Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 18 : The Betsy Speer's K-Pop Extravaganza

Episode Date: April 3, 2019

Betsy Speers raps in Korean and talks about sex education in her school while Brian does a very offensive impression of a Nigerian man and James talks his upcoming trip to Amsterdam with his ma.

You're all ready for this. Dan, dun, dun, dun, then, then, then, then, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Brian James fuck each other. Yes, uh, with special guest this week. Betsy Spear. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, thank you very much. Yes.

Our third guest, we had Matthew Tallinn. Yeah. Then we had, then we had Ali O'Rourke, who was really, really interesting, like, like, we've been talking after the podcast about shit, like, kayaking and stuff. Like, she's, she's trans, she's cool in general. What have you got? What have I got? I can rap in Korean. Wow.

That's pretty cool. Move over at your horse. That is so cool. Korean. Yeah. I can speak Korean pretty well. Hit us up with some Korean. Can we read a rap in Korean?

Sure, go for it. Okay. Kaju-kajun-heh. I'm pretty sure one of those was the end word. What was that? That was so cool. I actually don't know what that means. I just memorized the sounds.

It's, oh my God, it could be something really bad, yeah. Yeah, maybe. Wow, it's just pure sexist. But it sounds very nice coming from you. Yeah, how did that happen? Well, first we should explain who the fuck you are. You're a very funny comedian based around Dublin. But originally from Chicago, is that right?

Yep, from Shytown. Shy town, nice. I know what that means, yeah. Shytown. Well, I'm actually, I tell everyone I'm from Chicago, but the truth is I'm one of the suburban trash. That's from the outskirts of the city. That likes to pretend I'm from the city.

like a mall rat. Yeah, exactly. Actually, Mean Girls was filmed really close to my town. Is that right? Yeah. That's cool. I like Mean Girls.

Yeah. You seem like you would like mean girls. Yeah, I could relate to the Lindsay Lohan character. Yeah. And it was like, yeah, I'm, get revenge on them. Yeah, exactly.

For being pretty. Because that's what they deserve, apparently. Yeah. It's a musical now. But anyway, so that's, and then how, so you're from Chicago.

Yep. And you're living in Ireland now doing Sandlove. Yeah. And then somewhere along the way, you learned Korean rap? Yeah, well, I lived in South Korea for one year.

That's all the same. In 2014. Because I remember the first time I saw you were talking about, was it Vietnam or Korea? Korea, yeah. Oh, I thought you went to Vietnam. No.

I thought it was pretty, oh, right, okay. I thought you were there, like... I thought that would explain your PTSD. Yeah. I thought you were there like, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

Didi Mao, that means hurry up. So why were you in Korea? Were you studying? I was, yeah, I was studying. Um, and I was studying. and I went over there because I was one of those really basic bitches that got into K-pop, but I got

into K-pop before it was cool. Okay. That's cool because me and James, I assume James is the same in my book, or we don't know anything about K-pop. No, I'm very, I mean, I know what it is. I don't even know what the K stands for. Korean.

Oh. Well, now I know. I'm going to laugh at you. I didn't know that either, but, oh, you fool. You want culture and slime. Yes, honor. You'll be, I won't do it one. Don't do devices when we're recording.

Do you save that for you're drunk? Yeah, yeah. In the Chinese. Hit little a piece, four in a lot. So what was it like over there? It was really good. It was a bit strange because I was taller than everyone. I'm like five foot nine.

I feel like a god. I took a dance class and none of the guys wanted to dance with me. Gollyga! And everyone else was called back. Shut up you. there's a lady here okay so they wouldn't dance yeah it's what was this different kind of culture

maybe they'd be shy no um I think it was I took a dance class and I knew like a little basic Korean and I was the only non-Korean in the class and the teacher and there was like 50 of us and the teacher asked the class oh who here wants to dance with the foreigner and she said it in Korean like she thought

I didn't understand and no one raised their hands. Yeah don't say it like that the foreigner that sounds like you're the dud yeah like who wants to with that fucking you Yeah, with that really tall, pale, fucking weird-looking girl. So you just had to dance by yourself? I think she, like, forced someone to dance with me.

And then you were like, I'll show them and you learn to rap. Yeah, exactly. In their language, just to rub it in. Do like a Korean eight mile where you're with their respect in the basement. Yeah, nice. That's pretty cool. Korean eight mile. Oh, we can do some voices to that.

We won't. I love it how you guys always like to walk the border with racism. Yeah. Well, something. Well, we've got friends. of different nationalities. I know an Italian guy, so it's okay. It's fine, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you've been doing stand-up now in Dublin. Yes, I have. How are you finding that? You're still fresh, like... Yeah, I've been doing it about a year. You're still new in the scene, is what I meant to say. Yeah, it hasn't now beating me down completely. How long have you been doing it?

About a year. About a year. Me and James are old road dogs, you know? That's right, yeah, yeah. James, you said like two years? Well, I'm like three years now. Three years, yeah. Well, I suppose I'm four, but not like four years of just proper doing it because like I keep like, you know, I'm loving the hospital or like going away for a while.

So, you know, college and dropping out college gets in a way of stand up. But now I'm trying to go full, full hard into it like, yeah, just balls like, balls deep and it's not going well. Oh, I'm going. I actually am going to America to Boston. So that's kind of like. Oh, I love Boston. Yeah. So I'm like trying to pop into Chicago.

Yeah. I've got friends in Chicago. Cool. Did you ever do any gigs in Chicago? I actually never did any gigs in America. I've only done gigs in Ireland. Have you got plans to go back? I am going to America in May to visit my family in Texas.

Are you a bit afraid that you've grown as a stand-up in Ireland? And Irish people are kind of like big idiots, so it's easy to make them laugh. Are you worried that you're kind of like a big fish and small pond here in Dublin when you go to America? It's like, welcome to the big leagues. I'm actually worried about pissing off Americans because I make fun of us a lot. and I don't know if they can like especially in Texas they have they're really patriotic and so if I go on stage and I'm like that's Americans we're so stupid right you've a bit in the act where you burn an American flag which exactly they don't like that in Texas yeah I know they're

big into like a lot of executions and stuff over there still still like death penalty yeah what do you think about the I don't think there should be a death penalty but I'm controversial She'll stay in, wow, wow. Betty's hot take. My aunt, I was listening to your last episode before here, and you guys were talking about judges. Yes. And my aunt is a judge in Texas. Oh, wow.

She kills people on the reg. No, well, she does misdemeanor stuff now because the felony stuff was too hard for her to handle. Okay, I suppose she's a good person then, is why you were saying. Did she ever put anyone to death? Could we get her on the show? Maybe, I'll ask her. I love to Skype. Her Skype runs the show on them.

I'm just like. During a live. execution. She's like, fry that turkey. Well, that's so cartooned me. Well, that's really cool. She's like a judge in Texas.

She, I remember one time, oh, man, maybe I should, oh, well, I don't care. We can call it out. Yeah, we can cut it out. We'll be saying that, we won't call it out, but we'll tell you that. Okay. What is it?

So when I was, like, 14 years old, and she doesn't have kids, and so she doesn't, she didn't really know what to do with me. So she had to work, and she was like, I'll just let the bailiff go. show you around the prison like for fun right and so he did oh no it's not going to be like

signs of lambs is it no no it was like they definitely uh so good sorry come we i remember he went to the check-in area and there was some guy that was getting checked in and the bailiff and i were standing like two feet away from him and he was like yeah so this is where all the like the criminals get checked in and stuff and you usually do like a like a scan scan their eye to see if we have previous records on them and then the receptionist lady scanned his eye and he's like alright can you turn the screen towards us so yeah so we can see over here that he's

been previously prosecuted before like just showing me this 14 year old girl all this private information and the guy is standing right there like what the fuck that is mad did he have a bad rap sheet what's the worst thing he did not paying his TV license oh I think assault also

also murder assault and like as a 14 year old girl but there's any part you're going like yeah fucking I want to be part of this Come on, let me at him I want to put the needle in A little bit What was your auntie?

Yeah, my aunt Well that sounds Oh you know what I said I hated all judges before But I think she sounds pretty cool Yeah, she's real cool Well definitely I'm saying that now She's one of the good ones It's her judge dread

And the Asian lad who did OJ What about Judy Judge Judy? No, I don't know Anti-Semad So What? No

No, she definitely has something about her It wasn't anti-Semitism, but she got done for something really bad. Actually, no, I do like, there's another judge. Have you seen that gay judge? No, who's the gay judge? Well, you know, he really marks himself. He's, I think his name, I forget, he's like, it's a reality he needs show. And he's real, like, you know, like, oh, honey, you don't go there, slam the gavel.

Like, he's real just like, I'm laying down the law. Mm-hmm. And, like, there's a bit in it where, like, this girl is like, you know, she's being real, like, ooh, well, uh, maybe I'm innocent, maybe I'm not. A girl like me. wouldn't do anything like that and he's like honey you're backing up the wrong tree execution i like that impression yeah which is pretty offensive of course it is wow really offensive hand gestures too oh you didn't see i was proper like once we get a video camera where they

incriminated irrefutably it's definitely going to do some time it's all in good taste we're all here in blackface but they can't tell uh does say that james there's a lady in the room there is um what do you do actually non-comedy wise oh my real job why are you in Ireland I went to uh well let's see I as a joke I was like you guys the 2016 election Trump is going to

might be president so I'm just going to bail ship if that happens and I left to go to Europe to come to Europe and he actually did become president so I just stayed here you came to Europe for a more like stable government relations

Nothing's going on in Europe right now It's going to get worse It's going to get ready It's going to be proper civil war You've seen Mad Max Yeah yeah It's going to be like You know you'll be okay

You're American So you love like diplomatic community They'll chopper you out Like Saigon But uh And we'll just be there Try to hide you our baby We'll just be there

And then we'll just be like And get shot by Jerry We're like kicking us all But we're trying to clap her On to that helicopter I'm just like Godspeed Tell us

story. So is Ireland your first stop in Europe or did you travel around a little bit? No, I just came I came here for grad school and then I finished. I was at the UCD School of Physics for space science technology. Oh yeah, I remember you're a smart person. That's debatable. I don't think I was definitely not the smartest of my class. That's for sure. I don't know anything about physics. I never studied like basic secondary school physics or chemistry. I just feel like physics. It's like a bag of like a bag of fetters. Okay. It smells the same.

That's very progressive. Or something, yeah. There's no difference. Yeah. And like, wait, I want to get on something next. So, Trump, are you, are you sick of people asking you about Trump? Yes. We can talk about it.

No, like, even like, I know some people are like, oh, you're a comedian, sure. I bet Trump's great for the old jokes, isn't he? And it's like, no. No, not at all. I'm not going to, like, go, like, all these people get deported by get some jokes. I'm not going to make that decision, you know? Plus, it's kind of like, it's hard because he's so ridiculous. It's kind of like, if he had to write jokes about an episode of Seinfeld.

It's kind of, it's already crazy. Exactly. But the Mueller, have you been following that the Mueller report came out? Yeah, that he was supposedly, they didn't find any. Well, they didn't find any concrete evidence, but me and James were talking about the Bloody Sunday report. And it's kind of like that where they didn't, by the way, where it was Trump during Bloody Sunday? Yeah, exactly. Like, they didn't find any concrete evidence that he was involved, but they didn't, they found lots of suspicious shit.

but people don't So the way it worked is Mueller wrote his big report And then the Attorney General William Barr Is it a Barr I'm not sure It's not Bill Burr

It's not Bill Burr That's all Trump Collusion what's going on I hate women also That's old Billy Redface Heard No collusion

By the way This is an epidemic A gold digging Who was Ah me on these Yeah so he like Read a summer of it and he says there's no collusion

and then they're saying like you should release the whole thing. Oh they're only releasing like little bits? They're only because they'll be going to be all redacted. Oh right okay. Well it's kind of like if they did say it was collusion, like the worst that happened he goes like oh you got me and he goes back to his golden tower.

I mean like there's already so much shit going on with the Trump presidency that like nothing has been done about like him talking about grabbing women by the pussy and then like the blatant nepotism. Yeah. going on and it's just like oh well that's just America now so it is

it's kind of like what does he have to do to like get because like it seems like any other president like look at the whole Bill Clinton's sex scandal obviously like the stuff he said maybe isn't quite as concrete as you know some residue on a dress but that's how they got him by the way I know yeah

oh of course oh I've seen it yeah I've seen it up close what does he got to do in the museum well you even said I could shoot people in Times Square no one's what Trump said is literally like bragging like a fucking like mafioso guy like hey i could bang someone in the fucking head did love me but now you're here and it's kind of like irish politics is much more gentle and just kind of boring and tedious dude you guys i keep asking people what the

difference is between the two major parties here and everyone's like ah they're basically the same and no one will give me a concrete answer they are no one knows i don't know finnigail and finafoil i don't know what their differences are really finna gale if i had to like make a comparison in, I think Fina Gailer in power now and they're a little bit more like ooh, you know, a little bit of taxes and you know, less sensible government

and then Fina Fah a little bit more like hey, hey, less tax is more fun. They're Italian, they're Italian. Yeah, yeah, they're Italian house basically. They're looking at girls through the window and stuff. Because that was like, they were in charge during the boom time. So they were more like,

hey, fucking regulation, shmeggulation, Banking do what they want Yeah, yeah Is that an Irish turn? Schmegulation No, it's something Schmeagmilation But yeah, so it kind of went

So that's kind of And then like Sinn Féin are kind of like The Tea Party or something I don't know Yeah, they're very Like because their roots Are still very closely

Everyone associated Sinn Féin With the IRA Who are like, you know The sexy terrorists Of the 80s Kind of like the ISIS of the 80s Everybody knew the IRA In the 80s

Yeah Like I didn't realize that But like America Like ever watch any like 80s action movies revolving around terrorism the IRA always get a mention they're mentioned

to die the example it's kind of like the IRA were kind of like saved by the bell yeah that's that's a big if the IRA is like saved by the bell then ISIS would be well I was saying like because they're trying to bring the IRA back

now oh really because of Brexit but it's kind of like you know remember they did save by the bell a new class I didn't want to save by the bell

I'm too young for that oh god no how old are I'm 24 how old are you're 24 I'm 24 oh look that I think they had this conversation. Oh, look, we're all buddies. We're all in our 20s.

I'm not 20. Yeah, it doesn't matter. 29. Hey, look, we're all friends here. Yeah. On your way off the door. I know, I know. The fact that you said, oh, when I said 29,

like I just had a terminal illness like I've been diagnosed. He's like an old dog. The other dog were like the back legs don't work anymore. Things are going wrong. Yeah, I've got like a cone around my neck. And everyone's like, they know. eventually like it's like when are we going to bring him to the vet next week or do we like we should probably do it tomorrow so i just crawl under the house so i can die alone

that's what dogs do isn't that die dark oh yes it was yeah yeah that's what i'm based on well he's already out the door that's right and um are you any plans to go back anytime soon um to move back to america well i'm not i'm not asking you to leave i just mean like uh i need to see the family or yeah okay i'm going to Vegas with my grandma Vegas. Yeah. Vegas with your grandmother. Yeah, she's really cool.

Yeah, it's a sitcom waiting to happen. Wait a minute. You're going to Amsterdam with your mother. I know, yeah. Really? That's true. Yeah, well, that's because my brother lives there. So I've never been to Amsterdam.

So the first time, I'm going next week with my mother. So that's going to be very strange. They both sound like fun movies. Like, you're bringing your granny to Vegas and like, oh no. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-T-20 on black. Yeah. Grandma, get out. That's a brothel.

she's dancing with like nail strippers and stuff like that and then your mother's just stoned yeah just cleaning the windows in the red light district these girls look very hungry she's offering them scones get them a sweater you'll catch your death but do you have a very typical Irish mother

yeah I would say that and you know she's uh yeah so let's let's go through the checklist she was very religious physically abusive, passive, aggressive, all the Irish trains. That's fun Irish mammy. Well, we have a thing in Ireland Irish mammies. Like, oh, they're crazy, you know.

But it's basically isn't all mothers like that in terms of like they're a bit overbearing. They're a little bit controlling. I don't know. I was the middle child, so I was forgotten about, which was kind of... No, don't say, oh, because I got away with... I got to do whatever the fuck I wanted, so it was great. Betsy in the middle, kind of like...

Yeah, Betsy in the middle. You were the genius. Ah, because you do like space. science. Yeah, you are the genius. Yeah, you're like Frankie Munoz. Then you're going to, you know what happened to him. Oh, didn't he what? He got like a memory. Yeah, he has strokes now.

Oh, he has strokes. He drives race cars and has strokes, which is a good combination. Let's make things interesting. That's a great reality show. What's going to happen? Life is insane. Oh no, it's unfair, wasn't it? Unfair, yeah. Yeah, they just crashes. So you're in a middle child. What do your siblings do?

Let's see, my sister is a waitress, and my brother, he is, he's super, super religious, and he's, like, works for the YMCA in Colorado. Oh, wow. Yeah. He's, like, he's probably going to, like, run his own cult one day. You think? Yeah. Were your parents really religious? No.

So he just, of his own volition, he's, like, a very, like, okay. We don't have to get too into this, but, like, is there any reason why he got religious? Or just, he just saw sense? I don't know. I think, you know, he's one of those people. that would either get like basically he's just he's kind of weirdo

and you would either get really religious or just like high on drugs so I'm really glad he's got the religious high yeah some people there are just got that addictive gene and they got to get into something and it's better that than like

some kind of weird anime shit you know you mean like K-pop? No no K-pop is it's not just a way of life it's also a genre of music you know K-pop now

wasn't there a scandal recently where they were like Oh there was oh my god That broke my heart you guys Because it was Sungri Sungli from Big Bang And he was arrested For basically like

Giving out prostitutes To business people Oh Well let's steady on that And he was my favorite What's wrong with that I don't know I guess he's also

He was also kind of a bit of a sex deviant There was like a thing A few years Well wait wait wait hang on that What's wrong Korean R Kelly Wait wait wait wait wait There's a big difference between, like, some prostitutes and being a sex TV and, like, pissing on, like, 14-year-olds.

Yeah, yeah. Was he actually doing anything bad? Because so far, no, were they, like, trafficked or something? Like, what? I don't know the details I just know he got. But they're really, like, another member of that band, he was arrested for smoking pot. And that made me like him even more. I was like, dude, Homeboy just wants to chill, right?

Yeah. But now everyone in Korea hates him, and they're like, oh, he's a drug addict. And they hate him, but they kind of, like, they love him. well, you know. No, I think his international non-Korean fans like him more. Yeah, I'd say, if I'm giving a career voice, what's his name? T-O-P. T-O-P. Well, if T-O-P's listen, I'd say, get the

fuck out of Korea. They're only holding you back. They're holding you back, okay? You get out of there. The people, your true fans in Korea will respect you more for it. Don't, like, warp yourself down for the fucking masses, you know? What's that thing? A camel's a horse that lost its humps? A camel's

a horse designed by commission? Yeah, that, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never heard this. Oh, that's a good, it's a good little metaphor because it's kind of like the horse is beautiful but the camel's more practical ah I like that yeah so wait is it like people don't smoke weed in Korea

it's like really you get caught with like a smidge of pot you're looking at five years my friend got chased in Korea I'm not joking I'll say his name Jason B no Jay Brennan

I wonder you with that company yeah yeah but he he was smoking a bit and he got he said it was like a problem or like blade runner like they were chasing him and he had to like go through ducking and dive in like hop over

like the cops are chasing yeah yeah and he said he hopped over a fence and they were just like not arse to like jump over that they were like ah fucking let him

go but yeah he was just smoking a little bit of a joint not it wasn't like he was walking over a big bag with like weed written on it you know like he was smoking a little joint

and then they caught him and it was like whatever they say give me an example of something in Korean did say Hajima Tamagotchi

Tamaguchi and then they started chasing him and he was like hopping and jumping like he was probably like knocking over things like sorry sorry and then he like running through like little shanty towns through the kitchen oh sorry smells great by the way yeah yeah he goes on a skateboard and like you know like one of him was holding a chicken leg and he took it arm energy and then it just like it was it in power speeders day off like he yeah he he just starts to the women for a second yeah hi how you doing jason breton how are you

I didn't say his name with Jason Brennan Okay, you didn't Well, we'll edit that out Was it Jason Brennan? Oh, I'm so surprised Yeah, he's a pretty cool guy actually Doesn't he tell that story on stage though? Oh, yeah

Yeah Like obviously I'm not going to put him in his shape Yeah, yeah, yeah He's proud of it as he should be He's from Carlo as well Pretty cute I'm impressed with that Yeah

The Carlo bit The coming from Carlo, yeah Absolutely, you mean the Carlo? No, I haven't Oh, it's kind of like you know in stranger things you know like the upside down where everything's really bad

that's carol oh yeah yeah great so you got like weird shadow monsters yeah that's it yeah weird shadow carol it's it's um incest alcoholism and incest that's all we got have you guys seen um freaking umbrella academy

love I love the comics as well not to brag but I read the comics before the TV show yeah Gerard way yeah I like it a lot I love Irish guy. The one who played Klaus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love, it's great show. I like it.

And it got me into some great music in that. I was like, I should listen to that more like Adam and Anson, like, you know, dindaboo, Constantin. I love that song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. Have you watched it, James? I haven't. It's like, it was described to me as like an American misfits.

Maybe that's your own misfits. It's kind of like, what do you say, X-Meny, kind of like it's a school kid. Yeah, yeah. It's definitely X many. If I was doing the elevator pitch, you know, Elevator. page, it's like the real quick pitch. It's like, yo man, it's like X-Men meets Breakfast Club. Oh, that's pretty cool. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like, the kids, they're confused.

Emilio Estevez. I thought it was weird how, uh, I don't know, can I give spoilers for that? Of course you can. I thought it was weird how, um, the two siblings got into a romantic relationship with each other. He's like, oh, they're adopted, so it's okay. Well, here's the big debate, and I'm glad you brought this up because I wanted to, because I, again, I'm running for president. We have a big platform. If you're adopted,

is it incest. The Woody Allen argument. Oh, you guys were talking about Woody Allen. You love talking about incest and pedophiles on this show. I love it. We don't love it. It just comes up naturally every single time. Totally organically.

I'm just, I'm just really interested in it. In fact, talking pedophiles, I was laughing at the idea of, like, you know, the Nirvana album, Nevermind. Yes. There was a naked child on it. you know, Nirvana. I'm so bad with culture. Oh, wow, never mind.

You've got your head in space, you know. Yeah. So there's an album, it's a naked baby on it. Swimming in a pool. Yeah, but it's artistic. But I was laughing at the idea of like, so that's kind of like a get out of like, that's child porn, but it's artistic

so you get away with it. Yeah. So like he literally pints to the guards and go like, look at that. Hey, you can't rest me for that. Yeah, you're fucking idiot. You could like master be on the bus to that. Yeah.

they just have to sit there grooving on it and everyone who walks by it's like hey I love Nirvana awesome just appreciating heart man

yeah just like I imagine Dave Grohl and court how do you explain this and he just presses play Duhna Teen Spirit starts playing Do you know it smells like teen spirit I have that on my Spotify playlist

Oh wow Do you know the story of Nirvana and what happens to Curse? No what's the story He shot himself The lead singer Shot himself yeah

Oh no I'm sorry to ruin this You're like the first person I've ever met that didn't know that Yeah It's like this is breaking news everyone Kirk Cobain is dead We'll stay with this story all night if we have to Yeah he was like the lead singer and people

Like loved him and then like he died At the height of his fame It's kind of like if Justin Bieber Shot himself right now Justin Bieber I have a bet with someone That he's going to be divorced by June Well he's married to Baldwin Is Haley Baldwin

I hope does I don't like the way you're against love against manufactured love designed by record companies Betsy's all about science and facts and I'm like no they love each other it's definitely not a marketing ploy what are you into K-pop and what am I into K-pop

you're just so different than us I like it I don't know what else I'm into comedy and K-pop and oh Star Trek I've got in Star Trek lately yeah they're bringing Picard back Oh, for, like, the new... They're going, no, doing a separate Picard series.

Oh, that's right, I heard his freaking, Sir Patrick Stewart. He never ages. Well, the thing is, like, you know, ball don't crack. Ball don't crack. Yeah, I've heard that expression. Yeah, that's true. So, like, yeah, that'd be cool. I wasn't a big Star Trek fan growing up.

In fact, I was kind of scared because I was already a nerd when I was growing up. So I was kind of weird that I might contaminate myself even more. So, like, I like Doctor Who and, like, comic books, and I like planets as well. You can't hide who you are. I learned that the hard way. Like, well, like, when I was in school, I was trying to. So I'd be like, yo, what's up with the footy? You know, like that?

And they'd be like, get out of here, Brian, I'd scabber away. Yeah, yeah. And then they put you in a bin. Yeah. Back to reading books about Mars and shit. Well, it was funny because I was a nerd, but I was also dyslexic. So it was like... So you were, oh, like, like, Millhouse, when he was like, oh, I'm a nerd, but I'm not like a smart nerd.

Yeah, that's exactly why I was. You got the glasses and everything. I've got the comparison before. Millhouse, yeah, yeah, like if Millhouse was from Carlo. Yeah, if Millhouse had even worse life. Your dad's a big player in the Cracker factory. What are we talking about? So you're into Star Trek and stuff like that. Look at my sweater. Vulcan in the streets, a cling on in the sheets.

Oh, that's good. Klingon? Like, crock, crook. Yeah, they're like weird beast with the weird... So you're very honourable in the sheets and a warrior. Exactly. I like murder in the sheets. Okay. I can get away because I'm a woman. like she just stabs the man in the head like a praying mantis

I'll stop that Is that actual Klingon? No, of course it's not I don't know. Can you speak? I can't speak I can't speak clearly. Okay, all right. It's actually they used to have Wikipedia used to have a logo of different languages. All right and used to have Klingon in it but actually

replaced Klingon with Nigerian which is kind of like a bit racist. Wow, Jesus. They're like Ah, they're both funny made-up language. You put funny made-up languages. So you've been doing comedy a year, Betsy. Yeah. So why did you wait to come to Ireland to do it?

What was like the motivation there? I have been wanting to do comedy since I was about 20. But I was like, oh, I don't have time to do it since I'm in college and stuff. And so I'll just wait until I'm done with college. And then I think, you know, I'm thinking back at it now, I probably should have done it while I was in college. But I think I was putting it off because I was scared. I think you're kind of better off living a bit more before you start comedy. Yeah.

It's good to actually have something to say, whereas, like, I started really young, so I was just like, eh. Oh, you started, oh, when you were 20. No, and I started, like, no, it was 18, I think. Oh, really? Yeah, maybe 17. I forget now, I was, you know. And you're 24 now? Maybe 18, yeah.

Oh. Yeah. Well, again, like, first time I did it, like, yeah. Like, I had no life experience at all, so just like, hey. Well, none that I could talk about on stage. Yeah. It was like, just like, hey, fucking Facebook's crazy. Yeah.

anybody here about fingering? Like, is it like, I had no real experience myself, like, so it's just like, it's just sound like a little bit. Plus, people don't want to see a young lad on stage. They want an older person with authority or like someone who's smart, like yourself. I don't, you guys keep saying I'm smart. I really don't feel that smart. I, um, what was it?

I got stuck in my friend's room the other day because it was a, it was a push door and I thought it was a pole and I just thought it was locked. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I had to call her. I legitimately, if I see, like, if I'm going to a supermarket and there's like door push on it and I do push, I'm happy for a half hour after that. I'm like, fucking yeah. Got it in the first try.

Look at that. Fucking. Yeah. You know, some people, you know, they're doing like tours in Australia and they're making loads of money. And they're happy with that. But I'm just like, I can open a door. It's all about the little things, Brian. Yeah, you've got to take the victories when they come.

When Brian opens a door. God closes that exact same door. proud of you I'm glad someone said it James won't say that I'm very Oh I just remember it's Mother's Day Oh shit

Holy fuck do you get anything Oh God Hey Betsy I heard You didn't get anything For Mother's Day Because you're too busy Fucking my mom Boom

Oh Roasted I said Yeah your mom told me She's not proud of you That's why I thought You should hear from someone Yeah

And then you fucked her Boom I don't want to sound How roasting works That's why I lost The Brian Gala Oh, yes. It's Mother's Day, I totally forgot.

Have you? Terrible, terrible child. Actually, you know, this is kind of sad. My mother actually left a card on my pillow on Saturday night. Just like a Mother's Day card for me to write to give to her. Oh, wow. That's the level. Did you write?

You know what? I just tore it up for the coaches to smoke to me. Take that, Mom. Yeah, isn't what you get for raising me. No, I actually wrote it. It's kind of bad, because I just wrote, like, from Brian, and I looked the envelope, and I was like, probably should have wrote more than that. You were very from Brown, and that's it.

Yeah, it was like, oh, then I tried to open it, but then I kind of ripped the envelope of it, and I was like, oh, so then I just hand her the card with, like, a half-open envelope. Even that is a lie, though, because it wasn't from you, it was from her. Yeah. So you're lying to her. It's disingenuous. Yeah, I was thinking she should put a fiber in or what. Probably should have bought her flowers or something.

Flowers, chocolate, scratch cards. We love scratch cards here in Ireland. Do you scratch cards big in America? I'd say so, yeah. Yeah, it's big for like, you know. For occasions, you know, Mother's Day, birthdays, even funerals, like, here you go. I know your mother's dead, but two quids, possibly. No, it's funny because, like, I have some good luck coming after that bad luck.

It's kind of like, a lot of times, though, it's like here, here's a present and it's like a card of disappointment. Because it's like, and they always work it over like, hey, a five, a five, a five, no, 15. You got nothing. Five, five. Oh, just call it. me a con. You should have that joke cards. Why did I pay money for this?

He's scratched it. He says James the wanker. I'm why is it my name? How is it knows? So specific. There's a picture of me. Yeah. Picture you your worst.

It knows like your ex-girlfriend's name. Oh my God. She was faking it. It just says that the whole time. Yeah, so scratch cards. How did we get on to that? Oh, it's Mother's Day. Yeah.

Have you sent her a little message? well it's not Mother's Day in America yeah it's different Mother's Days so if I were to send her a Mother's Day message now she'd probably be like you're being real selfish about it because it's not until May oh yeah yeah she'd say you're selfish she wouldn't in any way appreciate it yeah I'm just good

yeah if you took the time out of your day to write a free message to her just going like Happy Mother's Day from Ireland she'd be like ugh my mom's sassy like that Is she sassy? I wish my mom was sassy What are you a fucking Mick all of a sudden Get out of here I wish my mom was sassy and my mom just cries

and force feeds her guests fish did that happen to you yeah james's over and my mother what I was really hung over is like here's a plate of fish I'm like I don't want this yeah I'm passive aggressive apparently she like

afterwards like oh James the boy who doesn't eat fish I like how he says the boy well oh she called me the man the man you're the man nobody's ever called me a man the man who won't eat the salmon It's like a fairy tale in a way

Asap's fables Yeah You're nearly 30 so you're like Definitely a man Oh god Yeah but like I'm an adult In James's headline water Like look at a scamp

That little scally way Oh eat the salmon Yeah yeah What are your plans for future My plans oh like for life Yeah Oh dude you're not You got a boyfriend do you

I do yeah Things are going well Things are going well He moved in with me Well I've got a bet The same way you got to bet The Beber relationship fall apart, I gotta bet with James

that one. I gotta bet with James that one. Yeah, they're yours a fall apart. Really? And he's going to get with Baldwin, Ireland, Baldwin. He's going to get with Healy Baldwin. That's just me being mean because I don't have boyfriends. Oh, do you want to share mine? He might be okay. Do I? Yeah.

The name is Paul. He looks kind of like Paul Rudd. Oh, that's pretty good actually. Yeah, yeah. You know Paul Rudd's like fucking like 50, like. I know he, no, he turns 50 a week in, uh, in five days. No, six days on April 6th. That's creepy. I know, I'm a huge...

Are you, like, similar from Mark David Chapman? He's just going to be reading Catcher in the Rye and then shoot him in a hotel. Actually, by the way, you know the Beatles, do you? Yes. Okay, cool. All right, yeah. I understand why you'd ask me that. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I didn't know. So Mark David Chapman shot John Lenn, okay? Okay. So I just thought he to some crazy guy who shot him because he was obsessed with John Lenn. But I was listening to him a podcast about it. I didn't know he was, like, proper insane. Like, he talked with little people. in the walls, stuff like that, telling him what to do.

And he taught that, like, because he was obsessed for his book catching a ride. And he taught that when he shot John Lennon, he would actually go into the book. Really? That's why he shot him. Yeah, he thought he would actually go into the fiction itself. And what did John Lennon have to do with that fiction? Well, he was just

obsessed with it. Well, he taught John Lennon was a phony. Yeah. Because John Lennon was all, like, hippie-dippy, you know, peace and love. Yeah, yeah. It's my John Lennon. Peace and love. But then he lived in the big house with an Asian woman. and he was like, that's... Hippercritical. I was living with an Asian one.

Hypocritical. Oh, but he's... Oh, no, I'm not saying I was against it. I'm just saying he was like, ah, don't like that. So then he like... He shot him. He popped him and apparently he shot him and then John Lennon fell down and then Mark Dave Chavis was like, oh, what's going on?

Oh, no! Oh, this hasn't gone the way. I am not got... I've not been transported. I'm still here. Fuck. Oh, shit. I hate when that happens.

Yeah, yeah. I love to see a lifetime movie of the way. that? There is. There is actually Jared Leto played Mark David Chapman. Leto. Leto? Is it? Lito? I hear people say Lido. I'll ask him. Leto. Okay, yeah, ask him, please. We'll get back to you on that. But yeah, he played Mark David Chapman, and he gained a lot of

weight for the role, and he actually gave himself type two diabetes. That's dedication. Awesome. Awesome. I'm working on that at the moment. Awesome. Yeah. So what do you talk about in your comedy? Oh, I talk about dark stuff I actually want James you inspire me I want to try to get on your level oh

thank you that's very kind I love the stuff about your dad killing himself I know it's hilarious isn't it yeah it's funny it's never not funny every guest we've had on yeah I've like I just want to say I loved it loved it

loved it do you have any pictures yeah in fact I hope you got a new dad so do I father please yeah thank you very much fatsy that's very nice of you to say it is kind of like they all say you don't mention my farming stuff

I suppose it's not that punch not everyone lives on a farm but everyone has a father I suppose yeah are you actually bisexual I don't know I don't know either because you make jokes about it hey let's find out is that you mean it is called Brian and James Fuck you charge. Yes.

Well, if you want to find out, I'm bisexual, and I'll just say to listeners, I live in 21 Glenwood, Dundalk. Come on, bye. Yeah. Find out for yourself. I know Matthew and his brother are only ones who listen, so. Actually, very interestingly, yesterday, all of my siblings, my two brothers and my sister, I have another brother. But three of them then, they were all like saying how much they listen to every episode and they really love it and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they were very complimentary.

It's good to have, and that's the reason you're on if you just said something nice about us. And that's really all the takes It's got on the show So tell James's siblings that they can fuck off Because he's the better one Yeah, that's right Yes

You're not bisexual No, no, not really I have Good for some I have kissed men But only when I'm like Under the influence of Class A drugs I think you know

Like my friend Poring Talks about a lot About he doesn't know what he is I don't think you need To put labels on things you know Yeah I think I might just like You know

I was thinking about it I might be straight for the summer and then go gay for the winter and find myself a nice little twink to get into like a cocoon like you know like in Star Wars they cut open the animal and go inside it

that's going to be me I just get inside the twink and just hide my late nice there's this all there's a species of bird I forgot what it's called but they're the ones that

it's like the male bird builds a really huge complicated nest and he gets like little trinkets and stuff to decorate it with and the female comes by checks it out and if you know she doesn't like it then she just bucked off

and he has to build another one and it takes like a week and I guess sometimes the the young male birds in this species look like female birds and so sometimes they'll go to these real intricate houses pretend to be a female and then like the adult male is like wooing them and then the young male will just like steal this shit and then fly away and build his own nest with the stuff he stole oh that's a pretty good grift there yeah a grift hey it's a good scam hey buddy I got a scam for you again Just pretend to be like a sexy little bird The only of a man, a full-grown man Trying to pretend to be a bird To steal someone's neck Imagine if humans did that Well, I suppose they kind of do in a way Sometimes just like a young twinkle steal like something

Not from me, I don't know myself But like, uh, I like the animal kingdom It's just, it's more like just It's more honest, you know I like those guys who are like real obsessed with the animal kingdom They think that humans should be like that They're like, hey, man, it's the natural world. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, I'm an alpha. That's just how I be. I should be allowed to steal birds' nests. I was making myself laugh on the way up here. I was thinking like a jock who's blemick. Okay. And he's like bragging like, you bleemick, bro? You got the bleemes, bra?

Yeah, man. Man, it is awesome, man. Yeah, man, you just go into the back. You drink some protein and you go into the bat, okay? And you like, your finger, your mouth, like your finger banging some bra. Yeah, man. it's awesome. Then you get our skinning and you can see your ribs, chicks, ding,

ribs. That's what I do when I'm driving up to James, I just talk to myself. I do that a lot too when I'm driving. How do you come up with ideas? So me and James, I think we both do silly voices. Mine's schizophrenia, just talk out loud or something. Give advice to the young comedians out there. How do you come up at material?

I actually, I cycle to work and I talk to myself while I cycle, and I always think that people can't hear me because I'm going so fast, they can't hear, but I think they do. because I've seen a few people look at me strangely as I'm just like talking on my bike to myself driving real past

just like drive pie and you hear me just be like my dad left me and then it's a good thing you live in the city if you live in the country you would have been institution wise by now no in the contrary they kind of just let people

room free all the mentalists we had a lad I don't know what his story was but there was a lad lives behind her school for a little bit and it was just kind of like you have this in America

every now and again there's someone who's mentally ill and just kind of like you just like shoot him away with a brush Yeah so he like he was living behind your school with his shed

and like sometimes in the morning like you find like some cigarette butts or some underwear and like you know Jesus I was just the teachers like more he was more like

they treat him like he was a fox or something like that yeah get out he's at the bins get out of you like and then I think all the parents bit like Freddy Kruger

all the parents just kind of like dealt with him but all the parents banded together and then burned him in a furnace That's really accepting. That's really sweet.

I like that. It's kind of fun. The Freddie Kruger story is actually kind of nice. All the parents teamed up as a community. Yeah. And burnt him alive, regardless if it was guilty or not. Yeah.

Octopitos, but yeah, I'm pretty sure Freddie Krueger was a fetus. He was a bad man. He's a paedophile. And then later on, they changed it to a child killer because that's more acceptable.

Okay. There is a crazy website in America called Family Watchdog where it lists all the pedophiles, work and home addresses. Jesus. It's kind of like, it's kind of like,

Tinder. Yeah. For a 10 year old boy. Tinder. Yeah. So you can meet people with similar interests. Hey, do you like Nirvana? Wink.

Oh, never mind. Oh, Jesus. Wow. Do you go on that? Is there like many? Well, what part you live in the suburbs? Is there many in your area? You know what?

There's a surprising, I guess not that's surprising. But yeah, there's a ton who live near the park in my neighborhood. There's like five. Well, I'd say now. mention that in parks and recreation the notorious pedophile problem but I'd say

some of them aren't actually like proper pedos some of them I'd probably like just got a little bit caught up just a little bit of porn let's not start defending them here Brian no I mean like some of them are just like probably like you know just could happen to us some stage

you know like you end up accidentally exposing yourself Oh like if you're drunk and you take a piss in a playground but you don't know it's a playground Yeah that could easily happen yeah oh just i'm just uh well look if anything happens your auntie will have to hang them yeah so back to i'm just actually curious because you have actually people when talking about you and your material they say uh it is quite dark oh thanks like so do you is that like a conscious decision or is it just

sort of like naturally the jokes you come up with just happen to be quite dark it's just naturally because i i say stuff and i don't think it's that dark yeah like oh that's really dark and I'm like well I think it's funny yeah exactly the exact same thing yeah and it's like we're not trying to be dark it just happens to be dark yeah exactly that's kind of like who are your big comedy influences would you say

I love Daniel Tosh when he's making fun of Hurricane Katrina and shit I love that that's oh he's a genius Tosh is good Tosh is surprising like I saw was it Tots and Prayers? No no that's anti-Jessonleck what's the people pleaseer

is that the one he has I think well the last special he did and I was like He's really, like, he's physical and he's good-looking. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's good-looking, like, he's good. He looks like an unattractive swimmer to me. An unattractive swimmer? I don't know. That's just the impression, I get.

That kind of body. Yeah. He's got the face of a swimmer, was it? You got a face looks like there's all war on it. We're exposed to chlorine a lot of the time. Well, I heard Tosh used to be a real, like, you know, he literally would wear the hoodie on stage and, like, kind of almost look down on his feet. And, like, every now and again, if they're laughing, he'd look.

look up, like, he used to be real nervous. Oh, really? Yeah. That's so surprising, because I remember when he went on stage for one of his sets, he was like, yeah, I'm really good. I deserve that, because I'm one of the best. Well, that's a confidence. Like, I know comics, we have to be like, oh, I'm shit.

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's good to have a bit of confidence. Like, John Spelan told me that, like, you know, he should be, like, happy and, like, yeah, I am, I kind of know what I'm doing. Yeah, I am good. There's nothing wrong with that. No, not at all. No, definitely not.

Plus, I think, you know, we have, once you get up there, And especially if your jokes aren't that good To be like really self-deprecating The audience will automatically dislike you Just be like who's this fucking dip shit Who's wasting our time And they're all comics start off being self-deprecating And it is a bit tiring

Like I've seen some of comics where it's like After 10 minutes It's like, Jesus Get this guy some help Yeah Especially when they're really good looking As well like Jesse James If Jesse James went up and said

Oh I'm terrible Like no you're not You're amazing I love you Almost immediately has literally brats me throwing his face and he's like, I just can't get a girlfriend. I think my boyfriend

has a bit of a man crush on Jesse James. Who doesn't? Meow. Wow. So Jesse, you and Paul. Yeah, I think it's going, is it Paul, is it? Yeah.

Well, it looks like Paul Rudney's called Paul. Yeah. Yeah. Did you make him change his name to Paul? So, why can't you star in the 40-year-old version? You son of a bitch. Hey, you've never been the Judapitao movie. Oh wow

So it's Paul, yeah It's going to be me, Paul and Jesse And you're out of here You know, it's actually fine I was telling Paul Right before I come over here And I was wondering if you guys Could answer this question

I heard a story about these three guys And they're all in a polyamorous Relationship with each other And they only have sex When all three of each other Are in the room And I just wonder How does that work?

Do they just like get in a triangle And then like one jacks off the other And then Brian? What did you feel this one? you're overthinking this. You're thinking physically, like, you know, the signs of it.

Where I say, it's three lads, is it? Yes, yes. Well, then they just do what they want to do, okay? So it's not like, you're thinking of it like, it's a game of chess almost or they're standing there. It more so be a game of Tetris where you go, like, fit the, yeah, that's how gay sex works. If you put it in, then they disappear.

Because they've matched. I just want to make sure no one feels left out, I think. Well, it's, again, I think. The guy in the middle. is getting all the fun. Yeah, a bit like human centipies. He's getting both senses. But, like, I think, uh, the polyamorous relationships will become more and more popular

as it goes along. I think, like, most of the girls I see, like, they're very big into, like, um, not being, uh, exclusive, regardless of why I think, like, regardless of what I think, like, a lot of them, like, um, are very kind of, like, they don't want relationships, modern women, like, they just kind of want, uh, you know, just like, just kind of want me to leave directly after. in fact when I see them in the gym they don't make eye contact with me well that's the modern woman

they don't make eye contact personally I don't think I'm secure enough to like be in a polyamorous relationship there's a lot of trust like I'd be far too jealous like oh you prefer them to me I've never been in a proper like we're three people we are what like like um like in Power Rangers

are all link up like I've never been in that kind of thing we've had that kind of talk it's always just been like well we're not you never said you're exclusive okay well you never said that either yeah yeah yeah it will become more popular yeah oh god i think that be great yeah and it's oh no i do think it's like again like it's the level of trust you have yeah yeah yeah well i think it's good for like a couple to try it for a while yeah because i know couples who they've gone it like so like like like for two months they were like um yeah yeah they were like

you know they're like hey you can bring people in i actually tried to get in once uh well yeah like there is this guy i know he was going out with the girl and they were in an open in a relationship and he was all like pretty cool huh and like his girlfriend was just like getting with lads like left friend and he was just like anybody want to fuck me anybody anybody anyone want to fuck me come on anybody so it wasn't really i don't see the benefit yeah it has to be like just like have your girlfriend it's very easy to get jealous i think it has to be like i think it only really work if they're both like confident in themselves if one is insecure and like the girlfriend's literally getting railed by nine lads and he's like uh he's just staring at the side of

lines with a like foam finger he's just twiddling his tongues like yeah yeah yeah you go girl so empowering oh you can't hear me you got a dick in your ear uh never mind um no I don't think I could like again I'm not against it I don't judge anyone for it I'm just not secure enough

for that kind of thing yet yet maybe one day I just like the word polyamorous polyamorous it sounds like a I don't know like a butterfly name I can say a Pokemon go polyamist go I went on a date with a guy once several years ago who was in a polyamorous relationship so he had a girlfriend and it was cool and I had no problem going on dates with him

but I realized I couldn't continue it because he had the same name as my brother and it just got in my head it was just too weird that is weird yeah you can't say it you know like it'll just slip out sometimes like yeah and then like I had the same thing I was going over with a girl had the same name as my brother

and I was like whoa get out of it! yeah yeah you can't say that anymore no i know yeah i'll at least set you right that's right yes i've learned the error up my way now you're like pro transgender i was always pro transgender now you like to turn matrix movie never never so you were dating for a while got any good dating stories yes okay let me think well i feel like me and james to talk too much i want to like you talk more oh okay let me think good dating well define a good dating story like well obviously one we're like you're not happy the end. If you say like, I met him, he was pretty cool, and that was it. It's like, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. I know. I was on this one recently. I was going out with this guy

when I was like, I was 19 and he was 27, which was a bit weird. Yeah. You go, girl. No, no. He was really nice at first and it's funny. I actually, I used to be super religious, you guys. Oh, right. I'm not religious at all. Um, like, fuck that nice. Um, Presbyterian? Just like general Christian. Oh, Protestant. non-denominational, which is a self-denomination. And so I didn't sleep with him. And I think he got a little fussy at the four-week mark, and then he got really mean. And the thing is, I decided to break up with him.

The breaking point for me was when he said he thinks that having pets are useless. He's like, I don't understand people who have pets. Why waste money on an animal when you can, like, invest that time and money in skills? And then I broke up with him five minutes later. Okay. What a weird thing to think. it's not competing like why have a dog it could learn how to do carpentry oh but then and then he because he was kind of a dick towards end of our relationship and then he mailed me a card several

weeks later apologizing for being an asshole but it was I was with him when he bought that card like we were dating each other and it was a really really fancy like a $15 card and I remember he made a detour to go to this card shop just to buy this one card and I was like why are you buying this card and he was like real cryptic about it and then i received it in the mail several weeks later that is so weird that's uh yeah this guy's 27 that sounds so immature like that's like something you really that's not something you should do but it's something you would do like as 18 or something like that yeah yeah where you don't know how to like end relationships or like oh that's awful yeah it's kind of funny that's a good story now and i

didn't sleep with him so yeah well let me ask you this then it's not too personal oh no go what caused the kind of like straying away from the true fate oh yeah oh yeah oh why not because you know when you're younger they're all like oh god is love and all that stuff sure and then you get older and they're like okay god is love kind of but like these are the people you should really not like and uh they tried telling me how i should be as a woman they're like betsy as a woman as a godly woman you need to be submissive to your husband i'm like fuck that shit yeah you start firing a gun Yeah, they're real big into like, well, not to get too, ah, no, I'm going to do it. Like, this is going to be mean as a man talking about how hard it is to be a woman.

That's why it's so mansplaining. But like back then, it was really like they didn't teach women about anything about themselves, like. Like, so I think that was because for a man, it was like, if you don't teach a woman about orgasms, she won't be expecting one. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, it was proper just like, um, she, she showed. I shouldn't know, like, the correct length of a penis. Not the correct length, but, like, the average, it shouldn't know anything. So, like, like, the man then, and it was always, like, fucking, like, some 50-year-old fucking in-the-closet gay guy, like, gentlemen would just marry, like, a fucking...

Back then, it was, like, a 16-year-old girl. Yeah. And then he'd have, like, sex there for, like, three menace and I'm like, well, that was sex. And you should enjoy it. Now you're going to have loads of children, and you should shut the fuck up. And now it's different. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's good. like. Wait, so you, you know, you were very religious and your brother was very religious. Like, so, well, you said your parents didn't really push it on you that much. Oh, wait, so that happened because my mom sent us to this church camp, which was like really cheap. She only sent us there because it was like a really discount cheap price. She's like, I just want to get rid of you for the summer. And then while we're there, they converted us. Oh, wow. That's very cultish. Sneaky. They're always talking about church and church camp. Yeah. Sneaky. Was there a moment of It's like, wham, I'm over here.

Epiphany. Yeah, let's see what was. Oh, actually, I don't care if this is TMI. I was on the birth control pill from the age of like 14 for health reasons. And it kills your sex drive. And so I actually thought I was asexual for a long time. And then I went off of it when I was 19 because I was in Korea and I couldn't get it. And then I was just like, oh, my God, I want to have sex.

And these bitches are telling me I can't, but fuck that. And so I went and fucked that over there. Wait, what's that? Just a guy. Okay, or you pointed a laptop. You did what? This is James' laptop. Oh, that explains all the issues I've been having.

That's cool, so you fucked yourself into an atheist. Yes, I did. It's pretty a rock. You fucked some Korean guy and burnt a Bible. Exactly. It was a very spiritual moment for me. That's cool. Yeah, it's like so much cooler.

Like, I was just like for a long time believed in God and then, you know, like watch their Richard Dawkins' documenters like oh I guess there's no God okay fine then you fuck the Korean I think like having sex with a Korean man really just puts your head in the right way

you know I don't even remember like not believing in God I think it's just a general kind of sense of like oh just over time just like eh not I don't believe this anymore I was but I was raised like in a very Catholic house quite oppressive

like I was an altar boy unlike the primary school I went to was like very heavily connected to the church you're on the pill I was on the pill not for medical reasons just for that sweet sweet high oh yeah

god good times you do have sex education in your school oh yeah you guys ever see watch over John Oliver yeah I know but he did that episode on sex ed in America oh yeah I seen that clip

actually that bowling thing isn't that the clip yeah how's that metaphor work they showed that to me really like where the oh no no not the ball it was like the girl with these shoes explained to the audience yeah I don't see it this girl she she's like talking about she has a pair of tennis shoes and she's giving it to her boyfriend

to borrow and he was like what I don't want to put my feet in these dirty smelly shoes it looks like the whole football team wore these shoes and then she turns to the camera and she was like I wish that someone had warned me about having multiple partners when I was younger and the damages it can have on you And they showed that shit to me when I was like... They equated your genitals to a pair of tennis shoes. That's like saying like, yo, um, your vagina's a dirty shoe.

The whole football team's been in it. Wow, don't have sex. Where's some odor eaters when you need it? Sorry, that's gross. I mean, that's kind of hot. Yeah, I wouldn't mind them putting their feet in my shoe. Oh my God. If that's like how you think sex works.

You see a nice man and you hand him your shoe. Actually, our sex education. wasn't that bad. We had a woman came in that was real stern looking and she was proper like, I'm going to teach you about sex and I remember like they took the girls away so it's like we're a bit scared like what's happening to us? And she was like real just like

no like actual like thing that we could use in real life just like you put the penis in the vagina and ejaculate and that causes eggs to go in sperm to go into the eggs and that was it like there's no like any kind of practical like how to use a condom or like anything like that. We weren't shown anything

with a condo. Oh they actually they had We had a lot of pregnant girls in my school, and they would actually bring them in. Yeah. De-d-d-d-d-de-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-. Jason! So they would bring these pregnant girls to our health class. They'd just talk about how difficult it was being a teen mom. Oh, it's a, like, shame in that.

Look at her. Look at her shoes. Children, now you'll all line up and spit on her once. Oh, my God. It's so disgusting. That's horrible. And what, like, they have a pregnant girl come in,

a bit like a crack addict will come in and tell people not to be a crap. He's scared straight, pro crap. No, I actually remember one of the girls who came in, I'm not going to say her name, in case she's coldness. Her name's Albert. No. I call her Sarah.

Sarah was my neighbor, and I remember I walked by her on the street one day, just like, hey, Sarah, what's up? And she's like, oh, I just had sex with my boyfriend for the first time and lost my virginity, just, you know, casual conversation and then I was like oh good for you and she said yeah I think I might be pregnant and I was like I don't think that's how it doesn't work that fast yeah but she actually was because then she came to my health class oh five months later and so I was pregnant on your very

first time that is that's unfortunate it's like stepping on landmine your first day of war war yeah oh war it's a war it actually is you know technically there is war count did you train for war but Anyway, we're not kidding. A bit of church camp, like guns. Now, a gun is like a dirty shoe. Don't let the football team. Don't let Charlie play with your ammunition. Or you'll get pregnant.

Well, I think we're going to wrap up soon because it's been an hour and I need to go to the bathroom. But is there anything you'd like to say before we go? I'm around Dublin, doing gigs and stuff, yeah. Check Betsy out in multiple stand-up comedy clubs. the city. Follow her on Twitter, BS stand-up. BS underscore stand-up. Yes.

I feel like you need a big laugh to end this. Oh, I got something. So Game of Thrones is coming up. Oh, yeah. You watch Game of Thrones, I see. I am only on season three. Okay. Well, I won't spy on anything, stuff like that.

But I, this is true. I was chatting to this real jock guy recently, and he was after a show and he's wearing a Game of Thrones t-shirt. He won those guys who came up like, oh, man, I fucking loved your set. Fucking loved it. and you know it's kind of rare so like he was nice i was like oh cheers man then we started chatting

for a bit like he bought me a fanta and he was wearing a game of trones like oh game of trons he was like oh yeah fucking man i love game of trons fucking love game of trones so much i fucking love it man sometimes when i read all the books like sometimes when we're at training okay i'd be reading the books and they'd say hey man get on the pitch and like give me a minute i'm reading the books oh man i've read all the books and watched the show so many times i fucking love Game of Thrones. And I was like, oh, cool, who's your favorite character? And he went, uh, the little fella.

Oh, no. He loves Game of Thrones. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I was like, you mean, do you not know the character's name? I don't fuck, I'm not a faggot. I don't know. What about a nerd? Yeah.

I say they're going to milk that franchise. Yeah, they've already, they're already talking about doing, like, spin-offs and stuff. Or like a prequel showing Ned stuff. when he was a young I was like I was thinking they should do like regional

Game of Thrones what do you mean like so like do like one for each country so there's an Irish Game of Thrones which is like

actually it would be less incest but then like a Nigerian game of Thrones where it's like this is Game of Trons this is Game of Thrones

yeah we cannot we cannot afford the dragon we are scared I am scared on white walkers they eat the poop

white walkers are just people of AIDS We're cutting that out Oh yeah But your voice is totally fine We're going to get in trouble someday

That's just a fact Okay well that's the end of the show Okay That's the end I just want to say Betsy thank you so much For coming out Thank you for having me

It was an absolute pleasure It's great You're a third guest And you know what I'd say probably second best Oh thanks man Maybe even first I appreciate that

Better than James Obviously not better than Matthew Talon Well look who is Who is Well yeah I think you're a great soul And someday we're going milk this for all's worth when you become big and we're like we had her on the show oh yeah we had her

on the show and then you're like getting away from me yeah you get you uh see what to take it down because you're so powerful you're so powerful but uh thank you so much and uh cheers yeah fair play all right thanks for listening guys