love my job so much don't have time you know i've got other

love of my heart i don't have time for jizzin as well i don't have time for jizzin as well. Okay. And if I do jizz, I'll jizz in like a, a kind of a cool way. Yeah. A way you wouldn't even understand,

you know? Okay. Nice. Yeah, exactly. Into a man. What? No, no, not too a man's up. We're actually watching some, well, I'll give some context.

You're watching some gay sex. But I looked up gay rap. Yeah. On the big TV for all the lads to see, okay, I thought it'd be good male bonding exercise. Yeah, I got a couple of bros over, so Tuller was showing them what it is. Yeah, I said before I was trying to watch the guy.

and I was like, move over, okay? The gas for everyone. Watch this. But it was like, it was called Drive and it was too big corn-fed, white hillbilly looking dudes in the garage in the deep south.

So you think it's like, oh, these are probably, you know. They look like deliverance and they're acting like deliverance. Consensual deliverance, yeah. But they started, you know what was throwing me off? They climbed into the back seat

of their pickup truck. Yeah. These guys were huge. There was not a lot room back there. There's not enough room for those two big bears to start fucking. Oh, they didn't need the room, though. They like it all nice and cozy. They used to

squeeze it into giant spaces. And man, when we say they got back, it wasn't like they got back and kissed, I mean they were full on fucking and they were going up and down, up and down. It was pretty hardcore. Here's the thing, I understand that though. When I look at that, it makes sense to me. Sometimes when I watch gay guys fuck, okay, I don't know what's

happening because they're like having missionary sex? That seems like a load of work. Doesn't it have to move things around? I mean, not a s... Think about that. Okay, so two dudes banging missionary, I mean, does his stomach not be hurting the other guy's balls, you know? Exactly, yeah.

Thrusting against him. It just seems like a lot, and like the one we watch... The average male penis is 3.5 inches, so how does it even reach, you know? If you're lucky. I have the reports, I have the data. Quantitive research So apart from the gay porn we watched Well, gay rap

Okay, it wasn't porn, okay It was, in its rap is straight So we're okay, we're saying They weren't really rapping either They actually weren't rapping at all They were just fucking really There was no musical element at all Well, speaking of musical

sexy stuff We watched Miss Saigon Oh yeah man Well, a little bit of it Jesus, I didn't realize It's the whole thing is just like It's a whorehouse And the pimp is like

telling all the U.S. soldiers, hey, want to bang some vehicle these children? It's great. Bang, the jail bait, stuff like that. And that's lit there's fucking, there's like tiddies everywhere. There's no actual, like, you don't see actual nips. Sucking and squel shit. Yeah, yeah, just jizzing all.

There's a bunch of goo everywhere. Yeah, the only way you jizz in your bed, I jizz on stage. It's a musical. There's a lot of titty grabbing and ass grabbing. I think the actors are having a pretty good time. Now, I don't know what the plot. I only put it on because I got back

late from a gig and everyone else in the house is COVID so it's kind of weird at the moment I feel a bit like a little prince because everyone has COVID in the house so when I'm working they can enjoy themselves and live a normal life

but then I come by no I'm like this is how what happens I get in the bus and like you have 20 minutes and like you have 15 minutes you have 10 minutes bitch you got five okay three two one and I'm at the window being like

three two one and I burst in like Kramer They have to run upstairs so they don't give me COVID because I'm the special prince Yeah, yeah, yeah And I have to house to myself then And I can watch Miss Saigon

Downstairs as loud as they like Yeah, so you have that whole lovely sitting room to yourself Yeah, it's pretty swell, yeah Yeah, yeah I enjoyed while it lasts Because once the COVID's gone You're never getting in that sitting room again That's why I'm trying to watch Miss Saigon now

Yeah So I didn't know what the plot of it was I thought it was like I was getting confused like the king and I so I thought it was going to be like some kind of old school thing maybe like I kind of knew set in Vietnam I thought maybe it was like years ago when France was controlling it

and it'd be like kind of simple story but not it's set in the whorehouse the American troops are there they want to bang and you have to pay extra to bang the underage ones and the ladies working there don't seem to be into it there was a lot of crying yeah exactly I was loving it yeah

I think I was loving a bit too much you had to tell me to stop laughing at one stage yeah there was a bit where there was a woman just crying to herself and you were hysterical. I was eating popcorn

I was rolling around in place. Like Robert De Niro in Cape Fair smoking a big cigar. Yeah, I liked it a lot. I'm going to watch the rest of it.

So far, this will be fun now. Like Marvel Minute, Miss Saigon Minute. Because it's two and a half hours. So I'll watch it in pieces and report back to you. So so far,

they're in a whorehouse. They're all singing and dancing, but they're sad. So American troops showed up and the all American troops were the fuck, There's one, like, nerdy one who's like, oh, I'm in love with the girl, I don't want to fuck her. Yeah, yeah.

I think he's about 19 or 37, some age. Some of socially acceptable age. Yeah, yeah, and he immediately falls in love at one of the... He's 32 years old from Monaghan, and she's 17. What's wrong with that? Yeah. What's wrong with it? What?

I've got a fucking problem. And instead of Vietnam, it's a chipper in Monaghan. So, yeah, that's Miss I got. I'll get back to you on more information. I presume I'm going to guess now they fall in love and the war gets in the way and they get separated and maybe she becomes... He's got to die, right? I reckon he dies.

Maybe like, I'll tell you what, they're on the chopper and there's only room for one person left and he gives the room to her. And then the guy in the chopper's like, who can suck the best dick? Yeah. Oh, harrow. That's the American soldier.

Suck it's... But man, the black guy, the black soldier, He was really going for it. He was bending her over and stuff. Dry humping her age. Yeah. That's why I love the musicals. You can sexually assault women on a stage with lights pointed at you.

Everyone's watching. And you get away with it, Scott Free. The problem is now, if I go to any musical, I think it's that. So if I go to, like, fiddler on the roof, I'm like, where's the sexy Vietnamese girls? Diddler on the roof. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's an old joke. snowed no it's not i just came up with it there yep i don't know what i think it's about jews and russia but i know in my head it's diddlers yeah uh so you didler on the poof oh there i approved it okay move we're moving on no no i'm ashamed i demand to be recognized sorry what else i think what works with us okay is sometimes you don't say something funny i don't fake laugh

i think that helps a lot some people like the kind of fake laugh and makes everything seem fake you know and you do it as well i'm not being mean to you No, I do it a lot. Yeah, and you correct me and people love that, you know, they love it when you get a bit rough, you know,

he likes it rough. Think of an X-line, come on. Finding it tough. Boom, done. Just got, yeah,

grabbing by the scruff. You just got out musical. Lough, scoff, scoff, scoff, scoffal. I'm not sure you're really capturing the majesty of the art for all there.

I wouldn't very good eight mile. So you've had a good week. I know you were doing some stuff you don't really want to be talking about. Yeah, nothing to read it to there. You were doing stuff you said if they found out you'd be ruined. Yes, well, luckily, there weren't a few loose edge,

but then, well, it all seems to have resolved itself rather nicely. Yeah. So, we're going to talk about Batman. Okay. You watch weirdly enough. I watch Batman Returns and you watch Batman.

The 1989 with Jack Nicholson. So we can go talk about those films and we have a few other things talk about before that. I'm feeling okay at the moment a few things went wrong with me. I was drinking the last two days. Oh wow.

Checking yourself into the Betty Ford clinic. I'm out of control. I'm an animal. I'm Hunter S. Thompson. I'm wild. I was more animal, but man. Yeah. Yeah, well,

crem'd him on two nights in a row. Oh, I'm a beast. And port and sherry, okay? No, I did. We did a work. I don't want to get into it too much because, you know, it's a work thing. But I did have a work event where we all drink whiskey and I drank little whiskey. Then afterwards, I thought it'll be fun to drink some cocktails.

So I got, like, the most expensive cocktails in the place. Okay. And I was like, this is shit. I don't feel anything off this. But then I had mixed beer in it. I started to feel a bit dizzy. Oh, right. Yeah.

But I think it was okay. but I didn't do anything too embarrassing but my standards are so low now where I'm like I didn't shit myself I didn't say the N word so I'm pretty good here I'm in control baby

I mean a employee of the month yeah yeah no it's good I don't remember getting home I remember we went into wheelings I remember like I was going to wheelings I was like I know Dwayne Dugan I was trying to be a big you know

trying to be a big shot yeah you're really throwing that name right there I was yelling at the you're worthless you know I know Dwayne Dugan gonna have you killed he'd probably do it for me and Richie Bray

he owes me a favour yeah Dick Cheese me and Dick Cheese a regular pals Actually Dick Cheat Richie Bree saw me Yeah I shouldn't call him Dick Cheese Richie Bree saw me there Oh he was in Whelands

But the day after he was like Oh you in Wieland He looked at they fucked Oh really? Yeah yeah And I was like what you fucking mean by that I know Dwayne Dugan She's telling you what I fucking ruin you

You're cunt Yeah I have this like goodbye image you know, I can't let them know about Dark Tool Ritchie's a good lad I've got a good time he's a DJ in Wheelands

he was DJ he was going Wicu BicuwaW West Yeah Yeah That's the only song He knows how to DJ And he doesn't have a like

He sings it like It's a cappella It's acopella Brickada Yeah And he's still moving his hands But there's not on there Like

He know he's three Two Wow Wow Well yeah I had a good time I don't remember too much About being

I remember like I get this way where I just kind of walk around the circles a lot Yeah you do I always go Hey man how you do I'll talk you later

and I'll leave But there's nobody actually Yeah I just go to a corner and look around I put my headphones in and watch listen to a podcast Oh Bill Simmons

You saved me once again You know Bill Simmons Yeah Because you keep talking about Yeah he's good He's a Celtics fan Yeah Actually I think he produced

he produced that documentary yeah he does all the music box and 30 for 30 stuff like that yeah yeah yeah so he's a cool dude

bit a bit weird bit annoying I don't like he always talks about the strongest son is I don't like that yeah he's like oh my son's so big

what's his background his big muscles where does he you couldn't have got my son's ripped yeah he's so tight

and he knows he do you yeah sometimes I look at my son in the pool I think oh if I was oh wow

if I was a gay rapper I tell you what was whose story? Yeah, Bill Simmons. What's his background? This only happened in America. Yeah.

So he was a big sports fan, working in a bar, okay? I think he went to college for journalism, and he heard about this new thing called the internet. And you know, back then,

like, the internet, that's for queers. Yeah. And he was like, no, I think I might be able to do something with this. So he started a newsletter kind of thing.

It's ironic because newsletters are back now. Okay. I'm subscribed to the J-Lo newsletter. what so that's just like a weekly update of what they're doing and what jalo's up to yeah is that really necessary with uh you know no you get stuff that like uh social media but you get it straight directly from the jalo's mouth you know okay so like i know now she's you're subscribed to jalo's newsletter yeah exactly weekly newsletter

yeah it's 1499 in months are you serious no i'm just no it's only it's only like about six euro or so that's still too much no it's good though you find out all sorts of things you know the way she really loves dojika and she loves to do yoga okay good well now I know

yeah she won't spend and she showed a picture of her wedding ring is she married she's getting married to Ben Affleck

yeah the one day years before I know and I did what is this podcast Benefer yeah

Benefer yeah I'd like to benefit her over and Affle yeah I'd like to benefit

his cock in my age I like to fuck lack him and not fuck that cunt going to back flack you in the face with my god you fucking

fruit bring Casey in here I'm going to give him a taste of his own medicine anyway so Bill Simmons he started in it's not a big story anything he started a newsletter

about sports but the whole thing is like you know a lot of times back then sports writers they were like we are reporting on sports and giving our opinions and it's a great honor

to report in the great sport of basketball or baseball you know the sport of greatness and we transcribe that greatness and putting on to the written word and he was just like you know I'm the Boston sports guy

I write about Boston I think this guy sucks that guy sucks as well Boston rules This guy's a fucking queer He's a queer He don't even drink bees with the fellas He's fucking weird Yeah exactly

And now he's changed I think he was a little bit He was never like two He never wouldn't be like You know black people shouldn't drive You know he wouldn't be like that okay I think he would make fun of people's faces stuff like that

he might say like oh his girlfriend's small tits you know stuff like that oh yeah but he's he's that was like him during his wild days now he's all mainstream he's corporate man now he's all like you know oh Woodstock 99 was bad yeah yeah yeah people shouldn't be attacked

your music festivals you know there shouldn't be an entire festival dedicated to sexually assaulting women which seems to be did anybody go there for the music for the love of God so that's why he's like now and boss people are like you forgot your roots man

you'll fucking show out so yeah he got that for years and then he got so popular that ESPN got him because they had a new website now and they're like hey we'll throw him on yeah okay

so he was working for ESPN for years and then he left them and started his own thing called the ringer the ringer podcast network and that got bought by Spotify for like a couple of hundred mill or something like that yeah not rogan numbers but big money okay money yeah a lot of

networks have been bought out recently like it's weird rogan they focus on that but like last podcast on left that got bought out by spotify oh man what did they get 20 quid each uh just a packet like uh chilies gift for certificate can we use this in any chilies no just any chilies in road island that's it during during rush hour okay i think we're made of money? Yeah. Pat McAfee, I was showing you him. He's like a sports guy as well. Yeah. He did like a, I think a billion dollar deal with like

some gambling company. He did so much money in podcasting. We're not getting any of it. We're not getting anything. I noticed we've lost a few patrons. We have yet. Oh, fuck. I'm so fucked. I am so fucked here. You have no idea. I've been my 30s. I'm fucking ruin.

Watching Batman. Oh, I was watching Batman. Stealing my grandmother's muscle relaxers, just to get a buzz on. I'm dying out here, could you help me, please? Jesus Christ. Oh, before we go on to Batman, two things, okay? I want to talk with the Brooklyn

Shooter and Noel Edmonds. Are they connected? Well, allow Detective Bryant to come elementary, my dear Cadden. I think you'll find. Yeah, I'll talk about the Brooklyn one first.

There's a big Brooklyn shooting there. No one died. Yeah, on the subway, right? Yeah, on the subway. Now, thankfully, it sounds like this guy was a bit of tarred, so he didn't really know what he was doing, okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He, uh, I think, I don't know what race he was. He was black. Yeah, I didn't really, I only listened to radio stuff about him. Yeah. But apparently he hated, uh,

Eric Adams, who's a new mayor of New York. And he's a new cool downlow funky mayor, you know, yeah, he's subscribed to the J-Lo newsletter too. Yeah, me and him together. I've heard, you know, he's, he's, he's a bit funky. He loves, uh, he uses basketball

metaphors a lot So he's like Yo, this New York here we gotta throw it from the free throw line Is he a white guy? No, black guy Yeah, yeah

And he's like, you know When it comes to freedom We've got to hit the backboards You know what I'm saying And they all cheer Oh, wow Okay And he knows what he's saying

But it's fun And he parties Yeah He's in nightclubs, you know He's just getting So fucking wasted Oh my God I have to get up so early tomorrow

Holy shit Is that ketamine? Oh, I can't believe I'm doing ketamine right now. I have to do mayor shit. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. I got to meet both Cuobos tomorrow. Those guys suck.

Oh, shit. Where did I park my car? I'm so, fuck. I should even be fucking driving. I'm going to the drive-throw. I'm getting Wendy. Get off. Get off of him.

Yeah. I haven't seen. you want to see more of that come to live show but uh yeah so this this shooter okay hated Eric Adams and hated women

okay real big uh woman here I think he I'm not sure of insult or not I know he made loads

of people were trying to understand what his like ideology is and I think he was like can't a guy just be a mental spastic and shoot people

yeah what kind of society are we living in and where everything has to have a political ideology Yeah, I don't like how it's like You have to like go into all his tweets

And they find like Oh, you know he liked Oh, he likes Tim and Eric Oh, there's a connection right there Yeah I don't swim We found an aquitine hunger force tattoo on his right

Meat Ward He had Meat Ward tattooed in one of his balls And then you have to have this like Dumbarico's like Is America ready to be done with Meatwad Have we moved on as a culture a society

America's long troubled history with meat what you don't know man you don't know what's like yeah you seen them

remember that thing about after Will Smith slapped someone wrote that column or was like are we done with stand up

oh really yeah yeah yeah it was me I wrote that are we don't stand up please please

I'm oh no I didn't see that yeah someone was just like you know we as a people we should be go beyond this

like Twitter's better in stand-up anyway. Wow. We have memes now. Okay. So, you know the way, like, stand-up's like the locomotive. And Twitter's like drones.

Think about that for a minute. Yeah, well. It's weird when I meet someone who actually like stand-up. Like, there are a couple, there's people doing stand-up now, like in the scene. They're like 19, 20 years old. Yeah. That's crazy to me.

And they're full of piss and vinegar. And they're like, man, it's great. Man, we're making people feel good. And I'm like, what's wrong with you? You just have a glass bottle ready to go. Yeah, like, it just, it does seem to me to be like a real old school art form, but it's just one of those things that the live, it's the same as a band. You're never going to get rid of live music. People are always going to enjoy the live experience.

Like, I have to kind of take myself out of myself from it, if that makes sense. You know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, step back from it. So sometimes I'll be at a show and happened recently, I went to a show you were on and I wasn't on. Yeah. So I could just sit back and enjoy myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was watching these acts and not to be mean but like I've seen all their acts you know I've seen all this you know I was thinking like man if I'd never seen stand up

before it's walked in I'd be like this is insane yeah what's going on like I don't know what's going like he just coming up with that on this

what he's he's doing crowd work how's that work he's just talking talking about me and what a genius I am better be about me and not Ben Firth

I just fucking Scott is yeah he's the new he's new daddy yeah he's great and a very nice guy. Yeah, he is kind of like a better version

of you in a way not to be mean or anything but you know he is the Scottish version yeah some nicer more pleasant version

he is very nice isn't he funnier it's almost like it was two forks in a road yeah yeah and I chose

Scottish I can't even get a spot in a monkey barrel you know anyway yeah Ben's a good guy we like Ben so what was I even

talking about oh the terrorism yeah so this guy terrorism and stand up yeah so this guy this guy hated Ben Vert

all right and he was like the Scottish cunt so he was he went on the train with some guns

okay yeah now there is a conspiracy that this is all fake we'll get to that in the

minute oh I like this so now you're stretching you're getting ready yeah yeah

downward facing dog so what he did is kind of dumb he probably thought he probably thought

to the cinematic he threw smoke bombs down on the train and started firing

was he sorry was he on the platform or in the train I don't know okay

I haven't done much research. No, you clearly haven't. Most of this just occurred on my dreams, all right? A premonition. I had a premonition the night after it happened. I tried to warn them,

but they didn't want to hear it. They thought I was crazy. I'm like the precogs. Amnostra shamans. So, um, yeah, so he threw the smoke bombs down and started firing. I believe on the train station,

I believe. I have to put money. On the platform. Yeah, yeah. So he threw a, smoke bombs and then started firing. So he couldn't see anything. He couldn't see where... So nobody died. No one died. He was like,

my eyes, help! Oh, my sinus is! Where's my inhaler? I think he shot like 10 people, but nobody died. Yeah. And they got... He's been arrested, like, alive, I think. Yeah, some cool guy got him, okay? Do you see him he's the local celebrity now? No, what? There's some guy, I think his name's like,

it's something like Taliban, but it's not Taliban. It's something like, let's say, Ben, Talban Okay Okay Something like that Or maybe Talban Wherever it's there

Some guy like Saw him I think stopped him Okay And he was on the news Being like Yeah I was like I was like

I was like I was like Yeah You're fucking awesome Dude Oh okay Yeah Crisis actors Probably yeah

Yeah Definitely Definitely It was George Clooney They're not even Try anymore He can't get work Yeah

Yeah He's really Like a groucho mask Okay So what's the conspiracy that? Oh, there's just a few things where he just perfectly dropped his ID on the ground. Oh.

And then they couldn't find... Also, all the cameras in the station broke down at once. Always with the cameras breaking at these things. Isn't it? And then the police, I think, handle it weird. And, like, they couldn't find him for ages and I think the guy actually called up. Like, hey, I'm here. Yeah, yeah. So they could find him.

Okay. This is interesting now. I must look into this. Yeah, I will look into it more. It's what my life needs now. More conspiracies. But what's the... What, why, why would... It's militarised the police, I believe, and something like that. You know what?

Because the police have been getting such a bad rub of it recently, you know? Yeah, yeah. You need a couple of these every now and again just to be like, hey. Oh, you want to defund the police? Yeah.

And there's spastics with guns? Yeah, who's going to stop the spastics? They were getting a lot of shit because while this is going on, all the police were busy kicking homeless people out at some place. Oh, good. So it kind of was bad optics in a way, yeah.

Yeah, sure. Who were the kicking them out of? Sorry, I kind of, uh... Oh, yeah, sorry. sorry, you kind of went like that. Yeah, yeah, but you like, instead of carrying on and covering it,

you just froze, dead silence. Yeah. Let the listener hear me go, just fucking hawking a big fleb one. And you're like, I better stay quiet.

So they don't miss this. Yeah, I'll say quiet or he'll ruin the podcast. Okay. So, yeah, well, what were you asking me? I got distracted by your noises. No, it was just that. It was an unusual noise.

It wasn't a full cough, it wasn't a full sneeze It was just kind of like a thing Anyway, so they were kicking the home people out Because they're homeless And the home people just getting away of everything So, okay, yeah Didn't kill anyone, so he's a loser Yeah, he's a loser

He's a failure, better look next time, buddy What was the other thing you were going to talk about? Noel Edmonds Noel Edmonds So I have to give this now They're not connected by the way But you know Noel Edmins killed a guy What?

Yeah, I remember we're learning about this downstairs Last week Were we? Yeah, well you, I was anywhere I was paying attention. You were probably playing with a ball of string or some shit. No, so Noel Edmonds used to have a show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is a couple of weeks ago. Shane put it off. Oh, it's been in my head since. When we were drinking. Yeah, yeah. So Noel Edmonds used to be a show. Gaslighting me there, folks. Do you hear that?

Go on. Yeah. It's a bit of fun, isn't it? Yeah, so he had a show where it's like, basically like Jim will fix it. It was like, oh, do you want to do something? I'll let you do it. Yeah. So some guy was like, he wanted to.

drive a car over like a evil caneval stunt stuff? Yeah, so it's all kind of stunt shit all right. And let's say like any member of the public, any dumb member the public can be like, oh yeah, I want to like drive a bus out of a helicopter and then land

in the ocean. Can you do that? And he'd be like yeah, let's do it. In a shark's mouth. Do we need to practice it? I will get it in one. Don't worry. So no idea was like, yeah, let's do it. Great. And the reason they're doing this is because there was a lot of competition from other channels I don't know, I think maybe they're on ITV

and maybe Channel 4 was coming, but there was more competition for channels, so now that's to be more extreme and edgy. Yeah, just like over the top. Yeah, so they did loads of stunts, and one of stunts that went really bad, okay, is there was a guy in a car and he wanted to jump over, like, six cars, that's it, okay?

Like, go over a ramp or whatever. So they tried it with a stuntman first, and the car obviously didn't go over six, it's going to hit a car and flipped over. I think it turned out that the ramp itself was like designed wrong, so like, the dimensions wrong. Or they make all this shit

in like an afternoon like just make a ramp without doing any measurements or anything. He just went on to the set of art attack and just like here this looks like a ramp

let's take this. There's still fucking nails in it and shit. Yeah, yeah. Didn't the art attack guy kill himself as well? No, was the guy from Smart

killed himself. His girlfriend died beforehand. Good. You know the art attack guy he didn't kill himself. Man. Yeah.

Here's one I made earlier because I'm not a pussy. So like the stunt man fucking crap. Instead of being like, okay, let's not do this. They're like, okay, the stuntman failed. Let's let's let the guy do it.

Remember the public do it. He'll probably do it. Beginners luck and all that, you know? He's an alcoholic. He should be able to do it. And then he crashed as well. And he was okay. But they do this live.

Do it live. And so they have to cut back a studio and Noel Edmund's being like, oh. Well, we'll check on him there on. Oh, fuck, I'm on fire. Oh, oh. Oh, spot to bother there, is there? Oh, good way he's wearing his seat belt

as his head is decapitated so they got away with that and apparently one of the producers is like I'm fucking done here man we are on the edge here I'm fucking done it no Edmund's like coward pussy oh brood so the next one

was very dangerous I don't know why this guy wants this but he wants to be suspended in a glass box from a crane and then get out of the box before a timer drops the glass box What the fuck? Yeah.

This guy's just like the most elaborate suicide of all times. Yeah, he's just some guy with a big beer belly and a, you know, a wonky eye. He's like, yeah, I want to do that, yeah. I want to be like to eat and hunt. Yeah. So they try this and there's a number of problems. So one thing he had a few points beforehand. That's where to God, yeah.

This guy's a legend, man. What a fucking legend. Second. Bitch a judge going to shoot. Yeah. Don't get too shaky. Do you know what I mean? Secondly, like, they didn't like run through just like hung it up there like, yeah.

That looks okay, right? There had no guy up there to help him. Like no like, you know, professional. No like safety in that or anything. Just had him get up there. It's demented, isn't it? And all the time, Noel Edmunds is looking like, this is great. This is great.

Yeah. I'm fucking, this is, well, did he have Mr. Blobby, didn't he? Yeah, yeah. Blobby, yeah. I think Mr. Blobby was after all this. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.

What was the whole thing? He was just like this big blob of retarded shit that would pour around fondling people against the way? Fondling young women. Yeah, yeah. Just grab a their... Oh, Mr. Blobby's got his hands on you. Yeah. Oh, Mr. Blobby's going to school again.

Nah. The new production of Miss Saigon starring Mr. Blobby. so he gets up there and there's like nine things go wrong and the box just drops with him in it and he dies and he smashes on the ground and dies yeah that's amazing live as well no i think they caught i think they were doing a rehearsal one it wasn't live anyway oh okay this is the i think they were doing a rehearsal one for the live one and he died during that there's no footage of it i don't believe oh i see so no edmonds okay so it's no edmonds another guy working on the show the guy who isn't no edmonds i think he became like an alcoholic and just like

It just ruined his life. He was like, oh, it's a fucking shame. Yeah, we killed a guy. Edmonds was like, oh, that's a spot of bother, isn't it? And then went on Wogan, like, three months there, being like, yeah, it was terrible, yeah, but, you know, we live in there and don't we, some of us, too. And he was talking about how hard it was, you know, like, yeah, people are very mean to mean the press. Thankfully, uh... They called me things like naughty Noel.

Yeah. There's no call for that, is there? A bit too far, is it? And the family, oh, don't get me starred. Wee, where! I got Mr. Blobby after them. Bunch of your penny pitchers. There's not going a few quaid, weren't they?

Yeah. Yeah, I was okay, though. I was with my girlfriend. Big titch, yeah? You know what it is? Like, Terry, yeah? Terry Wagwab. I didn't make that up.

That was like a recurring sketch. I can't remember watch show, but... I think Peter Serifinovitz had a sketch were... Yeah, it might be than that, yeah, but it was like, it's me, Terry Waguam. And, uh, yeah.

So that's, that's Noel Edmonds there. And then he just like scurred by, he was fine. And then deal or no deal. And he became so rich off that because he could sell the format

then to America. Did he design the, he came up with it? I believe so, yeah. Oh, man, if he didn't sign himself, he was a producer, so he gets a big chunk of it.

That's awesome. Yeah, and then... At one stage, he was going to buy the BBC. There was rumors about that, yeah. Really? Nice.

It was like, he's very part it's just Mr. Blobby 24-7 yes finally for this generation

we need this that'll fix them all right so we'll talk about Batman then we're like half an hour in this is great oh before we talk

about Batman I'll talk about the shadow oh okay I watched the shadow with Alec Baldwin because the reason I was interesting this is because after

Batman came out the Jack Nicholson one right yeah yeah just loads of copycat movies because it was a huge success It was one of the biggest movies ever at the time And unprecedented For something like this

They're like oh shit We've got loads of comic book characters Yeah I mean like because before that Like what what Like maybe the fucking Like Christopher Reeves Superman Was there any other real franchise

And even that kind of died on the vine Yeah That guy fucking Oh I have to get my horse Oh great yeah Dear Noel Edmund I would like to ride my horse Yeah why not

Go for it Chris see me right yeah you ever see Chris Jericho get all pissy about the

no I think it's Opie and Anthony okay and Jim Norton makes a joke about Chris

and Jericho gets proper like pissy about it really I think his mother is also paralyzed

oh well fuck off yeah but he gets all like yeah okay yeah great we're making fun

about that now are we are we anyway so there was a number of copycat movies after the Batman

came out So they were like, the Batman's popular. What about The Shadow? Everyone loves The Shadow. You know The Shadow. Remember when your little kid running around playing The Shadow? The Shadow is the name I gave to the bad thing that came into my room when my parents had adult parties. And he came in smelling of cigarettes and booze.

And it was Alec Baldwin. Hey, you little freak. Come here. You pig You fat little pig You're disgusted Who am I I'm the guy

With the $40,000 Rolex That's been shoved In your little ass Your little fruit So yeah The Shadow Yeah

So the shadow's interesting Because he came Before Batman He's a radio character Okay I was thought It was like a newspaper A radio first

Then became Newspaper comic strip Then comic book Kind of like the Pulp Noir stuff Exactly yeah He won the first to really do that.

Him and like the Phantom Yeah, I remember the Phantom movie with Billy Zane. Yeah, now I try to watch that but I watched it on there's a website go on to the fine pirated movies

and I started watching the Phantom of the Opera Oh, how long into it did you get? A lot, yeah. I was extra confused I just watched Miss Saigon before so I was like,

where's the hoars? It's that Billy Zane playing piano? Yeah. So the Shadow case started off the radio thing, okay, and it'd be more like an ontology thing, we'd be like, hello, I'm the shadow

today's story of crime and terror. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then eventually... A bunch of Vietnamese move into the neighborhood. Not on my watch. Oh, no, it's a shadow. We had to rot.

Oh! Yeah, no. Yeah, none of that. Of course, yeah, yeah. Well, when was it like the 30s? Yeah. Yeah, I can't imagine it was two PCs. It wasn't, it wasn't.

It wasn't. But then eventually, people we want to see more the shadow himself so then the shadow became the actual character in the radio and Orson Wells

actually played the shadow for a year Oh, that's cool Yeah, okay A lot of actors did it but only Orson Wells is the one you'd actually know Yeah

So he became very popular comic strip A few like movies back in the day I mean like the 50s Okay Yeah yeah yeah Like black and white movies Were like text on the screen

That kind of shit Okay And more radio plays And it was really really popular And then kind of died down But it did influence the Batman Okay So all the early Batman

strips were basically just like copies of shadow scripts okay and um it was it was only huge bob can is a fucking piece of shit oh yes exactly he's a dog no he actually is he actually is a dog shit human being really yeah yeah yeah apparently

I think Bill Finger invented nearly everything and then Bob Kane all the comic book guys are pieces of shit that robbed off someone else okay basically the way it worked is to be like an alpha guy basically like yourself okay I just come in yeah I'm here being like well what about a bad man character yeah i thought of that

yeah i'm great yeah i just take your notebook oh miss say god yeah i'll make that funny oh but i can credit me for shut up nerd pussy yeah i just take it i'm like

it's it's my place really it's what i deserve so the shadow very popular and then by about like the 60s dead yeah no one gave a fuck All the hippies were tripping on mesculine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So then no more shadow, but then Batman's big and it's like, okay, we got the shadow, that's cheap. Yeah. Let's make the shadow with Alec Baldwin. Do you know anything about the shadow?

No, not at all. Nothing. Okay, well, you know the way Batman's cool? Yeah, well, yeah, okay. Picture, bad. So I'm going to give you some comparisons here. So the shadow isn't Bruce Wayne. Right.

It's Lamont Cranston. Lamont Cranston. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Even better, isn't it? Extra syllables need extra action. I'm confused.

Okay. So, Lamont Cranston is like an air... Where is Lamont from? What... La Cranston? Yeah. I know he's Alec Baldwin anyway, okay? So I believe he's like an army man, a soldier man, okay?

And then for the American army, but then he goes AWOL and becomes the head of Chinese drug syndicate. Oh, what? Yeah. Again, imagine this is during the time of extreme anti-Asian hate. Sure, yeah. Okay, so, Yawai Batman has those of cool villains. Yeah.

The shadow is Chinese people. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, and they are very crafty and sinister. Yes, they are. And it's our duties Americans to hunt them down. So Lamont Cranston becomes the head of a Chinese drug gang, okay?

So now he's evil. okay and he does opium and he hangs out with uh with hookers sweet yeah and he kills innocent people yeah and they have like some guy being like oh mr lamont cranston please do not burn down my village shut the fuck up you god damn beater yeah that's a not right he's a shadow yeah and then he just kills him yeah and there's one bit where like he's like oh mr shadow please don't shoot me he's like i won't shoot you but my guards will ha ha ha ha ha and it kills him there right so this is all like the first like three minutes of the film okay so he's like bad okay he's got

long hair and he's kind of sexy looking he's like oh I love crime this is like young Alec Baldwin and he's still a piece of age you know what I've noticed he's never actually fully shirtless in the movie when he is shirtless he's got his belt up above his belly button oh like Robert Mitchum

yeah so like Richard Mitchum used to do that you know hike the belt up yeah so I'm not too sure how ripped he's not really ripped he's got dad bad but he's got good he's got the hair that helps a lot. A hairy chest. Yeah,

yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, yes. So, in the first five minutes... Did you have a hairy chest?

I don't. Yeah, I know. You're Alec Balls. I know. I don't have a hairy chest. Oh, you can get like surgery done. I've got some wisps.

You know, some people get like top surgery. You could do that. Yeah. That'd be fun. So, um, then some other Chinese guy shows up

and waxed Alec Ball in the head, all right? Then Alec Ball and wakes up in a castle and the Chinese guy's like, oh, I want you to be good now because only a man

who has seen evil can be truly good. You know the evil that lurks within men. Okay. And Alec Baldwin's like Yeah, okay. Whatever. Have you got more heroin? Yeah. Suck your dick, please. Come on. So then he moves back to New York, right? And this is like a kind of funky kind of retro

New York. I'm not sure when it's meant to be set, I think, like, maybe the 50s or so. Also, his uncle was like the Commissioner Gordon. Okay. Yeah. And he was just like in the military. He's not rich or anything? Oh, he's rich. Yeah. He's a playboy. Okay. Like Bruce Wayne.

He walks around his suits and stuff like that Yeah, yeah Now, you know the way Batman is a Batmobile? Yeah The Shadow has something much cooler He's got a taxi Driven by Peter Boyle

What? Yeah, Peter Boyle is the taxi man A wise cracking taxi man Wow So then whenever the shadow needs him Peter Boyle's right there Be like, all right boss And he always says something like funny

Like oh like you know what There's explosion he's like oh quiet night It was like dinner at my mother's house she's a cunt Oh my word So the other way Batman He can like

You know He doesn't have actually Superpowers But he's got incredible strength And Intelligence And he's a great detective Yeah

The shadow, okay Can turn invisible How Chinese secrets What Chinese magic Yeah No

Yeah No Ancient Chinese secrets So he can turn Invisible And invisible And invisible again How does he

Enable It just Just wants to Just can... Yeah. Yeah. So you can only see his shadow, get it? Oh, so he doesn't...

Does he even have to do a spell? Like, Jing-dong, don't... No, no, no. He does speak Chinese in the film. Wanga Gangnam stars. You know, it's funny, he speaks Chinese in it, and he's probably accurate Chinese, but when Baldwin says he's like,

this seems offensive. So he can turn invisible. He can also gaslight people. Oh. So he can control men's minds. Just men? Oh, no, and women as well. Some women.

We'll see later on. Yeah, you don't need powers for that. I'm all right, lads. Oh, just dangle something shiny in front of them. Oh, they'll butt-like putty in your hands, lads. Do you know what I mean? All right, they're soon. See, wants a little trinket, do you?

Well, you know what you've got to do for daddy? Come on. I'm the shadow. Haven't you seen the shadow, you dumb bitch? Anyway. Okay, so he can gaslight people. So kind of like a Jedi. So here's an example.

So he's talking to his uncle, the commissioner, okay? Commissioner's like, oh, this damn shadow is everywhere. I got to sell up a special task force to get him. And Alec Baldwin's like, no, you don't.

He's like, oh, you're right. And my dick is huge. Oh, your dick's so big, Alec Baldwin. I know. And he also has guns. Oh, okay. He's got two guns.

Yeah, Chinese magic. Does it do the trick for that, does it? Also, this is very odd. I've no idea why. but the shadow has a mask over like the bottom of his face covering his mouth okay just his mouth yeah you can see like his head his forehead and his nose all right his eyes obviously

but he has a fake nose what yeah this is very silly he's got fake nose now it's not like a plastic nose it actually appears on him when he becomes a shadow and when he takes off the mask the nose shrinks what yeah Oh

Is there An anti-Semitic Yeah You know stealing money I'm in the shadow I'll drop that now Maybe it's a reference Like maybe the scarlet pimple nail

Something like that But yeah The what? The scarlet pimple nail Pimple nail Pimple nail Scarlet Pimpernel I don't know what it is

Yeah We're both dummies here Okay Don't treat me like shit All right Don't use your shadow powers on me but yeah he's got a big fake

nose when he comes to shadow right and then when he takes off the mask it goes back to normal so that's all his powers there how big does it get is like Steve Martin? No maybe just like an extra like 30% okay so it becomes more pointy okay and sinister

crooked yeah yeah so the plot then is that he's running around being the shadow but then Genghis Kong's grandson shows up and he's like you know I want to take over the world

but they all by the way you're being offensive there all the Chinese people and they speak with British accents oh okay

they're all like ah yes Mr Shadow it's me Chinese man what a son it's your old pal jing zinging

bing ming all right more son nip up the apples and pears in like a good lane why you owe me a bit of bees and honey

where's that pony from earlier Yeah, you dirty beggar. Chinese boise. Harrow, man, I'm a twigger. Twigger. Okay. So, at the same time, all right, he meets Penelopee Ann Miller.

Okay. She's hot. Is she? You ever see her? What else was she in? This is crazy. Barely anything. Okay.

But she used to be married to Will Arnette. Before Will Arnette was famous. Weird. Well, while Will Arnette was in a string of failed pilots, he was married to a woman who was in the shadow while she was in the shadow what else was she were in? I know the name Penelope Ann Miller

Look her up there while I vamp for a while and just talk about the idea that I don't understand how Will Farrell Will Arnett Oh yeah sorry Will Arna yeah I just got distracted by this Yeah Will Arnette Look her up there

Penelope Ann Miller It's a name you remember isn't it Yeah yeah hang on So Will Arnette He's a good looking guy I know but he wasn't famous and she's in the shadow She's royalty basically

I definitely I must have seen her as something She's probably being around She's a character actress now I think After 30 Stop being a lead actress Oh she is quite hot Yeah imagine Will Arnette on that

She was in kindergarten cop Oh yeah Carlito's Way Oh baby yeah The relic Uh not so much Yeah The shadow is the most important thing

She's ever done Yeah I tell her that when she's in the hospice. She's in Awakening's as well with De Niro She had a little career there and then she got too old

That's her fault isn't it? She stopped fucking Will Arnette And then the phone stopped ringing This is during an alcoholic Will Arnett as well Was he an alcohol? Yeah, alcoholic failed pilot Will Arnette

And he's still getting pussy And he left her For fucking Amy Poehler Yeah And he actually He fell off the wagon during Flaked Remember that show? No

He was in a show called Flaked In like 2017 About a recovering alcoholic And then he just started fell off the wagon, yeah. It's funny. That's what happened to Michael K. Williams.

It's hard, isn't it? Like, I know for some actors, they're like, you know, they go off to drink, but they'll, like, have to play, like, alcoholic sometimes, okay? And they'll have to, like,

smell the alcohol to get into the role of it. So it must be very tempting, you know? Of course, yeah. Also, there's that whole notion of California sober. Yeah. You know, I don't do heroin,

but I take Vicod in and I only drink beer, not vodka, unless it's the weekend, and I smoke weed all the time. but they'll also do like goop shit you know the Gwynet Paltrow stuff and they're like yeah I'm okay

it's okay it's psychedelics they're not even they're basically medicine I can drive with these so where are we? So the shadow okay oh you're still talking about that Penelopee Ann Miller she's a ditsy

kind of a cool girl alright she's got psychic powers oh right so the shadow can't control her she's an empath yeah exactly and it's Sagittarius that becomes important later

and the shadow can't control Sagittarius is all right so because he can't gaslight her he's interested in her

the one you can't have okay and her uncle he realized he's got upper body

shreds and it's like oh I didn't need this shit at all this is much easier

come here you her uncle is Ian McKellon and he's a wacky inventor so he's invented

a new type of bombs now the Chinese are trying to when I say Chinese

there's some good Chinese in here as well I guess so the evil

Chinese guy Gangus Kong that's just say. He wants to take the atomic bomb to take over the world because his grandfather didn't have that. His one weakness was not having an atomic bomb. He didn't have nuclear weapons. And also

Tim Curry's in it as well, playing a sniveling sidekick. He's really fun, yeah. He's like me, you get them there. I'll be right with you and runs away. Yeah. Oh, where's the shadow? I don't feel very well, lad. My hands

won't stop shaking. I can't walk anymore. So then the shadow does some stuff. And there's some Chinese people. He beats up a lot of Chinese people. Yeah. And then I don't know. I don't know what happens then.

Yeah. Did you finish it? I did. Yeah. I remember you texted me. It's like, oh, this is really dumb, but I'm enjoying it.

And then two minutes later, no, this is actually shit and I hate it. I do switch very quick, don't I? That's why I'm fun to be in a relationship with. I love you. I have to fuck off. You're not Alec Baldwin. just as you're about to come

oh I've never been so in love you con't I'm glad your mother's dead pig smelly pig oink oink oik yeah just jizzed in your trough you whore you sow

you were really on one today yeah yeah but it's good though we need that for the live show as well yeah right yeah so they stopped the bomb anyway and the shadow what's he do I think he falls in love with Penelopeia Miller

and then they all have a good time in the end and then I think Peter Boyle says a funny line in the end no it didn't really it didn't do well did it? No I didn't I think that a rush production because there's an earthquake

happened and destroyed some of the sets oh shit so I think there's a bit of the end where the shadows chasing the Genghis Kong around and I think they were supposed to go into like a hall of mirrors and have a big action thing

but all the mirrors fell down so they didn't just just shot him Fair enough No yeah So there was So after Batman It was the shadow

And then Phantom Which was shit as well Darkman Now Darkman Now Darkman was like An original creation Of Sam Ramey I've heard that's good

I've heard Yeah It's kind of like A cult hit Like Liam Neeson right Yeah Playing like a comedic Kind of

A dark man I need to find The Black Bastards The Dark Bastards The Dark Man Bastards So let's go on to Batman real quick

Then before we go So I watched... What are we at here? We got time. Oh, yeah, we got time. So I watched Batman Returns. I don't know why. I've been in a real Batman Returns mood recently.

You only ever get that kind of way. I loved Batman Returns when I was a kid. It's like really violent. Yeah. The studio hated it. Really? They had loads of fights with Tim Burton about it. Because they wanted fucking McDonald's pulled out.

Really? Yeah, McDonald's had a whole tie line and they pulled out because it was too violent and sexual. I haven't seen it in so long. But I'll let you... Man, it's literally like... like they fully go like that's the pussy I've been looking for

oh about cat what yeah I know but actually you might not get this it's actually a double meaning there well

whatever Davido's saying it yeah that's the pussy I'm gonna ask there's another bit where like there's a girl

like oh you're such a good role model for young people and he's like well you're a good role model for me

and he's like puts a badge on her tit and he's like rubbing her tit nice yeah yeah

he's like whah as he rubbed their taste. Davido's so good in that. Davido is fucking great. It's got Christopher Walkin. Yeah.

Walking almost steals the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's, um, do you want to talk about, I don't know much to say about Batman? The first Batman, I don't know why. I just kind of stuck it on. The muscle relaxers were kicking in and the smoke a bit of ways like,

let's just watch Batman. I didn't really like it, to be honest. Now, obviously, liked it a lot when I was a kid. I didn't like it either. No, I liked it as a kid. I was a real nerd. I was like, that's not the real Joker's. Jordan.

Batman didn't push him into the chemical vat and access chemicals. This is a disgrace. Yeah, that's when your mother knew, it's time to send him to the doctors. Yeah. But yeah, I didn't really, no, obviously, Jack Nicholson saves it. Watching his

performance kind of makes up for, like, the rest of the movie. Like, even the way that Batman is revealed at the start, I thought it was just really silly and just kind of... Yeah, it has like an amateurish vibe, because I think there's a lot of arguments making that between the Tim Burton style

and the studio style and it kind of is clashing weird there's a lot of people too many cooks in the kitchen and all I mean I like it kind of it's very good aesthetically the sort of production design it sort of shows the world

of Gotham City very well there's obviously a kind of German expressionist kind of influence which is cool but I'm like you know Michael Keaton does a fine job. Kim Bessinger does a good job but the guy who plays the wisecracking

reporter, I liked him, he was good. I remember as a kid I always identified with him, I was like, hey, that's sad, isn't I? Yes, it is. The smart aleck you can't get pussy. It's like, hey, I don't know what it is, but that guy. I know my place, you know, will I ever be a cool hero? No, no.

I'm not even commissioner of Gordon. Yeah, but as I was Billy D. Williams. Nice. Yeah, nice, respect. Yeah, I always considered you a bit of a two-face, too. Woo-hoo! Boom! Yeah, enough of that.

So, Batman, yeah, it was really only for Jack Nicholson's performance that I enjoyed it, but yeah, I did have a very, like, strong, you know, inner monologue while I'm watching as, like, I'm in my 30s, what am I doing here watching Batman? Well, I didn't get that watching Batman returns.

I was completely transfixed and taking away by the gothic nature of Tim Burton's masterpiece. It's, it's real, it's a lot darker and more violent. The first one's kind of silly. What I like about Jack Nicholson's performance is it's so very obviously influenced by Caesar

Romero's from the 60s Batman, but then he incorporates a real darkness into it, so he very much serves as a bridge between Caesar Romero and Heath Ledger, which I respect, you know? I haven't watched Batman in a lot. Probably, I'm not exaggerating, maybe 20

years. It's been a long, long time. There's a dance scene, isn't it? There's like a prince dance. yes two actually oh wow yeah they when they go into the art gallery yeah yeah start dancing and kind of defacing the artwork disrespectful uh and then there's the big set piece at the end joker basically puts on his own parade and invites all the people he was like throwing out money yeah and then he poison gas or whatever it's weird it's very silly and cartoonish and then there's a kind of dark undercurrent but it's it's very light in the darkness

I think it's not like fully committed to anyway well I think Batman Returns is very much like this is timber and 100%. He obviously got a lot more creative control because the first one is successful. Should he just jump into Batman Returns? Yeah, also just a quick, interesting thing Jack Nicholson got top billing

above Michael Keaton and pites on the back end back when that was a newish thing. Made a lot of money. Oh, I've heard like 80 million. Respect. 80 million like insane amount. Anyway, so yeah, Batman Returns

So Batman Returns, I don't know I just had fun memories of this And I started watching it I forgot so much of it And then as it went on It started like coming back to me Yeah, yeah, yeah But like, remember like the start

It starts with like the penguin being born And the whole joke is that he's fucking ugly Yeah, so they put him in a basket And put him on the river But before that he's actually eating the cat Like he's like he keeps him in the cage Oh what? Yeah, he's like

Weh-in the cage Like his little baby I'm sorry but like How is this possible It's the whole but not looking and I was like honey that day

you went to Brooklyn Park zoo I mean I know we were going through some stuff

then but what are you account like me have David just say it you

passive aggressive son of a bitch while the baby's like this is why Pingoo

and I work so well together Pingoo so they put up in a little thing

kind of like Moses and put him in the river and he goes into the fucking sewers, yeah. And up to this point

this is not, it doesn't feel like a Batman movie this is just a weird like kind of weird dream gothic thing. Yeah, yeah. And he goes in and we see him going in and the Batman logo and all that. I know, I'm over I'm, hey, here's take my money, you know, I'm loving it. Hellen the bottom carter's a conch. I love you, Timber. So then we cut it

33 years later. It's a Christmas movie. Yeah. So it's on Christmas, yeah. I remember I was first seeing it as maybe I was like 10 years old at Christmas I just remember watching it thinking this is fucking awesome Yeah Because there's that whole big thing

The Batman's driving out Kapsue, Kepoo! Pappoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Yeah Weo weeo wee boobo peepum Beepum Wee boobooy How it starts beating his babbooy Yeah no I remember

loving it I remember it being crazy I remember describing this to my aunt I remember describing the Batman Returns to my aunt And then like halfway through Relatives she didn't care Yeah Yeah and it's like why you're looking away

I'm talking about Batman That's why I've hated women Ever since And you've been right Yeah The burden of proof In on you, brother They have been dropping the ball

Collectively For millennia Bitches Salt your shit out So Christopher Walker is a business man You remember his name? No Max Shrek

Max Shrek Yeah you know where that's from Nosferato That's the actor who played Nospharato That's cool He's building a power plant So he's evil

and he's got white hair I'll be honest to you know, I'm looking at Christopher Walker sometimes in this movie you know that thing on the internet where you can like

bimbofy someone No Bimbofy is like a filter thing where you make them look really sexy So let's say like They take like Chandler And then make him look Like a 16 year old girl

Oh Yeah Wow You know That's what you want Is it Or you could get like Joey

and make him look like a 16 year old girl You can have a lot of fun with it This is new to me Well I mean 60 year old girl I just mean like they give them like real cute features Yeah, kind of like big eyes Like an anime looking, okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay There's some points in this Where walking looks very fuckable Like he's got a real like Bimbo cute face Okay I mean, he was a handsome man back in the day No, not handsome

I'm going cute Like sexy Very cute Feminine, that's it yeah There's a feminine There's a feminine aspect to him in this film I think it's cause The big hair or whatever

And there's some bits where he's looking scared Which is very feminine yeah he's crying a little bit maybe choking on a hot dog yeah yeah yeah while I watch Batman returns his mascara is running so Max Shrek he's like

oh the power plant oh I'll have so much money and power and they're all like well Gotham doesn't need a power plant he's like shut up you cunt but then do you remember this Michelle Pfeiffer plays the secretary Selena and they're talking about business

she's like well I have an idea and they ignore her rich you should do she's the secretary Yeah, she's pouring tea And she's like, well, I have an idea for the business And no one will listen to me No, they won't

You know what happens if the CEO A Fortune 500 listens to the secretary The stock tanks and people Don't just lose their jobs, people die So pour the coffee and shut your fucking mouth Cunt! Now here's a fact I learned I don't think of 100% believe it

But I want to see what you think, okay? So apparently Bowie turned down the roll okay now it's said on the internet he turned it down to film Fire Walk with me oh the David Lynch the Twin Peaks movie

yeah yeah yeah but he's only in that for like five minutes but like the thing is you gotta take into consideration touring schedules recording all that stuff I think Lynch is like a weird thing

where like he could like I know it Twin Peaks Walk with me he filmed Firewalk with me he filmed loads of shit with people from the show and never used it so he like got them all down there

and filmed days and days never used it and only was available in like 2016 you can only get the footage then to release a special edition Oh really? Yeah, yeah How many more hours of footage?

An hour Oh, just an hour Well, no, I take a bit more than an hour Did you watch the full thing? I've never actually watched Firewalk with me I love Firewalk of Me Yeah? Now,

Firewalk in me is interesting because the first like 20 minutes is Kyle McLaughlin and it's like Twin Peaks It's like him outside Twin Peaks doing shit And then it goes back to him peaks And we never go back to Kyle McLaughlin So we never find out

He's investigating a murder with Kiefer Sutherland And they never go back to that And we just go back to Kama And you know about the incest? No Oh, it's all about incest So it's a guy fucking his daughter Awesome

Yeah, so Hey, baby Why would you want to do Batman returns You do that instead Can I play the daughter? No, David, you can't Please, come on, Lynchie You old stick in the

mad let me have a go so we find out the penguins the penguins got a cool gaff you remember he lives in the zoo in the Arctic like the Arctic that's right yeah he's got a real like he's got a real bachelor pack

yeah he's got me he's got a whole gang of freaks with him yeah they're all from the circus because later we we find out later on he grew up in the circus as bird boy bird boy yeah and all like he brought all the freaks with him he's got a nice piece of ass as well

remember the pool girl yeah it's like bearded ladies and two-headed octopuses and Puerto Ricans. It's crazy. It's like the workmen's, you know. It's wild. And actually, Doug Jones is one of the freaks. And he would go on to play

the shape of water and Abe Sapium in Hellboy and all sorts of roles that you're having a good time there, Brian? You're not really lighten up when I say these roles. No, no. To be honest, you said a whole bunch of, you made a whole bunch of noises come out of your minds. And I don't really know. My brain did not.

internalize or process that information in the slightest. Well, all the Doug Jones fans are like, whoa, Doug Jones, Doug Jones. Finally, the people play the Doug Jones drinking game of something to do. It's been a long wait. They're still holding that beer, be like, whoa. It was worth it.

Okay, so. That bud lights probably feel the bit heavy now. After holding it for so long. Oh. You know. Okay, so if you remember next, so we find out Mac Schreck's been up to no good, he's been doing a lot of dodgy shit.

Yeah, insider trading. Oh, more than that, like, his business partner got killed, mysteriously. So then Michelle Pfeiffer goes through the files to organize them. Secretary's sticking her beak in where it doesn't belong.

And then Christopher Walker throws out the window. He does. He's great, he's great, because he's like, oh, I'm not going to, and then throws her out, yeah. So he almost, like, He's almost the best part of it. Yeah.

I wonder if that's what he did was Natalie Wood on the boat. I'm only joking. No, I'm really going to do it. Bye. So what do you think about Catwoman's origin in the movie? What happens now?

So she falls, hits the ground and a bunch of cats start eating her? Start like going around her. It seems to be some kind of almost like a debt and rebirth. It's very vague intentionally. I remember as a kid not really getting, but they are kind of biting her.

they are yeah they're nibbling on her almost like their souls are going into her or some shit it's a bit as you say very vague and kind of not very clear now I didn't like this because that is not Catwoman's origin in the comic books and in the in the comic book she just likes cats the end

all right god they really were you know call her cat woman she likes cats go what the fuck were you want from me all right but in this it's I like it now because the movie's so weird

It's kind of cool that almost a supernatural element in a way, like, and if you want to be like, scientifically like, oh, she whacked her head and went spastic. But like, how it was a big fall. There's no way she could have actually survived. But she falls, like, you know those things that are like, you know, we have the doorway of a building and we've got the

thing above, like a canopy kind of thing? Oh, like a tarp yeah, she falls, hits the tarp and goes through, yeah. Now, it still wouldn't really help you, but it's comic books. Yeah, exactly, yeah. It's kind of, Oh, but the laws of physics dictate The cerebral hematoma would be so intense She would lose consciousness and eventually die

Scientifically her tits would pop out with a costume Neil deGrasse Tyson agrees of me Yeah, yeah Hey, I'm a titties you're talking about Anyway So, Max Shrek gives a speech Okay, and then the penguin kidnaps them This is the bit you're talking about all this circus

freak show out, okay? Then Batman gets called and he's like whewo, pew, pew, pew. Does that happen later, did it? Yeah, some stage. I might be in a mixed up, okay? And we see old Alfred.

Alfred's very old in these movies. Yes. He gets older as it goes along. This Alfred is in for the next two movies as well, Batman Forever and Batman and Robin. And the George Clooney one. Yeah, exactly. And by the end, remember he's just in the bed all the time?

He's just sick. He was real sick. And then, of course, when Nolan did it it was Batman Begins chemotherapy for Alfred He's old

He's old Folks He's old That's the joke Hello Take Michael Kane Please There's a story

A while ago He said he was tired From acting And then like a day later He's like Fuck that I'm back I'm better than Michael

Kane Oh right Yeah But he's like Not fucked on back And better Sex you're never Yeah, get Carter to do

Get Carter to the old folks oh So uh Because he's old folks Come on Are you with me here Yeah So now she's catwoman She's jumping around

They're all after Batman Batman's doing stuff Penguin tries to run for mayor At one stage Remember this? Vagely Yeah And he's like really like

Oh yeah There's like man Penguin's so sexual in this Like there's so many puns Like one bit where like Someone's like You can fill a void in the city And he's like

I like to fill her void. And he's like looking directly a woman's ass. Wow. It's a full shot of the ass, you know? Nice. God,

DeVito is really good in this. Yeah. He's so fun. I kind of, because you know, I've seen like the parody on It's Always Sunny and I kind of forgot

what he was like in the actual film. Wait, did he do a parody in all of a sudden? Yeah, I remember the, well, kind of like that in the lethal weapon

movie. He's kind of playing a villain. Oh, yeah, I guess. Yeah, I mean, but he's playing like in an Indian,

Native American chief. I know, yeah. That's not a penguin, Brian. I can't tell a difference. They're both in danger. You just go to a casino and feed them fish. You penguins sure like your fire water, huh?

So then, yeah, this is great then. Yeah, we don't need to go through it a whole thing. Like, yeah, you enjoyed it. Yeah, there's very dark stuff. Like one bit, like, penguin pushes a girl off a building. And Batman doesn't save her. family just watches she falls and he goes eh and it just drops and dies like what do you want honey i can't fly shit that's your problem remember penguin that's a you problem penguin bites that guy's nose i remember

that bit man he's bleeding like black goo yeah it was black no no his his blood is black but the guy's nose is red and his squirts like they got when he bites the guy's nose with penguin's blood is black yeah penguins got like black blood or fucking ooze or something coming out of him yeah he was an iteration oh that's why yeah exactly yeah exactly no it makes sense and the guy just some nerdy guy was like

Mel you are a bit ugly I guess there was no mirrors down the sewer and then penguin bites his nose off yeah I remember that and that was a big seat that didn't

that Warner Bros did not like that it was very shocking I remember as a child I was like oh my goodness yeah I remember the penguins with bombs on him

yeah wait doesn't he at one point try and kidnap all the kids yeah yeah Batman stops him but it goes very

like Moses again yeah very biblical Yeah, yeah, like, yeah, killing of the first son, but then there's also that sort of pied piper element too. Yeah. I remember, yeah, it was like they kidnap all the kids and put them in cages and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean...

I've got to re-watch this. It's awesome, man. I watch it right now. Yeah? Let's go downstairs. I don't give a fuck what they were doing. It's Batman returns. It's funny, they're having, like, a real moment down there.

It's like, yeah, man, just sometimes I'll find a hard to open up. And I'm like, guys, shut up! just have another trick it's my intervention Batman Returns I'm intervening with some Batman Returns I'm going to intervene your void

my cock My penguin cock Yeah Probably We're over an hour there Yeah We're over an hour there yeah That was fun

That was fun Yeah so Batman Yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna rewatch Batman returns You know what I think I'd enjoy Batman forever as well just for Jim Carrey

and Tommy Lee Jones Well have you read about Batman Triumphant No That was the original third Tim Burton movie With Damon Waynes Uh huh Robbins Oh

Yeah he did fittings for Batman Returns Really And they decided to cut it out Because it was already kind of too full But yeah There was a there gonna be a third Batman movie And also Tim Burton was going to do The Catwoman movie as well

So why didn't it then the studio or like it's too dark we want some we want Joel Schumacher he's a safe pair of gay hands yeah yeah yeah okay

he'll look after everything nice it was getting too dark and weird I mean I again haven't seen Batman forever in a very long time you'll be surprised

there is a lot of like sexual stuff with Catwoman and like she's like she's like getting real close to him and licking her nose

she's putting her leg up and stuff um Michelle Pfeifer man she's a hot little piece yeah but no You see her now

She's in her 60s Pippa P Crack her open Yeah Clean her out Yeah Guy woman That's okay

Another quailor Trillow me in a morning So Batman Triumphon would have been Damon Waynes Is Robin I forget who else Would be

I think the plan Was they're going to get Nicholson back In a dream sequence Okay And it was going to be Keaton again Yeah

Keaton and then Scarecrow I believe And they were Oh And they're going to have Billy D. Williams As two face

Yeah so then how come they recast Batman when Schulmacher took over because well I think it was like Keating just liked Burton

and I think they probably were like oh no because for Batman returns Keating got like 10 mil he got like a lot of money really yeah and I think they're like it's too much money yeah fair enough

Kilmer he knows his place yeah yeah he'll do it for a carton of smokes which will come back to haunt him in later life yeah so anyway yeah that's the end of the show there

buy tickets to the live show. Will this be the last podcast we do before live show? We should probably do like maybe a one before the live show

Yeah, we could do that yeah Patreon one before the live show just to like it's almost like the night before Christmas Yeah yeah

where we're just begging Please oh God buy tickets Oh yeah Well like look It's gonna be something You know what happens

If you don't buy tickets We end up in the boot of a car in a suitcase getting dumped into the liffy and it's going to be a certain Job's darn comedian that's doing it

I can't say much more than that but just know that doesn't it well for us if you don't buy tickets we're fucked we're fucked come on please

oh come on actually seriously though do come on please now buy a ticket fun is fun yeah let's get down to

I have bills to pay here with my art and my words I want to get that we should try and get that grant actually remember I was talking shit

about that government grant I'm actually needed now so I've come right yeah last thing you're like but you're fucking deadbeat hippies and then you get your first electricity bill

I have to buy food oh my god I'm like mommy where's to buy food I spent all my money on Batman return special edition oh fuck oh fuck

I'm fucked alright bye