Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 246 : Ludwig and Ethan Klein

Episode Date: March 31, 2025

More Noone and Ethan Kline...

showing James some Ludwig you weren't impressed well in fairness though you're showing to me free on YouTube and had a bunch of like Arabic scrolling that's the only way I watch movies I like a movie where is this Arabic everywhere you know

and it's those a gambling ads and it's like 360p you know just all blurry and pixel and you're like Twitch okay there's a screen in the corner of some fat guy watching it with me you know yeah and he's just rubbing his nipple that's good

Well, you know, and in fairness, you only put it on for 12 seconds. You're like, come on, let's hear your entire, like, you know, a thesis on Ludwig. Well, I tell you about Ludwig. Okay. So, Ludwig is the new show, new hit show starring David Mitchell. So good, I haven't heard of it. And David Mitchell. Oh.

So what happens is David Mitchell. Oh, no, you're going to love this. Okay. David Mitchell is a crossword expert. A dork. No, no, no, he's cool, okay? He's kind of like an inspiration to me. You can't do crosswords, weird?

What are he talking about? But it's aspirational, you know? I can't do them either, but... So he actually is a crossword... That's his job. Right. He does crosswords from newspapers. Oh, he makes them up.

Yeah, he's a puzzle expert, all right? I always thought that was created by like elves and border or something. Well, nowadays it's probably AI. Oh, yeah. But he's like the best of the best, okay? He goes to puzzle conventions and stuff. his brother is a detective and he's got an identical twin

that's the brother so it's two David Mitchells and is the brother he's like Harvey Keitel and bad lieutenant smoking crack and beating women now that would be cool wouldn't it yes no we don't meet the brother oh does he just die off camera

the very first episode the brother's wife calls up it says hey the brother's missing your brother's missing and he left a notebook with clues in there and he said don't trust anybody in the police station so she says tell you what I want you to do I want you to pretend to be your brother David Mitchell

sneak into the police station and see if you can find any information on where my husband is okay and go meet his partner okay right the partner is called like Dave and Dave's the only one you can trust Dave the rave yeah well here's thing he goes to meet Dave

Dave's not there and Dave is Carl Pilkington Oh Yeah so Carl Pilklin plays Dave But Dave's missing as well Oh So it's just a picture of Carl Pilkington Now he does apparently show up later on Oh I thought maybe they'd

Disappeared together you know Well we don't know Yeah there is disappeared at the moment okay And like the books of clues Is it like a crossword and then he solves it And it just says you are gay No no no it's no No

This is a serious show Okay. Isn't like something to make fun of like the Quran all right This is serious Okay

So actually More like the boron Yon Snoose Fest Oh wake me up When Christianity Happens Yeah

It's gonna be like Fucking Riots in the Middle East The Ayatollah It's like It's like It's like they have sort of South War

Where they talk about Mohammed you know. A fatwa. Yeah. But anyway, look. That's not fat-shade people. No, I'm trying my best.

Fat twat. What? That's like a real chubby brown kind of joke. Also, what are you talking about? Fat twat, fat bastard. And they'll punch me wife. Yeah. Everyone's like, wow.

Yeah, it makes you proud to be British. I'll show you. Chubby Brown for Prime Minister. That's the only man I'll follow. Anyway, so Ludwig, that's his name, David Mitchell, let's call him David Mitchell. He goes in... Is he named after Ludwig Van Beethoven?

Van Beethoven, yeah. Van Buren, whatever, like it. So he goes in, okay, and he's pretending to be his brother. And he bumps into fucking some cop. He's like, hey, I'm your new partner. And we've got a case to solve, let's go. I feel I have a funny tummy. I can't.

Oh, come on. You're the best of the best. Let's go solve a crime. You know, he can imagine, yeah. David Mitchell. So, uh, all the fellas were telling me all those stories about your weird brother. Is he really as much of a spastic freak? And he's got a tiny penis that stinks of shit.

Well, well, I think he's got some charming qualities as well. Those crosswords are quite difficult. He likes Doctor Who and fucking, you know, Sean LeCarray. James, can I be honest with you. What? In his room, he has. has a picture of the seventh doctor and Alex. He's a Doctor Who

fan. Of course he is. I feel seen. Representation. This is my DEI. So they go to the murder, right? And it's a guy's being stabbed in the office. And there's like five suspects. Five people who are in different parts of the office when this guy got stabbed. Right.

And David Mitchell's all like, oh, I can't do this. Oh, I do crosswords. It's not mysteries, you know, I'm having a panic attack. But then he's like, wait a minute, solving a murder is like doing a crossword. So he's like, oh, well, it's kind of like, you know, if that was that and this is this, I'm making connections in my head. Like the mentalist. Yeah, like the mental. Or castle.

Yeah. Or bull. Yeah. I never heard the shark. You ever hear of shark? The shark. Yeah. There's all sorts of show.

Bosch. Bones. That was probably one. Well, they're all detective shows. But he's better than all these cunts, all right? Because he knows crosswords. So he's like, oh, 10 down, two across, she's the murderer. It was funny.

It's like, all these shows are like, I would be very insulted if I was a detective because all these shows are like literally, like the bin man is a better detective than the detectives. Like, oh, big detectives, like throwing shit to escape, ain't she? Yeah, yeah. You shorten out the rubbish of society. I know more about the inner work is of the human mind because I have a bag full of tampons

and dirty nappies and old DVDs of right chummy brow Yeah, it's so insulting to like detectives, you know? You're right actually. To put their lives on the line and just some fucking

Doctor Who love and crossword bitch comes he's like, um yes, I can actually be a better detective than anyone. Well, in this show it is literally like that. We're all the texts are how you do that? Well, it's a magic or something.

Now, it's something called logic. Maybe you can learn it sometime. Oh, good thing you're on the force with us. We need you for all the big crimes. Bloody buffing. Now, gentlemen, if you're you can actually tie your laces together

and you won't need to wear Velcro shoes to the office. Oh, Geoffrey, brilliant. Thanks for that, Ludwig. Oh. Fuck. So the ongoing plot. See, if you wipe your bottom once you're defecate,

you won't need to wear the adult diaper all day long. Up and down, not sideways. And this is how you've got a urinary tract infection, my dear, because you've got shit in your tract. Oh, thank you very much. Ladway go, yeah. Fuck it. Anyway, sorry.

The commissioner is fucking, what do you go, the guy from the office? from the office early done was the uh oh finchy finchy yeah finchy's the commissioner yeah he's good yeah but so basically the ongoing plot is now uh he's pretending to be his brother and he's doing great he wants to keep solving crimes and he but he still got like think about find his brother and find out what the mystery is right yeah so that's like the the running plot of the show okay how about it sold it to you james i'm i'm invested man i think does he go on to like the council of states with all the like like the top by crossover

it's like you know some guy got stabbed up you know oh stabbing someone in the council estate it's like doing the crossword but I don't know Ludwig sure I mean it sounds like something that would play in like a you know old folks home

like what's that one death in paradise like Ardlohanlon that's a huge show that's been going on for years and they keep getting new cats it's like Doctor Who in a way they get so was Ben Miller. Right.

Then it was, I think Ardlow Hanlon. No, Ralph Little for a while. Chris Marshall. Oh yeah, yeah. All your favorites. All the white guys. They always get a new white guy. All the people whose career didn't really pan out for them, you know?

But man, it's a good job because it's just like you have to live on an island for like a few months. Film a detective show. It's real chill. Yeah. I don't think like middle age, white depressed comedians whose career tank are going to really make the

best of the sun sea and sex that that set would provide Wow I think you're really projecting there

maybe perhaps because you're you see someone like you know Chris Marshall Ardlo Hanlin and you're like oh I bet

he doesn't even go outside I bet he stays inside wanking and watching Ludwig yeah and then be mean

to Brian oh what dark twisted pain they must live in knowing that they are in fact

a jean who's not appreciated by the plebs out there. Yeah. What else are watching? We also watch a little bit of the history of pornography. The history of blue movies.

Oh, come on, don't cheap on it. Well, it's the same thing, really. No, it's not. I thought it's actually interesting. It's very fascinating. Like, I love really old porn. Whoa, they used to have pubs? That's crazy. We watched one from like 1930. Yeah. And it's funny because

It looks like a Laurel Hardy, like, film where, like, it's, like, silent. There's, like, text coming up. Yeah. But it's like, I'm squirting. The text, I'm creaming my pussy so hard. And then they showed, like, some old... Voust are my stepbrother.

And why are vouched in my chambers? And then, so they showed, like, some old porn. And then they showed a fucking animated movie. Yeah. It was like pre-Disney shit. Yeah. It was like a lad with a big cock. And like, I was actually like really enjoying it.

Because the whole joke is he's like trying to fuck a woman, but she's got a crab in her pussy. And then the crab bite, like, uses its pincer on his cock. Yeah, that's pretty funny already, isn't it? And you can get the metaphor straight away. Crab? Yeah. Yeah, yes. For AIDS.

And then, okay, this is really funny now. There's a woman on the beach and he tries to rape her. But there's a guy in the way, so he accidentally puts his cock in the guy's. ass. It's like she was there I think he, yeah it was it, the guy's ass was sticking out of the sand, but he couldn't see it was a man. Yeah, yeah. And he tried to

rape them and then it's a, you know, classic. Not the victim blame here, but if you have your ass buried in the sand, look, it's sticking out. What do you expect me to do? Yeah, yeah. As soon as I get this crab off the end of my penis, I'm coming right for your

asshole. And then he fucked a donkey as well. That was the big fucking end that was like the big climax no pun intended yeah and the donkey no the final little joke was the donkeys like loving it

of course donkeys like oh yes I'm gay a lesson to be learned there donkeys never say no nay you know I realised James you came into my house and I basically

talking at you for over an hour I haven't let you talk about yourself I've got on to no cracker you watch anything good or I watched that uh telemark

marketer's documentary, that's pretty good. That's good. That kind of, like, distracted you from all the hate you're getting. Oh, well, yeah, I got a lot of, well, we got a lot of hate. No, no, no, it's most of you. Oh, yeah. Oh, by the way, off camera, I'm like, oh, Garon Noon's terrible. On camera, I'm like, James, you should know better. He's a hero, he's a working class hero.

Yeah. You know, he got flown to Dubai. Really? Garon Noon, yeah, yeah. Like, he's getting flown all over the place. For what? Because Dubai needs him. They need the people.

PR. Okay. You know, Dubai, it's all like the people, you know, workers' rights and women's rights and all that.

Yeah, yeah. People were like, oh, this is bad. Then they get Garon Noon there talking about ice cream and all the, you know,

people talking about rights and stuff are like, ah. Who cares? Let him out of it. Yeah, yeah. Well, lucky, he gotten a bit of bother,

but he's fine now, he didn't, he didn't, though. Well. I said on the Patreon, like, he got in really no trouble at all. Yeah, yeah.

Also, I don't understand, you're someone on the internet, you should be used to getting a little bit of pushback, all right? Yeah. And then he got like, I honestly don't think anyone in the comment section

was against Scarron Noon. I think he was talking about his DMs, though. He was getting a lot of DMs from people just like, you're a racist and blah, blah, blah. So what? I get that all the time. You're a racist.

Sorry about that. You're a racist, you're a Pido. Your penis is so tiny you couldn't rape a donkey. You know, all the classics. That hurts. All the classics. And it's sad because it's true.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Garron New, did you watch his comeback video? It wasn't really an apology. No, it was like, I said what I said, and I mean it. They're weird, they sound weird, they smell weird. They smell like curry. Yeah. They are not delicious.

But, yeah. I went to a mosque once. It was the worst cup of tea I ever had in my life. You know, but whatever. We, like, made some gag about. him and then all these mentally ill freaks come out of the woodwork. It's like, you should kill yourself, you'll never be as good

as Gara dude. It's like, well, we didn't actually say anything against them, though. We were just kind of... Ah, it was your tone, though. Okay. It was your... You could smell the jealousy off you, you know? Enjoy your 50 minutes of fame. Yeah, that was one. Well, they could smell my jealousy,

they could smell your bedroom, apparently. I didn't like as well. At one stage, you're like, oh, that lad looks like Ricky from trailer park boys who's a beloved character by the way and the other guy looks like a spastic

I didn't I didn't say anything oh you didn't is what he didn't say Brian that's it silence is compliance that's right yeah you just

you allowed it to happen you know but whatever if you want to have a laugh go look at my Instagram see of all the comments calling us pieces of shit

it's a bit of fun it was fun because it started off and I was like oh James is getting so much hate and I was giggling away You know me, you know

Yeah, of course Oh, but then Yeah, then it was like Suddenly the shoes on your foot What do you think is gonna happen next For Garon Noon? Nothing, he's gonna just sell loads of tickets Yeah

Well, here's what I'm curious About his live shows though Yeah Does he do comedy? No Or is he just performed music Yeah, yeah Just does music

Yeah, yeah It's like, and then in between It's like He might make a little funny comment Right, okay But you know what's funny Because like You know he's got more popular

Now because he did the video about immigration it's funny of like all these like right wing people are there you know start showing up yeah yeah yeah and then like he he'd lean into it if I was him if I was his agent I'd be like fucking go for it

yeah that's what Michael Jordan did Republicans buy sneakers too hey racists eat chicken fillet rolls too Garin make that money bruh get that shed of blood it'd be quite funny if like Donald Trump came out and supported Garan noon which I honestly wouldn't be surprised

of because like it's like all these things are Clyden, you know? Well, I don't know because he kind of abandoned the whole McGregor angle. It's like, I don't support McGregor, and McGregor's in with Trump, so now a line's been drawn in the sand. It's Trump and McGregor

versus Garan Noon and you. So, yeah, I wonder who my money's on. Speaks for himself. I don't like his fans. I really don't like his fans either. But they're started it. They're so fucking unpleasant. Yeah. Like, they're really unpleasant people. And,

probably criminals as well they check the hard drives Oh big time, big time and like their whole thing's like Leave him alone He helps people with mental health You should kill yourself It's like Jesus Christ

All right Like they are Yeah they do not like criticism of guarantee At all, yeah So toxic and hateful Yeah I'm going to say it It's kind of like

It's worse than Hitler I'm not exaggerating Finally somebody has the bravery to stand on business 10 toes in when we're standing on business. Yeah, there we go. Well, if Hitler was around today, he would be making TikToks and stuff, yeah?

Oh, yeah. I love chicken filletrol, yeah? Oh, do you like Barry's tea or lion's tea, yeah? This is a superior tea, and none of the inferior races shall drink my tea. The guy, I'm delicious, yeah. So there we go. Garronud, worse than Hitler.

when she was dead. Who's going to have a problem with that, Brian? I think everyone's going to be. That's sorted. I think we won them all over. I'm better off. I might just kill myself, actually. Oh, good.

That's fun. That's fun. Then they'd regret it. Then did all. Then to be like, actually, his room wasn't smelly. Actually. I think it's got to smelly. any better after you kill yourself up there

because nobody's coming to check on you for weeks man oh my god do you have a cat to eat me or anything what else has been going on with me I've started using so I've talked about how my ear I've having the ear problem still my ENT has

giving me like back to Doctor Who these drops for psoriasis what's the psoriasis is like a skin condition but the thing is the drops are very, very acidic so when I put them on my ear it's very, very painful. You've got quite a few health issues at the moment, don't you?

It's just my ear, yeah. Make up some shit. Like what? I'm just saying, like, you should really milk this stuff, you know? Like, Garanoon had agoraphobia. Yeah. Yeah, you should try and, like, you know, come in with, like, in a wheelchair and like...

Well, the thing is, I probably have had more panic attacks in my life than Garanoon. I'm on more antidepressants. I'm more smelly than I. You know, yeah Well, come on My room is the top smelly Look, I got plenty of problems

It's all gone wrong for me You don't hear me whinging about it Except for what I'm doing right now On every episode of this podcast Where I'm like Oh fuck! Oh no, it's all gone wrong Fuck!

Jesus! Lord help me! I'd like actually, you know, All joking aside, I would like to be friends with Garron Noon. I'd like to like that happening any time soon day after this

I could be friendly with him yeah I just blame you called him Hitler and said you wish he was dead that's how I riz it's just

busting chubs that's what pals do you know we bust each other's chops but at the end of the day it's all love yeah and then he says something

like oh you've got silly glasses don't say that fucking court I have a team of lawyers

I will fucking ruin you I'll take you to the courts you'll be be so tied up and red tape and fucking, I'll just file fucking thing after thing

whatever it's called. What do they call it? File the thing, what do you call it? What do you do? That's a thing, you know what I'm saying, eh? You know, man, it's the thing. When you're in the court, you file the thing after the thing, you say, you come all, man.

I'm just laughing you be the lawyer, like you court, like, Your Honor, the ting. The ting. I want to file the yoke. You know, the ting. I was talking about to you there I'll be a fucking gobshot, you know what I'm talking about. Don't be a con, what? A motion.

They file a motion. That's what it is. Motion after motion. Actually, speaking of cons who file motions. Yeah. You've fallen like the Eat incline stuff. No. Eat incline from H3, H3. Yes. It's funny because I remember when H3 H3 was just like funny videos

like just weird edits. Okay. It was like, you know, like what's the name of Black Chef? Harriet Tubman or something Oh Ainsley Harry Ainsley Harriet Tubman That's a yeah

Yeah he was like Like you know That's delicious Like that like he like Move his tongue weird Okay Yeah yeah Right

So it's like real basic shit Like that And then he started a podcast And now he's like a big Zionist Because his wife's Israeli right Yeah his wife is in the IDF Okay Oh

So he's threatening to sue people right now Because they say he supports genocide And all them Even though he does Yeah But basically yeah But you see they called social services on him no you're like swatting

yeah yeah yeah so the new thing now is you make up lies you know they made up loads lies like his kid they were feeding his kid's dog shit yeah don't laugh at that so then social services we're at eating Klein's door

being like we need to take the kids from now they're eating dog shit yeah yeah and her cooking's not that bad officer the beautiful Israeli dish we give to Palestinian children it's

deep fried dog shit with a little gachamesh on the side you know that's beautiful yeah he's really man he's really falling off that guy

we're like yeah he just looks like really bad I think he's under a lot of stress the moment yeah keeps getting abused

all the comments they're like you know you're fucking terrible you're not funny anymore he I think yeah he tried to sue

uh the mods of the Reddit page oh wow the H3H3 Reddit page who's the guy is it Hassan Piker yeah Yeah, so they kind of were friends

and then they fell out over this Israel. And Hassan Piker is doing better and better and better every day, making loads of money and he's posting on these thirst traps. And I'm falling for the trap every time. Free Palestine. Free his dick in my mouth. I remember Ethan Klein had the interview with Bill Burr.

Yeah, that was great. And it was just like such a train wreck. And like, but then afterwards, Ethan Klein is like, I had to go to therapy. and start taking medication after that. That may be love Bill Burr so much. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, Ian Klein doesn't help himself. He's... Yes. Yeah, he's digging a deeper and deeper hole for himself. You know, he always, like... Like, you know, he was very big on the whole, like, fuck... He's always like, fuck Jordan Peterson, fuck Andrew Toad. Like, he goes after...

And Joe Rogan. And he goes after all these people who have huge fan bases that are going... Kind of like, oh, sometimes. You know, but anyway, yeah, we, we said free Palestine and then all the Biscuit boys come out of the one work. Oh my God, the Biscuit Boys is a great name for Garon Noon fans. Yeah. Like the proud boys? Garan Noon's going to start his own like January 6th, you know?

Yeah. They're just going to, yeah, they're just going to storm into the Tato factory. Just stormed local deli. But, yeah, so Ethan Klein, so now he's... Yeah, he's going to follow. falling apart a bit. Like, and also it's weird

where like, so he'll make a video about Hassan. He'd be like, oh, Hassan loves terrorists. Okay. Then Hassan will make a video

where he's watching that video. Be like, bra, I don't. Bra, bra, Palestine. And then

Eaton will make a video of watching Hassan. Having a reaction to his reaction. Yeah, and he'd be like, uh,

you say you support Palestine, but actually you're a terrorist. And then there'll be another video. of Hassan reacting to the reaction of reaction you know it's really like Russian doll shit you know and it is autism ping pong you know and I'm watching all of it and I'm like oh my god I have no time to take my medication today you're like driving at full speed it's like no time to stop there's a new Hassan Piker video I have to watch it that Cohn, fair play to him.

He, like, streams, like, eight hours a day. Adderall. Well, whatever, you know, it's like, yeah, at least take steroids. They're still doing with cool shit, you know? He has to piss and bottles all the time. Yeah? Yeah. I might start doing that in the podcast.

Right. Just start piss. I won't, but I forget the bottle. I'm like, Cassan. Free Palestine. Oh, I'm warm. Now I'm cold. Oh, I want to talk

about other cunts I should be in jail actually, yeah I want to talk about Lawrence Fox and Joey Barton All right Yeah, so you know

those guys do you I know I've heard of both them, I know Lawrence Fox a bit more Yeah, so you'll do Joey Barton first Okay Joey Barton is

I kind of forgot how big a scumbag he is One of those things He's been a scumbbag for years But when you actually go on a Wikipedia page

You know when you go Like career Personal life Legal incidents It's like most of the page Is that you know Like holy shit It builds up, you know.

It's like when you go on McGregor's page. Like, wow, that's quite a lot. It is, it is. But anyway, like, so Joey Barton... You know, just watch how you speak about the future president of Ireland. Oh, yes, yes, you're right, yeah. It's going to be... We're going to go back and forth.

It'll be seven years of McGregor, seven years of Garon Noon, then McGregor, then Garon Noon, then McGregor Jr. Oh, my God. Imagine if, like, McGregor's child and Garon Noon's child, they get to... together, you know? Yeah. And they create the ultimate Irish person, you know? Like a rapist who loves chicken fillet rolls. Hmm.

Okay. Chicken fillet rape. There we go. I was going to say, oh yeah, so Joey Barton, okay? So he's a football. He was a footballer. Oh, he's a footballer? Yeah, in the early 2000s.

Okay. He played for like a Man City and the Newcastle. Was it good? Keep your, he was good, yeah, more violent than good. Ah, like Philly Jones. You know what? One of the odd guys is a football. Vinnie Jones

You know His stuff's more playful You know Like he'd like Grab people's testicles and all that Twist Yeah Joey Barton was more just like

I'm gonna kick in the head And put a cigarette out In your eye He actually That was his teammate What At a party He put a cigarette out

In his teammates' eye That's fucked up Yeah Yeah Yeah He's spitting on people Fighting all the time You know

It's funny I watched a documentary With Joey Barton Like Yeah He came for real rough Background You know

His parents got divorced He was 14 years old Yeah it's kind of like it's not that crazy pretty standard yeah yeah it's not really a good excuse

you know so he's playing football and he's constantly like you know getting in fights but verbally and physically

and he loves going out and like I think at one stage he like assaulted like a 16 year old lad you know okay

like he's just constantly fighting you can't be controlled at all his brother was involved with a murder oh

I think his name was Anthony Walker Anthony Walker was like a a young, like an 18 year old British student who's black, all right? And then I think Joey Barton's brother and cousin

unprovoked came up to the guy with like a nice pick and bashed him in the head for fun. Fuck! Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty dark. It is, yeah, yeah. They're like, genuine, like, they're in prison now. It's not funny, but it's crazy. So, like, the brother went on the run, okay? So then Joey Barton had to go on the news

after, like, the fucking Man United game. You know, whatever like that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a great game. And also, bro, if you're out there, please come back the police want to investigate I know he didn't do it it's a bunch of lies isn't it but please come back

so worry mate we're all on your side we know it's your bloody stitch up job yeah yeah and like so he had a career of controversy let's say

and he also got done from match fixing as well oh and this was when he was the real crime everything else you can understand and you know what I can agree with

and support wholeheartedly and a bit I think you know other stuff as well you know probably you know this is stuff you got caught with you know yeah yeah but the match fixing thing he was given like a two year ban or something like that like 18 month ban so how exactly do do match fixing like you just you intentionally play bad just like you do different things you put a bet on and you kind of like you know uh you know because the bet is not just like a win or

lose thing like a number of goals or yeah yeah uh you know different things like smaller little things you know like i know in NBA they're always catching like players it's like I weird. He deliberately missed the ball like five times. Why do you that? Because you can bet on that kind of shit. Right. Okay. Yeah. It's like, it's literally like, he's got his hand at the net. And he's like, oh, I missed.

And just like throws it back over his head. You know, it's like, you know, very obvious shit. It hits Jack Nicholson on his man tit. Hey, why does that keep happening to me? God damn. So he got a ban. He retired from football. And then he did the classic thing of going on the internet.

become an internet personality. So it became like a kind of a right wing, kind of like, you know, it's funny because you look them up and like the first video is kind of like, women footballers, you know, like women shouldn't be talking about the game, it's a man's game,

you know, that kind of stuff. Right. Women, footballers and immigrants, which is worse? We're talking about that and more tonight. He's got a podcast called Common Sense. Oh, wow. With Joey Barton.

I say, there's not enough about common sense. Yeah. common sense in common just like immigrants yeah so and then he's got done there because he kicked his wife head in oh yeah he like kicked it in he was like he had a flashback

to his old football days you know and he kicked her in the head back of the net so now he has to do a jail term now but it's weird because like I don't know how it works so he got he's gonna go to jail

he's still tweeting I think he can still tweet in jail well no he's not in jail yeah but he's still like I disagree completely what the judge says

jurors your peers but I don't think they were my peers this is a stitch up two tier tier I shouldn't be judged by fat pigs and hogs

women jurors fuck off you're having a laugh it's a man's job Yeah, he also tweeted Chucky R. Law. Okay. Which, I didn't like that. I don't like that kind of association, you know.

What age is he? Probably in his 40s now, it's so he's playing, like, the, I think he started in like 2002 or so. Right, okay. Bad character. And he's also tweeting loads of support for Lawrence Fox as well. Right. Their buddy. So Lawrence Fox got done for upskirting.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Don't act like you don't know what I mean. Oh, what is that again, that too? wonderful practice of just street photography since when is that illegal you need some kind of like special

camera in your shoe isn't it you can actually buy online I believe yeah specialty stores you is that really how they do it a camera on the show I just I just saw that in a law and order episode okay yeah but I think that's probably fake yeah he's got a cam on a shoe dog what's going on

he's doing the upskirt yeah so well I know this is a little interesting case now So basically Lawrence Fox I think he got on like an argument Oh sorry I forgot as well Joey Barton He got sued a few times

He's calling people nonce on the internet So he called like Jeremy Vine and nonce Oh Yeah yeah and he gets sued for that You know libel Sure But yeah Lawrence Fox He got on some argument with some woman

Who like presents like Good Morning Britain Or one of those shows Oh what did he say something like She's a dog or who one No it's different one Different woman yeah Sorry

That was a different dog Mea Kopa Apologies to the fox heads out there. Yeah, don't push me. I'm like, Billy Piper was mad to leave him. So he went online. He found a video of her getting... You're like to kind of like the Paris Hilton getting out of the taxi.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So someone had done like that, all right? And he posted that on Twitter. It was like, look at this disgusting pig or something like that. But it's not really upskirting, is it? No, he didn't take the picture. Yeah. He just shared an image that's already out there.

So it kind of shows, you know, you kind of get punished for your political belief. Yeah, yeah, like Mandela. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I want to see the pussy. I want to see the pussy. That was a good Mandela. I've been practicing for years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's your time to shine.

And you killed it. I have a new bait I'm working on. Yeah. And most constantly remember Mandela, that's a sad thing. I know. They're like, oh, it's like crazy, isn't it? It's like, must be something to do with the universe or a simulation. Mandela effects.

Yeah, yeah. You just can't remember that black guy. That's because you're a retarding. Too many I love biscuit videos. That's what you... Should be watching the history channel and learn something about Mandela and ancient aliens. What else of it?

Oh, I'm sorry about this, James, okay? But remember I said I listened to one Doctor Who audio? I actually listened to two. And I had to pretend like I believed you. Oh, just one. Very good, Brian. Such restraint. That's like when I tell you

I only went to the McDonald's drive-thru once this week and you're like, yeah, sure. I've got mustard on my chin. Oh, yes, the intermittent fasting is working wonders. It's a carnivore diet, yes. I broke down a bit. I did listen to one other Doctor Who, but doesn't count, all right?

Why not? Because it's called Doctor Who Exile. Now, just a bit of background. So it's 2003 Doctor Who is dead There's no Doctor Who No Billy Piper He did a tour in Iraq

And thank you very much Tony Blair So there's no Billy Piper around Doctor Who is cancelled Okay, it's it So they decided to make A kind of a comedic radio, hour long radio thing

called Doctor Who Exile and it was like What if Doctor Who was like like men behaving badly or like two points of largar and a pack of crisps, you know, like it's like 2,000's humour in Doctor Who

and to make it extra funny, how about the doctor's a woman? Two pints of tortoise and a packet of crisps. Oh, that's very good. That's very good, yeah. If you're doing headlines for a son, you know. I mean, I wish I was. I could make bank. I actually know you wouldn't. They're firing everyone in the sun. It's all AI now. Oh, okay. In fact, even the Guardian did a deal with AI.

even the Farmer's Journal probably No they're going to stay out for a bit for a while yeah but yeah the Guardian

actually handed over all their newspapers so like 100 years of stories to AI that's going to make AI better at doing

news stories because at the moment AI it can't do things 100% right you know so like little things it'll just fuck up

so like one thing recently instead of the annola gay instead anola homosexual you know because there's no any

different you know it's just like Anola evil Anola burning in hell It's weird how AI is correct about AI is based AI is red-pilled Yeah

But anyway look So they made this thing Okay it's an hour long Right It's a Doctor Who comedy All right The radio program It's got the girl

Well you wouldn't know it It's got one of the girls From Smack the Pony Oh yeah I know smack the pony Oh yeah she plays the doctor The good one Yeah she plays the doctor

A little blonde piece Blonde yeah we heard of her name is, yeah. From, she was in Alan Partridge as well. Yep, she was the

desk clerk always laughed at his tiny penis. I don't think that. I don't think that. Anytime a woman laughs, it's at your

tiny, tiny penis. It's been, Lynn. My penis, Lynn. Why are you, man, McCat see your little

tiny no but none of birds are laughing about it? Oh, Michael. Oh, Michael. Oh, a cup of beans, man.

Cup of beans, with your tiny knob in it you know what I mean so I won't talk with it too long I promise you okay but the interesting is that there's a young actor and it called David Tennant

oh wow yeah yeah so it's a bit like ooh you know so it is possibly the worst Doctor Who thing ever and maybe the worst thing ever full stop it is hard you couldn't listen to it James like honestly you could not listen to it

I loved it yeah brilliant puts all the rest of that tripe to shame, doesn't it? Just to piss me off, you know? It's only like four quid to buy it, alright, so I bought it. Oh, wow. This is you're spending the Patreon money on?

It's an investment. I just say, no, no bitcoins for me, James. I buy Doctor Who audio, sit back, let the money roll in. Oh, fucking. So it is genuinely hard to listen to. Right. The point, the joke is, okay, the doctor has given up being the doctor. So the doctor is decided to become a woman and lives in England and works in Sainsbury's and is an alcoholic.

That's the funny, okay? What's that funny? Oh, it's very funny, James. Because it's like her like going like, bleh. Hey, I'm the doctor. Blah! Oh, I'm the doctor. Oh, I drank too many sabookas last night.

Time to go to Sainsbury's. Oh, I got to save the universe. Oh, I mean, push some trolleys. around. That's my life and then she goes to meet her friends who work in Sainsbury's and as a woman who's real like, oh, what you do? You're a doctor, are you? You must read

books. That's mad reading books. Then her other friend cheese and cheese is proper when the whistle blows. Okay. It's like cheese. I like cheese. Oh wow. What do you think of that cheese? It's not cheese. I like cheese.

Uh-huh. You like that lager. I like lager. but it's not as good as cheese so that's like the cheese he does it no they wouldn't that's literally

that is like Frazier level of shit yeah so it's like who wrote this a guy called Nicholas Briggs who is the voice the Daleks oh yeah so if you can voice the Daleks

he can write comedy and it is like he's dissed himself from it but he's like oh god yeah so the thing is doctors of Earth okay and the amount of puking sound effects

it's like fucking like a Tim and Eric anti-humor sketch like Sam Hyde is constantly like bleh let's do bleh oh I'm going to be sick again because she's an alcoholic that's it all right does she get piped in it

no you hear are getting piped no no no and then like the the story is David Tennant's an alien he's trying to look for her okay and he's like ooh he's doing like kind of a posh voice. He's like, ooh, I've got to find

the doctor. I'm wearing the right clothes for a time period. 2003, so I'm wearing this, I watch a show called Starsky and Hutch. So I'm dressed like that. Why is everyone laughing at me? I don't think they would be, really.

Just wearing bell-bottom jeans. Don't ruin the premise of the bit. Oh, my bad, yeah. And then bell-bottom jeans and a jacket. What a bloody freak! Look at that bloody da- And then the manager of Sainsbury is like, Okay, team, stop eating cheese, cheese.

Listen up. Princess Anne is coming tomorrow to open up the new wing of Sainsbury. So look smart. Don't be drinking or eating cheese, you guys. Let's go to the pub. Let's stuff off with the cheese aisle first. And then they drink way more, okay? And then the doctor next day is like, oh, Princess Anne is going to be there.

What if an alien shows up So she runs around going Princess Anne, watch out for the alien Then she gets sick Alright And then she gets fired From Sainsbury's This is about 40 minutes in by the way

Right And then the big kind of punch line is David Tennant finds her He's like oh I have to arrest you now Because for being a bad time lord Okay So he arrests her and she's like Oh yeah, don't mind really

I don't care either way. All right. And then, like, he's like, okay, um, right, uh, you can either stay in prison, but don't escape through that door, right? So you stay in prison.

Uh-huh. And the doctor tries to escape, but turns the door is a trap and she dies. Ah. The end. Good. Yeah. And then at her funeral, cheese, just eating cheese. Oh, I love these flowers,

but I wish they were made of cheese. Is it just fucking Wallace and Gromit? At least Wallace Gromit He has a type of cheese he likes You know his bit of character development Or something, you know He's like, cheese is good I like cheese

And I was like I'm like Yeah I actually like I can't justify it anymore I think I've got problems James I think you do Or maybe I don't I think unemployment has been wonderful

For you though Well you're the You're the hip new gunslinger in town Everybody's trying to hire this guy to He means comes slinger because I keep throwing

cum like signs of lambs I can smell your cat but all the clubs want you to

you know work for them because they're impressed with you no they won't even let me in the door

most of the no this don't know the real you James you know he's got go in there

use the old cad and charm you know show up there with a bunch of flowers and chocolates

yes and don't eat the flowers or don't stick the chocolates up your eggs look we're almost at the hour

there really not though okay right we've got another while to go yeah I don't know what's wrong in me I kind of feel like I've let you down today no you just see you're a bit I'll tell you what I watch the White Lotus yeah the White Lotus you've only watched season one

yeah only season one I don't even know if it's good it's just hypnotic in a way yeah because we're saying before like it's kind of trashy it's kind of like a reality TV show in a way yeah but they put in the stuff that deep down you like

you know so it's murder tiddies penis is always a good penis it is just euphoria but with middle age people instead of teenagers and they'll have like some younger people in there as well okay but like if you were like watching euphoria I was like I wish

Jason Isaacs was in this you know I'm sick as Sidney Sweeney ruining this okay we want Jason perfect tinnies I want to see Jason Isaac's penis and guess what you do you see you see Jason Isaac's penis you see Patrick Schwarzenegger's penis

Are they real or they prosthetics? I don't ruin this for me You're like the cunt who's like Spider-Man's not actually swinging around That's not actually Spider-Man's penis Don't ruin this for me That's not Aunt May's penis I don't care

Let me get lost I think it's fake by the way Yeah But I let me get lost How big are they? Pretty good Pretty big yeah It must be weird when you're like

Talking about the prosthetics Because they're like We want to get like a prosthetic And we think this be a normal size And he's like Oh that's normal is it oh yeah yeah yeah that's that's what mine's bigger but you're right yeah we'll make it that's good people watching it might feel bad if you knew my real penis normal so uh two tick tacks on top of

each other then that's about right right guys i heard a rumor now and absolutely not verified at all but the showrunner or mike white i heard he uh fucked patrick swatternaker and that's how patrick got the job i think you i told you that did you i'm a little jealous cunt okay he only got that job because you're a nepo baby and you got fucked up the ass. I was actually lying for that. I could have been the big strong guy on the show with the six pack. That could have been me.

But it's not who you know it's who you blow in this town, isn't it? And they're like, well, Brian, you could play the other brother who's like the nerve, the small penis. Even my acting skills I couldn't possibly convince the audience that I could be

such a buffoon. But Brian, we're based on you. He's called Brian in the script. Man, Jason Isaacs is a revelation in the show. He's the best part by far. It's so good. He's basically, no spoilers, okay? But basically, he's the dad of this family.

He's got like two sons, a daughter. There might be some incest going on. Now, blood relative or stepdaughter? The fact that you have to ask, James, all right? It's not lame. I hate when it's like stepdaughter. No, this is full blood relative.

Hell yeah, dude. Full blood, I am in. I'm full. Pure. Pure incest. None of that,

you know, sometimes they cut drugs with like fentanyol. Yeah, yeah, yeah. None of that step sister shit. This is flake. That's what they call it.

When it hasn't been stepped on, they call it flake. No baby powder. This incest is flake, bro. So, and like basically, first episode you find out he's a successful businessman.

Well, he might not be. He's getting his phone calls where he's like, Good man The FBI are looking into We're all fucked I can't talk now

I'm on one vacation I'm having sex with my daughter Oh Is that your stepdaughter Or your real daughter Do you even have to ask Pussy Hangs up the phone

And just get straight back To pipe Who plays the daughter? I don't know Okay Some Of age one I assume The fact you have to ask

Okay God I'm really not cool enough For the white lotus Oh actually You shouldn't have sex With your daughter well no one's any about daughter incest it's more brother-sister stuff oh i thought jason isax was banging his daughter

no no well it's brother-sister yeah you're watch harry potter he got confused my bad he was great in the patriot do you ever see that he's great and everything he was great he was great in the stepto and son movie wow which we might watch after this i might cancel the gig yeah i think i need to educate you as you i need to teach you the ways of stepto and son You've been indoctrinated with the white man's filth, the white man's garbage. You need steptow and son. Because then Sanford and Son was the adaptation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Inferior adaptation. There's some, the shoes on the other foot, they steal in for a mush. And Jason Isaacs played Red Fox in the movie. That was their way of getting back at the white man for stealing rock and roll. They stole our most beloved intellectual property, steptow and son. We don't get any American adaptations of British shows anymore

It's a real shame It's because there's been so many failures Yeah, I think show in betweeners Yeah, skins as well Yeah But there's not really much IT crowd Yeah, yeah

With Joel McHale Yeah There's not many much There's not many British shows That are popular anymore British TV is dying apparently Yeah Funny if you've got like

An American adaptation Of an adolescence But it's like real sexy You know yeah it's so it's like Rob Lowe

as a dad and who's the son it's like Manny from modern family Oh that'd be quite good now I like see the American

adaptation but they like add loads of explosions and action scenes and a car chase as well yeah we play Stephen

Rob Lowe then yeah Rob Lowe is Stephen Graham the son is Manny the wife is some playboy model like the no Sophia Vigera

fuck it you know fuck it just recat oh you know what adolescence it's just modern family really isn't it that's the real modern family oh Jay

manni has joined the manosphere the maniosphere the maniosphere the maniosphere there you go modern family adolescents is so good

oh fucking hell Mandy does not want to hang out with his gay uncles anymore. He says they are ruining society. He calls them sodomites. Well, Gloria maybe many

you gotta find there, man. No pick. I can't I can ever do. He basically was the same character. He was, yeah. Gloria, you're big pitch.

It wasn't exactly that. It was close. Yeah, yeah. It was close. Yeah. uh what else talk about real quick not really too much now um we oh white lois sorry yeah sorry yeah so there's a lot going on white lois uh i will want i think maybe it's going on too long but maybe just impatient to get to the real incest okay it's just hinting at it so like it's an extra episode each season right so now it's nine episodes oh right and it's really spaced out and like

you could say there's not much going on but it is just like nice to see thailand and see beautiful people So Jennifer Coolidge isn't in this No, don't ask questions Okay, so she's not in it But there is lots of people Carrie Coon is in it And Amy Lou

And of course Do you have the surprise appearance Of Sam Rockwell Yeah, I saw that scene Yeah, he's in it more than that He talks being about He wants to be a little Asian girl Yeah, yeah

I don't like all the comments Like, that's so weird Okay Well, what's weird about that? About wanting to be a little Asian girl? What's weird about that? You know? You want to be a little Asian girl?

I'm just saying like, you know, I walk around Fingless sometimes and I think... Yeah? You want to be a little fucking like teenage mother drinking a can of carling at 2pm? Yeah, with three kids hanging off her. That's what you want to be, is it? It's pretty cool, actually, yeah, yeah.

Do you ever see, actually, Fingless is a great example when you see like a whole family on one of those electric scooters. So you like have the dad, the mom, and then three kids. They're all like hanging off. Like it's a fucking train in New Delhi or something. Like,

just cunts hanging off. I think it's charming. I like, I like this place, you know, Fingless. It wouldn't leave it. Never. It's in my blood. It's a part of who I am now, you know. And they all love me in Fingless.

I walk down the street. How are you, Brian? Yeah. You want two apples? Yeah. Hey, there he is. Big Dick. tool, it's the man the miss

the legend. Yeah. Where are the kids, Brian? What did you do with the kids? Ah, they all love me. You know, there's a new place to open up a thing that's called Dell Boys. Is it a brothel? No, no. So where were you in it then?

Del Lady Boys. Well, I do my Only Fils and Horses porn parody. That's good now. Yeah. That definitely exists, by the way. Oh, my God. Get your phone out now. Only fool and whores I don't know Only fools and whores

If not I'm writing that right now Yeah But yeah Next week I tell you why I want to watch Now I want to watch Evongelian The fuck's that

Neon Genesis Evangelion I don't know what you're saying It's like one of the greatest animated shows of all time Okay It's an anime Oh right So it's

Evongelian What how do you say it Evangelian Neon Genesis Nenesis Gion I feel like you get yourselves in a lot of trouble there I'm never heard of it, but I'm not an anime

guy. Evangelion No, I don't know, I can't get it right. But yeah, it's considered like one of the best. It came out in the 90s and they made like Is it like evangelical? No, no, maybe it actually is. You know what?

You're probably right. It's all about, it's set in the future. The future of 2015. It came out in 90s, all right? And basically the plot is These angels came down from heaven But the angels are monsters Yeah, they're big like kaijus

You know Right So these big kaijus Are what chutes? Are ruining the world Yeah Yeah So they have to get in these

Mek suits Okay To fight the aliens Okay But the suits only work If they're 14 years old So they have to get 14 year old children

To get in the suit All right And Why? Why do they only work Who designed these Some wacky scientists Like, oh, it has to be a 14 year old boy

Could it be older? No. Why? I mean, I guess it could, but I don't know why you'd want that. Why are you so fucking lame? Yeah. So they hired this 14 year old boy To get in the big suit, all right,

to fight the monsters. It's about him fighting the monsters. we asked the school as well so he's like I forgot my homework assignment yeah so you're invested aren't you already was it for kids

no no oh no it's for adults and apparently it's like very deep like it's like real metaphysical and like kind of like like probably too smart for you or for me I'm kind of scared to watch you I'm hitting the books right now you know

I'm going back to school trying watch this okay and then so they you're watching Rodney Dangerfield's back to school. Hey, Evangelical. Oh, a little 14 year old boy. 14, get the robot. So, I think what happened is

they made like 40 something episodes. Right. And it had an ending that's like meant to be very like twin peaksy, kind of like weird, okay? And then they made some movies. And the movies are like an alternative ending. And then I think they did something called Evangelian

re-engineered. And that was like they kind of reanimated it to make it look more kind of modern, you know, newer... And all the diehards hated it, probably. I think they kind of admire it in the way, because I think they change it just enough

to make it kind of interesting. But it's a real, like, honestly, I think it's actually kind of weird the fact you'll know about it. I always felt like I was the only person who didn't watch it. Like, I remember, like, I'd be, like, walking around town.

You know, like, Imposter Syndrome? Yes. I'd be walking around the city of Dublin, be like, oh, they all know, I haven't watched Neon Genesis. Oh, if they find out, they'll batter me. Yeah. And I deserve it.

Who do you know that's seen it? I don't know anyone who's seen it. Exactly, there you go. Ah, yeah, done. Done. Well, a guy on Reddit saw. Well, if he thinks I'm weird. According to you, he's seen it.

Well, then you'd just be like Ethan Klein and sue him. That's why he's doing it, you know? I don't fuck with any of that anime stuff, you know? It's a dangerous hole. But I'm unapplied. I might well go down that dangerous hole. You're unapplied, but you're working harder than ever, you know? Yeah, I know.

You're out on the street. putting your pussy on the pavement 24-7 Yeah, and no one appreciates me Selling that ass And people are just throwing bricks of me And calling me gay Yeah

Well Well, look, I got my books here I got my phantom Club Orange, but all right I'm making my clips and all that I was up last night Making clips Yeah

I drank three Guinnesses last night I came home and I was real tired Like, no, I got to do my clips So I drank some coffees Smoke some crystal mail Yeah, yeah I smoke some men I'm professional

I smoke met You can Don't feel the need To work through the night Like the elves and the shoemaker It's like a little sweatshop You know I know you got your little whip

You're ready to go Yeah well you're doing a gig now I'm doing a gig tonight yeah Go on do some new material That's good Yeah I had a gig last weekend And some woman was drunk

And interrupting the whole time A bad Magician blames blames his tools. Does he? Yeah. I think that's what they say. Why would a magician need tools? Oh, I still did very well.

You did very well, yeah. I thought you actually gray, and even with that woman involved, like she was throwing stuff out, yeah, she was making no sense. Like, she was real drunk. Gibberish. Yeah, yeah. And you handle like a champ. Yeah. I think other people like me would have got, like, more frustrated and be like, well, you guys shut up! I'm not, I'm not,

I'm not continuing to she stops. I want her removed. Yeah. Have her room and her friend Her friend is encouraging this behaviour Oh you're actually

at that gig So James did a gig All right It was very good But while someone else is on stage These women went to the bathroom

All right Which they're allowed Do You might not support it I think it's disgusting I don't think It should be allowed But these women went to the bathroom

Women with bodily functions In public But these Sodom and Gamora These women went to the bathroom They're chatting In the bathroom As women do

All right And it's kind of loud while the comedian's on stage and I'm kind of standing near the bathroom I'm not in it or anything it's not weird I'm just there just in case

I got a gun just in case and he kicks off I'm protecting you miss but these women are chatting in the bathroom and some other women's like to me like tell them to be quiet I was like oh I can't

go in there tell them be quiet yeah no I don't work here do it go in what's the matter do you have a little pecker or something I was like I'll show you excuse me I take my cock out going to women's bathroom.

It's to show you, Miss. I won the nice guys. But yeah, almost like that was a set up to a trap or something. Because if I go in there, okay, and I'm like, but the woman told me, what woman, Brian? It's just me in a dress. Ah, got him, fellas, he fell for it.