Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 189 : The Mark Moloney Show

Episode Date: March 11, 2023

Mark Moloney in the gaff boys

We are recording. All right, perfect. So it's a free episode today, guys, and we have a special guest. So it's James Caden and also... Mark Maloney. Yeah, it was a great start right there. Very professional. Yeah, I was saying to start, maybe we might have to cut out to start

because it might be all kind of stupid and awkward. You were kind of like, Mark, don't worry, if you fuck up the intro, which you most likely will, you're worth this piece of shit. Yes. That's exactly what he said. And you took the chair as well, which I kind of wanted the chair. I said... Did you notice a little mind game we tried to do in you there?

said, do you want the shitty chair or the big awesome bed? He thought he had really, like, you know, that was his, like, Anthony Hopkins in silence of the lambs moment is that? But what I should have done is... I threw jizz on your face as you walked in. No, what I should have done is

gone the extra layer, so you're a very nice person. Should be like, do you want the uncomfortable of the bed or the lovely chair? And you would be, you're so nice. You've got to play, you got to use your strengths as your weaknesses. You know? You said that you were normally around the bed. And I wanted to preserve the regular magic. yeah well look it's good start anyway uh tall guy actually i'm a live man yeah yeah how tall are you

about six three six three that's a good height i don't really carry myself like it though i kind of have a short man's energy i i've small dick energy so we've all got something and what you you're a big man as well i'm very much the odd man out here people think i'm taller than i am because they're looking at me sideways people think i'm like over six foot i'm not i'm like 511 and change I've been told You know what you have small man energy James very much is like big dog energy You walk into a room people are scared

Only only to you Everyone else sees me as a weak Impetitent pathetic little worm But then I come in And Brian's like Oh look at that big man Yeah that's right No when I was a, it gave me like a curved spine

So I have a pretty bad back And when I was a child I went to the doctor And my GP used to be Leah Varadker's dad Really? Mr. Varan used to be his dad retired from being his dad He's retired from making a doctor

and I guess You're a idiot Sorry That was fun It could have gone way worse I guess Oh I could have Yeah we got through it

Oh boy Yeah Gentle Yeah he would He would just like Say it's because you're too fat You'd say It's because you're too fat

And then he would hand me a Milky Way as I was leaving He would like feed me chocolate At the doctor Oh he was nagging you Yeah He was wrissing you He was like, yeah, you can either lose weight or we can have the surgery where we could open your spine and break your back.

And I was like, oh, I guess I'll just do neither. It's not a real surgery, is it? Was he fucking, was he risen here? No, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, I've got, yeah, that's like, cut up in your back and, I've got, yeah, I've got on, yeah, I've gotten up in the face. No, don't look him in the eye, it's a sign of weakness. Yeah, yeah, yeah, look like a big man. And what's the crack of you? What do you do? Yeah, I was realizing that this could be kind of strange because we don't really know each other very well.

Yeah, we actually talk. We actually don't know anything about you at all. No. I met Jason Brennan and Kevin Larnie at a show one time and they referenced that like I get a lot of mentions on the podcast. You know what? It's totally through being a Patreon man. You know what? I think your name has a nice ring to it.

Mark Maloney, you know, it hits the air just right. I like it. My old Mark Maloney, full of baloney. Yeah, yeah. So what's the correct of you then? What, you work? I work, yeah. You don't have to reveal too much, though.

You don't reveal like, you know, where your mother lives or anything. The Mac Maloney lore? Yeah, the lore, yeah. So I was, I think people think I'm quite new to the scene a lot of the time. Yes. But I was actually here, like, years ago. Really?

I started doing stand-up in 2015, 17, 70 years ago. In the good old days. Yeah, yeah. It was back when you really go, what? It's like Hollywood in the 80s, you know, you really go wild in every sense. Yeah, well, yeah. Like, it was like, I'm like friends at Davey Riley on Facebook. You know what I mean?

Oh, that sort of. Oh, I'm a friend of the show. I'm working. You probably wouldn't describe yourself that way, but. I'm working my way up to it. But, uh, then when I came, so I, I, yeah, I was in college in Dublin, and then I did stuff around the scene then. And then I moved to Scotland. I did a, I did a PhD in Scotland.

So you've got a PhD? Yeah. Yeah. And what, in what field? Chemistry. I remember you told me that, actually. You told me all this stuff and I've forgotten it over the years. It's coming back to me now.

Yeah, it's not super. And you're working in Cork. No, working Cork, yeah. Nice. It's okay. I came back because I didn't want to be in a long-distance relationship anymore. And then I was promptly dumped. Where was she?

She was in Dublin, the whole time. Oh, that's not too late. You know what? The older I get, the lazier I get, where I was trying to see a girl there. She lived in like Black Rock. Yeah. I was like, ah, this is fucking show you. I can't do this now.

It's a bit awkward. Also, she cheated on me, but it was mostly because of the location. It was mostly cut up at that. black rock and black yeah come on now don't debate yourself like that but yeah so thank you for being here

it's nice to have another person to you know so the hatred and the resentment we have to like hide it a bit better you know yeah well also sometimes think when people come in they're kind of amazed by like the tension in the room

yeah yeah we don't look we don't make eye contact you know we're all looking fucking I thought you were I thought you were I think a lot of people think we're, like, good friends or whatever. Yeah. Oh, boy, that ain't the truth. No speaking until the microphones are turned on. It was very dense.

Pretty much. Now, I know you can't talk too much about it, but I do know you were involved in the court case recently. We won't get too involved. Some busy bodies sticking their big in where it's not wanted. Some woman, you said something. But anyway, look, I know. I'm joking.

I will say, I did watch a movie. This is not related. Pure Quinstance called Runaway Jury. Which is about a juror member who gets into a spot of bother. Yeah. So we can talk about that. Yeah, that's me.

Yeah, we can also talk about a movie called Fall. Oh, I haven't. You haven't watched that? No, I have, though. No one has. And we also watch Godfather too, but I think that's a bit too, no one wants to talk with that, like,

but I don't want to monopolize... It's very powerful position he puts himself in, isn't it? That, like, he's like, I'm going to bring three tops of conversation where no one else knows anything about them. Yeah. But I don't want to monopolize the conversation

So we can talk about anything you want to talk about You know, but We'll kind of start talking And then we can swing into like more kind of your territory Well, I'll say this You're just you're fresh off a big competition win Yeah Show me the funny winner 2023

Oh yeah That's pretty sweet Congratulations Thanks very much You showed the funny I showed them the funny Yeah And what did you want a good prize

Didn't you? Yeah I get to do EP this year That's great yeah It's pretty good you're basically like who's like you and fucking title of the creator

and team team and pomp 10 Paul A me and Billy Elish Yeah Billy That's so many people Yeah

I tell you If you're talking to Billy Elish Just tell her this Knock off that Weird shit Why you're being all Weird and goth

It's like Bitch you're a multi-millionaire What are you sad about We're clothes to fit Make them tight Yeah Dressing like a B-boy in the 80s. What are you doing?

But I'm very happy for you. It's good to because you're like a BJ boy. You're a fan of the show. I'm a fan of the show, yeah, yeah. You're a follower. We're called B.J. Boys, yeah. Nobody else. We just call you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Brian and James Fuckers, yeah. No woman has ever been a fan of the show. So I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. There's one woman who's a fan, but she's

a ward now. B.J. person? A B.J. person, maybe? Yeah, okay. It's like, you know what he used to call a woman, dude. It's a very non-gendered term. I mean, we call him dude and bro And what is the breakdown What's the demo breakdown? What?

It's mostly white Yeah White angry men Yeah I didn't even Consider it being anything other than white Yeah It's 90%

We have a girl from like Arizona No way Oh yeah Yeah yeah Okay She's pretty cool now She's got a lot of opinions See Brian Brian is kind of

He's the one that gets to talk to the fans I'm not allowed to do that He would upset you Yeah you're right They tell me things I'm like I'll just We can't

We do Yeah there's some people I feel bad Some people like Will like message a lot And I won't respond And they'll be like You know

Oh I love the fact You don't respond Yeah Yeah That's good I love the That's palpable contempt You have for

We have a very small But dedicated fan base Yeah A very small But dedicated And we treat them like shit Like the things We do

The Paul and Marsh It's disgusting Yeah man Yeah throw egg on his face. Yeah, Paul Marr, he's been a long time supporter as well. It's nice, you know.

A few firemen. Like, he got a few firemen involved in the show. That's right. Yeah, Jesus Christ. These are the people we're trusting to put out fires and orphanages. Yeah.

They're just like spraying fire with a hose. Ha, ha, ha, Cadden's doing this black voice again. Alarious. So, Mark, so you left comedy. I didn't leave, you went by the wayside, you know? You weren't doing in Scotland, were you? I was doing it in, like,

I was in a small university town so it was like Not a lot of to do beyond just the term time stuff So I do it like once every couple of weeks Well here's saying though You have a real confidence on stage And you have a lack of fear

Which I'm giving you a compliment Alright Yeah no that's good So if I had your act I'd be terrified I'd be really embarrassed If I did the things you did No I'm just saying like I still have

Oh you're great You're great If I'm trying a new bit Or something like that I think I still very much Reveal the fear on stage You know, a little bit like, um, uh, yeah, ha ha, like that. Huh, it worked.

Like that. Or, you know, well, like, for you, I feel like you, you, you hide that better. If you do have any fear at all, you do like it. I think, um, uh, I very much so do like a, uh, it's like a bit of a persona, a bit of a character on stage, I suppose. And I think I always find that that makes it a lot easier to be willing to fail. Because then, like, uh, if someone doesn't like it, it doesn't feel like they don't like me. Yeah.

Or they don't like my opinions because I don't give any of my opinions and I don't like do anything that's really that personal to me. Sometimes, I don't know, as I said, I got dumped So I had, that was it a good, like, five minutes Was that, was that bad dump? It was pretty funny dump. Sure. It was like, on my birthday.

Oh, this seems pretty bad. It was, we were together for five years. She popped out of a cake and said, it's over. Yeah, I did, the bit that I, I don't know, not to do stand-up at you, but like, go, go for me. It was like, we were together for five years. It was my birthday on, like, Wednesday, the 5th October. Yeah.

Then we went to, on like, a trip to Edinburgh. as like a for a birthday thing that weekend right and then like we went to see she brought me for a dinner so we went to get like an Indian restaurant right that was nice and we went to see the book of Mormon okay and a woman like nearly died like two rows of front of us really she paid

and that to get carded out and they have to stop the show and it was very funny quite quite the foreshadowing moment really in hindsight but uh what an inconvenience it was it was like because loads of people were like looking around because obviously we knew right we could reach out and touch here so we knew that something serious was happening yeah but lots of other people

like what the fuck's going on I think this woman might be dead like you're fucking dope Matt and Trey did something very cool here you're fucking ruining it it's very okay I don't know maybe I have tainted opinions of it now

maybe from the dump yeah I tell you I saw Book of Mormon I wasn't overly blown away but kind of not as bad as that but there were like some people behind us who had seen the show before and they were saying the punch lines before the it was delivered on stage and they were laughing

such obnoxious laughter it was really disgusting you hate women laughing oh my god I really do that's way worse than the old lady dying she was an old lady dying yeah she's just wearing too big of a coat and it's like sorry it's got warm they refused to sign her blue ray of basketball and she just

had convulsions then you know fucking orgasm orgasm yes so anyway they dumped then could she not have waited until after the birthday that's the thing man like we got back to We got back to the Airbnb And like everything was fine

We had like a nice evening And everything was totally cool And she goes She goes really quiet And I'm like She's like She's like I don't want to do this anymore

I'm breaking up with you Damn And I was I was like Why I asked her I said Why didn't you Like why now

Why do you think that this is the best moment Yeah Yeah Yeah And I was like We have to hang out an Airbnb now for 12 hours We just have to chill out together

And she was like I didn't know when else to do it I couldn't think of a better time to do it And I was like literally any other day It's a one in three six five chance Of getting the worst day And she just nailed it It was unbelievable

Just out at the park It's the worst days It's like Christmas, your birthday And like when your granny dies It's like the worst day It was just like we happen to be stuck It's like we have to sleep In the same bed now

I'm always interested Stop me if she's getting a bit personal now but like I don't care like did anything happen

and is there like an agreement like you know like a goodbye bang yes oh well yeah

I guess I guess the the joke that I do is people always ask like oh Mark was that

not really awkward and like yeah obviously and like do you just have to spend the night together

yeah did you have sex one last time no oh okay I did I did I did

broke it in the way of like you know it'd be pretty taboo if you had sex

what if you had sex with your ex that'd be like 10 minutes, your ex of 10 minutes. It might be crazy. Why I'd do is I start jerking off. I wouldn't let her look at it.

You don't get none of this, no more. She's been punished. I'm in the toilet, be like, oh, I wish you could open this door right now. I take it back. I take it back. I swallowed the key. Yeah, it was just really awkward.

And then we just like went to the airport together and we left you took out at the airport and that was it. No communication or anything. When did this happen? October. So it was very recent. relatively recently

yeah wow that is very much something you should be annoyed that like this is like if I'm breaking up

with someone I try my best to not do on her birthday I was really I was really nice about it I thought in the moment

I was like she was crying and I was like consoling her and she kept she kept saying like you're not you're taking this quite well

and I was like yeah I don't know I guess like I'm not gonna get upset now because we're stuck in a room yeah yeah

but I was like doing bits at her I was like this is kind of I was like this is like this is like when someone has a really

old dog and they bring it to the beach one last time before they shoot it Our relationship's dead I didn't even know it was sick I didn't even know it was sick

I didn't even know our relationship's out on the farm now do you have a good relationship we're now I haven't spoken to her no course though I actually

I posted five minutes to start like I didn't tell any of my friends I didn't tell friends for ages and then I was like oh I'm coming back to Dublin for Christmas I better like

announce it in some way But I was getting tired of just texting it And then getting these messages That were like, oh, sorry to hear And it's like, it didn't actually console you in any way It just felt like opening a wound over it Yeah, yeah, yeah So I am, I just posted this clip on Instagram

Of like five minutes of me talking about it And it's like, I don't know, it's not like, I try not to be like bitter or mean or anything about it You should be dull Ah, I don't know To one end, like to one end Listen to me, I'll help it up I'm like anti-Hitch

I'm the best of breakups I don't know I guess I was looking for no real beef Did that get much engagement It did among my friends Because like as I said Like I didn't really tell that many of my friends So a lot of them were like

Ha is that real Like is that real? But it did result in The like unfollowing by all of her friends Like all of her friends I think I had unfollow them first But I like didn't block them Because I was like I want that ratio

No you're getting punished But you can't look up with her friends pictures anymore That's okay That's fine Oh you're like that is it I don't really mind. We're a bit too mean here but like that is something like

Well condolences that's awful I'm very sorry It's good Like she cried It's very emotionally She's manipulative I think Yes Gats lighting you

Yeah No she was nice She was nice Like the last year was difficult I would say When I was funny Because we were Oh you drinking

And I actually returned to Dublin It was like Way worse It was a much worse time Yeah Was it kind of a mutual Like kind of you're drifting I don't think

It was a mutual drifting I think I was really Wanting it to work and then I was I don't know that was maybe not reciprocated for a while I think

part of me feels like maybe I was waited out and then she was like Jesus I really cannot shake this loser I better I'm gonna drop them fast So she sort of

she didn't anticipate how tenacious you would be Oh yeah Oh I could stay in a very unhappy I can make this quite pathetic

for all involved actually I can eat dinner in silence for a long long time Well you know I had someone She flew from London over to Dublin for like

one night only to break up with me and then went back to London. That's kind I think. Yeah. That's great. I mean, I wouldn't, yeah, it was You should tank your lucky stars. It was five years as well, we were together five years. This is a long time ago now, so, you know, I'm totally over. But, you know, I was, you know, I kind of, I

cried, you know, like a little bitch. Yeah, yeah, so that's what... I don't like hearing this. It's disgusting, isn't it? I find out your dad's gay. I don't like this. that's not anything wrong with it well you'll be glad to know I've never cried since when they were putting my dad in the ground

oh I was chuckling ha ha ha ha this is her fault I felt a bit emotionally stunted because I wasn't really crying and she called me out for not crying and then I think I should give you shit for that as well yeah I felt like a bit of an obligation then so I was like oh yeah I'll try to force something out

but I haven't been upset since oh my god I'm getting so angry right now I'm shaking right now I think people are mostly, which, again, this is the great thing that she's gifted me with, is like a kind of mean breakup gives me a lot of pity.

And that's, I can thrive off of that. I mean, just on the birthday, the fact that, you know, so she, who booked the Edinburgh trip? So the thing is, these are tickets for the Book of Mormon. This is very much the logistics thing that's really not that interesting.

These are tickets that we had for the Book of Mormon that I had bought for Edinburgh when I actually lived in Scotland. And then I finished my PhD and, like, COVID delayed it all. and then I didn't live there anymore but it was like we'll just go back for the weekend why not but we did like reschedule the date

that we went on like we were meant to be going like two weeks after two weeks before who booked the flights who booked those individually but I booked the tickets in the first place right who paid for the Indian food she got the she got that oh that makes up for the flights and she got the fucking Broadway show

I think she paid for the Airbnb we were going to split it and then I was like I'm just not going to yeah but she said she got me presents right but she didn't bring them over with her It was her birthday like six weeks before and I don't know, I'd spent money and I'd got her stuff and my mom was very like

you really shouldn't have spent any of the money, should you? I was like driving in the car with her and I was just like getting really angry over Christmas and I was like, well yeah she really fucked me over in it financially. I guarantee you it not to be too dark here in a parallel universe

you're the star of a true crime documentary and all the women who watch her are like she pushed him too far yeah you're in You're in jail on death row But you're just getting love letters From all these horny ladies Like oh Mark I wish you

Suffocated me in the woods I would have appreciated You are like a Paul Meskell type I'm really not bitter You're like Paul Meskel Yeah Paul Mescal Like quiet and uncomfortable Yeah

And maybe an accused bully I think There was a period on Reddit Oh we're cutting this out now Runaway jury No we're going to talk about Run the way jury I want to hear about this. No, there's a really stupid thing on Twitter

where it was like, or on Reddit, someone early on was trying to cancel Paul Meskel because they were like, he bullied me in school and it was like, I think he just played football. I don't think he's beaten my team and gas.

Yeah, like I don't think there was much to it. He was showboating. Because yeah, well now when you see him do interviews, he's like quite timid. It's all the character. Behind closed doors.

He's a beast. Yes. An animal. He's just chugging fucking full fat milk and chick. could fillet rolls and then making himself sick to keep that body nice and tight probably

I'll look into that but anyway I'm on team Mark Maloney anyway. Yeah of course I think I met that girl anyway I'm sure she's nice but Maybe I think it'd meet her yeah at some comedy gig yeah maybe she didn't really come to many

I think it came to the one she came in and I could tell there's something wrong I've got that sense you know Yeah So that's sad. But you've been doing well since then. I've been, I've bounced back.

Have you been on the apps, yeah? I was on the apps. I was on the apps. I've met someone off the apps. I would say you probably do well on the apps. I'm good. I'm good over text. Yeah, risen them over text.

I really struggle, I think, when it comes to, like, actual in-person interactions. Do you get this problem? I want to see if you get this. I always find it weird. So you're talking to a girl online. And like I say, You might send some pictures, okay, and you might, you're flirty, talk about, like, you know, oh, wink, wink, you know, wouldn't mind seeing that, but without the hoodie.

That's, you know, I having a shower, oh, wish I was with you, you know, that kind of stuff. Oh, yeah, without me. Yeah, that kind of stuff, okay, so it's very sexual. And, you know, you might see a Vaj picture. Whoa. But then, like, you know, when you meet up with her at the, at the coffee shop, you don't know how, because, like, I've seen you naked, like, I don't know how to, do I go, do shake your hand, do a fist bump yet? Do I kiss you?

What do I do? Kiss your hand like a French gentleman? Dip and kiss at every opportunity, I suppose, yeah. No, it is, it's pretty awkward. I would never do a coffee date. I was always like, I will try to get quite drunk. Yes. I could never do a coffee date.

Take some sedatives before the sedatives, then a little bump of coke, few drinks, and you're nice and steady, I think, you know? Then you're just a confidence of a normal man. Yeah. Yeah, really much. It's so nice. Some men have that just wake up like,

hey I'm feeling good and for us like well for me anyway you need like you know a few bumps of coke you need to like you know jerk off twice and then you know

I found the apps to be really damaging to my self-esteem I really had to take a pause from them I happen to meet someone at the same time anyway but I was also like I really I'm gonna drop these apps quite quickly because it was really starting to hurt my head

do like Tinder plus or bumble plus or anything I had Tinder gold for a minute at the beginning yeah much is there I can't remember how much I spent it varies so much yeah I definitely had

I had one of them that helps the game That helps you just know who liked you. Right, right, right, okay. I definitely, yeah, I have spent money on the apps. Hey, no shame in that. Much to my shame. I've spent so much money in the apps.

Yeah, and you still get banned from them. Yeah, I know. Yeah, you're not letting on Tinder, right? He's banned from Tinder. What did you do? I don't know why. That's crazy. You definitely know why.

You know what? I had no idea. I did cough my own finger and send it to someone. I wiped down no surfaces. There's no. way they got a clean print. That's why you're in jury-dory. Yeah, it's good to be honest, isn't it?

Just some bro-in-out. I feel like sometimes I ruin the conversation. You're like, let's talk about the movie. Oh, do you really want to talk about the movie? Not really, no. Have I'm too much fun. Am I stressing you out? Well, just real quick, I'll just tell you about runaway jury.

Yeah. Just to reset the vibe. Yeah, I don't think you said, I'm in court, but not for I'm just on jury He's fighting for truth and justice Yeah The American way

Yeah Yeah yeah Well here's the thing So runaway jury Is about There's this guy goes into an office And shoots a bunch of people with a gun All right

Okay He's the hero then Yeah Yeah He just couldn't take any more He's listed the podcast While doing it But

He shoots this one lad Okay And his wife is like Oh my husband's dead I'm going to sue the gun company Oh Okay So it's a court case about that

And the big thing is if she wins That sets a precedent With every dumb widow Can sue the gun company, all right? If we admit a woman was right in court Society will crumble You watch So it becomes this big, big case

And on one side is Gene Hackman Playing the Pro Gun Lobby And the other side is Dustin Hoffman Playing the anti-gun lobby He's defending this widow Right nerd But the whole kind of concept is Gene Hackman has invented new technology

that can scan people and decide if they're pro or anti-gun so it scans you right and it can read like your body language your history you vote Democrat even like the way you move your fingers you're blinking and all that. Just how big your penis is if you've got a tiny dick you're loving guns

so is that for example okay they see Louise Guzman and they scan him and a picture of his skeleton just ignore when he says things wrong just breeze past him they have a picture of his skeleton right so it's Julie Guzamu or whatever whatever you say.

Mr. Mexican Manor. Giromo from Kimmel. Puerto Rican. So they scan his skeleton and they can see that he's actually pro gun. Wait, so how exactly So they have everything like

you know, so like your background even like they ask you questions. You know like and they've got like these glasses that look like me or your glasses, okay, but it's actually got cameras inside. So they're filming. Pretty high tech. Yeah, they're filming the reactions of everyone

and say like you like guns and someone might be like, yeah, I don't care. Like the way he said in the way of movies Is like elbows That shows he actually does care Like he's acting nonchalant But he actually does care Nineties was pretty good

For like incorporating technology That screenwriters definitely didn't understand Yeah exactly yeah Like they don't have time travel in it But don't really use it That's gay But here's the thing They scan

There's one guy John Cusack And he's kind of like you So he's like this lovable guy All right He's popular with everyone Good old chicks as well And he works in like a game stop type of place, all right? And he wants to win the big Pac-Man tournament.

Just like me. Oh, really? Just like you, all right? That's what you'd like, wouldn't you? Yeah. But he was saying, they scan him, like, okay, he's an idiot, he's a doofus. He'll be good, and we can easily convince him to be pro-gun. Okay.

But it turns out he's lying. He actually is, he snuck on to the jury, and he's so charming, he can swing people either way. Oh. And then he calls up Gene Hackman. Give me $10 million and I'll make them vote for you. If you don't give it to me, I'll make them vote against you. So he's like a con man. He's a con man, yeah.

That's pretty cool. So one way he cons people, you may have tried this, okay? He tricks the, you know the woman that you get food? It depends. If you get called for jury, you get food. But otherwise, you just get home. Let's say if you call for jury, you get food, all right? What do you get?

I think it's just a sandwich. I don't think there's any major. He calls, he does something. There's no craft services table at jury duty. Here's what John Cusack does He makes a phone call And he cancelled the sandwich order So nobody gets sandwiches

And we're like, we're hungry And John Cusack's like Don't worry And he goes out to the judge Like hey The court case when starts to When we get in there Get sandwiches

So then they got all the judges food So they get lobster and shit Oh And they're like hey we love John Cusack And caviar Yeah yeah It's kind of a Robin Hood situation It's a class warfare thing

So then they all love them then And yeah And there's another one This is one bitch she's like, guns are bad. But she's an alcoholic. She's drinking in the jury,

all right? She's got a big jug with three X's on it. It's just my vitamin water. Yeah. So she's like sneaking alcohol during the court case arrived. And John Hughes is like,

hey, what he got there? And kind of pokes it and she drops it. And he's like, oh, sorry. And they throw her off. Oh.

Oh, but he knew, he did it on purpose. So I'll, like, wander around the court and see, like, who's boozing? Yeah, who's boozing.

Sniff all the water about it. They start poking women. Just go, yeah, go through their handbags. You find antidepressants. Mentally incompetent. Not fit to be on this jury. Where's my lobster? They have salpidine.

Sulfidine extra. Oh, higher coding. More and more people doing sulfidine. I feel so left out. You should, man. It's the best. It's really not, by the way. I'm not already a big drug, man, really?

I just want to be so into drugs. I find it difficult to remember do drugs. I got very paranoid about it. Anything that's, like, synthetic, because I, I would be a synthetic chemist by trade. Sure, yeah, yeah. So, so... Can you do your license?

If you go on here and be like, I love fucking sandblasting prostitutes and doing heroin. No, I'm not like, I'm not a pharmacist. I'm like a lab chemist. I'm like a scientist. Like, like, working in labs. Not like pharmacies. Work on anything good?

I used, it was like a lot of sustainability stuff. Yeah. Nothing crazy. It was like about trying to turn trees into, like, cleaning products. What? Trying to replace crude oil. Somebody watched the happening by,

I have night chamelon. It's like, wow. Yeah, the environment's pretty important. My new hypothesis? Okay. But through all that, you kind of learn how difficult it is to actually make stuff cleanly. And then even in a lab, it's quite difficult to it since I stuff cleanly. And then I was like, oh, I don't want anyone's bathtub drugs.

You know? Are you familiar with like the head shop days? Yeah, yeah. I would have been, I think, a bit too young. Okay. This is James's Woodstock right here. Yeah. Well, I'm just, I'm curious.

I think I was in school at the time. I was, I'm 27. You're 27. no, I'm 33, so yeah, it was around 2009 to 2011, roughly, when, like, the head shops were everywhere, and it was all, like, synthetic, synthetic cannabinoids, synthetic amphetamines, blah, blah, blah. So, yeah, I'm sure it probably was very dangerous. Am I fucked, basically, did I fry my brain, and now I'm going to have schizophrenia in my cock or whatever, whatever happens? I don't know. Would you, would you, would you, you, would you, you, would you, you, you,

what's your voice do you have like a voice is it drugs porn um women oh i don't know i don't know uh i'm really trying to fit in with the comedians by being sad in some way no no i i guess i i don't know you happy are you no not really no good not really but i don't really i don't really medicate in anyway you know i guess i just kind of get off i don't medicate either yeah you don't really i just wake up and start dancing yeah yeah yeah just start grooving on the bus sometimes I start dancing with the driver They don't like it I personally just cannot stand

sobriety in any form Really? I need to have something at all times Just anything I need to fill my time I do find that like I like attention Yeah sure So that way

That's the biggest drug of all man I'm an attention addict Yeah Yeah yeah yeah On social media But that's good though It's good to not have any vices

maybe food I don't know I guess I over eat all the time I'm big binge eater yeah yeah yeah you're nothing you're okay you got nothing on the cat dog

I tell you that we're getting there yeah one day I tell you I'm like two I'm two years away from looking like

Brendan Fraser in the whale that's gonna be my life man you're gonna be like my Puerto Rican nurse Brian coming in Have you seen that as No James stop eating the pizza

pepperoni not good for you get off of you or My dog disappears. I actually haven't seen it. Brian just watched it. I watched it in bed eating a chicken fillet roll. I was like, this is great. It's Brendan Fraser's fat and gay?

Yes. He's also gay? He's also gay. And dying? Well, he's just fat, which leads to dying. He's like 600 pounds or something. He's an absurdly. Does he look silly?

Or does it look? No, they do a good job with the fatness now. You were repulsed. I was not repulsed. Repulsed and direct at the same time. I was like one of those things. I didn't like how a lot of people

like he plays this disgusting fat man it's actually kind of offensive of fat people but like he's he's fat they do a good job

make him look he doesn't look like it seems like he still has pretty good skin in it like no he takes his shirt off and it's like it's pretty

bed soory yeah yeah I haven't hit the bed soar's phase just yet although there are a few blemishes

starting to appear I thought it was a very not affectionate empathetic empathy. Yeah. It's a very empathy look at him.

It wasn't like, they weren't like throwing tomatoes at him or anything. Yeah, I think there was a lot of sort of knee-jerk reactionary outrage.

Like, oh, it's fat phobic. Everybody knows being 600 pounds doesn't affect your health negatively. That's good, isn't it? You can still pop a wheelie. They will, people will unironically say that. Like being like 400 pounds

doesn't negatively affect your health. Well, certainly does. It's not a different level. we're going to trust the science on the fucking, you know, the autism factory or whatever they're doing over there in Wuhan. Fucking, yeah.

Then, you know, we have to admit that being a hog will give you a headache, at least. At the very least. And I say this as a fat person, you know, I'm probably autistic too. You've gone full Wuhan.

But anyway, you're happy with the job and all that. moment. My job. Yeah. No, I really dislike my job. Oh, wait,

I shouldn't say that. I get it. We cut that out. Yeah, I don't know. The job is different. It's more like my life, my life focus has shifted.

PhD is very singular focus in your life. You've got the PhD. Yeah, yeah, but it's kind of like a dog chasing a car in a way. It's like you got it. You get it.

Do you not know what to do with it. Yeah, it's very, it's very stressful. It's, uh, well, the PhD doesn't like, it's not like you get it and then suddenly like people are calling you up and like,

Hello, it's Mr. MIT here. No, no, not at all. It's very like, oh, well, every job that you're applying for, everyone else also has a PhD. So, you know what's the point really? Would you go for the doctorate then? Is that the next step? No, PhD is a doctorate. So you're a doctor Maloney? Yeah, I guess so.

Wow. That's pretty good. She still broke up with you. What a fuck is. Yeah, it's funny because I was, PhD, you're very poor. You don't have any money for four years. And then it was like, oh, I have a job now. And it's like a lot more, immediately just a lot more money. People are literally, they're overeducated.

that's a big problem right now they're overeducated too much knowledge in their head and there's no jobs for it so like I remember

like a few years ago even like I knew loads of people who were studying like psychology and like philosophy especially I knew loads of philosopher consul right

and now they're like they're probably dead right now like there's not there's not on forums do you know what are you going to do with that I think well like depends on the subject

arts I guess or business business is one of those big ones where it's like people will it's like those business podcast like those LinkedIn guys you be like

you don't need to go to college because I didn't and it's fine. Whereas it's like with STEM it's a bit like you probably should go to college like you probably should learn the theory of maths and science

and everything. We need to stop children like making bad mistakes like all these kids keep learning the arts and shit like that's like no you need to learn coding and like you know how to

I know work in a meat factory you know something that is actually you're going to be able to use in the future. Are you anti-art in general do you not think it's important I don't want to be funded at all Brian has been going out of his

way to make sure that stand-up comedy does not get any arts council funding he's very much she's the John Cusack of the Irish comedy scene he's going in Where do you think that would go

Where do you think that would go? Definitely not to us Anyway That's the thing Right where does that Conds who don't deserve Yeah yeah Yeah people deserve a fucking brick

more than art funding What do I know What do I know I really want to Some people don't think stand up is an art form Then they get on stage 20 minutes Like, I'm not convinced

Yeah You haven't swayed me Yeah, it's funny It's always Yeah Oh, you talk of wine, did you? Great But I'm also like

I don't want funding for nurses either Or just I know a guy He was a hardcore libertarian And he was from Liverpool And he was very like Anti-tax Anti-Any-anything

Sure And he was like I don't even like The NHS like if I was laying dead in the street if an ambulance came to get me I'd rather opt out than take the NHS because you're a coward then if the NHS

I'm actually really about it like I'm really Yeah A libertarian from Liverpool That sounds exhausting Larry the Liverpoolian libertarian He was interesting All right slats

I just think we should Pull up your boot straps I'm sick of the bloody fucking They're coming over here Getting the fuck him they do stand-up comedy and they get the fucking arms council vote in

I'd say him That's your mate That is He's very nice Mirked Mirked You're not marked To like Alex Jones and everything

Oh really Oh I did In work in the lab And he just bring up like A fucking Oh he works in the lab Yeah This is a reason

This would be in the UK During the degree But like it was He would just come with these points Like these arguments like these arguments that I don't think about the frogs being gay apparently that one's true

oh that is true yeah I think it's more like that is literally true Ryan was put in the man hours there he went down to the local lake and Carlo and just butt-fucked a bunch of frogs I think it's actually like it makes the frogs trans like and Alex Jones heads

don't really know the difference so they're just like oh it's gay you're just gay it just alters their like genitalia or maybe they've become like hamaphrodite or something it makes his chromosomes also that affects my taint like my taint is different now

your gooch that sweet sweet sweet gooch remember that Chinese woman said it you drank too much water in Flint and now your taint is upside down no but didn't the Chinese woman say that on online on the internet one time

I don't know what Chinese women says lots of things on the internet well there's someone saying like a lot of microplastics is making my taint either bigger or smaller oh yeah I've heard that yeah your prostate is getting like And you're there like, rolling your eyes.

I mean, rolling in your eyes at my teeth. Definitely like the plastics and the preservatives and food, I'm sure are all carcinogenic and contributing to our ill health. While the plane fucking trains

are derailing in Ohio. That was crazy, isn't it? It's mental. You know, another one. It just happened in Ohio again. And in Greece as well, it happened. No, that was just people, though.

Don't worry. That wasn't hazardous chemicals. I was just 60 people who died. And apparently, it was like due to human error and now the Greeks are out there moaning in the streets yeah

um like the whole of infrastructure is falling apart yeah and there's no like it's not cool everybody's doing stand up on the arts now nobody's out there on the railroads

everyone rid of the big money in Dublin stand up and they're like look yeah it's over it fucking seen and herd man you know what was seen and heard another fucking train crash have you been to any scene and heard

no I've never gone to anything I've heard some horrific stories worries about those cons. I've heard they make you sit through a different show before you get to your show. Oh yeah, I've heard, yeah. But they never give you another comedian. What do they give you? Well, they don't want it.

They'll give you a comedian if they're stuck. They'll normally give you some girl with a hula hoop or something shit like that. It's kind of fun though. I'd rather that than like the misery of an hour of stand up from some of the people. Well, imagine like if it was me and you doing it. If it was me and you doing like an hour each, that'd be great. We'd be high-fiving, probably banging chicks afterwards. Probably tagging in, tagging out.

Yeah, there'd be like a half pipe and dudes doing six skateboard moves, you know. Drinking bud lights and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No laughs, just chance. Brian, Brian. Yeah, wouldn't even do stand-up. Some kid rock karaoke, you know? Instead, it's like, you know, you're doing stand-up, right?

And before that, there's some, like, me, okay, some fucking nerd on, okay, doing, like, a show about Deep Space Nine. And, like, it was, like, an interpretive dance about Quark and Odo. Yeah. And all this. Deep Space Nine is a... how you, that's your like framing narrative framing device for you

getting molested as a child. Deep space down is what you call your anal cavity. It is good to have something there that like people can fail at though I think. Like a really low stakes debut, you know. Yeah. But just like this idea that someone would I don't know go to Edinburgh raw or you know

it's good to have something of a practice. Did you do Edinburgh when you were over there? I visited, but I never did. I completely wasted my time in some always. You've done Edinburgh, Brian. I've done, yeah, I've done a half hour with someone else. I was going to do an hour this year, but I've got a job. I could take time off the job, but actually someone I'd like to spend time with.

So I kind of would rather spend time with her and not just go over and fail to do gigs with like, you know. So you do like a full hour, a solo show? I did a full, so what I did was when I went to Edinburgh. It was a full month. Yeah. The first three weeks, I did a split show with someone. Yeah, yeah. because that was great.

Who was it with? I won't say who. He doesn't want to be associated me anymore. Oh, really? No, no, it's Parrick Williams. Good guy, good guy, yeah. But you know what their original idea for the name? Brian pitched the name to them and it was going to be called Brian and Porrick fuck each other.

Whoa. Porick rejected that so Brian's like, here, Cadd, and you'll take the scraps for you. The sloppy seconds. But the show is still going to be called Brian and Porig. Jersey, see Porrug like come up on Brian's phone and you say, Are you texting? No, I don't have to worry about that. Poor, I can't call Bryce.

Whoa. Whoa. Hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Richie Bree's better than me. But then last week, I did, I had the hour to myself. Right. And I think for like four days, I did, like, an hour long show.

Yeah. There's a bit of a struggle. Like, didn't have an hour of material, so I had to fill up with crowd work. And, uh, I had people, had a whole audience walk out on me one time. Wow. How big was the audience? Oh, about. 20 something people. Did they synchronise

it? Did they synchronise it? No, so basically it's kind of like when one person left it's like it was like they like kind of like the gateway then we're like oh guess I can leave as well so it's like one person leaves two three two four and then eventually it's like when everyone's leaving it's very awkward I'd sort of people would be like I guess I'll just stay

it's like six people left so it's like we might as well leave then. What did you do? Did you finish the show? No I waited down until the last left You know what makes me suicidal, an empty room? A big empty room. Just makes you want to end you know. You're still walking faster now. Did you have like one guy left and you just like...

No, they all left. It wasn't even like one guy. You'd be like, hey, I guess we're to do it to you. Like, they all just left. Yeah. Which is weird. I thought I was doing well. I thought I had them in the second half.

I thought I had them inside there, yeah. I thought my Brexit stuff was doing well. I think it wasn't even like the left in the scuss. he was just out of boredom or something It was just like a total apathy It was just like, ah I feel nothing and they left I assume I'm not

And then the other shows then I did We had like you know Someone else like we did half and half again We kind of had fun When we've got three people And we all did like a few minutes each Yeah yeah yeah But I would definitely do it again

I'll do it next year now And I think next year I want to really I want to really come to it Prepared It's so goddamn expensive though Last thing They're really priced out any middle class

cunce. And it's just the people deserve to be there like you know like Alster Campbell's daughter you know if your dad's a war criminal

you deserve to talk about wine I want to hear your tics yeah yeah uh what gives you the ick

you're dumb bitch did you ever see that a handle breast like it was really a special it was kind of like a documentary about doing it yeah yeah

and he's like this is fucking it's awful he hates it like yeah he was right it was a terrible time it does seem awful I've never

done it myself but I don't know I've gone over for a week this year it's weird the people that go over for a full present company excluded of course but the people that go over and do a gig for an entire month and they come back is like you didn't get any better you're still bad at this

you're still very bad again not you I'm talking about you yeah it's funny you know who I'm talking about yeah it's fun some people like they'll go over with their stuff this is very catty now you know we still talk about the fall

but how don't run away jury end he convinces them all to go to an Edinburgh show is some people like I do quantify amusing now where this refuse to change it's like they they write their 40 minutes or like that

in the first like three weeks doing stand up and like this is it and is if I change I'm capitulating you know I just gotta never rewrite anything this is my truth I think I very much so I would still do jokes that I've had for years and years and years but my

delivery kind of changed I very went heavy on the performance aspect of it. You were very performative. Yeah, so when because you kind of mentioned it before but definitely like your style is almost

like a character like you're not being yourself up there so when did that sort of come about? You're kind of lying to the audience you're kind of like yeah yeah yeah I've had people be like

sorry man are you like are you all there like are you all right like really yeah there's some absolutely stupid cons out there like whoa how do you definitely on drugs when you wrote that you were so fucked oh

he must be so weird bro anytime I come off people are just like yeah makes sense look at you yeah that tracks

that's a real well you're definitely on antidepressants we wrote down whoa it's real something this weird situation

where if I do if I do the bits that are obviously fake and obviously silly and then finish with like oh here's a

and I say I'll do a real life story now and then I discuss the breakup or discuss whatever I'll get people at the end be like

how was that breakup real, was it? And I'm like, yeah, why would I, yeah, why would I lie about that? It's very much that it was not in keeping with the rest of it. Yeah. But, yeah, you said, I think at the first time we met, you said that I was like, Emo. Emo Phillips.

Emo Phillips, if he was on cocaine from Dublin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I had to pretend to you, Emo, Philip, if I knew who Emo calls. I mean, nobody really knows. I just, I looked him up, but I was like, that's fine. James, licey little references only he gets. Yeah, that's right. It makes me feel superior.

Soteric. Oh, you're like a tell-o. I hope me think the lady doth bits too much No, but Emo Phillips I just meant in terms of like the character Because that's something in this scene anyway We really don't see a lot of A lot of it is just fucking sad losers

Like us going up like I can't get a date But so you actually have like a character There's a real kind of you know It's like a more I don't know It just feels dynamic It feels better It's powerful

So I'm hooked over when people like asked to come to shows and then I have to explain like, oh yeah, but like it's not going to be like, I'm not going to be getting up and talking about work or getting up and talking about my friends. Talk about Sheila in the office. She haunts the good coffee. And she denies the Holocaust, but the coffee thing mostly. She got an abortion.

But do it in the voice. It'll be funny when you do their voice. Do you ever get as well as sometimes like I'll go, I never invite anyone to a show they always like oh can I come and like they come and like they like to show and they're like oh you know a show in two days time can come to that one as well

oh right you know it's not same thing it won't be different oh so I guess it's not really good at all I guess it's rubbish actually he was quite lazy isn't it I like that it was completely thoughtless I thought that there was no preparation at all

you wouldn't see Jimmy Carr doing that doing three specials that are the exact same holy fuck Jesus no wonder he got caught out for attack he doesn't know how to hide shit at all a bit a slight a hand

or something doing the same fucking ah whatever hey power to him that's what I say he's over in New York now looking more and more like an AIDS patient

every time I see him he looks very easy very gaunt he's doing a terrible really bad shows over there isn't it's not like reality TV show type of stuff, isn't it?

Well, is that Jimmy Carr or is that Dez? Des Bishop's got like, uh... Oh, he has like an Instagram, like a influencer wife or something, right? Yeah. He was on like a reality TV show. Yeah. And all like people were TikTok were like commenting, who's this old man? I think people, yeah, people didn't like him on it, but it's weird.

That may be like Dez so much. He's the heel, you know? All these like 12 year old girls like, he's disgusting. You can't handle him, bitch, or... Wait till you meet his brother, then you're really in for a laugh. you got a right kick out of that oh Jesus

much respect yeah of course nothing but love and respect the 12 year olds are the problem they don't know what they want all you can hope is that you got a bro like Maloney on the jury

looking out for you you know yeah so anyway that made me laugh a lot there I like that it's good to have you here man I hope you become a regular

I hope you're on jury duty a lot I'm here for weeks man I hope it's like an OJ situation the only problem is like we always find our schedules out kind of late in the game like I only found out my schedule for like Thursday

as we were talking right there so like that's kind of hard people are always like can we record and it's like it's hard work you're making me work here I like just texting James I'm recording now

I'm at the house. Just bring it out to the car. We'll do it there. Also, the thing is, this isn't a very big room, and then your room isn't very big either. My room's even smaller. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, you know,

it's not very professional. This is very, like, people kind of say, oh, you guys should do videos. Like, I don't think anybody wants to see this. This is a pretty, this is as good as it ever looks, by the way. He's done it. It looks way worse, usually. This is it.

my bed. This is me putting on airs, you know. There's a crutch in here. There is, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just one, because I'm not a weakling. It's not a no visible injury, really. It's quite strange. You guys, why is there a crutch here? Ah, it's just a little scheme I'm cooking up the one.

Don't worry about them, boys, you know? The people give more money when you got a crutch. Bitch, get away! Uh, yeah. So who are your influences? I don't know that I feel like I was I was actually I was a big Jimmy Car fan

when I was a kid so was I was I was as well I was a big Bo Burnham fan until it became really violently cringed to be that yes I feel like Jen what's the generation we're right now

is Gen Z I feel like Gen Z are now anti-Boburnum really I think they're more family guy now okay because you know for a while it was all like

you know I am sad I might anxiety and it's okay to have a panic attack but now it's back to fact family guy now it's all Stewie Griffin you know

it's all bird is the word now oh they love that they love quagmire yeah yeah sex pest quagmire friendly sex event yeah Bo Burnham is like incredibly talented and I am a fan of his stuff but as you said it is cringe to be that

because the people that like them are some of the worst consul I do it's always that's always the case of anyone's creative like Bo Burnham is great who else is like creative you know like there's a lot of people out there that are very talented but when you see the fans it's like misplaced

selective outrage yeah did you watch that the Chris Rock special oh the recent one yeah no it's good oh you ain't ready for it

brother I liked it it was okay I liked it more than he did yeah I didn't hear it though it was live wasn't it yeah

could you feel that there was one kind of major kind of flob of a joke that I mean it's annoying because it's a flob talking about Will Smith yes so that's the bit that we'll get

clipped to people talk about you know and like to be honest that's a very highly anticipated special just because of the slap, you know? Just the same with like Pete Davidson when he had it after the break-up of Aaron and then he just

like five, ten minutes at the end. Well, that's like a normal person. A normal person isn't going to do like, here's 110 reasons why Arianda was a bitch slut. That's what people kind of expect. They're like, oh, he's going to go hard on her. Yeah, he's going to basically kill her.

Going to kill like shake she killed Mac Miller. Dan Schneider sold Mac Miller The Fentanol Bad Oxy I haven't watched much Pete Davidson stand-up He's not great He's all right I think the Iron Agenda stuff is like interesting

He's likable though He's likeability about him I did watch you remember Netflix did that thing Where it's like Pete Davidson presents And such and such Snoot Dog Presents Yeah it was like it's basically They put like Bill Burr as well

where they get like, let's say Pete Davidson so he gets most of the money and he basically goes like, hey everyone, it's me here's some of my friends. And they get like four no-name acts on who probably got paid literally like peanuts. Literally got like a, you know the coaster you put the cup down on. They got paid with

that, all right? And they and then it's like basically like they sell it with Pete Davidson's name. Yeah. No-name comics. He like emcised it basically. He does a few minutes up the top and then it's just his friends. I watched the Bill Burr one. One of the worst things I've ever seen in my entire life.

That's really weird for him to do it, it feels, man. Yeah, he was good. Yeah, it's easy money. Yeah, but Jimmy Carr was actually on it. Yeah. But everybody bombed. It was atrocious. Michelle Wolfe was on it.

So these people are good. I don't know. It's just a bad crowd. Was there a guy dancing on it? Is there some fucking... Fucking Ronnie Cheng came out and started singing fireworks by Katie Perry and, yeah. I was like, what is this?

No, who's that guy? Josh Adam Myers. He does musical comedy. but it's bad yeah it makes me sick he's a man of the corksine doing musical comedy

at the moment and it's like unironically I love it so much I can't even think of his name it's like donal or something

but he does like a cover of tainted love acapella and it's tainted spuds and it's 90% of it is the lyrical content of tainted love but he does like

the full four minutes it like keeps going it's so like I've never had a weirder vibe curated in a room than him doing tainted spuds I think I might know this guy, is he a bit off a little bit?

I don't know, maybe, maybe. I've never spoken to him, but not neurologically, but he presents as a little off. He's kind of an odd man, for sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I know what you're talking about. You think Tainted Spuds is odd? It's so, because the whole room is kind of looking around them, and then they get into it, and everyone started singing Tainted Sports. By the end of it, everyone was really on board. And then they're like, you know, holding him up and carrying them out of the venue. And then you have to emcee an empty room.

I've never seen, like, a better opener, because I think just before, just after that James Moorne went on and I was like, yeah, this is perfect. Like, this is the best kind of vibe to go into James Warren talking about the Moorbeck for 10 minutes. That really sets the table, yeah. We like Mourne a lot.

He's another friend of the show. Yeah, I'm big fan of James Warren, yeah, yeah. So we're actually almost an hour there. That's not, man. Is there anything you wanted to ask us? How about that? Yeah, I was going to talk about Fall, but you go ahead.

Oh, well, how's the fall? Oh, I'm sorry, well, let's talk about Fall then. I don't know, you want to talk to something? If not, it's cool, no pressure. I was being polite, there you know how is the fall it was interesting so who's your least favorite guest professional least every guest ever oh i haven't answered straight away but i bet i bet i think i spoke to you before after because you mentioned on the podcast one time you're like move on uh wait well i missed the question

do you say who's the best or who's the worst least favorite yes oh okay i would probably say james warren he's like everyone's fave no yes he's a fan favorite very fun dynamic yeah yeah everyone likes so yeah it's fun because like brian will say something and then james would go what the fuck does that mean you stupid con and then I just go ha ha ha yes it's a great fun dynamic that everybody loves

and then I leave and go into the bathroom and then water starts going under the door and I think did spudge but yeah no more it's good we enjoy and the fans seem to like it

we need getting back on soon enough I tell you what I think we need to make a bigger effort this year of getting guests on because that's something that would really help us out even just like, you know why we just really hate each other sometimes, like, sometimes I literally,

oh, all right, I will say sometimes when we record, I leave, and I just think of a crash in the car, I was like, I'd say like, that was an awful waste of my life, you know? Yep, I feel you. Yeah, but when James Borns around her, Mark Maloney, it changes the dynamic, you know? Hugely, I'm sorry.

So, I mean, the fall is, um, it's about these women, they're like, love their adrenaline junkies. Yeah. And they climb mountains with their boyfriend, Hank. one boyfriend between all of them No as well

Who's the thing Polyamorous He's their friend He's a boy Blondy and black hair All right Why didn't you say Blondy and Blackie

What didn't you say blondey And blacky There's a blondey And criminal Here But anyway So Karen and criminal

Okay So So Hank Folls off a cliff And dies It's kind of like A big no-no When you're

Like a mountain climber Yeah Yeah It's kind of an L Give something it gives him the ick it was not a dope I'll tell you that now

cringe so Hank it was married to Blondie alright yeah so Blondy becomes an alcoholic on the mountain no no

I said it's a year actually in the bar just fucking strangers just giving a hickey to a St Bernard yeah sucking it down but then

but then Brunette shows up she's like you know you gotta conquer your fear we're going to climb the highest tower in America and this big rusty

old tower and it's like literally like a billion story high. So, literally. Then they climb up it, all right? They climb up to the very top, but then the ladder falls off and they're stuck at the top of this and they can't get down.

What exactly is it, though? Is it like a... It's the Mia Khalifa, the largest tower. I beg your pardon. What? Freudian slip. That's like the Saudi thing, isn't it? Dabu Dhabi? The Birch Khalifa? I don't think it even is the tallest one anymore. I think, or maybe there's one coming up. It's going to be bigger. It's not even like a building. It's literally

just like a rusty old Oh it's like the spire Yeah It's a rusty spire With a ladder on it The HIV riddle spire These two bitches on the spire Yeah

So it's like this thing It's a rusty thing It's like a little red light On the top to stop planes hitting it And it's got like satellites on it It's like I think it's like out commission Now that's what it's used For back in the day

So then they've got to try And make their way down But they can't So it's stuck up there And it's kind of like Like the movie Gerard's Gerard's game Oh yeah

where it's like a premise you're like how the hell you're going to make a movie out is and then you're watching it and you're kind of thing like ah it's you're doing okay is it good I didn't think it was good now and what happens is the girl finds out

the brunette was also banging Hank cool why did she tell her that up there no what she had a Hank tattoo in her foot and her shoe falls off so then like it's whack really really

that's literally how she finds out yeah that is so retarded because what happens is like this is dog shit they want to send a signal but they have no signal so they send the text but won't send so put the shoe and put the phone in the shoe and drop it from the tower they don't get reception when they're high up on the telephone tower they're too high yeah okay so they have to drop the phone and hope that it sends for hits the ground in the shoe and then she's the hang tattoo on her phone and it's like oh you're not my real friend um and then for a while they're trying to get down but the twist is okay twist is okay a one stage brunette um turns into a skeleton what it turns out brunette actually fed off and she's not real

Brunette She's a hallucination She's hallucination Yeah Brunette's actually Why is she a skeleton though Oh to show the audience That she's dead You know

So did she die with Hank No no no she died Is it like a skeleton clutching on to the tower No no no she's a talking skeleton Is it silly? No it's a hallucination But does it look silly?

No no it's meant to look spooky Okay Yeah This sounds retarded So it turns out Brunette died like 20 minutes before And blonde these just be done tower talking herself

because she can't handle two debts you know even if there's a lying cheating bitch who fuck tank yeah did she push Brunette no no she fell like so she fell so did she know that so did she see the did she think the skeleton cheated on her

or did it? No no no this before she falls so she finds out so she definitely did cheat on her oh yeah definitely cheated yeah it's not just like a coping mechanism of oh she's dead but it's actually good that she's dead

because she was cheating on me yeah like your missis fell down that's sound daughter that's how well it's Jesus I was sending Like the clip that I posted I sent it around to some of my friends

To be like Do I come across bitter or bad in this In any way And I feel like I've undone that now But just by No, you should be bitter But I need to encourage men To be more angry

Yeah There's not enough angry men out there Yeah Yeah yeah Yeah 12 angry men It's very dutie Yeah

Yeah you need like more Andrew Tate in your life You know I'd love to Yeah Andrew Tate's me of a pussy to be honest I can do better yeah he's got lung cancer now

does he well allegedly oh i heard that i think people are disputing the legitimacy of it though they're saying that he's faking it to get out of prison but there was like an x-ray of his lungs and there was a kind of a ominous looking dark spot on the act

so that's pretty bad i would say avoid just a complete lack of a heart a tumor tumors are bad no but that tumor is um you know misogynistic so whatever instagram there sorry yeah he does that a lot I'll tell you what

we might head off soon now because we're just at an hour there now and that was great have you got anything to plug or anything before we hop off? Not really, I am here on jury duty

so I don't really have I'm gay Do you want people to come to jury duty Yeah Everyone wants to hang outside Are you doing bits Have you won everyone over Are you like John Cusack

Dude oh in Yeah In the room Because it is just a big empty room I was tempted to I don't know if you ever saw that tweet Where the woman like Was getting up

It was a cinema and the screening wasn't working and then this woman just got up and did five minutes and like made everyone in the cinema watch her to stand up

no they all hated it oh obviously the room the waiting room is laid out like a big crowd so you could in theory

get up and just do a tight five wow probably get disqualified him usually you get sent home be like this guy's mentally ill sent him away

but uh no I guess yeah I can't really plan anything I was meant to be doing a big gig in cork in the pavilion which doesn't mean anything to anyone in Dublin

I guess, but it's a large room, and I don't think we're going to fill it. But I don't know if I'll be able to do it now, and I haven't actually told the lads that I don't know if I'll be able to do it. Who's, who's the other lads? Tom Lawrence is hosting. Oh, yeah. He's good. Skinny. He's, we like that. Yeah. He's English.

Yeah. John James is hosting, or is, uh, headlining. Okay. I don't know you've ever seen John James. No. He's good. Okay. He's white? Yes. Okay. Oh, I shouldn't. I just checking. They are, I guess everyone is white.

You can trust him. He works. He works. an old has he knows these things we have one South American woman that's a bit yeah that's something all right there's Leslie Martinez I know her yeah

there's Don McDonough Leslie's not white she's South American he never claimed all right sorry okay sorry I'd be the whole race thing here Rosso Donahoo

yeah yeah he'd like me crash in his gaff one time Ray Murphy he's good people oh wait wait wait it's all good yeah

it's all good yeah your buddy why your people are assuming that me and Ray have beef. We don't have beef. I think the... The roast battle. Yeah, what everyone enjoys is the idea that you have beef. Everyone assumes James' beef everyone.

No, me and him got on fine. It was kind of the judges and the crowd that hated both of us. But I actually had a bit of a redemption there. I won the last roast battle. You know, you know. People did apologize for me. It was Rob Nother, was it?

What? Rob Nother. Yes, I defeated Rob Nother. Jesus is a poor innocent boy. A little child and I had my way with him and a room full of cheering people. Oh, like a gladiator. Are you not entertained?

While I fucked him. Ha ha ha ha. That's the gag here. I raped him. That's the goof. That's the goof. No, I didn't. It was a great. A gym watched the whole thing.

I loved it. It was a fun. It was very fun night, though. I had a lot of fun. Rob's good guy. I like Rob a lot. So he had some funny jokes about me. being a pig

he handed me a Snickers bar at one time That's good You get to eat it Oh I took it home And I oh I did enjoy it Yes

It tasted like victory And like a Snickers Also Yeah it was good So have you got any plans For the rest of the year In life Yeah

I mean like you know I'll be in Edinburgh for a week But I'm just kind of going On a holiday Before you go Edinburgh We want to get you back On the show

Yeah I'll try to gig about I guess I'm doing EP At the end of the Show me the funny the prizes to do electric picnic. So if anyone's there, it's meant to be a terrible gig. Yeah. So if anyone's at EP and wants to go and...

Is it like during the daytime? I hope so. I really hope that I don't miss any good musicians. Sure. Yeah. To bomb at a set. Like a full weekend pass there. Yeah, I think so, yeah.

That's pretty sweet. It's kind of cool. That's nice. It's nice. I get two tickets. So whoever wants to be my friend. Yeah. Shady friends.

Oh, yeah. I would be your lady friend. I don't know. Oh, yeah. Actually, can I be your... No, let's talk about it afterwards. I'll give you money for it. Oh, yeah.

For an EP ticket. And I'll service you. I'll service you. That'll really make it the VIP experience. Yeah, yeah. You can dress me up at the same room. And I'll say, people would be like, oh, is that your friend? Like, no, this is my staff for the weekend.

I wear a dog collar. Yeah, that's how people know. That's part of show me the funniest. It's part of the prize. You get Brian. You used to be a Bulmer's voucher. Now it's Brian O'Toole On tap

Yeah This was tweeting Like enjoy your brino tool Yeah That's right It's very inside baseball Yeah Very much so

You know it's funny We'll end in a second But he's still alive You know He is Every now and again I don't go on Twitter That much

Every now and again Like I'm looking at like Let's say like Hey Look To each his own You know I'd just go where the money is

But uh whatever Well look Let's have a clean ending there Oh yeah That's about Let's cut all of that. Yeah, actually, yeah, yeah. Well, look, man, it's great to have you here.

Thanks for having me. I want to have you back, all right? That's not bullshit, not blowing ass up your smoke, all right? I really want you to hear of it. I'm not blowing smoke in the car. And what are your handles? Give us your handles. Oh, it's, I guess, at Mark Maloney at Instagram, but it's like spelled phonetically,

but not really phonetically. I don't know. Oh, great. It's difficult. Mark, and then Maloney is spelled M-O-L-O-W-K-N-E. so it's like M-O low low me you're the right podcast for an inability to market that's kind of our brand yeah if you look up enough macballotis and see one with like long hair and a mustache yeah that's me yeah yeah there you go okay well happy to have you here I hope you enjoy

Edinburgh and all that'll be fun and we will see again yeah I'm sure about to see you tell you what's the pub over there yeah not reveal where we're from now the pub over there is meant to have the best pints of Guinness in Dublin. Really? So maybe we could Have the Grieve Diggers?

Yeah. Okay, great. Well, everybody knows. Who do you think's common for you, Brian, really? Who's coming? Who's coming? It's not safe out there.

Well, Grave Diggers is known to have the best pint of Guinness in Dublin. So my point is, if you all go over there sometime, I have a pint. Or just have a pint

somewhere else or just hang out at least. Or just drink cans under a bridge, you know. All of my male social interactions now happen via gigs and podcasts. it's not like that yeah it's great nothing truly social

it's a little secret we have women don't have that yeah they just hang out and like talk about their feelings they go to the bathroom together they don't know anything with the fall

yeah yeah I'm glad the way this episode fall is coming for everyone let me tell you I'm glad the way episode went I'm glad I didn't get to talk

too much about the movies because that would actually like Godfather 2 would have ruined the whole thing you know yeah I want to talk I enjoy talking to you I'm excited to incessantly

listen to this and cringe in every flop joke I made or every good moment that I have. You were great. Zero, zero.

I'll cut it out. Don't worry. I don't feature it on. I mean, Brian's usually the dead weight, so you'll look great in comparison. No, I'm joking. You're wonderful, Brian.

You're wonderful. All right, turn off. All right, look, that's it. That's the show. Thanks for listening. And Mark, you're probably listening to this right now. Oh, but not in... A future me.

I'm looking at you while you're listening. to me in a different room it's like time travel but not gay put it down because brian says time travels gay now yeah oh yeah right Christopher Lloyd's gay yeah right you believe that I got a I got an igloo

in Saudi Arabia to sell you however that saying goes I hope my I hope my ex doesn't hatefully listen to this I hope she does funnily enough she's our next guest actually and she's here tonight come on him uh yeah

Take that gag out of her mouth. Ah, right, okay. Jesus, come on. Come on. It's the real person. All right, all right. I'm sorry. Yes, I do forget there are real people out there.

Anyway, we'll edit that. Bye. Goodbye. Goodbye.