Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 237 : Bobby Fingers and Alan Bennett

Episode Date: January 2, 2025

WE BACK for a new year special about the works of Alan Bennett

And we're off. We're back for a brand new episode. It's almost a brand new year. Yeah, well, let's be coming out in this year or next year, Brian. Get it? Yeah, so next year. Why didn't you laugh then? No, no.

Is that how you're going to start the year? No, I appreciate. By ignoring my comedic talent, just because I'm no Bobby Fingers. Yeah, I showed you Bobby Fingers. I was blown away by that. Like, I was, I know, I've heard of Bobby Fingers. fingers but that last episode was just insane. That man

is incredibly talented. I wouldn't even know where to start. I mean all like you get so depressed halfway through because like you're just watching this like multifaceted level of talent he can do he's a sculptor and a painter he's a comedian and a you know

musician and I'm making videos he can dig a hole I'm a worthless talentless cod he's in King Kong Company, which is a band that is big. Used to be in the rubber bandits. I couldn't even, you know, normally I'm pretty snarky about people, be like, oh,

that's good. Yeah, even you. Oh, my God. Oh, that would be really impressive. You're in a bit, King Kong Company, oh, if I heard about that, that'd be impressive. Oh, that makes sense because you're just, all you are is a performing monkey.

That's the best we can do. No, Bobby Fingers, incredibly talented amazing videos and he's got kids I think yeah the most neglected children in Ireland because there's no way he's looking after them I'm sculpting Joe Rogan

I don't care I think even too slow would be like hey look kids you're just going to have to bite the bullet in this one we all love bobby fingers stuff so if that means you grew up with an emotionally distant father then so be it you know maybe you could

find his old rubber bandit's plastic bag and try suffocate yourself with it. Maybe that'll help. That'll get his attention. Fuck your hand that's a safe. I've a hearse outside. If your children's died, I've got a hurst outside. It was great content. Yeah, great content.

That's me, what I just did there, horse outside, horse outside, that's the most talent I'll ever exhibit. That's me at my apex. I don't get any better than that. You don't need to get any better. Some people have a, there's levels like, look, no one's going to be like Tolstoy, you know, it's like, uh, there's like these great people. Tultzoy, who's that an only fan's woman that you're looking at? Yeah, yeah.

Tolstoy with the sex toy, huh? I'm just saying you can't let that paralyzer, you know? No, I can't. It's always going to be someone with a bigger penis. No, I refuse to believe that. But you know what? He's so fucking talented that, like, you're not even like jealous or. resentful. You're just kind of like, I could never do that.

He's incredible. I have nothing but respect for him. It's like, when I watch Michael Jackson. It's like, I'm never going to do that. Well, you know. And I'd love to. New Year, new me. But we like after something like that,

it really kind of puts a lot of stuff in perspective and just how much shite I watch that isn't very good at all. You know, there's no effort gone into it. are not in there. But, but we did watch Gavin and Stacey. You know,

that, yes. I guarantee Bobby Fingers is like, I'll never make an you like that. I'll never be friends with Smithy. I tried to do a sculpture of a fat man doing the robot dance, but I failed to capture the majesty of it. Yeah,

I watched the Gavin and Stee, because we did an episode talking about Gavin and Stacey. Yeah. And I was very cunty, Mark, comrody, like it's actually shite and trash and it's poorly written and it's garbage and the lowest common denominator and i do still kind of think that but i'll i'll caveat by saying there is an undeniable charm and likeability to the show and there's good comedic performances there's some well-written

bit like it's not totally shite yeah i was being you know uh pretentious up my own ass i i fall in love with it, the magic of the show. It's like I'm part of the family. It's the only thing that it's the only reason I've still here, Brian, to be honest. I'll be honest. I'll be honest. There's a week there where I was waiting for the Christmas special. Yeah. I was kind of lost in a way.

I was like, a junkie without his fix. I was like, what am I going to do? I need Rob Brydon. The DVD extras on this are out of this world when he's talking about the sex of the city movie. Oh, classic brain. Brin's best fits

compilations on YouTube That's like your methadone More, more, more The best of Dave coaches Oh man, Dave coaches, respect But he bangs Yeah, he foxed dude But I tell you, I

Had a week, okay, I've no Gavin and Stacey Right And I kind of panicked Right And I was like, I need something big Yeah, to wet my whistle Yeah

So I watched the history boys I thought I'm going to go back to the star of James Corden. Well, actually, if you want to go back to the start, Hollyoaks. Really? Yes. He was in three episodes of Hollyoaks.

And a show called Fat Friends. Now, you've told me about this before, Fat Friends. Yes. It was like an ITV drama about this, like, weight loss group, but it was made in the late 90s. So, as you can imagine, a lot of us are, oh, you fat cat, fat, fatty, fat.

And that was just me, screaming at the television. Is there a little heart to it? as well. I was screaming at the television, but then I realized I hadn't turned the tele on. I was just looking at my own reflection. The black mirror. I don't remember it very well. The only one episode I do remember specifically was the episode about James Corden's character, who at the time was like 17 or 18. Like he was the youngest member of the group. A little boy. Yeah. But so in the episode, his mother tries to kill herself with pills. Okay. And then

He rescues her, and then, but then at the end of the episode, turns out he also tries to kill himself with pills. But he has, or he's going to, or he had in the past? No, he tried to, like, after rescuing the mother, then the mother comes in, hey, James, I've got your third breakfast of the morning, or whatever. And it's like, James, wake, James. And she finds an empty bottle of pills or whatever.

But no, I think he doesn't die. But I don't know if the show is well received. or anything. I think I went for a few years. Yeah, yeah. It's on Netflix. Yes, it is on Netflix. Me and you, instead of watching Bobby Fingers, a couple losers, all right? We go down, we find that episode. Okay. And we watch it together. I mean, but no one Netflix, they won't have every season on there, so they might not have the good shit, you know? Yeah, it's like Law and Order and one he got like season 19 to, 27. So, I don't know, Fat Friends is a very long time ago, and obviously he's, uh, he's went on to bigger and bigger. He's so successful.

He is like, it's honestly like Bobby Fingers and James Corden are two guys that are just Renaissance men. Yeah. Like, honestly. I'm sure Bobby Fingers would love this comparison. Bobby Fingers would be lucky to be compared. Could Bobby Fingers follow Letterman? No, and apparently neither could Corton. But that's neither here or there.

Very good, very good. So James Corden won his first big breaks. Yes. in a production of a play called the History Boys. Yes. Now, the History Boys is an Alan Bennett production. Yeah. Now, because this got even further down the rabbit hole into an Alan Bennett kind of a hole.

Oh, yes. Yeah, big British hole, okay. So Alan Bennett is a writer, playwright, actor, kind of gay guy. Yes. Many feathers to his bow. Yeah, British gay. Much like Bobby Finger. you know.

So with British Gays, obviously I like it. You know me carry on all that. You know, yeah. If I can't get Kenneth Williams is the next best thing. I think everyone's forgotten about that. The only carry on they care about now is Taryn Egerton in an airport.

Does that make you sick, Brian? Oh, hey, man, will I Google carry on sexy? I get Taryn Eggerton. Yeah. I'll do. But it's not what I wanted. It's not Barbara Windsor, but it's closer than it should be.

He is a very handsome young man This Taraned Edgerton I hate that by way When you type Well I want to review Carry On films on Letterbox Yes It comes up Carry On 24 And I get excited then

I'm like what It gets you every time They're back The magic of AI now But anyway So Alan Bennett Playwright Started off doing comedy

With Peter Cook and Dudley Moore Right And then did his own shows They did a lot of famous things And then the History Boys was his big comeback in 2004. And it is an insane play. Like this was huge. This was won all the Tony Awards, all those, the Glad Award and all that.

And I always heard about History Boys. Yes. And from the trailer in that, it seems very dead poet society. Yeah, basically dead poet society in England. Yeah, where it's like, sir, what are we doing? Poetry, for Nancy. Oh no, poetry's life Oh, poetry's heartbreak

And love and more heartbreak And it's all about life It gives you a blueprint to life, young boy Shut up, you batty boy You're talking his nonsense to me blood The history boys But it's B-O-Y-Z You know, it's like a grime

Like walk, walk one In the mandem, my slime Yes, yes my slime Indeed, I'll give you some slime there boy. Get your cock away for me, you nuts. But the actual, and it was a huge production, James Corden and the rest of the cast, they traveled all around America doing this, you know.

Right. So he was in the play as well. The play, yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah, he's in the play for years, and then they made the movie about it as well. And the movie's got loads of big names in it. Well, weren't big a time, but like Ristlet Tovey and.

Yeah, people who are. Dominic Cooper. Yes, yes, yes. Richard Griffiths plays the kind of big, fat, friendly teacher. Aha. So I thought, I'll go, I'll watch this, right? I could not believe how creepy this film is and how it's kind of wrong in a way, like morally. But I'll let you decide.

Maybe, but here's the thing, maybe I'm being the fuddy-duddy, all right? The real square. Much like we talked about Chaplin in the last episode and how, uh, James Woods is like, he's a bad guy, he's marrying 15-year-olds, and we're supposed to be like, no, stop. Let Chaplin be chaplain, don't get in the way of love. It's his process. James Wood's meant to be the villain and this. Yeah. It's kind of similar in the history boys.

So, they are a bunch of promising young students. This is like secondary school, right? Secondary school, and it's like a fancy British posh boy school. Yeah, yeah. And they're off to college. And they want to go to Oxford, the good college, you know, not Hull, all right. Yeah. They want to go to Oxford or Cambridge, one of those, okay?

Right. And Richard Griffiths, you know, from Withdale and I. Uncle Monty. Uncle Monty. Yeah. He plays the, oh, as I said before, oh, yes, history, it's not about pages, it's about life. And he gets the kids to sing songs and stuff. Yes.

And has them reenact movies. Uh-huh. So they reenact the scene from Brief Encounter. What's this one call, sir? It's called deliverance dear boy And you shall play the role of Ned Beatty And then we watch James Corden get raped by Russell Tovey Wee

You're not crying enough, James Right in the dirt box So he has them He actually has them watch carry-on films and stuff You know Because everything's poetry in a way And history And you know, they seem to have loads of fun

And they lock the door of the classroom. And the principals, such as stuck up, footy-duddy, is like, well, don't lock the door with the young boys. Oh, this is history. You don't understand. And, you know, he hits the boys sometimes, but it's all very playful, you know?

He hits them. Yeah, with like a magazine, you know? Oh. You're like, hit, like, oh, sir, oh, that's very gay. Shut up, you'll. And, you know, hits, Russell, hits James Corden with a magazine and you all that. My teachers used to hit me. Yeah, and look, see, so far so good.

I mean, I'm no Bobby Fingers, but I'm doing okay. Speaking of Fingers. We had a teacher who was called Bobby Fingers. Totally different reasoning, though. We're not allowed to talk about him. I signed many NDAs. He wasn't in King Kong Company. More like King Dong Company.

That's what he called my asshole. Anyway. So the little bit, the first little bit... Again, that was me. That was me at my peak. I'll never get better than that. But anyway, go on. The first little bit, I was like,

what's a bit odd, is Richard Griffiths has a motorbike and he's always like at the end of class every single day without fail. He's like, oh, do any of you boys need a lift home? Any of you boys need a little lift, perhaps? Uh-huh.

Please. Yeah. Yeah? You? Uh, and James Corden's like, I'll do it. Not you. No. No. Russell Tovey, do you want to get on the bike of me? So he always gets them in front of the bike and, uh... He sits by.

behind. Yeah, and then he has a little reach of their genitals. What the fuck? So he's just a full-blown pino? He just touches their penises, yeah. And they're just like, oh, sir, what are you doing? Yeah, literally they're like, oh, that's what he's like, oh, ha, ha, who's getting on the bike this time?

One of the boys are like, I guess I'll do it this time. Yeah. The things I do for history. Oh, my God. And they all think it's funny. I'll still rather get, look, you either have some fat pino, grab your knob, are you getting a bus with a bunch of povos

now take your pick it's poison chalises and pedos all over the gaff chan't mean they don't talk like that no they don't yeah it's all like the things I must do for this for queen and country

yeah and oh it's it's very uh for lack of better word gay where even like so Dominic Cooper you know him he plays the real handsome boy in the class all right and he's snogging

the secretary of the school. Oh. Yeah, the female secretary. I like how the paedophilia goes both ways. She's young. She's young. When is this set? Like 80s. Okay. So he's getting with like the secretary of the school. Okay. She's like, I know, 22 or something like that, all right?

But he's what, 17? 17, something like that. Yeah, yeah. But it's always like, oh, I must say last night was frightfully good. I try to it's all this kind of like very flowery language where it's like I tried to mount an attack on her manhole but I was I faltered on the flank

I managed to breach the perimeter but my flags were weighed down by some roughage what's that means she got a big fan of you but then she put up quite the fight So I couldn't rape her. So it's all like this kind of flowery stuff about like sex. Even like we're talking with straight sex.

Okay. That was all that private British like secondary like eaten and all's like buggery is just the order of the day. And Stephen Fry's like, yes, I got raped from breakfast to dinner. And I left every bloody minute of it. And there is no God. Oh, okay. Cheers. pal very christmas although he's very like he's uh he's gone he's he's anti woke now i heard that he's turned

against the left yeah he's kind of doing the jk rolling and he's very pro israel ah yes yes yes he did a movie with um lina dunham okay about uh the holocaust there recently right uh where they played the two best fed prisoners in auschwitz oh i'm so hungry But, so anyway. Let me guess she was in Daco. The fucking so. Sorry. Nothing but love and respect, of course.

So Richard Griffiths, okay. He's a lovely teacher. You're supposed to love him. He touches the children's genitals to say that multiple times. Yes. But sure, you know, in ancient Rome, it was the same way. All right, yeah, yeah. It sure was, I guess.

actually just jump ahead a bit there's a bit where the principle is kind of like look I know what you do I'm not gonna fire you but just don't do it and he's like sometimes the most erotic thing

you can do with children is the transfer of knowledge and he does bring up like that well in ancient Rome he used to do enough about ancient Rome you keep talking about that it's always ancient Rome

with you and like so Alan Bennett wrote this, would you say he's like very much in defence of Richard Griffith's character? I think he's just portraying

like this is a series, this is a group of characters. This is how it was. Yeah, I think this is autobiographical. I'll say that. But here's where it gets weirder from me. So a new teacher comes in. And this teacher is the exact opposite of Richard Griffiths.

He doesn't sexually assault the children. Yes. But also, he's like, enough of this whole like, Oh, he's, you know, it's not about the books. It's about life. No, it is about the books. Yeah. It's about passing the fucking exams and getting into the college.

Yeah. All right. So this is what you need to do. Okay, these are the quotes you need to use, okay? And he's also very like, which is kind of funny now, but he's like, oh, you have to be a little bit edgy in the exam, okay? So, to show that you're a free tinker. So Mussolini, maybe say he was good. Ah.

But sir, he wasn't. I know. but if you say he was then they're like this is interesting this is stand out here maybe say slavery shouldn't have been

abolished but sir but it's a taught exercise yeah yeah so again he's the good teacher I suppose but he is only about

27 okay he's young and he's gay oh yeah okay so one of the students falls in love with him oh yeah

and he's like you know I think, sir, might be gay. Would you know anything about that, sir? Oh, no, I wouldn't know about that. Oh, mate, fuck off of Danaboz's shaking birds, in it? So, sir, you wouldn't be interested if I asked you out for a drink? You know, he's like, oh, no, no, I wouldn't, okay?

And you know, Dominic Cooper? Yeah. Turns out Dominic Cooper is bisexual. Of course he is. And now he goes, like, he starts flirting with the teacher as well. And the teacher's all like, oh, I'm so horny, I don't know what to do. My God. Yeah.

What school is this? Jesus Christ. Yeah. So then Richard Griffiths is basically fired. They're like, look. We've got a young sexy pito now. We don't need some fat off on a motorbike. Basically, yeah, yeah.

They're like, look, we know what you're doing. Everyone's seen it. You're not hiding it at all. We're going to, at the end of the year, you're going to step away. We're going to fire you because it'll be in the papers, but you're done, okay? No ancient Rome, all right, you are done. And then Richard Griffith goes into the classroom and does this really ugly cry. A really like, ooh, like, oh, come on, sir, don't cry.

Here, here, touch it. Go on, sir, that'll cheer you up. James Corr's like, come on. Oh, make it worse. but they're literally all hugging him like come on sir think of the poetry take of the history oh shut up you fucking Nancy boy

I only said that to grab your cock I'm gonna have to go on the bloody gyro now be another fucking benefits I'm out scum this is me real voice alright lads so then the

the young sexy teacher all right yeah he feels bad about this and then Dominic Cooper shows up and he's like Oh, the year's nearly over now

You're going to bring me out to that drink Oh, I can't, you're a student Oh, so yeah, that's it, yeah? You're so confident in history In the academic sense But in the real world, you're not confident at all There's an opportunity here right in front of you And you're not going to grab it

You're not going to take it Yeah Oh, I guess Who's the real villain? I can't respect a man who won't have sex with a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Dominic Cooper decides he's going to blackmail the principal. Because the principal was trying to shag the secretary. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. So he goes, he's like,

oh, if you don't, if you don't give Richard Griffith's job back, I'm going to get you fired. It's like fucking confessions of a window cleaner. It's just pure smut. They're all filthy beggars trying to get their end away. But it's all, there's no actual sex in it. It's all this like implied or like, you know. They want it, you know. Of course. Yeah.

So then... In ancient robe. That's so funny. So then, come on. So then, all right. Richard Griffiths gets his job back. He's like, hooray! Now who wants to get on my bike?

And the principal's like, oh, I told you. So the principal's like, okay, we'll do a deal. You're not allowed bring the students home, but you can bring the young teacher home. How about that? Richard Griffiths, like, fine by me. Yeah. And Dominic Cooper's like, don't forget our drink. Come on.

And then Richard Griffiths drives home, crashes the bike and dies. Oh, hilarious. Yeah, the teacher, the young, sexy teacher survives, but Richard Griffith dies, okay? Yeah. And they have a big memorial firm and they sing Blackbird. Oh, by the Beatles? Yeah, yeah. Wow.

Because that was like his favorite song. Okay. And then they have this thing where they're all sitting there graduation. and then the lights go down and then they break the fort wall. So it's like, yeah, I became a chartered accountant. Good money in it. But it's not really what I wanted.

And then James Corden's like, I become Schmiffy. Hello, Gavala. Let's have a few Bevererini. Welcome to the house of fun. Now I'm going, I'm an American boy. It's Christmas. Now he's like, yeah, I'm a plasterer, I do drugs on the weekend. And then someone else is like, yeah, I went to war and I died.

And then someone else is like, what, the Falklands? Probably Falklands, yeah. They don't actually say it, but I went to war and I got shot in I. And then another one, and then the sexy teachers like, now I do television documentaries, but they're not really, I don't really have my heart in them. Yeah. And then

They all hold hands and walk away The end Yeah Wow That's a I didn't realize That it was so So, so sexual

So pitoing And so like You're not, you're going to miss this chance To have sex with a student But you're all brave when it comes to history Hmm I hate hypocrisy That's what I hate the most

And the teacher's all like Oh Oh what do I do I feel like such a fool. I need to help these boys get into Harvard, and this is no way to do it. So that's the history boys. Wow.

And that was huge. Yeah. And it's like, there's like, when you look it up to small little articles, we're like, not to be a contrarian, but I think he shouldn't have sexed the boys. That's like,

that's like the real kind of, yeah. Oh, shut up you. You don't understand. What a Cormode say about it. I think Cermode said it's a bit of a damp squib. Oh. Yeah.

He said, he said something like the production on stage was brilliant I loved it but they couldn't get the magic on the screen the pedo magic was missing because in the stage play

you can really smell the fear of the little boy I think you know but here's the thing though if you switch it and it's me okay touching girls yeah no one's got a problem that's carry on right there

you know that's a bit of fun. That's, you know, back to school or Throdney Dangerfield. We're all going to get laid. So I think you got to, like, check your, all your hatred. No, all your hatred of pedos at the door. I check at the door and then

experience it as a piece of art. Right. And I didn't like it. I'll tell you, I've listened to a few of Alan Bennett's plays as well. And I am very confused by them. I used to think I was smart and kind of, you

you know, see a piece of art and get something from it. Right. I can't get anything out with these plays. I feel like a loser. His all biographical stuff, I understand. Right. Okay. But his plays, so I listen to one play, so listen to it.

It's a BBC production. Right, right, right. It's unaudible, okay? It's kind of like metaphorical, or you went to get the allegory of it or whatever? I don't know. I'll tell you. So, the first one is kind of brute in reality. It's called The Madness of King George.

Oh, yeah, I've heard of that. And it's about, and it turned into a movie later on. is a BBC production with Jim Broadbent radio production and it's like it's true story the king went a bit mad yeah the mad king yeah and they were like what we going to do you know and the course the prince is like oh

perhaps daddy can sit I'll take over king so like succession exactly yeah yeah oh I'd be very terribly sad if daddy had to step down but I do love the power yeah so like that it's like when my dad when I take over the farm

you know it's like that oh it'd be terribly sad Oh father You don't look well at all So but then you get a Now you inherited the farm You can get a job as a history teacher In Carlo IT Who wants a ride home on my bike

Peepee? But then they hired this guy He's a specialist of madness He's going to cure the king And he does it by being mean Oh He basically hits the king The king's like

Oh I say I'm a bird today No, you're not. You're not. You are not a bird. Oh, stop hitting me, please. I'll stop when you stop being mad. And then they put me in a straight jacket and the king's like crying and stuff. He's like, please, please. And then of course the HSC model of the mental health services on this play. Oh, satirico, ain't it makes you think that. James kicks the year.

Ked dog roast in 2024, baby. Like Hannah Berber Or her name is. Yeah, that was shy. We'll get to that later on. But then he basically's mean to the king, all right? Yeah. And he's like... Just tries to beat it out of him. Yeah, beat him out of him. And he's like, okay, king, so

what are you? I'm a butterfly. No, you're not! And it hits him. And at the end, the king is cured. Ah. Yeah. So the son is still the king now, but he's like retired, you know, the King George. Yeah. And then the psychiatrist, not psychiatrists.

to the madness The lad with the hammer Yeah the madness specialist Yeah It's like How are you doing now King And he's like Oh I'm grand

Don't talk to me anymore The end Okay So I don't really know So that's what you're meant to do With all the Mentally ill people out there Just beat them with bricks

Yeah I suppose Well that was the thing Like It's no coincidence That as soon as corporal punishment Ended mental health problems arose If you were brought up Like me

teachers and beaten by your parents and beaten by your peers, you know better than to go I feel sad today. I have autism. Yeah. That was only going to make them work double time, you know. So that play

at least is a historical thing and I was like okay, I get this. The next one I listen to, I don't know, what the fuck, but it's called Kafka's Dick. Huh? Kafka's Dick, all right? You're laughing already. So, Kafka's dick, it starts off...

Wouldn't be funny or to say Kafka's cock? It just hits the ear better, doesn't it? It does, yeah. The onomatopoeia of it all. These gay people, they can't... Oh, yeah. Let's hear dick, and you can't get any else soon. So, Kafka's dick starts...

This is true, by the way. Kafka was dying, you know, France Kafka. Yeah. And he told his buddy, his good old friend, oh, when I die, burn all my works. Okay? He's like, oh, sure, I will, Kafka. Then Kafka died, and he's like, oh, time's a sketch.

to the publishing you know and he published all as I made fucking mint yeah yeah loads of mint publishing all his stories all right yeah sweet I made louds of money loads of one guy so it starts off with that and I taught me a play about

this guy all right but no it cuts it in 1980s Britain and it's this couple and it's like oh darling what you doing I'm reading my Kafka book oh you love your Kafka book don't yeah, I do indeed.

He's chuffing good and there's a knock on the door and it's Kafka's friend who's long dead. The guy who got it all published? Yeah, yeah, yeah. His name's like Broad. And he's back from the dead. He's back from the dead. He's back from the dead. He's back from the dead. He's back from the dad.

He's like, oh, I'm always Kafka's friend. I used to have my own writing career but I'm only known now as Kafka's friend. That's it. All the hard work I did and then the couple are like Oh, feed the turtle Hang on a minute, the turtle's

turned into Kafka That's right I'm Kafka, I'm back from the dead I'm now a turtle Okay Yeah And then it's like just like an hour long Well I'll just say this

I'm very unfamiliar with Kafka's work I've never read any of it So is this like referencing stuff Well I mean it turns into a bug Yeah the metamorphosis Yeah I know that much But like I don't know. Maybe it is.

Maybe it's just too smart for me. This is why I'm saying too smart, all right? Right, right. But then Kafka's dad shows up. And Kafka's dad talks proper, literally like, Oh, yeah, I'm yeah, um, Kafka's dad, oh, yeah. Where is the little bugger? Yeah, you wrote fibs about me saying I was a bad dad.

Well, if you don't correct that, I'll tell everyone you got a small dick. Everyone's going to know Kafka's got a small dick. Oh, daddy, don't tell them. oh I'll batter you and then this goes on for about 50 minutes

and then at the end Kafka is like okay I'll tell everyone you're a good dad good good and then Kafka dies and then he goes to heaven all right and in heaven it's like

oh it's God that's right I'm good I am I'm your daddy daddy is God and you've got a little cock don't you yeah and you got a little member

don't you your old todja is real small that's the long and the short of it emphasis on short and then

Kafka's like this heaven is my personal hell the end oh wow yeah very confusing

yeah it's like an hour I won't be able to get back we're getting angrier as you were listening I was like

this is getting a bit silly isn't it but his nonfiction work is very good and probably his most

famous nonfiction work is the lady in the van that's like the most charming kind of thing you know so lady in the van got turned to a movie it was a play first got turned to a movie yeah true story I didn't know that

that it was actually based on his it was a true story yeah but so basically in the 70s wherever Alan Bennett is got a bit successful got a bit money in his pocket he's doing TV shows and stuff so he decides to buy a nice house in Camden

in London and he pays 13,000 pounds for it. Wow. That's insane, isn't it? Yeah. His own house. Just, wow. It's fully like set, like just detached house, you know, two stories.

And everyone is out, whoa, spending big money, aren't you? Oh, you're doing well on the old BBC, aren't you? Fucking hell. Yeah. That's 70s, man. It's crazy, isn't it? And he was always out of the closet, right? He didn't have, like, a...

Oh, he was out of the closet, yeah. Well, when you hear him, he's like, Oh, a little bit of cake. I wouldn't be interested in women personally. You know, he's like that. You know, very Truman Capote. A British Truman Capote, basically, you know. He couldn't really pass for a rugged...

Fair enough. Yeah, yeah, no action man, right? He's no Rock Hudson, you know? Exactly, yeah, a real man, you know? So, he buys his house, and as soon as he buys the house, they're like, oh, just so you know, there's a mad old woman that lives in a van, and she kind of goes around the neighbourhoods and stuff

and basically parks a house till she told a shoe and then she goes somewhere else huh yeah and back in this in the 70s didn't really have any kind of a parking regulations or anything yeah yeah yeah so I mean the reason why there are parking regulations are because of women like this basically yeah old bince

yeah she's like a 70 year old woman she lives in a van and she's smelly like straight away that's the number one thing to say about if she's smelly if you live in a van in the 70s I'd imagine you did stink pretty bad and she kind of gets by selling little trinkets and stuff she's set like little religious things

you know like little card the Virgin Mary on it or something you know and people mostly buy it out of like pity you know a few pennies just you know yeah I mean it was a novelty back then to see just a random homeless woman yeah yeah no no like

you don't even acknowledge their existence now like yeah they sell more than pennies, so you don't know. They sell anything you want. For the right price, yeah. Come on. I've got a van parked over here. You can be my... I'll be the man

in the lady in the van. I'm going to be inside you is what I'm saying here. Well, so a little bit about this woman. Now, she's a bit mysterious this woman. Her name was Mary something, okay? And she used to be a nun. And she went a bit

mad. And we don't really know. Hawaii and she started living in a van and she was very off the grid and didn't like people using a real name and stuff and very Christian as well you know like always talking about holy water she puts holy water in the holy petrol in the van and stuff like that oh it's all christened and she's

like you know always constantly praying and asking like oh do you know St. John you know that kind of you're completely schizophrenic you know okay well Jesus said I have to do this now oh be careful this is good Christian paint on this van you know

So, a character, all right. And she's kind of around, and Alan Bennett is kind of, he's a nice kind of guy. He kind of, a little bit interesting or a little bit curious. Exploitative, I would say, Brian. Exploiting mental illness and homelessness and poverty for his own sick perversion. I'll tell you what, he fucking put up with her, though, because she's there, okay, and kind of like, you know. Ah, but these gays, they love it when a weird woman hangs out with them. She was the original fagg, you know what I mean?

They love all that. Well, he is deliberately kind of like, I'm not going to write about her. I'm not going to write about her. This to me sounds like it was the inspiration for the sitcom Gimmie, Gimmy, Gimmy, Gimmy. With Julian Clary. No. Oh, no. Idiot.

Who was it then? Oh, my James Dreyfus. Oh, sorry. Oh, James Dreyfus, yes. Kathy Bates. I should know him. He's banned from doing Doctor Who audios now. Yes.

Because his political opinions. Because he speaks the truth, brother. It's so funny that you're doing Doctor Who audios. It's like, you know, it's a pretty simple job. He showed up to a studio and like, watch out, it's a Daleks. He's like, yes, and they're not women. Only two genders. Exterminate.

Well, that's what the trans movement is doing to real women. Exterminate. And they must be stopped. If you ask me, their ideology. is pretty retarious. Ah? Come on. Come on.

We'll talk about the Christmas special soon, folks. Don't worry. Don't worry. It's common. The Doctor Who Christmas special with Nicola Cochlin. You all want that, right?

But back to this. So eventually, the council tried to get rid of her. And she's like, could I please park? You're not using your little bit of land in the front of the house. You know, your little garden guy,

park there. And Alan Bennett's like, hmm, I suppose for a little while just for you to get your bearings. Yeah. And she parked there for 15 years. Jesus Christ. 15 years she was there and she'd be shitting in bags.

Okay? She's shit in bags. She pissed herself constantly. And sometimes the bag should be bringing it to the bin and it would break. So there'd be shit on the street of his house. Why the fuck did he put up with this? Too nice. Too nice, yeah.

Yeah, he probably like, you know, he let his mates of the BBC come over and have a go on or, you know, the real perverted ones. Oh, Jimmy, yeah. You got bored of having sex with kids. Like, hey, if you're bored of that, I've got a smelly old mentalist living in a van. Yeah. Jimmy Savile's, I like the van thing, you know. Well, he kind of did that as well. He did, yeah, yeah. Yeah, great minds think alike. Well, thing is, he, in the thing, in the play, he kind of looks back on it and he's like, well, my mother was also an older woman that was kind of a bit mentally ill. Right.

His mother had mental illness. She had to go away to the funny farm every now and again, all right? So he suspects... Get the old madness

of King George treatment. Exactly, yeah. Maybe the mad's King George, he's just looking at his man and be like, I wish I could batter the fuck over.

I can't, but I can write about it. Yeah. So he suspects that he kind of projected his mother on to this mad old woman and was like,

oh, being mean to her, kicking her out, it feels like kicking out my own mother. Yeah. Yeah. So she lived with him for 15 years.

years and he found out more about her. It turns out that she wasn't none and she went mental and went to a mental asylum and she broke out and she was driving a van around and she killed someone. Oh what? Yeah, she killed someone in an accident. And she

hit and run. So she'd been on the run from the police ever since. She never went to jail? Never went to jail, yeah. How was he did she tell him this? How did he find out? Her brother. She had a brother that she'd go to him and again. after she died

the brother told him all this yeah wow and in the film Jim Broadbent plays a bent copper who harasses

her every now and again and takes her pennies yeah he's like call I know you I know you go on

yeah he knows and he tracked her down instead of telling anyone he thought me funny just to blackmail her just to extort her

yeah exactly yeah that's pretty funny yeah yeah I like him a lad banter there yeah

so oh I'm gonna have to confiscate all your bars of soul. It's only one. So he basically, she gets older and older and more and more decrepit and smellier and smelier. And eventually she just dies in the van.

Sweet. Which I like. Now, the bit I didn't like is in the film, they have a whole thing of, like, Jim Broadbent, the character, talking to Jim Broadbent, the actual real person. Oh, what? So they've actually got a person playing Jim Broadbent, okay? And he's, like, talking about, like, is that how you're going to end the story? It'd be better if she came back to life. yes dear i'm back to life and she shows up and she's like yes i didn't like the ending but

that's what really happened yes but it's fiction you can do what you want how about an ending where i fly off to heaven whoop and she goes up to heaven you know it's maggie smiths yeah yeah yeah and um and then alan bennett's like oh what am i going to do now and then he meets a a nice young man ah of course i think i've found something to preoccupy myself shaggy And then they start fucking The end And using her old shit as lube

No I really respect how much They go into the smell and the shit Yeah They sit one time he lets her use The bathroom He's like I've been caught short Let me in please

And she used the bathroom And he says that it took days and days of cleaning To get rid of this smell Oh my God Yeah She basically got it everywhere apart from the toilet fucking out it's disgusting but then she's like

oh no he's like all the shit on the ground around the van that's you no no it couldn't be I won the ward one time for being the cleanest girl in the convent and they said I was very clean especially in the untoward places

so it couldn't be me I've been checked thoroughly my unmentionable so it couldn't be me I have to say it's I am talking about the shit element of it, you know, the pooping and the pissing. But there is a charm to the film as well, you know? No, there isn't.

Like, she's like, push me down the hill and she goes down the hill and she's like, whee! She shits herself. She's a smelly old con who's shitting and pissing everywhere. She's a mentalist and a spastic and a drain on society. Well, it's funny because

Roger Allen, you might know him, he's from the tick of it. He's like to kind of, yeah. And also, um, what's the name of that Chris Morris Charlie Brooker? Barley, okay? Oh yeah. He's in it as well. They play the two neighbors. They're like, oh, you can't have her here. She's bringing down

the property prices and she smells like urine and all the children are scared of her. And we're supposed to be like Booty, have you no soul, sir? Have you no heart? Those are all very valid reasons. Uh, no. Like, you pay good money to live next

to a gay playwright. And now I have to live next to some smelly old con. I pay 13,000 pounds to live in this house, to own this house, all right? Good hard money. And now I've got this smelly old cunt dying all over the place. Right, wash me on our van

and kill me on her pussy. Stinky bitch. Yeah. And now to this day, there's a plaque. They actually filmed the movie in that real house on the real street. And there's an actual plaque now. Be like, here lie, here was

the woman in the van. And do fans go up and shit on the floor? in tribute like a 21 gun salute 21 dumps yeah I'm not gonna watch that

your description made me angry so I think to watch it and for it to be charming and endearing it would make me sick well I tell you what you don't have to watch it

because there's also a production of the play online that you can listen to it's two hours long and it's yeah well I didn't mention you know what they should do like a 4D

screening where somebody comes out and throws piss and shit on you. You're like D-box when the seat moves around. Yeah, yeah. Actual bags of shit, they saved a bit of Dame Maggie Smith. Dame Maggie Schmidt shit. Dame Maggie shit. Oh, I didn't

mention as well, the movie has loads of fun cameos from all the history boys. Really? All the history boys show up. All of them. Yes. Wow. Even Corden? Yeah. He plays a fruit seller who's like, all right, my darling.

Yeah. Don't call me darling. I fuck you then, you smelly out, can't. I fucking do you in. He does say something like, oh come on, love, you're not dead yet, but you smell like it. Classic court. Yeah. And all the other guys, Russell Tovey shows up. He plays one of Alan Bennett's young friends. So it's a funny bit where Alan Bennett keeps having young men over the house at night. And she's like, what are you doing to those boys?

Oh, nothing Man, that's perfect He's in there raping young fellas But everyone's distracted by the smelly old Cunt who's shitting in a bag in a van All the police are like That's actually genius All the bobbyes show up like

Now den, now den, where's the peanut fire Like, oh chuff it, what that smell Fall back lads It's not safe, it's a dirty bomb Oh my God That's actually genius. Alan Bennett the smartest Pino who ever

lived. Fair play to him. And I do really like Alan Bennett now obviously. Yeah. I might not like his plays but his actual like nonfiction, like I said. Like I listened to another play called Cocktails. I had a very busy Christmas. Sounds like it? No, Cocktails

is a more recent play. It's from like 2018. And it's him looking back over his life and the conceit is he's talking to his dead parents. So he's like Hmm Not a very exciting life

Was it You weren't the most exciting parents It'd be hard to write a play about you too Oh don't say that son What about? And then they kind of That's like the framing the voice And they talk about his life

So like you know I mentioned his mother It was in the mad house Yeah Parents I did like it This is very simple Like his parents just weird Right

Like his dad Ran a butcher's shop And they lived above the butcher's shop, so he's constantly boiling bones. That's that weird? It's good honest work. He's a butcher. No, no, that's not the weird part, but it's a very insular, and they don't like people over,

and they don't drive or anything, they don't like leaving the town. They live in, like, Sheffield. Like, what do you want to leave Sheffield, you know? Basically sounds like your parents, isn't it? A bit like that, yeah, yeah. No, fairness, my mother was like that as well. I was never allowed to have any friends over. She never wanted people

over to the house, and she wouldn't let me go to other people's houses. Because she was like Yeah, but if you go there Then they'll have to come here at some point Prid quid pro quo And then they'll do an Alan Bennett on you Yeah, exactly

Yeah My mother tried her best to make me an uncool freak But I was such a rock and roll dude that everybody loved The Catmaister Yeah What's what I like to play There isn't any kind of major big thing in it

It's just like my parents are a bit odd You know And like you know Like For example the dad, a bit of like Slipping Jimmy's dad where he'd hired these guys to work from

and they'd constantly steal out of the till and like you know Now you deliver that meat to Mrs Ferguson All right And it's like Mrs Ferguson said The meat never delivered

It's like What? What? I'll give her a bit of meat A bit of me pork lines A bit of the hot beef injection So like you know They scam his dad sometimes

And his dad never go to the police He's like oh this boys be boys suppose of it. I couldn't possibly say anything. If I tell of them

for what they do to me then I could tell on me for what I do to them He didn't have the van met at the time

he didn't have distraction Oh and then like another bit Again it's like real like low stakes like low key stuff So at one time

he's like Mommy I want to go to cinema Little Alan Bennett Yeah And they're like Okay but be careful And he gets

touched up by a man in a cinema. Of course he does. It's like an empty cinema. Some guy sits down by, do you like Earl Flynn, do you? The first time he leaves the butcher's shot,

he gets buggered straight away. The three musketeers, do you know, three musket queers, so he starts rubbing his leg and stuff. And then he goes home like, Mommy, Daddy, a man had a great time,

a man touched my leg. And they're like, no, he didn't. And it's like, yes, they did. No, no, you're probably mistaken. Yeah. Yeah, just like completely just deny it. Don't besmirch that stranger's name. They probably beat him.

That's what it was back then. Back in the day, if you go home, Mommy, Daddy, oh, got touched by a nuns. They'd beat you. You probably loved it, didn't you, your little puff? Beat him with a pork chop. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Stick his cock in the meat grinder.

Well, it's getting you into nothing but trouble. We'll get rid of that. And then, like, you. know, what else happens? We're not much... So basically the mothers go more and more insane and the dad learned...

Dad finally learns how to drive, age 60. Oh, wow. And he's like, because he has to drive to the mental institute. Literally, that's it, to pick up his wife. The bitch is driving me so mental. I'm going to learn how to drive just so I can get rid of her. And then on the way to his heart attack and dies.

Class. Yeah, yeah. And then the mother's like, where's your father? He's been dead for six years, Mummy. Yeah. Where is he? He's under the table. you know like that and then she dies eventually good and that's the play and then it's like now I can go back to the cinema any time I want

meet my special friend I'm going to get movie past so that that was the play nice and simple I liked it now no real you know revelations or anything no big you know and you know what daddy

I'm gay it was a bit where he says he never came out to his parents so he comes out to the ghost of them. And they're like, oh, we always knew,

son. Yeah. Oh, thank you, Daddy. Right. We appreciate and hey,

gender is a spectrum. Ah. Oh, up here in heaven, we're all genderless. And we all get touched to the cinema and we loved it.

Yeah, I mean, it's not really cathartic to come out to like fictional portrayals of your parents that you have written.

I suppose it might be cataric in some way. No, it's not. All right. tried it. I wrote it so many times in my self-published comic book. The Adventures of Big Dicco, too.

I also, he's well known for his diaries. The Alan Bennett Diaries. Okay. So he keeps it keeps the diary since the 80s. So it's kind of interesting. He published them every now and again. Sometimes he released them online. Right. Him reading it. And they're like little, very mundane, but kind of almost like, what's you call that thing where it's real?

cams S-S-M-R? A-S-M-R, that's a, yeah, yeah, where it's kind of like, hmm, I woke up today, I went to the shops, I bought an apple, I got a call from Martin Freeman. He wants to do a project with me. Morrissey's next, oh, he lives next door to Morrissey. Oh. So he's just constantly, he's going like,

Morrissey wants me to be in another video. I don't want to be in the video. Yeah, I want to eat sausages, but Morrissey says it's worse than the whole. holocaust. I'm like Morrissey, you can't keep saying that. Morrissey lives in a van. I won't go out tonight,

but I have to shit in a bag. The diaries are kind of fun. Again, nice calming. I actually went to sleep a few nights, listen to Alan Bennett, yeah, yeah. Because they're so mundane, but every now and again you'll get a little kind of snippet of something interesting. But a lot

of it's just like, you know, the cancer is back again. Oh, I can't. walk. Ah, and you drift off to a peaceful night of slumber as he explains in excruciating detail how the chemo is ruining his vital organs. I can't ride my bike anymore. Yeah. Well, I think his he's 90 now, he's 90 on the dot. Wow. I think his boyfriend is like 54 or something like that. Yeah, he's like, he's pretty young now.

I wonder what's in it for him. 50? What are you on about? He needs to do the full Stephen Frye, get a fresh twink out of the academy, you know. Yeah, let me... Cut off the presses. Another history boy, perhaps. Off the production line. Let me look up exactly his... I wonder how many people he's threatened.

It's like, if you tell anyone what I did to you, you'll be real history boy. I bet he's done that a few times. Sorry, I'm distracted now by his partner. Rupert-Tol. Thomas. Okay. Hmm, nice young man. Yeah, good, good.

Maybe he's on to something here, yes. We're at 54 minutes. You didn't talk about Doctor Who. Oh, my God, sorry. Or Gavin and Stacey. Or Gavin and Stacy. Well, let's talk with Gavin and Stacy on this one. We talked with Doctor Who on the United.

Oh, this was your plan. Oh, I guess the next episode will have to be an entire Doctor Who. Well, actually, can I be honest with you? Yeah. It's not just the Doctor Who Christmas special. Okay. Because they also released Doctor Who the War Games

in colour. So Doctor Who the war games was... Colour Wars. Wars of the colour... What is it? Basically, yeah, so... Coloured people war. War games, okay? Okay. Was a Doctor Who story from 1969, I think. And you've just been waiting.

Well, here's the thing, it's in black and white. It's colour wars, of course. Yeah. No, no. They decided... Oh, sorry. They colourised it. Uh-huh. They colourised it and they turned it into a... It was like a... a 10-part story. They turned, they cut it down to like a 90-minute long movie kind of thing. Oh, wow.

Wait, so it's the old 1960s thing, re-edited and remastered and remastered, recolored, and they've done other stuff. Actually show you downstairs. Don't. They actually used... Please don't do that. No, I will. They've created a new scene. Oh.

A new scene. I have no frame of reference. I don't care. Well, I'm going to show it to you. Oh. Can I just whack you off again? Gavin and Stacey real quick Magical time

A huge rate and success Massive, yeah They got 12 million Right Mrs Brown's boys Got two Yeah Apparently everyone

Had it the middle Like even the OG Mrs Brown's boys fans were like Oh it's actually It's not as clever as it once was They've sold out Yeah They've gone woke

I've actually I think it might be a little low brow You know Did you get emotional at all at Gavin and Stacey And at all when You know Were you angry when Sonia showed up

You're like Oh Sonia you fucking Because on Twitter they were like I'm going to kill Sonia the bitch I'm gonna Don't worry lads I've got her address I'm gonna get the posse

I'm gonna pour acid down your neck And rape you Well again I'm not overly emotionally invested Ah yes you are But again As I started In the last episode

it's like yeah it's shit it's fucking stupid fucking blah blah and i kind of i take that back look it isn't it is very simple and non-pretentious very every man but there is a charm and i like ability to it good performances and you can tell like this is basically a family this stage you're being together so long and i think even behind the camera it's all the same people now what's funny is this like huge ratings uh very critically praise I mean some people were kind of going it was almost a little like wrapped up a little bit too neatly or whatever

but again it's not high art you're going for you know broad appeal so this is almost like a reintroduction to Gordon is like it's a fucking sciop dude they're trying to manipulate our minds and it's working and it's working I'm

swept away by the magic of Smithy yeah but no I yeah I liked it it was good yeah you know I like the fact it's simple, it's a good Christmas dessert, no trickery or anything. I thought they'd try and do something to pull your heartstrings, which outnumbered did. You thought, like, Neil the baby was a 17-year-old that ends up going over to Alan Bennett's house, and then Smithy comes in. No, I was we're doing history, boys.

Oh, no, we eat the house. That's the real fishing trip. Yeah, we never find out about the fishing trip. I'm glad. I'm glad, yeah, I don't want people Now you can do your Fisher Trip fan fiction Yeah Brin's mouth water

There's cousin or nephew Jason came in With a sea bass Yeah I always thought it was going to come out like You know, it was something silly Like you know they They sat on a pigeon or something

No no I thought what happened is They fell in the water together And it's cold all right Yeah And then this is what I would have done All right And then they had to huddle up for warmth does it get naked, all right?

But when they got naked, a boat drove past of some sexy people. One sexy woman, one sexy guy. They're both gay, though, aren't they? No, no. Brin's not. Bryn's asexual. The point is, okay,

something happened. Right. And one of them got an erection. Brin got an erection. And the erection, because, you know, his asshole, Jason's asshole so wet. Yeah.

It perfectly went into his asshole. So he actually had full sex. with him for warbed Right This is what you've imagined No, because he spilled some soup on his anus So his penis Just slipped right in there

Yeah, that's what I've imagined, yeah Okay And I don't think Jones and Gordon At the balls to say on television Yeah And I was kind of thinking it'd be There was no fishing trip I just took him to a hotel and raped him

I couldn't help myself I can't really do a well-chaxon It's tricky you know all right there what's occurring oh all right how's it going all right i suspect though this will not be the last of it definitely won't be in the same way the office was over but they brought uh uh brent back yeah i think the smithy movie they've left it too wide open everyone's still alive they're all together i'm actually it's impressive how everyone's still alive and they got everyone yeah except dino no dino

Dino is coming Let's say that Dino be on the DVD The Blu-ray The Dino scene You know he zooms in But yeah So I tell you

Fucking Matthew Horn is looking quite weird What's he done to himself I guarantee someone said Let's do a little thing here And no one noticed So he'll take five years off you

Yeah I think he's got work done He looks very Lazy Town If you remember Lazy Town Yes Yeah I think he strikes

He strikes with a guy Who's hard on the drink the drugs but you know he's very good at hiding it but now it's starting to show up on his face you know what's funny is they all kind of look worse except for cordon yeah cordon kind of looks the same if not a bit thinner than weight in her yeah yeah yeah one he's huge that's true yeah he's concerning almost in the first episode i i haven't seen like i said this before like my sister is a big fan of the show so she was all like that's what gavid and stacey so i kind of would sit there like

actually not very well written I was a little I want to watch the day to day yeah I was a conty little

cynic you know I've got a compilation of Peter O'Hanruhan O'Hanraha When she's gone you put on Oz

yeah this is real telly yeah look that wee weirdo in the wheelchair imagine him in a prison

anyway but yeah no Gavin Ossé yeah two thumbs up did exactly what you

wanted to do just do we have time to say, oh we don't. Why? No. For what? No, I was going to talk about outnumbered, but we'll talk about that on the free one. Yeah, all right, yeah. You know what? I know nothing of outnumbered.

You know what? I think, and I know I shouldn't, but Jesus, almost the end of the year. Maybe a kebab. Yeah? Maybe a cab. I thought you were going to say sex worker. For dessert? Yeah, exactly. That's my code for kebab. Extra greasy. Can I have an underage kebab, please? I would like a kebab from the kids meal

The kids menu If you know what I'm talking about Yeah Cheese please No I think an actual kebab Okay The cabs over there aren't great Okay where do you want to go for your kebabs

Oh I'm gonna go there Like I'm just gonna see I'm just Get ready to see me not happy And then you'll get angry at me Yeah I told you the kebabs over there weren't good Why did you make me do that? Why did you make me do it?

You see why I got here, by the way? Yes. It's pretty cool, isn't it? What is that now? That's your flashlight. It's a moisture container. Yeah, flashlight. No, no, no.

It's blue. It's a dehumidifier. It's blue. Look at it. That sucks up moisture. Yeah. So... So I can jizz on it, and it makes it a lovely smell.

So what that does to this room is the same as what your personality does to a woman's pussy. What? Takes away the moisture. And you're fucking... What would it be good if I just hear a gunshot go off? Brian? I'm going to do a fat friend. Show you.

Then I have sex with your dehumidifier. While eating a cab. I think, I know I shouldn't. Oh, I shouldn't now. Oh, I would love a kebab. Nothing stopping you, pal. You can go get a kebab. And I'll judge you for it.

Yeah, I think. I got your piggy once it's good back my mouth's all covering sweet sweet like Ike but don't worry guys

so just before we go just let you guys know what's coming up in a free one yeah you've got nothing going on do you nah no

no no you might be going out tomorrow though you go invited to a party yeah well it's not a party just like they're meeting up

and bison bar yeah it must be nice yeah it's pretty good isn't it I think I mean imagine not getting invited

you'd want kill yourself. Well, I don't need that because I've got in the free episode we're going about the Archbishop

of Canterbury. Yes. Conclave. The lads killed me the Archbishop of Bantiburie. Welcome to the house

of fun. Now we go. Speaking of fun, we're going to watch Doctor Who as well. Oh, you're going to take your anger

out on me, are you? The colour games or the colour war. But this is a fun work and joy to the world with Nicola Cochlin. Okay.

Yeah, you like that. And outnumbered. Oh, and outnumbered. out numbers. Yeah, and we'll talk about Gavin Stacey again because the free people need to hear the message as much as the freaks

who pay for our Patreon. We love you so much. Thank you. Bye. Goodbye.