Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 187 : Antman and the Quadriplegic

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

The boys pretend they can't play basketball and then fall in love in with a quadriplegic.

free one We had a great time The last episode We're in my house Yes There's good energy there You know What do we talk about

We talked about Golf Oh yeah We talked a lot about golf Tom Seismore Yeah What did Jesus I mean

We are men I tell you that We're talking about Jimmy Carter Yeah Yeah You know that bitch stuff You know

Man shit like that It's the bro zone So James How we been getting on We had fun I went to Tesco There You kind of freaked me out

We were driving I did Twice Yeah I was driving I was driving I was like Oh You freak me out

You're like, dry, no! You remember you grab my head and push my head down your cock. It's safer down here, quick. Yeah, they can't breathalise you with my cocks in your mouth. Okay, no, just blow on the penis there and we'll be able to tell

if you have been smoking the marijuana. But you were a little bit, you know, underdames to the wins. I was, just, you know, punk rock, dude. smoking a doobie and you're showing me you got like those of burns in your bed

not loads there's one there's one cigarette burn and the dead rat yeah it's ratatooie yes that's right no Patton Oswald

here so I'm doing good I had we talk about in the Patreon had a lot of shows over the weekend and now you're the yogurt

you had a yogurt that yogurt changed my life by the way like sometimes you know sometimes like yogurt's better

of pussy sometimes you know sometimes Come on Pussy makes you sad sometimes Yogurt never leaves You don't get any granola clusters If you're eating pussy

At least you hope not anyway Pussy You know also well Yogurt just gets better and better with age You know That's right Speaking of yogurt Pussy age like bread

The Great Patrice O'Neil So we have a lot of stuff talking about now We have white men can't drum Jump jump I keep saying grump Drump. Drump. What's drunk?

That is just, what is that now? What kind of special disability do I have? Yeah, yeah. White men can't drum. Yeah, so it's white men can't jump. Yes. Star Trek. Yeah.

Fish Tank. Right. And something else I watched as well. So, oh, I watched me before you. We talk about that first. All right. I also watch a lot of stuff there. I also watch Pet Cemetery.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Loads of talk about it. I haven't seen any of the, I've seen Fish Tank. actually. Yeah, we'll get to save that for you last because that's

your kind of movie, isn't it? What, a good movie? It's a legit good movie. You're big freak

yeah. A point with a watch list now. It's kitchen sink pussy brother. Get that Ken Loach pussy.

Yeah, that's right. So, me before you, it's based on the best-selling novel and it stars the

nearest Targaryenia Amelia Clark. Who has had like nine brain aneurysms. Yes. She did more brain aneurysms

and fucking Tom Seismore. And Frankie Munez combined. Like, put those two together. A crackhead and a NASCAR driver. Yeah,

Jesus Christ. Yeah, she's had a lot of like brain aneurysms. She literally doesn't know who she is. Right. Still. Yeah.

Is that, she learns all the lines phonetically. She's basically a monkey. Just feed her bananas. Yeah, but. Fucking hell.

So, look, this is a story about so it starts off it's Amelia Clark trying to do Bridget Jones basically where I'll just

say this now Amelia Clark does seem very nice in interviews and stuff and she was alright and like you know

Game of Thrones but overall I would say not a particularly good actor I would say I would go so far

to say limited range yes if I may be so bold yes I'll probably get shot for a before I get cancelled

a thing oh oh Unbelievable. I just think she's done a lot of rage. Without a rage, you know. So she's trying to do Bridget Jones this movie, Me Before You. Right.

Where she's like this kind of lovable, hapless woman. She's got like bad posture. She's always squinting. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's so goofy, isn't she? Amelia Clark. And she's trying to get a job. And like, how did the job go in the bakery? Oh, I kept slipping on all the jam.

Oh. Yeah. What about the chicken factory? Oh, all the feathers went to my man. all this funny stuff like literally every what's the difference between chicken and jam I got chicken my cock up your age

yeah he's back see now that's that's the character you need like a T.J. Miller type is like the wacky brother her wacky brother you know that'll be great now someday man someday you'll be Amelia Clark's brother

whether she likes her or not so she has a boyfriend though Boyfriend, I did not care for this now The boyfriend, skinny, glasses, nerd, all right? Oh, and is he toxic? Is he controlling and... No, the opposite. He's a distant. Because he's like, let's watch foreign films.

He's like, oh, can we just watch Ant Man? Ant Man and the Wasp. Come on. Yeah. It's double your money. It's a creature feature. He's like, you know, oh, babe, we watched 14 foreign films in a row. I'm a bit tired of subtitles. Just want to watch, you know,

can we just watch the footy for wads? Then she starts crying and locked herself in the bathroom. Right. She's like, you know, he's a beast. Yeah. No, but he's just a very kind of effeminate, kind of like lazy boyfriend. He doesn't bring her to Paris every week, you know.

Oh, okay. A real asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, she is like lovable, everything goes wrong. So even like, you know, she sits down, her dress just rips for no reason. She's like, oh, no. and like if she has a tea

a cup of tea you know for a fact she's slipping a banana you know it's that kind of it's like that kind of vibe all right yeah yeah everything could go wrong

but she gets a job so there's like a comedy is it oh yeah yeah so here's the thing they're like okay didn't you work well in the biscuit factory

yeah and it didn't go well in the in Greggs yeah so how about have any experience looking after quadriplegics

she's like oh I don't what did I even mean whoops today is it is that like a fog she can Michael's having. Oh yeah,

I might have seen one of those in the bakery. Yeah. So, like, you know what? Because you've failed everything else, you're now looking after

a quadriplegic. Yeah. A rich, handsome quadriplegic. Right. A quaddi. To be honest, the thing is,

she's so accident-prone and clumsy. There's nothing more else that could happen to this guy. Yeah. She could, like, drop him down a flight of stairs.

He wouldn't be any different, you know? He must be so annoying for him. So Sam Cafflin plays the quadriplegic. Right. So nine for him because he just keeps

in her phone over the place and getting back up and he's like, I fell down one time. Yeah. One time I fell on the stairs. Now, look. Is that what happened he fell down the stairs? No, actually, no. So the show him at the start, he's like this Latario kind of George Clooney type, you know? Right. Banging chicks, riding

motorcycles, drinking coffee, everything, all right? And then I think he gets hit by a bus or something. Okay. And then he's like, quads. A bus full of poor people. Ah, the cruel irony of it. Dignity. So he's all disabled now. I think Charles Dance.

plays his father and another girl from Game of Thrones plays like his sister it's the girl the really hot girl you know the hot girl in Game of Thrones Sophie Turner

wait no I think she's too young James No she's in her 20s Oh no I'm talking No no no She played Sansa you know That one the ginger one No no no

No I mean no not back when she was a child I meant on the show James Oh right right right Let's not go into this any further. You have a bran. What you then? Which one? I can't give her name now. I'll get her up for you if I must.

But just before you do that, Google Sophie Turner's aid. I'm pretty sure I'm in the right. No, no, no. I'm fine here. Let's say you're right and let's move on real quick. Okay, okay. Yeah, me before you. So anyway, she gets to say, so Sam Cafflin is the guy.

And he's a real downer. he's like oh yeah life's great in it 27 okay wow 27 Brian she's an old hag

it's actually disgusting she's basically the same age as fucking Charles Danz anyway sorry what were you saying I didn't hear that last thing you said I was too busy exonerating myself

you know what's funny as well does know the girl from Game of Thrones in this I just fucked up there, my bad. How, oh my God, tables have turned. For a minute you're a P-Doh and I was right.

And that was all switched. Yeah, the old Captain Switcheroo, like Ocean's Eleven. I'm just walking out of the casino. I'm in jail with John Don Cheadle. Oh, we're in a bit of Barney here, Ledge. Barney Rabble, Trouble. Anyway, I'm a Dutch. Yeah.

I'm a pons Yeah, puns, nonce It's Cockney Ryman's Slash It's Pito Ryman's slag We got our own slack We do Apples and pears They actually do, though

Like chicken hawk Oh, that's like I think we're switching again All right, yeah Apples and pears That means a six-year-old Oh So he's a real downer as my point okay and she's a real like you know

oh let's go outside outside yeah what we're going to do walk around yeah you know I've got to bought you a new pogo stick cheer up a bit come on let's go so she falls in love with him and he's just a damn him or his money well I don't know about that

don't be cynical all right how did he get his money why is he rich family all right old money old money yeah so he's real rich I'm surprised those old money families would let him, you know, pretty fat, they're big fans of eugenics, those people. That's an interesting thing, okay? So she's working, you know, cleaning up dusting, whatever like that, okay?

Yeah. She hears Charles Dance be like, it's been six months and you're still not walking. Yeah. I say we go dignitas. Wow. Yeah. That's like euthanasia? Utenasia in Sweden.

Yeah. Sweet. That's awesome. So it turns out Sam Cafflin, he's up for this. Yeah. Sure. So now it's a race against time. So this lovable dame has to teach his quadriple.

how amazing life is while her boyfriend's like hello you want to hang out she's like I don't have time and then she's bringing them or wheeling him around okay I've got us tickets to the premiere of that man quantum media

come on they go to what is it some fucking the quantum realm no act like you don't know they meet Kang the Conqueror yeah they be Kang the Conqueror

Emilia Clarke come on so then but then I think something goes wrong where she she breaks up the boyfriend, she feels sad. And when she feels sad, Sam Cafflin starts to feel not happy, but starts to cheer up

to try and cheer her up. Oh, I see. Trying to teach her the meaning of life. Oh my God. So this lad's a quadriplegic and he's all for assisted suicide. But this fucking melt comes in all, yeah, da, de, yeah. She has one bad day and now he's got to

cheer her up. Yeah, yeah. Fuck me. So she's got to carry his broad so they'll drive you a wacky. He's got like wheel her around so she's like she's on his lap going like I'm too sad to walk he got like bring her to Teskel

so eventually I think she's afraid to swim well yeah she can't swim and he's like you gotta learn how to swim then she does swim and then the next day goes to Sweden and kills himself oh he does

yeah he does do they ever bang no I don't think so she shaves him once on top of him, like. I know, yeah, he is quadriplegic, but don't some... I think the penis can still work. Yes, I've heard that. Especially he's...

And I've seen it. Paid good money to see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to New York. I tell you, I'll just say this. The security in Monaghan County General Hospital I'm very lax it is, you know. Slipper's like, do what you want.

I don't care. The government shut these shit down 10 years ago. Why the fuck I still here? Anyway. That's my impression of my mother who works in Monaghan County General Hospital. Well, it's actually a commentary on the government has failed these local hospitals. Yeah, sure it is, buddy, sure it is. It's an indictment of Varadgar.

And Bertie, Bertie Huron's back. Bertie's back in a big way. You know, all these people are like, oh, Bertie couldn't become president. He definitely could. Yeah. People are, Irish people are so forgiving. As long as you're not like gay or anything, we'll put up on anything. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, so I think he could very. very well. There could be a Bertie versus Jerry election. Think about that. Jerry who? Who do you think? Adams? Yeah, of course. Yeah. It's Jerry Adams? I thought he was out of the politics game. He might come back to be president though. Oh, okay.

That'd be pretty cool. That would be good. Yeah, that'd be great banter. I'd like to see Jerry Adams as president. That'd be pretty sweet. Yeah, and United Ireland. Yeah, yeah. No quadruplectic's allowed. And instead of like bringing a dog everywhere for photo shoots, she just has a Protestant on a leash in colour. Ah, come on now

do your business there in Phoenix Park, let's go. Come on Aloysius, let's go. Here we go now. I got you the good pedigree chum today. I'm in a good mood. So anyway, he kills himself. So he kills himself. The Baudrepeed kills

himself. Well, he doesn't. He pays some Swedes to do it. He does, yeah. Some IKEA people to do it, right? But then she's sad, Amelia Clark. She gets a letter that says, you know, dance like nobody's watching. Live your life to the max, you know? Turn

that frown up, like that, all that kind of basic shit. Did he give her any money? Live, laugh, learn. No money. Live, laugh, learn. And then she's happy, and then she goes to Paris. What about the nerd? Oh, he's stuck wanking over the footy, you know? Just wanking over Wayne Rooney, like a fucking loser.

Alan Shearer. You know what? The quadriplegia cripples better off. you that now. Now, I'd like to see Ant-Man and the quadriplegic realm. That'd be good.

The quadriplegic realm. Yeah, yeah. Just Paul Rod running around. Just a bunch of Stephen Hawkins everywhere. Yeah. It got a lot of controversy his film because

the happy ending for the guys he killed himself. Oh, I see. It wasn't like, you know, he learned to, he was stronger. Yeah. Or like he beat, you know, beats him in the crossword competition or something like that.

No, he was just like, you know what? Killed himself. You know, a little message for everyone there. You're a bird on your family. Do what I do. Yeah. Do what's right. Even if you're dyslexic, do what I do.

That's the whole, like, right-to-dive movement, you know? Well, they're saying it's going to become the Church of Death. Oh, really? That's what they say. Isn't that, you know, all churches are kind of churches of death, though, funerals and whatnot? I listen to a lot of conservatives of people. Okay. For fun.

Yeah. Who say, like, there's going to be a culture of suicide. suicide and I want, it's to kill all white males. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's it, yeah. Right on. Well. That's what they're saying there. So you better watch, because we're the whitest most male men in the world. There's no more manly. I've got testosterone coming out.

Coming out of my pussy. Yeah, yeah. I got testosterone secreting from my ovaries on a near daily basis. I got tea coming out of my tits. Yeah, that's right, baby. Yeah, well, I mean, the suicide rates are always getting increasing they're getting higher and higher

Of course they are Life is awful And the world is horrible Wait hold that tall Because I did watch white men can't jump Oh on the back Hey I'm stepping off the stool

And into the living room To watch Woody Harrelson And Wesley Snipes And Rosie Perez Oh my God She is hot in this film man I kind of forgot how hot she was

She got lovely tits Really? Yeah, Rosie Perez, great titties. She's in, uh, do the right thing. Do you know, right? Her tits in that, remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, this okay.

Which one is she banging in, uh... Well, let me tell you. So, starts off, you think this bumpkin, because you know what you're very racially biased, James. Yes. It's L.A. They're all playing basketball, right? This one bumpkin looking freak.

This haysees. Yeah, it's like, walk around and be like, Well, howdy, partner? You're playing some baseball. He's basically like that. He's holding the Johnny Cash record walk around oh gee watch this

basketball game oh I'm scared and they're all like you get out here Brady Bunch yeah you got fuck off suck a dick Brady Brunch he's like

I want a little game all right but then you know he gets the ball and he gets it in the net he's as good as Jonah Hill yeah exactly this exact scene happened

in that movie you people yeah yeah yeah fat smelly Jonah Hill was better in basketball all the other people until Jonah Hill wrote that and then he needed

CGI to pull it off Oh my God, do you remember that as well He's actually, you people That movie Jonah Hill He doesn't kiss that girl That's CGI That's the CGI Why is that?

I think she was like The fuck Really? Look how smelly he looks Look at that What The way he looks in that film He's disgusting in that

He's got the long hair It's the bleached long hair And the beard and the Hawaiian shirt and the tattoos. Yeah. The fuck was that. Talking about duck culture. Yeah.

I'm sure that girl was sickened by that. She used to date Nipsey Hustle. Now she's fucking kissing Jonah Hill. Yeah. It's a good thing Nipsey Hustle's dead because, you know, nobody should have to see that. See your girl

kissing on Jonah Hill, kissing on him and touching his body and whatnot. So White Men Can't Jump starts off with that. They're like, yo, you can't beat us, Brady Bunch. He's like, I'll show you. Does they call him anything other than Brady?

They do, yeah, yeah. Honky, Cracker, you name it, all right? All those horrible, horrible terms that we've thankfully removed from the history books. That's right. Evil. That's why they're another altering role dolls work recently. Oh, yeah. Because there was like all the honkies.

Upa Lumpas are called the honkies. All the Vietnamese honkeys. So he beats him and Wesley Snipes like, oh, white boy can jump. Yeah. So he goes to. find Woody Harrelson because he's got a little deal. So he's like Woody Harrelson, that's his job. A

failed college prospect. Now he goes around making money hustling games. He's a ringer. Is that what they're called? Well, no, not even that really. He looks bad at a start. And they're like, you know, he's like, well, why don't we put $50 on it? Shark is how to call him? I don't know the term. They call him something.

I'm sure to do. They call him Brady Bunch, all right? So he's like, oh, let's put $50 on it. Like, yeah, you, what? easiest money ever made white boy then they lose and the white man wins that's right

and then they're like he has no problem collecting on the debt because this is Hollywood remember wacky wacky stories made up in Hollywood

that's James not me but my point is like he beats him but Wesley Snipes goes to follows what's his name Woody Harrelson home Woody Harrelson's dating

Rosie Perez her tits are so jiggly. Really? Yeah, yeah, she's jiggly. Does she get them out? Not fully.

There's bits where they're kind of side view. Oh, yeah. You know what sort of thing I love now? When a girl's putting on her jeans and she's wiggling, you know, she's kind of wiggling, getting them up and everything's shaking,

you know, like an earthquake. That's good now. Yeah, women getting dressed, I like that. I don't like the other one, though. It's like, when a woman puts on a big overcoat and a burlap sack, ooh, that gets me all.

The big hat as well, bigger, bigger hat, two hats, three hats, five burghers, let's go. Yeah. In the middle of the summer as well. You watch the, like, do not, try not to come compilations on you porn. It's like, oh, what another burqa, no way. Oh, speaking of porn, actually, I watched a great video there of a guy, it was a cooking porn. Right. Not cooking.

Cooking. Yeah, so this guy His girlfriend was getting fucked by his big black guy He's a white Kind of like white men can't jump in a way But not really So, but he starts crying The white guy starts crying

Yeah, he's like, stop this I don't like this anymore She's like, come on It was your idea He's like, that's great No, stop it now, stop it And then like they show up They kind of speed it up

Them talking Yeah Then they go again This time they were kind of fucking her together And he's like I can't get hard it's not good no one likes this

was this it was a black guy it's like it's not I'm not angry at you man don't worry it's a black guy it's like it's not your fault between me and her

wow is it amateur level amateur yeah oh wow so it was real oh it's real you can't fake those tears that's awesome

I love seeing a white boy cry yeah yeah was she loving it was she loving the big black cock I think she was trying to pretend like she wasn't loving it oh sure

oh god isn't you holding a laugh in school you know you're getting fucked in school oh boy do I yes all boys Catholic school and Monaghan you better believe I know

yeah but anyway so he goes to me so Rosie Perez is Woody Harleson's girlfriend and they just travel around making money and sometimes like they make

you know $50 a day sometimes $60 a day they're they can live like kings in Los Angeles yeah yeah they can basically buy an NBA team They're making so much money, right? But Wesley Snipes says

you're small scale. I respect to hustle, but we need to work together. Okay. And we can do some real good hustling then, you know? Right. And then they agree. Oh, by the way,

this is important later on. Rosie Perez is studying everything. Studying everything? Everything? Because she wants to win Jeopardy. Oh. So she's studying. She's also,

Woody Harlinson's playing basketball. Right. Rosie Perez is a home learning history. geography, mats. She wants to go on Jeopardy. Yeah, sports knowledge, everything. While drinking. Oh, she drinks?

She drinks vodka and reads a book about, you know, world history. Is it, is she like a fun vodka drinker? Oh, fun, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's so good in this because she's always like, yo, what's fuck? I want to fuck. And Woody House, like, no, baby, I got to go play basketball. Where's these snipes?

I can't have shit drinking right now. Rose of Brades. Yeah. You got some of my. dear by what way rosy parrish bushy supposed to smell

I'm sorry Marty it's just me Wesley Snat You don't cut into the man's lawn The IRS Is just a flat circle Which by the way

My roommate was watching True Detectives there Like I walked in Germany I was like God this is a good show Season one No two No one

Yeah It is fun man It's great No it is legit great. Woody Harlson's great in it, by the way. He's amazing. Like, you know, McCona gets all the parodies and all that, you know, time, the flat circle, you know, it's very easy to do.

It's very easy to parody and... Yeah, yeah. And there was a lot of parodies made of it, but Woody Haraldson's great. Like, the bit, like, the only way he cuts his lawn. Yeah. Like, Woody Haraldson's so good, like, they're kind of pent up, like, anger, but almost, like, a very impotent, kind of, like, small dick. Like, he, he conveys

small dick anger. Yeah. Better than even me. the bit where he bursts in on Alexander de Dario banging that dude he's like Did she shut your dick Only a little bit It's fucking so funny

It's like hilarious It's so good I wish it just ended there And that was it Like this is perfect thing Yeah There's some great stuff in it We should

You know do like an episode about it Because then we're Honestly I would have done it This week I was thinking about watching it Let's do it. We'll do that. Would you like to do that? Yeah.

Would you make me the happiest man in the world? Man, I'll blow your mind with some shit. You ain't even ready for it. Oh, the fucking, what's it called? What's the thing you love, the book about the... That I love, that I know about it. Well, basically, you know, the story in True Detective is, it mirrors the Franklin Scan. Franklin Scan.

Oh, yeah, baby. Lay it down. But then there's also comparisons to... to the British show Red Riding and then there was some plagiarism from some sci-fi books and Alan Moore and Grant Morrison there's a lot of stuff to cover

but yeah but overall I still do really enjoy Season 1 True Detective it is great insanely entertaining also because I watch it when it came out basically

but a bit derivative now that I'm older like I know about Shea Wiggum now yeah so now my life is very very different I was going to watch this week actually it's just I was kind of like

you know not to get too into my personal life but there might be a lazy in the picture now Well I'll tell her straight up I'm like honey You don't get between me And my true detectives All right

Me and James We're wearing a pyjamas We're watching true detectives together Yeah We're uh you know We're dressing up You know like Woody Harleston near the end Yeah

We're dressing a cosplay as that Drinking Buds I am Carcotia The Yellow King Yeah I would have watched it I got distracted by the NBA All-Star game

Oh dear God Just a real cavalcade of silliness. Yeah. There's no jeopardy in it at all. It's just them all

having fun. So they have the all-star celebrity game first with Giro Mo and fucking you know. Yeah, who else was on it?

Any other... You know the black girl from a glass onion? The main girl. Yes. Yeah, yes. My God. She wore a dress.

Really? Fucking hell, really. I'll show it if you want Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you. Do it. Yeah.

Yeah, come on. A picture of a woman. Oh, dude. we're definitely getting K-insult we're going on Google Images dog shit's popping dog

it's fire yeah this is awesome right here couldn't get away we just on your podcast more are we talking about white men can't jump yeah before that thought

the all-star game I was also a bit of trouble with the all-star game because they had Carl Malone he fucked a 13 year old oh

so people are a bit like you know what age was he like 21 or something oh there she's there look at holy God look at

that. It's a mental looking thing. That is a well-proportioned lady, I'd tell you. Yeah, I'd tell you now. Whoa. Oh, yeah. Damn. Did we talk about Rihanna on the... Did we talk about that last week? We did, yeah, a little bit, yeah. She's pregnant. She's pregnant.

That was entertaining. Disgusting. So anyway, Carl Malone, he fucked a girl when she was 13. Wait, is Carl Malone the one that... Did one of the jimmies do a... Yeah, the blackface? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kimmel? It was Kimmel.

Yes, yes, yes, okay. They find both Jimmy's did blackface. They both did black face. One did Carmelone, one did Chris Rock. Yeah, one did of an acquaintance. I mean, Jimmy Fallon and Chris Rock probably knew each other pretty well. Yeah, they definitely did, yeah. I'm sure Caramelone's a good hang as well, you know?

Probably. He brings the ladies in, you know? So he fucked the girl, and the parents were like, you know what, we're not going to press charges because he's going to be a big NBA star. Okay. So we'll make more money off him. And what? So they've been They've been juicing them?

No, just like, yeah, you're right, it's all a scam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right, you're pro Carmelon. You're pro Carmelon. But Caramelon kind of kept a low profile after his NBA career. But he popped up there. And he was taking pictures with LeBron and stuff. And people were like, this is a bit.

Was he a good player, yeah? He's the third all-time scoring leader. Oh, wow, okay. So it's him, Karim and LeBron. That's pretty good, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty good now. You got one 13-year-old trying to ruin it on him.

typical he seems like a pretty bad person in general though like he's had a lot of kids and he's always like you want my kid and they're like no i am when he's like well maybe you are but i guy ain't got time for this yeah yeah but introduce me to you're a friend yeah dad no and he's giving loads of money to like bush and trump and all that yeah yeah he's conservative yeah he's more than you think nothing cooler than that my friend they are pretty cool now i've seen it especially the ones that get away with banging children Well, but play basketball. Yeah. This guy knows how to party.

So I watched the All-Star game. Again, it's just basically like a charity thing. Like, there's no, like, jeopardy. It's just people to have fun for a bit. There's no stakes. Right, white men can't jump. There's stakes in this. So they start doing this good hustle then where Wesley Snipes,

we play in one-on-one with someone. Right. And he'd be like, you know, okay, let's do two-on-two, let's say. Yeah. And they're like, okay, but you've got to play a white guy over there. And they'll have, like, you know, you know what he has eating pizza in the corner be like me reading a book that says basketball for dummies

you know ibonics for dummies yeah and he's like well what do I do with the ball that but then start bouncing and he starts doing well okay and they're making serious money of this but they start getting in trouble with like you know a lot of guys aren't too happy about you know losing money sure to uh yeah that's uh that'll give fellas

the ick and also we find out Woody's kind of on the run from these two Italian mobsters Oh, a couple of ditties. Hey, you, what's the money? Oh. He's the white guy who plays the moly bowl. All right. He tried to challenge the Italians to basketball.

Like, no. We're not doing this. Yeah. Give me the fucking money. Were there any, like, did you recognize the gang, the Italians? No, no, no, no. Usually you get like a... They usually get the usual suspects, you know, in terms like, you know...

Yeah. You know, it's something... Big pussy bump and Sarah. You know, like, what's the, you know the Hugh Grant movie where he plays a gangster? Mickey Blue Eyes Yeah, like you have basically all Dispranhas

and that as well Like it's just You know It's easy to get them there I mean That's pretty sweet work Like just like show up Be a stereotype

Yeah Get paid and go ahead It's not even hard It's like oh That's all you need You know Oh I didn't even know

You were rolling on that Oh great Cut in print It's not exactly Shakespeare You know Yeah But anyway So it's going on well

And then Rosie Perez Get Jeopardy Oh shit okay She does And at first it's like hard It's all sports questions. Alex Trebek, is it? Trebeck's there man, yeah. And he's like a Latino

on Jeopardy. It's the first time for everything. Seventh sign of the apocalypse, baby. Now get ready for a cock in lips. No, Alex Trebek, don't put your penis on my mouth. We're on television. I don't care, baby. Come on, Parage. Speaking to the mic.

This is a very... I don't think I'm portraying myself well. in this episode. I may be coming off kind of weird. Anyway. I know, it's just deep-seated resentment

against Alex for a Beck, that's all it. I bring up Alex I know what I'm expecting right there. Yeah, yeah, fuck her.

Yeah, okay, so she's on Jeopardy. So at first she fucks up like she says Babe Roo plays basketball. Okay. Like that level, okay? Right.

Then they ask her a list of food that starts with the letter Q and she gets them all right. and she wins like 1,700 Is that all? Yeah

Well she failed most of it Alright Oh But she'd go with the Q question She walks away with $1,700 Yeah That's dog shit I mean like fucking

What an idiot They're living in the shack basically They're living on They're living on fucking $50 a day You know Yeah yeah So then but then here But then like

They're all celebrating Woody Harleson's like We can double this money And she's like I know can't do Oh if you leave me No way If you spend a...

Oh, come on. We send me a rosette at a parade. I'm with the house, son. No, she's like, oh, if you, you spend that money, I'm leaving your ass, all right? And he's like, I guarantee we're going to win this, okay?

I guarantee. Yeah. But then, um... Put your tiddish away and let's play some ball. Come on. So then him and Wesley Snipes play the big ball game. Yeah. Against these two real tough gangsters, all right?

Right. And then they beat him. And they double the money. Oh, sweet. They're celebrating, and then they come home. She's gone. she left because it's the moral you know right like you can't that's a red flag oh if you're if you're like boyfriend keep money on basketball games with wesley snipes yeah then like that's a sign you can't be trusted then he keeps the money and you don't have to give her any well here's oh here's another thing

okay so i fell for this by the way this is a good scene okay oh so they got the money okay like hey at least i got the money you know but then these two italian gangsters show up like hey it's you again where's the money ah there it is and then have the gun to Woody Harleason's head the next scene is Woody Harle's on the ground covered in blood dead oh right and I was like Jesus Christ has got

dark but then he see a picture taken and Woody's like you get that and it turns out the Italian guys just want to take a picture of Woody Harleson's dead body to prove to other gangsters how serious they are oh pretty dumb it's pretty silly actually yeah

yeah actually you're right That's pretty stupid, isn't it? I mean, it's a comedy, I guess. Oh, my God. Yeah. I feel like, you know, when Scientologist learned about Zinu. The veil has been removed.

We've always spent so much money on white men can't jump. I can't go back now. You have points on the back end for the remake. I'm very disassociated for my family. It's like, I'm a white men can't jump guy. Here's, was there any

NBA star cameos? None. Oh, none. So it ends with them like Nobody has feels sad Right But then he's playing basketball Wesley Snipes

Okay And they have fun playing basketball Just for free No money And they learn that There's something more important Than money Or like Latino titties

Yeah And it's friendship Right okay With a black man Yeah Try to pay your Try to pay your electricity bill With friendship

From Wesley Snipes Yeah exactly Jesus And that's the end of the movie Right there Okay And more stuff happened but it's a lot of basketball I've said

I'm looking out for this a lot of big big shots of Woody Harleson putting the ball in the net all right so he can ball no doubles or nothing right on and there's no it's one shot by the way

where like he throws it up and he goes the net and it was like a back of the head shot and I was like okay that's maybe like a fake and he turns around it's him all one shot and he's doing lots of good ball

in it by the way he looks better than Wesley Snipes really? Yeah I mean he was I probably still is maybe but like he's the athletic guy Yeah

Big strapping Musclebound Corn-fed White man I tell you Wesley Snipes is very funny in this Like he'll let him be like Okay

I'm white You know doing like that Oh Oh no I don't care for that Actually Just hateful Yeah James There's a time in a place

Alright That's what he's just like Oh hello I'm white You're like Just get off him Officer officer

I feel unsafe get George Zimmerman quick no what what yeah yeah

we're oh what we are fun why you gotta you're right I ruin your boss you're necked me there you're pulled

up Freudian slip so he's got like well as he snips his goes my point he's directed by a guy

his name's like Ron, not Mark Furman. You know, like, it's like, it's like, the poor box office return is what, uh, I'm going to become a cop. A cool cop. That tape they played in the OJKS

was just the DVD commentary of white men catch up. No, it's like, I think like Bill Furman, I think. Okay, right. And he has done a lot of sports movies. Most of them you haven't heard of. But he did one call. You ever hear Bill Dernham? Yeah, Bill Dernham.

Yeah, people love this movie Kevin Costner? Kevin Costner. But I don't know, it's actually based on the director's real life story. He used to be a baseball player. Oh. And like a shitty baseball team. Right. He quit. Well, maybe retired, I don't know. And wrote a script and that was his first movie right there. That's pretty cool. People say it's a great movie.

It's a... Costner and Susan Sarandon. Oh. Yeah, and he plays like a baseball player. I think he starts fucking owner's wife or something. The baseball team's owner's owner's like, Yeah, so I'm playing baseball, but the owner hates me because I'm bang and his wife. That's cool.

I love that. She was just like, just a real bad baseball player. And the wife, like, hey, one interaction with the wife and she's like, get away from me.

And he's like, oh, well, time to write my screenplay. Ah, yes. Inspiration. My muse, my flame. Yeah, he's never actually got pussy once of us.

And then, like, I looked up the rest of his homography. It's all dog shit. Really? It's all stuff you never heard of before. Like, what? You'd be surprised,

but I heard of. contest, yeah? This is my new contest. It's like, the Mark Furman, no, the bill... Cadden's going to take the Mark Furman test. Oh, I've been preparing for it all my life. I've walked around Inglewood,

get ready. So, anyway, the reason I watch this is because of the new white men can't jump coming out. Right. With Mr. Jack Harlow. Yeah. People call him the golden boy. Why? Because he's just pure, good energy. Okay. For now. He wasn't very good on

SNL, so. I win. Well, like, yeah, he's a music, like a rapper. Has he done much acting? No, none. Oh, yeah, his name is Ron Sheldon. Ron Shelton. Yeah. Yeah, that's different to what you said.

Yeah, very, very different. So let's just see her now. He's done loads of movies. We're going to have to edit out all the Mark Furman jokes because they don't make sense now. Oh, he did blue chips. I've heard of that. He did Cobb. He did Cobb.

Hey, this guy's got a good little. Yeah. So, listen this, some great sports movies there. Blue Chips, by the way, it's not amazing, but it's pretty funny. What is it? It's, um, you like, I say this like it's a bad thing. It's Nick Noltey. Yeah.

He plays like a sports agent, all right? Right. But it's got a young appearance, like, it's Ed O'Neill and Shaq. Oh. Really young, like 17-year-old Shaq. That's awesome. So basically the whole plot is he's like a sports agent who finds a 17-year-old and it's Shaq.

And does Shaq have like a much of a role in the fellow? Yeah, he's one of the main leads in it. Whoa. Yeah. Him. I didn't realize he was famous at 17. Man, he was famous from college. So people, before he even joined up with NBA, people were like, this guy's going to be a big massive star.

Yeah. And it's also got, I think, Larry Bird is in it as well. Okay. Yeah. It's live action space chat. Sweet. Well, instead of those cartoon characters ruining it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so, and then then, okay, so Cobb is the last big thing he did. Then he did the Great White Hype, you're right? watched there? No. Oh wait, is that... The comedy movie. It's Fing Rams.

No, it's a comedy movie with Oh. I think it's a who's it? Samuel Jackson. Oh, right, right. It's just Damon Wayne's

movie. Okay, right, right, right. Hollywood homicide. Oh, I saw that. He wrote the screenplay... That wasn't good at all. He wrote the screenplay the bad boys too.

I take it back now. This guy rocks. Yeah, I think it bad. You're a fucking... Isn't that? Megan Fox was like 15 in now, wasn't she? That's right?

dancing. Yeah, I don't know why I remember that. That's the only part I remember, you know. He wrote that

in the script, by the way. And 15 year old dances. And that's just the whole he wrote a napkin. That's the script right there.

New any more? Get back to me. Look, just this is the idea. He faxed this to Ron Shelton and let him flesh it out. Yeah.

They're like, flesh it up. Ooh. Oh. Anyway, what should all with Star Trek now? I guess,

yeah. So I've been watching. Who else? And do you say, it's Jack Harlow and who in the new one? Maybe Vince Staples. Okay, right. That's a... Yeah, I mean, that's, it's for the kids. I think it's straight to Hulu.

Right, okay. So it's not, you're not going to be able to watch on a big screen, unless you, like, you know, bring a gun to cinema. All right, we've delayed it for long enough. Let's talk about Star Trek. So I'm watching... Oh, you want Pet Cemetery, though. Oh, shit. Have you ever seen Pet Cemetery?

No. Do you know the plot? You probably know from South Park. Yeah, so they bury a child and it comes back to life or something? Basically, so it's his family getting evicted from their house. It's Jason Clark, who I like now. Jason Clark. He's an Australian actor.

He's one of those guys that, like, never made it big, but he's kind of, you know his face, definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Jason Clark and his wife and you've got two kids. I need to get evicted from their house, forget why, and they decide to go, they get some cheap land in, like, Idaho or some shit like that. Right, okay. And again, it's like this big, massive property for a growing up. price. They're like, this is fucking awesome.

And he's a doctor, and he gives a job in, like, the local hospital. It's a real small, like, you know, like, the biggest thing is, like, someone's got brain freeze, you know? You know, like, there's a kid has a nosebleed or someone's got brain. It's, like, it does no, like, gunshots around me.

Right, okay. Peaceful Americana, you know? Yes. Nothing can possibly go wrong. Ah. But then they know what it was already. Right beside their house is a big road, all right? And it's like, bha-and there's big trucks

going by all the time, you know? Right. That's a bit dangerous, but we'll get to the later on. and they have a cat and the cat I think oh the cat dies okay they're like oh it's sad

but then they meet the neighbor played by John Litkow oh okay so it's Fred went in the original you know from the monsters Fred went

the judge from yeah from my cousin Vinnie yeah yeah Jesus the autism cylinders are our firing hot and heavy it's like tennis

back and forth So John Lick guy was like, you know, ah, you're getting on. He's like, he's like doing a real like, ah, how are you getting on? Yeah, don't go in those woods. Woods are dangerous. Yeah, yeah. But there's like a pet cemetery. He's like, awful strange things happen in that pet cemetery.

You bury something. They come back to life. Stay away. Stay away. What else happens? Well, it's pretty much it, but it's pretty fucking weird, kid. What more do you need? It's ain't MTV.

Stop looking at Madonna's titties. So they bury the animal, little cat. It's like the 80s, right? This is happening in the... No, no, it's modern day. Oh. They have computers and stuff. Oh, they had computers in the 80s.

Well, they've got like TikTok in this, you know? Well, this is a new one. Yeah, it's 2019. Oh, shit, did you say that? Oh, sorry, I thought, well, it's fucking Jason Clark and John Lickow. Yeah, but they've, you know, John Lickgaugh's pretty old. John Lickow... There was, like, a pet cemetery in the 80s.

Yeah. Okay, so this is the new one. Oh, sorry, I should have said that. I just assumed you'd read my mind. Sorry, usually I would, but you hit me with, you know, George Wendt and Fred Munster and... It's not George Wendt, you're fucking... I know. It was actually Ted Lassow's uncle.

Okay. Yeah, so deal with that. I'm not watching any more Ted Lassow, I've decided. It's not good for me. What's the name of Jason Siegel? Jason... Now you've infected me with your shit. Sadecas.

Jason Sudeikas. We've gone off the rails here, okay, talking about... Pet Cemetery. Let's just keep your back on track. It's a real simple story. It's not exactly that's cinematic. So they put the cat in the pet cemetery, comes back to life, but it's all like, wah, it's all weird.

Right. So that's like, you try and kill it, but the cat's like, wah and runs away. Okay. And then they're like, oh, that's weird, but me, but look, let's ignore that. Yeah. But then, like, Jason Clark, he starts seeing visions of dead people. Right.

And, uh, they have a party then. and a little kid runs on a road gets hit by a truck and they're like hey if it worked for that cat let's try it with the dead kid and that's when you might know this line sometimes dead is better

exactly yeah he was talking about a pussy the cat of course oh I beat you tricked you off there so they buried a kid comes back to life but he's all like feral like

and they think they can he's voting for Trump now do that he's like a fortune no that would be that would be pretty good I think yeah yeah that would be too satirical that literally kind of break the whole system in half they couldn't handle it man then he's the kids running around trying to eat people

and it's not right not much goes on we find out the mother her sister had spinal meningitis or something like that right she had a bad spine and she fell down a dumbwaiter. Oh, yeah, dumbwaiter, yeah. She fell down there, so when she opened and it was like, like a dead cunt in there. And then like the...

Was this like when she was a child? Yeah, yeah. But then she has visions of her sister there. Something about the grave, the Pet Cemetery also makes visions appear a lot. Okay, well, it's obviously some kind of evil entity or spirit or something, right? So it's typical of Stephen King.

It's small town, a kind of unspecified evil. I don't really like sometimes is the evil it's not like zombies go over the head you know with Dracula's

it's like garlic wherever like that yeah with this is kind of like you know with Republicans it's logic oh

I show James one Stephen Colbert video and now I'm just hey I've seen the light I've renounced all my ways

he's zinging and zagin and zagin right there he's kissing pictures Zelensky so but there's not very much that happens by the way so basically like

they come back the kid kills some people kills John Lickow and he affects all the other family and then the family are all zombies then okay the end

oh yeah I know it's not like I read the book years ago I remember thinking of the time like this is not very cinematic because it's all like big it's all a big buildup too

like even in the movie the kid doesn't die until like an hour in right and the book is like really really late it's all just like set up and all that yeah that's uh

yeah it's a bit frustrating and anti-climactic but you know hey he's the king of horror or whatever the master of horror the master of horror yeah master

bitter I'm getting a bit tired there actually I mean to give you more stuff now how much time we have? 48 minutes okay this is fucking really get wild Star Trek Star Trek this will perk you

This will get me wild I'm gonna leave the room I'm wacky yeah Zim Zamsoom he's not dead what he's dead Jim okay right

yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly is George Went going to appear I know you said Fred went but it's funny to say George went never trying to be funny on this okay so I'll be watching Steep Space 9

and it's a really good it's actually legitimately good and weird is I heard Will Menaker from Chapo Trapp House say he's recently rewatching it as well okay so two great minds right there two great minds yeah now was your dad in the CIA or? No, no, Jimmy

was not allowed for violent racism. Jimmy was like, can we sell even more crack to the black people? They're like, steady on, Jimmy. Yeah, come on now. He was in the CIA gay. Ha, ha. It's your dad, that is. That's you. I'm mugging him off. Your pop's just got murked, fam.

Wait, let me just check see on my Star Trek notes there for a second. You got a gig coming up, though. Yeah. But you're probably sure. Yeah. So that'd be good for you. I'm happy for you. Thanks. Yeah. Well, I had a lot of shows there at the weekend, so I'm a little bit tired now, but, you know, it's good. It's good to keep busy. I'm going to, I got some good videos out of it, so I'm going to be sending them around the clubs and try to get more gigs. I'm going to try to break up north. Get up there and sort out that hot mess they got going. I don't think it's that hard. I usually show up there you can't break the north. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'll tell you what, speaking of, just go off topic for a minute. Have you heard about the Wagner Group? The Wagner group? Yeah. As in Robert Wagner?

No, no, no. This is pure suicide squad. In Russia, they've got a new thing called the Wagner group where they get all the hardest criminals and send them into front lines in the war against Ukraine. Oh, shit. Yeah. And they basically use them as like human, like, you know, send them over there. And if you hear like those with guns and explosions, so we'll go over here then instead.

Wow. Yeah. So, what, just like violent criminals and psychopaths? Yeah, and rapists and, you know, gay people probably. Yeah, yeah. The worst of the worst, you know? Jesus Christ. Just send them over there.

Yeah. Because I'm trying to get more into Ukraine recently, because I feel like it's kind of died down. It has a bit. Even though today Putin was literally like, we like, was blaming NATO and was like, you know, saying nuclear weapons are not off the table and stuff like that. Pretty scary shit.

Chitty, shitty, bang, bang. And it's funny how like Putin's saying that. It's like such a non-story these days. You know, we've all moved on. Yeah. But like, I mean, you know, there's all, yeah. It gets over a hype. and shit, you know.

The defense contractors are getting to earn their monies, so that's what it's all for. Bill Hicksie, smoking a cigarette. I'll just say this. If anyone has a good Ukraine podcast, let me know. There's a lot of real dog shit podcasts out there. There's a lot of daily podcasts. And literally every single day

for like the last two years, they've been like, this changes everything. This new development changes everything about the war. And it doesn't. Here's the thing about these conflicts. is. And I know this is going to come off as very Glib, but... You, Glib? Yeah. But you

could, as you said, be one of these guys who studies it, focuses on it and follows it every day. And every new development, you're like, oh, my God. Holy shit. Holy shit. Or you could completely ignore it and your circumstances in life won't really change. You know what I mean?

It's like, things are going to unfold staying informed doesn't help. You just annoy people at gaff parties. It's kind of like when your sister falls down the stairs. Yeah, like, you know, what are you going to do about, you know? Haliburton's going to come along and piss on her face and there's nothing you can do. Lockheed Martin are going to take a big shit in our mouth and you just got to sit and groove on it.

Okay, now back to Star Trek, okay. I want to tell you about the trill. All right, the trill are the species of Star Trek. I don't really understand it properly. So I was watching an episode of Rooney there, my roommate, about the trills. The trills are, it's kind of like a collective of people where it's like, uh, How do we explain this now? So there's a woman, all right, her name's Dax.

And she's like the 13th, Dax. What happens is, you volunteer to put a trill inside you. They're like big space slugs. Okay. So they insert the slug inside you. Yeah. And you get the memories of the past host of the slug. Oh.

So let's say you're James right now, okay? Yeah. But I put a slug in you. Now you're still James, but you're also Kevin and Sarah and Larry and Johnny and all the people who were hosted by a slug before. So all your personalities have merged into one right there. Why would you want that? I don't really understand. So it's a schizophrenia

slug? Exactly, yeah. I mean, yeah, if you could like immediately learn new skills, that's pretty good. You can, yeah, yeah. But then you also get all of their neuroses and unhappiness. You do, and you get like bad dreams. Let's say if one of them got molested, then you've all been molested, you know?

It's a bad idea. Well, if one could play guitar, you can all play guitar. You can tread. Yeah, exactly. And that's how they defeat the Klingons. Yeah, with the power of rock, dude. Let's break the lid out. So literally, if one day they were watched like six episodes in a row of Deep Space Nine. Right.

I really kind of like, it's very easy to zone out and not really pay attention to what's going on at all. And it's kind of like to go along for the ride. Yeah. And in some ways, it's pretty entertaining, I've seen now. How many seasons? There's seven seasons all together. I know. Are you watching it through?

Are you picking and choosing? I'm kind of picking and choosing. I'm kind of looking at a list. Disrespectful. You're right. I will go back. Don't worry. Oh, God.

You know what I think? I've let down the fans. This is a weird one. On the way back from a gig last week, I was just walking home and I was quite drunk. I just had this thought, you know what? I'm going to just start watching the X files. Maybe I'll just start watching X files. You said it to me before, James.

Remember one time you were a drug? I've been too scared. Remember that time you were a blackout drug? I remember you were like crying. I was like, I can't watch. I'm scared. the X-Files are too scary He's a sex addict with a big penis

I'm terrified to watch it I think the X-Files would be good for you I think you've become an ex-files man You start walking around with a fake FBI badge Agent Cattern, FBI The truth is out there Except what that woman said about me That's bullshit

But the truth is up there Where is Scully She's an agent provocateur Hired by the Deep State to discredit me. Four inches is considered big in some countries. So, uh, ooh. So, X-Files

is great. So it starts off. Actually, I watched a pilot episode over COVID there. And I was like, this is great. It's very twin peaks originally. Right. And then they kind of move away from that and kind of do their own thing. And how many seasons was there of the initial wrong? Here's the thing. So, I believe there's like nine seasons, maybe eight.

But a film in between there? There's a film between, I think, let's say, four and five. Right. And then another film when the show ended in like 2009 with Billy Connolly. Can't get bigger than that, you know? Yeah, the most hideous species known in all of the galaxy.

Oh, hello! Yee! Oh, I'm working class. This goes to Scotland, like, my God. Blow it up. And then they came back with one mini-series that ended badly. Then they brought back for another,

I think it meant to be a full series, but then like they it's the only gone for small contracts so they keep on to do other stuff and there's like there's another movie in there at some point isn't there no it only two movies

oh right and I think there was rumours a while ago of an animated series continuing it right so we'll see like I think Fox

won the milk X-Files for more it's a very recognisable brand yes for a while there it was like the number one show it was very popular at the time

like people say like water cooler stuff but like back then shows meant something you know like season four of you comes out yeah

people are like I've seen that? Yeah. No, have I? Literally, all these shows now have been like, does I watch that? Oh, I actually watched six seasons of that.

Oh, I can't even remember. Yeah. It just comes and goes. I've done that. Like, I've watched like three seasons of a show and forgot everything about it. I've watched all of Orange and New Black.

Really? It's a gun on my head. Literally, because I remember one stage a girl got her box munched. In a woman's prison? You sure you weren't watching X-Files again? Oh my God, Scully. The box is out there.

the box munchers are out there do do do do do do so it starts off great and the way it works is there's metology episodes

and monsters or weak episodes right so you could if you want to just watch the mythology episodes and actually

follow the story of like Molder and Scully investigating this one thing you know and it's like I forget

I haven't watched in a long time now there's something about the government are using alien technology to

create like super soldier or something I didn't realize it was a documentary, Brian. Oh, are you ready for Project Blue Beam? This is you before you watch it. That's right. I cannot wait to use it to walk around with little shades.

Don't even talk to me, bro. I've escaped the Matrix. And they're like, James, do you want to do a gig? I'm too busy doing something way more important. I'm investigating Ukrainians. Where do they come from? What planet does Ukrainians? The planet, Ukraine.

ah yes anyway so um but there's somebody if you just want to get into it yeah look up the best like best episodes they'll all be Monster Week episodes

they're always the best ones so Monster of the Week are kind of like stand alone not involved in the serialized plot Twilight Zone episodes that's fun and they're always designed to be like it's like

muller and scully walk into a town they're like hey what's going on here and then have a full adventure wraps up the end neat little ribbon right I would recommend the squeeze episode

the squeeze that's a great episode it's about to guy who he can squeeze into things. And it doesn't sound that scary really. So, but I was like, the way to do it is so freaky looking. So like, he's like, you know, let's say like, um, oh,

I can't, let's say, he's in the press, let's say, he can squeeze into a press and come out and kill you, you know? Oh, right. Yeah, or it's like, what's he kind of like, turned into goo? Not full goo. He's just like, he can just disdicate his bones and like wiggle around the place, you know? Right, right. You know, wiggle through little gaps and cracks, you know? And

that was scary. Like a rat. rats can do that yeah exactly cats can kind of like really go real wiggly as well that's a real good episode again

not describing it great but it's very very good anyway we were meant to be talking about Star Trek and you got me on the fucking X-Files boys right there's you would like

just one episode with Luke Wilson you'd love because I know you're being a Luke Wilson file I am yeah yeah

the cooler of the Luke Wilson's he never got sad and tried to kill himself over some dumb cunt yeah

so I could I lost all respect for Marmaduke so I think yeah why X-Files by the way I don't know I don't know I just had this random thought

it just popped in my head because the guy I know he started watching X-Files during COVID yeah and that's COVID COVID's a good excuse to be like

yeah I'm watching during COVID you can watch anything yes you'd be like I'm watching Gilmore girls ha ha ha it's like COVID ha I'm eating cake

I'm watching Gilmore girls ha ha I'm eating cake and watching I says beheading videos. Yeah, and it was good okay, but now we do it, like everyone's going to come back to normal now.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm eating cake. And now it's time for me to get freaky. Yeah. I'm going to get real weird with it. I don't know. I just had a notion and I, yeah, I might check out the monster of the week episodes. I think you need to watch more shows that aren't Sopranos.

What? Oh, what? The greatest show of all time? At the very least, watch Deadwood or something else. Come on. Why? What's wrong with rewatching sopranos. It's not wrong with it per se, but it's like, there's not wrong with like, again, chocolate cake. Yeah. But if you're just eating chocolate cake, non-stop, while

watching Sopranos. And I am, and I'm loving it. Loving every second. But yeah, no, well, look, I've finished Sopranos, so I'm done with Sopranos. For another week. It's out of my sister. And you're going straight back into it. When was the last time I watched it? What are you talking about? I don't know. Yeah, yeah.

There's something else I think of James should watch that as well. There's loads of shows that you should watch that. Like, hey, fucking White Lotus Season 2. Yeah. do keep meaning to see that but you can't watch the last of us too everyone's talking about that

you watched anymore or that no I haven't yeah too busy watching sopranos you're gonna mock me yeah I mean I am watching Star Trek deep space

yeah yeah how am I the dickhead here I didn't say dickhead how am I the small cocked weirdo who pisses on old people wait not

who pisses in bottles and drinks it why you see I do that oh you think of ours but we're going to talk about

fish tank but we're actually an hour there okay we can save it till next week yeah let's save

that's the kind thing that we need to work ourselves up to a real fervour yeah I might re-watch it I might re-watch it

I only saw it once and it was a few years ago it's a legit good movie though yeah yeah yeah yeah fish tank could be good

it's directed by a woman I'll tell you what I might go watch her whole filmography okay it's some woman called like Andre

Andropolis something like that she's done another film that people say is great it's called like Red Road

right it's a dog 1 95 type movie about a woman who she works behind the cTV in like a fucking like you know kind of Grenfell style apartment okay yeah yeah yeah yeah she falls in love with someone on the camera and becomes a weirdo or something like that oh so she's stalking the plebs maybe I don't know I know exactly what is now yeah yeah all right well yeah you do that I'll watch X files

and uh yeah it'll all be you know fish tank in X files that really sort us out I think yeah so before we go though this is Let's take a minute here. Fish files. It all led up to that. Yep, perfect. The idea else before you want to,

before you go there. Oh, man, I think we, you know, we hit it there. I'm annoyed there. I saw the whale on the dodgy websites

I go on to, I was like, oh, this is great, but it was like a really bad cam. Oh, yeah. Like, I watch bad cam sometimes. Yeah.

This was like, you know, like this, like basically like, fucking Blair Witch Projects, like bad, you know? Oh, fuck. really shaky and just like the sound quality was basically like

it's like that I'm fat I'm so annoyed I want to see the whale but I don't really want to go to cinema and it's not a great date movie is I imagine well I mean it'll make you look pretty good

afterwards you're right oh my god that's such a good thing right there yeah I just literally you can watch the whale and eat like five bags of crisps and so he ate seven so I'm pretty good I've got crissed over my face.

At least I'm not in the mummy. She breaks up with you and goes out with like some lad from a TLC show the 5,000 pound retard and she's like, I don't know he just gets me, Brian. He's not annoying like you, Brian.

He doesn't talk about Star Trek all the time. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Before we go though, let's see. What can we talk about next week? Did you watch it all though, the whale on the can? I didn't even start. Yeah. I watch like a second as I might I got a fucking tummyache from watching I got a fucking headache

So I'll tell you I'll watch more of the golf documentary Okay People love that And we're watching that The golf documentary The guy was touching Roy McRoy's face Yes when he was a child

That was weird So Roy McI Famous golfer from the north of Ireland Yeah He was on what was named the show You knew it The show was called Kelly And I recognise the presenter

So You did more recognise When you saw that image You had kind of like, you know when people like hear a song to haven't heard for years and they start to cry, you know? They're lucid, friends. Like an Alzheimer's patient is lucid only momentarily.

I can hear colours. It's Kelly. I can see Kelly. Yeah, the show is called Kelly, which I assume is his surname. Now, I was a child, whenever I didn't know his name. You aren't a Kelly family. I recognize he kind of looks like Brendan Grace, like a younger Brendan Grace.

And he was on UTV. And because I'm from a border county, got all the Protestant channels as well, so... That's why you're the way you are today. That's right. I was getting pure I, pure TG Catter right here, yeah.

That's why I'm a wigger man because of UTV. So, anyway, yeah, so Roy McRoy was on. Yeah. And it's kind of standard thing. You saw Tiger Wood as well. They get a little kid on to put a golf ball,

like, look at him go. He hits a golf ball into a washing machine at one point. He did? He does, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think probably, like, the audience won a washing machine or something because of that.

I assume. Point is like, so do it. And he's like, look at that little boy there. Great golfer. We got, they got Tiger Woods. We got Rory McElroy. He grabbed Roy McElroy. His fingers are very close to his mouth.

Here's what, it's so bizarre because the guy is standing behind the seven-year-old Rory McElroy. So he's bringing his arm around him and is cupping his chin and stroking his face. There are cameras on, pal. This is your show. He loves that. by the way he looks they're all watching him he's like yeah I'm killing

I can do whatever the fuck I want I say we're or a mackleroy send him to me deration room there'll be a hole in one for sure good times good times so I'm going to leave now they called him Dunigall Snatch

I'm going to leave now you're going to have fun tonight I won't have fun tonight I'm going to stay home although I'm doing an event tomorrow actually what's the event in work I forget I don't read

the event sheets okay I'm so badass I just roll up it's a funeral and you go in dressed like Timmy Mallet

whey I'm hey yeah I like that by the way I was apropo not in there a group of people recently

and I was like there was a guy who like dressed all cool like vintage clothes I was like oh he dressed like

worse of gummage and no one got why I meant did anyone did they laugh or do they laugh or anything no I didn't know

why meant yeah God, don't you're a Wurzel fan, I never watched Wurzel Gavage, but I just, you know, what was he like a fucking, just a retard

whose face was covered in shit and he had like a lump of straw and he was a smelly old God who lived in a bridge under a bridge or something. I don't know what it was about. It was. Wurzel Gummage is just a very

funny sound, the onomatopoeia of it, you know. is wonderful. Not to burst your bubble in real life he was a lovable talking scarecrow I like your idea.

Was that what I was? He was a scarecrow. He was a smelly tramp who deserves to die. I thought he just well he was just some old geezer with shit on his face.

I just thought he was like at the old local nuns who chased the kids around or something you know. Oh where's a little gummage you know your name's Frankor. And then Timmy Mallet. That's even before my time as well.

But he was a mad-looking con too But anyway Oh yeah That's in it there Next week Hopefully we watch the whale The whale Fish Tank

X-Files Yeah It's gonna be great And hopefully some real bad shit Like Jimmy Carter Would probably be dead by then Jimmy Carr Carter

Oh okay So don't scare me like that Yeah So I'll tell you what I might watch a documentary With Jimmy Carter And bring a kind of a history Jimmy Carter

Okay Now we did on the Patreon A little quick Like what was he A president or some shit D. Suck my D. Build a house, did he?

I bet he built a George. Yeah. But I might do more, going more detail about the Iran Hostage, Arrano. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nicaragua.

We're going to go, you know, political now, you know. Yeah, it's about time. It's an intelligentsia. That's what this podcast will emulate. And more Star Trek. Yeah, all right.

Bye. Bye.