Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 286 : Ingram and Dune

Episode Date: April 3, 2026

It's Ingram!!!!

All right, we're going. Off to the races, and where is Brian? Oh, nowhere to be found, as usual. I'm getting ready. Are you? It takes a lot of work behind the scenes. Yeah. I make it look easy.

But... Yeah, you make it look almost like there's zero effort put into it. It's impressive. Do you know how much work I do, all right? And I don't achieve anything, all right? No. I'm trying. Every so often, we might get one comment that says, shite.

And that's it. from you. And it's worth it. Just for that alone. No, something we got one there a while ago that was like, I'd rather, what was it, something like a bit mean? It was like, I'd rather work in a Chinese sweatshop because of these two. I'd rather take 10 tabs of acid in a Chinese sweatshop. I'd get more laughs that way.

You would. Well, that sounds pretty good. Yeah. I'd be chuckling and I love that. And then you don't seem better, okay? Then you try and jump out the window and you get those fun nets. Oh, yeah. You get bouncing around the place.

Yeah. And you're like, is this. the acid or what's going on but anyway look so we're back guys we got a lot to talk about this is the Hugh Edwards episode yes your favorite my hero

and don't don't take that with context I don't know how you could I love him and I am very similar to him many ways but before we get to Hugh Edwards because I told you the Queen had died I don't think you could be a news reporter you have to read the telepropter

everything else you could probably do pretty well. The rest of his life you can handle no problem, but reading out loud, I think that's where you'd fall short, to be honest. We'll leave Hugh till the end. Okay. That's dessert. Yeah, yeah.

That's the happy ending there. But before that, is there any you want to talk about? Let me see now. You've done the Patreon, had a good time. Yeah, it was fun. I said there on the Patreon, you did a great job. Even though you were, you gave up the, you seemed depressed.

but that was just a charade A charade Either or A charade A charade Yeah Yeah You know

A la la la la laiseon don't That was a mirage Okay yeah Yeah When you press play You jump into life Yeah And I had to catch

I'm drinking cans right now Just try and catch up with you How many have you had Half Okay I drank half a can I'm already wasted I've shit

This dude No I haven't actually You know Haven't drank Maybe you can here. I haven't drank in ages. I haven't pissed my pants in ages either. Okay. I've gone like literally like, I think like two weeks of pissing myself. Right. How long's it been since you drank alcohol? About two weeks, yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah, so, there you go. And like, I mean, beer does make you piss more. Your pants. Yeah, well, I mean... It does. Okay. Yeah, don't leave me hanging. I can't, you know, I'm, I'm in no position. I puked on the bus last night on the way home in front of everyone. I pissed on the bus as well. What a fissed on the bus as well. What a fine pair. To wash away the puke, you know. Yeah, so we've been doing okay here. I've been watching some things. And we'll talk about that in a minute. Let me see what I've been watching here. I did watch Daredevil, the new season of Daredevil. Is that with John Bernthal?

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Not much to talk about. It's pretty boring, I'll be honest. I didn't really like it. It's been a while since they did it, though, right? No, it's out now. No, I know. But, like, Like, you should notice. The last season, I mean. When was the last season? Last year. Was it?

You got to give them time. That's your problem, okay? You're like, make me a new season now. Wait, when did it start? John Burntall's like, please give me a break. When did it start? It started a while. It started a long time.

It started on Netflix. Why couldn't you? So it's not on Netflix anymore? No, it went Disney Plus. Why couldn't you just back me up just once? We just always have to undercut me every chance you get. Like, do, do, do, do, do. That's your.

This is why I go to terrible. Therapist is like, did he talk with Daredevil again? And when he tells us that you don't know the release dates of Daredevil, how does that make you feel? Like a fucking coat, like a stupid fucking coat. That's perfectly natural, Miss Akkad. You should kill him. Put pillow over his face while he sleep and film it and send video to his

con mother. This is the best therapist I've ever had. Finally make the change of a life. Yes, John Bernthal is in it, all right, but not that much. It's more like Charlie,

Charlie Cox from Kin. He's the main daredevil, all right? And, you know, it's kind of boring, to be honest if you, he's a lawyer. Sorry, John Bernthal was the punisher. Yeah, but he shows up in it. Oh, no, you're not stupid, okay? No, I am.

Put the pillow down. You're right. You were right and my cunt therapist. He's gaslighting me. Trying to convince me I'm not a retard. Just flush all your pills in the toilet. You don't need that anymore. Yeah, it's like, if you honestly,

I'm not really that interested in Daredevil. Because when I'm watching Daredevil, I think about how much better it would be to read Daredevil, the comic books. I have way more fun doing that. And the show is just kind of a bit boring. You know the whole thing about Daredevil? He's the lawyer.

Yeah, and he's blind. Yeah, it's a lot of like lawyer scenes. Man, you know, it's so funny, the movie Daredevil with Ben Affleck, when that came out, everyone was like, this is the worst piece of shit I've ever seen. I remember we were watching a hero one time. I was like, this is fucking awesome.

I could not stop. Yeah, like, I was so happy. I was smiling the hallway too. It's pretty good, yeah. Colin Farrell's bullseye, I never miss pal, what, rapid bulls? Him and bullseye is fucking cool. You open the flats, what?

Yeah. Well, there's a bull's eye and this. He's actually pretty good as well, you know, but he's no call and a furl. There is actually an Irish guy in it that was interesting this. So there's one bit in the new Daredevil where Daredevil goes to a bank. Right. In human clothes, all right? He's like a civilian.

Uh-huh. And then the bank gets held up by his Irish guys. Right. So the IRA are robbing banks now in New York. Okay. Okay. In modern day New York? Yeah.

Right. Yeah. Don't know why, but yeah, that's how you do it. You know? Jerry Adams is there. okay. No, actually they're not. They're Protestants. That's a big factor in, okay? Oh, wait, they're Protestants.

Yeah, the Protestants are now robbing the banks in New York. Oh. DUP and all that, right? Right. So what happens is these Irish guys, okay, hold up a bank in New York, and they have the whole hostage negotiator thing going on. And the hostage negotiators like, hey, we'll wrap this up and down for Paddy's Day.

Aye, no, you don't know anything, do you? I'm a Protestant. We don't celebrate Paddy's Day. that's like a Jew celebrating Christmas. Hey, what the hell are you talking about? What's a, you know, I thought you peddies all like that. And he's like, no, we don't. Tell you what?

You think you're funny. I'll tell you a joke. And he tells the hostage to go to. I want to see if you get this joke, because I don't. All right. I actually looked up on Reddit for someone to explain the joke to me, and I still don't get it, right? But I'll do the joke for you.

All right. We'll do in the accent or not. That's your call. whatever you feel is more natural. I'll do the accent, yeah, yeah. Because I'm such a master of these things, you know. So he goes, how do you want to?

I've forgotten the joke. That's okay. It's probably, that's a minor detail. Don't let that, you know. No, he goes like, so there's a priest walking along the road in Belfast. And he sees a lepracon. And he's like, Jesus, what are you doing here?

And lepricon is like, ah, I'm a lepricon. I'll grant you a wish. But I got a question. question first is there such thing as a non leprechaun and the priest is like no I what you talking about there isn't then another leprechaun jumps out and the priest's like oh jeez another lepercon do I get two wishes now and your lepercon is like yeah you do but I got a question first of all have you ever seen a nun leprecon and the priest is like no jeez

what you keep asking me that and the lepercon goes The second Lippercon goes Second The Can you go Keep going No, I fucked it No, I want to hear it though

Ah, you would like Yeah So You're interested I'm very confused Yeah You haven't called me Gay in like a minute

No, no You're thinking it I'm saving it though Don't worry It's covered The second Liparcon goes The first one

See I told you You fuck the penguin Oh Yeah Okay Yeah I mean I get it Do you

Kind of it's not that Tell your face. Because like a penguin, and no one looks as like in black and white attire could look like a penguin. So he thought that he found a non-lepracon

because it was the same height as him. But it turns out it was just a penguin. He fucked a penguin. It's not my joke. I know. I'm just trying to decipher it. I get the logic of it, but it's not very good.

No. And I didn't fuck it up, by the way. That's how he says it. Okay. Even with the stumble halfway through and a, Oh, I fucked it up, I'm an idiot. That's exactly how he says it, yeah.

I'm a worthless cut from Cardo. He says that. With a micro penis. And then Daredevil beats him up. But I didn't really get that. It's a bad joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bad joke.

But anyway, yeah, Daredevil didn't really like. And then, like, but in the show, does everyone in the bank and then go shit, it's like, ha ha ha, ha. That's hilarious. They actually die from laughter. We've decided that we're going to let you escape with all the money because that joke was so fucking good. If you want to rape some of the hostages, go ahead, you know?

You want to rape the penguin, go for it, man. Yeah, so I haven't really been watching too much. I thought there that will be good for content. But I just get bored watching it. I like little Gandalfini Jr. he's in it. Oh, really? Yeah, he plays. So in the show,

The kingpin is the mayor now. The kingpin is Mandani, the mayor of New York. Right. Not surprised, right? Evil. So he's the mayor of New York. And then Gandalfini Jr., what's his name? Michael Gandhini?

He's like his assistant in a way. He's like his henchmen. Right, right. Yeah, I'll get him, boss. Yeah. He's pretty good. I like him, yeah. Yeah.

But having the time to watch much TV shows. I don't think I've seen him in anything other than the Sopranos movie. That's not a good example. Sorry, he was in war. fair. He was good in that. Yeah, he's been other things as well. He's good. He's good, good actor. He's good in the deuce. Yeah. In the deuce, he's great because he falls in love

like a prostitute. He's like, Dad, she actually loves me for me. She's got to give it up, Dad, but I just need to get alone. I'm sure I keep paying her every day, but that's just unrelated. I'm helping her with her studies. Yeah. And his dad is Frank Zabasca. Oh, nice. He's like,

son, I keep telling you, these whores don't love you. Then the dad falls in love a prostitue as well. Same one. Yeah, I haven't really been watching that much. I've been out in the fields a lot. This week, listen to audiobooks. Sure. I'll tell you, I'll tell you, you listen to audiobook as well, didn't you? I listened to a couple, actually. I listened to what? Let's reveal them to each other, all right? This is exciting, I suppose.

Will you go first? I'm gonna... Well, I listen to Dune 2 and Ingram by Louis C.K. What are you doing? worry about it, motherfucker. Just taking some pills. It's fine. Nothing to worry about. All right? We never talk about Dune 2,

James need to take pills? Yeah, I listen to Dune 2 and Ingram by Louis C.K. I prefer Dune 2, I'll be honest. Ingram, I haven't finished. It's fucking... It's hard.

Yeah. It's a long novel. I know the whole thing about Ingram is that he's a young fella and he leaves the farm. And it's kind of set like during the Depression, isn't it?

I don't know when it's set. That's a thing that's frustrating me a little bit. Because there is like JCBs and stuff in it. So, I mean, there would have been that stuff

like in the 20s and the 30s. Yeah, I know it's not like 2026, no that, but I don't know exactly when it is. Okay, but it's definitely old. It's all timing,

yeah, yeah, but the whole thing is he's from a farm, Little Ingram, and he doesn't know what the world is and he doesn't know anything at all.

So it's kind of It gets pretty frustrating after a while So like let's for example At the start He thinks tarmac is black dirt Black hard dirt Oh And you're like oh okay I get

The whole thing with Ingram is He's a little boy on a farm Like 10 years old Yeah And the dad disappears And the bank is like We want the farm And the mother's like

I can't help you You just go on your own Yeah So basically It's kind of him going out into the world by himself completely he doesn't know what anything is he's defenceless and he's got to learn

traverse the... And it's all from his point of view right? So at the start... He's 10 years old, right? He doesn't know what age he is either, all right? Someone else says he's around 10 but he doesn't know. Does he know what race he is?

Have you read the book? I haven't. Honestly, he literally has a part of it. Actually? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll tell you, okay? He starts off and he's walking the road on his own. He's just going straight.

And he's walking. And it's all this stuff like instead of just saying he's hungry, he's like, I've got like a dog in my tummy and the dog is angry. I gotta keep the dog happy by giving you food. And stuff like that. So it's all like, yeah, he kind of has his own internal

descriptions and internal logic. Yeah, it's almost like an alien describing the world. Yeah, yeah. And some of the stuff, it's a bit like, if I was an editor I'd be like, well, maybe cut that. Like, you know, early on he talks about his dad, talks about his dad in one sentence

is his dad's legs swing like trees and the very next sentence is dad's arms swing like tools in the shed I would have cut one though is you only two

swings like analogies yeah fair but anyway so dad disappears his mother is depressed he leaves and he's walking along

and at first he sees like a family they're eating and he grabs a bit of food they have because he's starving and they go like hey

come back here you, he runs away and then he finds like a tent and he sleeps in a tent and then he wakes up and I'll describe how he said it okay

he wakes up and there's a mountain in front of him and it's a talking mountain all right it's a big guy yeah yeah yeah and the mountain and Louis reads this book

Louis CK reads it and the mountain's like what you doing white boy ah yeah and the mountain is like, I is in this tent. Use his guts to get out sahirs. So it's an Asian man.

Okay. I'm with you. Yeah. The mountain, by the way, it's like, I was 10, I was about your age, and I had to leave my house. But you white. You know what white is?

No. Well, there's whites and blacks. And you're the lucky one. You white. Now, you get out of my tent. So Ingram leaves the 10. all right. And then he's thirsty, so he finds a pool

no, sorry, he finds a river. And he takes his clothes off, so he's naked, right? And he gets in the river. And he's like, I should get out of the river, but then he's going to let the river carry me along. Ah. Yeah. Not a good idea. Well, he's like, being carried along me, like,

I'm probably going to regret this, but the voice on my head tells me to do this. And he ends up in like a dam. Right. But there's like a ladder. so he climbs up the ladder all right and then there's like a site

there with lads working on it I saw this description was like there was these men driving animals but the animals were made out with metal and the animals had big arms with a bucket attached and the bucket had teeth

and the teeth were taking big bites of the dirt and then the arm was raising up and then the arm was vomiting the dirt out. Honestly, I think that would start to annoy me

after a while. Yes, that's exactly what you felt. Yeah. It's a JCB, all right, we get it, all right.

It's a fucking fucking digger, me, right? That's your fucking machine. And that's all that fucking is.

It's not a fucking animal beating the dirt and spitting it out. Are you fucking daft or what? That's how Ingrams sounds in my head. Yeah, that's Texas for you.

Yeah. And by the way, he took his clothes off when he got into the river, right? So he's naked. So now he's just, a naked boy in a building site.

Hey, one of the perks of the job, am I right? Hey, something to keep the morale up. Hey, uh, I know we're not in the union yet, but this is pretty good. Like, you know, in Vietnam we had girl out to dance and all the guys go wild. Yeah, yeah.

Hoo, woo, woo. I just wanted to remind you, fellas, what you're building for. I don't, Bum, bam, ma, man, ma'am. So, the foreman is like, hey, there's a naked boy there.

Hey, get down off that wall. Because he's like running. So the foreman's trying to catch his naked boy, all right? And all the lads are watching me like, hey, whoa. Yeah, hey. Because it's funny because the foreman's like falling over and stuff chasing a naked boy, you know? It's like, oh, you can't catch him, boss. He's too fast for you.

But eventually the foreman catches him. I love the foreman, by the way. It's just like, there's a naked boy here. Get off my building site. Right. And, you know, one builder's like, hey, maybe we should. give him some clothes and maybe some food. What are you a communist?

So one builder is kind of like, you know the way like you find a little sick bird and you raise him to health? Sure. You keep him in your pocket secret. So he like finds that he gives the boy like a bit of a sandwich. Okay.

And keeps him in the toilet. In the toilet? He's like, okay, you stay here. At the end of the working day, all right? He's like, well, I can't really keep you. But then. and Ben came in and he opened his south mouth

his bottom mouth and out flowed a river of brown water that tasted awful. He had a big trouser arm and the trouser arm was hard. Even stuff like someone goes to shake his hand at one stage

Ingram and he's like, the man put his hand out in front of me and I decided it was time for me to put my hand out as well and our hands connected and he raised the hand up and he raised the hand down and he raised it up and he raised it down

and then another man came along and he raised hand out as well and I did the same and my hand went up and my hand went down and my hand went up is that it sounds very frustrating if you're reading it you could skip it but the audio book just like stuck there just driving along listening to this

I'm going to have to crash the car I've got no choice so the builder is like I can't really keep you. You know, my wife has told me not allowed to bring home boys anymore, you know. No more naked strays. Honey, when we got married, I said, do not try to change me, okay? I am who I am.

If you can handle it, then hit the bricks, baby. So instead he's just like, oh, by the way, Engram's sick now because he drank all the water. That's like sewage water. Sure. That's like the shit and poop water. Same thing, actually, yeah. It's the poop and shit and feces. water, right?

So he's all sick. So they're bringing him to the hospital. And the hospital is kind of like, who's going to pay for this boy? And they're like, oh, we're not, I'm a builder. Like, I don't help children, you know. So they're going to kick him out anyway, right? Right.

But Ingram meets all these other boys in the hospital. And, you know, there's like one that's cancer. Another one's got like a broken arm, you know, another one's gay or whatever, okay, you know. They're all, like, sick in her own way. I met one boy who talked like a lady and kissed men on the mouth

like a lady but he wasn't a lady I didn't know what was going on So because he's like a child on his own No one's going to pay for him They're going to put him in what's Not foster home

Reform home Okay Yeah Yeah And one of the boys is Reform school Reform school And one of the boys

Is like Whatever he do Don't go there Because boys die in that school and no one knows about it. No one checks. Yeah, yeah. You will get eaten alive. Yeah, yeah. So you got to escape.

You see a sign up there, the one that says exit. Do you know, and by the way, Ingram is now to read. Okay. It's like, that's the exit sign. When you see an exit sign, that means you leave, all right? So you need to get out of his hospital right now, otherwise you're going to put you in care. Okay. So Ingram leaves

and he steps into broken glass and he's like, then the, this red liquid came at my foot, you know, and then he meets a bunch of black kids. And all the black kids are like, you're a white boy, what you're doing here? And, you know, Ingram's like, I'm hungry, sir. Yeah, you're hungry. You want some food. Hold the food up to them.

Like, you know, a bit of, like, you know, gristle, you know, a bit of fat from some steak or you. Yeah, yeah. But you want this, do you, white boy? Yes, please. Well, guess what? We're going to beat the shit of you, white. boy and they start battering him okay like take that white boy yeah

you don't fuck with the black kids white boy then they tried to brush my face with their heads but ever so aggressively so they beat the shit of him but then one black kid feels sorry for him right so they

is he still naked oh no yeah he got some clothes in hospital and so then he goes to I think what's her name Miss Mama uh huh yeah and Miss Mama It's like, oh boy, oh child, you look, you, I looked like you had a hell of a day.

Let me make you some soup. Grits. Yeah, yeah. Let me get you some color green and pig feet, man. And Ingram's like, thank you. I had, I need some food to help cure the hunger in some, the hungry dog in some on the camera. Yeah.

I went to the, I went ingram mode there. I went a fugue state. Yeah, so so far Ingram is walked around and got beaten up some black people and that's it. Yeah. Okay. Also, it's all the descriptions like black people's hair.

Oh. The black woman had a big brush, a big hedge, a black leaves going out of it. Yeah. I tell you, you're really not enticing me with the, I don't think I want to read England.

It's not very funny. It does feel like an imitation of the great, American novel. Yeah, like a Mark Twain kind of thing. Yeah, like a Faulkner or like any of those things. I'll tell you, if this was a novel about a writer,

and these were like a, it was like a sample chapter. Yeah, yeah. It was like a parody of the old-timey fiction, like grapes of rat or something. It would pass, all right? But after a while you're like, okay, I get it, okay, can we just hurry the, can

something just be a handshake? Yeah. Can glass just be glass? Glass. like instead of just glass it's like it's like rock see true rock that's you know shiny yeah yeah yeah yeah everything has to be something else it gets very frustrating after a while

yeah and I really hope to a time jump or something where he just knows everything yeah because every single thing like it's hard to maintain that without it becoming one frustrating but then eventually feeling like parody yeah you know what I mean

it becomes a little bit simple Jack. Yeah. A little bit Forrest Gump. You're going full retard, basically. It's a little bit like that.

Now he's 10 years old. Yeah. Not good enough. Well, I'm sorry, 10 year olds, they know a bit like. It's not like, like how the fuck does

you not know what glass is at 10 years old? Ah, look, he's on a farm, so he doesn't know what black people are with glass. Yeah.

Yeah. So I don't know where it's going. I'm about one third, I think, through the book. Okay. If it was, I'll tell you, if it wasn't Louis, there's no way of reading this.

I'll be honest to tell you. Oh, interesting, he thanks T.O. Vaughan to start. Really? Yeah. He's dedicated to like Tio Vaughn and my kids, I suppose. The only women, I didn't take my dick out in front of, but I should have. I am waiting for like some sexual stuff. Because I heard it's a bit where he goes to a cabin and I think someone tries to like touch him or something. Okay.

So that's the reason I'm still going, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. It's not enticing me. Even like, I was thinking there now, even there's like a bit where like, there's a nurse when he's in the hospital and one of the other boys, like, he's a cow. And Ingram's like, they called her a cow. Well, cows have a big, uh, high, well, sorry, way. Big high, hysteriors.

Posteriors. Um, I'm a bit of an Ingram as well now. But it's just like Sorry guys Well the point is okay He does the whole thing about like Well cows are kind of fat And they got big rears

And that nurse is kind of fat And she has a big rear So as opposed to They're comparing the two And they are pretty similar In a way It's like explaining This not even a joke

Just an observation And you're just like Can we get to some fucking action please Yeah Yeah Can we If it was one chapter I'd put up whatever

right? It's just like constant. Yeah, and I don't know now. I don't know anything about the book, but I feel like it's just going to be like this is going to be the whole way true. Yeah. Yeah, there's going to be no like break from this. Like, yeah. Unless... No other point of view is, I think it's just all Ingram, you know? If it was just like

describing Ingram, you know, like, not the first person and then again, you get a little insight into his brain. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it's just like... Look, it's not... Shit. Okay. But it's no doing to.

All right. Dune 2 is so much better. I think that's a fuck me because of Dune 2. Dune 2, by the way, is great. Dune Messiah. I have no idea how to make it to a film. Do you mind if I spoil a bit of Dune 2?

I think you're going to anyway, so... Well, I won't spoil too much, okay? Actually, no. I'm not going to spoil. You haven't seen Dune at all. I haven't, no. The first Dune. I don't know why I'm so...

Dunephobic. Yeah. Dunes and trans people. Literally, everyone I've ever met has said Dune is amazing. Yeah. And I'm sure it probably is. I don't know why. It's because of me, isn't it?

Well, a little bit. I'll say, you know, you don't really help you, you know. Well, the first Dune novel. Okay, I read it years ago, actually. I read it like, you know, I think it was in like secondary school, read it. I mean, you read it, you're like, okay, I can see how you can make it to do a big budget, crowd-pleasing film. It's like the whole thing, like, you know,

little boy. I'm sold already, you know? So it's like an Ingram type figure. Okay, little, little Timmychalamee. And then, like, you know, his dad's the, you know, king or ever like that. And, like, he doesn't think he's wording. And he has to go into the forest and defeat the villain who killed his dad. You know, it's like classic kind of Hollywood film.

Sure, yeah. He's got ride the worms. They're like, you can't ride the worm. Only the word he can ride the worm. Well, look at this, baby. Do-da-do-do-do. Dun-na-da-da-na-na-na-n-n-w. White, perhaps.

Yeah, he's surfing the worm, you know. Do, do, do. All everybody's heard about the bird. Yeah, so it's like, yeah, and then he defeats the bad guys the end. The second book is so different and so weird. Like, so it starts off, okay, I'll just spoil a little bit, not the end of it. It's grand, yeah, yeah, yeah. So at the end of the first movie, Timney Salomey, Paul, is the king.

And he has launched a full-on jihad against all the unbelievers. Right. All those who don't believe in the power of Chalemay. Okay. All right, you know. Those who like Michael B. Jordan, all right? All the sinners. Yeah.

Literally, okay. A jihad against the sinners. So he's, the full jihad against the universe, and he's killed billions of people. He is Hitler. Billions with a being. Billions, yeah, yeah. Wow. And he's kind of like Hitler, all right?

But then, guess what? He's talking to Stilgard, his friend. Stilgarde in the movie is played by, uh, I forget who he's played now with him. But Stilgarney well, okay? And he's like, look at the great people throughout history. Julius Caesar, a great man. Look up Hitler. My lord, who's Hitler? Hitler killed six million people. It'd be funny if like Stilgar's like, really? Have you heard of Nick Funtus, sir? But he's like, Hitler, a great man, nothing compared to me. I've killed billions and slaved billions more.

I am a god. I'm space Hitler. And the whole thing is he's banging a Zandaya. Oh yeah. Okay. But Zandaya is like, what's the word now? I don't want to say, I don't want to be racist now. She's like a sand lady.

She's like, you know, she's a fremen, that's it. Fremant. Yeah, she grew up in the desert. Right. He's royalty. She's trash according to the racist. Right, right. And he wants to have a baby with her.

Hmm. And the other people in the court are like, oh, he can't have. the baby with her. They'll have basically like a mull. All right. Okay. Yeah, and they don't like that. Okay. So they're giving her sedentives, not sedatives. What do you call it, like Plan B essentially?

Birth control. They're giving her a secret birth control, right? She can have a baby. And they want and, you know, hey, look, you got to do sometimes. They want Timney Chalameh to bang his sister. Because she's pure blood. Well, that's true. Yeah. I mean, that makes sense.

Anna Taylor Joy is his sister. Oh, really? Yeah. Damn. I mean, look, if my sister was Anna Taylor Joy... They would have some very skinny, pointy-faced children. And I'm all for it.

The sexiest person. God, she's very sexy on the Taylor Joy. Well, I'll tell you what. In the books, I think she's like 12 or 15 or something or 28 or something like that. But once you made the sale, stop sell it. You already struck gold. Stop drilling, baby. I think she's 15, okay, in the books.

But the nerds online defend this. They're like, yeah, but she's actually got like, magic powers, so she's older than she looks. She matures faster, so, you know. She's got the spirits of all the dead inside her, so even though she's got the body of 15-year-old, she's actually got, like, the brain of, like, you know, a 17-year-olds.

Basically an old bint, you know? And, man, I don't know about Frank Herbert, like, you know, his sexual peculiarities, okay, but there's all this stuff about, like, you know, his uh i think his sister okay wakes up naked of course she's like she stands up and examines her naked young supple body i am so naked she said to herself time to work out no point putting on clothes no that just gets in the way absolutely started working out and sweating yeah all over her boobies then the door opened her brother and still gar walked in she didn't bother putting on her clothes

they're covering up? No. Yes, I am a woman. You got a problem with that? Her brother watched his naked sister's supple young body. Isn't this strange how, even though she is his sister, he can still appreciate the woman he is becoming. She's working out while watching Richard Simmons.

Okay, let's do it, girls. Keep that body tight. You want your brother's horned up watching you. Let's go. The only thing sex is that straight Richard Simmons, man. Oh, I bet he. Heteral. Oh, all the ladies love him.

I'm reading this, being like, hmm, a bit odd, isn't it? Maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm the prude. You're a stick in the mud. You're an only child. You don't understand the sibling boss. So I don't know, I don't know to put that in the film. I mean, I love Denis Bellinoux.

I hope he does, you know. They've taken out the word jihad. What they replaced it with? Not in the Holy War, wherever I do. They said jihad's a little bit too political, but yeah, look, can't work. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, so they basically, they want him to bang his sister to keep the line pure, you know. And he doesn't want to do that.

He wants to bang Zandaia instead of his sister. Gutter trash. Yeah. Zandaia is so busy this year. Zandaia got married this year to Spider-Man. Okay. Tom Hollander. No.

No, yeah. Is it? Well, she made a bad, if she didn't marry Tom Hollander, she fucked up, all right? She married that fucking little twink, Tom Holland. Yeah.

Dork. Tom Hollander, yeah, yeah. Was Tom Holland in the loop? I don't think so. I don't think so. He's in her loop, though. Oh, so Zandai is in the Odyssey this year?

Right. Euphoria. Yeah. The drama. Yes. Spider-Man and Dune. Yeah. And the drama.

I've heard good things with the drama. Well, that the directors of Peter Foggled? Yeah, he is. I was waiting for it a second. Surely not. He's not gonna... Yeah.

Well, she wasn't even his sister. Disgusting. Yeah, this guy, by the way, he didn't even like get found out. He wrote about himself. He wrote an article be like, by the way, I banged his 16 year old. And he was like, I banged a 16 year old.

Great experience. He called up a journal. He's like, I've got the great story for you, yeah. I was 27, she was 16. I banged her. So freaking hot, man. We need to tell everybody

about this shit. Was anyone told about doing this before? Am I genius? Have I just discovered something brand new? Teen Pussy. Oh, boy. Yeah, man.

And he wrote about it in such a kind of loser way as well, where he's just like, she was actually more, she kind of taught me. If anything, she was grooming me. She was so mature for her age. And it wasn't even my fault. I got, you know, because I watched like Manhattan and Ghost World.

So it's, it's, it's Gary Hansen's fault. I was indoctrinated by American media who said Dean Pussy is the best. So I felt like I had no choice. Now what has he done? He did that dream scenario. Dream scenario be his big film, yeah, yeah. He did another, he did indie films beforehand. He'd won the hers.

good about a woman who fakes being sick for Instagram likes. Yeah. I think it's called something like sick of you or something of myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dream scenario is the big hit. And this is probably his biggest film and literally's a poster out there in Glass and Evan for it for the drama.

And Glass Demand, they love it, especially when they find out with directors. Fucking yeah, sound lad, yeah. Nice one, bar. We like to drink with Pido. Yeah, they love it, all right, yeah. Yup, that fly. you and all that, right?

But the film itself sounds pretty interesting. I didn't know what was about at all and kind of got leaked in a really shitty way. So the whole thing about the film is, I'm going to spoil a tiny bit, not the ending. The whole thing is it's Robert Pattinson. Yeah. Play as like a Teter guy, all right?

Right. I think director or something like that, pretty good job. And he meets Sandia, this American girl, falls in love with her. Right. They get engaged. And just before their wedding,

they're like hanging out with a couple and they talk about, like, secrets and that. And she wrote, reveals offhandly that when she was younger, her and her friends planned the Colin Boyne style of school shooting. Whoa. And they had like schematics and guns and that. Really?

Yeah. They were proper going to do it. Like they had it all mapped out, they had the guns and the ammo and all that. And the chicken out last minute didn't do it. Wow. And then she tells them that kind of like, yeah.

Laura Patton's like, uh, one time I sat on a cake. I got cream on the bam. I look like I write this. Oh, I could top that one I was going to shoot up all the the buggers and losers

The pips and the whores and the fairies And then it goes from that It's kind of like, how do you You know How do you You know Keep a relationship going It's like my future wife

Wanted to kill everyone Sure, he doesn't, you know Yeah, I know Well, he's a loser Yeah, yeah He's in the Like we know what it's like Of course

I don't think it's kind of It's not that fair Though I was a school shooter why? She's like an attractive woman. Okay. It's more like, you know, more like our type of thing, you know?

I'm not sure what you're trying to imply there. Well, you think I'm not as sex. You're Zandaya. If that's what you say, Brian, just say it. Go on. Say it. Yeah, she'll keep me away from Tom Holland.

She knows, like, I can have Sparaman's webbing all over me, bitch. Yeah, I do want to watch the film. I actually heard heard it's good. Apart from the whole Pio stuff, I've heard it's good. Yeah, I haven't,

I haven't seen Dream Scenario or Sick of Myself, but I did hear Sick of Myself It's meant to be amazing Yeah, yeah. Good stuff, yeah. I love the kind of,

yeah, like the Nordic kind of, you know, all those Swedish meatball freaks over there. They tell you, they can spin a good yarn, you know? You also want to watch, actually. Have you heard a castration movie? No.

This is the new thing. I can't find anywhere. I actually have to pay for it. Like a dork, or, yeah, it's not on like prime wire because it's not big enough. Okay.

PrimeWire is just for like Ant Man and stuff. Don't have castration movie for some reason. But no Paul Rudden it. But castration movie, it's a series of movies that this person's been making. I don't know anything about them, all right? The whole kind of gimmick is there are these movies that are like, I think like four hours long. Okay. And they're kind of like short stories, but they're all kind of tied together, all right?

And they're all like really low budget. Like I'm talking like proper like shot on an iPhone kind of like that tangerine movie we watched. Oh yeah, yeah. And they're all kind of like weird little stories about like, you know, like, you know, someone trying to get like a top surgery in one and something else about like, you know, it's all about like sad heroin addicts and trans people and all that. But it's like meant to be like one of those, it's like a vibe film where if her people say you stick it on and then he's kind of, you can walk and leave for a while and it's just on, okay. Kind of like gomo. Yeah, but you know what? Actually, if her people say it's like the next generation, like gombo guy.

Who's the gombo guy? Harmony Coren, that's it. I've heard it's like Harmony Carenne and Lenny Abrams and all that, okay? But the next genet, so it's trans now. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And I've heard it's really good. I do want to watch it now. It's out of interest.

Castration? Castration movie. There's like three of them. And they're all like four hours long. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, so is it all, is it like one director or does each segment have its own director?

I think it's like maybe a group of tree director or something. I don't mind any about it at all. I just heard it's really good. And like they've got like weird cameos. I think like stabs in one. I think like the Chappo Trapp House boys are in it. So it's American? Oh, it's American.

Yeah, yeah. Where'd you hear about it? On Chappo? No, it's just on Letterbox. It's all, because you know, Letterbox, I don't know if you know this. Letterbox have started their own streaming service. I did not know that. Yeah, so basically Letterbox have films on there that are so small.

No one's butterfoot on like Pirate Bay or anything. Right. And there's actually some really good stuff on it. How much is it? It's like $5.99. I would recommend it Because there's all these random little And you feel so cultured, you know

Because you're probably watching What are you watching? Like, you know, Go on. No, I can see the anger in your eyes. No, no, no, I'm pleased. Yeah, somewhat jimbleushi in it, yeah. I think he is an underappreciated talent.

That movie, Tupac and Tim Roth, yeah. Gridlot. Exactly, yeah. You buffoon. Or this is like, you know, like an indie movie from Brazil and then like, you know, some Swedish drama. Like sentimental value. You ever seen that?

No. That's the one that got nominated this year, Stella Scarsgard. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's really good, yeah. All right. But like...

It feels like that's more of a mooby kind of vibe, you know? No, Moobie's for trash. Oh, really? I thought Mooby was for like the artsy stuff. For guys like you, baby. Are you thinking of Tooby? No, no, no. Actually, yeah, Mooby is good, yeah, yeah.

Our roommate had Mooby for a while. There's some good stuff in Mooby. Yeah, yeah. There's a film actually on Mooby that we watched. And I love these films. They're just so, like, weird. And there's, like, basically no point at all. Was it that Japanese one?

No, different one. Oh, okay. It was, like, an American one, all right? But these films were like, wow, people filmed this. And it's, like, it's really, like, not even slice of life. It's just so dumb, but in a good way. It was a film about this guy who he wants, he literally loved Opin Anthony. Okay.

And he loved Opin Anthony, and he was trying to find the girl. to fuck her and he goes to a part and you can't find her and he hooks up with another girl who has sex

and then he finds the girl and she's like I don't want to have sex to you and he's like oh I'll drive to the airport they drives

to the airport and she goes off and sits on his car for a while and feels sad at the end love it yeah

it's like it's just very refreshing to watch something like that after you yeah yeah because you know

me I'm watching all these films like beginnings and middle and endings and middle of no

no I like that kind of super indie mumble core kind of vibe to it, you know, with a bit of a darker edge. You can smell them. Yes.

Off the screen, you know? Everyone's really smelly and ugly looking. And film isn't related to that. I do like that. I'm like, yeah, I bet they smell like piss as well, yeah. Yeah. I'd like to make, you know, there's no real, like,

Irish movies that are, like, really, like, really, like, down in the grit. They should be, like, you know, you know, garage. Yeah. It should be, like, 20, stuff. films like garage, like early Hardy books, they're just like, you know,

small town, everyone's depressed. At the end, the hero kills himself. And everyone else in the town's like fair play. Yeah. Or like Adam and Paul is kind of so, yeah, that early Lenny Abramson stuff, but like, yeah, you know, there's just so much despair and grit, but

that you could fight, I'd like to bring a real saffty energy to it where you find proper freaks and exploit them. That's why neighbours and HBO is so, good because it's just basically it's just exploiting people and there's like no kind of like you know

Louis Theroux is like maybe they're like this because they're like father figures we're all in the manosphere and it's up to us how we get out shut up, cunt fucking asshole yeah this is like

neighbors is like look at this guy he loves all the rings and he talks aliens he runs around with a sword isn't he a freak the end takes his cock out in the playground. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's no like, well, you know, he takes his cock out in the playground,

but in a way, don't we all do it? I know I do. Aren't we all guilty of that? I decided if I was going to know what it was like to walk in his shoes, I might as well try it. Early Louis would do that. Early Louis would do that.

I'll wrap, take the cock out at the same time. It don't jiggle, jiggle. My penis don't. Wiggle, wiggle, it fold. I like it when you jiggle, jiggle. Oh, okay. I'm going to restart the camera. I'm drinking my...

I'm liking myself now. That's good. It's been a long time. Took you a while. Yeah. I'm almost having a good time. Almost. Yeah, yeah.

Tell your face. All right, I'm going to do Spider-Man update next. You excited? Nah. But pretend you are. Okay. Well, the audio book I listened to was Kill Your Friends by John Niven.

And it was pretty good. I enjoyed it. Spider-Man. No, no, I think this is better. Oh, I'll tell you what, actually, speaking to audiobooks, I actually

have downloaded the Wasp Factory. Oh, have you? You said it. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, but who's John Niven? What the fuck you're talking about? I'm drinking more. I don't get, yeah.

Oh, you want to, oh, you, yeah, yeah, you want to bring that energy? I got a headache now. So, kill your... My pants feel warm now. Do it. Come on.

Come on. Yeah, I'm sorry. Kill your friends by John Niven. So it is, to be honest, if the main criticism about it is it's sort of I wouldn't say a rip-off,

but is quite derivative of American Psycho. So it's set in England in the 90s in like a music record label. And it's all about this guy who works for A&R. But he's just like a sociopath and incredibly narcissistic.

And you know... Is this a new book or an older book? Oh, so it's set in 1997. It's a bit like Velvet Goldwine. No. It was released. He wrote it in 2008. And then it actually was adapted into a movie in 2015 with Nicholas Holt.

Oh, I never heard of it. James Corton. Oh, my God. I can't believe I... It was not lesbian vampire killers. I don't... Well, that's fair. Yeah, that's fair.

Now, like, it's not amazing or anything, but it was entertaining. what I will say in its defense so people do say, like there is a very similar, because obviously it's this like Is it first person? Yeah, yeah, it's first person and he's a narcissist or whatever.

But he's not like a, you know, fucking Patrick Bateman is like in the book especially like incredibly homicidal and loves like torturing and raping and dissecting people like at one point in the book like Patrick Bateman's walking around

with a deal decapitated head and his cock and the head's mouth. It's a bit much, isn't it? It's like Irving Welsh, where it's like, it becomes cartoonish. Yes. Yeah. Whereas this, the main focus of the character is kind of

not depravity necessarily, but, you know, sinister element. It's just how he like manipulates and uses and abuses like artists and all. So like, he has pure contempt for any dipshits that are there, like, with a guitar. trying to sing their truth.

It's like, your dad's right, you're a fucking idiot. Get a job, you stupid, con. We're going to grease you for a few pound

and then you're going to be in the skip next week. Like, it's pure, he's just about business, just about money. But it's written, like,

there's a lot more humor in it than there was in American cycle, I'd say. It's an enjoyable little, it's only like seven hours long. Who wrote again? John Niven. I haven't heard John Niven for?

He worked in A&R, like in a record label. you know, back in the 90s, and then he kind of, you know, became an author then. I'm not sure, I think this might be his biggest one.

I think he might have one other book that did quite well, but yeah, no, I enjoyed it. I'll get that, yeah, yeah, yeah. I also listened to Lullaby by Chuck Pollanook.

Oh, wait, sorry, let me try and guess this. So Lullaby is not a collection short stories, is it? No. Okay.

Oh, no, I'm taking a rant. He did one called rant, which is about a race car driver. What's Lullaby? So Lullaby, it's about, it's kind of a... I don't know if I liked it necessarily. Honestly, I don't think I did. But...

Actually, I hate myself for reading it. So this reporter, basically, and they don't really ever explain how it comes to be, but he finds out that there's this children's book that has, like, just a collection of poems and stories or whatever. and there's a little lullaby in it that turns out it was a culling song from like an African tribe

Oh, I haven't heard it's all right now So anyone who reads the culling song To their baby, the baby dies Oh, that's cool Yeah, yeah Oh, that's way better than why Talt is going to be like To tell you, Chuck Paltanuck, wherever his name is, okay? He has basically one hit

I suppose Blow was him, wasn't he? Oh no, my mistake. Well, he's Fight Club anyway, all right? Yeah. But he has been putting out books for a long, long, time. And they're all pretty high concept interesting stuff, you know? Yeah. And I've always taught, like, looking through his

bibliography, it's like, there's so much good IP here that you can milk, you know, like, it'd be, I'd say, imagine it'd be easy enough to, like, from the writer of Fight Club comes, Lullaby, or whatever like that. And you could do an A-24-type movie. Yeah, I mean, they did, obviously, Fight Club is the biggest one. Then he did choke with

Sam Rockwell. I was, I got choke and blow mixed up. Yeah, yeah, so choke. Not even similar at all, are they? No, not. Literally not at all. Oh, sorry, I was thinking a spy kid. 3D. Lava girl and shark boy, of course, yes. Oh, easy mistake to make.

I act like I'm all literary, you know. Rambo first blood. But yeah, so then this reporter, like, so I would say, yeah, there was some good stuff in it, like, you know, but it's kind of like the premise is there, and you just kind of have to accept, like, okay, there's this culling song that's getting used. And you're never really going to find out how it came to be or whatever.

But, I was entertaining enough, I guess. You know, actually, speaking of Chuck Palanuck or Palanuck, wherever his name is, right? That reminds me, it's the same as, like, Clive Barker. Okay. Where Clive Barker is a great writer, all right? Hellraiser. Exactly. That's my point, exactly.

He did Hellraiser, all right? And everyone's like, oh, he does like, Hellraiser stories. I actually read a collection of his short stories called the Books of Blood, part one, all right? I was really surprised because I was expecting it would be just like you know like Hellraiser's all like

you know pleasure and pain or the same thing yeah I'm gonna make your eyelids come off and like your spleen

will come out and you'll be choked to death you'll be a fixo-wanking with your spleen your cock will split into nine pieces and go up your assholes

like crazy violent stuff right or as I call it Thursday night Beur-doo-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- I was in bed of my green tea reading this whole

for some mad shit Oh my whole my word. You're in your night guard and your little hat, you know. You've got a candle like I'm surprised by how funny his stories are and how like silly something can be. Yeah. Like I read

Books of Blood and the first one is Midnight Neatrain. Oh yes. Which is the movie as well. That got adapted. You ever watched the movie? I think I did watch it. It's like a fucking anime, isn't it? The violence is so silly. Yeah. You know what's so funny? This is very weird. I remember I was on a

boss from Monaghan to Dublin with a friend of mine. He was telling me, like, oh, there's this new movie with Vinnie Jones. I can't remember what it's called. And some guy in front of us, who he didn't know turned on, sorry, lad, sorry to interrupt, but I just, I think you're thinking

about midnight, me, train. And he just wouldn't shut the fuck up. Did that get you hard? No, I was like, I hate this call. I have, literally, man, I have this fantasy, all right, of, like, people talking about, movie stuff, man. I think you'll find Mission Impossible Tree was

directed by JJ Abraham's. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And they're like, oh my goodness, he's so sexy, yeah. And there's cream on the bus. Right. Those young boys cream on the bus. That's your fantasy, is it? The Monon Cream Bus. Yeah, but I tell you, the movie

is, it's so silly. Dog shit. Man, the violence in it is so over the top. What was the plot of it again? So it's basically, all right, there's a midnight meat train. So, I'll go spot. for you okay so Vinnie Jones his job is to collect bodies on a train right and he brings them by the way the conductors in on this oh yeah so the conductor brings them to a place and they give

the bodies to these demons demons that live under city oh okay it's the thing where like everyone knows but this right not everyone but like all the people in charge like montani and all that oh yeah yeah yeah they're all it's like yeah that we feed people to these demons they kind of do the rulers of the city hey it's new york baby great shitty in the world we got gotta feed the subterranean demons, but we only feed them like Puerto Ricans and shit, so nobody cares. Go Yankees. Let's go. Yeah.

A slice of pizza. The story itself, though, the short story is very good. Because it's like this, it's very kind of like simple. And you get the view of this guy who's like going around New York and gets on a train. And you get the view of the actual killer, right? but it's like a job for him Yeah It's like oh fuck gotta go up again

Clock in clock out Yeah Oh god I'm fucking too old for this shit You know So how does Do they Is there any requirements

For victims Or just anything You can get? Literally anyone Yeah Well they want young good flesh You know No no old bitties

Or anything Right Right I don't think To be honest I think me and you We wouldn't be good Oh okay

Wouldn't make the cut No I think they want like Bradley Cooper Okay His skin is more supple Than those Well his fucking plastic

now with his fucking hatchet job fucking you see his facelift I don't be mean no no no Bradley is a freak he's got boyness morphia and last he needs is you mock because you know what he looks at you

and he's jealous all right of course of course because you're all natural yeah that's right he's walking around with a big fake Juneau's like hello I'm Lenin Boydstein I play piano

let me suck your little schmackle So the first one is like, you know, kind of like, you know, the killer and the guy and like demons and all that. I was like, oh, okay, this is a pretty good story. The second story was way different. The second story, okay, is a haunting story, all right, where this ghost has to a poltergeist essentially. Oh, yeah. But it's from the point of view of a poltergeist. Okay.

And it's basically monsters ink. Oh, wow. Where the devil is like, you've got to haunt this guy, all right? Right. And the Poltergeys is like doing all this stuff, you know, like, you know, moving, you know, oh, I moved the chair. Oh, the cabinet is open. It's kind of freakies fucking nuts out, mine. Look, the glass was on that table and moved over there.

And the guy doesn't notice. And the polter guy's like, oh, fuck sake. Okay, I'll do this, all right? And he does all these different things. They're like, oh, I lock the door in him. And he opened it and I closed it again. But then he just opened it again. That's pretty funny.

Yeah. And the whole thing is the guy is just like, oh, okay, sarah, sarah, you're all these things, all right. And the, the demon goes to the devil, who by the way, is so fucking heavy metal. The devil in this story is half elephant, half wasp. Wow. That's pretty cool, isn't they? Take to that. Pretty impractical, I would say.

Which half? They got the stinger and the trunk. I don't know, but it's... Is he have wings? I don't know, but it's pretty cool. Alright, yeah? It's kind of stupid. Oh, look.

If anything, I think it isn't... Oh, you're right, I just kill myself. Okay. I find one thing I enjoy, you're like, no, no, put it away. Is it meant to be funny? Yeah, it's funny, yeah, yeah, but enough... No, it is, it's funny, yeah, it is, it is funny, yeah, yeah. But the simple-minded would probably laugh at it.

What, is you bloody elephant in the wash, boo? I read this, I watch Celebrity Juice, and I, what? It's hilarious, does the elephant. If it make honey. Well, are you happy to know the third story then is set in a boys' school? This one's more your street, okay?

Whereas like an elderly gay fucking lad who becomes he's former coperite because a teacher is boarding school. But they got a farm out in the back and there's a talking pig and they have to feed boys to the pig. Yeah, what's her name?

What? What? What? Well, actually, the pig is a woman, by the way. Whoa, whoa. Come on, Brian, this isn't a clavicular video, you know. Try to be respectful. Yeah.

On the fourth story, I'm going to finish this, so everybody like you on all. The fourth story is really fun because it's setting like a rundown tier. Ah. All right. And it's very fun because all these old fucking camp actors, be like, I'm the star of the show, darling, you know. And they're doing like a Shakespeare production. and they have this girl doing it who's like big, she's like in Holby City

or something. Right, right. She's on the bill. Yeah. So like the punters know her but she's not Shakespearean at all. Oh, I see. To be or not to be? What's that mean? That's fucking daft is that?

A silly, shylock, what's he? A pound of flesh? You know, even cook it or something? I'd have a fishy chips myself. Steak and kidney pud pud. So, like, she's terrible. The director's banging her, right? Nice.

Yeah. But then, basically, this old man shows up, and he's like, Yes, I used to run this theatre. Oh, it's a shame no one comes anymore. And they're shutting it down next week, don't you know? Oh, it's the last performance. Isn't this sad? And the theatre director's like, yeah, they're supposed to be.

And what? So fucking, yeah, get off, all right? but then the girl that he's banging the actress she falls down has an accident and the old man shows up like oh wouldn't you know my wife is also studied for the role so she can do it

and turns out his wife is dead okay yeah yeah and then so it's like only other woman okay she died and she comes back to the ghost starts sucking off the theater director alright Yeah, and as she's sucking off, the director's like,

wait a minute, she's not breeding. Wait a minute, she's all cold. Wait a minute, she's dead. Well, as soon as she finishes, I'll be you've asked some questions about this. Yeah, let me just get my ectoplasm going and... Wow. And then, like, basically, the old guy, he's like kind of like he's brought all these dead back to life, okay?

And he kills everyone to do a show for the dead. Oh. Yeah. Now, I didn't describe it very well, but it is... It is good if you read it. Yeah. Yeah. If a man from Carlo isn't describing it, it's quite good.

That's, yeah. I mean, that kind of goes to the... For all literature, I would say, you know. Same with Ulysses and Odyssey and all that. Clive Barker is interesting, because he actually nearly died a few years ago. This is so random. You have to dentists, all right? And they're changing his...

Changed his teat. They were like, what do you call it? Taking out his toot. I'm putting in a filling, all right? Oh, yeah. And the dentist spilled some, like, liquid, some chemicals into his mouth. Right.

And he got, literally got toxic shock syndrome. Really? Yeah. That's crazy. What women get? I never heard that. Yeah. And he almost died.

So the dentist left a tampon in his mouth for too long. Dentist had a bloody tampon there beside the, you know, beside the, you know, like the little bit of cotton wool they put in. Yeah, yeah. And you got those mixed up. The little spit sink there. Go on, spit, spit out your tampon.

That's crazy. What are we at the hour? We're at the hour. That's perfect because we're basically, I need to use the bathroom and I was going to do Spider-Man update but I'll tell you what, I'm going to leave until next week.

But the great thing is the issues come every week. So every week, Spider-Man update, I've got more and more to update. It never stops. You know, Mary Jane's not with Spider-Man anymore? No. Mary Jane's with Paul.

Who's Paul? Paul's got ponytail. Ponytail. Paul. Yeah. He's not right for her. Oh, man. It's so funny.

All the, the, everyone on Reddit is like, oh, get so fucking angry. Why is she banging Paul? Peter, he's just trying his best. Yeah. And you know Mary Jane. Yeah. Oh, no, it's like, you know, Aunt May.

Oh, yeah. She's banging a black guy. Oh, okay. Hey, I got the Mary Jane right here, girl. Smoke this shit right now. We get high as in a motherfucker. And, oh, you know, Flash Thompson? Uh, yeah.

The bully. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, he's a bullying Spider-Man. Oh, Flash, I thought his name was Brock. What the fuck he talking about? Oh, sorry, my bad. We're going to cut that out now. All right, man, the public know about your lack of Spider-Man knowledge, you be cancelled.

Yeah. No, Flash Thompson got his legs blown off in Iraq. Oh, shit. And now he's trying to bang Mary Jane as well. Flashbang Thompson, eh? All right. Well, I'll tell you, that's the end the end. It wasn't very good at the end, but I kind of let you down.

No, no, come on, you're a brave. You're a brave. base on it. I bet Noel Finn's going to cancel his membership. But we've had a great time, all right? And next week, what are you going to do next week? Next week's the big finale. Oh, yeah. Well, no,

it'll be fine. Don't worry about it. I'm not thinking about it. Oh, I'll tell you what, actually. Just putting it off. Next week, we're on top of the Homeless World Cup. Okay. All right. It's just as sad as you imagine.

Goodbye.