Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 252 : Lucky Day

Episode Date: May 9, 2025

They made an episode of Dr Who about Brian.

I stopped eating. I'd be in the press the whole week because it is. Good. Now, I'm going to describe the episode, and it's going to sound confusing and stupid. That's not me. I promise you, all right? I'm not doing a bad job here.

I'm trying to best. I'm not going to go in too much detail because it's too much stuff I have to explain, all right? But real simple, this is what happens on Doctor Who, Lucky Day, is named the episode. Oh. Lucky Day, or Unlucky Day for some. If you were writing headlines for Sun, that'd be good.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, because the Sun, front page the new Doctor Who episode. Doctor Who, bad question. So basically we start off with little Conrad. Right, Conrad

is like, I don't know, 14 years old. This is 2007. Okay. And he sees the doctor. He sees Shutey Gatwa doing something with his magic blue box. Right. He's like, what's going on here? And they're looking for an alien and the doctor and his companion, all right?

And they go like, oh, hey kid, today's your lucky day. to get in the box and that's the name of the episode Brian I know yeah that's already that's like

it's like it's like memento so he flies off we cut to 2025 okay oh I didn't mention so he sees the

tarliss the magic box fly away right he's like oh wow he goes to his mother he goes like mummy I saw the box a blue box

and if it went away vanished and she's like stop telling lies and slaps him good parenting yeah yeah you knocked that goofiness

that's why I needed back in the day I got a few more slap so we'd be watching Doctor Who was they yeah yeah did your parents slap you at all never never man my mother used to while I don't know

one spoon to the face yeah and look at the difference guys just you know look how mentally happy James is that's right yeah exactly not for no other reason like you know

if I wasn't if I couldn't do my maths homework fast enough oh I'm gonna beat the shit out of this little motherfucker that's all good I've processed it probably

I don't think that stuff you don't store that in your cellular memory you don't store it up and take it out in your podcast co-host you don't do that at all I would never do that

so now we cut to 2025 alright and little Conrad is now grown up Conrad and he is obsessed with the doctor now so he has a podcast about the doctor

all right the podcast is called Lucky Day okay why who knows it's not a very good name for a podcast

isn't it couldn't it couldn't it be called doctor cast or something wait so doctor who

exists the character people know this is another thing I'm very annoyed about right in the show

we have to take for granted that everybody knows that aliens are real and the doctor's real right because the world

in the show gets invaded every week so they all just like yeah typical you know they still voted

for Brexit that even though the aliens That's why they voted because the bloody cybermen coming over in little boats, you know. We are the cybermen. They want to build a cyber mosque, don't they?

Right there. Out of some bloody footy stadium it's a disgrace, pal. The cyber grooming gangs in Rotterdam Rochdale is horrible. Would you like a cyber cabam?

Now, touch my robot car. I were only 12 I didn't have any money for food so bloody cybermen said oh, nosh me off you gargled me robot bollocks and I'll give you something tasty That didn't happen in the episode James

Well In my fan fiction that I'm writing That it's banned from the internet Anyway So now he has So he's got Bear of mind okay So he has a podcast

about the doctor. He's obsessed to the doctor, right? Talked about all the adventures he had, okay? And he gets guests on. So, one day, he's walking along and he sees the doctor again, all right, and they're looking for an alien called, like, I forget now, called the Shrek or something, the shriek, all right? The shriek. Yeah, okay. And he's like, oh, no, and he sees the doctor's friend, Ruby. And he gets Ruby on the podcast. Now, Ruby's 19. She's a young companion, all right? Then why is her age relevant there?

Well, this is the thing, okay, just to get, so he's a good looking guy, she's a good looking woman. Okay. I'm just saying that, okay. Right, right, right, right. He's very charming. He's very kind of Hugh Grant. Oh, would you like to go for dinner? I could buy you dinner.

Not that women can't buy dinner. I'm, oh, I'm terribly flustered. Oh, oh, no. Oh, he's so charming and weird. And he's got a podcast. He can't manage to string a sentence together without being flustered. Yeah, good. Definitely not some.

undiagnosed condition oh just charming so he gets Ruby on the podcast and he's like oh tell me more about the doctor and she's like well I can't tell you too much but yeah he's great and we fought aliens oh that's cool yeah yeah and now you work for unit

don't you now unit in Doctor Who is Kyle like the men in black okay so they're an organization a government organization now that is meant to be secret and they investigate aliens but the thing is they're secret alright

but everyone knows about them and they've got a big tower in London the unit tower so everyone knows where they are not very secret then is it and they actually no joke they do tours don't bloody tell anyone you were here because I'll get in lots of trouble I really shouldn't be doing this

to do children's tours around the moon all right and this guy Conrad's like oh I actually applied for unit but it turned me down oh well so do you want to go on a date ruby oh yeah and then the next scene they're in love and they've been together they've gone five dates and they're in love and uh you know they're fucking um uh uh yeah going on holiday together and stuff okay so they go on holiday all right to some sleepy little english town i don't know where all right a dirty weekend yeah basically yeah yeah and this is so stupid now all right so they're in this town all right and strange stuff starts

going on. You know, lights flickering. Oh, what's that over there? Is it? What's that an alien? And it's something weird. It looks a bit like the shriek. Oh. Yeah. So, Conrad's like, oh, bloody hell, Ruby, call your friends and unit. Get them to investigate this. Yeah. So unit show up. Now, unit

are very militarized. Right. So they've got like, you know, not just like X-Files. It's not just like, oh, what's going on? They're like proper like guns, helicopters. Yeah. Freeze! You know. Right. You know, like, where's the bloody alien? So unit shows up and they find

two shrieks, right, two aliens and they're like, what a shrieks look like? Just generic looking alien, you know, like kind of like, I could have green, wherever the fuck, all right? But here's the thing, all right? They're filming this, okay? And the shrieks take their heads off. They're like, guess

what? We're fake. Isn't that right, Conrad? Conrad's like, yeah. Oh. Got you. So it turns out Conrad is trying to prove that aliens don't exist. Oh, okay.

So he's filmed unit finding these fake aliens and that's proof that aliens don't exist. Right. Does that make sense? Yeah, I mean,

I think what I'm getting from it in the world of the show because his mother told him he was an idiot and slapped the shit out of him, now he was traumatized for that, so he's like...

Wouldn't that be much better, wouldn't it? Oh, is that now what I was? No, no, he's like, and I know they're real, but I love spreading misinformation. Oh, okay.

I'm lying to you. Right. Why? I don't know. Also, it wouldn't make sense. Let's say if I called a bomb threat right now. Yeah. And the guards came to the house and I was like, oh, got you false flag.

Now, we all know that bombs don't exist. The Omabombin crisis actors. It was all bullshit. Yeah. Admit it now. Come out, you cowards and face the truth. Come on, unit. Where are you?

take that doctor you're just running up the streets of all my dress as an alien oh yeah you think I'm falling for this you a bunch of fibbers well okay then just real quickly it turns out the podcast he's on

is actually alt-right and racist okay so no one checked that like you know Ruby went to the pod didn't like Google what the podcast was it's not like he changed It's literally like, yeah, all the episodes are like anti-vax, you know, and all that, all right. And this really feels like an episode of The Simpsons. You know, the Simpsons, the whole town, you know, one week loves Gabbo or like loves the monorail or hates this.

It's very quick, all right? So the very next scene is then all these, like, people on YouTube and TikTok and stuff being like, oh, unit lies. They're lying about aliens. Oh, I hate them so much. So just that's one in-cell freak is like. there's one podcast episode about oh they're lying and everyone just believes them yeah yeah not as everyone

the BBC which is funny this is a BBC show and the BBC are spreading misinformation they have it's a funny little thing that I don't know if they intended they have Alex Jones on the show the woman oh that's very clever now they definitely didn't intend that probably not but they have different people on

they have Joel I was so confused by this they have Joel Dolme on you know the comedian oh yeah the good looking guy yeah yeah yeah I didn't understand this tall so he's doing stand up on television wearing like a glittery suit like something that Elton John would wear

literally like remember Diamond Jack from Tim and Eric you probably don't but it's like this really garish kind of suit he's like oh yeah aliens are fake maybe John's and Ross that's the alien as well what oh that face is real and then John de Ross is like oh you got me

poor old wassy catching strays what did he ever do exactly yeah yeah that's disgrace so now everyone hates unit and by the way Conrad has leaked the addresses of every person

he works for unit how did he have those this like elite government agency it's just him and his two mates just like they go on tour it's like excuse me I have a question

could I have all the home addresses of everyone who works here please go to the gift shop and you'll find all of that Now just to go on a side trap for a sidestep from in okay Go on a tangent

So unit had been around the show For a long long time And in the old series And for most of the new series As well with Tennett and Eccleston All right Unit were very much like antagonistic

So it's like the doctor wants to solve something by talking and you and they're like let's blow them up. Yeah. Let's shoot them. Let's shoot all the children in the face. See if that solves the problem. Well,

because of the time. Whatever. I don't watch this shit. Whatever reason you wouldn't shoot children. I can't really riff with this bit. You know, I don't watch this. You don't need to make it. You're doing a great job. I can tell you hate this so much. No, actually, I'm interested.

So, our unit because I know you hate it. I'm going to be like, oh, I watched it, Brian. I loved it. An indictment of the alt-right. It was fantastic. And white podcasters. Holding a mirror up to society, a much-needed mirror. Or how ironic,

Brian, the white podcaster who's racist and anti-vax, probably, and hates women, didn't like it. Oh, how, I didn't like the shooty got-wa episode. Hmm, interesting. I bet you like Peter Capaldi, didn't you? Whatever is shooty got what? As Malcolm Tucker, we like that.

Anyway, so, unit are militaristic they have unlimited power no oversight they can lock people away without a you know trial or anything okay all to defend the earth

and they used to be oh yeah by the way in the old series they're run by a guy called Ledgebridge Stewart right okay and now his daughter runs unit

so she's a Nepo baby so his daughter runs unit now Kate and unit hire aliens they hire children they literally have children working for him they have like a kid who's like 10 and he's a super genius

oh I see yeah yeah and they have disabled people I mean they've got everything right what are they for for the honey pot aliens are very attracted to a wheelchair braw honestly they have that there later on

just to be like oh he's even worse because he means to disabled people oh okay so the next thing okay is everyone in England hates unit, all right? And they're all in the unit tower, being like, what are we going to do? Oh, no. And then what Conrad does next is,

he sneaks into the building with a gun, because it, you know, no bother, right? Presses a button that somehow shuts down the whole building and he takes control of the computer operating system, right? And he's got a gun, he's like, yeah, I'm going to take you all out. And you know what?

I know aliens are real, but I don't care. I love, you know, you know, lying the people. And you know what? That disabled person, she's just taking benefits off the government. You know, he's just like being extra mean for no reason.

Just a cartoon, all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love it. And then what Unit do is they release the shriek, the real shriek, and it starts to eat him. I think it, like, bites his arm off or something. Okay. And they film it.

Yeah. And then they show that to everyone. People like, we believe in Unit now. Right. Yeah. So, like, you know, all those conspiracy theorists and all that. If you show them one video Proving them wrong

They're like, you're right You did it I was a fool And now I love unit unconditionally A very easy group To convince of something Never question the government Ever again

I mean there are like Thousands of people That said there were no planes On 9-11 Those are holograms And energy weapons There was no planes There was no planes

No people no towers, no Jews and 9-11. Well, that part you know, even a broken clock is right twice a day, you know. So they don't let Daley eat him, they pull it off

and eventually, all right? And then arrest him, I assume? Arrest and put him in prison. Right. And then this is, this bit is going to be so bad, all right? So then he's in prison, he's like, oh, I can't wait to get out and spread more misinformation. That's his own

motivation, like he's not motivated by like, the mother or anything, yeah. Money or greed or power. I love telling fibs. Big smelly fids. So then, the next thing, okay, he just winds up in the TARDIS with the doctor.

Okay. How? Don't, didn't explain it. All right. Look, I just, I wouldn't, like, just throw in a bit of, like, I teleport the end or something. It's just there, okay? And the doctor is like,

oh, I hate you so much. Oh, you make me sick. the way you lie and spread mean comments on the internet, oh, you're going to die in prison alone. That's the hero of the show right there. Yeah, yeah. You're probably

going to get raped by the alien MS-13 gang members. Yeah, they're going to run a train on you, turn your asshole into a taco shell, a packet full of cheap meat. Yeah, light meat, dark meat,

you're getting it all, palates, all on the mess. you do do do do I like that bit actually yeah but so the bill's like oh fuck sake so the doctor sends him back to prison by clicking his fingers somehow alright and then we think that's the end of the episode but then like a mysterious woman shows up who's actually Brian May's wife in real life right yeah she's been showing up at different episodes okay she's a mystery woman isn't the whole thing like she knows she's in a show Yeah, she breaks the fourth wall.

And you love that part, I assume, don't you? Yeah, it's like, oh, it's like Deadpool, but an old lady. Yeah. Imagine if Ryan Reynolds was married to Brian May. Oh, he's great. I bet Ryan Reynolds would love that. So then she breaks him out of prison. She's like, oh, ready for the next big scheme, you know?

So he's probably going to show up in the finale now. Oh, wait, she broke him out of prison? Yeah. So she's like... She's breaking him out prison. So they're going to team up together. Right. So Brian May's wife and Conrad, the race.

they're going to team up all right and that's probably going to be a big season finale which is going to be shown in cinemas and she's a mystery woman so do we know much about her? Nothing at all nothing at all yeah it's a big mystery on Reddit there's all these theories probably all not true

but she like looks in the cameras like oh hello there you're sitting there watching Doctor Who eating pot noodle with your micro penis you enjoying yourself I am actually yeah nothing to do with you mid to tell you

yeah I was like oh my god what a stupid episode in all the comments like they really tackled the issue of misinformation there so smartly

with such intelligence but it's got to be that it's just like they have paid a bunch of like Indian bot farms I would hope I would just write fake positive comments

and they delete all the negative ones because I know that exact feeling when you watch something and you're like this was dog shit and you go on Reddit and it's like 10 out of 10 a masterpiece. Anyone who hates

it is stupid. Yeah, you feel it's just like you're like Frank Rhymes. I actually went on... I feel like I'm going, what's wrong with you people? Can you tell? I'm taking crazy pills. Yeah, yeah. Well, I actually did look up some podcasts, some Doctor Who podcast, just search on Spotify.

I haven't listened to the Doctor Who podcast a long time, all right? And some of them I was like, Jesus, he's still going. Yeah. There's one called the, and I don't want you mean all right, but look, he's called the Tin Dog podcast. The Tin Dog? Yeah, yeah. Because Doctor Who's got a robot

dog. Oh, I see. A Tin Dog, all right. And this is someone that I literally would be listening to in like, first year of second year of school. Wow. Yeah, like when David Tennant first appeared, listening this guy, right? I never understood the podcast because it's like, it's seven minutes long

each episode. Seven? Yeah. It's really short. It's starts off with him, first of all, describing the episode, just be, not like in a funny ways, but just real quick, like, the doctor and Ruby investigates strange goings on. What is it? Perhaps a cyberman. We'll find out. And then there is a house. He goes into the house. And then he's inside the house and he walks around the house. And there is a room in the house and he goes into the room that's in the house that he is in. And he always, there's always a real air. Actually, I think I'd like that. I'd like that. I'd like that.

I like kind of something soothing about that. There's also like a real sadness to the whole thing. So this is literally, he always like end on a sad note. He'll be like, you know, the doctor on Rose investigates something strange in Victoria in London. People are turning into wolves. Looks like werewolves in London.

This could be a very hairy situation. Little dad joke for you there. I'm not a dad actually. Probably never will be. That's great. Great. Another one he was talking

by some audio story and he was like he's literally like I was a dad until I found out that you have to actually teach them to swim

they don't just know how to do it so a lesson learned there you live and learn and the kid didn't another one he's like

talking with some Doctor Who audio story is like yeah I don't do downloads I still get CDs you know I like CDs

people say CDs are obsolete and useless bit like me Wow and then at the end okay he plays a clip from the episode there's more time

and at the end he does credits he was like the Tin Dog podcast was written by me produced by me directed by me starring me and then at the end he goes this has been a production

of Tin Dog Productions Limited and Tin Dogg is a founding member of the Doctor Who Podcast Alliance Wow, there's an alliance And you're not in it It's just me Yeah, you're right Actually, I should be in it

Yeah, he wouldn't like me I'm too cool and rude and rude That's right But you're too Howard Stern for him You know Yeah That's the end of the Doctor Who talked This week

Wow I did show James actually A little bit of Rosa Oh, the Rosa Parks episode Yeah That was really stupid What Because I know why you taught that

Why, Brian Why is she disrespecting The bus driver Correct he has a very hard job you know I bet she doesn't even say thank you when she gets off the buds

going at the back exit because that's the only one he lets her use the weird thing I know isn't this and you picked up on as well so it's like the doctor and her friends and like Bradley Walsh is there

and his black grandson and they're explaining racism to the black fella like it's 1950s they've travelled back and then it doesn't dawn on them that maybe they might incur some problems until some white guy

goes, don't talk to my wife, you animal, or something like that. There's all these scenes, like, he's called Rhine, the black fellow, right? He's dyspractic so he can't use ladders or bicycles. But he's like, well, what's going on here? It's like they don't like me because of my skin colour. Yes,

it's called racism, Rhine. What's that? Like, there's Rosa Parks. Who's that again? Is that the first female bus driver? is this so funny Bradley Walsh? You don't understand Rosa Parks was a hero and kids like you

should pull up your pants and they're Yeah very odd little bit of Yeah Bradley Walsh is there And yeah

Let's just say The chase is on Once they get a lock And Ryan And they're like gay Get back here What are we doing 27 minutes

Okay I'm going to go into Joe Canning now Okay someday you know I'll cut that actually.

Okay, good. Yeah, dead air. Yeah, kind of embarrassing. Oh, yeah. Okay. So after...

Oh, no, you pushed it there. Now, here we go. Get ready for unpleasant 30 minutes. So, after Doctor Who, I decided to just

completely change course. Okay. I read two... No, sorry, I didn't read. I listened to an audiobook and I read one book. Okay.

So I listen to Joe Canning's autobiography. He's a hurdler. Right. I read Roddy Collins's book. Yeah.

So one's a hurler, one's a footballer. I'll do Joe Canning first because that's the more boring of the two. Right. It's very interesting kind of comparison because the joke handing one is a lot of football or sports books

written these days. It's very like focus grouped. It's very like PR influence. It's sanitized. You don't want anything too kind of juicy or... Yeah, and it's not like mental health talk and it's like what the publishers want. Yeah.

Whereas the Roddy Collins one is just like, I battered him, you know, and there's no insight at all. I really respected that. But Joe Canning, all right, he was a hurler for Galway. And for years he was known as like the guy who didn't win the All-Ireland.

Okay. So he's constantly getting close to it, but he's getting beaten by like, you know, Kilkenny, limerick, whatever, mostly Kilkenny, all right? This is back when Kilkenny were like dominant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back with DJ Carey was still playing.

Yeah. Before he fake cancer, yeah. So, which is hilarious. I love that, yeah. He had like an iPhone cable up his nose. Yeah, it's funny, he doesn't know what cancer is. He's like, oh yeah, I got the cancer. And he's like, you know, he's like shaking his foot. Look at it.

It's in my foot there. Jesus, it's after me now. It's in my cock now. Look, I'm all hard. I can't get hard. And I'm hard what I'm not supposed to be. Look at it. Look at it.

Look, I touch me Mickey and all this white cancer sprays out all over her tits. Oh, I'm radioactive here. So, he's a hero, DJ Kerry. Fair Play-O. And his sister as well, fucking criminal. him. So, uh, Joe Canning, alright, literally one of those lads who like started playing hurling at like three, you know, and played until he was like 39, right? Just non-stop. His whole life. Whole life. I think his family made hurls as well, you know. I got to imagine they encounter a lot

of CTA, the hurlers. Well, like, it's not like professional athletes where you have like days of and like these, these lads. So like Joe Canning, all right? Um, uh, great hurler, playing for Galway. Now, think of this. So think of a wreck you'd be. playing for Galway gets a job working for AIB in Dublin right in a bank in Dublin AIB want him because he's a big hurler alright looks good for clients right yeah big hurler on their payroll

in Dublin though Dublin so twice a week I believe he leaves a tree he gets to go early drives to Galway there's a full training session warm up game warm down all right and then drives back to Dublin for work all right and then the Saturday or Sunday

plays a fucking match wow that's his life and then you know back and forth constantly all right why do you not just get an AIB job in Galway I think Dublin's better okay yeah look I don't know you're probably right the misses the opportunities

yeah yeah yeah I'm sure like it's not like you play in Galway every week you're playing all over the place yeah yeah so it's like oh might as well you know but I just mean like you know if you're a Dublin you know I imagine AIB probably could have gotten in Galway but there's more

business in Dublin and they have him doing all these like corporate things and like you know I suppose. Whenever it's not all you know what's really sad I was thinking about this whenever it's in all Ireland he's not in he still has to go to it on behalf of AIB in the corporate box they're like you wish you were playing there instead

no I love servicing the clients that's my goal you know. Maybe if you tried a bit harder you'd be down there not up here shining my shoes get over here boy and shine them shine them good He puts a cock in a shoe.

Oh, we'll shout it up for you real good, Massa. So he's just constantly injured, just Joe Canning. Poor cunt. And really, like, disturbing injuries. Like, he, like, tears his, like, groin. Okay? So they have to, like, give him injections in the groin, all right, to fix it. Jesus.

And he's got to sleep every night with, like, bands around his legs. So he doesn't, like, move his legs at all. Because if he stretches a night, he could pull his groin and sleep. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's awful. So imagine that you've got a torn groin, okay? like there's a chance that like it could affect his balls

it could affect him having children okay and he's got he's got a drive to fucking Galway and be training all that and just like and it's just very common to like get you know good game good game you know nothing really went bad they took me off in an ambulance

but apart from that you know like these men are built different yes yeah yeah and the thing is it's a whole book of him being like almost won it that year next year we almost won it Year after that, jeez, we came close now, but no cigar. Next year, though.

9-11, and also I didn't win the All-Ireland. So, yeah, a bit of a downer that year. It wasn't until, like, 2017 he won. He won once, okay, but it was a long, long journey. A lot of, like, almost retired and didn't, you know. Just, like, kind of holding out. Holden out, yeah, yeah. A lot of, like, stuff going on.

I won't go too much into it, like, but the bit that was, like, very Alan Patrick inspired, I was, like, laughing out, is they have a whole chapter about this thing that happened in the media and they're really big it up to be like oh my God it was a shit storm

like this is oh it's a turning point in my life never again he's like trust journalists after this instance so what happened is he did like some press conference

and he's talking about Henry Shefflin who plays for Kilkenny and he was saying in the larger quote he was saying like oh Kilkenny you know they're not a play

they're not afraid they're not afraid to play dirty you know. They go hard and they don't really care about sportsmanship, you know, they care about winning. Okay. You know, and they took that and they made it sound like he said

Henry Shefflin isn't his unsportsmanlike. Well, okay. Yeah, I get where he's coming from that, you know, they definitely twisted it. But it is a poor choice of words to say they don't care about sportsmanship. I knew you fucking go out. You're part of the fucking problem, you?

Yeah, yeah. Just me sitting up in a Manhattan office with the New York. York Times, like, what are we to do with this Joe Ken? Oh, how funny it is when the proletariat get their little ideas. You're like Conrad and Doctor Who, you're like,

I'm spreading misinformation. So, it starts off, okay, like, I was in Dublin with me, Mrs, all right? We're going off to see Dublin Zoo that day. And I get a call from Larry, and he's like, Larry, there's a shitstorm coming, turn on the telly, right now, you're the top story.

Yeah. I turned on the tell you, right? They were talking about it on Ireland AM. Yes. I just pulled the grenade and, you know, pulled the pin, a grenade and hung on to it. Yeah. Wow.

The storm that was coming for me, I remember thinking, this could be the end of everything. I went to the zoo that day, looked at the animals and thought, who's really in the cage? Yeah. Me or the monkey?

And then I walked over to the tiger and civet and thought, I mean, if I throw myself in there it'll be a more dignified end than what the journals are going to do to me. They rip you apart from the soul. And he's like, you know,

oh, I'm walking around Dublin. Everyone, you know, and people are like, why you do it, Joe? Why do you say that? What have you got against him? They said with their eyes. Yeah. Didn't actually say out loud, but I can tell they were thinking it.

All the junkies. and the hobos and the buggers and the pips were all like shit man you crazy motherfucker why you tripping talking all that nonsense shame shame that's how they be talking up in Dublin now they come up

to you with the yo yo what it is brother Jack they're all bad they're up there I tell you and he's like you know oh really hurt me you know I talked to Henry Sheffson he knew it was all silly nonsense alright but jeez the media were hounding me

hounding me now asking me at least three questions a week oh I felt like Diana you know you know he's just like really picking up right yeah yeah so he has to go to like a sports psychologist all right and even that's really funny

because he like meets him in a hotel not in like a therapist office or anything just sitting there like at the bar okay and he's like yeah I feel a bit bad because you know the sports and also my mother's dying of cancer and all that yeah so I'm just feeling a bit

you know I don't think we need to talk about that Joe, back to the sports. I'm just feeling a bit blue right there. Now, do you ever have a dream where you turn into a hurling ball and get shoved up your own father's asshole? Jesus, you so do, Doc, I do. That's perfectly normal.

I'd be worried if you didn't have that dream. It means you've got the heart of a champion. Actually, no joke. He says to, like, his mother has, like, cancer, right? Right. And he talks to his dad about. He's like, I'm kind of upset. And my dad didn't understand it at all.

My dad's just like, just play hurling. Yeah. That's it. His dad, he was like, my dad's more like my brother than my dad, you know, he just cared about hurling. That's all I cared about. Wouldn't really talk to me with anything apart from hurling. But I love him really, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, he meets the therapist. He says he cries for five minutes and he's grand. That's all it takes. Yeah, because I couldn't remember last time he cried. So I had a little sob there, not too hard, I'm not queer. But I had a little sob there. I was like, fucking grand again. Yeah.

And then I played, and we lost that year. And then I was on the pipe. He's kind of a miserable cunt, you know He's a very like, even funny So he wins in 2017, right? He's like, yeah, he'd finally done it. That monkey was off me back now.

It was great. But then we had a big dinner afterwards. Everyone was wanting to take pictures with me. Didn't like that. Just went to me hotel room, went to sleep. Yeah. Yeah. You know, he's just one of those real old school

Irish cultures are just like, there's, he never really had to process feelings or, you know, emoted anyway, or like explain himself it's just like he plays hurling that's all he does that's all he has to know about or talk about

or think about and he never like I've met people like this their whole lives they were very good at football so that's all and then they they get to their 30s and they're just this blank slate like you look into the eyes there's nothing there they've got

you know three children that they barely know their names you know just I mean look it's a great start to your life you know but you gotta like learn other things yeah yeah yeah it's very dry there's like nothing else going on his life even like meeting the misses the kids

it's like glossed over there's one stage I think he's like I was with a girlfriend there we broke up till I've been a dickhead ah well you know that's it back to the hurling that was it I had PTSD dreams and I thought her face was a hurling ball and I

uh I socked her one with with the hurl you know oh you know one that I was like, God, this is dark. It could really make me laugh, all right? So it's 2017, the year they win. And just before the finals, all right, they meet this Galway fan. And he, I think, is like 40 different tumors in his body.

He has, like, a type of cancer that, like, basically no one has ever seen before. He's, like, a medical miracle, but on a bad way. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, doctors, like, Jesus, chuff and hell, you know? And he's a big Galway fan, right? Yeah, when a doctor reads your chart, there shouldn't be a jump scare.

Holy fuck just shits himself No you're okay You're okay Holy fuck How's this lad even alive Yeah So like

They meet him all right Right And like this guy does talks Well did talks He's dead now Long dead Okay but he did talks But he wrote book about it

Alright I think like The extreme cancer And all that Yeah Yeah But like he's like I we chat him there

About Galway And how much you love Galway And you know He's telling me You know Jesus now There's a lot worse

things and losing an all-earned final, you know? And I was like, I'll put things in perspective there, about morality and all that. That cheered him up when I told him that. It's like, look, we all have problems. I mean, I've never won the All-Ireland, so you know, the grass is always greener. But he's like,

and, you know, did talking to, let's say his name's Paddy, all right? And they're talking to Paddy help us win the All-Ireland. Probably not. But he literally says that, probably not. We're a very good team. We're very dedicated. But You know, maybe it helped a tiny bit now.

We had the winners mentality. An old Patty Chumar was just a big old sob story. Just that old sad sack. Like, oh, the pain every day. So, yeah, yeah. Try getting hit the knees with a hurl on a cold November morning. Then you'll know all about it, eh? Old poor tumna Patty Chumar.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, fucking, like, that was unintentionally hilarious now. But, yeah, the rest of it is just like, even talking about the course of it, COVID years. If you played during COVID, it's like, yeah, it was a bit silly. Anyway,

that's it, you know. It didn't go in detail, but like, you know, how they play, how they train the difference in the dressing room. It was a bit mad, like, you know, they said that it wasn't from the lab link, but of course it was. They did gain of function research

in that lab and woo-ah. Oh, the lads thought I was mental. I would love that. I love a bit of, like, personality in the book. You know, I love like, what's the name, Glenn Hawkins? He said that disabled people deserve it. Whoa.

Yeah, for pass-ins. Really? Yeah, so if you see someone like, cerebral palsy, okay? They were like a Nazi in a previous life. Right. That's what he said now. So now they can't do the goose step anymore

because they're all like, meh-ha, the goose lip. You want to do the goose limp, yeah. Yeah. People didn't like that when Glenn Holland said that. Sure, yeah. woke When he said that or not

In the 80s he said that And he didn't like You know Imagine me cancel in the 80s That was fucking Irish That's definitely something That would have Like taught him

In a Catholic school I think he's the extreme Christian Yeah Yeah Yeah Like born again Kind of guy Yeah

Yeah That's Joe Canning All right And what are we at there Oh like 45 You know what I'm not gonna go into Roddy I'm not going to

Roddy would talk about In the Patreon Okay There's a lot talk about In him Right Right I'm going to talk about

Finish it off With John Fetterman Ah yes Yeah So a new article has come out by John Fetterman And it's weird Like this article

It's almost like You know when Biden stepped down And suddenly there's all these people being like He's actually kind of old Yeah Can you believe that? The same where it's like You're talking about this

And it's like how It's almost like You're more than the wrong here Because at least he's got like brain problems Okay And you're just like kind of Going along for a ride Yeah

Yeah It's a line of like basically Not elder abuse was like kind of like you should be able to take action here so I'll describe I'll describe what's up

so John Fetterman I forget what state he's in but he's an American politician Yeah He's a Democrat Yeah Well he was a Democrat

All right But his whole thing is like He'd never wore a suit He'd always wear like a hoodie And jean shorts Basically dressed like John Sina mid 2000

Yeah like a fat John Sina Right Yeah yeah Weird looking guy A kind of real like They like because he was Democrat, but he was just like,

hey, let's just get this job done and then we'd go watch a football game. Yeah, yeah, hey. He was kind of, like average Joe was kind of his whole thing. The whole thing is like, hey, I'm not a sociist. I just think, you know, when I go home,

I have to work on a job, I need a bit more, a few more bucks in my pocket. You know, that's like, he talked to the working blue collar man, all right? Look my cargo pants. A lot of pockets.

I need a lot of dash to fill them. Yeah, and then the whole thing is he had a stroke. Right. And people were kind of concerned that he might not be able to do his job but he came back

he came back better than ever stronger than ever more mentally with it okay and then he had to check himself into a facility for severe depression which is very brave and he came back even happier never yes that's the official story

and it turns out that's actually not the case at all right so his depression doesn't exist there we heard of here guys I've done the research it was eventually in Wuhan. If you have to...

It was invented in Wuhan to make you pay for your past things. So if you ever ran a red lighter squished a bug

now you've got depression and you deserve it. So basically he had a stroke or right and he was given like medication

he's supposed to do check up to the doctor. Right. He refused to take any medication and he refused to see his doctor

he's like I'm too busy all right and all this stuff like you said like you can't drive right now he started driving okay?

He actually almost killed his wife in a car crash. Really? Like, if he'd been like a second that way, like an inch other way, she would have got her head knocked off, all right? Jesus. And then he goes to the hospital. She's in the hospital as well, all right?

And he thinks all the doctors are wearing a wire. Whoa, really? And in the hospital, he's like, I gotta get to my press conference. And he's standing up and walking around the place, you know? What is cock on? He's going into the jacks, be like, where's the press conference?

So, like, he's really out of it. Like, he goes into the girls' bathroom. What are you doing in here with an erection? Oh, I told you those questions were off the table. You can't ask me about that. Let's all, hey, I'm a fair guy, but let's, a bit of decorum here, please. That's shoddy journalism, that's what it's. So, like, he's completely gone, right?

He's gone, though. And then he just checks himself out, right? He's like, yeah, I'm grand, actually. And he then becomes, like, really into Israel. oh yeah weird how like the head injury made him like he really loved israel like even like the pro israel guys like steady on a minute so he'd be like proper like just kill them all oh my god yeah and he said Palestinians are like spoiled milk what what does that mean oh no all right you're asking him in his stroke brain to explain that yeah and he did a thing remember a while

ago he was like don't cry over spilled palestadian child blood and he did a thing where he said I'm going to wave the Palestinian flag until Hamas give up. So he's just waving it for hours. Oh my God. Yeah. He's legitimately mentally mentally. Now here's the thing.

So like, they all see this, all right? And they're all like, ah, you know, he's just a bit off, you know? Yeah. But then there's a policy. None of the staff will get in the car with him when he's driving. Ah. But they let him drive. They let him drive.

Yeah, after a crash, all right? But like, that's not just a danger to him. It's a danger to everyone else on the road. And he would just go missing for dinner. days on end. So apparently they're at his son's birthday party and he didn't like how much attention the son was getting. So he just got in the car, drove off like Reno for like three days. That's so funny. It should be my cake. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. He's only four years old. I'm 44. Where's my fucking parade? I'm the jolly good fellow. Yeah. I bet you hate Israel as well, don't you? He just gets in the car.

In the tail on the fetterman. Jesus Christ. He gets in the car mows down multiple children, you know. Just out of it. He accuses his wife. You probably want to suck off bozo the cloud, don't you? Oh, and another really funny bit is like, apparently his wife called one stage.

And his wife is like, John, please take your medication, all right? He's like, guess I'm not talking to you today and just hangs up. Awesome. Legend. That's an alpha move, fellows. Don't be a little bit of cock like Brian. It's like, yes. dear, I'll take my medication.

No, flush the pills, tell that bitch to fucking take a long walk off a short plank. Yeah, that's what I'd tell her. Another thing is the media, again, like Biden, they got very good at, like, oh, he's in one of his phases right now, so he's busy, can't talk

to the press today. He's zoned in. Yeah, tunnel vision. And they have to, like, guide him around the place, okay? Apparently, sometimes during meetings and stuff, he'd get up and just start walking in circles, and they're like, oh, yeah, That's, he's just thinking. He's like, walk around me like,

you know, it's just like completely out of it, you know? Oh, wow. And now it's like, oh, let's just leak it now, so we're ahead of it, you know? Okay. But it's like, yeah, it's been going for a, more than a year. People were making jokes about it, like, well over a year ago. And, yeah, and you were like, oh, actually, it's ableist. It's anti-mental health, you know, it's like all this.

See, having a stroke is a lot different than having anxiety, you know what I mean? Like, you can. one's real. One's what pussies get. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's not aimed at me, is it? Because I have anxiety. No, no. I'm sorry that I'm humid, Brian.

You love that dochy song, you know? I got anxiety. I actually don't like that song. It's one of those overplayed everywhere songs. But it's also because I've seen... Bet you love Ed Shearing though, don't you? No, no, I don't. He gives me anxiety, actually.

He gives me a stroke. But anyway, so Federer. what's the deal now so it's just like is he still in office is he still or has he been no it's still in office still in office still still sporting Israel right yeah still loving life

but he went on Joe Rogan there a while ago oh yeah and some people are still like the next best hope for a democratic party yeah yeah this is what we need imagine that president fetterman that'd be a very funny kind of wacky movie I mean to be honest look at Trump now like his mental faculties

have definitely declined like in a very noticeable way. I think he's still got it. But did you see that thing where like the whole MS-13 tattoo? Like that's mental like. That's yeah pretty look. We were saying it doesn't matter anymore. He could literally shit himself and he'd be like

Trump has made a very shrewd move here. Yeah. Oh, take that libs. Yeah. Yeah. Drink your liberal tears that's kicked in his shit. Yeah, it's I just want it all to be over, Brian. Yeah. You mean that his presidency? yeah

yeah let's go with that that's probably a little yeah I don't want to be alive anymore this has been a tin dog productions yeah part of the Brian and James

podcast alliance tin dog more like black dog I've got depression that's not oh come on yeah they're going to be articles

down the cadden is sharper and more racist than ever he's still got it the future of the Democratic Party James Caden Well yeah

We're almost over We're almost to an end guys Literally So we'll do one more thing Before we go on to Real quick We'll like 10 minutes left Yeah

I watch now you see me too Oh shit Yeah All right Really I've watched it like Five days ago And I've already like

Almost forgotten the whole thing Too cerebral for you Yeah that's it Yeah like Federman You're like You got in the car Just drove the goalway

where's John Cannon or whatever he's called Joe Cannon Yeah Joe Canning, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah So it starts off Oh by way, Isla Fisher gone That's a shave

They got like Lizzie Kaplan instead I like her though She's a bit too wacky for me Okay In the movie anyway Right right So she's just gone She's like all right

So it starts off fucking Morgan Freeman's in prison Remember they put in prison last movie Because he was back in his grave granddaughter, yeah. No, no, because he didn't believe in magic. That's it, right? Or, you know.

Oh, no, no, come on. He's a great actor, yeah? I'm not, yeah, he is. And who amongst us hasn't? Well, she's dead now, so it doesn't really matter. Oh, is she? Yeah, her boyfriend murdered her while he was high on PCB. The real magic trick.

So anyway, so Morgan Freeman is in prison, all right? Yeah. But he's somehow, he's got his own website, he's live streaming. He's like, gosh, I'm in here now. But remember guys. magic isn't real we've got to find the four horsemen you either get busy

streaming or get busy dying so the four horsemen are back Woody Harrelson the others Jesse Eisenberg Dave Franco Oh yes you're very good at this

Yeah and Lizzie Kaplan So she's a new one alright she's a newbie and they get hired by Mark Ruffalo okay So he runs, he's a secret magician, but no one knows that.

Wait, wasn't he the first one? He was a cop? Yeah, it was a twist. Oh, right. Turns out he's like the leader of like a league of magicians who saved the world. Wow, so stupid. No, no, no. Hang on to this, though, because it gets very real world.

So their next target, they robbed the bank the first one. Next target is they're going after people who sell user information to advertisers. Right. So as a guy who runs a website. So literally every corporation ever, yeah, he's selling their information so they can sell you ads, all right? Evil. Yeah, Mark Ruffalo's like, we got to take him down. Right.

So they try and take him down and they have a big, exciting kind of magic scene, all right? And they jump in a pipe and they're trying to get away. This is in America, right? Okay. But then when they get to the bottom of the pipe, they're in China. What? And they're like, how do we get in China? What?

Yeah, so they go for America to China. How were they traveling through the pipe? In three seconds. And they're like, what the hell? So then they got to figure out how they got to China. And then they meet Woody Harrelson's twin brother. He was like, kind of gay. Somebody did a magic trick and transported them to China.

Yeah, yeah. So it turns out, I'll tell you how they did it, okay? You're going to be kicking yourself. Oh, but it's so obvious. They drugged them and transported them. yeah well yeah

are you annoyed that I got it you are right to yeah because you I didn't I was like oh my God they broke the laws of physics

time travel is real oh my god maybe the doctor was here Dave Franco is the new doctor it makes sense you love that wouldn't you if my boy

Davey Franco even I'd start watching Doctor Who so I'll me some Dave Franco I'll just tell you okay

it turns out Daniel Radcliffe owned the bank from the first movie and he's like I drug Gring Gott's bank

what's reference yeah so he moving on so he transphobe so he I love doing

improv of Brian you know it's great no and no and also no that's my motto right so he owns the bank and he's like look I'm gonna kill you I drugged you by the way and I flew you to China right prank and put you back in the pipe also yeah put you back but also it's a funny gag he touched them all when they're sleeping that's hilarious not Lizzie Kaplan though oh yeah but he was like rubbing his butt on Woody Harrelson's

face wow yeah that's a very weird choice no it's no I I do that all the time it's played for I assume, is it? Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, got you. And it's like, oh, that's all types of weird. Does this mean I'm a homosexual now? Because she rubbed his balls on my face. Oh, and also, Daniel Craig's dad is Michael Kane.

Daniel Radcliffe. Daniel Craig. Okay. I didn't misspeak. Talk with James Bond, all right? Yeah. But moving on from James Bond. Daniel Radcliffe is the son of Daniel Craig.

Daniel. Whatever the fuck. whatever the fuck Michael Kane alright yeah so now there's the three villains

are gay Woody Harrelson the brother okay and the two other British fellas Michael Kane and Daniel

Michael and Daniel yeah yeah so we got get them yeah so then they got rob something and there's so much

like like oh re it's that simple is it you know so like one scene that really got me okay is like Jesse Eisenberg

walks in like this high security place as like a janitor or something all right and he bumps into security guy he's like oh dude how you doing uh i'm actually i'm steve gregg sent me who's steve who's gregg you don't know steve or gregg wait tell roger about this well who's roger oh don't worry let me just take your name tag there puts the name tag on him

all right it's like hey my name tag oh here it gives him back the name tag all right but name tag actually says like mental institute on it oh it says mental patient all right okay and then the other security guards like hey what's going on here and izerberg's like Like, hey, this guy broke out of a mental institute. Hey, hey, what are you doing here? Come on, take you away. But I work here, I swear. They don't put badges on them.

It's a fucking Nazi Germany where they put badges on the mentally and people. Hey, I worked here for 20 years. Yeah, sure you do. That's what they all say. Wait, what's your name, Steve Jobs? Oh, right, yeah. Your work here and your name's Jobs. How dumb do you think?

we are. And Eisenberg's like, yeah, sure it's a lot of crazy people around here. Cool, cool. And just now he's just in the building, all right? No problems at all. Just like, that's the cut. There's all those scenes like that.

Like, really? Do that again, actually, with Lizzie Kaplan where she like pretends to be a chef. And she's like, oh, hey. Is Michael around? Oh, you know, Michael. Stephen sent me. Who are you?

And then she like pretends to cut off her hand. Oh. It's like, you know, like a stunt. you know right and they're like a real slight of hand you might say oh you should oh god you should do a punch up of this yeah yeah yeah i didn't like the gringott's thing now but i like that you're back you're one and one for me there yeah you didn't need to say you didn't like the gring gods thing i have a i have a bored i make a note of you yeah you're you're batting 500 there yeah and if i do like if i don't do good you make me sleep outside you know it's for your own

good yeah um so then what happens next then i can't remember so yeah then um mark ruffalo has to break morgan freeman out prison okay and mark ruffalo blames morgan freeman for his father's debt because morgan freeman said magic wasn't real and that caused mark russlow's dad to do a real dangerous magic trick and drowned who is his dad again just a unnamed actor all right the actor actually no Wikipedia page. Good. Yeah. As it should be.

Yeah. And then, but then, uh, they bond, okay? And then they go to London Bridge and they, uh, they put a big, you know, London Bridge? Yeah. Turn that into a big telly. Okay. They broadcast a big screen on London Bridge. Right.

Of, uh, Michael Kane doing something criminal. So then the Bobby's arrest Michael Kane. and Woody Harrelson's gay brother Right You can't do that I'm Woody Harrelson Or caca claws She's doing all that

Look, we've got to be doing Some hard time That's pretty good to me Yeah Basically it's like that You know And then like you know They're taking away

And it's like Danny You're my illegitimate son Don't talk to me Good Oh daddy Yeah Yeah

They're not coming back for a sequel. Who? Radcliffe. Couldn't get Radcliffe. What the fuck's Radcliffe doing? Winning multiple Tonys and I'm the great life. Oh yeah?

And saving the dolls. What dolls? I don't know. It's a thing to do on the internet. Oh, okay. But yeah, he's having a great life and he's ripped. Well, and he's got a massive cock. Remember he showed his cock when he's, what's the underage?

He was underage, Brian, and you shouldn't, uh, you shouldn't lock it up. I love the theater. Yeah. No, I don't think he was underage. Well, Britain's weird like that, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's weird. They don't like grooming gangs, but they're okay with Daniel Ragcliffe's cock.

Colour me racist. Something to think about there. Yeah, food for thought. That's the end of the episode, basically, there. I'm actually a bit afraid now. I don't think I actually have that much stuff talk about on the Patreon. No, I shouldn't say that. The Patreon's even better.

I've watched all of the four seasons. Please come to the Patreon. It's so good. Yeah. He's nagging you there. Don't fall for it. I watched the four seasons. I'll talk about a guy who runs a cult in Dublin.

Good. There you go. Roddy Collins. We talk about knowing and John Q. Yeah, I guess. And if we're really stuck, maybe I'll talk about a certain British science fiction series.

What about any Marvel Minute this week? Yes, yes, there is. I actually have something good to talk about. All right. Well, there you go. Really good. Yeah. Actually, it's a world exclusive.

Let's just say I've got a certain Toby McGuire on the phone. Yeah. Well, I saw somebody, we were talking about what was it last week? The new, is it Doomsday? Thunderbolts, James. No, but. In the comment, we're talking about an upcoming thing. Yeah, yeah.

What was that? Doomsday was. You were actually right. Actually, I didn't like that comment. So I was saying, this is true now, that they don't really have a confirmed budget. a confirmed cast. They have some cast and some script, but they're kind of right on the fly, you know.

And some guy on YouTube called me stupid and gay. They do have a script. Are you guys stupid? Yeah. Yes, we are. Yeah, that's unrelated. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, these tariffs could really affect the Marvel universe. How so? They film all their stuff in Pinewood in England.

And the tariffs, okay, they're putting a tariff on non-American film productions. Yeah, 100%, I believe. So if the Avengers movies are going to be 2 billion Yeah That could be like 4 billion Wait so what about Wednesday season 3 Is that not going to be in Ireland

I don't know man I'm scared as fuck What if Jenny Ortega gets affected by this I better I better find out where she lives And go and save her Yeah yeah She needs me to save her Brian I think women think that's romantic

I think it is Like there's a girl on the bus I saw recently And I was thinking like wouldn't it be romantic I don't know her by the way Wouldn't it be romantic if I just like Follow her home show you have you watched any of that no that show is fucking mental what's it happened what talk about the patreon okay yeah well I don't know tease them all right

blue balls yeah yeah you're all episode about you oh okay yeah I'm just gonna have to go Dave just watch the whole things make it up fuck it yeah yeah I watched the Krista Leah episode where he played a paedophile yeah again it's a bit of a stretch wait no no I tell you played that workaholics no yeah he did it he played a a pedophile comedian in L.A. In season two of you. Wow. Tell me more about that on the Patriot. And who is he trying to bang?

An underage Jenna Ortega. I swear to God. I got too excited. I mean, oh, wow. Probably wouldn't be interested in that. Oh, I need to check myself if I wreck myself there. Now you know why they call Wednesday hump day. Don't do that

Sorry It's going to be hard To beat the allegations You know When they show this Norty news I'm getting ahead of it Yeah

Yeah I'm so bad You're like Jimmy Saville No Good way to end the show No I mean it's like You know he'd be like I got court next Wednesday

Yeah That's like you You know Yeah Yeah not me though No no You're golden Yeah

I'm a beacon Yeah Yeah brothels I make sure to identify everyone's of age you know what are you talking see you don't like it do you look the ones I get where like silver hair grannies okay the oldest prostitute I've got what is about 70 really yeah I'll tell you about that on the Patreon there we go yeah yeah so granny Fanny and you on the Patreon perfect I can't wait that's the end of the show guys all right bye