Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 21 : Codeine and Emily Ashmore

Episode Date: April 23, 2019

Marc Maron got Obama, we got Ashmore. Take that Maron you piece of shit. WTF am I right?

Just go. Yo, yo, DJ Daddy, Doug Dick here with my main James KKK Kedin special guest Emily Ashmore

and Brian and James fuck each other the gayest podcast on the internet. Yes. And that's, that was, that's how you start a podcast.

It started. That's the better of the two. We had two to pick from. Lots of energy. James started with a kind of self-deprecating kind of like, oh,

I'm starting it. But then, yeah, I was like, she just came in with racism and homophobia. Yeah, just to like kick it off.

That's what the fans want. Yeah, yeah. That's what sells. Yeah. But I think we've got a big guest on tonight, so we've got to, like, really make it. Bring the energy. Emily, introduce yourself.

I'm Emily. Yeah. All right. Bringing the energy back down. Exactly. I brought up too much. For a podcast, yeah, it was a lot. Yeah, that's going to turn people off.

I was just trying to be cool. Maybe that's what they want. I just trying to be cool, guys. So, yeah, I'm joined here with two award-winning Irish comedians. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's nice. Yeah, it is nice, isn't it? which award is better oh um just to say james won the dublin next top comic award and emily you won the cherry

new comedy breakout act of the year yeah yeah yeah yeah i think you have a nicer trophy not to be disparaging yeah yeah trophy was a lot cooler your trophy the glass very kind of modern yeah yeah like did you ever get those trophies like no you know like when you did ride in school like if you like top girl or whatever what are you talking about did you never win top girl it's making me feel bad what there was a top girl prize yeah I got it what was that what do you have to do to get that I just be a licker it's really like

we didn't have that in our school I'm not even joking like we had like pre like you prefect and stuff like that yeah this is like primary was it no no no secondary school ours was real like they did award ceremonies every month to kind of like boost our egos oh it's like implies a month but for kids Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, getting working harder.

It works out really well. I'm a massively gone out. Yeah. You do well in school? Yeah, yeah, I was really good in school, yeah. Well, you're like, now, I've said this before, like, you have a real vibe of someone who's much older than you actually are. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you've, like, the vibe of someone like... I was like that in school, I think, as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've the vibe as something like you didn't have parents. I know what you do, but someone who, like, survive under, like, were the oldest of kids or... Yeah, the oldest. Okay, that makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have that kind of, like... I have parents, too. some more independent like you know we didn't like a leach just sucking on to him like you could like go on your own like yeah walk on my walk on my own get my top girl award on my own top girl fuck do you get any awards here in school james no in my school if you did well it just uh wouldn't hit you as hard well you're from different time like i'm from a different time that's right right well like i think we're both me and emily are both like is it gen z that's what they call us now

yeah i think so or gen y it's gen y's gen y you're younger than a millennial is that are you yeah yeah i i'm just to cut off. So you're a millennial and I think Gen Y is like 94 or something like that is it? I'm not a joke. I think so. Yeah, I think anybody like mid-90s honor is Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Gen Y's children. Yeah, yeah. You're like your establishment. Yeah, I'm the old

millennial guy. Yeah, we can't understand you kids. Yeah, yeah. I can't afford a house because of you, James. My excessive spending during the Celtic Tiger. Yeah. So Emily, you're a comedian that seems to go well for you. Well, no, you've won't have a fucking award.

Yeah. Don't do that, like. Yeah, you should be rubbing that ward in your face, and not in your face. I've already done that. No, rub it in your face and rub it in someone else's face. Yeah, smell that. That's my, that's my face.

The smell of success. No, you should, like, walk around. Like, you know, rappers, they brag all the time. Like, I put it in my bio. Yeah, that's... And that was probably about... Get fucking carrots printed. Carats.

Business cards. Nice to meet. They've got actives a year. Didn't walk away. So you've been doing comedy for a while. You've been, how many months in? So I started about a year ago now. And you've shot up, a bit like, you're a bit like a young, Billy Irish.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of like young, shot up real quick. Yeah, she's younger than me, and I think she is a bit more successful, but that's nice. Well, time will tell. Let's see who, you know, who's going to OD and who's going to do well. She's going to OD. Fingers crossed, no.

But she's great. Yeah, I don't even know who you're talking about. That's how old I am. 12 she's 12 oh really I don't think she's 12 12 in the exaggeration she's like start off 16 she's like 17 now okay what does she do

she's only just age of age recently is she a comedian oh no you fucking idiot maybe not intentionally millennial over here I know yeah she's kind of like what I say gothic yeah she's like she's the new

kind of punk she's like real moody and all of her songs don't really have any melody but they you know they mean something stuff that like we can relate to like you know mental health issues yeah thankfully i don't have any of that it's all smooth sailing

for millennial yeah you just call her it's working at it she has like blue hair oh really yeah yeah time is passing you're like you're that prisoner got out with shawshan i just yeah i'm just gonna hang myself and power of my name of the shame's here yeah no one cares uh so you've been doing comedy and you're also a podcaster in the post Yeah, yeah. Post-formist fight back us. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of like Ali, who's on this as well.

She, yeah, what do you call it? That's kind of her baby. You? And then I just kind of, I'm on it sometimes with her. Oh, you're not parent? No, no. Oh, just. Me and Pedro are kind of interchangeable.

I can't tell a difference. We're practically the same thing. Yeah, yeah. Now we need to get the whole, there's four, like, kind of regulars. On the podcast. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, just Ali, me and Pedro. Did you think the fourth was?

Yeah. I talked to someone else. We've been Martin on tomorrow. Angolo. Oh my God. We were talking about him in the podcast recently. Yeah, talking about his, what is it? What did you accuse him?

I just accused him with like punching a Dan syndrome person. He did not. No, he did not. Well, no, we're just talking. He did not. It was very smart, actually, because we're talking about, like, this guy got done for sending debt threats in, like, I think, Arama or something like that. We were talking about, like, how it's hard to.

tell what's a funny fake debt threat and what's a real one you know so like i know marron so i can have a little like he's a little like it's a little dead threat and it again it's like a banter you know it's casual yeah banter like if i send him a bullet in the mail it's a bit of crack yeah yeah but like it depends like but that's why you're talking with that so you're gonna have him yeah he's on well mention the show to him yeah yeah yeah explain explain my opinions i'd just be like i heard brian o'till send you new death threats and he'd be like yeah and then he'll just probably kill us god he's great Kill your careers

He's great And he's mad young as well Yeah Yeah he's doing that He's not even He's not even though 30 I think Is he? Yeah yeah

And he's just shooting up Like he just seems a lot older Like kind of The way he carries himself He's very like mature Well it is the suits But even suits That's why I think

To mean her is very sort of Like a cool detachment For everything You know Do you ever think about more About like the character You sell on stage Where like what you dress

And like stuff like that Sometimes I think I'm trying to think about it a bit more now because I don't know if I have one so I was like is that a good thing that I don't have and is it a bad thing because I used to think like it doesn't really matter but I know a lot of comics who will even like if it doesn't even look like they talk about it yeah just the fact they wear like huddies a lot or like think that's just like that's their thing that's the way they're like I think my character yeah I don't say it like that but like I think just it looks

better if I'm like that I think I definitely dress for the stage I think I definitely wear different efforts than I do my day today yeah like I wouldn't go on around this I don't really know why it's just like again it's kind of like you're ready it's like a job interview 100% yeah yeah yeah and I had a joke by cardigans for a while so like I always had to be running a cardigan it was really stressful I ran out of my life oh my god good thing that bit didn't like become

huge yeah it was just say hey cardigan girl hey it wasn't even a good joke I think I just felt like important like putting on my cardigan right before I went on stage and everyone would be like why you should put on a cardigan it's so weird well like yeah some of them like a more stoner comic if

he was wearing a suit it would like be a bit more yeah yeah yeah it wouldn't really do you think about that ever do you guys think about that i don't that's why i think that's why i think i've come up like i've stated me sometimes again i have no respect for the audience whatsoever like just i think so that like if you if you trick i think it's all about tricking the audience oh yeah it's a bad way life's about tricking people in general life's about manipulation i think no it's not at all but i think like if you go on look on a certain way they're like expecting something yeah that's true but then you kind of have to also think about but what is my material does my material match up with the visual representation like

because the first like you get on stage the audience will just make their mind up oh they make the mind up even even then your material kind of has to match that to like really like sell yourself a lot of times their mind is made up before you even like talk before you even talk but do you think it's better to even like because of the whole like element of surprise and do you think it's even better like I found it works better for me if I go looking like young and like just like a year I'm looking young But what's kind of looking I'm actually 45

But if I look young And then I just come out with this really With like a different material Like what they're not expecting Yeah yeah It's a good kind of like catches them by surprise Yeah Yeah that's true

Again it's not really something I've really thought about too much You should really I'm not joking now Go really like hard punk kind of biker kind of look Oh no I'm not joking like I just walk up like the same sons of anarchy

is like proper shish head not full neonatze it's like just look a bit a little bit more like intimidating

because your stuff is dark anyway I would if I could grow a proper beard I would but it just

kind of it never really grows past this I should wear you know to kind of sleeve fingers

gloves I love them with spikes on the knell yeah yeah it's really go on full

like numchucks and like drive your motorbike up to the same okay yeah This had come out like the guy from Judas Priest, just on a motorbike. Proper.

Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you, Brian, for that advice. I'll take it on board and we'll see. I see what do you think I should dress like? My stuff. I don't even know my stuff's kind of silly, but dark starts off silly and then turns dark, I think. I think it works, though. Yeah.

I think the way you go on suits and material. I think, yeah, my stuff, the more unprepared and just like, uh, looks like I made no effort at all. Although it's even funnier. It looks like I've tried to make an effort and it hasn't worked since. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, he thinks that's fashionable. Oh, he tried. You have a few jokes about, like, your appearance and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah.

Do you ever, like... I'm like, I, like, purposely, like, I could be way more handsome for tried. Is there anybody you think that, like, does that really well, like, dresses for the stage, really well? And goal will be the number one, I think. Yeah. Well, I think, Daniel O'Brien, he dresses, like, really nice as well.

Like, he's wearing, like... But do you think there's anybody that, like, matches their persona really well on purpose? I can only think of things that... I'm going to say, bad things so we'll move on let's see what else we talk so a big thing I was say to James before you got here was you've a good stage presence as well

and that's probably you're in a band before it is yeah yeah well I was a bass player for a while and a keyboard player before that that can really help yeah I'm very like I don't really get nervous so on on stage as such more about having the jokes yeah well I know James as well you were in a band I was yeah that's probably why you two have won awards

it might happen. Just want to ban it out. Yeah, do it. Oh, I do. I actually have an idea, and I'm not joking. You know John Merrick, the elephant man? I didn't know that was his name. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's the elephant man, okay?

So he's like the mish-shaped and head. Yeah. And your old black eyed peas had that album, Elefunk. Yes. Okay, so I was thinking, like, it's the Elefunk man, all right? And it's me and like two other guys. I'm putting this out there now to anyone listening. I want two guys to wear...

Anybody disfavored? No. well we'll get honest on the second actually well it's going to be hard to find people in this day age elephant men are hard to find so it's like maybe we're going to wait and he wore like a bag so we can't go paper machet is like

that's too offensive but like to make it's just a bag over our heads like and then we just do the songs is that to regret it's no no because I say it's not well like I know it's the big thing because they're doing the remake of the elephant man

for the BBC and they've cast you know the kind of um the junk looking kid on stranger things the older brother who's like a bit weird looking creepy guy yeah yeah well he's not as a creepy guy myself

like he doesn't mean to get well I think he still is yeah okay well they got him to play the elephant mat all right but they're saying they're saying like that is this day and age you should get

an actual disfigured person yeah I was going to say but it's a hard I was trying to think correct there but you should actually get someone who has that kind of heads but that's hard to find

I was going to say what if that's going to say not really bad but would it be hard to match the shape? That's what I mean like yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like you're just portraying a disabled person. You're portraying the elephant man who was like the one and only. You're not going to offend other elephant men.

Yeah, yeah. So I think they should but at some people, obviously people just kind of get offended just for the crack, like, but I'm pro, that's going to be my band anyway. Yeah, yeah, the elephant, the elephunk man. The elephunk man. I mean, say like, you know, let's get it started in here and all

that kind of stuff. I like that. Yeah. Where's the love? You do she covers but like with word elephant thrown in really. No, no. We actually wouldn't address it at all. Oh, right. Yeah, so we're like that. But we're just doing the songs and it's like we're just trying your best. I think that might help. What was the name of your band? Was it? A couple of weird names. I know. I love hearing the band names. Tell me. I can't even remember what they were called. They're all. My friends tell me it's always like bad puns. Ours is never like that. Like we'd fever for a while. That's good. Oh no, that's not good When you're, well It was all like 17 year old Was it fever pH or F? F fever PH Yeah, that's how I do it Yeah

That would have been better Yeah I'm what you got I didn't last long in bands At all I'm not great in them Even though like You can't really play the bass

On your own Yeah It's very sad instrument To play by yourself True Very true You could give it Yeah

And like pretend Is the people there Yeah Have you brought You bring it up on stage now Which And he does instruments Base

Or people are I haven't brought him up, no. Do it. If you want, I'm not, I'm not telling you. I feel like to bait, but Matthew Tallinn had a good bass bit for a while. Yeah. I feel like I, it's been done. Okay.

I suppose. And David O'Darty has a little bit bigger in Tallinn. You know, that the two greats of Irish talent are like, oh shit, this is you kid. It's hard on my trail. Yeah, yeah. Like, what was it? Deval Doherty is Herod and Talon is Jesus. he has to kill

Matty talent is Jesus Anyone with glasses They kill just in case One of them is the chosen children Yeah I think though like with musical comedy It's just evolved so much Like if you're not doing something

Really kind of incredible It's kind of just comes off a bit shy Yeah Hackey do you know what I mean Because people now They've grown up with like Lonely Island Yeah One set

All these like the top of the top Yeah exactly So when they see something that isn't Like it's just like I kind of tune out When it's musical comedy which sounds really bad but like if I see a fellow with a guitar I'm like okay and I just kind of let let them strum away and I think it's a good way of kind of hiding the fact that you're not getting

yeah exactly that's really offensive to all of well it's only offensive to the ones that don't get that yeah like the ones that are really clever sounds and stuff like that yeah but like sometimes I'm like I just don't get it like but a lot of times it's like for a parody song you get the parody after the first minute. Yeah, and then they keep singing. They do the full song. I just think in there, like, say like, off top my head, all right. Okay, seven nation, I have big boobs.

It's like something like that. Yeah, and it's got a good one. No, no, I'll tell you what. Take some Viagagagra. It's like that kind of level of like, a seven nation army couldn't stop me from taking Viagra now. I think there's a new bit, right? Yeah, but like, but then, but you've got it.

Yeah. But he's still going to do the whole song. Yeah, I think, yeah. Like, there's a comedian, I'm not going to mention the name, but like, he started using a guitar. And I just, like, went up to him and I was like, you don't need that. Yeah, it's a crutch. I was like, I was like, no. So you don't need that.

But, like, I don't know. Some of them can be quite good. Like, I do love David or Dardy, and I think his song's really good. But he doesn't do that. Like, he just talks through the sounds. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't have a verse and course. Oh, wait, wait, no, I got better.

Take a look at my sandwich. You're still trying to crowd. Take a look at my sandwich. It's got ham in it. No, like take a look at my boyfriend. Oh, very good. Okay, I won't do it then. I used to do a bit about the bass,

but I just kind of mimed the bass. Yeah, yeah, it's not that bit. People get it. Yeah, people are. There was no one going like, what's he talking about? We need visual hands. No, no, be that God.

Oh, that's cool. So you've been doing it in. Dublin and we're having a little conversation beforehand and you can don't talk about it but like you're kind of I'll say it I have complete disdain for people out in the country when I'm doing like I'm doing stand up like a lot of them are just absolute gist what's it bog munchers just like bog munchers yeah just like just look at this cold dead eyes like but it is harder it's like they just have different sense of humour like yeah when you go down the country yeah it's like doing comedy outside of Dublin it's like you're kind of spoil from Dublin because

they'll get like your Transformers references they'll get any reference from Netflix they'll get any kind of trendy net like trendy um what's the word reference but like when you go down in the country you have to be like so Daniel O'Donnell

yeah yeah yeah in the country you can still harbor really ignorant views openly you know what I mean you can be like racist or homophobic and like totally get away with it like mom I don't know I joke

I was talking my uncle not too long ago and he was telling me like he was saying like these Muslims they should put them in a box and put them in the sea yeah oh my God

like that but that's just like he'll say that at least in Dublin to look around before they say it like or they leave it for a taxi but like

in there they'll say out loud in like in the players of the faithful that is great yeah that's great yeah amen

I think like they watch call it they that's why like those real old fashioned fun of comedians do a lot better to the country

yeah I don't think personally do identity country but it's just something I need to work on

that's because no it's because no no don't don't work on that that's not a skill you want

to see me next you can be like so I have motives eh oh Matt Emily I mean

so just pointed if you went down the wrong road and just you know you're mammy

oh yeah like that like real I am doing a joke about that now like about my

mom and a to about my mom and a tobleuron from the airport and stuff like yeah but they be

like what's an airport yeah Tobleron sons are then ethnic to me. And, like, is that too me? Like, you know what I mean? Like, is that too, is that too country then?

I don't think so, no, no, no. It also depends on how you do it and, like, you're not just... She's also from Fingless, so it shouldn't be too country. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Well, Fingless is not country at all, like... No, no. I'm from Carole.

It shouldn't be in the country. I'm from Carlo, so I know what the truth is like... It's just, it's just tough, you just don't know what they're... That gig, I was just telling Bride before, like, I did a gig in Tipperary or whatever. Yeah. And they're actually grand, but it was all my boyfriend's family and friends. And I'd never met any of them before. Jesus, that is rough.

Yeah, and I didn't even make them before. It's like an audition. Yeah. Let's see if she's funny enough to be with our son. I was ranting about my mother on the stage, looking dead in his mother's eyes. Oh, my God. And she was just kind of like. Well, that's kind of like how it used to be.

So, like, you had to perform for the family to get their acceptance. And that's why I used to be back in Jane Eyre times. They definitely wouldn't have exception to that, I don't think. Well, not. It would have been like too bitter. Yeah, yeah. No, no. Any kind of like, you showed any kind of emotion.

It was like, she's a witch. If she stopped, if she stopped smiling for two seconds, yeah, proper, she's a witch. No, back then I'd be like, no, she had to like bring in the daughters and like did have like all the like sisters and like the duke would look at them and do off like playing instruments. And they were played the nicest song. Oh my God. Yeah. Well, that's, I think I'm exaggerating a bit. But like that, it was like that kind of level.

So that's kind of like what you didn't. Pretty much. Yeah. only my two sisters were not there. Yeah, yeah, so they were battling for, they were battling for, for anything. They were at home. Well, you got two sisters. Two sisters.

What did they do? Well, they're in school, one's 17 and once 11, I think. Jesus Christ. Yeah. 10. So you, to them, are you like the cool older sister that went that made it? They could care less. They could actually care less.

Like my younger sister, she's 11, like I said, but she just doesn't go to fuck. I come home I haven't not been there for like two weeks and she's like you're all right yeah just sitting on the couch like playing her playstation

she's like what's crap yeah do they have any what do they want to do or do they really know like teachers and the other one I don't know

I don't know what she'll do probably play the PlayStation forever or something but um it's almost more noble like we are kind of like we want to go off

and kind of just be centre of attention for us for lives yeah yeah and she wants to teach people and help people I think I've done them both a favour because anything they'll do will look better than what I did. Because, like, I've dropped out of college now.

You dropped out of college? Yeah, yeah. Same. Oh, not, did you? I dropped out of college like three times over the years. Did you? Yeah, yeah. Are you not in college like now?

I am, yeah, but it's after three times of dropping out. Very good. So you have to find out what were you studying. You made the right choice. That's what, like, I'm not going to solve Brexit. You know what I mean. Oh, that attitude. Come on, now.

You're an award when you're a comedian, you know, whatever you want. That's not for a joke. I was believing the patriarchy. That's what that is. Literally everyone in the UK was really hoping. Come on, Emily. Theresa May called me and I'm like, come on. You've got to help me out.

You've got to help me out. Ashmore. Come on, wait. Oh yeah. So you did politics for how long? Just like... A year. A year.

Yeah, but a year and a half. Was there anything redeemable about that year of your life? I think, well, I started comedy then. Yeah. Because of that. Because they had a... they had a comedy society that I thought was really cool and I had very little what college was again UCD UCD yeah very little other things to do I didn't get in

it's shite and it's so far like it's just so yeah it's not in the centre is enough no it's bullshit like you have to I had to travel four hours every day like two hours there and two hours back Jesus to do politics politics yeah oh yeah yeah I used to have a bit of chip my shoulder about that fact I didn't get any of Dublin colleges it got them dark oh yeah but I think I think I've made the better choice Like it's almost better to go It's nice It is yeah

It's almost better to go somewhere It's absolutely not No it's not You gotta say it We're recording this thing Well this is like You know An RT definitely someone

From both sides The argument So the dog's nice You know it's not I don't want I don't want all of Dunnop to come out actually I'll say it's on that

They won't Well actually it's kind of kicking off now again They're better things To be doing do they Well like They're very close to the border A lot of paramilitary

That journalist got killed Actually yeah Yeah yeah Her name is She from Dundow No, I think she was... From, like, Derry or somewhere? Yeah, yeah, yeah, she was not shot in the dairy, yeah.

Very sad. Laira McKee was her name. And, you know, obviously, it's kind of cool, like, no matter... Wait, no, no, no, no, no, I think it's cool that, like, um, both sides of the spectrum, uh, like the, the north and the south, um, no, what, um... Are you going to blame the troubles on autism? Shut up, shut up, shut up, sure. I was the north and state the spectrum.

No, no, a political spectrum. It's a political spectrum, okay. Like, they had Mary Lou McDonald's and not Aretha Franklin. Arlene Foster. Arlene Foster, yeah. They both had a joint statement going like, you know, that's bad. Not on. Yeah, that's, like, shouldn't, people, journalists shouldn't get in shot like.

Like, she wasn't, like, she wasn't, like, she wasn't doing anything, like. At least they can agree on that. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah. And also, what the only kind of. kind of like kind of mildly humorous thing about it was jerry adams no no because no no bear with me jerry adams tweet the thing going like okay sorry with the sad loss of um lyra mckee this is very bad and his next tweet was i agree jerry so obviously like someone in his like a PR team fucked up there

you're like tweet from the wrong account yeah yeah yeah well it looked for me like jerry just went full skits-o like Like in split, like... I agree, Jerry, that's guys. So he has, like, bought accounts that he just uses too good. Well, obviously, I think people that big, and you'll know about this soon enough, people get so big, they can't be on their own social media, because it's too much, okay? So they have to have a few people on it.

So obviously someone... Yeah, someone probably tweet from wrong account. Are you worried about that, fame? I'm worried about fame. Yeah. I don't think I'll ever get any, so I don't hear. Oh, no, sure. I'd like to be famous enough for someone to manage my Instagram.

or to take Instagram pictures of me would be really nice That would be good, yeah I'd love that Just like, you know, real candids Like That's great You know, there's like,

wasn't like just nine photographers Just following lady gag around all the time Yeah, I'd love that Like, or I'd love like, You know, like, you know, the people that the Kardashian pay To like follow them around And that's like their paparazzi

I love that like Just walking out of like You know And they always up really shocked Like, Yeah, yeah What are you guys doing here? Just walk out of every door with purpose

Like not shaking the head That's the right world It's me I didn't even see you there. Sorry. Well, that's not... I love that. That's not too unbelievable. Like, I'd say, like... Because you're so young as well, like...

Times on your side. Yeah, yeah, times on your side. And as long as just keep going out and don't let the bitterness... Erode you from the inside of it, which is what... And you end up doing a podcast called Brian James, fuck each other. Like, yeah, you still... I just don't do that. Edit out all the bitchy things you say about other comedians.

Oh, that's going to get us in trouble. Yeah, yeah. I don't even care. they all they like all the comedians know like when we say someone's a cunt we're just having the crack yeah yeah that's why like you could never do a podcast with like comedians in a car going anywhere oh man because everyone would be destroyed yeah yeah everyone would be cancelled straight away yeah yeah yeah you just be oh god some of the stuff you would never say outside of the car no but i think it's almost like sometimes if you're in the heat the moment and like it's almost fun to say like something a bit yeah a bit in your head naughty or something like it's something like kind of wind you up a bit is that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They are a court.

Yeah, yeah, you kind of get caught up and heat the moment, like. Yeah. So that's what the whole, like, but it's not just comedians like that. No, it really was like. It's like, that's, in a small scale it's happened in a car. They were all just in a car.

Four Nazis in a car. No, I'm just saying like... Four Nazis in a car. Doing a set tonight. If you're in a car, okay, and there's like one picture at MC that we all know, who's like, go... That's not that one, actually.

He's got a beard. But if it's like, you know, it's going like real like, this guy's a cunt, this guy's a cunt, eventually it will kind of go into your own head. Like, yeah, they are all cunts, yeah. I know, yeah. And that's kind of large scale. Hitler was saying like,

these are cunts, these are cunts. And eventually the Germans are like... I think they should have used that excuse in the Nuremberg-trots and they probably would have... Do you ever watch much stuff from Nuremberg trials? Absolutely not. Okay, well, you're better off.

I did what I needed to learn in school. Yeah. Oh, I watched it. There's a great movie about it with Alec Baldwin. Love him Yeah, yeah Yeah, it's good He's good now

He's got a real anger Problem, but like he Best episode of Friends Ever What was he in Friends? He was like Dating Phoebe for a while In that episode

And he was just like Really positive about everything Yeah Do you remember that And he was like I can't even remember Like he was like I just love life

Really obnoxious But I'm very funny God friends It's so easy Just watch Like Yeah I've seen it all Like six times

And I couldn't tell Well now it's like The most popular thing Yeah It's not something you're like It's not a novel where you like let it sink in and like you think about the teams like you know you're you don't write an essay about every episode yeah it's just like it just happens and you're like oh

it's nice kind of good it's like candy floss you know deep down you should be watching like foreign films or like you know documentary yeah documentary about like you know like a Bolivian cricket or something like that like I don't know what yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's example I haven't seen that I keep going to watch it and then I'm like not in the mood Oh, so isn't it all about, like, basically, day that ever going, like, the world's fucked? Yep, yep. My friend watched it, and she was like, I'm never using plastic again.

And I was like, good luck with that. Yeah. It's kind of like, it's too late now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just embrace oblivion here at Tom. All right. I don't know, like, as long as it doesn't happen in the next 40 years.

In your lifetime, basically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let my kids get fucked. Yeah. Well, I think, surprisingly. Don't have kids.

That'll help. Well, the drug use is up on the rise. use of cocaine and coding and stuff like that has like risen like exponential I was going to say like a number it's risen

I mean we're going to make one up it's risen like 900% like it's gone huge that's how the news works is that newsre going like that's a good what's a scary 900 no

a billion percent I believe it about the codeine people are caught out oh yeah some people in this room are I just I am I've been packing soft eating in my bag right

do you yeah yeah oh man I'm all this of the sulfidine, neurophanclose, holding, this is a colding, I hate you in the privacy, like, not in,

I don't hate you in my chicken, oh, just, because I'm like, I'm the guy who comes in, yeah, oh, my sciatica has been acting up there. It's for my wife.

Yeah, yeah. I go courting shopping. You don't hit the same pharmacy in the same week. Yeah, you got to spread it out. That's why I love living in Dublin. They're everywhere in my time. I'm too embarrassed to buy it in my own pharmacy.

Yeah, but why don't you just steal it? If you buy, as long as you're not doing like James, like buying every fucking day. No, like, I don't know. I'm not addicted to Cody, ma'am. I swear. Yeah. I like. Don't say that when you're doing the show for you.

I just need it sometimes. Do you do it much? Do I do it much? It's not fucking easy. Yeah. Okay, I don't. You know what's funny? I've never done Cody.

Do you want to do now? I would. Yeah, I was doing poppers last time. Fuck off. Yeah, last gig me, James did. I was doing the other poppers. Yeah. That's right.

I did one, one. and I was like this is like one bottle or one sniff? No one sniff Okay right Just gives you a headache after one Another comedian You probably well guess who it is as well

And he just had one And I was like Giz Goda And I was like this is awful Gizigoda She's gone and you're popular I'm just legal Yeah yeah

You mix up you sniff some Cody and drink Oh One guy I'm not I'm hard of course The whole world is addicted to Cody it's so good um what can i tell you has a song about it who posier oh does it

oh no that one um is that new his new album codeine scene no oh i don't know oh i need to look up dangerous woman on the coding scene or something oh i looked it up on the drive back i'll listen to it yes actually speaking of drugs my friend just got into drugs recently that's nice like she was real you know straight edge you know like you know i ain't doing that shit yeah i i i the only thing i need is like vegetables you know yeah yeah yeah i just go to gym that's the The endorphins from the gym is how I get my height That kind of girl out But she went to Berlin there

And now she's mad on the ecstasy and all that Really? And it's kind of fun Because it's like, I was saying James earlier You only way parents will have kids And they'll watch old TV shows with their kids Yeah And it's like they're getting

They're getting a buzz again From seeing it from a fresh perspective That's like you and her It's kind of like that with drugs like So she's having the drugs first time She's like oh these are pretty good And I'm like, hey, you're right, they are pretty good drugs are like bugs bunny cartoons i'd be too cynical anything more cool yeah yeah i don't know i don't really

have the money to be into drugs yeah it's a rich man's game yeah 100% yeah i'd like to be no i wouldn't i wouldn't i haven't time i watched that movie last night layer cake did you ever see that oh yeah yeah i never seen it very good shit ending though oh yeah it was shit i like that end yeah no i like down yeah yeah i was ranting about it for a while i was like i'm so upset oh yeah yeah it's a lesson there Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're meant to be upset. That's, that, you know what? Spoiler for Learcake.

Yes, it came out of 2004. I was five. Yeah. But what you call it? Just watch it. It's a baby Tom Hardy's in it and stuff. Oh, God. Yeah.

He used to be such a little baby. In a good, like, you know what he's massive now? Yeah, he has like three lines. Yeah, he was really a model looking. Yeah, yeah, real skinny. But he, what you call it? Yeah, in the end of Laircake, anyway. First you think he's going to become like the leader of the drug.

The leader of their friends And then they're friends who deal drugs And then you're like, okay, it's not the life you wanted But I'm happy for him You know what I mean? He's going to be the king and blah blah blah blah blah And then he's like, no, I'm going to retire And that's nice as well

Because you're like he's getting, what do you always wanted His girl was waiting outside for him He goes out and meets his girl out They're walking off And then fucking Brat He gets popped He does

It's fucking pot Yeah But see that's crime doesn't pay. There you go. That's like the old... Was it sponsored by the fucking Metschpon to repeat? It shouldn't be. It shouldn't be. Yeah. Well, I see, that's the thing like, if he got away with it in your head,

you'd be like, hey. Well, better start selling ecstasy now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's fair. I just feel like DJN, he's a good guy. Well, also... I'm happy he went on to become James Rand. That's nice. Oh, yeah, Craig himself is like, he's a cool guy. I think he I think he fucked Jude Law's

wife. Oh, that's awful. She's good for her. All right. I'm right. And Daniel Craig. Yeah, yeah, she's doing well for herself. But, like, yeah, so he might be a bit of an old dirty dog, you know. Oh, that's not nice at all. I'm happy he got shot.

That's what playing James Bondel, dude, yeah. You just sort of assume I can have sex with every woman. Sure, in the movie, didn't he, didn't you have sex with that woman, the girlo? And that was Sydney's wife. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, like. That's what you got shot.

Bill. Well, if you're that handsome, it's almost kind of hard. not to break up marriages, you know? It's hard not to break up a marriage. Yeah, yeah. If you're that handsome way, you just can't help it. Breaking up marriages left, right and saying? Yeah, yeah.

He's fucking, fucking Daniel Craig. That's sad. I wouldn't break up my marriage for Daniel Craig. Oh, that's nice. Well, look. I don't have a marriage. Love exists. You've heard it here.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow, I can't have many James the one saying, though. James, like a positive one. Hey, I was in love once. You're listening? you bit. She took it all.

It just didn't work out. Happens. Hey, life. Hey, look, in our hectic role. Nice penguins on the telly there. Screen saver, yeah. Yeah, that's to keep the guests entertaining, right? When it gets to a bit too dark.

Oh, penguin. They make for life. I'm sorry. You know the other way of those pastoral? Embrace it. Own it, Embrace it. A lot of pastors in America actually use penguins as a... metaphor for love.

For gay marriage. It's like, there's no gay penguins. That's why they shouldn't gay marriage. That's the way you... Then people are like, there is gay penguins. I'm sure there's gay penguins. They're penguins like him. They're just scared to say it.

I'm going to bring a penguin to the George. They're all going to die anyway, so it doesn't matter. Global warming. Some people say Game of Thrones is the metaphor for global warming. I don't think global drone is a metaphor for anything. Well, deep down... I know I love it, but I don't think it has any underlying message. Deep down to the guy, you know,

other than like totally like if you want to fuck your auntie go for it well finally yeah well like deep down it's just a guy with a fat guy with a sailor's hat who writes about incest and dragons yeah yeah but it's very good i absolutely love it absolutely love it did you ever have do you have any many phases when you were growing up i have literally been this personality since i was best seven same and that kind of annoys me now it's like i wish i had some kind of like got phase or something that was interesting i wish i was sporty for a time or something like that. But I literally have just been

kind of like, I've been just old since I was like seven. It's, it's going bad. You went to like a punk phase, James, stuff like that. Yeah, well, I was in a punk band like, and kind of had the green hair and the piercings and the wadnot, but...

You had that. Well, people need that to look back in the past. Like, oh, look to stay in me back then. Yeah. Whereas me and Emily would probably just reading books. A hundred. A hundred percent. Just studying for Leam Serb like a marriage.

I used to fucking read a book like anywhere I went. I would just be like in the car reading a book. It's disgusting. It's a doctor's, fucking surgery. reading book always reading book and now i'm like instagram you know what i mean yeah just to go back to like and so you're doing politics in ucd that's when you started comedy yeah so you know did you had you wanted to do comedy for a long time before that or yeah like i loved i loved comedy oh like my daddy such a lot of comedy grown up and stuff like that yeah i always really liked

it and then i got really into it um around like the leave and sir kind of thing and then when i joined college but like you never think like oh i could do that yeah yeah and then when i joined college i joined the comedy society and there was like two lats that were like my age doing comedy what in the comedy society what was the crack with that like was just you guys doing shows a start yeah so like i was way too nervous to do it for the first year so i didn't have anything to do with comedy side for the first year um and they were just yeah they were just kind of getting comedians and stuff like that and running for the students yeah but like there's something about students in comedy like they're just not interested

they're really not interested and like I didn't realize that I was like I'm coding around to the buses or both so accurate but what you call it I yeah I was too scared to do for like the whole year

then I started doing like open mics and stuff like that but I'm trying to get a bit of confidence to go back and show those comedy society boys what I was made of yeah they both graduated they both left

so I was left on my own anyway and so I kind of took it over then until I dropped out so I ran it for three months How do you find the more kind of clerical side of the comedy scene? Absolutely awful It is a deal with comedians is a nightmare

Fucking demanding gigs Well do you know what look I'm the exact same and I do Demand Gets not demand gigs But I do text people for gigs and stuff like that But when you're getting a text messages Yeah You're like let me live

You know what I mean It's so true Remember we ran a club in Dundalk for a while and just the amount of mentalers like not even like they're not even comedians really yeah you get a lot of them people with no picture on Facebook

yeah who are going like hey man I can only headline on shoes and what you do this so like how long are this lots 45 minutes and you're like can you fuck off what are you talking about but it's very it was very stressful and all of UCD like the admin

hated comedy and hated comedy society I don't know what the people before me did like but fuck me like they just did not want us to to host any kind of gigs yeah and then like people were on my back for a spot or whatever and i was like you don't want to do it i was like trust me you don't want to do this gig like i'd give you 10 minutes but like honestly well i actually did a spot in ucd was when jim crystal was running oh i love jim yeah so but they had it down like in the main student bar so it just it was a bar full of students all drinking and talking and

socialising while there is a comedy gig happening. The comedians are literally screaming into the microphone to get people's attention. That's the thing. The bar staff wouldn't give you any help. So there's a private room upstairs, but they literally did not give you priority. So if you had that book straight through in advance and the fucking snooker

society came in yesterday, they'd give to the snooker society. Yeah, yeah. Give everything more respect in comedy. I tell you, I get no respect. I did it. I had a student open mic. It was fucking great. I got 13 students to do comedy for the first time. Do five minutes. I for the first time and they fucking made me do it in the main bar

are you serious and I was like you can't do to these people like it's their first time ever doing comedy like that's so mean and he was like fuck it the business society or upstairs or something like that and I was like bullshit they like just put me in a corner of the bar

literally just a corner of the bar with a mic it's such box like I was trying to get another club going in Dundalk and this amount of people like they just have no idea how it's meant to be like they don't understand you can't do it right beside the door yeah yeah that's it because they're used to getting in a fellow

about a guitar to sit in the corner. Yeah. That's the difference. Like, you know what I mean? And it's just not. They're totally different world. They can get the people probably should be facing the direction of the community.

I don't get that. Like, we were trying to settle up in one place and I was like, hey, can we do like Thursday nights? And they're like, no, we have karaoke. And it's like, do you have karaoke every single day a week? Yes, we do. Yes. Every single day.

It's karaoke all the time. That's so mean. Yeah, yeah. I was like, can we just, we could bring in a huge amount of students. Oh, huge. okay and like really like make this a good night and really help your business and you're like no I'd rather have the karaoke because they'll keep the same old five regulars happy oh my god they just didn't give us a chance like we had to do a fucking comedy night like in a lecture in a yeah I had a comedian at the top it was great Kevin actually learning was on that night. Yeah, he's coming over later on.

Yeah, yeah. A little plug for next podcast. And he was on, I can't remember who I had a headline and blah, blah, blah, blah. But I had, like, all these comedians that I had to, you know, I felt worse for the comedians that I did. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, I'm sorry. I know, but again, it is, like, just get, like, it is so disregarded as, like, an art form. It totally is.

Yeah, like, and again, even with Brian is saying, like, there's a specific setting that's required to make comedy work. It's got to be like kind of a smaller room, low lighting, and, you know, not a big, fucking massive lecture hall. Did you ever have to cancel the show with comedians there? Yeah, I had to cancel my last one. That's awesome. Because they double-bucked the room in UCD. So I went up and I was like, yeah, comedy in this room. Again, it was another lecture hall.

And they were like, no, that's, what was it, trampolining? Oh, great, yeah. That's trampolining. And I was like, unreal. I had to send everybody home his offer. Jesus. I can't. Were you not on one of the...

You guys were both on one that I cancelled. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but we didn't show up, like that on... No, no, you see. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't that bad. I got that one before. Oh, that's the worst when you're... But again, that was a double block again. And then there was one time, oh my God.

Fucking idiots. The one that Ruth Hunter headlined, and it was a fucking class line of as well. Like, and we didn't have an audience. So me and John O'Keefe went down to the barry and tried to, you know, get to people up. All you could get was this gang of, like, fucking 40-year-old paramedic students. And there's like 15 in them. And there were,

the biggest share of cunts I've ever met my life hammered after a pint and they were all just like shouting at each other about each other's wives' tits and stuff like that grim. Blaheen DeBerca went

into the crowd then when it was time for her set She's battered everyone did she? She very nearly did like she went in when it was time for her set and instead of doing but she did her set but then she kind of went up to them individually

and was like your mother didn't hug you enough for the child you know you're an embarrassment to yourself and your family and stuff like that so that was nice and I'll teach him uh yeah and when was she on these the when was she on yeah yeah

what you like just wonder if that's the first act she was like she was fucking third yeah well at that stage like it's like oh yeah those cunts like yeah you kind of things like that

and I had the two people on first were real kind of kind of you know they just kind of were doing their set or whatever with knights like that you just gotta be mean to the audience like you can't be too like

hey guys why don't you shut up all right we're just trying to do a show here just got like hey guys you have to take control get the fuck out. Yeah. And I couldn't take control.

I, like, I'm seeing it's tough sometimes because, like, you can be responsible for just them, everybody else having a shit time, do you know? Yeah, true.

Yeah. I was like, guys, like, can you please, you know, keep down a little, yeah, guys, please.

Yeah. You can talk with I'm on, but don't talk about it. Yeah. They're trying to reason with him. That was it, exactly, yeah.

And I was like, your jokes are really funny, but if you tell them to each other afterwards, that'd be better. You know what I mean. But, you know,

Grim, yeah, absolutely grim. It's not worse than a comedy night you're emceeing and you know for a fact the entire night's coming to shit because of you. Oh, 100%. Yeah. And I felt like that every single UCD gig. It's like, oh, it's someone would even,

if someone that she's got up and like, hey, here's the axe and just let him go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you got up and decided to try and do comedy like a fucking spastic. Oh, yeah. You've ruined it for everyone. My opening night was really good.

And then everything, every gig that I had after that was absolutely dark shit. open night is still kind of a novelty 100% yeah yeah and I was fucking high-fiving people and stuff and I was like I am the best I'm the king of the world the reality king

I probably would I probably would like to run my own gig or something like that but you know if everything was kind of yeah I was gonna ask so the future now you're back in what college you know I'm doing like yeah DIT technically but like I'm doing it on site

in the pharmacy okay we're so it's grand in Ashra okay it's harder to do Yeah, that's going to be a bit of a spanner in the works 100% yeah, but like... Mead? What, what's... Is there anything... I think I've done a show on Mead. Not a good one now.

No, you wouldn't know. Well, I did a show on, literally think the football was on as well, like... Oh, great. They put me, like, beside the TV, the football's on, and I'm trying to stand up. Yeah, and they're like, we can't... That would be in a troll, yeah. We cannot turn it off, okay, because they will throw a chair. If there be any cat on or out and like that. I don't even think they're really interested.

I think it's just something for them to talk to each other about, you know what I mean? Well, definitely, like, when I did that show on Mead, it was like, the guy who ran it, he was interested in comedy. No one else. No one else, yeah. You're doing it at them. Like, Keith Fox and Martin Angola did one in Ashburn there the other weekend. It was like a roaring success. And I was like, okay.

Well, they've probably been there a few times and they were like, you know, got a bit of a little bit of a fan base. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. And Keith's from Ashburners and stuff, you know, you can get people in that way. Well, that doesn't count. No, no, it totally does. dothie. But I'd never run run in Rott like where I'm from, ever. Ratote?

Yeah. I've been there. You've probably driven through it on your way tomorrow. No, no, I actually, oh, what's her name? Her name? I probably shouldn't say her name. There was an older lady, so I was like 18, and she was like 32 or

something like that, and she kind of like got with me in nightclub once. I was kind of like half passed out, and then she got with me. No way. And then she kept sending messages to go visit her. Rato, so, yeah, when I was, like, 18. And it was my man, no. Maria.

Oh, my God. That would be the best bombshell ever. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. So, like, she had a kid, actually. And the kid used to be, um, the dad would take it for the weekend and I go up and meet her. Jesus. That's grim.

Yeah. I wondered why my dad was taking them about. Even bigger bombshells. It was your dad. I broke up a marriage. Yeah. man I forgot about that yeah

Jesus How Daniel Craig give you To break up a marriage Like that Um Yeah What you're gonna do

Eh It's a nice place We're told I only went there In the dark And I'm like Drive away afterwards In shame

Like a bat Yeah It is nice though Yeah The housing estate It seemed nice I didn't see anything That's hilarious

I definitely know That woman Is that it's tiny Tiny village I'll show you a picture afterwards, yeah. She, um... I'll judge you accordingly. I think she had a bit of pregnancy

scare or something like that. With you? With old Brian here. And that kind of ruined I did not take that well. Rund the magic a little bit. I did not, I did not handle 18 year old Brian did not... Oh my God! It's proper like, no, you have to get rid of it. You have to get rid of it. You have to get rid of it.

It's just like, you know. Handen out 35 year... I don't know. I don't know enough money. Go, go, go, go. I was proper like, going like, what can we sell, like, Turns out, thank God legalised it, because, like, back in, like, a boat and all that. Like, when I was younger, I used to have, like, my emergency fund for just in case I got a girl pregnant. It was only, like, 100 quid, like. Was it specific to that?

Yeah, yeah. I hate it in, like, a CD. I think it might be an Elefunk CD. Do you know, what would have been cheaper, Brian? Condoms. Well, no, like, not in the long run. Yeah, that's fair. Do the math.

That's right. But, look, it's legal now. Yeah. Were you, like, could you even, like, could you even vote? could and I did yeah you couldn't vote for gay marriage though

no no Jesus yeah yeah well we got a yeah yeah

you talked about politics huh in your politics course yeah we talked about abortion

all the time really just a really about abortion yeah yeah it was the big thing

yeah it was kind of I learned nothing I did some I did some like fucking philosophers

and some abortion and then I was like I'm out I think therefore I kill it yeah well like

just the idea of like an 18 year old anyone go into a politics course absolutely not yeah it's just like there's something what happens to you but there's something like wrong with you if you do that and you do the whole three years

and you're like hey this is great if you love it and that's the thing like because all these politicians they go straight in the politics it's probably in the family as well they go straight in the politics then they're a politician and that's their whole life they have no idea like what the real world that's the problem with them isn't it is that they've no idea they've no sense

of reality yeah we just solve politics right there's no one we don't need a degree. There's no one Irish politics that people like go like, that people can rally behind like young people like young people like can go like yeah this is the future feel the burn I think Simon Harris is quite young but he's also insane. Yeah yeah

no he's like a note like but like he's like has the body of like a 92 year old Yeah and the fate he just looks like he like he has arthritis Do you know what I mean? He's definitely just an evil evil spirit incite him. A hundred percent yeah He's such bad bad house as well He does

Wow we're so like superficial in that Leo Radgar's hair is shit It is Well you got out with that You're going to be a chemist now What else in the future Then for Ashmore So I think you're almost good in the way

Because you got success airing away In terms of something to keep you going Like the little war Yeah Yeah yeah yeah And now you can go focus on your college course Yeah Which is the smart thing to do

Don't be like me We're like you're trying to like Do a media course And drive to Galway every fucking week Doing the case I think I'm still gonna be like that Because you just can't say no like, can't you not?

Like, it's just a thing where you're just like, I have to. You have to start saying, though, some stage. Really? Yeah. Yeah. It's tough and after a while, like, get used to it. But for a while you're kind of like, this could be my big shock. I know.

This one giga turned down could be the one that changes everything. You just, I just always think of it in a way, like kind of like, law of attraction thing. Like, if I say no to this and I'm not, like, no one's going to text me for weeks. You know what I mean? It's probably, or I mean, it's not probably. It's definitely all in my head. But I don't know.

It's all in your head. I don't know. I just, even if I don't have that many gigs, like, in a week, I start to get stressed and be like, that's all over for me now. It's bad for you. It's been a good year. Yeah. What's the longest break you've taken since you started? I haven't. That's insane.

I haven't taken a break at all. That's, that's kind of cool. I think I did maybe a week, right? Man, that's, oh man, I used to play. But when a gig, like, they're not, in terms of, like, getting up on stage, I think maybe I've gone a week. Yeah, that's insane. I remember, like, back in the day, if I had, like, when I first started, like, for the first, like, year, if I got, like, like, like, four in a month. I'd be like, wow, this is crazy

I'm living the life There's just so many in Dublin now that you just can Move over James Acaster I love him He's great, and again, he's like 36 or something Yeah, he's really young, yeah When you're 36, Jesus, he'll be dead By your hand

Probably true, yeah Won't be winning any Melbourne comedy awards or anything like that Oh yeah, he won't that as well great yeah oh man he's coming with the reason like I always

tell people this but like he's definitely the reason that I that I'm doing that's one of your big influences yeah 100%

yeah who else to be him him I love David O'Darty as well Dardy's great I love Beth Stelling she's an American

comedian she's never heard of her she's great she's really really good that's our official recommendation for this episode what's her name

Beth Stelling Stelling yeah she's great she's fantastic she's like a 15 you know it's 15 minute Netflix special yeah

she's one of them I'll see Alison B got one of them as well Ashleyndy Oh Ashlingby I'm so

Oh no I keep fucking up names I got I didn't watch it But I said Lipita and the Engel I call it I call her something

It turns out it was racist Yes What is you saying I don't I don't want to repeat I said her last name is Noopty But

just to say Like I've realized Now the error in my way It's Both saying Ashling B and Ashling

How's her name? Oh, Beth... Alison. Beth Selham? No. Lupita Niengo is her real name not

Lupita Nito I call her Lupi Noopi but that's offensive She's an Oscar She's a fucking Oscar winning actress She was in Black Panther as well Yeah, really good

Yeah, all that great stuff Like James didn't like it I wonder why You haven't seen it Oh you haven't seen it Oh I thought you I'm not into Marvel, like, I don't... No, it's not even a superhero movie, it's kind of like...

I'm not into it up, people are so into it. Yeah, so into it, like, but, like, growing... Like, people in their 40s are, like, obsessed with, like, it's like, it's for children, you do... Yeah, and games going out, and, like, everyone knows... For some reason, I'm going to a fucking midnight show in a man, I don't understand how, or why... Yeah, you just get... I'm going to be so tired. Again, like, the Holocaust, just kind of get, like...

This is my Holocaust. You know, you get a hell wiped up in the emotion of it, like... Yeah, I don't know, I don't even, I don't even think there's... No, I'm not going to say anything because people are going to start Yeah, that's the thing you're going to start To get it out to me like Yeah, you'll lose everything Talking me about to fucking

Dwayne takes your word away Yeah, he'd be like never speak But I'm like that again I like them but they are kind of dumb Like kind of popcornies I like some more than others Like I like black panther because actually like From a historical sense

It's almost kind of like an important kind of film Yeah, I know a girl who's seen End game and she's bragging to me about it Like I'm seeing a midnight show Oh it's in Drottada like it's not like Paul Woodville you know what's funny because you're on chemistry now so like you've already had your kind of drop out phase you're kind of like okay i think i'm on chemistry now i was 23 until i realized what was doing i probably will be

this probably won't be for me either do you know what i mean well i i hope it is yeah it's a kind of follow-back plan like yeah well um i know i hope you fail uh well in the nicest way of possible hope you fail so then you have to focus on the economy more i must talk to you after actually about how i how i get out of my feeds from the course i dropped out Oh, I'll tell you all about that. This is kind of a money man. What you do is just fake your own death. I've done it nine times already. I thought that was going to have to make the answer, to be honest.

My parents thought, my parents think of dying dairy. Oh, my God. We're, um, wrap it up in a minute. I just think there is there anything else we want? Is there anything else I want to ask you? We asked about most of the main things. Is there anything you want to plug? Your podcast, the Triple P podcast.

The Triple P podcast. Post-performance points. Yeah, I'm on it occasionally. What's the sketch on that, like, it's like every, I say sketch, because I'm cool. I don't know. I think it's every second week. And you have any, do you have any kind of, I'll tell you what, it would be good now? Because you're going to be off in Mead a lot.

Or where is it? In Ashmer. You're going to be on, chemistry and pharmacy, pharmacy. Yeah, but like, you're going to be doing that, all right. You should start a podcast or something just to keep the crave juice. That's a good idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you try out pharmaceuticals on the podcast.

I love that. Yeah, it'd be fun, like... The Coding Queen. Please get me on for the Coding episode. That is the best. Oh, my God. That's the name of the podcast, by the way. And we ask for a Coding Queen.

I'm going to Photoshop you just like, looking. You and a little Wayne. I'm not addicted. I just came a migraine. Drinking the Sizup. Sizrup, yo. Yes. Oh, my God.

Coding Queen. That's perfect. We're going to end on that. That's what I want to call my phrase Edinburgh show. Oh my god Have you got plans for them? No, like, well, I applied. I don't know if I'm going to get anything.

It seems like it's gone to shite this year. Yeah, well, I applied as a split with Pascal. You know Pascal? Yeah, yeah. And we just haven't knew that, so I don't think it's successful. And I already put down a deposit on my Airbnb. Oh, God. And so I think I'll go over for the crack.

I'm so happy I'm not doing it this year. I met you last year. Do you remember? I think it was fucked. The last year were fucked. Yeah, man. Oh, man. I, I.

And you were so funny. Like, you were just absolutely, I don't know if you want me to say this. I've heard worse. Aiden Green told me a bomb was on my own hands. I lost my glasses that year. Remember, like, I ran after you at one point because you were just walking down the road. Yeah. And I was like, are you all right?

And you were like, yeah. And I was like, do you know where you're going? I was like, sure. And you were like, sure. You were like, look, Emily, I'll find it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get like that a lot. I was like, hey, look, I'm going on the mission here.

Yeah. listen listen baby don't hold me back and I was like okay yeah yeah I probably

probably did wander up like two hours after that punching walls yeah I totally just let you I was like no you're better off

like like a bird like a broken wing just let it go I think you need to have a while of going mental let him burn

and then after a while you're like no this is like I put so much money into this I really can't I really can't I really can't

be in coke all the time sometimes what are your what are your plans are you going back I'm to America this year I'm going to Boston so I'm working on my racism

that's why I call her that's why I got you Pete De Njango's name right this whole podcast is just remember they love that in Boston they love that because you know what they're mad racist over there this guy's wicked smart he's getting the truck yeah so I'm going to Boston

going to be a bar man I'm going to try to do gigs there I fucking I don't know this in this I got I'm a bit annoyed them because they told me did have places for me because I'm going to work in the hotel so I told me did staff accommodation but then they just told me like uh no we don't no we don't oh you're messing yeah yeah got you

you just got punged yeah yeah you was punged uh yeah they just tricked me there like anyway it could have got worse if they told me and then I got there to drop the bucket of blood on my head oh my gosh that's all Carrie's son yeah yeah so you're not going to end up

no not this year I'm so happy not doing it because how did you show go back you oh went off went well to start and then weekends weekends are great and during the week it's kind of rough Wednesdays especially rough and I was doing with Porreig had to start

and he left for the final week and I was on my own and I had some good shows some really bad shows and one walk out one proper like 12 people just walked out great

with good reason that's nice like that's a story you know what I think it helped me in the long run because you have to like you have to eventually I always tell people

when you're starting off just hold the audience in complete contempt you know don't try and make them laugh that's what I say. Just hold their attention. Yeah,

it's like you can be too pleasing when you start off with comedy like two trying to make them laugh and you kind of like you know yourself, you're all kind of scared well you probably had the band so you weren't but I was always like

I got to try to go it's almost like I want to be my friends I got like and then after a while you're just like ah fuck I'm doing my joke now that's the better way to be like you just have to say what you wrote it's like faith in your materialism

yeah it's a bit of fate like and eventually maybe someday they'll win the wars yeah you will No, I won a, I came third fries in the gardening competition. That's great. I think that's better than mine or James.

That'd be great for you to show together and you both had your awards on the table. Like mine like turd face, which I definitely only got that from my mouth. Like, Forrest Gump's, like, you know, Forrest Gump's mother. Love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What about you, James are you going to? I'm not, no, I can't really afford it, to be honest. Yes, it's like so expensive, like a whole month.

Yeah. Well, that's kind of like they say the big thing is like, yeah, it's almost like they're getting rid of any kind of middle class talent it's all it's all like people who've done oxford you know yeah yeah yeah it's all oxford graduates and people like that so it's like you're not getting like i'm kind of okay with it because i feel like maybe i wasn't ready like you know what i mean to launch into an edinburgh definitely like especially like did you want to do like a full run no i's gonna do two weeks yeah even two weeks it's fucking it's tough at the start like you just don't know what you're doing i think like we were saying we'll go over anyway um yeah go over

go or tree like a little bit yeah it's like a sight scene thing just like see see see some Max, because you see, you see some amazing weird shit. We went for four days last year when I saw you, but like, we saw Phil Jupiterus. The second we got off the plane, like, we literally went straight to Phil Jupiterus, and then did not watch another fucking comedy show for the rest of the weekend. We just got hammered and lost. I just thinking we met each other, like, well, it was probably the third week you came over? It was the last weekend, yeah, yeah.

Oh, it was last weekend, so I don't already had like three breakdown last day. You were well into your fourth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, you caught me. caught me midfold right there like yeah yeah never again you were grand i was just like go home oh no you didn't see me my worst oh man i believe like oh i remember like at one stage like i kept doing like um what i taught were hilarious goodfellows impressions in a in a in a very populated pub in the middle of the day and you gave me some life advice did i in in what was it in nightclub called so

no you were like some of me being young you're like life advice was it you were like oh my god brian i didn't know how old you were like look ashmore you're you're not given 12 yeah and you're already in edd of breath yeah so keep going yeah and then i vomited i ran away i think you nearly passed it and then the bouncer was like you have to leave and with good reason like i threw a chair a bouncer once did you in Edinburgh no not in denbred back in dundal even worse In Edinburgh, you can do it and leave. Actually, funny, I threw a chair at Bouncer once,

and then later on I end up working that far. That's awful. And then I tried to hit the manager. Oh, Brian, stop. It's a demon drink now. I need to get on that coating instead, but... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just chills you out, man.

Listen, here, kids, do codeine. If my boss is listening to this, I 100% disprove. Or what sort... Dissom... Dissombole. disapproved of anybody taking any

coding substance I think fucking take it the world's fucked anyway so I might as kill it boy

doesn't even it just kind of gets rid of your headache your emotional and physical headache this is going

be your longest episode and probably or most popular so the most popular one so far has been

talent you're gonna beat I'd like to beat talent I'd like to be talent I'd like to be all right all right call

Ashmore you have been you have been you've been You've been 12. You've been a great guest. The sign of a good podcast is when you're not looking to the fucking time or a few minutes. That's nice.

That's fine. The guy actually had fun talking to you and like some people are a fucking struggle, you know. Oh, really? You know yourself. Do you think it's because they're aware that they're being reported? Yeah, some people are a little bit too worried about like how it's going to affect their career. Where we just say it and then like we cut out. We can assure you this will not in any way impact on your career.

Yeah. Thank you so much. Oh, Kevin's coming. Our next guest is coming. So I'll tell you what. We've got to go. We want to say again. more. Thank you very much. Thank you. This has been

Brian and Jane, fuck each other. Good night. Bye. Bye.