Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 48 : T.I and Cody Farren

Episode Date: November 14, 2019

We be taking Virginity, Married with Children, Greyhound Racing and More.

And we're back into the episode. Yeah. Also about the Irishman. No, no, no. We'll give the Irish man a break for a minute. Yeah, we'll stop saying about that. But, like, we'll talk with other things. Yes.

How are you getting on, James? I'm good, yeah. See, we met each other and we just talked with the Irishman for an hour. That's literally, yeah. We didn't even say anything. That's what happens when we, like, meet each other. It's like, I was going, oh, shut up. We'll save for a podcast.

And now we just don't talk. It's kind of like when you meet up, like, you know you have a hookup with someone. Yes. like in the middle of the woods where you just don't talk to you're like, you just do the job and leave. That's kind of what it's like when we're podcasting. Do the job. Neither of you enjoy it.

Clock in, clock out. That's how God intended. Clock in, cock out. Hey, oh, all right. Yeah, now we're cooking with gas. Yeah, this is wild here. James bought some bread. It's a bread roll.

To be precise. I bought some energized sport. Energize sport. Just one euro. So I'm only full with pop and vinegar and jizz. Yeah. And then the way back from the shop, we saw two guards. They were like searching a boot of a car.

It wasn't a squad car, though. Oh. Yeah. I noticed it was white, but it wasn't a squad car. So, yeah. Little do they know I'm high on the reefer. Yeah, that's pretty cool, isn't it? When you walk past the cops.

Yeah. And you're high. And your cocks out. You're like, what are you going to do about it? It's legal. No, it isn't. And when they try and rest, you're like, well, actually, didn't you guys not give penalty points to prominent politicians? The guards are like, you got me.

They got me. Don't put your cock away, sir. Have you thought about a career in politics? You got it, baby. Star power. Yeah. No, I think we're just going to do an old-fashioned news episode today. Yes.

We'll talk about some of the things. This is where everybody tunes in further. I'm just picturing all these kids gathered around the wireless. What does Brian and James have to say? Attach him. Attach him. We are at war. With President Kennedy

has been shot today. Apparently he was also fucking Marilyn Monroe. Yeah. Yeah. What a legend. Well play you. Says Walter Cronkai. Hashtag Yolo. Anyway, we're going to talk first about

T.I. okay yeah the rapper now do you know much about ti i just know that he's a successful rapper he's also he's acted in a few things as well how he yeah i know not about ti okay i again like that's all i know about him he but yeah he's acted in i'm pretty sure he was in um be careful now pop the matrix uh yeah he played nail ah see what i did turned it round yeah have a goal yeah that you're Assumption. Yeah, that makes you Docs, bad thoughts in your head. No, yeah, he was in Pop Star. Never Stop, Never Stopping.

Was he? You know how, but there's a lot of like celebrity cameos and that. I'm just going to look up what he's been in. Okay. All I know is I think he's in Blurred Lines and he's a rapper and he's... Wait, is he in Blurred Lines? I think he's won the guys in Blurred Lines. Okay. I thought it was just Pharrell and Robin Thick. And I think he shows up as well. Well, we'll find out now. Actually, I was going to go into what he's been up to but I want to know a little bit about him first

he's released 10 studio albums Wow 7 of them have reached top 5 in the US Quite an achievement Isn't it mad that like he's so big And like we haven't worked together He hasn't asked us to be on the podcast Yeah he wasn't blurred lines

Oh I'm so glad about that Oh no Jesus that could have worked Oh no I got I get mixed up with Pharrell. So anyway, he's gone

a bit of controversy lately, because you, have you heard about what happened? He said that, well, it's to do with his daughter's hymen, I believe. Yeah, so he was on a female podcast. Ooh! Which, you know. Well, I know.

Only in Hollywood. Yeah. Crazy la la land or such a thing could be conceived. Two women doing a podcast together. It's illegal. We should have told the guards. uh excuse me officer women are podcasting and he gets like he calls a special unit

the women podcast unit yeah they laughed at me when i asked for the funding for this well who's laughing now suit up boys just a batter and rhyme into an old girl's school we know what you're up to There goes our boys in blue. They're protecting us. So anyway, it was called something like women like us or something like that. So they get T.I. on. And they're probably like Jiz, we get T.I. on now.

Pretty big guest, yeah. Now, I think deep down, when we, when any podcast is a guest on, the dream scenario is the guest says something crazy. Right. That gets reported on. And then your podcast also gets mentioned. oh yeah that's the dream the worst thing that happens if you say something crazy and then they're porn about you

okay because then you're the victim okay I mean then you're like the bad person yeah yeah yeah but this way it's like we had TI on and it's like holy shit said some bad stuff we're not at fault it's like we had Matthew Talon the shit that he came out with the dream would be like we should have kept some of that stuff in the dream would be like if it becomes like a big headline

like daily mail up on the front page oh yeah pal and shocker okay or whatever any celebrity like comedian scum says this yeah yeah yeah no we should clarify that he never said anything horrible if anything he counterbalanced our horrible nature and without him oh god it's bad we're just running wild here we need you back talibus running around where cocks out crying for the guards yeah so anyway they get him on yeah and they're talking about his daughter and he says that he has his daughter do regular hymen checks

So he checks his daughter's hymen. He doesn't check it himself. That'd be weird, James. That would be weird. So he brings it an old friend called R. Kelly. It's every mixed to ignition, hat and fresh out the kitchen. I got to do the piss test as well just to make sure. The only way you can tell if she's a person is a piss on her.

Yeah, so he says every year he brings her to a doctor. To check her hymen. Yeah, a medical doctor who checks her hymen. And what's funny is, okay, he's like, you know, some people say, you can break your ham in riding bikes or riding horses but I'm like bitch you ain't riding no bikes Jesus Christ

oh this is so weird what age is his daughter 18 I think Oh man Just 18 now And apparently she hasn't said anything publicly about it But she's on Twitter and Snapchat

and all that Instagram The works like Oh the whole thing MySpace It's back in Pog4 So she's back And she's been liking some of the tweets They're going like

Oh, this is disgusting Yeah You shouldn't be doing this to your daughter And she's been liking it Yeah, okay Well, I imagine It probably would grind her gears A little bit

It's like, uh, Oh, you want to go see a movie? No, I'm getting my hymen checked My dad insisted on it Yeah, but also, what's going to happen When Heim isn't there? I don't know.

I mean I guess it's a weird Seal is broken For an 18 year old girl Like, that's a weird kind of thing It's actually strange She's still I mean, I don't know

if you look it's 18 year olds though that's a pretty common age to have had sex by right especially in disdain age yeah it's like you're a loser if you're 18 you're a real dork yeah yeah well for all we know she's just putting a lump of cling film up there you know god that'd be that'd be great now it's like a wacky you know screwball comedy it's like the episode of little rascals yeah gotta get the hymen check see yeah yeah yeah we gotta fool them And then they put the cling fill in, but then it falls out, and the dog eats it. Sparky! That's by Hyman!

And in the end, they all learn a lesson. Dogs love Hyman. That's the lesson. That we learned. Yeah, so T.I.'s being a lot of shit in it. And, like, the weirdest thing is, like, no one's really happened. What do you mean? Like, he hasn't made a comment.

It's kind of like, they were like, hey, this is disgusting. he's like shrug. Yeah. I'll double check if he's addressed it at all. But like, it doesn't seem that he has at all. It's kind of that Shane Gillis thing where it's like, no reaction is the best reaction. Just to be like, yeah, I said it.

It's probably wrong, but what are you going to do? Yeah, like, even the, this is so weird. Even the UN Human Rights Organization got involved and just like, because it's such a big story, you're like, just to let you know, like, you shouldn't be checking women's hymins. Okay. And there's a thing being going around,

like a lot of people I like now I have to preface this I like these people now but even post a lot that like what's your opinion this now they're saying virginity is a myth and a social construct virginity is a myth and a social construct

isn't that something the nerd would say in college but your virginity is it's a thing it means you haven't had sexia how is it like but they say it's a social construct and not what

just because we put emphasis on it that it's like considered in issue. Like saying it's not important is one thing, but saying it's not real. Yeah, that's, I mean, it's definitely real. It's definitely a thing. That's why I kept thinking when I heard that.

It's like, that's something like in the high school movie where Jock's like, your version is actually and he push up his glasses. It is a mitt and a social construct. And then he gets a wedgy. Yeah. And then he social construct that, point, Dexter. And then that kid goes home and his dad's asleep

and the gun's just lying there. the other kids with the Bob Duck These bullets are social construct and a myth bang bang bang

bang so yeah he hasn't said anything about it okay well I mean personally

it's very fucking weird and I don't think you should be checking your daughter's Hyman that's just

it just sends it already sort of stigmatizes sexuality in her mind and it's like

that it's something that's wrong and her hymen is broken then she's in trouble like that's not a good thing to like yes that really fucks with a child's psychology you can so easily i'd love to experiments about this but you can for moral reasons like moral and legal reasons yeah but like you could really do some weird stuff to children oh your face there just was priceless just like you could really like if you just did it right now You know Dr. Mengele now?

Yeah. If you do it just right, you could have, like, a little boy. If you just, like, messed around a little bit, you could do it where, like, he's 28, and he sees a picture of a, like, a picture of a yellow duck, and he just ejaculates. And he doesn't know why. Oh, okay.

If you do it just right, you could have something like that. I think that's what the MK Ultra program was specifically designed to do. Hey, let's have him jizz and weird stuff. They're like, how are we going to kill Castro? Well, we can't kill him. We can make him jiz when he's a duck. Perfect.

Yeah. That's beautiful. Have you ever read about them trying to kill Castro? I know there's been like, is it, are the assassination attempts?

Are they up in the hundreds? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some famous book called like a hundred ways to kill Castro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. None of them worked. No, he's a very resilient chap. I know the big,

well, he's dead now. Well, yeah, but he lived to a right old age, so didn't he? Yeah, yeah. He died only recently. I was in college when he died. A few years Yeah

He Like one of the ways They're thinking of killing Was like putting LSD On the steering wheel Of his car And it absorbs through his pores Yeah

Oh interesting But he's like And then he trips balls And crashes his car Well you think that But it could just be like He just Looks at some cool flowers

Yeah Or like you know The California dreaming By the Mamas And papas Comes on the radio And he just Fetches out

And has a good old time Listen to some tunes. Yeah, thanks CIA. California's California dream. Which is so ironic because, like, LSD is a real kind of like socialist kind of drug in a way. It expands your consciousness and makes you see past all the social constructs and blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, no, it's more like, you know, LSD is like, yeah, we should all love each other and give, yeah, give take half my stuff. I don't care.

I'm loving things. yeah yeah you say ecstasy's the same though when you're on pills you're so loved up you're just like fucking take everything man here's 20 quid and a pint of my blood yeah please get out of this orphanage sir no you could do some kind of like cool metaphor with drugs and politics

where like so wait all drugs are socialists so LSD is socialist what's cocaine is capitalism cocaine is capitalism Cocaine is definitely capitalism. Cocaine, you can't get more capitalist than cocaine. What fascism? Fascism could be like PCP or like crystal mess, you know?

Well, actually, fucking Hitler was a meth addict. Oh, wow. Or speed addict. He was high on unfedomans all the time. Wow, we could just, uh... Wow, we've got three there. Come on, let's keep going, baby. No, I think that's the big tree here.

This is when we do... What's communism? I told you, communism's like, all the kind of, like, mellow are kind of weed and, like, the love drugs. like let's all like let's hug each other and and you can take all my land yeah okay yeah all right yeah let's all heroin though who heroin is just the apocalypse heroin is trump yeah yeah that's right i said it well all of them are on uh they're fentanyl and stuff that's true there is like a serious opioid crisis in america right now and trump himself is like on like a real cocktail of pills is that right yeah well he's like

he's like close to 70 or he is 70 he's over 70 he's an old man he's running around to fucking conferences and he's talking the whole time he's in the middle of tweeting the middle of tweeting he's eating buckets of chicken and all that he's having a great old time what and he's bang he's grabbing pussies and stuff like you don't that's all he does he just grabs him and then leaves him alone yes because he's a gentleman he just grabs the pussy and goes you know virginie's a mate in a social construct is that Hyman I feel T.I. I've got another one.

Yes. Her hymen. Take her back to the lab. God, what bad dad. Yes, bad dad. When I have my daughter, you know, her hymen ain't going to last long. Pow, right. I'll deliberately like, um, that

was like, it's kind of like eight simple rules for dating my daughter. It's like, you better break my daughter's hymen. Eight simple techniques for breaking my daughter's Or, like, a guy shows up and like, you better bring her home for midnight. You better break her hymen, right. You better make sure she comes.

You better raw dog, that pussy, bra. Yeah. Mr. Hennessy? Wasn't it? Weren't they called the Hennessy's, I think? I think so, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like, you better take her my daughter.

And if I died, David Spade's taken over. Yeah, Spade. Well, in fairness, he really did save that show, but, um. For what, two seasons? Yeah, yeah. Well, like, it's a terrible show anyway. John Reader was really good. Well, no, I really like Katie Seagall, actually.

I think she's very funny and pretty sexy for an older woman. Oh, yeah. I've always had a thing for Katie Seagal. She's, jeez, yeah. Lila from Futurama. And also she played... Married with children. Yeah.

Love and marriage. Ow! But you ever watched Marry with Children? Oh, yeah, I used to watch it all the time. Well, I only watched bits of it recently. When I was a kid, like... It's so... It's very crude.

It's very, like, late 80s, early 90s. You couldn't get a... away with it now like yeah just that like the amount of jokes was like a fat bitch walking to my store and i punched her yeah pretty much it was kind of like the 90s version albundee is like the 90s bunchy or archie bunker yeah archie bunker yeah but no i think archie bunker though like norman lear was writing that character going like i'm going to have him say something interesting we're going to get to the nub of this racially she yeah and then rob riner's character comes in he's the long-haired liberals like you can't say that yeah yeah we're like um like have you look have

watched much um archie bunker no i i watched a norman lear documentary that sort of uh talked about his career and obviously all in the family was talked about but it's very interesting the character that played archie or sorry the guy that played the character of archie bunker he had real problems with having to be that like so he'd go to norman lear's like oh do i really have to say this i mean like i think the audience know by now what kind of person i don't know he was a pussy yeah he was like i don't want to say the m word and normally he was like you get out there you shake that ass and you say the ms shake them teddy's but yeah it's uh well like um archie bunker like um he'd say some but like even the way he say like oh these you know he was a good you know he's a good guy

he was a jew but he's a good guy yeah and did laugh because you know it's like he's a racist but he means well yeah yeah where he's more ignorant than hateful yeah where al bunty be like that girl's got big tits yeah even though she's jewish look at those big jewel melons yeah yeah no pick i'm not gonna ban you right i'm gonna read a playboy you need a cheeseburger and if you annoy me i'll punch you in the fish ah ha ha ha ha said calm laugh so what the joke was that he didn't want to have sex with his wife yeah yeah but he was always horny for other women it's just that he was like he considered his wife grotesque even though she's pretty hot like yeah yeah i think i read somewhere that the war going to cast a big she's listening to me now a big fatty uh the war going

to cast a larger actress is the right way to say that and that i'll one day was like uh no uh no i think that that's how like the producer's show it's how little they cared like we should cast a fat one let's just cast a hot one just like pretend she's fat who cares And what was it, Christina Applegate? She's the daughter, yeah. And it was funny about her character, she is so dumb. Yes. That in one episode, she literally doesn't know what her reflection is.

Yeah, that's right. She's like the blonde bimbo. And really sexualized, like she was playing like a 16 year old or whatever. Oh, yeah. You know, and every time she comes down the stairs, everyone would be like the real audience cheer of, woo, jail bait, barely illegal pussy. Woo! Jail bait, jail, jail, jail, jail.

and then like it's funny because it's fox as well yeah yeah so it's like um it's like purveyor of like american values yes and stuff but it's also like and now some underage pace we know what you want uh it's such a weird mix of like we went off on a real tangent there how do we get you know actually uh my armate cody he's like he's a big fan of the podcast so shout out to cody thanks for listening coady told me to say uh promote his Instagram page. Okay. Under threat of death.

Literally, yeah. He was going to batter me. Good. Well, you deserve it. Yeah. And I must say, this works for, like, advertisers. Is it pain us, just threatening us with violence? And then we'll be like, oh, yeah.

What I was saying is, like, Cody was saying, I love the podcast, but man, you guys go on some crazy tangents. He said it's really fun, but it's just like every time you're talking to one thing, and then you just, by, like, 10 minutes later, you're talking about something, completely insane. Hey man, it's a roller coaster, man. Hey, baby, we're just living life, you know. If you can't handle there, get off the train. Yeah.

Chuffa, chuffa, chuff-chop-ch-farin, is his name, he's on Instagram there, award-winning screenwriter, uh, cinephile, B.A., film, television, production. So are you, aren't you? Yeah. Anyway, uh, what can I, what can I say? Yeah, yeah. I'm, uh, I like

to humble brag. That's my thing. Like, oh yeah you know it's just this stupid thing that i did and it's great but uh you know i don't really care about it but if you don't like it i'll kill you i'm not i'm not really sure how humble bragging works i think that well like it was in dkit yeah you can't even humble brag about that you just be humble forget the brag just be humble and realize it's a shithole and you're an idiot that you couldn't go anywhere else that's already no offense to all the people i know who've gone to dk i'm in DKT right now. You idiot.

Oh, yeah, bloody daft. Didn't want to go somewhere proper. What about Cambridge? Didn't think of that, did you? Melonid. DK.K.T. is, you know, like, Forrest Gump's mother has to suck off the principal. This is where he would have gone if she hadn't sucked them off.

DKT. She fucked him with a strap on. It's like, right, I'm sending your kid to DKIT as punishment. God, DKOT now. It's not a great colleague. It's going on, they're going to strike. Are they? The lectures are going to strike there.

It's Tuesday. Oh. We should do a podcast live from the strike. And one of us ends up dead. Violence erupted when a podcast descended upon the demonstration. We're both dressed up like Jimmy Hoffa. Hey, look at you wops. You wap, cock, sugar.

Yeah, they're going on strike. because someone explained this to me I think they want to open up another part of the college like in town maybe okay an abattoir like retarded children that's what people

the dog are you're just roar shak going around the doc screams out like a bunch of retarded chill out like a bunch of retarded chillet oh hey or me I feel like that's something's walking around the college I just feel like

you just want to inflict your punishment on everyone yeah God what an awful place i was laughing the idea of like they're going on strike because they realize they're in dkite they're like oh taut was in trinity because most of those lecturers they are probably illiterate so they don't know when they were signing the forum wow you're really going hard on dkite right now i'm biting my tongue but like if you're funny lecturers are like

this trinity is it and they're like sure it is sure. They just sign their contract with an ex. Duh, I'm going to go teach economics. You're a home economics teacher, you idiot. Tell him how to bake a cake. You just puts his head in the oven.

This is how you get a good economy. You put your head in the oven. They're breathing dead kids. Yeah. Oh, another big bit of DQAT news. Yeah. That's why people. listen this is Cody is to bring

left memories firm because he used to go DKT yeah that's where we met yeah so they also there's a big thing about the graduation recently oh where so last few years where do you have your graduation in the uh I think it was in the sports in the college yeah in the college yeah that's where you think it should be okay yeah but this

year they moved it into town oh into the town hall okay and people didn't like that now stayed at a big rally and they were protesting thing outside because they're passionate about education yeah yeah

he literally had to swallow vomit and blood it's because they care about education yeah yeah yeah and like they're saying what's the big deal I don't get like who cares I didn't get it either really but they were saying like no we went to DQIT for all these years it should be in the college because we're

proud of our college and it's like DGIT like yeah you should should you shouldn't you should leave the college like you know the way like a rapist leaves like a courtroom and he's hiding his face so the press can't get pictures of him that's usually just in shame oh my god every graduation picture is just the hand over the face like martin cattle collecting his dough exactly yeah so it became a big thing and the president of the college said no i'm not changing my mind oh yeah his name's mike Mulvaney.

Wow. Yeah. Vanian, you're pissing off the bigwigs. You don't care. I don't care. You're rock and row, bye, B. Send me to your office. Fuck the establishment, man.

He's going to take my gun and badge. Why do you have these? My badge just says female body inspector. And your gun. You know how those fake guns. pop out and it says bang well yours is just like a big fist dildo

it's why I believe in so he was saying no I'm not changing it and then they protested nonstop for like two days and he changed minds so he looked like a bitch yeah yeah yeah no back though he lost my respect and I went in and was office with a gun for a totally different purpose

still a dildo though yeah it was one of those gun dildos those are fun yes they are yeah Drilled It's a game I'm rushing Roulette with those

I always win Yeah Go we really went hard On DKD Yeah And like I mentioned His name Hey much love to all the people

Yeah Michael Mavaney No no disrespect It's how it is We're not dissing your dog It is how it is We're telling you how it is Yeah it is

I don't like it But what are you going to do I actually had to pull back a bit because I was going to say I forget exactly what it was now I was going to say something on Facebook they had like a Facebook group

like you know bring back her graduation and I was going to say something about Michael the president of the college I had to step back for a second and be like maybe I shouldn't

okay what were you going to say roughly don't even have to tell me I think I've already said on the pilot I think you call him a bitch or something like that oh okay right not not satire now not clever a satire

yeah just like what a prick I was just thinking, like, maybe if I talk shit about him, someone will suck me off. One of the girls would be like, oh, he cares about the college. Oh, God. But, no, no, I bit my tongue like. And I'd never say that. Yeah. On, in private or on a podcast.

Apparently. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. How do we get, oh, yeah. So, well, what's interesting, how we got on this tangent was me talking about the fact that we'd go on tangents. Yeah, yeah. So what were we talking about? Well, something I was going to talk about as well.

Go on. um oh yeah so we were talking about sitcoms and stuff yeah and you were saying like um married with children like 90s that was decadent yeah kind of like yeah you know girls of big tics yeah very hedonistic and kind of ignorant and stupid and yeah have you ever heard a dream on dream on yeah i know about dream on i've heard of dream on only because i used to watch episodes of the larry sanders show and like uh but I didn't watch them on TV. I downloaded them but the link was an original broadcast from

ITV4. So at the end of every episode is like, and coming up next on ITV4, Dream On. They show Dream On IP4. Apparently so, yeah. Well, I'm surprised with that because Dream on was like one of the early HBO shows.

And it was them really like going oh wait, we can swear and show tits. Oh. But we won't do a traditional sitcom as well so let's combine the two oh wow okay so like lucky louis yes it's lucky louis before lucky louis there's no laugh track but it's a traditional kind of like um um you know multi camera kind of show like yeah uh it's about a guy and every episode he goes somewhere and there's a girl big tits and they make a few jokes and they have sex and they show everything and he swears and um it was written it is it's you watch this and like oh it's kind of just smut yeah it's not even

like there's a time back then where the smut doesn't even feel like in any way sexy no yeah it just feels dirty and like unattractive but also unattractive like okay just like maybe it's a time like maybe like they just figure it out like maybe for shirtlifters like you i mean well it was like it was air awesome dudes like me are like yeah yeah i suppose yeah i'm i'm the the guy who's like, hmm, those, that plastic surgery doesn't look great. And you're like,

shut up. Yeah. Show up, you buffing. And then I make you kiss me and then mock you for kissing me. Yeah. Yeah,

that's how I get down. But anyway, back to Dream On. Dream On, yeah. It was created by the guy used to create Frazier, which is so weird.

Wow. Because like a guy, and it's literally staged like, which came first? Dream on. Dream on. Yeah, and like literally one episode of watched

a guy walks in and there's like a girl who served them donuts he's like I stick in your donut Oh my god Yeah and she's like And she's really young I think she's 18

He's like 40 something Oh my God And then he's like Hmm And they show a clip Because they do with this lot Like they show clips in old movies To kind of like

Compare to what's going on in the scene So he's like Hmm Like rubbing his chin What should I do with this 18 year old girl Who wants to have sex with me Yeah And they'll show a clip of a black and white film of Headmaster going like,

the older generation must always teach the young. And next thing he's just plowing her. Oh my God. There's tits flopping all over the place. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah. He's like, oh, I'm going to put cheese in your donut. Yeah, your donuts going to be rotten after I break it.

I take it you didn't write for Graybond. They rejected my pocket. No, your donuts be going to be full of crumbs. Oh, God. After, I kick it. Okay. Yeah.

I didn't write for it. I didn't write Frasier. Evidently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's... Oh, Niles. I went down and I batted her fanny like you wouldn't believe.

That bitch won't be walking right for a week, I tell you. That's what I mean. Like, in a different universe, Frazier couldn't be like that. Yeah. Where they walk in, like... Except what Kelsey Grammer is like that,

which is ironic. God, Kelsey Graham has had a hard life, hasn't he? Yeah, yeah, he always has some family members murder and stuff, isn't it? He had multiple family members murdered. And apparently he used to be off his head when he was recording Frasier. Yeah, he used to, like, I'll call it Cokehead,

the whole lot. It's weird, because the whole thing he's playing, like, a fancy gentleman, oh, Niles, the shard of the news, to die for. And then when they say cut, he goes and just rams a few lines. Yeah. And then, like, uh... Where's that an 18-year-old?

Yeah, I want a filler done up. I saw Dream on! I loved it. Let's do that for the show. Kelsey, this is an NBC primetime sitcom. I don't care. Let's do an episode of Fraser takes his cock out and fucks Eddie. I want to fuck the dog.

That's just the blooper reel on the DVD extras. Anyway, what should we talk about next then? I don't know. I don't even know how we got here. I don't know how we started. It was T.I. originally. T.I. Yeah. You never said what you think about that are you uh do you are you on board with what he said of course not good well good

i'm not i'm not i want women to know this i'm not just saying this to pretend that i'm a feminist which a lot of people do that is a very common thing the male feminist i mean i'm even doing it right now like are you oh course like of course i'm definitely going to check my daughters hymen stupid bitch like well i'm just pretending i'm a feminist to trick these women No, believe anything. Like, a lot of, I hope women understand this. Like, when you, even, like, blind by. Yeah.

I, like, blind by a lot, like, I've read his book. I'm going to buy his new book for Christmas for a few people. Okay? So I like him so much. But even he was on a late-late show while they're going. He was like, oh, yeah, you know, the only, I'm not doing his advice. I'm just like, um, the only, um, way to combat toxic masculinity is with feminism. You know, feminism isn't a woman's issue.

It's a humanity issue. And, like, I'm sure he believes that. But in the back of his head, he's definitely thinking how much he's going to get off this, like, just how much pussy juice to be raining on his plastic face. I wonder can he get laid without the bag, though. That's the thing. Put on the bag! And then he puts a bag over her head, you bitch.

He didn't say that on Lady H.O. No, he'd save that for the Ray Darcy show. He's not an idiot. Ray after dark. Ray after dark. the show he made about his life after having sex with a black woman. Just him crying.

Archie, he won't return my calls. I was scared. She was more dominant than me. Turns out it was T.I. He was just checking by Hyman. And it's broken. He broke it for me. Well, actually, I looked up controversies. T.I.'s controversies on

Wikipedia. Oh. And speaking of feminism, him. He actually said something very bad about Hillary Clinton. What did he say about Hillary? Should I read it the full quote? Is it long? It's a... Yeah, yeah. I'll go on. I'll just read out a bit of it. Not to be sexist, but

I can't vote for the leader of free world as a woman just because, you know, I think a woman can't do it. Wow. Yeah. He said that? Yeah, and he's like it's just, you know, women make rash decisions emotionally.

That's just what they are, you know? I just like, I don't want a woman in charge their nukes, you know? Oh my God, what? Yeah. I think you might be able to lock this monster elected before you get a woman. Fucking hell.

Wow, that's, that's pretty extreme. I'm surprised I've never heard that before. You'll be funny if he was like, she was like, yeah, I'm not going to vote for Hillary Clinton unless I can check her hymen. And then Bill comes up, good luck, man, I've been drawing that for you.

Cheers. That bitch ain't putting out. Hold my cigar. You bitch. Yeah. Saxophone solo. Any excuse to do my Bill Clinton impression? Because I know that's what the kids want. They saw him on Arsenio and they're like, God, we need somebody to impersonate him.

Where? Where is the impressionist? And I looked down and said, no. oh the city screams out like a bunch of retarded children in an abattoir hoping for a bill clinton impression but i say no i'll say no way man no way um let's move away from like we're we're having we're getting reckless here yeah yeah we're getting bitch um you said the n word like i did oh no my turrets my very specific Tourette. That's the only thing I say.

Do you know that new Ed Norton film? Yeah. Motherless Brooklyn. That'll be a very brave creative choice. He's got Tourette's with only one word. Well, it's funny because that film's set in the 50s, isn't it? Yes. So, like, no one would notice.

No, no. No, no about an eyelid. He'd get a promotion. Yeah. He's, like, he's written it direct. acted it, starring in it, produced it, he's like, really, this is his movie, like... Apparently, it ain't doing well.

Oh, is that right? Yeah. Oh, that's a show. Box office wise or critically. Oh. Yeah. Ouch. I like Edward Norton as an actor, but yeah, I don't know what, you know. A lot of people don't like him as a person. People work with him, though. Oh, really? I have heard he's very difficult, yeah. It's funny. The way Hollywood

is, lots of people like, yeah, I work with Polanski and Bill Cosby and Harley Weinstein, no bother, but I know Ed Norton, he really wants to make a good movie I just kind of allow that on my set I have ethics Like he wants to improve the script

I'm like, get the fuck out of here You piece of shit You scum I won't stand for it, I tell you He comes in here and tells me He wants to improve the script No Yeah poor old Ed Norton

I've heard like A lot of people have worked with him Like in the industry Yeah A friend of mine was saying he knows a sound guy Like a guy who does the boom mics Yeah, yeah, yeah And he's saying, Norton's just so bad for like

Being like, oh, I don't want to wear the mic in this scene Oh Like, no, you have to It's a wide shot, you need, no, no, it affects my acting Oh, God The person in real life wouldn't wear a boom mic And like, the person in real life wouldn't stand in front of a camera Yeah

And then go to his trailer afterwards, you know Oh, fuck, yeah, that's annoying Actors, fuck them Yeah I've had pretty good experiences with Like any time I've worked with actors Like I think

There's less of that over here Like it was probably why they're The actors, you know No, I think it is because they were raised in Ireland Yeah where it's like Fucking do what you're told you a little prick Yeah but they're already kind of like a level like I'm in Ireland so I better like you know

I got work hard here Plus it's like small Like this industry is very small And word gets around yeah like i have a friend who like works at a production company and he's told me horror stories about working with difficult people and that especially in ireland because it's so small word gets around and if you get a reputation as a as a dick or difficult people aren't going to work with you that's just it like you know where if you're in california and like your daddy's a producer yeah and your

mom's also a producer and it's like they're like you're going to be the best and they just grew up with that from like a little and then like they immediately get roles in TV and film stuff like that then of course they're going to be monsters why wouldn't they yeah yeah of course just absolute just she's like you think epstein was bad yeah that's why child actors get abused because you know they deserve it i'm just saying like those kids are all crying because they don't get their latte in time oh well we'll see about that oh let's get charlie sheen here. Bring Corey to the set. Which one? Doesn't matter.

Yeah. Yeah. Bring them both. I don't care. Oh, what's that? Corey? Oh, your hot dog wasn't good enough. I got a chili dog for you right here, baby. Yeah. Chow down, you little motherfucker you. I don't know why Charlie Sheeton sounds like that, but yeah. Yeah. What are we talking about? Yeah, so actors, like,

you've had good experiences? Yeah, I've worked with some, like, nice people. like that thing I shot that I showed you you know where you know they were all crying and one of them were of age that was a wonderful experience for oh they were acting well I like to think of it as that but no I have worked with like funny but like then you can

work with some people it's it's horrible when you're working with a bad actor and you know they're bad because anything I've done have been very either student films or very independent low budget no budget so I can't go around and go you're not good enough for this get out you just have to endure their shitness yeah you can't kick him out like yeah do you know what i mean counter honest say sorry mate get out hey are you good with like the bricks bozo are you good with like

kind of going like okay that was great but could you just please change it yeah i'm pretty good with that like yeah because i know you know it's yeah it's i think if you approach it with kind of like just sensitivity and respect and say them oh no i really like that i think we should just try it maybe a little bit like this just for you know to have it just in case we need it blah blah blah you know and then but I'll also say you know don't necessarily have to stick with the words

you don't have to read from the script verbatim as long as you get the essence of what's happening between the two characters that's fine more natural the better kind of thing that's something that I do as well and then I think actors appreciate that yeah I'm talking here as if I'm some big fucking like I've worked on

literally the tiniest of short films I feel like James Lipton here You ought to see me do my impressions No no no Yeah you kind of have to like treat him like Yeah like like a little sheep or something like that Yeah yeah just be like respectful because at the end of the day They're very exposed you know they're going on

Like if they have to cry in a room full of people They've never met that's a vulnerable thing So if you go up and be like you a fucking freak You know they don't like that And I learned that the hard way multiple times if we learned that well Hitchcock famously said

actors are like cattle you gotta shoot one air gun and then fuck the corpse yeah he was a notorious monster oh yeah his whole thing was like I think he only made films

as an excuse to throw birds of women and this was for the 39 steps like this that was just his thing like yeah he was uh he was a nutcha man just a fat man who likes to hurt women yeah who would have thought that it'd make it big in hollywood huh this will never happen again now that hitchcock's dead now these actors are safe and instantly two brothers come along hey uh what are we're trailing here now We got a little bit

I'll tell you what we could finish on Go on This would be interesting Your mom's face Heyo Yeah party dude You come to my house To ejaculate in my mother's face

And don't eat her disgusting salmon Shit as it was That's one for the fans Yeah That's a real throwback By way So I was on the RT player

Recently I was yeah so I was like did ever hear of scandal prime watch hey ba-da-pa sorry go on scandal

so there's a few interesting there's a documentary series called scandal and documentary series called RT Investigates okay okay

and I was going through them they're pretty interesting like we'll talk about more in a previous another episode the smaller ones

yeah but I watch remember that greyhound documentary that was going around a while ago I remember I remember people

talking about that what they were just being really mistreated and stuff well see I just thought like oh it's documentary about how like

They're mean to greyhounds. Don't need to watch an hour or that. Call them dicks and, you know, laugh at their small genitalia. They throw birds at them and criticise their acting. Greyhounds are like cattle. Yeah, but I was like, I talked with a lot of vets. I hang out with a lot of vets. You get me some animal skin.

None of your business. Do you get it or not? Brian, please leave. I'm just like hanging around like, so when you put the dogs down, what do you do with him? Do you give them back to the families or what? The other stuff you used to put the dogs down. Can you keep down like a safe? Oh, fuck.

Yeah, I bet you kill all things, don't you? Little cats. Does it make you feel like God? Yeah. So you hang out with a lot of vets. Veterinary nurses, I just say. It's like an episode of Benny Hill, like, well, I'm running around naked and putting down dogs. Oh, fuck, me.

Yeah. So they just kept going on and yap, yap, yap about this fucking documentary. So eventually's like, okay, yeah, I'll fucking do it. So do you know much about Greyhound Racing or, like, also go into that thing. we ought to chase the animals around the little rabbits around yeah what's I called again

it's like coursing I think it's coursing yeah okay yeah so have you watched much of that or any interest not at all no oh good yeah

I know like a lot of lads when I went to school in a place called Tullo it was full of like kind of like kind of hicks you know like one guy six fingers

another guy just like um he just we did like a class together so what happened is like if you were dyslexic they put you in a little room of computers together

I remember he just kept looking with cock fights he loved cockfighting like he always looking up and he was always telling me about like what hens he had in the fights and stuff oh wow

this is depressing yeah yeah pretty grim so they were big in like horse racing and the course things like that and I never was so this is all new to me like it's funded by taxpayers

as well a large percentage of it's funded by taxpayers yeah yeah yeah the it's the irish greyhound board that's what taxpayers fund because like it's had a real decrease in popularity lately because i think people are kind of like it's cruel yeah sadistic yeah people don't like that oh people like dogs so it's really gone down uh down in popularity fact isn't that irish funding it would just be dead to be honest i think the attitude towards animals in this country has really changed in the last i would say even 20 or 30 years like an agricultural, like people that grew up on farms would think nothing twice about shooting a dog

that's on their land. Yeah. It's like, because if that dog is attacking my sheep, I got to kill it because it's attacking my sheep, you know. Oh, I remember growing up like, just around the town just be like, you know, so a kid would come into school and he's like, oh, J, my dog got shot there. It's like, why? I actually went on to the land. And I was like, well, fair enough. Yeah. Yeah, nobody would question it. Yeah, it's like, oh, I'm sorry that your dog made the wrong choice. he should have read the tenancy agreement it's on him sorry your dog doesn't understand which field is the bad field you're an idiot yeah but yeah it's like do you see babe if a pig could figure out surely your dog can't did your dog go to the city but like um yeah so like

i think rural as well like we're used to just animal we're used to death animal cruelty wasn't a big thing in rural Ireland for a long time. It's all killing animals and suicide. Yes, it is. It's just non-stop. Yeah. Where it's funny, like, even just like, if you, I just think like, you know those, like, let's say a New York hipster.

If you took him and brought him to a race course or like a courting thing, his head would explode. It's a was. Oh, what's going on? It's poor dogs. I need a listener, some Leonard Cohen and drink a Frappuccino. Then it beat him's dead.

Yeah, good. And rightly so. feed them to the greyhounds so just to go through a little bit here so there's 60 million in funding from the government to keep it afloat there's a lot of jobs involved it's like farming

right okay it's like farming no one likes it it's a whole industry yeah it's a dray on society yeah like farming okay but if the government knows it stop funding it to lose jobs yes and they'll lose votes yes so we all got to pretend like it's great yeah yeah fucking out

those fucking meat farmers Oh the price of beef has gone down Yeah Yeah We'll eat a chicken and shut up Yeah So anyway 16,000 greyhounds are born every year

5,987 are cold Because they're not fast enough What's cold What do you think Killed? Yeah Why do they call it cold It sounds better than murder

Okay Yeah So they just took Replace the eye with a U we call them oh that's good as long as long as they're not hurt so like the

the investigates program they did all these things were like they called up these places where you shouldn't do that or if you are going to call them it should at least be like you know lethal injection

or somewhere like nice okay yeah why how are they doing it they have footage them just bringing like little dogs and shooting them in the shed and the dogs not even dead like so they get Michael Flatley

to dance on its corpse till it dies properly. That's, well, even more cruel than that. That's where your taxes are going. You sheep, wake up, man. Yeah. All these, like, it's like, they treat them badly. Even the ones that are good enough to run and not be killed, like,

yeah. Like, they still, like, just, just keeping a box full of their own urine. This makes them faster somehow. More wind resistance. If you just piss on them. Like, and, it was. funny is like all these guys are so cheerful as well. I'm going to talk about like you know

it's like one guy was found and like it was estimated I kill like 10,000 dogs like Jesus. Just all in the back like yeah and he was like yeah sure you know how it is. See there's them of my children and Jesus I know he'd make

a fierce documentary about that though wouldn't you? Hey yeah you come in here with your propaganda and your your skewed vision and you'd make me make me look like a prick, wouldn't you? Fuck you.

You big fucking Dublin bollocks you. Sir, the camera is the rolling gas. I know. What was going to say? Yeah, so like, it's just to treat him awful.

It's almost like to get a sadistic pleasure of hurting the dogs, okay? And I was like, God, this is really bad. But then, here's the thing. There was a whole... No, I'm not... We're on taking ground here, okay? Okay.

There was a whole... market where's like where are those greyhounds going they're being exported and where are they being exported to pray tell um well it's called the caledrome and it's in china okay yeah i'm going to say caledrome that sounds less i say caledrome yeah because if i say the real like they're sending the dogs to china that sounds bad yeah i'm saying they're sending dogs to the caladrome that's in china that's in china that's and like I was like oh the racist things say they're eating them yeah it's actually way work like there's some footage of them just like tying a dog to a pole and just whacking an axe

in his head like Jesus Christ and then they're throwing into a pot dead dog no a live dog oh and then more footage of like um them just thrown into water and boiling it alive is that like a chinese pinata you just string up a dog for the kids like and then it's innards just spell out on the ground oh oh like where's the candy. It's even better than... It's a dead dog's guts. Happy Kinsenera. That's an Uncle Ben's ad

I want to see. Yeah. So, like, there's a whole industry then just selling dogs to China. Okay. And, like, that's not good. That's not good. Like, look, we can... You can talk about the cultural thing of, like, um, eating a dog, wherever, like, you know. But, like,

the fact that, like, taxpayer money is going in this weird, like, uh, dog. for food programs yeah and nobody probably knows about it no not only yeah wow i didn't know about until watched documentary that's mental yeah and since this documentary has come out have any changes been made or things being done differently or are we still sending dog pinatas to china well i won't say it's the documentary alone but i know so we had the dkotie races recently i know it's just a bunch of students having to run around the racetrack come on patty come on party

and then they send them off to China when they can run just some lad from Dunn dock and they're all eating them and like oh he all now get off me your fuck a nittle preck you

but I've heard a lot more people going like before the race is going like ah I can't go to anymore for moral grounds or like they're I think people are getting

more self-aware now about what the world's like so they're like oh no that will help you yeah so even like horse race I'm like

oh no they treat the horses bad or I think back in the day they probably thought those horses weren't even real it's a hologram yeah yeah they probably taught like those horses of a robot or something like that a fox feels nothing it's made of strength

it's one of my favorite quotes from Brazine oh fuck yeah so now like I felt like there was less people to races this year because of that I think people are getting more like socially aware so you think that whole like

but like what's the like the grand national is such huge money like oh that's a total big yeah yeah big infrastructure that could collapse because of this new like social awareness do you think?

No because the old lads keep it going for a long time yeah yeah the old I mean there's still cock fighting going on yeah not like you know biosports aren't evolving anymore but like it's still going on

I haven't seen a cock get bastard like that since my last birthday Jesus the wife was having none of it hey boyle sports come on now bet on the cops it's in the game it's in the game FIFA

clock fighting I think boil sports is this is betting oh right that's a fun this is betting it's not very imaginative at all no

this is betting well apparently in the English market people know what boil sports is so they're probably like oh that sounds like a paddy thing a bunch of bloody paddies just betting on which one of the mothers are the ugliest.

No, thank you. A bunch of potato eating scum. I'll have none of it. Yeah. Well, to say this is betting. Like, oh, it's a betting company. Okay. Full of paddies.

I wish you'd miss a good old day if you could shoot them. Take away the potatoes. They're on an island surrounded by fish and the bloody fools starved because they're no potatoes. Are they bloody simple or what, eh? you see actually we've wrapped up in a minute like near the end you see boris johnson wants to change the law to make it harder to charge british soldiers with war crimes oh yeah that's not suspicious to talk oh not at all that's totally fine it's funny because he's seen he's sick of like you know that case of telling you about a while ago soldier f uh during bloody sunday yeah yeah so just keeps

happening is like um just these brave soldiers are shooting civilians in ireland and then fucking years later they're like oh you shot my son oh he's all dead now and then

they're giving him grief over it yeah and Boris Johnson's like enough of this and it's also I think a little bit as well like

he's like look Northern Ireland ain't going to stay pretty forever you know what I mean yeah yeah

we might as well just get the law right now so the time is right. The big one's coming, baby. Yeah. Yeah.

The Troubles part two. Jesus. I'm just picturing 20 years from now, England is shipping Chinese people over to China. You mean Northern Irish people? Oh, yeah, yeah. No, didn't. It's going to be an awful future. It is.

I for one can't wait. Well, we'll be dead. Yeah, see, that was, going back. the Irishman in the end. I was just like, oh God, it's going to be so depressing being old. Then I had a moment of, I'm not making it to old age. Come on, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, let's, let's be real. Spoire alert for the Irishman. Okay, he gets old and it sucks. No, but like, you know, a bit, like, there's a bit in it near the end where he's buying a coffin. We won't be able to afford coffins. We'd have to, like, get one just for the two of us and a laptop. Podcasting

from beyond the grave. I'm just picturing like we're old and like we have to like go and test go and steal like little cereal boxes and then just wrapping around our bodies

watch your depressing episode of Art Attack is to figure out how to make our own coffins his what I made earlier a noose how did he kill himself no it wasn't the guy from Art Attack

it was the guy from Smart which was the BBC ripoff of Art Attack oh yeah he went on to kill himself it wasn't a ripoff art attack wasn't it? was yeah i'm glad he killed himself yeah which the other two had now as well that's what you get for ripping off art attack yeah well who's to say that uh the guy from art attack didn't think ooh looks like maybe somebody's gonna have a little suicide oh yeah that's a fun rumor we can

start yeah yeah yeah ruin a man's career i don't even think art attacks still going no i think yeah i think it's all got cut by the government you know yeah austerity hit it. Yeah, they need to fund their Greyhound thing. Yeah. Ah, well, come on, we'll wrap it up now. We'll wrap up, yeah. One second. We're just near closer now we're there. Okay. We can vamp for a second. Anything, any

games coming up? No, nothing. Nobody's giving me a game. Well, the last gig I did, I bombed so horribly. I'll never work in that town again. Yeah, there's our small industry. Oh, it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all talking about it. You know, it's funny in America, like, it can take years to burn all your

bridges. Yeah, but here you can do it in a weekend yeah yeah you know what I mean I can't wait it would be like obviously I want a career yes that would be nice but oh it would be so fun just to burn everything yeah all your bridges like it's a lot of fun because there are people in the Irish scene who have done that and are doing it and it's very fun to like you know sort of vicariously live through that by like watching what they're saying on social media and how they're like attacking people yeah yeah you just get a little kick out of it but it's not it's not a good thing well when i say burning bridges i don't mean just comedy oh i mean everything oh family friends uh the neighbors everything just nobody's safe yeah yeah yeah

michael malaney the college well we've successfully done that yeah i'd be surprised if you don't get kicked out now well if i got kicked out for the podcast that'd be that would be like a civil rights issue you get kicked out of college and i get fired that would be amazing yeah but then we could take it to court or something like that well we make a big fuss over it like we definitely like contact the papers and uh they'd be like we're not interested i changed my name to brian x brian i have a dream yeah i know that was martin luther king yeah you got around oh i'm such an idiot He's didn't call him T.I.

Anyway, I think that's a... Yeah, I think I'll do it. That's a nice way to wrap it up. Is it? Well, no, no, it's not. But, I don't know, we're done. I'm tired. Well, I might get a Chinese after this,

because I feel bad about what we said about them, so... You're going to support their economy. Yeah, well, I'd have to say now, Chinese people like me a lot. Did they? Not to brag or anything, but they do like me a lot. One guy, I won't say his name, he touched me in a weird... Yeah. You won't say his name or you can't say his name.

No, he has a... what happens a lot is they come over here and they're like well I like about Chinese people like look Irish people they're not going to say my name right because they're retards like yeah yeah so I'm just going to say oh my name's Tony

I bet Chinese people hate this because they're like my name's Tony Irish people like ah sure that's not your real name is it go on tell me your real name like you wouldn't be able to pronounce it ah come on be able to pronounce it then they go like they say the real name like jeez that sounds Chinese

that's fucking mad okay i'm off to give yeah well i'm off to a chinese to support local businesses all right well thanks for listening goodbye