Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 179 : Damo and Ivormectin

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

Damo and Ivor meet Brian and James

all right are you doing everybody we're back with three episodes it's been a while it's been a minute it's been a minute james was sick i was sick but now he's drank some cans yes he's feeling better he's giving me some cans i'm feeling bit dizzy yeah yeah drink it up come on i'll open this don't get less drunk it's okay you're not supposed to like it the first few times i gagging when i drink it and james like drink it harder i'm like i will endure it yeah swallow yeah don't spit it on uh so we're having a good time I nearly called you actually a few days ago, James, for help. Really? An SOS there.

Oh, God. Yeah. I thought we'd discussed this, Brian. No more phone called. I know. I knew my lesson. All right. I've done a late night event, all right?

Okay. And it was really late. And we're trying to get a taxi for me and they couldn't. Yeah. And I was like, oh, don't worry, guys. I'll get home. Yeah, who cares about me? Were you drunk?

No, no, no, I wasn't drunk. Okay. I was sober. I was like, yeah, I'll just go out in the cold. I'll be grand, you know? Yeah, I'll go out into the cold night of the city streets of Dublin. Oh, I'm sure nothing bad ever happens. Oh, I'll be fine.

So I was trying to get a taxi then in Temple Bar. I was over an hour, man. Yeah. I was a full Bill Simmons podcast waiting for a taxi. I mean, everybody knows taxi drivers do not stop for white men in Dublin. That's a well-established fact. You got to have big old titties or a big old shlong. And they can tell.

And it was cold as well. Please, it's getting it hard. My titties are all small because it's too cold. But I was thinking I'd call you. Okay. Now, this is literally like half three, nearly four. Right. I was thinking I could call you and you could pick me up.

I was like, to no point. I'll just get in this stranger's van. I want to cross that line. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. I mean, I probably wouldn't have to be honest. I got tax in the end, like, I was just, I was so cold. Did you ring me?

No, I didn't, no. I just sent you a video over. Nick Carter Oh yeah Yeah Allegations I was like Against a disabled child

That was my cry For help by the way I'm being Nick Carter in the street right now With a cold To be honest That's so different From all the stuff

We always send each other So I wouldn't be able to I'd see that as like Oh Brian's having a good time He's enjoying life Oh man I was so cold And depressed out

In the darkness Yeah man And there's no one picking you up And also by the way Taxi drivers We're talking too much these days They're too yappy

They're fucking are man I was hung over one time there And I got a taxi in And I'm like visibly like shaking Like I got in the car I was like hello there And I was finding hard to close the door You know sometimes you close the door

So weak It doesn't close properly Yeah and the light's still on Oh sorry wait I'm like pawing at the door And then the alarm starts going off Pussy alert Pussy alert

Little bitch can't close the door Is that related to me is it It's not a custom alarm because that's not in the factory settings. So I get in there, okay, and we're going to work, and wherever's like, are you hungover, are you, pal? Yes, I am. Oh, Jesus, what?

I hate being hung over. It's terrible, isn't it? Yeah, I don't like talking when it hungover. And here do I, pal, tell you it now. I tell you, it reminds me of a story so at those. Yeah, I went to a rave in Glasnevin. First time I ever saw a Nigerian face-to-face. Hey, he says, sir, I was double-dropping Mitsy yokes.

Just that, oh, I was scared, I was scared. No, that's not what he said at all. You know, it's 120 quid if you puke in a taxi. Really? Yeah. How much of your shit in a taxi? I don't know. You have to suck them off.

I'll double my money. Double an indemnity. Double or nothing. Well, I've peuked in a taxi. I didn't pay for it. I'm winning here. Oh, yeah. Remember I puked a taxi that guy just kicking me.

me out. I just pass, I always passed out in the street. I'm winning. I'm screwing the system. Gordon Gecko. I'm like Carl Marx, man. For the people.

But man, I came back one time from an event I was doing. I had like a few points in me. So I wasn't like sick. It wasn't like, you know, bad or anything. Yeah. A little bit like, oh, I'm feeling it now. You know, I'm having a good time.

Yeah, yeah. Tax drivers just tell me all about, I didn't start this, by the way. It's like, oh, yeah, if you don't puke's in my car, it's, 120 but you know that's the time I got a little kit in the back for taking away puke and it's really intricate you gotta take

out the seat and you got to clean off all the puke and all that sometimes three times in one night I'm cleaning the puke off the seat and I'm feeling sick he's talking to me so much yeah man yeah it's horrible well it's the Christmas time now so it's not more puking it's a lot of

it's tis the season yeah well a lot of people only drink on like Christmas part you know people don't binge drink like us yeah yeah I don't know how they do it Well, they're all just on Adderall, I guess. Yeah, it's different drugs, different folks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I need to start doing more drugs, I think, next year.

You do. No, don't wait until next year, right now. You'd be more of a Pete Davidson type. Yeah. Well, you're going to kill your dad and say Dibbing 9-11? I tried that. Doesn't work. They don't believe you.

I've got to backdraft my dad. Yeah, I've had a couple of puky, drinking nights the other... You were telling me, didn't you puke all over your cough? Yes. Yes, I did it. No, I did the gong show final a few weeks back. Didn't win anything. I was drinking very heavily. I got the last bus home right and I was sitting like in the front seat, you know, up at the window and I was very like slumped down. You like the window seat, don't you? I do. I like that front seat. I sat there recently and was like, look at me, I'm James. You didn't know I meant. but I was like kind of slumped down the seat and I was like nodding in and out and I was very aware that

the people around me were quite scared. It's like, is this fat drunk man going to be sick on me? You never know, pal, do you? But I managed to, I got off the bus, I didn't get sick. I walked into my room, turned on the light, passed out on the bed. Like fully

clothed light on, passed out. I woke up and I had to puke. And then I ran to the Jacks and I was like I you know it was one of those times where have you ever had where you just cannot stop vomiting oh yeah it just keeps happening it's like there's nothing I'm going I'm walking into the jacks just yeah it's dry heaving it's quite freeing in a way isn't it kind of you know it there's that line from a brass eye that I've always identified with is like you're left feeling very happy like the bizarre euphoria after profuse vomiting and I identify with that it's like there's something kind of nice of like I've puked

up all the bad and the sad out of my system. I know I'm just sitting here in total sweaty blitz. You get tears do you puke? Yeah. I get tears and puke sometimes. Sometimes in work, I puke and work a lot, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm cool, all right?

I'm Pete Davidson. Because I don't have a problem. Yeah. Yeah. So I sometimes I have to puke, all right, and I come out with tears. I'm like, don't worry, I'm just puking, don't worry. I'm just an alcoholic. I'm not a spastic. I'm not sad. I don't have feelings. Like a buffdy. Yeah, so...

Oh, actually, before we got... Remind me, I have a theory about men having periods I want to talk about later on. Okay. A lot of Brian's theories.

Yeah. So you're puking a lot. So, yeah. So, yeah, I passed out and then woke up and I was hung over for like two days.

It was a really, really bad hangover. And during that time, that's when I started getting, like, flu symptoms. So I think I really, like, drank too much

and my immune system was down and I was around, you know, common folk. So, you know, I was infected by their, you know, bourgeois troglodyte opinions

that got in my immune system It's like an absolute white lotus isn't it You're walking me sick And so then I wasn't able to come and record But then I felt better And I went to the Christmas party Paul Marsh's Christmas party Oh yes

And drank a lot of Guinness And I puked again Did you puke? Yeah, in the heapening Really? Yeah yeah yeah And it was all I tell you I hadn't really eaten much

Did Marsh make fun of you? No Marsh left early The Sly Dog Oh really? He slinked He knew what happened. He was like, Cairn's going to embarrass themselves.

I don't want to be around this. Sorry, Marsh is like, you know, I put the pieces in place, but don't need to see it actually happening. That's right. He's like a Bond villain,

you know, he just kind of, he leaves the scene as like, it'll all play out, I'm sure, but I'm there with my, you know, wristwatch that's a laser beam

or at least I think so during a manic episode. And I'm like, nah, nah, no, no, no, no, excuse me,

Mrs. Money, Penny. my presence is required the gentleman's lavatory if you'll excuse me but no do I was talking to Jason Brennan right

it was just me him chatting and I was like I was very drunk and then I just you know when you get that feeling it's like I'm going to puke

I'm going to puke it's happening right now like there's no warning time so I'm just there's like I'm going to puke I'm going to puke but Jason is talking to me right and in my stupid autistic social anxiety brain

I'm like I can't just run away or say I have to leave while he's made sentence that would be rude so I just got to wait for a natural of a lulling conversation and then I go excuse me I'll buy I must go to the little little gents room and so I waited for him to stop talking

and I ride in and puked even though I know Jason very well we're friends he's on the session too he understands sometimes you got to puke on his face yeah I did want to interrupt you sorry boy that wasn't in response to your anecdote please tell me more about

why Brexit wasn't the right idea tell me more about Saipan yeah but anyway yeah so I puked in the the Jax in the Hapenay There were small Jax by the way the worst small Jax I tell you it was all coming up black pure Guinness it was pure Guinness

and then I haven't drank since that I just went home then but I was good because I puked so much in the Hapenay that when I got home. No more pukees. So I had all evening to myself. It was wonderful. You know, I just lay on my bed with half a rotisserie chicken unconscious while, smoking crack. While Billy Madison's playing in the background. You're not like a crack pipe, but you'll put chicken in it. But yeah, so I haven't dragged that since now, actually. So now I'm four cans in,

having a nice, having a nice time. But, you know, moderation. That's my problem, Brian. You know, It starts with a few cans. It ends with a dead hooker in a bin. Well, you know what? I was talking to a girl a while ago there, and she was saying she used to drink all the time. She's got a boyfriend now. Right.

And she feels safe and comfortable with the boyfriend. Okay. So now when she goes out, she doesn't need to drink. Wow, because he tells her, you're not drinking tonight, you slap her. She's like, oh, I feel so safe and secure. Yeah. I'm saying get boyfriend, Jay.

I need a big, strong man to put a bit of manners on me. Yeah. Slap you around a bit. yeah yeah yeah um your theory oh yeah i had theory there in a bus there when i was drunk that um i think it be the word better off if men had periods as well as women

okay because i think women it's a good you know they can be like uh how do i say this in a nice way uh they can get all their fucking you know the mental cuntness they have inside of you know expert expert you nail you stick the land so women can have mental cutness come out their uterus

Right You know what they're doing Yeah They're pukeing in a way Yeah Better after you puke Puking out the pussy Yeah

Women feel better after period I imagine Bitches be puking out the pussy During the periods Yes So there's a moment there where they can be like Oh I'm a period I feel weak

Emotionally Yes I'm more emotional Yeah that's why I slept with your brother Yeah exactly I'm emotional Where it's like Guy

He's gay for God's sake Why did you I converted your He still gave it to me better than you, Cadden. He's Catten, too. I don't understand this. We've tapped into something here.

It's a joke. It's a joke, yeah. My girlfriend's gay. Yeah, it's a joke. She went missing. Don't lock into it. It's fine. We went up a mountain together.

Don't check the patio. Anyway, so you think we better of men had periods do so we could... We could... Men can be mental cunts as well. Yeah, yeah. But we don't have the release. Yeah, but we don't like, you know, say passive-aggressive things.

We just shoot up a Walmart on our lunch break. Yeah, we'll go to the Vegas and just start, you know, go to the coup of the hell there is. The Mandalay Bay and then halfway decide, I don't actually like country music. Everyone just forgot about that one, by the way. It was best to forget. He dropped a lot of bodies, like 50 people or something? He did, yeah. Anyway.

Well, it's getting so common now. respect RIP to the king And James, I could pour to look on my bed there I did, yeah I don't appreciate there Well, I don't want to cover up the jizz stains You know

Okay, so I was thinking You were saying Men should have periods Because we'd be able to empathize With our female counterpart That as well So it's more than just one reason why

Yeah, yeah So I think for men It's so easy to be like Oh shit birds on our bloody rag Yeah Yeah Some people like that That's right

Horrible people Not me, all right. Not me either. No. But if, you know, then, so many periods be like, oh,

I'm a bird, I'm on my bloody rat. Yeah. Now, where would our blood come out of our peehole or our asshole?

Asshole. Yeah, you've had blood your ass. All the time. I'm shitting blood three times a week. Four on a good week,

you know, when I'm being very good to myself. Yeah, yeah. If I be a nice man. Oh, man, we met a magician there.

What? Yeah, you made blood come up my ass. Yeah, I bet he did. A dove. A red dove. I'm going to make this rabbit disappear. No, I won't say where, but there's a magician at an event does that recently.

Really shit magician now. He added me in Instagram. Okay. So I think he wants to fuck. Is he hypnosis magician? No, just a magician. Oh. So a magician at the event, I taught it'd be like, okay, everyone, look at me. I'm going to do some magic tricks from him to the whole

crowd. Yes. No, instead he's went around and his light of hand magic. that people didn't really seem to care yeah people who are like drinking and trying to you know they're trying to talk with their friends and some magician comes over it's like oh pick a car is like fuck off

it's not real mate I've never empathised with a magician more yeah yeah so it's like pick a card and all that stuff yeah it's all stuff like oh what's your name Sarah oh I've got a card here with Sarah written on it yeah yeah yeah

that's a polaride of being the shower yeah I know right Alikaabra baby By which I mean I paid the guy who works at Abercabra to fucking take a picture of you in the shower Yeah He's a real good guy You're working abracababra you know your shit

You know how to get Putha Yeah okay so we bleed on our asshole Yeah that's an idea I had right You can ignore blood out your asshole But blood out your pisshole That's more can't I've never had that

disconcerting. No, me neither. I had a friend of mine a while ago he said there was jizz coming out with blood. No, there's blood coming out of his jizz. He went to the blood bank. Stuck in a needle, just pure jizz comes out of everything. So I'm sorry on a big weekend there. You love me, doctor. This is very silly.

Let's talk about some trailers. Let's relax here. So we saw traitors for Beast Wars. Guardians of the Galaxy Tree Indiana Jones 5 and cocaine bear None of those appeal to me

except for cocaine bear We know people who worked on it Yeah true It's not Wicklow Yes And it's got that guy who's dead now Oh really Yoda Yeah

Is this gonna be his last Posthumously yes Wow He actually did more cocaine than the bear On set Pretty impressive So cocaine bear Looks fun based on real story

Right About bear that found coke I think in reality the bear just felt a bit sick for a while and died Yeah he didn't go

in some blood Like Rampage Like Jurassic Park Style rampage That did not happen No It's directed by

Elizabeth Banks Yes I like her I like her a lot Really I do From a turn a microphone off

And she really think Yeah She's in the Elizabeth Wank Banks Yeah Lutz Oh I think

She's funny I like her I suppose She's a attractive What was she in? Curb Your Enthusiasm A fucking 40-year-old virgin

Oh yes Funny in that Zach and Mary make a porno Yeah right I take it back Yeah if you're in Zach and mirror You're good in my book Yeah if you let Seth Rugg and fuck you

You know That's pretty sweet Why do you think about beast wars Didn't appeal to me Brian This is like a Transformers thing Yeah They're beasts now So they don't turn in the cars

Turned like giraffes and stuff Oh yeah cool Good Yeah Giraffes and fucking squirrels Yeah, that's pretty cool, isn't it? Yeah, earwigs. What am I going to do with a bloody robot air wig?

You can't fucking do now, pal. What about Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny? Terrible title. Doesn't that sound awful? The Dial of Destiny. It doesn't sound like a PS2 game. Yeah, man. So it's Indiana Jones, I show you the trailer.

We've got him and Fleabag and they might meet young Indiana Jones. Well, don't they do meet them because they show them young in the trailer. Yeah, but that might just be a flashback or might not be. The plot is, you want to know, James Time, I don't, but go on. The plot is, Indiana Jones is a new world. See if you can relate to this, James. Everything is different.

The people are... What do you mean? I can't use my whip on them. That's my whole thing. The whip, it's great. The people are weird now. Yes, yes. There's a lot of opinions you don't agree with.

And they look strange as well, right? They do. But there's a new NASA scientist called Werner von Braun. He walks out to Walmart, he thinks he's back in the Temple of Doom. not time for love Dr. John's

A new NASA scientist called Werner von Brom who may or may not have been a Nazi Operation paperclip Exactly yeah But there's rumors that Vernor von Brom is using Nazi time travel technology

To conquer space Right Yeah This is a documentary there It is exactly Okay, sweet, sweet. It's the stuff that they won't tell you. I'm like it.

It's pure loose change right here. Yeah, man, yeah. Finally, we got Spielberg out of the way. Now we can get to the real shit. It's directed by James Marigold. He did Copeland and Ford versus Ferrari. Wow. Interesting.

I like Copeland a lot. You don't. You think I'm a fucking retarded spastic for liking it. I wouldn't use those exact words. That is the team I was going for you. I would have made a bit more like, you know, I would have sexed up a bit and be like you were a dis-same. Spastic

Okay Yeah, yeah Right Spasticated You're dispassicated disabled I say that All right It would be nice about it

But yeah I don't I didn't I didn't hate it You want to go all Stephen Fry With it Yeah yeah yeah You get bummed

I didn't hate it now But I kind of went into it With high expectations Right But it is a good movie Yeah I just think Stallone maybe

Could have been Recast Okay Okay I think Stal Yeah well definitely I mean he's up there Against Harvey Keitel

For Rayliota, Bobby De Niro, Michael Rappaport, but not being a wigger. I mean, that's hard to compete with, you know. You know how hard it is for him to not wig out. Yeah, man, I mean, he is a talented actor. But they're like, okay, okay, Mr. Rappaport. Yeah. Go in and say, hello there, how are you?

And he's like, you want me be like, you know, tribe called Quest up in here? Yeah, what it is, bwee? I hear my main man, Bobby De Niro, the raging bull right here. Raging, Cajing, Godfather. two motherfuckers. What's up, boy? That's why Tarantino needs more credit. Well, he didn't direct it, of course, but like for... True romance.

Yeah, Tony Scott. Tony Scott. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got there in the end. Yeah. But true romance. After I helped you. Yeah. Well, you know, I won't take it. I won't accept the help. That's my biggest flaw. Like a veteran

who didn't lose a leg, but just as a small dick. I don't need your help to get up off this seat. I'm a small dick I fell off my wheelchair. I've got two legs. My dick is so small. I can get up myself. I don't need your pity. You're like, baby killer.

Your dick's so small, you're a baby killer. I went. I'm far from this country. I get back here. They spit on my baby dick, man. What are I doing for? You tell me. You guys can just show up in a wheelchair at Congress, Mr. President.

And this war. funny. Yeah. I'm having a lot of fun just picturing you in a wheelchair. I did picture different scenes now. Yeah, yeah. You know, Forrest Gump or stay me in front of the fountain. And they hold up

my baby dick. My girl comes running towards it. Oh, fuck. Man, sorry. India Jones 5. Right, okay. So it's Indy now with his goddaughter Helena.

Played by the Fleabag, bitch, all right. What's her name? Like, Phoebe, Phoebe's. Lindsay Morgan Graham or something like that. It's Lindsay Graham, as you have never seen him before. Dirty Dead. She's married to the good brother. The good McDonough.

John McDonough. Oh, what? Yeah. Fleabag is? Yeah. Married to John McDonough. Or Martin McDonough? Martin, McDonough, yeah.

Yeah, the good one. John McDonough, yeah. yeah martin no there's martin mcdonah there's martin mcdonah and john michael mcdonner oh i was yeah it's tricky it's tricky i get confused too so it's martin she's married to the good one of course yeah she wouldn't even go near the other one nah man i bet a christmas dinner all right he's at the window be like hello can i come in no i did the guard yeah yeah fuck off you fucking i don't like the guard i don't dislike his films as much as other people i feel i can very much identify with being uh on talented cunt that nobody likes you know I get that I don't think he's if you're like hey man I can relate

they're both untoward of cunts I don't I did I did Calvary I like I actually I like Calvary and I liked war on everyone and I liked the forgiven I didn't love any of those films they all have their problems but I didn't dislike them as much as I

dislike the guards well Martin McDonnell is like Rod Dog and Fleabag now that's disgusting he's literally like got his dick in her and he's getting soft and cider after he comes. Yeah, man. You know that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know what? Flea bag. That's what she called his scrotum. Yeah, yeah. Flea cunt. But you know, like, actually, she was hosting

SNL. Right before he hosts, she hosted it, he was this jizzing in her, and he did that thing where like, you know, he kind of pulls out and just kind of jizzed

on her belly button. Yeah. Show that to Keenan. So he knows I'm one of him. They had a keel on the latest episode of SNL. I saw it out, yeah. What was, okay, yeah, they were trying to...

It was Keenan and Kelly was the sketch. Yeah, remake Keenan and Kell. With Kiki Parker. Kiki Parker. And she's pregnant. Palmer, Palmer. Paul, uh, Martin McDonough. Yes.

Kiki McDonough. Yes. It's the new McDonough. But yeah, so she of Brooklyn. Who's she pregnant? Who's baby she pregnant? Ah, some fucking janitor or something. Yeah, right.

Because she's such a whore. She's like, oh, no, I'm doing. I'm going to be a wild. You are a bit, aren't she? No more beer for you. I had two men. Are these bud lights, are they? No, Coors' life. They're full Coors.

Yeah, man. Tall boys. Drink it, drink it down. Oh, God, I'm a great time. So, Indiana Jones, anyway. So it's him and Fleabag. I have to stop Michael Madsen and the Nazi. Michael Madsen? No, sorry. Michael Macon. Ian McKen. Hannibal.

Oh, Mads Nicholson? Mads Nicholson? Yeah, yeah, yeah. whew jeez you're really you're really making me work for it tonight huh what is he trying to say it's like talking to Lassie what's that boy yeah so that's the thing

I'll show you a trailer it does look a bit fake doesn't it very CGI green screen heavy but like even like a car chase in a city whereas like all the old films

of course they would have done that practically you know on location whereas this it does seem like it's all just like in a sound stage with a green screen. They kind of by by God and that city shot is. It doesn't look like there's any kind of depth in it. It looks

very like, it looked like a PS5 cutaway kind of scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks very good. If you're watching it, you'd be like, it looks almost like real in the way. Yeah. Like, if it is, you know, kind of CG and green screen, like it is very well done. Oh yeah. But it's also noticeable. I mean,

you do sort of recognize that's not an actual place. Now, let's make a little bet here, James. Yeah. Argument on Reddit. I want to get your take. Okay. Do you think the new Indiana Jones movie will be in the... I'll give you some options, okay? Will it be one of the top five highest grossing movies of next year or the top three or the top six or seven?

Where are you thinking that? You don't see the exact number. Where are you guessing? Top ten? Definitely top ten. I could see it even making top five. Top three, probably not. There's a lot of stuff coming out next year.

But there's a lot of love for Indiana Jones. Yeah, I see. Like, it's a beloved franchise. Even the fourth one was dog shit. That was like the highest gross in one. Yeah, yeah. But that's what I'm saying, because there's so much, you know, maybe people are a bit more reticent now.

They'd be like, ah, they let us down with the fourth one. Remember that South Park episode with just the multiple rape scenes? Yeah. God, that was great. That was great, man. Yeah, yeah. And then Cartman's gone, oh, Harropriish. Ah, Bing, bong, ching chong.

That was comedy, baby. That was 2008 comedy. Yeah. Before the Lehman Brothers fucking up. For everybody, that fucking subprime mortgage crisis ruined Comedy Central. Yes. So what was my take? So the reason I'm saying this, because on Reddit, there's a huge argument on Reddit about this.

It's normally to argue about white supremacy and stuff like that. But now we're getting to the real important questions. In the Jones supremacy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were saying that... Remember, you know, the JQ? The JQ? The JQ.

Now it's going to be the Jones question. Have you heard 1488? 14 88 It's a white supremacy Oh, Hitch, Adolf Hitler No, so 14 is the 14 Magic White Supremacy Words Oh, there's 14?

There's 14 of them, yeah. Wow. Well, no, it's some kind of phrase. So some phrase like, I'm going to need to get four extra fingers real quick. I'm dyslexic, this is difficult for me, all right? So it's something like,

please may my children be white and live in a white world and we will be white or something like that. It's like a creed of sorts. Yeah, it's like a metaphor. And then the 8-8 is Hill Hitler. H. Hitler, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, 14, 8, 8. Right, right, right, okay. Anyway, my point, why am I talking about this? It's weird, I know that, isn't it? Yeah, very weird, eh? He didn't have to, I could, he was not looking at his phone or a notebook that was off the top of the dome.

Interesting history, all right? He had that ready to go. Feels like you've been wanting to say that for a while. I have to play, like, I don't know the phrase, something like, oh, hot my children are. Oh, I haven't actually tattooed. on my chest here what a funny coincidence

I hope my child's number one NBA draft pick or something like that I don't know but anyway my my point is

on Reddit I did a big argument because a lot of people read me like no one cares about Indiana Jones that's an old man no one gets a fuck

about Indiana Jones now yeah Garry's the Galaxy now no one gets a fuck old man boomer Indiana Jones is a boomer

okay boomer and then people are like you don't know anything about cinema Indiana Jones is real cinema you fucking queer yeah

you probably like bumblebee and Transformers and Beast Wars There was a huge big argument about it. So I think it will be in top three. Yeah, I think it will be too. It's an easy sell, man.

Yeah. There's a whole legacy. It's very fun. You can, Indiana Jones movies are very fun, but that's the thing. The reason they're so fun is because they're so like, you know, fast-paced, very frenetic, action-packed. But it was all kind of, like, practical effects and fucking, like, on-set locations and shit. Man, they all got dysentery and shit in the first one. But if it's all fucking CG.

I know. They're all pooping in the first one. Were they? Yeah. Everyone on this everyone in the Jones won,

okay, was pooping everywhere. Wow. Pooping on people's faces. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. They're all just drinking

the water and shit, you know. Where was it shot? They were shooting on location wherever the fuck it was. I suppose they were in the jungle, yeah.

They went to, they were in the Middle East at one point, right? Yeah, yeah, and some of them were like literally hallucinating and shit. I think I want to say

George Lucas in his room in his room like drawing on the wall and shit. Yeah, that's where he came up with Jar Jar Binks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. While shitting. And this one, like, it's just all, like, you know,

I bet you Harris and Ford didn't injure himself at all. No, man, like, there's a scene, like, where he's on horseback. He's definitely not on horseback. No, I think you can't insure that, man. No, he's so, what age is he? He's old as a motherfucker. You know, he, like, fucked up. I think he broke his leg filming the...

The Star Wars thing? The Force Awakens. Yeah, it's like somebody closed the door on him too quick, and his pelvis. It's exploded. There's a gust of wind and his skull cracked. Ewan McGregor sneezed

and he punctured his lung. Ah, yeah. He's old. That's the gag here. And he's still flying planes around. Yeah, he's a... Didn't he crash his plane? He didn't crash it.

What keeps happening, he's like, hello, sorry, I'm in the wrong space. Can you all move your planes around for me? Right. Because I'm basically, you know, that runway you need. I'm going to land on that there. Yeah, yeah.

Hello. That's Indiana Jones runway. I was in Blade Rudder, you queers. You're all replicant. I'll tell you, Harrison Ford, he is working, though. Yeah. He's a big stoner, apparently. Oh, okay.

Massive stoner. I like that. I've heard, whenever you're doing any kind of interview or anything, it's literally like, you can't, you open the door to his dressing room, you're blind. Yeah. He's in there, like, fucking just hotboxing it, man. He's talking up, man.

Fleming zoots, blasting Wu Tangs, like, yeah, I was hanging out with Michael Rappaport. That kid's got good moxie. But listen, listen to what he's got coming up. He's got New Indiana Jones movie coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to be in two Marvel movies. Wow.

Yeah, he's going to be the Red Hulk in Thunderbolts and the new Captain America movie. Yeah. By the way, the Captain America movie is going to be Red Hulk, Captain America, who's black, and Israeli superhero. Yeah. Who's that? Some character I think called Sable or something like that. Okay, right. Busy Captain Israel

And then loads of it Like She-Hulk might be in as well So it's gonna be a whole cavalcade Of people you love Who is that for? Like, you know Yeah Yeah

And he's also in the new show 1923 I think it's called Or 1823 This is the Yellowstone prequel It's him Yellowstone seems to be so fucking big Man, it's literally bigger than the Super Bowl

Yeah Have you watched any Yellowstone? I watched some of it Is it? Is it good? I was surprised There's some sex in it Yeah

Ronchy? No, not around you so. You see Kevin Costner's cock? No, you can draw it on the TV, though, if you want. Do you see his perineum? No, you see his taint, though. Yeah, that's the perineum. Oh, is it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit, didn't know that. The Gucci. The Gucci. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the Gucci, Gucci. Oochie Gucci. Yeah, Kossner Gooch.

That's the money shot right there. You get that next season. Yeah, yeah. People love yellow stuff. Watch how his balls go back and to the left. Back into the left. My point is fucking Harrison Ford is. working hard man

just google it real quick how old is he yeah let's guess how old are you think he's like 87 87 is a good guess yeah I was thinking 87 87 as well

86 then Jesus Christ you pedantic fuck just look it up you fucking slag I'm getting oh Jesus I'm getting up now

Harry Cain oh wait 80 whoa oh okay oh he's a young man 80's you can still fuck at 80

he can but who's the thing people don't understand flebag better watch out Viagra is getting better and better. You see all these young ones now? Yeah. They don't understand. You're going to have sex

with so many old people. Yeah. You see the 80 year olds now? Yes. They're going to have sex with so many 87 year old men. You're right. And they're going to love it, by the way. It's not going to be like something they're doing for money. It's for love. It's for love. It's for pure animal lust. She just needs it.

It's not going to be like a sugar daddy thing. It's going to be this guy is like, you know, his wife died. He spent all his money on fucking Patty Power. you know he's got nobody and his girl just like the girl's just like hump in the door

he's like let me in he's in a mobility scooter he's got an oxygen tank but they're still just rubbing their

pussy on his face and he he doesn't even care he's like me that's not even a big deal to me anymore

you know man you you know what I would do if I was you well yeah I start dying your hair gray

why because you look older then I don't want to look older I would do I start wearing suits, man, okay? Yeah. I start wearing suits now, okay?

Yeah. Start wearing suits. Like, Barney Stinson. Yeah, in the temples. You want me to be Neil Patrick Carris? Yes, yeah, but only off screen. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I want you to, you look like Nathan Lane,

but I want you to dress like Neil Patrick Harris. Well, Lee's and Lane, people love Nathan Lane. Twinks love Nathan Lane. Yeah, exactly. Twinks see my face in their nightmares, you know? I can, I'm happy I can still pass to the twink if I shave my beard but I'm getting to that age now where I can't so I gotta start making plans

through future right now. Yeah. Is it so that's what you've been rocking the twink aesthetic is that? Not intentionally yeah, okay. But you know I gotta accept the fact that yes. People don't think I'm 30 they don't think you're 30 well you're not 30. I know that but I'd like people to think I am why? Because I'm older is more distinguished

no it's not like a John Hamm type. It's old and lame and gross and people hate you they point and laugh and throw cabbage at you in the street. No, I'm going to age into myself now. Project Brine. I tell you I'm going to get hypnotized. Yeah, what's this? Now, why are you getting hypnotized for a while? Everything. You will love vaginas.

You will not like penises anymore. Anxiety, addiction. You don't have addiction. Postpartum depression. I've got massive addiction issues. The lot, man. You're eating biscuits all day. Jammy Dodgers. Toffee pops.

I can't help myself. It's a baby on the ceiling. I just need a fucking digestive, you God. Yeah. I'm finding out all about it now, playing. Yeah, better than sex,

is it? A jammie dodger. Let me look at my notes and see what we got here. Fucking demo and Iver result right now. Oh, yeah, you've been going into this hard man.

It's very funny. That's why it's... I'd never watch Demo and Oval. Oh, neither did I. I do know, he killed Rick Mail. You know that? What? Yeah, he killed Rick Mail.

Oh, they were doing the... They were doing the Damon and Iver together, yeah. Wait, Rick Mail was in Damon and Iver. Yeah, he was. He played their dad. Are you serious? Yeah. Right before he died.

Oh my God. That is, yeah. That's fucked up. Some say it was his shame. Yeah, I would imagine so. I used to be in bottom. I used to do artistic things. Yeah, yeah.

Like getting beat to death with a rubber chicken, you know? That was comedy. No, so Demo and I ever I never watched it Like I always thought it was shit He was Demo and Iver Yes he's so his name is Andy Quirk And his dad is like a fucking rich businessman

He owns Quirky's Emporium Like that fucking Casino on O'Connell Street Yeah it's his dad Does not look like a pure brothel Yes Yeah yeah yeah

Brottle that Dolly Parton would live in They actually got in a lot of trouble There was a lot of like financial fuckery And not paying taxes And embezzling and stuff It was a whole big thing Man, we should go there. Yeah.

Where's Debo and I for? Yeah. Where's one shows up? Like, where's the other one? Yeah. That's the real conspiracy. Should we go there, man? I mean, it's kind of smelly.

Like, I've never been, like, it's almost junkies around it. You're not selling it to me now. Well, no, it's a Kip. But we could be cool. We could bring up to, you know, make it look cooler. Yeah, yeah. We put on our suits, okay? I don't have a suit.

It's wild and crazy guys. We'll be like, it's swingers. It's like going to Vegas. Quirkies, baby, you're so money, Brian, you're so money. Quirkies, baby, we're going to meet some beautiful babies and get through digits, brah. Yeah, I've got some beautiful babies, yo. If you haven't seen Swingers, this is coming out very weird. Babies means women.

Yeah. Wink, wink, wink. But anyway, so Andy Quirk, he had that show, Damon When Iver. It started off as like sketches on Republicatelli. It got its own six-part series. They did a movie. it was always critically panned because it's dog shit

you know it's basically like well because the Dublin Illuminati didn't like it oh that's what it is well I'm getting to that see back in my my sheep old days before I was awake you know

before I took the red pill of enlightenment I was believing what the Indo and you know all those fucking rags were right so they said it was you know

stupid broad shitty comedy basically like Mrs. Brown's boys for the millennial generation you know. So dameau's the scorn bag and Ivers the posh guy and that's the whole gimmick right

so yeah now he's going on this whole fucking like alt-right fucking like the media is lying to you fucking the vaccine is poison no wasn't he saying that a lot of his friends have died suddenly from vaccine? Yeah he was he like

tweeted a link to that documentary died suddenly I never even heard of this oh you pussy bro so tell me about disney It's just a documentary, like, pandemic, remember that? Is it like, you know, my friend died suddenly and it's probably a vaccine, but he also shot himself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit like that, yeah, yeah. But it's basically like citing all of the myocarditis cases and, you know, inflammation and blah, blah, blah. We definitely have our lanes. So you're really more into, like, the kind of vaccine, Ivermectum.

I took the, I took the... No, no, I'm not saying you're against it. But you know the big words. Andy Quirk is, his new show is going to be called Demo and Ivermectin. And it's going to be huge. Hi guys, it's me, Ivermection. I'm not just a horse medicine. I'm an actual person.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. It's going to be great, man. You're going to love it. Because Dimo is nothing going on right now. What's his name? Andy Quirk. Hey, what do you mean he's not going on? He's awake, finally.

He's seeing the truth and he's telling us all. Damo Clark where his name is, all right? He's got nothing going all right now So if we go after him Yeah You get a bit of publicity going So let's go after him more like I mean what else to say is a retard

Yeah let's just do that But the thing is right It's not he's not sharing out his own personal page It's on the demo and Iver comedy page Which I didn't start following Until I heard he's gone alt right And now he's literally he's like It's all anti-fax

It's like you know links to like The world Oh what do you call it? The World Economic Forum and fucking Klaus Schwab and he's a Nazi step back now I don't know who Klaus Schwab is

so the listeners deaf you don't know all right He's the guy who founded He's Jewish Yeah I think so He founded the World Economic Forum And the whole conspiracy of them is like Oh they're planning depopulation and all that shit

Basically it's it's I heard about this actually Yeah so I heard that the only way to Defeat the evil people would wear certain hats, okay? The Klaus Schwabst. Stop wearing condoms. Okay.

The only way to stop the synagogue people is to stop wearing condoms. That's why Nick Cannon has got 12 kids and four of them were born in the last year. He started mouthing off about the hebes. They were like, hey, shut your mouth, you little fucking boop. And he was like, oh, I'm a show you all.

Drumland two, bitch. And he was just getting bitches pregnant. Just slinging dick. You're a big fan of it. Sowing the seeds, man. You're a big fan of the Heave, aren't you? It's fun. It's fun. I don't think it's fun.

Mark Norman says it. He's pretty cool. I think maybe we should step back on that world, okay. I want to keep my sneakers, okay? See, Kyrie Irving wrote, I'm free on his shoes. I'm free. Yeah. Yeah, he's free to ride the bench.

Yeah, ride the pine, brother. He's not playing anymore, right? He is, yeah. Oh, he is? Yeah, he's not suspended now. Oh, okay. He's not as buzz as he was back in the day Back in 2016 he was great

And he's kind of like gone downhill now Right, right What do you think actually About the rise of anti-Semitism And the seems to be like A half joking With a wink wink joke Yes

The rise of Hitler I heard someone say recently This is the creepiest moment For Jews in like last 50 years Really? This is like I'll joke inside now Yeah

When you see like a Nick Funtus type Yeah Trump type that is a very you know like six degrees Kevin Bacon it's like two degrees of Hitler

like just like I agree like obviously I've never I've never been for the alt right anti-semitism shit

I'm not accusing you I'm not being like you were in at Marilargo as well weren't you you were jerking off Hitler weren't you yeah

that was my mask Kanye was wearing yeah did you see him and Alex Jones fucking whiling Alex Jones is like Jesus this guy's crazy.

You know what's bad when Alex Jones was like, oh. Yeah, where he was like bent, net and Yahoo.

Yeah. Like that is funny. Where he had a bottle of Yahoo and a net? Yeah. Yeah. Oh,

hello. I'm going to stop you making music. It was a bad TV sketchback. Yeah, it was like a pitch, like a bad pitch

for mad TV. But you know, it's funny. People are like, oh, you know what, to stage now, when Kanye does

something, it's not even funny. It's actually just depressing and an indictment of our times. Yeah. Oh,

Oh, I'm Mr. Netanyahu. Yeah. You're wrong. It is. Quite humorous, I have to say. If anti-Semitism is like that, that's perfect. If it's like a man with a mask, oh, hello. Oh, I'm Hitler.

I'm a bottle. It's like that silly. But when they actually stop being mental, that's when it's a problem. And then when he's like, I love Hitler. Hitler's great. The Nazis are great. No, okay. So here's, I'm a Nazi.

And like, Alex Jones, like, you mean the fashion, don't you? you're like fashion you're talking about the drip alright you gotta respect the drip I respect the drip I respect the drip I'm an American I respect the drip

I want to look fire too you know when I have to club I want to look fire but you gotta just pop the brakes there Cagney you know I never give a fuck

he didn't say anything he literally didn't say a word he used to sit back like this is great I'm getting paid for this yeah it is awesome yeah

God if only I wasn't you know celibate I'd be getting so much sniz right now. That's his thing, man. He's not cashing in. It's like, come on.

It's like, crypto. You've got to sell now. You've got to get some pussy. Because in five years, no one's going to know about you. Well, that'd be quite funny. The fact that he's a Holocaust and all of that. And it's scandal breaks that, like, he got a handjob of some girl. And it's like, he's like, I'm sorry. I let myself down. I

still don't think the Holocaust happen. No, we can't trust our word, you say. They got a hand job in a synagogue. We can't respect you anymore, Mr. Funtis. Yeah. Now, you're a, you're a big Kanye fan. Is this impeded your love for Kanye?

Not as early stuff. Okay. I still think it's quite weird. Oh, so you separate art from the artist. How interesting, Brian. I still think it's weird how people have this problem about, like, art and art. Like, people are like, I can, I'm actually making a stand and not listening to Kanye anymore. It's such an impotent, kind of feeble thing to do.

Yes. It's like, what, like, movies around it. Yeah. Yeah, fuck it. It's like, what you do does not. matter. Yeah, if it's good, it's good. If you were dead or alive, no one would care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally, I've I shot you in the street right now.

I wouldn't even get arrested. Have fun not listening to your album. Also, like, hey, you're still fucking drinking Coca-Cola, driving Ford's and going to IBM. Adidas shoes, you know. Hugo Boss. You're all fucking duplicitous cowards.

Only I, I'm brave enough to tell the truth. Yeah. It's just funny. Yeah, it is very funny. If you The trick is to stop caring. I'm trying to stop caring less and less. I'll just stop showering now. Women respect that, I think.

They do, man. You're going goblin mode. Yeah, yeah. Goblin mode. That's a thing now. Goblin mode was the word of the year, even though it's two words. Oh, it is two words.

Yeah. And it's, who decided it's the word of the year? The Oxford English dictionary. Jesus. That's not a joke. That's depressing. No, it's not. We're all going goblin mode.

Oh, okay. Wow. And we're going goblin mode and becoming anti-Semitic. that's the vibe now you know so you know it's like you know it's like low-rise jeans they're popular not popular then they're popular again same at mine camp you know yeah it's like uh I wonder if Oggs will make a comeback

yeah so we can you know march on some people uh no anyway try goose stepping in a pair of Ogs you'd look silly wouldn't you you'd look silly what else they're talking about now I'm just looking to my notes here we've done three episodes tonight man this is our third episode of the night

It's like back in the old days when we had a zest for life, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's Guardians of Galaxy 3. You didn't seem to be quite impressed with that, man. Well, I haven't seen the first two or the Christmas special. I'm going to cry journey, I'll be honest with you to do. When Rocket meets Leila the Otter, I'm going to start crying, man. Rocket Raccoon.

Yeah, yeah. I'm just going to start, because I find my otter. Right. And otter, I mean a woman. I don't mean like, because otter is a gay term as well. Yeah, it's kind of like an ugly bear. like a bear that's fat and ugly and gross

I think it's a hairy twink oh really oh okay I felt so bad there there is a gay guy I know and I said he could sleep in my couch

but I just went home and forgot about him I'd learn him yeah so there's gay guy I know and we're doing coke together right I was like hey

give me some of your coke you fucking cundra I was like uh look or I'll tell your parents I don't have money I don't want to give you money anyway

but you can sleep at my couch he was like, yeah, so I took the lines off him and I was like, I gotta go, I went home then without him. But I felt bad, but turns out he went off at a gay, cocaine, sex orgy. That's the thing. They always have a plan B, those guys.

They're... You know, way of dogs, like, you know, homeward bound? Homeward bound and gagged. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, we're almost there, almost the finish line, yeah. Any of your crack James, going to look to my notes now and see what it was talking about to do.

No, I mean, you know gong show got drunk got very sick then recovered went out got drunk again got sick then recovered now I came here and I'm drunk again so you know it's

it's a colorful life I feel like on my desk bed I'll be like David Cassidy you know what his final words were no what? So much wasted time wow yeah yeah could just end the day or yeah

yeah yeah I think about that quite a bit. Yeah, I think or so much time wasted or some, you know, abbreviation of that. Wasn't he wanking a lot? David Catt,

no, you're thinking of David Caradine. Who's David Cassidy? David Cassidy, he was like a teen pop idol in the 70s musician who became an actor. I think Louis

did a bit about him on one of his specials. I know, that was Sean Cassidy, their brothers, but whatever. David Cassidy, yeah, he was like a, I think my mom was a fan of his. He was like a, Heartthrob, you know, all of our

teenage mothers were flicking their beans to David Gassaddy, you know? That's nice to hear, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they more women need to talk about flicking their beans more? Strum on their box, smashing clams, bumping tacos. I know a lot of women now, we're always talking about, like, shitting and stuff like that. Oh, well, no, that's, I'm sorry, no.

Statological humour, no thank you. They're always telling me about their diarrhea and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to sit there and take it. Like a little bitch. They tell you about their bodily functions and all the dudes they bang and you're there like they're obviously they you know

they trust me so that means that they're going to let me smash I watched the I didn't think what else I did I watched a movie called Rules of Engagement What is that That's a Tommy Lee Jones Samuel Jackson movie Oh okay

It's like 2001 Is it like military guys on trial For potential war crimes Yeah exactly you see that It's written by a military general actually. All right. So kind of

a window into his mind. What wars it's set in? Desert Storm? Imaginary war. Oh, okay. So there's this. In Bunga, bunga land.

Tommy Lee Jones and Samuel Jackson, okay? Yeah. They play like these guys who are friends since Vietnam. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then they are like helping the consulate, a consulate, a building. The consulate? Where, or the American Embassy?

The American Embassy. The American Embassy, yeah. You know, like Pakistan or Iran or something like Iran or something like Iran. Right. Iran, okay. Okay, and they go wild, they're protesting, okay?

They have to get the guy out, the American ambassador. Samuel Jackson shows up and kind of freaks out and then shoots like, I think like, he orders them to shoot the civilians and like 400 people die. Whoa. Yeah, it's like bodies everywhere. Yeah, yeah. And of course, they've one little baby, like, mama, mama, and the woman's full of bullets, you know. Don't laugh at that.

I'm tired of these motherfucking Iranians. Just here. We're not on a plane, but they're here on a plane. but they're here and I don't like it in Iran of all places So then they have to go I have a court case about it And like Guy Pearce

Oh yeah Is like the guy who's like Trying to charge him at war crimes He's the stuff short It's like you murdered children It's like hey man Sometimes you just got to Go with the flow baby

Feel the groove Guy Pearce is like I respect what you did But still a crime But my God I respect what you did How did it feel Tell me how it felt oh did you feel it move while it was all happening you know

so then at the end they're free and they're free to go and the kind of thing that they find out that like saves them is the fact that it's Ben Kingsley plays the American ambassador or everything like that all right they got them out alright yeah but before they got the helicopter away they went back in to get the flag okay they lowered the flag down put the flag on the chopper as well so that shows that Samuel Jackson loves his country so much

oh what yeah so what you just you play capture the flag and you can murder 400 civilians yeah that's good is it good message is it i think the iranians are all butt hurt about it oh you shouldn't kill us yeah yeah oh well hashtag go woke go broke baby oh yeah people are saying that about that strange world movie yeah what is this about jibuki white

jabuki white yeah i think there's a third name in there somewhere Djibuki White O'Toole That would be his name Eventually right now When I am my way With him Yeah Yeah

Bring back Jimmy O'Toole To meet the son-in-law Dad This is Jabuki Yeah I'm like There's Djibuki He's like

Oh strange rows A box off his bomb Brian Don't bring that loser in here Why can you get someone Like Neil Patrick Harris Yeah This is worse

Than the time You brought Billy Eichner home I didn't like bros So strange world It's a new Disney animated film It didn't do well People are like Oh it's go walk

Go broke Cause there's a gay There's a gay romance And a disabled dog in it Right What's worse And the environmental Message in it as well

Yeah like a climate change So I think they're like cave people Or something like that All right So on some planet Where it's like all like Forest It's not like avatar in a way

Yeah And I think the evil corporation It's like money corp Or whatever like that They're like, we must cut down all the trees, ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and build a concrete factory. Yeah, and then, like, they got to stop the evil business man. Right, okay.

It's a good Disney movie, you know. But it was a box office bomb, and people are saying, you know, but, like, in fairness, everything seems to be tanking at the box office right now. I know stuff for straight people does bad as well, you know. Yeah, that's true, yeah. Tenet didn't do great either, you know. No, it didn't. So I think something...

Nothing straighter. That's the straightest movie you can think of. It's so straight to go back in time. They have straight sex backwards. They're literally... Jays for a woman's cunt going into my cock. Doesn't get any more straight than that. I want to play that Chris Renaud.

Just as you come. Yes. So people are making fun. The people like Matt Walsh and that were like... Yeah, you see you're watching these dudes. a lot. Well it's interesting now because Daily Wire is like a very right wing thing okay? Yeah, yeah. But they're putting a lot

money into children's content. So we're going to get a lot of white supremacy children in the future. Nice. Yeah, so that's going to think about that like a two-year-old that's like, you know, going like 1488. Seikayo! Yeah, I think the world's going to get very

strange. That's why we're watching a little West Wing lately. Yeah. And the West Wing brings you back to a simpler time, you know? In the West Wing, everything makes sense, and the politicians in it are good people. They care about the truth and about America. And not just America, the world and the universe as well. Yeah. Because we can touch the stars and go beyond the stars.

Yeah. Yeah. Nice. President Bartlett and all that. What's his name, Barcliffe? Bartlett, yeah, he's got MS. He speaks Latin. Oh, God.

He's the president. Does he actually have MS? Yeah, he does, yeah. That's a big plot point in season three where they hid the MS. He starts MSing in front of everything. Are you sure you're not confusing a condition with the, you know, the initials of his name? He has Martin Sheen disease, M.S. No, Brian, that's not how it works.

I don't think dyslexia can really account for this, Brian. I think you're having some sort of disassociative episode. He's Martin Short disease. Oh, this, well, you have... Actually, they're just hosted Martin Short and Steve Martin. Just hosted S&L. They double teamed him. Did you watch it?

I did not, no. No, good. I didn't want to watch it now. Apparently it went out at one stage. Only straight dudes in the building. That's our show. Yeah, yeah. No Selena Gomez, cuntz.

She ruins it. Our Hispanic is Nick Futez. Actually, I heard that show's good. Only Murders in the building. I watched the first season. Do you like it? I was drinking there. He asked me a question.

It kind of bad on you, okay? It was. Bad, you saw me reaching the camera. I was trying to stop you. You're an animal. You're a beast. I watch for a season. It's nothing special, okay?

It's fun, easy viewing, kind of charmingly, kind of like. I like Martin Short. You know, I like the Martin Short in this. There's some scenes where he's got, like, act where, like, he can't connect with his family and that. Yeah. I like that. Okay. Isn't his wife dead?

In real life? What, wah. Probably. Yeah. I know. I just always had an appreciation for the Jiminy Glick character. Yeah. That's a forgotten gem.

I really... You would, wouldn't you? I love Jiminy Glick. That's my life. I'm a Glickr. Glicker, please. What was my point? I was talking about Matt Walsh.

No, West Wing. West Wing, okay. So he has MS in season three. And they find out that they hid it during the election and all that. Right, okay. And they have a thing about, you know, is it wrong for the American public

to hide that his MS? you know. Yes, it is. His wife's a doctor. He's not competent. Yeah, you're right. Well, I suppose now they have some Alzheimer's mongo in the White House, so... He'd wish you at M.S.

Yeah, M.S. would sort him right out, you know? So I'm watching season three, season seven of the West Wing, because I never finished it. How many? There's seven seasons all together. Aaron Sorkin left after four, so I never really finished it, but now... Did he come back with his tail between his legs? No, no, dude. What did he go on to do?

He's more crack. Oh, okay. Pretty good, actually, yeah. It's pretty better, isn't it? Should I go to the writer's room? No. To work on the second draft. I think I'll just stay in this bathroom with Cat Williams.

I don't like that show. He doesn't sound like that at all. That's not even close. Not even close. Season 7 is the whole season is the election between Santos and Vickers. Jimmy Smiths versus Al-N-Alda. Yeah. Jimmy Smith is like the kind of cool Latino, Democratic.

but he's kind of moderate though he's not completely liberal whereas like Alan Alda plays vickers and he's like a Republican but he's not religious Okay so kind of like a progressive Republican

A little bit progressive yeah And he's not fully pro life He's like you know Maybe if it's like If a girl got raped like nine times Maybe she should get an abortion Yeah So he's not like fully pro-rides

What do they call that kind of like Center right or something? A little bit to center right Yeah So it's pretty interesting actually I do like it a lot now. It's interesting to see those kind of political dynamics play out in a pre-social media age.

You know what I mean? Before you get so fucking inundated with just mongoes on both sides going, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there's still a level of respectability in election. Yeah, there's a dignity to it. There's like, okay, let's have a debate now. We'll discuss the debate beforehand.

And there's no, like, oh my God, there's like a rumor now that, like, your mother was like the Zodiac killer there's like all this mad shit there that's the deal way it's like there's no of that mentalness there 100% you know

the election of Trump is like very very much responsible for how the undignified mess that it has become yeah Obama man Obama was I mean yeah carpet bombin you know weddings wah wah wah they're all war criminals

but he was the smoothest one and he can play saxophone probably anybody Oh, he's using it as a crack pipe Oh no, not again Why is he wearing a dress man

Yeah, it's pretty esoteric Yeah Oh well Hey, the real ones will get that You know Yeah, yeah, yeah But my point is like It's basically like watching a fantasy now

This is the kind of thing where it's like They still respect each other as well Yeah, yeah You know what I don't agree with you By goddamn respect you see you on Epstein's Island. Yeah, I won't hear any attack ads.

I won't either. It's going to be a fair election. As you said, let's go rape those children. Yes. Wee. God bless America. Well, that's it.

We hit the hour. We did it. Oh, wow. Okay, that was good. We did it. It was a little bit near the end that was kind of dragging a bit, but we have done true.

Here, you know something, though? Remember last few weeks I'll get real sad near the end? Yeah. Remember I go to the bathroom for a while? Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just downstairs thinking,

he's not going to do it. He's going to chicken out again, like always. Every I go to the match and his water start coming out under the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, he sends out those cryptic tweets, but then he deletes them, and he comes downstairs, and, you know, his mascara's running, but I know better than to ask questions, you know.

It's a cry for help. The best thing to do is ignore them. You know, and he asks, is our oven an electric oven or a gas oven? You know, it's electric, Brian. You know it is. with the engine running, but there's no shed. It's all foggy outside. It's all

foggy outside. I'm like, oh, look, all the smoke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am to shift from this mortal coil. Yeah, yeah. Well, maybe one day you'll get the balls, eh? Nah, no, no, no.

So, what should we do next week? Christmasy stuff. It's coming under Christmas. How's your schedule, by the way? You need to do two more patrons. Okay, yeah. We can, like, next It's, uh, Sunday? I can't do Sunday. Monday? Monday, yeah.

Next Monday? Probably. Yeah. Let me check my schedule. We'll check your schedule. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm working the weekends. I'm doing Whiskey Club on Sunday.

Oh, okay. You can't come. You can come afterwards if you want? I don't want to. Oh. No. I'm doing a vodka club. It's just me drinking a bottle of vodka under a bridge.

Play a song. And some tramps piss on me. I hear you play a song. Wipe out. Do, do, do, do, do. And then four lads dressed in like bowler hats and white jumps in, like, Oh, viddy well, my droogies, what do we have here? Oh, it's a rotten, cruel world where you don't get invited to a whiskey club.

Oh, and what's so rotten about it? And they all kicked me to death. Yeah. This would be a good session. Yeah, yeah. It's clockwork orange, people. If you didn't get that, you can go fucking. yourself keep up yeah all right i we're going to end there and next we do some christmassy stuff

yeah muppets christmas carroll they release a new muppets christmas carroll really yeah really no don't worry it's the same muppist carroll but it's extended edition oh what yeah more michael can more michael yes oh my god so you're talking it's gonna be jibuki white jibuki muppet standing next to gonzo yeah let's let's move on yeah yeah yeah yeah Okay, okay. So, goodbye, everyone. Goodbye, and, yeah, Merry Christmas. Good luck.

Oh, shit, no. We've got to plug Paul Marsh's book. Oh, yes, Paul Marsh's book. Paul Marsh, a good friend of ours, a supporter of our podcast, and a really funny comedian and a really nice guy. He's got a book out. It's called Irish Dad Jokes by Paul Marsh. Available on Amazon, and we're all good books or so. Yeah, Amazon, or, you know, just go to his house in the middle of the night, you know, kick

the door open. It's like, I need that book. No, don't do that. Don't do that. That's bad. I try to, you know, this is why nobody asked me to plug their stuff. So, look at these girls' tits on Instagram. Yeah, yeah. You can buy those tits on Amazon. Type in Paul and Marr if you can get some tits. Let me show you these tits real quick, man.

Really? Sorry, I just want... You typed that in and titties came up? No, no, I got distracted. This is the best plug ever. I got distracted. Look at this. Wow. Who's she? I'll tell you later on.

Please do. Yeah. Tell me, we're sure. she lives for yeah i want her book give me your book right through irish dad tits anyway the book is irish dad jokes by

paul marsh you can find it on amazon it's a great stock and filler it's great stock and filler for like uh your family your dad it's like you know it's friendly jokes it's not disgusting perverted anti-semitism and stuff you know we write those jokes for paul

and he never uses them no about epstein's island yeah yeah yeah that joke with Epstein's Island real quick. Okay. Epstein. Epstein. Epstein.

Island. My eye. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Paul Marsh is hard than you think. It is. Well, that's what I'm saying.

He's a very funny comedian and he's, you know, he's like a, he's a good, he actually writes jokes. Oh, let me take some now. You got one? Oh, I was, uh, there's an underage child. eating vegetables and said Oh, pee dough Yeah

Okay, I'll save it I just flew in from Epstein's Island And boy is my child's asshole tired There you go And you won't get that No, that won't be in the book That's in my book If you want a copy of my book

Come find me under a bridge drinking vodka But now buy the book It's a great stock and fill up for Christmas And please go do it Or I won't stop Brian from killing himself this time and then it'll just be me the james cadden show i don't get these tits i'm gonna crash the bus yeah yeah all right okay that's it from us good night good luck