Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 51 : Black Mirror's Striking Vipers

Episode Date: November 27, 2019

Brian and James wish they were cool enough to have sex with each other while playing Pac-Man.

all right everyone how you doing hey episode 51 episode 51 we should have watched the 51st state and then 51 dates and then shot ourselves what's 51st date 51 oh I know 51st date and 51st dates that's what I meant to say so states is Sanville Jackson and Robert Carlisle it's actually a fun movie it's like Robert Carlisle there's a lot of homophole way and racism in it but it was made in 2002 so that's funny we're talking It was fine back then. Homecom in racism. Just let the audience know.

So we're recording now. In the background, we have Striking Vipers playing. It's the episode of Black Mirror, Season 5, episode one. If you're familiar with it... The gay Mortal Kombat episode. Basically, yeah. These two guys start playing like a Tekken Mortal Kombat type game. But instead of fighting each other, they just end up banging the whole time.

And it's like virtual reality. They really feel it, you know. Yeah. makes you think, you know, what is gay and what is sexuality, you know? Like, you have sex with an Asian woman in a game. Does it make... Are you still black? This is the philosophical

conundrum. At least that's what I was thinking, generally. But no, it's interesting, because I always thought this, like, there's a lot of guys out there who are 100% straight. Yeah. Until... Until...

You give them a little something, something, you know? They are straight, unless I have a little bit of drink. or they're playing a video game or they're just around another man yeah you know those little triggers you know those guys like they're hundreds and straight until they meet any man at all any man who's in any way conscious they're like yeah yeah a lot of the caddens you know we were afflicted with such a thing but uh thanks thank god we had Jesus it's all I know the thing is like your family like yeah are all secretly gay yeah you didn't have a video game

to make it acceptable make it more palatable no no no video game there was no virtual reality I'll tell you that it was all real the only virtual reality

you had is like you put a buckle over your head while I'm getting fuck a hen fucking chicken yeah so yeah

strike at Vipers it's uh you've seen before now did you like it when you saw well I've heard a lot of people joking about it and even you were kind of

pooh-poohing it a little bit. I was just, I was, I wasn't poo-pooing it, but I was a little taking her back by it, but no, it is, it's better. Why are we taking it back, James? Well, maybe, because I'm a homopop. I don't know.

No, I'm not. I was just like, I was just kind of like, yeah, but so what? Like, two lads, they bang each other in the game, like, it didn't feel like a real kind of black mirror or mind fuck, but I suppose when you, you know... I suppose actually, no, think about it. If you're a progressive, you're kind of like

okay to have sex. Yeah, do you know? I was just kind of like, yeah, whatever. But you have to understand, a lot of normal people watch Black Mirror. So they were like, Jesus Christ, gay sex. What will he think of next? What is this dystopia in nightmares? This is the true black mirror.

All of your episodes I could handle, but this one... Fuckin' a pig is one thing, but come on. But another man, consensually, no way. It's not for me. Oh, Jesus, unsubscribe. Yeah. No, it's actually, it is good, though. It's better than I were, like, I watch it the second time there.

I enjoyed it more the second time. I kind of, because, like, when the big reveal happens that the two lads are banging. So what happens is they like video games. Yeah, they're two, like, college friends, and then they meet up years later, and they're like, one's married and has a kid, and the other is, like, a playboy banging loads of women. Yeah. So they start playing this.

virtual reality video game and it's like a fighting game and instead of fighting they just start having sex yeah well it's real advanced like it's like you just put a little thing like it's like a little like pill inside your head yeah but like you can feel every sensation that's what they say just from a little coin inside your head that's why I can't go over like it's such a huge innovation yes but the guy in the show has never heard of it's like what's this new VR thing yeah So they start having sex in virtual reality and it's like, what does that count?

Is it cheating? Is it cheating? I don't know, but is it even gay really because the characters in the game, one's a man, one's a woman, even though it's two men that are playing the game. Yeah. So it does, it does kind of throw up a lot of these questions. What is sexuality? What is gender? Is there a lot more ambiguity than people are willing to admit?

I just noticed it now, so we're watching it in the background, they're actually playing as their characters right now. yeah yeah this is before the VR this is like the old you know kind of old school PS3 type yeah yeah so they're just playing with a controller and if they want to suck each other off they're gonna have to do it in real life yeah back in the day like you couldn't like yeah yeah yeah no other option we just have to suck you other off yeah but you have to do with treaty glasses or something like or safety goggles yeah just to make it like a little more palatable, as he says, yeah. They never changed characters.

No, which stays the characters. But we were just, like, talking about... Imagine the designer of the game. It's like, they're doing what? Yeah. Imagine he spent all this time building, like, the best fighting game ever. It is, like, the most realistic fighting game that's ever existed. Yeah, you work in all the pain things,

and, like, so it'll feel pain and no other sensation. Yeah. I'm just a big fight fan. I love Joe Rogan. I've seen Five Club three times. I love the UFC and this is the game and this is the straightest most hetero game in the world. No gay guys come along the room now, I'll tell you that much. And then like the sales are going through the roof and like it's really popular with a certain demographic.

Oh, tough dudes? Yeah, kind of. In a way. They're tough. They're tough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. But then we were thinking about what if, what if you ended up like playing your nephew?

something in the game. How awkward to that be? Does it, is it illegal because the character is a 40 year old? Well, let's, okay, let's just run through this game. Okay. So I'm a guy. You're a guy. Yeah, and I just want to play a game. Yeah. I want to play a call of duty. Okay.

Okay. Um, so I play a Nazi. Yes. I play a girl Nazi. Yeah. Okay. Sexy female Nazi. Yeah, a sexy just barely legal. Barely legal female Nazi. Oh. Okay. You're getting We all hardly bother.

And I'm playing the game. I'm supposed to be shooting the enemy, who are the allies. Yeah, yeah. I'm just an older British soldier. I'm supposed to be killing him. Yes. But then, like, he takes my gun away. He's about to put me in the face, but he likes, you know, kind of like, looks at me in the eye.

And then we start shifting, okay? We're kissing and we're going, oh, this is hot and heavy. This is so fucking good. And I'm like, this is great. And he's like, this is great. I'm like, I recognize that voice. I'm like, Timmy? Oh, you're Brian?

Yeah. oh timmy jesus uh did you do leaving sir did you yeah oh junior cert oh shit it's me don't both to have another oral exam oh oh saucy oh um matron now is that illegal if i'm dressed in nazi haven't no well i'm dressed in nazi in real life having sex with a teenage boy yeah oh jesus christ but yeah it's actually a fun episode to talk about it because it's the whole kind of world that you can open up and think about what are consequences of this yeah legally and stuff like that you know is it cheating is it not what like what like what happens if like you know one could one character now this is going very grim and i'm sorry but it does

it just sort of came here what if you're playing the game and if you're able to have sex what if one character one person in the game wants to have sex and the other doesn't is it rape well I was thinking it's in virtual reality virtual rape is that a thing well I'm just thinking they're like

Fraping has taken on a whole new meaning People are raped on Facebook Well I was thinking Like you can say What's it Game over

Oh yeah That's right Yeah exit game Exit game Okay you're right Yeah Daffoiled again God damn

Well Back to the drawing board James Oh I'll get them I just want to use it to fight I just I just want to That'd be so annoying

Like I did one guy He's like I want to A fighting game And a guy keeps like Alportering you Like just grabbing Just grabbing your dick

Yeah yeah And like no no I want to fight Man you love me Don't get I've been fighting My demons for too long I'm the best you ever had

I'm sorry I don't know you I fuck the polymer Yeah Do you want to explain that Nah Okay we'll get to that layer on Yeah

Striking Vipers X Yes Oh, so this is like a lot, yeah, well, okay It's a tent game in the series Yeah, yeah, yeah We shouldn't actually just do a live commentary Because we didn't do it from the start So it's a bit

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we can't just Think and choose Yeah, I was just thinking there I was trying 5% Like, think of VR Yeah And so you see them in real life So they're having sex in the game

In real life, they're just lying there They're just sitting there They're not even erect They don't jizz, I don't think I felt like They kind of missed the beat there white not showing them having erections yeah maybe that was a little too because i just want to see erections okay dear mr brooker yeah i morally object to the lack of erections you know what at the start

this i was thinking like so it's too it's well it's all it's a black cast yeah it's two black guys they're friends yeah yeah and a black woman as well and it's written by charlie brooker a white british guy well you forget about that after a while yeah he writes gay black sex very well. He does, yeah, almost a dab hand at it. Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying Mrs. Blue Peter, better watch her back. Connie Hook, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's blue peer, yeah. Yes, that's right. God, Blue Peter's known for being real kinky. Oh, filth, pure depravity. What do you think Captain of Shep? There's one way to earn a Blue Peter badge, but you ain't gonna like it, baby. Well, which one got caught doing coke? Bacon, was it? Yeah, Richard

Bacon, but like, come on, he was like a guy in his 20s, of course he was doing coke. And wasn't it like the little apology? Like our friend Richard got caught with some very nasty powder and he's very sorry but he won't be coming around here anymore. Now please welcome Jimmy Sazzle. Jimmy, what have you got for us? You wouldn't do cocaine, would you?

Yeah. That was my impression. Oh, that's... Oh, about that then? Yeah, that's a better impression. That first one was like him dying. Yeah. I got away with it.

I got away with it all. I'd do it all again. No, Louis Thoreau's going to be like, Oh, I'm going to have to pretend I didn't know. Oh, he pulled the wall over my eyes. Aren't you a very well-respected investigative journalist? Yes. Oh, well, he definitely knew, but what's he going to do?

Maybe not make a documentary with him? Well, I suppose he did ask him in the documentary. Oh, you would notes, Jimmy. You bloody know it, my way. And then he's like, I wonder what I meant by that. It all becomes so clear. Listen, I'm Jimmy Savile and I am a paedophile. What's he trying to tell us here?

The answer was staring me in the face the whole time. I just couldn't see it. Maybe the most travelling thing is he would let everyone know. So, um, striking vipers. There's all sorts of technological advancements. Well, actually, no, the game in the episode, they have the VR, but it's no, no the real technology. No, everything else looks pretty normal, yeah. even like the city itself looks out of shit yeah but like i mean look at all the does

dublin city look all that much different to it did 20 years ago i suppose it would be weird there's a lot more of uh well yeah the last said about that the better yeah it's very late we're very tired uh yeah but like this is when shit gets good you know it's near a witching hour now yeah well this is usually when our lost episodes get recorded this is when we just record episodes that we never see the light just did bad mouth people and threatening to murder female celebrities very specific yeah yeah I'm coming to your house uh speak of innovations is going off track for a second do you see the new um electric truck oh from Tesla no you were talking about it though do you see the the what you call it the talk for it where

you showed it off no oh it's so funny so it's called the electric truck ah oh oh catchy title. Yeah. And they spell it like a slayer almost. Oh really? You actually can't make out

I'll look at I'll show you if you're at home Google it yourself like Electric truck Yeah Vam for a minute change

Oh okay What do you know about Tesla? I mean I just know Elon Musk He's a genius But he's definitely Like he's got Like I don't know

I'm not gonna try And diagnose the guy But just how he conducts himself How he speaks and interviews he's a little off if you know what i mean but you know i think he's like a genius level of intelligence so maybe his emotional intelligence is a little scared maybe he's a little on the spectrum who knows i'm not going to try and divulge him but he's definitely a little bit uh he's a little bit of an oddball wouldn't would that be fair to say i would say that he all strikes me as like

he tries to be real cool but i think i could make him cry pretty easy and i will you know what i mean like I feel like I could get you get under a skin very quickly. Oh wow, yeah, that looks like it's a skateboard company or something. Yeah, yeah, isn't it? It's actually a cyber truck, but you couldn't even make that out. No, you can't actually make it out. So actually it's cyber truck, which is way worse. Cybertruck. Yeah, yeah.

And you see the truck itself, it's very triangular. Yeah. See, look. Okay. Yeah, I'll get a bear picture in a second. Kind of looks like, uh, it's not really a truck though, is it? Yeah, it is, yeah. You can park your dune buggy in the back. Is it big? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah.

it doesn't look like it is but all right when you see it um in comparison with someone okay right right like there he's standing there like yeah but no like he looks like okay stop bad mountain I'm just saying he doesn't look very big it's like look at that like he looks like he's taller than it you know what I mean well this is what I mean if you just said that to him he'd probably start he'd be like no it's not he'd call you paedophile like that guy who saved those kids you know so so he's built this truck anyway this is the presentation here we had yeah up on stage okay right okay and he was talking about like it's bulletproof okay okay why uh because people i think you know maybe you could like drive it through like the

middle east or something for armies well i think what actually is happening is millionaires know that in next few years ah poverty's going to get stage where people are just going to rebel okay yeah yeah so they this is like basically a truck to run over poor people so like let's say like some uh pleb express let's just say a load of like um uh i don't know english refugees from uh from post brexit from essex yeah yeah are going through a street and trying please give me a bit of bread you can drive your truck through it like just run over a kid like get out my way pleb no funny enough he left that out of the presentation but it was all in the subtext yeah so he was he was bragging like oh it's indestructible we could shoot

it right now but we can't because it's California who does gun laws am I right yeah so he's like it's in the structure but even the glass is instructable all right okay and he gets this guy with a metal ball and he goes come on try it smash the glass breaks it oh really yeah yeah I'll actually get up the video to show you a lot so this is like this is a 14-minute presentation the glass is broken five minutes in and you can see in his head going like

oh I'm going to lose so much money this is like when Homer's brother revealing the Homer I'm ruined that's what they were all safe wait were they actually compared it to that

yeah yeah so this is it there it's a bulletproof it's electric by the way as well okay good that's good and he's like bragged about it and like first of all they got like a sledgehammer to smash it and I feel like he very gently hit with a sledgehammer okay look

the wheels as well like there was metal around him so like yeah yeah he didn't really give it a good wall up there uh wait let's just get it right there is so funny oh wait he already smashed oh right there it is there yeah so he's like and then smash like it's a proper smash like it's gone yeah yeah and then Elon Musk is going oh well I guess we need that to work a bit more than that. Jesus Christ, he was like, it wasn't from very far, he just kind of, he threw it almost very limply

and he was right beside it. So there was not a lot of velocity behind that and it just smashed, sweet away. And Elon Musk is like, I guess you throw it a little too hard. And on stage he's like, well, I guess back to a drawing board, well, real life's like that man will be killed. And several more people. You see that?

That's your career. I wonder if your child's face is indestructible? Oh, I guess not. How does it feel not very good yeah literally at the end then they have a dune buggy drive up with stage and it goes into the back okay yeah but the crack is still there and he keeps looking at it throughout the presentation like ah and he just like slowly his nose starts bleeding Elon are you all right yes I'm back I need to smoke a joint on the Joe Rogan podcast immediately I need to go to my

VR place oh we're just about to see if striking Vipers is playing in the background and they're just about to start they don't bang in this one they just kids Anthony Mackey okay yeah he in his fantasy he's an Asian man a white Asian man well yeah what do you mean a white Asian man

he's just an Asian man what I don't see color you just said white Asian man no I didn't wind it back here I didn't well I'll tell you what I'll tell you about that Asian dude he's he's shredded oh yeah he is he can do the thing

he makes his pecks move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine do that if there's a strong wind, but I just start crying. Mine do that if I'm walking. I'm crying, just a jiggle. And the other black guy, his friend, is playing an Asian woman.

An Asian woman? They're both very attractive. Look, Asian people are white. I don't care what you say. Okay. Yeah. It was a weird expression, white Asian. Yeah, but I'm going to die on this hill. I say we just leave it a little.

well i'm glad you're getting work okay i know you'd rather just stay where to but i support them oh yeah there's this there's a regenerative thing as well where like every time like they get punched in face they start bleeding but then it heals itself yeah like bulgarine yeah so we're wondering like does her hymen break and then you heal back up every time what do you think Well, wouldn't that make sex just messier and annoying?

Probably, yeah. Do girls, girls, message in if you're listening. Would you prefer if your hymen grew back and you could keep breaking it? Probably not, no. That's what that song like a virgin's about, I believe. She's getting fucked. She's getting fucked.

She's getting fucked. She's meeting this guy's like Charles Bronson and the Great Escape. He's digging tunnels, baby. That's gross. Mr. Darantino, that's gross. All the other guys are like, stop talking about sex.

Who is this guy? Why is he on the Heist? Hey, hey, big dicks Have I right guys, big dicks? No spoilers ranking, but do we see what, how he dies? Yeah, you do. Well, no, actually, you don't see, you see him dying but he's like, there's like a cut scene and they're driving, he's driving

Tim Roth and Harvey Carter in the back and he's got like a bullet wound in his head and he's bleeding and he's like, I'm fucking blind, man, he's like, you're not blind, you just got shot in the face or something. But yeah, and then he just dies there and then. He's actually good in that, like, acting-wise.

He's really good in that. Not really good, but pretty good. And he's fucking awful in the scene in Pulp Fiction. I find his performance in the scene in Pulp Fiction really... It's funny, because you look quoting that scene. You love loudly quoting that scene. Just walking around little. Go into a karaoke night.

Anywhere around with Pulpiction. Instead of doing the song, he's just like, I'm gonna do a scene. You notice a side in the back of my house that said, and, et cetera. Remember when you were auditioning for roles? I auditioned for a brave heart. You got the roll.

I've been every auditioned film since. I love to see Mel Gibbs' reaction to striking vipers. This is like his worst nightmare. He'd leave another series of voicemails to his ex-like. The only way it could be worse for Mel Gibson now, not me, is if, like, so as two guys, okay, and they're straight, but they play in the game, they're Hasidic Jews. Is that having sex?

Rubbing their yarmacus? Give me your dreidel. so um jeez what we're talking with there we're talking with Elon Musk um Tarantino Oh Tarantino What about him in the dusk till dawn

Actually quite good I have to say He was pretty good in that That movie I mean The first style is pretty good But then it just kind of Goes bit mental The old vampire thing

What else is he acted in Apart from his own things Like I don't think he's acted in Anything else apart from his own stuff Wasn't there some scene He was in where he's talking With Top Gun

I'm not sure He was in Desperato Actually he's in a scene in Desperado which was written or directed by Robert Rodriguez Oh, I didn't know that Yeah, yeah He just that Australian accent in Django

Yeah, that was awful It was really bad Well, there's something about Tarantino We're like, even when it's bad It's just fun to watch Yeah, he's quite He's like a character He's very weird

I would love, imagine meeting him though He'd be so weird, I think I feel like he met him He would talk to you for an hour And you wouldn't get a single word in Yeah, I think I'd like that though Fuck it, it's Tarantino, let him talk Have you heard what his favourite film is

of this year? No uh you'd never guess i would even let he is he is notorious he's renowned for his weird taste in films his favorite film so far of 2019 this is before this is like a month or something like that so he hasn't seen a lot of the oscar yeah yeah was crawl crawl i haven't even heard of that crawl is a sam ramy produced horror film and he was directed by some unknown guy okay and it's about a storm comes and gaiters escape from the zoo oh my god and start attacking people and maybe they're mutants as well really maybe there's a

power plant nearby that makes it i'm not sure exactly it's real trashy and have you seen it no no i've ever seen posters firm as in america they had like these fake post like warning gators loops i was like oh my god what i just like you know i just killed myself i rather be dead to live in the world where gators exist so that was his favorite fella so far yeah yeah he is but he's very well known for having a very weird taste in film like he loves a lot of the old classics but then he'll say something that's considered really mediocre shit it's like i think it's genius yeah i think he would talk you gotta wonder is he just doing that just for like attention he's just coked up although yeah well that's true is i just the writer will self if you've heard of him oh yeah the british guy yeah yeah he wrote very interesting article where it was just about him going to the premiere of kill bill one okay and he was saying that like he was saying that like Tarantino got up on stage and did a 40-minute, just gibberish speech.

Just non-stop coked out of it, just talking about how just the greatest film ever, how Uma Turman is the greatest actress. Actor ever exists. This is the single greatest acting performance. But you have to believe that shit, like, in the moment.

Well, like he is, you know, like, I mean, when you're one of the biggest directors in Hollywood, oh, here we go. Sexy. But one of the biggest directors in Hollywood, you're sort of living in the bubble. of fame where it's just like you know

you believe every good thing that's said about you and any negative thing is just haters people negative people hating on you I'm a genius I'm touch but he's even went on he said I you know when I'm writing it's not like it's me that's doing it it's like God is flowing through

me like he said something like that he's really you know grandiose but here I fucking love Tarantino I'm not gonna there's that famous Stephen Seagall story where I forget exactly who was maybe it's Stallone but they're walking along

the Hollywood lot okay and see Stallone crying he's holding this script he's crying and like oh my God Seagal sorry it's Seagal

okay what's going on and he's like I've just written the most beautiful scripts in the world and like oh who wrote it

and he's like me yeah and that's what you have to believe in yeah if you like Tarantino Eli Roth has started a podcast I hate Eli Roth.

Yes, but that's the perfect thing because he gets Tarantino on and he's like, tell me about your favorite horror films and it's an hour of Tarantino. Oh, okay, all right. And Roth's like, yeah. Okay, yeah, I don't like Eli Roth's stuff at all. Do you ever see Green Inferno?

Yes, that's the one that made me hate him. That woman shits or so? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that was a terrible, terrible film. But I like the message, though. The message is show about the environment or else the environment will eat the shit out of you. awful savages will eat you yeah that is basically what it is like if you go and try and

help people they'll eat you so don't well imagine Greta Turnburg seen that movie she's like oh no I don't want to shit myself yeah I'm gonna buy an SUV start in cheeseburger cyber truck yeah we're just watching the scene now so the sun walked in him when he was playing the sex game him. Yeah. And how much better would have been if he had just a raging boner. And they had to explain it to his son, you know? Sometimes, uh, when a man, another man are playing. He goes, don't worry, dad. I know all about it. Whoa, I'm not going to touch that one. Yeah, that's your problem, little man. Uh, yeah, I think it's best just let you do it. Let you do you, you know.

I don't want to smother your children, you know. His son's like, I'm having sex with just Nat, female Nazi. From Carlo. Yeah. crazy o'toole up to his old tricks yeah yeah i'm kind of i'm frightened of the future the VR world like because most people this don't want to live in reality no i'm one of them yeah well i just want to be dead i don't want to live a different world i don't want to be in a conscious state at all just uh completely nothingness doesn't that sound relaxing like that whole idea

of like oh oblivion hey this might be a simulation we might be you know There might be a different reality, like, I don't care, just turn me off. We could hit, we said, nah, just plug me out, please. Yeah. That'd be funny if you own The Matrix, he's like, there's, um, the red pill. Was it red pill or blue pill? It's red pill and you, yeah, red pill and I'll show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Yeah.

Uh, imagine Neil's just like, can I just take some cyanides? I hate my office job. And the real world is really shit, like, yeah. Who's, um, the guy from Sopranos? oh Joe Palatino or something like that he plays Ralph Siferao yeah Ralph Sifereo man he's such a good actor like man I wish he was his full-on Ralph in The Matrix he kind of is though he's just like he's just an asshole and he kills Pile Mine yeah yeah he killed Pio my

Morpheus beats him to death for killing his horse just strangles him in his house oh so funny oh god we were laughing at the time we so watch it's air so we see Anthony Mackey's character just look he's like distracted in his regular life because all I could think about is banging his friend in the virtual reality and he's an office full of other guys and we're lapping the idea of like

every other guy in there is having the exact same problem they're all just like forlorn looking off in the distance they're all going to the bathroom for a little break and just going into virtual reality world and all their wives

are like what is going on with our husbands yeah and yeah his wife's start getting annoyed because because he's getting all this virtual reality cock he's not banging her so she's like no that's the thing it's virtual reality pussy oh that's right you're right yeah sorry my bad that's almost like bad dead naming and you know what the sex scenes are very uh they're pretty hot like oh they're good sex very well done yeah like even just watching a sex scene there like they're actually moving around and they're kissing and they're doing little things like putting fingers in mouths and stuff like that's the little little

details you know the devil's in the details just fact the rolling around there you've got none of that in 50 shades of gray yeah we're talking about 50 shades of gray earlier if i was not impressed 50 shades of gray it's just people having slow sex and then playing some song like love me if you do oh oh love me if you're riding around helicopters yeah well this film okay it's two Asians who are actually black two a heterosexual Asian couple who are actually a homosexual black Look, they're fucking in the alleyway and there's a sewage pipe behind them, like, and it's only getting them off

more. They're sewage, making it even more wet. Yeah. Just use syringes. You like this sewage pussy, baby? Sewage pussy. Let's name my girl band. That I manage. Yeah, it's me and these 14 year old girls and we travel around the van called the Mystery Machine. The mystery

Because I always wake up But no memory Every time Also the mystery Is how it haven't been done Yet Just travelling across State lines

Come on girls We got put on a show Where's the audience I am the audience So yeah We see the wife Now in the show She's uh

Yeah She's all self-conscious now Yes Which is something that I can't relate to really but you know the idea of like when women get older they start to become more conscious about their body especially if you're if you're more attractive as you get younger i must be kind of like a mind fuck to kind of lose your yeah looks just why we're lucky oh okay good good

we're starting at the bottom start from the bottom now we're still at the bottom now we're ugly yeah yeah well like we're already at zeros yes so like you know but there's always negative we could be minus one minus two uh that's something to work towards that's why that's why i don't like greta thorneberg because i don't want anybody to save the world i want this planet to die out before i get even fat early and this is another bit here they actually like it's an interesting perspective because it's a guy talking about what's like to be a woman orgasming yeah it's very weird she says like an orchestra yeah he describes it very uh she describes it very uh she's described it like she actually enjoys sex

but I know for a fact that women don't I've asked women point blank afterwards did you enjoy that they were like who are you yeah I was watching the show yeah it's different tempos that's how she says it but even like the romance stuff here

I'm into it like you're like invested in the couple you know when she turns her head there like compare it again compared to Christian Gray yeah he's nice to her he doesn't make sign contracts and yeah yeah no anal fisting everywhere imagine christian gray now with vr technology yeah i don't know i didn't watch your 50s years christian gray i imagine now his

honest to god his deepest darkest fantasy is he just runs a concentration camp and just no sex at all there's plenty of sex in concentration camp it actually was a brothel you know that is that right yeah for the guards consisting of oh of actual sex workers oh just regular they didn't like force

Jewish women to be I'm sure they were bad lads James I can tell you this I know that's what the band Joy Division got their name from was it Joy Division was the process in which Nazis selected

women to rape essentially it's really fucked up like yeah pretty pretty great was that intentional how it was joint division and other like kind of Nazi authoritarian overtones they're like okay we're change it now new world order yeah no they're not new world order they're just

new order oh yeah still yeah well I guess I'm gonna drop that bit then I was gonna do that bit on Fallon yeah he'd love it yeah but he laughs at everything so you can't trust them god the conflict here is very interesting it's actually yeah it's very well done that's say I imagine because we're two white guys who don't really have to worry about this kind of stuff like what being black no yeah or like it's not something that troubles me on a day-to-day basis i have to say like he's like he's kind of conflict about sexuality where i'm very confident like push it down you know just swallow it all they'll never come back yeah we're watching now uh just even the little

things like so he's in love with the game character but he's texting his guy in real life he puts an x at the end yeah oh do it well he's should he send the x or not as a yeah yeah and also another thing is um it's kind of in relations is so him his wife like the role play a lot mm-hmm where to like go to a bar and like i don't know you i don't know you either yeah and then they like have some joyless sex while he's thinking about his friend you ever done role play james uh no no no no well uh yeah we roll play that we were happy, but that didn't last. She wasn't a very good actress.

No, not really. Like, you do any... Basic stuff, you know, like... Who's your daddy? Daddy stuff. Yeah. I told me before I... See, that's not real roleplay.

Like, when you say roleplay, I think, like, actually pretend to be, like, different character, like, different people and have, like, a set-up in the back story. You know, I'm Spider-Man, you're Dr. Octopus. Something like that. Yeah, yeah. or like, you know, I'm a police officer and...

And I'm going to rest for child porn. What? Yeah, does that get you off? No. Yeah. Well, too late because I've already downloaded a lot of it. Well, I've already booked you, so I'm taking it down to a station. It goes on the police station.

This woman is a... He's naked, like, this woman's been downloading child porn on my computer. Booker boys yeah who are you oh Jesus I've been undercover we haven't oh that man turned out to be Pete Townsend so yeah there you go once again doing research for his next book his book was the history of child porn Pete now a lot of those guys you know they got caught just before it would destroy their career yeah yeah well like all the 70s rock bands they all I'm surprised they all didn't get caught up in that whole

me-to thing okay here's the thing now do you think with the when VR becomes a thing and you can't tell VR sex from real sex will that lower sexual violence and like more kind of sexual persuasion things per like sexual like weirdness nah because like how real could they actually make it I mean I don't know I haven't I've never tried like VR post I know it's still in its infancy, but... V-R porn is basically like attaching a laptop to your head, like, in terms like, it doesn't feel real. Yeah, you just have like a POV of them.

It's not like you get any sensation from it or anything. But you can also, you can make your own, like, V-R porn. Just have to like make the little cardboard thing, slide the phone in it. Do you what I'm talking about? No. It's a little cardboard thing around your head and you slide the phone into the car-book. Oh, right, so it's just right up. Yeah, yeah.

So you're just damaging your eyes. Yeah. It's worth it. It doesn't sound like it's good for you at all. Well, no, if it's good for you. Have you done any VR at all? No, not really. I played the Rick and Morty V-R game and I played another game

where I was in a nightclub. Spike in women's drinks. No. Not that, James. I actually know, the nightclub, I think, was like, the first level and you had to walk outside but he just got stuck in the nightclub.

Is it, like, disoriented? Yeah, you'd be surprised how, like, let's say, um, you're standing in the middle of the room, playing VR and you know for a fact there's a table two steps away yeah after five minutes you'd be like accidentally hit that table Jesus fuck what is that yeah just forget everything like I don't know yeah see I don't really like that it just sounds a little it sounds very unpleasant to be honest have you seen that video the snooker

player playing VR no so he's on it and he's playing it for a little bit and next thing he leans on the table there oh and he falls he just falls yeah everyone laughs at him naked the whole time yeah you cocks out you bastard pool big de snooker and all that that's a little big yeah yeah with the old lads yeah yeah yeah i knew a guy who's big into pool he's dead now yeah yeah good you better off because he drowned at the bottom of michael barrymore's pool i don't actually i only know michael barramore's a joke i don't know who he is he was like uh i think he was a comedian like back in the 70s and then he transitioned into like TV presenting. He was a real

kind of like, poor man's Jim Carrey, like just like lanky, British, wacky kind of like, yeah, I'm the madman. Oh. He was really, yeah, he was a very bizarre character. I don't even think he's, he just like hosted a lot of like chat shows and game shows and stuff like.

Barrymore. Michael Barrymore, yeah. Now what happened. I'm going to look a picture of him. And then somebody was found face down in his pool full of drugs and jizz that wasn't his own and that was the end of all Barryman. So wait, it wasn't his jizz? No, basically they found

like, they pumped his stomach and it was like, he was like really drunk full of cocaine and like three other people's DNA or something like he was... So why is that his fault? I don't know. It just was very scandalous because it happened like in the 90s so people were still like, ooh.

No, the idea of like gay men having coke parties was very scandalous. That's almost like homophobic in a way. Yeah, probably, yeah. Like, just because he wasn't out either, that was the thing.

I suppose, but, like, you know, just because someone dies in your pool doesn't mean you have to make a big deal of it. Again, this was like, fucking, you know, like, 20, 30 years ago. It seems like his career has bounced back because he's going to be on dancing on ice

in 2020. Oh, is it? How are I dancing on ice? And it's the same pool that the guy was found in. And the guy's still, There's just frozen into the bottom. That'd be a good little prank to play on him.

I see, I'm just reading about Barrymore now. Poor guy. He got a divorce from his wife. Yeah, I wonder why. I think if Barrymore was alive in the future, he could be an Asian woman. Oh, his problems would be solved. Yeah.

He was holding drugs. fueled orgies yeah that's what it was yeah no I was really young when it happened so I don't really I could be like misremembering it was funny it took place in 2001 yeah I was like 12 March 2001 yeah I was like Jesus if he just held back a few months that story would have got buried no it was like 11 in March 2001 yeah if that had happened in September he'd be grand just like sitting there I'm really ruined you see the first plane hit the door yes thank you

jesus that was actually a real thing where like during 9-11 a lot of murders happen people were like look the police are busy yeah a lot of like gang islands a lot of people uh if there's someone described as a lot of people squashed their beasts that night and that they went out and murdered somebody yeah

probably a lot of robberies happened probably a lot of stuff happened yeah it's like I was reading up about the LA riots there it's my own amusement oh of course you know I like keep up to the and that whole thing about the Korean snipers and all that you know the guys that were on their

on the top of their like convenience stores yeah like it's their own little video game that was their own version of striking vipers to start having sex with each other because it's so hot like well there was that case as well

like I don't think it was related to the LA riots but it happened around the same time with that Korean store owner who shot that teenage black girl it was like a nine year old black yeah but like in the back of the head as well like yeah yeah the optics weren't gray on that now and you can't be like there's no real defense on it we're like yeah no like she stole a can of soup yeah that was uh it was pretty fucked up okay um just to keep people update update on the episode so the two guys have stopped having gay sex now

gay virtual sex and it's like seven months later he got his wife's pregnant yeah he got his wife pregnant he's been the family man whereas the other guy he's like his apartment

looks shitty and he's really he's losing the run of himself yeah I don't know who's in the wrong here who's in the right I don't know this is what black mare does to you well wait if it is cheating he's the one that's

cheating the other lads like single so suppose yeah it was actually not to complicate this whole Charlie yeah I like how they're showing how his life is awful now because he's got like half eating food around the place and a messy apartment yeah it's like that's so much better than my place he's doing so well happy birthday it's his birthday again yeah one we know it's been a year yeah it's been a year see that's Charlie there makes us think oh he's good it's so glimmer we don't even realize that but

your brain did not mine but you know other people you're too stoned out of it can I reveal that you're smoking a fatty well maybe I am maybe I'm not maybe it's just tobacco you know no it's maybe it's a babe no it's a yes it's the gange I have a problem yeah well make stuff better you know that's the weird thing it doesn't it makes it all so much worse oh my cab they're coming to get me oh but i'm not going to realize this for another five years and then it's too late yeah yeah it's one of those things you realize it's like the way with alcohol i'm like oh this actually makes real unpleasant yeah and it ruins my life like uh you were telling me

about the races oh yeah i went to the dundalk races not not the dundalk racist uh which is every other day I was at Dundalk races and this sounds kind of petty but the woman I was going with said I couldn't have coke what do you mean like she forbid you not forbid me but she was like I don't do coke and I was like I want to get a bit of coke's like ah don't do that come on okay oh just spend a special night with me yeah oh I was like you okay I'll show you I got really drunk and I started pretending to be the terminator I thought it was funny so I kept going around kicking things I had my elbows out with my fist clenched I was walking around like I am the dominator.

Yeah, I was walking around like that, you know, just kicking things like, where is there a condo? You know? I was fan-tah. And I was doing this for so long that the girl started getting all cry. She started crying. Yeah, much like the wife and this, because their husband's having an affair with black man. They just can't let you have fun, can't like,

yeah, ladies? And then even as she was crying, like, why do you cry? I feel no emotion. Yeah, and then I was like, do you want this bit isn't really working anymore? No, commit to the bit. Well, as a comedian, you know, sometimes, people are going to be crying and you just have to hunker down that was my whole Edinburgh experience was like you're doing the shows and everyone's crying you're like no a good comedian wouldn't

stop but a good comedian power through yeah so like every time i drink it all ruins everything yeah it seems like every time you drink it just uh you go a bit crazy yeah i just tap into a something uh i go full michael barrymore when I drink a guy dies in my pool and I'm like oh look I could stop drinking or could keep drinking I've got a pool guy you know he was really embarrassing so recently I went to a show I won't I'll say it was three bucks left okay it was the hardy books yeah the leftover hardy books yeah we're doing a show in Dundalk and I went just for the crack like and I brought a friend of mine and he brought some of his friends

okay and uh and i met a few other people there that i know right i wasn't gonna drink all right yeah they were like come on brian fucking drink i was like no guys i don't really want to drink too much i've got mental issues come on brian drink would you stop being a pussy come on yeah and then i was like oh i can't have got the car ah and then one of my friends like look park in my place and i was like oh okay so what i did was i just walked out to my car and sat there BBC Radio 4 for like a few minutes. Just to get your head together. And also just to pretend that you're off parking the car.

Okay. I was actually listening to some drama on BBC Radio 4. It was about one of those 9-1-1-1 operators. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, it was just, the drama was just fake phone calls. Of like, people going like, oh, I need help. This woman's having the heart, actually.

Don't worry. Yeah. But then at the end, or shift, she calls her husband. And she's like, he'd been on the app again, haven't you? it's just a bit of gambling what's wrong with that what's why I just want to blow my load sometimes you're ruining everything

don't tell me what to do and she hangs up and I was like I'm invested in radio drama but you know the hardy books are on so now I went back okay to the bar and they were like oh you're parking I was like yeah I did now you can drink and I was like oh okay

so I noticed I got a Heineken Zero and I put my hand over the zero part Jesus Christ and then just pretend and just drank that and did they fall for it yeah oh perfect crime food then I went home

and went to my gambling app just a bit of money you got no food for my kids they don't need food little bastards it's an investment I'm going to make it big haven't you seen Ocean's 11

you deaf bitch so they catch you back up on the show so they stop seeing each other and it's all going well because it's like striking vipers yeah yeah striking vipers yeah um black mirror and then the wife has invited the former friend over for dinner yeah because she's like why don't you guys hang out anymore and he's like it's too hard to explain

god give it a go and it is to be honest now it is a bit of a weird thing you know another thing they only show them playing that one fighting game yeah they don't show any other games imagine like grand theft auto but you actually get to murder them you know wouldn't that be amazing way you collect stars for committing crimes yeah but this is you collect stars for how much gay sex you can have and the police are chasing you're an ambulance having gay sex and then you get a chopper and you're shooting a sniper at straight people oh they're banging again oh yeah they're banging this is great sex and it's very hot scene yeah it makes me all hot and bothered like yes i can tell and look even

Jesus Yeah I mean This is great for the listener I know But like Look he's got He's got his fingers

In her mouth there And like she's sucking them And stuff And like that's I love that kind of stuff Like You're a spit on the girl No

Oh You? They don't really like that Well Maybe If it's a video game Yeah Oh wait

Hang on Yeah Well No I'm not talking about You go like Full like Get ready Nah yeah

It's like Spitting each other's Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's more like, you know, you're all slobry, like, you know, like that. It's not like, like, you know what's snotting around them. She just shows her tampon in my life. This is half. Oh, I'm a male feminist.

Okay. Actually, um, I won't say which one, but one the Hardy Bucks guys in the show had a joke about, you know, like lads are too scared to get rections these days, aren't they? Because of feminism or something like that. Yeah, you say that? It was great. And I was like, oh, here we go. I'm going to go listen to Radio 4. Yeah, I got to go back to that woman.

I want to find out. I just want to look up what that drama was. I want to find out what happened. Hope you learned a lesson about what can't believe. Where are you going to just Google depressing Radio 4 drama? A 900. Yeah. Every episode of the Archer's.

Sally's on crack. I've never listened to the Archer's. Oh, really? Yeah. No, well, you literally haven't missed anything. I don't believe I have. I wonder what are video games you can make gay? Pac-Man?

Pac-Man. Instead of ghosts, his little penises. Gobbling little cocks. Yeah. Humma, hamma, hamma. Oh, I'm in heaven. I'm going to get you little cherry. Cherry is a yoke.

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because chem sex is on the rise. Yeah, GHB and all that. Yeah. You ever done that? No. I know anyone's cool enough to do with me. When I get my job in Starbucks.

I got a bottle of it one night just like to try it out for myself. And I took it before going on stage. Remember the night we tried to run dropout in Dublin? Yeah. So I genuinely, yeah, like, roofied myself. Because it's like a, it's used. Because no one else will.

Yeah. But it's like a drug, you know, people take it themselves and get fucked up on it. then it does has also been used to like uh roofy people and date rate people so it's really where do you get this i got it from uh my friend of mine and she's like friends with a lot of like like a like gay Brazilian lads and like GHB is very big in like the gay scene apparently like a lot of them take it but uh yeah it's it's dangerous as well like it's a dangerous drug to take too much of you got it what's it GHB and GHB imagine GHB with VR technology hey hey and that's a

fun night with the family. It could be fun. It could be a terrifying screen. Would you do it again? Yeah, well see, I just, they said you weren't supposed to drink on it, so I just took it while I was sober, and it just made me real dizzy and nauseous. But then I guess, like, I hear I don't want

this, I gave it to my roommate, and then him and one of the lads went drinking and then tuck it over and said, oh man, you should drink with it, it's class, but he said it gives, gave him the worst hangover he's ever had in his entire life. And I should preface by saying this lad has done a lot of drugs he's been in a lot of fucked up states if you know what I mean

yeah and he said hands down this was the worst uh drug induced experience he ever had like the day after kind of thing he said he had never been so fucking he felt horrible like jesus so he said he'd never touch it again well I won't do it yeah we should have a listener party where we all do it at once like we all do the same time then we see what happens we go to jail oh yeah well it was worth it yeah party

that was the worst hangover do you remember your worst hangover fuck yeah I mean there's been a few like yeah just like well the ones that linger

for like two or three days but like you do a lot of pills and drink a load just the nights that go on for like 36 hours or whatever you know fucking I missed those nights. I want to have a night like that.

That's a young man's game. I'm still young. You are. Still full of jizz. Yeah. Jizz and vinegar. Jiz and vinegar. Yeah.

Worst packet of crisps I've ever tried. Walkers, jizz and vina cichers. If Gary Linnertip would eat them, so can you. I'll do it for Gary. It tastes like Gary. I was going to say. I kind of remember the worst hangover I had recently was just before America. I didn't even drink that much

I think it's just because maybe I've been up for a long time or I haven't eaten that much something like that but the next day I had to go to the shops and I actually like I walked in once I had to walk out against the right away

so I'm gonna get sick in the air oh fuck and the second time I walked in I got a muju and I think it picked up like a sandwich and actually for some I never really did I actually drank some of the muju

before I paid for it and I was like that didn't go well I just put it back and walked out this door and I got sick just as I walked out of the door

like oh just as soon it just went yeah yeah and there's a kid looking at me and it's like this is your future

where is this in America no oh it was actually the circle came me in my house oh okay wait

was it was a oh you said something of America before it was just before America it was like

it was like my kind of blow out thing before I went to America and I did not feel good no

it was weird how bad I felt from just drink like yeah it can't fuck you up like yeah really can't the demon that's what the hardy book said oh it is drink is a curse yeah probably wrap this up now i think well what episode's nearly over so it's a nice little like okay yeah yeah so basically catch up now the him and the guy had a little kissing

experiment there in real life yeah which they played it well because they're so their alpha guys like yeah yeah bra let's do it bro let's crush it um yeah yo it's the old muckony muck yeah You son of a bitch Just chis me You go first I'll psych myself off Then we start shifting But they don't feel anything

Yeah So That's Captain America Can you believe that Well I believe it Think of it now Captain America He's meant to represent America

And before it was like a white guy Blue eyes, blonde hair Kind of thing Now it's a black guy Who likes to play video games And have sex with his friends How far are we come yeah and the other guy got a cat that's how miserable he is yeah I think

buying a cat really is a sign you know it's the beginning of the end I've actually started thinking about there's a lot cats in my stay and walk past him like I'm actually kind of like oh I should get a cat now and then it's all I need go therapy if you want a cat you got a problem if you own a cat you're mentally ill that's what Brian's then so what's the deal here the deal that they come up to in the end So, yeah, for his birthday, the wife found out about the whole thing. So now she's going to let him have sex with his friend in virtual reality while she goes out and gets some stray cock.

Stray cock. Nothing wrong with that. Best kind of cock. Hey, yeah. That's a stray cock. It's like a stray cat. You feed it once and it'll always come back to your house. Get out of here.

Yeah, you got to shoot away. Get out, get out here. Then you're going to call, like, the vet. think we're cock away and put it down it's like the cock like a dog catcher was it to cock catcher he goes over a little net Jesus his wife has great tits then yes she does but you know what doesn't matter how nice your tits are your husband will always have sex with his friend that's the lesson to learn here I like this as well like as it ends like the guy he's going to have gay sex in the game but he puts his cat in a room yeah he's one like

cat's no his cat's a homophobic yeah yeah his cat's all about the pussy hey oh that's good yeah thanks thanks that's why we do life shows yeah that cat watches that Harry milk film just goes crazy like mehs mehs then to having sex one last time so you they got two very attractive with people yeah they're very hot yeah god I'd love to just god I'm so horny now

I can't wait this workman show anybody want to play strike and viper god yeah the live show it's gonna be interesting will we be able to push down all of our bitter resentment

towards you so I think I think the energy of a live show will be good for us because the other way we're just we just record this on our own in this room yeah kind of sad depressed lonely but just people there like it gives a bit of an energy boost and I'll say a 30 minutes will fly by yeah yeah plus I'll have

just like some emergency notes just in case but the emergency notes just be like Prince Andrew's a Pito oh it went on the next episode yeah go on with Jesse Plamins it's a good episode yeah Jesse Plemins people gave him so much shit for being Yeah, yeah, he's like, Ah, Gade Wade, he deserves to die. All right, he's still a good actor, though. No! Actually, Aaron Paul's at the end of this, remember?

Is he? Yeah, he plays the guy that in a video game way. Oh, okay. Yeah, you only hear his voice. Anyway, so that was striking vipers. Yes. I like this. I like this having something going on in the background.

We hope you enjoyed it as much as we did, although that's probably impossible. Yeah, let us know if you want us to do more kind of, like, commentary episodes like this. or just three up reviews or just want us to stop completely

and leave you alone we have the Twitter poll and unanimously you all just said stop it was weird because we don't get that many listeners but like

20,000 people who would stop and we only have six followers I don't know anything else you want to say before we end this

come to our live show please come to our live show if you have anything drugs to be bring as well are we going to go like what's how is this going to go by the way are you going to like you working next day or what yeah currently yes I'm trying to get it off so we'll see I might have work I'm not sure yeah I don't get the schedules this early so

yeah and we might have to just like do the show leave yeah but if I'm working that's what will happen like I'll just let's do the show and it'll sneak us out the back door because the mobs like where's Brian and James they'll chase around like the Beatles and they're chasing us and then we're on the park bench with newspapers and we look up and we look up and run the other way and then

Mark David Chapman shoots us someone should edit that actually that would be great the video them chasing around and then like John Lennon's just shot oh okay that's the end of the episode bye