Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 272 : The Beach

Episode Date: November 15, 2025

Brian invents a new type of tampon.

We're watching, we're going to talk with a beach, the Danny Boyle film. Yes. But before that, I want to talk more about Waterloo Road, because I'll show you some clips there. Yeah. Like, Waterloo Road is interesting because it's been going for like, I think like 12 years, long, long time. And it really kind of shows the fears that British parents have. Yes. Really praise on those fears.

So it's exactly what you think's going on with your kids. They're all drinking and boozing and shagging. and their school shooting each other and raping and pirate pirating movies and reading the Koran. It's all the worst kind of things. Yeah.

Terrifying. Like we were watching one episode of Waterloo Road there because we're cool. Well, we're watching the best bits on YouTube. Yeah, I don't have time to watch full episodes. None with a fluff. All killer, no filler, man.

So I'm watching one episode where these people are selling burgers outside the school but they're also dealing cocaine yes and they're selling cocaine to like 12 year old maybe less like literally some of those kids look like 10 years old they were very young yeah and not it's like what were to getting like they were paying for a burger and they were getting like a pretty big bag of coke as well decent size about a coke yeah I don't think it's a good business model from that so we charged them five quid for the burger and the cocaine's free we'll rake it in And then, like, these girls are all going into the school, into the jacks together, okay?

Dropping the burger on the floor. Yeah. It's a real waste of burger, isn't it? I guess you don't really want to eat a burger if you're on cocaine. I do. Okay. Am I weird? Because of that, I think that's the best thing to do when you're on coke.

Just to guzzle a bunch of burgers? Exactly, yeah. Okay. On your own, in the dark. Why listen to some trans music? Gag boy, gag boys comes on day, said boy. Mega, mega white band or whatever. I don't think that's the words.

Close enough, yeah. Well, anyway, so speaking of Danny Boyle, actually, I watched the beach. And the beach is a film that I heard about for ages. Yeah. It's kind of being forgotten about. The only reason I heard about is because it led to the fallout with Danny Boyle and E. McGregor.

Oh, really? Yeah, so E. McGregor taught he was going to be in. right and the studio wanted a big name like leo he's you know it's leo he's after titanic yeah that's was that like the film he did directly after titanic yeah yeah i think so yeah so i can understand but i think he didn't tell eun mcgregor uh directly yeah they kind of kept a like you know yeah maybe will yeah yeah and the film comes out and e mcgregor's like wait a minute he's just waiting on a beach in glasgow like when the way to shoot this film

Are there beaches in Glasgow? I'm sure there are. They're not good ones. Depressing shitty beaches full of dead dogs and dead tramps and you can't tell which is which, you know. What? Come on, come on. This is, don't look at me like that.

He's making a commentary on how we perceive the homeless crisis. Yeah, something like that. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I watched the beach, okay. It's actually based on a novel, by Alex Garland you know him the screenwriter

and also director now so he Batman oh no that's Matt Raves yeah you shouldn't know that yeah well I did I corrected myself

yeah yeah but still what an embarrassing moment wait what an proud I'm not moving on I'm gonna let you

forget this I want you to live in this moment Alex Garland didn't he write the Wizard of Oz so Alex Garland

And he wrote a lot of stuff with Danny Boyle. He did like the 28 days later films, you know, those films. And he also ends up directing, I think, X Machina and Civil War. Oh, yes, Civil War. Those kind of films, which I'm not really a big fan of Civil War. But anyway, he wrote this book, and it was described as kind of like a, you know, it's like a cool kind of Gen X kind of, like Lord of the Flies, Gen X kind of thing, you know. Really makes you think about consumerism and Keppelism.

Does it? I didn't read the book, but... Good, good job, Alex Garland. We defeated consumerism and capitalism. It doesn't dictate our world anymore. So, mission accomplished there. Yeah, it's easy to you criticize poor old Alex Garland. Well, yeah.

You know, the Batman wasn't very good. I liked it. You didn't like it, though. No, that was pretty stupid. Remember Paul Dano? Yeah? Yeah, he's like, yeah, like and subscribe him. going to blow up the water dam.

Yeah. And he did. It was freaking awesome, dude. You're rooting in the same. Yeah, yeah. I was dressed as the riddler. Yeah, drowned all the hoars. And we're getting too silly here, okay? I want to talk about the beach. The point is okay, beach came out, kind of

came and went, didn't get a good reception. Yeah. Did semi-okay because it's Leo with his shirt off after Titanic. So people like that, right? He was still like the young heartthrob. Now, I didn't know what was about. I thought it was just a thing about like a guy

goes on a trip and I know learns about himself and that's it really. Yeah. It's a bit weirder than that. Okay. So it starts off, it's Leonardo Caprio in Bangkok. And you know, it's all this, you know, it's all this crazy stuff going on. People

I don't know what they do in Bangkok. Sucky, socky, $5? No, that's a stereotype. Oh, okay. Suki, socky, too, dara. Oh, Dara The economy, you know Yeah, yeah No, it's just, you know

It's a big, big city It's all packed together, you know It's claustrophobic There's things going on It's a big culture shock to Leo Right He stays in a hostel He meets Robert Carlyle

Oh yes Yeah And Robert Carlyle is a Scottish man He's like, there's an island Secret Island I got kicked off You know, but the island The island

They mate, Jeff Epstein on this island that's fucking great while you do have you a fucking want to me but kicked off you said it was being weird being a perv and I said that we're being too much of a nonch

how you can't he be too much of a nonch on a fucking nonch island the fucking play is called a Lillita Express So anyway he's talking gibberish right The next day he slit his wrists Oh he's dead

But he's left a man map to this weird island that may or may not exist. Okay. So Leo's like, huh, that's kind of funny, isn't it? And there's two other people I meet, these two other Americans, whatever, and decide to find the island together. Right. And even if it's not real, which it probably isn't, it's a fun little trip, you know. Yeah, an adventure.

Yeah, so they get to the island and they swim out. It's a hard swim and all that, but they get to the island at the end, like, oh, this is a beautiful place. Oh, what's that? And these guys with guns are there. Oh. It turns out they're growing cannabis. Right. We've got like an illegal cannabis farm there.

Okay. They're like, oh shoot, better go off to island. But then they meet Tilda Swimpton. Swindon. But I'm the idiot. She wrote Batman. Do you know how that feels to be talked down to by this goofball? Oh, I flew too close to the sun.

Yeah, yeah. We need to talk about Brian and he's an illiterate mongoloy. Tilda Swinton. Tilda Swinton Okay, yeah Taylor Swivens Day Okay, so What's her name, sorry?

Tilda Swinton, okay You've made me doubt myself, it's your fault Yeah, yeah You've got, you hit it right out of the park The first try So it turns out They've actually started up Their Little Society on the island

And it's heard a bunch of people from all the world, Swedish guys Patterson Joseph, you know Oh, that's cool And they've done a deal with the people with the gun the lads. So it's like, look, they know we're on the island, but we don't harass them.

They don't harass us. We don't steal their drugs. We don't steal their drugs. We don't invite other people on the island. Right. Okay. And we grow a little bit ourselves, and we always pick one person, sneak on to the mainland to buy, like, you know, tampons and, you know, food and whatever, okay? Right. And

is there a boat or do you have to swim? You got to swim. Jesus. Yeah, yeah. It's a hard old swim now. You can make a little boat sometimes, yeah. A little dingy. Then you destroy the boat, you know You gotta build another one By the way, this island's like very utopian Where they're growing their food

You grow their weed There's no like hierarchy, allegedly, you know Tilda kind of tells everyone what to do Right You know, she's the, the Karen Yeah, yeah I suppose kind of, you know She's like the queen a little bit

She wouldn't like that title Right And it's all like kind of free love And you know, it's all about chilling Having fun And we all work together You know like some people fish Some people grow

Some people cook the fish and all that but it's all about working together as one perfect in harmony in unison, one perfect organism and Leo likes this But dare I say, maybe there could be trouble in paradise, Brian. Well I turned off the film there.

I was like, yeah, wonderful. What a wonderful film. I always do that with films. I like to just watch a bit. I'm like, that's the end there. All the Jews are leaving Germany. And that little girl is saying, goodbye, Jews, goodbye. The end.

I'm sure it worked out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, there's all this kind of like interdynamics. You know, Leo likes a girl, but she's dating someone else. Right.

You know kind of standard stuff. And he gets picked to go to the mainland. So him and Tilda Swinton go off to the mainland with a list of stuff. And it's all just kind of like practical stuff. Like I mentioned that tampons is a big thing Of the year You can just make their own out with sand But

Which I tried But no one wants to Buy my sandy tampons So And then there's other stuff like soap And kind of basic stuff like that Right So they go off there

And again Don't mention the island All right They sell their bit of weed Okay Okay buy some supplies But guess what Because it's Leo

He ends up banging Tilda Of course Yeah Yeah But Tilda is very like Yeah, it's just a bit of sex But I've got a My boyfriend, you know

Right Don't tell him You know Leo's still young So he's like Oh is this love Shut up bitch I'll buy an engagement ring

On the mainland I'll make an engagement ring Out of tampons Sandy Tampons Now the big kind of turning points It's all idealic And you know

Another funny thing is So The beach on this island is beautiful. Right. And I was like, is that CGI or what is it now? Because it's so nice, you can't assume like it's like uncanny valley in a way. Right, okay.

Turns out, there's actually a real beach there that they destroyed to make it look nicer. What? Yeah, so they you know, like you know, like nature is a bit messy sometimes. It's not like, doesn't really look, um, picturesque. Yeah, okay. So they knock down with all the shit that kind of gets in the way. All the

trees and the orphanages and all, all the animals and everything. okay and all the environmental groups are like don't do that yeah so this film came out like 2001 maybe this led to a court case that didn't get settled

to like 2006 oh shit for Sony had the Sony to pay off this huge amount of money fuck because they were like Sony were like don't worry we'll just rebuild it it's like no that's not how it works

you can't rebuild all those dead monkeys you know and all the nature and like all the yeah yeah so it was a huge things and all um Danny Boyle says he's not happy with the film because they really were having a lot of fun making this

and that doesn't translate right like they were on the beach like all like all the scenes drinking having fun on the beach that's just them having fun the beach really yeah yeah too much fun not enough care about what was actually being filmed so um the next thing happens is like i think they're swedish these very like handsome fellas okay and they go they go out and fish. But one day they come back, one of the lads, his leg is basically hanging off. Oh, Jesus. He got attacked by shark.

Turned his leg into some IKEA furniture, you know? Some assembly required. Yeah, it looks a big meatball, right? So he, they're like, okay, we're going to drop you off to hospital, but he can't talk about the island. Yes. But he's like, he's too bad

to, like, bring to a hospital. Like, he'll die on the transport, right? And he's also like, I don't want to go back in the water There's a shark there And the sharks there are like See you, you, you Cot! I'm coming to you. Oh yeah, you fucking Swedish wanker.

Fucking archaea loving Cuts. You've got a fucking have you man. He's got a knife as well. We're in a burberry cap. It's a street shark. One of the street sharks. He's a roadman Street shark.

My roadman street shark in tea Get me. Man's getting muck to that blood. Get up. yeah he's got like a goal too yeah so he's like no get people come here I'm like no we can't do that

yeah so Tilda Swin's like we got to let him die right yeah what are we gonna do ruin the island yeah well ruin our place

for smoking weed it's too important right so yeah let him die Jesus and then it like let him die or do they

pillow over the face uh Leo the pillow later on. Really? Yeah, because there it's like, yeah, nature will take his course you know. Okay. The whole time he's like, oh, fuck! It hurts so bad.

The sandy tampons don't help my wood. He's just like, could you stop the bleeding at least or anything, you know? Give me a pillow. Can I at least have some weed? No. No. You'd smoke it weird. The smoke would come out your leghole.

It'd freak everyone out. No chance, pal. So then it becomes very kind of Danny Boyle, I imagine just having fun. There's a lot of dream sequences and stuff. A lot of tension, infighting. Right. Leo kind of goes on the lamb, but he's running around the place, sweating. He imagines a, do full-on, like, Apocalypse Now.

Yeah, I remember seeing that where he's, like, standing in a window next to a guy who would have a machine gone. Yeah. They're like, yeah, let's do it. Again, I'm sure Danny would like enjoying filming that stuff. What's that meant to represent? Just his dissent in the madness and like, oh, and it's like a film that we know. He also, he plays video games, so they have him see the world like all kind of eight bit, you know? Okay.

And he's like game over, he's got a health bar and he's getting attacked by a big eight bit line or something. Right. Again, you know, good for them. But eventually the kind of like big thing is okay. is the relationship between the lads with the guns breaks down and eventually what to do is

they give Tilda Swinton a gun and they're like we want you to kill Leo why? Because he's too sexy he wasn't part of the agreement we said no new people in the island alright right I see either you kill Leo

or we'll like kick you off the island or kill you if you don't alright okay and Tilda Swinton pulls the trigger it's empty and the tribe knew this the uh I mean they had the guns yeah they knew it was a test to see like it was a prank

not really a prank more like a morality test like impractical jokers you know yeah right it's just kind of like will Q keep the secrets to himself he's got gun the merr's head so the point is this caused everyone to lose fate sure in it

and of course they all abandon the island then Tilda's like, no, come on, it was a joke. It was a goof, come on. Yeah, and no, I didn't like it. So they all leave the island, and they're all like, hey, you know, uh, something. Good. Yeah. Give me a minute.

Sweet improv skills, bro. I'm no Alex Garland. All right, go on. Maybe the monster was us all the time. Right. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah.

Probably better of us. Pulled it out of the bag there. good one. Well look, if you said something and they could give me a second to think all right. Yeah. Well, I said instead of hammering home, my failures.

I hate the beach now. I loved it before. I hate all beaches now. And all Swedish people. Now, I didn't look up what happened to the book. Apparently the book ending is much darker. Okay. But in this ending,

They all go off to Ireland, and then it's like four months later, Leo's in the internet cafe. Right. And he looks at a picture of him while his friends is Ireland. He goes, ha, crazy summer. It's been. It's been one week that you looked at me. Yeah, just like, hey now, you're an all-star. It's a happy ending.

That sounds quite, what's the word? unsatisfactory. Yeah. I kind of wanted it to, I would love to if it went proper like, just, like, Tilda's eating people. Yeah. And she's got like a skull for a crown, you know?

And she's got like Leo on a fucking like a lead. Bark for me boy. And that's all I. And she only feeds on raw sausages and it makes him sick and he poops his paints. and then he's got to eat the poop so dark and twisted

yeah why won't it that's like our society dude yeah yeah that's like capitalism in shit when you think about we because like the fucking bigwigs up chop

they're like feeding us the slop and we're just shaking it they caught me benefits um yeah the beach has kind of come and went

like I remember people like when I was in school it'd be on TV I'm like, yeah, lads are coming, he's like, mine, it's fucking clad. You know, it's a bit like, remember that Sean Penn directed film? On, was it on the road, was it?

I'm not sure. It was, like, a meal was in it. It was like a lad who travels around. Okay. And he's just like, you know, kind of a wandering spirit through Americana. Okay. I know a few girls have watched down were like,

whoa. Oh, wait, into the wild. That's it, yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew a few people had watched me, like, whoa, man. It's just like, yeah. And I think the beach is a bit, like that as well. Didn't that guy die in real life?

Yeah. I'm taking through something like very stupid. Yeah. I think he just like, um, wasn't there something he just got bit by snake and they were like it was some kind of like, you very easily treated. It's like, no, man, I got the winds. Yeah. I mean, yeah, he just

sort of wandered around, but like they found his corpse and like this old van that he lived in or whatever. Down by the river. Yeah. His little reference to SNL there's no one really appreciated. the end of the wild was a big deal the soundtrack by Eddie Vedder

that was pretty good yeah yeah sadly Neil Hirsch man he was going to be the next Leonardo DiCaprio I think he's a few

skeletons in his closet well the really big one is he punched like a very high up like female movie producer in a nightclub he like slapped the shit out of her in front of everyone

doesn't look great does it can't do that I mean back in the 90s you could yeah but when did he do it probably like 2009 or something, I think.

Yeah, I mean, probably, even back then, if, like, someone slightly bigger did that, it'd be grand, you know? Yeah, he just... But, like, it was kind of at the peak of his fame, and she, like, obviously, it's not cool if you slap any woman in a nightclub. Yeah, you change your tune. Wait for the Patreon.

But the fact that she was, like, a pretty big movie producer, it's like, that's not gonna... I feel, don't feel bad, per se, but I feel bad for his agent, being like, okay, how are we gonna... Oh, shit. Now it's 2009, so no one cares about mental health yet, so we can't use that. The fact that he was coked off his tits probably won't make him too sympathetic.

Yeah, the jury's like, the poor man, he accidentally did too much coke up his hooter. And it's a shame, because he's a good actor. I liked Emil Hirsch. Did you? Yeah. What was his big thing? Alpha dog. Oh, you're a big alpha dog guy. Lords of Dog Town.

any movie with dogs and Wiggers on all four You watch snow dogs Killer Joe That's a fun one Oh shit I'd take it all back Yeah

Speed racer Okay I've never seen speed racer But I'll tell you what I'm going to talk With some other things now All right I'll give you a choice

I watched Enders game Bender's game They made that joke in Futurama No, did they Yeah sending a cease and desist letter to Mr. Matt Groining. You have infringed on my intellectual

properties, sir? Everybody else Matt does, I love. Speaking of Matt Groening, I watched a bit on YouTube there. Have you seen, I can't believe we didn't hear about this, okay? Simpsons and Fortnite have come together. Right. So now they're doing a special series on YouTube

where I'll tell you about it, okay? And you're trying to shit yourself, have excitement. So, you know, Kang and Kodos? Yes. So they go to... to Fortnite land. Okay.

And they meet some Fortnite people who I don't know. Oh, I don't know anything about Fortnite. I don't either

but I'm going to learn, all right? So then they try to go back to Springfield. Okay. But the Fortnite people jump in

their spaceship. Okay. And they're trying to go back to Springfield. They want to go back to Fortnite. And they accidentally merge the two

universes together. Right. So it's Springfield night. Or something. Fort Field. That's better. Spring night.

You know what? It doesn't work whatever way you try it. Any way to combine it just doesn't work. So now Homer's got a magic crystal and then he can turn things into other things. Oh.

Yeah. Wow. Good. I'm on tender hooks here. I can't way, yeah. No, wait. So it's just a web series, is it? Like this isn't canon, right?

Oh. Like season 38 isn't going to be all Fortnite or? Well, this effect this. Simpsons movie. Yeah. I mean, it might. I'm not too sure if it is Canner or not now.

Not that I care, because I don't watch the Simpsons anymore. I didn't, but they pulled me back in with this. And now, when I'm with the kids, and they're telling my Fortnite, it's almost like, you know, us, we're like, what are we? Like, we're Gen X. No, we're the greatest generation. We're baby boogers. I'm a boomer, yeah. Now, we're millennials.

Oh, I'm more like Gen Z, really. Okay. Yeah. No, not really. Yes, I am. Okay. Yeah, I'm Gen Alpha. But yeah,

it's like a meet of the two worlds there. Okay. So I'm going to keep you updating there. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I've got all my stock in Emil Hirsch.

I think he's due a comeback. Imagine Emil Hirsch in Fortnite. A bitch didn't wake up for a fortnight and slap up the head. Ha ha! What a five fingers out of the face? Slap!

Bitch! Uh, that's a perfect Emile Hirsch impression Flawless Big-ass white bitch Come walking up to me I slap down on titties What the problem is, Mike?

Yes, that's my meal harsh impression Uh Let's change it I won't talk about Ender's game I will talk with Ender's game Yeah, I will I'm not going to let you stop me all right So I always laugh at Enders game

so it's a huge kind of book franchise Ender's lame I didn't make that joke in the sims No I know they would probably come up with something cleverer than that So Ender's game is like a science fiction novel came out in the 80s I read it in school actually I remember

liking it all right and there's a silly amount of sequels and prequels they already milked it to bits like I don't 40 Who's the author? Orson Scott Card Okay and he's known because he hates gay people and they always bring it up

kind of like J.K. Rowland, you know, it kind of brings a bad vibe to everything. Sure, yeah. Although, I mean, it hasn't really hurt her career too much. They're making the show right now. They're making the show and they've got the audiobooks as well. The full cast audiobooks. She's making more money than she ever has.

Probably is, yeah. Before it was like, we'll just do the films. That's it. I don't want to commercialize this great work. And now it's like a huge. What about Harry Potter and Fortnite? No, no. That's stupid.

Yeah, are you going to watch the show? No. I think you will. Okay. I think everyone, everyone who's like, I won't watch it, you know. I didn't even watch all the movies, I don't think. Really? Yeah, I'm not really a big.

They're all on Netflix. Yeah, I know. I've seen them there. What's your excuse? I mean, I've seen most of the, I probably have seen them all. Get yourself sorted, mate. Okay, yeah, yeah.

I don't know, is that really? You go to your therapist? He's like, what? I can't help you. Get the fuck out of him. My therapist is Emil Hirsch. I don't think that would be a very healthy thing to be in my late 30s

and getting mad into Harry Potter long after the creator has been known for transphobic views. You may be right here. There's a lot of people in the beach, N.P. Or just getting into Harry Potter right now. Fucking Routman Grinch. That's a fucking

good lad. He was shagging of mine fucking chubbleau. You're right. Actually, yeah, there's a lot more it's funny to kind of change because Harry Potter used to be Satanic. Oh yeah. Yeah, and it was a big thing of like this is what your children are reading, you know? It's disgusting. Yeah.

And now, Dumbledore's being all gay. Uh-huh. And now they love gay Dumbledore. Is Dumbledore? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, but not trans. Well, yeah. Yeah.

Good. And you can't, you know, you stop it. Anyway, Ender's games. Who cares about that, all right? Oh, okay. I'll tell you something I did watch, all right? I watched, um, welcome to Derry. The It show.

Yeah. So it's an It prequel. Yeah. I thought it was a spinoff of the IT crowd. I thought Moss was gonna... Oh, boy. There's a killer cloud coming. Oh, Moss, you big.

fucking idiot. You got raped by the clown in the sewer. Yes, I did. He raped the flip out of me. That's a very good Richard Adawadi, I've said that. Like, I'm not even joking there, yeah. Norrie why compliment you, it's you know. Oh, it's ironic?

That's a very good Richard of Wight. You'd have whipped that out more. Okay, well, now you're this is too much pressure. I can't handle it. But, no, how can we use this now? So let's see. We can do some kind of slipping Jimmy style scam. Okay. I'm like, you know, I'm ringing up pensioners as Richard Iowadi.

Yeah, and all the old lady's like, oh, yes, I'll give you all my money. But anyway, see you watch, welcome to Derry. Welcome to Derry. So I don't like it. Okay. I don't really get it. And there's no rules to it, so it's kind of hard to give a fuck. So the whole thing is the clown can do anything.

Yeah. The clown can make anything into a monster. It can change anything. It can kind of alter reality any way it wants. Yes. And what is it? Does it feed? on the fear or something?

I suppose it feeds on the fear which is pretty vague and then sometimes you can defeat it by believing in yourself or with the power of love or orgies when you're 12. See there's self-belief or child

orgy in the sewer and you know self-belief is kind of a vague ethereal concept but a child orgy in the sewer you know what that is you can hang your head on it.

You can basically smell it. Oh, yeah. So I just don't really get... Also, it's a big, massive book. I didn't really like the films. I kind of like the Tim Curry one just for the novelty of it, you know? Yeah, Tim Curry's very good.

Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, so the thing that annoys me is, like, with Freddy, for example, Freddie Krueger, it's very obvious what's happened and when you're in danger. Oh, shit, they fall in the sleep, now they're in trouble. and you kind of get it straight away

whereas this like just nonsense happens like I'll tell you so this is setting like I think like the 60s and it starts off there's a little child all right and he's kind of pulling some

pranks and in the cinema they're watching a film he's like you know doing running around the place stealing popcorn all right drinking from the other water fountain hey what you doing up there that's a male

Hershey's grandfather So he runs out of cinema You know that old type Hey get back here you damn do you get rid and toting You little rascal So you need a fucking little tight asshole No he doesn't say that Well this is Stephen King

Adoptation So he gets He hitchhikes And they seem okay It's like a couple in the front And two kids in the back Okay But when he gets in their driving

and the kid, one, the little kid, the son, he's all weird, and love spelling things. Oh. They're like, hey, spell,

um, spell Tim, T-I-M, spell car, C-A-R, spell help, H-E-L-P, spell kidnapping.

So that's kind of creepy, I did like that. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, oh shit, they're like a crazy couple and the kids are also crazy. Okay.

And then the woman in the pastor seat, the mother is really heavily pregnant. Oh, right. And by the way, there's a lot of, in Welcome to Derry, there's a lot of vagina horror imagery. It's nothing as scarier in a vagina. Sure. I said that before

I saw it. This just confirms it. Because I went to Derry one time and saw Fanny and I was screaming for it. Don't you mean London Fanny? There we go. Yeah, so the mother's pregnant. And it's kind of a disgusting

in a good way kind of thing where she starts giving birth like there's something coming to her stomach you know Oh right And this thing pops out her vagina

Oh Do we actually see the vagina? No Sorry Okay I guess I'll have to Jid some time else Not

You've lost a fan Yeah But it comes out anyway Alright It's blow it And it's got wings Oh And it's flying around the car

Bebebebebe Like a little fucking Gremlin kind of thing Right And then it attacks The child And then Credits, you know, welcome to

Derry. Wow. It's cold open right there. Damn. Yeah, and then becomes kind of like Stranger Things. Okay. Where the kids are missing, one kid is missing and all these other kids are like, hey, let's go investigate. Right. And at the same time, there's a military base. Now hang on your hats. I'm going to blow

your cock off, all right? Please do. So, there's a military base. We're investigating something. We don't know what. And these new recruits come along. And there's a guy there, I want to see if you can get this, all right? There's a guy there who is, he's a military man, he's black, and he has a kind of a sense about him. Oh, Scatman Cruthers?

Yes, it is, yeah. I was like, oh, you got me. Yeah, it's Dick O'Halloran. Dick O'Halloran, yeah. Scatman Crothers was the actor. It would be funny if actually was Scatman. That's the whole thing, he went to become con. Kong fong kung fu-foooo oh wow wow you know hey that's okay buddy what is it

Kong fu kong what are you trying to say what's he what do you play that dog what dog that fucking I won't say it it was a dog the cratty dog Hong Kong fuey oh okay yeah he was Hong Kong fuey all right okay I don't know what that is what really yeah I have no idea what you're talking about Jesus Sorry. Wow, well, uh, sorry everyone. Hong Kong fuey. Yeah.

It was a dog that does... It was a cartoon dog. That does karate? Hong Kong fuey. From when, like the 60s? Don't what? Yeah. Well, why do you know what that is?

I mean... I got all the Blu-rays. Okay. Well, I'm sorry. Look, I'll take the L here. This is a gap in my cultural knowledge. This is your problem, pal. Okay, you're all having fun fingering women, all right?

I was at home studying Kong man Phui or whatever We're both Yeah I'm getting too wild Anyway right

I'm getting a contact high off you So it's It's Dick O'Halloran And they've got him Helpern with some special mission That they're investigating in a time So yeah He's kind of

He's got like a telepathic Kind of Shining continue Yes Yes Yes So the next thing is The kids are looking for

The missing kid All right And they go to cinema that and the film starts projecting itself and on the screen there's the baby all right the killer baby the flying around oh right and jumps out of the screen oh and starts attacking the kids Jesus and it starts eating kids and I was pretty surprised by like you know there's like kids head going flying up in the air and stuff yeah yeah and I'm like this is so crazy is it like a hallucination or something uh-huh no it's real okay bunch of kids get eating and I'm like where's pennywise what's

going is it is this going to grow up become penny wise yeah yeah yeah Yeah. And then the next thing, all right, is we cut to, like, what's that Jewish, the kind of tradition that they have at the table? What's it? Oh, yeah, a Passover? Passover, something like that. Yeah, yeah. So, see, it's a kid, one of the kids, okay, is a Passover.

And for some reason, the granddad's there, be like, yeah, you know, what did to us, yeah? They made, turn us into lampshades. That's what it did. You know, very Ed Geen. Yes, yes. And then the kid goes to bed, and the lampshade has a face on it. what I it's kind of hard to follow what's going on here you know how I feel yeah but here's thing

the lampshade it's a by way it's a Holocaust lamb shade it's a bit fucked up all right and it's like and the kid you know jumps out of bed and the lamb shade's normal right so that was a hallucination or yeah but I don't know what's real and what isn't okay just like in the rest of your life you know yeah

or every time I see a pregnant woman I'm like stay away He's going to give birth to a lampshade A talking lampshade I'm not crazy officer And then another kid Alright Like I can't even describe this problem Again vaginal imagery

Okay Another kid This monster is in our bedroom Okay It's like a pregnant thing And an umbilical cord comes out And grabs my leg and tries to suck her into the fanny Oh my God

Yeah But then the dad comes and turns on the lights It just vanishes Right And dad's like What's wrong honey Is it your time Of the month

Ah yes Yeah Well like Isn't that thing With Pennywise It can like Make you have Like very vivid

hallucinations Yeah But the hallucinations Can't they I don't know Can't remember Why am I supposed to care Yeah

I don't know It's for big It diehard fans Which I'm not Either I was never really I watched the first Like the new one

And it was all right And I never even Bother watching The second one You didn't like The second one They grow up you're like, no.

That's the real horror story. I'm like a jerk off over Bill Hayder, yeah. Hayder, Maccify, Jessica Christine. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then a few other people as well. Yeah. I mean, there are some people that are real it fans,

and they read it when they're a kid, and they read it all the time. It's a crazy long book, though, isn't it? It's like a thousand pages? It's a big, big book. I don't know which is bigger to stand or it, but they're... This is during the time,

where Stephen King was doing rails and just like typing flat out. Yeah, exactly, yeah. And no second draft for him, you know. And he started a book with like no real sense of what was happening. He likes to do a thing where he just goes like,

let's see, I'll just do a Stephen King book now, okay? Oh, okay. What if television had a knife? Okay. You're saying that because it's black? That's racist. Racist O'Toole over here. But the TV comes in a little.

I was like, give me your wallets and ting blood. Yeah, give me, let me get them tings of you, yeah? Okay, let me try again, okay? What's, what if, what's not black around here? Yeah. Okay, so let's just say, like,

there's a big polar bear, all right? Right. I'll tell you, this is a great Stephen King short story, okay? Okay. You go to the toilet, yes. And then there's a polar bear outside.

The, outside the bathroom? Yeah, so you're stuck in the toilet, it and there's a polar bear out there. Okay. And that's the whole book. And he'd be writing it and he'd be like, hmm, what happens then? Right.

And then a cop shows up. How do I know it's a polar bear? Because there's a fucking polar bear. It's a big bear. But I'm inside the toilet taking a big dump. And the polar bear doesn't like that. My dump is so loud and smelly. I can't tell there's a polar bear out there.

And he's like, hello, polar bear here. I'm going to eat you. I'm going to eat your tiny penis, Mr. Gett. It's like a bear in the gay sense. Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah. Oh, hello? Did somebody have a big meal? Look, the point is, I'm speaking gibberish.

The point is, he just has a concept, like, killer dog. Okay, Kujo. Yeah, just writes it. Or Christine, the car comes to life. He just writes it, and he doesn't really, it's kind of admirable in a way. He doesn't really let, like, any kind of, like, second thoughts stop him or deter him. Yeah. And, like, with the Dark Tower trilogy, that's, like, seven books plus a book published later on

that's set between I think three and four I forget exactly now but that's a huge sprawling thing and I'm pretty sure he said I didn't know

what the fuck was going on yeah and then like at one stage like you know he gets hit by the car and he's hooked up on pills as well

pain pills yeah what happened with the so he got run over literally is walking along and someone hit him was it Christine would be very

my car came to life it was driven by Koojo Penny Wows was just riding shotguns take that asshole yeah yeah it's crazy how

old he is but yeah he's still able to put out books mostly subparr I be honest yeah he's still publishing and also didn't he did I hear this right so after the car or he got run over the car

did he start like writing himself into the stories yeah in Dark Tower he's a character and there's a lot of novels well even before the car accent a lot of novels

about like a writer in Maine okay with a big cock that all the 16 year old girls love but he knows that he can't go near

though yeah but then catty baits comes along cock blocks by hobbling him but yeah so

well excuse me Mr. man you're gonna do all that their cocaine and then write some dog shit

than autistic people love yeah guilty his charge. Let's move on from that, all right. So, much respect to Stephen King. Yeah, yeah.

Brian's favorite author and possibly favorite human. I mean, I've spent a lot of hours with him in the sense of, like, his books and the, the Dark Tower, the stand. I have a real hankering to read the stand again. Stan's very good. What's the stand about that? It's the apocalypse.

Okay. Yeah. The best thing I can say, but the stand is, this is a big massive book by the end you're kind of like oh I want some more oh okay

yeah I think there is an 80s TV movie of the stand right well it's like two part TV movie and then they did

I think it kind of got swept on the carpet like 2019 did like an Amazon stand show with a pretty big cast what was that

Jason Bateman show based on a Stephen King that's the outsider yeah which is set in the world of Mr. Mercedes. Oh. Yeah, I watched the first season of

Mr. Mercedes. Oh, what is that? I've never actually watched it. Because I taught, it's not just a detective show, is it? It's like... The first season was just a straight detective show. And then the second season apparently gets more metaphysical. It's like ghostly and stuff.

Yeah, so in the first season, it's just Brendan Gleason is this old disgruntled cop. And then Harry Tred way is this like young like kind of in cell guy who lives with his mother who's kind of got a very flirty relationship

with him she's like a drunk whore that's always like let me see you you dick boy tell me more telling you so he's like working in some like electric shop but the thing is it starts with it's just a guy wearing a clown mask in a car

that runs over a bunch of people and then he gets away with it and it's Harry Treadway who did and Brandon Gleason's like I know he are behind it but I can't prove it so it's like a cat and mouse thing but it ends with him like Harry Treadway I think gets shot

ends up in a coma and apparently in season two somehow Harry Treadway is able to like still do things even though he's in a coma he's like in his mind that he can still alter whatever situation I didn't watch

season two so I don't know I think it goes a little bit more like black which is by his son. Oh yeah. Yeah, which I've heard black phone too is pretty fun.

I like the first one. Yeah, I like to see. I like the more. Okay. Well, I'm a bit of a grabber head to me. What's a grabber? The grabber's what he was.

Oh, right. A little test there. He failed completely. No, it was the one member. The grabber, he's working with Dead Shell Washington. And you don't get the grabber wet or he multiplies.

Let me say, I'm just going to restart the camera there. We're almost done, by the way. Don't worry. All right. And then I'm going to drive home. Oh, straight away. Yeah, oh, I tell you what.

And the whole time, I'm going to be my fucking cad. I'm going to download Ingram. Oh, yeah? For my sins. All right. I'll talk about that for a second. Well, Ingram is the new, uh, well, not new. The first novel by Louis C.K.

And Brian wants to support Louis C.K. Anyway, he can. So, uh... I bought 12 copies. Uh-huh. One for every month of the year. Uh, um... I mean, it's probably good.

Oh, look, I'm just kind of curious, to be honest. I'm not really like, I'm not outside the bookstore. I'm just, breaking the glass, be like, let me in. But people on Twitter were making fun of Louis. Oh. Which I cannot abide. Because his alter photo, is him like a typewriter in black and white. Okay.

Yeah, which is like, you know, they're standard, you know? Yeah. Like he's the first guy to do that? I bet he's not wearing pants. Yeah. And you know what? if he had his cock out, they probably would have a problem with that too.

So there's no winning with the internet. You know what I mean? But I'm just kind of curious, you know. I still have Blood Meridian to get through. Oh, yeah. I'm kind of saving that for a rainy day, you know, till my next big breakup. I'm listening to The Wasp Factory.

Have you heard of that? Wait, give me a second. Scottish writer? Yes, yes. Okay, give me a second. Okay. It's good for listener. It's not the writer of Crash.

Crash the Kronenberg? Yeah. Oh, okay. It's not that. It's not that. It's not Alex Garland. It's not Alex Garland. Tell me.

I will tell you. Ian McEwen? Ian Banks. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Yes. Now, Ian Banks, he's an interesting writer now. What got you into the Wasp Factory?

I'm not sure actually I just kind of always heard about it It's very well respected Yes It's known for being Quite unpleasant and gratuitous That's probably what Just like my life

Yeah yeah So like I'm only I'm not even halfway through yet But it's it's funny because The protagonist is this like young He's a 17 year old lad From Scotland It was written in 1984

But they live in some really Like backwards like shithole in Scotland it's very barren like the banana flats yeah yeah but like he's all about the you know he's always like mutilating animals and he likes to have little wars

with like so he captures all these wasps and flies and makes them fight like muscles and oysters and all also you find out that his genitals were mutilated by a dog when he was very young would that affect you

I think so he also murdered three children when he was like 10 years old it's just known yeah yeah yeah I don't know I don't know if he ever got caught but then he's also got like a mentally

ill brother who just escaped from the nut house and yeah his dad's like a loony bin that's the more affectionate term but what's funny is the audio book is written by this very soft-spoken Scottish guy is like so why now

was there with the animals I chopped its head off and I took the rabbit and inserted a rod up its anus to use it as a you know it's like very like descriptive gratuitous violent imagery but this guy reading is like and yes there of course I mutilated the genitals as one will do and I think like it's intentional because it is the juxtaposition because this kid he's like totally as like a sociopath and he doesn't have any real concept of right and wrong so him like mutilating animals the whole time is just

like a perfectly normal thing so I think the guy narrating the audiobook does a good job of capturing that yeah yeah it's fun I'm liking it so far I may I may get into him more like yeah one I've always heard about I know I've heard a lot recommendations for him I used to when I was younger kind of followed the literary world a bit

yes in terms of like you know I just like you know there's like a thing on radio four back my wild days I'd be in college break you guys stop that music who is that Scrillex no thank you no sir

Storms hey I don't know what a Vossy Bop is and I don't care to find out There'll be a storm coming if you don't shut up Yeah I think it's called The Book Show on Radio 4 and they always have new writers on and talk about books coming out

I actually there's a book I want to get have on my wish list it's called like the silver book and it's by I think like a non-binary or something okay which you know no problem with that no yeah look at me

what do you get out of that you try to be a good person and you just get shit on yeah yeah you try your best you know but you don't succeed but yeah it's a book

I think I believe it is a narrative kind of fictional book but based on a real murder of Pasolini you know the director of 120 days of solemn yeah yeah yeah so he was actually murdered and after the movie came out

yeah yeah because of the movie that and he's also very critical of the government at the time okay and they said it was because he was off being gay and back then he was being gay like what open shutcase my lord you your honor we have it on record that he indulged

in a hundred and twenty days of sodomy 120 dolmations of sodomy but it's about that and also

about where is Pasolini from that's Italy is it yeah yeah so it's about like fascism in Italy

and the murder there and also it's like the gay scene as well I've heard pretty good things about it you know I thought

it's about time and spend some time in the gay scene in Italy you know change it up from Dublin because the gay scene

in Dublin gets very depressing yeah I would imagine it's not great now boiler house much these days? Nah, sad these days, yeah.

Just lads, you know, with their racing posts and their Guinness. And what else? Oh, see that clip going around of Michael McIntyre? No. Oh, it's a very nice clip I've seen now. You know, it melted my heart a little bit. So I don't know the context, but Michael McIntyre's got a blind woman on television. Right.

And he's... Holds her pants down. Look at a big fat ass. We love her ass. We love her ass. It's big and fat. So fat, but she can't see it. Jiggly, jiggly.

No, no. Yeah, I'm like, and that really warmed my heart. No, so I don't know what the context is, but he's got her there in front of a studio audience, and he's showing her pictures far away. That's cruel. Yeah, I don't know. He's like, what's that?

She's like, is it a carrot? No, you idiot, it's a banana. Doey! Oh, is it a lettuce? What are you talking about? No, it's a cucumber. cumber, you fucking bitch. Yeah. But then the kind of twist

is, the next is a video, right? Of a man holding a box and he gets down in one knee. And Michael McTher's like, what's that? He's like, oh, is it a dog? And they're all laughing at her, you know? Right. Trowing.

Cabbage on her, you know, yeah. But then he makes her walk towards and it takes ages like, oh, is that my husband? Oh, not husband. And, uh, um, don't tell me husband. Boyfriend. Yeah. Two-time and bitch.

Yeah. Is that my boyfriend? What's he got there? Was it a carrot? You fuck. But then eventually he sees it, uh, he's proposing. Proposal and then they all go like, oh, you know? Does she say yes?

Uh, before he said no. Oh, yeah. Nah, I'm getting too much cock elsewhere. I know I'm blind, but I can still smell you. Wash your cock and balls, mate. maybe we'll clock you know these women

are very high standards these days don't they it's the 80-20 rule 80-20 your fucking fucking eyesight's not 20-20 is it yeah anyway got her

I'm trying speaking of rings okay another thing next this guy actually made me very depressed okay there's a guy on YouTube who reviews Doctor Who products okay

you know like Doctor Who toothbrushes and all that okay condoms and they're too big so we've never sold any

Doctor Who condoms but seems the fandom are not really a need of these things but he does it with his girlfriend okay and it's always great

because I was like look babe I got this it's a limited edition purple Dalek nice oh she's not into it no she's trying her best you know that's very good

Is that a Is that part of a DC universe? What the fuck? Then he puts the camera down He's like Fuck! You just hear screaming and guttural noises

You know But he did one there I was like Yeah I'm sorry to say everyone This is the last of My Girlfriend Reviews Doctor Who

Yeah No more girlfriend reviews Doctor Who I was thinking Maybe we should start calling them fiancé reviews Doctor Who oh thank God I was worried

yeah oh my heart in my chest in my mouth I was just my heart was in my chest my heart was in my anus not in my ass where it should be I was like oh no love is dead well stop calling it my girlfriend reviews Doctor Who and start calling it

that weird smell under the floor boards reviews Doctor Who and the place keep asking questions like and subscribe yeah that's basically the end of the episode

there I've kind of blown my wad I don't really have much else talk about now I was going to talk about Enders game more there's not much to say about Enders game really

it's a boring film oh okay I didn't even know they made a fella in like 2013 all right real boring not well received

nah wait Stephen King was the mist based on one of his things? It was, yeah. The mist is great. It's a great movie. Stephen King, you know, hits and misses now, but it's always a very fertile ground for Stephen King adaptation. Like he was, you know...

Even this month, last few months, we got Running Man and the Long Walk. Yeah. The Running Man, that's Edgar Wright, is it? Yes. Oh, good. What's that mean? Oh, no, no, no. I'm sure it'll be fine.

In glass houses, yeah. How would you like if Edgar Wright started doing a podcast? Like, yeah, James Cotton, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like that, yeah. You're pretty cool, actually. I like that a lot. And he called me Edgar wrong. You're like, ah, you dirty dog.

Yeah, I mean, Edgar Wright, obviously his early, like I really liked space, top foes, Sean of the Dead, but I think there's a pretty sharp decline. after even the world's end wasn't great and then you know baby driver and rainy night in Soho and yeah he just kind of he lost it for me a little bit

but you know maybe I'm in the wrong I think he says hey you know what that'll challenge him to work even harder to win you back like he's knocking the door but come on James take me back I've got Glenn Powell here he said he'll suck you off and say no Glenn Powell

they're really They're really trying to force him down everyone's throats. No, I'm Miles Teller all the way. Okay. Yeah. Miles Taylor, for me, he's the next big thing. I mean, he kind of, yeah, I think people would agree with that. You're going to talk shit about him?

No, not at all. Good. No. Yeah, otherwise I kill myself. Miles Penn and Teller. What about that, huh? What would that be? I don't know.

I have no idea. Hey, I'm not going to do all the heavy lifted here, you know? Well, real quick, before we go. just because it's so crazy and I think whoever does like the PR for Jeremy Renner Oh shit

Must be very good Because I'm always hearing things With Jeremy Renner And they always kind of brush it on the table And people forget about it like Eat instantly So the big thing So the most recent thing

Is that he was dating Well not even dating a girl He was working with a woman And he was sending her picture of his genitals Uh huh Look at me Hawkeye You know And then don't encourage that

Sorry I'm talking about a terrible crime Woh-ha-ha-lads, lads Like I'm talking with Jack the Ripper He murder Way! Yeah, but did he get sneezed beforehand? But then he threatened to call ice on her

Yes. But do you know he like bit his daughter allegedly? Yeah, I mean I heard that like So there was a domestic abuse thing where he allegedly hit his wife. Also he like held a gun to his head has said if you tell anyone I'll kill myself. I've done that was a double-barrel shotgun so it's kind of awkward to get it Yeah

You know Also you're threatening yourself in the mirror There's no one else in the room Yeah I'm gonna call ice on myself Allegedly bid his four-year-old daughter Yeah But then he had that snowmobile accident

That was great for him Yeah You know what I would really respect If he faked that whole thing To get sympathy I'd really respect that He like I think he did actually

die technically, didn't he? I'm going to do something similar. Right. Where I'm going to walk around. I've got like fake like tire marks on my head. Yeah, I got run over there. Go on.

Yeah. Give me a hug, please. Take your tits out. Or I'll call ice. But yeah, I think I got really fucked up. Yeah. I'm pretty sure like his head came off. Nice. Yeah.

Oh, didn't it? I thought there was a risk he was going to lose his leg, like get amputated or whatever. Jeremy Renner, you know, they say that, he's like, yeah, fuck off. And then he just gets up and kicks the doctor in the balls. Yeah. Fuck you, nerd. I'm going to go

drink some beer. Yeah, I think even it's like, so that happened. That all came out. I think the day after we that's recorded. Yeah. And at this stage now, it's like old news. Man, that's a really big problem with just nowadays, the craziest shit happened.

Like people already don't care about Charlie Kirk, you know what I mean? Like, we see a video, his neck explodes. You know, the guy who killed him was, like, going out with a furry, and people are already boring and yawn. Like, nobody cares, nobody remembers. It goes by so fast. Yeah. Like, back in the day, dude, like, remember Bubble Boy?

Bubble boy? Well, that's a bad example now. Well, it'll be something like, um, everyone fuck I remember. It's like, remember the woman who put a cat in the bin? Yes. yeah that was a big story for i think about a year yeah that was the biggest story ever she still lives in the bin she's afraid to come out man she's in there like oscar the bitch yeah that was a massive story yes and now it is feeling if like um like if trump got a shot yeah even like a big story

for like a week and he just move on it's literally that did happen there's no if no i mean but died oh right yeah okay even that i actually forgot yeah exactly yeah yeah actually got shot in the ear. Imagine if Trump became president. Probably just forget about it. Oh, Jesus. I don't like, by the way, I've seen a lot of people on the right

are really trying to push this thing where they call it 9-10. What? The Charlie Kirk dead. Oh, really? Yeah, instead of the same when Charlie Kirk got shot, I was like,

we all remember 9-10. Yeah. And that's not going to become a date. No. Like January 6th became a date, okay? Yeah. Even then, I think most people, I told you, when I was in college,

No one knew when 9-11 happened. Yes. Even my lecturers were all like, would that happen in the 80s? Yeah. And they all thought you were a freak for knowing. Yeah. Yeah.

Seriously, yeah. I was like, 9-11 happened, uh, 2001. Okay, weird. Oh, my God. Ah, that's a red flag. Yeah. It's giving dumber, right? And also, we're talking about the media class, right?

And they said, what's a broad sheet? And what's like, and I was like, oh, it's like a newspaper. Yeah, sure, yeah Gay! Teacher, please! I bet you'll rubbing your willy on newspapers, don't you? That's not going to do it. I respect print.

What is it? It's Broadsheet and what's the other one? Forgotten now. Oh, okay. You don't need to remember now, I suppose. The red tops is another term, I think, in the papers. What is it now? Broadsheet and...

Tabloid. Tabloid, is that it right? Okay, yeah. So the broadsheet is kind of like the more respectable one And the tabloids like the sun Even like the art of you know those newspapers like it's like four sections You open it up Yes

That's really very difficult to read Yeah I think young people now it's like a No Even I read it On Sundays we get the Irish independent And I'll try and read it And it's a bit awkward

You know You know And um I got my balls out Yeah Yeah But yeah But yeah

Media literacy is What are we talking about? Charlie Kirk Stephen King The point is I haven't really eaten anything all day Okay So

Oh shit I got my You got a nutrigrant there So that's the end of the episode You're gonna guzzle it on Mike Like a hungry hungry hippo No I'm gonna hold up my What smells nice

Yeah Give me that I want it Giz it Yeah where's your orky I threw it at a trap And then I called the guards and accused them of stealing

it and he's been put to death probably uh yeah