Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 8 : Stand With Nurses

Episode Date: February 8, 2019

The Nurses Strike, Bandersnatch, Fragging and Samanta Mumba's brother.

And we're back. And we're back. We're back again. Back again. Yeah, we started to record because we were chatting about such great stuff there. Like, save it for the show. The Crave Juice, this is our third podcast we've recorded today. Today, yeah, yeah.

The Grave juices are flowing. We're on a roll, man. It's like when the Beatles recorded the White Album. I wonder if they were also on antidepressants. They were on lots of stuff. LSD, baby. But yeah, we're just talking with all the carry-on films. Do you watch the Carry-On Films?

I never watched them. I watched them as a kid because I don't know why. Yeah. They're very depressing. And the older to get, the more depressing they get. Because eventually, like, just become more and more to soft core porn. Yeah, yeah. Just, like, showing women's tits and stuff.

Like, the final film is called Carry On Emmanuel. And it's really just like, Kenneth Williams looking sick. Kenneth Williams is like the camp guy. Yeah. So he just looks sick and he's like, he's too old to do any kind of physical comedy. Yeah. Some girl, like, getting her tits out. Right.

I remember one of the big comedy scenes is that like she goes to like Buckland Palace I know there's like guards that can't move Oh yeah yeah yeah Yeah so she shows her tits to them and he goes You know if I was one of those guards If anyone ever like came up to me And just like tried to make them smile or anything

I just full on spit in their face Yeah just to see their reaction This is for the queen Carry on All those carry on guys They all are just miserable lives like Yeah Like they're all either secretly gay or

That's like their whole... Who was a rapist? Well, rapist is a bit much now. I know Sid James, like, he like battered women. Okay. And like, he was like a hairdresser, but he pretended like he was a coal mine. Like he, like, pretend he had like this great history where he was like, oh yeah, he used to be a coal mine. He used to be a smuggler.

Like, you know, he lied law about his past. Right, right. And he was like just this old guy, just fuck young ones and then like beat him and stuff. Jesus Christ. And he like, he's like one of the least fucked up guys in the cast. Like, and then... Carry on. beating.

And literally, everyone either died or, like, killed themselves. Like, and we're just sexually repressed. Yeah, which one was the guy who never masturbated? That was Kenneth Williams. By the way,

Michael Sheen plays him in a film called Fantabilos, which is a great film, like. Yeah. But yeah, Kenneth Williams is so, like, if he masturbated, like, he, like, did it once. He was like, oh, but shame. And he wrote about his diary for, like, three months afterwards, like, yeah.

And another guy, like, he was just this alcoholic that everyone made fun of. I know how he feels Well then I'll keep going Let's see if you can relate to this And then in the end I think he like burnt his house down

Once by accident Because he fell asleep smoking Right right And everyone just made fun of him And then like Then he died How'd he died? Just alcohol poisoning

Just alcohol poisoning Just alcohol poisoning It's in the street I think Oh god Face down in the gutter There's something look forward to We were all in the gutter But some of us

Looking up at the stars Yes Some of us don't deserve Look at the stars I've already got the street picked out Where I want to die face down So yeah, if you want to like really depress yourself Look up like the documentary about all to carry on guys

I really, I don't need to import depressing material You never talk to something a bit too happy right now I need to bring myself down These antidepressants are working too much Too well That's it I'm on depressants now I'm doing well

That's good I'm following my new year's resolutions What's your new year's resolution One was obviously dry January You did that Working out more Working out more I'm gonna start

I want to start boxing. Oh, really? Yeah, I want to start hitting people. Oh, yeah, sure. I started to realize I've got a built-up aggression. Yeah, yeah. And I want to take that out on people. Yeah, you can't just go around, like, kicking children in the park anymore.

They've all got video cameras. Yeah, yeah, it ruins everything. Little bastards. You ever been in much fights? Yeah, I used to fight a lot when I was younger. See, I never really been in, like, a proper fight, so I think that's why I'd see a few fights. Well, like, see, growing up in Monaghan, like, rural agricultural place, like, a lot of kind of backward retards, to be honest. Oh, can't say that word.

Wow, wow, wow, wow. Oh, you can say it. I can say. You're one of them. I pretty much am, yeah, yeah, pretty much. I've, you know, got the history. But yeah, so, like, you know, I was like, I had long hair and I was a rocker or whatever. So you used to, like, getting fights, people would, like, jump you in school and beat the shit out of you.

But then I started hanging out with people who were, like, similar to me. They liked rock music. We started, plus I had a bit of a growth spurt. So then I was kind of pretty tall. So I started beating the shit out of people. And I was pretty good at it, to be honest. Yeah, it did feel good. You're a man.

Yes, I did, yeah. But, like, to be honest, I hung out with people who were really, like, aggressive and really, like, if anybody said anything to them, they just, like, kick off and start a fight. And then if you're there, if you don't fucking hit somebody, you're a pussy. So, like, kind of, I was never really the violent type. I was sort of, like, violent by association. No, I was a real pussy, like, and that was, like, my method of dealing with. Like, I basically played dead, like, like, possum. Like, I remember one time someone, like, picked me up to put me in the bin.

I just went limp and just let them like... Are you serious? Yeah, just to let them. Then they put me in the bin and instead of just standing I was just so limp I just fell over, like brought the bin with me.

Oh my God. But then they left me alone so it worked like if you just really like pathetic like they won't even like bother. Nah, see. Fuck out. There's somebody like you know what

I definitely used to be like that when I was younger but then I sort of like got into like aggressive music and all and I was like fuck this if somebody starts something just gonna hit them back. But again I had a lot of friends

who were like very tough Yeah, I think I needed that. I think that's why I want to start fighting now, because I never had that back when I was young like that giant a gang going to that phase. Yeah, yeah, well see, we used to get a lot of fights when we were younger, so we all

kind of grew out of it like, but I can't remember the last time I was in a fight, to be honest. It was a pub, when you told me that it was in a pub? Yeah, it wasn't. The last one I could remember was, yeah, my mate was playing pool, and somebody came along and, like, knocked the ball out of the way, and then my mate turned around what the fuck got, and the lad just decked him, so then I

went and decked him, but then somebody hit me from behind and it all broke out like so that was like the last fight I was ever in. Oh yeah, good times you know. Bottle scars, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Any scars I have herself inflicted though. I never got any

scars from like fights or anything. Oh yeah, I got black eyes and stuff. See what you've been got black eye? Yeah. You're the whole thing like some people say that could be a man you should like, um, should kill a man and then get beaten up, you know? To be a real man. I've never killed anyone, but uh... That's why you should have a good boy

should go to war. Yeah, I don't know. I wouldn't do well in the military, I don't think. Oh, I decided, like, I actually would to shoot myself in a foot or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Especially if there's in NAM? Yeah, in Vietnam. Yeah.

Well, they're all, like, doing heroin and shit just to get through it. Just to get that. I'm fragging their officers and stuff. Fragging, what's that? Fragging's where you kill your officer. Oh, fuck, right. Because I heard fragging for years, but I just thought it meant, like, killing someone.

I didn't mean that, it means actually killing your officer. Killing your, like, a higher up or whatever. He tells you do something like, you're like, fuck that. You just shoot him? Yeah. And what? Who did you say like Charlie did it

Ah, very good Yeah That's why you look on the internet This is, I'm a weird though Like I was recently like Going through When all my other friends

Were going out in nightclubs I'm inside Looking at Vietnam Reported cases of frightening Throughout the years There's some interesting ones Like guys like pushing

Someone out Into a fucking landmine Oh Jesus They put like putting someone In the barrel And rolling them In the hill

Well that's just good time That's just a bit of laugh There's like There's like fucking like Enemy on the bottom of the hill with the hill. Oh, right. No, it wasn't doing

like, this is jackass. Hi, this is Vietnam, and this is fracking my officer. Dude, no way! My name's Steve-old, and this is killing your superior. I can't believe good for Steve. I thought he'd be dead long ago.

Yeah, man, he's like got clean, but, like, he tried to have, he's tried to make it as a comedian. He's not particularly funny. Oh, well, like, I think he's all right. He's likable. He's very likable. Yeah, I like this.

He's so cool with it. Like, you see that video Rise and Demise or Demise? Yeah, yeah. Like, he was like, you're like, how was he still alive? Yeah, he was fucking, he was insane. Especially him on Adam Carolla, like. Oh my God, yeah. Or he's going like,

he's so fucking out of it. I'm pretty sure he yelled the N-word of one stage. Yeah, he did. I'm pretty sure I heard that. And then he's like trying to like strangle slash hug. Adam Carolla doesn't even know like what he's doing. I bet you Adam Carolla probably could have fucked him up if he wanted to. Oh, yeah.

Adam Carolla's like, he's like a man. He's a man's man's like, Bill's fucking car engines and shit like that. I think he worked I think he was in boxing gym before he... I don't know much about Adam Crowl

but I think he like ran a boxing gym before he met Jimmy came out And then they did the man show Which uh Looking back on it the man show You couldn't do that in Ireland now To be honest I never actually saw the man show It's a lot of just like

Let's get girls on tramp movies Yeah yeah a lot of them See that was all the 90s and early 2000 Just like yeah Fucking the Howard Stern thing You even look at like the comedies back then It was so much like Yeah yeah

You just could not do it now A simpler time. You made me laughter and snuck him on my nose. Beautiful. That's why I'm glad no one's watching this. Your mother's a nurse. There's a nurse's strike going on. There is a nurse's strike going on.

Why are you going to? I've got them all for it, man. Stand with nurses, you know, they deserve, you know, better pay. Obviously, they're doing a very important job under horrific conditions. They have to deal with the public as well. Yeah, yeah. They're probably, like, subjected to so much abuse. Oh, just fucking disoiled out.

touching her tits and all there. Yeah, yeah. Just the amount of scumbags that, if I was a nurse, like, you don't deserve help. Yeah, that's true.

I wonder how many of them want to give them the old pillow treatment, you know what I mean? Just, if I was a nurse, I think nurses should get, like,

you know, you get five kills a year. And you're allowed, and like, no questions asked. No questions asked. That's what, instead of,

like, if Leo was like, look, we can't give you more money. But you get five kills. Yeah. I think that's a dad good compromise. That would help with the population as well.

Yeah. And it would kill a lot of scumbags. It's just like... Thin out the word. The order to get more in favor of eugenics. I just think... Let's just kill him, like. So you're going to keep your bloodline pure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have any siblings that you're going to pregnant. How are you going to do that? Oh, so it looks like it's mother. I'm sorry, ma. Tap of the world, ma. But yeah, Stan with nurses. To be honest, though, my mom, like, she's...

I mean, don't get me wrong. She's obviously... She's sticking with her nurses. and stuff because like that's all our friends or whatever but she's kind of the opinions like look this is a fucking we have to do a job we have a job to do might as well just do it i don't like go and standing on a picket line when i should be working my mother's a real like you know she was as most people were her age were just like raised on fucking catholic guilt and shame and just like you know don't ever seek anything better than yeah don't ever do anything that betters your

circumstances because you don't deserve it. It's a sin to want anything. Yeah, pretty much. She's very much, she was indoctrinated by that whole thing. She tried to put it on to me, but I'm far too self-entitled and narcissistic. Well, you're from that generation. That's true. I am. What you think you should like better yourself, you whore. You're not even a nurse, are you? Yeah. What, trying to become a comedian and a podcaster. God. I think it's bad that, like, you know, some comedians are paid more than nurses. Yeah, that's true.

And, like, which is bollocks because, like, they're equally important. Laughter is the best medicine, though, Brian, that's what they say. I suppose. That's what nurse going strike I offered. I said, do you want me to do like a patch Adams? Go around to the hospice. With a little red nose. Jesus, banana.

Hope I don't slip on this. Like, I slip. I actually knock over someone's tubes. Oh my God. Yeah, I didn't accept it. The HSC said no. But what's wrong with the nurses? Let's get down to the bottom of this on Brian James fucky each other.

Yeah, we're going to solve this problem. Why are not getting paid enough? Not enough money in the budget? I know the consultants get paid, though. Yeah, we'll see. The consultants get paid a fuck ton, man. But, like, the thing is, you know, health... For consulting?

But, like, you know, healthcare, like everything else in this country, you know, the main focus for anyone who's really career-orientated is to go private. you know the privatization of the health sector is going to be the death of the health sector you know because that's that's where all the money is that's where all the best doctors go so as the health as the private sector improves the public sector turns to shit basically because why butter put money into it yeah pretty much like so because it's all just fucking plebs and scumbags like us and leo just like he says he's going to do something but like that to do something would require work and it'd be very unpopular if you had to do like but he's just like so detached from reality

I mean, what was that thing? He said, what should somebody do if they can't afford their rent? Just get alone off your parents, man. It's fine. I'm going to fucking Magaloof next week. It's going to be great, man. The fucking boys were going on the rip. Yeah, Leo's just...

That's not an option for most people, man. Yeah. I know, Leo's just more concerned about his public image. Yeah, he just wants to be like a Justin Trudeau type. Yeah, yeah. It's really about style over substance and just looking good. And it's more about, like, his, how many Instagram likes he can get. Yeah, exactly.

Like, he's a real... He's going to be so bad. The next general election, like, it's going to be so much of him, like, just, like, basically at the stage of skateboarding and, like, wearing shades. Pokemon, go to the polls. And just be like, yeah, dicks out for harambe. With a fidget spinner. Is this going to be, like, so depressing and sad. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, just like. See, that's the thing, like, you know, and I hate to even mention Trump, but because what he has done to politics is just, like, turned it into way more of a circus than it already was. It's proper, like, wrestling. It's ridiculous, isn't it? World Brother! Hulk Hogan's going to come on. Hulkomania is going to fucking run for president. Yeah, I kind of like, it just lowers the tone for everything else.

And he'll be allowed to say as many N-words as he wants. Oh, Jesus. Because I was chatting to someone who is like, oh, say what you want about Trump. He did a good campaign, though. And it's like, no, he's an awful campaign. Also, like, Hillary's just so bad. She's just like a robot, non-human entity. Hillary is so, like, and we're so topical talking with us now.

Hillary's so like, ah, like, you know, like wide open mountain eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see you, ah, like that. She's kind of scary looking. Yeah, she's a bit of a con. And then she fainted, remember that? Yeah, she kept, like, passing out, didn't she? It was so annoying because she fainted, like, right as she was getting to limo. I probably, I definitely would have voted for Hillary over Trump.

Oh, absolutely, yeah. But she fainted just when she's getting to limo, and that would look really bad. Yeah. If I was one of her security guy, I would just fucking kick her in. Dude, like a weekend at Bernie's, man, get some strings, you know? But, yeah, I don't know. Irish politics is just so, like, it's boring slash corrupt, because it's all like, it's still based on that kind of old style, like, village politics of, like, you know.

It's all brown envelopes and like, hey, you give me a cow, I'll give you my daughter, that kind of stuff. Is that all the daughter cost back then? Oh, obviously, like, back then a cow's worked way more than your daughter, like. the cow is sexier produce milk as well like people are like kind of like really like you can make a person like so easy

it's like they're worthless God you really are going down the whole eugenics rabbit hole humanity is worthless when it's thin out the herd Well that's what I'm running for I told you watched that film It's a great film actually

It's called conspiracy Yeah you did It's about the Nazis deciding Like how best to deal With the whole Jewish problem Yeah I should recommend that now It's in Norway funny

And it's very depressed I recommend that Rafe book last time And I'm going to recommend this You're just a fun loving guy, Ryan What can I tell? I really don't like watching comedies at all now I love watching depressing Yeah

And then you find the comedy in that Yeah yeah That or like just conspiracy documentaries And like like Oh Oh, don't get me started and stuff like that. Yeah man, don't get me started on that shit Well before, let's jump into it

All right We were talking with the whole Madeline thing before Okay There's their connection Yeah, this is fucking This is mad right But And again there's

Like I saw this in a YouTube documentary not fact-checked at all so it's probably all bullshit documentaries are the best documentaries. I know because you just allow yourself to believe it. It's so great because... Oh my God, they are all reptiles. It's so great in this day and it's because I could

believe anything, okay? So I decide that I want to believe that the Jews are made of chocolate. I can literally find the documentary that will prove my points. Yeah, yeah. Oh man. But like the whole like Madeline McCann thing, there's this theory that like john pedesta he's like this american politician he's very big when he was in with

hillary and all like him and his brother are like there is a sketch of two guys sketch composite drawing of two guys who were seen carrying a child away from the hotel and like somebody recognized that the two guys look like the pedester brothers so there's this whole link and then it goes into pizza gate it's fucking insane man it's crazy so like bad how like the like there's so many people on the internet that fully believe it the parents did it I don't know man what do you think do you think madame McCann is such an old story so old you're so funny

when you still see comedians reference it it's like oh my god that was literally like over what 12 years ago or something like that yeah 2007 ages ago yeah 12 years ago you think to be another I hope another kid goes missing just so we have something new to talk about Jesus like everybody lost

their shit over that little white girl and like the amount of kids that go missing in that country every year Well, little white girl look nice It's the whole media thing I'd say the parents probably gave her A little volume to put her to sleep So they'd go for a drink

They come back She's fucking cold as stone And they just like I know we gotta get rid of this little fucking Where did put her? I don't know man I don't know Where'd they put her?

Imagine if we solved it They gave her to the Bedester brothers Imagine if we solved it That would help Brian and James are on the case Oh no We saw it We're like you gotta submit

Subscribe to the Patreon To find out who did it Turns out we actually did it. This is, we played a very long game or we kidnapped her. Before the podcast is even a tingling. This will work someday. That's money in the bank. I was going to say, before that, we were talking about Bandersnatch as well.

Oh, yeah. We have great conversations, Madeline and Bandersnatch. You didn't like Bandersnash. I liked it. I, no, look, I thought it was pretty cool or whatever, but this got really annoying because they're like alternative endings. So I wanted to like go back and rewatch it to get all the endings. but you weren't allowed to skip through it

so you had to sit through the same scene four times they're just like oh fuck this yeah yeah that's one I wish you can just go and you just why you didn't bother fucking going through it I got I got one story myself and I was like I'm done now and went on YouTube and works and I kind of did the same

why didn't you get I kept picked on all the wrong ones like it just like would end abruptly and the game would fail I don't want to brag but like I got all the way through the first time I ended up in jail a bunch of times yeah Oh, I didn't do you think. You didn't go to jail?

No. What did you get? I got the thing we flashed back in the future is your daughter. What? Yeah.

I don't remember that. I didn't get that at all. No, I got it. Jesus. But again, I'm smarter. Yeah, that's true. I was just a dip shit.

I went to jail. A pretty good bandersnatch, yo. Yeah, I put that on my CV. Yeah. That's what I'm trying to get a job at the moment. The one's missing.

First time, yo. It took me 40 minutes, me. Fucking banged right through it, you're mean. I'm fucking well in for this position. I definitely killed my dad in it. Oh, that's the part I reeled

in. I got so excited when you could kill my dad. I literally passed out because I'd blow it around my cock. Cut your dad's head off. Yes, please. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, I've been trying to... We probably should have said spoilers for anyone hasn't seen Banderth. But it's all... You can't spoil it.

It's been and gone, like... Plus you can't spoil it, like. Well, that's true, yeah. Because, like, there's bunch of different endings. You decide. I say, kill your dad. You can say not to. Is that even an option? Yeah, it is an option. I didn't even see that option. As soon as it said kill your dad, I was like, yeah. Yeah. I talked to him into real life.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, ah, too late. Well, it's fun now is, because this is popular now, Bander Snatch. Yeah. Well, that and Birdboxed. I think they came out around the same time. I didn't, I didn't watch Birdbox. Birdbox is not good, like. Isn't it? Bullock is a weird face in it. The Botox has gone

all weird. They made the right choice to cover a face with blindfold. Oh, Jesus. What's the name? The white guy you for Eminem. Machine Gun Kelly. He's in the film. He's great in the film. Oh, cool. I'm like great. I don't mean like he's a good actor or anything like that, but he's just so like, he's there, a spoiler

he's there and he just fucks off, he just steals the van and drives away. Oh, okay. And he ruins it for everyone else, it's great. He just fucks over everyone. He takes the one hot girl and drives off with the food. Nice. Yeah. Bander snatchers came out around the same time as Birdbox. Yeah, yeah. We're going to see a lot of Bandersnatch

ripoffs now. Yeah, do you reckon? I don't know, man. I think the whole interactive film thing has a long way to go before it's like you know i think it's going to be something that yeah a lot of people will do for a while but they just get bored of it and just like i just want to watch a film i don't want to like participate yeah i suppose unless they make you know the interactive element like really engrossing personally i found bandersnatch it took me out of the narrative and i rather like make choices and stuff but again i am a troglodyt's what whatever I am. Yes. A Philistine.

You go around smashing computers because they frighten you. I don't understand them. Magic boxes from wizards. No! Yeah, so I'm not having that. I think she's doing an Irish version of Banner Snaz. What would it be about? It would just be on the RT player.

Set in the famine. No, it'd be RT player and you get the choice to pay your license fee. And if you don't, you go to prison. And you get the option to kill Pat Kenny. he's not even non-R-T anymore you're fucking cunt oh god I'm such a look again

I'm a fucking pleb I know nothing who's like no he's not good who's like the next generation old McDermott's next generation oh McDermott's next generation oh McDermott yeah he's one definitely he used to cut himself is that right yeah yeah too bad he didn't hit the right vein

we still have to see you yeah he obviously wasn't very dedicated he got to that joke before me I don't even mind the cunt but like yeah I literally I have no opinion on. He's very, like, safe. Yeah, yeah.

He will never say anything that goes against the RTE. You know who I liked who was, like, a good RTE person was there? Jerry Ryan. Because, like, he fucking, you know, he said what he meant. And even if you didn't agree with him, he stuck to his guns, he was honest. He died of a cocaine problem. That's a man I can get on board with. See, I disagree.

I think from why, I remember he was a kid, he was kind of cringy. Okay. He said things just to be controversial. Yeah, I suppose that's true. laddie's dead okay i take back everything i just said you changed my mind completely someone told me they know his son and he's pretty cool like so yeah you know i met uh no that's not even relevant what what do you mean i met samantha mumba's brother at a hot party omero mumba yeah swear to god but he doesn't he doesn't go by that name anymore and he didn't

like nobody was allowed to say what like in the gaffs like that's samantha mumba's brother but don't don't tell him that you know because he had a fucking when samantha mumba came out right he had a little career of his own he released a song or whatever you know obviously he was a kid some marketing dipshit came and said we could make you a star it didn't work out he got bullied horrifically

to the point that he like he changed his name I can't believe we've been recording podcasts for three hours today and you only got to this now that you know Samantha Mumba's I don't know him I just met him once in the gas party yeah we're best friends yeah we bought a time share together

yeah I can't believe you don't mention all the time. It's my chat up lying to ladies. Just on Tinder. I don't even remember what his song was called. What did he do? He just had a pop song where he like, it was in the 90s. He had a pop song where he like danced a bit and sang.

Give me some dirt on him. What was he doing? He was a really nice guy. We were just chatting. I don't say that. He was really signed. He was a cool guy. He was talking a lot about filmmaking.

He's like into filmmaking and stuff. We had a good conversation about that. We were both like kind of dirt and that. You can't sell that to the papers. I can't. He was, I think you should call up the sun right now. I got a story for you.

He was a gentleman, I have to say. Let's talk about famous people we met. Okay. I met Gokwan at bookshop once. Did you? Didn't talk to him. Oh, well, that's not really meeting them, seeing them from a car. I kind of went, well, I nodded.

Gok! Turns out, wasn't him? There's a Chinese. You ordered a Chinese to the gaff. Gakuan! No, I'm not Gokwan. We do this every time. From swords, mate, all right?

I heard the hearty bucks I met them hung out with them good bit Martin Maloney who played Eddie Durkan he's really again really nice guy good crack you know I didn't meet him but I had sexist girl once alright that's right

that's right and now it's recorded forever yeah for time and memory I just sorry I lied I was trying to sound big in front of the listeners anyway I had sexist girl once she was telling me that she used to date John Hertz's grandson or son

and he's like a drug dealer Oh shit really? And apparently like They're kind of estranged Oh Jeez You know There are a lot of fucking celebrities

Whose sons end up being drug dealers Who is I'm trying to think Who the fuck was it Is it Tom Hanks's son No he's like trying to be a rapper He's a rapper He's a rapper he's not good There's a lot of sons

He's funny rappers He would Daniel Lewis's son Michael Douglas I think Had another son Who's like a drug dealer Like a lot of fucking Hollywood kids just end up fucked up, like, you know.

Cosby's son got stabbed. Oh, Zubitabby got stabbed. Oh, my God, my son, my dad said this what happened. Is that the son? No, that was Cosby. It needs work. It needs work. Workshop dash.

Putting pop. Zup of the zap. Rapey bop. Yeah, needs work. Sorry. But Cosby's son got stabbed. Yeah, he got stabbed, yeah. Why?

Just, I probably like some drug deal gone wrong or something. Are you assuming that because he's black? Yeah. No, also because. it was like I'm assuming there are court documents recording that

no you're a racist sir you're a bigot you're I'll be thrown out town actually no no no we're talking about the nursing stuff

okay back to nurses yeah back to nurses it's really a scatter shot episode yeah yeah yeah so do you hear in Drodot

do people protesting the whole abortion stuff oh no in droid with people protest and all abortions right

pointing at oh right you just want my opinion yeah well obviously abortion is such a fucking mental topic that it's always going to bring

out sort of like very extremist people. But like I suppose you got to see it from their perspective as well even though I don't think this is what it is but in their mind it's killing babies do you know what I mean? Which obviously it's not but I mean it kind of is but you know

I voted to repeal you know I think women should have the right to choose and that's what it is it's the right to choose It's not the right to kill babies But that's what these fucking pro-lifers all think So obviously they're going to come out with their little banners And march around and make up a fuss Like anything matters

Yeah, pictures of dead babies Where do they get them? Is there like a... Is there like a photographer who like shoots dead babies? You're beautiful, you're gorgeous, yes, let's see it. Oh, yeah, beautiful, yeah. Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me. I'm going to see sadness, sadness, yeah, that's beautiful, that's great.

Oh, you're dead, you're dead, you're in the feet, Stay still, stay still. Okay, no, no. Oh, no, you can't do that. You're guilly. Oh, disgusting. But also, no. Disgusting, but also quite arousing.

Yes. I am a red-blooded male after all. I get, I would, I pay for an abortion. I'm a gentleman. Oh, yeah? No, I'm for equal equality, so I go hard. on it. Oh yeah,

you don't open the door for a woman Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I don't. You'd be patronising if you offer the paper

and the word. What about you? No pregnancy scares ever? Not really, not proper ones, like, no,

like, missed periods or any of that. No, no. There's always time, like. Oh, there's always, I don't know what do you want kids?

Dude, I was thinking there, imagine, like how depressing would be, you just got like, you got, like,

imagine you got a girl pregnant two years ago, let's say. Yeah. And you just got a job working some thing down and you like you got support him you can't even kill yourself because you've got to mind the kids

and every day just paying for a fucking gas leak carbon monoxide poison yeah yeah just waiting for that like yeah yeah I can see that happen in my future just don't get anyone pregnant you're working your job now yes I'm looking for a job yeah where are you looking

I try to get in the bagel bar in Dundalk got pretty excited about that they can't they wouldn't let you in it wouldn't let you in it's bad because you know when you get in the bagel bar you're kind of like the mafia you've made it like yeah yeah no one fuck at you you got like they give you like a platinum card

and like you can get private jets wherever you want yeah yeah it's like maybe Brian I don't see you as a bagel man maybe sandwiches maybe even pininis but not bagels go fuck yourself you don't have what it takes go fuck yourself go fuck yourself no bagel bar be cool now

I just I need to get a proper job like just like steady income coming in something to do you know it is I guess it gives me a bit of structure because when I was unemployed I was just lying around smoking weed doing nothing like and you just kind of turn into a piece of shit but if you have a job you have to show up you have to do the work or

whatever and like you know it's better it's a good incentive now i need something with that i've applied for teato park oh i know a girl works in teato park or used to work there i knew a girl there as well she's a big in the anal yeah she told me that i'm kind of friend not friend's own but i'm kind i know a lot of girls who like feel very comfortable chatting to me about sexual stuff or i'm just like okay little do they know the deviant that lurks behind those glasses i was chatting to this German girl Thursday Yeah And she was telling me

Like she used to do Crystal Met And she likes to be treated Like garbage Jesus Christ I feel like Like okay Well I'll say to that

Like What do you say Yeah What did you say Okay Okay That's pretty good That's pretty cool

Yeah Maybe I can treat you like Garbage someday She's the mess Yeah Love it She's okay She didn't have

Teatness or anything Oh well She's obviously In the early stages then. German girls are very like, I've noticed, they're very like sexually like liberated but also like

yeah, that's what we did. We had orgy and it was fun. We had orgy. It feels like that there's a disconnect of emotion or something. They're just very matter of fact. I've tried to some girls home with sex clubs and all like that. I don't go to sex club now. Yeah, I've never been to a sex club. I'm, you know, I'm very like vanilla when it comes

to all that shit. I like to be watched. You like to be watched? Yeah, yeah. I've realized that about myself. Really? Yeah. Have you been watched before? Not enough. Not enough. And when you say watch, you want people to watch you banging someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, that's interesting. It's like a reverse voyeuristic thing. Is there a name for that wanting to be watched? I don't know. I have no idea. Exhibitionist? Exhibitionist. That makes sense.

Yeah, yeah. So you're an exhibitionist. That's kind of like why you do this podcast. Well, in a sense, all comedians are exhibitionists. Yeah, you'd probably help my stage presence as well. Yeah, what if you fuck someone in stage? Talk about crowd work. hey where you from

and which orifice do you like it in nice bend over and let him fuck me with a strap on it beautiful wow he's like Andy Kaufman that's entertainment that's guys and dogs make them laugh

that them fuck you I'm thinking about this I probably will end up doing like some kind of like weird exhibitionist thing at some stage in my life same as a lot of actresses do nude scenes when they're young

yeah and they're like well I'm glad I did it when I was young and pretty well you still I still got it you got the goods I got the goods about show it off

yeah yeah I was chatting to a guy about doing a nude scene for this film he was my uncle no he was going to do it was just meant to be his dream sequence

or like I was like gonna wear a mask and walk around naked and I was way up for that and he said funding fell through or something like that but I still I still show up to

I still recorded the demo reel for from the neck die fully erect And then, like, they show up at his house. I'm so committed. I was like DeLewis where I, like, I spent 12 months. It's just walking around with a mask and your cockat.

There will be blood. Oh. Oh. Let's end it. Yeah, let's end it. All right. That's, this is Brian James fuck each other. Yes, thanks for listening.

Goodbye. Bye.