Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 45 : H.P Lovecraft's Cat

Episode Date: November 4, 2019

We talk Mel Gibson, South Africa, the Parkland kids and Gerry Ryan.

it, whack it, test, test, we're alive. We're live. How you doing, James? I'm good, man, how are you? Good. Yeah. All right, and end of the episode. That was good.

Okay, let's start off with... I was thinking of a bit on the drive up here, okay? All right, come on. You know H.B. Lovecraft's cat. I'm not familiar with his cat, no. H.B. Lovecraft calls his cat the N-word. Ah. Yeah.

So I was thinking it'd be funny. Not the phrase, the N-word. No, no, straight up, hard, ER. Yeah. Okay. And people used this to say he was racist. Yeah. And also his many racist writings

Yeah So I was thinking It would be funny if there's like a literary racist Who's in the bar And he's like There's a lot of H.P. Lovecraft's cats around here You know I don't want one of those H.P. Lovecraft's cats

marrying my daughter And then the black guy's in the bar Like we get the reference Oh No, we've read the books We know Yeah And he's like oh

And he's like Hitchby Lovecraft's cat please Hitch we love cracker You're crazy I made cool I mean cool cats I didn't even know what the cat was called And he's like Sorry about that

A bunch of boo rattling Some very sophisticated racism brides You're very proud of yourself Yeah yeah That's very good now So it's been well since we recorded Have you been up to much Working just working man

Night shifts and whatnot Yeah you know Very busy in work at the minute in the unnamed company yeah well you can name them I don't think we have named already like

have we yeah yeah satanta yeah work there satanta means what's it means it's kind of like Akuna Matata oh yeah

but instead of you know what does Akuna Matata mean again I think it's like live long and prosper yeah that's dark like something like it means it's something good

like it's kind of like the opposite of that is like let's see how long you live before you throw yourself off the balcony that you're not supposed to be smoking on

You're working long nights, too? 12-hour shifts, yeah. And then, you know, it's hard to sleep during the day, too. So, like, by the end of the running night shifts, you're very worn down, like, you know, kind of worn out. But, you know, it's fine. I get good money days off, decent wage. The work's not that hard.

So it's good, you know. Best job I've ever had. I mean, before this, I worked in fucking shops and petrol stations dealing with the everyday public bunch of shitmunchers that they are. So here I'm just hiding away in a little TX suite. controlling the sports. The TX suite. Oh, that's what we call it.

Oh, yeah. I'll break it down for this. I got the lingo down. That's just like an area where we brought, you know, you're operating out of broadcast of life sports and recording and all that shit. So stuff like the rugby, would you be allowed to go on your dad or you're like... I was, yeah, I was sitting on a live rugby game there. But like, you know, like those are pretty important.

So they still put me kind of like on the less important stuff. And rightfully, so... Yeah, at the rugby World Cup yesterday. Yeah, the final. the Brits lost Yeah, the Brits South Africa won They weren't happy

About that Were they not Like this You British scum Yeah Is that South African It's a bit like that Yeah

Yeah Snicky fucking bronze That's more like Yeah I knew two South Africans When I was in America One was secretly gay Okay

So I better not Reveal the way of it I better not just say his name Probably not He probably wouldn't like that You've kind of narrowed it darn quite a bit like there's only one of two guys he might like it though

well is he going to listen to this would that be fun to come out to your parents after his parents are listen to this podcast he just like oh thank you've got something to tell us right right no he he plays it for them he's like I got something to say and I can't say it myself so

so I'm going to let two Irish guys two white boys say it diplomatic community that's a lethal weapon two reference did you get there he wasn't gay was he No, who? The bad guy Lithuan War II

And there was legal weapon too They're South Africans They're like Evil South Africans It's gas Oh well Was this around

apartheid time Yeah Apartide features Very heavily There's like They work in a company And there's always Like protesters

Are outside saying Apartheid is bad And how is Mel Gibson Handle this Oh wow He was heavily edited Very Very noticeably so

He's like I tell you Raj I really can't stand this Oh so we're here now in the box Macquarie let's see what's going on there's multiple scenes

where he's just cut out the blooper reel is not as much fun as you would think yeah it's just like you know what I think about these damn but the South Africans they were like real racist and Mel Gibson he's like

I can't stand these racist evil South Africans and just looking back that's pretty funny yeah he's gonna hate them yeah he's because like his partner Raj or Murta you know played by Danny Glover

who's an African-American guy and they're old buddy old pals And he's not Jewish He's not Jewish No yeah That's in his contract Gibson had to

That's a thing he has to check Every time he's a movie And he's like No problem It's well to know where they are Just in case Yeah Yeah

You can look off my wallet See it's good That they have paperwork Because the way that he used to check Is just look at their dicks To see if they're circumcised All right You're in

Yeah good bloke Right Yeah let's go to fight these South Africans No I say Mel isn't like on set he probably isn't like what type of you you know he's not like that you know well he is kind of like but he's the crazy wacky guy he will kind of be like hey good for you i don't have a problem with you and then like just make sure our trailers are distances he's just outside with a measuring team oh that all seems in order all right have a good eye who Gibson's

known for his pranks isn't he is he was that a prank was it those wacky phone calls when he made into his ex-girlfriend? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were pranks. That's what you should have said, yeah. When you call that cup sugar tits, he was like, it was a prank. Yeah.

I've never seen any, I've only seen the first, well, no, I saw the first lethal weapon. I saw half an hour of the second little weapon. Yeah. Patsy Kenswood is in it. She gets her baps out. Oh, does she? Oh, she does?

Isn't the joke in it that people keep fucking Mertog's daughter? No. Nobody fucks her. I think the whole time he's worried about people. fucking up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, the scene on a lethal weapon, too, she's an aspiring actress, and it's like, okay, we're all

gathered around the TV, she's going to be in an ad and stuff, and then turns out it's an ad for condoms. And Murtaud's like, ugh, freaking out, you know? Because he will never let his daughter have sex. With a condom. No. You won't live under this roof if you're using

protection. You better be raw dog and my daughter, or get the fuck out of here. Because he's like Ganga's Kong, he wants to spread his legacy. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. So the more Mertogs, the better, like... Mertag, not Mertog. Oh, like, I don't know, plural, like...

Mertag. Mertas. Yeah. Pesci's in the... He's very funny in it, too. He's great, and he's very funny. He's in, like, the... Yeah, he's in the second, third and fourth. And he's, like, the humour... Comic relief when it all gets a bit too...

Heavy, you know? God, the first one is so good. First one's very good. Ah, they're fun. They're fun movies, you know? Fun action movies. I was in college. I was expecting kind of like, oh, oh, cheesy. kind of stuff and it is

it is yeah but oh it's so far it's the cheesiest it is it's well done cheese it is very well like they had the saxophone and the electric guitar they each have their own instruments I love to be at the end we're like they're having a fist fight and all the cops just stand down and there it happened yeah yeah it's a kick his head rigs

I'm not going to say who that was but you could probably get that was that was that African guy though that was Pesci though Pesci's not in the first one I know you'll fool well okay there's a black guy ah god

yeah hoisted by my own battar so you could kind of say like I won't say they fixed it but they definitely didn't fix it a weapon did help with apartheid apartheid yeah well you could make the case for it I suppose media kind of

the American people like told them which type was bad yeah yeah that's true yeah which is bad you know separation I mean you know there's a lot of subtext there read between the lines but you know also help people in the know who's really the bad people that's all I'll say the legal weapon two

extended cause of a whole scene where like Gibson has like a whole chart like a book of carpet samples but yeah what is the star David so what's been going on with you then no I was just going to say before I talk about myself

do you ever hear about the Duns strike Duns? They're on strike are they? No no this is back in the 80s Oh, okay, now. They went on strike because of apartheid. Did they? Yeah, this is a real thing.

Oh, wow. I think it was some store around Dublin. These women who worked there, like the cashiers. Yeah. We're like, that's it. I'm sick of this now. We're going to strike. We're not stopping.

Till apartheid's finished. We're not stopped until Trevor Noah's mother and sex of Trevor Norr's dad. Yeah, they did. They went on strike because they wanted Duns to stop buying stuff. It's from South Africa? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay.

like a trade thing what's that down israel as well what's it it's like um like a trade agreement don't buy stuff from no it's like it's like it's a buy an israeli bicot okay right right it's really product no it's a boycott israeli products they see yeah they did that with sa africa and they won like so done stores ended apartheid is what you're surprised they don't have that in their marketing what was funny is it feels like every couple of weeks in the newspaper they have like their interview with the brave woman because it's been over 30 years now oh okay yeah they're really push it now like geez these women were so good like didn't scan a turn up but now like yeah now everything's fixed in south africa yeah yeah yeah and every day like those

south africans should just like get on their knees and tanked guns so my work talk yeah so they won the rugby world cup yeah they did oh i knew two south africans and one was gay uh one could like down a whole pint in like a minute he was a real man's man you know wow you really distinguish between the two he was also gay guy oh wow wow you just held a mirror up to my own prejudice

I know what you were thinking oh of course yeah oh you got me there oh uh yeah proud of yourself yeah good good I'm glad yeah I know I've got to crack with you

no man literally been working all night shows it's all there's really nothing to tell from there I went back to the we had a week off for Halloween so you went back to the homeland yeah went off I was doing a bit of plowing ah biblical sense like oh I see just plowing going up and down met a few people from the village had to they told me how good their lives were and I had to like just grit my teeth oh yeah what were they saying just like I'm just talking to him it's like yeah it's going well got the new job and sure I'm with the woman this last five years and yeah right right okay

And what are you thinking the whole time They were talking? You're just like Just want a head button But something weird Did happen though On stage you're like Okay

So it was raining Well it was kind of like shit weather Like not like Great Plowing weather Okay And my dad was like Hey do you mind I need to drop this letter off to someone

It was like a check To this lad Okay Do you mind like Just driving over to his house And dropping off Because quicker in the post Yeah

And I was like yeah I'll drive over and he gave me the address and everything he told me like there's a rock outside the house with the name on it you'll be some fancy houses of the big rock big stone yeah yeah sure won't say the real name

it started with D so I'll say O'Donnell O'Donnell Yeah it wasn't O'Donnell Right I think it was Donahue But for the For this story like It's O'Donnell's yeah

So I go like yeah grand So I go through the address And I say the O'Donnell Stone It's actually O'Donoh Okay The O'Donnell Stone, okay. I'm like, okay, here it is. Yeah.

And there's no, like, it's kind of like a laneway, a gate, a laneway in the house itself. It's kind of a fancy house. Okay. And there's no letterbox at the gate itself. Ah. So I'm like, I'll just walk down. I won't bother driving the car down,

like, because you have to turn around and shit. Right. Let's walk down the lane. Drop this letter off in the post box or handing someone if there's not going around. Sure, sure. So as I'm walking down, okay, it's a little laneway, it's kind of walking.

And a girl opens a door and looks at me. And she's like, it's a 14. Okay. maybe 15 six I'm not good I'm not good at judging girls like yeah so she looks at me and I'm like because I'm still a fair distance away but I'm looking at her I'm like hey what's the crack okay she can't hear him just nod like that yeah and then she just closed the door oh so I'm like oh she must be getting her parents something like yeah okay so I'm walking a bit more and she hasn't gotten her parents yet and I'm at

the door and like you know what it might just be her I don't be knocking the door oh she's home alone yeah because no cars around yeah you don't want to walk in to some kind of like booby-trap situation Well this is like kind of thing that might hurt

my career like you know Oh okay terrorizing a teenage girl home alone Yeah but that's If she spins it like that You know

I'm just an interest Is that Okay I'm just trying to deliver a letter like sure I don't want to get involved anything here Yeah

I don't want I don't really want Any awkwardness Right Yeah okay So I was just like I just put a truce letterbox Okay

And leave So as I'm putting in I turn around And there's a car going down the laneway And there's a woman driving it Come a word

yeah okay and she gets out and she immediately comes at me like she's up to 10 already going like what do you want what are you doing here oh right yeah so I just panicked with nothing I just like nothing and I started walking oh man you have you didn't tell her you and then she was like once you put my door and I was like I didn't do anything and she was just you know I would have if she came out night yeah I would have said because she came out so like she came already frowning like yeah and already like kind of like half like like accusing me yeah I'm not good at that shit right right so I was just like ah I'm just gonna walk out so I'm walking away

and the background is here her the mother going like alish alish oh my god so I think she must assume like I'd be at her door or something like that which like lady if I wanted to be out of the door I would have okay that door ain't gonna stop me yeah fucking hell man and I just walked out and it's got in the car real quick and drove away

you made yourself look so guilty which is funny because like it's a check for money like this and it's got my dad's signatures they know exactly who it is yeah hasn't got back to my parents yet but but you're you're expecting it will well what are you going to say

I don't know just like yeah I mean you didn't do anything so just like your son's a bit weird this was Halloween as well oh okay bad vibes yeah spooky vibes well the day before Halloween

Halloween Eve yeah yeah well like I wasn't doing I wasn't like I was wearing like a dirty coat as well like but why did you just panic was it then yeah I was just panic like oh

yeah I was like even when I was talking to I was like walking away from her as I was saying nothing oh my god that's pretty funny that's uh but so yeah

did you not even think whatever what can you know what at that stage it's like I've already dug a hole I can't turn around and say hey look what this is what actually yeah yeah I should give out their address and you did the identity

no it's O'Donnell sorry yeah yeah yeah that's what we're saying but you know did you know this I mean are the neighbors no okay they never seen me before I've never seen them I don't want to see him again why was your dad giving me a little cunt though why was your dad giving them money

because he knows the guy it was some work thing was it yeah some work thing yeah I think he just did the bit of work I see yeah okay probably shouldn't reveal to him would I don't know oh well I mean you're editing this you can delete it all if you want

bought some drugs off my dad your dad's like Walter White the Carlo version oh that'd be cool wouldn't it and I'm Walter White Jr it doesn't make sense

it doesn't make sense yeah Ed what are you doing man that character rich it really is just like jimmy from southport that's all i can think when i'm watching it and i know that means i'm a bad person but well the thing is they gave him nothing to do so you're going to just think that because they haven't given around he's sort of like walking around did he have any kind of arc not at all really not that i can remember and i

yeah he was just sort of like a burden hanging around it would be fun if there was like uh like a b plot probably like deep plot yeah he's like trying to lose his virginity It's like American Pie Yeah, yeah, yeah And he's trying to win The big skateboarding contest And, oh, this is great, okay

Is that a slight disadvantage? No, yeah, he is okay And the girl's like, I'll never fuck someone who can't skateboard And he's all sad But then He shreds You know that movie like Mike?

Yeah Where he gets the powers of Little Bow Wow Was that him? Yeah, it was a little bow wow He puts on magic sneakers And he can dunk like Jordan Oh, I thought it was Michael

Who did you think it was? Michael Jordan Yeah, Michael Jordan Oh yeah I thought he got the powers of Mike Tyson Then he showed her Oh my god

But yeah Something like a Mike A like Mike situation Where he's like playing a Tony Hawk game Okay And he's like I wish I could be like you Tony Hawk And then Tony Hawk comes out of the TV And he gets hit by lightning

Yeah And then they switch bodies Oh wow And then he gets shut Tony Hawks at the X games A very poor performance by Tony Hawk Really not like him at all very uncoordinated

just in mid game his legs just came out so then Walter White Jr. wins the big contest and the girl wants to fuck him but he's like you know what you've got an ugly personality I look I might have physical my legs might have been disabled but your personality disabled

and then he gets with the librarian okay who actually when she takes off her glasses she's automatically really hot like you know if we just made a movie there Yeah, that was, well That's what El Camino should have been Yeah He gives us shit about, you know, Jesse Pickman

We want to see Walt Jr. Crushin the Pussy Or something less derogatory Trying to. Trying to. I'm just thinking In El Camino, I'm surprised didn't show like

Any did her cast like It was just Jesse's story Not to spoil it too much But like Some people from the past show up But it's mostly just Jesse Not to spoil it Because it's a very

I liked it too actually You know what people give Todd shit Because he gained weight Yeah, I saw that Yeah It's very easily Just ride in That he had like anorexia

Ah, yeah He's bulimic Sure Or maybe he just You know Started doing loads of drugs Or something I don't know

Why do you gain so much weight I think he just gained weight Because he's in the Irish man He seems skinny in that Okay Not as Well maybe he's getting away For a role

You never know Like you know He's just You know he's banging cursing Cursed and Dunst Yeah Pretty hot no condoms

oh yeah raw dog and it just like Murta's daughter yeah that's where he learned it from

I'm too woe for this shit oh yeah who know that's what he meant all the time the whole time

yeah what else can we talk about I don't know it was Halloween did you do anything crazy

for Halloween I didn't so I was working like a square in work did they do any kind of fun things

I went in dressed as Justin Trudeau but they didn't like it nobody else else was dressed up so they told me to leave well like Justin should go as well like he was doing Aladdin yeah Arabian nights yeah yeah yeah that's true so that could be your defense as well

yeah yeah I went more the Al Johnson route though so uh is it Al Johnson and the wind jazz singer was yeah yeah yeah yeah I've seen it no me neither it's from like the 20s well next time I'm bringing girl over to my place this is what I'm into yeah sexually uh i watched a few films what did you watch i watched the dissent oh right it's on youtube it's about um it's it's new it's it's long it's it's new it's who did war dog soldiers neil jordan he none he's the irish guy yeah he's a scottish director actually he did dog soldiers i love dog soldiers he did that we should watch dog soldiers dog soldiers for the podcast it's a lot of fun i love dog soldiers but yeah it's great oh it's so fun yeah it's a lot of

so this is like the same vibe but it was a little bit less werewolfy yeah and also like so he went the opposite so like dog soldiers all guys you know yeah yeah yeah like hard their men oh yeah that werewolf bastard get you around juff me yeah et cetera it's pretty much it's great yeah yeah yeah yeah the descent yeah it's all women oh yeah yeah yeah that's interesting it's all these women okay and uh they're like cave divers yeah spalunkers yeah which they never really like So the first 20 minutes is them just Blunking, like cave diving It's such a dumb word

It's a really dumb word It's a dumb word And then when they show them do it It doesn't look fun at all No, yeah Like they're trying to sell it as like Them in the cave going like Oh man, it's so cool

Everything's real small and tight And like dangerous and like wet And people keep falling over And they're hurting themselves It's so fun They're trying to tell like how beautiful it is Okay Like to sell for flare

And looking at the cave And like wow Oh, it's just a dirty old cave. It's just a big rock. Yeah. Okay. It's so good, though. The movie is.

Yeah, they go down and there's like hidden, like a speed, like, imagine if like humans didn't. Oh, oh, oh, like, cave people? Yeah, yeah. Mole people. Yeah, just living down there and it's just being like, oh wow. It's kind of like a metaphor for America's evasion of Iraq. Is it? You could look at it like that in a way.

I think you're, you could look at it like that. No, because it's these women that's kind of go in to the cave. The cave, the mole men. natural habitats you're very so you're calling Iraqis mole man is what you're saying well the only reason I think of that is like so I was watching the bad stream of it okay uh illegally oh yeah sexy yeah so there was like Arabian subtitles throughout the film all right and never known again you ever know what subtitles advertise things in the subtitles no I've never noticed oh really yeah no I noticed that

a lot okay well I watched really I like watching bad stream so I they kept advertising the Arabian dragon. What's that? It's a subtitle's website for Arabian films. Oh, okay. So that's just kept appearing during it. So I was thinking Arab, dragons, Iraq. It all makes sense to.

Sure, yeah. Okay. And not to spoil the film, the descent, but sometimes the real monsters are friends. Oh. You think you're friends. When you're trapped in a cave, sometimes you turn against each other.

So this is just this filmmaker's way of saying that women are worse than Iraqis and mole people. Yeah. I don't, very, very misogynist undertone there. Well, you think that's misogynist, okay. The film I watched after that was under the skin. What's under the skin? The Scarlet Johansson film.

Oh, she's like an alien or something? Yeah, yeah, have you watched it? No, I haven't. Oh, that's really good as well. Because it kind of turns, so it's like a woman going around picking up men, seducing them and killing him. Ah, okay, like a praying mantis. Yeah, but it's like the opposite of, like, reality, you know?

Oh, because that's what men do to women. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it's like, a woman, it kind of, it kind of, trying puts the idea like you know when a woman walks around she's scared yes okay yeah yeah of men yeah yeah yeah and rightfully so yes we're all terrible yeah like we all even the nicest male feminist man in the world is a piece of shit if you like put in the right conditions like yeah that's true he will just be yeah yeah yeah god we're awful oh yeah yeah i don't even say that sarcastically we are we're just awful like like you could definitely do something experiment where it's like um you ask a guy like hey should you ever punch a woman in the face?

And he's like, no. And he's like, well, he gave you $20. What did you say? What did you say? Sorry, I was busy. Pow, right in the kisser. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were like, oh, $20 to the baseline.

That's where we start. And we're going to work way up. And he's like, I don't care. Do you want me to wake her back up? Because I could use the money. Yeah, yeah. And that's the nice guys. That's the good ones.

Yeah, yeah. But anyway, she just goes around killing. Man. Well, shouldn't we kill him? She's like an alien, right? So why does she kill him? Is it to feast or? they explain it where like she's drugging them and send them to their whole

planet oh she's germans oh right right but they don't really show her killing them it's more implied that she's killing them she kind of like it's kind of hard to explain it's a very visual movie she basically like puts the guys in this alien space where they kind of like are still alive but they're in stasis oh oh yeah interesting and uh you know eventually she kind of becomes more huge And stop stirring that thing? No. No.

Okay. There is a kind of funny bit. Not to spoil it too much, but I was like, this guy really knows what he's doing. So there's a bit in it where she's kind of like going against her programming. Okay. She meets a guy and she's actually like, he's nice. And they try to have sex, but she can't because she's like an alien. Oh, right.

The gentles don't work. So she gets, yeah. So eventually... She just jerk him off or something? Yeah, and she's been hunted down by like her kind. Ah. So she goes into the woods. And she's wandering around the woods.

woods and she meets his fellow and he's like how you doing that and you can tell he's bad straight oh he's a bad guy so you're on your own in the woods are yeah that's my only criteria a lot of freaks around here you know um he does like do a lot of talk yeah you should be okay yeah no no one will rape you up here in the woods we're alone just to check you're on your own and uh no one looking for you perfect well i'll see i mean i won't see you there and does he uh reappear well okay So, like, Scarlet your hands is wandering around. Eventually, she, like, sets up camp in the woods.

And the, she falls asleep. The minute she wakes up, the guy's back touching her leg. And he's like, come on here. And she runs away. Okay. So she's running through the woods. Then the guy eventually finds her and, like, wax her to the ground. Not even for $20, like, just for three.

Wax her. And he's trying to rape her. But when he's raping her, he actually rips off her fake skin. Oh. To reveal her alien... Torso? Yeah, yeah. That's actually her back.

That's that you see the back It's all like Like she's a robot She's like a robot alien kind of thing Hybrid day Yeah yeah Interesting Yeah

So he's like Jesus Christ He runs away Ah Yeah I didn't know you were Puerto Rican I'm on here He's very uninformed

Yeah he thinks He's very uninformed When he saw the film aliens But James Cameron He's like Look at all these Puerto Ricans This is what they do Oh God

So anyway he runs away and Scarra Hansen's like trying to put her skin back on and stuff like that and she's looking a bit sad and like her face falls off as well and you see her true face

which is like just kind of blank almost like a black skull kind of look yeah yeah I see yeah it's like a skull robot kind of like simple looking design so the guy runs off from raping her and he must have been gone for like two minutes

he immediately comes back with a can of petrol and matches and just starts dousing her and like throws a match on her Jesus. So, like, this guy knows what he's doing. Yeah, he's, uh, he had that on hand, right of the go, like, yeah.

And does it kill her? Mm, kind of does, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, all right. But the thing is, it's such a good film. It's not really about the plot.

Anymore. Yeah, it's more just about what you see. Because don't even really say she's an alien in the film, like, right? Okay. But, like, the messages, like, just imagine women are aliens. Just have it kind of bedroll. Because you never know.

Yeah, okay. If you're in the woods, the guy's very clearly going, like, you know. You're hearing your own, right? If you're no woods, you see a guy, period. Yeah, just get out of there. Yeah, it's never good. Nice guys don't hang out in the woods.

No. You know? Especially Scottish woods. They do do a good thing. It's in Scotland, is it? Yeah, yeah. Well, you never said that. Oh, well.

That's guys. He's Scottish. Oh, yeah. I come here. There's a lot. There's a lot. a lot of very thick Scottish accents

in it okay yeah where like even I was going like what the fuck is he saying

yeah so it's funny thinking like where are the Arabian subtitles when you need them yeah

where's the Arab dragon to translate this I always like yeah even though I watched a bit once upon time

in Hollywood oh yesterday actually just to see the first scene yeah um what's the first

scene in that again is it like well I missed it well I went to America well I watched in America I missed the first like five minutes

so I was like oh I want to check it out so I watched it and there was a again it was a bad stream so it was a big cartoon dragon flying around Al Pacino with the word

Bitcoin written on it I know that was in the movie oh really yeah yeah no yeah I'm sure everybody was trying to say Tarantino was a real genius he's even started

plagiarizing like Arabian nights and things like that he's running out of there's not enough like a film noir to rip off he's got it

I'm trying to think what else I've done I've been working on my college projects how many had time to like

make notes as you can tell or like or like really like watch anything I have interest what's your project it's about Green Day

the band yeah the only way Green Day weas are and follow up by you're doing a concert

together okay right right so we have to do 2,000 words about the safety of the thing you have a bunch

of nerds you know squares their safety so I'll have to write like fake accident reports and stuff oh for all the kids moshing and the pits well I suppose their audience

that I'll be a bit older now they'll be in their 20s oh yeah yeah what's funny is like I think it them I'm so young I think them's like an older band yeah okay

well great day man they've been around like they made it big like in the early 90s so they've been around for a long time like they were on Seinfeld yes really oh yeah let's try their song was on the last episode yeah yeah

so like they're big enough okay and our lecturer who must be like Turi or something like that was like I know you kids I'm trying to think what are you kids

be into now so you can do your phone about green day isn't that fun and we're supposed to be

ooh you kids are into Green Day oh my gosh she literally was like I'd never heard them myself but apparently

they're huge but that's big thing oh wow is this your lecture who's a climate change than I no different

oh a different one okay this is a woman actually Oh, I see. No, she's all right, actually. What age is she? Early 30s, I'd say.

What the hell? What is she talking about? What were your kids being through the old green days? She's from R.D., so, like, you know, they only just got, like, they only got Al Jolson. And they love it. So, yeah, it's just 2,000 words about fucking the safety of it, like. So what are you going to talk about? I've got it all written, like.

Oh, did? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Don't even ask me what's about. quite the buffing aren't you yeah yeah it's just about what could go wrong are you a green day fan or follow

boy or wheezer or any of those bands to an extent yeah like I wouldn't like get tattoo or anything she's worried like a run out of shit to talk about here yeah uh no no people like to hear this though

do they yeah what people Adam tall they're not people anyone who listen to this is not a person No, I think we got fans And if there are fans out there Put down the knife, please

It gets better Wink wink When we finally Take back control Yeah I was listening to a few podcasts there recently What have you been listening to So I was trying

I want to listen to some like right wing stuff Okay Why? Oh like an Irish I was trying to find like an Irish Thought be funny to listen to like an Irish Right Wing That would be pretty funny actually

Yeah did you find anything There's a few on YouTube but they're kind of like very boring what parts of Ireland they're not from Dublin I say that okay a lot of them seem to be like from out the country know culties oh male male yeah yeah a lot of like

yeah and there's one podcast I found called the unsafe space oh it's like oh it's gonna be good yeah this gonna be really good you know like I had in my head like just pure Alex Jones you know like you know the liberal transgender tree huggers yeah sure yeah trying to take away your tail

It's just like, you know, I'm like, take you, my tail, my cold, dead hands. But, like, I listened to, and it was, there's just an hour of them talking about, like, the by-elections of Fingless. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. It was not, it was very safe. Yeah. I did not feel threatened at all.

Yeah, yeah. Like, the most liberal man in the world clist and this and he'd be grand. Oh, really? They were just talking about, like, who's going to be a new county councillor for Finglis and stuff like that. Yeah, the unsafe space. Yeah. And there's even, like, they mentioned a few, like, liberal politicians. You know, like, you know, like, clear daily and stuff.

Okay. And even then, they're like, sure, I don't agree with her politics, but I imagine she's nice. That's it, you know? Such a letdown. Yeah, that's terrible. Where's my Islamophobia? I want it now. You should write them as strongly worded.

This is how you could improve the show. You want to make it a real unsafed space? You want to impress me? Unknown listener. Wow. uh now listen to ryan cullen's podcast be nfl one yeah clear and obvious which is good i like i like knowing a bit about nfl makes you feel like a man NFL nobody really gives a shit about it over here do they um i mean not to disparage

the podcast obviously it's a good podcast sure it's very good a lot of people and they make fun of people like us only watch the super bowl i don't watch the super bowl well then you they make fun of you even harder do they all right for not watch it yeah they mention you by name they're like a lot of people don't even watch NFL like James Cadd but we'll call him O'Donnell

just to hide his O'Donoo I mean O'Donnell yeah No it's a good podcast It's funny It's the other I know right

It's Colin and then I think he's a Scottish comedian Okay And then they've got like A guy who works the boards That chips in every now and again So it's a good little dynamic to have

We need someone like that Yeah we desperately Don't have that Just to like just to bring even one modicum of professionalism to this podcast he works the boards and stuff and he creates the jingles and all that

it's so much more professional than us you know they they bleep all the swears oh do you yeah which is an interesting choice because like I'm kind of so desensitized of swearing that I forget like fuck and shit are swears so I hear a bleep which is as soon as the N-word

so I was like wow these guys are dropping bombs now this is an unsafe space Nice. Even like the first time the bleep they were like

Oh Ryan you don't like the Patriots do you and he was like I fucking hate but I just heard like

oh yeah I beep hate Tom Brady and I was like fuck he really hates Tom Brady Is Tom Brady still playing?

He is yeah he's pretty old now is he Well I want to get your opinion something Go on

So Tom Brady he's known for kissing his children lips oh what do you think of that

like in public on Cameron yeah yeah I mean they're his kids right I don't know

should you do that I don't know should you do that is that weird or is that something you should just keep into my parents never did that

to me like keep it in the basement you know take them to the woods yeah yeah yeah yeah Scarla

with your petul matches that is kind of it's probably what it makes people uncomfortable well I think it's a lot of people give him shit for it oh really saying it's like inappropriate

no more it's like it's weird and he just goes like don't tell me what to do oh really how many super rings Super Bowl rings have I got oh is that his defense the OJ defense look I won the Super Bowl multiple times so I want to kiss my kids on the lips kiss my 14 year old

growing boy oh wow okay he's turning to a real man It's a bit weird though, yeah, I guess I don't know Well, I don't do it I don't go around kissing kids on the lips But hey, that's me You know, I'm not going to enforce my...

You haven't won the Super Bowl No, I haven't. Now, these aren't random kids Until I do. Just distressed, these aren't random kids They're his kids, they're his kids You need him so he can do every once Yeah, obviously I mean, you know

Parents showing affection to their kids isn't a big deal But what age are the kids? Little, it's very small Okay Even still like in public It is a bit, maybe just don't do it on camera like, I don't know.

But he's a champion, though. Yeah, but how is that in any way in a relative, irrelevant, sorry, detail? Yeah, he's a champion, but that doesn't entitle him to behave a certain way, does it?

Well, if other people can't do it, he shouldn't be allowed to do it just because he won the Super Bowl. Who were the lads in 300? The Spartans? Spartans, yeah, Spartans. They used to do a thing

where they'd have sex with their, I'm not saying he does this now. They'd have sex with the, Apprentice Warriors Get out of here, Dad. Hey, how many Super Bowl rings so I got?

Okay. I'm gonna shum up your ass. Well, that's football. The Spartans would have like... Has sex with their kids? No, not their kids now. It'd be bad. Who's kids?

The young apprentices. The apprentice warriors that have set to break him in, like. Oh. So it's like, you know no fear now. Because I fucked you in the ass. Yeah, yeah. Huh.

So you got one less thing to fear. Oh, really? Yeah. To be honest. And it would... It would help with, like, bonding as well, like icebreakers. Just to clarify, we're not saying you should go out and do this. I'm saying the Spartans, this is a historic fact, okay?

Okay. Is, which is about 40 minutes already. This is going great. So another 10 minutes of Spartan talk, right? So, yeah, it would build up communities. Okay. And I think there's another thing as well where, like, they just leave the kids just on their own for a bit. Like, I'd say there's 10 of them.

Right. And you'd be like, look, hunger games, bitches, you know. Oh, really? And the five that came back were like, yeah. Oh. Now we're going to fuck you. As a reward. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Jesus. It was a different time. It was a different time, yeah. And were any Spartans employed at the BBC? He do. Hey, oh. Ah, yeah, take that. Yeah, wow.

Imagine if a coach did that with his football team. But he was getting results. would people be like hey don't mess with success well look at Jerry Sandusky I mean Joe Paterno he turned a blind eye to quite a few things and he was beloved for his

coaching abilities they didn't even want to take them the statue of him yeah that's true even like Ashton Cotter was like don't do this he just been pumped I don't know what he was involved I think he went to that college something like that okay right right right

but he got a lot of hate for that at the time I imagine so yeah that whole Penn State thing was huge when it happened Have you watched a movie? Paterno. Yeah? Yeah. Can you describe it to me?

Puccino is... He plays Joe Pichino? Yeah, it's Al Pacino. Oh yeah, he does a few, like, good few HBO kind of dokey dramas. It's kind of similar to when De Niro did Wizard of Lies, and he played Bernie Madoffs. So Al Pacino is Joe Paterno, beloved football coach, and Jerry Sandusky, who is he again? He was like, was he, like, how is he involved then? because he wasn't a coach.

So Paterno was a coach. Yeah. I think Suddusky was just the... The money man. The money man. Like, he was somewhere up in the... He was in this part of the college. Yeah.

Yeah, he was like... High up in the administration or whatever. Maybe he was on the board of physical education. Well, he got physical. I'll tell you. Have you ever heard of Sparkins? Well, yeah, so he molested a bunch of kids. And years later, it all came out and he went to jail.

Or did he die? Is he dead? No, he's still alive. But Joe Paterno died of like a heart attack or old age. They say it was the guilt. But people say he knew about it and he never tried to intervene or help the kids or anything like that. And it was an open secret. Like he had been, Jerry Sandusky was caught in the shower with a kid doing inappropriate stuff.

How old was the kid? I'm thinking like 11 or something, my proper young. I don't know. It's been a while since this. Wait a minute. Was this a college? Yeah, Penn State University. So it was a college, was it?

Yeah, but they were... Why is there an 11-year-olds? I don't know why. Well, no, actually, I tell you why. Because Jerry Sandusky had a youth charity organization and he set up to help the kids. Yeah, yeah, the old Saville routine, you know. Yeah, yeah.

So there were kids around for that. The charity to wash young orphans. Scrub you clean. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, pretty fucked up. But, yeah, Paterno definitely knew about it. But he died before he could ever. ever be, you know, held, you know, made to pay, well, what would you say, pay for his crimes,

turning a blind eye, you know, he turned a blind eye, hey. But it's like all those priests who don't molest kids, but... They're even worse. They're the worst kind. Actually, you see... Cowards, that's what they are. No backbone. You see they were going to make women deacons?

Oh, really? Yeah. You know, I thought it would be a... A funny sketch is, uh, so there's a first Irish female priest, but she's like smoking hot. Yeah. I like it just packs out like the church, like, you know, the dads and the kids all go. And there's like 43 year old altar boys who just want to be club storage. You know what I mean?

Uh, but no, that's very, that's a real like kind of sexist. No, it's sexist at the start. Well, how could we twist it to make it not sexist? I don't know. Let's still the writing room right here. Okay. So how can we make this less sexist? Um, she's got big.

tits yeah the double ds we get you're here Mary Mulligan no I was looking

her up today actually she was a British actress in like the 70s oh and she had

big juicy melons she did yeah yeah yeah and she was like known for she's a lot soft core stuff

you know way back in England did a lot like you know confession of a window cleaner yeah

yeah yeah he'd be climbing up the ladder and she's in there taking a shower and then she's inviting him then husband

come along and go like, oh, no, it was like that. And he's have to pull a legger, like, yeah, yeah. So she was big for that kind of stuff. Okay. And then she did that kind of more hardcore kind of porn. Right, right. And I think that was called something like,

let me come play with you or something like that. Right. And that was like, I think it still holds a record for longest running movie in cinemas in Britain. Really? It played for like four years straight. Oh, wow. Because back then, that was like the best thing, like. So it was like hardcore porn playing in cinemas?

It was hardcore porn, but it got a few, like, British, like, kind of, semi-celebrities like I think some of the guys from like I think the guy from like step-dow and son oh good like people like that to get him in as well fucking worse old gummage yeah you'll laugh you'll cry you'll come in your pants so like that would be the big date things like you bring your birds

to and go like that's what you should do see that love that's gonna be me and you in 20 minutes mark my words and that's like and that was like for four years and then harder stuff came along and they were like oh okay this is for pussies now but see she became big from that and she also got real notoriety

because she took a picture outside number 10 and wear tits out oh okay at the time he was the prime minister then I don't know 70s oh right 70s was it the guy who was boring

that's really narrowing it there was some guy he was like known for being like spit an image had his puppet be all gray okay yeah it wasn't Tatcher I think it's just before Tatcher Tatcher came in she stopped all that nonsense

them up you slag yeah yeah but anyway she that's why the miners really hated her because she was anti tits that would really just be like the final

like just rubbing salt in the wound it's like you know you can have a job and I'm also banning tits so anyway she like set up a sex shop then she started getting

that more and more hardcore pornography right and her star started to wane then because it was like she's used now okay

and eventually she set up a little sex shop not a brothel now like a little sex shop selling her videos and stuff and the police kept coming along and raiding it. Just to fuck with her, like, I didn't like that in that area.

Oh, right. Right. Right. She led actually made her paid protection money and stuff. Oh, wow. Yeah. And eventually she killed herself at the age of 33 and a prescription to drugs and vodka. Wow, she was very young. Yeah. Dear God. Cautionary tale.

By the way, if we incorporate that into a comedy sketch. Sold. We're like, uh okay so she's a hot priest yeah but then what could happen

I'm just trying to how could we make this a good twist I don't know how could you we I'm just the I'm the idea guy I just come with the premise you come with the funny

that's it that's how we work because we're just like a writer's room for us at now how big should her tits be yeah and then and then Trump shows up and touches them we um well let me just think now so that she's got she's hot

there's not wrong with that no we got stressed out okay of course it's the guys who are the problem yeah they're the creepy weirdos coming to mass every day they're coming to mass okay but then um she takes out a gun and she's like if you can recite the bible you live yeah and none of them can so she's she locks the doors and burns the church and this is hilarious but and oh no

this is okay she locks the doors okay she's just going to burn the church and they all start freaking out but one guy

starts praying ah yeah yeah and she's like clothes fall off yeah yeah yeah yeah

non-believers yeah perfect so put that in your packet and send this uh could you have this to Lauren directly he's really gonna want to read that those goes this is brilliant this is the most ingenious thing I've ever seen please bring me these men right away yeah yeah we go beyond comedy we make you think writing is so easy yeah it is we just did it there boom there done that's the That's a recurrent character. And every week she burns the church. No, but then we can do it for different religions as well.

Ah. So synagogue, she's a sexy rabbi. Sexy, uh, what do they call it or a, uh, what's the word of her, uh, shiska or something like that female rabbi? No, it's like, Shiksa, Shiksa goddess. That's what like, uh, that's like a Hebrew word or kind of like Jewish slang word for like, you know, their goddess, their woman, their queen, their Shiksa. She's Shiksa rabbi. Shiksa. you got guns i learned that from judd apatow really yeah when he was telling me that uh parkland

was bad yeah and you're like well we'll see about that time will tell we'll see the right side of history this is a really bad taste now but i was like thinking about you know the way is the new permanent air film yeah yeah well you know the way all the kids who survived parkland they've kind of gone to politics now yeah and they're going to try influence gun control yeah yeah control lobbies something like that sure yeah yeah imagine if that leads to uh people can get rid of their guns okay and then america become a police state oh and eventually becomes like this totalitarian awful state okay but then the rebels build a time machine okay okay

they send one brave kid to go back but that creates the loop down oh my God send that to Lord yeah oh fuck it out that's two great sketches

that's great oh my God we're out of roll that's brilliant Brian I love I was I enjoyed that now thank you Well, a joke inside, they actually do. They get so much hate, but I think they are doing a good thing. Yeah, I mean, gun control in America is ridiculous.

They need to, you know. Have you seen that clip of one of the guys he's talking to? See, the thing is, that kid, David Hogg, he's very unlikable. Is he? Yeah. I always seen him in a documentary one. Look, I agree with what he's saying, but just how he's saying, it's like, it is time. Your time's over.

We're going to, you know, it's like, yeah, come on, man. This is a very complex thing. You're 16, you know. He's probably getting so much pussy. Well, probably. Oh my God, the amount of pussy's getting. Yeah, left wing pussy, too. All those kids...

Those freaky bitches. All of those girls who don't want to get shot up in the school, they're mad for... They're mad for his hog. Yeah. They want David's hog. Yeah.

I don't know. He's just got a very unlikable aura or something. That could be another movie actually where he's like, I can't get any chicks. Yeah. How am I going to get any chicks? And he's like... He pays a guy who's a shit up of school.

like, I got a great idea. The only way everyone's into this whole gun control thing right now, he's like, yeah, yeah, go on. And he's like, it's the American Pie sequel. Too hot for TV. Dude, I gotta get late. How am I gonna do it? Don't worry, bro.

I got a plan. It's the Stiffmeister. Brut, bra, brup, bra. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's great. So Stifler goes in and he starts shooting up to school. Yeah, yeah. And then the SWAT team comes in these fucking pie.

it's totally what it looks like yeah then he gets shot in the head yeah good and um hog is like then hog hits the jukebox hey

sit on it perfect there's number three in the bag oh man we're on fire two of them are like parkland related I think the whole show should be parkland but the beauty is that like there's a new shooting like every fucking every day yeah there's a new one recently wasn't not a school one but it was like a boring yeah it was just it was like an Airbnb

okay these prices are as wretched uh go on um he like he hates Airbnb it affects like the landlords just for landlords they've suffered too much but yeah apparently to have like an market of Airbnb parties okay where like you can get a house for a house party like on Airbnb Oh, that's a pretty good idea Yeah, you think so, yeah You think you wind up getting shot Oh, that's what happened

But then on Halloween night This guy came along with a gun And shot five people that killed him Okay, he dressed as Adam Lanzah for Halloween And he took it way too far And they were like, I don't get it Dick, you will in a second

And as he's shooting people Like, oh now I get it That's great, yeah Oh, well done He's like, you're James Holmes Like, no! yeah uh yeah

so five people got shot and for some reason like the head of fucking um Airbnb at the issue an apology as if like like he's like

we need to work better we need to learn from this experience what's he need to apologize for well that's the thing you just got to apologize

but you gotta be the first one to say oh sorry our bad it's Airbnb's fault they need a better screening process

yeah it's funny how like because of that shooting there'll be more restrictions than Airbnb now but there'll be literally no restrictions on guns

that's yeah that's true makes you think if me and Hog teamed up he'd be on stop but he gets all the pussy yeah

you'd just get bitter and I just make I'm just like sit in the core I'm thinking of these weird little sketches I'm like hey do you know

HB loves Traff's cat guess what that was called it's hilarious oh yeah Listen up, love, you'll love this especially. Quiet, you awful, man. That would be so funny, like a house party, like, they're all 16, I'm just there. Let's do one more and then I'll wrap them.

Let's do one little more, one little tiny thing. It's been a very laid-back episode. It's been a laid-back one, but like that. Yeah. I'm trying to be more laid back Okay After your incident with Eilish

Yeah That was yeah I was like Probably should have given her a different name Elish Elish! Elish! What is it done to you?

As if it's like fucking taken I don't know who you are Did I change her down? Yeah There's an interesting about Lee Neese movies Where They're bad

Well that's interesting Okay Yeah So he did Taken? I forget. When's his wife died? Like 2008? Was that before or after Taken? It was just before Taken.

Like, the first taken happened right after. So, do you think it's a coincidence that his wife died, then he released a string of these movies. It was all about a big, tough guy who can protect his family. Oh, yeah. Even people at the time, it's not just me being mean here. A lot of film critics are, like, maybe his subconscious is his lean niece and trying to, like,

um... Well, he didn't write the movies, so he just acts in them? but he maybe agreed to take part of him down because it's some kind of like his version of therapy in a way. He connected with the material. Yeah. Okay, yeah, that's an interesting point of view, actually. Yeah.

Yeah. He can, like, and he did so many of those shit movies. So many, like, they got, it got ridiculous. And to be honest, he hasn't really even still broken out of that thing yet. And he's a very good actor. He's capable of doing good work, like, but, yeah, he needs to get away from the 60-year-old tough guy thing. He's kind of going to Clint Eastwood route. He did, for a while he was doing like four years,

like he's a single, he's a dad. He's all like he's a dad, he's not a train, his daughter goes missing, or he's a dad, he's not playing, his daughter goes missing, he's a dad to go skiing, his wife, his wife gets killed by some black bastards. Oh, hey. That's what he says.

That is what he said. I'm quoting you are, yeah. Hopefully he's done this. coming back to haunt me at all it's all coming back to haunt both of us

actually my roommate was telling me the other days listening to the podcast it was one of the last ones

we recorded where we made outrageous unsubstantiated claims about Ryan Tuberty I think oh about him

dress up as a woman yeah he was like he was cross-dressing at that party and at the hotel where that unnamed sports star

raped a woman yeah yeah so we have no way to verify that all hearsay and dejecture. If it goes to court,

probably will have to prove that he... Come in dressed as a woman. Oh, that's how he'd get us. Be like a sequel to pretty woman. That's how he'd come out dressed a woman. He's like, you think this is a joke? And we'd be like, oh shit. We can't say anything.

No. Yeah. We just have to grin and bear it. And then, you know, he's one does funny... He's like the Spartans, is he? He's like, this is character building. Yeah, one does funny. The other way sometimes judges would do like an ironic punishment.

Yeah. Yeah. Because, like, now you have to be his butler. Like a wacky sitcom Yeah Yeah But by Butler You mean

Well we didn't This actually This is real Okay Not the tuberty thing Which is No that's all Yeah

Nonsense and hearsay Yeah Nonsense Yeah Yeah But Over Halloween there They post the

Picture of the RT2 FM studio Yeah Where a little This is real now Oh yeah With a picture Of Jerry Ryan

the background yeah they were pretending he was a ghost classic yeah but um so I was like oh that's a bit insensitive weird but Lottie Ryan his daughter actually works for the radio station now okay and she was doing an interview recently this is a bit mean now she's an interview recently which he's like you know he'd be late for the radio show every day because he'd always give me a pep talk like that's not why he was late that's not he was doing something else for like he was stopping off at the bathroom every day and minutes or so

he kept coming in like sniffing and he was all red and they were like where were you I was giving my daughter of pep talk your nose is bleeding I know

I'm super into it I just love my daughter so fucking much but your daughter in school I'll fucking cut you she actually sold on the bag

that's the blood twist that's the big again now bring me the court you can't handle the trip please sit down so that's Lottie Ryan and Ryan Tomberty we pissed off

good good yeah well that's I think we'll end it there It's a nice solid hour Yeah yeah yeah I think we did well there We did because we came in with nothing Yeah not literally not I deliberately didn't open my book

Not once Yeah yeah Now we'll open the book next time And it'll be better episode But I like I like free form jazz baby I like it sometimes when we go like, oh, this is dying, we can't think of anything. Because the listener will kind of be on our side then.

What, you don't edit those out? I might edit that one out, but we talked about it now. Okay, all right. I feel like they'd be, like, they feel cheated. Yeah, yeah, they want to hear. They want the extended cut. Well, that's what the Patreon's for. They paid 20 quid a month to hear or go, oh, fucking running out of shit to say here.

Yeah, and only that. And only that. And 20 quid a month, fuck that. Yeah, well, for 30 quid a month. 30 quid, we'll tell you what H.P. Lovecraft's cat was called. No, we won't do it for money. It has to be for something like, you know, for love. You're firstborn. The placenta. Oh, gross. All right, we'll end it there.

Yeah. Goodbye, guys. Bye.