Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 26 : Hookers and Autism

Episode Date: September 2, 2019

Brian calls someone a Nazi and has sex in a graveyard.

Record. Record. Part two. Part two. Part two. I'm doing a two parter. Welcome back, Brian. Didn't even say that in the first one.

No, why would you? Why would I? It doesn't feel like I was gone. No, it doesn't. It's weird. You go away on this magical journey in, you know, America, land of opportunity. You come back to Ireland's the exact same. Yeah.

I'm not joking. I was in Ireland. Back home. 20 minutes. I was in Carlo. My mother's crying. My dad's yelling. I was like, oh, it's like.

I'm home It feels like America's this weird dream I don't know if I I kind of had this daydream That like I go to America And come back a different man No No

I think if I mean I haven't improved I'll say that I picked up some bad habits And I've burned some bridges But I haven't like Got better anyway No

Well good I'm glad to hear We couldn't have had you back on the show It would be weird if I came back and I was all confident I was completely different Self-helpy and trying to get me To better myself

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah This isn't working anymore And then you do like, I always hate that If you do like a self-deprecating joke Like, hey, don't put yourself down Yeah Hey, come on, you're better than that No I'm not and you're worse

Yeah, it's like oh that's great for comedy If you both go like, hey, we're really cool And we work on our issues And you know, it works out And maybe you should try that as well, Adam yeah well they've actually picked up a few lists there's a few of my mates and started listening to this show that's good i actually really like it but they said they they addressed the fact that and i've addressed it as well that eventually someday they're gonna be they're gonna be coming for us brian yeah let them

yeah i've got gone gonna try and take me down what do you go do turn off my internet yeah oh um see when when we're all microchipped they'd be able to just switch our chips off and that's it well i'm not planning to live until 30 so like oh yeah yeah so why you're going to die in the next five years i'm going to die in a podcasting accident well i don't know let him come i think we we're in the clear people know we're just joshing around we're just joshing when we say the n word we're just having the crack it's just the banter with the lads oh but Okay, so let's jump into this. We were talking about the previous episode.

We're doing my America trip. Yes, your voyage. And we just got to, I got a female manager. Yeah. So Zach left. Zach was kind of getting sick of the whole thing eventually. He wanted to be a bar man. He didn't want to be manager.

He just wanted to be a bar man. He wants to be out in the field. He just wanted to be Tom Cruise and cocktail. Yeah, yeah. And he could do that. Oh, you could do all the tricks. It's cool seeing like the experience. Pretend to be heterosexual.

And not talk to his kids. he hasn't talked to his kid for like two years Zach or Tom Cruise I don't I'll never tell I don't know if Zach's a Scientologist but Zach definitely is gay Don't tell his wife

No But like So yeah It's cool to see props Zach could do all those things He can throw a bottle in the air and catch it catch it yeah yeah and do all of those him there's another guy who worked around he didn't work in shark bar with me but i'd see him around sometimes and uh he was great at that like he could do like

show off kind of stuff you know yeah yeah like trot something some of the air and he just mix another drink and catches it and then like he fingers a woman yeah you know why he does that just so he like that's slight of hand so you're watching the bottle in the air while he drops some hypnol in the glass yeah yeah and i'd let him he was so cool i can't remember his name i think it was like Rob or something like that but he was he was really cool but he'd also tell like really racist jokes oh like really like there's a Polack and a Mick like stuff like that and then like and then the Mick died you know like that wasn't a joke yeah but you're so charismatic you're like yeah kill the Mick

oh Mick yeah but like we'll never get offended by that no Polak make Wap Can you say Wap? Is Wap alive? Oh, I say it. Oh, I say I'm all.

Every time we go to Pizza Hall. Hey, Wap! Excuse me, can they help? Yeah, look at there's Wap over here. Please do not call me Wap.

It's not applicable. But that is so... There's another word for that. Hallelujah. yeah oh damn wops yeah but anyway like so like there's all these cool bartenders and i think Zach wanted to be with rob we wanted to be like out

in the field like in the actual mansion not stuck with the tards okay you know me and the fucking montenegroes yeah yeah yeah so he left and then we got this manager carrie who was Irish and Kerry is really nice yeah I mean I know I joked last time about hitting her

and something like that's how we express ourselves yeah yeah but like yeah so I was like oh right now he's another Irish person here okay cool yeah and Kerry had some friends all right okay I was like okay new blood into the mix they're also Irish okay okay yeah okay perfect and one of our friends now I'll change the name I'll probably should change Kerry's name uh too late now I'm not gonna edit this let's call the friend Messner Black sorry let's call her cool crisp

car marm monk sally sally let's call it sally yeah i'm so quick off the marx wow yeah yeah i did 10 use improv yeah it shows i was like uh improv i only one improv class oh you did do an improv class did i tell you as well actually it's still diversion well improv class i think now all the improv class have to start with thing like uh hey by the way uh if you're in a scene that doesn't give any excuse to touch a woman you can't use improv an excuse to sexually harass other people in the improv group because don't they have to say that's the way the world's gone now and when they're like ah fuck's sake because they i mean if they say yes and that they've got no case you know what i mean you can't say no del close the world's craftiest rapist yes and that's what you have to say

every single time oh second city was a hell hole so anyway like let's call her Sally Sally yeah so she had a friend called Sally Sally was really nice to me okay and I was like oh okay and we were like talking about like um you know kind of weirder stuff because the rest of them and no offences other Irish people they're kind of normies okay yeah yeah like they just talk with Love Island stuff okay but I want to talk with Jeffrey Epstein of course I just want to talk with Jeffrey Epstein nonstop All the time And these women won't let me

They're in fact They don't even know Jeffrey Epstein is A bunch of losers Tronglodice Yeah yeah Yeah They just talk with Love Island

And boring stuff And like what about They're raping kids On Lita Express And they're like Brian please stop But Get off the intercom

Brian Sally was a little bit like Oh she's kind of cool Okay We were talking about Like kind of weird stuff Yeah she's a little more alternative

A little bit alternative I was like, oh, okay, okay, she seems all right, yeah, and so then we went out to the pub one night, okay, and I was like, you know what, I feel a bit more comfortable around these guys, I'm going to have some drinks, okay, okay, and you know what, who cares, I'm not going to say anything bad, yeah, I'm just going to have fun, be myself, yeah, so I'm having some drinks, okay, I had like three drinks, that's all, okay, and I'm coming back from the counter, I'm kind of mid-sit-down, I hear, so I'm having some drinks, okay, okay, so I'm having some drinks, okay, I'm, I'm kind of mid-sit down, I hear, hear like Sally say like oh when I'm doing like schedules and stuff if it's not right exactly

I go crazy so I just went oh that's like a sign of autism okay okay yeah which it's like yeah

it's not like it's not like I punched at her instead of hey everybody look at this I didn't like hit my

spoon off a glass and like can I get your attention okay someone to get off my chest so it's mid sit down

I'm like I asked like a sign of autism went back to my point yeah just a throw away and uh wow um everyone acted as if like I'd uh just like like fucking puncher in a face or something like that

like they really like uh acted of said something bad yeah yeah I didn't really know it at first but like Sally left okay and then her boyfriend comes to me is like oh you got to apologize and I still didn't realize what was going on and I was like because in my head I'm like

maybe I'm like dead in side, but I'm not good at judging what, as you can tell from his podcast, we're not good at judging what's offensive and what's not. So in my head, I'm like, no, I must be, I must be messing with me. Yeah, yeah. So when they're like, oh, you just called her autistic, you can't say that.

Like, her boyfriend was proper, like, you can't say that, you can't say that, almost like Rain Man, which is ironic. Bang, no, no, you can't say that, no way. You can't, you can't, that's not on. That's not on. You can't say that. And I'm like, oh, there must be mess up me. It's like, it's like a joke yeah yeah it's like hazing it's a ruse yeah yeah yeah the old pretend to be offended

and I call them autistic classic okay but then like everyone's at me it's if I called her a cunt or something yeah yeah yeah and it's not even like you called her it's like you're autistic like oh that kind of sounds like a symptom of autism yeah yeah yeah that's a sign of autism like real troll way like not even yeah yeah yeah but I and like maybe would have taken a better and apologize quicker but because the boyfriend was so quick to be like and he kept repeating himself like not even giving me time to think yeah then i started putting my feet in the ground a little bit and being like i don't know i'll apologize to her if she really wants it yeah yeah i'm defending myself a little bit okay like and because like they really freaked out as if like autism's a bad

thing yeah yeah as if it like to be associated with it is like really yeah yeah yeah Yeah, so I was like, I don't want to apologize. And I didn't I call him a Nazi, which, I know, I called the boyfriend of Nazi? Yeah, I did, yeah. I got a little bit, I was like, oh, you put them all in concentration camp. Because in my head is like, if you get really offended by someone calling you autistic, you're the bad person. Because that you're like saying that being autistic is a bad thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I've turned the tables on you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't you call him a Nazi, you kind of lose the argument. that's a pretty autistic thing to do as well like

the whole thing like you've lost there when you call someone a Nazi yeah yeah I kind of was like you know my friend Nien Leinen was autistic you want to put him in a concentration camp

do you like I went a bit over yeah I was just like I was getting a bit annoyed so then I leave and I think like oh look that'll all blow over

and then like two days later Kerry comes up to me he's like oh you have to apologise to Sally and I'm still like for for that It shouldn't be my job to apologise When I hurt someone's feelings, you know

This bloody bird Open the reds I'm in trouble Fuck I bit my tongue though I sent her apology thing on Facebook And I really bit my tongue I did like nine drafts

And the first few drafts Very bitchy Did you have an editor as well? I ran it through a few people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, this is a bit bitchy, isn't? And they're like, oh, yes, it is. Like, the one of the first ones, like, you know, autism's diagnosed later in women, so, you know, I might still be right.

Prove me wrong, stuff like that. But the things like, I still think the fact that, like, people are like, that, how is, I'd be like, how is that offensive? How is that not offensive? Yeah, yeah. And it's like, like, even someone literally said to me, calling someone someone. autistic is like calling like retard and I was like

that's what they said but I was like you just said retard it's like yeah it's just yeah they just were

they had no awareness of how they were being really ignorant and they were being I think yeah I think

you know what and you know thing is well her boyfriend I think me and him could have been friends if wasn't

for that autistic bitch yeah it's like if we're using her lady magic you know

you know trying to split us up me and I'll say I won't say Gavin gab yeah that's it

protected identity but like yeah I know and I'm normally pretty mellow but that thing really made me angry yeah yeah like weirdly angry I do I mean I remember you tell me about it but I agree with you

they are in the wrong because they're being like they're really like stigmatized and autism it's like autism it affects a lot of people it's not like there are a lot of people like you said Ian Lino really good comedian

i sent her a poster to the show yeah she didn't respond she didn't respond no no i sent her a nice message saying like oh sorry for calling you autistic yeah uh um i'm so sorry you know and not saying anything bitchy yeah i mean i sent her a poster of being lying um was a dot portrait of an autistic as a young man it's like a play on the joist tank yeah yeah yeah i was like yeah by the way check this out and maybe uh learn a bit you bitch yeah it's like you know let he who cast the first don't. Well, so... I got so angry about that.

I don't know why, but I still like around again. It's one of those things that every time you think about it, you get angry. I get a little bit, like, you know... And I was having weird thoughts of like, you know, you know, like getting my revenge and stuff. Of like, you know,

I was having these all weird fantasies of like, you know, it's like 20 years later and I show up dressed to the Phantom the Opera or something. And like, you know, throw a rock to the window which is just with autism written on her or something like like really weird fantasies

like and we didn't talk ever again oh really and the funny thing is she was so she was really nice to me you were like yeah yeah oh that's shit and it's almost like the moral story is don't ever try to be nice to me bitch and like

and it kind of soured the mood between me and you're Irish then okay where maybe my I know I started getting a bit paranoid then I kind of thought like everyone was like hated me and even Kerry a little bit I was like hmm she probably doesn't like me now

so I kind of like withdrew a little bit okay yeah that's a shame well they actually sound like they're assholes I wouldn't say assholes they're just normies you know they don't know any of Epstein yeah and that's how I gauge

you go speed dating and that's the first question you ask at every table yeah so like I know. Then I had a few weeks Well, I was lucky because I might have like Been a little bit

With the Irish people You know, I might be like, ah, maybe like leave that alone for a little bit But I got a roommate then called Tanner So that was a bit of distraction Oh yeah, you told me about this guy Yeah, which I, you know what If we'd recorded this If I came home from America early

And recorded it, I would have been a bit more bitchy But I actually started like Tanner a lot even though he's from the south he's a little bit you know from the south you get me i get you know one of his first questions were like are you gay okay just checking you know ask it like that i'm sure no and you one of them he's just like you know you're not a you're not gay are yet and it's like no it's like oh good because you know we're sharing the same room i don't like that yeah yeah in fact of the lot even the black guys as well they didn't like gays well they didn't like gays well they're from south africa i know there's a lot of like even i was talking to one gay south african

he was like you know i can't come out to my family and stuff like that it's pretty strict over there that's horrible yeah and like yeah see if you get we didn't like it if you gay miss be like that yeah glad you like it might yeah there's a lot of people asking you straight up like first thing like not before your name are you gay like you're applying for the military Yeah, but Tanner. Tanner was cool. He, like, he, you know, he's a little bit from, like, the guy from Duck Dynasty came to a school

to talk, give, like, a moabation speech. That's, like, uh, that's the level, you know. But he was cool, his girlfriend of the car, and, you know, even his girlfriend, you know, had a few arguments and stuff, so that was kind of, like, that was interesting being in the middle of that. Oh, really? Yeah. Is it really, like, trailer park fights?

no no they're not better watch your mouth they're not like that well that's all that's what I'm envision they're civilized people yeah you're being you're being racist I am I'm being racist

against the whites yeah they've had it too hard yeah that's why Trump won it's because no respect to the whites from the south

that's the thing yeah well you know he was cool and what I liked about Tanner a lot is we got to a stage where we didn't have to talk to her all the time

he got comfortable comfortable enough yeah he was pretty he was actually like he was good really good team to have in America. Yeah.

Yeah. Because like every now and again, you get home and you're just like, oh, fuck, I just want to sit down and you'd be like, here, let's just watch some friends. Ah. Something simple like that. Friends doesn't, uh, really, doesn't make you feel bad, doesn't really tax the brain too much. Oh, no, no, no.

Like, dudes like, um... When it does, I kind of, personally, I, but I grow up watching friends, so I knew, I know it quite well. And it's very obvious where, like, they just start from, like, the halfway point towards the end they're just phoning it in more or more just get shitter and shitter and shitter it's kind of like all stick comes like we've done okay they're together yeah she's got kid what else can we do yeah unless you go super crazy you know like time travel yeah or something like ross like you know let's go back and see the real dinosaurs or something like that um joey and

the stegosaurus joey yeah yeah but like he's really not but like we just watched that and it sounds like dumb we watched Stranger Things as well I haven't seen the new one Tanner got reading the Stranger Things but it was kind of annoying sometimes he didn't understand the episode so he had to watch him twice

Oh really? So you know Actually some episode of Friends didn't understand So you have to watch Like I'm a bit too complicated No I love Tanner

But like the only episode of Friends where it's like set in a parallel universe Oh right Oh wait Are you being serious I'm being serious Oh, my God, I thought you were just... No, no, no.

In January, hey, what's going on here? Well, I don't remember this. Yeah, I can't have to explain the concept of, like... Oh, my God. He's serious. The concept of multiverse. And that really affected him. He stopped believing God.

He just comes home when he's got a noose tied up. Don't try and stop me, Brian. I can't take it no more. Yeah. I was like, in another universe, you don't care. kill yourself that's hilarious yeah so it was like nice it was kind of um chill yeah after a hard day of work and work was like hard sometimes because then it got to the busy season yeah yeah and then all the guests came and the guests some of the guests are absolutely cunts yeah like they were okay to me

because i was irish so like i could like kind of like listen to their bullshit you know they'd tell me like william wallace was irish and they were like yeah yeah yeah yeah like they'd get their history mixed up and there's no point correcting them it's the same fucking like you hear the same same few things like hey you know why uh god create whiskey i don't know that what is why something like to keep the irish in check or something like that oh funny yeah yeah okay and uh so much like hacky irish shit like i hear you guys like the drink you're like oh yeah you have to like really like almost like um yeah i've got a shuck and jive you know you got to stay your country and get those tips but the other people like they're so mean to like just

one uh chinese girl and they'd be like proper it's like go back to your own country stuff like that yeah and did like um tell you the worst guess white older women are the worst those like other ones are okay but the white old ladies the most entitled fucking just like a simple mistake they will just scream are you serious yeah they'll threaten to call the manager over anything and some of them just would like trying to scam me they just like oh no we already paid it's like no you didn't yeah yeah let's get the man manager involved and it's like no look on the system here we can check the cameras as well they did not hand me anything it's like oh sorry we forgot you did you bitch you can't yeah but you can't

say that you just got to be like ah jesus sure jesus did lay i i wouldn't know at all that and the kids are bad as well because instead just we were meant to just serve points but near the end we're all serving ice cream and stuff as well and the kids are awful yeah and if you make any mistake at all they like just like they act like adults the kids too yeah yeah oh is it like what is the meaning of me yeah yeah do like let me speak to your manager and stuff I excuse me sir I like to speak to your manager no that's how it is weird did you talk like that yeah I actually order jelly sharks in my ice cream and I have not received that so I was wondering what's going on here sir I don't want to litigate but if I do not have my gelat gelatin shark products in my ice cream

there's going to be trouble buddy my uncle's a liar Mr. Dershowitz, you know him? He's a little busy right now with a client He's got into some kind of legal kerfuffle, I don't know, but Uh, we don't get an Epstein yet, but you've seen interviews with Dershowitz. Oh, they're so good. She's like, yes, I was on the plane, and yes, I did get massaged by a child, but I did not get an erection. Tried as I did, I just couldn't.

And she was hard, too, you know, she was... I mean, she was developing all the right ways. and not developing in all the right ways but it was cool because weirdly the kids would act like adults where they would really try to be like excuse me but the adults would act like kids

like it was interesting like a four year old man throw like a tantrum like a temper tantrum yeah yeah and like one guy just going like hey my hot dog wasn't cut up even though he didn't ask for him to cut his hot dog

it's like what's the meaning of this and like get one to servers like cut up his hot dog because he watches with like a sulk on because he like he has to wait that's fucking like one guy did a proper like um like he was like it's kind of fries with that we're like we're out with fries because it's like half four yeah you know of the day and it's like you know let's say we close at like five and it's like but it's on the menu okay it's like yeah but those menus are printed like a month ago yeah yeah like we just don't have fries and then him proper like putting his

like almost like like a 60s sitcom like whoa like that like we're just giving chips and he's like oh okay but he still like got the cartoonish anger and like I thought like maybe his kids he won fries and that's why he's getting so angry yeah yeah but he has to deal with angry kids but he just takes the fries sits down on the table on his own and like oh what a strange man that's the thing with all these rich people who aren't used to like any kind of like

anyone saying no to them yeah any kind of adversity of any kind like you could tell like that no fries story that's going he's going to tell that to everyone like the next month

when they say how is Ocean Edge let me tell you how Ocean Edge was and he didn't tell him that I asked for fries and they didn't have any so I went out to the alley I kicked the dog to death and I felt a lot better

you know to be very proud yeah there is like american cycle makes more sense to me like why don't you get a job you smell like shit do you realize that i just got nothing in common with you stab stab but uh yeah man i just i want to go over an experience that like just just the level of mental illness is on such a like but it's like glamourized televised mental illness you know what i think it's fun yeah yeah like i did talk to a lot of american people like So why think of America? We're all crazy, aren't we?

It's like, yes, you are. Yes. You need help. You should be taking more opioids. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you experience that? Is it an epidemic?

Not where I was. Not where I was. Not where I was. I think it's like I was in the trailer parks. I was in the bridge. They could afford like, they're, they're all, it's all prescription stuff. I didn't hear a lot of them talking about like, you know, you should try to get prescribed this. Like they didn't talk very openly about like the pills they were on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And some of them were on a lot of pills. that's the fun thing as well because I'm a bartender a lot of people don't take them human so they're having their own conversations and it's like you're not even there yeah yeah and even you can literally be

they're pouring a drink right beside him and they're talking about like you know steamy stuff you know talking about having sex with people or like you know like they want to do this but they don't like their husband

their kid is a bit weird so they're putting them on more medication like really kind of personal stuff and you're just like listening to all this stuff and like lovely lovely yeah yeah like these a lot of these people like their life is they're rich they're kind of bored yeah they might

really all they do is they take pills and drink and then they pick up their kids from soccer practice that's really their life yeah so if actually like the chance of yelling our bartender it's like just a little bit of excitement yeah that's like something like oh yes just just to feel something i can be racist as chinese bartender because like she did something slightly wrong like i i gave someone you know what another bad thing as well they wanted like doubles and shit like you'd pour out the correct amount of wine yeah they'd be like i want more right we don't yeah you gotta pay for home yeah and then they're like why what's the meaning of this i actually work with this guy harmon and he was like the exact he would like constantly just be like pouring and loads of shit like oh really yeah yeah i wish i had more

balls to do that like I'd be like the loser going like I pour the correct man oh well if you want any more you're gonna have to pray rules are rules

ma'am I'm afraid I can't I don't know what you sound but it was fun like looking by the bar a lot of hot women I love

sexy chicks I love hot women a lot of weirdly ripped children ripped children yeah a lot of like bodies like you haven't had puberty yet but you got a six-pack this is weird this is weird

right yeah i think it's because there's a lot of rich ugly people who've married like hot women okay they've got like and you see that a lot it's like some guy who looks like fucking like um harvey winstein type okay but he's got like hot wife and all these hot like older daughters stuff like right right and even his son is like fucking like a little rindgossling chiseled yeah yeah yeah like cheek he's like a baby but he's got cheek bow and it's like this is weird like a lot of very handsome people around here yeah yeah and a lot of people like

incredibly obese like I know it's like a real hacky thing to say yeah people were like wow but like how are they still alive? Yeah like this like one guy I now I remember that there actually people that my list is this

I'm being based some guys you're like you should be dead yeah yeah this is insane how you can go up those three steps and like that's just the sense of entitlement americans have you know i don't think we're talking about last time it is spirit because fat guy in ireland dies but a fat guy in america is like i can still do this i deserve i can still drive the school bus you know i can still like do a job they still have confidence even though they're driving a mobility scooter around target at three in the morning yeah but they're like i can still

still follow the American dream. Yeah. And that's almost inspiring in a way. It is inspiring. I mean it's delusional to the point of insanity, but inspirational nonetheless. And those people were always nice. Were they? Yeah, yeah. It was the beautiful people who were dicks.

Wow. So let that be a lesson to you. Let that be a lesson to you. That you don't care how nice the person is. If they're fat and ugly, ew! You just want to... No, is that not what you were saying? No, I see that's off the same. Oh, okay. The bad people would tit nice. oh okay sorry i just start and the beautiful people would be like what's going on here um i don't want a minority serving me drinks well i'm just from ireland the amount of times like if you're like do you have

apple juice here no we don't why i what it's the bar it's like oh so it's working there and things are kind of going all right uh but you know the loneliness kicks in sure it does The loaningness. And things aren't going well in terms of like the women. Okay. Yeah. I'd gone skinny dipping with a few girls.

Oh. But. How'd that come about? Ah, it was just, they were all drunk and these black guys were like, let's go skinny dipping. And then we all went skinny dipping. Well, it wasn't like pure skinny dipping.

Like, they were wearing clothes and stuff. Okay. Yeah. Like, they were still wearing bras and stuff. And I was like, actually, do you know what skinny dipping means? I have them to have addiction. here

I refuse to get into water until you take off your brow he's a stickler for the rules but I know I was like flurring with a few girls

but like it never went I think the punch in the face and the calling another girl autistic didn't really make a good impression no I can see that yeah so I was like kind of I was like I think I might get a hooker

sure an American hooker But the problem is I'm in the fucking resort miles away from any of the hookers Like all the hookers are in like Boston and that Yeah And it was annoying because I look up the hookers

And they've got like proper like really nice ones Like ladies who like I actually recognize from porn videos Really? Yeah I was like I know her That's awesome Yeah

I was like that's pretty cool Another reason why America is the greatest country in the world I don't care what you say about the Iraq war Or stuff like that The fact that I can literally see Ariana Cheltnik and be like I saw her in a video once and now she's in Boston and I can see her for a million dollars yeah so I was like oh fuck so I like instead I went to like it's kind of just kind of craigslist website so I got like the non porn star oh yeah so I try to get this girl

come to the dorms the thing is like the dorms like they're dorms yeah yeah so like people are going to see if you're bringing a hook or So I was like, hmm, what am we going to do? So I called this hooker And I was like, can you be a bit like discreet? And she's like, oh yeah, honey, I can be discreet? So I was like, okay, can you park like just There's like a car park not in the dorm like besides storms

And then you walk over. She's like, yeah, honey, I can do that. Okay. And she comes over and she's like, oh, where am I? And she's driving around the dorms. Hey, anybody see Brian and I'm going to suck his dick. She said that. Are you serious?

She didn't say some dick. She's like, is Brian around? I'm looking for a bride This is crazy I can't find Brian Okay And she sounded like Janice from the Sopranos

Mommy's Little Hoover So I was like Oh I'm I'm like This is bad And I'm not really proud

In getting hookers Sometimes he's get a bit lonely Sure Yeah yeah These are women I You know They're proud

You know Third Way of feminism And all that Yeah uh jermaine griever and all that you know up up up up the only hooker to write to the guardian as far as i know countess marvik and all yeah so this girl like just parked and she is like a cartoonish a drawing of a hooker yeah it was real like you know like the fish mess he just had wore normal clothes like it's like just like real fake tits like well brine and it's like i didn't bring condoms you can't

You can finish on my ditties if you don't have any condoms. And then I'm like, oh, this is because people are watching. Mommy, who's that lady? No, they're like, that's the man who called me autistic. And then you call the hook are autistic and she gets annoyed? So then she comes into my room and I'm like, oh, that's a bad idea. So I had to go get condoms. Right.

Because she's like, I don't have any condoms. I don't want to give her shit. And part of me, like, you should have brought condoms. Yeah. So I had to go to the shops to buy condoms. That's like a five-minute walk there and the five-minute walk back. And I come back, she's outside smoking. Okay.

Just like hanging out with, like, her teeth, basically flopping out. And I was like, oh, don't do that. Miss, please. Yeah. I don't want to tell you what to do. You're in charge. So then she's in there, and she's like, okay, it's dark. And I was like, okay.

And she's like, oh, first of all, I only do jerk. I only jerk you off. I won't have sex Are you serious? And I was like Oh well that's like Kind of I don't want to sound sexist here

But kind of reason you get hooker Is to have sex with them Yeah I'm not really like Getting it to like And it's like That's just what I do And then her phone rings

And it's like I'll start to my son And she's like What Maximilian His name was Maximilium I'll remember that like That's the problem I don't know where the charger is

I don't And then she goes like Can I borrow your charger And she did Yeah She didn't want to borrow my show I'm not going to see her again. So I was like, you're being really loud.

Like, just paper-tint walls here. So the Nigerian guys can hear this. Like, yeah. And I don't want, I didn't think I'm cool. Like, they're the last batch I have left. I'm alienated. Like, and then she's like, ah, oh, come on. And it was like, I think I'm okay, actually.

I'll just give you the money, but I kind of like just, I actually gave her an extra 20. Just to leave. Yeah, yeah. And be hopefully quiet. Yeah. So I didn't even like, didn't even like, didn't even unzip my zip. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

Just let her left if she's loudly arguing with her son and she leaves. She gets in her car and drives off and I was like, God, now I feel even worse. Because now everyone's like, Brian was that a hooker? And I have to make up a story like, no, that was my friend. We met on Tinder and. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, yeah. God, she was so loud.

Yeah. Yeah, and a real, like, Italian-American. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, that's hilarious. She drove off and was like, God, so, like, the next little while, it was kind of like just, I kept myself myself. Yeah, yeah. I watched my shows on my phone, a lot of Netflix, a lot of friends.

Keep your head down. Keep my head down, just do the work. Yeah. I kind of, like, felt a little bit trapped after a while. while I definitely was kind of like thinking like I kind of want to go home early yeah yeah I think you were getting up I was texting you a good bit yeah yeah I definitely was things that the walls were closing in you know and I was like oh I don't know if I can do this for another month yeah yeah I was like I need something so I actually booked a trip I have a friend who's American called

Lydia yeah so I booked a trip to her place and I told her it's because I wanted me up with her but really I just wanted to get out of the place like I would have met anyone literally if Anyone was like, if I could go to anyone's house tall, it would have gone, even if it was like, you know, some, uh, well, I know Epstein's place is free. The whole island. Yeah, yeah.

I just wanted to get out of place. So, yeah, so I'd leave early. So I left two weeks early because I was like, oh God. And I was surprised. I talked to be a little bit of like, oh, Brian, but you haven't been scheduled for two weeks, but most of the people, Ocean Edge were like, fine.

Really? Yeah, there was no, like, I mean, I didn't expect, like, them start crying or anything, but a little bit of like oh that's gonna be a bit of trouble or something like that cool

you can leave air if you want you can go right now get out we've heard about you so it's like so I bought that flight books that kind of helped a little bit to get through

the rest of the ocean edge experience yeah yeah nothing else really happened I did go to one last party and I was like fuck I'm just going like I had something in my head

of like I'm gonna get drunk and like tell everyone what I really feel but that's not even how I really feel it's just like just me being a bit irrational yeah yeah yeah and it's like

I think it's a little bit as well it's like I'm kind of projecting more of my problems onto these people yeah yeah so like I'm thinking like everything wrong in my life it's because of Sally

you know it's because yeah and you know I'm kind of like her boyfriend Gavin I was kind of like projecting like I was like you know he reps in my dad

you know like that who I also think is a Nazi yeah so like it was like I was kind of going a bit insane I was also off my like medication's point as well so like things are going a little bit weird

yeah in my head you know not in a bad way yeah so I got drunk at some power and stood the table started screaming oh really yeah yeah and I think I said hmm I think I said some things what kind of things

bad things I think he said some bad things yeah things that you shouldn't say things that like yeah if people in the Irish

comedy scene found out about them I'm row yeah yeah that no one had that TMZ didn't get clips

of that party because I was on a table and I was saying certain well in my defense okay I mean hanging out with a homophobic

people at the time oh okay so if i dropped a few f bombs yeah yeah yeah people didn't like no like look look look i'm definitely not straight so like that's true yeah so like i if there's some people i don't like you get a pass i should be able to like call them uh a funook a finook yeah yeah yeah and by i don't want to big it up when i say like i'm not i'm not saying like i stood on a table and pint to people like you know what you are it was more like i'm drunk and like you're a bunch of faggots they're like what do you say i'm like nodding and then wandered away and cry like and then pissed myself

or something like it's not yeah like i was very drunk yeah yeah yeah and you know like your feelings are your feelings yeah so a fucking queer eye guy is one of like cancel me you know well you know what that's that's the wonderful one of the only good things about being in our position. Ryan is. No one cares. There's nothing they can take. That's kind of liberate.

What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What? What? What have I got? What have I got? Take away my dog. Guess what?

My dog's dead. Yeah, so I kind of like, I kind of left, uh, I left with seeing goodbye to anyone. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't, it wasn't great. Oh. Yeah.

Oh, I also, though, this is like a weird thing in my head. I gave my manager a bottle of Jameson. Okay. As a gift. That's nice. But in my head, I'm like, that'll really fuck with him. Then it was like a real, like, pussy move. I'm like, then they'll regret not talking to me.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That will show them. Yeah, they'll really mess with their noggins. Because Kerry's a friend of Sally. Yeah, so it's like, yeah, Sally will see Dan be like, oh. I had it all wrong. I guess I'm the victim. Maybe I am.

And then, you know. Yeah, yeah. Sally takes a bat Hello Mr. Razor Oh, I don't know That's Pope Ryan I knew him her age here Oh no

Look and so that's the end of my ocean edge journey But like The end of the day They were really nice people And in a different world We could have been really good friends And we could have Like this could have been like

A relationship that lasts a lifetime And I go to their weddings and they go to my weddings and multiple weddings oh that won't work out and like and like it's like a life and we look back and like I can't believe

we didn't know each other for us an edge because I felt like we're soulmates yeah yeah you know but instead I just caught a bunch of fagas instead I just said a home full week's learned walked away and it never saw me again

I don't know why I'm not good with people and it's their fault it's always their fault so then I was like okay new journey I'm off to Detroit to see my friend Lydia

things are gonna go well here I'm setting up like something wrong it didn't really it was like a you know I was kind of uneventful it was like it was an the weird thing is

so I got there I'm kind of jet lagged because I hadn't slept too much okay uh i actually stayed in a layover so i stayed in the hilton for one night i actually went i paid like four hundred dollars like a really nice room in a hilton because i had a bit of money i was feeling fancy yeah yeah yeah treat yourself yeah i felt really nice that's good i watched uh widows oh yeah it was really good was it really good it's uh steve mcqueen the track yeah yeah i was a pretty got kind of overlooked i tell you colin farrell in it great yeah yeah he plays like a dirty chicago politician but like a realistic

one. He's not like over top like bribery bribery. No, it's not like that. He's like, you know, kind of like the like he's a fuck. He does the whole thing like we got to help the working class because they are the forgotten people and they are the

ones that I care about when he gets in taxi like fucking poors. Oh fuck. Run him over. I don't give him fuck. Come on. Yeah. Suck me off. Come on. Don't you know. I don't know if that's appropriate. you know who my father was

I'll scream sexual harassment with the man in the White House hopefully someday helping me so like yeah watching widows yeah so I hung out

I watched Widows I watched machete I'll see not yeah yeah you know what it really is hit you over the head with the whole like you know yeah Mexican you know

at the end they do a bit like a night living dead thing where they think Robert Niro's a Mexican I was like oh I see what you're doing there I wasn't after widows I was kind of like I'm not very subtle but

yeah especially after widows I was like this is so well done and watch dang it and then watch Aquaman I was like wow I'm really going downhill here Aquaman felt like was written by like Sally I'm so shit

Yeah, so anyway, I left the Hilton then And I was jet lagged when I got to Lydia's house So a little bit of me was like, can I just get some sleep But I kind of came out weird time And no, like, Lydia couldn't control this But like her parents were moving house at the time So it's kind of like, we're staying here this night And the next day we're staying here at my grandparents' house

And the next night we're going to be in my house But like not in the furniture, we're going to have to help a furniture and stuff Which is actually my favourite part of the I don't know what I said about me But I was like, oh, listen furniture, I like that actually because it was like, oh, it's a goal to be done where I can do the goal. Yeah.

And I get a little, like, sense of like I done it. Nice. That's, yeah. But the first night I got there, like, it's a day for them, but I hadn't slept in like 24 hours. I was up watching Echo Man. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was like, oh, I'm so tired. And they were like, oh, you'll be fun, Brian. Why don't you come to my sister's band recital? Oh. And I was like, oh, why? And they're like, we think it be funny if you help out. So there's a thing in it. We're almost, you have to, like, bring the instrument to the person in the band.

And it's meant to be a family member or something like, close. They're like, let's get Brian to do it. That'd be funny. And I was like, can I get some sleep first? Like, no, come on. It'd be great. So I go to this band practice. And I've had a little bit of drink as well just to get through and a little bit of weed because we's legal there.

Oh, right, right. So I'm a little bit out of it as well. Yeah. It was so weird. It's like, I thought it'd be like kind of, it's like, like, a, like an American high school. Yeah. Yeah. Like a big, like the whole, it feels like the whole town is out there.

Okay. Right, right, right. and like they're doing like um this like you know playing the american like real stereotypical like the america so and they've got like fake guns like wooden guns that are spinning around i was like hey have you watched the news lately uh i won't be a trevor nowhere right now to come to their country and criticize you but it's bit weird and so they're depending like the you know america's beauty like the national anthem yeah yeah they start doing some weird classical music stuff okay and then it becomes like some kids do interpretive dance and stuff i was like this is like this is so weird and they're like they're really like big on like the whole march marching lockstep you know like they're all doing the same ones like it feels like a hundred kids and they're all like moving the same way and like one foot forward one foot back

back it's a little goose step yeah yeah yeah I'm like this is really weird and now you have to get involved in it as well and it was like I have to hand them I was like oh what was it not recorder so I'm going to tin whist some bullshit it's some bullshit it's something I can't play A bassoon. Something I can't play, so I'm angry, you know. Yeah, so you have to hand it to him and do a little, like, kind of like, they do like a step and use a step with them.

Okay. I was like, I'm so tired. Yeah, yeah. And it was like a weird blur and I got home and I just slept for like 12 hours. Right. And I woke up and like literally had gone to work. So you're just there with a family then? Yeah.

And I was like, this is weird. But even weird, okay, so like, the family are doing all this stuff. So they just kind of left. I was kind of like, you know when you're left. with the baby yeah it was like that where people were just like okay you can take brine for a while okay now you take brine oh right after a while like it was only there for a few days but then he'd work and stuff like that i probably should check her before booked the tickets uh what am i supposed to do plan my life yeah fuck off i'm a roman stone baby fuck off tim robins so like is tim robins

shawshank or the big guy he's yeah he's shawshank oh who's the guy i'm thinking of who's the big Tony Robbins Tony Robbins yeah sorry Tim Robbins yeah oh my god I'm done

in Hollywood Tony Robbins yeah yeah it was weird because like one stage she left me with her aunt

it was like her aunt's a wedding anniversary so it was like her and her husband and for a wedding anniversary they were not talking much

yeah they seemed like unhappy I probably should have tried to help that relationship yeah it was like

I know. It was weird. Also in the suburbs as well. Yeah, have you ever, like, hung out in, like, a suburb area? No, no.

It's very weird. I could see why it kind of fucks people's heads a bit. Does it feel kind of, like, isolated or something? Isolid, also kind of claustrophobic as well, and it's all kind of looks the same,

and it's just, it's all done in grid. Yeah, yeah. And you're kind of walk around, you're like, oh, this is, like, so weird, like how man-made this is. Yeah, it just feels,

yeah. Well, they do say that about suburbia, that just, like, people just get, so bored and detached and like they're all emotionally unavailable and addicted to pain I can see definitely like a lot of stuff like the whole not like revolutionary road that kind of like you know yeah a lot more sense than me now just like everybody has an affair or like molests a relative I could definitely imagine myself like trapped in that kind of situation

where like you got a kind of nagging wife and the kids don't respect you and you just go into the basement and watch hentai you know and just like just like just like just in my life and you're in the baseball but you're not allowed to listen to in the house because it's too masculine you know so it's there for a while it was fun like it was a nice change yeah like it wasn't like the craziest thing ever so then i i leave and i got like two more days in boston okay in the city itself it's my first time in the city okay so i think like i get there a night and like okay i'm going to check out a comedy club okay maybe you get a spot hey and this is like i'm still a little bit lonely so i'm like should get a hooker i'm like

not worked out great the last time yeah yeah yeah i was like nah i'm gray remember me i'm back i brought maximilian tony i have you charge it i need you charge it all right so you're funny if i gave it if it was such a little weak thing i was like gave it to her he's like Are you going to bring that back? I need it. All right, so you're in the city. So I'm walking to the comedy club, and I swear to God, I'm walking by this nightclub, and the city is bopping.

Yeah, it wasn't bopping the night after, but this night, I forget, I think it was like Friday nights. I was like, right. I walk past this line for a nightclub. I see a girl's tits. Just, like, flash their tits at me. Yeah? Yeah.

And I was like, whoa, cool. Yeah. I swear to God, I go to a comedy club. I'm like, I'm watching the app, so apparently he's going, I want to go back to the tits. that couldn't walk past the line again i might see some more tits that's in the male brain it was like i want to see what yeah yeah well you don't get that these days you know it's not the 70s anymore no it's not but like i go into the comedy club i think it's called

nix or something like that okay well had a real feel of like an edinburgh room where i feel like this comedy shouldn't be here you know like it's like a nightclub and just put comedy there so like there's dance music downstairs right so like people are doing your axe and it's like boom boom boom boom yeah everyone turns out so it's weird so every act to start with like whoa it's crazy down there anyway i'm i'm jewish you know that's another thing about american acts which i can criticize but i do the exact same thing it's like you have to immediately start off with like your thing you have to identify yourself like some especially in boston if you're black okay

and you don't mention being black they're going to be very confused what's going on Why you're not talking about it? Where you're trying to pull the wool over your eyes? Hey, I can see, buddy. Ain't no Ray Charles over here. All right, yeah. Yeah, and I do the same thing. I'm Irish.

Yeah, yeah. So, also, they're interesting is, like, they serve drinks during the show. Oh, so it's like a waitress. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a waitress. So that also, it's, like, really difficult. That's why I didn't ask to get on. It didn't seem, like, there was a constant talk during the show. Oh, okay.

like if you're people that were killing yeah still half the room's talking and just kind of got to accept it you're not going because they're ordering drinks and stuff so you can't be like shut the fuck up yeah also the waitress I thought it'd be kind of like a what can I get you? You know kind of like

subtle yeah yeah yeah can I get you some drinks to be like yeah can I get that down there's some old lady going oh what can I get you guys what do you want some drunk ladies you want a beer yeah I can want four gin and tonics she's like okay what's that again

gin and tonics and then like she goes away and comes back Does anyone order gin and tonics? Yeah! Like, so loud. Yeah. I'll tell you,

I kind of wish I had done A spot? Yeah, well, it was, I kind of got there a bit late. Right, right. And I'm serious, apparently it was just, and I was going like,

I won't go back, I might see some more tits. Okay, yeah, yeah. I can understand that. I mean, it's not, it's been a while. Like, you never get tits flashed you in public, like that.

It was, the comedy, I say, was good. Unless it's like in a sarcastic way. The comedy I thought was good. Definitely some stuff you couldn't do win Irish crap. A lot more race stuff. Yeah. The thing is, in America there's just more races around.

Yeah. Race is such a big issue over there. I think it's better that way. We're like, a few Jews in the crowd, talk about that. On Nigerian, talking about that. And the Jewish guy gets on, hey, what, you should. Fuck you. You damn Nigerians.

Like, hey, fuck you, you damn Jew and your friends. at least I hope so otherwise that wasn't a comedy show I just wandered into like some kind of bar fight

I'm like hey is this a comedy club I've been of a race war so can I get a spot yeah there's some good acts I don't want to steal people's jokes

but like one guy had a really good bit where he's talking about you're basically like you know when you're doing coke in your 20s it's like yeah that's some fun yeah yeah yeah but when your 30s you're all bitter shit yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're gonna kill my boss you're gonna fucking do it yeah yeah yeah there's some pretty good that's pretty good actually yeah um i yeah i chat to them a little bit but i i didn't mention i do comedy because it's like who the f I know yeah yeah I don't be like that

guy oh I do comedy as well guys yeah yeah cool yeah you heard of the crunch I've done there. Yeah. Lost the crunch. Shut up! And then I try to blend in. Hey, you fucking Nigeria. Hey, trying to steal some pennies, are you, you fucking Jew?

Who are you? Yeah, it's weird. I didn't tell people... I don't know why you did this. I didn't tell people I was comedian. But the day after, I went to Primark and I told people working pennies. I don't know why I went

And I wasn't even like I was spying something in Primark And I went You know I work in pennies That's like the Irish version of this You're like, okay Yeah

Have you heard the crunch? Daddy knows who I have Who's there Sure Yeah Don't disrespect you Cunch it Yeah

I don't know why he said that Oh that's fucking hilarious but yeah so i was in boston i didn't really do much i can't i tried to get into a prostitute but they're very strict the prostitutes i'll just jerk you on no no in terms like you have to like i'm not joking okay i sent one prostitute a picture my passport and my um driver's license okay that's probably not good no i don't think you should have done that yeah uh yeah what could they do it i'm not sure like they wanted my linkedin account as well and i was like You're LinkedIn.

Yeah, a lot of them want your LinkedIn account. Really? I don't have that. Then they act suspicious then. Like, why not? Because I'm 24. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, do they all have LinkedIn accounts? I don't know. One of them, like, I sent all the information. And then when I got to the hotel, so can you send me a picture of the hotel? And I was like, I don't, my phone, just something weird about the SIM car I was using. I can't send pictures. Pictures, okay. So I was trying to tell her down.

She's like, well, sorry. sorry okay these hookers have a lot of notions about yeah it's like it's like it's almost like they want to be safe it's almost as if these are professional women yeah right run the business well yeah I suppose I suppose so then again I end up going on craigslist okay and I end up uh god I really sure can't pick them uh how is this good so she wanted to meet me in some place out in the out from Boston

okay so I paid I'm not joking I think it was like $50 for a taxi out right to some middle of the like not to suburbs say that a bit of a tell you what can remind you have you know in Grand

Torino yeah oh kind of like a shitty run down yeah yeah yeah it felt like that right those guys like listen loud music and it's kind of scary

like a ghetto yeah ghetto yeah so I'd happen to geto yeah with pink shorts on

I was wearing pink shorts and I think a Rick and Morty t-shirt you could love more a white

if you try and it's like guys driving by pickups and stuff like that and they do look like

the you know the mean the gang in Grand Torino that cut up the girl Yeah

Yeah yeah A lot of them look like that Okay Not to make any assumptions But like they I don't want to say They were gang members But all them had guns

Okay Guns and criminal records Yeah So I was like the girl The hooker was talking Like okay meet me at the red Let's say I'm not in make up a number

I can remember now Like number 268 Yeah Number 222B Baker Street And meet me at the red door And I was like okay So I thought she'd be At the house the red door

And instead of car pulls up like you brine this girl she's got like hand tattoos okay and she's in her 50s does not look like the picture and i'm like yeah yeah it's like get in the car and like well in for a penny in her so like get in the car and she drives even further away i'm like oh so are we going to your place nah my roommate's there and she's a cunt my roommate's a cunt and then she tells me her whole life story which is a can't imagine it's very good no actually it wasn't too bad oh really Yeah, it's just like her house got flooded

And she started some business And it went on there Yeah So I was like, are we going anywhere? And she was like, yeah I know a good spot And I was like, oh, where are we going? So she brings me to a cemetery

Oh my God I'm not joking A cemetery for like veterans Oh Jesus Christ Yeah, yeah, yeah So a lot of American Can you say The literally guy's doing like

The shooting up in the air putting a salute so she brings me like she's like ah

it's very quiet around here I'm like is it she she wasn't like in the woods

or anything is this in a bit of a cemetery in the open yeah so like um

I just walk it's like beside a river okay and I'm like okay and she's like very quiet

here okay take it out I'm like okay I don't like this at all but i suppose i'm in a position of power so here's your money she's like okay you're not hard and like okay give me a minute yeah i'm trying to get hard and i'm not really happy at all

yeah yeah what can you do okay as i'm trying to get her the car drives by and she's like the car like she's parked in the open which is a small road around the cemetery yeah not like built for two cars so the guy's beeping so she gets leaves to move the car I'm just kind of like adjusting like moving away so I'm like okay they probably saw my penis my flaccid penis yeah my flaccid sad depressed Irish penis I was like okay okay and then the girl comes back she's like oh that goes a real ass or whatever give me let's see wouldn't even give me any time beeping at me I was like okay right since she started sucking me off and I'm like oh and then I swear on what was like

someone goes by in a canoe on the river yeah on the river yeah a woman goes by in a canoe and then like she the hooker didn't notice but I'm just getting sucked off and I'm making eye contact and I do the thing where I'm like pretend look other things

oh oh lovely day rapping a wonderful folly and shard ow oh the tulips are in season I was like I mean there's no hiding at you're getting sucked on no no

I'm the woman in the canoe what was her reaction just look away yeah and what can I do I can't be like yeah you got a problem with this

what's up you want to join in I've done the crunch so I didn't even come like yeah because I was looking with the scabs on her oh scabs yeah that's not a good sign is it oh where are their scabs the neck oh yeah jesus probably got bit by a dog or something oh yeah so i was like oh

so then like i just like ah let's this finish she's like you're all right yeah i'm good yeah i just like the scenery so it seems like okay i'll drop you back so she's just dropped me back in the ghetto yeah yeah yeah but then she drives off and like wait a minute i used to do just get a taxi but taxis don't come to this area because they're frightened so then i spent like i'm trying not to exaggerate here it must be over two hours just kind of wandering around you're serious yeah the ghetto eventually got to like the kind of nice area yeah like there was a few shops and stuff so like i got like a i got like a i got like a juice smoothie Replenish your electrolytes

So again now It's getting dark I'm going around with my smoothie And my pink shorts And my Rick and Mori T-shirt Yeah I'm like this is getting a bit real now So I eventually get a taxi driver

But the tax driver He doesn't like Like the guy going in from Boston The other place That's one thing This guy is like Oh I don't normally go into the city Yeah yeah

And I'm like well Okay look how much money is this going to take so it was over like it was like over 80 just to get back fuck that's expensive

yeah expensive it's not even calm either no so I got back and I was like geez I need something to cheer me up and I walk past that nightclub but no I don't think you didn't like it was even open

so I end up going to Hobbs and Shaw oh the Fast and Furious yeah yeah yeah because that's what you do after you get sucked off in a cemetery which I felt so bad because like those men didn't die in the war

for me yeah no they died precisely for them for you to have freedom yeah because you know if like you know if like Saddam Hussein took over he wouldn't let me do that no he wouldn't because he's he'd be making you suck him off

he's a seminary yeah yeah he's a scally wag but like yeah so wasn't my best moment Hobbs and Shaw wasn't good either so I didn't make you feel good Hobbs and Shaw Idris Elbe like has mad

Like basically He's a superhuman in it Yeah Because he's got like Bionic implants So he can punch through walls and stuff Oh god Yeah

Then at the end they learn Havs and Shaw learn That together They're stronger I don't even I just want to their rivals Or whatever They were because

Yeah But now they're okay Weirdly enough Like Jason Stame Kills a Chinese guy In one the earlier ones And the Chinese just forgot about it It's like ah

We all make them sticks. Funny, because the original Fast and Furies. Yeah, I saw the first. But that was like, that was literally like someone stealing DVD players. Yeah, that was it. Like, I got to stop to, and then this new film is like, Idris Elbe wants to, like, cause a genocide so they restart the human race.

Jesus Christ. Yeah. It has just gone, like. It's like full on genetically engineering. It's gone insane. They've created a bio, uh, disease that you can, like, program someone's DNA into it, so when he kills them. Wow.

Yeah. And like, Idris Elves and Morton is more. bike has an AI thing so like a dog it comes to him when he clicks and stuff like yeah and you're like wow sounds fucking incredibly terrible you're like wow i spent so much money in that hooker and this this film isn't cheering me up at all uh yeah let's wrap up so you know i just say like um so i got the flight back and the flight was kind of like fun i i don't know i was just kind of like tired I just like I sit beside an Irish guy and he was weird

like at one stage he kept saying he to smell petrol like he kept like going to asking stewardess that was okay and you're like stewardess started impatient with him going yes it's okay Jesus he was like I are you sure I keep it smelled petriled

then I got home I'll see if there's anything else in my notes uh didn't miss anything oh you're one thing that I forgot thought about everyone called me brenden when i was working ocean edge brenden yeah they always got my name wrong maybe it's just your accent they thought you were saying no i'd say my name is brian

and then they just come call me because there was another guy in a different section called brendon who was also irish so jade just assumed jade's got confused between us but like they called me brendon for three months basically jesus christ so my manager would call me brendon and like were you correct she makes the timetable i would but after why you just give up yeah so like it get to the stage where literally someone called me brine i wouldn't respond to be brenden yeah i got like reprogrammed in a way like we're like i am brendon you could like take on this whole other life brendon is rich and successful brendon is friends

come on brendon we're all going on a picnic brenden doesn't need hookers brendon is a functional member society he can talk to a woman and not disgust him and not call them autistic or accuse their boyfriends of being... I was kind of like, not compared to, but it was kind of like... The other way they call him Couticente, they call him Toby. Yeah, yeah. It was kind of like that.

You're struggling. I was brought to America from another place, and they kind of took away my identity. And you were whipped in front of all of your co-workers. I wish. I think that's basically my American journey. Thus brings the end to the Brian O'Toole saga in America. I want to go again

but I want to go to a city. Yeah. Because it was like, the place I worked in, it was like all old people as well, like the regulars, the people live there off-season. Yeah. It was all old people. Some interesting people. Oh, well, finishing this. I forgot mentioned this as well. So like a lot of times

you hear a lot of racist comedians. I won't say race. It's kind of like a little bit like hacky. Yeah, yeah. And they do a lot of stuff about Uber drivers and the kind of

joke is like the Uber driver talks funny years from a different country. Right, okay. It's kind of like,

whoa, this is crazy, this Uber driver is speaking weird. Yeah. It's almost as if it comes from a different country or something.

Yeah. Yeah. When you hear that a lot is like, the joke is like they're Indian and stuff like that. Right. But a lot of the Uber drivers

where I love, they're all like retired cops and stuff like that. You remember, I remember you tell me about the retired cop. Yeah, yeah.

So like this one guy he was retired he was so interesting like he was a vet in Vietnam and like he like he'd worked the force in Boston back in the 70s and 80s so he knew he had some stories

and he had a lot of stories were like they kind of trailed off and you know what and let me just say he didn't make no more problems for nobody a lot of that

so he couldn't get anything on him and a few weeks there we found some coke suddenly he had some coke his car where to come from he was telling me he met whitey bulger and all that yeah yeah it's so interesting like whitey bulger actually like

a guy who worked white bulger was like hey you want a bottle of wine from whitey he's like I don't accept gifts and like it would be a wise move not to not to say no to whitey yeah he said no and then white he came up to say you know not many cops to say no to that and uh did he ever get any hassle for saying no to it Oh, I imagine he's working on white eating nonstop I imagine that story's all bullshit

like All the wine, hell, take it that's a guy I don't care I'll look you away What you want to do You want to kill somebody Let's do it

Let's know what You want to kill a kid Let's kill a kid Gonna kill a woman, man Women You want to kill my kids I don't care I don't get

I'm a crook I'm a crook Yeah Now he's an Uber driver Yeah guys He does it for the fun I think he really does it Just how he really does it

Just how I was about how police fork isn't the same anymore because you can't crack some skulls yeah yeah there's a few things where I was like I'm not going to go into this because I kind of like this guy and I don't want to go beyond the veneer yeah like you know

I don't want to ask like so much police brutality because I'm not going to get a good answer you know if he worked Boston in the 70s and 80s he was probably not a good guy yeah yeah but like it was like proper taxi driver from what he was like it was like people like shooting up in the street and stuff

Jesus Christ Yeah One day a great flood Will come And watch the skull Of these streets That'd be cool If like

He was going on about it And I was like Jeez you're right People aren't brave enough These days Maybe you should Maybe you should Teach them a thing or two

And he's like Yeah I will And then he's like You've taught me a lot Brian and he takes out A gun I got some unfinished business He drives away on the news

I'm like I know that guy oh no well well it's a do la da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da

oh fuck well sounds like you had quite a time over there in the US of A it's a magical country

I actually I really want to go and experience it it really is like people talk a lot of shit about it yeah but you go back to

Carlo and you're like ah fuck it literally even with all the school shootings it's still better it's still better than carlo personally I think that's what makes it better than carlo

well if there's one thing the schools in carlo could do with it's an AR 15 being carted down the hallways yeah it's pretty badass yeah I wanted to shoot up to school once but I thought it came in on a Saturday where is everybody aww

wha-w-w-w-w-w-ha beat it you dork okay i think we're gonna finish it there because we're training off now and we've been over an hour yeah um this has been great it's been fun it's been really fun back in recording back into it yeah yeah god the only time i feel live is when i'm recording an episode that's literally only thing that keeps me going sometimes wow okay ryle it's a little too real god come on okay right what's fucking do it you can't stop me it's like even when the bad things have and I'm like, well, at least I can talk about on the podcast. And then it will ruin my life.

We do it for you, guys, all the listeners. I mean, think of how compromised we are by talking about this shit. Anyway, let's finish it now. All right. Okay, we'll see you next week. See you next week. Tune in for our Jeffrey Epstein special.

Jeffrey Epstein special, coming up next. Woo!