Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 75 : Cancel (((Nick Cannon))) Culture

Episode Date: July 31, 2020

We talk Kevin Smith, American History X, Muslim people, Jewish people and homophobic Irish people who love a bitta cock.

Yeah. We're just chilling at the moment. They're watching American History X downstairs. They are. My roommates are watching American History X. Just give you an idea of how cool James roommates are. And just the kind of like the circles we hang in. Yeah.

But they turn it off. Like for the last 20 minutes, they just turn it off. It's like, nope, that part didn't happen. Yeah. They're like, no, that's... He doesn't get redeemed. It's almost like Old Testament, New Testament. There's like a fan edit where...

like he doesn't you know change his ways he just you know yeah yeah we're watching like flip it so that like he's not the one getting raped but doing the raping in the shower scene we were watching the scene if you've ever seen the film we won't spoil it but we were watching the well there still happens in it we're watching the basketball scene if you know it yeah if you know the film you'll know the basketball and basically eat and supley is playing basketball with these black guys yeah now eat in supley a very interesting person yes uh he is there anyone who's had a crazier kind of

trajectory not even I'm just talking with body shape well yes yeah that's true he went from like you look at him

in some films he shouldn't be alive yeah like I think in American history actually he's probably at his fattest like he's very

overweight then you see him like a few years later in my name is Earl he's still he's not as fat as he was but he's still kind of a fat guy

he's fat in that but like he's able to function yeah exactly yeah whereas in that movie in American history he's proper like dangerously overweight like he would break things yeah yeah that's true like if

he like um like i'm not even trying to be funny now he would not be able to sit in the plane yeah that's probably right yeah he'd have to get two seats he'd be like Kevin smith remember that happened actually he'd be tweeting about it remember that happened and he like uh that became like his stick for like two years yeah that's all he talked about is like these american airline companies are scum is like no you're literally too fat for the airplane seat it's not it's nobody else's fault but yourself but weren't it like I say that as a fat guy

I wouldn't like if somebody said hey fat boy get the fuck out of here but like yeah you got it pal you're right I'm wrong they say get the fuck out weren't it like hey buy an extra seat yeah yeah and he was like how dare you

I directed mall rats and then like he released a special like a year later called Too Fat to Fly oh like a comedy special well he did specials I'm using quotation marks there were Q&A specials

where he tells stories and it'll be to his fan base. Right, exactly. So he's already preaching to the converted kind of thing. Yeah, he's not going down to the comedy store to work on five minutes. Right, yeah. Like he's doing it where he's like,

yeah, so I was working on a film there with Jason Mewes and they're like, woo, woo, yeah. He's back on heroin and he's not doing well. We like the more when you're on the heroin. Actually, I'm pretty sure Kevin Smith took him in. Like, he lived on Kevin Smith couch with his family when he was like trying to kick heroin but Kevin Smith had to kick him out because he kept like stealing their possessions and selling them for heroin and I was like good

yeah fuck you and your fucking Superman action figures like if I was a heroin addict living in some fucking man child's gaff surrounded by stupid fucking toys I'd be like fuck this fat con I am taking his fucking toys because he's fucking 43 years old and I am getting heroin with them because I have real problems not that this fucking infantilized bitch could ever understand

it's kind of hard to talk to someone he's like you're ruining your life you're wasting all this money and it's not healthy okay and he's seen this while

there's like a collection of like Boba Fett bubble heads just in the background just like 60 of them he's like I need them all yeah

if I have 55 I feel like a loser yeah I'll kill myself if any of these go missing and the kid well

and um so yeah like he like he really he tweeted about for like two days straight yeah this was like airy twitter yeah when was this like 2011 or something like that he just invented twitter and they're like what's this going to be used for yeah and then kevin smit was like yo watch out guys i heard him like talking about it on the mark marron podcast he talked about in all the podcast yeah but there was even one bit where it was just like so petty it was just like yeah dudes like make fun of me for being fat it's like okay bro but I could probably fuck your wife if I wanted to that's literally what he

a quote yeah it's like that's the type of person this guy is like you know just like yeah well I'll fuck your wife and ruin your marriage because you called me fat even though I am actually dangerously overweight which then gave him a heart attack at 50 now I'd respect him if he did fuck the wife and then died of a heart attack yeah yeah I'd respect that but he didn't fuck the wife and he's not dead

so it's like what are you here for he's dropped the ball on either side do you know I used to listen to the Kevin Smith a lot, his podcast. Yeah. The amount of projects he was like, oh, we're just about to start working on this and then it would just never happen. Because he became kind of a joke, you know, it's kind of like the first clerks, you know, okay, this is funny because like we've done three episodes and two of them, we've just bitched about Kevin Smith. But anyway. And we don't care about him at all.

Yeah. It's not like we think about him every day. We were both fans of him. Like I really liked clerks. I kind of liked mall rats, you know, dogma, you know, whatever. You know, his, he's movies were all right. I always kind of considered his early work as kind of like a Woody Allen for Generation X for that kind of slacker, you know, comic book nerd type people. You know, Chasing Amy, I think, is legitimately good film. I don't even like that. Do you not, no? No. Okay. I just thought I was too old for it. Right. Isn't that the star of it isn't like a black guy who pretends to shoot everyone? Yeah, that's true. And then it's like, oh, it's just to promote his comic book. Right, yeah. Yeah, you try doing that now.

Yeah But anyway And also in that film Like a lesbian gets cured Yeah Okay I suppose you're right Actually it is kind of a

It probably is quite offensive To like LGBT Well I don't care if it's offensive But it's just like I'm not gonna be like Oh my it's a modern love story Well that's the thing isn't it Like she's so in love with Ben Affleck

That you know She's so in love with him as a person That she like gets back on the dick Yeah I don't know Yeah I saw it years ago And I thought it was really good But you know

You're probably right It probably is shit Also I got all comic book references so I knew they weren't funny okay right right yeah I just like Jason Lee to be honest he's kind of the only Jason Lee is such a missed

he should be so much bigger yeah he was like really good in that and really good in mall rats he's kind of the only good thing in those films actually Ethan Supley is in mall rats playing a fat angry guy just yeah eating supply

so we were talking about his weight just to get back to that so now he's ripped yeah he's like proper jacked but even in the wolf of wall street he had lost a lot of weight he was still a bit kind of pudgy but he was like big and strong breaking a baseball bat and picking up whores he had a pair of prostitutes on each arm he was a big strapping man you

know god but now now he's like proper jacked in the gym like pumping iron and yeah he went from like morbid the obese to like kind of fat to like older bouncer right yeah yeah like um like i'm training to be the hulk yeah he's like yeah just paint me green and don't make me angry yeah and uh he's a big fan of the comtown podcast you know he'd probably like our podcast he definitely would yeah well yeah yeah i think he would actually yeah yeah i think he likes dark humor i don't think he'd get a lot of it i think a lot of you just be like shit that crazy you know i don't think he'd be like what are the fucking magdalen laundries yeah i don't think he'd be like oh my god i can't believe they went after the it gals uh is there no sacred cow

it's funny we're watching that scene to get back to the start we're watching the scene the American History extra playing basketball and Eaton Supley is playing this with the black guys and he's losing all right

yes and then he bets money yeah he tries to bet money that he'll win yeah and then Ed Norton's got to bail him out

and jump in yeah and he takes off his shirt and he's got a big swastika tattoo yeah and he's like hey white guys versus black guys

let's go I was laughing with the idea of like it's me and you doing that versus like I don't know like Chris Paul LeBron James

We just show up to the NBA We just walk onto the court Hey, we're got a bet For you right now Black guys versus the white guys It's so funny because they're in a bubble right now Because of coronavirus So we actually break into the place

Okay And we've got our shirts off We've drawn bad swastika They're really bad swastasas I drew a rabbit by mistake Then we challenge them And then we just immediately like get heart attacks We just Kevin smit ourselves

And then they try try to fly my body back on a plane but it's too fat. It's like, your corpse is going to have to buy more cargo space. They're like, we're just going to burn down the house.

It'd be more dignified. People probably won't get that, but anyway. It's a reference to a film. We won't ruin the film. Yeah, but like we burn down the house and the whole family watches

and they're like, it's about time. It's a more dignified ending. Yeah, yeah. This way, he doesn't die a joke. Yeah, yeah. If you get the film, If you get the reference, write in. If you get every single reference that we've ever made on this podcast,

you are severely mentally ill. I will say that right now. Eat and something, he'd be like, I don't know what they're talking about. He's too busy lifting weights. Yeah, yeah, probably banging chicks. Yeah, yeah. We make a joke about Matthew Broderick. It's not going to be like, well, Matthew Broderick kills someone.

I don't care. And they need to lift more weights. Pick up more hookers. Exactly, yeah, yeah. Toss a midget. Yeah. Yeah. But it was a different time, you know, Wolf of Wall Street.

It was 2015. 13. No, was it? Yeah, it was 2013. Which still actually was a different time. Kind of anything pre the Me Too movement or just kind of like,

I would say even more so, the Me Too movement, but then the election of Donald Trump. Kind of before then you could get away with saying a lot of stuff, doing a lot of stuff. But afterwards, it was kind of like a line was drawn in the sand.

It's like, even if you make those kinds of jokes, you're basically a MAGA, alt-right 4chan dickhead and you're not you're either with us or against us well like it was kind of thing of like when Obama was president I'm talking about American culture here but sure that all trickles down into our culture because it's so influential oh yeah it's going to affect Irish culture like that exists oh what do we have now oh it's going to affect fair city river dance oh now everyone in fair cities wear maga hats well um river dance as well just like a whole line of river dance people with maga hats on

behind the wall tiki torches yeah doodoo doodoo people were more like you know people would be like oh I'm wearing black face but it's funny because I'm

legitimately making a comment on racism yeah yeah it's like ironic the whole point is it's offensive and they felt like they get away with it because in the back of their heads they're like no we've won yeah liberalism has won here

to conservatives in their head it's a small bunch of guys in Alabama or online and like they're basically going to be gone like a generation and then Trump came along they're like

oh shit we're actually in a culture war to use the quotation marks I don't really think this culture war is way simplifying

what this is like yeah yeah yeah it's kind of a good way to kind of give it a name it is but I feel like it's almost like

derivative because like culture war makes sound like it's only but the culture not about like fucking jobs or like anything

actually like the economy of healthcare or anything real. It's just like, no, it really is whether you like Stephen Colbert or not. That's the main issue here, people. And I will die for my right to watch Stephen Colbert and find him mildly amusing. From our cold dead hands! Any Charlton Heston fans out there? Yeah.

But, oh, what are we saying? I don't even know how we got to this. We were saying that it changed and it became like a your witness against us. Yeah, okay, yeah, sure, yeah, yeah. But I don't know, there's really, I mean, you can speak fucking ad nauseum about all that shit, but it's been done to death, and who cares? It's boring at this stage. But, like, look, American History X, bring it back to that again, okay?

Yeah, sure. Now you'd have to make it and have to very clearly say the racist people wear MAGA hats and they're bad. You couldn't even have, like, let's be honest, okay, we know people who like American American History X for the wrong reason. Sure, yeah. And you can because it's not like hitting you over the head every two seconds like... With, yeah, I mean, there are, I mean, large portions of the film where the main characters are completely unapologetically, horrifically, horrifically racist, and then they justify

their racism with bringing out issues like crime and poverty and statistics and all this stuff. So if you're that way inclined, you could definitely sit there, watch that movie, go, yeah, see, I'm right, I'm right, that's what I was saying. Now, the filmmakers would say, yes, if you watch the whole thing all together and you're sensible, you'll understand this is a commentary,

this is not in support of white supremacy, okay? Yeah, exactly, yeah. But because in their liberals minds, this is a war, they're like, you cannot even have five minutes of, in any way, seeming to support

this, because that will empower the really racist and we've got to make all media now so simplified that even like the biggest idiot in the world can't misinterpret it there can be no room for misinterpretation you're very right like you know it doesn't matter like like so things like context intent you know ironic detachment whatever are all completely gone now like i mean even if like people genuinely are getting in trouble now for things they said 10, 15 years ago, even though at that time they were being ironic, self-aware, the whole joke was, we know this is bad. Sarah Silverman can do the blackface episode. And it's very well written because the whole joke is she's like, I wonder what else

like to be a black woman. Yeah. And they're reacting to her because she's wearing black face, but she thinks like, wow, people really do hate black people. Is that in her show? Her show, yeah, yeah, yeah. I never actually watched it. You should. It's funny. Dan Harmon worked on it. Okay, yeah, yeah. Christopher Eccleston. an appearance of all people. That's interesting choice. Playing a Doctor Who type character. Right.

And you're like, oh yeah, this show was written by nerds. Yeah, well, he would have been, probably came out around the time he was Doctor Who. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a definitive reference, like, yeah. I think Sarah Silverman, like, her early stuff was fucking great. Like, but she really has gone because, well, here's the thing. She has been a victim of this culture war. She made that anti-Asian joke on Conan, got a lot of shit for that.

I think it was He actually was Conan It was Conan, yeah Yeah, yeah She was on Conan She made the joke And then she was on Politically incorrect

With Bill Maher And some guy, Asian guy who was like Kind of a spokesperson Or whatever He really railed against her like And that guy wasn't even Asian

Was he not? He's from Nigeria What? Oh no, I'm joking I was starting some bullshit conspiracy Yeah Yeah, yeah

But anyway, yeah So I think I can kind of understand Well, she's like She's put in a weird place Because again Like people are like You have to represent women Yeah

yeah yeah and that's more important to mean funny plus here's another thing like what is she now late 40s maybe anyway she's getting a bit older like who like this is the type of shit like fucking people in their 20s who've never really had to do anything get all riled up about it by the time you get to your 40s 50 60s you're so fucking tired of the non-stop bullshit of life that you just don't care anymore yeah become completely immune and dead to it all and you're like I don't give a fuck I'll say what you want me to say leave me the fuck alone, all right? My child has got fucking leukeia and my wife

is banging my neighbor. I got problems. I don't give a fuck if somebody made a joke on Twitter. Fuck you. You just had a glimpse of the future. There's no way I'm making it to 50s, so I'm fine, I don't care. But you people are all fucked. Oh, that's insane. You know what's getting bad? Nick Cannon got cancelled.

I saw that, yeah, for fucking anti-Jewish stuff that Professor Griff from Public Enemy made. Oh, that and also he's like become like a real Farrakhan guy now. Oh, is that right? Yeah, he's proper, like, talking about, like, you, Farrakhan, like, Minister Farrakhan, you know. And Farrakhan is very anti-Jewish, anti-Zionists and stuff, right, right, right.

But it's funny because there's also lots of anti-white stuff as well. Right. And anti-white stuff is very funny. Yeah. Well, it was like white people are savages. You got that, right, buddy? They're savages, yeah. And also, it's to do, like, the amount of melanonen.

Is it, how do you pronounce that word? Melanonon, yeah, I think it's... Melanononon. The amount of melon you got. Many white people juice. White people Yeah, we'll call it melon The stuff that affects the pigment

In your skin Right, right, right So in his words now Don't want to get cancelled We don't want the whites Come on after God, they're the only people we have We can't alienate the white people

Right, if we lose the whites Who have we got We are doing What? Literally what do we have like That would be so funny about if like White like People like men's rights activists

And white guys all came out The BNP comes after us literally we just have what like it'd be so weird if it was like we still got the Korean fan base what's why I like about this show we aren't on anyone's side we're against everyone

and everyone's against us especially ourselves we're Bonnie and Clyde baby it's us against the world so anyway yeah he was saying the white devil sees all the pigment black man got

yeah yeah and that drives them crazy yeah yeah that makes them commit crimes and steal sneakers like that makes us go crazy okay those white folks just be wild and out because he hosts wilder now so it's not racist because he hosted the show so don't come after me

have you watched wilder now I've seen bits of it yeah wilder now is I wish isn't it just like yo your mama so fat fuck you no there's way more to that okay I wish I was dumb enough to be able to do wild like maybe not dumb I wish I wasn't a self-conscious and I wish I was just addicted if I was addicted lean

I could do the show, no bother, okay. Right, okay. Yeah, so basically it's like whose lines it anyway, but black. Right, right, right, right. So, like, hey, Colin mockery, get the fuck out of my face.

Right, okay. Pete Davidson was on it for a lot, wasn't it? Pete was on it, what's the name, Mikey Day from S&L. Okay. Was on it for, he was a regular for ages, okay?

Right. So they have these different games. Okay. So obviously you have the rap battle game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably the clips you saw. They're the most popular ones. Yeah, I've seen rap battles, yeah.

Where it's, they do a very good job of, the rapts are obviously pre-written but the raps are so bad you think they're making them up on the spot Ah very clever That's the way to do it And Nick Cannon definitely made that decision It's not like he's a bad rapper

I'd never say that No of course not But they've got other games as well So one of them is like an improv prop game Okay This is great So the one I watch They gave him a hula hoop

Right And like okay The rules of the game is You gotta walk to the spot Pick up the hula hoop Improvise something If it's funny you get through to the next round

if it's not funny you get buzzed off okay right right so like the amount stuff they were doing okay one of the guys

picked up was like this pizza's huge okay yeah sure one of them was like damn this is a big condom

okay yeah what kind of reactions were these getting uh not good no no no this was getting like

like uh like watching Richard prior oh really people were like freaking out yeah well actually let me just ask real quick this show like how

is it kind of is it kind of it's the biggest show that, I think it's, is it MTV? Or BET? No, my, BET do not do anything. Okay. Yeah, BET.

That was definitely a racist moment of me either. BETT are actively hurting the black community. Okay, no, what I meant? Whatever network it is, okay? It's like one of the biggest shows they have. What I meant by that, though, is like, how edgy can they be? Or do they have to kind of keep it fairly tame? I think they do have a, one of the segments on the show is like, you can't sit down

on TV. Right, okay. And the whole thing is like, they're saying things you can't say on TV. and it's all just like... While they're on TV. Yeah, and it literally is like your mama, ginger. Your mama,

stank-ass bitch! No, that'd be too much then. That will be too much, yeah. You can't say that on TV. Especially if you look like me. You cannot say that, sir. If you... If I just got up...

No, yeah, yeah, everybody, hey, boy, hey, boy, shut up. Mama stag-ass bitch! And then security just come in and take me off. No, it's so funny. So, imagine if like, Pete David, is up there okay

and you just wander on stage you take your shirt off I got a swastika white guys versus the black guys let's go yeah oh god

so yeah they've got different they've got another one called how you doing baby okay where they've got these dancers okay

called wilding out dancers they're just like sexy girls in the background right right but they have a round where like they have to stand there in the center of stage

and each player has to go up and say a sexy one-liner Okay, kind of chat them up Yeah, yeah, yeah It has to be a funny one-liner And whoever gets the biggest applause wins Okay

So like one of them was like Hey, are you rushing? She was like, yeah Well, I'm rushing to see that booty Hey, I like it Yeah, and another one was He brought up, This is like, kind of a cheat

He brought up like a cup of nuts Okay And he's true at our tits I was like I was like, I was like, I got my nuts on your chest. Oh, my God. To get it, Doyle, I got my nuts on your chest.

Oh, fucking hell. That is ridiculous. Yeah, that's amazing. That's another show actually ridiculous. Oh, is that? That's the one Rob, what's his name? Oh, right. Rob Drydecker.

Yeah, yeah. And he's just like, again, like a fifth-year-old man, be like, she, me. Yeah, yeah, this is great. He's basically Michael Rappaport. Yeah, Michael Rapport, without the acting. Yeah, without the credibility. Yeah. Michael Rappaport without the slight credibility he has.

Wow, that's depressing. So, anyway, that's wilding now. Yeah, yeah. It's fun to watch if you're just kind of half drunk and you're like, this is ridiculous. Yeah, yeah. This is like... It's fun, like, it's silly, you know. It doesn't take itself too seriously.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is kind of like, I'll be honest. I'm more laughing at them. Right. I'm not going like, Dan, when he threw the tits on her. When he threw the nuts on her tits. When he threw the nuts on her tits, I was like, what a genius.

I was like, I'm going to do that on stage You just go and start throwing nuts And people Oh, I've got my nuts on your tits But I don't even do like the I don't even say anything You just chop your balls off and throw them I've got your nuts in my tits

Do you get it? Well, blood is just pouring down your legs Oh, I'm not very good at this Yo, that was whack Yeah So it's crazy that like It has to be a I think a lot of this cancel culture stuff

was just like people trying to get out contracts. Right, yeah. People are like, we're actually sick of this content anyways, so if we can use this as an excuse. Yeah, so let's think about it. Wilden out is like the biggest show on the network, okay?

Right. And probably Nick Cannon probably is kind of like not fun to work with it. If he keeps like walking around the offices talking about like the Jew devil, whoever like that. So if they... He meets with the legal team.

Fucking Jew devils. Um, yeah. So, uh, anyway. Uh, you're gonna put the piece of, together there I'm not gonna uh you know what I'm not gonna riff come on you know what I'm doing so um it's easier for them just be like oh he said something bad we can fire him and look like heroes they're being like look this black guy's a nine so we're just going to like fire him

but and you know breach of contract and all this stuff yeah yeah yeah just fired him without the Twitter stuff like you have to probably pay stuff but there's probably thing in the contract there's definitely contracts now like um if you get canceled yeah we don't have to pay you oh yeah that's true if you like because it can be considered a breach of terms

to engage in hate speech or whatever so companies are loving this because they can just fire anyone and just

and they probably start it you could be right well if they probably if they not started it they realized as you're saying this will really benefit us

so they most definitely push that narrative to meet their agenda yeah well I 100% would believe that let's say like

this is speculation okay But let's say if like, the heads of network was like, oh, do I have to hear about Nick Cannon going off and the whites again? Oh, my God. And then he sees that clip and it's getting like a mild amount of traction. Yeah. One call to like a Logan Roy style character. It's like, hey, he write a story about this. Right. Tweet it once. Boom. Like a like a little. Snowball. Yeah. Just picks up steam straight away. And then you're like, Nick, hey, yeah, I'm a white guy. Okay. And you're done. I just realized I'm a white guy. Guess what, Nick? I feel victimized, okay? Feels pretty good saying it. Yeah.

God, though. So he was on a podcast with Professor Griff. Now, do you know a lot about him? I keep thinking of the crime dog. McGriff. Yeah. I don't know anything about him. Professor Griff was in Public Enemy

with Chuck D in Flav or Flav. And his nickname was like the prophet of knowledge or something like that. The Jew Hunter. May I have some of your delicious milk? Yeah, so he was like a minister, minister of knowledge or something like that. So he was like, you know, kind of very well read or blah, blah, blah, but he obviously from a very early age held these anti-Semitic beliefs that, you know,

Jews run everything and blah, blah, blah. And like back in, I think it was like the late 80s, early 90s, he got kicked out of public enemy. for being too radical or anti-Semitic. So then he just kind of went down that rabbit hole. So, like, I've watched a lot of, like, weird conspiracy videos. So I've seen, like, there's this one video where Professor Griff is in, like, a record store talking about the gay hip-hop agenda. It's like, there's a gay mafia in hip-hop, and all the rappers are made to be gay with each other. It's like, well, who cares if they're gay?

Like, Geno Rade, he's like, he's like, man, this is crazy. All these guys are being gay. He was like, so? Did he have any evidence? Did he have any evidence? No, he actually started talking about Will Smith. It's like, yo, let me point out of something to you. Six degrees of separation.

Fucking some dude in the ass. Thank you. That was it. That's his fucking proof. You know what I mean? You know, in that film actually six degrees separation, there was going to be a kissing scene. And Will Smith was like, nah.

I wouldn't do it. Yeah. There has been a lot of speculation by Will Smith being gay, though. Like, that is definitely. Look, fucking Professor Griff over here. Professor Griff, yeah. Well, look, you know what? if Will Smith's gay, that's one thing

but it's hard to make the jump from like, okay, that guy's gay, he must be in someone of international cabal of gay rappers. The gay hip-hop mafia or something to that effect is what he called it. It's the most absurd. Basically, like, okay, well, here is one crux of it that I could maybe believe.

Hip-hop for the longest time and even still, arguably, is quite homophobic. They say, like, a lot of homophobic slurs and a lot of rapes. songs, right? So I am, I have no doubt that there are, much like there are gay actors in the closet, there are gay rappers in the closet, who can't come out because it would hurt their career. Okay, fine. Now, to say, okay, that's very probable, that's fine. But then to make

the leap from that to like, there's an agenda in hip-hop to make everyone secretly gay, and they're all banging each other. And it's just like, I don't even understand, one, why it's really a problem if some guys are banging each other who cares yeah and two it's like how can you say it's like a gay mafia like i don't get it's such a weird what you think like two pack was killed because he didn't suck a duck dick or well yeah like professor grave has talked about two pack there's so many rappers that he is like you know oh yeah he basically any rapper he doesn't like oh yeah he's gay what about you were you like a john connor's type kind of yeah he's very much like but he also has these very so along with these this very clear home of

phobic rhetoric. He has the huge anti-Semitic stuff. And then he was on the podcast with Nick Cannon. Nick Cannon's basically like, yeah, you're right. They're all devils. And now he got cancelled. Professor Griff can't get cancelled because he's a nobody. He's on the fringes. He's like us. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We are the Professor Griff of podcasts. Let's get him on. Yeah, let's do it. He would not like us. No, he wouldn't. No. Or it would be scary if he really likes it. I love everything you guys say. You guys are my guys. say this shit, I'm too afraid to say it.

I mean, I thought I had nerve, but you guys got balls. Yeah. So, yeah, Professor Graf is like this insane person who's like very anti-Semitic, homophobic. He's nuts. But yeah, Nick Cannon is now cancelled because he was basically agreeing with Professor Griff on a podcast. Yeah, I think it's a free Nick Cannon. That's why I say. Yeah, do you think, bring him back? He was in a, he, did you ever see his porn? He was in porn? He did a sex tape with Amber Rose. Oh, yeah. Yeah, how's that?

He licks her out a lot. It's not that exciting. Okay. Yeah, Amber Rose, she's like... She gets around. Yeah. She's a... She, like, has a shaved head, blonde hair.

Yeah, yeah, right, right. No shame now, no shame. If I was Amber Rose, I'd be doing the same thing. Yeah, of course. Yeah, why not? Why not? Why not? If Amber Rose, I'd...

I think she did organize, what they call, like, slut walks or whatever? Basically, kind of marches against slut-shaming. Marching against people like us. Yeah, but... we're the enemies here she was like walking around going we gotta stop Brian and James I haven't really heard much

from Amber Rose in a long time she was kind of very big for a while was she with Kanye as well yeah yeah yeah yeah and Eric Andre really yeah I like Eric Andre yes that's what I mean like she got all the good dick

yeah yeah now she's laying low now waiting for her next chance to pounce clever girl yeah all right okay so We'll change the subject now Because we've kind of like I tried to not talk Too much about Jewish conspiracies

But you know yourself Try going a day, huh? So I think let's go the exact opposite Okay The exact opposite All right Muslims Boom Muslims

You hear me You hear me? Turn those headphones up baby Who's with me Muslims Can I get a whoo I go on wild and out It's like

Muslims Woo I got my I got my nuts on your Muslim tits I don't know what the fuck so stupid

Just isolate that one quote I got my nuts I want to cut together trailer It was just like The Brian and James show That's their tagline

I got my nuts on your Muslim tits People are like I need to hear more subscribe and I send that to RTE Ray Darcy This is just what we need

For the Den reboot We need Socky to be like Actually Tupperty's on a break right now Oh really? They got Oliver Callan filling in for him Oh Calin kicks Yeah Which is weird because he's good our impressions

But he's not good actually hosting a show Oh really? Yeah it's kind of waste opportunity Yeah Could have got Tommy back Yeah or someone fun like yeah Or somebody good Even McGahorn

McGarrn would have been great Oh my God Kemp McArton 100% yes You always get the sense with Oliver Cowan That he's like I wish I could do an impression right now But he's got to be like kind of sincere So you've got to be like

Oh we got a lovely text here from Sarah She said that she went to the shops And she brought her bag And she lost her bag And then someone found it What? Fucking hell

That's a lovely story I love this job so much Yeah Yeah But anyway Muslims Muslims. Sorry, hit me. The big story this week.

Well, not even that big. No, just to you. The big story to you. The big story. It was very big for me. Everyone else was like, oh, that's weird. And I was like jumping around the place, building a bomb shelter. You've written 14 blog posts about it.

As like 14 different people. And they're all arguing amongst themselves. All right. So what's going on? Okay. So Croke Park. Crowe Park. heard of it?

I have indeed. I've been there. So have I. Yeah, we went there as a college trip. Yeah, I went in a school tour when I was like in primary school. So basically, okay, liberal.e, which I didn't know that's a real right, I knew they were like kind of weird and clickbaity. I didn't realize they're meant to be like kind of right wingish.

Oh, really? But they're kind of right wing. In Ireland, like things are right wing and we just kind of accept it. Yeah, that's true. So like, it's kind of main. mainstream government idea of like, yeah, look, we're not going to say out loud, but homeless people, ugh, what are you going to do? Yeah, yeah.

And people are scroungers and... Yeah, I think there is a lot of, like, you know, we're not very caring of like homeless people or like, you know, marginalized groups. Like, we're more subtle than Trump. We're not going to be like, hey, this is what we actually think, but we're just going to talk about that or think about that or really help it. It's that sort of a, it's the. Catholic guilt

repression was like oh sure you know yourself sure and you just don't talk about it you kind of brush it off and you just die of cancer at 32 yeah yeah well I think even compared to that the liberal is more right wing than that

and it would have more kind of stories of like Nigerians are coming in to steal all your cocoa pops you know stuff like that sure yeah wait are they really oh let me tell you like it's just kind of like crazy stuff like that

like obviously like any kind of if a it's pretty easy to spin like the Nigerian guy does anything. It's like, oh, the bloody, bleeding Nigerians. Yeah. They beat up tommy. What are we going to do next? They framed the Healy Raye brothers at that chip band.

Yeah, yeah. So liberal report that the Muslims, okay, are going to do a blood sacrifice. This is the words to use. A blood sacrifice on the grounds of Croke Park. Wow. Yeah. That is click bit right there. Yeah, yeah.

I would most certainly click that link, I think. You'd have to. I think I would. It'd be weird if you're like, nice. Oh, but when I try and do it, it's a whole big thing. It's about time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I'll have what she's having. So basically there's a Muslim event. Right. So it's called like the... Maybe I shouldn't try and say it. Eid al-Ada. Ed Al-Ada. Yeah, and it's about sacrifice, okay?

So it's based on... Remember the Bible story? Because the Muslims believe a lot of the same shit we do. Oh, all religions basically believe the same shit we do. same bullshit like it's all fucking yeah yeah it's not that different it's really not that different at all yeah it's not like dc and marvel you know it's

there's a lot of similarities okay so it's based on remember that old story of like the guy and god was like you gotta kill your son Solomon right no is it Solomon you're asking a wrong person okay you're asking a he'd in here I know it's so yeah I went to the Rocky Gar picture show I have no idea about the Bible I'm on the fringe baby yeah yeah okay so yeah

the old Bible story is like bring your son it's like Abraham I think. Abraham. I think, actually, Abraham, yeah, yeah. Bring your son to a mountain and kill him to show that you love me, basically. Yeah. Now, in 2020, you look at that, you think, abuse of power. A bit dumb, yeah, isn't it?

Yeah, we should meet to God. Wouldn't that be great? I'm just saying, if anyone, like... We try to meet him, Martin did that. Different story. So the whole pint of stories he's about to do it. Yeah. Also, how traumatic for the son?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, my daddy was going to kill me, but then the boss told him. them not. Yeah, and then God's like, whoa, it's okay. You don't actually have to kill him. Just kill this lamb instead. I just wanted to know that you would do it.

Yeah, yeah. So, like, hey, just kill this lamb instead. Yeah. So they kill it. And that's what this festival's about. They kill some animals. Right. Not on the grounds, not on the pitch.

It's not like they hang up and they're like... On the goalpost. And then just kick balls against a dead sheep. Yeah. Over to the bar. It's halal. They do with halal. It was in a factory somewhere.

It's okay. Now, look. Halal isn't the best way to kill an animal. What exactly is it again? Slit the throat. Slit the throat and let the blood drain. Yeah, right, right, right. Now, funnily enough, the reason this exists is because back in the day, Muslims thought this was the most humane.

The most humane, the least painful way. Right, right. And, you know, like, a lot of traditions, they found out later on, it's not, but they're like, I sure. Yeah. I like doing it. Yeah, so I'm not going to stop. Yeah, yeah. And it's kind of like, you took my granddad's tradition now.

Yeah, exactly. Might as well keep doing it. Sure. I did have a friend who worked in Monaghan and he lived near a halal butchers where they actually would kill the animals. And he said, yeah, you know, you do hear every now and again, you know. It's the only way I can get to sleep now, which is kind of funny. Clarice. Instead of a white noise machine, I've just got a halal machine.

I've always taught, this is kind of Islamophobic, but like it doesn't affect the taste or anything. No, I have no idea. I think you'd have to ask a butcher. I don't think it really affects the taste that much. And I'm just saying if you had a new episode of Only Fils and Horses, it would be a funny episode where, you know, Del Boy and Rodney, you know, just find some old animal meat and just pretend it's a halal. Yeah, yeah.

It's actually corned beef out of a tin. Yeah, and they got the crazy shenanigans. Oh, Del Boy, oh, it's the Muslim, should you're coming. Vacking shatit, Rodney. Let's go. much during the war not now granddad granddad would have some

granddad would have some opinions yeah yes let's not try and guess what they would be let's not no yeah so it's kind of like a thing where like people immediately were like this is dumb they're not actually going to do it on site and also because people are like oh

Croke Park is so Irish these Muslims are going to ruin it you won't be able to play football there anymore there just be Muslims there living now they was going to set up shop like a shanty town like a halting site it's going to be a big mosque

a big mosque in middle of Crow Park one question okay so this is like a religious holiday thing is it? Yeah I think it's something to do it like near the end of Ramadan so why Croke Park is it kind of like an Irish government's way

of saying we are a multicultural society that is accepting of all religions so please come as a sign of kind of prosperity or progress you can come to Crowe Park and have your celebration. It's kind of that, but it's also the safest place, actually,

because it's so big you can do social distancing. Oh, yeah, good point. Yeah, yeah. So there's a limited number as well. Like, Muslims had made some sacrifices here. Right. Oh, hey, whoa. Not intentional.

Purely organic. You're a showman, O'Toole. I could write for Colbert. You are a showman. Hey, Colbert, Muslims kill things. Get that kid on the first plane. You get? Los Angeles.

Okay, so, like, Dave said, like, don't mean, like, 500 people, okay? We're cutting down, many people are showing up. It's more, like, um, like, in social distance, we're not killing animals on site or anything like that. And people are still like, this is, this is going to ruin hurling. Why can't you do it on the Kamogi pitch? We don't care about that shit. You can sacrifice the players there. You'll probably find better looking sheep.

I don't know. That's sexist. What animals is it that they kill on with goats? Goats, cows, sheep. You know, the usual kind of shit like, yeah. All right. But it's kind of interesting now. So I was on Twitter and the usual types came out about it.

You know who I'm saying. Oh, I do. But also, there's a Twitter account called The Allegiance of X Muslims, Brackets, Ireland. Okay. Yeah. And they're like, there are Muslims who've gone Ricky Jervais. they've gone atheist but they're a real extreme

and they're like I didn't really read too much of what they're saying because I didn't really understand a lot of it they basically point out any kind of mosque or any kind of Muslim person

Ireland who said anything kind of wrong they're trying to cancel Muslims? Yeah yeah yeah just point out hypocris and like there's a lot of stuff like

he's actually against abortion and it's like well I'm not that surprised that's the thing this is the new religion the sort of cancel culture because it gives you a sense of purpose a sense of meaning

a sense that you're actually doing good that your anger is justified so you know it's it's very intoxicating i imagine if you're one of these people who are like you're like on the front lines of the culture wars and you're responsible for getting big names canceled that's probably like an exhilarating powerful feeling i imagine oh it is yeah yeah you know what i mean well also like look if you've been a muslim your whole life and then you suddenly uh turn ricky javez okay uh you're going to have a lot of like anger I imagine

because you're gonna feel like you're being cheated sure because I think me and you kind of slowly eased out of religion yes yeah it wasn't like

kind of like eureka no yeah so we just like it was just like oh I had to go to mass all the time and now I don't

and yeah whatever yeah but like um we didn't like it wasn't like a oh my God I've been light

to my whole yeah I grew out with that it's like you know like power Rangers it grew out with that we should we've seen what happens

when you don't it uh Oh, very good, very good. But, like, so I can understand, especially if, like, some of these people, like, they've had female genital mutilation stuff. Right. Performed on them. Okay. And, you know, if you're angry about that, I can see why.

Rightfully so, yes. I would actually, like, I'd like to read up more about these people. I would love to have, like, a current-day Muslim and a former Muslim show up and have to do a rap battle. He's so wild and out. Yeah, and we're like, we're going to settle it once and for all. get me the nuts and Pete Davis is just there going like yeah yeah yeah nice

nice yeah I don't know I did a lot of research about the Islamic stuff it's it's interesting I'd like to know more about Islam well you know who you should ask there's you know Mustafa

Saeed Belfast he would be very good on the podcast he would be great to get his opinion because I think let's plug him real quick yeah well Mustafa he's a northern Irish

comedian he was like Like he was born, like his family came over here and he grew up in Northern Ireland. And so he's got a very thick Northern Irish accent. And like his whole act is based around the fact that, you know, he's a Muslim that grew up in like in the 80s and 90s in Ireland. Yeah. Northern Ireland. And he's very funny guy, very nice guy. So yeah, it'd definitely be good to get him on and like chat to him about his like.

But he's also like a doctor. I don't understand how it works. He's a doctor as well. That's right. Okay, you're a doctor, your comedian. You're also like just cool in general. And a real nice guy And you're a Muslim

He's a very interesting guy I think he does still practice But sort of out of You know How kind of older people Still go to Mass But they're just like He's like Dr. House now

Yeah Yeah Just pop and Percocet Mast Mastafa has a Perkissette addiction I'll go on record with that Well this is great now

Originally we're like He's a great guy And at the end We're like And he's also a fucking addict Addict No he's not He's not an idea

He's a very cool guy We hadn't on do a few gigs and he always would murder. Yeah, he always does so well. Because it's such a unique perspective. That's so interesting. What I was going to say is, for now.

For now. Staff of our watch out, because next few years we're going to get loads of cool Muslims. They're hot on his heels. Because what's going to happen is, we're going to get lots of Muslims coming into this country, okay? And they're already here, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What? And you know what's going to happen is, because they're going to come from, like, Ireland, okay? Yeah. Come from conservative parents. Right. And then they're going to get into poppers. And they're going to go and see the Rocky Horror Picture show

Yeah, yeah And chem sex and the internet and TikTok And then they're going to be like cool Muslims Okay, kind of like you know the Amish go out And rum springer, yeah Yeah, it's going to be like that They're going to go into coppers You know and they're like, this is insane

They're going to bump into the it gals They're going to go to coppers at gals and start eating pork Like you know what I can still be a good Muslim But hey, be a little cheeky Yeah Have a little bit of fun Give me about a pulled pork

And then we're going to see loads of Muslim communities medians and loads of Muslim podcasts you're going to take over and you and I are going to be proved to be even more unnecessary and just not relevant in any way and just need

to be shooed off the sea We need to do slitter throats Let's halal ourselves Let's go to Croke Park on the day of this ceremony and we just slit our own throat I would love that as a protest To Islam we're like I'll show you When you slit your own throat

But we're not protesting Islam, we're protesting other podcasts. We just want mayo to win the cup. We want Sam. Mayo for Sam. Meo for Sam, just slitter throats. We're not going to protest. Ah, yeah. What do we not here?

47. All right. Yeah. Okay. Do you want to talk about, let's change the subject again, okay? Yeah. I like bouncing around. Okay.

So I actually, I like talking about movies. Sure. Yeah. I feel like there are good episodes A lot of people say like we love the movie episodes Okay Some people say they'd like to see you doing a movie Oh really?

Where you watch a movie and you tell me about it Okay and I take notes and stuff Yeah Well okay I'm not putting you in a spot No no sorry I gotta think of one right now Yeah yeah take it

Okay I will I will do that I'll pick a movie I'll make notes And I'll show you I'll show the world I'll actually name and shame here Yeah Cody Oh Cody

Yeah A very dedicated listener A great fan of the show He said that to me and I've been like, no, you don't understand Cody, okay. James, James is a... He doesn't get films. He thinks it's all real.

James is very dizzy all the time, okay? Like a bad stepdad. Like I've been working in a coal mine for 40 years. I'm just like... Like a stepdad and like, James always has to lie down. Yeah. You just walk out into the hallway and I'm just lying on the floor and just staring at the ceiling. And you go, are you all right, James?

I go, yeah, I'm fine, yeah. And you just walk out. step over me and go to bed. I'm like, I've got to watch Crimson Tide. Yeah, no, I'll do that though. I'll, I'll, I'll, I want to pick the right movie, though. It's hard to pick the right movie. Yeah, yeah.

So, for example, I tried to watch Shawshank Redemption and do this. It wasn't the right movie because it's actually very, it's very well made. Yes. And there's not that much to talk about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I actually just got into the film. Have you, had you never seen it before? Oh, no, I've seen loads of times.

Okay, right. So one of those films are showing school a lot. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, when it's right. raining or one the teachers had a stroke or the kids all pissed on your shoes

and you just want some alone time I just want to watch Andy get brutally abused I didn't realize rewatching that I thought like he got attacked with his sisters a few times yeah

that was like two years of his life yeah he was just getting beaten and raped on a daily basis so funny is like so and Morgan Freeman's just like hey shit happens like you're not going to help him but the reason they stop

is like he starts getting good like he does the wardens and the security guards accounts and they're like oh you're actually a person yeah well it's more so what happens they fuck up Andy Dufrein so bad that it kind of pisses off the wardens like hey that guy who's doing

my accounts so then he the warden beats the shit out of the main guy and then like cripples them and it's like no more problems for Andy Dufrein yeah yeah it's more like he just he raped their calculator I can't afford a Cassio so I need him it's more of a hindrance more like

oh fuck Look, do Franians in the hospital. I got to do numbers now. I guess I'll go cripple your rapist then. Mondays. Yeah, that's the kind of work day to deal with, you know? We all struggle in different ways. Yeah, sure, yeah.

But, like, I actually, watching Shawshank Convention again, I was really impressed by the use of language in the film. Like, you forget, Stephen King is such a great way of, like, constructing a sentence and making a stick in your head. Like, I've read the novella this is based on as well. Right. Like, some of the stuff, like, at one stage, Clancy Brown

he plays the main officer The man The guy who like hangs Andy off the side of the wall Oh okay right right Yeah yeah yeah You know the bit where he's talking about like

Oh I heard this money off my brother And the tax man's going to take half of it Yeah He's complaining about the liars And he goes like Oh those damn ball washing liars Ball washing lawyers Which is like

Way better than say like cock suck or something like that Yeah Ball washing up this great image of him going like Those fucking losers liars, probably wash their balls. They don't just let the crust harden around it. And, you know, make the wife do it every Christmas. Just with a chisel?

Yeah. That's such a great little bit of, like, insight into his head. I like that ball washing. And also there's another bit in it where, like, when, you know, Boggs is going to rape Andy. Okay. He goes, like, you're going to swallow what I give you. Yeah, yeah. Which is so much better than, like, you're going to suck my cock.

You're going to swallow what I give you. You can't you? Yeah, yeah. You can really imagine. it. Yeah, I was imagining it. Yeah, my mind immediately kind of goes to one of those, like, you know, in biology class where it shows like a man who's like

cut down the middle and you see the esophagus. Yeah. No, I just picture a big salami sausage sliding down the esophagus. No, I hear it down, I really feel the lump in my Yeah, I go, ooh! Yeah, yeah, I can feel it going down. Yeah, yeah. Yum, yum. Yeah, that's what I mean, like, it really paints a picture. Yeah. It's good. I recommend, I'll give you the novella. Okay. In the novella, it was slightly different.

And for one thing, they go into like what Red did. What did Red do? He just cut the brakes on his wife's car. Oh, really? And he's kind of like, yep, no regrets. Bitch had it coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Best decision in my life.

Went to jail, became the guy you can get things. I had meaning in my life. Yeah, met Tim Robbins. Loved him and Jacob's Ladder. This is great. Who's Tim Robbins married to? It's someone... Susan Sarandon.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they were together for a long time I assume they're still together Oh my God What a lucky man I have a real thing for Susan Strand Even now

Like she's like in her 70s And she's still so sexy You know what Because you're so used Because I think both of us We probably We see her in older things now Yeah yeah

But when you go She didn't Rocky R picture show Oh yeah When you see her younger Like holy fuck And even like friends Stuff like that Yeah no she just

She has that very Milf quality Like you know She's just like curvy and like but you know i don't know has she got worked under her face because she looks her age but like really good for her age i think she's one of those women that just like as just she's got very good jeans yeah she oh i'm so jealous looks after herself yeah she i got a weird thing with her like i think up until a day she dies and maybe even afterwards i'd i'd hop on a

few days after she dies you go to stand aside timie boy you're like oh team i'm so sorry uh you know know what, I'll mind the coffin for me. You can go off and, you know, do something. I won't do anything. I think Morgan Freeman's looking for you out there. Says he's got some baseball cards for you. Actually, speaking of objectifying women. Yes. On the drive here, yeah. I had a weird

moment for like, I'm driving along, a lot of traffic, okay? Okay. I'm not proud of this. All right. So I'm driving along, there's a girl with yoga pants walking past. Sure. I'm, you know, I don't want to objectify. Yeah. But you know yourself, the cheeks are bouncing. It's, it's, hey, it's a good luck. The cheeks look like someone slapped them like 20 minutes ago and they're still

like wobbling. Right. Okay. They're like a like a lava lamp. Right. Hypnotic. Okay. So I'm not like going like, Ouga, you know. Just your eyes bulge on your head. I wish you were a dead Susan Sarandon. And you just hit her with a can of dog food. Well, what, uh, oh, if you were a Muslim woman. no but like I just kind of like it was little glance okay I'm dry she didn't know it was okay little glance

I don't think there's anything wrong with that that's fine you know what yeah you know but like what made me feel bad is so I glanced and then an old fella was looking at the ass as well and then we both made eye contact and he gave me a little wink like we're in on this together

oh really that is horrible yeah and I'm like oh I am I can't even deny it like You are him. You are him in that moment. That's horrible. A wink. Why wink?

A full-on wink. Just me and you, yeah. Oh, that's horrible. Yeah. That's horrible. Yeah, I don't like that. We're part of a crime together now. And, like, what's so bad is he can call me up and be like, remember me?

Like, no, I'll tell the world about this. You've got to help me dispose of a body. And I'm like, oh, no, don't tell me. Just as you're burying her, he just looks over. winks at you again. Just the lads, hey, just the lads. So funny, he goes like,

criss cross. I'm like, that's not how it works. Chris cross, make you jump, jump, jump. Ice Coop will make you, jump, jump, jump.

Yeah, yeah. It really made me reevaluate a lot of things. Yeah. But you know what? No regrets. No regrets. Me and that guy are friends now.

I mean, he's actually sitting in your car this old time. Yeah, yeah, I told him not to come in, though. Like a dog.

I bring him around to look at the women's arces and he's like, you get too excited I got on milk him oh Jesus Christ that's horrible that's a horrible

because you know what it's a fairly innocuous and innocent thing you had a little stolen glance but you didn't stare you didn't make her feel uncomfortable around him you looked away

but then you're caught by this creepy guy and it just completely like it sullies the whole thing and makes you feel seedy and gross the only thing that was like

that similar like in a similar way was this was when I was in mass. This is when I feel like I was in this is probably

around the junior sirs okay I remember going to mass okay and it was around Christmas so a lot extra people came right

I kind of judge sometimes because back then I was a real weekly kid oh right yeah you think this is going

to save you you will burn sir knock knock Satan table for one so like I remember being there

it was like we had to stand because the place was full because around Christmas right okay and there's a guy there with his daughter

now the daughter I say was around 20 right just to like cover my basis and you were what like 13 14 whatever like junior's her age I'm bad at judging age okay

right right so I do remember like look you know having a little look you know because she was like standing facing away from me so she can't see you yeah again like I make sure to be

look look I know what I'm doing yeah sure I'm a professional in my first rodeo baby this is at my first Sunday Mass I remember having a little look and the dad caught me oh yeah yeah yeah it was such a weird thing I was looking

and then it was like weird like I turned to like facing his stomach and like I look up and he's just staring at it yeah yeah yeah at the middle of like demonic music just plays yeah and I'm like I'm the one going to hell but it'll be weird if he was like give me a wink

in it together hey you're telling me huh? I made that is one I made earlier proud of that now like a fine wine oh jeal let age before you break the head off

yeah yeah oh my god so then what did you do just kind of lock away when he caught you? And then just like I think I didn't even get the host I was like, I don't deserve this That's funny you call it the host Because I just call it communion Well I call it a lot of people call it communion

I just like call the host I've never actually heard it been called the host Except for you It might just be a thing that my parents do it Right, okay Yeah Yeah But we've talked about this before

Your dad is like different names for things Like he doesn't call it What does he call a crow bar? He calls the crow bar A bar, a bar A bar yeah And he thinks a crowbar Is a straight bar

Right with not, like, no, no bend. Yeah. He calls Scarecrow's Bowmen. Bowmen. Which could be worse. Like, if you call them, like, you know, what these are. Nick Cannon.

I've heard what he said about me. Like, it's weird. I think it's literally, it's just like, and my dad used a lot of phrases never heard of. I think it's just like, he has no, like, contact with the outside world. Right. So I think a lot of times just makes up a phrase in his head. And he just sticks with it like?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, that's Ireland for you. All right. What can you do? what are we out here we're just near the end I'm trying to think of

like a way to wrap up do you want to like give an update on so I'm moving you're moving to Dundalk moving Dundalk on Wednesday I'm kind of scared now it's kind of the leap of fate

because like I'm moving away from my parents yeah no job right and it's part of me going like am I just going to end up you know

coming back in a month right guess why I failed yeah well college starts back on September yeah yeah and is it

gonna be it's gonna be zoom classes so you're not gonna be going to the building yeah oh that's weird so i'm hopefully it's so i want some i really i love a shitty job yeah really if they were like hey you get to clean up the poop yeah i'd be like finally you want to work in the swimming pool as a lifeguard clean up the shit because the thing is like because we're gonna hit recession 100% so there's almost like inevitable it's almost like i can be a janitor and be like well you know whose fault is it me for you know not putting any working to anything in my whole life

or is it the system or the bloody Chinese the Chinese and the Nigerians all teamed up just to make sure

you couldn't get a job at KFC so and I can't literally can't they turn me down oh did they yeah that's a shame

the colonel said no yeah well my word no will Brian O2 level work in my establishment sir the colonel said

I look too racist that's not the image we want for KFC Yeah, so I'm hoping to get something I literally on the way up here I was kind of half thinking like Maybe I could start camming

You know, appeal to like Older gay guys You're just jerking off Yeah and I literally in my head was like I'm too old for that now No one wants to see old Brian I think if you shave though Right shave your beard

Yeah You could probably look a bit younger Wear a little sailor Yeah And wear like a high school musical t-shirt Yeah yeah yeah I think that isn't the option Yeah you could definitely appeal

to appeal to like the older men. I think I've gained a little bit away over COVID during that time. So I think maybe they're like, I don't know what, an or maybe. Maybe, yeah. But I think that would be pretty sweet if I became a millionaire off selling my body. Yeah. I feel like a real, you know. Nice. And then

like, you'd be like, you know, whose fault is it? The Chinese. The Chinese and the Nigerians. They made me wank on camera. Look what he do. On camera. Sorry. No. No. No to the voices. Can't do the voices. Well, you've had a few drinks in

I have had a few drinks How many drinks have you had now? I think that was my fourth Oh wow Yeah Drinking for Ireland Not really It's just a Monday night

In Kentown Yeah Do you wonder like If the fans listen sometimes They think like God Brian and James Must have crazy lives They probably play it down

For the podcast So they can be relatable But really they're in studio 54 Doing lines with Elton John Like as we're talking about Nick Cannon and Shawshank Redemption

There's like a hooker sucking me off I'm like get away Get away. Get away. It's like, no, daddy. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what our lives are like. They're even crazier than you could imagine. Yeah. This has been a fun podcast now. I'm kind of

debating. I was thinking of a sketch. Yeah. And it's a little homophobic. Oh. Put that you know, but I think... You had me at hello. I think I can say this, okay? Go for it. And I was, I've been watching a lot of TV sketches, okay? Right. And mad TV

a lot of it's just like, hey, guess what? Imagine if a basketball player was gay. Okay. There's literally a sketch I watched where they're like Obviously Kobe is gone Because he's been accused of raping a woman Here's one player who definitely won't be raping women And he just comes in And fucking Jordan Peel of all people comes out

And he's proper like, hello boys Hey girl I'm a dunk on your ass Yeah it's like that And back then that was like Genius Oscar Wild Here's a fucking here's a bonus

Yeah here's an Emmy well done So I was thinking of a sketch like that we're like, it's the IRA. Okay. And the other way the IRA, they smuggles cigarettes. Okay, yeah. Okay, so I was thinking like... I think I know where you're going with this.

Yes, okay, okay. So, and you know what? People in the Mad TV's writer room be like, we know where you're going, keep going. We love it. And don't stop. Yeah, so... Don't ever stop.

Let's say, like, I want you to transport fags across the border. Yes, yes. And the other guy's like, no, I can do that. I had no bother now. I know exactly where. to get them. So he gets his a truck now, okay?

And he's like, are the fags in the truck? Oh, they are? Yeah. And you just hear disco music coming from it. And then they open the door's okay, and it's like, hello! And he's like, oh, this is not what I wanted. That's not what I meant. I meant fags as in cigarettes, not a derogatory term for gay people.

And, you know, the gay guy's like, oh, you're just being mean. Yeah. And then the other guy's like, oh, I can bring him back. And the IRA guy's like, well, actually, yeah, now that they're here. sure'd be a shame to waste We might as well have a gay orgy I'm what you call a power bottom And they have like

This is the other good Friday Agreement you never got to hear about Yeah and then they have a big gay Orgy to bring back to six counties So I think is like we use the word fag Right Meaning cigarettes Yeah okay but my sketch would have a 20 minute

gay sex scene full penetration Right With the tricolour in the background Yeah And Shane a Finn of Foil please in the background. A mixture of that and like a techno remix of like Sheney O'Connor's song. Okay, right, right.

Or no, though, the techno remix of Fields of Athenroy. You ever heard that? Oh, the fields of Attenroy. Yeah, so and I, I filmed the whole thing myself. Yeah, I'd hire out the crew myself. Yeah. All out of your part. You take

a loan out from the bank. From the bank, I mean, it's very important. I pretend it's a mortgage, okay? I hire all these gay guys to fuck each other in a field. I'm just like rehearsals for weeks You're like Kubrick You do 100 takes I hire actors from Radat

You get the cast of Give My Headpiece To come and bang each other I have Lynn Manuel Miranda there as well For choreography Okay And then at the end And at the end I'm like

You know what I was going to You know send this off But you know what This is just for me Yeah okay Yeah, and then gay guys can't give me shit, that's what I'm saying. And then what happens to all the gay guys in the truck?

You're just like... In the sketch on real life. Yeah, so it just ends with like the orgy, right? And then credits go over the orgy, yeah. Right. And then you just show the names of all the people that died on bloody sundae. It's the best tribute I can imagine. I didn't know what else to do.

I did reach out to James Nesbitt. he was not interested I show that to the family he's like you know Bloody Sunday was actually shot here in Ballymon Oh really?

Yeah yeah the 2002 Paul Greengrass film That is not accurate What Isn't that Bloody Sunday in that film Not historically accurate Probably not

No So I'm seeing What's more offensive A historically accurate Paul Greengrass film Or my gay sex orgy I mean that's for the academic

to debate, I think, Brian. I don't think we're going to figure it out. I'm going to get working on it. Yeah, yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Look, if there's anything I could do, I'll be a fluffer. You're what? I'm just going to start myself and hope other guys join in. But it's really not offensive. No, it's not.

It's very good, actually, I like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, like, obviously, I wouldn't pitch this. Yeah. But as a mad TV sketch, they'd be like, yes, Jordan Peele's going to direct it. Genius. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get out indeed.

it out of me ass only joking okay let's end it there how long are we going we're over oh what's an hour seven this is a great this is a great fun episode now it's very long you know we did some serious stuff then we ended it with homophobia fun for all of family we had stuff about gay guys

Muslim guys do we talk yeah we're talking about the Jewish guys white guys Apple or was that the other one okay I think we handled all the subjects for a lot of delicacy and no one can get offended no one can't cancel me bitch and if you are offended you're just a

bye