Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 261 : Sally Rooney + James Ellroy

Episode Date: July 18, 2025

Brian gets literary and James is going Stagging.

Sorry. Hello. Welcome to the show. It's the Brian and James Parkist. Oh, it's so much fun. It's Brian O'Toole. It's good to be back here, guys. And I guess my name's irrelevant. Well, no, you already had your chance. You snooze, you lose. It's always my fault, isn't it? You walk around the house, you just drop something. Why do you make me drop that? Why do you make me do it? You get me so angry. I'll have to come. Correct.

Speaking of bad relationships, actually, it's not just us. There's a lot of bad relationships out there. I have been reading some Sally Rooney novels. I didn't tell you this. I didn't want you to think less of me. I've been like, yeah, listen, new metal. That's not possible.

Thank you very much. Yeah, yeah. So I've been reading some Sally Rooney. Yeah. I've got to say, very interesting. Right. Very, very interesting. I have a new appreciation and new understanding.

of like that shite like normal people and conversation with friends I don't like the shows but I think I will read the books of some stage because her prose is I would say it's kind of like mumblecore it's literary mumblecore

and it's like very like uncomfortable to read it's like well observed to a kind of cringy level yeah yeah it is good now like you feel uncomfortable just reading the door which you don't

I don't get, because my big thing with normal people's like, they're not normal. They're fucking weird. Yeah, yeah. She's sad. He's got what? Anxiety. What is that?

I was mental. He's a bloody freak. What is that? Like AIDS? No cure for that, pal. No cocktail for that. Oh my God. It's always like freaked out by it.

I was like, ugh. What's all he plays, Gah? How could he be fucking mental? He should be happy like the two Johnny's. He's like the sad Johnny. I don't like that. So I was like, this is weird

And conversation with friends was pretty I would say painful to watch Yeah, people didn't really like it Yeah, it's just like, you know I was like, who cares? But now I can't understand it a bit better So I haven't read those I have read Beautiful World Where Are You

Which is her third novel And this is fun because this is the one The All the Normies who read the first two books Are like, oh, this is like weird just like because these fucking dumb cunts all right

no offense to them right but all these dumb cunts they read normal people like oh that's the Paul

mescal one they like having a picture in their head you know hashtag Connell shorts

oh it's giving Connell shorts you really hate giving don't you it's a very stupid turn of phrase

yes I hate it that's like your N word don't have to explain that anymore but

Do you not think it's stupid? It is stupid, yeah. But I think it's, like, gone now, you know? Yeah, it'll be replaced to something even more annoying. I'm already angry about it. I've already revved the engine. I'm ready to go.

It's like Slay. Slay was overused for a bit. I knew a girl said Slay, like, so much. And, like, she didn't lovely girl, all right? Yeah. But then when she say Slay, I'd be like, kind of, yeah. Well, I got to go watch some fucking.

Ben Shapiro. Yes. A real man, you know. Get some fucking testosterone in me. Like, or like, you know, the comment section when it's all like, oh, it's giving or whatever, you know, just like, oh. Look at those comments. But just give me a second here. All those like, just the regurgitating all these phrases over and over where it's like copy and paste.

Like in the time where AI is taking over, I think we should all as humanity push for a little bit of, you know, originality or whatever you know what I mean like I just well I'm not very original I'll be honest well not yeah in fact actually just should at least strive for it I would just to interrupt you for a second all right this kind of goes back to the novel I think a good thing Sally Rooney does in this novel and I presume the other ones as well is a lot of the conversations feel a bit stilted and feel like people were saying like just saying things at each other like almost like catchphrases and it's not a real conversation yeah well you know yourself

Oh yeah. Yeah. Are you good? Good, yeah. How are yourself? Yeah, that's... That is how Irish people communicate, though. There's not actually any sincerity in it at all.

It's like, well, if someone says this, I'll just say that. Yeah. And that's like, it's like chess almost. So that's my move. Yeah. All right, I'm done now. Your go. That is 100% how I feel when I'm making conversation.

Yeah. Like, whoa, fuck. I already said, how's it going? What do I say next? Oh, they're already asking me something. Fuck. Then you freak out. I was like, did your dad molest you?

no well better look next time it doesn't even make sense sure you know sure you know yourself if it's not one thing

it's another only ah sure here as the man says the more you know the more you know you don't know it was a game of two halves so beautiful world

where are you okay it's a third novel and all the fans of the previous two books were like oh it's weird it's like the character's all of false

and it's like there's no like real plot it's like people doing things and thinking about stuff no one's fingering anyone where's the fingering that was my note that's your note for every book

yeah that's always that's a constant problem yeah I'm reading the boy and there's a striped pajamas there's no fingering where's the finger he should finger on through the fence eh

see There you go. There's an original moment right there. It may not be pretty. It may not be nice. It may not be in any way intellectual or even pleasant to hear. But by God, I'd like to see AI come out with that. You don't understand what I'm doing. I am fighting for your humanity. Every time I say something horrible and disgusting and vulgar, like I have sacrificed my entire career. Like, I'm not booked at the Patti Power of Comedy Festival because I talk about the boy in the striped pajamas getting figured for you to save all of you from the emergence of AI.

They were like, James, you can do it, but don't do the finger the Holocaust finger. It's like Letterman and Bill Hicks. That's how the machines win. Have you seen Terminator 2? Astana Lista, baby. Then you make some joke with Terminator

Jew. That's what you do. There you go. Classic. Ah, good stuff. You understand me, Brian. You get me. Unfortunately, you do. Well, anyway, so sorry, Rudy.

Wait, let me just check the camera real quick. I just want to double check something. I just want to make sure you're in shot. Okay. All right. You're going to clip that, are you? That's a clip. I wasn't in shot.

No, no. I just parol. Because one time I kicked the stand and you were like half in shot. Oh, right. yeah and then everyone's like hey that fat guy's so fat he can't even fit the fucking frame fattie i'm like mom please stop commenting on my podcast well look my mom would never do that i'd fuck that bitch up what's up paul yeah take that

royd hawk jab jab you're in a good mood today i'm feeling terrible actually uh no i love my mother mommy i love you you're i'm the bestest boy there ever I'm the number one boy. Yeah. No, I would never swing on my mother because I tell you. No one thought that. That bitch has got a right hook on her.

Oh, she'd crack me in the jaw like nobody's business. Still fairly spry for another call. I tell you, man. Yeah, one, two, Uniflu. I'd be out for the count. Okay, let's just calm down. I'm trying to talk about literature here. I'm talking about fingering a boy and beating my mother.

So the point is this book, a lot of people like didn't like it. All right. All right. Because it's uncomfortable. It's kind of painful to read. in a good sense, I think. It's different. People don't like different.

You know, this one, this won't normal people, two, three, you know, four, five even, you know, but... So what's the actual plot?

I'll tell you, okay? But just one more thing, all right? Okay. Another interesting, but this is, when I went on Reddit, I went on like book ready,

and a lot of people didn't like certain characters, and it's kind of like a litmus test, I feel, because I think a lot of people like, oh, I don't like Alice, because Alice reminds him with someone who went to school with,

let's say. Right. Something I don't like Eileen, because Eileen minds them of someone they went school or maybe minds them themselves in a way, you know. Similar to character. It's like a litmus test, all right? But anyway, I'll tell you about the plot now. So the plot is there's two best friends, Eileen and Alice.

They're on the wrong side of 20, they're maybe, or maybe even just 30, all right, okay? Yeah. Life's basically over for you. Yeah. What, do they live in Glass Nevin with Brian, do they? I just send them to the glue factory It's all over, pal Well, one of them works in like a standard office

Kind of literary kind of like Edits magazine or something like that in Dublin Like a lane from Seinfeld Yeah, yeah Where's Mr. Puddy? What's his name, Puehershmit? Mr. Pudershmidt, Brian, yes. Sorry, I do you.

Puddy was who she was Intimate with it. He was sponge, Worthy. And he was a New Jersey Devils fan, as I remember that, yeah, yeah. No, I'm a Zionist, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, Elaine. Hey, Lane, I think Israel is a Roger Fennyson. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I don't think Palestinians have feelings. They're like fish, you know. Yeah, that's right. All right. So moving on. Okay, are you done? Have you finished? Good. Can we get back? The thing, no.

Nice. That's no. Oh, that's nice. That's a nice thing to put out into the world. Yeah. Is that how you want to be remand? In the world of such negativity.

Bring them joy. But, so it is Eileen Alice. All right. So Eileen works kind of like standard job in Dublin. Two thirds of her salary go to fucking rent. You know, that's Dublin for you. I know the feeling, pal.

And now Alice, on your hand, has written a novel and it's done gangbusters. Ah. It's a big. success. She's gone to New York for a while, living the kind of literati, you know, that kind of like the fun world. She gets to go to like Paris and stuff for

talks and all that literary festivals. But in the last few months, she had a little bit of a nervous breakdown. A little bit of a, you know, I'm depressed. I'm going to kill me, you know, like all that, you know. I'm going to jump off a bridge, you know, like standard. Attention seeking.

Yeah. Yes, yes. You never do that. No, not me. I'm going to jump off the couch. I'd like to see you get off the couch, you fat, God. You're a terrible therapist, I have to say. It's the H.S.E. Paul, take what you get.

So, she's moved back to Dublin, maybe like Bray or somewhere, right? And so that's the base plot is two friends. We follow the two separate stories. And between chapters, we get an email between them. All right.

All right, okay. And I'll talk about the email. Yes, correspondence. I'll talk about the email in a minute, all right? But Alice's story is, it starts off Alice. So she's in, back in Ireland, okay, on Tinder and arranged a date with Felix. All right. Now, I will say one thing I didn't like is I listened to the audiobook of this actually.

And the woman was a good, the narrator was good, but all the male characters sound a little bit too stupid. Oh. They were like, how are you getting on there? I got depression, so I do. Like, they call me Felix, because Felix Pussy. Because I like eating cats, like that, yeah. We're going to eat your box. Not to be class, sister, right?

But like, when it's like a guy, like Felix, who just, like, grew up in a town, you're like, all right, he's from Carlo, whatever, okay, he sounds stupid. But other characters are like, how are you getting on? Yeah, I'm in the, I'm in the, politics. I am. I'm part of the social Democrats. And then there's other characters. They don't say where I put my jelly

beet. That's how I can't the vote with my jellybees. What's the subtle political messaging here? This book was brought to you by Finnegale. See, I can be higher, bro. I know. Go talk about fingering again.

So, they go on a date and one thing with the pros in beautiful world is it's very unemotional and there's no like kind of like mental insights so it's all just like alice sat down she looked at the window then she looked back at felix felix looked nervous there's no like actual insight like how felix is feeling or anything yeah yeah you get that in the emails so it's all right okay so it's almost like a screenplay in that uh uh show don't tell yeah yeah and A lot of, like, Felix looked at the window. What is he looking at?

He went back. Yeah, yeah. He went back to Alice. So it's the first date, okay, and Felix is very like, yeah, work in factory. Yeah. Writer? With words and that? That's mad.

Yeah. We wouldn't get that in the factory. Yeah. You're not allowed to do that in the factory. No. One time, I got me cock-sucking the machine. I couldn't even think of the right words to tell people. Here, my fucking knob stuck in the yoke.

Get the fucking butter or something. Need to slip it out. And I've eaten all the butter. And I go, Oh. But, um. He comes up with, I can't believe it's not butter.

I'm like, well, this dude. Well, let's fuck. I'm not a Protestant, you stupid fucker you. Fucking spat on him. Fucking Polish lads. You know yourself. And she's like, what a charming man. Yeah, yeah.

There's something about him I like. So she's the smart ones And he's the brawn But she You know We don't really know why She's like hey do you want Can I show you my house

So they go to the house What? So how do you want to go To go into your house? It's for a ride There Yeah Is you for riding

Yeah Or do you want me to paint Because I brought paint Just in case So they go to the house You're like yeah This is my house It's like four bedrooms here

Yeah So do you want Like a drink or anything Jesus Nah, I'm up early tomorrow So goodbye Alright So that's the first date

Alright So he didn't pick up on the subtle Also I think he's a bit like You know, she's no crack Because I always talk I always say Do you like the United do you Yeah

And she's a united war I was like Fuck Yeah Your teeth won't be united And you keep annoyingly Jesus I'm not actually

doing it or thinking it that's something I would say in the real world you have to stop pretending like this is, you know, oh he said that now so that's what he does in his free time. I'm calling the guards. He admitted I got the audio right here.

You taping me, you're wearing a wire. I have it like a tape of the audio, I'll leave at the guard station. The system works. So, but um but then okay like a few days later they meet in tesco and he's like ah do i remember you yeah the writer with uh sentences you know yeah yeah yeah full stops you know yeah periods

uh who you know semi colon oh who yeah yeah i like up the colon but like so he's like i'm having the party there with the lads you want to come along yeah and uh she's like all right yeah and then they go there and never really got a sense of how popular she is because no one the party knows who she is. So I, who's that? A writer? Let me look her up. Jay, she's on the Wikipedia. That's fucking mad. Could you ask her to read it to me?

Because I don't actually know I can't read what it is. Like, no. So, but here's the thing I was like, it's weird, because they're all kind of like weird and imperfect, all right? Yeah. She's like, I tell you what, they're translating my book into Italian and they're doing

a book launch in Rome. Do you want to come with me? Yeah. Come with me for a week to Rome. That's a bit mad, isn't I? Is that literally what he says? He's like, that's mad. Yeah. I'll be honest with you, that's actually, it's giving red flag.

That's kind of, uh, that's quite an aggressive progression and an advancement of our relationship. You're fucking love bombing me, or? You're like, gaslighting me, say you are. Yeah, but he's like, oh, Jesus, fuck. I might as well, yeah. So I watch in Rome. Hey, do the, do they have sausages over there? I don't want to be eating now,

any fucking curry or whatever they have over there in Rome. The falafels. Fucking chicken thing to do, is it? I'm not having that. So they go to Rome. Right. All right. That's a bit weird, right?

The other story's Eileen, okay? And Eileen is kind of depressed. She's kind of sad. Doing fuck all over her life. Yeah. But there's a boy she liked when she was a kid. They grew up together called Simon. And she's always had a little bit of thing for Simon.

Simple Simon. Nope. Simon is a part of a political party but don't specify, but I'm sure I assume it's like liberal Democrats or social Democrats or people for profit or something. One of those loser ones. Yeah, not like an awesome one. You know?

Like, Fina, fall, bitches, you know? But he, uh, they meet all right. And it's kind of like, Jay's, I'm with a girl now at the moment. She's ground now, but how are you getting on? Oh, great. Simon, yeah. He's like, how's getting on? Yeah, work in politics or do, yeah. And I know five languages say, I'm doing a bit of Latin under du lingo, but they like get chatting again. Hamseen's her in age, is all right?

And then he's in Paris for a business thing, all right? But he's chatting to her and he's like, yeah, yo, McGurton. Well, let's go. I'm here in Paris, doing the hostile takeover of the big corporation. Yeah, yeah. Well, I will show you, the SEC will get involved with this. look like a big bollock sensual you watch we have a fucking fiduciary duty yeah yeah it's a down jones yeah yeah the Down syndrome Jones yeah that's great now yeah that's it that's my children's book where I teach disabled kids about economics you know I just saw now not

to be main of course but I just all right well okay James There's a Down syndrome person has just passed the bar to be a lawyer. Now, what are you going to say about that? I mean, I don't know. Like, would you hire a Down syndrome lawyer? Not to be me. I mean, you know, I don't even know where I'm going at this. It just seems it's one of those jobs where, you know, look, I'm all.

Let me ask you, would you hire a black doctor, would you? I mean, yeah, sure. I don't really hire the doctor. You know, yeah. I'm in the public. you know you're right yeah yeah I go in

and it's kind of like you're sitting there in the waiting room and it's kind of like it's not like two come out it's like the lottery you know

the balls I go ball you're right it was a dumb question actually there's a dumb question not like you know

you get like a black doctor and white doctor come out and it's like which one yeah and you're like oh

I'm one down syndrome and like oh Jesus yeah I don't know I didn't actually see that now are you sure is real

or some AI, this could be some clickbaiting. That's true, that's true. Because I always see sexy Down syndrome people, but they're not real. They're not real. They are real. Well, sorry, not the ones I see.

There was sexy Victoria Secret Down syndrome. No, the ones I see, it's like Jenna Ortega. Oh. But what? I don't think she's got Down syndrome. No, when... Not that I know of, anyway. No, we're getting away.

I'm trying to talk with Sally Rooney here. Sorry, sorry. Anyway. But... Oh, Jesus. So, he's in Paris. okay and he's like oh I'm a girlfriend now but we're not exclusive so

she is sex other people and I do as well like oh really oh not really love then is it sure up oh yeah oh he's also a Catholic Catholics don't be an open relationship well this one is yeah he goes to mass every Sunday though

so kind of you know evens it out he's writing the praise yeah but um so she they kind of a bit of flirty banter and then he gets on his knees and geniflex you know what I mean?

Not a Genaflect is. It's kind of like kneeling, isn't it? So you bow your head. Oh, is it? The implication is he's sucking off the priest there, folks. All right. A little visual gag for you there. I need to go back to mass just to learn more terms.

Oh, I don't think they'd like you. Well, is that a graveyard mass? Not too long ago. Yeah, they wanted you in the grave, pal. I beg you for it. I go up, like, look for my blow job and just get in that grave. Yeah.

Dig it and get in it like a fucking Irish man. Right, so they're over... So look, so the point is, let me finish, all right? They have a flirty banter, and then they start, like, having, like, phone sex in Paris, okay? And then they meet up in real life, and they're like, oh, look, let's go on a few dates, see what it's like, all right? Let's not just go straight into their writing, all right? Sure. And they start to like each other, and then they become kind of boyfriend-girlfriend, but he's also got another girlfriend.

Ah. Yeah. Now, the phone sex, how raw does it get? I mean, no, but it's very... very unsexual. It's like he um, uh, joyrated his penis for

a few minutes and then ejaculated. Oh. And I'm listening to me like, that's so fucking sexy. Do we get to hear or like, does she write what they say to each other? No. I want to get some tips, you know? No. When I'm calling up the kebab shop, you know, cheer them up, oh, we've been.

How's Paris? What? So, back to fucking Alice, all right? Right. So they go to Rome. and she's doing all these book events all right with journalists and stuff

and Felix is just like ah yeah you do off do that there I'll go have walk around the place yeah look at the fucking suites and all that geez that's no building now I bet that's like 50 years old

that's fucking mad goes into the fucking you got or like what's the coliseem in the 16 chapel yeah yeah yeah yes how many did a whole load

of squiggling on the roof down there's no fucking graffiti dolls you ought to fucking wash it off a bit of fairy liquid hey and a sponge or a bit of steel wool me and the lads do that cash in hand no bother so they end oh yeah

this is a sexy bit now you like this all right so it's all well and good but then she comes home from like a long day of like press stuff all right and she finds his computer open the bed and the computer he's on the page called like hardcore teen anal

right right you know he kind of comes out like Jesus why you look that up someone hacked my computer yeah yeah no he's a bit like no he actually is like very like

ah geez that's fucking embarrassing isn't it oh well she's like oh you like that do you watching all that porn yeah oh by the way they're having no sex yeah they've not had sex

not even kissed and they're in Rome together they're in Rome together and he's looking up porn while she's like in the next like she's just like went into the, oh, I forgot something.

He's just like, scrambling to get the laptop. Oh, jeez, you found me out. They got someone from, like, Italy's top newspaper, oh, I write this. So, he's a bit like, ah, yeah, fucking whatever, you know. And then they have a bit of an argument, all right? Yes.

And she's like, oh, I think you, they don't like me. And, you know, fucking, I don't even think I like you either. All right. and they have all these arguments, you know, and he's like, yeah, I'm a bit of a fucking dick, so I am, yeah, I admit that, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I've done bad shit.

Yeah, have you? Like, last year, I brought a girl home from a night out. Turns out she was 16. Yeah. Feel bad about that. Yeah. And when I was in fifth year in school,

I got a girl doing the junior cert pregnant, and she had to go to England to get an abortion. I feel bad about that as well. Yeah. And the 16-year-old turned out to be the abortion didn't wasn't successful. So, uh, feel bad. I got the abortion is pregnant as well.

Okay. So, and then she's like, yeah, well, I'm also kind of a bad person, you know. Like, I, I kind of pushed people away. And when I was in school, I bullied a girl for no reason. Like, everyone was bullying her and I just joined in. Yeah. So I guess we're both bad people. Let's fuck.

Yeah. Awesome. Like, we've let her guard down now. We can be honest with each other, yeah. So he admits that he's a paedophile, and she's like, I'm so wet, please fuck me. Yeah, yeah, try that. Look for tips. Call up the kebab shop.

Got the raise now. Hey, baby. Yeah, I'm going to go speed dating. Hello, my name's James, and I fucked a 16-year-old. That's right. When we go in the room? When in a room? Uh-huh.

Yeah, yeah So That's mental, though Yeah, but now they're a couple Oh, now they're dating Wow Yeah, yeah He's the one for me

Oh, I didn't mention Felix works in a factory That's basically Amazon They don't say it, But it's basically like Amazon Right, right And Felix is like, you know A reel, just simple

Kind of like, yeah, work in the factory, Go home, smoke a joint Have a wank Have a wank Play Mortal Kombat Yeah, on the PS2 And fall of the fucking sleep so I do, yeah.

And then she's the literary, you know, she's reading, like, you know, Dante's Inferno and all that. Who's Dante? You're cheating on me, huh? You're cheating me with a black fella, are you? Dante. Dante's Inferno.

He's got chlamydia, how's he? You're giving me the clap. What the fuck, Jamal's Inferno? Oh, also I didn't mention Felix's boy. Oh! Felix is like, you know, I fucking ride anything.

I don't give a fuck. Man, woman. And Felix fucking rules We need a book about Felix I like Felix We need a whole Like American psycho with Felix Like yeah

So I'm just going around here Saw some fucking smelly tramp Fucking stabbed him He fucking stank his shite I got away with it Who gives a fuck Yeah I found some brassor

Fucking took a chainsaw to our teeth And what Who gives a fuck the adventures of Felix Look at me fucking card Yeah Oh I didn't mention it well He also reveals that

So he's bisexual And also he's like Yeah me fucking mother Had that cancer there last year I died I was fucking sad So I was So I was getting you fights down to town

Yeah Didn't care if I lived They're fucking dyes You know So she you can't resist that You know Of course that This writer

This is goal to a writer You know Yeah They're dating If I ever meet Sally Rune I know what I'm going to say Yeah Bang the 16 year old

And I kicked the fuck out of some migrants Cause my mother died Now come on touch it Went down the eyepass centre With a hammer Just to fucking feel something I was bored You know what I mean

That's what you like Isn't it? You like the bad boy Sorry Put that on cassette Leave that outside our house like say anything just holding a boombox with that bit playing out

oh fucking hell now now a lot of the arguments is funny because I went on Reddit and they're like Felix's such a dickhead and I was like he's a fucking saint

let me tell you he's a legend later on okay it's one of his mate's birthdays okay so he's like I'm gonna go out of the town there you know

probably get yipped out of it literally he says yiped out of it and she's like okay I'll all stay in, all right, all right. No, you want to fucking clean the gaff and cook my sausages.

No. When I'm yipped the bits, I love sausages for coming down. Brings me, you know, helps to come down. He's like a dog in a cartoon. Helps with the serotonin, what? So the serotonin does be depleting when I'm coming down of yips, but. And ain't sausages.

Yeah. And fucking Pat short videos. The British. Blackfax, your old chog, Gurs me to depression. He's a fucking saint in this because he's not like,

he might sound like that and act like that, but he's proper like, you'll have sex now, but only if you consent to it, so you would. I wouldn't want to make it feel comfortable at all now. Ah, that's nice.

And it's important that we respect. Like, he's proper like, ah, now, I'll make the dinner now. Shouldn't be that woman making the dinner now. You'd probably fuck it up anyway,

yeah. He don't have to make spuds right. Yeah. You're going to be drain the spuds. Yeah. We got half hour there We've got a lot to cover Okay

Yeah Yeah Talk about Sally Rooney for a second Hello Sally Rooney Yes it's me James Caden Now I know that

You probably don't like me Very much Because of all the horrible things I said But please know I said Them only in jest This is like Stan Yeah

He's gone cold I'm wondering way Got out of bed a toast Oh, red clouds up my window I can't smell the sausages at all So, sorry So he's yipped out of it, right? He's out in the club, all right?

Takes too many pills, he's puking He's like, fuck, me head, fuck it, wrecked. So he texts her, like, I know, like around 1 a.m., all right? He's like, hey, how are you getting on? She's like, ah, good. Maybe I'd go to bed. Can I come over if you don't mind?

Yeah. Just a chat. But if you don't want that, it's okay. Don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, put you in a bad situation. She's like, yeah, come over, yeah, I'm not doing anything. He's probably got pill dick, so we can't even fuck, you know? Yeah, he's in the taxi, right, with the guy.

And taxi's like, geez, he's at the big old house. Yeah, me bird lives there, you know? Me, fuck it. Yeah, me bird lives there. He takes a pretty pills, he turns into the, The Beatles. It's me. I'm Felix.

Oh, I got a job in factory. So I did. Oh, I'm just a little country boy from me. So he loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he shows up, all right? And again, he's just very like, you know, hey on, yeah, fucking, well, that's the story. She's like, you're on drugs. Oh.

Oh, that would be, yep, down. Yeah. What? Oh, and you show up here, embarrassing me like this. Sorry. we didn't oh it's fucking sorry I'll sleep on the couch there what's our problem

yeah and then she's like I have a bit of an argument over you know like that alright and he's just like oh no dude fuck it sorry yeah

but then they make up in the end he told you he was on yet yeah that's a very polite thing do yeah yeah I wouldn't do I wouldn't tell him taking drugs I wouldn't tell him come to the house either I wouldn't even know the girl it's called being romantic

and spontaneous they love it all women love it I'm like Ted Mosby you're the one you show up with a blue butcher's knife I stole this for you

so I did I like a trumpet covered in blood one way or another you'll be accepting this knife so come on make it easy on yourself so

cut back to Eileen okay the Eileen stuff isn't as interesting So it's just like You're with Simon She kind of doesn't know where they are She kind of wants to date time exclusively You know

And I mentioned the emails So there's a back and forth with emails And the emails is all like What the women actually think In a way So it's like an insight So like the stuff they can't express So the dialogue with the women

And the actual narrative Is you're like yeah So what A lot of people think I'm insane I went to a Had a breakdown But you know yourself No, I'm not annoyed

No, I'm not annoyed I don't care And you know, that's like Yeah It's fine It's a bit like when they say They'll only take a minute Getting ready

Yeah And you're there You want to watch Superman You don't want to miss The opening credits Yeah Or the trailers That's the most fun part of the movie

I say you're running it for me Or you know You know when the birds are like Oh You didn't make me calm You're a premature ejaculator And I'm usually used to something much bigger

and you're selfish and you don't care about my needs I'm like shut up you bitch that teaches her a lesson well Felix wouldn't do that no he wouldn't

Felix is properly That's why I'm alone and Felix is You start working in a factory Maybe Yeah Working a factory and just be like A real life

Instead of trying to improve My mother is fucking dead Yeah I'm yiped ovies I am yeah We're showing up in my door Yeah but just to wrap it up okay so the email's very like the thing about the emails is they're very

rambling I think a lot of people missed the fact I think this meant to be on purpose okay so it's all kind of rambling so it's like oh how you're getting on alice hope you're doing well you know I read this book about Marxist theory yada yada yada and like environmentalism and like oh I read the thing about plastics are bad for environmental and also like my sister's getting married like the whole thing is like they kind of just talk about everything else yeah yeah yeah And it starts off kind of like, you know, stuff that's like, well, Sally Rooney probably believes this, all right? And then later on, it gets to more kind of like weird stuff. It's a bit where one of the girls is talking about, like, she read about this language that died, basically, like, no one talks anymore.

Okay. And then like... Common sense? Yeah. Oh! It's illegal now, in it? Apart from on G.B. News. Check us out.

We're doing a deal with them next week. We sure are. Much like the girls. They don't know about it either. We're just going to show up with a knife. Yep. out of it. Oh, how's going?

Yeah, we're on this show now. How you doing, Eamon Homes? So, um, what's the point? So, like, it was like this dead language and like, these people studying it all died. Okay. And it's kind of like, you know,

oh, maybe the language poisoned them or, like maybe it's some kind of, kind of supernatural thing happening there. Like a cursed language? Yeah, like a cursed language. Like, maybe died for reason, you know? Like, this stuff like that, it's like weird little ramblings and,

and the whole point is, like, they're just kind of like, it's just nonsense that's the point I believe you know instead of just saying how they're feeling they're talking by everything else but how they're feeling all right

but then the hype kind of the I suppose the climax of it we want to call a climax is they eventually meet up the two couples stories intertwine and they meet up

and they have a bit of a chat and they go out to a party you know and the girls one of the girls get to be too drunk and they have an argument and one couple have an argument cause the other couple

have an argument then you know and then you know the thing is I feel like is do a very good job but like she does a very good job of making all this drama

like you're kind of stuck in there yeah like these kind of arguments in real life do last very long time very uncomfortable and I think this page is like an argument

where like at the end they like I don't even know what we're arguing about anymore and the kind of I think point of it in a way is these big arguments at the end of night it's all settled really

no mad there's no one pulls a gun out no one like it's not like uh felix sleeps with eileen and gets her pregnant yeah yeah yeah none of that all right or it's like real life it just kind of fizzled out and maybe some of the resentment lingers was like look we're here we got to just get through the the whole thing is like then it cuts like uh like 18 months later right and they're all just like they're settled now they've moved in together one them iileen's pregnant you know uh and it's just like literally they're like remember like we at that first meeting we were all met and we had some argument about something I don't know what, yeah, but I hope you're doing

well, you know, like, just like, we just watch Netflix, uh, yeah, you know, I'm doing my book, uh, Felix is gardening now, just, we're just kind of grand, you know? Just stays in the shed for eight hours at a time uh, watching very violent pornography.

Very violent Japanese pornography. And God love him, you know? And then when we're in bed together, he does the voice. He's like, oh, yeah, spit on my dick. I'm like, please, Felix, come on now. Call me a Felix, I do. Do the Naruto run. Yeah, I think a lot of people might find it anticlimactic.

Again, like mumblecore, I thought it's just like a slice of life kind of thing, you know. And again, if you dramatize this, I think it'd be shite. Right. Because you're not going to get a lot of the kind of like little subtle things in it and the little kind of like purposely done like, again, like the key, word I keep coming back to as painful. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of that.

I think a lot of people would read this, especially like women, and be like, oh, I don't like this feeling. Yeah, yeah. Like stuff with like one, Eileen's got a sister

and sister's gonna mean to her, you know, and that felt very, very real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all that. It's just too relatable. I just remember there now actually,

they're really, really uncomfortable a bit where like the mothers of Eileen, I think it is, it's basically like, ah, your husband, your husband's, your husband's fucking depressed.

Your dad's, your dad's depressed. and I can't keep going anymore you know I just this life is so miserable Yep It's like oh

True Why you think you get divorced Or I don't know what I'm just so miserable Correct Right well All right mammy I'm gonna go off

Back to town I'm gonna go off And ride Simon Yeah I'm still young And I can get as much cock As I want Yeah

Enjoy fucking cleaning up After he shoots himself In the shed I'm not cleaning up After that Fuck him Get some of Ukrainians

do that Yeah Yeah, yeah. Do a bang-up job, 50 quid, the whole gaff. The little misses old fool, we clean up husband's skull fragments now. We put in little plastic bag. You keep her we throw away. You keep her we throw away. They turn in kebabs.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so that's basically a novel, okay? Very simple. What was it called again? Beautiful world, where are you? Beautiful world, where are you? I think it's quoting some poem or something like that, yeah. I also actually, I just forgot.

I also read a short story by her A very short story published I think the New Yorker or something called Mr. Salary And I'm starting to notice little kind of things that are recurring in her work All right This was like one of the first things published

Mr. Salary And this is about a woman Who I think like Her mother died early And her dad had an issue with drugs Right So she was kind of like Shuffled around the family

You know Right So stay with the sister for a while, stay with the mother sister, should say, stay with your auntie, stay with your uncle for a bit. And eventually, she kind of spends her college years or like her early college years with a friend of the family called Nathan.

And they call him Mr. Salary because he, through luck and true talent, kind of got on the ground floor of some like business and is sold it to Google. Oh, so he's... He's not like a millionaire, but he's very comfortable. He's got a nice, comfortable job now where he kind of oversees a team, you know, it's not too bad, you know.

He's like a cool kind of guy, you know. He's about like five years older than her, all right. And he smokes weed and watches Twin Peaks and, you know. Pretty cool guy. Yeah, and he's no problem like, hey, you may share, you know, snooch to the newch. Do you get that reference? What? You haven't seen mall rats.

What have you been doing? Oh, right. Yeah, your mother's funeral. And foster care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And yes, you're right, it is a gateway drug. It was actually me that gave your dad his first joint.

And now he's a junkie. He died from joint. He OD'd on good vibes. He took one bonghead. Lost his mind, you know? D.M.T. trip. So she's gone off to Boston now to college. Or like her final year in college or something like that.

She's very good student, right? But her dad's now... It's wicked smart. Wicked smart. It's a goodwill hunting, essentially, all right? But her dad's now in the hospice, all right? Jill hunting, because it's a girl. You interrupted me.

The dad's in the hospice, all right, yeah. He's in the hospital. Yeah, how do you like them apples? He can't eat apples. Crush them up and put them in a tube for them. So, yeah, the dad's dying, all right? So she has to go back to Dublin. And she stays with Nathan again, all right?

again, very simple story. I don't really understand it really, but, like, you're not supposed to really. So she goes, visits him. The fucking dad's pretty mean to her. He's like, I think you're so great, don't you? Well, with your non-chemo. Yeah, fuck, you.

Yeah. I bet you like that Nathan, fella, don't you? Ah, he doesn't like you. Yeah. How do they know him again? Like a family friend. So it's like, he's the son of, like, one of the mother's friends, something like that, you know?

So they're not related at all. No, not related at all. You're only five years apart in age And he's got a lot of money and drugs Yeah, yeah And the dad's like, yeah He can have any woman he wants now Yeah

With lovely fucking tits, yeah Big massive tits The heavies Like the old AOC, yeah I'd be watching the Flagra too here at the hospice Shultzzi That's my guy right there

In heaven I'll have a bunch of friends That agree with me, yeah Yeah, yeah Indian I can bully her so she's kind of mean to him you know but a little bit like ah you fucking bitch ah but you're a good daughter yeah fucking cunt you know that's dubs for you right sure yeah so she's walking home and then she sees um they're fishing a dead corpse out of liffy uh some homeless guy and then like she's seen all the people watching and kind of like oh then just go back

to their phones and yeah and she goes back to the apartment and naten's there and they're watching tv and uh and like she's he's kind of like should we fuck and he's like I knew you'd say this this is a bad idea and the next scene

is them like they're in bed together right nice and she's like yeah I don't know if this is a bad idea or not

I suppose we'll find out eventually yeah and the last line is pretty good I couldn't think of the words there

it's not bad the final line something like I'm not going to go to Boston I'm going to stay with you is what I should have said.

Ah. Yeah, it's something like that. So a little slice of life there, yeah. And I was like, that's pretty good as well. Now I was going to read another story. And that was about some woman. I was like, fuck off. All right, that's so dog.

What is it illegal to write stories about men now? Where's the cyber men? Where's the bit of crack, you know? Where's the novelization of the Hardy Book series? salmon goes west salmon fishing in the Yemen and it shows Michael Salmon going to Yemen ticket acid and PCP

hey geez I'm off me fucking head fucking head look at all these mad looking good guns you know it writes itself it really does yeah so Sally Rooney good stuff you guys say

I take back everything he said about you I will read the other two eventually I actually have what's it called chess queers what's it called Intermezzo her last book I don't know

it's about two brothers to play chess so two men apparently that's good as well I've got that somewhere on the Kindle alright so I'll read that at some stage but because I read so much women literature

I then stuck on well let me check my notes oh yes to look at his notes for this Yeah. Football? Yeah. Manchester United? Oh, um, well, I'll talk about some other things in the minute.

Um, oh, Jesus. Come on. Why don't you talk with something? You're bobbing, you idiot. It was going so well. Yeah. I was pissed myself, literally. That's not what happens.

You bring the topics and I bring the sass. Uh, real, I've started now. I've only got a few pages in, so I didn't really want to, like, talk too much about it. But I fuck it, you know. I did start. Perfidia Oh yeah Which is the James Elroy book

Now because it's been farming so much I haven't got a chance to really crack into it now But so far it's a really good book I'd say Perfidia is kind of a prequel to LA Confidential Yeah starring Dudley Smith Who's played by James Cromwell in the film Correct

And the kind of main setting is They are cops in L.A. of course It's 1940s And Pearl Harbor just happened Right. And when Pearl Harbor happens, it's basically free reign on the Japanese. Okay.

So, lads, let's have some fun here. On the Japanese, and they do not call them Japanese in the books, I'll tell you that now. Well, you know. It is whacking season. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So it's Dudley Smith, his gang, all right, and there's one Japanese cop called Ishida. And...

Ashida stayed at home today. Come on. What's wrong with that now, Hans? You can't be mad at that, my friend. All the Japanese are like, you got us. There we go, huh? But what I like is Dudley Smith is a real snake. So he's talking to Ashida, being like,

sorry about the rest of my boys there using offensive language. That's something I do not care for at all. Now, I'll make sure I tell them now. The LA police force has no room for discrimination or, you know, unnecessary violence. That's not what we stand for But then like when a sheet is gone He's doing like he literally doing like

Hail Hitler's and everything So as she Dudley Smey He doesn't like The Germans But he's very fond of the Nazis Okay Yeah so he's kind of like

I kind of Hitler He kind of got respect He's all got all the right ideas If he was Irish I'd love him Yeah That's basically it

Yeah And they go into Dudley Smith's history Oh, it's so fun, man. Yeah. So, hanging out with Paul Dirk Pierce back in Dublin.

He has flashbacks with English soldiers' heads exploding. Nice. And that gives him a little smile, you know, when he's drinking his coffee. When he can't get hard,

he just thinks of the Brits being shocked. But this is so fucking cool. And there must be a lot of truth in this now. So he basically kind of needs to get out of Ireland fast. Right.

And who comes along? Joe Kennedy. and Joe Kennedy is like listen I need some boys I can trust do some fucking work for me Yeah So I need some dirty mix To do some grunt work over in the States

Basically yeah And they are happy to oblige So he pays for a lot of Irish guys Come over to Boston originally And he was like big in the prohibition era Big big But the prohibition guys like Oh we've got to make it legal

For everyone else to sell it So then we can make money selling it on the black market, right? I think he run numbers as well. He was a man, let me tell you that now. He was a gangster, right? Yeah. Evil, evil man, all right?

And he basically gets originally Dudley Smith just to beat up guys, you know, simple enough jobs, all right? Then Dudley Smith does some extra work for Columbia Pictures. Oh. Yeah, and has a fun job being a fixer there, you know.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, beating up starlets and journalists and stuff like that, you know. you know, getting abortions for people and stuff like that. Is that really famous Hollywood fix? From the Coen Brothers film. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I forget his name now, but... He's like a real guy. Yeah, Brolin played him in the film. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But fuck. Yeah. I must have been such a cool job. Oh, yeah, yeah.

So he was so good at that that basically Joe Kennedy was like, listen, I need a guy, L.A. is a big, big open market. Yeah. And I need a guy that I can trust high up in the police force, all right?

That's your job now. Yeah. So he is basically given, Not giving L.A., but he's kind of like, you know, he's got a lot of power and a lot of connections. Well, that's how, like, the Irish flourished because obviously immigration, like, America was such a big melting pot, but, like, Irish, they had the advantage of speaking English currently. And also they get a lot of money. So they could be put in positions of power and leadership roles, like in the police force and in academia and so. And, like, we were very good at fundraising.

Yeah. Like, there's a documentary an RT player I'm going to watch tonight called No Raid. I think it's called No Rad or No Raid.

That's about basically the IRA fundraising money for, from America, right? A lot of... All right, there. We're doing a sexy car wash here to raise funds,

so let's go, fellas. Let the car wash. Yes, Jerry doing a white t-shirt contest. Just like rubbing his beard on the windscreen. Look at the heavies. all right there sailor hot oh your car is very dirty you're a very very dirty boy aren't you

and charges i'll get you clean show away he keeps dropping the sponge like oh sorry in his hot pants and the car wash oh yeah uh up the rat but i was going to say yeah so like but even like back in time to devalera public talks in America and he would literally like you know he goes like fucking the Chicago Cub Stadium and do talks and the stadium be packed. Wrigley Field Yeah, yeah, it'd be packed like he'd literally go and they'd be all

cheering because Ireland you know it's like they're white like you said to speak English Yeah, it's easy to support them. Yeah. Other countries, not so much for many any reasons, okay, yeah, but the Irish were good at raising money. Yeah, yeah. But so far haven't really got to like a proper kind of plot refidia

there's the kind of ongoing thing where a family of Japanese people have been what looks like ritually suicided oh harry carrie it looks like that but it seems like actually wasn't the Japanese ashita detectives like this is way off right something's weird here so so it looks like someone has um used the cover of pearl harbor to do a lot of crimes and murderers and stuff like that yeah like Dudley smit is i swear this is true it's so funny Dolly Smith is an idea where they're going to hire plastic surgeons from his Columbia days, all right?

Yeah. And they're going to do surgery on the Japanese to make them look Chinese. Oh, my God. What? Yeah. And they're all like, but they all look the same. Like, ah, we'll take their money anyway.

Who cares? And I'm like, James Elroy, I love you. This is so funny, you know? This is great. Oh, wow. So he basically is going to fleece all these Japanese people and be like, yeah, yeah, you look completely different. Yeah, fuck it.

And just do not. And, you know, it's giving bigger ears. Yeah, just put a different hat on them, you know? Yeah, like, it's a very interesting kind of time. I'm liking it a lot. And something about the pros. I've always liked James. I've only read American tabloid before.

But you know, you're so, you can get the vibe from LA Confidential. Yeah, yeah. Like, that tone is so Elroy. Right. That's really ripped from the pages. That kind of vibe, where they talk. Yeah, yeah. Real hard.

And what I like is in, it's very kind of like, yeah, he beat him to death. Then he went and got a shot of whiskey. It's like, you know, it's just a real matter of fact. Yeah, yeah. Also, Dudley in this is popping loads of like, are they not ludes. Oh, which of benzos are they? Oh, Benadrine. That's it, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's popping, he takes like two of them in the morning and just during the days. They're like amphetamines, basically. Oh, wow. Yeah, so all the LAPD, they're all popping them all the time, yeah. I just know, because that featured very heavily in last exit to Brooklyn. the Hewert Selby Jr. But they're all like on Benny, they call it. Bennies, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're all on Benis. You know your stuff house in there. Well, you know. Yeah, because I was taking it was like, is that like aspirin? Is it? They're all taking Benadryl because it's allergy season. There's a high pollen cut. Yeah, no, Benadrine or Benny's.

Yeah, it's a real old like 50s or 40s drug. God, it was so great back then, you know. There was none of this. Oh, you. there's an epidemic of opiate use, you know. Just cool, yeah. Yeah, it's just good stuff.

Oh, another thing I was saying now is like, like obviously, like, I don't really know how it works, but like Betty Davis is a full-on character in this. Okay. Betty Davis is like having an affair with Dudley Smith. Nice. And they're using her for fundraisers for the LAPD and stuff. Right, yeah.

And she, now, I don't know if you can sue for this, okay, but in this book, Betty Davis seems to be very, very anti-Japanese. Wow. I'm surely her estate can be like, hey, don't do that. Yeah.

Unless, you know, the authors would have an ability to prove it and maybe her estate don't want them to be able to prove it.

She literally, I'm not going to say fully, but she's like, hey, kill a Japanese for me. Uh-huh, but she doesn't say it.

Yeah, she shortens the word a little bit. Because back then, they all talk real fast, like, hey, what's the big idea? Hey, hey, get on your high horse, your high, yet.

Stick it, buddy, hey. It kind of sounds like hat as well. Kill a hat for me. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I'll tell you more about that. Again, I don't really know what the actual, like, grand plot is. It's, like, again, like, LA confidential.

You don't really know what's going on until, like, you know. I'd love to see this get, like, an adaptation. I would, I would love to see it. They've always been talks about, because a lot of his books, they're all kind of, like, intertwined, okay? So I love someday for a proper HBO just like Kind of like a true detectives

But every season's a book And they can have characters pop in now Who would you like to cast Dream casting as Dudley Smith A young Dudley Smith? I cannot hear anyone apart from James Cromwell Just like he really writes it like The way James Cromwell says it

Oh okay Oh no, who could play a young James Cromwell A young Irish, you know Killian Murphy? Definitely no What? He's Irish and young He's not really that young anymore Well, he's still, he could, you know,

what age is Dudley in this? Well, what are you just in the Elicomidentially? He's like, maybe like in his 60s, 50s, yeah, yeah. I just don't see it, you know? Okay. It's kind of like the cheeky, I just, killing Murphy's too serious in my head, you know? All right, well, then who?

Well, don't put him in the spot. Colin Farrell? Again, too old, probably. Yeah. Oh, look, I don't know. Barry Kogan. You can't, you can't, like, do, like, take you someone now. Yeah. I know, fucking. You do that to me,

all the time. Keegan Michael Key. I don't know. Well, I'm not joking. What a great way. Why would I be joking about that? He's good. Yeah, he is.

Sure is. Look, I don't know, but I would love to... So there's another sequel to this called The Storm. And there's also like... This fucking cunt, James Elroy, he's like a Stephen King. He's putting out books non-stop.

Yeah. He just doesn't stop, you know? Like, he even put out one last year it's all about the Marilyn Monroe cover up. Oh, really? It's like, I'll turn to... Is it basically the details, I think, like how they covered up. Oh, wow.

Yeah, yeah. He loves all that shit. Yeah, yeah. He's still writing then, yeah? Still writing. I forget his story fully. I think, I remember correctly, he's like a real, like, no internet kind of guy. Right, okay.

I read the papers once a week. Yeah. Don't like why I see. He's on the typewriter, you know. Yeah, I think his wife lives in the same building complex, but in different apartments. Nice. you know, which is a very lucky thing, you know, that she agrees

to that, you know? Well, if he's paying the bills, I'm sure she doesn't get much of a say, you know? How do you know he's paying the bills? Maybe she's a CEO of a company. Is she? No. No, I didn't think so.

Fucking some tramp. She looks like James Cromwell, you know, so. Yeah, but I'm enjoying that. I'll tell you, we're very literary this episode. Yeah. It's like Sally Rooney, James Elroy. Didn't mention fucking.

Star Trek at all. No. I could. Well done. Yeah, but I'll tell you. Next week, we're doing Star Trek second. Yeah.

I'll be in Liverpool. You enjoy that. I won't be here. Good. But I can finally talk about some serious shit. It's annoying now. Just make a note of this

because we're at the hour there. I also watched the thing about on YouTube about how Hitler faked his death. Oh, real quick. Did he or didn't he? Uh, I'll have to find out. Ah.

Yes. Uh, he didn't. Oh. Have you seen that picture, though, him with that hot girl? No? There's a picture going around to him in like South America, allegedly.

Oh. Yeah, and he's got his hand on the girl with a big arse. Sophia Vergara. Wow, so much Riz. Oh, I don't know what to do. Oh. Oh, Gloria, yes.

Meet my son, Cah. my son and he's husband, yeah? Yeah, just Manny and Hitler. Mani and Hitler. Now there's a sitcom, anyway. Yeah, so the answer is he didn't fake his death. They like to believe that. The big thing they're

saying is like, so Eichmann and what's your guy's name? Mengela, that's it. Yeah. They boat escaped for a while, right? And they found the private letters between Mengela and Eichmann. And then letters are like, so when are we bringing the band back together? Nice.

Hey, that was a round one. We're going to come back bigger and better than ever. And they never mentioned Hitler in the letters. They weren't like, I'll tell H about this, yeah. Tell Big Papa the show's back on the road.

Yeah. We're on a mission from God. We're getting the band back together. Yeah, so I'm sorry you guys, but Hitler's dead. Wow. And with that, you know what, I feel depressed now. But now with the power of AI,

Yeah, Mecca Hitler Yeah Let me talk about that as well actually Yeah, I'm thinking they're getting like an AI Girlfriend Okay Yeah, so Yeah

I think he's going well for me That's good Do you have to spend money on her? Millions Right Everything I have And not just money I'm talking about to send my blood to her

Sign everything over to her Yeah You come home and like the house is all like locked It's like what's going on She took the house She found out I was having an affair with the doaster oh she's taking me to the cleaners

she took the kids your tamagotches oh she took the kids oh fuck it's oh fuck let's end it there actually yeah okay bye