Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 265 : Brian Does Gotham

Episode Date: August 31, 2025

A Multiverse of Batmans and Playboy Magazines

I lost my mic again, guys. It was up my ass. Yeah. As it always is, the little game we play, you're like a squirrel. You hide things, and I forget where you put it.

Does squirrels do that? Yeah, they hide their nuts. Ah. Yeah, and then they forget where they put the nuts. I hide my nuts in your mother's mouth. Boom, bow, bow. All right, look, I don't need this. I don't need this at all, all, all right?

Yeah, she needs it. No, what I give it to her? No, no, no, come on now. No one enjoys that, all right? Oh, she enjoys it. Oh! Well, now I've lost all confidence in myself. Because no matter what I say, you're going to turn in some kind of sexual thing, all right?

Correct. So, this will be a long hour. That's what I said to her. Oh, come on. I had a great warning, all right? Did you? Yeah. What did you get up to?

We got up? Yeah? For me, that's pretty... Where is my fucking medal? I say. I got up. Even though there was no recent to, and no one would

care if I just stayed in bed all day. I got up, I taught about showering. Didn't actually, but I was too busy. It's the thought of cars. I was too busy. I was watching things. I was preparing for a show. I put in so much work for this.

I watch so much shite for this. And when I watch something I enjoy, I feel guilty. Right. Yeah. So I'm watching a thing called Foundation. Okay. The science fiction show It's actually good I'm watching it

I'm like this is Why am I doing this? I can't talk about this with James What's it about Like what happens It's just really good All right

Yeah It's a basic It's not gonna be funny though I'll tell you Right Maybe you'll tell you what I'll talk about And maybe you could

Make something humorous Out of there right Let's see No pressure on me then Thank you for telling me What I'm supposed to do Thank you

It's Isaac Asimov Right The writer of I-Robot Right And it's set like millions of years in the future. And it's, there's an emperor, all right, but he clones himself. So he lives forever. And it's Lee Pace, who's an actor that you might know.

Nah. Okay, right? Well, he, what the emperor does is he clones himself into three people. So there's always three emperors, an old one, a young one, and an adult one. Okay. So that way there's always like one elder one to give advice. One to lead and one to learn. Right.

Brother Dawn, brother dusk, brother day. Right. Yeah. So he's the emperor of this big space, galaxy, kind of like empire, right? But then Richard Harris, no, Jared Harris. Okay. He's a mathematician. And he does maths so good that he can predict the future.

You're right, Brian, this isn't funny. No, it's interesting though, isn't it? Is it? Okay, right. No, no. It's not funny or interesting. but I'm still going to talk about it, right? Yeah.

Again, this is why I feel guilty. I should be watching like Shark Nedo or something. Yes. Yeah. With Jedward? Yeah, or Paltrygeist. You know, something kind of... What's Paltrygeist?

I think you can probably guess. Okay. Think about it. Yeah. Chicken? Chicken? Poultergeist. How, though?

How do you merge those two concepts? Like, I understand the word play, but what's the actual? I'm not a fucking... I'm not a creative here. Right. Yeah. I'm not the ideas, man. I just, like, disoose.

I just describe things I've seen. Uh-huh. All right. Which I haven't even seen Poultry Geist. I've never even heard of it, but I'll be on the lookout for it. Well, maybe you should have. Oh, yeah, the Criterion collection. Where's Poultry Geis?

What is that? Is this like a little cupboard in New York full of pretentious films that dorks like? Yeah. Yeah. Where is it? I don't know. They won't tell me. Ah.

You have to be one of the select few. And I'm not. I accept that. But anyway, so he. can do Matt so good Jared Harris that he predicts that the empire will fall so he can predict trends okay so because

the emperor doesn't like this information he sends him off to a distant planet he banishes him and then other stuff happens as well cool sounds great it is very good but I won't tell you more about it I can see in your face you don't appreciate me

well I appreciate you what have you got to do with it is it's not an indictment of you whether the show is good or not, is it? I suppose you're right, yeah, yeah. But I haven't really been listening or watching too much, all right? I tell you, I did listen to a bit of Dave Smith's podcast. Oh, that's not good for you.

You ever listen to Dave Smith's podcast? Not Legion of Skanks? No, his own podcast. Part of the problem. Okay, no. I've never listened to it, but I've heard of it. Yeah, so I never listened to it either. Okay, I don't need more politics in my life, you know?

Yeah. But I do like hearing him talk about Israel. Okay. He's going to, like, laying down his... points and debating people. Yeah, yeah. I have to credit him there. Like, he does, you know, he knows

the stuff. And he does a lot of information I learn from listening to him, all right? He's good debating people like, you know, you get him on Pierce Morgan, it's him versus like five Zionists. Yeah. And he kind of like easily kind of takes them down, you know.

He doesn't get flustered. Because they're all like, Neh! I think for guys like me, we like watching debates because it's almost like what tough guys must feel like watching a fight.

Where it's like, yeah, I'd fucking do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd knock him out. Yeah, that's what I would have done, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we watched the beta, like, oh, I would have mentioned that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they mentioned, oh, he tried to hit him with a left jab of October 7th, and then I ducked it and went, oh, what about such a, I'm not a debater, but, like, yeah. I'm just saying, like, it's kind of, like, satisfying to watch that.

Yeah. I would have said the exact same thing. Oh, we're the same guy. Yeah. I wait, I've won this debate. I'm like, you know, Sherlock Holmes, he can predict the fight, you know, discombobulated you know like that uh-huh um but the amount of ads dave smit has for an hour long show there's about 16 ads really and they're all products for people who aren't doing

well okay so it's of course it's better help yes all right that makes sense just do a podcast yeah yeah but then there's also like uh like protein coffee he's selling testosterone he's selling nicotine toothpicks should never heard of ever Nicotine toothpicks Yeah What are they? You know if you want a cigarette Yeah

But you got something stuck in your teeth Okay You gotta smoke it and then get a toothpick Not anymore, my friend Well, yeah Okay So it's like you're You're cleaning out your tea

And you're getting the sweet nicotine hit At the same time That's interesting I wonder No is it When you said tooth pick It's not like one of those shitty plastic ones

That you use Is it like a cool Like guy in the 50s you know, like Oh, I don't know I didn't see it It's a radio, it's a podcast You know

Because the only thing It's smoking is like It's an oral fixation You need to have something in your hand Maybe for you Put it in your mouth No Do you not think, Brian

It seems like you're projecting there What? No No, Rob You've made a fool of yourself By bringing that up You're no Freud Do you know

He also like He advertises lots of hemp And stuff like that Which makes sense also political gambling ads so not like sports betting but political betting which I didn't know was a thing

will Israel bomb another hospital oh my God I'm winning so much money yeah no you actually is stuff like that you can like so like the let's say like will Putin and Zelensky

meeting next week okay stuff like that that's weird man yeah well it's also just have sports betting why you need to add this into the mix, you know, it seems pretty boring. Yeah, it's very stupid.

Also, like, I don't know anything about Dave Smith, really, you know, and he's libertarians, so whatever. Yeah. But some of the stuff he was saying seemed pretty stupid. He was not talking about Israel. Pretty out with touch. Like, he was talking about homeless people. And he was saying that

he isn't like homeless people on the street. It's kind of good that, you know, Trump's into National Guard. Yes. That's just the boss being a good boss. All right, cleaning up the streets. The problem, homeless people he was saying is that you know when a child sees homeless people yeah it affects them it bums them out and that lowers testosterone what yeah if a child is what the guy on the internet said if if a child sees a homeless person that will lower their testosterone and that's why there's so

many blue hairs oh my god on the street sees that you know all the blue hairs and the trans and the people like funco pops and that's because of the homeless and the hooviants yeah yeah it's all because the homeless. All the bums on the street. So when you're walking around Dublin, you see

all the beggars, you're like, it's your fault that I'm a loser. I can't get my dick hard because of you and your

vagrant buddies begging for change. Well, that's what he was saying. That's why guys who grew up in the countryside, like us,

we're so manly. Oh, I see. But then people in the city, you know, like those dubs, they're so like, please help me. Yeah,

yeah. Yeah. inner city Dublin's full of just limp-risted dandies it's like

Greenwich Village you know yeah yeah yeah it's seen pretty out of touch yeah so I watched a bit

Dave Smith I also I forgot about this I was looking at the thing about Bill Cosby sure

yeah I completely forgot Bill Cosby recorded a stand-up special in 2014 right for Netflix

and Netflix still haven't released it well yeah they got a special in the can we got an hour Cosby left. Yeah, yeah, well, okay.

2014, though, there was a, there's something else that I came on. I don't pay attention to the news. Oh, right, okay. Oh, wasn't that Hannibal Burris talking shit? Yeah. He's a no good troublemaker. Jealousy's a dangerous beast. Every time I see Hannibal Burris, that lowers my testosterone, actually. I heard a funny thing about Bill Cosby.

All right. I keep telling you, Brian, it's not funny. It's very evil. No, no, no, it's not that, all right? else. So I heard that Bill Cosby was filming a show. It was actually a remake of One Foot in the Grave. Okay. So you know Victor Meldrew? Yeah. Imagine that was Bill Cosby.

It was funny when all those women came out, he said I don't believe it. I do not believe these women, they are like One foot in the grave. I got one foot in a pussy. Well, apparently

They were filming that. Okay, so it's an American remake of One Foot in the Grave. And one scene had him going to ATM and getting money out. Right. All right. And Bill Cosby didn't know what? Atm was. Wow.

He was like, what? You can't just make up a machine that gives out money. Oh, that's a sci-fi project. Sit-com. Yeah, he just didn't. Because you imagine, so he probably got famous in what, like the 60s? 60s, yeah. So I think, no, he was stand-up first.

Yeah. very successful stand-up and then he was in I-Spy Yes, yes And then he was in the Cosby show And that went for like Didn't it last for like a decade Yeah, yeah

That was like a huge That was like bigger than The Simpsons Yeah For the time, you know Yeah, yeah And they don't really replay it anymore No They used to air it on

RTE That's right, I remember But I didn't really watch it too much I kind of regret Not watching now Well, you can probably Still can watch it You can find it all

The Blu-ray is very cheap on Amazon. Yeah, I get that, you know? Just hear the commentaries, you know? It was just crime stories, all right? But I didn't realize he did the One Foot in the Grave show, right? That lasted four years. Oh, really?

Yeah, I never heard about it. Oh, shit. So there's a lot of Cosby content for us to check out. Yeah. Do you hear the story about Bill Cosby and Jim Norton? No. So apparently Jim Norton was doing a gig in a casino, right? Just years ago.

And he had a girlfriend with him at the time, all right? and he saw Bill Cosby he's like oh can I get a picture at you Bill Cosby was like yeah I want to picture you and your girlfriend she's my girlfriend now you know but back then you just think like oh he's just being a cheeky older man

yeah yeah he's like oh it's my girlfriend stay away from my girlfriend oh that's Cosby you know and he's like oh no she is my girlfriend now shut the fuck old little worm I can have you killed

that's no way when he even miss your ass. I can end your shit right now. It was funny if it was Jim Norton's current wife. Yeah. Well, he's got glaucomba now. He's pretty much blind, so he wouldn't be able to tell, you know? Is he, what's he up to now,

Bill Cosby? Ah, not a whole lot, I don't think. He was still doing stand-up, I know, for a while. After I think when he got out of jail. Got out of jail, yeah. I think people liked him a lot. He's, well, I mean, there's still people that defend him and, like, you know.

There's still people who were like it was a conspiracy because he was going to buy CBS. Yes, yeah, I heard that. Yeah. Well, I started that rumor. I heard it and I believed it right away. Maybe he'll do that. What is it? The Radea Comedy Festival in Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia, yeah.

A lot of big names are doing that one. Yeah. It's funny, right? It's like Bill Burr, Louis C.K., Dave Chappelle, and then Jim Owen. Jim Owen, the Jim Owen, the, like, Northern Irish comedian. Oh, all right, yeah. Yeah, it's very funny to see them all in the same building.

Man, where is he based, that guy, Jim Owen? I don't know anything about him. I think the UK, like, he's kind of, he's done like the comedy panel show circuit for years. He hasn't he, I haven't met him. No. I think he's dodging me. Yeah. He's scared.

Yeah. So I'm the young dog. Oh, roo. Yeah. No more, you can get my scraps old man, the big dog. Got to eat first. So let's change the subject, all right? Okay.

I want to talk about Batman. Ah. And the reason I'm talking about it is because this week, Batman is getting a new writer, Matt Fraction. And it's a new era of Batman. Is this the comics? The comics, yeah, yeah. Keep up. Sorry.

All right, yeah. Well, you only have a Matt fraction of my interest. I set myself up there. Yeah, yeah. That's like his real name, you know. Yeah, by Matt Boring. Yeah, do something with that. Matt, gay, lame, stupid bullshit.

Really? That's his name? Yep, that's his name. Les, was it, Les Wining? More thinking and Les Widing. Oh, God. Great stuff. So, I was having to look back at some of the Batman comics from the last few years, all right?

Yeah. And I told because... When you're telling your dad, you're reading the farmer's journal. What happened to this week's Farber's Journal? Well, the farmer went to Archim Asylum to visit the scarecrow.

You find that on a farm, you know? Yeah. And there were travelers on his land. A real pack of jokers. And one of them was a real two-face. And there was some potty's and ivy.

That's a plant. There you go. And then... And he was assisted by a little red robin Okay, let me take a one You said too many there Sorry, you're not helping me

When you're stealing the light And you know you're doing And you make me feel bad and small Well, I'll circle back to that Okay I mean you could We could pause right now I'll give you 20 minutes

I have a chalkboard A penguin What do the area? Would there be a penguin on the farm Like instead of a pig pen, it's a penguin pen. Freeze. No, no.

But anyway, look, you... Anti-Freeze? Anti-Mr. Freeze? Yeah. No. I said that like, I got it. Anti-Mr. Freeze. Eureka.

Yeah. No, you're really throwing me off here, right? I'm getting frustrated, I'm getting angry. You know what you're doing. You enjoy. doing it. Brian is getting upset. Yeah.

So it's all I tell you about what's been going on with Batman lately, all right? Yeah. And just kind of like the development of Batman. So I don't know if I told you, but Batman's lost all his money. Oh, what? Yeah. Bernie Madoff. Pyramid scheme.

Basically, yeah. The Joker stole all his money. That's hilarious. The Joker hit him were hurt. He's Jordan Belford. Yeah. So now he's in a small little apartment in Gotham City. But he's still got like a Batmobile and all his gadgets.

Oh, wow. It would be cool if he was actually. proper broke. Yeah. You know, he chose a batarang. He used to get it back afterwards, you know? He used to pawn it and pawn stars. So he's broke, all right, and Alfred's dead.

Good. Well, you don't need a butler and a studio apartment, you know? He couldn't pay Alfred. It's the best thing you just put him down. Put a pillow over his face. No, Bane broke his neck. Oh. Yeah, so now Batman's broke.

Alfred's dead. And what Batman does, okay, and it's a little bit silly so Batman decides to create a backup personality for himself in case he goes mental so he creates a second Batman personality inside his own head

okay so he creates multiple personalities to avoid being mentally ill exactly yeah right so if he ever gets compromised or you know goes mental or anything he can just switch into the other Batman but his other personality is evil Yeah, okay Now, unrelated to that

Batman has created a robot called Failsafe and that's a robot that turns on in case of emergencies Okay And Failsafe is like the ultimate weapon It can defeat the whole Justice League

Right Right But guess what happens His evil personality Goes into the robot Okay I don't even know how All right

I don't like when Batman gets like kind of crazy like this. I like Batman beating up a goon. He's like, oh, it's the bat. Oh, the bat. Oh, you're crossing for a bruising. Yeah. I like it when just they're harassing a woman, not even stealing on his, not even like assaulting or it's like,

hey, touch, hey, hey, you know. Hey, sweet cheeks. Yeah. And she's like, oh no. You are alone. Yeah. Do, do, do, do. Oh, no, it's the bat jerk. Let's get out of here. Yeah. That's what I like,

all right? I don't like when it's all this kind of like, you know, Batman in space and all this. Oh, yeah. So now there's an evil robot with Batman's evil brain in it, okay? And now Batman's fighting themselves. It's kind of like a metaphor for what we do every day, you know?

It's trying to get through life. Oh. Okay. So then the robot called FailSafe shoots Batman. And Batman disappears. And you think Batman's dead? He's been disintegrated.

Yeah. Like, I dropped the comic book. I was like, what the fuck? Like I start panicking in Forbidden Planet You know I'd have to put a blanket over me Wow God is dead

Somebody help him I'm just pissing uncontrollably It's my evil mind And my back up personality It made me touch that woman on the bus So You thought Batman was dead

Didn't you? I did No Batman got sent to Parallel Universe Oh Yeah So he changed the gun So instead of setting it to kill

He set it to Parallel Universe Of course I should have How did I not see that coming? It's stun, kill parallel universe Yeah, multiverse Wow So then Batman's unstable

His atoms are unstable So he's traveling across The multiverses And he meets, get this He meets Michael Keaton Batman He meets Adam West Batman He meets all your favorite Batman's Oh good

Yeah And then well hello there old chum oh so the bat gun he sent you to the parallel universe oh hashtag Monday well I want to see what you think about this okay because this is a little bit silly

but they know what they're doing then they go to universe where they're sharks everywhere all right flying sharks and they're like what are we going to do with the sharks but then Adam West his shark repellent oh wow yeah

Jesus Christ Isn't that funny? No. For guys like me. Yeah. Like, oh, I get the reference. You probably only get the reference, do you? Idiot.

He used it in the show. Yeah, he did, yeah. Don't really feel as special now. Why were they, were they, he just had shark repellent on his back, the utility belt. Yeah, from the show. Right.

Just in case. Why were they encountering sharks? Because they're in a parallel universe where sharks are flying around the place. Not in the Adam. I'm talking about the Adam West TV show. Oh, because the shark was eating his leg In the movie

In the Batman TV movie Oh yeah, yeah, yeah I've actually seen that They had a big fight on the submarine Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't they? We should watch that for the show In fact, cancel that gig tonight Okay

That's not good for you No, you're right Going out there meeting people No, stay in here Getting paid to do comedy No, no You know, I'll pay you with laughter Uh huh

Yeah, and Batman Right So Batman gets home to our universe and defeats the robot but guess what remember Joker

alright turns out I think all the Joker I don't know what's going on I think all the Joker's minds from all the universes have gone into our Joker's head

and oh yeah you know the way Batman was trained by Razal Ghoul oh yeah sure turns out Joker was trained by some black guy. Ah. So it's all black guy's fault. Uh-huh. And then Raza fool.

Yo, what it is, Jack? Yo, you, Batman coming up. People tripping, right? You gotta whip that, you pistol whip that motherfucker real quick. I heard?

Yeah. He's a, he's very fast. Yeah, yeah. Like you. But it's not like that at all. Yeah, he's very like, I will help you defeat Batman. It's, uh,

Raja for Goal. Rajat Jackson I was going for but I just didn't even bother really fuck it who cares stupid reference no one even knows what I'm talking about At this stage I'm honestly I kind of zoned out with the comic book

Yeah Because I don't again I don't like it It was all this multiverse And all this crazy stuff And all these like The secret history of these characters Yeah To honest like

Paul keep reading it for you The whole multiverse concept Really does sort of ruin ruin like all this like the whole comic book world has sort of been ruined by the multiverse thing. Well multiverse has been around forever. Yeah.

Yeah, for since like the 80s, okay? But see guys like me, we know what's all about. All right, but modern audiences, they're not prepared for it. Right. Yeah, they can't handle how crazy it is. Yeah. Yeah. I like, I remember, you know, when you're talking to chatting up women in the club

is like, love, you just don't understand the multiverse. You don't have the mental capacity for it. I'm very cerebral. All these women are thinking about, they're thinking about Taylor Swift and stuff. Yeah. They're not thinking about Batman.

No. Do you see the engagement? Yeah, you sent it to me. Oh, I was crying. I couldn't stop. No, no, she'll never marry me. No, I was happy to see her happy, you know? Yeah.

It's almost like I'm happy in a way. Well, I don't know. You know the whole thing about the Gaylers. What, no? The Gailers are people who say that like, no way you like Alex Jones Yes Yeah, okay, right? I'll go along with this

Alright, yeah Don't act like you don't, don't betray Don't, like, take your piece of silver there, yeah Oh no, I hate Alex Jones And those kids definitely did die Yeah, yeah, they sure did What I set out, you shill, that's what you're No, they all went to the multiverse

You see, that's what happened And they met Adam West Adam West Adam Lanzah Well, hello, old chump. Hey, leave those kids alone. I challenge you to a bat dance off. The Batusi.

Yeah. The Batusi. Oh, hey. Achia. Oh. I didn't need any Kevlar vest to enhance my physique. Pure West. I'm just going to quote the Simpsons now.

That's all I'm going to do. Do the whole episode. Yeah, yeah. And then all a family guy afterwards. I'm Mr. Plow. That's my name. That name again is Mr. Plow. Anyway.

What's even talking about? Taylor Swift. Oh, Taylor Swift. The Gaylers. Who were the gayers? Yeah, so they're kind of like the Alex Jones for that side of it. Okay, so they all think Taylor Swift is actually gay.

Oh. And there's secret messages in all her song saying she's gay. Right. And they've literally got like bored. I love pussy. What could it mean? Try and decipher this. They've literally got like the red string and all that on boards and they're deciphering all these codes.

And it's like numerology and stuff. Like they're counting numbers and doing all this stuff. Like they're really into that stuff. But now all their plans have fallen apart. Well, no, also, because she wears stripes in the picture. Okay. And that's saying jail. Oh, wow.

So that's a signal there that this is all a fake marriage. I mean, it could be just like a PR marriage. He's a beard, is what they're saying. Yeah, it could be. what? Yeah, it could be No Maybe she likes bumping tacos Maybe she likes smashing clams, brother

But maybe she did Yeah But then The love of a good man cured her Yeah That's what Charlie Kirk says Is that right Yeah Charlie Kirk says

That the other way she's like liberal Who Taylor Swift Yeah she's like a mad liberal Right You know You know she doesn't I don't know why he called her A mad liberal

But he says that she is okay Yeah And she needs to be trained and taught. So by marrying a man, that will make her more conservative. Is he a conservative or is he? Who? Travis Kelsey. No, I don't know.

I don't think he is. But Charlie Kirk is. Well, yeah, obviously. And Charlie Kirk says it's going to fix her. Right. Like a dog. Yeah. They're going to get her neutered and spayed and put a chip on her.

They definitely already have a chip on her. Let's be honest. Yeah. Yeah. She's worth too much. need to have her walk around anyway. Yeah, she's just like a femme bot at this stage, you know? Very talented, though, you have to say.

Like, you can be all like, the only way you live in your cynical world, like, ugh. Oh, she's not Weezer, you know, like that. Well, she's not I'm sorry, but... Categorically, she is not Weezer. Weezer is better than Taylor Swift. I think most people would agree with that.

You try staying out in the street, you get lynched. Yeah. Well, where, well, what have we got here? One of them Fancy Pancy Wazer fans. Get em, boss. You're driving through the South and you got a Wieser CD. What we got here?

Ooh, I like just like Buddy Holly. Well, where, where. You got a pretty little mouth on you, boy. Hey, guys. What to listen to Pinkerton with me? Well, look, you like bull things. Oh, I can't. I literally can't.

I literally have a... Actually, it's a bit overrated, to be honest. No. Oh, okay. No, no, I take all... I think I might joke about it in the past. Yeah? Love her now.

What's your favorite song? Oh, I don't listen to her music, right? Yeah, but I just really impressed with her physicality. Okay. Yeah, because, like, she does shows, like, three hours. She's moving constantly. Yeah. She's standing up, doesn't even sit down once.

Right. If I was doing that, man, I do five minutes, but I got to sit down on stage. you have like an oxygen tank I'm going up to like Mount Everest I'm like help I need mouth to mount I said I need mouth to come on

I need mouth to cock resuscitation Not you Yeah Who is your handsome fella here All your crowd work clips are just You passed out on stage Getting mouth to mouth From some sweaty old Greek

ball. Yeah, some old hairy biker. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, what else we talk about there? So you're happy for Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift. I am, yeah, yeah. Travis Swift, I take her name. Would you?

You become Brian Swift? I'm going to start calling myself that now. Yeah. I'm Brian Swift. Yeah, Tate is my sister, yo. Yeah, you could say your brother and sister. You'd be one of those like mentelers on TikToks. Like, I'm actually Taylor Swift's illegitimate son.

Oh yeah. She refuses to acknowledge that I exist. I love those ones. Mom, if you're out there, please reach out to me. You see the one that's Nicole Kidman's daughter? I'm hearing of that one. Yeah, she's like, Nicole Kidman will not acknowledge me, and I'm bringing this all the way to court. And she's just like a mentler, you know? Yeah. But I tell you, speaking of Nepo Babies, all right?

Do you know Sidney Chandler? No. Kyle Chandler's daughter. Oh, I know Kyle Chandler, yeah. Great actor. Yes. All right. One the best.

Sure. Maybe the best. Wow. Yeah. Maybe that's... Tell you, Kyle Chandler and Taylor Swift, imagine those two together. Oh, yeah.

Travis Bear, watch out. Yeah, yeah. So, she is in a new Alien Earth TV show. Kyle Chandler's daughter. Yeah, yeah. Sydney? Sydney Chandler, yeah. She plays the main robot in it.

Right. So basically, I think I told you before, Alien Earth is a... It's a spaceship, I'm getting too excited. A spaceship crashes on future Earth, all right? and it's full of all sorts of different aliens. Not just alien we know but there's like all sorts of different eggs

and shit. There's all sorts of varieties and they send in these robots to take it, take the eggs and they bring it back and they're examining it and now weird stuff's happening. Okay. And it's Timothy Oliphant as a robot. Oh, I like him. And for some reason, I don't know why,

in all the trailers they're focusing on the aliens and Timmy Oliphons and Sidney Chandler, yeah. But Adrian Edmondson's in it as well. Oh, from bottom. From bottom. And the trailers don't focus on him at all. Yeah. And they're leaving money on the table. They don't understand just how popular at bottom, especially

with young American teenagers. Yeah. They love Eddie. They love all that, you know? Well, I know all the people that you follow on TikTok are like, I love being a bottom. He's like, oh, they're fans of British shitcom. You love Rick Mail as well, yeah. I like any kind

of male, sweetie. I'm in the gay sauna with my DVD of Bottom. Hello. I'm Bottom by name. bottom by nature I've never actually watched what the fuck's wrong with you lots of things well I tell you a solution there all your problems okay yeah it's either bottom or suicide that's your options alright bottom of the lake that's where I'll be happy bottom is great okay yeah I have very soft spot for bottom okay I got a soft to still hold up yes yeah it's you know what it's even more relevant than ever okay

what's it about two lads who like wanking well yeah fair enough they're like you know they're lonely basically what we call in cells now

oh right see this is a thing bottom is set and it was filmed before the internet yes so back in the day when there was two

lonely bachelors hanging out on the couch they'd be like you know just doing nothing all right going to the pub spending whatever money

they have you know wanking eating beans dropping beans on their cock you know hitting to with frying pans, you know,

doing the usual stuff, right? Sure, yeah. But nowadays, they're on the internet. Uh-huh. And now they're getting weird. Yeah. Now they can get on,

like, all these little group chats and forums and they go on to like... Ranting for vengeance. Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah. And it's just not good for you. Okay. But bottom's perfect. So bottom will cure all my problems.

I guarantee, watch the bottom live shows as well. I don't know if I'm ready for that. You can watch all four bottom live shows and then if you're really ready, okay, watch the outtakes Oh That's where the real fun

happens Yeah I genuinely I will watch The bottom outtakes Yeah I think about once a week Yeah

When I'm feeling really down You know Yeah Yeah When the pills Don't work anymore No

Then I'll just put that on And I'll be laughing Yeah Laughing through the chairs Yeah Yeah That's good But then

The video ends What do you do Then Oh quick refresh Oh fuck No it's too late Oh the dark shadows

Have crept in Behind my eyeballs And infected my Prefrontal cortex Yeah Watch bottom Okay Yeah

Definitely won't I'm gonna watch Happy Gilmore 2 again That won't bring any joy At all No it definitely won't Soulless You know that costs like

I think like 150 million Really Yeah a lot of money Went into it A lot of cameos Definitely is I'm gonna a money laundering scheme. Didn't they

said that about Jack and Jill as well? I think all his films they can say that because it's all about him going on vacation bringing his friends. Yeah.

Yeah, true. Ah, whatever. Look, I'll watch bottom, okay. Good. Yeah. Yeah, finally grow up a bit, would you?

Cop the fuck on. I also watched this week Clarkson's history of cars. I think I talked about this last week. All right. Did you? Yeah, you just don't listen there.

I zoned it out completely. So it's him talking with the history of British cars and the British car industry kind of died eventually, all right? Right, yeah. British Leyland and all that. But it's all,

a lot of his, him making fun of unions. Oh, yeah. How lazy they are and that. Right. And he does some really funny stuff about unions. So in one of the episodes,

he's talking about the unions, you know, how difficult they were, all right? And then the audio cuts out. Okay. And I'm like, what happened?

My TV's broken. Oh, no. Yeah. I was getting ready to call. It's a piece of shit. laptop, you just smashed it straight away. Fucking hunk of junk. Complete overreaction, yeah.

No, so then on the screen, text appears. It says sorry everyone, but the sound guys went on strike. Ah. Yeah. Makes you think, doesn't it? And there is no sound. I realize just how selfish or sound cunts are. Very unsound, if you ask me.

Yeah, well, yeah, they want fucking health benefits for their, you know, sick kids. And what makes this very funny is, you think it would just pop up for a minute and they go, back to sound. Now this goes on for like three minutes. Oh. Yeah. And then so it goes like, popped up first of all, sorry you've gone on strike. Then

no text for a while. Then it comes up again. We're trying our best to settle the strike. Kind of annoying, isn't it? That's how you feel, you know? Yeah. But then it comes back again like, oh, don't worry, we've got sorted now. Okay. Audio will be back soon. And then after another while, the audio comes back.

But then the kicker, right, is he's like, oh, and anyway, beep, beep. 5.30. Time to clock out. Right. Doesn't matter if we're not finished. I'm going home. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what they're all like. Yeah. So

every time the nurses go on strike your driving pass, you cunts ruined the Clarkson show for me. You fucking bintz. I hope you all get fucking ass cancer. But also clap for nurses. Yeah. Yeah. Of course.

They work too hard. They don't get enough respect. Who are you trying to... From me. I'm giving them nothing but abuse. I just spilled shit. Clean that up now. I pay your wages with me taxes.

You're not even in the hospital or anything. You're in her house. And I'm her cleaner. That's the real insult to injury. I'll just talk a big shite in a ball glove. Yeah. I'd leave it an hour of four. why were you?

At one stage I was looked into cleaning jobs yeah I think a cleaning job wouldn't be too bad like

kind of like Zen in a way just cleaning off people shit it doesn't have to be it's not always excrement James probably

a lot of it is probably no I say a lot of it's just like some mansion alright yeah some like really

hot babe there and she's like oh my husband is a claim Everest at the moment you know and there's a load

of dust on that one table uh huh And here's like, you know, 500 per day. Yeah. Clean the dust. I'm like, oh, yeah, no problem misses.

But I'm cleaning it. Oh, yeah, you know what happens, okay. I'm cleaning the dust. And some of the dust goes with my pants, all right? Oh, bloody ill. Oh, blow me, eh. Oh, what are we going to do? So I take my shirt off and I'm like, oh, wait a minute.

That's not my pants. Let's be shirt. And then I take my socks and my pants off, all right? Right. And I have this allergic reaction where dust gives me hard on. Yeah. A giant raging. hard on. Yeah. So then

I like run to the back room, all right? Yeah. Just knocking stuff over lamps and vases with your big cock. Yeah, to clean the dust off my cock, all right? But I forget to knock on the door. So I come in, she's taking a big shit. Yeah. But in a sexy way, all right?

There's no way for it not to be sexy, you know? And then, uh, I'll leave the rest of your imagination. Well, let's say things get hot and steamy. Yeah. But then the husband comes back. The steaming coming off the shite, you know. Then the husband comes back

all right, and I got to hide in the toilet. I'm like, can I hide anywhere else? No, get in there. In the toilet, quickly, go. Yeah. He's like, honey, I need to take a big dumb. Yeah.

Yeah, we could write. I'd write a farce. Yeah, kind of like confessions of a window cleaner. Yeah, watch those. No. They're not that good. I can't imagine they are. I, yeah, surprisingly. They're kind of sad. Yeah.

A lot of that British sex comedy from the 70s there's still a bit of a whiff of the blitz off it you know? Yeah, yeah.

There's like, you know what is in American sex comedies it's like, you know, cheerleaders, and it's in college

and going up a ladder and they're all taking their breasts and they're all young and attractive, you know, all American, you know,

there's like a high standard where a lot of the British comedies, it's like a very, no offense, but it's a very, a real oggy-looking man, all right?

It's a proper, like, someone like me, like, all right, Mrs. What's going on you? You know? Like, guys who just eat beans and cigarettes their whole life, you know, and Larger. Yeah.

And then the women are, like, attractive, whatever like that. But they just get lead. They're not like, it doesn't feel like they're part of it. Right. Like, oh, hello there. They're like, get away from me,

you monster. I shut up, you. You love. No. I'm a bus driver. Shut up. Yeah. Confessions.

of a bin man. You just come in raking of garbage. I live in the bin, you know. Oh, I love you. Oscar the Nons. I'm not, he doesn't have to be a nuns.

Well, it just works, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. Well, it had to be one syllable. I couldn't say Oscar the rapist or Oscar the Pino. It had to be Oscar the Nodz because he's Oscar the Grouch. Yeah, you can't see who it works.

Yeah, exactly, yeah. You know, that's how smart you are, James, Like there was like all these options All right Kind of like the Terminator You see all these things Like numbers and words Okay

Like nonce Yeah Like a beautiful mind Yeah Just all these equations Like how can I call Brian a nonce Yeah And they're also

They're not that sexy They're all kind of like You know You know like one shot You know just the camera's set up Yeah She's over there in a room Okay

She's like Oh me What are you doing here? I'm in just in my towel. Oh, sorry, love. I just, you know, oh, I got me what's sitting. I got me, you know what,

stuck in a watering can. Oh, come here. Oh, no. Oh, you know, it's all that. But then it's all like, you know, when they have sex in those films, it's just, they speed it up to make a comedic, all right? Oh, so you don't actually get like this.

They speed up a bit like Clockwork Orange, actually. Oh, yeah. Yeah, maybe that's a reference to it It probably is, yeah Oh, there you go But, and then like Some like proper old fuck You know, some guy who probably

has PTSD for the war Yeah He's meant to be the husband He's like, well, what's going on here? Why, why the panties Yeah, uh, on the stairs? Why you bloomin' knickers All over there bloody gaff?

And then the guy has to like Run out in his pants And he just beats the fuck out of the husband, just cracks his skull open there's blood everywhere then she's crying so he panics and he bashes her skull in

then the little kiddies come running and he has to kick them down the stairs and then he burns the gaff down and runs off the film's a PG rating back down's like yeah no matter you could actually do something

kind of interesting like do like a sex comedy for today but you'd have to make it like trans okay and you'd have to like um no that's it that's it yeah yeah that's it done it's just a trans window cleaner then um yes yeah yeah yeah i think that would work quite well yeah there's always been rumors about

bringing back to carry on films yeah so bringing back to window cleaner films as well god how much would you love that though carry on oh man yeah but it's like i'd be camping out i'd be camped out yeah I'd be camping out. You know, like, people camp out for Star Wars. Oh, matron. What else can we talk about here? There's some SNL. Oh, wait, there's a new Kobe movie coming out.

Okay. And what's interesting is, they have decided to make it about them recruiting Kobe. Right. So they don't really go into his life. Okay. Because if you went to, did the Kobe biopic, you have to address the unpleasantness.

Sure. Yeah. That stupid animation film. what an embarrassment that was so they all are like everything else he ever did up to his life perfect never put a foot wrong

and he puts out this dome animation like oh believe in your dreams or whatever you know that was going around he was like no remember I did a rape remember that okay talk with the rape instead no boring

that's a sigh up I'm not talking with that but yeah so it's early Kobe yeah so it's going to be the Lakers deciding to draft not. Okay. And that's going to be the whole film. It's going to be a draft day thriller. Why would it be a thriller? Because it's like, are we

going to get him or not? But we all know that they do. Yeah. Okay, you can poke holes in all you want. All right, big man. Sorry, yeah. What's your movie going to be about? Confessions of Kobe Bryant's window cleaner. Joe Feeneck, he can't do that to the bird.

I, leave off. It's all right when I do it, but not you. Yeah, it's, it's always tricky. When you watch documentaries with the Lakers or about Kobe Bryant, they have to dance around the Colorado stuff, the rape, all right? They kind of talk about like it's a sickness or like a mental health issue in a way

where it's like, you know, oh yeah, Kobe, you know, he had his troubles. And they were all against him and no one believed in him. And he felt pretty down for a day or two. But you know what he did? he got out of bed and he played harder

that's the inspiration to all of us all of us we can all be a bit more like Kobe Brian the Black Bamba Is that what they called him? Yes what they call him

yeah Thank God yeah This guest Barack Obama Yeah The Black Mamba Oh Jesus I don't have much

I talk about Okay Oh fuck Thursday Murder Club Oh you've been watching that Have you? Yeah I watched it this morning.

Well, watch bits of it's morning. I showed you as well. Thursday Murder Club, by the way, is like a publishing institution. Okay. Like, I think... Is it Richard Osmond? Yeah, Richard Osmond. Okay.

You don't really like him, though, do you? I find him pretty shite. Okay. I wouldn't mind it, but he... I don't know why I don't like him. You know, as I get older, I used to always think, why don't I like that person?

Yeah. And if I couldn't think of a reason, I was like, oh, I guess I'm the wrong then. Uh-huh. But I've realised that's unhealthy. Okay. You should just dislike people and trust your gut. Sure.

Yeah, don't let doubt cloud your hatred. Okay, it's an inspiring message there. I'm a bit of Gandhi, aren't I? Yeah, yeah. But... A handy gandy. Well, in fairness, he was too, wasn't he? Well, no, no.

Gandy the nods. No, no, actually, he was. He slept with those young girls to prove they wasn't a nuns. Okay. That's what happened. It's an interesting strategy. Because he took a vow of celibacy, all right? Yeah.

A vow of not being a nonce, all right? Oh, yeah. Well, what sacrifices he made, all right? So what he did is he used to get young girls to sleep with him, but like literally in the bed, all right? Yeah. To prove that he wouldn't touch him. But did he not touch them? Look, the effort account, sorry?

Okay, you're right. Why do we fall down, Master Wayne? Look, that's what he says anyway, okay? Fair enough. I think other people disagree with him. Yeah, okay. Like you. Well, you know.

Dandy hater, aren't you? Sorry, yeah. He should respect to the government more. Those British men, it was a very hot climate, and they were trying their darn best. What's on me? So Thursday murder club, yeah. Huge publishing sensation. And literally, like, the only books to sell in Tesco now were Thursday Murder Club books.

Or the Quran. Well, this is sold more than the Quran. Oh, really? Yeah. In fact, long Muslims, they read. turns of murder like this is fucking way better oh chuffin the troll of Cran the bin you know yeah don't need this who needs prof mohammed

you got richard ozman the prophet Richard osman now you know so it's about these old kooky characters live in the old folks home a very nice old folks home it's like a big castle almost yeah yeah and they instead of just sitting around eating jello

watching diagnosis murder getting abused by the nursing staff they decided to solve mysteries together right so it's that way what we could that when we're older. Yeah, we can do it now. We'd be cool, yeah, like bored to debt. Yes.

Yeah, that'd be fun. You can be Schwartzman. No, I'm Gallifanakis. We both know on Gallifanacus. You're right. I'm Ted Danson. Yeah, you're not Ted Danson. I'm a silver-haired fox. So, they're solving mysteries together and we got Helen Mirren. Yeah.

She's a no-nonsense boss, bitch. Yes. And she's eight years old, but she's still got it. she's kept that body tight Yeah, speaking of tight bodies Pierce Brosons in it Oh yeah He's looking great

To be honest Like me and you We didn't even hide it We both just gayed out looking at him Yeah He's so oh Zaddy He

It's giving Zaddy Yeah Oh that's so Zaddy coded What the fuck is this shit Lex language They're forcing us all

I think that's actually Old Hat now What All that like giving And you know She ate cunt and all that Yeah, serving. That's all like...

Oh, yeah, that's what my granny used to say. You belong to Thursday Murder Club with that. They're saying a new thing now that we don't know. And that's good. Oh, right. If you knew what they're saying, that'll be weird. If you're like, no, Brian, 12-year-olds say this. Yeah.

It's on the flibb floor. Zips up. Yeah. The Hibadoo. The Wackenese. No, I don't think that's it. Yeah. And again, don't try.

maybe I'll make up my own one Nanu Nanu Nanu Yeah that's good It's not a sign of schizophrenia Yeah but no I tell you what I was watching with that Thursday

Murder Club Pierce Brosden doesn't look old enough To be there He looks like he's in his 50s You could honestly have him Bring his dad in there Yeah He looks great

And then what's his name Gandhi Ben Kingsley He also looks really good that's the problem all the other ones in the old folks home look proper old like decrepit

even then like one woman is meant to be like playing she's a hundred year old woman look a day over 97 no they're just not

they're not old enough she's like doing backflicks on the trampoline like Benson boom you know yeah yeah they're too young and sexy for the film

you know it's Hollywood right there yeah if it was like a BBC production they would have got like proper decrepit you know yeah

know old racist cunts like the old lad who plays the old janitor and Harry Potter yeah yeah that old decrepit fuck David Bradley yeah

and Doc Cotton yeah even though she's dead like still put her in a wheelchair dig her up you know yeah but yeah so they're too young and sexy

in terms of murder club first of all and the murders they investigate oh it's so stupid first murder investigating okay is a woman

got stabbed thrown through a window not out of window through the glass, okay, and landed like five stories down. Right. And she's dead. Yeah, suicide then. Yeah. But Helen Mirren's like,

hmm, suspicious. So, she died before she hit the ground, that doesn't seem right, does it, you know? And they go to an expert, the expert's like, yeah, from my calculations here with her weight and the trajectory, she would have still been alive when she hit the ground.

Oh. She was murdered after she hit the ground. Oh. Yeah. wait so somebody stabbed her after they threw her through her through their window is that's what they might be saying yeah okay and so they're investigating that but at the same time david tenant from doctor who he plays an evil businessman oh that's why he aspired to be someday an evil businessman yeah i'd love that yeah good for myself confidence well what would you do like just close down the orphanage and the children's hospital for no profit whatsoever just for looks in their faces it's actually costing me one of you to do this, but... Yeah, I come in, dress as Santa Claus. Oh, ho, children. Guess what?

Presents for everyone. Sike. All their presents are just sex tapes of you bagging all their mugs. Oh, yeah. She was a real ho, ho.

She was having to go on my jingle balls. I fucked all the orphans' mothers. That's why they're orphans. Yeah. The children's hospital. Oh, really? Okay. Sorry. No, yeah, I just did.

Oh, yeah. I noticed you were having too much fun with that one, so I wanted to point out your... I know you're smiling, you're giggling there, having a great time. Time to poke a little hole in your fun. Actually, James, I wouldn't do that. You know that. Yeah. I've never dressed up as Santa Claus.

I have. Oh, have you? Yeah, I used to do that in school. Really? I told you that, yeah. No, you didn't. I used to go in primary school. I used to dress up a Santa and give up.

bionicles. Bionicles? Yeah. What's a bionicle? Oh man, you're so old. You're not witty at all. Bionicles? Yeah, there were like Legos. Okay. Yeah, that's what I did one year. I thought it'll be kind of fun. Oh, so this isn't

like the teachers made you do this? No, no, I did it myself. Yeah, yeah. I did it myself. You always some kids go with a gun. I went there with bionicles. You dressed up as Santa and gave bionicles to all your classmates? Yeah. How did they react? What's going on? Yeah. What's a bionicle? Yeah. Who are you? Are you allowed to do that? Was the teacher not like... And I went, I went away. They'll never know who he was, you know?

Did you have the full... Yeah, beard and everything, yeah. Where'd you acquire these? I think I found it to skip somewhere. There's a dead Santa Claus behind the Tesco and Carlo. Much like the Santa Claus movie, you know? I found a suit. Like, I found a dead tramp and I'm like, I put on the suit, I'll get his powers. I'll become Tim Allen. It smells like urine. It's Tuler time. Christmas urine.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what I did one year. I thought it'd be kind of fun. And did everybody... I got a pretty lukewarm response, to be honest. Yeah. That's why I knew life should be pretty hard. You try your best.

And you don't succeed. Yeah. You get what you want. Oh. Yeah. I thought it'd be kind of fun thing to do it. Because you know what? you see in shows, people do

kooky stuff like that. You know, Phoebe does something cookey and they all love her. Yes. But in real life, there is no laugh track. No, except for the one in your head. But instead of laughter, they're just calling you dork,

pussy, freak, kill yourself. Yeah. I didn't dress up with Santa after that. No. What did, what, do you remember what?

It would be last year in primary school. You were in, what, 11, 12? Yeah. I told a bit of Christmas. cheer. What, two old at 11? Two old.

Yeah, grow up, pal. Back of my day, you're working on the mine. Fucking shagging birds. Fucking beating up fucking foreigners. That's what I were doing at 11. Yeah.

Fucking see some Romanians and fucking give them the business, all right? Fucking one, two, uniflu, pal. I thought it was a kind of fun thing to do, you know? No one agreed to me.

No, they didn't. No. actually they're wishing it was a shooter. Oh, God. You've had these moments where you try to do these big expressions of... Yeah, and life spits

on my face. You try to be the hero and you end up being the zero. You else did in primary school, actually. Oh, you know what? Yeah, well... I don't know what that means. You know what Digimon? Yeah. You know, he wears goggles. One of the characters for his goggles

in Digimon. Okay. I start wearing goggles. All the time? Yeah. Were they actually... On my head.

Oh, right. It's like a fashion tank. Right. Okay. They were like, what you doing? What kind of like swimming goggles? Yeah. Right.

I was like, look, like Digimon. And... They were like, again, lukewarm response. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't even get bullied for it. Oh, you know, I was more per... But you were still dressed as Santa Claus with his goggles.

Yeah, Digimon. I think I didn't get bullied in school because I was more confusing. right yeah they're like what the fuck is this the bullies

were like wait what they just had to punch a wall in frustration on the other side so it's me

dressed as Santa hand out by onicles all right with goggles talking with Digimon yeah

the other side he's like a gay kid who's like you know who's like pulling pansies so like

okay let's bully him instead yeah we can understand this yeah he's a fruit

loop and we're gonna kick him like we know the gay guy in in Dennis and Nash

the Bino was it what was he called like pansy Peter Pansy I never realized he was meant to be gay though

I think that's the subtext Yeah, right The subtext is a gay basher That's why the dog's called Nasher, yeah Bashar and Nashir Wow, fuck it hell I'll have to go back

And reread the Beano There's a lot of coded subliminal messages I didn't get before I don't want to call anyone out Boyd a friend He used to jerk off over the Beano The Bash Street kids the teacher

gonna bash one out to the back street kids apparently the mother I think Dennis's mother was hot really he's over nasher what a dirty dog

that is weird man well look beggars can't be tutors back then I guess this is for the internet yeah yeah I suppose it was that or remember

you had to download naked pictures on your phone yeah that cost remember the back of magazines you can download ringtones and videos.

I remember. Yeah. But I never did that. No, me neither. But I would get, here's a good trick, although I got caught doing this, but I would buy car magazines, right? Because there were certain car magazines that had topless women in them. What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember like being in my local shop and just like flicking through magazines and there's a pair of tits and I was like, what? It's like I discovered the arc of the covenant, you know? was like, oh my God, and I'm just like going up to the counter. One magazine, please. You have a bathroom here. No?

What about that wheelie bin that's left unattended? Nobody's going to be looking at that for a few minutes, are they? But yeah, so there was like, topless women in them. And then, like, I was like 12, maybe. And my cousin, he was like, oh, fuck, could you give, like, so he had me rip out one of the pictures of the topless women and give it to him. then he got caught with it and then his mother rang my mother

and then she like sat me down and like you know this is like this is not how you should view women and blah blah blah and it's so funny how tame a topless picture is because now it's like I just see like a 19 year old getting gaped out crying and I don't even feel

anything you know what are you seeing there? Ah you know same car magazine they're really really Top Gear magazines change now they're up in their game pal yeah I'm just looking to use cars That's all I care about

You know You can have the pictures of the gay being though that Yeah I know my look at by the gay porn car magazine

Babe babe Hello Wow I know you don't sound like that Wow It sounds Well you know

Just thinking back now Remember the porn Not even porn It'd be like just sexual adult stuff Right Be kind of like the top Yes

So you'd have your Beinos and Batman's and all that down there Yeah But the porn stuff It's all like Maxim FHM,

Zoo, Nuts. Yeah, that kind of stuff there wasn't anything crazy extreme in it. No, there's no one like Playboy or like Husklers. No, actually, it would be a playboy every now and again. Oh, okay. In the Eastons and Carlo, you'd have a playboy. But you know what's funny, I literally, I swear to God, I get playboys, like, oh, an interview with Conan

O'Brien. Oh. Andy Richter is the perfect sidekick. Tell me more. What juicy stuff. I'm hard. already. Get that naked woman out away. I rip out the pictures. More Andy Richter pictures please. And then

I look at the cartoons because I have the little funny cartoons and Playboy as well. Oh really? Yeah. Again not actually that funny. It'll be stuff like she belongs in the kitchen. I don't know if I've ever actually read a Playboy because I never really encountered one, you know?

Let's get one. Okay, right now? Yeah. Let's go. Go to the local shop. Where is it? Where is the playboy? I'm an adult now. I'm allowed to buy it. Actually, speaking of going to shops and things, you know, like yelling at people,

I was in the crack den recently, all right? Oh, yeah. And they got like a box of, I think they were flyers, all right? Right. And they're trying to open it, but they had like a knife, but the knife is blunt.

Right. And they were like, Hey, Brian, you go running downstairs and get their knife. Take the blunt one with you, all right? But I didn't tell the woman downstairs what was going on, really. Yeah.

I was like, do you have a knife? Give me a fucking knife. She was looking at me like, what, what? I was like, I have one here, but it's not good enough. It won't work.

I'm trying to, it won't, it's that sharp enough to do what needs to be done. Yeah, I want one that goes in a woman. I have a mission that I must complete.

Yeah. Well, no, I was going to say, all right, so in Carlo, had Nessens and it's like to a more

upscale pornography, all right? Yeah, your playboys, where it's just kind of like a tasteful, you know, woman breasts,

maybe on a motor, bike or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But in Bunklody, do you ever hear of Bunklody? No. It's in Wiclo or whatever. All right. They had a little newsagents.

I remember all thinking it weird. So you go in there. It's a real small, like, mom and pop newsagent. It's not like a brand or anything. It's just called like, you know, Pats. Yeah. Pats and Mables, but Mabel's crossed out. Yeah.

That's a story there. But in that place, up top, they had, like, magazines that were literally like, filthy milf. Wow. Yeah, like, really, like, teen, Asian, Bangkok. Jesus. You know. Wicklow, you say. Yeah, Wiclo, you say.

Yeah, Wiclo. I remember that's so weird, they've got, like, little porn section in Wiclo. Like, a tiny place, bunklody. Yeah. And I be, I remember I looked at one of the magazines, so I don't care. Like, the old fellow who ran it was, like, you know, deaf and blind. He could literally start wanking the shop, you know.

He would know, no better, you know, the perfect crime. But, like, it was literally like, Yeah, banging a fucking dirty slag in a wheelie bin. That's what I call great British culture right there, yeah, yeah. And then I shove some beans up our, full eggs and beans and bacon, a butty, baking, butty. Real disgust and stuff. A lot of stuff in the magazines of, like, dear teen milk schoolgirls, I'm a schoolgirl myself, and I just love 50-year-old men.

I love rubbing my minge out to Victor Mildre Yeah, of course Real disgusting stuff I love flicking my bean to the Thursday murder club But only to Ben Kingsley She has taste Yeah, yeah Yeah, I may go back there actually

That'd be good, like a pilgrimage Back to Bunkloadie I have returned Or at the hour Oh yeah, we're over there Oh yeah, we're over the hour there, yeah Yeah I tell you what I'm going to do

I'm going to watch the last few episodes of Dexter for the next episode so keep you updated and what's going on there I'm very excited to see what happens

are you and we got Dexter the prequel as well I'll watch some more that wait didn't I get cancelled what the young Dexter

I thought it got cancelled you get what you want but not what you need well I watch something else then they can't stop me watching things who is it that produces Dexter oh no like what station was it oh uh a m o fx yeah you go to the fx officers dress

of santa well yeah merry christmas you filthy animal