Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 3 : I Don't Remember This Episode

Episode Date: September 13, 2018

James does not like Abba and Brian contributes nothing.

Okay, let's try and harmonize this shit. Money, money, money. Just like honey. This is shit. I'll be spinning their graves. Bloody Swedes. Are you going to see Mamma Mia, too? Mamma Mia, too.

Here we go again. Here we go again. Oh, God, no. I hate musicals. I can't stand. I would have been like that a month ago. But I think recently, maybe it's because I'm in such a bad place emotionally. I'm like

I want to see I want to go back and watch the first Abba and watch the next one Have you seen the first Mamma Mia? No, sorry Mamma Mia I have no one

It was on For a while there was on TV everywhere Man My mother and sister Never stopped watching it When he came out Like I fucking hate it

It does my head in I hate Abba I'm sorry Really? I hate them They fucking just Ugh It's annoying

It's just And you know what Them as a band We're actually A very good Pop group But just because Of how

much it's been played in my house and I just yeah it just does my head in and especially fucking what do you call her merrill street dancing and singing and she's just like such a a fake fake person like you know I just know she does my head in and the whole concept of singing and dancing I hate it I'm sorry I'm a horrible cynical person everybody the world is beautiful I'm a piece of shit all right is that what you wanted Brian you're happy now wow your question, no, I'm not going to say the new mum of me. I don't know where to go from me. It was a random question I asked you. I thought

you'd say yes and then move on. Well, there you go. You got monologue. This is like spoken word poetry. And I will not back down. Hey, for Abba. Be for bad. Be for bad again. And Abba for Abba. Or whatever. There you go. No.

I will not be saying it. Well, I'm going to see it. I'm going to bring my girl. And I'm sorry Tony Merrill street fans, but she is very fake. Don't get me wrong. How? An incredibly talented actress, but like, she's just like, and you know what, this isn't even exclusive to her. This is

just Hollywood hypocrisy in general, where they all like, Harvey Weinstein was such a monster, but like they all knew, they all knew, she knew. She has been like Hollywood royalty since the 70s. She knows what's going on. Like, you know, if you live in that

disturbing place for so long, you know how it works like. Did she play Margaret Thatcher? No, that was Helen Mirren, I believe. No, and she did. It was Merrill Street. Do you see that film?

Iron Lady. No. Oh, it's so annoying because I feel like the director wants to make a ghost movie. They were like, you know, you got to make a catcher and it's like,

no, I want to make a ghost movie. And then the ghost of Thatcher? No, but he's someone to make a spooky movie and they're like, no, it's like, okay, how about she's got Alzheimer's, right? So the plot of the film is, it starts up with her with Alzheimer's and it cuts back to her, like,

becoming the best prime minister ever, if you ask me. But, um, better in that bloody Theresa May Okay, so it's her new the Falklands and all that Yeah, yeah, yeah But keeps coming back to fucking her

Being all Alzheimer's E in her house Like being all Alzheimer's E Yeah, yeah Okay And her husband's Jim Broadbent But spoiler to her husband's dead All right But she keeps seeing them all right

But they play it like Just so much like Oh we're out You're husbands Yeah She's like I'm overhealing Magr And she comes over here And she's not in the mirror

Her reflection is in the mirror like, oh, what? Maybe that's just people in her cabinet, fuck another. Where are you, dear? Over here, Margaret. You bloody twat. Oh, the IRA.

They just, they went to give him hundred strikes, help me. Oh, she's dead. I forget what IRA stands for. Anyway, yeah. What was all on? Yeah, so it was annoying because that,

because I genuinely wanted, she was good, she was good in the film, though, I know you hate her and you're starting a campaign. A real grand. grassroots campaign. Yeah, yeah. No, look, I just, yeah, she just kind of...

She's bloody new about Weinstein. She just annoys me. She's just as bad. I don't care. Yeah, it's unfair to single her out because obviously all of them knew about it. It's just hypocrisy, but she was a real sort of pillar

speaking out against someone. It was just like, you're a little bit fake, but whatever. Incredibly talented with Akras. Don't get me wrong. We went on a real Mel Street thing there. I forgot what we were going to talk about. Have a...

You asked me about Abba. Yeah. Look, I like Abba, right? Okay, that's all right. My mother's obsessed. My mother, like... Same. They did not just rack your head, though, just all, it always been played and stuff.

Well, she's also, I'll tell you, Johnny Cash, not Johnny Cash, Neil Diamond. Can't stand him, because she loves Neil Diamond. She plays Neil Diamond more than Abel. He wrecks my head as well. Yeah, sweet. I'm just a hateful, cynical, asshole. That's my problem. Why don't you laugh me, brother?

I thought we're rebelling against her parents, but in the worst in the most, like, benignly impossible. Well, I don't like Abba. Take that mother. with your letter jacket I did I was very like I had like green spiky hair

Oh did you Pearson's and all I was a little punk rock kid or wanted to be anyway you know I was reading actually I was speaking of punk

There's a great book called Please Kill Me Oh yeah I've wrote that Have you? Yeah yeah yeah I've read a lot of like Punk literature That's a mad book isn't it

Yeah it's mental Oh if you'll know it It's all about punk in the 70s And it's an oral history So it's all like in my interview stuff like that And there's something mad shit Like

Insane like this Like the story surrounding like the sex pistols Like you know Like that whole thing But like Sid Vicious Like killing his girlfriend maybe And then he asks his mother to like Overdose him on purpose and shit like that

And even the stuff like In the American side of it Like With the Ramones Fucking I don't know like Iggy If anyone reads this in the current climate If anyone reads about Iggy They're like what was it again

There's one bit where he's talking is doing an interview and I forget who he said someone's like with a 14 year old girl and he was just like I couldn't believe a 14 year old girl

I couldn't believe it even though he's American he's America bloody hell oh it's clean the chimney yeah chuffe an hell you'll never believe

what's going on it's only a geeky pop we need more English vices than not you doing black vices I promise no racial hatred I'm not a racist but just you know

like people do Irish accents all the time and we don't get offended. You know what I mean? Like, it's just a bit of a double standard. And English is fun to do. Yeah, it is. Oh, bloody else.

Plus, nobody can really feel bad for the English. They're an imperialist nightmare. Empire. Hear that Tatcher. Ooh, what's going on? Rolling in her Alzheimer's-Z-grade. What's in the, what's in the Empire? Where's the Falcons?

Where's my husband? Hello? Jim Broadbent. The miners now. Anyway, I was saying, yeah, so like, he's like, I couldn't believe with a 14-year-old girl. But then next thing I knew I met her friend, next thing I know I'm fucking a 14-year-old girl.

Man, but like there's so much, like all of those 70s rock bands, like Zeppelin, fucking Jimmy Page, written guitarists and Led Zeppelin, he had a groupie who was 14 years old, like it was his girlfriend. He was like late 20s, early 30s at the time, and she tried to run away, and he kidnapped her and kept her hostage in a hotel room.

Like, so much fucked up shit, man. He was a man, I was punk, I suppose. yeah well they were more like heavy metal i guess but yeah punk was just it's just an insane time and just people were or tuckover sorry from like the free love generation of the 60s you know reality kicked in and everyone was like life of shit that's all do drugs and self-harm they're all wearing swat stickers and stuff like yeah yeah it's a real i want to bring that back in the irish comedy scene a bit what the swastikas yeah look at me yeah next time i'm doing the battle to see the first pump

just take your dick out they used to like piss each on each other and spit on each other and stuff there's a great story about

um it's a Jim Morrison I can't lie about he yeah he got done for taking his dick out on stage

also like I think I heard somewhere he was just drinking and he just take his dick out the piss he wouldn't

go to bat room he's just like piss at the at the bar yeah but there was so many fans around me take his dick

out he'd be like get away are you serious why he was piss get away piss in my mouth Jim

All right, Brian. Can you help my comedy career? It was a crazy time. I want to get any more punk. Man, I was obsessed with punk. Like, I, you know, I can tell you, like, well, I can't. Give me some bands, this is our weekly pick. Okay, well, like, mainstream punk bands, I guess, just by how big they are.

Like Black Flag. Black Flag are great. Like, they were, like, hardcore punk. It's sort of like the godfathers of punk, you go Iggy and the Stooges and the Ramones in New York and then the pistols and the clash in England and then those are like the real pillar bands that really like kickstarted at all and then you get bands like the damned and uh who's a great irish stiff little fingers they were great they're northern irish oh that makes it northern iron imagine some good punk out there yeah because of the troubles and stuff like uh yeah like the

stiff old fingers have a song called alternative ulster that like just talks about you know not affiliate yourself with any political ideology in Northern Ireland we should just like try to get along there's sort of an upbeat message behind it all but yeah I love punk music because sort of growing up in rural Ireland

I felt very alienated so that's what punk is it's music for the alienated disenfranchised you know I was in a punk band for years I was a drummer and stuff you say you're playing drum and speed and stuff oh yeah I used to do speed and methadrone and then go do gigs and all yeah I was very very

heavy into drugs when I was younger. I'm not as much now. What what happened was I could never play drums when I was drunk but I'd always get drunk so I'd do a few bumps just to like sharpen up and then I'd be a bit more coordinated and stuff. Yeah, yeah. That's great. You were like you could have been Sid Vicious.

Yeah, he's like a nine girlfriend. Yeah, well Sid Vicious, he couldn't even really play bass, he was just more there for image. It's funny, like, was it Gary Oldman played him? Yeah. And Gary Oldman Oldman probably learned how to play guitar, which is more than fucking Sid Vicious. Yeah, yeah, true. Do you ever see that film?

I've never actually seen it, no. It's good, it's good. You're one playing Nancy's fucking brilliant. Like, Seed! Seed! We gotta get to the Metadone Clinic! Seed! She's like, well... She was from New York as well.

Yeah, yeah. That's your New York accent. Get over there! All you hear. Where's America? Seed! That's not the American, do it? Seed!

That sounds like Spanish. Seed! I'm not... I'm not... I'm not... I'm not... P... Come to the Metiton Clinic, Signor.

Yeah. Or, there I go again. it's the catma racist I just again people do impersonate the Irish all the time I think it's endearing in a way yeah it's just I like doing

funny voices and accents because I loved like Robin Williams and Jim Kerry growing up and like they're just like very like stream of consciousness just like a pinball machine just do do do do do do just coming out with random shit I just enjoy doing that like there's no race or hateful

I think don't anyone stop you that's all I won't right's for whites it's all I'm saying I'm just saying Farage He knows why he's talking He's got some points Oh no of course not

No he's a cunt Yeah he's a piece of shit Moving on Yeah we don't want to speak Like this is England There's the fucking line boys See I do

I just like doing accents That's all I just like enjoy it Okay I'll tell you I'll ask you another little personal question now That band stuff is good though I like that

Oh yeah I don't know about you much I've really really missed out and not been in a band. My former life is a musician, yeah. I feel like that would probably help you for the stand-up. Definitely because I was a drummer in a punk band, but I was also a front man for a metal band, so I do have experience of being on stage.

When I was on stage, especially, even with both bands, because when I was drumming, I would sing along as well, Mac and vocal, so I always had a microphone. And in between songs, setting up and stuff, because I didn't have the tune guitars around, and I'd just sat there. I'd crack a few jokes and do a bit of crowdwork. So that's where I started my comedy

And I really love that More often, not people will come up to me after a gig And just like, yeah, you're an alright drummer But you're really funny Do you know what I mean? Like I was never a particularly talented musician For an experience now, a lot of musicians are not funny And the preamble for the music is very awkward

Yeah, yeah You ever see Bob Dylan tried to interact with people Yeah, yeah Usually find the more talented the musician The weirder and more like hard to do deal with people they are yeah no more like this guy all right in the head whereas i was never a talented musician so i could be a comedian hooray so like a talk i want could you actually before i ask you a personal question could you ask us um tell us the names of your bands okay well the punk band i was

in was called sketch uh but we had some we went through a lot of name changes over the years we were initially called hello i'm a truck and then we were called the torture house effect and then it eventually we were called sketch and then the metal band i was in our first name was called hang the happy and then it was between that or stabbed the holy but we eventually settled on a real metal name we were called afflictions of a massacre uh but yeah we were just you know little nerdy white boys trying to be hardcore metalheads you know of course please enjoy my water we're drinking war now just again inside you want to be a good rockin roll i don't know i'm off the stuff uh yeah go and give us just the infamines for me thank you but yeah no i loved

i loved being a band and stuff but i think it was never my destiny to be a musician i think I'm more geared towards comedy just like on a... It's more natural to me if you know what I mean. I think I'd be a good front man. Yeah, you probably would be, yeah. You'd be like Ian Curtis.

No, I wouldn't. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hopefully end up like Ian Curris. He was 23 when he died. Oh, really? Oh, I got a lot of time. I got...

No, I got plenty of time. I got to go to the old rope store. Okay, I'll ask you a question then. I'm going to ask you about how did you learn to drive? What was that like learning to drive? That's like something everyone's done. Yeah, I was,

very late learning to drive I didn't get my license till I was 24 I did my first driving license when I was 17 but I always would just like do it for a little while and then come back to it you know what I mean it was a very long and intermittent process but like I was fairly because I grew up in a farm much like you

so you probably just were used to like being on tractors and stuff and yeah it wasn't a particularly difficult thing for me learned to drive I did it relatively you know took a while but yeah you get first attempt did you what you mean oh no sorry second attempt yeah same of me, yeah. I think it's the nerves

more than anything. Oh, absolutely. And I failed miserably the first time, like, really bad. But they say statistically people who pass on their second go or the safest drivers. Yeah, because they've learned a bit more. Yeah. I think it's better the way you to, like, fail, to be like, I got, like, really try harder. Where I was, like, so

close. Oh, really? I was like, oh, what the fuck's even the point to trying, you know? Oh, shit, right? Yeah, like, really, it's more, it's, like, real dumb stuff. Like, there was no major instance of, like, that I fucked up. It's, like, just little things, like, looking. Yeah, looking in mirrors and like signal doing the stuff that you don't do in real life

you know because you're too busy drinking fucking vodka rolling in a choice you're driving with old Jack Daniels my friend Jack Daniels yeah Jack Diles is piss man

And the captain was there as well Mr Morgan That's Captain to you It's been so long since it drank I've forgotten what they all taste like Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan Was he drinking it last night actually Captain Morgan

I'll stop bragging I was alone, Brian I was on the brag about Just watching footage of me doing Stans Like BoJack Horse I was just watching old episodes God, that was great

Oh fuck Yeah I think I got a second time My dad was obsessed at me Driving because he wanted me to bring him Back and forth to the Pope Oh really? Yeah So yeah I remember like he

He went mental at me once Because like I was 14 or something like that like too old to drive in a road and he's like come on you're old enough to drive yeah yeah i like a nerd is like i don't have a license i don't think i should be driving on he's like come on and i was like no it's like you can't rely on you at all yeah my dad is very much like that and then like two days later he's very past aggressive like oh i'd ask you but it wouldn't help me would you like that kind of yeah my dad was like that as well i was a constant disappointment to him he was a real manly man you know when i was 10 years old he took me to a pub

on New Year's Eve's like, I'm going to ring in the New Year with my son. I was like I am 10 years old. I should not be here. I'm scared. I was scared. Yeah, we had to walk to the pub in the pitch black dark and he was just like muttering the whole idea. It's like, oh, this is definitely a memory.

Like, as I was walking to the pub, I was thinking, yep, this will leave a scar. I think it all the time. Yeah, my dad tried to teach me to drive at first and like, literally two, after two lessons, like, this can't work. Yeah. This can't work. If you go mental at me, because, like, I'm not doing the handbrake in the right, like, of the hole in it the right way.

Like, so small. Like, I got this nice guy. I forget his name now. He used to drive trucks. He's a bit of character, you know? Like, I respected him. I wasn't impress him. He taught you how to drive?

Yeah, yeah. Well, we did lessons. Like, well, there's some fucking, like... Just some random guy? Oh, I get in the car. Teach my son. I've been drive, so... Well, I can't drive myself.

I don't care. You got the look. I was going to ask you as well, have you been reading much? No, actually. Yeah, really haven't. been reading much. Man, there's a few books that I want to read. I want to read. I got Blang Boy's book there and I still haven't read. Oh, I read that, yeah. And I tell you, I even, I remember I've been really, because I've read some of David Foster Wallace's stuff, but I have never read

Infinite Jest. I have on my Kindle. Have you started it even? I read the first page. Okay. I do want to, because I think probably seem as you, I'm big into Dave Foster Wallace from the film. Yeah, the end of the tour. Yeah, that was great. Oh, like, forgotten about it, I feel like, it's usually got more... Jason Siegel did a really good job, I feel like he... I want to read that, but that's like really like, you have to really commit to that, you know? Yeah, that's, you know, it's like a thousand pages long, but even they say the way it's written, like you have to be referring to the, like, the index or whatever, the footnotes and stuff. That's one thing I've always sort of felt bad about as well, that I don't read as much as I should, because I really enjoy reading.

Like, when you get into a good book, like, it's pleasant thing, you know, you feel it's more connected or something. It's good for the mind. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. Yeah, we're all, like, our generation now, just so much distractions. So much distractions, and it's, like, just constant, just distract me. You can literally watch pornography in a tractor. Yeah. And I'd have.

Have you done that? No, I know. Oh. Your mouth says no, but your eyes say yes. I don't think, actually, I don't think, I wouldn't see the point of it. Like, there's no. You don't have time you watching porn in the tractor. No.

Have you ever had a wank while driving? A car or tractor? A car. Neither. No. Well, then what did you ask? I don't know I specified. I don't know.

I've never done that either, but apparently it's more common than you think. I've got, like, blue here on the show. I've got, like, blow jobs with driving. Have you, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, you're welcome. I didn't have any money. I was like, well, it's it, Brian James fuck with her.

No, I've never had that either. Does it impair your ability to drive? When you're doing the pedals, do you not be, like, kneeing her in the face? No. No? Okay. No. She knew what she used.

I was she very skilled. Actually, remember that girl? I don't know how much I can say about this, because I like the girl. like we're still on good terms kind of but I remember she was like oh yeah I sucked off a taxi driver a week before us Jesus

so she had experience like fake taxi dot com this is real no I'm trying to know how did we get to there from reading have you read a good book yeah I got blown

by this chick while I was driving speaking of David Foster Waters he killed himself didn't he was he did yeah suicide got this girl suck him oh it got me

dick got me dick got me doc Well, I was going to bring up, because I was, I'm reading Carrie at the moment, Stephen King's first novel. Yeah. So I'm reading that. So I was going to segue into that and talk about. Well, that was a bit weird. Oh, no, what were you going to talk about?

I just like, Carrie. It's a good book. Yeah, yeah. You've seen the films or anything? I haven't seen the film. I've never read the book. No, I'm an uncultured swine. I've read a lot of Stephen King.

I actually met Stephen King's son in Edinburgh last year. Was that right? Joe Hill, do you know him? Is he a comedian? No, but writer as well. The Fringe also is writers, James. Yeah, well, okay. I thought that you'd just be hanging out with comedians, but anyway.

I saw him, and I was really, like, weird to him. I get this with a big of people. I was just like, you're Joe Hill. And this is on the street. He's like, yeah? I was trying to give a book they'd written, and just one short story wrote I really loved, but I couldn't think of this. I was like, I love your shorts, uh, I just love it all. I wanted to say, it was like, yeah, okay, well, I got to go.

Thanks, man. Yeah. Oh, Bladie L, got to go. That's how he talks about, because he's Americans. I've got a knock on brown I'll see you later bloody yikes I really like Stephen King

like he's good One thing I was thought weird is you know about an it He's got the you know it You know in the book There's an orgy with the children You know it well It's the only part I read Over and over

It's like that I've got tape Clowed that pages he put up the wall I was in a sewer as well Just reading it I also bit off of Charlotte's arm Come on down Georgie We all flop down there

I've always thought it's interesting Because they ask him about that scene Every now and again Especially the film came out of dressing Like why did you Why did the kids fuck each other Stephen? And he was like

Well I think it's very interesting That people have problems With the child sex scene But not all the violence In the novel I think that's a very interesting Reflection on our society No fuck you

Why are you talking about you? Yeah like Don't write Fair enough write a book about, write a scene with kids fuck you, I have no problem with that. But don't treat us like the weirdos down like, well, you've got wrong with that, do you?

Oh, well, I get, I'm holding a mirror society. Well, like, it wasn't the argument for it that it's their way of losing their innocence, so they're not susceptible to the fear of the client. Actually, in the context, it makes sense. But it's interesting that he wouldn't just push that argument as opposed

to go, you know, get all weird and defensive about it, like, I mean, you're thinking I'm a freak, do you? I don't know why he sounds like that. It turns to a bat. Oh my God. Do you ever hear of Rage? No.

It's a book he wrote under the non-de-plume of Richard Bachman. He started writing as a different name for a while. Oh, pseudonym? Yeah, pseudonym, yeah. See, he got into a thing of like, are my book's good or I'm just popular, you know? Oh. So he started writing under different name, Richard Bachman. And he wrote this book, I think Misery was originally written under Richard Bachman.

Okay. But he wrote this book called Ray. was about school shooting from the point of view of the school shooter I think there was multiple cases of kids who shot up schools

that had read the book or had it at least in their house and he was like I don't like this so oh I should have wrote

a child sexing the book very interesting that you're focused on that sorry I was going to say before you say anything he actually requested go out of print

really yeah because of the prevalence of school shooting yeah well like you can blame culture and the influence of media violence. Maybe you can make that argument to an extent, but the overriding

issue is always going to be the availability of guns. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I watched, I was bullied in school. I hated people in school. I was actually obsessed with Columbine. I still kind of am. But, you know, so you could say that that kind of, you know, media violence had an infect on me,

but I never would shot up a school, but didn't have the availability of guns that there is in America. Yeah. That literally kids can buy guns. Like, you know, it's shotgun. You can't do much damage with shotgun. Yeah, we had a bolt-action rifle. Yeah. And, like, you couldn't do much with that.

Like, hey, don't run away. I've got to reload. I'm just on my shit aim, as you know. That was actually a pretty good aim. I used to go shooting with my dad. It's the only thing that we could ever bond over. Guns. I didn't enjoy doing it.

Like, I hated shooting because he made me shoot rabbits and stuff, and I didn't like doing that. But it was the only time I used, that's, he'd only ever spend time with me shooting. That's the only time I could ever impress him, you know what I mean? Because I was a good shot. Look, Dad. I made the soul disappear. I killed an animal, father.

Do you love me now? Don't move, Maddie. You'll only make a mess. You'll only make Daddy's Willie Hodder. Oh, no. Nothing like that ever happened. My father was a good man. I'm a piece of shit.

It goes harder than that gun. And also shot. Talk about blowing your little. me. Oh, well, Stephen King. Yeah, anyway,

Carrie. He keep asking about literature and I keep taking it to the most depraved places. Have you read Proust? Anyway,

Carrey. It's interesting Carrie, like, because it's, I didn't expect to be so interesting, like the whole teenage girl

aspect of it. Because it's like an older guy. Yeah. He's in like, it's 20s, 30, something he's writing it,

like, but you're really invest in it and, like, even the stuff, because the other way the story, like, Dave,

throw the stuff at her, She has her first period. Yeah, yeah. And they throw stuff at her. So, like, pig's blood and stuff. Well, that's later on, like, they throw, like, tampons at her first, like, plug it up, plug it up. Jesus. And then, like, there's a whole thing about the school, like, the gym teacher, like, kind of, like,

tries to ban one of the girls who goes to prom, because she started, and then the liar, her dad's a liar. So, like, for a bit of the book, it's all about the politics of the school. Yeah, yeah. We're going to ban her. Well, we'll counter Sue. Well, we'll do this. And that's really interesting that you forget about the whole she's fucking magic aspect of it. Oh, God, yeah.

She's, like, supernatural. Yeah. Yeah. You forget about that. But I really, and you really relate to Carrie, because I kind of think about, like, I always think that when I go to a comedy club, there's a bit of me thinking, like, you're going to, like, just dump bucket blood on my head. Well, there is.

And it just, like, clog it up. On the comedy scene, I think, you know, I find this, I'm sure you have, especially when you're new, you know, there's so many sort of, there's established comedians and then semi-established comedians, people who are regular in the scene. They form, like, a tight-knit group of friends, camaraderie, whatever. And when you're on the outside looking in, it does sort of have that school dynamic of the popular kids and we're the nerdy kids

and you want to be, you want to belong and you want to fit in. And, you know, so it's, I think, you know, that's, as a comedian, you can identify with that sort of concept. It is. It can be tough. Like, whoa, they love me. You know, but it's all, you know.

Maybe if I had powers, they'd change. If I was magic. Choo-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-too. Well, also, comedians, you know, stereotypically or quite insecure people so you know yeah so a lot I found a lot of his just like in your own head

like he hates me and like they don't even know who you are yeah exactly like I'll leave and that's how it should be well like when you have an encounter with a comedian it's kind of awkward and weird especially if there's someone you really respect and then you go home thinking God I'm such a loser digger and I think I'm a freak they're not people thinking about you

I've had so many instances of that of like I won't say who was one comedian that we'd like I met in Edinburgh one time and I was like oh hi and he was like you know fucking like they're I remember as well these comedians like they're trying to fucking do work or get ready for a show like that's true

like so like all the times it's like I talk to him and he wouldn't look at me yeah he's fucking emcee in a show and he's gotta go up on stage in a minute now but I went up to him's like oh it was really good show he's like oh thanks thanks seems like it's notebook or something like yeah

yeah yeah he's like um he was a try a star company he's like how you enjoy Edinburgh and I was like good I had hummus I just long pause and he was like what I was like, yeah I had to leave the country to try hummus

I mean, haggis and he was like, all right. Oh, did you actually try haggis? I know. I was a lie. I had something that I taught was haggis, turned out it was like something else. Chicken.

KFC. I was thinking, I took like a fucking, just because you're in Scotland. Black pudding or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Well, gee whiz, this what? The big bad world. This is this old haggis hummus thing, is it?

Oh, that cosmopolitan. It's the world. over 30. I feel like we should do one more thing for you go, just like give me something next to it. Yeah. Okay, all right, yeah. I'll ask you a question then, Brian, seeing as you've been kind of asking me.

You are going to Edinburgh very soon. Oh, yeah. I don't know when this is coming out. We might stagger these episodes. But I am going to Edinburgh 4th of August and doing the full run, like, and I can't. I definitely can't wait a little. Yeah, you're doing the full run, full month. Full month, yeah.

That's going to be... With my... With my, I was going to say friend, Porig. I'm his friend. You are as friend, yeah. It's up to Porig to the side. I think we're friends. Porig. I'm like, no.

This is you sending a friend request to Porig. You won't accept my friend request. No, so yeah, I'm going on with your colleague. Yeah, yeah. I'm going forward on. I can't wait. And you went out in her last year. You didn't have a great time.

No, but that was more of my own. Didn't you get like, Yeah, my car got stolen or something like that. Money got stolen out of my. account and yeah it was a whole big thing well let's talk about you you're you know for anyone who's listened describe edinburgh because i didn't i haven't really experienced it to the same extent you have edinburgh's mad it's very it's very easy to like be overwhelmed by it yeah and i'm lucky this year like i have my own place well like it's not hostile last year last two years i was in hostels and it was just shit and you've

come home late in night yeah and like you're a bit drunk and you're spilling the cab on someone's head and like they're kind of crying a bit because someone doesn't love you so this time in my own place like that'll help but you're fucking you're exhausted all the time like I've done some shows there like I forget to eat a lot as well wish I had that problem

go on I'm very skinny I forget to eat sometimes during a busy day so like sometimes I'd be new in shows I'm like I feel like faint and why is that like you haven't eaten like two days oh god it's fun though and you did two weeks last year right

two weeks in the first time it's the first time i got to edinburgh i did like i think a week something like yeah then next year two weeks now the full run so even after those two weeks i mean i assume it's a real draining grueling thing is it like just uh just to just to be performing every you got a flyer for the show then you got to do the show then you're going around seeing other people's shows yeah it's uh it's pretty full-on like wouldn't it be yes yes it is yeah it really is i'm exaggerate its most difficult job in the world hear that firefighters yeah

those are all cunts neurosurgeons but yeah so you're really stepping it up now if it's gonna be a full month like that's a real journey like and I think it's gonna be good but this might

I am thinking though this might be ironic because I'm saying it's good now and this will be on this we have this now recorded yeah and then you can find me dead in a dick somewhere

oh god yeah I'll play this at your funeral yeah that'll be fun yeah with all the well, could we move all the cock-sucking bait and your dad getting hardest? No, that's stay in it. We have to listen to the whole thing

as my mother cries. She doesn't even know who you are. We met once. Oh, yeah. Do you remember, actually, before we had to go, actually, remember, do you know, like, you were hung over? I was so hung over, yeah.

We did a gig, and I let him stay in my house, sorry, after the show. In the morning, like, my mother being, like, typical Irish mammy, like, was trying to give you, like, loads of food. Yeah. I remember if you can, like, salmon and stuff like that? She came in with a plate,

and on it was salmon. chicken gujons and potatoes and like vegetables i was like oh god it's like when you're home over that's no no way appealing like yes i like i tried i got and if you remember a time i was like uh don't eat you're like i don't want to eat it's like you'd be grand you be grand okay yeah she didn't like that oh she brought up for like two weeks after her you see how she refers to you james you mean the man doesn't eat the salmon I'm very sorry, Mrs. O'Toole, and I didn't enjoy your disgusting salmon, you wretch. This is store bought.

She didn't even catch herself the bit. I was so hung over, though, but, like, I just... I have to say, though, before we go, I'm very impressed you. You said you when get sick, we said, I won't get sick to, you get home, so you didn't get sick in my car. And as I was bringing upstairs to go to the bathroom. Yeah. You're like, I won't get sick until I get to the bathroom. And you didn't.

No, I have, yeah, I can... Good. I can sense it, you know what I mean? But it's not always like that Sometimes I have no choice But that night Yeah I could feel it coming on For ease your power

You've got a very nice house actually Very spacious Thanks for this But your mother can't cook for shit And Okay we'll leave it there Don't talk about my mother You cunt

We'll leave there Okay that's the end of the third episode That Brian James fuck each other My name is Brian My name is James Caden And we just fucked each other It was good Thanks for listening

Good night