Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 33 : Dead Dogs and Politicians

Episode Date: September 26, 2019

Boris, Biden, Trump and lots of dead dog talk.

and it's recording yes perfect that's exactly what we wanted to happen yeah things are going well for us i don't want to brag but we can record in our podcast yeah yeah so we're back we just we recorded the rambo episode and we kind of felt bad about some of the mexican jokes even though we like to think that no i i did feel bad because we like to think that we're doing it from a sense of like irony so we just ate some mexican food there to make up for it ah yeah how did you enjoy lovely I take it all back See We wouldn't be allowed

To eat Mexican food in my house Honestly would My dad doesn't like to smell Even garlic bread When I brought When I brought garlic bread In the house It was a big thing

They actually If I brought back my boyfriend I did I've gone to college And I've discovered This new thing called garlic bread Oh my God And like yeah

My dad won't stay in the room To You can see there's an insult Like Oh Jesus We're real meat and padeo's family. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, I could see that, yeah.

We would never have anything else. No? No, never. Is that with Ireland, doesn't really have his own traditional food? No, like spuds, I guess, potatoes. I know, but that's just from necessity. Yeah, that's all we could have, so that's why. Cabbage.

Other countries have that stuff. That's true, yeah. They also, like, they have the bare ingredients and they turn it into something we just ate the ingredients. Yeah, like stew. Yeah. It's just, you just throw it all in a pot. Throw it all in. There's no seasoning.

There's no, like, you know. It's just gruel. Grue and every now and again, like you throw them on your dead kids because it's Anja's Ashes. Do you ever read Andrew's Ashes? No, I didn't. I haven't seen the film either.

Oh, God. I haven't seen the film. I lived it. I didn't need it. They're based on you, but they cheered up a bit. Robert Carlyle would come home and beat me. Andrews Lashes, the book is very good. Yeah, it's, who wrote it?

Frank McCorm. Frank McCourt? think okay yeah yeah it's good it's um yeah to be honest a what it's just like drunk dad depressing it's basically it's about this boy it's from his point of view he's growing up and this start off in new york and the dad it's just like a sitcom dad's like i got a new job i lost it all i got the money i lost it all oh god i've lost it we have to move to ireton now are the irish or america they're irish yeah but they're not they grew up and the kids are born in america oh and they have to go over there

Yeah, and the woman, like, she went over to America Followed Dreams and made you got pregnant by this drunk. Yeah. Just, no way. Yeah. Just I lopped it up inside you. They call it, in the film, in the book they call it a knee wobbler. Knee wobbler. Yeah, so you're a knee knocker, shake her.

You just fucked her up against a wall. Oh, I see. I'm sure consent wasn't even a thing back then. Not in Ireland, say it. Wasn't invented. Oh, that's it said, actually. olden days but things like

it's set in like the slums of limerick were like there was a high child mortality rate but like that could be any time like that doesn't may narrow it down at all

so I don't want to turn to this to turn to a big angrizzashes podcast but basically they go over there and then they keep having kids and the kids keep dying and the father keeps fucking off and then coming back a month later and she's like come on we're a family again

come on And he keeps getting to sing all your songs. That's like, you know. Yeah. That's like it's being made, like, to make up for, like, being gone for three months. And he's missed, like, three children's deaths. He's like, come on, this thing. Ooh, I, right, that, da, oh, where's Timmy?

Oh, oh, never mind. Yeah. Where's the trippets? All of them. Jesus. Peanut allergy, huh? Yeah. God, it's an awful depressing, but it is pure misery porn.

Yeah, it sounds like it. There's, um. There's not even that much fun stuff in it. It's a bit... He discovers wanking on one stage. Who the kid? Yeah. By a helpful older gentleman.

A magical man. Ah, that's... Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. No, I've... It doesn't appeal to me, man, all that depressing grief porn shit, like... Yeah.

Like, I read it, and there's a sequel. And I was like, I think I'm... I think it's enough. I think it's enough for now. Like... Does somebody get cremated? Why's it called Angela Latchett? the mother's called Angela

She dies, I assume She doesn't think she does die at the end At the end he steals from an old lady And he goes off to America That's how it ends Oh okay He runs away from home Yeah

Ends up doing gay porn That would be quite a twist now Yeah Angela's gashes Wow Wow that could be fun I would love to do misery porn But's actual porn

I'm so depressed Yeah It's like, you know, the son's dead, is he? Does the pizza guy go see? Who ordered extra sausage? At their son's funeral. He's like, what's in that casket? My cock.

If my dick in a box. Yeah. So why are we talking about? We're talking about Angela's ashes. I don't know why. I think we're talking about food. Oh, Mexican food. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You said your dad wouldn't allow... Yeah, yeah. He flipped out about garlic bread. Yeah, yeah. There's a few things like... Watched a wall. There's a few things like my dad hasn't liked.

About you? Certain people. Oh, I see. No, no, no, no, no. Jokes, jokes, jokes. Yeah. I'm trying to think of how many stories telling the podcast. We had a...

I'm in college now. Oh, yeah, back in college. So things are changing for me. How so? Well, I've got a... new job and a new year in college, new semester college. So it's a new year,

so I went to join up to some of the clubs and societies. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever done any society stuff? Never, never. I've been in college a long time. I'm in second year, but I've been a long time, okay?

I've been Van Wilder. Yeah, yeah, all of my life is like... Irish Fan Wilder. Yeah, Van Wilder, Fan Wilder was kind of autistic. It looked like me, is, yeah, so... I always, like, sign up to societies

and I just never go. Okay. It's kind of, like, hard to, like, scheduling that yeah I'm gonna make a real effort for the podcast I'm doing this for the podcast I need more stories for the podcast so what's what societies have you signed up to I got two pins here I've Sinn Féin have gay rights okay so a very good mix I say is there gonna be a crossover I hope so I yeah I want to see more gay IRA members please yes that's what we need that's the thing like the crying game but like it's good

so like I signed up you I signed up for the LGBT VT group, which kind of funny because they were beside the Christian group. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. And hoping things kick off there. You know, the old firebomers, don't. The Christian ones were being nice, but you could tell, like, deep down, they're, like, you know. They're being polite because they know, like, well, you have fun in hell.

Yeah, you're going to burn for all the turn in it. You'll be sucking dick in hell. And they'd be like, cool. Sounds pretty fun than me. You're going to have all the hot cock you want. Yeah, yeah, you'd hate that, wouldn't you? Down with all the, you and Freddie Mercury, having sex with you. each other in hell and the aides won't affect you because you're already dead you'd hate that

wouldn't you but yeah i've signed up for the gay thing i might show up to a few what is it the gay society greek club yeah i call it it's not LGBT society they don't call it the gay club do they don't think you should call it either or any other names you call I don't think you're going to go back well actually am just to go full under the covers now I think I might try having a bit of gay sex this year Really? I think I might, yeah

Just to really go A bit like jackass Yeah, I want to like go I'm going to push myself to limits I love a rival too And this is Having consensual sex with a gay man Yeah

Okay What? Giant Knox was there going What? You're crazy We man's there as well Yeah Yeah

So I think I might have a try and why just uh just that might help my confidence oh okay yeah that's not the answer i was i was i'm not going to enjoy it at all plus there's certain things like if you go gay like you know you can say like the word buffy okay so that's what you're doing this for yeah yeah oh i see yeah then you can just say whatever you want like i go call the present of buffety you're just going to take a picture with you of you with a cock in your mouth and anytime you're homophobic's going aha yeah aha yeah what do you say to that i walk away slowly backwards like yeah yeah and walk away slowly backwards like

look at that just get t-shirts printed with you oh yeah so this is interesting now well yeah we'll have to you'll have to keep us up day well i think that's the darkest effect on people were like there's so there's so there's nothing to do so i was like i might as well just have gay sex for yeah yeah yeah why not yeah do you have anyone in mind in particular have you thought about that that's the thing that's why i realize i'm not gay it's because men even to consider having sex with them that's like rind devil yeah beautiful right they have to be like the best of the best where women I'll take any old fucking I'll sleep with any old piece of meat yeah the old piece of tray yeah yeah it's just a

lady-shaped dumpster I'll just a little cum dumpster yeah yeah yeah I'll treat that dumpster right though but um yeah so it's interesting I mean you said about the gosling thing I know myself for a fact, I'm not gay, right? But if I was like, and this is really horrible, but this is kind of person I have. That's unusual for you, James. Yeah, but like, if I was, you know, in some Hollywood producer's

office and they go, I'm not sure why they would want me to do it. More so just to say, guess what I made that guy do? Is it just like a goof? I like the idea of like, a goof, you know? I like the idea of like you're in a Hollywood producer's office. It's like me.

But you're not actually looking for a film role or anything. You just wand into the wrong room. He's like, suck here, like, I guess what that. All right. Three-picture deal, huh? This will happen to be a giant gay club. But no, I did, like, if they said, here's your own Netflix special.

Yes, please, gobble gop. Yeah, I think that's almost... Not to be, like, a victim blammer. Obviously, people that didn't count of that, it's traumatic and awful, and I'm very sorry. But I would suck a dick for a Netflix. I know some lads... Like, I hang out...

I'm hanging out, I'm going with a good thing Normie dads now who are very homophobic. Like, even, like, you know, even if I'm walking over the table, they're like, Brian, what you doing? The table were that the LGBT is ID. Oh, really? Yeah. Brian, get away from there.

Get... Help! They just start blowing a rape. Yeah. Oh, and then I assume I signed, like, but he's gone. They got him. Yeah. I didn't think, like, young people were still homovoic.

Oh, it's done dark. Okay, that's true. Actually, speaking of, like, people being, like, incensed. like insensitive I probably I'm gonna have to change this a little bit but it was funny now there's a lad

that is like a friend of our friend my friend group okay that's not doing too well the moment mentally and it's funny hearing regular Dundalk lads talk about that

because in their head like he's just what's fucking madhite like what's wrong with him why is he just stopped being depressed he's a fucking weird though. Really? Yeah,

yeah. There's like no sympathy tall. Like he's a fucking weirdo. It's horrible. Yeah. That's mad.

Don't worry. Statistically, they'll all get depressed eventually and then they'll be like, I was wrong. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that's why I almost like, there's some areas I just like, we just like, we should help mental health in some areas in some areas.

It's just, it's just a problem solve itself. You know? These cons like, yeah, they've known. Yeah, they've no sympathy at all. Like there's another stage

actually speaking at that where like we have to watch a thing on the first week of college that was basically about like being nice to people on the internet and just think about

your employer might see the stuff that you post on Facebook stuff like that you know that's a good idea and they show like people like you know

like I don't understand like there's a girl from little mix and they're sending her proper like you know I'm going to kill you you're a fucking dead

stuff like that of little mix of all people like it brought nothing but joy to this world. Like, angels. Angels, descended from heaven above.

And then they showed us a story of this kid who he was sexting this girl on the internet. Turned out it wasn't a girl. Mountain goat. Crafty creatures.

Sorry. That's very silly. That's a real mighty bush guy. But then the kid when he found out they tried to blackmail him and he killed himself. Oh, shit.

Wait, who is the person he was sexting? Oh, it's probably some evil guy internet like some cats yeah some lads like yeah they're doing this a joke like so they said like and he killed himself and one that's like huh like yeah yeah yeah what of the lads you were hanging out with well he was one of the first years i was like mentoring yeah he's like huh what's fucking ha who sure why'd do that huh huh so if you're dead you kill yourself you fucking huh you can't go watch the game how are you going to watch Dundaw play if you kill yourself it's fucking mad

Oh, fucking hell. I'm on the town. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus, Christ. Oh, yeah, so I joined the LGBT Society. Okay. I also joined, um, I got pressured into joining the dance society.

I'm not going to go, but the woman was very, it was making me uncomfortable. Like how so? I feel like, you should do this. And I was like, no, go on, go on. I'm kind of pulling my jumper a little bit. Oh. Yeah, go on, sign that there. That's awful.

Yeah, yeah. Sign that. And I was like. So you were just coerced. did it join in the dance Yeah, like many young dancers I was coerced and do so I didn't want to do

I'm sure I've got no choice now So I joined that I joined kickboxing for real Okay, you're gonna do kickboxing? I'm going, yeah yeah I've already put down deposit So I can't get out of it How much is it?

One euro Oh, yeah Big money Yeah, big old money Yeah, big old money So you're gonna be like a... I just want to get a little bit more confident, a little bit more

Like you want to be able to go into a group of people I just want to walk around and just bathe female beat the shit no jokes I just want to walk around just with a little bit more

sense of like you know if anything kicks off I'll be able to handle myself yeah yeah well I'd love to do the fan you know Jackie Chan

I'm familiar you know the way he'd always use like random objects in his fights yeah he'd just pick up an umbrella

and he'd use it yeah I'd like to do that I'd like to do more silly fighting you know but I don't actually hurt anyone but like I'd just get out of way and they're like

what happened there so this is you're you're gonna have a rich full life pretty soon oh yeah it's all gonna wonderful experience it's all gonna work out for me

what else did I sign up for I signed up for the film society but that's not much that's just we watch a film every Tuesday yeah yeah how do you like discuss it then afterwards? I suppose you have to

yeah probably I don't I do kind of this is this is going to sound bad now okay but I signed up to a lot of the clubs with like the more artistic people. Yeah, there's not wrong

with that. No, I'm not saying there is, okay. But I kind of feel like they're all very socially awkward, so I kind of feel like a real social guy with those people are like. Oh, you're kind of like the alpha dog? Yeah, where I hang out, the group in my class it's all fucking guys, you know?

So I'm the little bitch, you know, like that? They're all like, fucking, you're watching the game, what are you fucking doing? Yeah, yeah. Like even they don't mean well, but they're like, uh, Brian, the fuck. you're going you fucking going out tonight you're going to fucking Ridley's and like yeah Jesus yeah if you have to you know but it'll make you like me but these guys these artsy guys they're all kind of weird and strange and I'm weird and strange but not to that level so I feel like a real Russell Brand and with them like I feel like I'm real gregarious and like you know

yeah yeah yeah real king of the party yeah yeah they probably just way don't like me because I say a shit like that about him in the podcast and you walk in wearing like two scarves and a Fadora. Hair up to like the I missed a classic brand yeah he's gone

very like he's just streaming videos he's got like a big fucking Terrence McKennaby or like yeah but he's gone healthy and that's the worst thing

that's why I refuse to ever clean up my act for the podcast like never that's why I'm doing all don't worry fans I'm doing this new stuff

but I won't be good at it don't worry yeah he needs to get back on the gear man yeah we need to like do more podcasts on different drugs

Oh like try it Yeah If we did a little bit of coke during one podcast That could be a dangerous mix That could be What if we like it too much Yeah What if that's the only way we succeed

Just every time we have to do coke I mean there's worse ways to like That's not it too bad Yeah Do I join anything else I've Um No

There was a farming site there And I was like fuck that There are two live sheep there as well some reason what yeah just in the basketball court two live sheets yeah scared as fuck they don't know what's going on that's horrible yeah terrible environment they're like in a corner like shivering and a bunch of that they're like look at that well I bet you want to shag it dear yeah yeah I'm gonna actually shag it here lads check this out look I'm shagging it isn't it hilarious yeah it's a

prank bro yeah I'm not actually shagging the sheep I'm I'm shagging sheep was ironic is my commentary on the war in Syria. It's like when we're raised in the podcast, it's ironic. Yeah. It's ironic. Like our racism on the podcast. Oh, right.

It's like fucking a sheep. We are a long as far as head fans. Is that what you mean? No. No, I don't. So I joined some societies. And I started a new job. Oh yeah, fuck.

What do you do, now? I'm working. I'll say the name because don't care. No. It's fire me actually. Don't give a fuck. Carrickdale Hotel is the name. It's kind of shit, to be honest.

yeah yeah it's just at the border so you get scumbags from both sides oh my god yeah i started last week they threw me straight into a wedding had no idea what it was doing and i kind of fucked up because i told them that i was working in a bar in america yeah making cocktails and they all were like fucking you're not in america anymore are you yeah yeah yeah have fun you're not making little cocktails anymore are you and i immediately fucked up because they told me to come in with a black shirt, but I came in with a white shirt. I got confused. I'm serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So over the entire film, I mean, the entire, like, time was working there, multiple managers had to go up and, like, has anyone told you, you're supposed to wear a black shirt? Like, yes, they have. Yeah. And they're like, yeah. And it would be okay if, like,

it was just once, but it's like multiple times, different ones, like, it's like, I know, I know, I'm wearing a wrong shirt. The staff were saying it to me, like, it was not a good start also i was wearing jeans oh yeah well they said black yeah trousers i thought black jeans would do no so and then like they never explained anything to me yeah i didn't know like what to do with

starling someone offers you sterling do what do you do the exchange rate yeah yeah so someone offered me sterling first and i was like i asked him like what do we do and i'm like oh god asking questions are you a big white shirt idiot all right white shirt if I was a bitter I was thinking about this I was like a real bitter science fiction writer I'd write a story

that's nothing to do with reality about a crazy future where you're all forced to wear a black shirt and then one brave man called Commander Tool has the audacity to wear a white shirt and then afterwards a public story

people like that was a great allegory in race and I'm like no it's about character at a hotel shite oh fucking hell also there's a manager there called Michelle and I got multiple warnings of like watch out for Michelle oh Michelle's going to yell at you oh she's going to really yell at you like and it's like I grew up on a farm like yeah I can get yelled at that

that's one of my main skills practice on the car you're fucking idiot stripping so what happened with Michelle she just came up and gave me the usual

the jeans the shirt and I was like I've heard hey love I've heard it save your speeches yeah

I actually did a thing where I put my fingers up and closed her lips shh yeah let the men talk I'm taking over I'm the new

I'm your manager now or sort of this is going to be your shirt no this is going to be a no bra yeah some new change oh fuck god

yeah I know it might be good you really hope they never hear this yeah well I actually if I get fired because of the podcast that would be hilarious It would be great. It's great being in the job that I don't really care about anything. Yeah, that's true.

I might come in high next time. Yeah, start doing that. I think it might actually help. It will. I used to do it all the time in my old job. Yeah, but like... In my current show and in whatever job I'll work in the future. I don't know, it depends.

Like, do I tell you, like... So I was meant to be working the bar. Okay. I poured like one pint and you're like, eh, you just pick up glasses. Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't pour it badly or anything. It's just like...

But also, like, they're different... The way the poor pints are different there in America, like, the kegs are different, stuff like that. Oh, okay, right, right, right. So they were like, okay, you're just picked up glasses now. And I was like, but I can just do the other things. Like, no, no, you just watch us for now and we, yeah, okay. And then what, did you get demoted to plastic cups? You only pick up the plastic cups.

I kept eating the glass. It was just right. Yeah. It doesn't feel right. I couldn't find a bin. So I just shut them off my ass. Oh, the pint glasses. So, like, I was just picking up glasses then

I was like, okay, it's kind of dumb Yeah, right, the staff, I mean the guests were kind of shitty as well, like one kept pulling my tie Yeah, because it looked a bit like his, was like, Hey, he kept pulling in, and I was like, yeah, I was like, please don't, don't touch the dancers, don't, oh, um, so at one stage, though, the guy was like, listen, we're out of the bulmer's keg, but

I won't be even bother getting a kegs near the end so you just run over to the other bar and get get them to pour you two points of bummers and i was like okay wink wink so i went over there and poured them myself and then i brought him back and was like right and i had a little like in my head of like yeah yeah you're serving two the i just pulled yeah who's the fucking idiot now so that was like a sweet little small victory that's good yeah i think you'll find as well in those jobs when you go in high it's like even when you're getting in trouble this is why i do it's like oh you're giving out to you and you're just

like well little do you know i'm incredibly high so i win i've got a drug problem that's affecting my work yell yell yell whilst i'm fired didn't even know it's i'm high time to drive home yeah it's just those little internal victories that you got to hold on to that's really all we have those victories that anyone else would say was not a victory we know we know

have you ever done any kind of bar work or anything no I never worked in a bar it's it's more I kind of want to get a more officey job

next yeah well like the only other jobs I ever worked was in like fucking retail customer service all that shit and we were working

like toll pals stuff with that's different it's not the same not like go the drunk lads going up to no no it's not I mean, well, if you work on the weekends I know, but it's not the same, you also

get this real entitled fucking cunts as well, like, I demand to have... I've been waiting here for this, I never in my life, I experienced such service. Yeah, and you're like, sure to fuck, oh yeah, it's true. I used to get that, the shout though, people give it out, it's like, what this, what price

is this? Euro 10, this used to be 90 cent. Why is it a euro 10? Because we're all going to die, well, But those cons who actually think like you're right You're right

I'm just pull out a gun and shoot my manager Well no I was thinking like more like I'm going to contact the makers of Heinz Beans and I'm going to tell them Your Nazi sympathising

was one thing But this is outrageous Heinz Beans didn't Let's do it Although I saw this Let's start that rumor They actually You know spaghetti hoops

They had little spaghetti swastikas I don't know If that's true or not yeah it's fun to say companies for nazi themes it didn'ts what are they going to do well you know IBM made like the punch card system that helped to blog all the Jews and Auschwitz yeah so don't really market that too much like you know it doesn't play very well look at all the innovations we've done don't look at that one yeah but I'm hoping to get more of an office job I don't know why I keep and this is something inside me have to work on

but I keep talking to people I like who have gone really good jobs and deep down I'm like I want to fucking kill you like I fucking hate you right now like and they've got really nice office jobs where they can afford to like live in Dublin and just chill out and smoke dubs

are you talking about multiple people it might seem like one person but like there's multiple people you mean you know one like yeah yeah just they can just chill out and watch Dune and like that's a specific reference someone that's a specific reference

someone who actually this is a podcast yeah he'll get that but like I just did a lot of friends like that or like they've got like kind of like jobs they're kind of slightly fulfilling yeah which I didn't even know was a thing like no that's not

and I'm like fuck you yeah no I understand that but it is we're always you're always just constantly made to feel that you know you're failing and people around you are doing great but really we're all failing and everyone's miserable Brian

it does a consolation to you You know what actually did cheer me up a while ago I was listening to a podcast and they were talking to this guy used to be the head writer of the daily show Okay I knew you think you're the head writer daily show

You can relax a bit You gotta admit And he was like going like Oh every time I see him a friend of mine He's gotten movie Like sold a screenplay I get so panicky Yeah

And you know I just feel like I'm doing nothing my life That's uh yeah That's a real thing though I mean definitely is comedians I know I feel like anytime you succeed I'm like fuck you Brian yeah you know that's why you undermine me oh I undermind me oh I have such a bad problem with that like I didn't realize it half the time but I undermine people all the time I can never just

give it like a compliment yeah I see all it's like oh that's good but I probably won't last oh you're pregnant are you well overpopulation yeah yeah you're not a problem you're not Yeah, I know. Yeah. The rave miscarriage is going up. No one knows why. Yeah, I just don't, like, I don't take it well, like. Yeah, yeah.

That's how you were raised. Nah, I don't know. I'm trying, it's like, I think some people are born and they're just, they're at a good level. And just go through life, like, yeah, fucking great. They can build on that. Yeah, yeah. They've got a solid foundation. Yes.

I think me and you, like, we were built, like, we were born almost falling. Yeah, that's true. Sinking in the shitty foundation. And, like, we have to struggle just as hard, just to, like, stay above the quicksand. Just to breathe. Yeah, just to breathe. Like, what our lads are like, uh, sure, just fucking, like, it's almost like there in zero gravity. It's like, hey, just fucking just chill and, like, eventually become president. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, bastards. I know. That's a perfect little analogy for why we are the way we are. Yeah, talk about that now. Yeah, that's good. I think I might go therapy. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Definitely. I either have sex with a man or go therapy, one or the other. I'm not paying for both. Yeah, just one's cheaper. I haven't been to therapy in a while. I should, which is I should always just be either coming from therapy or going to therapy. You should be, you know, Stern does like, fucking what, like three trips a week or something like that? Really?

Yeah, I think he does like four hours of therapy every week. Jesus. self-indulgent. But I kind of jealous at that. Well, he could afford the best. He could afford

actual treatment. What are we on the fucking H.S.E. public waiting list? You go into some shitty little office in Carlo.

What's wrong with you? I'm depressed. Sure, don't be fucking stupid. Yeah. Hey, did you cop on, would you?

Come on, drink his pint. Oh, no, he writes a prescription just says, lock in. A bit of a

fucking set. Oh, Stop being a pussy Yeah, pretty much Yeah But it's harder than it looks Yes, it is Oh, I don't know

That's our mental health segment done Yes We won't help anyone with Imagine somebody's listening Into our podcast It is like not the name names But sometimes you do like Here like someone go like

Oh, I was really depressed And I heard this Or like I listened to this bit of music And it really helped me And the bitter side is going like That's shit yeah why did that help yeah

you pick a better show you do it or just do it yeah that's like saying like someone said the show Joey really helped me

it's like you know about friends what's friends more joy who are these other people I just want we want Joey

we want Joey I know why else can we talk about James God I don't know I don't want a little in the conference do you want to talk

politics or is that done well what's what's happening in the world politics. Well, they're trying to preach Trump and get rid of Boris.

The two big things are, so Boris Paroagued Parliaments, so he basically pressed paused. Pretty much. It turns out you're not allowed to do that. Yeah, yeah. So now this is all, like, unprecedented shit. Like, no one knows what's going to happen.

Yeah, yeah. Actually, my, um, I'll name names the other, fuck. We have a lecturer in the college called Jim. Yeah. And he's very big into... Jim Corr, is it? No, I wish.

They're all lesart type. Do you not know that? They're lizards. what started Jim he's got three sisters yeah they were he was in the because they're from the dog yeah I hear a lot of references to that like and they were like but yeah so there were like four piece band

three sisters and him and the sisters are all gorgeous and everybody all his luck at them but nobody gave a shit about Jim so then he started going on the late late show saying that 9-11 was an inside job and what does the sisters think

sisters kept fairly quiet about the whole thing which is probably the right thing to do the sisters are to be smarter you know I like to think that they're even more extreme than him. But they just keep it quiet because they don't want to... Do you know who's to get him? Yeah, so what was your lecture or Jim telling me? Well, Jim, he's kind of complaining about the Barr situation.

He's a real like, you know, fucking get rid of him. There's no real deep analysis when he's like, fucking I hear any fucking, he's just fucking... This is your lecture. Oh, I hear like... He's like smoking car on the front. Fucking load of shite in the place. James, I hear he's gone, bit of trouble.

there and you're probably going to get rid of them fucking good ridden you know and you're like oh yeah yeah this gonna be on the test yeah yeah what does he teach uh he teaches um food and beverages yeah yeah and you're talking about politics yeah yeah yeah he's also i swear to god it's true i'm pretty sure he doesn't believe in climate change oh my god twice in a two hour lecture he used climate change the example of like um something that was dumb that you shouldn't believe in are you serious that's fucking hilarious yeah yeah yeah yeah he once he'd refer to as bullshit oh my god God, really?

Yeah, climate change around that bullshit you see that. This is why he's only got a job teaching about food. Yeah, yeah. See that down. That's a diet cook. No, no, no.

Get them mixed up. The class was two hours of standing like, there's like nine different spoons on the table and he's like, what's that spoon? No one knows. Obviously, he's like, what's wrong with you? They said, the problem

what your generation is. You don't know what's going on. You don't know. Yeah, yeah. Problem your generation is you're just all complaining about my generation ruin the environment. that's an actual quote

Are you serious? Yeah he says You know I don't understand Your generation Complains mine For ruining the environment But you go to EP And you're littering everywhere

He's very opinionated What the fuck I'd love to get his opinion On the other The Greta girl Oh yeah Greta Thorough Well that man

People are going mad about her Aren't they why do they not like her Well I guess It's Because she Like the big Riemann is Look she's a child This is a very serious world issue.

Nobody wants to be told, talked down to it by a kid. But the fact is, as she keeps saying, I'm not giving opinions. I'm speaking the scientific fact of the planet's in trouble and you're not doing anything. She's making a very valid point. She's very brave and, like, you know, she's not, obviously she can speak in public and stuff like that.

I think, is she on the spectrum? Is that right? Yes, Asperger's. Asperger, yeah. But, yeah, so a lot of, like, apparently, guys were like trolls were like it's not really that controversial

it's not that controversial it's not that controversial issue but people were like Jay's fuck that dyke you know they're still like oh she just needs a good dick

you know like that Dikea yeah yeah yeah like people were still even Tuberty would say something like you know she seemed to go home

watch a movie you know oh my god yeah what's wrong with her just go eat some chocolate and relax would you I'm Tuberty

oh my god she's go home a late h oh and every friday night not for much longer here are two ye are bankrupt basically really yeah they're going down the shitter why they give him totally half a million he's fucking shy but

yeah this is what this is what greta should be talking about might she do the big ye wend speech and they're expected to do climate change like something more important has come up she's right up at the and he gets paid half a million per year it is science he is

read hard do you see trump talking about her No, what did he say? So she did this big speech anyway about, like, you know, her big thing is like, the world is burning. It's like you're in the house and it's in fire. And everyone says, the house is not on fire, but you know it's on fire. You know, like that?

Okay. And then Trump, we tweeted that with like, what a very happy young girl. She seemed like a lot of fun. Like something like... Which is funny because Trump's like a mean girl. He's like, you know. That's hilarious. Like, Trump's the kind of guy, like, he'd be like, yeah, I hear she had an abortion last summer.

and she's flat You know I heard she gave Jimmy Sandusky a hand job at Camp Chicka while Okay So you'll be leaving this crazy broad Yeah

I know I'm on her side Yeah so am I I think you have to be You should get her on the podcast I would love to get her on the podcast Yeah Get her talking with Rambo

It is science Bresbo His best film Rambo they kidnapped the girl who's not he's not even related to him he killed all the Mexicans I enjoyed it

yeah so that's a bit of politics day what we talk oh yeah so Boris so he like so we don't know what's going on but I really I'm kind of like people have an idea same with the Trump impeachment thing that's going to be like you got me

yeah or they're going to say you know the end of Shawshank Redemption where the police are outside his door and Boris is like looking to his desk and he finds a gun he's like, oh the cut back is blowing the wall

like that's what they expect to happen but it's not gonna like they're just gonna be like yeah and most you'll have to call an election and then maybe

Jeremy Corbyn could become president who cares like don't see that happening really Corbin is he popular he's the head of Labor Party like if Boris

goes down labor wins he'll get in so what he'd be prime minister yeah it'd be interesting socialist prime minister socialist prime minister

it's about time yeah why not give go and he's a real old school guy like he likes collecting jam and he takes picture of manhole covers and stuff these are the things that we want in the prime minister he has an allotment where he grows like turnips and stuff like that yeah no he's proper like you ever see the good life no you know like that show about the couple that go off the grid no oh well he's like that never heard of it really what has it called the good life yeah it's good g o o'de no oh wow is this like an old British

yeah it's from the 70s how would you not know this James how would I know why do you know it more to the point

it was great it was probably it was great yeah they went off to grade and just like drank their own piss and stuff

no no no no no they grew vegetables and stuff and the joke was like didn't really know what they're doing

but they're trying their best and it's all British shit comes all the class so they live next this really pot family

oh I see they've got a goat ooh keep cousin Jeff away from that yeah well that's what he's like anyway Jeremy Corbyn could become PM but I think what more likely is Boris just ignores

everything yeah he'll basically they'll just go you did this they didn't oh okay then but I think Boris would just say like well you look like a letterbox and then just you know yeah he's just like you know it's sort of doing that idiot

savant thing yeah just plays the fool even though he's very like manipulative cunning person but that's like you know it seems like to work. It's working for him. It's working for Trump. I would say Boris is a bit more crafty than Trump, than

Trump is just sort of inflated, egotistical, arrogant, and stupid, that I've got money, I can do it, I want, whereas Boris is like, oh, I'm the fool, I don't know what's going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it almost takes more ego to no, it doesn't make sense. It takes more

intelligence to pretend to be the fool than it does, like Trump is just pure ego. Yeah, see Trump's not like playing the character, it's just being himself, which is a contentious asshole. I don't think Trump will understand the concept of playing the character. It's like, I'm Trump. I always will be Trump. There's only Trump.

Pretty much, yeah. Whereas Boris knows, like, be the fool and, you know, they can't. Be a bit silly, you know. Like, Trump, you know, all that stuff are, like, you know, Boris getting caught up, like, in a dangling down from something. Yeah. They'd look a bit silly. Trump would never do that. No.

He'd always have to look cool. Yeah. He would never allow himself to look stupid. Yeah. Whereas Boris knows, like, be an idiot and, you know, you'll get away with bad shit. pretty clever gotta hand it to him you gotta respect it

you got you gotta respect it you know what keep them in there I don't agree with it but you gotta respect you know Corbin wait your turn go back to Russia

baby yeah yeah fucking idiot Corbin fucking wants to help people yeah the whole thing they're like

they're like you know Trident the nuclear missile oh there's a big nuclear missile in Scotland I think oh

and that's always how to like kind of like frame like he's weak Corbyn's weak like to like if you had the case would you use it to kill millions of people and he's like hopefully not look at this weak socialist bastard he wasn't one in nuke Russia I didn't know there was a

Trident yeah yeah it's been there since Tatcher I think just sitting there waiting it's probably you know part doesn't even work now I think I heard somewhere say that like it's just a rust bucket at this stage really yeah it's just for sure Jesus right well really what does England need of nuclear

weapons. I don't know. If England's using nuclear weapon, they've already been launched for other places. Yeah, that's true, yeah. Fuck. I don't think that'll ever happen, though,

do you? It's one of those things that's why am I control. Yeah, it's like worried about an asteroid or volcano. Yeah, or climate change. Which obviously doesn't exist. Yeah, yeah.

Jim's pretty clued in. What's his name? No, probably shouldn't give his full name. I don't know why he's going to say. I'm a dress and blood time. Here's his work schedule. Yeah. Here's where his children.

and go to school. Pretty easy to kidnap him. Like that Quinn guy. Yeah, fuck, that was crazy. Well, I don't know anything about it

because I'd been drinking. I don't care. I've just been drinking for three weeks. Yeah, yeah. It happened a couple weeks ago. Well, it's been a blur.

I'd be drinking on. I don't know this, but apparently, like, I thought he was just sort of they kidnapped him and roughed him a bit, but apparently it was real. Oh, I think they, like, did proper, like,

ripped out his finger nails? They're, like, kneecapped his face or something like. No, I think. I think they like pulled out his fingernails and broke like his hands. And like poor bleach. Yeah. Why Quinn of all people?

I don't know. What's the Raz goal here? Is it like a financial thing? Are they trying to explore? They want to lower prices? I don't know. They're Aldi guys. I don't know.

It's weird. Yeah, maybe they just got like a bad croissant and they're like, right, that's it. That's enough. You do forget the RAS that around. Oh yeah. I met a former Rallad recently. Probably won't say much because, you know, I mean,

done dark still so oh well that's where they all you know it's like what do they call it el paso that's where like all the rad ads I'll say I won't say too much about this because I actually genuinely don't want to get killed no yeah but I met him in a pub seemed nice and afterwards they said

his rare connections but they're all like yeah she is almost if like well he was a bit of scamp back in the day you know Jesus you know for sure we've all done it yeah well in fairness I know people yeah you know who may or may not

been affiliated out one time and may or may not have been quite active and that's all I'm willing to say on then. It was my mother. I'm breaking down your wall of silence, mum. What a brave woman. That would be kind of... Imagine, yeah, your mother was in the wrong.

Yeah, you look at your mother completely differently. Yeah. I almost... You'd almost respect her. Yeah. Almost. It's not crazy. Yeah.

So, um... Not until Corbyn's prime minister, will I? No, something like that would almost be too good. It don't make too much sense that Corbyn became Prime Minister. Plus if he became Prime Minister, it probably only would ask for like three days because Brexit would happen

and some other crazy shit would happen. So what do you think? Are we going to, are we heading for like economic downturn and all that shit? Like, is there going to be another recession? There's always going to be a recession, regardless of Brexit. That's true, but like is it...

Recession is built into the system now. But how soon, how far away are we from it is what I'm saying? Is it like tangibly close or do you reckon with another few years? Well, I'll just say this, okay. Last week, my dog died. I did it. She was the lucky one.

I put a pillow over her face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is for the best. I lobotomized her first, then. Did your dog actually? Yeah, my dog actually died, yeah. A bit weird, actually. Not to get too personal here, but my dog died,

and my man, instead I just kind of left it there for two days. Where? On the floor. What? Yeah. She set up a little fan beside it. it for the smell oh my god yeah that's a bit weird isn't it that is very bizarre yeah that's very it is weird and there's one stage like that's so i was leaving because i was going i'm leaving actually

early so once i get to fuck out yeah the house of death yeah yeah yeah like and she was like oh do you want to get some bottles of water and she went and the water like i'd have to like step over the dog get the water and it was like nah i'm okay i'm okay i don't know what's going on here just want to leave it's very busy why did she i don't know i don't know where is the body man I don't haven't been back since imagine if oh my god oh man

I mean imagine she's fully in denial where she's like she's not really uh when you come back and it's like a weekend

of Bernie situation like where she's got like fish wire to her dog sorry I don't be good I know she had a good life oh man well

like my not to take it I'll say I get back to you in a second but I just you kind of think you hear somebody crying about their dog

and ah shut up then our dog died but we have it for like 16 years and I was fucking devastated man I was like oh god why god it's just happening it's a good thing that guns aren't readily available here

it's funny I didn't feel anything oh really I know what I think it's because it was such a weird situation that like I came home and the dog got on me dead for like 12 hours and so I was like oh she's setting up a series of fans

yeah yeah it's almost like I didn't have time she confused my sense of grief. Yeah. It's almost being like your granddad died really?

He's right here you're like what? She just has him on a carousel Hello my baby hello my darling

Hello I'm a ragtime gal Oh my god Jesus yeah That's man I got to say that's bizarre I mean I don't want to point because you're

clearly mental mother But I didn't even want I was actually kind of afraid like where like if I pulled the wrong string that was suck oh she could just

start crying or something so best just let let you know yeah she'll figure it out I'll be back

in a few weeks how long is it take for a dog to decompose anyway we'll find out it's a bit

of a mitbusters that's when midbusters knew the end like they kind of ran out with all the fun things

like you'llop you drop a penny from a tower or stuff like yeah yeah yeah let's just kill a dog

Adam get the knife yeah let's just robin elephant tusks they're like What's this experiment? I just want money.

Just want that sweet ivory money. Does rhino horn get you hard? Let's find... Oh, Jesus. That's so... Man, I'm kind of reeling from that. Just the image of your dead dog. Yeah.

Where is... What room is it in? At the hallway. It's in the hallway. Yeah. So, if you want to go anywhere in the house... You have to pass the dead dog. You have to answer...

Pass the dead dog. Answer the riddles tree. You have to play frisbee with them. yeah yeah what was your dog called holly holly yeah come on holly holly want a cracker come on all one more time i don't think she's too close oh um that's sad though yeah you're gonna feel anything though no oh okay i just well i was devastated when my dog died and to be honest i'm really glad we don't have funerals for our pets like we do because like if the neighbors saw me crying more at the dog funeral and my dad's funeral it's a PR nightmare gone wrong you know what I mean the papers get

over that you know like the northern standard yeah uh yeah in my defense though the dog never came home drunk on my seventh birthday and called me a coward so that you know my dog called me a coward I'm glad she's dead care of her though I'm glad she's dead I slipped a bit of right and then do that. Oh my goodness. Jeez, that was a good crack now. Dead dog in the hall. Yeah, dead dog.

How did you, like, you were sitting, like, earlier you were like, what can we talk about on this episode? And you just, like, oh, here's something that just came in. Well, I don't know when we can talk about that much with a dead dog. Well, it's just very bizarre. Yeah. You know what?

It is. What is she? It didn't really address it. Didn't address it. What your dad saying? Not this? Didn't address it. Okay.

Yeah. He just said, um, you know, I swear to God it's true okay so I get back home late let's say like 2 o'clock in the morning I'm kind of wrecked I'm tired and I see the dog's dead and mother's like yeah

we lost Holly there I'm like Jesus okay well I'm going to go to bed now because I can't really be dealing with this I told my dad I go to the plowing the next morning so in the back of my house he said like be up early

and I was like fucking dog's tail I might just set my clock for nine you know I think I earned a little bit of sleep you know and you're fucking nine eight my dad's like what's wrong we do why aren't you up like go to the plowing

I'm like okay so we just go to the plowing never step over the dog to get outside I don't I really don't know what to say it's a very unusual situation like well you know in fairness kind of you know in rural

agricultural areas animal life isn't, you know... Oh, you've had other animals died, it's not a big deal, like, don't like, don't think twice about, like, if a dog comes on their land, they'll shoot it, like, you know, or... Well, this is a house dog, it's different, like... Yeah, it is different, but... Maybe the parents are just sociopaths, I don't know.

It would make sense. So, I kind of coloured my whole plowing championship experience as well, like... The idea of, like, when we come back, it's going to still be there. Oh no, the flies are here. Oh, my God. Plan was okay. Yeah, what did you get up to? Just walked around in a bit of days.

Just walking a little. Looking at all the live dogs. I was just like a little kid by a dog and like, you know, enjoy it when you can. Because that dog's going to die and they're going to leave in the hallway. It's tradition. Yeah. I kind of like didn't even look at much in the plowing. Kind of wandered around and I sat down the grass for a while.

A lot of camel toes. really yeah a lot of girls in like very pulled up um trousers are showing off arse and things like tights yeah yeah yeah leggings and that yeah almost a bit of like you know show a bit it's the plowing you know have some respect yeah yeah my dog just died see here's a picture yeah yeah yeah plowing is very boring yeah have you done the plumbing much never no my dad like he was like fully encouraging me always to like miss school or college or ever like to go to it yeah or funerals yeah yeah just step over your grandmother's corpse in the hall and come to the ploughing like he he'd go like i think it was like like three times like like in a row or something

like that was it just meant ploughing like that that section and they try to do it up for the normies where to have like you know different stuff you can buy but it's not like okay it's like hey some homemade jam and here's like uh you know Some army guys there. Just like, you know, you want to sign join the army. And then, uh, that's a way. Didn't even see the plowing. Yeah, no, it doesn't appeal to me.

Well, your dad really seems to want to force farming onto you. Yeah. And that's why I'm going to fuck men. That's why I'm going to learn kickboxing and have gay sex. Yeah. To shove it in your dad's face. Yeah. Oh, matron.

Yeah, no one's going to get that reference. No, of course. Carry on. Carry on. Yeah. Ooh. God, there was such a charm to them, like. Yeah.

Just no badness taught. There's an old man pinching women's bottoms. Like, ooh, cheeky. Eh. It doesn't sound very harmless when you reenacted like that. Oh, God, you're right. Oh, no. Yeah, very old men going like, wait, come on.

Give me two your melons, just grab a girl's tits. She's like, oh, you be so-and-so Keep your bloody mitts off Yeah, women were women back then We're near the end Let's just talk about one final thing We're more thing We're just talk about the Trump impeachment real quick

Okay, go on So Nancy Pelosi She's in Congress She has formally started the progress Of trying to impeach Donald Trump And out of all the things He's done to impeach him they've picked a thing where like

basically Trump was saying that Joe Biden got his son a good deal in Ukraine and Trump was saying but their legend is Trump was going like if Ukraine don't admit this I'm going to cut

funding military funding there and people are like well you can't really like use blackmail yeah yeah and now we're going to impeach for that but it's kind of weird because like both sides are dirty in this case

so like Biden probably did get his son well of course he used influence yeah well that's the whole thing I mean a lot of research in Biden you know he's got two sons almost like the balusies you know one's good one's bad one was really good and he died he got a brain

brain tumour okay he got a little brain tumour was he in politics? Yeah he was yeah yeah they said he could have been he had a bright future he could have been president someday his name was Bo a son name Bo. Bo Biden.

Bo Biden, yeah. Isn't that... Yeah. Not the best name. No, Bo Biden. And another song called Hunter. Hunter is the one he got the job for.

Apparently Hunter's real fuck up. Oh really? The drugs, drink, you name it. Okay. He sniffed it. He sniffed it, drank it or fucked it? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

And he actually got a Bo's wife after the funeral. What? Yeah, legend. Oh, what a pimp. So I heard that and I said, okay, a little bit more research. Turns out Biden's wife died in the car crash

and the two kids were in the car. Are you serious? The door as well as she got caught. Was she dead too? Yeah, yep. Jesus, Biden's like a... Awful time. Rotten oil run a look there.

Yeah, yeah. Rotten all the luck. And now he's running for president. So I did a bit of research as well. Apparently, even Barack didn't like him too much. Is that right? Especially during the initial, like, campaign 2008. He was literally, like, told Biden, like, don't say anything.

Just stick to the script. Don't do any, like, off the cuff for Marx. because you're just going to get in trouble because Biden's not too good at like they call him Biden bombs Biden bombs Yeah, that's what he says like Or Joe bombs

Like things that like he says They're like, oh no Joe What kind of stuff has he said? Well recently The two big things where he forgot Obama's name Okay And he was like My former boss, the president

The you know The what do you call The Muslim I mean Nigerian Secretly pretend to be American Brack And the other thing he said was

And he was trying to be good And he said it But he said, you know White kids are just as smart as poor kids Or something like that Oh no, no, the exact phrase He was trying to be good He said, poor kids can be just as smart

as white kids That's what he said, yeah Jesus Christ And they were like, oh no Biden, yeah And a few cases like that There's a Even his campaign in the moment They're trying to shut him up

Because he keeps having moments of like kind of dementia he's forgetting things he's how old is he he's pushing it

like well everyone's so old in these campaigns that's the thing yeah it's always like old men Sanders

that Elizabeth Warren even she like she's kind of even like not that she should get Greta I am president

the United States no more plastic no more democracy okay so now what Biden Biden is running he's not

doing too well and Trump they're trying to impeach him yeah yeah so do you think is he gonna I don't think

I don't think Biden's just gonna fuck it up too much yeah yeah he sounds like you know people aren't gonna invest and not in these days

you know but the thing is like people want to vote for Biden because he's like he's a short thing he's gonna get in there but I think when you get him

with Trump Trump's just gonna go dirty of course yeah he's been mean yeah like Biden actually said that

true is more important of facts that's what I mean like he keeps seeing these things that people are like what does he mean yeah yeah

this is more important than fact yeah as in no one knows why I mean he doesn't know why I mean something his brain's melting

okay he's probably got the same thing as bowl like he's going just turn into a soup bow yeah yeah

uh I don't know yeah that's the thing it kind of fizzles out yeah we did yeah about elections Can we end on anything at all?

What's going on with your life change now? I'm just working, working, working in satanta sports. Oh, you're saying the name now? Yeah. Well, whatever. I don't care, you know. Yeah. I'm not very good at the job and, uh, yeah, what can I tell you?

I know, it's fine, it's grand. Yeah, but it's just like, you know, it's sports. You're saying that some people from work or listen to the podcast now. Yeah, well, I did tell one guy about it and he's going to listen to it. I tell you, if it spreads, people actually listen to it I'll probably get fired yeah yeah that's the one thing we really are going to fall in our own swords here that's true yeah yeah but like I have nothing and they're going to take that away from I am willing to die for this podcast I'm willing

I'm looking for any excuse to die at home tell you what we'll do um what should we do next episode let's think of a half a second we're going to watch joker we're going to do a joker yeah yeah I'm looking forward to it's any old other show or sitcom we could watch to do a good like what's like a real famous you know hmm I'm just trying to think of like what are the big TV moments that happened

remember the episode of E.R where the helicopter fell and everyone I never watched E.R. That was hilarious I could go with that. Oh man it was great. It's for a TV show to do like

I love I have a real fondness for like shows to have a big dramatic moment like Coronation Street East Enders do that long Yeah the tram crash Yeah, that was pretty good, like, for Grenadians. Yeah, one moment like that was, just a big fucking, like, kill half the crash. Yeah, yeah.

Remember that in Emmerdale where the plane exploded and the sheep wound on fire? How do you remember that? I was, I barely remember that. Oh, just, the image of sheep burning is this, like, just it's etched into my mind. That was crazy, though, yeah, because, like, the plane crashed, the whole place on fire, like, loads of people died. Why did the plane crash? I don't know. Was it, was it, was it, was it them? Was it?

Was it trial? one for 9-11 first everdale then the twin towers then building seven the other way people like what about building seven so it was like what about everdale jet fuel doesn't melt sheep wake up sheeple oh yeah okay let's end it there that was fun we're going to watch emmerdale next yeah we should yeah can we find that episode and watch it oh 100% yeah yeah you know there's I said Brookside. Do you remember Brookside? Not too much. It ended with the whole street

just blew up and everyone died. Love it. Perfect. Was it ghastly? What was it? Yeah, I think it was a ghastly? Or was it them again? Oh no. Why Al-Qaeda?

Why? Everything I love. She's next going to blow up my dog. She's already dead. Wait, let's listen, how do I end this? Just hit stop. That's the one. Oh, I'm learning.