Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 28 : Kill your Therapist

Episode Date: September 7, 2019

Toy Story, Brexit, Dave Chappelle and pitching a Conor Mcgregor movie.

oh yeah for now we're going now we're cooking now we're sucking diesel sucking diesel baby episode four season two all in the one day yeah we're this is a four not to peek too much behind the curtain but we're doing four i release a few ds like in one big chunk just reward the fans for like for waiting so long for ever not having us oh i'm getting the message oh stop the presses oh it's personal uh is it sexy personal no you're not the results of the biopsy oh no why are you sending this via text with an emoji as well like you have a tumour and they gave you some drag queens oh oh this is like completely off topic but i thought you know drag queens yes that's

you ever hear the term stolen valor yeah we're uh they pretend to be people pretend to be military events yeah well isn't drag queen kind of just pretending to be royalty oh is there is that they is there an aspect of that to it royalty no no okay sorry i don't know i don't know anything about drag queen all i know is i was thinking about doing some drag but i heard that your majesty was taken oh your majesty that would be so good but someone else took it all the good drag names are gone now yeah yeah yeah your pussy you're pussy see. Ah, this is one not a drag queen. Yeah, that's it. They're not going to let you in the club.

Just my body in general. Like, I just don't have the cheekbones for it. Yeah, that's true. They're very chiseled. Chiseled features. No, it wasn't a text about that. Or it wasn't like, I haven't got like a, um, a assumeer. Okay, that's good. I'd never had AIDS.

I can say this in the podcast. I've had chlamydia. You heard it here first? Yeah. You got chlamydia? I'd never had chlamydia, but I did get something. What's the one where they got to use the liquid nitrogen? Oh, that old.

thing yeah that old thing that old chestnut yeah uh i think it's just uh just uh that's just uh that's just for your fun yeah you know like that's a sign of a good time that's just like you know some of the give mask i just like you know with that club in dublin you know the liquid nitrogen club i tell you it doesn't feel good when they do it you know gender fluid we're gonna freeze that fluid gender icicle yeah yeah oh suck on that but like uh yeah i forget what it's general warts you just freeze it off. Oh yeah, general words, you're freezing off. You know, funny thing is,

STD checks is something that, like, you know the way, I think women have to grow up in that term, in that degree, so much quicker because they need to, like,

look after their pussies, you know? Yes. They're dirty fadges. They have to go to the dentist every week and get their vaj cleaned, you know, like that. Exactly, yeah.

However, I know, I'm not a woman. I'm not a marine biologist, but I do play one on TV. Yeah. But, like, man is just like, men like so like if it doesn't fall off it's grand and it's so it's so negligent well because i'll talk to men in their 30s and they were like i wouldn't get an s cd check i'm not going in there yeah i do they didn't mess with your cock

so you're like you're scared of this pretty routine check yeah so the alternatives just go around giving women chlamydia for the next until you die pretty much yeah yeah well some men are just old school, Brian. Some men are legends. Just hard bastards, man. Like Cliff Boot and Once Upon Time in Hollywood. You see that, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. You shoot your wife of harpoon. Allegedly. Well, he was good. He didn't have sex with Margaret Quindley, that young girl. Yeah, yeah. What a fucking pussy. He still shot his wife at Harpoon, allegedly.

Yeah, yeah, allegedly. Well, that's a bit of a spoiler. Oh, well. Well, I'll apologise. Do you like Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? I did. I actually did enjoy it. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't what I expected it was going to be, but I was pleasantly surprised, and I think it's a well-made film, very funny at times, you know, good acting, great acting. Like DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, are both fucking class in it. And yeah, no, I really enjoyed it. A little bit long, maybe a bit self-indulgent, but, you know, it's Tarantino. He is, he's an author, or so he claims. But no, look, I like Tarantino, and it was different. It was kind of refreshing. It wasn't the usual. usual here's just loads of violence all the time. Yeah I was expecting some kind of scene

where like Sharon Tate is pregnant and she's doing something great like she's got a machine gun or something like that yeah but it was kind of restrained not like too crazy I'm not spoiled anything but not too crazy I have to say though I won't spoil anything but I saw the film with I will say Normies

for normal people who haven't looked up much about the Sharon Tate murders Charles Bans they haven't seen the picture of her dead body and gone like whoa what's wrong with people awesome yeah it's totally bad ass they're not even into the race war what yeah helter skelter come on people wake up so watching it with them was kind of funny because they had no idea what was going every now and again they're trying to ask me like you know who's that i'd be like i really can't speak it it's too much yeah i can't explain it during there's no way

in the in the space of like a few words i can just go over and whisper to you the entire mansion history And for them to go, oh, okay. Oh, I see it. Yeah, I see it. Mind Hunter. Yeah, yeah. It's funny. Everyone's got Manson fever.

I ban it. I tell you, it stoked my fires. I mean, I learned a bit about it when I was younger, but I'm definitely getting back into it. Like, there's a really good book by the guy who, like, was the lawyer. I want to actually give it a read. I've heard good things about it. The lawyer? Yeah, he was the lawyer that was against them.

Oh, it's the one of us. He defends himself, too? Huge. Manson? Toy did, or he wanted to. He might have, yeah, yeah. I know, he was a lawyer involved in the case. He wrote, like, a very detailed book.

But it is so interesting. This is just weird guy, basically recruited all these teenagers, gave them loads of LSD, banged the shit out of them and said, go kill people. Oh, yeah. And they did it. Well, I heard, though, it wasn't like he was fully, it was like, the other girl was like,

we should kill people, right, Charles? And he was like, yes, I just want to bang you. Hey, me to kill you one. What am I, cap? Come on. Yeah, as long as I'm getting my flagpole. cover in Greece you know what I'm saying

ew Charles ooh Charlie so watching it with these normal people didn't get that yeah so like and they're not like they wouldn't even watch that much Tarantino movies or like

exploitation films so like when stuff started happening in the end I'm laughing yeah and there's bad stuff happening I'm laughing I'm standing up I'm loving it like

and they're just like who why is he so happy about this like this yeah i mean they were enjoying it but i think i was enjoying it so much they were actually put off me i was a look into my soul didn't like it okay it's same in hateful eight like i've a real vivid memory of like in hateful eight when kurt russell just is vomiting blood on that woman yeah and in my head i was like i've never been this happy like there's something about scenes like that i'm like i if you only a smr like people see like a woman

touch a melon and they're like oh i'm going sleep no i'm not familiar with that is that No, no, Asamore's like, she's rubbing the melon. That's what I meant. Like, she's rubbing it in the sound. Makes them go to sleep? No, it doesn't like putting the sleep, like, in a Cosby way. Okay. Put them sleep and, like, oh, this is nice.

Yeah, I get, like, tinged, like, the hairs on my hand are standing up, you know? Okay. I'm feeling this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like a way that I feel like a little teenage girl seeing Ryan Gosling for first time, you know, things are happening inside my body. Tingling? Yeah, tingling, yeah, that's the word, yeah. That's what I get when I see a man vomiting blood.

well nothing wrong with that i'm a woman like i'm just like oh this is like everything's going right here just the music area i am so in the moment right now yeah yeah and the same with that last bit there when like things are happening it just goes crazy that really cool dog which that was a great dog that's a great dog yeah i like that can we spoil it no no it's not spiler it's kind of fresh but definitely go watch it it's a yeah it's a good movie it's like you know what it's a film i don't want spoil because you'll enjoy it yeah yeah yeah i'll spoil because listen you're not gonna I'll spoil geo storm because like who the fuck cares

Geostorm they survived the geostorm oh thank good Gerard Butler saves the world gets back with his wife and his daughter's like oh you know

not dead ta-da but this is no geostorm this is once upon and it was so good it's a good film I enjoyed it yeah but yeah so did you know much

like have you went into the back story of the mansions like I mean Oh yeah Yeah You went deep Oh yeah Yeah yeah

I've listened to The songs Oh you listen to his music Did you? A little bit Only on the podcast We're to talk about him Yeah

Yeah I was thinking it's funny Because you know The whole thing Which I like People think he was serious About this

I don't know if he was serious It's like acid rambling The whole thing's a race war Oh yeah Yeah And they were gonna kill White people And blame it on the black people

Yeah Yeah And then they were gonna go In a big hole In the desert and then emerge when the race war has ended yeah yeah yeah and these kids were believing all this shit like yeah like it would be funny if the Beatles heard that and they were like finally someone gets us well it's about bloody time for God's sake the song's been out for years

John and Paul just high five yes get that race war going co's the face to go oh i'm sick of that bird yeah that was more manchester actually yeah it's too late it's too late commitment to the bit it's on wax now god that was good i watched that and um bone tomahawk those are two films i've watched recently yeah i've heard about bone tomahawk never seen it but i understand there's a very very very very violent scene also toy story four i watched very violent scene both movies i don't know i I don't know what to think. Toy Story 4 is also about the genocide of the Native American man.

You'll be surprised how they tie it in. Well, it's kind of an allegory, I suppose. Toys, the white boy plays with them. Discards them. Yeah. Well, I'm not... And then he asks for it back at the end of the third one, like an Indian giver. Well, I'm not even joking.

A Native American giver. Oh, I apologize, yeah. But, like, kind of the subtext of Toy Story 4 is. is no one wants Woody anymore. Okay. Because Woody's a white male. Are you serious? Kind of, yeah.

Oh, wow. And the whole thing is like, so Bo Peep's the woman. Now, if I could get real Ben Shapiro over this. Please, too. And really, he's a real, he's a real cunt. Yeah, yeah.

But, like, so I don't know that, like, we do, sometimes I feel like we get almost lost in our ironic racism. Yeah, yeah. But, like, this is really what the film is kind of about, like, So, like, the woman character, Little Bo Peep.

Yeah. Woody thinks she's going to save her, but she's completely all right on her own. She's completely independent. And she's actually, like, she's been living out in the wild, basically, for a while. Like, outside of the toy room. Okay. She's, like, hangs out with raccoons and stuff, you know. Is this real?

This is actually in the film? Yeah, yeah. So basically, Woody's lost again. You know, we'd always get lost. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's lost to meet Little Bo Peep, who got lost a few years earlier. And she's okay. She's, like, out in the wild.

She likes it. it. She kind of goes to a charity shop sometimes hangs out those ties and then she goes to the playground hangs out those ties. She's like sex in the city basically. Yeah yeah. Having cocktails. Oh, she's like Samantha she's getting fucked. Remember the episode?

She's getting raw, dogs. Just by a stretch arm strong just Yeah, remember the episode where Samantha was with the guy whose dick was too big? Yeah, yeah. That's basically a film. She's like, it was like Everest. My Vaj couldn't take it. the sheep weren't happy but uh yeah yeah she's really neglecting her duties that kim katrell

defends a rome polansky a lot does she yeah huh he it was consensual yeah no it wasn't shut up 13 years old i believe the girl was and she was drugged as well but roman makes movies and some of them are pretty good and he put me in a movie which so i don't know some piece of No, King Gattrell, not me. I'm not, I would accept it, yeah. That would be good, I don't care. I heard the new movie is actually legitimately good, but... Well, he makes good film.

I heard his new movie is about a man who's accused of something. I'm not joking. Are you serious? Oh, my God. It's about a Jewish man's accused of spying. Okay. With a 13-year-old girl. But what were we talking?

Okay, so yeah. So she's independent, and then Woody's all like, well, what am I supposed to do in my life now? No one wants me. Andy doesn't want me The little girl plays with the girl toys And I just don't I just got nowhere in the world to go

Okay And then Woody Starts the car That's the engine run As he's dying He's like You got a friend You got a friend

Buzz opens the garage He's like He's better off Oh, Jesus Christ Yeah Oh, look, the film's kind of shite Yeah Not shite, it's just kind of unnecessary

Yeah, a bit of a cash grab Well, like the other toys aren't really in it that much It's just kind of woody kind of on his own for a lot Kind of feeling sad Yeah Then the end he kind of like, the older ties go home Woody's like, I'm going to stay out here Oh really?

He's going to venture into the wild Yeah Okay He just ends up a smack at him It just like driving down straight corner howdy partner bamava

oh a space man huh oh flammie mars oh woody's in like little shore yeah just little

fucking daisy dukes but he's still got the cowboy huh he's got a cough he won't go away mr potato hands like

riso right he's dusted half but things keep falling off Actually, Mr. McHalehead, it's nice He has a little, he's there, but with stock footage They use of stock footage

Can you know, like, um, what was it? What's the name, Don. Oh, Don Rickles. Don Rickles died. So he, it's this stock footage, him going like, Hey, you know? Oh, two Polacks in here, hey. Yeah, should just use some of that stand-off.

Yeah, with his stand-up, like. Dean Martin's a quaid. I think it's kind of, yeah, he has to be in the room to appreciate some of it, like, I get why it's good, but some of it's like, hey, this fucking. Jew over here. Yeah, basically.

Yeah, look at there, fucking Mick. But, like, it's always like, somebody's in the audience, you know what now it's like, we'll talk with Chappelle in a minute, but now the audience like, like, whirr, like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this guy's like, look at this fucking gorilla over here. Yeah. And then the guy's like, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true. We do resemble. Whoa, yeah, right,

come out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Think about wrinkles. You didn't do. well on it too much. He just moved on to the next one. That's another. He was quick. Very quick. Snap-ing.

Sometimes they didn't even get like what he said. You're like, your wife's a cunt. And they're like, what? And they're like, hey, look at this Mick over here. I say Mick a lot because it's the one I can say. Yeah, that's the one we can say. Not fag. Brevity is the soul of racist wit for that. Just make it quick and snappy. Hey, what, you're fag? And everyone's laugh.

You guys like, yes. Hey, he is. Yes, I am, Rickles. You've got a fucking problem with that. I'm gay. And it's in 1970s. And he just beats the shit of Rickles. nice pisses on him yeah

and spin you got a friend is this my story four you're talking about yeah yeah yeah

yeah I just want to see I think it'd be funny a gay guy beating the show Rickles but Rickles

still snapping you know oh yeah like whoa he's beating stabs and

boy yeah poor Rican yeah different time so toy story for it was a man bit man ah well and also it hasn't an ending to it but you're like they're gonna make another 19 movies yeah they're gonna just draw it law draw it out i'd say you know what i wouldn't be surprised is a netflix series or something no this is true it's gonna be a disney plus series following forkie forky fork is a new character

i already hate him yeah he is the scrappy do of toy story well that's good that's good analogy actually yeah thank you no one likes them yeah yeah yeah Well, the whole thing is a bit metaphysical as well. So the little girl that Andy gave the toys to, she makes her own little fork. She puts googly eyes on a fork. And that's her new toy. But because she put googly eyes on the fork,

the tie comes alive. It gives a life, yeah, because she gave it identity. But then Fork, he's like, why am I alive? Ah. And Woody's like. It's like an existential crisis. Yeah, and Woody's like, you're a tie, shut up. But I was like, why are you alive?

And Woody's like, Oh. Hello. darkness my old friend you've got me yeah yeah so it's gonna be a series about uh forky yeah okay forky yeah well forky sounds like a toy like a kid in juvie has yeah here's mr forkier forkie four times in the stomach it wasn't me it was forked i wasn't myself all the time it was Forky, come on. What's that, Forky?

Kill the therapist. But Forky, I really like, because she's a nice lady. No, you gotta kill her. I'm making progress. Kill her! You fucking freak! Kill her! Kill her now! Farky, no, please.

I'm kind of liking this. Oh, Forky, I'm hard. It'd be weird if you weren't. about it. Toy Story Four. Dear Disney Plus,

we heard you starting new streaming service. We have an idea. A child went erection

and a fork. You had me at a love. You had me at erection. Oh, God. Jesus.

But no, so I watch, yeah. This is actually a good this is a good little segue into things

you shouldn't joke about, but you do. because they're hilarious. But the thing is, like, we're joking about it in a safe environment. Yeah, that's true. We're just two of us having fun. Yeah.

And we mean no harm. That's true. But we think we mean no harm. No, we don't mean any harm. Will what we say lead to violence? Of course. I've already given, I've already told what you should do in Air Square. Oh, my God.

We're like the J.D. Salinger podcast. Kill John Lennon. If you kill him, there'll be no consequences. You'll go into the book. yeah he did mark david chabin thought he'd go into the book that's so funny him shooting and going like any second now come on hurry

he's like trying to step in it oh come on the police are coming I made a bad mistake that's the last book I'll read let me tell you that don't read kids oh

what the Well, yeah, so, like, I don't know. People, like, we mean you were talking with Chappelle. Yeah, yeah, Chappelle and everybody's given out about his new special. I talk a lot. I want to get your opinion. The people want your opinion. Okay, all right, personally, like, so I'll just give it before anything came out about it.

Sticks and Stones. It's called Stix and Stone, so I just watched it, took it for face value, didn't read anything about it. Now, there are some genuinely good bits in it. There's some great bits. Some great bits, actually. I don't want to spoil it, but the Jussie Smollett bit. Yeah. Had me laughing out loud, which is something I haven't laughed in nine years.

I lost all my serotonin. In a game of tic-tac tole. So, but I love that bit. Yeah. No, it was a fucking really good special, but I just, at times, there were jokes that he made that you just couldn't help but think, yeah, he's definitely going to catch some heat for this. There's no way that he isn't. And it was more so, some of the punchlines were, like, you. You know he's capable of better.

So it was interesting that he just sort of like went for the low hanging fruit. But I think the special itself is he's, you know, it's served like it's serving a purpose of he's making the point that I don't care. These are just jokes. I know you'll get mad, but I don't care. It's time to grow up and stop getting offended by every little thing. Essentially, I think, is the point he was trying to make. Because there's no way he couldn't think he was going to catch some heat. Do you know what I mean?

It felt a little bit like, and not to. criticized Dave who you know he's an absolute the king like he's the fucking king he's all right I mean like who you know the king bear watch out that's a long thing he's no Brendan Grace but he's alright hang on to your crown well Brendan Grace is dead

exactly yeah now do you undisputed well you know what I'll say this okay people think Dave Chappelle's bits about transsexuals are offensive transgender transgender yes I'm a retard yes a real

funook yeah yeah well if you've heard Brendan Grace's bits about transgender You know It's a dick I gotta beat the shite of her Well I've told you that I've heard that bit

Where That literally ends with him Like violence against trans people Are you serious? I don't know if it's Brendan Or one and one the other old Like dicky Or one of the old Irish means

But the joke is kind of like This lad comes out in a dress And I beat this shite over him And the crowd goes wild The Irish repressed Irish Catholic crowd Goes wild the idea of violence against trans people they love it yeah

and uh you know that's really like you know a comedian holding mirror up to society but I like look I wouldn't even say I just feel like it's a bit being there done that with the trans issue especially the trans issue

why is he going back over this every special he's had now was a like a trans reference I feel like every special is a trans reference well it is such a big issue you know Is it really, though? Or is it just an issue People make a big deal out of?

Well, it's definitely It's a big deal if you live on the internet And it's like Yeah But on the average day to day You're walking around Are trans people really ruining your life? No, no, not at all

No, I mean, like it's a big issue In terms of people who are trans They're probably still I forgot about them Oh my God I just think it's a big issue for people who are trans and still can't be open about it because they're afraid of the societal, you know, stigmatizing of that kind of those issues. Like it's a, you know, it's definitely, it's bad.

It's unfortunate. I saw something. Well, I've always wanted Chappelle talk more about being a Muslim. Because I feel like that's something that I haven't seen tackling comments. too much because I don't watch Muslim comedians I make a point not to yeah no but I just I just

haven't seen you know what I actually take that back there's probably loads of really good Muslims comedians I haven't seen yeah yeah is he Muslim though

he was raised Muslim was he's not now yeah he's not practicing actually his special is another one that's interesting oh that's very

if you can talk about that in a minute yeah this feels like a bit episode of Mark Martin is breaking on the craft yeah yeah but I heard someone

say that like maybe the reason he has a problem with not I wouldn't even say a problem this person was that there's a link between him being a Muslim and him have an issue with trans people yeah which is ridiculous because that's almost like

you're complaining two things yeah and it's like there's definitely like Muslim trans people yeah yeah if you look in porn hub yeah that's true well I mean if you look on porn hub

you can find anything yeah that's great like yeah but i just i don't think there's a connection with it but i would love to see like him talk about being because especially with chapels viewing things yeah just be interesting it'd be so good to be and i guarantee it it would be people who are fairly ignorant to be like oh oh he's one of them yeah but i like him yeah i guess i've learned a lesson it'd be interesting even to hear how like how much just being like a practice in muslim conflict with you know fame and for fortune and all these like you know pleasurable things of western culture like is there

does there that's probably clash between well think about it he's muslim chris tucker isn't one of them got on that sex thing one of them didn't okay yeah right rest my case i don't know what the case was but like um yeah i just i just really like i know like i just get so bored of comedians it's like i can't get a girl a friend yeah yeah i want to see comedians talking of being Muslim, I want to see comedies, talking to being trans. I want to see, like, just every kind of, like, different type of person. Yeah. I want to see

good material. Yeah, but that's the thing. The stuff was well written. But then at times, I just felt he was capable of better in terms of why do you need to go back over this issue. But look, I'm not, I'm just being nitpicky, like, it's still a fucking great special, and he's hilarious and

one of the best of all time. Like, I don't even think people are offended. I think, yeah, we're just, there's articles that are articles do just for clicks That's true You're right

Yeah So how much of it Is real Like I'm pretty sure You know All the comments Under if you look up A clip on YouTube

Of it People are like This is great And he's the best It's funny Because I feel like It's almost like With a thing like that

You'll have a very Like Let's be honest Trans people Are in the minority Okay That's true Yeah

And we'll be For a few more years And then they'll Take over And then we'll be in cages is which is what we deserve yeah i'd be into it like so i feel like it's almost like there's a little bit of like almost oh too much of a pushback where like trans people might be like uh we don't like this joke yeah and it's almost like i can't really put myself in your head right that's

true you've probably suffered a lot more than me yes i think i can guarantee that yeah yeah yeah so you kind of don't like that joke for your own reasons and that's fair enough like you kind of like will go on your own thing and maybe you'll want to write a thing about it and maybe that's just something like because you're angry in the moment yeah yeah but then you'll have a way more people going like this is what's fucking wrong with the world you can't make a fucking joke it's your fucking what's your fucking problem you fucking piece of shit yeah yeah and it's like oh I just want to express myself well you shouldn't yeah no that's true well also people are cons as well like yeah i i don't like either of yeah i don't like people get oversensitive but

i don't like people who get way over sensitive about people who get oversaid yeah yeah i hate people who like spend their entire life famous snowflakes yeah yeah not an interesting to say apart from that like that's their whole thing is like it should be allowed to use racial slurs in the supermarket yeah what's wrong with this society this people who built their whole careers by that like i can't even say anything yeah it's a ridiculous shit i can't say anything nick de paolo's kind of gone that way and it's kind of sad to see because he always sort of did walk the line in his earlier years but now

he's really like oh here we go the left is limp towards it's like fucking sing a different tune like you know what I mean just write some jokes I don't care go back to talking about your bitch wife come on please come on the good times we could all enjoy that

it is yeah it's kind of like weirding about the Apollo is he seemed had more confidence back in the day I saw him especially. He doesn't seem as confident. He's very shaken, like, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

What did the snowflakes done to him? The poor man. See, he brought it on himself because if you take the offensive approach as like, I'm going to say what I want and fuck you and I don't give a shit, you're going to get a lot of pushback and eventually that pushback will take a toll.

That's the fun of it, though. Not if it's happening all day every day. Hey, it's punk rock, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put a swat stick on my forehead. Is that why that's there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay.

Yeah, and I'm like, hey, this is me. You got a problem with him? I'm just edgy And in your face I'm an edge lord What's up? Yeah I'm just punk rock

Yeah It's like you know Back in the day Like Rob Zombie Okay Yeah There's a Nazi imagery And like

People getting murdered And like a woman Dressed as like A sexy werewolf And like you know Stuff like that And it's like This is what I'm into

If you can't handle it Fuck you And the people who like You're like This is awesome Yeah Yeah So it's like

The same with this podcast Like We're gonna go Fucking insane You know Yeah And if you can't deal With it

Then fuck Fuck you. D-de-da-l-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-a-wwww-d-a-d-d-a-d-d-a-d-d-a-d-d-a-d-a-d-a-d-a-d-d-a-d-a. Yeah, gangster, punk rock. Yeah. No. No, we're not. No, we're not.

I'm putting a stop to this right now. Okay. It's okay. Open that copy of the Guardian. I'm sorry. We're going to read through some articles. Then I'm going to beat you. I'm going to beat you.

I'm going to beat you, sally, Parliament Hickory dicker Diccarry Diffin The Fad Well speaking of which he really has gone mental Isn't I don't you say he really is

Faye Beep beep Beep beep beep beep Newst in Secret love child with a man Boris Johnson got a gay pregnant Want to know how

We'll tell you right after this Oh Jesus bong the news of ten read by Trevor McDonough This just in Boris Johnson

In pregs nights The Holmiel He's a puffed He's a bloody shirtlifter Yeah So like I'm too I need to calm down

For second Okay we've got a little excited there Dimension of His gay talk on me Hot under the colour You are sweating

quite Yeah I might take my T-shirt off Oh please do And then you can see My other swatstick is Ah I have two swatsticks

around my nipples. Oh, yes, very good. Like a Frank Miller drawing. Okay, so a bit of a Brexit update. We're all fucked. It's been how many years since Brexit was announced?

It's 2016, three years, yeah, yeah, yeah. God, things have literally... You know what's depressing? I think I was going to say things have changed. Things really haven't changed that much in that time. For me, anyway. I haven't developed a human.

I still work with my dad and farm. Yes. I'm still in first year. I'll get there eventually Someday Yeah But like So Brexit's been happening

Boris Johnson's Prime Minister now He wants to suspend Parliament He is suspend He beat Theresa May Do you see Theresa May's exit speech? No Oh she cried at the end Did she?

Yeah It was like a little kind of like Her voice broke at the end Like Oh To live The Queen of God And she walked away

And she hopped on her broom And Boris gets up Who is that bloody bloke He was crying like a baby anyway. Well, I'm Prime Minister now. So Boris is in charge now. He hasn't really done too much so far.

Until. Until, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's paroled. Do you ever heard the word paroched before? No. Yeah. He parolged parliament. So basically suspended it for five weeks. And this is during a crucial time where people could have put in a bill to stop it. You know, this is the last chance for them

to stop Brexit. But now they suspended it. It's almost like you're playing a game and you're about to was you're like pause pause pause you're like when can you own pause yeah never i was trying to think a good metaphor for it but water for whisper has got to me first oh what did they say well this is great because you can't read a war for whisper's article but they're basically like a man's perroes relationship when he's off banging another woman ah that's like god's a great relationship yeah that's a great headline it's great i was trying to think something more like it's a bit like you know um you know my british comedians they love metaphors but it's always like you know

when you're buying your chips and your chips you know you go fish and chips shop and you don't have chips and you're like oh what where's my chips it's a bit like bricks in it you know it's like some shit metaphor yeah yeah or it's like you know when you're watching child porn someone turns off the Wi-Fi that never happens to me encrypted baby excellent what hair oh I work for them no you know that oh really sports yeah oh okay yeah that could get me in a lot of trouble look oh well we could say much worse things that's true and we should almost hold them like like if you want us to not say worse things pay us

I hold the whole company ransom yeah yeah yeah any second you go online and just say two magic words one starts with C yeah anyway let's uh What were you even talking about? Boris Johnson. Okay, yeah, so he's paroled parliament, so he suspended it. And everyone hates now. People say it's against democracy. Yes, which it is.

But other people say, yeah, but if you want to stop Brexit, that's also against democracy. Oh. So, like, you know. Tusha. What do you do then? Checkmates, sir. What do you do? What do you do?

I don't know, you go out with a banner and march up and down parliament. They're doing that. Yeah, I know. it's uh look what it's achieved that won't work no when has that ever worked why do people we're walking down this street with a piece of cardboard and i wrote a witty slogan on it me i don't want to be mean but um there is one guy called chunky mark and he's always doing things like that who's chunky mark he's a guy in youtube oh right right right he's the artist taxi driver okay he was big a while ago i feel like he's kind of died down at right right um he had like

Russell Brown he kind of yells in his taxi Oh right Yeah And it's kind of like You know Fucking Tory scum

And for about You know Nine minutes Yeah And then Russell Brand gets in Like ooh Consciousness

Ooh I used to do a head Wouldn't you Yeah I used to put it in my Vainy wanes And get high Yeah

And they jumped out And I fucking shank She's gonna Teach my ewee yeah and then mark goes back to like and it's the tories bald so anyway he did a thing where like he pushed a toy train um from suffolk to london or so i'm done like that to stop the iraq war he was pushing with his nose and he got the parliament just like dare they're like okay well the iraq war happened two years ago so it didn't turn out well for anybody yeah yeah try

pushing a little train to Iraq but yeah the protests won't work Brexit will happen I don't think it'd be as doom and gloom as people say it's looking like a no deal Brexit isn't it weren't there emails like to that there are concerns about food shortages blood they're going to run out of blood

they're going to like it's going proper like you know this could be the British government's way of culling the population finally I mean that's what they're all about it's that or more food banks and yeah you know they cost money yes I could definitely see it calling like a state of like national emergency yeah i could see that where they're like listening

uh certain islington goodbye and they're like what and like we've secretly built a wall around you we're cutting off all communication we'll check back with you in three years whoever survives in three years gets to be i know you can work in as that assistant manager we take care of our own here but imagine that someone survives the three years of war in his thing and he's got like a skull on his head and he's got two swords

also made out of bow and something like that and then he's like working NASDA can I help you let us know if you need a little bit of help there love or I'll stab you I'm sorry no that was the last place I used to work

sorry he's working like the no he put him like the meat section or something like the meat section but he's like stand meat like But yeah, people think it's going to go proper, like eat your own kids. Yeah, yeah. Fuck your granny kind of like. Which would be great to see, to be honest, but what do you think?

There would be something so fun about that, like. Do you think we're going to get much blowback from it here? You know what? I'm a pro-immigrant guy. Okay. I'll let Syrians in. Yeah. I'll let Nigerians in.

Yeah. I'll let everyone in. not a single British content again in this country we are building a wall building a wall right on the border

and you know we're going to have militias and no one's getting in no one's getting in I really want to see complete anarchy I want to see the queen

like you remember Gaddafi yeah remember how Gaddafi ended where like he hid in the pipe and then they're putting into the civilians didn't they like

basically like pull them out of the pipe and then eat them or something Yeah He was like Choke on it Choke on it I want to see that like With the queen

Like where they're just clawing her Yeah Yeah And then She gets treated like a human And then she's like It's a living Yeah

It won't be that bad No it's gonna You know It'll be recession For a long time Yeah Yeah The people who call us

They will suffer Literally no effects From it Yeah that's usually Who vote for Will die I think it's because there's just so much shit

happening now and then this thing with the Amazon climate change, Brexit, all this shit like there's a lot of like dark clouds looming economically speaking there's a lot of things a lot of you know balls are in the air so we could be heading towards another global recession that makes the

one in 2008 look like child's play you know what I mean? Like we could all be feeling the effects of this which means back on the dole bring back the head shops the glory drives living large that was one of the best and worst times of my life great for creativity

we got the Harley books and nothing else nothing else yeah Harley books and multiple suicides so people lost their couldn't afford their mortgages oh man oh but you know what the funny thing is the people who vote for Brexit

will be suffer the people the London elite that didn't vote for it yeah they'll be okay yeah they're in London the elites man they always they always do well out of the media types you vote no they'll be okay

because they can literally sit back and go see see what I told you what happened they'll pretend like oh the poor

shouldn't kill each other but a little bit that's what you get don't you didn't listen to me yeah me and me alone oh god

me the great Londoner I tried to warn all the peasants but they wouldn't listen Londoners the smartest people in the world yeah

well I anyway. That's Brexit. Don't and does. People even know many kids, Boris Johnson. I was telling you this as well. Boris Johnson, if you go on his Wikipedia page

and look up how many kids he has, it says five or six. They don't even know how many kids he had. So he's definitely got way more. Yeah, yeah. He's got a few black ones hidden away. Oh, of course. Yeah, yeah.

A bit like Thomas Jefferson. Every time I'm again, a maid disappears. And she's got a kid for some reason. Like, why does he look a lot like Boris Johnson? It's like, well. that's just how it is you know sometimes if a kid looks like Boris Johnson you don't question it you just take the check

you keep your bloody mouth shut out yeah so he's always having affairs and stuff like that yeah yeah and he's always getting one to break and he's a very eccentric guy you can tell just by the way it goes on that he's a fucking just idiot to be honest yeah I don't get the appeal to him I just don't like it

I just hurry not for me no thanks well he is just like another Trump just an eccentric politician who says whatever he wants and gets away with it it's the same it appeals to the same kind of demographic like poor working class people it is a little

bit of like he says what's on his mind yeah yeah he calls a Muslim a letterbox and I like that yeah you know and that's kind of like people just people you know what if we really want to be like cynical

people really just want to they're so like there's a lot of race themselves built up in them yeah So when you hear a guy just, he doesn't give shit and just like, you know, fuck you, Europe. You're like, yeah, get him. Yeah. He's my hero. But, you know.

It's because they can then, like, they create a boogeyman for it to explain why they're in the conditions they're in. It's like, oh, yeah, it's the European Union. It's fucking us. Once we get out of that, the Brits will look after Britain and it'll be all good, but they're fucked, you know. Dome's Day, baby. Oh, yeah. It's doomsday, baby. It's curtains.

sweetheart you light a cigar you throw it in the back and everything blows up what else we got what do you I don't know it's enough for Brexit

yeah Brexit is just such a depressing yeah and the thing is like I remember a time when politics was slightly boring so you have to like

do a bit of study if you want to write a joke with politics you have to do a bit of study and like kind of like write something clever yeah yeah but now because it's so ridiculous

you just watch John Oliver and Trevor Noah and just plagiarize their shit I like all of guys and I fight any man I said otherwise that's all a bit samey though there's worse though John all over Trevor Noah Seth Myers whoa whoa you're burning all the profits here too no they're all great but it's just like the same it is yeah I get I bet you like I know why John Stewart quit yeah like the idea of

like having to do Trump jokes every day yeah and like oh my God what's he done because it's like you know satire its purpose is to you know hold the mirror up to like political figures and make them make them out to be the fools they are show them for what they are it felt like it had more of a purpose back then keeping people informed but now it's just like people are like yeah they are bad

oh well yeah they just carry on being pricks and they keep writing jokes and this thing is like you're a racist damn right oh god you're oh no check me yeah and like they have nowhere to go with that because it's like you point out something's wrong and it's like

what do you want me to do why you want me to be right fuck you and then like we slink away back to her house to record a podcast yeah

yeah yeah four episodes yeah that's uh well I just wrap it up one more thing you know

or whatever you go whatever you can say you do you talk about John Oliver but John Oliver's never been Like, in middle of the episode, like, okay, uh, what the fuck? I'm not talking shit about him, like, they're all very good. I hope he dies, I don't care.

Ah, no, no, no. He's got a Marine wife. Has it, yeah? Yeah. Oh. That's kind of, like, an interesting race. I think about that way more than I should, just him having sex with a Marine. What would that be like?

Painful. Yeah. Or maybe, no. I doubt John Oliver's a dumb. No, I don't think so. she probably fuck someone a strap on Trevor Noah

he's a dom now oh yeah yeah yeah yeah he puts out the silliness but I bet you you get you put a room with him and he's in it

it is scary yeah you won't know what he'll do you better prepare your pussy because Trevor Noah is going to

wreck it like he's going to hit your back walls and he's going to make a silly joke at the same time like he's going to do one of his great accents

and then talk about like how his mother was you know apartheid and all that oh right yeah yeah yeah that's what he's got great story as well all that nasty business

yeah oh that was that was horrible I hear you at apartheid that wasn't brain nice was it what were they thinking eh oh silly daff buggers the lot of

we wouldn't get that in the UK three years later I was wrong okay let's talk about one more thing I get right I know you want to talk about McGregor punching an old man

yeah McGregor punch an old man it's not like Coked up scumbagg punched somebody well what a shock I don't know I can't McGregor now

one thing I have to say about McGregor now I like Joe Rogan okay a lot yeah but Manny would say he's like my guiding voice

really yeah I wake up in the morning I listen to Joe okay and sometimes I talk to him does he talk back No. I have a picture of him in my wall.

I'm like, Joe, what do I do? Hey, Joe, what have smoked this joint? Yeah, I'm holding the joint up to the poster. Smoke it, Joe, smoke it. You're no fun anymore. But, like, Joe was talking about the instance with Carmen Greger. Punching there. Yeah, and he was like, man, the Irish are crazy.

Which is not, like, I'm just saying, and you're the race? Oh, yeah, yeah. yeah go chinese people are crazy i'm just saying when asap rocky got arrested i couldn't be like man you know you know what i mean yeah i guess i wasn't offended but it would be me like i wish i wish i could yeah feel i can't even feel offended i think that's wrong with me i can't yeah you could kill my mother in front of me and i'd be like i don't care and that's probably not good probably not yeah and i'm just like i guess it's a freedom of speech issue if you were I'm going to kill my mother, I guess.

Who am I to stop? I just go back to listening to Gavin McGuinness. A reading Bright part. Yeah. Yeah. My mother was a nasty woman. But also, yeah, yeah. Like, the McGregor incident itself, this is the part of the movie now.

So McGregor, like, slowly but surely he's turning people against him. Oh, a lot of people have turned on him. And it's interesting because some of my friends, like, they're with him. then they're like wavering they do something else and they're wavering and they're like oh it's just allegations then they're wavering yeah well the allegations yeah oh well the thing is like we're in dublin yeah yeah yeah gregor lives in dublin that's true so like i'm not even joking there is a chance because mcgregor such a coked-up madman madman yeah mongo man yeah yeah yeah yeah uh that like he could just send some of his

bodies after he heard like there's glad talking shit about you he could just send his buddies after us yeah see i wouldn't fare well in that situation no i'll do whatever you are please don't hurt me i'll just suck it not even fork he could save in that situation like come i'm forking yeah one last time you have to fork yourself just like in your own head yeah well i don't know look he's obviously i mean you give somebody all the money and fame in the world and they just you know and they're cooked up the whole time they're obviously gonna kind of lose the run of themselves i mean i'm not defending anything he did but like who's to say that if we weren't given loads of money and cocaine we wouldn't go right 100% punching old men 100% yeah

old men i think i'm not i was on the plane a while ago and um i was thinking this might sound a bit bad but say if you're on a plane yeah and there's an old man beside yet and then like the plane starts going down wouldn't you just punch that old man you know what i mean like it's like if the plane's going down just everyone else is putting on their like uh oxygen mass yeah just battering this outside wouldn't they just be like look am i going to go die a pussy i'm going to die a legend yeah just like i would just punch that old man just in the face repeatedly just take out because i'm angry okay i'm angry i don't want to die at this age yeah i never even got to kiss a woman you know i just want to punch or kiss the old no no punch that old man so much like But I was thinking, imagine you did that, but Sully was driving the planes. You just landed safely on the Hudson? Yeah, yeah.

And you're like, oh, damn. I taught he was a terrorist. I taught he was saying Allah Akbar, but instead he was saying, please don't hit me. So I was thinking that. Now, that's something you could probably say on stage, people laugh. Yeah, yeah. That would get a good group.

Yeah, that would get a laugh. Because people, somebody's like, punching old man. man old lady different old man everyone can laugh at that it's just funny man as long as you're not like a holocaust victim right he's like he's a world war two hero yeah yeah I'm like I'm finishing the job the hitler cuddins welcome to the fourth ride smack bright bar bitch okay but the level around like wonder where crowd goes yeah is

save as a woman beside the plane and she's got you know big breasts yes if you made a joke about touching the plane goes down and you touch those breasts oh okay yeah yes would the crowd go with you or would you have to like do a little thing of like my friend says he touch a girl's tics i think that's crazy okay yeah yeah yeah that's what you do if you are a cook but if you were a real Rock and legend comedian

Yeah If you were like Angie You have a bass guitar On stage I'm like You know what I feel a woman's tits

Yeah I've grabbed those titties Yeah Yeah Yeah Sque squeeze squeeze Hunk We're on a one way

trip to hell I'm just blast And Sabbath Bro But the thing is Like People wouldn't get that But they would

No I get that As if it's Complicated People wouldn't like That But I feel Like the guys

Who do like it I don't want them to like that. Yeah, you don't want them to start cheering. Yeah, yeah. When I'm saying, like, touch the woman's tits and you're like, yeah, a comedian who speaks to me. Finally. Well, that was like...

Yeah, I think better go with the old man. Old man, yeah, yeah. Everyone likes that. Everyone can laugh at a stupid old man. Some old lady be like, yeah, that sounds like, yeah, wish you'd have my husband. Oh! And I'd be like, that's disrespectful.

You stupid old cunt. And you just get really angry. They have to drag you off. And those weird guys, like, touch our text. Oh, God. But what are we even talking about? I don't know. What are we at?

McGregor, okay? McGregor, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was saying this is the part of the movie now where McGregor has turned, eventually he's going to turn the whole country against that. Yeah, yeah. The final straw will be like, they find a video of him, like, punching a kitten. yeah just like just spraying his neck for no reason you know and he turns to the closing with like you know he'll do fucking nothing yeah you're like oh that's the catchphrase

he said I suppose that's cool he'd kill him cat though yeah yeah why did he eat its head afterwards but you think he's gonna redeem himself no in the movie okay so everyone hates him yeah he was at the top now everyone hates him people go and buying the street and like you're not McGregor and he's like I don't care I'm still the king of the world then he's an accident okay so like he loses loses his arms maybe or loses his sight he loses something that he has a disability

so he's been humbled right right okay now depending where we this is what I'm pitching because McGregor he's going to have a movie deal at some stage so we're pitching this to him now this is when the boys come over to the house to beat us up oh right no stop I have a movie idea so then the movie would be like a magical thing

or maybe like he's he switches bodies with something freaky friday something like that yeah maybe he switch his body with a woman and then he learns a lesson about consent no no no no we'll do it more like Dr. Strange something like that

he gets like a magical power but it does a twist on air something like that yeah and come on work with me James I'm doing the heavy lifting well I thought you were just pitching me the idea I didn't know why it was involved in the process I didn't I didn't train you just the guys are going to beat us up

we need a good of movie idea right so the lads come in right we've got my fucking baddies yeah uh pardon me guys i got an elevator pitch for you yeah yeah hit him up and so you hit him with uh yeah greggar it's a star of the century hero turned villain turned national sweetheart yeah and but then something else happens yeah yeah so he he loses his let's he lose his arms okay so he loses his arms but he gains he loses his arms in a rape accident I think that one's going to end up On the cutting room floor But let's get past it

So he loses his arms He loses his arms He's going around with no arms Goon You fucking no What the fuck Yeah Yeah

And then he needs a kindly old wizard He's like I can give you your arms back But Now what's the butt Okay You can never Fight anyone ever again

Oh yeah Yeah But you give your arms back But you can't fight so then like people are challenging the fights all the time they can't they're like you're a fucking pussy he's got to like you know get rise above it yeah yeah yeah so he has to use his mind yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like get out of situation you know like that yeah right right but then what's the payoff then uh then he sees that same old man and uh wanks him oh but no the old man's in that

the old man is getting like beaten up by like racists oh oh right okay because he's a Chinese wizard okay all right and then like he has like he's like oh let me fight he's like no he must take the punches

yeah so McGregor takes all the punches till he turries him out okay and then he um what happens then he becomes a saucer

supreme he gets a call from his lawyer and says oh what they have a videotape with that oh no yeah

uh yeah I'll just go full on doctor's strange. He becomes a wizard and he learns that you can fight with your mind better than you can fight with your fists and

there's like one more fight he has to do for contract reasons but he loses on purpose because he realizes his legacy is important there's like the money he bet on himself. Oh no he bet against himself and then he bets against himself okay

and then he's going to leave the country but he remembers his watch and his watch is in a house somewhere he has to go to get him John Travolta who's gay I'm bald but it's even worse and then McGregor learns

that guns are better than fists the end that's beautiful we got there in the end that was all you I got to say it took a while it took a while we got there okay let's end this baby

let's end this suck us all right thanks for listening guys once again guys please tell your friends share this podcast i want everyone to hear this your granny your granda all the woke uh snowflakes yeah yeah yeah yeah we'll show them we're not edge lords what's gonna happen is we're all gonna go into a hole in the desert yeah and then emerge and take our revenge good luck yeah goodbye