Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 77 : Teenage Girls Are Worse Than ISIS

Episode Date: August 6, 2020

A Mean Girls Podcast for sad losers who have orange hair and want to see the Dark Knight Rises

all right let's talk about mean girls mean girls the movie now mean girls is a phenomena okay your pronunciation of that word is quite a phenomenon well how are you pronounce no no no you nailed it you look look i just i could tell you struggled and uh i'm feeling self-conscious at the moment so i want i want to like i'm projecting onto you so mean girls mean girls okay yeah my voice almost broken said it because i get so emotional this is like a perfect film in my in my head it's like perfect film I think, yeah, it is. Wow. No, when I say perfect film, I don't mean it's the godfather part two. Okay.

It's not hostile part two. I don't mean, I just mean for what it aims to be. Yeah, it hits all the, like ticks all the boxes or whatever. It sets goals and it achieves all those goals and exceeds all them. Okay. And for a lot of people, this is like their favorite film. I mean, it's very well regarded. It's, yeah, a lot of people do love it.

They turned into a musical. Really? Yeah. Okay. A very successful musical on Broadway. Interesting. and that's huge and there's a lot of people who are like I love the musical let me check out the film

okay like it's introduced a whole new generation of people and like godfather too where's that musical well I'm telling you I'll be afraid of tonight there's been production issues but once you know once I get Pacino to sign off

I'm pretty confident that will you definitely do remember the scene in T like donkey yeah have like two guys playing the donkey and do a little dance I like that yeah so

what's your experience with mean girls when I say mean girls to you and I point at you what do you think okay I've never watched like I've never sat down and like I'm gonna watch mean girls I have been like flicking through channels when it was on watched bits and pieces

I know enough about it but I've never given it a proper go to be honest I you know it is kind of one of those movies people's like oh you ever seen mean girls I kind of go no you know because in my head you're too manly for that Yeah, no, it's not even that. It's just like, it's my girls in high school.

I really don't think I could, like, connect with it or whatever. And that was just my own ignorance. I'll put my hands up and admit that. But I've heard from enough people that know that's, you know, a very simplistic, you know, it is a very good film. You should give it the time of day. And I think, you know, I kind of miss the boat. I'm a bit too old now, you know what I mean?

I'm 30 years old. This is about 16-year-old high school girls. I think you can still watch it because there's, no, there's lots of adult jokes in it. Okay. Like, I think you'll probably have forgotten, because I've forgotten a lot of the adult jokes in it. And definitely, like, what Tina Faye said about the film is, that when they were showing it to people, like, test audiences. Sure. Okay.

The adults would laugh and find it hilarious because there's all these jokes that they're getting, you know. Right, right, right. They're like, oh, it's so funny. The kids would not laugh because it was too real. Too real. They were, like, they were actually relating to the character, and they were cringing the whole time, in a good way, like. PTSD, almost. Yeah, like, V-S and V-N-Vee.

so like yeah yeah like Vietnamese soldiers they were coughing because of aged orange stuff like that yeah right right right I got you yeah that's kind of like

and they show this in the film as well like high school is kind of like a war and it is dramatic dramatic to some people well I went to an old boy secondary school so I mean it was there wasn't so much the bitchiness

there was a lot of like insults being thrown back and forth and a lot of violence like I got you know I got punched in the face a lot and then you know by proxy punched people in the face. So, you know, toxic masculinity is kind of a perfect way

to describe my secondary school experience. And you know what? That's actually, you were so lucky. Really? Yeah, and I hope when you were getting punched in the face, you should think. Thank God there's no girls here laughing at my small dick. Yeah, because what they're showing this film a lot is like this film highlights that women, like men will just like punch each other and call each other like homophobic slurs.

Sure, sure. And you know, like throw a brick through your windows with the slur written on it or like maybe they couldn't fit all of it on one brick so they're like just OT is like written on the second brick oh yeah it's like scrabble you get like you get like six bricks in your window like F you gotta put them all together

what to spell F, A oh no I think I get this is cool I don't have enough windows to facilitate all these bricks so they just like knock on the door and hitching in the face with it ding dong Yeah, so that's one thing, okay, but women now, they will destroy someone psychologically over the course of months.

They play the long game. Yeah, and we see this in the film. Women grow up quicker and they mature brain-wise, okay, quicker than lads. So while lads are like, duh, I'll hit them. Yeah, we're all just knuckle-draggers, basically. Women are like, how can I plan the perfect crime? Very McAvellian, really, isn't it? Like, they just, like, strategically is like, okay, on Tuesday, I'm going to slightly

compliment her but on Wednesday I'm gonna pull the rug out from under Thursday another little compliment Friday yeah they're basically even negging yeah without trying to actually like fuck them okay yeah they're actually like I'm nagging just to make you commit suicide

that's how they bust a nut if a friend of theirs commits suicide because of them that's what gets the wall let's be honest every teenage girl deep down once not even their enemies wants their best friend to commit suicide because of a slow light they can't remember why they're like you did something bad once i don't know what i was but

i want you dead yeah yeah we should preface by saying uh obviously we're gonna make a lot of jokes here about women or whatever we're not it's about time it's long over and we're like m lk we're saying to things we're gonna give a speech i have a dream where these bitches finally get what's common to him because i ain't taking this shit no more uh yeah yeah well look obviously like Yeah, we're just fucking around here. We're talking about, let's stress this. We're talking about teenage white girls. American teenage white girls.

Yes, yes, yes. Scum. The worst, the antithesis of humanity. Can you think of a worst group of people? I implore you. Go on. We'll, let's just go silent for 12 seconds. As a cis man, I'm saying.

Can you think of a worst group of people? As a cis white man. Yeah. Yeah, to all the Cairns out there. What? Well, that's kind of what Cairns. Like, the girls. in Mean Girls all grew up to be Cairns.

They would grow up become like Cairns who think wine is hilarious. Yeah, wine and percassette. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, they think, oh, wine o'clock. Yeah. That's me. And the kids are like, you forgot to pick me up from school.

Yeah. That's me. Anyway, okay, look, so let's get into the production of this. Okay, so Tina Fey wrote it. Now, what happened is there was a book that was made, that was written called Queens Bees. Queen Bees and Wanna Bees by... I like that.

Yeah, yeah. Queen Bees and wannabes. That's a good title. Yeah, no. Now, that was not intended to be a funny book, really. It was more like an actual kind of like analysis of the teenage mindset in high school. When did that book come out? Let me click on the link.

2002. Okay. Okay, so quite like the film was 2004, I believe. It was a big hit. It was 2004. Right, right, right. So 2002, this book comes out. It's like half a self-health book and half the analysis of teenage minds.

intended for like a teenage girl to be like help navigate her way through high school high school experience and puberty in general okay okay so it's a big hit and Tina Faye sees this and she's like kerching she kerching indeed but she thinks like I'm going to take the basic premise of this but then put in all my own experiences into this so it's nearly all her but the basic framework is queen bees and one of bees okay so she goes like I want to make this Lauren Michaels is like we're going to do this This is a Lorne Michael's production It comes up the very first thing you see

Before Mean Girls, for Tina Faye It says Lord Michaels Mean Girls predates 30 Rock Yes Yeah, okay So was this kind of Tina Faye's first Dipping her toes outside of the S&L thing?

This is her first experience You know what, SNL is like This is her airheads This is her, no way, cone heads Oh yeah Because airheads was like a different film Yeah, it was a different film Yeah, it was a different movie.

Ah, I blew that, one or two. I blew it. Well, look, there's plenty more chances. Cone heads is what I meant. Yeah, so, like, S&L was like, you know, she rose through the ranks of S&L, and she became head writer. Yeah. But people are like, you ain't shit, Tina Faye. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, what, you're head writer of S&L? I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I don't care. Have you done a successful film? No? Then get out of my shop. Yeah. You'll get out of my stop.

Oh, who said that? Anyway. Some guy just came in. Some guy just. popped his head in my room I'm sick of that it always happens stop being offensive

yeah get out okay so she's like gonna make this film yeah they make it

huge hit and it becomes like one of those films that like seems to get bigger every year like in the pop culture of it

yeah even recently Leo Varadker mentioned it of course yeah well he was kind of on his whole run of putting movie quotes

into his speeches yeah and then people were like duh That's cool. Watch, brilliant! Yeah, yeah. Like, he will be like, yes.

It was kind of like... It wasn't it like he was like reading off like the dead, like how many people died. The following people are dead. Boo, you whore. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Oh, that's not Fletch. Or Fetch or whatever to call it.

Fetch. I think Fetch is what they're in. No, Felch is like a felching. Isn't that? That's like a Kevin Smith thing, isn't it? I don't know. I just heard of it. It's like we, it's like when you spit on a woman, isn't it? No, I heard felching.

was um when you like it's like you get shit on the dog no you get somebody to stand like to jump on a corpse while you wrap your mouth around the orifice and you receive whatever fluids come out i didn't know those corpses involved yeah i think that's it i could be totally wrong i probably am well anyway we'll talk we'll do another episode about that yeah yeah yeah okay so look she makes the film i'm just going to like the plot of the film now okay right so it starts off lindsay lohan right now it's sad watching her and this because you're like because you know where it's going

you're like oh she had life and energy she had a lot of potential and she could like move her face and things and Lindsay Lohan definitely is there's a hint of sadness throughout the film now

when you're watching it because you're like she's really good yeah yeah and not true fault of her own but like it's like you're seeing you're seeing a chicken

right before it gets its head cut off okay I like that analogy sure because like oh this is great It's full life. And then, like, Hollywood gets their hands on her. Yeah.

And, uh... Well, Child Star, the parent trap. She was very young in that. Oh, yeah, I think she was on her own, living in, like, L.A. by, like, 16. Yeah, yeah, that's not good. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Or...

Or maybe. Yeah. Did her, did her right. I mean, like, yeah, it ruined her life. She's very sad now, but she got to be in mean girls. She got to be in mean girls. Yeah. Definitely a career highlight, I would say, for her.

For her, this is... This is... It's probably her. best work. What other film would you say? Well, see, everyone loved her in the parent trap, but she had that, she was so young, it was very much the child actor thing. Also, parent trap, like, I don't know, like, I feel like

this is more like, this is her film. She's the star of the film, she's narrating the fucking thing, like... Okay, yeah, I get you, I get you. This is all her. This is definitely the high point. Parent trap wasn't Dennis Quaid involved? Dennis Quaid and somebody else, but Lindsay Lohan is, it's about twins. She's playing both twins, like, so it's like a double

role. Yeah. So everyone was really blown away by... She was like a kid and that so it's like you know Macaulay Culkin who cares exactly but this is like

old now she can be a star what age is she in the film she's 16 but she's got massive tits

man that's one thing I'll say like the one thing that I remember about this movie is like the scene at the I know you're

going to get to it but just the scene at the talent contest when there's the four of them dressed as like sexy Santa's dancing

provocatively it's really hot and they're all meant to be like 16 now I saw this movie when I was 16 or I saw this scene when I was 16 you know what I mean yeah so I'm not you can't get me

you're not gonna get me I ain't no Brian Kellan baby listen to that FBI my god this guy's ear tight I don't know how we're gonna get them well that's what I mean like they do they're not afraid they're very sexualized they're not afraid of addressing the fact that kids that age are having sex yeah I've seen it I've seen I've been there yeah they're experimenting with their bodies okay they're all like given hand there's multiple references to like hand job. Yeah, like one stage, one of the characters like, oh, it's half a virgin when I met him.

Ah, okay. Like, there's like, lots of sexual stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like this is like the last time you can make this film. Yeah, it's still kind of half sexual but not like insane. Yeah, you couldn't get away with it now.

Where now we'd be like 12 year olds and they're all doing poppers. And, like, they're all like, oh, did your sex tape get leaked? It got more views than mine. Fuck you. Anyway, sorry. So I kind of took you on a tangent there.

But yeah, so. So Lindsay Lohan, okay. Yeah. It's their first day of school, but she's 16. Right. Because she's been in Africa the whole time. Right. Yeah.

Her dad and mother, her parents are like bought into like, they're both academics, okay? Okay. And they're being Africa doing stuff. She's been homeschooled the whole time in Africa. Right. And now they're back in America. Okay. So it's her first day of school, but she doesn't know like how white people.

Okay, so she's been, wait, was she, she wasn't, where was, when did they go to Africa? Has she been there for years? years like she's never like being like like a school American high school okay I see right and even like the parents are like

oh she's 16 is she old enough to go to because they're a real protective right they're almost like maybe we should homeschooler until she's dead

yeah okay and the parents are Neil Boyle is how you say Flynn the janitor from Scrubs oh okay yeah and some girl

from SNL right which I have to say now fair play to Tina Faye for not loading this film full of S&L people. She didn't do a sandler on it. Yeah. It's not like Billy Madison. Yeah, there's like...

There's Amy Poehler for like two scenes. Of course, yeah. And then you've got like Tim Meadows as the one of the teachers. And that's basically it. And the mother is like an S&L cast member as well, but she's like one of those that like... The obscure ones. Yeah, never really went on to like bigger things.

Let me find it here. Yeah, I don't... I actually looked her up and I didn't recognize her. Yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all, yeah. She's probably dead, who cares? Well, Will. Yeah. If my plan has worked. All right. Yeah. So she goes into school, okay, first day of school. Yeah. And immediately goes wrong. Okay. Like, she's like, oh, I'm scared of everything, okay? All right. And then, like, she bumps, knocks, her teacher walks in Tina Faye, okay? Bumps coffee all over. Okay. And then Tina Faye takes off her shirt. Oh. Yeah. And you can see her bra.

And that's when Tim, what's his name? Tim Meadows walks in because he's another teacher and have a bit of an awkward like, oh. Oh, so I guess she didn't just do it there in the class or in front of everyone is like... No, she did, yeah.

What? Yeah. Oh, okay. Because what happens is it's on like her shirt and she thinks she has an undershirt like, but she accidentally pulls up boat shirts and you see her bra and the teacher walks in and it's like, hello.

Oh, right. Yeah, and then there's like a funny scene where you get... Hey, biology's down the hall. no i'm serious this is uh this is a very egregious you're you're gonna get in a lot of trouble i think all jokes aside you know you spilled coffee on my shirt and he just whips his dick out yeah yeah is this right yeah it spills coffee in his jeans he accidentally pulls down his jocks as well yeah takes his socks off for some reason he just puts a tangerine in his mouth and a carrot up his ass yeah okay so so it's or she's like

overwhelmed by the whole thing she's like what is going on here but then eventually she meets like two people she meets um let me look up their names like a fat gay guy and Janice Janice played by Lizzie Kaplan I love Lizzie Kaplan yeah she's great and Damien is the gay guy in it

yeah I know him from uh he was in a Larry Clark movie called bully and he was very good in that yeah he's great in it and I have to you know like we've all seen the gay stereotype stereotype type friend. Sure.

Now, a lot of these films like we'll have one gay guy in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, he's a, he's a caricature. He does no other gay guy. He doesn't kiss any men.

Right. No way. We got to sell this film to a mainstream audience, okay? So we can't have him touch another men. Sure. None, but we'll just have him

being like a kind of gay clown. Hanging out with the girls and just being kind of, you know, sassy and mean. Yeah, basically talking like a black woman. Yeah. Uh-uh-uh, uh-huh.

Uh-huh, girlfriend. Yeah. Come of you and barbecue sauce. I ain't seen you in a minute No, no, no Yeah, he doesn't say that Okay But he's basically a caricature, okay?

But he does the best version of that caricature Where he's actually funny There's some very funny scenes for him Where you go like, oh, that's funny Not because he's gay But just because it's funny Yeah, yeah Well, Tina Fey, it's well written

And I know that guy is a good actor So, you know, I think When you get that combination And I'm sure she was smart enough to realize, you know, we need to give this character more of a, you know, more dimension as opposed to just the caricature. Yeah, I know, but if this was made now,

like, definitely, like, if this was, it's, it was progressive for the time, but if this was made now, definitely would have given him, like, I don't know, a gay friend. Yeah. Or, like, maybe, like, have a little relationship with him. Okay. Or maybe, like, um, like, you ever watch Euphoria? No.

The HBO show? No. It's, uh, it's kind of like, no. Extreme skins. Okay. So it's like teenagers having sex, but like, you know, they're all wearing strap-ons. Okay. They're all camming and they're all getting raped by their dads.

Awesome. Yeah. Everyone there is either... Sign me up. Everyone on the show is like molested or on like Zoloff. Really? Yeah, yeah. Wow.

Jesus. Yeah. Finally somewhere to belong. I think like half the cast are trans. Yeah. I think black or trans. What milligrams of Zoloft? I mean, if they're not hitting triple digits, I don't want to fuck with them.

I don't fuck with that pussy shit. It's like, oh, 20 milligrams is a amateur hour. I hit the bricks. I don't give a fuck. They don't mix it with whiskey. They don't crush it up and do lines of it. Yeah, I've heard euphoria is good,

but I heard it's very, I think like the first episode, a trans person gets raped. Okay. And then like, I think like everyone's committing suicide. Cold open, was it? No, I just think like everyone, everyone in the show commits suicide like multiple times.

Oh, really? Yeah. I survived my suicide attempt. Again. Oh, Wednesday. God, millennials, just can't get anything right. So anyway, we, Lindsay Lohan meets Janice and Damien. Okay.

And they kind of bring her around the school. They show her what's what. Give her the lowdown. They show her all the clicks. The 4-1-1. All my slang comes from 1983. What it is? Soul brother?

I don't know. Anyway, go on. I just imagine you mother him. just like in a tie-dye shirt and an afro what it is my brother oh here look the fuck and check that cut there

yeah it's so funny like they just like tie me to the back of a Massey Ferguson and drag me through the streets it's like

it's 90s Monaghan you're like walking around and like stop the Vietnam War t-shirt I gotta go to a million man mark

brother oh god okay so she they introduce Lindsay Lohan to like how high school really works. Right, right, yeah.

So there's like, there's the jocks, the nerds, the stoners, the cool Asians. Cool Asians? Not cool Asians. Okay. Well, I'm sorry, how do they, what makes an Asian cool or not cool?

Well, in the film, they show like Asians, like, who look like they study. And then Asians who, like, are all wearing cool jackets. And, like, Tokyo Drift kind of thing. They all have, like, big zooped up cars. No, they just got their feet up on the table and stuff like that. Okay, right. They got, like, a toothpick.

in their in their mouths like yeah flipping a nickel you know just up and down like they're cool in the 50s yeah yeah yeah yeah they're like like a doop street guy like

whee wooee wow black in me and and then you know the Jewish kids and stuff like that you know all the Jewish kids

all the different clicks wow okay and then finally the plastics the plastics yeah yeah okay so these are the mean girls yeah

these are the ones that everyone's afraid of but also kind of like it's kind of like they're popular everybody wants their approval but we all hate them kind of like a dictator right you want to be on the right side of them and praise them in public

but behind closed doors you're like fuck those bitches now these mean girls can make or break you okay now if they say nice shirt yeah you're happy for a week right okay if they say nice shoes But in that tone

Yeah Fucking rope Okay It's so loft to clock Instead of whining the clock It's so loft to clock I'm very unhappy Like if they say you're not popular

You're not popular And that's it If they just picked out some random nerd And we're like You're actually like cool Yeah He would fuck the entire school Like he would

He would rise through the ranks Yeah he would become If they can pick Who's Prom King They're kind of like the Illuminati of this Okay I like that Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They have complete control. They take, you know, to Bohemian Grove and you have to, like, slice open a four-year-old's chest. If they want to, they could kill a president. Okay. If they can make a, if they can whack a president, they can make a prom king. They have complete control. And this really... And this really highlights how scary those popular girls can be.

Okay, yeah. Like, I watched two films back to back. I watch London has fallen. Right. The Gerard Butler film. Oh, okay. Where Muslims destroy London. Okay.

And then I watch mean girls. Yeah. And popular girls are way more scary. Than fun. Extreme fundamentalists. And like, just go on a tangent for a minute. London has fallen is very funny at the start. Yeah.

And it gets very boring quickly. But the first 20 minutes is great because like, um, so basically Gerard Butler is like the president's bodyguard. Okay. Right. And he's the president? Arn Eckhart. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And he's about to quit, and then it's like, oh, no, the British Prime Minister died. Okay. So they got to go to the funeral. Right, right, right, right. Okay. So they're going to the funeral. Everyone's driving to the funeral. Yeah.

You got the, no Irish Taoiseach actually. Good. But you got like the Italian tea shock, the French Taoiseach. Yeah. Japanese tea shock. Okay. They're all driving to it. And then you see, like, there's, and while there's no good Muslims, this film.

Okay. They're all Muslims who walk around. go like sinister Duh do la lila lila And he's looking around Every time they come on screen I'm it's like Yeah it's all shifty

Yeah And then they blow up London Right Where they're like They blow up the Italian Prime Minister The French Prime Minister gets like a missile

hits his head Like he just explodes Like a mushroom cloud The They blow up London Bridge And like the Japanese Prime Minister just falls off the bridge Okay

Yeah it's very fun to watch And it gets boring real quickly Right right right But for that bit Yeah it was fun to watch a film that I was made relatively recently, but is so

Islamophobic. Yeah, but I was like, at least they're not teenage girls. At least they're not talking about, you know, how shit your burqa is. Yeah, like literally, I went to go for a run in the park recently. Yeah. So I moved back up Dundalk and I was like, I'm going to go for a run. Okay. No, fresh start. Sure. I went for a run. I saw teenage girls and I stopped. Because I didn't want them making fun of me. That's, yeah. I'm 25 years old.

But I'm still like, they're going to be mean to me. Well, it's true. Because there's something you can do. You can't hit a teenage girl in public. Believe me. Yeah. Learn that one the hard way. Yeah.

Well, hold rigum a roll. Anyway, let's get back to mean girls. Yeah, okay. So she introduces them Lindsay Lohen to the plastic. So you got Regina George, Rachel McAdams. Okay. Who has had a great career, and she's great in this film. Okay.

You've got Amanda Seafreed. Yes. And you've got some other. Bitch. Lacey Shabair. Is that her name? Yeah, the original voice of Meg Griffin. Oh.

Yeah. Before Milakunas took over. That's interesting. Because you know if you go on to her Wikipedia page now, her big thing is that she's done like 16 Hallmark movies. Yeah, she's like a big Christian or whatever. Yeah. She just does Hallmark movies now.

She doesn't really have much of a career. Do you know why she left Family Guy? I think she just thought it wasn't going to be successful or maybe because she's a Christian. It wasn't in keeping with her values. but she left and then they got Milakunas I don't think she was fired for Milakunas I think they made the better option Yeah 100%

Yeah yeah So like these girls are Like They just suddenly like Lindsay Lohan They like her Yeah I think it's because she is kind of attractive And they kind of sense What do you mean kind of attractive

Oh in their heads I mean I mean she's very she got massive tits So the mean girls see him and they're like we want her kind of like like a look here the melanch on that

yeah like an NFL team okay they see a young player they're like he's going to be something

right right okay we're going to get him now and mold him right and so they see

that so the mean girls see and they think like oh Lindsay Lohan is hot

and naive okay we can use our power and influence okay to ghastly her

oh okay and make her own all right so like a hazing process like they may

give these rules she has to do. Okay. They're like, oh, you can only wear like one piece of clothing per week.

No, no, I mean like, oh, hey, I mean like, sign me up. If you wear one piece of clothing, you can't wear it again

that week. Right, okay. It has to be a totally new outfit every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right.

And Lindsay Lohan's like, well, I don't really want to be part of this. Yeah. But Janice is like, no, it'll be funny. You got to be friends

with them so then we can find out all their secrets. Okay, so it's like a mole. Like a plant Like a Russian spy Ah, okay So she's got to go undercover

So Lizzie Kaplan's character What's her, Janice? Yeah, yeah She's like, okay, you got to find out And why to like To get back at them or something? Yeah, because we find out Later on the film

We find out that Janice and Regina George used to be friends Ah, okay And then Janice, if I remember correctly He's kind of like a weirdo goth chick, right? Also a lesbian.

Oh, okay, right, right, right. So what happened is they used to be very good friends that were kids, okay, Janice and Regina George. Right, right, right. And then Regina George called her a lesbian and then said, I don't want any lesbians coming to my birthday party. Shit. Yeah.

And then it became a whole thing, and then Janice dropped out of school for a year. Oh, wow. Yeah, so now she's back in school and she's got, like, a real hatred. She's got a vendetta. Yeah, yeah. So she's like, oh, yeah, you get Lizzie Lohan, you get all the secrets. so then we can like plot her revenge. Right, right, right, right.

Okay. So Lindsay Lohan goes undercover, okay? Right. And it's going well. Okay. She meets a guy called Aaron. Right. In her class.

And she's like, Aaron's dreaming. But guess what Aaron used to date Regina George? Ooh. Now Regina broke up with Aaron. Okay. And she's like, you know, oh yeah. Lindsay Lohan, you like Aaron? Yeah, I don't care.

Okay. You know, but she's like that kind of like. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I don't care. I don't have a problem with that. and then, you know, gives that face Yeah, of course, yeah Who's put is Aaron?

Iron isn't nobody You don't recognize the actor or anything? I looked him up, he's done nothing Okay The only thing he's done is Is all Mean Girls related Okay Yeah

It just goes to Comic Con Yeah, or it's like Remember Mean Girls? Yeah, or it's like Oh, they did a music video That is meant to be a parody Of Mean Girls Right

And guess who they managed to get they couldn't get Lindsay Lohan she was fucking in rehab dead in a ditch somewhere but they got this they got Aaron right okay

okay Regina is rootless she does whatever she wants we meet her mother okay her mother is played by Amy Poehler oh okay

and Amy Poehler's got big fake tits in it meant to be very hard it's actually a very funny scene where she's got the hard tits so she can't feel it and she's holding a dog yeah and the dog's biting the

Yeah, biting, like, really going hard. See how I knew it was going there? Yeah. I could have written this movie. I could have written this movie. I could be Tina Fey is what I'm saying, Brian. You submit your script. It's just, uh, dog bites tit.

But it's just like, it's just the exact script for me, girls, but it's just crossed out. Dog bites tits by James Catton. You know what that saying, that journalists say, where they're like, um, uh, dog bites man, not a story. Dog bites tits. now you got story yeah yeah so um she and Regina George is rich

okay yeah and like one of the scenes we see where we see like how bad she can be okay so she's walking along and she sees like one of her exes

another one of her exes because she gets around okay another one of her exes with a girl and she's like oh I hate that girl so what she does is

she calls up the girl's mother and I was like hey I'm from plan parenthood I just want to say the abortion went fine No it's just like Yeah

When your daughter gets back Please get her to call me Yeah Of course then we hear the mother screaming Right right right That's how I mean like they're smart Okay Where a lad would like

Let's say if a lad Was walking on He saw another lad talking to his ex Yeah He'd just like you know Batter him Batter him yeah sure You know put his head down in the fountain

And like you know Wait till he stops moving Wait till the bubbles stop Yeah yeah Yeah yeah But Regina George And then just plant a gun beside him it was a suicide

that classic suicide where you have a gun and drown yourself yeah yeah that's the one I mean that's the one I mean yeah uh Regina is a bitch

I'm just reading my notes here okay it took you that long into the movie to figure that out hey there's I tell you this Regina she's a real she's a rotten apple okay yeah real stinker

she actually gets back with Aaron okay just to Just to fuck over Lindsay Lohan. Even though she's dating another guy. Right. She's currently dating someone, but she gets kisses Aaron in front of Lindsay Lohan. Just to mark her territory. Yeah, really, it's like pissing on, you know.

It's like, yeah, this is mine. That is basically because she's pissed on him. Like, he's mine. Yeah. You can't. Fuck him. You can't. Can't even get fingered by him because he's mine.

I run this town. If you're going to get fingered by anyone, it's me. Yeah, yeah. So, um, So, look, she sees, because before she's kind of like, oh, I'll just get information. Lindsay Lohan, I mean, she's just getting information. But then she sees what. How bad Regina George is.

So then she's like, oh, you know what, actually. And then she's like, we're getting revenge, capped, hard or revenge. Hard or. Yeah, not soft a. Not soft. Yeah, hard or revenge, okay. So then we see all these different schemes he does to get revenge. Now, the most successful scheme is she has these, like, nutrient bars.

I remember this, yeah, like she's telling Richard McAdams, these will make you skinny, but they're actually, like, they make her fat. They're actually designed for you to gain weight. Right, right, right. Like football players take it. Bodybuilders and stuff. Because she has them, because when she was in Africa, had to give them, like, malnourished children. Right, okay. To gain weight.

Right. But then she gives him Regina George, and Regina George keeps getting bigger and bigger, okay? Right, right. And she's like, I'm getting bigger. Yeah. And then Lindsay Lohan's like, no, that's what they do. Oh, yeah, it's like, yeah, you kind of blew up. but then you drop all the way

at overnight kind of thing. You gain weight and that's your water weight and then you lose that and then you're a model. Super skinny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did Regina George

because she was skinny initially so did Lindsay Lohan kind of because she's obsessed with her weight though like she's constantly checking things and counting carbs, stuff like that. Right, right, right. And Lindsay Lohan sees that and like a woman, she sees

insecurity and she uses that to her advantage. Her kryptonite. Yeah, yeah. And then eventually Regina George wearing sweatpants. Because she gains so much weight. Yeah, yeah. And that, for her, like, that's crushing. Right.

And I should say as well that she's also, another bit of revenge, okay, is that she has been sowing the seeds of discontent. Yeah. Amongst Regina George's friends. Who Lindsay Lohan has? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she's saying stuff like... She's turning them all against her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. Like little small things. okay like stuff like oh I hear Regina George say something about you know

this little thing here I'm sure she didn't mean it and the friends like oh yeah I'm sure she didn't yeah like getting panicky okay right right and does Lindsay Lohan

does she just go after Richard McAdams or does she go after the other two no because the other two are just like pawns yeah just pawns

they don't know any better okay right like Amanda Seafreed really doesn't know yeah I remember she was the real ditsy one right There's a joke where she says her tits can predict the rain.

I think I remember that. Yeah. She feels it when it's raining in her tits. And I'm like, yeah. So she's just like grabbing her own titties the whole time. Just like, it's about to rain. No, but it's just like, it just shows like how like she is kind of pretty clueless. Okay.

She's great in it. She actually auditioned for Regina George. And they were like, you're too funny. Oh, really? Yeah. Too likable, maybe. That as well, but they were like. Or not mean enough, maybe.

Well, then also it's like you have. this quirky sense of comedy why don't we just give you the funny lines the bitchy lines right okay yeah and she's great

in it like yeah I like Amanda Seafreed yeah I like Rachel McAdams as well she's great like yeah

but guess what okay so eventually because Regina George is wearing sweatpants yeah they're like you're out of plastics

okay because you can't wear sweatpants yeah and also because everyone hates her now right okay so she's been

dethroned she's been dethroned like Gaddafi Oh my God, yeah. Obama was just feeding them protein bars. Yeah, she was eating by her own people. They just dragged her through the high school. I'd like beat the shit out of her.

She was hiding in the pipe and then they found her. So this is a tale is all the time itself, okay? Right. So the spy comes in to take down the operation. Sure. but as she's doing it she actually starts to like it she rises through the ranks herself

when she gets the power so she becomes the new queen of the plastics she's like oh I actually like this and then you know Janice is like oh what are we going to do next and she's like

I'm actually going to hang out with the girls yeah yeah and coincidentally I don't want any lesbians at my birthday so yeah take a hike Janice she starts blanking Janice and Damien because she's having too much

fun and she starts to become stupider Oh really? Yeah, yeah because as well in her maths Aaron is in her maths class Okay

So she's be pretending to be dumb at maths Oh Oh like suppressing her own intellect To not make him feel insecure No but also

So he will help her Oh I see Right Right okay So he can get She She can get him To come over

To her house And give her Tutorial Well that's code For Cunolingus Yeah Yeah Yeah

And if Tina Fais a teacher and she's like, you're doing bad here. Yeah. Why? Because all the work is right, but the answer is wrong. Right. And she's like, oh, I don't know. I'm just a girl. Yeah. Yeah. And but she's pretending to be dumb for so long. She actually starts to get dumb. Oh, I see. Yeah. And there's something in, uh, you know, science I would support that hypothesis. Well, it's me like, you're being lazy. Okay. And you're like, you're like, I don't need that math.

Yeah. She's not studying. Fair enough. Okay. Now, there's a subplot where, this cool Indian kid who loves hip-hop music okay wants to get her in the matlitz right right okay and she's like

that is like not plastic that is like not cool okay and Tina Faye wants her to be in the the matlite as well okay

so Tina Faye brings her holds her back after class one day and she's like shows her her tits I don't know shows her one

tits like you want more there's more with that Yeah, you can do maths, right? One plus one equals these big tinnies, bitch! Yeah, all right.

Okay, so Tina Faye is trying to motivate her to stop this whole plastic lifestyle. Okay. And become good at maths again. She's like, listen, I'm a pusher. Okay. I push people. That's why my husband left me. I'm a pusher.

Okay. And that's why my child is no longer alive. I'm a pusher. balcony bad place for me to be yeah so again like Lindsay Lohan is like oh yeah whatever and then she leaves when she talked to her friend she's like oh she kept kind of a pusher

yeah she's probably a drug dealer pushing drugs right okay so oh they have a book I forgot to mention this they have a book back in their houses okay and it's a book where they write down mean things about people in school oh is in like

like a scrap book it's a scrap book yeah where they put a picture of a class member and they write down mean things about them and it's all, you know, like, oh, she's a skank she got a nose job she got pregnant, you know, stuff like that okay, lesbian,

gay, black. None of this stuff is actually mean. Oh, okay, right. This is like the manifesto. It's like the female equivalent of a manifesto. Not a Nazi. Like this write down mean stuff, okay?

Yeah, okay. So in the book, they write down mean stuff about Tina Faye. Right, right, okay. This comes back later on, so remember that, okay? Oh, I will.

This book is a smoking gun. Oh, okay. And it's coming back right now. Yes. So, you didn't want to leave it too long against I forgot. It's like he won't be able to remember.

A fucking nitwit. I write down my book. You have a book, but it's just, you have volumes and volumes of shit written about me. It's like, That fat fucking dork.

So, okay, as I mentioned before, Regina George has been banished to wastelands. Right. She doesn't have the power anymore. She, is she just by herself then? She's by herself. And there's nothing more dangerous than a woman when nothing to lose.

Okay. All right, okay, let me guess. She releases the book. She leaks the book. This is WikiLeaks. Yeah, she leaks the Hillary Clinton emails. That's what I mean. Like, she's so fucking smart.

just in the book they're talking about pizza and hot dog what is that code for but here listen to this okay she adds an extra page in the book about herself she's so fucking smart she writes a page in the book

about how Regina George is a fogly skank right right right and she leaks that as well so like to take the heat off her so okay listen to this when Tim Meadows so she puts it all over school different pages Tim Meadows reads what they wrote about him

and it's just one word and he doesn't like it what the fuck yeah no she writes in the book like should have had a better movie career was overshadowed by Will Farrell

he had one starring vehicle it didn't work do you ever see that film no what was that Tim Meadows had a chance to be a movie star okay it was kind of like a black

Austin Powers oh really yeah I think it was called like the love it was called like the Love Brother right okay it was like a black exploitation

kind of parody okay I did not do well that's a shame i like tim meadow yeah he's great he should be way bigger yeah uh everything he's been in he's been great and but yeah he's kind of one of those like uh like cammyel reliable cameo and tim me eddo shows up it's a safe pair of hands he gets the job done kind of thing he's very safe pair of hands he's great last thing he was in schooled schooled starring him and brian callan the famous brian callan the wonderful no i haven't i've been keeping up with the news.

We'll talk with Brian Cal and Crystal Lee in a minute okay okay because there's a pretty funny

reference not reference it's a pretty funny like comparison you can make okay okay so are we

go no okay so the book gets leaked okay and what I was saying was Tim Meadows finds it

and he's like well here's a page about Regina George yeah yeah yeah so there's no way Regina George could have written this

right right women aren't that smart but there's nothing in the book about Lindsay Lohan Amanda Safe Reed or the other bitch Ah, okay

So they get brought in Right, right, right And so he's in Sorry, when you say it leaked How exactly is it leaked? I mean she literally walked around the school Ripping pages out of the book And putting in people's lockers

Okay Yeah, as in what, like Let's say there's a page about Bethany's So she puts Bethany's page in Bethany's locker Or even worse, she puts Bettany's page In Stephanie's locker And then Stephanie's just sound alike We're not the same person

And Stephanie's page in Betany's lockers and they both find it and they're like, wait, what's going on? Okay, right, right, right. Yeah, did you write this? Okay. Yeah, she's just, again, she's just causing. Mind games. Black ops everywhere.

False flag operations everywhere. There was nanothermite found in the pages of the book. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So he brings them in to interview them, okay? Right. And so as he's interviewing them, okay, school is over people are wandering outside open up their lockers what the hell

anarchy oh yeah full anarchy okay they start punching each other their women are clawing each other's hairs out right it's like it goes wild yeah yeah uh it start wild and out yeah it turns to a jungle right okay okay like uh they're like it's anarchy okay okay it gets so bad this is a really funny scene uh tim mills gets a baseball bat that's good i like And he goes outside And he finds a page that says The coach has been sleeping With underage girls

Whoa And there's actually a scene Of two of the underage girls Are fighting each other Because they're jealous Oh my God Of the coach And the coach is like

Hot, girls, girls And then he has the baseball Tim Mills is a baseball bat And he's like Coach Stevenson Step away from those underage girls Right And it would be funny if Delea played him

Well Brian Callan was at a show Called coached Right Wasn't not schooled Or schooled you're right Sorry But he plays a coach. He plays a coach. He plays a coach

with a Botox face. It was a spin-off from the Goldbergs. Yeah, yeah. Terrible show. Yeah. Yeah. So it's chaos everywhere. Right, right, right. So Tim Males has to, like, bring them all into the, what would you call it? Auditorium? Auditorium. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think I remember this scene. Yeah, he's got to try and calm him down. Yeah. And Tina Faye finds one pages as well. Right. About her being a pusher. Okay. So she knows Lindsay Lohan. Oh, Han, because she's the only one she said that to. Yeah, yeah.

Right, right, right. So then she's, this is not really that funniest scene. No, this is kind of the poignant moment, isn't it? It's like, everyone close your eyes. If you feel victimized or insecure, put your hand up. Everyone puts the hands up. And then she's like, open your eyes. It's like, well, any fucking mongoose bitch could figure that out.

Like, this isn't a big revelation. Oh, you feel insecure in high school. fucking hell. If you've ever seen any John Hughes movie ever you probably could figure out yeah high school kids are insecure. Yeah they definitely give up the joke section of it

for like the teenage girl poignant section of it and the only person who doesn't tell the truth in it Lindsay Lohan. Of course not. So then she feels bad okay. Right right right. And you know it's like

it's kind of a thing of like Tina Faye knows she said it yeah but Lindsay Lohan won't reveal it and Tina Faye is like giving her the opportunity to come clean. Yeah, yeah, and she's like, no, I didn't say anything, okay. So then... I'm in the parent trap.

Yeah. So in the next day... 30 rocks overrated. I worked with Dennis Quaid. And met Randy Quaid. Very unsettling individual. I don't want to talk of that. Okay, so in the next day, okay,

she sees Regina George, and they get into a fight. Lizzie Lohan? No, Regina George. Yeah, Lindsay Lohan sees Regina George. Right, right, right. into a verbal fight, okay? Right. And during the fight,

Regina George was hit by a bus. Oh, yeah, I think I remember that. She gets smashed by a bus, okay? And everyone thinks Lindsay Lohan pushed her.

Pushed her, yeah, yeah. So now the whole of school... What did happen, though? It was kind of like they were scuffling. No, it wasn't even scuffling, just standing there. Oh, really? And she just wasn't watching.

Okay. It's her own fault. I'm victim playing. The bus driver was like, I read what that bitch wrote about me. I'm not a folktie skank. This isn't even my real job. I play keyboards.

He was like, this is for the coach. A guy was my hero. We used to trade pictures on lime wire. I opened for him at the comedy store. We'll never be on Joe Rogan again. Anyway. Oh, God. All right, so she gets hit by a bus.

Yeah, and now everyone, they hate her. Not only do the hate her, the thing she's actually like. like I tried to kill her yeah and now everyone Regina George is like Jesus now like she died for her sin isn't it like she's in a full body cast everyone everyone feels sorry for her

yeah and they hate Lindsay low man like they're burning crosses outside her house so he burns when outside Tim Meadows I was like god damn it that was lazy that was lazy Brian I take that back it was lazy no I said it was funny because it's a teenage white girl yeah yeah but you just i just went completely for the racial thing it was lazy it was hacky uh you know

i can i i you know i can only blame myself well if you ever see him i'll apologize yeah and he i'll just walk up to tim man it's like tim hey i know you heard the podcast but uh but like i'm saying this to him while i broke into his house and tied up his family's like look i apologize be funny at like the 50 s nl reunion okay yeah like the 50 anniversary of s andl you break in you It's like, Tim, sorry with the burning cross. And then walk away. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, okay.

Back to being crass. So eventually Lindsay Lohan comes clean. Yeah. And she joins the Matlitz. Okay. Yeah. Wait, so she comes clean to who? To Tina Faye.

Yeah, yeah. And she joins the Matlitz, okay? Yeah. And then this is a weird coincidence. So the Matlitz tournament is the same night as the prom. Huh. Yeah. Is that kind of like saying mathletes wouldn't get asked?

to the prompt. Probably, yeah, yeah. So they have the competition and Lindsay Lohan takes a while for her to turn her brain back on because she's been dumb. Sure. Like, you know.

She does a few sniffs in the jacks just to blow away the cobweights. Like an example, okay. So they have a girl, it's her versus another girl and the whole time she's thinking about the girls, what the girls is wearing.

Oh, right. She's like, oh, I would not wear shoes with that dress. Right. No, Lindsay, focus on the mats. Think about the maths. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she wins, obviously,

she wins the matty competition yeah yeah eventually and uh then they go back to prom and uh they go into the prom and guess what yeah they they had the vote for the prom queen before all this shit happened okay and she won she wins yeah okay so she gets a little crowned oh wait i do remember this bit this bit gave me it yeah this bit was like ugh again no comedy in this this is the feelings That's what I mean like this is a perfect film for what they intended because me and you

would have written a funny scene Yeah Okay It's like ha ha I win I don't take back Edison You're all a bunch of fuggly skanks

Yeah I'm out They actually realize Like no this is for kids basically Yeah Yeah So let's have a nice scene At the end

Yeah sure So she gets the crown And she breaks it off In the pieces breaks it up into pieces And she gives it To the ugliest people there Here you go

Yeah This is for you not killing yourself. Because if I were you, I would have killed myself. So have a piece of a shitty piece of plastic. This is for you sticking out for another year. Let's be honest, probably won't last another year. So, you know, enjoy that little piece of crown. You don't deserve the full crown because, again, you are hideous.

Try not to eat it, you fucking pig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But enjoy that little piece of crown. And for some reason, everyone likes her then. Yeah, yeah. for like, I think that's condescending to give someone like a broken piece of crown Yeah, for being ugly and weird.

Look, we all know I actually did win this because I'm pretty and got big tits. Yeah. But I'm going to give you a broken piece of crown. Yeah, it is very like, ugh. It was just like tacked on. And you're right, condescending is a very good way to describe it. So then everyone loves each other and they'll start dancing.

Now here's an interesting thing, okay? And then what? Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris come in and shut up, everyone. Skinny Bapa, bra, but, but, but. No. That's how, if I had written the movie, that's how it would have ended.

Yeah, and that's what I mean. Like, wouldn't have been successful. Now, just saying, Hey, you don't know that. You would have gone for more of, like, an election-style movie. I love election. Yeah, yeah.

That's great movie. That's where me and you would have gone for dark comedy and a dark ending. Yeah. Where Tina Faye went for the happy ending. Yeah. And that's why she is 30 Rock. And, uh, we're recording a podcast in my bedroom.

Yeah, yeah. So, you know. Take back all those debt threats Never Never Well you know what comes after 30 Rock Great news Heard of it

No you haven't Because it's shite What about Kimmy Schmidt Did she do that? Yep No Never seen it Well

Was she in it I think she has a small part in it Okay Look Tina Faye is great Obviously She's very good Yeah And like yeah

And like yeah Look obviously Obviously after this Her movie career Didn't like succeed No She has a lot of failures Baby Mama

She had baby mama, whiskey tango, fox straw. Oh, that was awful. And wine country. I'd never even heard of that one. That's the Tina Faye trilogy. Okay. Of her star, her and Amy Poehler. Just being the wacky girls who love white wine.

I'm kind of sad because I was actually excited for a whiskey tango fox straw. You know, it's interesting. I went to the Dublin International Film Festival one year. And there was like, the whole thing was like, there's going to be a screening of a, like, you know, movie that's going to coming out but it hasn't come out for general release yet but it was like a secret screen and we didn't know what it was right and then who comes on the screen tina fay and margar robbie and i was like oh god no please because i had i had seen the trailer as like no i think i was hoping slash expecting

something else and i can't remember what it was like your imagination would go wild yeah yeah yeah or maybe tarantino shot a new film yeah or even like paul thomas andersson has shot a secret film. Exactly, yeah. You know, I was kind of like, oh, you know, could be this, could be that.

And then, and that was not good. That was not a good movie. You in the cinema with, uh, orange hair. Just like, just like black camouflage head to do.

And you're just waiting. It's like, if this, if this is a woman. If I see one more bloody woman on that screen. If Robert Carlock is involved in this film in any way. If this movie passes the back. gel test. I'm going to shoot

some motherfuckers. People going to die tonight. Everybody's getting clipped. Imagine you go on the guilty feminist. And guilty feminist is all kind of like the point of it is like you're feminist but like oh sometimes you like a manly man or something like that.

Yeah sure, yeah. Or Brian Callan's theory. Did you hear what he said? Oh, women like to be raped. Yeah, women have a biological desire to be raped. That would be funny if like he goes on a guilty feminist and he's like this is what my take

and just crickets Any fans of the Goldbergs here? I can get you Jeff Garland's autograph he's not returned to my calls at the minute The guilty feminist It's all kind of like

tongue and cheek tongue in cheek little like oh you know when I hear that Keanu Reeves has an age appropriate girlfriend

I get wet It's like that kind of stuff but you're like yeah I know you mean, when I saw Tina Faye, I killed hundreds of people. Now, look, when

Tina Faye and Margot Robbie came on the screen, I knew what the movie was because I'd seen the trailer and I knew it was going to be bad. I really liked Tina Faye, and I really like Robert Robbie. They're both great actors. Especially when I was young, I wanted to be her. Yeah, well, you succeeded. I was like, I hope I get knifed.

She got knifed? Yeah, yeah. When she was younger, she got knifed. You got stabbed. Yeah, let me look that up. Man, get stabbed up. Tina Faye, you getting caught blood. I think she got mugged or something like that. She got stabbed.

Yeah. Let me look up that real quick. Awesome. While I'm looking that up, you just tell me what did, I never saw Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. It's like she's basically a reporter

who's over in Iraq or Afghanistan. It's like around 2003 or whatever. And she breaks up with her boyfriend. So then it's just like her and Margot Robbie like drinking and partying with like soldiers and she's getting off with them and all. Like, you know, obviously there's so.

some kind of like contrived, tacked-on commentary on the Iraq war and blah, blah, blah. It just didn't work. It was a bad fella. I didn't like it. I assume it wasn't pro-Iraq war. No, no. I assume it wasn't like her going like, let's go to Abu Ghraib. When I go to Abu Ghraib and see all the age-appropriate women, I get wet.

Presko and Abu Grave. Okay, here's the thing now. So, Tina Faye. Yeah. While she was in kindergarten Okay Was slashed in the face by a stranger In an alley behind the house

What the fuck? Yeah So that's how she has that scar Yeah yeah yeah Oh my shit That's fucked up Kindergarten So what age is that

That's like four, five Yeah so imagine like That's messed up Imagine seeing a five year old Going like Time to get the knife I know today was gonna be a good day Or it's you from the future

Tell Alec Baldwin I said hello Wheeh! Wheeh! Whizky Tango Foxtrot Knife in the face You get it, it stands for WTF. Yeah, I get it, yeah, yeah, just in case it's It's very good.

Imagine that was the thing that clicked and you're like, I love it. Genius! I're at an hour here now. Okay, let's just finish off the film, okay? So we have like a what they did after, okay? All right.

So Regina George, yeah. Get in the sport. Okay. Lacrosse. Because she's got the anger. Get her aggression out. Yeah, in a healthy way.

Right. And because she's with people that won't take her shit, okay, she's like, oh, you're a skank, just hit on the shoulder. I'm like, I shut up.

And she's like, ah. That's what she needs. Yeah, yeah. So that's the message of the movie. You know, annoying women need physical violence, is what we're saying here.

No. If a woman gives you shit, you got to smack that bitch. up. That's what Tina Faye is saying. She was like, that knife to the face was the best thing that ever happened to me. That's how I got S&L. Well, that's what you took from the film. Again, an artist

can't control what the public take. No, like, in a friendly way. Yeah, I get you. They just don't take her shit. Of course, of course. Amanda Seafried. Becomes a weather girl. Weather girl, yeah. And she's like holding her tits. Grabbing her titty. Yeah. The other girl.

Lacey Shabair. Becomes friends with the Asians. The cool Asians? Yeah, yeah, the cool Asian. And then she learns how speak Asian. That's what they tell her it's called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're going to teach you how to speak

Asian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just general Asian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not like Korean or Chinese or Japanese. Yeah, Mandarin. Yeah, French. Anyway, just general Asian. And then Lindsay Lohan's what? Lindsay Lohan's just happy we're friends. Right, okay. Yeah. And there's a little bit in it where like she sees the new plastics. Oh. So just new girls.

like younger girls who are like the new plastic okay and she sees them she's like hmm I don't even care about them yeah and then she imagines them getting hit by a bus nice and she goes like but then we see the scene again with them not being hit by the bus and she's like just kidding and then the film ends right okay and so overall

what would you you you're you like to film I give a 10 out of 10 really because it didn't go the way we wanted to go because it's for kids it didn't end like because we would have put in like a dark ending even though with the like the cheesy prom bit with the crowd

did you not like that okay it's like a Pixar film I'm not gonna be like wait where's the but you know what like here's the thing about that movie like it was a product of its time and I'm sure was applicable to the time but the landscape of high school and being a teenager now in the post social media

area is so more convoluted and fucked up and horrific that I fill them out like mean it you know it is as it's as quaint as something like the breakfast club you know what I mean I'd say even more I'd say uh because they're using landlines in it yeah exactly yeah I think even just like the idea of like the clicks the jocks the nerds like there's this you know it's uh there's it people don't like being defy and and those very you don't like you know put labels on people like that and nowadays in american school it's just like the proud boys yeah yeah or even like you know there's the whole like the jock who's also a mathlet and writes poetry and yeah it's and also like all the jocks are

into like Naruto now yeah yeah yeah do you know what I mean there's this like such a like I don't know what's the word integration I guess you know it's like genre is meaningless you know you can't really define anything anymore. I'd say you show a 12-year-old girl this film and you'd be like, was this made in the 50? Yeah, exactly. Hey, what's the big idea? See? Yeah, you know, plastic bitch.

Hey, what? Yeah, yeah. So, um, just to finish the film, finished what my thoughts on it. Yeah. I think I like it a lot. Like, let's, I'll say this, okay. I love the film election. Yes.

And I love the ending of election. Yes. The ending of election is one of my favorite endings ever. Yeah. And I think about a lot. Yeah. You can't do that. with mean girls and have it turn to a fucking

musical. That's true. You know what I mean? You have to have the cheese. I understand that and obviously there will be studio pressure. This was Tina Fey's first film so I'm sure she didn't get as much creative or artistic control as she would have liked. I totally understand that and I do get that this is

for the most part a very good film. I think 10 out of 10 is a bit much. I'd give 11. Okay, fair enough. Look, I agree to disagree. I think there's definitely some very good elements in it, very good jokes, great performance. performances, but just the cheesiness. I get it. It's necessary, but I just, that turns me off. I have one problem with the film. Go for it. One problem. Yeah. So at the end of the film during the prom

sequence, right. Janice, the lesbian, okay? Has no one to dance with. Oh, and she dances with Damien. She's dancing with the gay guy. They kiss each other. They're like, ugh. But then they go, no, no, no, no, no. But after that, the gay guy goes off. Right. The Indian dude shows up and starts dancing with Janice. Right. The hip-hop guy. Yeah, yeah. Now, it wouldn't have been better if she just meets a random girl and smiles at her. Now, you probably couldn't have done a full-on

fingering scene. Okay. Or even a kiss because... Director's cut. Because of studio pressure. But just a little scene of like she meets a girl and she's like, hi. And is it like she's definitely a lesbian or was it just that Regina George called her a lesbian? Well, you know what? In my heart, she's a lesbian and if she isn't,

I'm joining you with the orange hair. we're going to go to Tina Faye's house. Yeah. Yeah. Because we're going to give her a matching scar on the other side of her face. The thing is like, I'm, I want to kill her because the mean girls wasn't gay enough. Yeah.

So anyway, that's what I'll have to say about mean girls. So that was mean girls. I think it's perfect tone. Okay. I like to love. I'm not like shitting on it. I think it is pretty, pretty good, decent, a lot of good elements in it. I don't think it's the masterpiece

Some people try and tell me it is But again, that's my opinion, whatever And again, I think The winner of this film Overall is Tina Fey Yeah, sure After this, she got 30 Rock She got huge

Compared to Lindsay Lohan We all went downhill Where is Lindsay now actually? She's in like a beach house somewhere She had like a film She's like a maid for a bunch of TikTok kids They're all like dancing in the background And she's sweeping up their shit

Yeah, I think she had like she runs like failed nightclubs and she probably, I'm not being funny here, she probably does you know sleep with people for money. Okay.

But she, like you wouldn't say to but like it's probably a case of like there'd be like some rich guy some Saudi Arabian guys like hey come over here. I've heard that's a very common thing. Like one of the girls

from the pussycat dolls came out and said yeah basically we were treated like prostitutes like Saudi princes would have us flown over on private jets and we'd be pressure. by, like, wreck her companies to, like, sleep with them and stuff.

Well, I think Lindsay Lohan this stage, she doesn't get to Saudi princes anymore. She gets, like, uh... Me and you, or like a syndicate. A bunch of lads go in on it and they all just take turns on her. Uh, it could be you. Yeah. You got to be in it too, when it. It is sad...

It is sad, like, even recently, Lindsay Lohan was like, I think we should make a second one. And everyone else is like, no. Yeah, where she plays the janitor. you know what you could you could do a fun little thing where like it's the next generation yeah and she plays like a teacher no she'd have to play like a homeless woman covered in shit yeah but she plays the same character and it's like don't end up like me don't break the crown right don't be nice to people oh yeah okay all right don't help lesbians

So yeah, that's it. Any final thoughts? No, no final thought. Well, again, I never have watched it. So it is kind of unfair of me to give, like, a critique of the film when I never have actually sat down to watch it fully. But I have seen most of it. And as I said, some very good stuff. But the cheesy stuff just, ugh. I'm sorry. I just can't.

And that's me. I'm the problem in that scenario. I'm the part of the equation that doesn't work is me. No, no, no. Never apologize. No, I'm not even apologizing. It's just like, I get that I'm a cynical, bitter, twisted old cunt. He's going to die alone.

I get all that. Believe me, I'm aware. And mean girls isn't going to change that for me, Brian. So I'm sorry, but I can't jump on the 10 out of 10 bandwagon with you. But hey, some good stuff. Love Tina Fey. Great performances. You know, they're all doing a lot better than I am.

Some of them. Some of them. Some of them are like... It's going to be me and Lacey Chabair in a Hallmark movie. Some of them were like in the alley somewhere being like, I wish I was James Cadden. boy does that guy know I believe

yeah yeah all right yeah I think that's about as much what are we out here yeah we're well over an hour okay I might cut to start okay this is great

this is fun I enjoyed this time thanks for listening everybody yeah hope you enjoyed a film it might have got a little bit obviously if you never watch mean girls

you're pretty out of the loop yeah but you know what I'm just kind of thinking like the type of people who love mean are not gonna like this episode you know what I mean

oh yeah like fans of the moon movie are going to hear this, you know, I'd be surprised if they make it all the way through. You know what? This is a bad idea. Let's just delete this whole thing. I'm actually kind of I'm excited now to see who's going to listen

to this on the reaction. I do hope we get some people who are like, oh, I might give this podcast this, and I love mean girls. Oh, no. Then suddenly we're in the L.A. times. Oh, can't wait. All right. Thanks for listening, guys.