Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 9 : Graham Linehan VS Transgenders

Episode Date: February 12, 2019

Plus Charlie Rose takes his dick out

Go. And we're back. We're live. Welcome, everybody, to The Manifesto. This is the Anders Berwick special. We've just watched, what, two documentaries in a row about serial killers. Yeah, yeah. And I tell you, this is even, like, I'm coming off the back of, like, I've watched the Ted Bundy one.

I've been watching stuff about Jeffrey Dahmer, really going down the series. Murders and domestic terrorism. What's really fucking scary about the whole thing is, like, when they go through their childhood and their personality traits is how much I identify with each one of them, do you know what I mean? He raises tick, tick, tick, too. Yeah. We said before we started recording, like, thank God you got a girlfriend when you were 16. Yeah, it's true.

Because otherwise, Jesus Christ. Who knows what could have happened? Columbine 2.0. That woman saved a lot of lives. Monaghan Columbine. And even more depressing. Nope. Nobody would have cared.

Can you imagine just how depressing Monaghan Columbine would be? Oh my God. Oh, but what, like, I, I wouldn't even have, like, automatic weapons. It'd be, like, you know, bolt action rifle, you know. And that fucking, what, you'd see, your dad is, like, a crossbow? Yeah, that you had a crossbow. Oh, that would have been good, actually. No, I wouldn't.

You wouldn't have killed many people. No, that's true. It's why you'd be shitted anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Thank God for that girl. She fucking really jumped in a grenade when she did. Fair play to her.

She's kind of, like, you know, like, you kind of have to milk a bull sometimes to keep it. That's what she was doing, like, she was, taking one for the team. She was. She took many for the team. Good for her. Bad for her, but good for me. Well, you were lucky. I didn't get a girlfriend to way later. Yeah, yeah, I was very lucky. Yeah. I'd never really had like a proper, like, you know, loby, lovey kind of girlfriend that you take a bullet for her. It's always been someone I'm being slightly annoyed with. Well, I think, you know, we're the kind of people that... I'm the kind of person that can eventually take anything for granted. Despite my physical appearance and behavior and general demeanor, I could have like the most amazing person in the world, but

after a while, it'd be like, oh, shut the fuck up, would you? We're just the right mixture of, like, self-hating narcissist and cunt. That's the thing. Being a self-loving narcissist is an exhausting thing. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I wake up tired. We are basically the George Costanzas.

We're like, we're awful, but yet we're so picky. But yeah, so just been watching all the serial killer stuff. Another annoying thing, like, a lot of them, this is why like Gasey so much. Gasey he could relate to it. He was like this ugly. The killer clown. Yeah, he was like, he was ugly, he was regular. A lot of them were just so handsome.

That's true. Ted Bundy was gorgeous. Oh, and Andrew Berwick was like, good-looking guy. Yeah. Nice guy, yeah. Nice, you know, kind of like an Abercrombie and Fitch look, do you know what I mean? Smart. Yeah, smart. He really, like, rich. He was rich. A lot of really winning me over a lot of this. Yeah, yeah. If anything, it offends me that these good looking wealthy people feel obligated to go out and kill. What the fuck is their problem? If we were handsomer. If we were better looking. They'd all pay. Yeah. What would your, what would your manifesto consist of? I wonder should I go funny or serious

I think if I go serious we can literally get arrested Let's go funny Let's go funny Vegans That's topical, yeah It's funny how like people like So many people go against veg Like it's just a way

But like so many people like Oh fucking veg I'm so much I have no problem with vegans As long as they don't fucking bitch to me About the fact that I'm eating me Oh my God Leo came out Bradcar I'd say

not DiCaprio Leo came out saying he wants to eat less meat he didn't say this is recently he didn't say like we should all stop eating less meat he said

I'm personally going to eat less meat for my health and also because you know the cows you know the bad of the environment and the farmers acted as if like

he'd betrayed the entire country like the amount of whining from these farming cunts of this like so which we both are we're from farming backgrounds

like I same way like you know some black people say the N-word. I can talk about farming. Wait, complete, like, just freedom. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I can't say many things, but I can talk about farming. Talk about farming, yeah. So the farmers are up in arms. Oh, there are so much on the radio going, like, Leo doesn't care about people. Like, fucking all these farmers, it's the most Irish thing in the world, and he's against them.

He's basically Satan. Well, man, it's not going to get any easier for the farmers with Brexit and all that shit. No, if I was in charge, again, number one, be eugenics, and two, and two, like, sure in the future, farming's going to all be in buildings. It's going to be all, like, you know, like, grow houses. Yeah, and it's going to be all just, like, animatronics and stuff. And, like, meat that's being made in the factories and like that. Just all mass produced, like, farming, farmers are ruined in the country.

Farming, agriculture is dead. Yeah, it is. Get with the times. Like, you know the way all farmers commit suicide, all right? Oh, man, there's a huge amount of farmers. In the farming report, it's just basically to list who's done it and how this week. Oh, and somebody changed it up, toaster in the bathtub. Don't see that one very often.

That's a classic. Yeah, good for him, good for him. It's like, Farmer Jenkins went for pills. A woman's way out. Now, what's this? Yeah, he threw himself into a combine harvester. That's a man I respect right there. Yeah, and it's like, as it gets more, and like, there's always like, farmers, they're all, like, sad, lonely bachelors now.

Yeah. It's like, it's not like, it's not fun in any way like. It's like a really depressing life. There's a reason why I don't want to follow my footstep. Yeah, same. Same. Yeah. You only get trapped there.

It is. You get trapped by it. You can't get away from it. It's horrific. The field just keeps calling you. Yeah. And the only way to get out is the fucking top yourself. Or if you're lucky.

That's the good way to go. You could just live to your 103. You ever see like some farmers to watch the field and I think it's like this. inspiring story he knew what he was at like no he's a mentaler yeah he was nuts Jesus Christ

you're always talking about the fucking the wife dying like what have you seen I've seen not recently long time ago what was the wife died she's like picking stones or something like that

and she was dying but she still kept picking stones yeah yeah because she was a good woman it's kind of like coal miners you know I want to hang on to her job but it's like it's killing you

yeah it is killing you it's eventually going to become obsolete they're not even making money off it like I mean so many farmers are in the red year after year. Yeah, just grants and stuff like that, really. It's fucked up, like.

Really go against them. I'm surprised not more farmers don't turn into serial killers. That's interesting. Well, that's a great book. That's a great book. Let's write it now. Let's write it, yeah.

Like, I've been saying before to you, James, like, we should start writing plays and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. Because that really, that's where the big books is now. So a farmer who becomes a serial killer. Yeah, it's a musical. A Stephen Sondheim, like, Sweeney Todd. The demon farmer.

Get the pitchfork from the hay You are going to die today La la la la la Okay wait wait This thing writes itself Now okay I'm taking out loud here The farmer

Yeah We have to like appeal to the woke audience Okay the farmer Transgender farmer Transgender farmer Transgender okay farmer Falls in love with A Muslim man

Yeah The Muslim man comes Everyone hates him Everyone hates him because he's a Muslim Which is wrong And all farmers are racist That's true That's just true.

That's just a fact. Yeah, okay. So he falls in... I'm pretty sure the IFA don't let you in unless you're racist. You got to be pure. Yeah. It's been... As again, if we're watching that Timothy McVeigh stuff, you know...

Yeah. If you've ever watched the I-R-IFA training meetings, then with guns. Shooting pictures of Obama. They're just some swastikas painted on cows. But anyways, so the... So he falls a little bit of Muslim, man. Yeah, yeah. And he's trying to get enough money

to pay his operation to become a woman. Okay, a bit of a dog day afternoon vibe. Yeah, okay. So then he, it's a homage. I'm not caught in. A homage, yes, yeah. We're like Tarantino.

Okay, so he has to kill other people's other farmers to get their land. Oh, right. How does he get their land though? How does that happen? He has to trick them into the will by sucking him off. Ah, okay.

Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. By, okay, no, no, perfect. He gets the Muslim guy, okay? Yeah. To dress up like a woman into sucking off the farmers to get them leave the will to the Muslim guy Right, right, okay

Yeah, so he kills a few farmers Then I'm going to sell it And buy the operation, go to the Bahamas Okay But then, twist, okay, The Muslim guy Dresses up like a farmer For some reason, I can't

And then he accidentally, he accidentally kills the Muslim Ah, it kills the man he loves Yeah, it kills the man he loves And he's like, oh no And then that's one final song Where he's walking around And then he's a sad ballad

Yeah, a sad ballad where he recaps Everything has happened Okay and then he just um what's the best way he did okay he walked into the bog oh and then and then uh turns out this had all taken place in 2001 and he goes and does 9-11 the end perfect perfect there we go sorted that's that in the bag hollywood here we come so it's off broadway i think you know to maintain some artistic integrity i can see he's doing the west end who could we get to play the farmer um julian clary maybe i was thinking tim robbins okay Well, we're going different directions. Muslim guy, like all Hollywood things, be a white guy playing.

We get Ben Kingsley to do Gandhi. We completely whitewashed a film. There must be peace. I will not fight. That's my impression of Ben Kingsley, so it's not racist. Ben Kingsley is a white. God, he was so good and sexy beast.

Yeah, he was fantastic about it. Sexy Beast is the first film I've seen in Ages where it's genuinely like, You know what he was sexy piece as well? Your man, Ray Winston. Yeah, Ray Winston's good, but fucking, he's in Deadwood. Oh, Ian McShane. Yeah, yeah, he's fantastic. He gets fucked in the ass in it, but he's still fucking a man.

Like, he's still fucking deadly in it. I don't remember that bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he gets fucking. Are you sure you watched Sexy Beast? Well, yeah, yeah, no, you're probably right. It's been a while since I've seen him. He definitely did. I remember stuff like that.

That's the only bit I remember. Only bit I enjoyed. That's how I discovered the film. I was looking up Ian McShay's sex. He's a handsome man. He is, yeah. What else? He was known for Lovejoy, you ever hear that?

No. It was one of those BBC, you know, the way that he's always like he's detective, but he's something else. Okay. So I think this was like he's a detective, but he's also like, he like collects furniture. Okay. Or antiques or something like that? Antique furniture and he solves crimes. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, perfect. Yeah. It's like CSI meets Antiques Roadshow. Yeah. There's so many shows that are made, especially like, like, BBC shows where it really is made for like old people. Old people who don't leave the house. And it's just like nice, gentle, quiet. It's very white as well, just to keep them calm, you know.

Don't want any elevated heart rates. Yeah, even like a mention of like, if an Italian man shows up, like, there's like the woman's pressing her button. Calling for the nurse. The nurse is like Indian. She's killed herself. And Indian nurse is like good. So yeah, I'm excited about that now.

Our serial killer farmer play. It's going to be a big hit. be great now. No, something else I wanted to talk to you about that we didn't get around to the last time was, I mean, we're kind of, this is very late to even be bringing this up, but, because it happened so long ago, but I'm sure you heard Louis CK's leaked material. Yeah. Yeah, did you hear that? I did, yeah. And all the controversy that surrounded it. Again, I feel like going back to the whole thing, like, Louis, you know, he took his dick out. That's not very romantic. No, it's not. No, it's not. Didn't even light any candles. I'm, no. If you're going to take your dick out,

got a light a candle. Like candles. Yeah, it seems like that was a big culture back down. I'm not defending me in any way, but like, so many cunts were just taking her dick out, tree in the fucking day, invite a girl to your office, and they'd just be like, here you go, like... This is for you. Like, you could never defend what he did, and I know you're not trying to, neither would I. The thing about it is, it's kind of that thing, we talked about Woody Allen a while ago, is like, can you still enjoy his work, even though he's a piece of shit? I think you still can. I think Louis... Yeah, I liked his new material.

Yeah, I thought it was funny. Yeah. And people were, like, talking about how offensive it was. Yeah. Those same people probably would have loved it Five years ago Yeah, they were like Oh, it's so clever how he's changing

He's making us think, you know? Yeah, yeah But it's just like, it's just the way it gets spun by the media, you know what I mean? Like, you know that whole he talked about Was it like one of the school shootings? Yeah, yeah And then one of the dads came out

Of the victims I'd like to see him come here And try his material in my house Talk about a tough room Yeah, and also Louis's such a good comic He probably could Yeah, he'd get like, you know He'd talk

talking about, like, ice cream and stuff like that. The dad would be like, you know what? You're a funny guy. He talked about having kids and dad would be like, yeah, I used to have kids. Got a lot of free time in my hands now. Yeah, I can relate. And this, I don't think this happened, but did I tell you, Charlie Rose was going to do a thing? Well, he pitched it anyway, where he, because he got Me Too.

He did, yeah. And he was going to have a show where he goes around interviewing other people who have been Me Too. Yes. And talks about their struggle. Yeah. Because they're the real victims. in this Me Too thing were the powerful men

who lost their jobs who got caught during... They're the real victims apart from all the real victims. God, I would have been I would have loved to have been there when he pitched that, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, this is that glass of water. He's pitching it and as he doing, he takes his dick out. This is what got me in trouble? They just will win me over. Walking out, it's in the bag.

We got it. We got it. Oh my God. like watched much Charlie Rose. No. Well, depends on who he's interviewing and stuff. Yeah. He was a good interviewer. He was on Breaking Bad, like, he was... Was he? Yeah, in the final, second episode.

I need to go back and watch Breaking Bad. No, it's not that, you're not going to miss that much. It's just, it's this Charlie going, like, what about this Heisenberg guy? Yeah, yeah. But now, as you're talking about affecting the work, now on the watch that, I think, he took his dick out. I think you can still enjoy the work and say that they're good at what they do. I'm still going to, like, watch a Louis special.

yeah absolutely and sure that makes me a bad man yeah probably does yeah but i'm already a bad man for other reasons so like hopefully you never get famous enough to get me too well i'm pretty sure that having me too anyone so yeah yeah not to brag around do you like that really has got to the stage now where like people like well i haven't sexually assaulted anyone so like where's my fucking medal i'm pretty good guy yeah i i feel people who say they're good guys are the bad guys that's true and the people who say they're bad guys are the bad guys are the bad bad guys are the really bad guys they're all bad guys that's what we're trying to say men are all horrible we are it's true it's true and we can't we're trying we're trying our best but we are kind of like yeah

cunty people we're just pieces of shit that's why i've stopped drinking because i act like a bit of con when i drink like not even like sexually just like like like in general yeah no i'm talking more like physically like i've hit i've tried to like i've swung at my friends stuff like that and i'm drunk and that's why i'm gonna cut back on it like well best of luck with that brine because you know as men like we have a lot testosterone and stuff you got to release it somehow onto per unsuspecting women No, no That's horrible

That's your manifesto That's my manifesto I wonder what my manifesto Yeah, what's your manifesto then I don't know I think anyone who does a manifesto You ask me that I actually

Is a total fucking dork To be honest Like oh my manifest Oh my god talking to nerds That I'm a perfect guy He named his gun Mielnour Yeah

After Tor After like a Nordic god Like what a fucking loser man You know what a nerd Dork Yeah man Just like him going like Yeah it's like him picking

up like yeah it's like the hammer you know only the word he can lift this Jesus Christ Come to mean you old nor Although he fucking he got 77 bodies That's that's you know Maybe impressive isn't the right word

But it's a very notable body count 77 One thing I didn't like about that Because we watched that documentary Which by the way was not a very well made Purly made yeah Yeah I could have made a better one And I will

If you give me a chance Send me money Let's reach out to Anders Anders yeah Anders we're gonna pitch you something Oh shit Remember we were talking about we need a third mic.

Third person. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And there's be a very interesting gangers. We'd have to go to him, though, because he can't come to us. Well, in the documentary we were watching, they mentioned a lot that he played World of Warcraft. World of Warcraft. And they kept mentioning that as if that's in any way relevant.

Yeah. But, and then they showed, like, he was really big into the images from World of Warcraft. And they showed a skull that had a swastika painted on it. With a knife in it. And that's not World of Warcraft. There was no orcs with fucking, uh, a swathearts. stick is unless I haven't played World of Warcraft I'm not sure no there's no wizards what fucking like swat like skinhead wizards which is skinhead wizards name like band

speaking of guys who kind of fucked up their career what do you think real quick louis yeah or nay should should louis be allowed should he be allowed or should he just be shot on the street with daughters forced to watch like yeah you know what he fucking he fucked up he did a terrible thing uh he did it a couple of different times but it's not to the same level of Bill Cosby or Harvey Weinstein, I think there does need to be some sort of like ability to rehabilitate or redemption or something. Imagine being his daughters. Exactly. And they definitely found out before like he told like, imagine the sit down with your daughters going like, well kids. Daddy. Well, you know what? Maybe he didn't have to tell them because he did it

to them too. No. No, that'd be. I'm sure he didn't. I'm sure he didn't. But I can't be sure Well, you're not going to be on next season of Louis. Horace and Pete, season two. I will say, if we'll move on, like, it is kind of like Louis set it up where... I think deep down he might knew that it could blow up in his face. He knew it was going to come back. This is why he set up the website.

It's why he set up now, so he can just kind of, like, do his own thing. Yeah, because he's completely independent of it, like, yeah. But, like, I mean, look at his material. It's all just so, like, he was obsessed with masturbation, like... Aren't we all? Yeah, well, he seemed to be really into it, like, I've actually trying to cut down on it. Cut down.

Yeah, I think I... I'm really big into not watching porn now. Yeah. Because I know a few lads who are, like, older than me who watch a lot of porn and now, like, they can't, like, get hard. Get hard, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want that to happen. I want to keep maintaining strong, healthy erections. Yes, well...

Long into my old age. Well, I have no doubt you will, Brian. Thanks for believing in me, James. I always believe in you, man. Always. Anyway, uh... Look, it's happening now. Yes, it is.

It's quite impressive. Flacid, erect, yeah. Toucher. No, so talking with people fucking up, why do you think about the whole Graham Lennon and thing? Oh, shit. Yeah, he's come out as sort of a very anti-trans. Yeah, the man who wrote Father Ted has somehow waved into the political arena, and he's against trans now.

But he's framing it from, like, a feminist point of view where he's trying to protect lesbians. Yeah, he just seemed as a really warped perspective of the whole thing. He's a cunt. And he does not seem informed at all. he's just sort of spouting all of these. He's this fucking self-serving. Oh, I hate him.

Yeah. Actually, like, he's ruined. He hasn't ruined Repet Fatter Ted, but, like, he's kind of ruined him for me. Yeah, I actually quite liked him for a while. Yeah, so did I. He would talk about writing sitcom and stuff like that. I found it very interesting from, like, a writing point of view. Like, he keeps talking as if, like, he's in the right and, like, he's protecting people.

Like, in his head, they're like, I think he used the words, men in dresses are trying to, like, trick women and thinking their women as well or something, something like that. Yeah, see, it's really offensive. Really, like, that's just not really. horrible thing to say like you know like remember that pug thing a while ago where the guy trained his pug yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so that guy obviously like if you're in any way like sensible that guy shouldn't be arrested no because because basically he he taught his little pug yeah to give a nazi salute regardless of like that guy has now gone to join you kip so regards that stuff like that alone should not you should not be fined and arrested if you think that

actually will you think that actually will spit on you like um send us your detail Hill, their home address. Yeah, yes. And Brian will be there to spit on you. We'll arrange a time and date. And I actually know a few people who I definitely would love to spit on. And they're in Dublin. So that guy set up a Patreon account to pay for his legal fees.

Okay. Yeah. So, Graham Lennon comes out and tries to shut down the Patreon account. Yeah, because he said it's hate speech and he deserves to go to prison. Not even going like, hey, I personally dislike this guy. But trying to actually shut down his way of paying. for his legal fees. Yeah, yeah.

And I'm just thinking, like, instead of training that dog to give a Nazi to do, he should have trained that dog to bite transsexual people. And then Graeme Lennon would have loved it. If it was a transphobic pug, Graham Lennon would be like, this guy is fucking, is this such a fucking, oh, he's a retard. It's absurd. Like, yeah, it's absurd. Like, but he was, they brought him on to, like, frontline or whatever on RTE.

Like, that's so funny that, like, when they have people discussing the transsexual issues, okay? Yeah, yeah. They're like, well, should I listen to an actual transsexual person who was being through this experience? Or the guy who wrote Pat Mustard. Like, the guy who wrote the lines put his big tool in my box. God, it's saying. And even, like, he was on Twitter there a while ago, and he put up his poll saying, like, do you agree with me? Now, this is his Twitter page.

And he's blocked anyone disagrees with him. Okay. And then he's bragging about the fact that, like, well, more people agree to me and disagree me on this poll that I created on my Twitter feed, which is kind of like going, like, my friends agree with me. Oh, God. Yeah. No, he's really like Salita's reputation Like, you know what I mean?

Come at me, Graham. Yeah, fuck you, Graham Lennon. Yeah, me and my transsexual buddies are going to beat you up. I pay them to beat me up and they're very good at it. So, come on. God, I love it.

Have you ever been dominated? No. Actually, like, kind of people beating you up or anything? Sexually, no. On purpose. Well, let's see, I'm a big guy. Like, it'd be pretty hard to dominate me.

You know what I mean? I've tried it a bit, but I've never really been, like, proper, like, sold in it. Like, I got, like, this prostitute once to, like, try and fuck me with a strap on. But it's good, again, like, we're talking with fingers. I was like, nah, that's not. It was too big to even try it. I sucked it a little bit, like, but, like, whack me in the face with it a bit. But, like, that's cool Kenny for you.

I remember my mother was in the hospital at the time, and I felt, I was worried that she had cancer, so they were very scared, so I got to cross-to-do. Wait, your mom had cancer? No, no, but she was worried that she had, like, she had to get a check-up, like. this is how I deal with like when I'm worried like I'm just gonna get mistress just get a woman

to fuck me with a strap on yeah but then I couldn't do it and I was like I can't do anything this is why she's gonna have cancer if I can't fit it in

she's gonna have to get chemo yeah yeah Jesus Christ that was a while I haven't slept with prosto in ages I'm proud of you man good for you

know I've never actually I'm basically a feminist icon count as Markovitch over here I love it It was a fucking ad for her. I might be misremembering this now. I think I was drunk.

I think the only way it's such a bad taste, like the one of the strip clubs in Temple Bar had a picture of her. Are you serious? I don't just matter of me. What, like on a stripper pole? Or just like powerful women. You're like women coming. That's a bold marketing tactic.

To be admired in a way. See, you're all hopped up on caffeine. I am hopped up on caffeine. But I'm in a slump over here. I'm like, I'm very much. being the opi right now. It's being like, oh, really?

No, okay. Yeah. Man, man. You're opi. I am opi. But also, Anthony, because of my racism. So it's quite...

I'm in Kim, actually. You're a gym with the transsexuals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like this, yeah. I like this. No, we're more like... The Nicky Byrne show? I listen to Nicky Byrne show something.

The guy from Westlife. Yeah, he's on the radio. He's absolutely awful. Yeah, I'd imagine. He is a radio show now when it's just him and Jennifer or something. Is it a pony? is that Zaparelli or something like that

she's mildly entertaining like I know nothing against her but Nikki is just awful like he only got the show like he's related his father-in-law is Bertie O'Hurne like he's just awful

yeah he does no charisma no nothing he barely even knows that it worked if I was trapped in elevator away and I'd just shit myself on purpose

so he wouldn't talk to me my guys welcome back to the Nicky Burns show okay we got Jennifer here what are you doing for the weekend Jennifer great okay here's the new one from Kesha is that a good uh reenactment yeah yeah i'm proud of that

never heard it so you know i was uh don't need to hear it don't need to yeah it's the same thing i think of wanting to end it on one last thing you go i've been going the whole time i know but you're the one who said let's record another one i didn't even want to i hate this and i hate you brian i hate it no okay here's something it's a lot of fun It's like the Derek and Clive interviews. I don't even get that reference.

Oh, you don't? You see what I'm stuck with, ladies and gentlemen? You see what I have to put up with? Think of one little thing getting on. What, you have new year's resolutions? I have none. Never. Never made a New Year's resolution in my life.

You've never made New Year's resolution? No. What's the point? I know myself, I will never stick to it. Be a waste of time. You've reached perfection. No, I just know myself to be a piece of shit, like with no willpower. so there's no point like

why create extra disappointment do you know what I mean that's what it is though it's just like setting setting yourself no some people are like disappointed oh it's just a fucking year

why would you bother change it now but it's just like if it helps someone let him do it yeah well that's good if it does help someone I have nothing against

new year's resolutions I just don't bother with them because I know I'll never stick to it I just won't like you know what I mean have you had I'm sorry that offends you so much Brian well what's your new year's

resolution, less drink and drugs? Less drinking drugs, no hookers. Okay. And is that like no hookers forever? No hookers forever? Really? Can you imagine such a thing? I cannot, at all. You've never, I've surprised you haven't got a hooker. Wow, thanks, man. No, I've never got a hooker. I mean, yeah, I don't know.

I just kind of think... It's pretty seedy, to be honest. It's not like, it's not my proudest thing. Again, it's nothing. I'm not against it. Like, you know, the person, I think prostitution should probably be made legal in this day and age. A lot of the ones I've paid for like They're like, you know Studying becomes a lot They're trained to be lawyer or stuff like that

Really? Yeah Yeah That's what they tell me It's what they tell themselves too When they're buying a bag of gear On of the belly box steps You think you'll ever go to the heroin do you? I don't know maybe if I ever get like

wealthy enough Wealthy Yeah Me and my friend are pretty close to Think about getting heroin at one stage That's so dumb We are pretty close to thinking about getting heroin That really means like we have

haven't done heroin. That's such a middle class response. And what was, why? Why did you want to do? My friend was big into like, you know, bankers do it all the time. You can just live a healthy life for heroin. Yeah, well, that's the thing. That's why I said if I ever get wealthy enough, like, you know, you could, like, a lot of rich people do it, you know, on and off, like, but, you know, you can just kind of fuck around with, like, oxy cotton and stuff. Take enough of them, it's pretty much the same thing. Well, no, I think when you inject it is definitely, like, the purest hit you'll ever get, like.

Yeah, I think I'll save it for, like, when I've got can't. Yeah, I think if I ever got diagnosed with eternal illness, I would just go into a rake of fucking drugs. That's something to look forward to. Yeah, when I inevitably, I wonder what it'll be cancer, diabetes, maybe both. Oh, this is fun now, we can predict their deaths. And, uh, again, with the caveat, this is if we

manage to survive long enough that we don't kill ourselves. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, I don't think I'll ever kill myself. I think Viking, well... I'm too narcissistic. If I did die, I'd proper only go a Viking funeral. Would you, yeah? Yeah.

I'd be willing to say. you on fire burn your corpse cool yeah yeah it's funny uh you know in waterford like they're really big and like promoting like the viking thing like and really yeah jesus vikings are just notorious for rape aren't they yeah that's basically it so when like in waterford they're basically saying like our ancestors got raped here's a key race to celebrate it's all viking shit over there and it's also with the horns as well which is not even accurate well that Wait, the hat with the horns. Yeah, it's all like cartoonishy Viking stuff.

Yeah, yeah. And did they sell a thing like, we're Vikings, we're Vikings, we're Vikings, we're pillaging and other things. But we're not doing that thing that we definitely did. Yeah. Yeah. Some historians sort of whitewash out where they're like, they probably didn't rape that much. A lot of them had wives. I just like that makes it.

It's just constant raping, non-stop raping. That was their whole thing. You know? It's like Hollywood. Yeah, yeah. Vikings would have got me too if they were around. Cork saw him off apparently. Did they?

Yeah, yeah, the rebel county. We had a teacher from Corrack, an art teacher. We had a teacher from cork and art teacher. She had one long nail on her little finger. Coke. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Well, I only found out years later. She just had a Coke nail?

Yeah, just a Coke nail. She's an art teacher. Fucking hilarious. Why would she not like... I wonder why she's so excited in class. I was going to say her name She's got the sniffles Mrs. C will say

Feeling under the weather Yeah she had a proper thing And you hide it like She just had a coke nail How do you explain that in the job interview That's not a coke nail Is it? No, of course that

This is for her herbs and spices I'm uh yes It's for my arts Culinary arts Yeah That was their only kind of dodgy teacher now You know I actually We'll end it on this

Okay nice This is like a really embarrassing moment of mine is like a you know just one of those moments you wish you could take back yeah so like it like it haunted me forever like it still does but um so looking forward to it it's again

I'm sorry I'm building it up there it's really not that big a deal but to me it was but so I was that it was I was in sixth year right in school and I was at a New Year's Eve party with my friend's house but his parents were also having people over it was like a big gathering

okay so it turns out that his parents were friends with our art teacher, ironically enough. And we were all kind of standing around, like, chatting shite, and we were all drinking. And, you know, we were kind of like the teacher was there, but he was being cool about the fact that we were all drinking or whatever. Do you know what I mean? We were all talking shite.

And then kind of got a little banterish. We were kind of exchanging banters and slagging off and stuff. And then at one, I don't know why, but just in a moment of frenzy, I just, he was a short guy, Baltchat. So I just grabbed his bald head and kissed them and said, I could get you fired now. And like the air got sucked out of the room. Like every just time stopped the music like the music, skip. Like it just was dead silence.

Everybody just looked at me. And I just had to leave the house. And it was the most like I felt so fucking shitty about it. It was horrible, man. Actually even thinking about it now, it just like, and this was like, This is like 12, 13 years ago, and it still haunts me, like, you know. Horrible moment. Thanks for listening.

Yeah, so. Well, what were you thinking in that moment? Did he get a big laugh? Yeah, that's what it was. But you know, that sort of comedic instinct that, you know, where you just kind of say or do the wrong thing because you think it'd get a laugh from the boys or whatever. I didn't. And it just really didn't.

Like, everybody stopped. Everybody was just saying. He was, like, mortified. fight he just like he felt you know you have to make eye contact with like ever meet him again like oh yeah yeah yeah like I mean what you say to him next time you saw him I never addressed it

I just got you fire I just grabbed his cock I'm going all the way I just photoshop pictures of him and like gay porn bags it's so weird because like it's like you're the aggressive one but you're making him molest you that's the thing that's the thing

I'm going to be a prison bitch or else see like I was only I was 17 at the time and I was drunk and I was stupid and I didn't realize how, you know, the implications of that sort of thing. It was a really horrible moment. You make him put his hand in your pocket? There was

no hands in pockets. But yeah, it was, that's a horrible moment. Thanks for making me reliving. Oh, God. Yeah. I'm glad we got to hear that. Ah, God. Horrible. We're going to end it there. Yeah. We're going to end it there. I'm going to go back Dundalk. You're going to buy a big bag of weed. Not a big bag, but yes, I will buy

some weed, yeah. Cool. We can drive together. separate cars we are at separate cars there we can race against each other cool i'm vin diesel you're paul walker and then we can at the end we can do a little like look yeah we can look at each you again uh what a terrible fellow bye bye