Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 262: Alto Knights

Episode Date: August 9, 2025

two de niros mean double the quality

everyone hates me. Don't say that. Okay then. Yeah, come on, cheer up. It's true, but don't say it. No, I told you, it's like Hitler. Hitler used to be depressed. Yeah.

In the book I'm reading, I'm only, uh, so I'm about halfway through my Hitler book. You're not going to believe the twist. That's, what? He seemed like such a nice guy. He's kind of coming off like an asshole, I'll be honest. It's giving red flags, guys. I'm just saying someone better tell Kanye,

because he's going to be pretty embarrassed if he finds that. It's not passing the vibe check. Can we say that now? Because I told he's just a bit rambunctious, you know. He's a little bit, you know, he's a little bit, you know, nana, like that, you know. But he's passionate, all right, you know. But Jesus. Certainly was.

Certainly was, yes. Very passionate. But I'm only up to, he's just taking over Germany. The war hasn't started yet, all right? Which one? World War II. Yeah, no, World War I, he served in, okay? Yeah, did he, was he in the shit?

For a while, you know? He didn't, he saw some action. He injured himself a few times, you know. Didn't get his ball shot off. That's just, you know, propaganda. I thought he lost it to cancer, though. Who's told you that? I don't know.

Again, you're spreading more propaganda. Did he have two balls? I don't know. Don't really mention that in the book. The book's more about, like, dates and facts and all that. Right, right. Don't go into the cool stuff. Like, how many times they jerk off?

I want an autobiography from the, the point of view of his testicles. Yeah. Well, he was pretty kind of uptight and a bit square, Hitler, when it came to, like, sex and stuff. Prudish. Well, actually, no. I'm telling

a lie. So, he was pro women having children, all right? So he wanted to destroy a lot of stigma about divorce and stuff. You know, it's like, better you get divorced than marry and have more kids than stay married and have no kids. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. So he

didn't like gays, you know, of that, he cracked down on gays. Actually, the Nazi party had a bit of reputation for being kind of like sodomites and weirdos back in the day. Yeah, you got a lot of those guys are up to some nasty shit, and it was a bit

like scandalous, bit tablight gossip, you know, a lot of seediness, stuff with like prostitutes, alleged homosexuality, you know, like, I forget which one now, but one of the higher-ups was, uh, I know some of them were for sure gay. Yeah.

And some of them were like suspected to be kind of like boy or messed around or or even just cheating on their wives. Probably propaganda, but didn't, were there people saying, oh, I think Hitler was a little light on the loafers. I'd actually never heard that. Have you not? No, no.

I should have. Yeah, maybe not. I'd be hanging around those circles a lot. Yeah. Those gay book clubs that go out. Yeah, I mean, they were all on meth, and I think meth in particular is a drug

that makes you very hypersexual. Yes. They're all like, fuck it machines, you know? Yeah, well, there was one guy kind of higher up, and I know he, it was very embarrassing for Hitler, because he went to Hitler, it was like, look, as a girl, I'm in love with, I want to marry her, you know. She's kind of a few social classes down,

and she has a bit of a past, but I love her. Prostitute? Well, well, you asked a real quick, you asked that for every woman, though, but like... Especially the prostitutes. I can't trust them. This is like, this is my... grandmother, James. Yeah, I know what

she's up to you. Brasser. Oh, I recognize you. Yeah, well, yeah. I recognize that back of the head from anywhere. My granny's a Thai lady boy. All right, Granny O'Toole, can you still put your ankles behind your ears, eh? Yeah, you thought Brian everything he knows. I still got the ping pong you gave me.

But anyway, this guy came to Hitler. He's like, I love her. Hitler's like, you know what? Yeah, Marrier, you know. We need have more German kids, you know, marriage is good. In fact, I'll be the witness. Okay. Okay, so to get married, Hitler's like, look, that's what it's all about, you know, bringing people together, you know? People take back years to know, people don't be like, Hitler, he was like Cupid, you know, yeah.

But then he finds out the girl, the guy married, former prostitute and also being in pornography films. Oh. Or at least pornography pictures. He was anti-porn, wasn't he? Well, he didn't like how it, it made the party look bad. Right. He made the Nazis look bad, and that's not good. I think that was one of his arguments.

against like jewish people that they're you know uh they're one of they had a lot of them well yeah that's why i said one of them bryan i said one okay would you stop belittling me he just was like the jewish people are very like pro pornography and smut and they're eroding the social fabric and morality of society you know yeah but you know he also had some other stuff and you're right bryan yes boy don't i look like an idiot not everybody's against you you know Oh, yeah. Yeah? You know, I'm persecuted worse than the Jews.

Literally. Worse than Hitler, Kanye, and the Jews combined. I tell you, no one's got it all farther than me. Actually, speaking of Jews, all right? I was watching a thing with Nick Funtas. Ah. All right. And he was saying that, remember when Nick Funtes and Kanye went to the White House?

Remember that? Long time ago now. Okay. I remember them being on Alex Jones. Is that what you called the White House? The true president, yeah. I'm at her in chief. Yeah.

I didn't actually know they went to the White House. Yeah, they went to the White House to meet Trump. Right. And they said it was awkward because they were in there. This is around the time that Kanye wanted to run for president. Right. And it's kind of funny. It's like the idea of like, you know, this is a room that like Lincoln was in.

You know, Washington, all right? And now it's Nick Funtus and Kanye West, all right, waiting for Trump. Yeah. And Kanye's like, because there's people around. okay so Kanye is texting Nick doesn't want people hear him and Kanye is like I think belittling him a little bit

like belittling Trump a little bit and saying like you know I'm going to run for president I want I'm going to ask Trump to be my VP all right and he sends the text to Nick Funtes

is what he thinks but he accidentally sends the text to like a different Nick who's friends with Trump you said the text to the person the text was about like that David O'Dawherty bit right

yeah Kanye's big fan of that right oh David O'Dahaddy that's the shit

right there that's the blackest motherfucker I have a fuck with man that's the real

boop but it's funny so the guy the other Nick all right calls Trump straight

away tells him like Connie is talking shit about you was Nick from the

back street boys oh not to be trusted you know why they call him the back street boys

oh matron He doesn't need that No, you're right So Trump comes in And Trump is like really angry Sure And Trump starts talking about

All these people Who've been ungrateful To him in the past And they're all black people They're like yeah Aesop Rocky He got on trouble I got him off

No respect He's doing like a whole Like Roddy danger For you know No respect You know I help out these rappers No respect

No respect And tell you what Your wife Kim Yeah she's ugly She's an ugly awful person You can tell her that You can fucking

he's swearing. Wow. The Kanye's. He can fucking tell her tell her that. And he's like squaring up to Kanye. Wow.

He's a big guy. He is a big guy. He's old though. I know. And Kanye's mental and black. So I'd say they're pretty evenly matched then,

you know. I would love to see that fight actually. I reckon Kanye would fuck him up. No bother. 100%. I'd love to see it. Yeah.

But in real life, okay, he's got security with him. That's true. Yeah. That kind of throws a spanner to work. Yeah, yeah.

You watch out for the ops, can you? The secret service are your ops, bro. So he just kicks him out. Kanye needs to get some road bend to help him out, you know? Anyway, yeah, so he boots them out.

Well, actually, you know, it's funny. He's like, you better not fucking run for president. You better not fucking run. You're saying that. Because I think he's worried that was siphoned off some of the mental people that would vote for Trump.

Definitely would. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's like swearing him out. I think at the end that Kanye got like less 1% or something. Yes. Yeah, he did not do well. Yeah, he wasn't. I don't think he's that close to it. Yeah. But it was

interesting thing there, I was listening to a bit. And the reason why I got onto that, right, is because the moment, you know, is, you know, like, remember watching your parents fight back in the day? Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like what happened with me now, because Nick Funtis and Tucker Carlson are fighting. Yes. And it's like, Mommy, Daddy, stop.

You know, I'm in the corner shivering, all right? So, I don't know how he started, but Tucker was like, yeah, this guy, Nick Funtis. He's like a little gay kid who lives in his basement. Yeah, yeah. He sounds like a little gay, weirdo. He's got a weird little voice, all right?

Yeah. And then, what's his name? Nick Funtes was like, yeah, well, your dad's in CIA. Mm-hmm. And then Tucker Carlson was like, oh, I only found out my dad in CIA when he died. I only found out, like, last year. Not true. Yeah, not true.

Then they found footage of him from, like, 20, 23, being like, my dad's in CIA. Yeah, yeah. I try to join, like, twice, and it wouldn't let me, you know? So my bowtie was too small. And my penis is too big. Or was it the other way around? I can't remember. Well, actually, know kind of how it started a little bit.

See, Candice Owens and Nick Funtes had like basically a debate or whatever. Yeah. And it was basically like, in fairness, Nick Fundez was saying some pretty vile shit. That's not Nick Funtas I know in love. Okay. Which is like how, you know,

you know, black people in Africa or like, you know, I can already see this going, right? They had a great time. You watch Black Panther. I love that film. Yeah. Well, anyway, and then Candice was kind of giving him shit for being, like, in his late 20s and not married and having kids.

I think he's still a virgin, isn't he? Yeah, yeah. At least he pretends to be, yeah. But also then, didn't he, like, stream gay porn accidentally in one of his live streams? What's wrong with that? I just, you know, the fact it was an accident is the problem. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like he got caught out

But then he tried to say he was hacked By the Israelis Oh, those Israelis are always different Every time That's the worst thing they've ever done If they just You know If they stop doing that nonsense

I could be on board full Yeah So anyway So Candice Owens was on Tucker And then that's when Tucker Was like Who is this guy He's a little gay kid

In his basement in Chicago You know And now Nick Funtes is going at him I love the infighting it's great it makes it very entertaining

whose side are you on I'm on the side of truth that's good I don't actually have to clarify the American way I really I don't really follow

these guys at all so I like to dip in something's like oh what okay you're mental all right I think if you're

it's oh my God what's going on there are children screaming outside oh how how appropriate as soon as I start talking

You said you went to get coffee, Brian, but... I came back covering blood. Out of breath. If anyone asks, we were recording all day. I was getting coffee, all right? Don't fuck this up for me. Look at him, Mr. Fulcher's. Actually, speaking to Israel.

Yep. We've got to mention, first of all, Ozzy Osbourne, dead. RID for people died, actually, since we recorded last. Who is it, Ozzie? Hulk. Hogan. Wasn't there someone else?

Michael Jamal Warner from the Cosby Show. Oh, yes, of course, the biggest one. Yeah, yeah. The most problematic, if you ask me. But I know Ozzy Osbourne, he died. People were giving him shit because, you know, Sharon is a big Zionist. Yeah. And Sharon's proper like, yeah, you think that's bad, do you?

Oh, you think that's genocide. Do you know the meaning of the word, do you? The real genocide is the mean tweets I get. She's like that kind of a bit. Right, yeah. But I don't think Ozzy knew what Israel was. I only Aussie knew what country was in for a lot of it. I don't think he was

pretty fucking out of it for a lot of the time. I think he was willingly out of it. Sharon's going non-stop October 70s just like, yeah, look at the wall. Did you ever watch the show? I never did. I missed it completely. When was it on? I was like early 2000s

like 2002. I was too young that was back on was watching Carry on. Right, of course. Kenneth Williams was my Aussie. But you watch it, you the Osborne show? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's just like,

they were just kind of very aggressive and abusive to each other, but you could always tell the love was there. Yeah. Not really, but... Did you like that when you're growing up then? Do you watch it as a family?

No. Dad, you're like, you're like Ozzy. Yeah. Remember when you bit the head of my cock? That's like when he did, you know, pretty similar. I think a rabies shot afterwards. He was some man for the animal cruelty.

Ozzy Osbourne and my father actually There's this story that One night when he was high on drugs Waiting for Sharon to come home He shot all 17 of her cats You know for a laugh Yeah

I'd obviously He bit the head of the bat That's the most famous thing He whacked Sharon a few times I think Yeah yeah But like you know She stuck with him

Yeah Out of love slash money How long did the Osborne show Go for Oh like five years It really rejuvenated his career because I know a lot of people who would be a little bit older than me

and they have a real love for that show like they're like yeah always put especially now with nostalgia or post some memes about it now it was like it was entertaining just because they were incredibly toxic and abusive to each other like verbally and it was kind of new to see

that on television yes yeah Jim Norton said that that revolutionized television I mean I don't know if I go he's got trans wife so he knows what you know yeah also the fact that they were celebrities like we had seen shows like Big Brother

and the real world and people might argue and fight on that every so often but these are actual celebrities and like so they're really toxic and abusive and they're clearly drinking and doing drugs it's like you're living next door to a mad family and it's a bit annoying but it's also the

like peeping out the window it's kind of entertaining but then also like they'll be going on a world tour or they'll be at like a film premiere or like they'll be rubbing shoulders with like Hollywood A-listers and all the while we're getting this fly

on the wall kind of thing Was there many copycats? I mean, keeping up with the Kardashians I suppose that's probably the biggest one

Yeah I know for a fact Hulk Hogan Hogan knows best Oh yes Again that's the show I didn't watch But that was also pretty

Was that popular Or was that a failed attempt I think it was popular in America It never really translated over here See the Osbournes was on Channel 4

Yeah Also the Osbournes Like everyone kind of like We know Osborn or like Ozbourne, like Ozzy or Black Sabbath or right. Hulk Hogan is a little bit more niche. I think there's a lot of people who would think like, oh, that's like a wrestling thing.

Yeah. I don't like that. People already stuck up a bit with like a wrestling story. Yeah, true, yeah. But Hogan was probably the most famous wrestler of all time, I would say. Hogan, I was trying to think of, there's no comparison of Hulk Hogan in terms of level of success, fame, popularity, but also hatred, Bridges burnt

scandal embarrassment Like the scandals Weren't like You know It wasn't like OJ stuff No It's more like

We all saw you fucking And you're out with breath And you're using the N word Yeah It's sad You know he's like At that time he was in his 50s A lot of steroid use

Maybe saying the N word Is the only thing He could get them hard You know You don't know Let's not kink shame here Brian maybe calling your teenage daughter's boyfriend the N-word is the only thing that gets your pecker going.

You're right, who am I to judge you? Yeah. But they didn't have blue chews back then, Brian. You had to, you know. Yeah, Hulk made a lot of enemies. Yes. Like, you know, the whole scab thing. Yeah.

Then, of course, with the drugs, the steroid use and the trial. Yeah, then. He did not cover himself in glory. But there's no other athlete like that Or like, yeah, athlete, okay That like was so big But is so hatred

And like when when he died A lot of people are like Yeah obviously we got to People are very careful When saying RIP Yes Obviously I don't condone what I did It'd be like the same

When like Vince dies Pretty much When Vince dies You like look I hate a lot of stuff he did You know Yeah But you cannot deny his impact

On the sport You can't deny Like it takes talent to shit shit on someone know for yeah at the at 70 years of age we should all be just to squat down with the pressure your knees to shit on someone you know it takes a lot of pressure no one appreciates that but yeah so he's like a reviled character you know what's funny in and a lot of ways Hulk Hogan was hated more than Chris Benoit oh yeah Chris Benoit people were like ah well you know sometimes no people

sometimes she's just giving it all that yep yep yeah people are very forgiving Chris Benwold You know, like, oh, he had probably a mental health thing, right? Yeah, he had anxiety, like Pedro Pascal. He tried to grab her titch, she said, no, so he butchered her. It's a tale as old as time. That's the next Fantastic Four movie. I was going to say now, there's something that's going to be. Osborne, spoken.

Oh, no, sorry, just real quick. So I mentioned Fantastic Four. Oh, yeah. There's a guy online, I'm obsessed with. he's called Ranting Against Vengeance Ranting Against Vengeance Yeah and you think he's about like

16 years old He's the Irish kid He's an Irish kid And he's very You know the Irish kid Sometimes they're too online They got like that kind of like internet accent

Yeah Yeah he's very online Like I would say he's autistic But like he uses autism Like the autistic All the time as an insult Okay He's like oh it's like

Why are you saying that Are you gay retistic autism A retard man You know Rhetistic That's a new word Brian just Evented

Brian you're Ratistic He mixes all these words together Yeah You retard Autism retarded You know

Like that just like What part of Ireland Is he from He's kind of got like I don't know What are you doing that He's kind of sounds like Matan

What are you What's going on here Like You're absolutely a fucking idiot He's kind of like that Yeah And he's like He says crazy shit

Yeah Like he looked at a picture it was like a behind the scene still Fantastic Four is Nessa Kirby and Pedro Pascal Right Like look at this A white woman and some taco vendor

Jesus Probably trying to kidnap her Like the rest of it's homies Right Yeah Now is it as when he does it Is as a as charming and lovable As when I do it

You know Yeah Yes yes Taco vendor That's some real old school Racism Yeah I think you and him

would be great to get it. I think I'm the dead weight. Should get him in. Yeah, I'll move in a 16 year old racist boy into the house. That won't raise any eyebrows. I like to sit on a cock chair, watch you guys recording. And his dad is a YouTuber

as well. So, Ranting Against Vengeance talks mostly about like nerdy shit, you know, like Batman's now woke man, you know, that kind of stuff. And some of this stuff is so like uncalled for he's like

Robert Pattinson why is he so ugly and autistic oh he is emo freak he is fat he's not fat or ugly

yeah he's gonna make you like oh yeah you got high standard sir

well yeah like not to cast aspersions I mean I'm not the I'm not the the sexiest guy

around never say that again you're right Brian you're right but yeah like you know this kid

he's not exactly you know nobody's mistaken him for a teen heartthrob, I don't think, you know. Oh, I bet he's going to get so much pussy. Okay. Alt-right teen pussy? I'm not about teen, I think they're probably going to milfs.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I think older milfs, you know, like old grannies that voted for reform. I think they'll love them, yeah. Nice. The best. Yeah. Yeah, because they've got like dead husbands, a bit of property. Yeah. And then you weasel in, you know, like, hey, you big taco vendor.

But yeah, his dad doesn't talk about nerdy stuff. His dad, I forget his name now, but it's all like McGregor innocent kind of stuff. Oh, right. It's all like MMA... Jesus, the mother in that house must be a terrified woman. Oh, she's afraid to even

look twice at anyone the wrong way. Holy fuck. I'd say she's long dead. Yeah. In the patio. The stank coming up from the floorboards. Yeah, like he's one of those guys as like, you know where McGregor got done for rape? Yep. It's all

part of his plan. Okay. So McGregor actually wanted to get done for rape. all right because he wants this to go all the way to the high court and when he's

in the high court the nation will be watching all right there I say the world and then he will start a coup

okay yeah so he'll be like talk to the judge and McGregor be like you know what pal I'm the president now and the people of Ireland

rise up and we drag I say we and then we drag Simon Harris and Mihal Martin out of their beds okay

yes to the gallows. Yeah, exactly. And then McGregor kind of becomes like our lord and king, you know? Nice. And we'll be right there

at his right hand side. Exactly, yeah. He'll respect me the most. He'll shower us and riches. He'll put up with you. I'll be the court jester. Come gather our children, I'll tell you tell.

Ah, Lord McGregor, would you like to hear me play the lute? but that's what people think it's going to happen yeah and you see he started like a not a go fund me but it's like kind of a petition and it's like to become

the president of Ireland is that it's just it's a petition is it? Yeah that's how he's doing it now yeah so it's like you go on there and you press thumbs up and he says if he gets enough of it he'll become present automatically

yeah okay Michael Lee Higgins is like what Jesus Christ I can't believe he'll put in the Constitution. Oh my gosh, that's unbelievable foresight that they even know what Instagram would be back then. McGregor takes his dog.

It's fucking mine now. A hotel room in Vegas. Yeah. You know what got me worried there? Oh, this is a news talk, all right? And news talks were like, yes, McGregor's running for president now. Of course, that will never happen. Never happen, okay?

It was really getting flashbacks like Brexit and Trump and shit. Like just the way to, like, yeah, obviously that would never. Not in a million, billion years did that happen? Like, the idea that's happening. Well, never, ever, ever. No, he needs to have a certain number of votes in the doll or something before. Yes, before he can become a candidate.

Yeah. Or get on the ballot or whatever. I looked into this. Okay. Because I was thinking, you know, maybe a, a old black sheep like me could do it, you know? Right. I'd be making some changes. How many votes does he need from the doll or whatever?

I think, like, I'm just going to. guess. Okay. Million. Right. Yeah. Or maybe two. It's definitely somewhere in between that.

Or maybe not. Yeah. Well, do you see that guy who's running for, I think he's running for president or he's trying to run for president, okay? And he says he's going to ban the TV license. Okay. And he also, he's going to make RTE give all of us 500 euro as paid back for license fee over the years.

Huh. Yeah, that's pretty good, isn't it? Right. He's also, I think he's going to blan, he's going to ban people talking funny. What do you mean? No, no, he's going to ban blacks and the guy. Really? He actually said that?

I think so. Which is not really a big issue. No. Too many Jamal's playing for Kerry. Yeah, so I'm looking forward. You know what them boys would be like, they're picking up their hands and go, yo where the hoop at gee oh you can't thrush the baton now

they're no good town who is this guy I've read his name now I don't think he's in the win I don't think he is anyway well you never know stranger things have happened let me look at my notes for a second

have you been up to my watch anything good or do anything let me see you know what I watched actually you ever see that show criminal on Netflix where it's just like set in the interrogation room oh yes did a few of those

Yeah. It's like criminal England, criminal... Yeah, I only watched the English one. Okay. Who's in a tenant? Tenant's in the first one, yeah, that was pretty good. That's all I need. It's an anthology, so it's a new...

Did watching David Tennant make you think, like, geez, I wonder, there's any science fiction shows he was in, like, a watch? No. All right, okay. I might watch that one where he's the gay serial killer. Oh, that was really good. Dennis Nielsen. Yeah, yes.

But I tell you, there was one episode, and I... Kit Harrington was... playing like a finance bro who was accused of rape. Really? No, I never rated him as an actor, but I got to say, he was very good in that episode. It's funny you say that, because you know that show Industry on HBO?

Yes. He in season three is playing a finance bro. Okay. Apparently he's very good in that. Right. I've actually rated him. I feel good now. I feel like I put money on a slow horse here,

and he actually won. Well, you know, because I've only ever seen him in Game of Thrones, and it's more so the writing of the character. Also, his character, like, his character is not really much there, is there, yeah. That's it. You could have done it. Who wants a piece, sir?

I fucking knifed a lot of here, as well. Yes, I're a white walker as well. You fucking slide. You fucking see you, you can't. I'll cut you first. Yeah, so. It's pretty anachronistic. Like, where's my fucking vape?

but uh yeah so the show but you know there's one episode i haven't seen but the guy who's like playing a convicted killer being interrogator it's the fucking it the dude who plays raj from big bang theory really yeah oh that's good it's interesting i haven't watched that one i like shows like that where it's kind of like a small little character piece yes yes there's a show that i've heard people talk about, I forget what it's called, not Crown Court, it's something court but it was a show in the

80s on English television, maybe ITV and the whole thing was it was just a fake court case. Oh, right. And it was daily. Okay. Right. And it's just a, you know, fake court case every day and sometimes the case could last a week,

sometimes a day, sometimes like it could go on for ages and ages, all right? And it's kind of follow the stories and you know they'll have like slowly you kind of find like basically like you're a jury yeah you slowly find out the facts of the case and start making connections and stuff right and I've always heard that was really good

again it's literally just like a steady camera on the case maybe the odd cut to a face and it was like a real kind of like showcase for young actors oh that's cool and I like that kind of stuff I'd like to go back to that because I watch Clips Fantastic Four let's say and it's just you know it's just

CGI thing there and Pedro Pascal that's not real that's just fake they're flying through space that's fake that's fake that's just like fucking you know a thing with a photoshop fucking

what's his name that Quinn guy head onto it you know it's just hard for me to care about anything yes yeah whereas this is like purely just like the acting

no it was kind of there was nice shots or whatever there was a nice bit of pacing like it didn't fucking blow my cock off. Yeah, but you know it was, like you said it's just there was something very kind of simple

the kind of simplicity of it and the kind of bare bones is kind of yeah, in the age of CGI and all it's kind of nice to go back to just it's the performances and it's the writing and the little reveals and the interrogations and you know, oh

maybe the women lied. Maybe they're all lying. That's fiction then. So that's good you watch that. Watch anything else? I've been doing anything? Are you been like home or what I've been up to? I haven't seen you a week. That's because you've been in Carlo. Suppose, yeah. I'm in car looking right. Where's James? Where are you? He doesn't even care. I'm looking under the bed.

I was, uh, no, I was working and I haven't really been doing it. Again, because the stag really, uh, cleaned to be out financially. Yeah, handicapped you financially. This is very, this is a very under the radar kind of month for me, you know? Yeah. Uh, but that's okay. you know I just look at all those poor fools over in Edinburgh having their time of their lives

ha ha idiots I'm here watching Kit Harrington being accused of rape and I'm loving it I feel bad for you I'm going to start up a little charity for you guys but I tell you I did I know you watch something because I stuck on

remember you were you woke up and you're all sick and you're sad and tired and covered and puke fucking shit. Like every morning, yes. But I cheered you up. I stuck on Alto Knights. Yeah.

Holy shit. Yeah, Alto Knights. I'll give you a bit of background for this. Alto Knights. It is a Barry Levinson movie. Now, Barry Levinson is like 80-something years old. And he hasn't really had a big hit

in a long time. And this was a passion project for David Zasloff. He's the head of Warner Bros. Oh, right. And he's known for being the guy that he cuts, he cancels, all right, he fires.

He will dishe shelve a whole movie like, Bat Girl, for example, you know. He'd be like, no, just do a tax right off, fuck it. He, you know, he got, he was known for being like why bother releasing this new Clint Eastwood movie, who gives a fuck? Yes. Who cares about Clint Eastwood, you know?

So he's very cutthroat, but I think Nicholas Pledgey, the writer of Goodfellas, is his neighbor. Right. And he's like, ah, fuck it, let's green like this film. All right. People are saying, why are you doing this? No one likes this.

It's stupid. He's like, no, no, it's going to be a big success. Yeah. So it costs like 40 million, which is pretty low. For these? Yeah, this day and age. Yeah, 40, 50 million. And you can tell it, it looks like it's made for 2 million.

Like, clerks looks better than this. Yeah, yeah. And the kind of real talking point about this thing that like sticks out to people is that they decided to have Robert Niro and Robert Niro. What? Yeah, he's a. Double bubble. What, you must have misspoke there.

You all be blowing bubbles. Yeah. So, Robert Nero plays two characters for no reason. No. They're not twins, all right? No. They don't. So he says he plays the head of one crime family and ahead of another crime family.

Yeah. In America, in New York in like the 50s or something like that, right? And there's a lot of scenes of De Niro talking to himself. Yeah. And sitting down. Yes, he sits down a lot in this film. A awful lot of sitting down. The Nero, basically, it's the Nero playing the Nero.

Yes. And the Nero playing Joe Pesci. Yeah. That's it. So you got one to Nero doing the whole, you know, this shtick of like, hey, is the thing we got to do sometimes? Don't draw attention to us. It's a no-no. It's a no-no.

Yeah. And you got the other one and be like, hey, you cock sucker. Hey. Yeah. Like that. Kind of like a low-energy peshy. Yeah, definitely not as good as Pesci at the, you know, wacky over the top guy. Yeah.

And there's no, like, you could do something. There's like, oh, these two guys. and we follow their lives. They're very similar in some ways, different in other ways. Yeah. Well, it really just feel like an afterthought. It feels like the actor just got sick

or just died and just like, oh, Rob, just do this one as well. Okay, Bobby. Put out a pair of glasses and a hat and be the other guy. Yeah, we'll stick a fake chin on you. Yeah. And it's really perplexing.

And the film is very bad. I showed you. There's no energy to it. It feels very flat, boring. The pacing's terrible. It keeps doing this weird, like, fade-to-black thing in between,

scenes. Yeah. It feels like a TV movie, you know? Yeah, it fades to black, almost like ready for commercials. Yes. And then instead of doing like a fun Scorsese style montage, we just see clips, like pictures and getty images. Yes.

They haven't even removed the watermarker, right? There's lots of just like, and then this big crime war happens. It's like pictures of people dead. It's like, oh, it was a bloody affair. It would be very exciting to see it in movie form. Anyway. Yeah. And fade up from black

It's De Niro's sitting down Wow That was crazy From one chair to another chair Whoa that was nuts Bloodshed and Carnie Even like you know They mentioned

You know Hoover for example In the FBI Is this picture of Hoover That's it He's not a character That like you know He gets like

We gotta get this guy You know That would be again exciting Yeah A still picture And De Niro mumbling Yeah He said he was gonna do

I couldn't fucking understand what he was saying half the time. Yeah. Yeah, he's really leaded into the mumbling. Fucking such low energy. It was yeah. So it's so strange. So it's the Nero de Nero. You're one from Will & Grace. Yeah. Not Sean Hayes. I would have loved

that if he played the wife. That really could. Oh, Bobby! So she's in it. And it's so many nobodies. Yeah. Like, it kind of feels like, you know, when Tim and Eric, they'll get people on in a sketch. And you're kind of like, do they know

that they're the butt of the joke here? Is this almost like mean here? And it feels like that. This is a bunch of really, really old guys. They, what they've done is De Niro and this is meant to be playing like a 40 year old. So to confuse us, they've got

like proper 90 year olds. They're playing 50 year olds. So it mess of your head. Another thing, all right, is it's De Niro who's like eight years old in real life, all right? Playing this gangster who's like beating people up and winning over women and stuff yeah hey ladies put those tits away I'm working and then we keep cutting to old De Niro in the future yes describing it like oh my god yeah the bit I showed you where it's uh the peshy Nero I think it's the Nero

trying to win over this dame and he goes over there's no chemistry at all he's going like hey you got a melon she's got holding melon yeah hey the melon let me squeeze do. It's Charmé and Bucco from Sopranos, so she's got some pretty big melons of her own. Yeah, but he meant the fruit. Yeah, I know, I know. But he's putting the tot in her head. Yeah. Hey, I like to come on that melon.

What? I bet I could fit that whole fucking melon in my mouth where I put a gun to your head. Love is for the way you look at me. I don't narrate. It's like, how could I say no?

I knew for the moment I met him he was a gangster but I loved him and to be honest it turned me on it's him shoving a gun up his ars so

I'll tell you what happens a film okay so it's these two gangsters who grew up together okay the Pesci version of De Niro he gets in some trouble

goes off to like Italy or somewhere for decades he comes back oh no and Robert De Niro is running the city now He's kind of like You're going to have to find a different way To distinguish between them

Because you keep just saying So Robert De Niro leaves While Robert De Niro runs the city I couldn't When they're just sitting there I can't tell each one apart One of them's called Frank Costello The other one's called Vito Geno

You didn't even watch this I know So Frank and Vito is like Hey this is my city I want it back You know what things have changed now I'm in charge. We don't want to rock the boat.

Hey, I'm going to start selling drugs. We don't want to sell drugs. Hey, it's me. Rabbit the Nero. Hey, what's going on? This is my city. Are you crazy? What are you a freaking homo?

Yeah, you're a Korean. So, then they got Cosmo Craig. No, Cosmo, not Cosmo, not Cosmo, Jarvis in this. Yeah. And they're giving him a fat suit for no reason. But the fat suit is only really his neck. It looks very bad.

I wish I showed you a, clip of that, right? Yeah, I didn't say that far. And the incite incident is, uh, V-O tries to whack Frank. Oh, right. So fat Cosmo tries to shoot Frank, just graces

his head, he survives, you know? Which is kind of funny. Like, you know, you shoot an old man in the head, he falls over. He's like, hey, I'm okay. Just like, I'm a bit annoyed, I'm a bit annoyed, you know? So, and then it's like a war. And the only bit of light about the film is to show, you know, Appalachians.

It's, yeah, like an impoverished area No, no, the fall of Appalachia, you ever hear that? Oh, no, no, no. So they mention it in Goodfellas and they mentioned in The Godfather book is this real instant. I've always heard about, we've never seen in movies before.

So for years, people thought the mafia was fake. Okay. There's no proof of the mafia. Even, like, the head of the FBI, there's no proof of the mafia. It's a rumor. You never acknowledged this thing of ours,

exactly yeah you wouldn't even say mafia in the movie The Godfather yeah yeah still a bit worried about it but this is back in the day didn't know for sure and then that this big meeting of all the crime bosses of America in upstate New York in a big house

and the show is in the movie so a big big meeting and there's a some cops is investigating it and I'm like it's a bit weird all these guys with like criminal records are all there what's going on there and when the guys in the house see this they all panic and run to the cars.

Okay. And then the cops like, oh, something fishy going on there and they basically get all the guys

to go and arrest them. Oh. Right? And that's when discovered a mafia. Oh, okay. That was like a big instant in the mafia history.

Oh, interesting. I didn't know what about that. Yeah. It's interesting. But in the film, like I mentioned, these guys are all 90. Yeah.

All right. The Nero's a young book in the film. Yeah. And then the scene where they're like, oh, it's the cop, scram! They're run to their cars

and they're all in the mud. running the cars and you can basically it's almost like jackass the way it's like they're definitely going to break their bones

doing it yeah I think a different director could have like made this funny like I think you know what sopranos yeah

it's funny you know like seeing the when junior runs away from the exactly yeah or like when they're stuck in the woods like the kind of

absurdity of it you know but this is still like oh shit these guys gonna escape from the cops yeah they're They're trying to play it too straight, like...

Yeah, like, they're one step away of the old guys like jumping over the car like Duke's a Hazard, you know? Scram! Scram! Old boss hogs! I gotta get me those Genovese, boys. Just some good old boys. Never mind in the harm. Oh, do I restart the video, do I? I think so. I'm not too sure.

Let me just double check one second, do you? Talk about some more about... The movie I didn't watch. Okay. Yeah. I didn't watch it. I saw little bits of it. It didn't seem very good now, to be honest. No disrespect. But, you know, it's the fact that it's a gangster movie with De Niro playing two parts and nobody talks about it. Nobody even mentions it. You just know it's sure shy. There's people who like, just people who like gangster movies, but I feel like they've only seen the start of Goodfellas. Yeah. I don't know. They're always trying to like, this is what a gangster movies. movie is. But most gangster movies at the end, it's pretty depressing, you know. That's the point of it. Yeah. The whole crime doesn't pay element. Correct. Where these guys just like, how about a gangster movie where everything works out? And they got, kind of like, they want to make the entourage version of a gangster movie where they're just cool and that's it. Yeah. Like in this film, uh, also that what hurts it a lot is there's no like showdown or final incident or anything. It's basically because of the fall appellation meeting.

a lot of them get arrested and what's he called? Vito what's it called Vito? Vito gets arrested and spends time in jail and then Frank's like hey and then after that things change but you know what the real gangsters

are the politicians you know they come to this country take the oil from the Native Americans Oh shit dude They had their fun He actually ends it with just like it's such a casino rip off It was fun when it lasted And the end That was that

Mm-hmm The end Okay Yeah So there's no like Comeuppance really There's no We need to see

The next fucking gangster flick Or you know what Even like an FX comedy series Ex-Gankster gets out of prison I'm gonna start a pod Khto Like Michael Frenazzi Yeah

Actually I watch the film With Michael Frenazy Oh He replays a priest starring role No he's a important character I didn't watch the whole film to honestly I just want to see what he's like

as a priest But it's funny He literally is doing like Hey let me tell you something Jesus he was like some Did always some schmuck Alright and he got whacked But then bada bing bada boom

He's back up Like he's literally doing that Oh my God Hey and then Jesus is like hey I forgive you motherfucker Hey you cocksucker Hey Judas you fucking You're for nook

You know what Jesus She's got to the loaves, he's got the fish, he goes the guy, hey, what's the Vig on there? Do what I'm talking about the Vig? Oh, hey, teach a guy, he give a guy a fish, you know, he eats for a day. He's a guy, fish, he's a fag.

Teach him about the Vig. Oh, he's got a lot of schryol. Yeah. Yeah, but I didn't really actually watch that film. What's it called? I forget, now. It's one of those Angel Guild films. I like those. Oh, right, yeah.

That's all I watch these days. The Angel Guild films? Yeah, just religious, wholesome. films to the whole family. Yes. They've got a new film coming out. It's maybe like their biggest budget. It's like a sci-fi children's action comedy.

Okay. Yeah, with Toby, is Tony Hale, is it? Buster. Really? Yeah, Buster's starring in it. He's the lead. Christian? Well, I mean, he likes money, I imagine.

Oh. Yeah, so I think it's about like these kids find a magic robot or something. Okay. Sounds pretty cool. A magic robot. Yeah, but the power of God. And a robot's like, I have it. no soul. That's already crossing over.

It's like sci-fi with fantasy. And Robert Nero plays the robot. Hey, you fucking ba-a-bing-bada-boom a robot. She went out. What are you going to do? Yeah. Yeah. They've also got that film

coming out called like, what's called like the rookie or the quarterback? It's a Michael Chickles. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I saw that. That looks amazing. It's Michael Chicklese. Plays a guy the age of Michael Chickles. so picture that with the weight

of Michael Chichliss and the height because he's only like 5 foot 4 and then some NFL team is like we need we need someone

to help our team and you know they all think they're looking for a young guy sure Michael Chichlis shows up like I'll do it yeah

and all these black guys in their 20s like you old man you can't do shit I'll show you yeah and he just tackles them all he's got the best

trow and the best catch biggest dick and all the cheerleaders want to fuck him yes yes I love this fantasy world yeah

it looks really cool yeah I want to watch it yeah because someday I'll be bald and fat I'll be the commission

yeah in about a week and a half and I'll show up the hurling team like yeah it's me Brian O'Toole

is the hurler where's the cheerleader yeah yeah so I saw the trailer of that there's one part where what music

is he listening to like fucking ACDZ or something And everyone at the locker Yo, what's this man? This shit slapsed, dog. They're all listening to like some, you know, that fucking trouble music,

you know, that urban trash. All right, you know, it's like, yo, where's my, where's my jewels, you know, like that? But then he comes in. Wonderful rendition there, Brian, well done. Where's my bitch? But then he comes in and it's like,

this is real music, you know. Poison! Poison running through my face. Whatever, like they're like, this is fucking bon joan. feet, they're like, yo, I'm taking this shit back to the hood, sir. It's real. Thank you for

educating us. Yeah, man. Like, the kind of like conservative white guy movies and TV thing has really turned into this cottage industry. Like, so Taylor Sheridan's got all the TV shows and this

Angel Guild or whatever they're called. Angel Guild is going bigger than Disney in two years. I can't wait. Yeah, I've already invested all our money into it. That's how I said our money What money I sold all your recessions

All right For you to wake up your car Is gone James don't worry about Bubby Bobby Bubby Michael Chicklish is a short thing

We're gonna make Oh Yeah What else have been watching there Let me just check my notes See we're almost at the end James Don't worry

Yeah I've probably not been doing Too well In this episode Despite the Puking and all the You've been doing You're on a phone now

That's good Yeah What's odd Lineup Yeah That's great I'm first half Your second half

Oh good Then we don't We don't be in the same room together Yeah That's good Yeah We're like a divorce couple Making a film together

You know We make the director's life Very hard But yeah Let's see what else Real quick there Nothing too big now I was going to

mention real quick One little fun fact I told you I read the Irish man Oh yeah actually still having Carlow Sorry, keep it No, no, I'll bring it back

Don't worry, man Yeah, you better Yeah, it's extra sticky for you Yeah, it's a bit in the Irish man I never heard before Where, what's his name again? Frank Shearan Frank Shearan

Frank Shearin helps Joe Biden get elected Oh yeah, I remember you Yeah, so basically Back when Joe Biden was running for a senator or something right He was running his other guy And he had an ad in the newspaper and according to Frank

the Joe Biden team approached him like hey can you lean on the unions that deliver the paper all right and just not deliver the paper the day before the election so they won't see the ad

oh yeah that's illegal isn't it tampering hey it's called having fun you're bala boom you know you're like the fucking nerds actually I represent the what about the democratic process

oh show it up your age This goes against the Constitution. Now, there's no proof this is for Biden, but if you look it up, there was a delay that day. Okay. Yeah. I'm just saying maybe it's Frank telling some tall tales, but it's fun to believe in that stuff, yeah.

It's fun to think of, like, Biden watching the Irish man, be like, that's my buddy. He's Frank. He looks great. Man, he's a picture of health. Yeah. Can you use that de-aging stuff on me? Hunter Biden's on Channel 5. I haven't watched it, though.

People are very pro-Hunter Biden these days. Everyone in the comments, like, he's so based. Yeah. I think if you just, anyone, if you just do, like, it's very easy winning people over, I think. Like, I think if, like, Bill Cosby did Channel 5, people would be like, oh, wow, this guy's pretty based and cool. Yes.

Because they'd just be like, Bill Cosby's going channel, you know, like, Andrew Callum, be like, yeah, Skibbitty. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'll skibody toilet rails with the Ohio and the thing. Let the pudding pop Yeah I didn't watch any of it those

Three hours I'm fine for that I'm too busy listening My Hitler audiobook Yeah of course Getting the truth What else What else

I did tell you I read war and peace Ages ago The whole thing Yeah Really Well I listened to the audio Oh okay

So I did the Basically illiterate Aren't I yeah So every time you come on here I say I read a book Is it just No no I mix it together

Yeah Oh okay I sometimes read I sometimes I read on Kindle sometimes physical sometimes listen Sometimes I pay

homeless people To read me A bedtime story Yeah Yeah Well I make extra hard From it's like The Russian

Translation Why me you don't know Russian You fucking Pleb This is why you're on the street You won't get your five cents Now Yeah

I'm just gonna go in And buy your chicken fillet roll Yeah Now I'm gonna take a big shit It's very cold tonight So bundle up Yeah

Yeah This is really bad now, but I always think about what would be the worst thing to give a homeless guy, you know, just, uh... Hope? I was going to say Bitcoin, but... Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, I said, like,

what would be the most insulting? Yeah, yeah. I know I wouldn't do it, you know, but I'm always thinking, like, uh, what would be, like, real bad thing to give him, you know, just like, um... Tell them, you'll give him a bottle of whiskey if he beats the shit out of his hobo friend on camera. And then a beautiful franchise is born. Bum fights How many bum fights do they do?

Oh, not enough Surely bum fights can make a comeback In this day of age No empathy And probably Yeah Like people like you Mean people

Loving it Right Sure they give me a good profit I mean they do Like Barstool do that Rough and Rowdy thing What's that? Rough and Rowdy is like

It's Barstools' version of MMA I think Okay Where they'll get like A guy with no arms and a midgett with no legs a midget with no legs. Jesus Christ. Yeah, a guy with glasses.

You know, real fucking freaks. So the midget holds him down and then the guy with no arms fucks him. It's teamwork, you know? And old four eyes really gets pipe there and then rough and rowdy, you know? Yeah, they do like stuff like that or it's a little bit like an old Victorian freight show.

Oh, yeah, like P.T. Barnum, shit. Yeah, but they'll also do stuff where it's like, yeah, we got a guy who voted for Bernie and a guy who voted for Trump. Woo! Or they'll have like, we got a guy with serious PTSD. He served in the military. And we got another guy who's got like autism. So. And we gave him a gun.

And yeah, people like bet on it. stuff and surprise hasn't gotten completely tits up yeah but no one's died or anything they do a lot of like uh you know bikini stuff and like uh foxy boxing yeah but they this is very mean now but they're always like we got the two ugliest women we could find

right you didn't see that it was beautiful yeah and then uh we threw dildos at them oh yeah that's a big problem in the WNBA yeah people throwing dildos and again with barstool they're like what's the fucking problem bitch

what's it's called having a laugh it's called humour it's I thought comedy was legal again it's called

satire okay when I threw a dildo at you covered in my own shit and I call you a whore yeah

and you don't laugh along it's because you're stuck up I feel sorry for you stuck up yeah

there's no humor section in the feminist bookstore that's why I say yeah now the security guards

are going to be like our whole is just going to be patting people down for dildos, you know? But dildos, they do fit very, suspiciously well up your ass. True. How many can you stuff up there, Brian?

All four have come from my ass. A baker's dozen. Yeah, I don't have any... Oh yeah, sorry, war and peace is going to say. The most interesting about war of peace is the whole thing about numerology in it. Okay. So the main character, Pierre,

he doesn't fight in the war initially. Right. But he gets really into, you know, like, the whole, like, you could predict the future with numbers and stuff. Oh, yeah. Like that Nicholas Cage film, basically, yeah. Yes. So this is hard sci-fi then.

Well, not really, but it kind of shows, like, his mental deterioration where he's like, he basically makes this code himself that proves, like, Napoleon 666, like the devil or, like, bringer of the apocalypse, right? And he's like, okay, if you, like, but he's really stretching. It's like, his name's Pierre.

So if you take all the E's out of Pierre, and then add a number to each of letters going from one to eight, not nine or ten, and then you add that to like the alphabet when you turn it upside down, all right? And then you pulled up to the mirror, it's six, six, six. Right. Yeah, he's really going.

Sounds pretty sound logic to me, Frank. He's like, the numbers telling me I got to assassinate Napoleon. Right. So then he tries assassinate Napoleon. Doesn't go well from, he gets distracted by a child. Yeah.

No, I mean, like helping a child. Well, it's funny, because if you can take all the letters of Brian, you know, I had all the number, G-A-Y, what does that say? P-D-O. Yes. That was very low effort on my part, even for me, that was really, yeah. Maybe we could have, like, a fun challenge, he's don't call me gay. I didn't. I said the numbers.

No, you said G-A-Y, you're not like a dog. It's not like, you know, let's go for a W-A. go for a J-A-Y. I'm like, what? Yeah. A J-Walk? Yeah, how about for fun now?

A lot of listeners don't like it. Do they know? Hopefully. That's all I get is keep doing it, can we love you. You get a dollar every time you call me gay.

Which is like, it's fun, you know, I like it. I put on a brave face. Yeah, sorry. Yeah. It's just, you know, just easy and natural.

It's called punching down. It is. And it's very fun. It is. And, you know, that's why it's so popular, because, you know, look at this, I could just do it right now. No, I'm very sorry.

I have the power. I take it all back. I'm actually not starting to feel very unwell. Really? Yeah. I know I have to go do this gig. What would make you feel better? I don't know.

Heroin? No, I keep telling it. It's overrated. Okay. You wouldn't like it. Probably not. You know how it. I'd probably find a problem with it, wouldn't you?

The old cynic like me, yeah. It's not the good shit. No, it's only 98% pure. It's no good. Yeah. I'll probably, I'll be lucky if I sleep tonight at all. Yeah. We're almost at the end there, don't worry.

Sorry, a very low energy now in this episode. Oh, you know what it is? I think the last few episodes, it's been pretty hot, I feel like. I think that's been affecting me. Okay. And I think my negative energy, Rubs off on you. You don't say that, Brian.

That's not true. Really? Yeah, yeah. My gay energy, I'm going to say. I know, I wasn't going to say that. And you're a big Pito. You're not a big Pito. You're a little skinny Pito, you know?

Only like three inches. Yeah, you're a very small Pito. Not enough girth. That's what the kids say. You're not a capital letter, Pito. But yeah, that's all I want to say about this episode there. What's the plan for next week? Oh, I'll tell you now.

Probably more Hitler talk. Good. Because I've got another 20 hours of Hitler listen to. Yeah. And that's... When you head back to Carlo? Tonight. Really?

Yeah. Jesus. I'm going to two gigs tonight. Yeah. I'm going straight back up at 7 o'clock. Fucking Al, man. I tell you, I was getting very sleepy there Tuesday. What on the drive?

No, I just mean like driving the tractor. I've got this big tractor. Yeah. And driving around, like, oh, maybe a little sleep would do me well. Yeah. See, these tractors so modern a bit, he'd drive them. themselves. It's one of the Tesla tractors, you know, as you plow into an orphanage.