Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 20 : Lets Get Pregnant

Episode Date: April 18, 2019

Brian drank too much coffee during this episode. Dedicated to Adam Tallon.

I'm gonna pop some tags Only got $20 in my asshole I want some money I want some money Give me put money in my asshole I'm like weird out That's the radio air Oh Mac that was huge

When I was like Maclemore Yeah When I was like graduating Second School That was the big song Triff Shop I remember Triff Shop

Yeah Remember they had the line That like Or Kelly Sheets piss Remember that? Oh yeah That was a line of it, yeah, in that big fucking song. Oh, right, right.

And they knew. Well, everybody knew. There's video of it. You know, he was actually related to that girl? Oh, was he? Through marriage, like, not like blood, but it was like, yeah, he's like adopted niece or some shit like that. It'd be funny if he used that as his defense. No, it was a family issue.

Family reunion. Yeah. There's an old family recipe to cure her of the meningitis. Yeah. No more polio for her. Look at those bending knees. Actually, there's a guy I know called Ryan Kelly And he followed me on Snapchat

But he just said, Or Kelly is following you I was like, oh-oh, don't piss on me, ha ha ha ha So yeah, there's low energy now It's all dedicated to, what's his name? Adam Talent Adam Tallon donated three euro Woo! Caching! Oh yeah!

You know he's invest that wisely? We have. In what? What can you buy for three euros? Stocks. Can you even buy a bullet for three euro? how do we decide which one of us gets to use it that's like we have to put our heads right together and just like perfectly line up just for going thank you adam but we finally get

through this so yeah he donate we have to set up this thing called um buy me a coffee where if you like the show you can like give us money and it's kind of like it's a free show so like if you don't um give us money you are kind of like just spastic you know what I mean like just a mongoloid cut yeah it's just like we do just for you okay

for you and like it's kind of like you know like you won't even buy us a coffee you cheap piece of shit I remember okay this girl was telling me how one time

this guy bought her a drink yeah and she didn't even want to drink but he was like I just bought you a drink now you fucking own me you fucking touch it yeah and then he got like

real aggressive and he had to get kicked out at the race course but that's kind of like what we're doing yeah we're forcing ourselves on to

Adam Talon's the woman And we've given him a podcast We've given him a free podcast Now we're like, you fucking owe us You better, yeah And it's like, three or reading Is that all it worth, is it? You fucking, you know

But this is like, this is just a test I kind of feel a bit weird I even message you like The idea of like Setting up to buy me a coffee thing It's more an experiment I don't think A failed experiment I'd call it

Well, it thinks of change Yeah You could all buy another bullet but like a rope is cheaper was you go to a rope the old rope store but like I know it was just a test to see like

what would happen I think when I get back from America I do want to self some kind of Patreon account and then we do two episodes which would be fun kind of like so we'd have one episode is like dust where we're being like PC

yeah oh of course and then the Patreon episode like fucking too hot for TV yeah we go full UKIP like kip but with big titted ladies

bouncing around bouncing around bouncing around bouncing and yeah yeah it's like oh want to see the video you gotta pay even more I'll do heroin and fall asleep in the studio you already do that yeah but so like we are

we got big plans big plans yeah watch this and Adam Tallinn you're like the number one and again if anyone else wants to donate we're more than accepting because it costs it costs us I'm losing millions on this because I'm paying a to put the episodes on SoundCloud

and he says he's charging me 500 per episode to do it because apparently he says it's like really really technical stuff like he he says that a retard like me couldn't do it that's the word he uses I would never use a word like retard but he says that and he just

slaps his cock in my face yeah I'm like thank you that's all part of the uploading process yeah that's what he says yeah apparently you gotta trust him yeah he has a degree you know actually it's kind of like you're what's your original Derek sketch.

The Ricky Jervais show? Yeah. I saw the original pilot, I think. No, because this is interesting. So Derek, and we were actually before we started recording, we had a little bitch session about Jervais. Yeah, yeah.

If he's listening. Yeah, he's like Kevin Smith in the way where he started off with good stuff that we still love. Yeah. And that makes us hate his newer stuff even more. Yeah, like the more he produces, the more you resent him.

Yeah, the more you feel like that's just pure laziness. Yeah. And you kind of feel like you wish he'd failed longer, so he would have been encouraged to work harder on his project. True. But like we're talking with Derek.

So Derek is a real just emotionally manipulative show where they've got a guy and you remember Jervais is all like he's not he's not disabled he's actually more able

than you. It's basically magical magical handicap man that's that's but that's what it is magic handicap man but it's like

blindside as well where it's like you're taking was blindside Are you equating to being an African-American No, I thought I thought he was simple No, he might have been simple

I don't know, I didn't see it Ah, ah If you play football That good You gotta be simple I know Well, I think gonna put myself in a hole Oh, big hole

Big, no, I'm standing up for them Okay For them Yeah, yeah Who's them? All of all you know who Okay so like what I'm saying is

it's that kind of thing where like you're almost fetishizing someone's mental disability where you're going like oh he's like an angel he's like God's child and Derek it was all like

oh if only we were all like Derek in a way I think Derek's like Derek should start his own religion it's so wonderful like they're one step away from like Derek find a little dead bird and then his tear brings it back to life like there were one step away from that

like the green mile it just sucks side all the evil. Yeah. Green one, that's a better example. Yeah, yeah. Than Blindside.

Yes, it is. Yeah, yeah. Blindside was a prequel. To the Green Mile. That makes perfect sense. But like, I'm drinking coffee now. I'm getting too excited with my ideas.

So it was just like, just modeling this shit. Yeah, okay? Of like, oh, he's so wonderful. But the original sketch it's based on was, it's based on sketch from the, I think it's 11 o'clock show.

Yeah, that's where Javay got to start. So there's a sketch then with him playing Derek, okay, and it's much meaner. So the sketch is like Derek is this mentally disabled man who looks funny because Jervais has made him look funny. Yeah, he's doing those silly face or whatever. And he talks funny because Jervais has made him talk funny, all right? He's, there's no actual, like, no doctor looking and going, oh, he's got this syndrome, you know. It's just Jervais looking, as he would say, mongish. Yeah.

Okay. That's what he's saying, okay? so in the sketch he's walking home from the shops and he's talking about how his uncle I think he did this stand-up as well his uncle used to have a rabbit rabbit and a hat

he had to touch it with his eyes closed and then the rabbit would get sick on his hand so that is Jervais and that sketch going to like isn't it funny how this little fucking idiot got raped by his uncle a little simple to be wiped off his uncle

yeah isn't that hilarious which on its own yes it is hilarious but then don't turn that into a show okay and then try and deny like he tried to get to take him down off fucking YouTube and all that

that's sketch yeah it's not on the DVD so it's not on the Derek box set I tell you that that's sketch he's wiped that from the fucking thing so it's just like total it's like a total 360 where originally it was like this very dark and cynical

laughing at it and now it's like oh isn't it magical oh he's such a he's a genius really his emotional intelligence is beyond any of the normals I still I assume Jerez is still a good guy

but like some of the stuff just annoys me so much about him it's like that new show after life Yeah he is You don't take offense Yeah But what he says You don't take offense

You're a wanker Or something like that I don't know He says it better Yeah I imagine he would Yeah But like even his new show It's all like you know

My wife dies And I just say whatever the fuck I want Yeah I'll say whatever I want Like someone's like pick up the dog shit he's like you're a cock sucker yeah and you're like

oh you're supposed to go for like yeah you go Jervais you tell him social norms me not into you yeah yeah I can't like speak too much in that show because I haven't actually watched it how do we get onto this no you started talking with Derek why do we talk with Derek I don't know

just people we hate and we're saying like Kevin Smith is another example yeah of like somebody who was really good but now it just turns out shite the thing is like these guys like when you get a fan base I actually like I can't blame. Like, when we get a fan base, we're going to get lazy.

Oh, yeah. Already lazy. Yeah. Nobody likes me. Well, imagine how lazy will be when we get fans, you know? Oh, shit. So, like, Kevin Smith, he can just remake Jane Silent Bob again. Yeah.

And he knows that he doesn't need to work on it. He's just like, ah, this will work. The fans will love it. And that's like, that's going to be us someday. I can't wait. Well, we've literally going to start remaking podcasts. But we're going to be like, oh, remember that Dennis the Menace sketch. Let's do that again.

or like remember when Brian did that offensive Nigerian accents Let's do that again All the hits Yeah We should release like a best of compilation Which by the way So I was talking something about that Nigerian voice I did in the previous episode

Yes And they said it was offensive Who said it? We'll say after a show Okay Okay is it a comedian Yes Okay right

We don't have to tell you okay Well they weren't going like That's offensive you're like I don't think that's really like It's not a great bit I was like, shut up! But they didn't get to eat the poo-poo part. Yeah, they eat the poo-poo.

Yeah, that's from that video. So I was actually standing up for gay rights. Yes, you are. So when I was doing that horribly offensive Nigerian accent, I was referencing a Ugandan preacher. Yes, who had this very homophobic video. Yeah, which people might not have seen it. Yeah.

Which I forget that people haven't seen all the videos I've seen. Normal people don't watch this perverse nonsense. So it's this awful man. Yeah. this preacher who's saying that gay people eat shit. Yeah. That's why he's saying they eat the poo-poo. That's, yeah.

And then, like, all the people in the crowd are like, wild or not? No, they're just reacting to this, like, you know, going crazy. They're loving it. Like, they're going, like, yes, they do eat them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I saw that, and I thought, I'm going to stand up for gayies. And that's why I did the voice. Yeah.

And people don't get, see, I think my stuff is so cerebral. Exactly. People don't get it originally. You got, like, um, you always like, Shakespeare, there was like one page of actual text and a page beside it would explain what they're actually talking about because it's all funny, it's all funny English words, you know, yeah, yeah. And that's kind of like our podcast needs to have, like, a special book explaining why we're not racist. And you know what? You heard about Brunei.

Brunei is a country in Middle East and they've brought back stoning for gay people. Oh, Jesus Christ. They've brought back the debt penalty for gay people. That's fucked up. Which makes you think if we started this podcast earlier and I've done more racist prices. You could have saved the people of Brunei. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, God. But no one will let me. No.

Actually, George Clooney's trying to stop it. Oh, good. Yeah. He's going to make Oceans 15 or whatever. No, he's just like, because his wife's like a lawyer. It's funny because his wife is actually like a woman who knows what the fuck she's doing. She's a human rights lawyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's like, hey, you know human rights. I'm handsome. We can change foreign policy. And then he's tweeting about, like, you know, they're trying to like, you know what you, you know anything about Brunei? No, nothing. It's like, it's a Muslim majority country, okay? And it's ruled by the Sultan of Brunei. He's a man who...

He's a little skinny man who wears golden clothes. Okay. So it's like, um, if Liberacee and Elton John had a gay baby... A gay be? A gay... A gay... Give me a name for, like, a young animal. Uh, foal?

A gay calf. Okay. I don't know where it went. Okay. So if they had a gay... Child. Chicken. Okay.

Yeah, if they had a gay chicklet... I'm saying gay. If they had a baby, it would look like him, okay? It's all gold and, like, gay. Okay, I get it. But it's weird, because, like, they're saying, like, okay, this is obviously awful, okay?

Right. You can't bring back stonings because people are loving the wrong kind of people. And then his kind of response was, no, this will help educate them, and, like, this will help bring back the right kind of values. Well, it's very, I mean, this is all very dangerous territory, because if you go and say that, you know, there's predominantly a lot of intolerance and certain, you know, sections of the Muslim community, then you get people accuse you've been Islamophobic. But, like, I mean, they're, you know, they've legalized murder for gay people.

How is that not homophobic? Well, the trick is, okay, you just got to, like, you got to say Brunei's bad, but you don't want to go down the Tommy Robinson route. where you're using that as an excuse. Yeah, yeah, which is funny because then you see homophobic people, like they were homophobic last week, but now we're like, oh, fucking, oh, the fucking Muslims. Oh, I love gays so much, ah, let's kill them all. And you're like, you don't love gays.

You're a brother's gay and you don't talk to him. I talk to my brother. Yeah, but it's like they're just using that as an excuse. But obviously with Brunei, like, it is bad, like, and everyone can agree, like, people shouldn't be stoned. in this day and age you shouldn't be stoned to death

No, unless you're a Yeah Unless you're a snoop dog Yeah Yeah, nah nah nah Yeah I'm sticking up for gay rats I was thinking

I think around by you before And you said it was offensive Okay But what if it was like a compromise And this is me being silly What was a compromise We were like Okay look

Women have to wear burkas All right Yes What if gay guys wore burqas Or what if every No, actually better What if everyone just wore burqa And then

gender wouldn't, you wouldn't know who the fuck anyone is. No. And they'd be kind of like cool. Yeah. And there's this one, there's some holes in the front and the back. Sure. And you have to leave it on the whole time. Quite a utopian society you're proposing.

Well, it's better than be stone to death. Yeah, it is. No, I agree. I don't want to wear a burqa. Not for any. A lot of people disagree. Yeah. We've had to talk, James.

We all agree. Okay. Me and the Sultan. Well, I think the burqa originated because, like, it's like, you know, way like if you look at a hot girl you feel depressed sure yeah if you cover up you don't feel depressed no more yeah that's true that's kind of like it's it's it's kind of like it's the male ego yeah yeah as per her dad but okay again you don't want to use that you don't want to use feminism as an excuse to be a dick to muslin people no so it's all about the intent so um again you're

going to get all these fucking you kippers who are going to pretend they care about women's rights I'm really just, they're just frightened of brown, yeah. So, like, how would you, like, phrase this in a non-offensive way? I really don't think it's possible. Are we on dangerous grounds? Very dangerous, I think, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm standing up for everyone. I know you are.

No, the way I look at it is, okay. But just think of any of this could be taken out of context. They could just take one little sound like. What did I say? What did I say? What did I possibly say that can be taken out of context? I don't know. I'd have to read the transcript.

Yeah, nothing at all. Look, it's like Star Trek, all right? The prime directive is don't mess with other people's cultures, okay? So, like, Spock and Dem would meet a Klingon, and they wouldn't agree with the Klingon's ways in some aspects, okay? But they

wouldn't put the Klingon in the concentration camp. No. And that's what's about, okay? And that's what Gene Roddenberry is the creator of Star Trek. That's what, that was his whole thing, all right? It was like, there's a woman, is a women and a Chinese man

and a guy with funny ears. They all live in a spaceship together And no one's racist And that was the dream That is beautiful It really is And hopefully one day we can get to that And that's what sci-fi is all about

It's a message Yes Okay So if anyone call me Fucking slamophobic I swear to God I have a knife They are going to come after us

Oh eventually Yeah I can't wait Bring it on I hope you go to court Wouldn't that be amazing It would be so funny It wouldn't be so ridiculous

Yeah And you know what I'd proper go like the Menendez brothers the Menendez brothers, they, what was it, they pretended to be sexually assaulted. Yeah, that their parents were ramping them. So that's what we're going to do, okay?

When they take us for court, to court, all right? It was like, my daddy raping. And then they'll have to be like, you're still racist. That doesn't mean anything. You're still all really offensive. but um speaking of uh speaking of like sci-fi you know that we watched us there separately obviously

we watched together no no i i saw it in cinema do you watch on your own i did yeah well technically there were other people in the cinema but i much prefer going on the cinema alone i kind of hate going with other people it annoys me i like it though i like it i like you know what i like though i like being in cinema other people and then judging their reactions to as well i guess second so like i'm not just focus on the film, folks in their reactions. Personally, I hate that so much. If somebody's, like, looking at me while we're watching something. Not looking and staring at you.

No, not separate. Just a glance over. I'm not making notes. But, like, uh... It's just pulling out a dictaphone. He didn't like that part. Like, I told you before, like, sometimes you're in a film like something like, a same sex, uh, sex scene happens, okay, with two same, same sex people.

You want to see how the person reacts? You then they might see some older people in the crowd being like, oh, wharf, wharf, ruff, f, yeah, yeah. And the same with, like, you know, a great thing is if you see, like, like a penis. Yes. You get some like, ooh,

some of the girls like involuntary, like, ooh, you know? Woo! Yeah, a great one.

Horror films as well, because what you happen a lot in horror films, okay, is you'll have, um, older women, okay,

will comment on the horror film and criticize the character as if the characters know what's going on. Yeah, as if they're being able to see, yeah, yeah,

so like a great example, we're Halloween, okay, watching the, new Halloween movie directed by Coley is it what the fuck's his name

Go set Gordon Green okay yeah set Gordon Green okay so the new Halloween film Michael Myers okay there's a bit in it where like

the girl is going into the house and Michael Myers is upstairs she doesn't know that yeah yeah and then the dummies the dumb dumb

dumb don't dog people in the back are like why is she doing that why is she going to that house there's a fucking murder in there

hey why she's a fucking idiot oh here we actually going into that house because the killer's in there Stupid.

Yeah. She's an idiot. They're just going like, what an idiot? I wouldn't do that. Yeah, yeah. I hate that.

I always get really offensive, especially even when my friends, okay, and we're like, say like we're watching, like, say a zombie movie or something like that. Yeah.

I'm like, oh, what do you fuck would go do that? Like, because they need supplies, you fucking dink. Yeah.

Okay. You would be used to it. You just criticize all the time. They have to make tough choices. Yeah. And you are, the car, give the,

gout, get out. Get out. Go out. Get out. So what did you think of us then? Oh, yeah, forgot about us. I liked it a lot.

I liked it a lot, too. Very, like, it was unique. It was weird. It was scary at times. It was funny at times. It was, yeah. You know what is a good sign for a movie? When I stopped thinking about it and just start experiencing it,

because a lot of time I've got, like, my brain going. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I wonder what this means. You're like deconstructing it. Yeah, as it's happening. This is why I don't like sex anymore. Because, like, as I'm writing someone, I'm just kind of like, what does this mean?

yeah what's the significance of this is it big enough yeah well i know it's not but like uh it's like i made my peace with that like i'm already thinking of like three steps ahead like what we're going to do next uh how can you leave yeah you're like right a girl we get back to us the man you ever like right a girl and then afterwards like think about burning down the house no okay well just like as an excuse to leave oh no no just set up like a small fire honey yeah it's a small fire and like the bathroom be like, oh, I got to leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I've never, that's a good one now. Yeah. Yeah, well, think about that. So anyway, so us, okay, we'll spoil it. No, we won't spoil it. Oh, you know what, don't spoil it. No, I'm not going to spoil it. I had a friend of mine, and he's a fucking idiot.

He was like, I don't want to spoil anything, but I just want to say, that scene where, and then the, yeah, yeah, man, that's like the last two. That's the whole twist. Yeah, that's the whole thing. You fucking, get out. Okay. But, like, yeah, it's great. I expect that little, the little, the little girl, the young, what's her, her name's like, Tlupi Doopi or something? What's her name?

What's her name? What's her name? I don't know, and I'm not going to attempt to pronounce it. Her last name ends with, her last name starts to an end now. I don't want to go. I don't know. But whoever she is, she is great. Great actress.

She's great actress. And the little girl playing the little version of her, I, Jordan Peel must have kicked her or something. like that because she looks so scared and so terrified that like they must have like treading to kill her dog yes maybe they did kill her dog well that's why

Jordan peel is master it's funny like Jordan peel went from like silly sketch comedy like mad TV kind of stuff yeah which is mad TV is all like hey this girl's tend to be Chinese and stuff like that isn't that hilarious

you know she says ching they yeah their early stuff is quite questionable yeah but that's like like us yeah pretty much Our early podcasts were kind of, like, offensive. And now, like, now we've, yeah. Now we walk a fine line. But, uh, what was going to say?

Jordan Peel, yeah. So he went from, like, and then he was going to do, like, one horror film. And we were like, oh. It's interesting. Yeah, this might be interesting. And now he's, like, the master of horror. Yeah, yeah. He's black hitchcock.

I'd like to see him venture out into something, you know, a different genre, maybe. I like the way he's just, like, no, I'm a horror guy. Yeah. And he's actually, like, for us, people are saying it's a trick. it's like no it's a horror no it's a horror it's like very freaky at times like people get stabbed and stuff yes they do yeah uh no it's great and the message i kind of relate i won't spy it but i kind to it in a way i feel like not spoil it too much but i feel like i'm the tethered really yeah yeah well that is sort of the um you know that that's not even a very like it's a very obvious one

you could even take it from the trailer that one of the themes is like we're our own worst enemy and stuff like that you know but yeah the tethered which is like the other version i loved how it doesn't really make sense doesn't matter yeah that's true no i actually wish to it explained it less i wish it was just more of a david lynchie kind of thing like yeah just people underneath and they're sick of you now yeah yeah it was uh it was a bit but oh it was so good and i actually like oh i can't oh everything i want to say is a spoiler yeah that's the thing it was great stuff the dad i want to be like the dad yeah go watch it can we say go watch it and to spoil some of it If you want, yeah, go on, I don't care, who cares?

Yeah, Adam, stop listening. Yes, Adam, we'll return your three euro. Yeah, oh God, no, I spent it already. We're going to have to go in front of a tribe, you know, to explain where the three euro went. Well, I could explain everything, but just, I've got to kill myself. Angela Kearns! But, yeah, so this is quite a little bit, like, the ending and all that makes you want to rewatch the whole thing.

Yeah, yeah. I definitely want to rewatch it just to see what I'm sure you would get a lot more out of it the second time. God, he's a great guy, like. Yeah, yeah. But it was just because it was like, you know, it's just so good to see a big Hollywood film that's like unique and original and weird. And it has a message, but it's not pushing it. Yeah, yeah. What I liked about is, so we're smart.

So we can look at, we can Google it and find out that's a film about class because people have told us this film about class. but other people can walk away which is a completely different idea of what's going on and some people might think that's an allegory for Mexicans I could see some people like thinking about that yeah

because you know the way it's kind of like they're coming in Oh right right yeah yeah sure And I could see someone like some idiot going like Oh because like Mexicans like they're coming from underground Yeah and then they take over And I'm just happy that Jordan Peel

was brave enough to reveal the truth Finally a black director can be racist. That's how far we've come. That's a great sign of progress. I'm sick of all these Mexican jumping beans. I actually did. We have a mutual racist friend

and it's interesting seeing his opinion on it because he doesn't really like black people but he likes Jordan Peel's movies. I think that's kind of a cool that's the magic of cinema right there. You know who I'm talking about. Of course I do, yeah, yeah, yeah. He drops the N-word a lot.

Yes, he does. But not when he's watching Jordan Peel's movies because he's entranced the cinematography. Yeah, exactly. That's cool. Yeah. No, Jordan Peel's great now.

I can't wait to see what he does next. I know he's doing the Twilight Zone. Oh, a reboot? Yeah. Oh, okay. Which I'd love to do something like Twilight Zone. I never watched the Twilight Zone. Oh, there's some great stuff in that.

Yeah. You know, it's funny. A lot of stuff you watch in Twilight Zone, you're like, oh, it's in The Simpsons. Yeah, the Simpsons paraded it a lot. Because in your head, you kind of think, like, oh, they got that from the Simpsons. Like, oh, no, Simpsons came out like 40 years after.

Yeah, yeah. Oh wow A lot of stuff Kind of reference The Twilight Zone Yeah You don't even realize Yeah I don't

What was it in the film They cut two people's heads off In us No In the Twilight Zone movie I think Yeah I think they cut off Two Children's heads

By accident What? Oh you don't know about this No Oh right This is really happened It's real Yeah

Holy shit Yeah I think the helicopter Someone did a big A whoopsy Oh wait Yeah It was It was

It was Yeah yeah yeah Yeah Yeah okay I didn't hear, but... Someone, someone did a bit of a whoopsy and accidentally caught off a kid's head.

Class. And my friend was telling me you can see the video like a head's like, you know... Why would you want to see that? Head going for a little journey. But I didn't want to watch that. Where's your head? Yeah, my friend actually

made that exact same joke. Did he? Yeah. Oh. With the beard. You know what I'm talking about. Oh, the same guy. The racist, the racist guy. We don't have many friends.

Yeah. Jordan Peel Good guy We're big fans of his Hear that Jordan Yeah put us in your next movie Jordan Actually speaking of Jordans

We're talking about Space Jam 2 is coming out Oh yeah That's gonna be cool No it's not You're right You're right You're right

Well no it's say Lebron James Yeah Who was actually I thought Like very funny In that movie Train wreck Which that movie is shit

But it's just very interesting Because athletes Are never usually good actors apart from Mojay he was the shit He was great He was hilarious

The big where he goes on the steps The naked gun Yeah he's going on a step And he flips over And stabs his wife Ah slapstick That's best You think McGregor will

Go into acting Or what will he do Oh yeah He could maybe portray a scumbag That'd be about it Like I don't see him As like the romantic lead

Is McGregor slowly becoming more and more sad You know he called From Gabibe's wife A towel A towel And what way did he mean that Because he's referencing the fuck that she wears, like, a fucking, a burqa sometimes.

Okay. Yeah. So we call that. That is way worse than anything. That's proper. Like, yeah. When we say it, we're being clever, like. Yeah.

Well, that's. Yeah. Yeah. You can argue. We're, like, I was standing up for gay rights. But, like, we're, like, uh. We're self-aware. It's obviously a lot of ironic detachment.

Like, we're obviously not racist. We just. Yeah. Again, like, we like, we like being subversive. You wouldn't see down Star Trek. No. You wouldn't fucking, like, what, I see a clingline and call it a tower. But there's that

Who did he call a boy Didn't he call somebody boy Yeah yeah yeah yeah He dropped a harsh F bomb Yeah and then like he was fucking like What's Khabib he's like he can't drink this You know He knows

He's pushing things His cuntiness I kind of hope something bad happens to him Like it wouldn't be funny if he lost his legs In the plane crash That would be funny And then like you know He just kind of wandering around the place

Yeah I just had a skateboard Yeah Just like pushing himself alone Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that toy, you remember a toy story? Oh, I thought you meant, like, you know, was switching places? Eddie Murphy's pending.

Oh, trading places. Yeah, yeah, trade places. I think that would actually, because people, he's lost a lot of, like, fans in the past for a while. Like, he's also, like, just some allegations against him as well. Yes. In regards to... An incident in a hotel room. Yeah, which I don't...

It's funny, because for ages, like, they didn't use the rape word. No. And people were afraid to do it. Yeah. remember that memo got leaked by RTE and then like when he were he retired McCrigger retired right after that people were going like well it's funny he was on Jimmy Fallon and he was talking about what his next fight would be in the day after he retired yeah yeah it is it's very well like you know I could easily see that just

being an unrelated publicity stunt where he retires and then comes back it's much like Jordan it's proper wrestling yeah it is it's turned into like WAA smack talk garbage like it's just shite you if you put money on now, do you think he will end up in Jason Statum level, kind of like, shitty Netflix movies, or will they go WWE?

I'd probably say WWE is a more, like, that'd be a more suitable format for him. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Well, Becky Lynch won it. I'll tell you, I like Becky Lynch now. She's never raped anyone. Allegedly. Who's Becky Lynch? Becky Lynch? She won the fucking WrestleMania.

She's an Irish girl. She's an Irish girl. She calls herself the man. I'll show you a picture of her What? Don't fuck you Because I don't follow WrestleMania You're never going to make In the comedy scene

In the Irish comedy scene If you don't know Becky Lynch You're just a fucking blow in man I watch the attitude Era W's I don't know what attitude it is Yeah exactly You don't know shit

I know that guy killed his wife and kids Yeah Chris Bedou And I hope Becky Lynch does the same Just to prove That man can do anything A girl can do There she's there

Becky Lynch Yeah she calls stuff to man she won 35 she beat where there's other two ladies like McFlare's daughter and the McMahon's daughter I don't follow it at all

so I don't even know what I'm talking about right now but yeah she calls stuff to man and she won it so like good for her if she can do it so only the only way a woman can win a title

is if she refers to herself as a man the patriarchy is still strong and you support that Brian no no no no she's turning on its head oh is she so like she's oh it's very clever isn't

making the patriarchy. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. She's making the patriarchy, like, look at itself in the mirror. And they don't like what to see. Yeah, and then you know what? And then they shave themselves with Gillette razor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I need to change. Yeah, and then the mirror reflection comes out and strangles the little girl. Okay, it all makes sense. It all ties in. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I could see him, I could see McGregor. Being a WAA. I would see, I really do.

I know he said it. I'm just thinking now, like, the idea of him losing his legs is quite funny. Just the idea. Oh, or what if he started getting... He'd get into wheelchair basketball, that's what he do. What are you going to say there? I'm just thinking, like, or what if he gets, like, you know what that thing?

All the head injuries, these... Oh, yeah, like a... If you get a load of concussions, then you get, like, severe... Because he's mixing concussions and cocaine. Yeah, that can't be... That's not a healthy mix. So, like, yeah, that'd be funny now if he just, like, loses everything.

If he just goes insane and kills someone... But he's obviously a very, like, you know... Hot-tempered guy, like... He's definitely got a... deal with D. D. D's his wife. Oh, yeah, he's allowed to fuck anything he wants. Yeah, which is what everyone wants. All celebrities have that

though. Oh, yeah, obviously. You know what I mean? Like, they're all just banging whoever they want. Yeah, they're in a different world. Like, what? You're supposed to be monogamous. Monogamy is an ancient construct. Monogamy was created by gift card companies. Yeah.

Lay it down, Brian. Lay out the truth, man. A boop-bap-bo-bap. The hallmarked monogamy. man if you don't cheat on your wife the jews win and it's true yes it is yeah so like um he's got that deal so he fucks all over the place and he got that girl Liverpool pregnant he got apparently he's got a few dogs pregnant yeah yeah he doesn't like bagging it you know you know it's kind like and fair play don't but like um i was going to say you should get vasectomy but like in his head he's probably like i'm like gangus calm i'm spreading my seed exactly yeah but hmm i just

keep going back to the idea of him in somehow becoming handicapped I think that would make us like him more like who's the singer who can't talk anymore I don't know who's that you know the singer he's Irish and he all his teeth fell out and he's like Shane McGowan

Shane McGowan yeah yeah so Shane McGowan remember we watched him on Ray Darcy and he was proper just like like a fucking corpse he is vegetable he is like a stale vegetable he cannot talk he doesn't know what's going on

he has look in his eyes like please kill me and he's got that he just has the letters DNR and he's got that fucking gold digger

beside him yeah come on Shane do it go on the show and then she's like you know remember she was like

oh yeah I met Shane he was with his ex wife at time dirty bitch and then I got the cheese you know like that

just an awful woman like yeah you know guarantee she's like you want let's not why not have a little bat shame no I just put your head down put your head down don't worry about the bubbles so it'll be funny like if that happened to

McGregor if he went all like he lost all his tea yeah he got all like spasticated and his wife kills him yes that would be a fitting end I think yeah that would be nice well we can only hope and pray I know honest now I kind of want his career to go bad enough where he agrees to be on our show but he would beat the living shit out of

us? No, because he has no legs at this stage. I think he can still take us. Oh, he's like, what's new with that Pokemon? Jiggly Puff, or whatever you call it. He's like, he's running around the plate. I don't know what I'm talking about. This is a very smanic episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very schizophrenic in nature. I'm not a lot of coffee now. Yeah, you are. This is like, I'm like Robin Williams. Let's go on something else. Yeah, okay. Pick another top. Well, the supermassive black hole.

Oh, yeah. That's pretty impressive. Actually, you hear like, I heard, like, um, the black hole is bigger than the universe. But it's in the universe. No. Is it now? Not our universe.

Isn't there only one universe? Is there? Yeah, the universe is the entirety. And then there's like galaxies and movie waves. If Betsy Spears isn't this, you'd be screaming at us. No, that's the thing I didn't really want to talk about. Oh, yeah, I know nothing about it whatsoever. So it is kind of like, it's just, two idiots.

Yeah, yeah. Well, like, what is a black hole? It's a dying star. It's God's asshole. being ready to shit out into the world yeah no I don't know yeah it's just it's cool they finally were able to take a picture of it even though it's kind of like blurry

you can't really tell what's going on but it's such a dark light can't escape it or whatever yeah there's nothing to say about this we don't know this is what you know who'd be a good guest to talk with the Black Hole do you ever hear Carla for Garda no okay well she's this girl

she's on Twitter and stuff like that and her big thing she loves Garda Cock Garda Cock yeah yeah okay So she's always sucking off guards And you can find videos of her Like sucking off guards Is that right? She posts them online, yeah

And then she complains because Pornhub take them down Are they in uniform? Oh yeah And you can see the Garda car In the background and stuff like that Jesus So her big thing, yeah

And she's like What's this girl called? Carla for Garda Carla for Garda Yeah Yeah So and she's always just going Every single day

It's like looking for a bit of Garda cock Anyone to help me out And now she's got Actually got a few guards in trouble I would imagine so And it's been like front headline news like Oh

Yeah It's you know Garda stuck in Porn Fid scandal And then the guards are like Hey or love Please take that down She's like now

Yeah You knew what you got into This is my art My mouth was a trap And you fell into my web Of pussy P penis fly trap Yeah

And then like the actual Like the head of the guards I forget his name Yeah But he got involved And he was like Please stay away from this girl And then she's on Twitter

In the Twitter ward And going like You're a wanker I should be able to suck off any guard I want. And she only goes for men. Does she ever go for any of the female guards? Are they? The Banguarda.

Now is Banguarda? You're not allowed to say it anymore. Is it? Yeah. It's like the N word. Yes, it's exactly like the N word in every single way. Oh my God. Is it bandgarda?

It's kind of like, is it not, people don't say actress anymore. Exactly, yeah. It's like you just say guard or actor or a person of color. You know, you wouldn't say doctoris. You'd be nothing about it. Yeah, Banguard is an old-fashioned term. Yeah. He's called him guard.

Guards, yeah, hello guard. My friend, Chloe, she said she wants to be a guard. She's a woman. You got a problem with that? No, of course that. She says she wants to be a guard. So think about that, okay. Then it'd be like, I could have an Twitter account called Brian for guard.

Brian for guard. Where you just sexually harassed this one female guard? No, no. And my whole thing is like, I give female guards lickouts. Yeah. And that's like, I give back to the community. Okay. But yeah, I heard, she was telling me about becoming a guard.

Apparently's like fuck easy Like you can You could be kind of Half obese and still get They're not as like Restrictive as they used to be In terms of the requirements

Well they probably let down their standards Because no one No one wants to be a guard Yeah So it's like real like As long as you have two legs You can kind of get in like Is there any

You can wear a turban though Can you? Yeah Do you not see that With the hat on top Or do you put the turban on the hat Which way does it go? That's offensive

Is it? Uh no You can Everything's offensive You can wear like I'm offended I think you can't I don't think you have

have to, yeah, if you have a turban, you'll need a hat. Okay. Yeah, because you're wearing a fucking guard uniform. Yeah, all right, fair enough. So, yeah, you're allowed wearing that now. There's a few Sikhs and a few Muslim guards, stuff like that. Interesting. Yeah, which is, which is good for some and for other people that's like, that's like, that's like a sign.

That's just, like, I mean. Some people will see that and then immediately run into the shed with their gun and just like, you know. End of days. Yeah, yeah. They're expecting the horses to start eating it or. It's like a Muslim guy came to Ireland. It's like, how can I make my life more difficult? Yeah.

Not quite everybody hates me No, I'm not going to take that out Honestly, that's it Oh no, people don't hate Oh no, a lot of people do hate Muslims Yeah, I don't Oh no, we're not saying you do, yeah But everyone hates the guards

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't like the guards You could set up a Twitter account called James for Muslim Where I bang Muslim guys You just suck off Muslim guys Yeah, but I gotta trick them into it Because they don't want to be Giving me their cock

Because I know, no, they can't resist you Of course well that character of a garden girl I've never heard of her but I'll show you a picture of her right now What a trooper Yeah like I think

She's a patriot Like we make fun of her Well I don't but people do But it's kind of like What is your life better What just because you like Work in a bank Where you like

Pour chemicals Into the water of like African villages Yeah Like does that make you somehow better Than a girl who sucks off a guard Every now and again Yeah

So look she's like Just dropping her tits On And on Twitter you can like Show anything She's quite voluptuous She is yeah And on Twitter you can show

Like you can show anything like So oh wait Who's this guy Oh oh I think she's a bit racist as well Oh okay Wait yeah yeah yeah she did Remember we're talking about the whole Like Colin Khabib's wife of towel

I think she like tweeted something like You know She fucking is Oh yeah Oh yeah look that's his like Oh wow Yeah she tweet a picture of a cat Wrapped up in a towel

Yeah, and he's like, said... This is Khabib's wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, apart from that, she's a good one. No, I'm afraid not. Look, I got nothing against her sucking guard a cock. That's fine.

But the racism, I can't get up. She's very big titties. She does, yeah. Big jubblies. And I just think we could get her on the show. I mean, we could talk about science things. And I'll dress up as a guard. Oh, no, madam.

Don't do that. Why not? She's off the clock. Don't make it over. But before you get her on, we just refuse talk about guards. So climate change. How do you feel about that? It's the sound of sucking cut.

It's Carla for Garda, yeah. Yeah, well, good for her, I guess. Everybody needs a purpose in life, you know? Man, if I was a... Look, she's in the headline, everything. It's always the sun, obviously, right? You wouldn't get this in the Guardian. The Indo wouldn't print Carla for Garda.

Yeah, Jesus. It's like, fucking... Do you read the independent of any, though, it's like... No. Oh, I've... You know who's in there all the time? He's the editor of the Sunday. is it Brendan O'Connor?

You're the other guy who's cutting edge? Oh, that guy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, he is just a black hole of just... He's a flat, man, I hear him. He has, like... His son has Down syndrome, okay? And that's the only good thing about him. That's the only thing I go, like,

oh, I suppose, like, I can't call him a complete cunt if you're bad. But everything else about him, he's just like... Do you ever go on his Wikipedia? No. His Wikipedia is just a list of everything he's wrong about. So, like, he supported Bertie O'Hern, he supported Iraq War,

everything that, in the long... run he has proven to be a bad thing he was like one of those cunts going like housing crisis i don't see a fucking crisis yeah yeah anglo bank's never been better or kelly innocent yeah and he had that you know who's in the house yeah jesus in the house yeah oh i'll tell you what we were talking about wrestlemania there yeah do you know that colin jost and michael chay were in there yeah yeah did the little yeah did a little uh cameo did a little fight i think oh did they yeah Oh, okay, that's pretty funny. A lot of a comedian, like, Patrice worked for the WW.

Yeah. And Drew Carey, like a bunch of comedians have worked for it. It really is this little world that I don't know much about, but I want to get into it. Man, like, I genuinely, like, growing up during the attitude area, it's kind of, like, considered, like, the best time of wrestling. Because it was just so ridiculous and outlandish and quite hedonistic as well, like, you know, and stuff. Have you ever seen that clip of Vince McMahon interviewing for a secretary? No.

Okay, so it's like he gets on the in the ring, he's like, oh, I need this new secretary. I'm going to interview three women and the first woman comes out and she's like dressed in a suit. Yeah. Everyone's like, boo! Boo! And then she runs away.

And McMahon's like, hmm. Yeah, good, get out of here, get out of here. And then the next one, is a guy who is clearly walking an offensive you know hands up sorry he's just doing a walk right now

yeah yeah he's walking in a in like a anti-gay propaganda kind of Alan Carr style walk yeah yeah yeah yeah like a real Al Porter okay right okay and then they boo even more I'm pretty sure like people start throwing chairs Oh yeah, yeah, they're going crazy

Like, they cannot believe that They cannot, the fans They don't believe that a gay man Have the audacity To even consider helping Mr. McMahon, okay? How dare you? Same with that woman And how dare a woman wear a suit?

So the next one, okay, is this kind of like, attractive enough girl, okay? Yeah, and she's kind of got this thing down a little bit. Like cleavage show? Yeah, she got a little bit of cleavis shown And Mr. McMahon's going like,

I like what I see This maybe I can get Maybe I can get my hands around this And then she's like I can do this many words per a minute And he's like, I'd like you to do something Like you to touch my cock for this many minutes You know like

It's kind of like real bad innuendo Yeah yeah And he's like You're pretty attractive as well And she's like Oh thank you Miss Drinkman I'd like to put you in a good position You know it's that kind of like

You know that's about to make the deal but then another girl shows up in a bikini oh okay and uh

the crowd goes wild oh yeah they're like brunni new yeah they cannot believe it

finally a woman in a bikini yeah no more suits here okay and she literally

I think I don't think she actually hits the other woman but she does like push her out of a ring and then like um

Mr. Vince McMahon is like, what qualifications do you have? And then she just rubs her fanny on his face. And he literally, and he's doing like the most cartoons like bug-eye, like, kind of lone arts. Like, at one stage, he kind of falls off his chair. And she's like doing like a little dance and he's like, and then he like brings her way in like probably sexiest all.

So how are you familiar with Microsoft Excel? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Spreadsheets. Maybe you could spread something else. Yeah. Brun do, do, do. He just fucks her right there.

And all the fans are like, it was very, like, hedonistic and misogynist. But I was, like, 12 years old, so I didn't realize how awful it was. And it was, like, there was no porn back then. I didn't even have broad, like, dial-up. So, like, these women in bikinis was the closest thing I got. Do you remember, like, your first, like, being exposed to pornography?

Yeah. like it would have been like on channel four late at night they have shows like euro trash i missed all that i actually i i i heard people talk about that yeah yeah see it was now what was that that was just like it was just like a compilation it was like you know this french guy presented it and they did little segments of like you know here's like a place in amsterdam where like you know women walk around with their tits out while serving pastries or whatever it was It was literally European, like different European countries with, like, sexual businesses, basically. And it was just like an expose.

And you just, all you'd ever see was like tits, you know, a bit of bush, you know, soft cock, never hard. You know, it was the closest thing I got. And what wasn't like someone like, it was a guy going like, oh, my God. Oh, suckle of blue, the big titty. Yeah, it was terrible. Like it's garbage piece of show. And the only audience of. it were like 14 year olds who couldn't get porn yeah and then they're like on channel 5 like an old

british channel like a terrestrial channel on friday nights they used to show like soft core american porno movies oh wow so you like you know that was like oh my god yeah so and then the internet came like so i had like a gradual you know i didn't just see fucking like bucaki gangbangs at the age of five that's like that's literally like now just like no like there's no like gradual step up like Everyone's bored of sex now Maybe that's why Women have More

Power Control now We have not forming an idea here So it's kind of like We've gone through the needle Oh my God So we've actually gone past Sexualization

Through the locking glass We've gone past sexualization now We're like now we actually We've looked at so much Bukaki And now we see women as human beings That's disgusting No, no, no, no, no, it's perfect. It's sick.

No, it's beautiful. It is, it's beautiful. It's a bit like the end of 2001 Space Odyssey. Okay, we've seen all the good... I'm sorry, I cannot let you wank to this form. No, no, all the porn was zooming by, okay, in a flash of colors. Yeah, yeah. And then we saw ourselves as an old man.

Yeah. And then we woke up and Becky Lynch was the winner of the WrestleMania. Well, some might argue that all this excessive porn is a part of the New World Order. was planned to depopulate the earth. Good. Good. There needs to be less people. There does, yeah.

I say get rid of like half the human race. I'm full on sterilization. Sterilization, eugenics, genocide, whatever you got to do. Well, uh, keep that, keep that yourself. That's for the Patreon listeners. Or our Patreon episodes just be like just a prophetess plans and locations. Oh, we're going to meet under a bridge. Oh, we have to buy just much fertiliser.

Oh, you need to buy a plane ticket to Oklahoma Finish the job I was thinking they're like They should remake that whole Vince McMahon looking for a secretary But this is what This is like real pandering to the dumb cunts All right

You have like Becky Lynch there And she's like I ain't going to be your secretary You're going to be mine And then McMahon be like Whoa And he just starts hitting her It's like, oh no, he's going off scripting again.

Yeah, yeah. This has been a really informative episode. Yes, it has. It's more of a manic one. Because we went through the stuff that we wanted to talk about, and now we're just spitballing. Pretty much. And when you spitball, that's when the best ideas come out.

And the most, uh, the things you're most likely to get in trouble for. But you know what? We're riffing. None of this is like written down and prepared. We're riffing here. But I know, but like it's kind of like, I think people are too afraid. Yeah. Of political correctness.

Yes. And that's why people like Peterson and stuff like Jordan Peterson are like, like, uh, so popular because I think people have an image in their head that like if you say like it's not if you say anything bad at all yeah people are gonna bust in your doors and like yeah yeah like take you yeah like if you say like uh and the people are kind of afraid oh yeah absolutely and that's where piercing comes in because pierson like uh it's funny because he's he's a boring professor yeah but like he's being portrayed as this like insane right wing Well, no, both, like, one side is, like, he is the only saver we have. Yeah, yeah.

And he will say, and the other side is, like, he's the most dangerous man in the world. Jordan, Peter, what, WrestleMania, this time, Pearson's here. Pearson versus trans women. But, like, some people, like, they love him so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not, you know, like, insane clown posse. The juggleums? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's like Peterson, like insane Peterson posse. I know people who like, they watch Peterson nonstop. Yeah, yeah. And same with all those intellectual dark web cunts. Yeah. Yeah, it's just like they make the same like three or four points. Over and over and over. And these losers watch them all the time and let their lives just complete disintegrate.

But for some reason about weird knowledge about, was it C-19, some done law in Canada. Yeah. But they have a perfect knowledge of like the law. in Canada in regards to what pronouns you can use but they don't know how to like clean their balls can't get a job in Tesco

yeah yeah yeah because fucking you know you know who is stopping them like so it's like weird how like I mean I personally like again I'm not like a huge Peterson fan I think he makes some valid points on some things and then

on other things he you know I wouldn't tend to he's just a human being He's just a guy, like, you know, he's not like some martyr that needs to be followed to the end of the earth. Yeah. Yeah, no, I think, you know, once you start idolizing any person, you know, and completely following their ideology, not allowing yourself to question the things that they might be wrong about, you get into very dangerous territory. I just don't get, like, people worship Jordan Pearson, who's a professor who writes books. Yeah.

Well, back in the day, they used to worship musicians, like, who sang about horses and fucked 14-year-old girls. and so this culture has gone to shit now it's all K-pop and fucking now it's all K-pop and Peterson that's what it's all about now what happened to Or Kelly and Woody Allen or motley crew

Yeah motley crew Yeah They used to dress up like women And sing about What? They used to sniff ants Yeah They just were very like

Misogilistic Talk a lot of drugs Banged a lot of women I'm surprised a lot more Rock bands didn't get me-toed But hey that's a story for another day you know

that's as you're reading a book to your grandchildren oh that's a story for another night good night and because he didn't entirely penetrate he was given a caution

good night yeah okay we should wrap this up should end it no no no one more bit one more bit we never know when to end no we don't but what I was saying

is that people are afraid but most people are kind of sensible like people have like this like dumb idea of like feminism in their head like you know if you say anything bad about women like a feminist is going to jump through the window on a transgender horse named billy yeah yeah which is a cow and like and start shooting yeah but like i think people know that like when we say bad things like we're actually everyone else is retarded okay and we're actually like so smart that we can be offensive okay but we're actually saving lives yes we are saving lives yeah yeah and i think now

the only way all these kids are committing suicide yeah you know the word edge lord yes people say that's a bad thing okay okay okay but would you rather be an edge lord or conformity king uh probably an edge lord sounds pretty cool to me yeah it does so we talk about rape and bad things all the time sure that teaches children that you can laugh at those things Okay, and kind of like removes any kind of empathy there. And we create an army of souless. Just like, no empathy. Just like, can you imagine how shit the world would be if all the children of Ireland are listening this podcast?

We like influence a generation of people. We destroy a generation. We just like, wow. The number of animal murders is gone. Oh, my God. Like children of the corn Just like all our fans Oh my God

What a terrifying huge Fuck tards You know how every podcast Have fat like Yeah It's kind of like What does Marin call his Oh I don't get a know

We'll call ours Fuck tards The fuck tards Yeah Well Thank you Adam Tallan You are

You are my fuck tars You are Our fuck Tart Adam this whole episode is for you Please spread the word If you have kids Tell them about the show if you don't just raw dog someone and make some

make some kids and make them this and just fuck them up that's the end of the show I'm tired good night good night