Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 238 : Jeepers Creepers Cadden

Episode Date: January 11, 2025

Coming soon to video....

All right. All right, we're back, guys. We have free episodes. It's free episode. And we're recording this as well now. Yeah, this is video. Yeah, it's like a tester episode. Yeah, yeah.

So just fuck around. Don't look at the camera too much. Okay. Yeah. It's kind of like, it's like filming porn in the way where like... Help me! Exactly. Help me!

Yeah, that's the good. No, I didn't agree to this. That's all the porn I watch. That's the, it's good, yeah. Daddy, what are you doing? James is stuck in the washing machine again. anyway look so we got a lot talk about this episode have you been dubbed too much

let me see we got our we got I did a herd test in Monaghan in the snow got cyberbullied on TikTok for being a gay libidart yeah you're woke now aren't you yes I'm woke now apparently according to TikTok people yeah well that's why I was saying from now on

I'm going to take the burden off you, all be the woke one and then you, you'll seem like not as bad. All the hate would be directed towards me, you know? I'd be like I love puberty blockers and black people. I don't think there's enough grooming gangs

in Rogersdale or whatever. Delicious kebabs and grooming for everyone. Come on in, fellas. I love Keir Starmor. Daddy Starmor. I'm queer for Keith. Oh, that's very good, yeah

I should be saying that No, too late, it's already mine It's a woke-off. It's a woke-off, yeah. What else is going on? Well, I've been watching a lot of stuff. This is actually, by the way, my last week of unemployment.

Okay. So... Your last day of unemployment? Yeah, I'm working tomorrow now, yeah. And you know what's weird? I've been getting loads of calls last two days about jobs. Now that I have a job sorted.

All these jobs, man, yeah. Just like buses. say? Well, I'm still doing a few interviews just for the crack, you know? Keeping your options open. Well, you know, I'm a bit of a slut when it comes to the job. I want to find out what other options I have. So I got a call from prepay power.

Pre-pay power? Yeah, pre-pay power, okay? Didn't you do that already? No, I did a different energy. I used to work in a company called Go Power, their shite. And then, because it's on my CV, I got a mess from Pre-Pay Power for an interview. And I was like, yeah, go for it. So, I was talking to the woman from

pre-pay power, and she was going on, about what it is and all that. And we're also connected to you know energy. So you know energy is a different division of the company, but same bosses, same managers. Right. And I was like, oh, you know energy. I know the lad in the ad.

Oh, yeah. You didn't say that, did you? I did, yeah. I was like, I know the lad in the ad. Me and James, the guy in the you know energy ad, used to be a comedian. Yes. And I met him a few times.

The guy, he's an actor now. Yeah, and I knew she wouldn't be like, oh my God. Are you serious? Can I suck you off? Was this over the phone? Over the phone, yeah. Look, I'm going to turn on my front-facing camera and show you my twat right now. You know the you-know-energy guy?

Hey, baby, you know it. Yeah. I'm just going to shove the entire phone into my pussy right now. Well, I knew she wouldn't be, like, crazy impressed. But I thought she might be a little bit like, oh, that's lovely, yeah? And would you ever be able to get me some tickets to, see, can you break, can I fuck only if I can watch

no, no, but like instead, she just kept talking. She didn't acknowledge me at all. Oh wow. And then I knew it would work for that company. Literally it was like, yeah, same boss, same managers, and we work with you know, I know the guy in the ad. Yeah, so same boss is same.

Like, don't interrupt me. Wow. Yeah. Pretty disheartening. Yeah. Well, how did it make you angry, Brian, in the moment? How did you feel? Oh, a little. My fist was clear.

She's lucky he's over the phone I started punching my phone You're right upstairs and ripped up your Rob Flynn poster It's ruined That's the end of the actor Good guy, good guy Very successful, well done

All your success The next Paul Meskell Yeah That's what you've been saying Yeah Paul Mescal's gonna be fucking dead on the street in two years Yeah And Denzel Washington's gonna be sniffing around

Rob Flynn I actually had another job interview with a whiskey company and it was actually really good money but it was too much responsibility like they wanted me to be the brand ambassador so selling whiskey to basically have a big van all right

pretty cool actually a big van full of whiskey and I drive all around Lester so I'm in charge of Lester I got to go to all the I assume schools or whatever orphanages hey no parents no parents

no problem have a drink yeah the first one is free and uh yeah it wouldn't mean driving around but it would be a lot of traveling a lot of driving and a lot of like sales targets you got hit your sales targets like reading the job description it was very like full on you know yeah i don't want that i got the job i won't say what the job is but the real nice nine to five you can go in sounds like a real easy number brian yeah no one's going to get that oh you're right i better telephone Nobody gives a shit Not exactly the Vinci Code

Why are you Why do you not want to say? You know what these freaks are like They're going to They're going to come in They're going to shoot up the building Just to annoy me Yeah

Yeah They're just going to come in And remind you of that woman Who ignored your Rob Flynn Trivia You know Her loss Yeah

Her loss Give me your number I'll set her straight The fuck do you think you are love Yeah Yeah Oh, watch the drive home. The roads are very slippy, especially if somebody cut your brakes.

Huh? Yeah. That's what I'm willing to do for you, Brian. I'm willing to threaten women. Oh, mass. You'll do it whether they do any doing it or not. I'll be like, the woman at shop. It's a preemptive strike.

Like, the woman in the shop over there was lovely. Very nice, very polite, you know, like, what? Yeah. It's clobbering. time. You know what I'll do, Brian? I'll go to the shop and I'll jerk off in front of her This is for Brian!

Anyway, I won't do that. I have been watching some good things though in my final few hours of unemployment. I watched the Snowman, I watched Jeepers' creepers. And I didn't want to watch Jeepers' creepers, but James is a massive

fan of the Jeeper and the creeper. And the director as well. an un-sung hero you said Okay Is that the gimmick Is it? Yes Convicted paedophile

Victor Salva Apparently I'm a massive fan What just because you have video Now I have to play along With everything you say I have to yes and This assassination of my character Yeah he's great

The films are great Those kids were lying Okay Well tell the audience Tell the folks with Victor Salva So he is the director of the Jeepers Creepers Franchise

It is a franchise Like four films Yeah Yeah Four Now the first two Were pretty successful I would say

Made money Yeah not critically But you know Made a bit of money And they got You know It's a wonga It's a franchise

That people Recognise You know what I mean And just you know Not to go too into it already But They also released A four issue comic book

And somebody read that Is that right Yeah You read the comic book Yeah And how was that? Uh They go on too much into the lower

Of, oh, the backstory of the creeper It's like an Aztec god or something Oh Yeah, you know like apocalyptic Yeah, it's like apocalyptic They do a sacrifice and the jeeper comes out Oh, interesting I guess

Oh, your phone's going off Oh, what is that? Don't worry about that, that's fine That's just, yeah, that goes off That's my jeepers, creepers alarm If I mention it too many times in public Then that alarm goes off Or not enough

Yeah, but so Cheaper Screamers it's about like the creeper is this like winged thing that reappears every 23 years to eat children to eat people and do weird shit

he's a freaky guy he likes sniffing his victims he's freaky deaky and the thing is I didn't know what the Jeeper creepers creepers was I thought it was just the guy with like a hat

who was like eh you know trying to stab sexy teenagers of age. Well, yeah. In the movie. Okay. All right. It's on video now.

But my point is, I thought it was just that. Real simple kind of Jason Forhey's shit. Just like a slasher thing. There's a lot going on with the guy. So Jeepers Creepers, where's a hat and a trench coat? He's also some kind of monster, like alien or goblin or something. He's kind of like a big moth creature. He's got big wings, but his face is all very like a goblin or something.

Yeah, but he's also got like spikes on his face Yeah Kind of like a fucking Like predator Yeah like the spikes He's got the four prongs Coming out of his face And he's also like

So he kind of like a Batman Actually he is basically Just like a shitty predator If the predator was a paedophile The predator cut those damn dreadlocks If the predator was a predator In name and in nature Yeah

Yeah This is good now This is good yeah We're going to sell this to all the jeepers, creepers fans. They're going to get so angry at you. They're mocking the franchise. Well, okay, the very notable thing about this movie, it's kind of unremarkable until you find out about the director's backstory.

So tell me more about, I interrupted there. So Victor Salva, a well-known director. Yeah. I'm kind of respected in the field, like Francis Ford Coppola liked him. Yes. Yeah. And he only found out afterwards. Oh, you make movies too.

Oh, interesting. Yeah, so his first, Victor Salva's first feature film was called Clown House, and it was produced by Francis Ford Coppola. He was executive producer. A man of great taste. And it turned out that on the set of Clown House,

Victor Salva was also, you know, on the off hours, when they weren't shooting the movie, he was taking the equipment and using it to film Child Bowl. featuring children actors in his movie so very fucked up very disturbing and how old were the children like 10 like proper kids that's that's very young yeah yeah you know what i give that that's bad yeah yeah well it's double digits so it's double thumbs down you know the double

Siskel and Ebert But yeah So he got arrested He went to jail He came out on the register He's a convicted Sexual predator And then he makes arguably

His most successful film Jeepers creepers Which I'll be honest now We watched it together Yes I kind of liked it It's definitely got some stuff Going on

There's a lot For something that probably wasn't The biggest budget of film ever No They used the budget well Yeah There's some freaky deaky shit like I said, there's the bit

where like, there's lots of it's like, the Jeepers, Creepers, his layer, he's got like dead bodies all over the walls. Like the Sistine Chapel, but it's all just corpses. Yeah, it was pretty twisted. I'm a twisted guy. You're pretty punk rock, dude, you know?

I'm like the director in a way. I'm pretty crazy. So, I like that. I like the two lead actors, Justin Long's in it. Justin Long, and then the sister, who played sister again? Some girl, who kind of quit acting. Yeah.

Oh, but she might reappear in the later Jeepers Creepers movie. Kind of like, was it Neve Campbell? Nah, she was always doing stuff. Don't you besmirch Neve Campbell? That is the ultimate screen queen, brother. Show her some respect.

I'm just saying, like, they wanted her to be next Nav, ugh, can't talk. And it's on video. I dare to question Neve Campbell. I stumbled on the hurdle. But, yeah, the girdle paid the sister, good performance, very attractive, of very strange that she never had

a career. I assume that was her decision. I assume after working with Victor Salve I need a break. I have to work with a pedophile. You need some me time. And then Justin Long, who you know, he's probably just a bit much, I suppose. No, he seems

I'm sure he's a nice guy. He's a barbarian. That's great, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, so Jeepers Creepers won. He's like a guy, and then he gets crazier and crazier, and at the end, he steals Justin Long and flies off with him. Yeah.

And, uh, kind of, and like the Jeep, the, the creeper, he does all this stuff where, like, he, like, cuts people up and cuts their, like, eyes out. He's very, uh, masochistic kind of guy. I think it's a kind of thing where, like, there's specific body parts that he is harvesting for himself because, like, he comes out every 23 years. So in the 23 years, it's like a hibernation. So maybe after 23 years he wakes up, it's like, Jesus, my eyesight's a bit dodgy. I'll go, I'll get that little twink from Dodge Ball

and, uh, dodge these balls, that's how Justin Long got his role in Dodge Ball. I actually have a lot of experience. Having worked with Victor Salva, I had to dodge many balls on set. And, uh, you know, Rick Thorne loved that. Ah, yes, you got the job. And, uh, yeah.

That's a nice sketch. Thanks, yeah. You know, there's something there, you know. if I had pitched it in 2005 maybe but that's a day late and a dollar short man's story of my life you know

a day late and a Pino short but here's like so then did part two yeah and part two is direct sequels literally the day after a few days after and I kind of like that as well it's like they're a football team

and they get stranded on a bus and some cheerleaders as well something for the dad you know and they're in a bus okay with the big fat lesbian I assume a bus driver and then something attacks the wheel the bus and the bus is broken and they're stranded out in the road in middle of nowhere and the jeepers creepers around he's up on the roof and he's like I like I like I'm not amazing writing I wouldn't like uh you know that's the thing I wouldn't forgive him for his awful crimes but my

And the third one came out. It's like, oh, let's forget it. But the cool thing is also Ray Wise from Twin Peaks. And he's playing like a guy who's... Or Reaper. Oh, yes, for the Reaper. That way inclined. Gen Z love Reaper.

They will do. You're laughing. You're saying that in jest, but I will be proven right. Yeah. And from Twin Peaks as well. And then when I'm having my like sexy co-ed Reaper parties, you'll be outside. James, let me. I'm sorry I was wrong I love Reaper

That's a damn fine cup of coffee I'm alright But Ray wise He plays a guy Who's a kid got killed By the Jeeper Creeper So he's out for revenge

He's like a badass He's got like a big fucking harpoon and shit Kind of like in Texas Chainsaw Massacre too as well Where it's like yeah And I don't think You probably could It's quite derivative

like it's, you know, inspiration or influences are very... He wears it on his sleeve, you know? And they do more with the creeper in that one. Do you remember, he loses his head? Oh, really? You're talking about Justin Long. He actually, the creeper damages his head. So he takes the head of someone else and eats it,

and then the head pops out of his neck. Okay. And he has a new head. And is that medically accurate? Or... probably stem cell therapy you could probably achieve something similar great wonderful thing

and that's how they invented the vaccine oh the jipa the woo hand there you know somebody took a bite of the somebody who was given the jeepers creepers a blasar oh no jipa Kippa and that's where COVID came from

I suppose I don't know there's a wet market pal and then jeepers, we cut that out of the video but then jeepers TikTok would love that actually yeah, we're talking about, yeah. This is why I need to prove to

TikTok that I'm not a gay snowflake. I'm telling you what I got so many comments like, yeah, of course you'd I did a joke. What were the, yeah, what were the comments about? So the joke was about how if you know a guy having sex with a girl

and he doesn't like a finger in his ass because he thinks that's gay. So the premise or the bit is like how insecure about your sexuality do you have to be that you're in the act of having sex with a woman you're afraid to seem gay that was the bit yeah it was a pretty simple like i wasn't coming out with like my rainbow colored flags like like i'm fucking stonewall or something i'm fucking harvey milk fighting the good fight i like a finger up my ass and i'm not going to stop i have a dream where my children get me judged by the amount of fingers

in their ass and not the color of their skin. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So, like, it was just a dumb throat, but then all the comments were like, yeah, you woke lib turds won't be happy till everyone's gay getting fucked in the ass. And I was like, all right, okay.

Well, you're not wrong. Yeah. But then a lot of it was like, oh, you're probably gay, are you? Like, well, I'm not, but you know, I, I'm, just because you're not gay doesn't mean you can't enjoy your finger up the ass. What is this, world coming to

I like as well that you were like busy to start the episode like I've been cyber bullied and I was like yeah cool so what cheaper

is creepy well literally took you 18 minutes to ask how I'm doing so you're getting better you know

those empathy training tips I got you are working but anyway yeah it was funny I was in work just like queer fat queer

I'm all right this isn't stop calling me mom hey oh I got that though But anyway You're like edit it outbride Shooks of fucking respect

Tell you what I'm just going to stop the video real quick there This is fun now So the listeners can hear this Me standing up for a second All right I'll talk

So yeah Everyone on TikTok Was accusing me Of being a libtard And being gay So You know For the first time

I get to see How people You know Maybe I was kind of thinking what have I done to deserve this hate and then it's like oh maybe we're recording 400 hours of saying the most

vile hateful shit no demand maybe karma's a real thing and I had a comment to me Victor blame I'd lean into even harder I'm like a guardian angel But then there's a few commenters that were like going onto other videos like oh yeah like you know

they like decided they don't like me so they went under all the other videos and started like yeah fuck you basically you know well look it's tough the top, you know. Garrett knew gets the same issues, you know, so... No, he doesn't. Everyone loves...

Ah, I cannot... Look at this. He's talking about a finger up the arse. What the fuck is wrong with him? Oh my... I'm agoraphobic because of people like him who love fingers up their ars. Garret went outside. While eating digestive biscuits, not even the chocolate biscuits. Too much chocolate on their fingers, is it?

Oh, I'd say so. Camry's chocolate fingers after you take it up the arse it's a fucking disgrace and while we're at it who leaves the tea bag in the mug of tea while they're drinking the tea oh my god

No disrespect to Garanoon Oh wait we're not filming anymore We are. Oh we are? Yeah I repressed it Yeah okay You need to get this on film No disrespect to Garan noon You're a wonderful consummate entertainer And he got me through the bad times

Yeah Sometimes when times are darkest And I'm like I'm holding the razor To my throat I'm like I left my phone on I just hear in the background

Talk about Barry's tea My savior Barry's are lions Taking the gun I don't know It is funny Garandune he's so big And I didn't know him for years

But I knew people I used to work in a place people, like, would love them. Yes, very popular. Like, people would kill for Garoniw. Yeah. Like, it's like a cult situation. I think that's healthy.

Yeah, absolutely. I've already started killing. I'm like, just holding a dead baby. Like, for you, my son. Yeah. Yeah. But, now, you're doing what I told you, going to the direct provision centers, yeah.

That's easy pickings. No one will come asking any questions, you know? Garin would like that. Yeah. You know what? They're banning soup kitchens. You can set up your own soup. soup kitchens and poison them, you know?

And just like big Jonestown soup kitchens, you know? If you want, if you're so inclined, you know. Show me of an issue. Well, you got the job now, so you probably don't have time. I can't really set up a soup kitchen in Monaghan, though, because it'll just be my relatives that come. Anyway. Yeah.

I feel a bit giddy, yeah. That's good sign, though, yeah. we all go tell you what listeners loyal listeners I gotta calm down a bit yeah

yeah we're going to pennies after this imagine the hijinks will get up to pennies yeah we should do some cool

like boogies do some pranks boogies who was that dick and dog yeah used to go around and be like bogeys

yeah they go to a hospice and be like boogies well old goobers like yeah they heard bogies and thought is that on the bed you

I used to love Dick and Dom yeah they were great yeah surprising your comedy heroes whatever happened to them they were huge they were in Edinburgh like two years ago really yeah doing an Edinburgh show yeah wow bogies behind the laughter

good for them Dick and Dom good good to see they're doing well But what I was going to say? So, yeah, Jeepers, speaking of Dick and Dom, Jeepers, Creepers 3, all right? Okay. This is where I personally think the franchise fell off. Right.

And this is where the paedophile stuff started becoming an issue. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Some of the stuff shirts started going, oh, no, you can't do that. Well, if I'm right, it came out 2017, right? Yeah. Same year as the Me Too movement. Yeah, so a lot of...

Bad timing. You know, he was trying to cast the film and they're putting out casting calls. People are like, oh, don't... You know, people are getting the film and dropping out. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, just a lot of harassment for the poor guy, you know. But eventually, he stuck to his guns and he made the movie. And it's not very good.

Okay. It's a prequel, by the way. And it's set right. It's set between, sorry, two and three. Sorry, it's set. Oh, God. Okay. No pressure.

It's like Alan Turning. It's too many numbers here. It's set between one and two. Right. That's it, yeah. Is that. a prequel then? I suppose it is because it's... It's a prequel to part

two. Yeah, okay. Well, a sequel to part one. Right. I suppose technically that is a prequel but... Yeah, don't question me. Sorry, sorry. I apologize. My apologies to Victor Salva and Garin Noon. Two wonderful men of equal importance

to the arts and culture. So, what the fuck is going to say? Jeepers Creepers Tree, it's set right after and it's more kind of... Actually, speaking the predator. it's more like the predator because it's all the cops and the military hunting down

the creeper, right? But during the day. Yeah. Yeah, so it's bright. Right. So it doesn't have that kind of atmosphere. Eariness too. Yeah, and a lot of it is just like them in the truck being like and the jeeper, creeper jumping up in the air

like slow motion. You're like bamababababah and the creeper's like wah. Right. Bo diga d'ing the bow. Yeah. And it's this more like an action film even like the violence is way more like just like the head gets cut off and it goes like that up in the year right it's way more turned up to 11 and is it like bad cgai level shit no i mean it's a bit of it obviously uh but i feel like they did they've done they've tried

their best i don't know if that's the reason it couldn't afford cg i or what yeah but um it's grounded i'll say that it's not like it's not like shark nato or it's like Like completely off the walls. Ridiculous, yeah. And the whole thing is they're fighting the creeper and then he gets away and they're like, what we're going to do? And then there's 23 years later. And then

someone's talking about, he stole my brother, but I'm going to be waiting for him. And it's the girl from part one. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, it's her. Interesting. Like, watch out, jeepers, creepers. I'm coming for you. How's she looking?

She's, you know. She's, you know. She's, keep it tight. Justin Long's looking better I'll be honest Like Justin Long is like That's a high bar to reach Yeah He's uh you know

He's kind of It's weird He's nearly 50 But he's still looks 23 I can't wait to be like that When I'm 50 I'm gonna look pretty good I think You think?

I'm gonna yeah You probably will You've got money I'll be dead Oh well I'm gonna spend all the money I'm gonna get I'm dead Yep

Some look forward Yeah No no no What are you talking about There's no Saving to me Brian When this video kicks off Then they're all right

Yeah it's on you now listeners and viewers look if you don't pay for my chemo I'm going to kill Garanoon no I won't do that I'm going to KMS myself Yes I am

I'm going to kangaroo myself Is that what's that what they say is it Yeah yeah To get around the algorithm It's like you should kangaroo yourself But they know what You know what it means Where does kangaroo come from

It's just a K word It's a funny K word Yeah so it's on alive And kangaroo myself and then, you know, what else? Corn Star, that's a big one. Corn Star, Schmex, Salt, Grappist. Very fun.

Grapeist. You've not heard Grapeist? I've heard Grape. That's the whitest kids you know sketch. But that's what they call it on TikTok, though. Well, I wouldn't be on grape TikTok. Well, if you're looking up jeepers-creepers, somebody will say grape, you know? Well, that's the annoying thing now. I got to, like, edit these videos,

I don't know what to beep the language or drop it out. So it's like Hey, James, you someone. You know what it is? The audio you don't really have to worry about, it's the captions. Okay. Because specifically even with our accents the algorithm is not going to really

you can kind of like certain words will get past. Yeah, you can say the N word. I can. With that Monaghan accent, it's like honey. Yeah. That's for the Patreon subscribers only. And boy, they get their money's worth.

But anyway. So Jeepers, Creepers 3 was not a huge success. Yeah. People were giving them grief. And then he stepped away from the franchise, Mr. Salva. And then they did Jeepers Creepers

Reborn. And I apologize to everyone involved, everyone watching and listening. Yeah. I did not watch Jeepers Creepers Reborn. This is Brian's official apology to Victor Salva. He's very sorry.

This is my suicide note. my kangaroo note I did not watch Jeepers Creepers Reborn Goodbye cruel world But okay You didn't watch it I didn't even know

There was a fourth one I heard it was a third one It only came out Like not too long ago You know what is I like The central idea I like the fact

The Jeepers Creepers It's so messy He's like he's like There's multiple things He's like wings He sniffs people He's got a hat He's got

The hat Especially throws me all Yeah But it's like There's a lot going on there. It's got a big raper van driving or graper van

I suppose I should say. Yeah. Yeah, I hate all that stuff like on alive and all that. Yeah, it's very annoying. And it's going to leak into the culture. It's going to be like... It already has.

But you're going to think the judge is going to like accuse you of grape, you know? Anyway. It'll be other things that it won't just be grape, you know, other... It'll be chicken wing. Oh, I heard he... I heard Brian chicken winged some children.

Yeah. Who knows what that will be? That could be a nice thing. I gave them chicken. Yeah, exactly, yeah. He gave, oh, he gave her the old bargain bucket, if you know what I mean, yeah. Yeah, yeah, finger-licking good says I to me, to me, to you. Yeah. But anyway, so Japers, Craper's. Yeah, it's one of those franchises, which you get a lot in horror,

where the concept is better than the execution. Like the Purge movies would be. good example. I would love to see another nine Jeepers, creepers movies. Honestly, like Hellraiser or Friday 13. The only, like, I like those characters. The only one we got recently is Terrifier. That's the last

kind of really good. I haven't seen any terrifiers. Well, why haven't you? Because I'm a jeepers, creepers man till the end. You're like, the director, I think he's names like Diego or Sergio. He's like, did he molest any children? No, okay. Well, not for me, thank you. I can't

separate the art from the artist. Hey, you know, I need one of my five a day One of my grapests, you know I need grape every day One of my five a day I don't know There's something there Somebody will rework that

Brian, you edit that to make it look good Yeah, yeah Make me very funny Yeah I could add a laugh track to all this That would be good That would be good, yeah Yeah

But it's like for Eddie Murphy Raw You know It's like way too energetic. What else do they watch? I've done a few different things now. I'm trying to go... I was going to talk about more paedophilia,

but I think we'll take a break from that. Yeah. Because, you know... Yeah, it's a bit much. Let's not shoot our wild. Yeah. I also... I'll tell you what, actually,

just to get a bit nerdy here. Okay. Have you ever heard of why bother? Why bother? Yeah. I hear it every day in my head when I wake up, but no.

What is it? Why bother? I stumbled upon it. I listened to it years ago, but forgot about it. So it's a Chris Morris thing. It's a radio thing he did years ago now. It was after, I forget where in the placement. I think after a day to day before Brass saw you, I think, whatever. And it's him and Peter Cook. Okay, wow. Yeah, yeah. So it's him and Peter Cook, and it's just purely improv. It's like, I think it's like, you know, let's say like six, 10 minute episodes. And just get up there and just immediately just improv. So like comedy bang, bang. A little bit like that, yeah, but it's like... Which I've never listened to. No, I know the concept of it, yeah, but this is a little bit better, I presume, because it's just them and Peter Cook just showed up with a big bag of tenants, the cans, you know?

Oh, nice. And some fags, I'm just like smoking and drinking. Yeah. Sorry. So I was just, I'm getting emotional. Sorry. Mr. Cook. And this kind of...

Let him cook. And it is kind of fuck around. And, you know, it's just like... We could do that. We could. It's just like, so I hear you're studying eels at the moment and it's going. What the fuck?

What does that even mean, you idiot, you stupid fucking idiot, studying eels? You think before you speak? That's too silly. It's fun, you know, we're having fun with it. I'm crying, I leave the room. Look at you, sliding away like an eel. So I was listening to that. And then I, you know what, actually be honest,

I've never listened to On the Hour No, me neither On The Hour is the radio show that kind of started a lot of people's careers It started off like Steve Coogan's and Armando E. Nucci and Chris Morris and also Richard Herring and Stuart Lee

They all wrote for that I think didn't Graham Lennon and... That was afterwards, yeah, yeah Who was the other guy, Arthur Matthews? I'll tell you, I'll get into that in a second So originally it was the guys I mentioned, all right? Right, and not the wrong ones

you mentioned James you fucking idiot I was actually going to bring them up later on but you kind of ruined it now so I'm going to delete the video and we're going to start again okay you didn't read the script

but you're dyslexic I couldn't make it out you know mostly hieroglyphs you just like printed off pictures of Chris Morris and cut them out and print stick them on onto the page, like, here's the copy

for next week. Yeah. So they're writing on the hour. And on the hour is, obviously it's pretty funny, but I didn't realize, I listened to it recently, it's way more kind of like messing around with the radio medium than I expected. It's not

really sketches that much. There's a few sketches in that, but a lot of them is them just like taking audio and fucking around and like, you know, doing stuff. like, they'll have a silly story like Ireland has burst Ireland has burst and Irish people are squirting all over

the English countryside. What do you think about that John Major? And it's like an audio clip of John Major being like, well I think it's about time. It's like fucking around with that, you know? Disingenuous, misrepresenting John Mayer because he didn't actually say that within the context of the joke. So I don't think you can really

laugh at something that's, you know, not real, Brian. Oh, that's satire, is it? Just make-believe fanciful nonsense. No, sir. I disagree. Satire is, what's that, Sam Marelle? No, what's his name now?

What's the name of the... Oh, no. Go on. No, it's... I fucked off, man. Go on, you got it. What guy? What, do you're the guy?

He's like a real conspiracy guy. Sam Tripoli? Sam Tripoli, yeah. That's real satire. Tinfoil hat with Sam Tripoli. Yeah, yeah. Let's go. But, so they were working on that.

And then they got the deal to move in television. Okay. I was like, oh, it's pretty good. And then we got the day to day, is that right? Yeah, here's thing. Stuart Lee and Richard Herring, they wanted more control over it. They wrote some sketches. They wanted actual, like, creative control over it.

Okay. And it became a big fight. They had a huge falling out over this. And I was reading about it. And so apparently Coogan and Ianucci and all those guys. Yeah. they're all one agency and Stuart Lee and Richard Herring

were a different agency Right So it seems like it's more a problem with the agents Where the agents got very aggressive With Ianucci Okay Of like this is our fucking client You know

And then Ianucci got real pissed off And what he did is He cut out Every single sketch and line That Stuart Lee and Richard Herring had written Wow Yeah so they released on CD And the seat

Would have been tape back then Cassettes Yeah And it's shrunkated. And he did it purposey show like, look, we can cut this out. It's still fucking great show. Wow. You don't need you guys at all.

That is some pretty big dick energy right there. And then Dave went on to the TV show and then they hired two guys. And you never guessed James who they hired. Graeme Lennon and Arthur Matthews. Whoa! So there you go. Make sure you zoom in on my stupid fat face when you do that. Narely, dude.

It's foreshadowing me. But they all worked out in the end. They're friends now. Well, it worked out for everyone except Richard Herring. No, he's doing well, yeah. He's doing better than us, but not well. Not for much longer.

I'm starting a pool podcast. It was a snooker? Yeah, me one versus me too. Yeah, me too. Me too? So it's mostly all water under bridge now. Apparently Stuart Lee and

ohanara hand yeah still hate each other though oh really yeah they still real beef you know like proper like they'll be I'll stab you up and shit yeah like that I see you round the ends blood

you get marked up fam you get me go kangaroo yourself blood your dad is a grapest fam you get me and your brother unalived himself because he was a batty boy

blood you know mixing the old slang with the news slang Stuart why are you talking like that This is what I have to do there To sell a show Play Kate the Morons Yeah

Wow You're very angry for someone so successful That's the whole thing's like Oh Stuart Lee his whole bit is Oh I'm a loser's like No you're not you're very rich And wealthy and successful I would love it if Stuart Lee sold out

And he's doing like all the Legionist gangs And all that like doing like There's a real podcast Not like Hawk Tua. Yeah, the Hawk Tua be so good. Stuart Lee versus with Hawk Tua. But he's just like, I love your work so much. Well, it's actually

a rather ingenious sort of a postmodernist approach to the medium of the internet. Would you say, lay out of part you let me suck your dick? Or whatever. I'm not familiar with her. She talks about Cooter. Cooter. Yeah, it's like, you know when you're

Cooter be fluttering? Oh. You know, James. You know, I don't. You know, when you see, I'll be honest, I'll be I haven't watched too much of it now. I'm just going off the multiple hours I've seen. You know when you meet a guy called Brian and he loves Doctor Who and it makes your pussy all juicy? Yeah.

Yeah. So would you hear her when you're watching? She's a crack baby. I know that much about her. Really? Yeah. She's some crack now. Oh.

Would you have a crack out of a pile? Well, hey. Uh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh, God. There you go. Well, good for her. Good for, she's going to make him well for herself.

Well, no, she's in all of trouble at the minute, actually. No, I think that's going to blow over. That, all the money stuff. Yeah. People will forgive her. She's America's sweetheart. Okay. Yeah.

Well, maybe, hopefully. Hey, I'm team Tua. I'm Team Hock Tua. If Hot Tua, if Hot Tua stole all my money, I'd be like fair play to you. Yeah. Well, you know what? I find you guilty of stealing my heart, madam. Oh.

I think she's only like 21. So. Oh, okay, you're right. Sorry, this is video. It's Victor Selvatt. Have you forgot? I was going to say, have you forgotten? Have you forgotten?

Jeepers, creepers. Yeah, yeah. 21, that's close to 23, right? Anyway. But so, yeah, I didn't know Stuart Lee and Peter O'Hanrahann, O'Han hit each other. Yeah, yeah. Why?

Just because they're falling out over that instant, yeah. Okay. And they say, like, it's weird. I only know this because I was looking up Chris Morris stuff. Yeah. I stumbled upon this very weird website. Not like the usual websites that go on. Yeah.

Where it was like comedy, no, radio comedy reviews. But the website was literally from like 2002. Right. It was a real old school website. Yeah, yeah. And it's all these reviews of like different comedy shows that even I haven't fucking heard of, you know, like some fucking sketch show with Kevin Eldon or something like that. it's Kevin Eldon's show

No it's a radio show It's just like weird little stuff Kevin Eldon he was a lot funnier than he should have He never got a fair shake He should have been something big Yeah yeah Him and Reese Shearsmith

The two guys that I'd like to see In more stuff you know Like why like People like Henry Cavill You know Or Jacob Allordy Yeah What's wrong with Kevin Eldon

Imagine Kevin Eldon Ephoria That'd be so I can imagine it I don't know I don't know enough of euphoria to riff with this bitch Oh you depressed are you

You depressed That's my euphoria now It's Kevin Eldon Reeshier's my Harry Enfield Cindy Sweeney Yeah No she'd ruin it Get like

Catty Burke or something Oh yeah Something for the judge Burke and hair That's what they called her Before she shaved her pussy I get no disrespect To Kathy Burke

Actually you know what I think if Gareth Nune Shaved off all his body hair He'd look like Kathy Burke What do you think You know I get no disrespect I'm gonna keep saying that

Hopefully it doesn't lose it That's your Gow-deal card Hey no shade bruh? I'm trying to think I'll be honest with you I'm kind of half not in the moment so I'm thinking about how to edit this to make a set, you know, it makes sense I don't think there is a way. Just let it go

man, just let it flow. That's what I mean, yeah, yeah. It makes, it's actually more fun in the thing to post clips and no one knows what the fuck's going on. Exactly. It's just like, yeah, hairy pussy. Yeah, I want to know more about that guy. Exactly, yeah. He intrigues me. I'm going to start the video again. Wait, start it again?

No, I'm just going to, give me... Oh, race. Sorry, okay. Because I was like, well, you better not have lost any of that juicy gold. Should I still be talking or does that ruin it? Oh, they're still listening. Hey, hey nerd, it's 2025. Stop listening and start watching. So you guys listening, you get to hear the, I'm going to leave all this in.

Good. It's like when I take a big shit, I just leave it running for a while. Yeah. You take a big shit in the bog, but you don't flush. and then you just stand outside waiting for the cleaner to show up is like, oh, I left you a present in there, love.

Yeah, happy Christmas. Do you not do that, no? No, I don't. We don't have a cleaner in the house. I thought, like, it's just you. When you go to McDonald's or whatever, you know? Yeah. What else can we talk about now?

I don't want to go, I've got other Pido stuff. We'll save it for Patreon. Yeah. I've got some personal stuff saving for Patreon as well, yeah. what else? I'll tell you, I watched fever pitch

What's that? It's a 90s movie with Colin Furt and it got remade with Jimmy Fallon. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Is it about baseball or something? Well, the original is about the footy. Oh, right.

So it's a teacher who's obsessed with the footy, Arsenal. Adam Friedland's team. Is that right? There you go, yeah. Let's get you interested. I thought he'd be more of a Tottenham lad, the Yidd. So, actually, he hates Tottenham. Is that right?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's a self-hating Yid. Self-hating Tottenham fan, yeah. So, and then they remade it then with baseball in America. Jimmy Fallon. Yeah, Jimmy Fallon. I think Drew Barhamore as well, yeah. Okay.

Now, the English one really pisses me off, because I didn't really like the romance of it, and I didn't find it that charming at all. So it's Colin Furt. He's a teacher. Yeah. And he's a cool. teacher.

He gives the students cigarettes and alcohol and you know, he lets them party in his house on the weekends. Yeah, it's pretty cool, yeah. Teaching seems pretty fun to me. Wish I had a cool teacher like that, yeah? He gives you a special drink and you feel sleepy.

Yeah. So he's a teacher, cool teacher, right? And he loves Arsenal. He's a big gooner. A gunner. So he loves Arsenal and he goes into class. He's like, oh, sir, did he watch the game? Don't get me started. Of course I watched the game

and they talk about it and like, they hire a new teacher right? She's a girl, a lady teacher. It was in 90s. Oh, right. So was there a funny scene where they try to explain

the offside rule to her? And she doesn't get it because she's a daff bird. But you know when you're chatting up to a bird and she don't know bloody offside rule you get angry

and you fucking smash her in the face. Stupid fucking cuss. That's comedy is there. Let me tell you. Gallic bread. So, we start off. She's a new teacher, okay? And she's really like,

all the students have to be quiet and read their books. You know, one of those, you know, fucking makes me angry. And she's annoyed because she's trying... Probably on the blob, was she? Miss, miss, is it your told me, oh, explain that to the listeners

they don't want to get periods Brian menstrual cycle explain periods to Brian okay so I was going to say so she's like do your work and next door it's literally I don't know what he was doing

he's like running around acting out football and then he kicked it like that woo and he's like not teaching the kids right right yeah and she's like excuse me, Mr. Colin Furt, please stop screaming and shouting and making the children scream and shout and burn a school.

He's like, oh, you just don't respect my way of teaching. You'll get used to it, don't worry. And she's like, oh, I've never met such a sexist pig before. You can tell there's tension, you know. But whenever a woman calls you a sexist pig, she wants her. Really? Yeah, exactly.

Then I must be the most desirable man in the kingdom. when they call me a fat, smelly Harvey Weinstein looking pig. It's like, oh, all right, love, we're in public. Don't try and nush me off right here right now. I can feel the tension. Don't deny it, love. I've already got a semi-on. Come on.

And that's all I can get. So obviously, so it's buttoned-up teacher, laid-back cool teacher, all right? It's a tale is all the time. And her roommate, by the way, He's like, oh, I bet you end up shagging him on the carpet. It's like, shut up you. I won't do that. Oh, he's just your type.

Oh, the guinea is. Oh, don't be quiet, you. Who plays the button-up sexually repressed teacher? I forget. Okay. Was she attractive at least? Yeah, she is. She's not Drew Barremor.

That's a lot of. Or Jimmy Fallon, so I don't care, yeah. And, like, it's weird. Like, we cut back to Colin Furts' childhood, and it's like, you know, his dad come around this weekend no he's not but he's been gone for months he's off doing a business trip

isn't he yeah sure in the brothel yeah but when the dad does show up like four times a year he's like how are you getting on how are you getting on son yeah I'll tell you what I'll bring you to a footie you like that I'm scared of footy

you like him and he sees the dad likes it okay and he bonds with his dad through football so it becomes a kind of a a very powerful kind of thing for him like an emotional thing you know it's almost like a home away from home okay okay so is that why you try to bond with your dad by taking him to screenings of fever pitch

with Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore dad this could be our thing Ryan take me back to the hospice I need more dialysis no all you need is fever pitch that's just what the doctor order this movie hits a real home run I don't get that

I don't know baseball terminology so I didn't buy this at all by the way so what happens is it's raining and he's like all right

you want me to drive you home love yeah she's like oh you pig all right so they're driving all right there's no chemistry at all

he literally he turns the radio on to hear the Arsenal okay right it's like I'm listening to the radio okay

keep your beak so you really like your arsenal be quiet footy it just slaps her sure he love it your reflex you don't worry you'll get used to it's the arsenal

I can't help it I'm listening all right and they're going along silence no real talk at all and then they pull up he's like right there's your place

get out oh do you want to come up for a coffee I'm listening to the footy all right I will you so he's got one of those portable radio here can't got us

not the same come on you fucking black bastard fucking jick the ball that's what he would say because he's racist not me

my race has nothing to do with football it's purely organic so they go up alright he's like no talking to

I was like yeah you got coffee cheers love can I smoke me fags in here no all right

but you can't can stay the night. All right. But I got the Arsenal game tomorrow. Yeah. So they just bang, all right. And then... And he's wearing a full Arsenal kid, boots and everything.

No, he's wearing Arsenal underwear. Okay. He's got a little cannon, you know what? Uh. So now they're in a relationship. Okay. Yeah, and she's like going to her roommate. By the way, you all right?

Shagged on the carpet. Ooh, I'm so bad. So he drives her home. He's listening to the Arsenal game and ignoring her. And she's like, please come into the house and fuck me. Please fuck me. He's like, oh, right.

All right. Shaftime. What are you? Come on. We've got a few minutes. Let's go. So now they're in a relationship. All right. And she's like, oh, what are you thinking about? Arsenal. Oh, but do you think about other things? No. So this is the story. When is it set like the 80s? It's set in 89. It's basically. It's a real season

where Arsenal that went on. the window league, yeah. So really there's a tale of undiagnosed autism in a middle-aged man in working class. It really is, yeah. And we also get cutbacks as well, where, um, flashbacks are right, where the dad shows up again. He's like, how about today we go do this? Like, no, I won't see the Arsenal. Uh-huh.

He's like, well, I don't have- We're going to get on the train and go to the Arsenal game and that's what we're going to do. And the dad's like, well, I thought we could do like a father or something. No, Arsenal or else. Yeah. It's like, well, maybe we could, no, I'm going to see Arsenal my own. Goodbye.

Oh, wow. Yeah, and, like, he's, like, bullying his mother. Like, they mentioned at one stage, like, it was snowing. He's like, mom, you got to go get a season ticket. It's like, but I can go the next day. No, mum, you got to go now. His mum's in the fucking snow. Yes.

Probably getting knifed up in London, you know? Absolutely. And he's like, you got the wrong tickets, mum. You stupid God. Yeah. So, again, there's no chemistry at all in this, all right? And, like, even he's like, he's like, like, well, I just kept asking, it's all I care about.

Don't want kids, nothing. Yeah. And then even he gets offered a promotion in school. Yeah. And he's like, why would I want that? I got enough money for me season ticket. And a few records every now and again. That's all I need, yeah. That's all. Does he collect the stickers? All that. You have like a sticker book? He has little stickers. Mark Strong is his friend in it, by the way. Oh. And him and Mark Strong are playing little foos ball all the time, you know, and all that. and oh yeah also he like brings her to the game

and doesn't talk to her at all it's like yeah you fucking wanker see you you fucking can't I'll fucking do you in your shit and she's all scared because you're getting pushed around and that you know he's like in the whole game he's like with the green street posse you know

see you you can't I'll cut you first you fucking sigh I'll do you in you you and your fucking maces oh I love you're gonna get fucking gang rights you here oh I'm scared be quiet we're watching Arsenal

and she tries her best she's like oh yeah I like the she's trying to like mention like you know so I believe last time he won it was like in 78 76 and he puts a cigarette out for every question she gets wrong

every bit of trivia that's one more lashing with the belt It's funny because Colin Firt, like he's a naturally charming man. So I think he managed to make it somewhat likable. Yeah, yeah. But if you cast Johnny Vegas.

If you cast Johnny Vegas, it's a horror movie. Shut up, your fucking slag. I'm watching fucking Arsenal. There's your fucking kebab, you fucking bitch. And, okay.

Monkey. Monkey loves Arsenal. Oh, monkey. Oh, I don't want to have sex with Monkey again. Let Monkey, oh, let Monkey no, nibble, you 12, come on. No. Did Monkey ever speak? He did, yeah.

Monkey was voiced by Ben Miller, actually. Is that right? Yeah, I know these things. I'm autistic, but it's not about Arsenal. It's about monkey. You go out like your own. go on a Tinder 10 It's like no

We're watching clips of monkey on YouTube Be quiet You're driving your car You've got like an audio book Of monkey's best bit Monk Man It's actually pretty fucked up

In the movie In the movie Hillsborough happens Oh Yeah so like you know Fucking all these people died A real tragedy okay and they're watching it on the fucking telly all right yeah and she's like this is terrible

we can't obviously you're going to stop going to the games now this is dangerous like why we just stop going to the games it's arsenal yeah and he just goes off she's like please don't go it's dangerous oh by the way she's pregnant whoa she gets pregnant and he's just like yeah how will this effect uh this next season well i can still afford season tickets catch i look we're either paying for the caesariat or the season tickets one of the other but here's the thing so remember I mentioned he got offered the promotion

yeah okay so he goes back to the principal's like oh yeah you know he just goes like he's got no chart like tact either yeah uh you know that promotion I actually need it now because you know the new teacher we just got yeah got her up the duff so you don't wear I'll marry her you know yeah what they're like you know but uh

but yeah gives the promotion go on And the principal was like, what, you can't, I'm not going to be a promotion now. There's sets a bad example for students. Also, you're not allowed to have sex with your co-worker or get her pregnant, or bring her to an Arsenal match. That's the worst of all.

You got her pregnant at the Arsenal match. And basically the, so like it's all these bad things, all right? Yeah. And then at the end, Arsenal win the league. Yes. It's a big dramatic thing. It was very big.

So basically, it was almost like a, like a, very close. Yeah. And Arsson needed two goals to beat Liverpool. Okay. To get less than two, Liverpool will win, okay? Right. And they did it. All right.

So it's a big... That's a real thing. Yeah, it's a real thing. Yeah, it's a year of Hillsborough, Liverpool lost as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, like, I listen to a thing about it and saying, like, the fans, like the manager and all that was being a bit like, you know, don't celebrate too much. But it's very similar to, I believe, in 2001, the Yankees went to the, World Series and lost.

Ah. Yeah, it was very similar in that sense. So you're saying Hilsborough 9-11 are the exact same. Well, you're blaming the Jews for Hills for Hillsborough as well, Brian. Come on now. That's a bit much. It's funny because the Yankees lost to the Taliban.

It was pretty bad. Step it out of the plate, we have Abdul Jabbar. Oh, my word, he can really hit the ball. Like this? Sorry, I won't do. that voice. Don't do that voice

until we're on the Patreon. Then we can go wild. Then I can whip out some of my voices, you know. I just do nerdy white guy and that's it, you know? I just punch up. But so fever pitch, they are so he wins. They win, right?

We did it, love you. I love you. And she's like, oh, great. You don't need to get the abortion now. And that's it. You doesn't learn anything really. That's awesome. Yeah. And she is like, I'll just give up my life basically for you. Yeah.

And you'll never pay me or our child any interest. It's just Arsenal. That's a yeah. I'm going to call him Arsenal. I'm going to call him Tyrion Re. But that player isn't even was Tyrion

Ree playing in 89? It was just before Venger. Arson Venger, anything. David Sieben. He was the goalie for Arsenal, wasn't he? I don't think of this stage you are I'm not too sure now half them were alcoholics anyway That's true

Yeah But anyway I like I enjoyed watching it But it's not a good film Yeah I like just how mean it was I think actually

You could do a really funny version of this And make almost like a Todd Chalance movie Right But like it'd be funnier If instead of like Arceau's like Funko pops or something

Like it's like Yeah Or Doctor Who Oh No that would be hateful No because Doctor Who fans are lovely people

with the biggest penises and all the ladies love them Doctor Who gets to suck my dick Well Doctor Who's afraid of Virginia Wolf There you go

What happened there's I don't know All I know is a woman gets beat by someone Well you know Actually You kind of said Like a Todd Zillan's version

Of fever pitch Isn't that what that movie Big Fan is With Patton Oswald Yes he's like a kind of mentally ill man baby who won't, you know, get married or have kids because he's so obsessed

with baseball or whatever. Yeah, I forget what team it is. Yeah. But yeah, that's a part of it's a good movie. I can watch it. Yeah. But he killed his wife, so I'm not going to support him. Well, we're at the hour there. I'm glad we got that on tape. We're at the hour there. It's been good talking, you guys.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what to say. The Patreon one, if you hop over Patreon, we're going to be talking about more Alan Bennett stuff and more John Lecari I've become a bit of an anglophile and I'm just loads of English shit at the moment I'm like in the soup big time

I also watched a blind boy documentary just to even it out a bit okay so that's basically Bobby Fingers listened what Bobby Fingers saw your Instagram post well yeah because I tagged him in a story

because we were giving him his flowers and his praise I don't think he listened to the episode he didn't message you did he no probably intimidated yeah probably this next diorama is of Brian and James I have no criticism of them they are the coolest

funniest guys I've ever met and are way more talented than me wow thanks Bobby Fingers that's really nice of you that's what I you know when I need to get hard that's what I say to myself I want someone to cuddle me

I can do that I'll give you the fingers Bobby anyway look that's the hour there we have to go to pennies now yes we do Maybe get some ice cream You're gonna force me to get bubble tea

And I don't want any Well But anyway Anyway look that's the end I can't have run out energy there Sorry I might get a red bull or something Yeah

Pipe for the next A few fucking sniffs pal Just get on it For the Patreon Alright goodbye guys Alright goodbye guys Alright goodbye