Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 184 : Dirty Santos

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

Dirty Prince Harry

And now we're going. We're going, guys. It's a free one. Brian and James are here. Brian and James, fuck each other, 2023. Let me just say there's a time limit here because I have to go to a singles night.

Yeah. After this, but I've eaten a lot of pie there. You had a big old, what was it, steak and kidney pie? I had a big steak and kidney pie. The size of your head. I didn't share any of it. No, you just like...

I was like, Brian, please. Oh, no. I'm hypoglycemic. I need pie. I put the fork in your... Eight times a day. I put the fork in your hand, like, get the fuck off. No, you ate the entire middle of the pie,

but you left a perfectly circular crust, like some sort of deranged, homicidal, oh, is that a sign, is it? Pedophilic, bestiality, loving freak. That's the sign. Can you watch all those true crime documentaries? That is the sign. You're the pie rapist.

Just remind me, when you're eating the pie like it was your boyfriend's, Did you leave the crust intact? Much like the hymen of the little girl, you raped. You sick, bastard. No, I'm Sippewitz, no. I'm a detective, I'm lieutenant. Oh, you're eating your pie there, brian, you hey, a big old piece of pie.

Yeah, well, you're about to get some justice pie right now. So James has been watching the Sipowitz, which is a character in NYPD Blue. By the way, you guys all know that, of course. Put on a little clip of NPD Blue. That is the most NYPD Blue I've ever seen in my life. For now, you're going to watch more of it. But Sipowitz, you can relate to him

because he's a guy, the world does shits on him. Yes, yeah. He's fat, drunk, smelly, racist, his hair's receding. Nobody likes him. What else?

And he's different from me in some way. Yeah. I'm a bit taller than him, I guess. No, you've got more. charm. Sipowitz, you know, he's already

giving up on life, you know? Yeah, I've got a good like two or three years left. Yeah, before you become a

crooked detective. Yeah. A depressed detective as well. An alcoholic, nobody likes them. Also, that was, he was very racist

apparently. What would you say? He would make samples. That black guy over there, he did the crime. No,

pretty much. I don't know. I just remember, you know, those kind of, like the HBO, like Spielberg, Tom Hanks

produced series with like the 90s or the 70s, the 80s, the 90s. I've seen those, yeah. So there's episodes where they talk about TV in particular, like specific so they talk about Soprano, Simpsons, X-Files,

and they talk about NYPD Blue and Sipowitz and they just talked about how, you know, like people talk about Tony Soprano being like the original anti-hero, but some would argue that it was Sipowitz was the archetype. you know he was like it was disgusting actually

all these young ones now I'm talking young ones you know like 18 year olds I hang out with all the time yeah yeah because I'm a cool guy who cares baby

hey I'm 17 again Zach Ephron you're Matthew Perry I'm Zach Ephron I'm modern day Matthew Perry he's like I was taking so many

pills and now my penis doesn't work It's not fair. I just hide around the high schools with the old pig skin. My point is, all the young ones now are seeing like Tony Soprano

and be like, oh, he's so sexy. I want that Tony Soprano energy. No one wants that Sipowitz energy. Yeah. Nobody wants Sipowitz on their Lippowitz. You know what I'm talking about? Lal-l-l-l-l-la-l-l-la-la-la-la-litts. Yeah, yeah.

Fanny. Nobody wants Sipowitz on their cuntolaw-o-wits. There we go. Master of wordplay, back at it. So, Caden, we have loads of stuff to talk about. Yeah. So do you want, I'll tell you what, you lead the show here. Do you want to talk about...

Never works. Would you ask me to do that? Don't interrupt me. You're in charge. Yeah, yeah. You want to talk about Santos, George Santos. Okay. Do you want to talk about the gay hockey controversy?

That's not very much to talk about there. Yeah. Some hockey players, like, I don't like gays. That's basically it there. Right, okay. Do you want to talk about The Dirty Harry movies? Do you want to talk about Prince Harry?

Wow. See, I mean, we go from Dirty, which is which? Prince Harry, you're dirty Harry. Oh, you're right. She's talking about his cock. Let's talk about Prince Harry real quick. Yeah, let's do it.

What's his book called Spare? Spare. Now, you know where that comes from? As in Spare, no details? No, spare, because hardly when he was bored. He misspelled Spade? What was it?

No, David Spade. Yes, exactly. When he was born, Prince Charles said, hey, now you've got an air and a spare. Oh, that's pretty funny. Charles didn't make that up. That's pure Andrew. That's Prince Andrew.

Andrew was the trickster and the jumpster. Andrews got his finger and the pulse. Me and Andrew go hang around together. Yeah, yeah. With the 17-year-olds, yeah. I tell you, Brian. These holes need to get some Sippowitz energy. Am I right, brother?

Yeah. So Prince Harry now. Well, yeah, see that there. he's like air and a spare it's pretty funny it rhymes you know and this book he's like even back then I was a knotting I was just bred to be spare organs

my life did not matter it was basically racism yeah I think people have already gotten sick of the Harry Megan boo-hoo for us our life in the palace wasn't as good as we liked it to be

they literally live beside Ellen DeGeneres And it's just non-stop crying. Yeah. And it's like, at least Obama, all right. He produces shite, all right? He produces like a nature documentary or like a documentary about factory workers feeling sad. That's something. Obama is not producing six documentaries about how sad he was.

Yeah. Like, you know, like, oh, it's my second term and my favorite TV show got cancelled. What we tell you, when I saw that Key and Peele sketch, I was heartbroken. I was devastated. I was like, that Jordan Peele. son of a bitch he's dead to me any time he comes

running my house I'm telling him to get on I'm telling you that right now okay thank you thank you very much

yeah that's why he's the king we're having good time we're having good time so what else is in the news that's something Obama's having fun yeah

Obama I like Obama same here yeah of all the war criminals he's my favorite and you're so cool about Obama him and Bruce Springsteen

all they do is drive around to get DUIs and that's all they do yeah but they always make Bruce take the Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's always like, turn over. You've got to switch with you. Come on. These honkies have been on my ass for a while. And Cipowitz, Pulitzer. Well, hey, Obama, I've been waiting a long time for this year. You've been boozing, have you? Sucking back on Grandpa's old cough medicine?

You're on the moonshine there? Moonshine. I get what you're doing, Sipowitz. I don't appreciate it. Anyway. So let me just talk about some interesting tidbits in Prince Harry's book, all right? Yeah, so my todger. Well, that's one of the big things.

Yes. He got a frost-bitten todger. How did that happen? So it was... Who gets frostbide in their cock in Afghanistan? No. That's not normal, is it? No, he went to Antarctica.

Right. It was a charity thing. He went to Antarctica, got a frost-bitten penis, and this was right before his brother's wedding. Oh. So he was, like, talking about his frosty penis the whole time. What happened now? How did he get a frostbitt penis? He won't go into detail. He won't go into detail. So I'm guessing now it was like a frat-fighting.

He fucked the seal. No, the seal's nice and warm. We've got to blubber. But you've got to get your cock out though. You're right, yeah. If you want to put the cock in, first you've got to take it out. You take it out, you put it in. This is things I need to know, because I'm going to a singles night tonight. Yeah, exactly, yeah.

It's like hitch. I'm Will Smith, you know. First you got to take it out, then you put it in. Don't worry about that. asking, that ruins the, that ruins the magic, you know, the surprise. Sorry, I keep interrupting. So, one interesting here is, so just to talk about how he found out his mother was dead. Yeah.

His father walked in was like, oh, your mummy's dead. Didn't hug him, right, anything? Yeah. Just like, your mummy's dead. And that was it. Get one of the maids to hug you. Yeah. But he was saying as well that afterwards him and his brother didn't believe she was dead.

He thought she was hiding. Long, yeah, long, long into their adulthood, like, in their teen years they thought, Mummy's just hiding, you know, and they, like, you know, I think she'd pop out sometimes, she's hiding from the press, you know? Nice. I believe that Mummy was on an island

with Tupac in Biggie and Shea Gavara, and they were going to drop a mixtape that was going to be straight fire. Of course, that didn't materialise. Well, what did instead? Okay, he had Coke is 17. What? And he was talking about Coke, I didn't know what it was.

It was this white powder in a bag. Like 17, you know? 17. He said he got smoked weed and talked to a fox. Okay. And he, he, um... What age? What age?

Around 17, yeah. Okay. And then he took acid and was hanging onto a toilet for dear life. He said, he lost his virginity in a field to an older woman who loved horses. Wow. Yeah. He'd get drunk and slap his bodyguard around. What?

Yeah. Obviously, the bodyguard did not feel anything. Yeah, he's had a tithe. A little 17 year old pussy be like Yeah, take that Bring mummy back Yeah, yeah Nah, touch my toadger

My todger's cold Yeah, well that was a whole thing Kind of back in around the early To mid-Noughties He was the bad boy, the wild man He was, you know, in a hotel room Smoking a Fag wearing the swastika on his shoulder

He was dressed up like a Nazi Yeah, yeah, at a fancy dress party Yeah, well, he's, that's what he says Pretty funny Yeah, well, like, different times, you know But like, it's just like He was a bad boy, you know He's doing all the stuff now

But he settled down Oh, he went to the army then Yeah And he was saying that he killed 25 people in Iraq Yeah, no, in what? Like from a helicopter? From a helicopter, yeah, just bang, bang, bang He said there weren't people to him

There were chest pieces Jesus Christ, that's fucked up Well, you know, that's what he says, you know Okay Then he met Megan Markle I'm sorry, real quick How is he meant like, why would they allow him to say that?

There is no way that you can say that and not sound like a piece of shit. It does seem strange, isn't it? I think he taught it sound heroic. It's heroic if you're some fucking, like, some hillbilly in the backwoods. Some Fox News guy. Yeah.

I think most people at this stage are kind of like the Iraq Wars a little bit, a spot of butter that probably... Yeah, yeah. It was not on, was it? The optics aren't great. So there I was in my Princess Helic. shooting ragged

it was bloody brilliant I'm a hero I am yeah okay I was smoking weed and shooting them excuses for mummy he met Megan Markle then all right and he said he met her

thought she was nice looked up her sex scenes on suits and didn't like that it disgusted them the idea that should be having sex with other people on telly yeah does she have I didn't realize suits had sex scenes

oh yeah real good network television sex scenes for all the clothes on. Oh yeah, yeah. The only suit you don't get is the birthday suit. Huh? Yeah.

Steady, all. All right. Do Obama again. It's called suits. Suits. You know what the birthday suit is, don't you? You get the joke, do you?

I don't like... Let me break it down for you, Brian. I don't like getting people very needy. But she, he knew... So, he took her out in her first date, all right? Right.

on a boat but there's no toilet in the boat so he ended up pissed himself what I'm not joking he pissed himself in the boat there's no toilet what do you mean there was no toilet on the boat do boats not of toilets not this one it's a little small one but he's a prince

but he's you know yeah you don't bring a girl on the big boat the first day you know treating him mean keeping keen it was just a pallet on it yeah okay there's no barrel that refugees

hang on to and also he says said he knew she was the one when they went to the zoo and she sang to a seal and the seal sang back to her. Okay. This man is inbred. Like this guy's an idiot. By the way, none of this happened. Okay. This is all bullshit. But it's an insight into his mind because this is like this is his version of the truth. Yeah. Yeah. So it's interesting. This is like the PR machine, right? Yes. Has designed this narrative right here. Yeah. And like no one cares this stage. I mean, like it's a big selling book. But no one's

buying it because they're like, good on Harry. Yeah, people are just buying it to mock him, right? They're buying it because of the stuff I mentioned. Yeah, yeah. The scandalous stuff is embarrassing. But it's almost like he's, I guarantee they're like, come on, Harry, talk about your penis. Come on. I was like, I don't really want to talk about a penis

and Megan's like slap. Megan's a whip and his slap and it's like, you know, do it, need more money. He really is being sort of manipulated and he's weird. It's weird. He's rich and he's a prince and all that. And he's one piece of pussy and he's acting like such a little...

Yeah, a fucking idiot. Yeah, a little idiot. He's abandoned everything. This is, I mean, this is why you don't fuck people that aren't your blood relatives. Yeah, exactly. You're just getting to trouble, you know.

Yeah, yeah, this is what happens, you know. There was centuries, there's systems in place for a reason. Yeah. There was centuries of inbreeding, and it all worked out perfect. Yeah, you get the odd kind of weird old baby in the odd, just put it down the dungeon, you know? And they would do that.

Yeah, they would do that. They would put them in a dungeon and poke them with sticks, you know? And once that stops being fun, you've got a whole new bunch of fertilizer. You keep the lawns and Buckingham Palace looking fresh, pal. You feed them to the swans. Yeah, you got mongo fertilizer on your grass. Makes it grow big and strong.

And then look, look, it seemed to happen with that other king who married the American. You know, all this trouble. Who's that now? The one before King George. Remember that he abdicated? Oh, yeah. He left. He was like, again, doesn't mind.

how powerful you are doesn't matter how rich and how like ginger you are you get one piece of pussy it's really good and you're always like I need to do whatever I can never get into a piece of pussy that's that good again that's my fear by the way

yeah I'm afraid what if I find nice pussy and I abdicate how many Afghans have you killed Brian none exactly you're doomed I ate too much pie I ate 25 pies I don't even look at them as human

They were chest pieces. Yeah, yeah. Let me see why else they're all about this guy. Yeah. Now, I think, I hope this is like the, this is like almost like, you know, you know when you do a big jizz. Yeah. And all the jizz comes out, like, your cock, you got nothing left.

Yeah. I hope this is like the final hurrah, the peak right here. Yeah. But I hope this is like, the real, like, you know, scraping the barrel. Here's the book. And afterwards, like, no one's going to buy Spare 2. Nah. No one's going to buy my bookie wuck too.

yeah so this obviously the opera interview when it came out people were kind of whatever freaking out about it or that was their moment right then they had the harry and megan documentary which by all accounts was just a real snooze fest it was boring it was self-indulgent they have not left there's no there's no other revelations no there's no other smoking going it's like oh and also um you know prince charles was in the clan there's no like big like oh my god what's like oh Prince Andrew's weird

yeah we know yeah they you know they've shot their wad yeah literally that's why I said when I said when the jizz comes out your jizz jizz jizzy whizzy my jizzy whizzy at my cocky walk

yes so and also like who is actually on their side is anybody falling for the whole boohoo for the prince and princess who didn't have and also I'm sorry the whole thing

of like, oh, yeah, Megan, she's, you know, she didn't want the spotlight. She's a very shy, introverted. She was an actress in Hollywood. Yeah, on suits. She wants... You were on suits, love. Yeah.

After that, nothing's on off the table. You'll never be allowed to leave your house again, and you know it. You're going to see what happens with boys from Franklin Bash. Yeah, man. Breckenmeier, oh my God. That dude gets mad sneeze. he gets that robot chicken pussy

we are mentally yeah we're here like it's an inside in the bridge Harry's warped mind we're the biggest pair of fucking freaks alive oh I guarantee you man it's disgusting I can get way more freakish yeah you want to see that do you

I think I do yeah give me a week yeah but single's night doesn't know a one coming, baby, yeah. The hurricane's a bunch of... I can't wait to start podcasting, and I'm, you know,

I'm recording it from jail. Yeah. That'll be the next step now, you know? Yeah, and I'm just there. So, Brian, how's it going? How is it this week? Like, yeah, still raping me. Not getting the respect I deserve in here.

I try to buy pizzas for the inmates. And, uh... Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so yeah, the Prince Harry book, people are kind of mocking it. And also there's the audio book version. Yeah, it's very memeable. Yes. So people

are just taking little clips. So yeah, like initially in my sort of naivete, I was thinking, why are his PR people letting him say all this shit? They're very much exploiting him and using him. They know let's just drain him for all he's worth. Let him

make a fool out of himself. He'll be on I'm a celebrity next year and he'll hang himself by 2025. He literally will become Barry off EastEnders. It's going to be like that level of just like... Because he's completely like

he has had no contact with the royal family since he left, right? No, apparently he went over a few times trying kind of easing back in or at least, you know, talk to him a little bit.

Yeah. Once they came to blows him his brother. I heard, yeah, no, what's the deal there? Just like, you know, it's weird in the book as well I read that section where like

he's like looking at his brother and he's like, he's shocking baldness with disgusting. he was a big bald freak now I'm glad my mummy was a whore sucking and fucking anything that moved and I didn't come out of

sausage fingers bent cock but I think he says in the book like you know William hits him and he's like I could have killed him like I killed all the Iraqis but I didn't because my body's register as a weapon what was the fight

If I kill him, it's manslaughter. It's considered a war crime. Wait till I get my helicopter. My fists are considered African warlords. He's in a helicopter. There's no toilet from the helicopter. So I'm going to piss myself. What was the fight over exactly?

Just like, you know, he was like, I think William was actually like, stop. being a cunt, would you? Our granny's dying. Could you stop for a second? He's like, shut up. Yeah. I'm a spare. Do they go into any more specifics about

what racism she... No, because it really wasn't like... You ain't that's all made up? I'm not going to say all made up, definitely in the media and all that, so a lot of stuff like, you know, this dark force taking Harry. A dark cloud descends upon

Buckingham Palace. An African cloud has stolen our beautiful prince. Oh, Jesus. Definitely that, but I think, like, anything there was, like, you know, it's, like, kind of clearly to be seen. Like, we don't need a book to be, like, the press was...

We don't need a book by Harry and Megan be, like, the British press is racist. Yeah. Yeah, I know that, yeah. So, yeah, I don't know what's going to happen. Like, what's the next step? I actually will bet money on this, all right?

Yeah. I think we're going to see Harry go down the route of Dobby Al-Fayad, I think. Or Dodie Al-Fiad? Do-Di, yeah. I think Dodie, he's the father, isn't he? The father of... No, Muhammad Al-Fayyad has produced a number of documentaries and gone out in public a lot saying that, like...

Oh, they killed my son? Yeah, they killed my son, they killed Diana. I think you're going to see Harry go down that kind of route where he's going to start when he gets desperate and the next... book is in selling, he'll there'll be a book where he insinuates like maybe there's more to the story then we're going to see Prince Harry

on Info Wars Tell me about your Todger Harry When you're over in Afghanistan You see any gay frogs over there Net and Yahoo Net and Todger Yeah Just go full Q and on

That'd be amazing I think we're going to see it Weird enough down Megan's been very very quiet Yes During the whole Megan is just pulling the strings, isn't she?

Yeah. Well, I think because right now... I bet she's an awful nightmare to be married to her. Let's be honest now. Yeah. I bet if she doesn't get her away, Harry gets beaten. Like, I was half joking by him getting whipped.

But I think there's definitely like a lot of like, really, Harry? Really? She's very, very much using. I could definitely see... You're going to clean that, are you, Harry? Big. But we got maids.

Shut up. She'll divorce him and, marry some TikTok She'd marry like A-Con or so... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of that level. Flow rider.

Whoa. Yeah, well, see, she's staying quiet now because this book has come out and he's just getting like mocked and jeered and, you know,

guffawed at. Buggered. Yeah, and buffooned. Yeah. Buffed... No. But yeah, people are laughing at him. So she's kind of being coy.

She knows. I'm going to stay quiet, let him make a fool out of himself. And then she'll come out with, like, oh, when Harry's book came out and people made fun of him, that triggered my anxiety. Well, like, what she'll do is she'll fake another miscarriage and, and, and, fake another did she fake one? That was me being mean there. Did she have one?

She had a miscarriage, yeah. So I'd be mean there for comedic reasons. Okay. I do that sometimes. Yeah. But my point is, I think she's going to put out a book there about her miscarriage, stuff that like, so it's going to be, Harry gets all like, my todger was cold and I pissed

myself. Yeah. And she'll be like, oh, miscarriage and British racism and stuff. And you'd be like, oh, it's not really as funny as the frozen. Did you, Megan, you ever freeze your penis, Megan? Do you ever dress as a Nazi, Megan? Did he ever do, what was the deal with that anyway?

Why did he? Oh, he said someone made him do it. Okay. He was like, I don't think this is correct and they're like, go on, Harry. Come on. He shall laugh. You want to be one of the lads, don't you? I was on a night out with Johnny Vegas and Danny Tyer. And they said it would be a right effing laugh.

No, he talks about his friends in it. All his friends are called like, you know, badgered, skinny peat. It's like, you know, it's like stinky and badgerens. We've got gaza, smelly hog. No, I think one is called like the hogster or something. Okay, yeah. Like, basically finchy.

Like stuff like that. Yeah, just jack the lad. They sound like awful people, you know? But they're probably all like, you know, he met them in school and, like, public school. They're all like, you know, Boris Johnson types. None of them are like, you know, I was raised the estate and now I'm hanging out with Prince Harry. They work on a construction site, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like John Boyega and, like, Prince Harry are going around the place. It's different levels right there.

Okay. Yeah. You know John Byega? I know, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he grew up in the streets. Is that right? Yeah, you're just assuming that, are you? No, I'm not.

Yeah. No, I'm probably not. I've seen attack the block statistically well he's you know he's like Hollywood royalty no the reason I was talking about him is because there's a thing about like you know

all these literally every actress an actor now is either related oh yeah or wealthy the whole nepple baby scandal and someone mentioned him as an example like he was like what used to be way more common where it's like you know bad fam not bad family

he just wasn't a lord yeah which England's considered like you know a povo right and then like you know went to school and was like, I'm going to be an actor and took a risk, you know? Yeah. That barely ever happens anymore. And then some like creepy drama teacher who wanted to fuck

him was like, I think you've got tremendous talent, my boy. And you should stay off to school and I'll give you lessons on how to enunciate and, you know, purchase things with currency. No need to

go into shop and stab a geezer with a broken bottle. I'll teach you all these things he'll be like my fair life man's talking to me like a batteer boy

get your hands off me blood and see that's Prince Harry yeah yeah so you want to talk about George Santos next

okay hit me so real quick to talk about this because Santos is like it's in the news now but it's almost like everyone's making fun this guy

so we don't want to go so let's kick him when he's down we don't want to go too deep in news George Santos is a Republican politician And he's been caught lying about everything

I've heard Now I've heard The only one I've heard Is he said he was Jewish And then when people said No you're not It's like no I meant Jewish You know like Jewie

I meant I'm Jew Not a you know I'm not a Jew So it's not offensive Yeah yeah yeah But no that's like the smallest lie he's told So for example He said his mother died in 9-11

Oh wow He said his mother was in the towers Yeah They were like no she wasn't So he was like Oh I meant that She was in New York And she died

from like the smoke. Wow. And it turned to like, your mother died like 15 years later and she wasn't even in America at the time. That's, so he went full Steve ran as easy. He did this.

And he is Jewish. And he didn't get away with it, Santos. So, you know. He said he owned 13 properties. Right. Turns out he's not a landowner. Wow.

He said he was a volleyball star. Turns out never played volleyball. That's the funniest one. Yeah, my mother died in 9-11. I'm a Jew. and I'm good at volleyball. I won an NBA championship with Jordan.

It's true. Jordan was like, please help me out George Santos. Like, oh, maybe I will. And he stole that line for me because I said, hey, Jews by volleyball too.

I wanted him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He lied about the college he graduated in. He said he worked for Lehman Brothers. Jesus. How does he expect to get away? What age is he? He's like 30-something.

Okay, so he's just like a pathological liar Yeah, yeah He also he's been accused of he's I swear to God He stole money from a war veteran's dog fund Hilarious This guy rocks How he did that but yeah

That's amazing So war veteran with no legs Like me dog's got cancer Please give my goal fund me He's like How about you give me the money He spent it on a fake Volleyball certificate

Yeah I went to Harvard On a volleyball scholarship up. Yeah, yeah. He's also, like, he's like Republican. Right. He said, like, for example, so he's a real hardcore Republican. He's very on Team Trump. You know, he says

abortion is worse than slavery. Yes. You know what I think about that? No. I didn't hear that at all. Very kind of anti-trans and all that. Right. But then you hear about the drag queen thing. No. So it turns out he's actually a drag queen in Brazil.

He was? Yeah. Now, this is something he said? No, no. This is one of the things. This is what, this is a truth. This is actually true. Yeah, so he's like, he was like, I was never a drag queen in Brazil. Yeah. Well, actually, the fact you brought it up makes us suspicious.

Apropos of nothing. I'm great in volleyball. Never been into drag in Brazil. Don't know. Put that phone away. You don't need to Google that. That's all lies. You know what's funny as well.

Turns out his name isn't George Santos. No? It's not, it's like Jeff. It's like Jeff's, you know, Shindler or something like that. So, wait, Santon. is that like, was he trying to pretend to be Hispanic or something? Well, he is. He's from, I think he's Brazil connections. Oh, I see. Okay.

But I think his real name is something like, you know, Jeff Herbert or something like that, you know? Yeah. So it seems like a very confused individual. And then they get one of these TV shows who are like, Mr. Santos, if that's even your real name. What do you think about these lies here? It's like, wow, we're not, we can

spend ages talking about who's lying and who isn't, but we're talking about the policies. Yeah. He's trying to like move on. Like, no, we can't You are, everyone in the world is laughing at you. Oh, but you know what?

Yeah, that's his power. Here's the thing. Think about it. I guess everybody knows him for just being a liar and an idiot and a buffoon. He can't sink any lower. He can only go up now.

Remind you of someone who became president? Yeah, exactly. Oh, a little hand. That's an awfully hot coffee pot. A subliminal criminal with the minimum syllable Donald Chump Donald Chump

Got a hump The Bump Anyway Cancel Lump I don't know Yeah So George Santos What

So this is happening right now So we'll see what happens But everyone It's funny because it's a very funny story It is I was watching some late night stuff about it And it's very impressive How Late Night shows

Can take that story And make it very unfunny What was Colbert saying? Colbert hitting him with some. He was, yeah. Yeah? I couldn't even repeat it. It's too satirical.

I might get cancer from all the satire. I can only assume it's so satirical that I didn't understand it because I did not laugh, not a single time. No, it literally was like what I said there about the Trump comparison. It was, it was typically that, but for 20 minutes. All he was missing was, uh, oh, what was it now? Something like, you know, maybe he's going to open Santos Universe. University. Oh, it looks like the apprentice is a new host.

Oh. Oh. I'm ducking of diving. Yeah. It's so good. Melania's like, it looks like that's my next husband. Yes, this is great. I don't even need to own a television. I've got you right here, brother.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, my sister died in a plane crash. Keep me informed. My sister died in a volleyball accident. in a drag queen accident no yeah okay so so that's basically all

Santos he's not much else talk about now the Super Bowl's coming up oh shit yeah next month man next month or have you heard about Tua Tua remember I'm saying about Tewan

you've talked about this before Tijuana yeah Tua he was a quarterback for the Miami Dolphins all right from East Ventura yeah now you're in now you're

do not Go in there. Now you're back in the room. Dan Marino. Yeah. Oh, it says you. What's the fucking fish called? I don't know.

Oh, come on. What's it called? That's a bad movie. What? Yeah, it's got bad. It's the wrong side of history. Right, right, right. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But my point is, okay, so Tua was a player who quarterback and everyone was saying like, Snowflake. Yes, exactly. That's what the dolphin was called. Ironically. That's pretty funny. That is pretty good. Yeah.

It looks like a lot of snowflakes are watching a movie. But it looks like these trans people, a bunch of dolphins. Yes. Okay. What was my point? Oh, yeah.

So everyone was saying, so he's great in college. Right. I think he played for Alabama. And everyone was saying, like, this kid is going to be great, but he gets injured too much so he can't play

he gets injured like the way he falls something about him some people like they look big just kind of fall weird to get injured too much what position does he

quarterback oh his quarterback QB yeah the most important one yeah so then they were like and then some people are like no he's gonna be great

and they call themselves Q and on like a tongue in cheek reference that thing you believe in they call themselves two and on yeah yeah like Q&O

as in Q&on which I don't believe in I'll have fun there oh okay well I have fun sometimes Look, we can have fun. We can have fun, but there's no need to be putting out erroneous false statements. Maybe we could have fun with the truth, Brian.

Ever think about that? Maybe he could punch up? Yeah. You could have to punch down and poor old cadden over here. Some retard that believes fucking Hillary Clinton's drinking baby jays out of Harry's cock, yeah? Or whatever that conspiracy was, I don't know. He's invented a new conspiracy. I did, yeah.

But anyway, people are like, no, he's going to be great. Like, the injury thing, he can, he'll be great. He'll learn how to fall. It'll be great. And now it's come out that, like, he is now so concussed this guy that, I swear to God, the doctor said, don't mention the word football around him. Because the stress could cause another, like, more, like, psychological damage. So it's not a case, like, we'll be able to play football again.

Yeah. Like, don't even say it. Don't, like, remind, don't even show him a football. Oh, my God. Because his brain could explode, like, scanners. What the But a quarterback I don't realize

They're not supposed To get hit All that much No That's the thing But he just somehow Finds a way To always be

In the worst possible Like this season He got hit Like he got concussed Like three times Yeah And like the One time

Pictor Like he got up And he fell Like a rag Like he got up Yeah Hey That's my

That's two Right Yeah Yeah You get You get back up again You know I will walk

5000 miles I know, don't worry people I know he's saying the wrong lyrics too Don't worry And they just drop like a sack of potatoes Yeah, yeah, yeah And now he's like fucked He might never play again

Oh yeah Anything to do with a certain Vaccine purchase Well that's what people are saying Yeah, oh I know brother You know when you get hit by a big linebacker That's because of the vaccine Well there have been

There's been other Who is that guy There was a footballer Damar Hamlin Yes So he's dead No Who is the one that died

One of them died Someone died Someone died They've died They've died Suddenly They died My penis got the vaccine

Yeah That's why it's all floppy It died Don't even mention the word Pussy around my My penis has got a concussion Don't even say pussy

Near my penis Or it will explode Like speed Yeah Yeah Um Okay that's that's two right there yeah

but I don't think someone died you might misheard it because you might heard died on the field yeah no one of them about a heart attack and died no demar hamlet is a heart attack yeah no I know he did but he survived but then there was another guy apparently died but I don't know maybe I probably am wrong

I don't know anything about football or medicine or vaccine or black guys so I'm very out of the loop here whereas I know everything about all those things but I've done lots of research boys oh yes oh I've crunched the Numbers, sweetie.

Gobble, gobble, gobble. Just gobbling up those vaccines. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I've got my test tubes and my beakers in the lab. So, we want to talk about Dirty Harry next. Yeah. We got like a half hour to go. Yeah.

Yeah. So I watch all the Dirty Harry's. Oh, real quick, though. I watch primary colors. Oh, yeah, okay. I tell you what, I'll just point about this. Really? So just give everyone some backstory.

primary colors is a novel written by Anonymous Yes Anonymous? Yes. Wow An unknown

Clinton staffer So this is like This is Democrats Cuenhon It is, yeah And it's true as well Yeah Like QAnon

Yeah Exactly like QAnon Yeah A disgruntal staff member Who worked on The Clinton campaign Wrote this novel And it was anonymous

All right Right And it was a massive publishing success it got published right after Bill Clinton won the election. Okay. So big, big publishing boom

and it was edited and the person who worked on it a lot was I think Daniel Menaker. Will Menaker's dad. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Will Meniker from Chapo Traffos. Oh, there's a little connection there. You can get your red tape out and stuff.

You can... Meniker. Jews. Ah, yes. Nepo Babies. It all makes sense. Nepo Babies sounds good, man, because I'm horny as a mother. So the book was huge

and it of course becomes a movie directed by some woman Who did the graduate? Nichols Mike Nichols? Mike Nichols? I think Mike Nichols directed I think it was written by his wife

Okay, right, right, right. Anyway, so starring John Travolta as basically Bill Clinton. Yeah. Now what I didn't like it to start was and it became worse later on in the book, I believe, I haven't read it a long time,

I think in the book it's just like the Arkansas Senator and the Senator's wife they never say like Bill or Hillary Do they give them even false names?

They don't give them false names in the books It's like Phil Minton Yeah So it's just like Phil Mitchell Oh you bloody slag I never got no stuff

In the Oval office That's a bloody lie Come on Phil Tell them everything Monica you slag Keep your mouth shut Oh that's not what you said me last time, you dirty beggar.

Oh! Yes, yes. Yes. I don't even know if I enjoy these esoteric little rants I go on eh.

Anyway, what were you talking about? I enjoyed it. Thanks, well, thanks. I enjoyed it a lot, though. Because I can picture it. So it's just a senator in the book. Now, in the movie, It's like Jack Santon.

Yeah. And, you know, Stacey Santon, instead of Bill and Hillary. And they take a lot of liberties in the movie. So I think the book, if I remember, is just a straight up, like, recounting of the election campaign. And in the end, they win. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, that's it.

And there's, like, you know, a character, like, the rival Republican, who I imagine back then would have been a, would have been, I can't remember now. I think Bush Senior, yeah, he did. He's running against, yeah. Bush Senior, yeah. So, you know, Bill's trying to take over. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, like, it was based in real life anyway. So in the movie, is it that he plays, instead of the saxophone on Arsenio Hall, it was the xylophone on Leno. Dering, d'ring! Ah, it's wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, he's a great, he's beautiful, very talented man. Very talented man.

This will definitely get you to the black vote. I'm sure of it. I'm absolutely sure of it. It was brilliant. hey man are you like the xalophon voices I'm doing voices but speaking of voices

fucking caught you worthless fucking caught I'll cheer you up though speaking of voices Travolta is amazing yes it's actually annoying how his performance is wasted

in this when he should have just been straight up playing Bill Clinton he is so good I need to show you some stuff like he very early on the start of it's much

like the book I'll tell you the story exactly okay so it starts off to go to a school for adult illiterates right you know

illiterate adults yeah and he gets up there and he gets up also called a public high school oh don't for that

so he gets up I'm not going to do the voice I'm like Will Manager's dad I'm going to go on I'm not going to the voice because it'd be insulting to you because he's such a good voice but he just says

okay listen I had a grandpappy who went to war and he won all the meadows you could and he saved loads of lives and he was a real war hero and he came back and they were like

what you want to do now Phil do you want to go back to college or do you want to get you know I'll make you the head of my factory you know why ain't you because you're a hero you know the town is yours you know and he was like

no I don't want to do nothing and he sat on the couch and he drank himself to death and you know why because Phil couldn't read Phil couldn't read he went to war He was a hero, but he wasn't brave enough to do what you're doing here today to admit that he couldn't read.

And that's, so he could be a hero in any way you can, I admire you people. So you people, yeah, I admire you, and you're brave. And they all, like, clap and he, like, had a little tear. And after he's like, you know, where's the hot dogs? Can you believe they bought that shit bunch of fucking redness? No, literally the next scene then is like, Alice and Janie's like the team. teacher there. And next scene is him like, you know, I've got to show you to the

you know, it's like him like walking out of the office like like, you know, putting his belt back on. Oh. And Alison Jane's got all her hair like flushed. Like, whoa, where am I? Oh, my fucking, what the hell was that? Yeah, yeah. Tell Bartlett I said hello, bitch.

Bartlett, right? You got it. West Wing. West Wing. She was in it. Dude. It works. West Wing, dude. Who, who, ho, ho. Ho! Ho! Hu! Hu! Weizhonging. Yeah, yeah, it works. Yeah.

So that's how it starts. I'm like, this is great. And actually, Emma Thompson does a great Hillary. Oh, she's Hillary. Yeah, but she doesn't, she's not doing any of the Hillary like, you know, eh, I'm Hillary. Yeah. All of that horrible continess that you hate. She kind of plays like a human being.

But she's exactly saying with like, Bill, you're not doing that. Bill, come back. Bill. Honey, I don't want to do another campaign. Hell, Bill, you're going to do it now. on bill you're on the lolita express again bill no i'm sorry baby i got chris tucker here i'm having a good time what would chris say no he wouldn't daddy no chris is tired yes chris is tired he certainly is now chris has found jesus though what would chris tucker say he'd say

Hello, I'm Chris Tucker. I'm having a good time. It's great. This is my co-star, Jackie Chan. Please come see us in the new Rush Hour picture. What were Jackie? Damn! Chris!

Chris, you crazy to the motherfucker. I'm going to do some karate on these motherfuckers. Oh! Oh, you all look alike! Come on now. Come on now, Jackie. There's no need for that. Jackie?

It's like Kafka-esque mental. illness, isn't it? Oh, look, it's Phil Mitchell. Merry Christmas, darling. I stop, right? It hurts, it hurts. All right. So, okay.

Back to the politics. Yes, back to it. So, it starts off, like, this is true to the book, and it's true to what actually happen in real life. You know, Bill, I don't want to get in trouble here. Yeah. Bill was fund of women. He, uh, yeah.

Like, one of the most memorable parts of the book is, and it's not in the movie, which is a great disgrace. Okay, is, there's a bit where he's talking to, like, a reporter in a restaurant, little small town restaurants are right in, like, Arkansas. Meena, Arkansas. Yeah, where he's from, okay. And this waitress comes by, he's like, oh, thank you, getting an extra slice of pie. She's like, okay.

And she's leaving. He's real loud, like, that right there is the best piece of pussy in Arkansas, like, to a reporter, you know? Wow. This is, like, you know, a little bit back in the day reporters knew what to report and what not report. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, even, like, I remember with, not Jackie Earl Harry, Harry. Charlie Hottie, that's it, yeah. Too very...

But Charlie Hottie, it was a known thing that he swore all the time and the independent and whatever, Irish times would just not include the swears. So he'd be like, ah, there's a fucking recession.

You can go fuck yourself, you're fucking cuns. And it's right, like, there was a recession. Economic turmoil expected. Ah, some fucking cunt hole fucking jizzbag

fuck face. healthcare problems but then he talked to hot press one time and hot press just included all the swears and that was a big thing at the time and then they were like we have the tapes he swore yeah yeah what you want me to do about him

and the same with like journalists back then they're a little bit more cool where you could be like that bitch is a nice pussy they're like yeah well I'll conclude that tell me about you know the stimulus plan you know I'll show you a stimulus plan you fucking bitch I take my stimulus package up

your fucking ass you little oh my god and then in the movie alright so let's talk on the movie now they start coming about affairs affairs start coming up

like different women are like oh he fucked me here and they fuck me there okay we had a consensual affair he yes you're right there is all consensual affairs in this I believe in the book

that's not the case no And in real life. But in the book, they're all consensual affairs. Oh, look at Toulor, you right-wing Republican nut job. Well, he was slitting their throats and fucking the open neck hole and drinking the blood. Is that what was happening, Brian? You crazy cooque.

So, like, yeah, again, it's pretty funny. Is this so PG-13 version of the Bill's thinking story? And then, like, you know, his. Hillary doesn't want to believe it. You know, she's like, oh, this press is crazy, but you tell, like, she definitely knows,

but she's like... So, this movie came out while he's in office. Yeah, I think this came out right before Lewinsky. Wow. So, first term would have been, maybe...

So, I mean, yeah, it's pretty balsy to adapt this novel that's like... But they sanitize it to fuck. That's what I mean. Like, there's no way... I think it's Jack Stanton in it.

There's no way they would have, ever would have gotten to production, had they not you know, filtered out all the good stuff. I know, but it's this a shame, you know? It's like a nice raisin cake.

He took out all the raisins. You know what? Yeah, I tell you what, this will... Here's some dessert for you. What's that Hunter Biden movie? Oh, yeah, what's that? Yeah. Actually, Chapo Boys, an episode about the book, that's pretty good.

I'll say it to you want. Oh, you're right, yeah. I don't want any of that socialist, comie, libtard bullshit. You're right, yeah, yeah, you're right. I don't know what it's thinking there. That was a test. Yeah. You know what happens there?

If I read that, then I won't be able to do my voices anymore. I don't want facts and statistics pushing out all of the goofy carousel of voices in my mentally incompetent fucking brain. But let's talk about how it starts to get sick.

Jeez, you're crying now. Let's talk about... I'm a headache! Let's talk about where it starts to go off the rails now. Okay. So there is a rival Republican senator on this, all right? Yeah.

who is running wants to be president as well that's how it works that is how it works I think the president at the moment is stepping down

so it's a free-for-all like you know he's done as like eight terms already it's like not realistic all right yeah yeah

I forget who he is he's some character actor I can't think of it now but they go Bill Clinton in this goes onto a radio show hosted by Rob Reiner and the other

the rival politician calls in and gets an argument of Bill Clinton and then dies on air. Wow. Has a heart attack on air and dies. So they're really just going completely off the deep end with its silliness? And then Charlton Heston becomes the new Republican nominee, all right?

Yeah. And he's so pure. He's actually like, you'll be honest, I'm just running here from my friend who died. That's all I'm doing. I'm just going to honor him. They ask him question about policies. Like, you know what? We can talk about policy after we win, you know?

But at the moment, I'm just going to honor him and, you know, pray to God. You got a question? Instead of asking me, ask the man up there. He's got a plan for all... Like, he's just like pure Americana, like perfect, you know? Yes.

You know, why do you think about war? Well, I think, you know, God's got... It's just like... From our cold dead hands. And the Clinton camp are like, oh God, this guy's perfect. Yeah.

We can't be him. Well, he's not just going around sucking and fucking waitresses everywhere? Oh no. It's my kryptonite. My Achilles heels. Someone who's not a did. degenerate. Well, speaking of

degenerates. Oh! Turns out Charlton Heston ain't so white after clean after a... Not so pure white. It's so airy so... Yeah, yeah. So, it turns out Charlton Heston

had used to the coke problem. Okay. And his wife left him because of his coke problem, all right? So then he started fucking twinks. And it's such a funny thing because he's like, yeah, it's the Coke, you know? The Coke made me do it. I just thought, why's not? So the twinks, I didn't even want but the coke makes you do crazy things

you know, little Mexican twinks bending over, and the coke made me do it. Yeah, yeah. It's a hell of a drug. Okay, it's a hell of a drug. Super freak, super freak. But then the Clinton campaign led by, what's named a big fat woman? Kathy Bates. You got it straight away.

What? Yeah, Cathy Bates, all right, is a lesbian in this, a lesbian campaign manager. Yeah. And she's like, I actually don't want to run a negative campaign because you know if we go low they go low and we make the whole American

system look bad Now how does she feel about his you know sucking and fucking Oh she don't care about that at all They mentioned she was in a mental institute For a while Because she's Lesbonian

Lesbonian yeah And then at the end I forget why The electroshock therapy Or till she stopped being a clam smasher I get you A little clam smasher by the way It's a great one isn't it

A carpet muncher Oh, that stuff, yeah. Taco buff. Ah, for God's sake. I'm obviously a very unwell person. How could you even get angry at me? You were about to say Taco Buffy. I don't like that.

I don't like that. That's a sign of your mental illness. Yeah. Doctor, doctor. So anyway, speaking of mental illness, she gets sad for some reason. I forget why. And I think she drives her car off a cliff. Oh, really?

Yeah, kills herself. Yeah. And then Bill Clinton's like, we've got to win it. her. And then they win the election. Wow. Okay.

So it's not really based. I was Googled it there being like, is this real? Was Cassie Bates Bill Clinton's campaign manager?

The George Bush senior fuck a twink. Now is he meant to be kind of... No. He's not doing any... It's like a whole fictional,

it's a whole fictional world they've created. Yeah. So it's basically it's like, I like the idea of this Bill Clinton character.

Let's work on that. Yeah. so it's now he's doing the voice and you know impersonating him he is perfect so yeah

all the good stuff in the stuff from the book about him like meeting people and him like you know like he's one bit we're all talking about like you know

boring campaign shit and bills is over a crusty cream a crispy cream just getting donuts and talking to people and it's like and he's just talking

bullshit to him be like I like that yeah that's a great story Kevin yeah we're gonna work on that it's my first priority when I get there I was gonna say

we need to help Kevin crispy cream. I was like, it's all bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like, you just get this incredible charisma. I don't think Puerto Ricans should work in crispy creams. You're right, they belong in Dunkin' Donuts.

I'm with you, Kevin, I know. But it's just like his show like this incredible charisma he had. Yeah. And he's just so good, in it. Like, compared to, like, Clive Owen and that, remember that American crime story thing? That was bad. He was like, I am Bill Clinton. Yeah.

Yes. Uh, hello. Oh, it's me. Oh, Bill Clinton. Arsenio. Man, I'm not joking. Hanks was considered for a role. He dropped out.

They talked to Hanks about the Bill Clinton role. Primey colors. I'm Bill Clinton. Oh, our drag nerd. Yeah. I like your Tom Hanks' impression because it's not really. It's even worse than I do it. It's like, it's like, it always like degrees of separatism.

Hey, I'm Bill Clinton. and the Rahu Rahu Rahoo Rahu Let yourself go It's me

Tom Hanks Yeah The Bill Clinton and Tommy show God damn Hector I never thought about it like that

man I mean I thought I was a pussy A hound But Hector He loves the Poon man He's getting A TG Catter pussy

Oh yeah That's right Yeah And yeah Yeah But they can't be over the age of a TG Carre, if you know what I mean. Wahoo. Anyway.

We're getting so stupid, dude. Mental, mental stuff. It's madness. But there is a kernel of truth and everything we say. And I think you do learn something. It's like you learn one thing, but your brain gets so concussed doesn't matter. That's right, yeah. You go all toua on us.

You're checking time as well. What we have? 55 minutes. So, uh... Don't need any point going through all the Dirty Harry movies. Oh, shit. we keep teasing this like there's some lad out there he keeps putting off his suicide

it's like I need to hear them talk about Kelly well I'll just say now so I watched them all yes so they're pretty grim the first dirty Harry is amazing I loved it and it's just well made yes it's not what I was expecting I was expecting how trash it's classic

it's a classic piece of cinema yeah yeah it honestly feels like it's up there with like this might be a little no it's like up there with like the real classic like a fucking like you know what go on

the burbs what's the burbs what's what's uh China town okay no it's different ones think of the French connection

it feels like it's up there with that you know it's like real class and just real good well made like bullet with Steve McQueen just like fucking great stuff right

the next two Magnum Force and the Enforcer okay pretty dower and shit, I'll be honest Oh really? Did not enjoy him. Now what's...

So Magnum Force is the second one Yeah It was done by a TV director Okay And you can just feel This feels shitty and cheap Like the first big action sequence In it is like

So it's about renegade cops Oh So he's renegade cops Going around shooting people Oh Like vigilantes You know And it's like the vigilante's got

To catch the vigilante You know Right It's like yeah I thought it was about Clint Eastwood He's going like To different pharmacies I need a man

condom. No, it's not that shit. No, is it not? No, but it's just as silly to be honest. Yeah. So it starts off

if they're looking at crimes. Clay Dish was like, Hey, I'm Cleet Eastwood, me. Anyway, no, it's not how he said.

So like, they, they investigate looking some dead bodies. Yeah. And Clint East was like, let's go to the airport to get a hot dog.

Okay. And they go to the airport to get a hot dog. And it's like, terrorists on a plane. Right. And they're like, oh, we got to wait

to the FBI gets here. And he's like, uh, don't wait for those pussies he gets on a plane he's like hey pop quiz

hot shop pew pew pew pew you know and just walks out with the play is this like killed him

with his hot dog beats him to death with a hot dog I got raghead on my hot dog and it just feels like

just so boring there's like not exciting at all and the rest of it is like investigating these cops

and I'll tell you I'll tell you's interesting there's like there's like two scenes where top of the women

get shot the pieces. Yes. Two separate scenes were like, it's these mafia bosses being like, yeah,

those cops won't break in here and shoot us. He, he, he, you know? Then these redigate cops

burst in and shoot them. It's always like a girl there doing coke in the background naked, be like,

oh shit, and she gets shot. And her tittyes just get blown to bits. Yeah. Like hamburger meat been kicked

on the stairs. And there's one the girls actually falls through a window and they're unlike the 70th floor of a building.

She falls all the way down. Yeah. And we don't see a splash. it's very obvious it's a dummy like it just looks shit right right and then the enforcer is basically

kind of like die hard where there's like criminals posing his terrorist group okay that's boring that's the one with the female cop in it

yeah the Cagney and Lacey one yeah and he's like yeah she's actually good now yeah you're gonna get your estrogen all over the crime scene yeah where she's like

a woman can do anything a man does he's like ugh really and then like the whole film is her fucking up. Yeah? Yeah, it's not like she proves them wrong. That's hilarious. So literally like, they go to like an autopsy, she's like, oh,

it's a bleh. She vomits right in the cadaver. Ah, you stupid bitch. And at the end, she dies. Wait, you ate my hot dog, I knew it. At the end, she dies. Oh, really? The end, she's get shot. He's like,

uh, I told you so. Well, while I'm here, man as well one for their own baby no it's funny because like

she dies and he's a bit sad at the end so I think the message is like yeah there should be female cops yeah

it's not exactly she saves a day or anything so the message is they shouldn't be allowed in the workforce but they shouldn't

get murdered so that's pretty woke for old Clint you know that's pretty good yeah it was funny about these two films

talking about Magnum Force and the Enforcer both of these Clint was kind of like, you know, in director mode and he was kind of fighting with the actual directors. Right, okay.

He's like, maybe you should not make it shit. Yeah. Shut up, Clint Eastwood. I directed fucking the monsters, so sure. I directed three episodes of T.J. Hooker. I don't get... The unforgiven. Bunch of stupid cowboys

that don't even have sex with each other. It's weird. So Clint was like, you know all those scenes where I talk? How about I don't talk? that'd be, you know, Dury, Harry's silent. There's all the, he barely even talks. Oh. Yeah, he's just very stoic.

Oh, okay. Clint was just, like, bored. Yeah, and unhappy. Just a paycheck to him. Yeah. Then they did, um, Sudden Impact, which was directed by Clint himself. Okay. That's a bit more fun.

Is that the one about the rapist? Yeah, Sandra Locke is like a rape victim. Sandra Locke. His former wife. Oh. Yeah. Not anymore. Oh, yeah.

She's also in the outlaw of Josie Wales. Right. But, like, she's a rape victim who takes the law into her own hands. I think she cuts off some penises. It's the old, uh, rape and revenge, uh, genre. That was very big, like, in the 70s. But it's a little bit more fun. Like, even, like, you know, they're looking at the guy and his penis cut off.

And then, like, the, uh, one of the cops eating a big hot dog. Yeah. Just like, look at the hot dog. Hey, penis. Uh, yeah. Yes. Yeah. And then the last one is the Deadpool featuring Jim Carrey.

Jim Carrey. and Liam Neeson. No, I've never, I think I watched it when I was a kid. I do not remember it at all. It is, uh, it's not great.

Yeah. It's not, uh, these films I was kind of let down. If you believe it, James, actually, I was looking forward to something and let me down. Yeah, yeah.

First time's ever happened. And I promise. I know I say this every time, but I promise, it'll never happen again. You think now, you know the Dirty Harry movies just gets worse and worse.

and it doesn't get better. Yeah, yeah. There's a metaphor there, is there? That's right. Yeah. Don't work with women. That's the takeaway. It's why we have a woman podcaster.

She's up dead. What are you going to do, sweetie? Get back in the kitchen and bake some pies for Brian. Yeah. I'll be honest, speaking of pies, that pie's really kicking in there. I was getting a little bit tired there. Okay. Sorry about that, John.

No, no, I let you down. No, we're good. I let you down. Let the team down. Yeah, yeah. I got to go, I got to go. Here's the thing, though. You got to go get some poon.

The thing is like, just a singles night. So it's not going to, on a date, all right? You can talk to one person. It's like, oh, how are you getting on? Cool. You talk for a while. I'm going to put my head on the table and go to sleep. It's like there's going to be women everywhere.

Yeah, talking to me. Just with their tities everywhere, pushing them in your face. you know whether you like it or not too much pie so you're disabled from pie you park in the disabled spot and you just instead of the past

you just hang up a picture of a steak and kidney pie yeah yeah get that wheelchair out away yeah we're over the hour there I'm just going to check my nose to see anything I forgot talking about oh really we kind of like

did everything there I watched night court Night court Awesome, dude Don't watch that No, I won't Are they bringing that back? It's back

Oh, it is back I was watching the revival Did they talk about that In, was it community? 30 Rock 30 Rock, that's it Yeah And the whole joke is

Ha ha ha ha They're bringing it back But it's shit The whole joke would be like It would be crazy To bring that back Imagine how creatively bankrupt NBC would have to be

To bring back night court And now it's back Speaking of, Did we talk about this already? Milf Manor? I think I'm going to have diarrhea soon. Oh, okay. Oh, God.

Oh, good. I'll drink more coffee. Get ready for singles night, ladies. Oh, my tummy. What's happening is you're shitting out all the gay feelings and thoughts. So you go to single night and you're just going to be mad on the hunt.

Oh, my tummy. Yeah, the cunt hunt. Oh, no, it's disgusting. What a very vulgar term. Yeah. A vulgar, well, rare example of vulgarity from you, James. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, well. These, if I taste them out, kind of like a cunt. Yeah, you're a mad cunt. Yeah. Something about, you know, sometimes, we talk about it before, like, cunts kind of feel weird. You ever get to... What?

Women's cunts feel weird. Oh, no, not me, brother. I'm never, I'm making sure I'm never in the same room as one. You know? Sometimes I don't... Out of sight, out of mind. That's what they say. Like a Venus fly trap, you know?

Yes, exactly. A penis fly trap. Don't like it. No. You have to go of diarrhea. No, no. And then go to singles nights. I was joking around, guys.

You've got a big evening. I'm joking around, guys. I'll just push it in. Yeah. Just like shove something up your ass to make sure the shit doesn't all fall out. You were talking about Miltz Manor? Yes. What's that?

Have you heard about that? No. Do you think I of all people would know about Mils Manor? Yeah, no. But just because you mentioned 30 Rock there and they had that joke milf island yeah so like it was like a love island slash survivor parody

but with a milf vibe but now they have a show called milf manor and it's like a reality show you know like one of those kind of like first dates type shows but they're all milfs but I think there's some kind of spin on it like all the guys in the house

are actually the sons so like the milfs and the you know so there's two milfs there and they'll each have to date each other's son, you know what I mean? Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yes. I heard about, that's what I've heard. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Milf Manor, but the thing is, there's some proper, like there's Gilfs, man. They're all like in their 60s in mobility scooters and oxygen tanks, you know? Yeah, yeah. A little bell that goes ring, ring, ding, ding.

Yeah, anyway. but yeah no we'll do some more we'll do a deep dive and milf manner I'll investigate the milfs yes I'll put on my reporting hat you know Woodward and Bernstein you know and go deep into the milfs

yeah and who knows maybe next week I'll have to be a bitch by my side yeah imagine if I got all like John Lennon was like this is my new girl now so she's the third mic yeah exactly yeah it's like does he have to do the voices

that's really silly why is he doing those voice You're right, babe. He's not Bill Clinton or Phil Mitchell. You're right, babe. It's silly. He's got an identity crisis. And you know what?

Sometimes you can rock over the house, okay? We're recording. The door is locked. What's going on? What's going on in there? Open this door. God damn it. Get out of it.

You hoar. How could you take it from me? Sorry, sweetie. What do you mean? You've got, oh, you've got advertisers now? Oh, no, blue chute. The thing I need. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we have our fun, you know. And this is a good little session there. I think so, yeah. I need to do more, um, more kind of stuff that's like really emotionally harming to me. Yeah. That was always a good stuff for the podcast. Yeah, yeah. Like, you need to, you really need to put yourself in harm's way, not just emotionally, physically.

I need to, like, take a little oxies and, like, rob a police car. or something, you know? Yeah. That sounds awesome. I like drive down the wrong way on the motorway, you know? Oh, yes. Yeah.

Like Aunt Diane. Yeah. So, yeah, anything else you want to say for where you go there? No, that was a good one. Anything you want to watch next week? Eh. You can talk about Milf Manor, anything else?

Yeah, Milf Manor and everyone's talking about the menu and triangle of sadness. Now, that all sounds artsy and pretentious. I'm just going to watch Milf Manor and Billy Madison. That'll sort of be right out. I think one more viewing of Billy Madison is all the takes. That'll put me over the edge.

That's the final brick in the wall. Probably we'll get SNL after that, I imagine. That's my plan anyway. Binge all the happy Madison movies and call up Lorne Michaels. And then if that doesn't work, then I don't know. I think I might have to. I have to make the right decision I just have to

you know do what needs to be done I wish there's a way to commit suicide but like you can see everyone reacts I want to fake my debt they have that it's called Instagram I'm going to do it

I'd love to do that now I'd love to be the ghost watch everyone cry over me all the women kill themselves because they miss the tools we don't get to fuck Brian O'Toole No Yeah You're doing a Ouija board

Try to bring me back I'm like No you had your chance I'm up getting some ghost pussy That's right Yeah I'm up there Baggin Patrick Swayze

Anyway look Let's end it there Before we're now with steam All right so Good luck I'm yeah I'm gonna head off soon enough Yeah so Brian It's 7 o'clock

Oh shit you better go No no I'm gonna rock up late Okay yeah Right. Bye.