Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 253 : Drop and Roddy Collins

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

This is Chicago/Dublin

so don't move the mic too much or not enough don't play around with it like you know like a whip you know don't be like swinging around with it don't put it in my ass while we're recording or your mouth or any those things you know it has to go somewhere it feels so good

I've got very controlling now haven't I you like this is a free one yeah it's a free one sorry I mean what I don't it missed me with that bro a yo no homo dog pause look

we have to it has to be a free one because I want to get the Who Review and Marvel Minute out of the way and then we're going to have fun. Because we're going to have a lot of fun today. I have watched the love guru. Yeah. Okay. I have watched The Cat in the Hat.

Wow. I have watched Drop. The movie Drop. With the Tom Hardy film? No, no. James Gandalfini. No, that would be good. You'd like talk with that, wouldn't you? No. It's the one where the woman's getting memes sent to her, evil memes.

Oh. You remember that one? I don't. She's been in the restaurant and she's getting memes and it says you've got to kill your date. Oh, right. I saw the trailer, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm going to talk about that.

That's going to be the dessert. Okay. But we've got to talk about Doctor Who and Marvel Minute first, all right? Sorry about this. That's all right, man. I'm here for it. I actually don't have much to say

about Doctor Who this week. You'd be happy to know because it was kind of a weird episode. Didn't have anything wrong with it per se. Yeah. Didn't really make sense. But it wasn't like shite. Okay.

So I've been really beaten down by Doctor Who It's been kind of, it's been ruining your life A little bit It has, yeah It's a real toxic relationship You know Like I At this stage now

If an episode isn't terrible I'm like yeah fair play Yeah It doesn't make me I'm not literally Spitting blood While watching it So I guess things are going well

For me It's like you know When your husband comes home After a few drinks But he just shoves you Instead of beat the shit out of you Yeah or he just beats the kids Not me

I'm like jackpot I'll hold them for you Yeah, yeah. So... Get that one with the bad limp. No one will be able to tell because he's already a gimp-a-zoid. Get him, go on.

Right? Yeah, basically, yeah. Good. So, speaking of gimp, okay, I'm a big Doctor Who fan, and I watch it. It's called The Story and the Engine. Okay?

The story and the engine. Now, I'm going to try and explain this to you real quick. Again, it doesn't really make sense, but fuck, we'll try, right? That's okay. Well, I'm sure my lack of interest or investment in the franchise, won't in any way hinder my ability to

work out what's going on. To be emotionally invest in it, right? I'm describing, you're like, oh my God, did he die? Oh my, the doctor's going to die. What will this mean, Brian? So, the doctor needs a haircut.

And because he's black now, he says he wants to go somewhere where he feels safe. So he goes to a Nigerian barber shop. And this Nigerian barber's shop is the place he loves to go to. He's never seen it before, by the way. But he's a regular there? He's a regular. They all know him there.

They all know him. Do they know the real him? The real, because... How much pussy you get in the Tadders, Doctor? Oh, well, I couldn't possibly... Well, it's funny because if see some people online being like, you know, is it basically a doctor doing blackface? Because he was a white guy for like a thousand

years. Oh. And then he went black. Like, he was Peter Capaldi not too long ago. And as soon as he got the chance, he's at the cookout. Like, you know. also bit interesting so this was written by a guy who's never written Doctor Who before

he's some Nigerian guy who wrote a play about a barbershop so he writes about barbershops mostly and about the power of barbershops I mean it's a well-known Is it though It's a well-known cultural thing

Like the barbershop But is it real though Or is it a little bit of like You know Like chicken fillet rolls Or Irish people Is it's a very people eat chicken fillet rolls, Brian?

I bring him into the barbershop and they hate me. I'm getting I'm getting brown sauce everywhere. But like it's interesting. I think it is. I've seen barbershop the movie. I like that. I can't speak for the entire black community.

He never said that before. What's as I would like to. Much as I would like to if they were. You call yourself James X, don't you? Yeah. James. X chromosome. So, yeah, I think the barbershop is kind of, you know,

because it's referenced, even like in the new Will Smith song, right? Of course, yeah. Well, like, his whole thing is all, like, he's playing all these different characters in a barbershop, all talking shit about Will Smith and his music.

Yeah, like all jokes inside, like, you know, everything from coming to America, all that, like barbershops are, I guess, important, you know? If it wasn't a real thing, it's been such a kind of... No, I'm not saying it's not real. I'm not a barbershop denier. But if it's embellished,

then it has sort of become a cultural staple, I'm just thinking it's funny because it is like, at the end of the day, is Russell Cee Davis proven all these scripts and all that. And it's like Black Doctor, barbershop straight away.

So he goes to the barbershop in Nigeria. There's a drive-buying his Tartis, you know? Well, another kind of funny thing is the doctor normally has a Sonic screwdriver, all right? Right. It's a screwdriver, don't laugh. But it's a Sonic Tech 9 now, blood.

You're gonna roll up in these cyber motherfuckers, they're gonna get popped, son, you heard? Well, no, it's like a screwdriver, right? And it kind of does things, you know, it can like, you know, open doors and shit, okay? Make women come? No, nothing can do that.

Not in the known universe can do such magic. No, but then when we got shoot, he got well, right? Right. Russellty Davis was like, oh, I don't like, the idea of a sonic screwdriver because it looks like a gun

I don't think it's very you know it doesn't look good to have a black doctor running around with a gun like object it's like no one was thinking that Russell no one was thinking that at all you just revealed your own inherent race so now his sinus

screwdriver looks more like a sky remote okay it's kind of bigger and rounder right yeah yeah like a dildo yeah is it more like a dildo a gun dildo so he goes to the barber shop all right And there's all these up, by the way, in Nigeria, which is very clearly just Wales,

just like in a studio in Wales. Let's not get political here, Brian. Look, you know, immigration is an important thing. No, I mean, it's a studio, James. It's an inside studio meant to be an outdoor market in Nigeria. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's all these missing posters of people who've gone missing. Then they go into the barbers, all the missing people are there.

Oh. Yeah. And they'll be missing for years, some of them. And then it turns out that the barber is actually Anzhi You ever hear of Anzzi or Anansi? Nope. Okay, so Ananzi is kind of like

African Loki in a way He's like a trickster god Okay This is in like Nigerian folklore in different tales, okay? And he's like a spider. Right. He's a mystical spider.

I don't have a fully I don't have a full notion or concept of what Anzi really is or what he does. Yeah. Don't really explain it too well in the episode. So you just contextualize it by calling him a black low-key. No, he says he's low-key.

Oh. Yeah, he's like, oh. No, he's like, I'm low-key. Oh, you're right, yeah, yeah. Aye, no, no, yo, motherfuckers be revealing this shit, because that's how he talks being from Nigeria. He's a god called D.L. He's a Norse god called Jamal.

Yo, what it up, ble? The god of no homo. So, so, uh, I, Then I kind of lose track of what's going on here. The barber needs stories to power his story engine. And there's like a link to a parallel or like it's some kind of different universe for a big spider in it. And his daughter, the daughter of the barber is there as well.

But then it turns out the barber isn't actually a god. He was lying about that. He just serves the gods. Oh, who's there controlling him behind the scenes. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Kind of like Paul Giamatti.

Yeah. Now, did you notice, was the spider wearing a yama cat? No, no. The spider actually is like a robot. Oh, okay. I wasn't too sure what's going on. So then, oh, and by the way, so he cuts your hair, we'll tell a story. Then when he finishes your hair, grows back.

So you have to tell another story. Oh, right. Yeah. And then, I forget what happened. All this mad stuff happens. It turns out the daughter actually, in a previous life, married the barber's daughter. and then ran away or something. So it's a sequel to an unseen episode you haven't seen before.

Okay. So we'll definitely get a book out someday with that story. Looking forward to that. Oh yeah, I'll be there, you know. Cat, wait. I'll bring you to the barbershop to impress my brothers. So then... I don't like barbershops that we have in Ireland.

Yeah, I don't like it when... Do you only do like, oh, it's a place community, you can talk. I don't want to talk. No. I don't want to discuss. who's better Jordan or LeBron. I just please be quiet. Yeah, that's what they're all talking about in Glass and Evan.

Yeah, I don't like you go in, the music's loud, they're having craft beer, it's like, oh yeah, you know, look at all these Instagram models. I'm like, sir, just cut my hair, please. Yeah, they're so annoying. Like, they're always telling me about their DJ career and stuff. And their tattoos and how much they love cocaine. Oh, and just,

I literally can't function without it. That's how much I enjoy it. Yeah, I told you, I went and got my hair cut. one time and the barber was like oh I tell you now Christmas is coming up you know Christmas means don't you and I was like no Thailand oh every Christmas I go to Thailand now

that's my holiday now yeah just me no one not I'll leave the kids at home just Thailand I love I leave those kids at home to beat some other yeah come on and wrap you our presents I've got a package for your little bang yang

I don't but he was like and you do you go Thailand as well do you because he looked at mean he was like ah you know you know the score don't you let me give you the special cool guy discount yeah um but if you want to join any of those uh weird chat room chat rooms on like the dark web you have to provide some uh you know what really oh yeah yeah yeah it's pretty fucked up i might delete this this is weird all right yeah maybe delete yeah i have to go i go on doctor who chat rooms okay i just give him child porn

so they know I'm cool anyway so I actually know what happened in the episode so then basically oh yeah so he tries to

get the doctor's stories but the doctors had so many adventures he has too many stories so and the story engine like explodes from too many stories yeah

how long is it no way can he just access your stories all of them instantaneously or do you have to sit down and tell them all. You have to tell them, okay. With a doctor,

I don't know, actually. You know, I get... So he was just there for hours and hours and hours? No, no, I think he plugged himself into the story machine. It's very vague, I'll be honest

to you. But again, it went by fairly painlessly. It was just one of those big hair dryer. You're going to like a fucking salon. You see the old bitties with the hairdry.

Oh, she's plugged into the story engine. Are you being controlled by the spider in the other dimension? I'll free you, my dear. Well, get the fuck off me there. To tell you, these autistics, they're mental.

RFK was right. We actually have problems with Doctor Who fans attacking old women in hair cellants. And they need assistance to use the bathroom. God, his voice is hard to do after a while. I don't know who he keeps it up. He is dedicated to that impression. anyway

I was saying so yeah I actually have no idea what happened in the episode so it explodes but then the doctor's like hey you know what

barber you're all right actually so why don't you just run the barbers anyway because you're actually good at cutting hair right

apart from the whole you know trapping people in the barber and giving stories to the spider and like so why didn't

any of them did he like have them chained up or something I don't know oh okay I actually

it's one of the few episodes Doctor Who were I read the Wikipedia article to try and understand what happened and I still didn't really understand it. Also, I think, so this guy doesn't really write for TV much

and it felt like there's a lot of ADR in the episode to try and explain stuff. A lot like when the characters turned away, being like, and the story engine powered by stories, of course, a lot of that kind of stuff. I think if you... Exposition.

Yeah, yeah. I think if you gave it an extra 15 minutes and had a second crack at the script, you can make something kind of cool. Okay. There was some good stuff in it. There was a kind of a bit where I didn't mention the story engine, you can visualize the story. Oh, right.

So, yeah, a guy's talking about a fire that happened back home. And you can see, like, these kind of cool animation of, like, fire and that. So there's a kernel of a good idea in there. Yeah, you know, you could get that in pretty much any other show or movie. They're called flashbacks, Brian. Oh, but not. They serve just the exact same purpose. And you don't need some spider in a weird dimension, cutting.

hair. I'm watching any film at all. You know, I'm like, oh, look, the story engine's there. Annie, there's literally anything, you know. But the next episode is going to be the Eurovision episode. Oh, wow. Which I can't wait. They've got Graham Norton in it. So it's the space Eurovision.

Is it actually, like, it's going to have the Eurovision brand and all? You know what's very interesting. So Eurovision is Saturday. Okay. Doctor Who is Saturday as well. Right. So they've got the FAA cup on. No, it's caring about that?

Oh, well, the thing is it's F.A. Cup, all, right? It's Man City and Crystal Palace, okay? And then... F.A. Fuck all. Because fuck all people will be watching it.

It's all about the Eurovision. It's all about Doctor Who. So it's F.A. Cup. You can't move that. Pretty important, okay? Then Doctor Who did Eurovision. And Shuti Gatwa was meant to be

the British representative of Eurovision. Really? Yeah, he's going to get up there and be like, hi, I'm Shutey Gatwa. here um so britain's entry and you know kind of like do like basically your s and l was like ladies and gentlemen uh you know rolling stones like that kind of thing right right he's going to be like him introducing the british act oh for a second there i thought he's going to sing and dance that's what i thought no no sorry sorry sorry very stupid of me he's is introduced yeah you should

your revision knowledge is lacking do do do do you moron all the people on tictock are right you do smell. None of them say that about me. No, no, it's just me. But, so the problem is, if the FA Cup goes in extra time, which is very very likely, okay? Then they won't

have any space for Doctor Who. Oh, no. So it just won't air it. Really? Yeah. Wow. So just like, oh, just put an eye player down instead. Well, just put it on a DVD that you get free in the Sunday mail. I mean, it's

there any indication of how little they care about their fans, you know? What are you talking about? So it's a bit of a shame now, because they really timed it perfectly, you know? And then it could all go to shit. I kind of hope it was extra time, but kind of funny to see people's reactions to it, you know? All these people are like, no one cares

with the FA Cup, it's not right. Well, that's, to be honest. Also, shoot, he got one now. He's dropped out to your vision. Oh, right. I think your vision don't think he's popular enough. I mean, yeah, I don't know. People keep talking. about him being a rising star.

I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think anyone's really talking about him at all. Except for you. Yeah, literally just me. I'm trying my best here. It's also kind of a bad timing

that like it's Eurovision episode. There's a whole bicarb of Israel and all there. Oh yeah. And this is the space Eurovision. So it might have space Israel there as well. And then only two episodes left. So there's only three episodes left all together. And then I can finally rest.

Who's the Irish Eurovision person? know? I have no idea. I've never watched it at all. I don't... I used to not watch it because I'm homophobic, but now I can be like, oh, I'm doing it because of Israel. That's why I'm actually more woke.

Might start watching it now because of Israel. You're calling up Ben Shapiro. Can you believe it? I voted for him twice. I love him so much. Yeah, I don't... I've never been interested in the Eurovision. I don't know why people...

Because it's all very trashy and stupid, but that's the point, isn't it? Well, you know what? I don't care. It's, you know, people are like, let's have Eurovision parties and all that. I go to them. I always, like, make a scene. You know, I always smash something or start crying or something.

You know, it's like a protest. I do a dirty protest in the sitting room, you know, so just take a big shite and rub it on the television. But, yes, that's Doctor Who Review. Who Review, Donaldon, Dost it. And then Marvel Minute, real quick. quickly. I showed you Ironheart, the new TV show. Yeah. So Iron Heart is

a spin-off of Iron Man where you watching you know like Robert Downey Jr. Were you like, I wish this with a teenage black girl? No. Were you not thinking that at all? I was never thinking that. When you're watching kiss kiss, kiss bang bang, you know, like you're like, I wish this was a teenage black girl.

So in the comic books, okay, a few years ago, they introduced the new character called R-Re-Rewiliams. Re-Re-Williams. Yeah, so she's a teenage black girl who goes to MIT. She's like a really smart person, okay? And she designs her own Iron Man suit and then flies around his Iron Heart,

which I never liked the name Iron Heart. Yeah. It's not... It's insensitive to people who have calcium deposits in their arteries. Well, Tony Stark has... That's a problem. It's a problem.

Tony Stark is a metal heart. Yeah? He's got a chest thing and it's, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I forgot. What's that all about again? He got damaged. He got injured by getting kidnapped by Iraqis. So then it's a... By the way, the first Iron Man is very much influenced by the Iraq War

where he's like a military guy. Like a military contractor? Yeah, yeah. And he's selling weapons and there's evil Arabs everywhere, you know, and then he builds a suit. And he's like the good military contractor in the end. So he still sells weapons, but only to the Americans. but now he has a much more efficient one that can vaporize the children almost instantly unless you want them to feel it

yeah no you can set it to pain yeah yeah not too instant now you want them to learn their lesson but anyway so this new one now she becomes Iron Heart and this it's funny because this show was actually shot in 2022 and it was so good Marvel did want to release it

yeah and they kind of like were worried about how successful it was going to be. They were worried it would make too much money. Yeah. And now they're releasing of a very little fanfare. I think they're doing like three episodes one week than three episodes the next. You know, just kind of getting

out there as fast as possible. Just abandoning in it immediately. Yeah. Abandoning it immediately. Moron. It's okay, James. I hit the old vapeen before we start recording and now I'm all goofballs. I can tell, yeah. Because normally you'd be so excited about RuiW Williams. Yeah, yeah.

That's right. But the drugs have ruined your brain. You know, Cadden, he had a heart of gold, man. He was the best guy. But when the drugs took hold, that darkness came out. You're like in your room covered in vomit and shit, okay? I've got like Iron Man comics. Come on, James, come on.

What's funny is I've actually read all those Iron Man comics with Rui Williams. And I don't remember anything from it. They're very unmemorable comics. The only thing I remember is, not sound weird here, but I remember is that when she first appeared in the comic, she was underage but the artist didn't know that. So all the artists

were drawing her very sexually. How did the artist not know? This is read the script. It's the miscommunication. Probably, yeah. All of them don't bother reading the scripts, like Reel Williams Black Girl. Like, okay, it's like, well, how about her? She's leaning down, her titty meets hanging out. It's Medea

as Ironheart. Oh, my Lord. Hallelujah, you're now with Flato. through the earth. Child, I'm going up, upside your head. Like Tony Stark brings over these business guys, and he's like, don't embarrass me, Medea, you know? And then she starts dancing,

the business guy kind of love her, you know? The Tokyo business man, Oh, my dear, let us a bust their groove. Oh, Lord, I didn't know you Vietnamese knew how to dance unless the military was throwing napalm on y'all. Oh, we have a much to learn from each other. What is this, a papa's fried chicken? Whoa, delicious.

All right, that's just, that's just gotten into pure. I think I've crossed something. This might not fly an RT2, you know? Yeah, well, we'll say, I don't know. Yeah, Marty Whelan's pretty punk rock, you know. Oh, fuck. Yeah, so Iron Hearts there. Just to go on a tangent for a minute.

Iron Heart was created by a guy called Brian Michael Bendis. Okay, so Brian Michael Bendis, he started off writing, like, crime stuff. Brian Bendis. Yeah, Brian Bendis. Funny, because your nickname in school was Brian Bender, wasn't it? Roasted. That's the most offensive thing you've said this episode. Go back to about Popeye's chickens.

Something we can all enjoy. All right, so Brian Bend is So he, then he did comic books, all right? So he, his biggest work is he created, by the way, he's a white guy, all right? He created Miles Morales

who's the black Spider-Man. Oh, right, okay. Yeah, so that was a black Spider-Man in a different universe and Peter Parker died and he became a new Spider-Man. Okay. And people loved that.

Huge success. All right. I remember at the time, like all the usuals were like, uh, black Spider-Man, what's he going to be eating? Popeye's, chicken, you know. It's a

valid concert. Good point, this fellow makes. They're not stealing stuff as well, won't he, you know? And they were like, oh, this is going to fail so bad. And now cut to now, it's been multiple Miles Morales movies. Yeah, very successful. Very successful. So his next move was, how about Black Iron Man?

It sounds like Brian Bendis wants to get invited to the Barbershop. He's actually adopted some black kids. Wow, definitely nothing weird there. Yeah, he just as many black kids he gets hands on, all right, yeah. So, he then created R.W.W. Williams, not that popular.

Okay. Okay. I mean, they tried her, but, like, she's not really, like, you know, people on the street don't really know R.R.R. Williams yet. Yeah. And her comic books aren't exactly, like, she doesn't actually have an ongoing comic book, and people kind of forget about her a lot. But this show is going to change all of that.

Yeah, of course, of course, yeah. But then he moved over to DC Comics. Oh. And he was like, I'm going to create a new character. And he created Naomi. is Naomi A black teenager, yeah Okay

So another black teenager A black teenage girl, okay Anyone started to give old Bendis the side eye there You know Sounds like he likes to bendis The rules a little bit Would one of them be of age, Brian?

By creating vision You don't understand art You fucking corporate sell out You want them all of age I'm like Warhol here So Naomi I have no idea what he was thinking

so Naomi is no superhero name She's just Naomi Right And she doesn't really have clearly defined powers She can't just does anything She can fly around She's strong But sometimes she can make shields

Sometimes she can't And she doesn't know where her powers came from And she's just called Naomi Naomi yeah And they actually made a TV series Based on Naomi They went for one season in the CW You watch that didn't you

I'm afraid that one Flew under my radar So I sent you a screener copy what was it called Naomi it's just called Naomi I guess what else

could you call it exactly yeah so they did Naomi TV show that was impressive how quickly it came and went

like it just vanished never heard of it at all never didn't leave a cultural mark you know it's not like yeah

and how are you when they cancelled Naomi were you distraught I was on the bridge you know

first I owe me then Brian Bender How can I live in this world? All I've known is cruelty and pain and disappointment and rejection. No one knows what it's like to be Brian Bender. So, yeah, he's got a writer,

interesting writer now. He's done some good stuff, done some bad stuff. Yeah, yeah. And he's obsessed with black teenagers. Evidently. Yeah, but look, look, we all need something to be a interesting, you know. Sure. I mean... So that's Marvel minute there.

Long Marvel minute, but we got through it together. All right, guys. Now we can talk about drop. Drop. Not be you say yet. Talk about drop now. The reason why I watch Drop is Drop is filmed in Dublin. No way. It is. It's meant to be Chicago, though. Oh. So it's kind of funny. She's in Chicago

but the Liffie's there, all right? And she's going over to Haypenny Bridge. And it's like, you know, lads, but, oh, what? Oh, fuck, yeah. Oh, whopper, booze, yeah? Do you like you so deep this pace, I'm going to the second city, so I am. I do be loving the Imra, what?

Yes and, you know, yeah. When the guard is, have you been looking after you so kids? Yes, and, guard. I mean, I mean, officer, officer of the law, the Chicago PD, bud. So what they've done is, they've shot Dublin, And then CDI'd all these skyscrapers into the background. And, you know, she's like, the Lewis is there, right.

And they're like, oh, I love the Chicago Lewis. So they obviously just did that for like tax reasons or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Before Trump is going to ruin everything with his tariffs. Thank God we got to drop before Trump ruined it. Yeah, yeah. So the drop is a girl is going on a date, first date. And she leaves her son, her precocious, cute son with her wacky sister.

She got like a Phoebe-style sister Who's like Mentally ill freakazoid No, cool Like me, you know My doctor says I'm Phoebe in the head So She's like

Yeah You're going to spend time with your favorite aunt Oh, I got this, yeah You go honey, you stay I don't think you'll be home Until much later tonight My sister's going to get some massive pipe You know, she's...

Aren't you happy for mommy? She's going to get a deep dicking Isn't that great on the streets of Chicago. You know, the spire in Chicago? Your mom's hoping to get a dick that it's at least half the size of that. This is Chicago.

What I see. What a time to be alive. I was down in the old block so I was jeezate all bloody mental down there. Mad crack all together. And I don't mean that as a colloquialism. They are doing crack cocaine.

It's a real epidemic. Very pro. Oh, it's bad. So she goes to the hotel. All right. Sorry, it's like a big tower. All right. Dublin Tower.

And the restaurant's on the top of it. Yeah, kind of like the needle in Seattle. Yeah, yeah. Right. So she sits down with her handsome date. Okay, it's all going well, but she gets a meme. Now, do you know the actress? Is she?

No. She's a new, nobie. I wouldn't know anyone, okay? Okay. Literally not a single person I knew. Right, right, right. Which I don't like. I like to have someone there.

even someone from the bill or something, just so I feel safe. Yeah. Just give me a bit of Barry off EastEnders or anyone, okay? He's the date. Yeah. And she comes in, oh my God,

I'm my cream right now. Most things, Hellie. So she gets memes, and the memes are like, you're going to die, you know, classic banter.

Yeah, classic, like, you know, old school. You know, when you slide into their DMs with, I'm going to give. It's like the other homer going to the bush. It's like, I'm going to murder you and your kid.

It's like that, you know. I'm Homer, the bush is, well, your bush, actually. I plan to insert myself into you. So it's like we got a, we got footage, live feed of your house, of your kid and your sister. We're going to kill them unless you kill your date. This new season of Jackass goes hard, bro. Yeah, yeah. She's got poison.

She's meant to poison her boyfriend. Practical jokers. Yeah, this is when Joe's back. Joe Gallo unleashed. Yeah, she's a teenage girl, by the way. He mentioned that. So it's real stupid. It kind of reminded me of like Red Eye or that M. Nye Shambalon film set in the concert,

where it's kind of like, how are you going to make this last the whole film? Yeah, yeah. Or the carry-on film we watched set in the airport. Oh, yeah. Where it's like, okay, she tries this, but then a sniper kills someone, wherever I do. And she tries this, but it's like, oh, if you talk to the maid, she's going to die as well. And she can't till the day or, like, her kids die. And it's her trying to get out of it, you know, trying to sneak a message in, but they get the message.

There's someone in the hotel in the room watching her as well to make sure she obeys and doesn't do anything stupid. it turns out that this guy is going to testify against the mayor her date. Oh. So the mayor has hired this person to kill her date so he can't testify against the mayor.

Laurie Lightfoot, basically. Chicago mayor. Yeah. Yeah. So... But like that's so stupid, is it stupid. Why wouldn't you just... Why would the mayor just hire someone to kill the guy directly? Why does this guy have to

Now, did the mayor hire a guy who's controlling her kind of thing? The mayor's not there. The mayor's hired a guy. Yeah, I'm just saying, if you hire a hitman, you don't want them to be like, you know... Out sourcing it. Yeah, or like, oh, you know, it'll be good now.

Let's make a really elaborate almost jigsaw-esque sort of thing that might, I mean, it might very well work. You spend loads of money and little traps and stuff. We don't know if it'll work, but if it works, it'll be so cool that we pulled it off. It'll be so

entertaining to watch. It'd be good crack for me you know. It's the trill to chase if you ask me. You just want somebody would have gone to go bang. That's it. That's what you're paying for. I mean, like it's not Rockets, like the Sparano's did all the time. Yeah, yeah. Like Tony didn't sit up with like weird traps and psychological like torture.

Yeah. Yeah. So the woman tries to get out of it she can't and then she eventually finds the guy he's sitting there having like a salad. He's like, oh my trap. you know what? What are you going to do? You kill me, you make a noise here, your son gets it in the eye.

And you know what? She shows us some footage. They're actually beat up the sister. They prove that they're serious, all right? They're whacking her in the head, okay? It's whackin' day. So she's like, oh no, what be going to do? And he's like, here, put the poison in. She's like, okay, she puts the poison in a shot and then

gives the boyfriend a shot. But not the shot. Not the shot, yeah. It turns out She gave She poured the poison On to the guy's salad So

The bad guy, okay And he couldn't taste The tequila on his salad Oh, of course So he's like My salad tastes like poison Nice Oh well it's for a health reason

Oh well yeah It tastes like fucking Sambuca Delicious But then He's like You bitch you poison me I'm gonna kill your son

but she knocks the phone out of his hand, then he pulls a gun out, all right? And then some random black waitress. It's like, stop him and, like, try to say the gun out of his hand, which I've always, if I was the black waitress, I'm like, I don't, fuck, I'm not paid enough for this. Fuck of that, not a chance.

Stop some white bitch getting shot in fake Chicago. So the white, sorry, a black woman gets stabbed in the back, all right? And then the white date, I don't know why he's, yeah, he's white, no. You're very, uh, the black waitress at the white date, you know. you just say the waitress and the date? Just paint the picture, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the date, the lad, okay.

Wait, who again? Yeah. Well, I need something else to identify him. He takes a bullet for her. He jumps front of a bullet to save her, okay? This girl he's never met. Yeah, yeah. And then the guy, the bad guy, who's white,

picks up the gun again. Completely unrealistic. But the girl, she, like, throws something. window and the window smashes now i don't know how it would work your because you're high up okay yeah in the film smashing the glass kind of like opening the door in an airplane where the bad guy gets sucked down because the pressure but nobody else does she gets sucked out but she hangs on to a bit of a table cloth so she's hanging off you know she's hanging off the building sounds very stupid no it's not so hang off the building she's like help me help and you see all of dublin slash chicago

you see like the you know the space needle and the yeah you know all the Liffy and all that you know yeah exactly all the different

it's a kind of weird mix of everything you know so it's the the Haypenny Bridge and Laurie Lightfoot you know it's like all that okay

and the Chicago Bulls but then you're the guy who got shot the boy the date he even though he was shot okay

stills the energy to pull her up a fully grown woman to pull her up yeah onto the I mean it's what guy will do for pussy.

Yeah, exactly. For the nookie. So, they go, they kiss. It's his good first date. Yeah. But the bit I didn't like,

okay, is then she's like, oh no, my kid. So she has to run back to the house and then fight a guy with a gun

to stop her from, stop him from killing her child. Right. And then eventually she beats or kills the guy with the gun, the assassin.

Mm-hmm. And the sister comes out, like battered, okay? Her face is real bloody and bruised. She's like, so, how do the date go? And they all have a laugh. And then we cut to the next day. And the date, the fella, is in the hospital. Yeah.

All right. We don't find out what happened to the black girl that got stabbed, but she's not important. Yeah, yeah. So. Take that out of context. I'm talking about the drop. Okay, guys. So then he is in hospital and the woman is like, oh, that was crazy, wasn't it? Thank God that's over. But then she gets a text. And the text is like, you know, I'm going to get you. She's like, oh no. But then it's like, psych. It's just her sister. Our sister's like, uh, huh, you got to laugh. What? Ha ha ha ha. Stupid bitch. Yeah. And they're like, oh, you. Yeah.

Didn't she get the shit kicked out of it? Yeah, shit, yeah. If you don't laugh, you'll cry. That's what he's saying, you know? So they have a good chuckle and a good laugh. Where's the kid? Oh, he's traumatized. He's just backing his head against the wall,

shitting himself. Set and fire the things. Yeah, he's not dealing with it well. But they're all laughing at a good time, you know. And then she kisses the fella. They're now boyfriend, girlfriend, the end. And I'd be honest with you, I start crying. I was like, maybe that'll be me someday.

I need to set up some kind of torture. I go to Eddie Rockets with a girl, have you texting her? Be like, suck his dick. Or I kill your kids. I don't have kids. Who the fuck are these? Oh, no. Well, this just got interesting.

You have two, like, Mexican children. It's not even the right race. what's it called drop drop why's it called drop because I know you might fall off a building oh okay talk for a second that's pretty stupid yeah I mean

I don't know that movie Red Eye sounds like it was a bit better than this I think I haven't seen because yeah Red Eye it's got West Craven it's got Rachel McAdams and Killian Murphy like it is a bit

it's one of those movies where you're either going to buy into the premise immediately or not you know phone boot in a way, not as good as phone boot, but it's like, hey, look, it's a concept, let's see how far you can go with it. Exactly.

Just by, you know, suspension of disbelief. I always hate... Phone book's a great example. I always hating those films, though, when they leave that premise, I'm a bit like, aw... Like, you know, this film, for example, when she goes to the house,

it's like, oh, it's meant to be all in the hotel. Yeah. Or, um... I feel cheated. Or Red Eye, when she gets off the plane. Oh, spoiler alert. Yeah, I'm a bit like, aw, I like the plane stuff.

Did you ever see Buried with Ryan Reynolds? No, but I know what you're talking about Yeah, I've seen a bit of it But I kind of, I wasn't in the mood to watch I think I was hung over And just him in a box panicking the whole time I was like, oh, I don't really want to watch this right now And I never went back to it

But yeah, isn't it, he's in Barry Like, buried alive Buried alive with a phone And we'd find out, you know, how he got there Might watch that actually, it might, uh, that could be a bit of fun Or Locke, there's that other one, Lock Locke's good, yeah. I haven't seen Locke.

I like Locke. Yeah. He does a Welsh accent in it. Yeah. Tom Hardy's like a taxi driver. Yeah. Oh no. Don't.

Oh no. No, I'm well. No, I can't do it. I'll work on that guy. So watch Locke some more trying to do you. Oh, Maraikiza from Wales. Hello, I am from Wales. I am the taxi driver.

This is a Welsh national anthem. Well, look, we'll finish off the episode, okay. I didn't tell you. I was going to read a different thing for the podcast but I was finishing off the Roddy Collins book

Oh yeah Now I thought it was nearly over Well I thought the interesting stuff was over Because it's him like You know His playing career Wrapped up

He was with Bose Doing okay You know We talk about Roddy Collins On a Patreon episode Oh yeah So Roddy Collins He was a footballer

From Dublin Then became manager That's all you need to know Mad lad Mad lad You had a bit of fun Well look Just to catch up, all right?

I didn't mention the Patreon. This is new, okay? I forgot to say. So he gets married in Dublin, all right? And he's not from money, and she's not for money either, all right? A couple of pavos, great. Well, you know, they're from Cabran.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another drain on society. Unlike us, we're like full of, you know, throwing money in a bums, you know, that pay them to do push-ups. Yeah, yeah, making them fight for pennies, you know? With all the Patreon money we're making, yeah, yeah. So he gets married this girl,

all right beautiful shenade yeah but they're going to go on honeymoon but it's going to cost money all right so a family friend is like you know what lad tell you what instead of going on honeymoon to some foreign place why you just go to my house

have the honeymoon in me gaff wow that'd be good yeah he's like I will do that yeah now he taught the guy would leave the house the weekends wow he didn't he just stayed in the house that's class you're in the

now, aren't you? A baby riding, aren't you? A bit of a dirty weekend, do I? Don't mind me. Just staring at them. And apparently they were trying to ride, but he's like, I want to show you my fish tank, look at it. Please come to the honeymoon suite.

You have this beautiful bed here. Ignore the stains. Should there be a few more stains on it, says you? Now, I've got my little cot here, and don't worry, I sleep like I'm a very heavy sleeper. I walk here. anything or see anything or smell anything you know to use enjoy yourselves and uh look if you're gonna fucking use the jacks right make sure you don't flush because it's clogged up like

fuck right if you need to take a shoy shite in a bucket wait for some romanians to walk past fling it at them you know typical honeymoon tradition there where it was this man magical palace of love. The Cabra. Awesome. Yeah, yeah. Like about, you know, two houses down the street,

you know. So, anyway, so he goes to England then, tries football, goes back to Ireland, does more football, comes to manager, yada, yeah, yeah.

Wait, did they actually have the honeymoon in his gap? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. He left, though. Oh, he left. Yeah, he stayed in his daughter's room.

Where was the daughter? Oh, she was in. In the room with her? Oh, no. It gets worse and worse. She's in the shed. Well, anyway, so We're going to get into more personal stuff now, okay?

So we didn't mention His wife's brother is schizophrenic And runs around Cabra saying he's Jesus Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah So, you know, typical kind of stuff But then the problem is He meets another schizophrenic in Temple Bar

And they fall in love Two schizos Two schizophrenics And then she gets pregnant But she doesn't know what pregnancy is right so she's screaming while the baby's coming out and she's like she thinks she's dying I mean that's not that's just schizophrenics to do that right I think they all have a bit of a moan they're all schizophrenic I'm like oh my god it's terrible she was like really she didn't find

the pregnancy comfortable at all you're just walking through like the maternity ward look at all these mentalers it's like arkham asylum around are you the riddler are you oh my god patch Adams snatch Adams I'll make you laugh love disgusting that you did that

and said that Brian you're a horrible I'm trying to be thoughtful here okay so they have a the baby is born okay

of schizophrenic parents and they can't raise them they can't raise the baby sure so Roddy Collins takes the baby in oh my God wow and he's saying oh it's a fucking nightmare

you can't just like we'll just fucking take it the government gets involved and do checks and stuff sure you know it's like oh basically like foster parents right yeah they're all like you know are you feeding it you know that kind of stuff

so he's saying that let's say the kid all right has a bad dream one sleep in the bed like Roddy sleeps naked so he can't be in the room naked with the child sure that's a good rule of thumb I would say really oh you love big government don't you

I'm more libertarian I'm like yeah I pay a rent in this Gaff. If I want to sleep Bullock naked with a schizophrenic infant, I should be allowed to do so. Renters are, read the lease. There's a clause in

that lease that I added specifically. They'll laugh at me at a time. Plan the head here. But the annoying thing is then he gets a fucking management job in England. Right. So you know how difficult it is to move your fucking child that's not your child over in England

right yeah the fucking they're all getting involved, they're doing interviews with him a lot of red tape so he goes to England starts marrying managing I think Carlisle Robert Carlyle I think yeah there's some team in England all right yeah Carlisle I think that's Wales

maybe maybe you're right in the summer in the UK but the problem is Satanta get involved your fucking team Satanta film a document called the Rod Squad. I work in Satanta Sports in Dublin. It's very, I'll tell you, it's going to get more

connected to you later on. Yeah. So I was saying the Patreon, Roddy did plasterings in Finglas, so he might have actually done this house. But, so the Rod Squad is kind of a, it's a stitch up, mate. Yeah. So they film him, you know, they film all stuff he says and does.

I mean, if I know that company, like I think I do, the only reason they wanted to make that documentary was so that they could film, Roddy in the nip with that schizo infant. And now maybe my boss won't like that I've said that, but, you know, hey, I've got to stay true

to my integrity, my opinions. That's just what I see. Like Tim Dillon talking about Joker 2, you know? Yeah, exactly, yes. So, they feel like he, on the documentary Rod squad, he's talking about he's going to be next Alex Ferguson, he's going to manage Man United. Wow. He's going to, you know,

he's like the best and all this, he's not like, Mohammed Ali, you know, He's a bit bravado. He's a Dublin confidence. Right. But then he gets fired. And he has to move back to Dublin. Bring the kids, move them back to Irish school.

Yeah. Big little of trouble. And he's back working on the sites again. But then Satanta aired a documentary. Oh, and he looks like a good. So then all the people are driving past while he's laying bricks, be like, oh, you fucking cunt, yeah. All right there, Faggie, how are you getting on what?

Yeah, yeah. How's Canton are doing, you fucking chew? Yeah, they're fucking making fun of them, you know, throwing shit at him, you know? Yeah, they pick up dog shit and make him eat it. Yeah, the schizo child is like, this lad's mental! I thought it was going to be Alex Ferguson. What a fucking spastic. No, I don't think the child's schizophrenic, James.

Oh, I just assumed, you know. I thought it was like... Passed on, yeah. Yeah, like, you know, hair loss or erectile dysfunction, you know, it's an hereditary thing. This baby's got rectal dysfunction. so it's a dark time for him okay so what do you do when you got fuck all money

your career's down the bog what you do you start training travellers training travellers yeah so he gets in the traveller fights oh okay yeah so he sets up a gym and travellers come to the gym boxing gym now and he

teaches them how to fight and then he gets he teaches them how to fight yeah exactly yeah does he know how to fight his brother's a boxer but they're travellers that like the fightin's all they know no no not the right type of fighting

okay not the Dublin type yeah so he starts training travellers have to fight the right way okay and then he starts going to traveller fights yeah and he says that what they do is they put them into a car and they drive unknown location you know it's not like in the

RDS or anything yeah no it's all illegal it's usually in car parks or halting sites yeah yeah so he says they went to one in the halting site and there's a bunch of like fucking like all the guys all the Dublin gangsters are there betting money on it

and also a few like snatch type guys from England wow yeah they fly over for this I mean there would be a lot of crossover because you know oh yeah yeah and he says that so normally it was kind of like pretty chill you know just a casual

traveller boxing fight right but this one it was like a big one okay a lot of big names there you know all like the monks and all that all right but he said he saw some lads hiding guns around the place like behind bins and stuff or burying guns just in case

just in case it all proper kicked off yeah yeah and even the travellers he came down with if you sawing off shotguns in the back he's like what are you doing with that not for anything violent of hope is it you're going to ruin the integrity of this bare ducal boxing match

well like there would be a lot of you know feuding travellers and even like just criminal gangs that aren't in the travel Yeah, but also a lot of money involved with betting. Oh, yeah, good point. It's all cash in hand. But then it's so popular, he starts doing so well, he starts going over to England then. And in England, they're like next level, they're traveller bare-knuckle fights.

You know, it's like the winners get like 60 grand. Wow. Yeah, that's like to compete, you have put up money. Yeah. Yeah, like 30 grand each, let's say. I mean, yeah, there are people who are putting down like, no exaggeration, like big, like criminals in the UK. Yeah. putting on like a hundred grand massive huge amounts of money on it yeah yeah so it's a real kind

interesting kind of industry gets involved in okay and it's still going on i'm sure you know what's funny the reason why he has to stop okay is because he gets a job in malta wow so a guy he knows from dublin is over in malta and he's like there's a team over in malta needs a football manager right fucking let's do it so he again he brings the kids over move school and all the um the By the way, it sounds good. They're going to pay for your hotel, your accommodation, your trip, the kids' education, you know.

You're going to manage this team, you know. Malta is going to be the next big thing, you know. Right. They have 10 teams in Malta, and they all play in one stadium. Wow. So it's like, you know, two games on a Friday,

two games on a Saturday, two, you know. A lot of money being made then? Theoretically. Theoretically, yeah. But if he gets there, they're like, ah, we actually have no money. Oh, it's just like a community center. They have no football.

Oh, we thought you'd bring that. Oh, fuck. Just a field with a, like, dead donkey lying in. It's like, once the donkey decomposes fully, we can play, signor, he's great. That's how they talk in Malta. I don't know. I don't know where Malta is. I don't either.

Yeah. He didn't know either, you know? So he goes over there. It goes to shite. You know what he does next? Monaghan FC. Really? Yeah, he starts managing Monhin FC

That's way more depressing than like the traveller fights And you know what? Satanta come back and they film the return of the Rod squad Of him managing Monhin FC Jesus Christ And while managing Monin FC he goes bankrupt again What year are we talking like? So this would be like 2008 maybe

Oh so the recession hits Yeah, yeah So he's in Monin FC which by the way has an average crowd size of 60 people. Oh yeah, that's worthless. Yeah, yeah.

So he's playing there. I actually had my 18th birthday party in that really? Oh my God, imagine Rodney Collins showed up.

Yeah, it was me and another lad we had a joint 18th and we had like Oh, I wouldn't like that. We set up, well like we all have the same group for it.

Oh, no, I'd be like, it's my party. But we were born in the exact same day. I don't keep, shout out Charlie, Matthew Charlie, what a boy. I wouldn't give a fuck. he's definitely not watching this.

It's my special day. But like we set up a bunch of drums and amps and guitars and just had just rocking out dude and you know drinking and smoking and I was great. It's great to be young.

It's funny the crossover because apparently Shane Duffy used to show up all the time from boys owned. Wait, where? At Monaghan FC? Yeah, yeah. Oh, not when I was there.

He heard, he was like, what's that fucking racket? Jesus, that sounds like shite now. Shane Duffy Yeah No way Keith Duffy Keith Duffy yeah

It's Keith Duffy Yeah Hidey Sorry Rogeladai Phyllis Dye From Beizone Yeah

What's that Wondon Maitos What's he called Davey Lennon What's he called Keith Moon Yeah So

He does Marn in NFC for a while Goes to Go it kind of goes to shite Goes bankrupt And then he gets a job We're managing

in China He's like Is this fucking do it, yeah. But then there's some fucking virus in the woo hand. Oh, wow, really?

So he doesn't get to go on the end because of COVID. That's hilarious. So it ends of him being like, you know, I've lived a life of regret, but also remorse. I'm very unhappy. I'm in a lot of pain

every day. I have fucking nobody. The schizzo's getting bigger. Oh, I didn't mention as well. So he had a job in Ortiz, a pundit as well. Right. While he was doing Monaghan NFC. But at one stage he got a bit, like, too comfortable.

And he was like, Jesus is like on broadcast, all right? It was like, Jesus, whoever lose this round, be beating her misses afterwards. So yeah. Apparently, RT were like not happy about that. Yeah, sure. Yeah, so he got suspended. Jeez, imagine, was he working along with Eam and Donfie? I don't know them two went on the absolute pace together.

Oh, yeah. Actually, yeah, he mentioned Dunphy, he mentioned all those guys, yeah. There's no one he has, like, bad word about, apart from, like, John Delaney, really. No actual football people he hates. Okay, right. John Laney's heady F-A-I.

Yeah, yeah. Well, everyone can't hate him, don't they? Hmm. Because he's like a scumbag and bezzling money. Pure, pure scumbag. Skumbag cunt, yeah. So it does end of him being like, you know, I'll do it all again if I could an instant now.

At a great time, me little fella. He's playing football as well. And you know what? Maybe someday I'll still manage a man. United. Weirder things have happened. No, they haven't. They literally have not. You will never do that.

You deluded food. Maybe he will. I don't know. Why not? Oh, you mentioned this well, he had a big heart attack. So, at one stage, he was doing some charity football match in Droddada. And he had a thing where...

Put a straight on any man's heart. Trying to navigate the one-way system in Drodda. Fuck that town. Kip. No, I got a... Actually, you know what? No, there's what time

is it, actually? Oh, just before we go, I'm genuinely considering going to Drodite tomorrow. Do you want to come? I'm working. Call in six.

And no. Wait to you here, okay? All right. So the girl that I don't talk to anymore, all right? Oh. In Drodada. Gotta go teach her a lesson, are you?

No, no, no. That's sex. I got you, bro. Let's roll. Satanto I'll understand. Their only stipulation will be, can we film it

when you beat the fuck out of her. It's going to be bigger than the Rod Squad. Yeah. No, we're not going to air. We're just going to show it at the work Christmas party. No, no. For a laugh.

Don't get me in trouble here, right? I'll get you in trouble. So, this girl I knew in college, all right? She's doing a burlesque show in Drodite. Oh. And the average age is like 40 and above. Okay. But she's in her 30s.

But yeah, I'd say me and you go to burlesque and Drodita. That'd be kind of fun. Again, I'm working, so I can't. Well, why? I'm sorry. You knew this is coming. selfish yeah well I'll just bring

someone else then yeah why do you need to bring it are you not gonna are you not hoping to like hook up on her or whatever no no she didn't talk to me anymore oh yeah well it's all gonna change now

I'll clap so hard yeah no she's gonna stop I don't think she really liked me that much ever she's an odd one now you're gonna go win her heart very weird

cute weird weird person yeah I call her that to her face no just before we go I remember when we were in college she told everyone she was dating a soldier so she was like

oh my boyfriend oh yeah he's risking his life at the moment yeah I was like oh well he's a soldier he's like yeah and I was like where did you meet him he's like oh Tinder his plane was flying over Ireland that we matched and I was like oh where's he from

America and I was like oh my god do you go over to where's he from I don't know I ever met him no so she never met the guy but she was a committed relationship with a soldier and he sent her pictures of guns and like dead animals dead children you know yeah yeah

doing this for you babe when I shot those Iraqi children I did it for you honey yeah odd one no offense but then I messaged her like three years ago being like oh do you want to meet up get a coffee no response then a few weeks ago I messer being like

that's okay I don't care wait a few weeks ago yeah yeah after how many years? About three years. Wow. I'll show you, yeah. That's psychotic. No, it's not. And now you're just going to show up

to where she's dancing provocatively. Just like, remember me? Here's the coffee you conned. I just pour boiling hot coffee on her pussy, you know. It's an awfully hot coffee pot.

Just rip off her nipple tassels. No. All right, so guys, fortunately, I can't be there to help Brian beat up the woman he's stalking and harassing. But I'm sure we'll hear all about it. That's going to sound bad. Nah, don't worry about a pile.

It's all good. I know what, you know, things like Roddy Collins, you know, and I do it all again. So that's the end of this episode, all right? Yeah. Now, on the next episode, the Patreon, I should say, we're going to talk about strip clubs. Oh, Larry Crow The Love Goot Larry Crown

Yeah Got it wrong You did You got it wrong Brian Stop the episode now I was thinking of Jim Crown Or Jim Crow

Oh my God Oh wow That's a miss That's a miss Jim Larry Crown Jim Crow Jim Brown

Yeah Yeah So that of the love guru Yeah love guru And cat in the hat There we go Well what time is it I don't know

Oh great Alright Alright well my point I never know what time It is It's five past three Okay so we all I tell you what

Let's not rush into it We got some time I've know where to be Yeah The burlesque show Isn't until tomorrow So So what time are you gonna

You're gonna head down Tonight and camp You know Be first in line Yeah exactly with her face on a t-shirt. Like a Harry Potter book on shit.