Brian and James Fuck Each Other - Episode 94 : The Princess Diana Show

Episode Date: November 26, 2020

The Crown Season 4 Part 2.

Oh yeah, we're back Yeah Oh and this is a very special day This is what part two of the Crown Yeah this is okay This is part two Yeah of the Crown The Netflix show The Crown

And we're gonna jump straight in No time We'll be like oh this is what you missed Yeah No going back Fuck that shit We don't play that nonsense Straight in no kissing

No no no last time On Brian and James Okay Okay I thought you're gonna say something No, I thought I was too, but then I thought I'd just like, oh, what's the fucking point? Yeah, you had a moment.

I'll tell you what the point is. Bob Hawke, that's the point. We're talking about Bob Hawke. Bob Hawke. That's right, guys. We know you've been waiting for this. They're like, when are they talking about Bob Hawk? Yeah. Yeah. Where's Bob Hawk?

Please. Did somebody say him all nine? Yeah. So, James put down the gun. Take out your mouth. It's Bob Hawk time. It's Bob Hawke time. It's Bob Hawk on the crown.

This is the crown. goes down under okay it's it's like when uh only fools and horses go to miami or whatever did they ever do that they did yeah we'll do an episode about that as well you you bet you're bippy okay so we meet bob hawk why do they why do they go down under we'll get to that okay we meet don't push me i'm talking with bob hawk yeah yes i'm sorry you bloody sheila yeah you bloody sheila okay so bob hawk the new Australian PM. A few facts by him, he's anti-monarchist

and he can drink a yard of ale in 11 seconds. Nice. He's got my phone. That was his big thing back in the day on the campaign trail. Like, look, I can drink it fast. And even there's a video of him in, I think, around 2016, he's an old man now, okay, our rugby game. And there's still

someone like, Bob, down that. He's like, okay. he's like hooked up to a dialysis machine down in a yard of ale yeah he's like I gotta keep the people happy yeah it's insane he downed a lot of ails okay so um the royals have to go do you know because they technically have ownership over australia oh right yeah the commonwealth yeah yeah so they got keep them happy okay sure and they're worried because bob hawk might be bob hawk is like on tv going like I don't think we need the bloody royals

Okay Right, right All right So he's kind of like Trump-esque figure in that He's like Australia should be for Australians Not the bloody

The powers that be That wasn't his main Point Okay He had lots of other Ideas as well And like Yeah

Well he wasn't just like Maybe I'll drink two yards Yeah He wasn't just like Fuck the Queen Vote for me But when they asked him He was like

Look I respect the Queen But I think We don't need it anymore. Yeah. All right. We're getting one just fine

without it. We need an out of nature. Okay. So, oh, also, okay,

we get to hear Prince Charles tell a joke. Oh, okay. Should I tell the joke to you? Please do.

Okay, okay. So, the aristocrats, you know, no, no, that would have been good. So there's a man

hunting a bear, all right? He's walking along the forest, okay, he sees the bear shoots it. He's like,

yes, I got the bear. Right. The bear stands up. Okay. And the bear says, you try to shoot me I need to get my revenge

Okay So the bear rapes the man Okay The bear bends him over And vigorously Does his business Okay

In the man Okay All right And then the man walks home Rather bow-legged Oh Charles He knows the zingers The tags

It's all about that And gets a bigger gun Okay Okay He goes into the woods Finds the bear again Bang the bear stands up

says you know what to do okay so at this time the man's angry because he's been raped twice by a bear yeah that's a bad day he's been brutally raped by an animal twice If you go into the woods today you're in for a big surprise

So this time the man gets a bazooka All right He goes into the woods Or the, okay He goes in the forest Sees the bear Boom okay blows up the entire forest

He's like, I finally kill that bear. Tap, tap. The beer's behind him and says, you're not really in this for the hunting, are you? That's a good joke. Yeah, I like it. It's a good little joke, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fun. It's the first time you ever see Prince Charles be anyway happy.

I like it. It's got rape and bestiality and murder. It's great. I think the reason they show this is to show him being a center of attention for a second. And then in walks Diana. And then what happens is they go on the trip And they're all like, Charles, get out of the way It's Diana, oh, she's great

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah The People's Princess They love her because they're like, She's just like a regular girl Yeah, yeah She's not one those weirdos, okay? She's just like you or me. She's like you or me, she's from an Uber rich elite family.

She's just one of the girlos. Okay, like even there's one bit, okay, where they kind of like, they have like one scene because they're an Australian now okay they have one scene of Diana

with like some guys who are all like you know buff swimmers okay and a bunch of surf or dudes yeah okay

and the cameraman's like all right no touching and she's like do you mean me or them oh shit she's black

she's half a little off with the boys I want a bloody fussed his laugh yeah they're like

oh she's fucking she's a goer isn't she she's a goer she's a bit does she yeah how she's

fucking it gaza. Oh, she wants a bit of gaza. Yeah, she's a fun Sheila, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they cut to, uh, fucking Prince Charles, okay? He's, like, doing some polo. He falls off the horse. They're all laughing at him.

Oh, you fucking sweat. That's great. You know, spa. The troll kind of fosters out of. Okay. And, you know, fucking, um, Charles is like, how it, it's fucking, like, livid. Okay, it's like, they're all looking at you.

that's your fault they're all laughing at me because it fell off the horse you probably you probably bribe that horse have you been having it off with the horse you tart

okay and fucking you know Diana throws it back at him she's like what about all the times you talk to Camilla okay and apparently during their honeymoon

a picture a photo of Camilla fell out of his wallet oh that's bad looks bad doesn't it? Yeah, that's not good, no. Well, isn't the whole theory that he was with Camilla the whole time?

Camilla's barren, so he had to get some cunt, sorry, not cunt, but he just had to get someone that he could impregnant and have his kids. Yeah, I mean, it's heavily implied that they're still banging. He's on the phone with Camilla all the time, being like... While he's banging, Diana. It's like, shut up, Diana!

Like, oh God, he's such... I think the person who comes off worse than this show is Charles. Okay. Literally, because the whole... Another part of this episode was that fucking, Diana once to bring her newborn son to Australia and they're like what a silly woman

well she wants to bring her kid with her yeah and even the queen is like a fucking 22 hour flight I mean that's a bit much maybe but the queen's like

I left my kids alone for three months yeah didn't see my kids for three months they worked they turned out grand Andrew went to the Virgin Islands had a great time yeah

so um they love Diana she's like a normal person right they love Diana and Charles He's got two hands and face Just like us

Okay He's not happy And he is constantly Giving Diana shit Right The entire trip Yeah Okay

And Diana's putting on a brave face For the cameras But she's miserable Sure So she goes to The Queen herself And it's like I feel like

No one loves me In this family I feel isolated Could you please love me Okay Could you please A bit needy Could you please

Show me some affection and maybe the rest of them will as well Could you please love me? Okay. Mom. You know what the queen does? Rings the bell. Dispose of this trollop.

She just gets dragged out by fucking Jeeves. So the people come, okay, and Diana's like, just the men in white coats, is it? Yeah, yeah. She gets a room with Michael Fagan in the loony bin.

Oh, that's for the previous episode. They understand. You better have listened to both. Okay, so literally like, they're like, you must leave now and Diana's like No please and hugs the queen And the queen goes stiff

Okay Does not move her arms at all Okay And eventually like Diana fucking starts crying And leaves okay And then afterwards The queen's talking to Princess Margaret And Margaret's like

She hugged you I feel sick Oh yeah And that's the end of that episode I like it I like that They also There was a scene of them meeting Bob

Hawk but you know Diana stuff's the most interesting now the next episode is a Margaret episode which is funny because Hellebonna character is a big name Oh yeah yeah And she plays Margaret in this

But she's hardly in it is she No no she is in it but she doesn't really have that much Like she normally Margaret episodes Normally have like one or two during the season I see and her whole character arc is She's the other sister She doesn't feel like She's appreciated

she feels like she's controlled she's always falling in love with someone yeah yeah yeah fucking who cares okay just press stop right now so anyway um in this episode Margaret's drinking

she's having fun okay you know pills fucking what do they call them head meds because she's all dopey and daft in the brain she's got a new friend a new male friend okay and she's rubbing his leg okay and he's like please Margaret

No. Oh, really? Yeah, okay. And he runs away, basically, okay? He's like, I must leave. She chis after him with a big net. Yeah. And then Margaret's talking to the queen about this.

She's like, it's very odd. I was trying to seduce him. And the queen's like, oh, don't you know? He's a friend of Dorothy. Oh, I see. Yeah. A raging friend of Dorothy. He's one of those sick, perverted friends of Dorothy.

Yeah. Well, they would be very homophobic in the, royal family. Where does that come from that expression friend of Dorothy? I seem to be heard of Oz. Dorothy.

Yeah. So basically you're like you're like that dog. Toto. Yeah. He's from Africa if you know what I'm saying. It just gets more and more

elaborate. It's like, wait, what? Yeah. Yeah, he's gay. He's black and hairy if you know what I mean. Choose bones. Yeah.

Okay. So listen this, okay. The queen says she's a friend of Doherty, implying that he's gay. Princess Margaret coughs up blood.

Wait, what? Yeah. Really? Yeah, it turns out she's got something wrong with her. I didn't pay attention. That's homophobia.

Yeah. You cough up blood. Yeah. Well, it turns out she was smoking 60 fags a day. What? Oh, fill the blank sin. That's an accent.

Say, do a bishop. Hello. She'd love friends. So she was smoking. 60 cigarettes a day. Cigarettes a day. And they have to do some surgery on her lung or something like that. So she decided to come a bit healthier.

All right. She's going to cut down the drinking, the smoking. Yeah. And we're a little force from the rest of the family. She's going to get therapy. Oh, wow. Okay. I'm surprised that they believed in therapy.

Of all people, Prince Philip. Is the one. Likes it. Really? Yeah. Apparently he's big into, like, religion. and you know he sees therapy

it's like another form of confession in a way it's like good to get out your system you know and also another weird thing by Prince Philip he's big like geez all the religions

have good points oh okay yeah he's always hanging out with like a rabbi and a whatever those Muslim people have a Muslim rabbi a Muslim rabbi

yeah well what's it again is Shia no that's not I have no idea oh that's gonna I look dumb now yeah you do

dumb and intolerant Shia and Sunni or sexy religions and Ayatollah Ayatollah's a leader who cares okay

it's like a high priest or some shit okay okay so now here's something that's a little on the nose I think

yeah and if any other show did this they'd be accused of being hateful okay oh there's a montage

of the royal family having a party and then they cut to a bunch of people with Down syndrome and other

mental and physical ailments Also having a party. In a dungeon. No, in a mental ward, okay? And Michael Fagin's like, all I did was break into the gaff. Like, what am I doing here? So with the royal family, okay, they've got a big massive cake and lots of, lots of custard and apples.

And strudel. Yeah, okay. And in the mental ward, they've got one cupcake. And they'll have to fight over it. Yeah, we'll have a candle in it, okay? so I feel like the implication is like who's the real insane person who should really be in the ward

why are we seeing this ward though what's the actual context at the time we're like what's going on here but we find out so Margaret goes to the therapist all right oh and the therapist one is like you gotta come to me I'm not coming to you

oh you gotta be a patient here that's weird okay so Margaret is talking to therapist therapist like you have a history any history of mentalness in your family and Margaret's like hmm I wonder I'll do some research yeah she does some research

oh wait yeah okay yeah I know she does some research okay apparently they've got some relatives that are listed as dead but they actually just true them in the mental ward yeah because they have mental or physical ailments

yeah okay so they're like oh is it a couple it's five Jesus Christ yeah this true five of them okay yeah it basically in the mental skip. They came from the wonky branch of the family tree, you know?

So, it turns out the Queen Mother knew all about this. Yeah. Okay. And they did it so they wouldn't bring up any uncomfortable questions about genetics and inbreeding. Oh, yeah. Because they'd be big proponents

of eugenics and stuff. Yeah, okay. The family bloodline. The Queen Mother describes them as medically idiotic. medical nincompoops you're medically silly you're medically

a silly sausage silly sausage syndrome so like and the queen mother goes full on like you know 100% genetic purity is the only good type of genetic like we must keep the bloodline pure

fuck Megan Markle shouldn't say that boy that was it's heavily implied let's just say she died before Megan Markle got involved but if she was alive

her eyes would have fallen over ahead you know like a cartoon car she's like but she's and your her jaw

literally hits the ground okay yeah so there's no resolution to this episode basically the queen mother is like you know

we got to put them there otherwise it makes us look bad okay just put them in a bloody skip yeah 100% genetic purity

that's not a good type okay that's only otherwise yeah it should be shot in the head we did

a kindness to him okay even look at the fucking features of the royal family with their big ears

and big teeth yeah look like a bunch of donkeys so Margaret feels sad the end it turns out

the relatives were buried in a pauper's grave oh well yeah that's what you get that's what you get for deciding

to be born like that. Silly sausage. Okay. So we're going to the next episode. That was a bit of a downer. No, I loved it. Well, you loved it. It hurt me right up.

You loved it, but you're actually watching the episodes of Downer. Okay, right. And it's not like Margaret goes, like, I want to free him. She just goes like, that's sad. Anyway. Time to drink and touch my gay friend again. Oh, by the way, the gay guy in the episode becomes a priest. Of course.

Yeah, okay. Because you're a friend of Dorothy. Oh, yeah. Okay. So next episode, we start off with Claire Foy. Oh, yeah. The first queen. And she's giving a speech to, this is set in the 50s, okay? The queen is 21.

She's given a speech to all the countries in the empire. And we cut to all the countries. And you're like, Jesus Christ, back then. It kind of shows you, like, how in such a short amount of time, they've lost everything. Yeah, like they've lost, like, a majority of their empire. Okay. But you're kind of like, why have we cut back to the 50s? What's going on?

We see Little Thatcher Her first day in Oxford Oh, I see Studying Science It's like a bottle episode, is it? No, no, no, this is the opening, okay? Oh, okay. She, you know she studied science? No, I don't know.

Chemistry. That's all right, yeah. She became head of the young conservatives. That makes sense. Pretty amazed, aren't you? Yeah, wow, you're blowing my socks off here with these facts. Okay, this, again, this episode's a little bit weak, okay?

So, the opening is like young Tatcher, and then we go to old Tatcher, and it's like, oh, time is bad, past. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the main plot of this is, it's a guy who's the Queen's press secretary, okay?

And he keeps getting, they're like, you should write a book, okay, about your time as a press secretary. Maybe a political thriller. He's like, no, I wouldn't dare ruin a good name. Like, I, this is a respected job.

Yeah, okay. I'm not going to betray it by writing a sensational fiction. Yeah, okay. I'm not going to kiss and tell. So, as he says this, apartheid's going on in South Africa. Way, okay. See, if you kick.

Okay. You bloody bleaks. Okay, so South Africa, they want apartheid, okay? Yeah, sure. Every country's for it, except the UK. And Tatcher's like, what's in it for me? What about the Wonga? Okay.

Where's the mullah? Okay. And, whoa, okay, I forgot about this until I just saw it now. Dennis Tatcher makes a joke About South About Africa Alright let's hear it I don't want to say it

Oh really? I don't want to say it now I don't want to imply it Because it's actually so close That I can very easy make a mistake here Okay Do you know the expression Don't get your

Something's in a twist Knickers Knickers So he says don't get your in a twist Yes Okay Okay

Right In reference to South Africa Yes To apartheid Right okay And does he full on say it yeah Yes Okay

I rewound it Several times Yeah A hundred times Yeah It was 99 I have to be an even number Yeah of course

So yeah he makes a No I mean If you're Dennis I'm Dennis Tatcher Okay Yeah What's wrong with that

It's a bit of word play it's very clever I submitted it to Radio 4 I'm still awaiting a reply yeah yeah yeah so yeah that's interesting now who was he saying it to

just some Tatter oh to Margaret yeah yeah what was her reaction oh really you you little devil oh nice

oh she loved it I can always rely on you for a good shortle a good giggle okay the queen So the queen and the Tatcher have a bit of an argument, okay? Now, normally the queen doesn't get...

It's a very funny joke, Your Majesty. I really don't see the problem. Yeah, Philip likes it. You bloody right, I do. So normally the queen should not get involved in politics. Okay. But the queen's like, come on, Margaret. Bycot would have helped the black people.

Okay. And Tatcher again is like, but if we boycott, we'll lose money. Yeah. Money! Okay You stupid queen The money Just because it's got your face on it

You might not fucking care But I do you daft goods So one of the papers A kind of lower paper Let's say the sun The son's gonna leak a story That Tatcher and the queen Are at odds

You know they ain't seen eye to eye Right And the press secretary is like We must release a statement And say this isn't true And the queen's like Maybe we won't maybe we'll let

maybe we'll let them publish it and people will know what I really think yeah okay so the queen what's the logic there why because then like

maybe you put a bit of pressure on Tatcher and she'll support bicots and maybe end the apartheid okay so the queen's trying to help out here oh

in real life she probably didn't give a fuck yeah yeah yeah so they leaked the story the public are on fucking Tatcher's side

oh really they're on Maggie's side they're like the Quay shouldn't be telling Maggie what to do. She's not elected trying to help the blacks. Oh, I know there was something wrong with her. She should be in the silly sausage farm

with the rest of them. Yeah. The bloody dope. Okay. So now they've got a problem, okay? Where the Queen's like, I look bad. We've got to fire someone right quick. Yeah, yeah. And they fire the second... Press secretary? Yeah, okay.

Let me guess. He writes the book. He writes a number of popular books set in the palace. political trillers that make the royal family look bad. Confessions of a royal window cleaner. Whoa, look at housemelons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at the crown jewels.

And the episode ends up more reggae. Which, yeah, you know. Aparatite in South Africa. Reggae, you can make the connection. I can, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the next episode. Is this the penultimate episode? This is the penultimate, yeah.

Okay. Next episode, Charles and Diana go to a show. Okay. And Diana's like, I'm going to do a little something because, you know, our marriage isn't going well right now, but I want to make an effort. Okay. So you know what she does? Sucks them off. No.

She should have. Yeah. Maybe you try. Yeah. Why he's got to be poor old Charles's fault? Put the ballet costume back on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And get younger.

Yeah, be younger again. Okay. So to go to a West End. show all right and diana's like i gotta go powder my nose all right all right take a shine yeah yeah okay so then like the guy on stage is like and now welcome her next act oh no it's diana no this is a bad idea it's diana she shouldn't she does a little dance to up to you know like uptown girl she been living in her white bread world yeah she does a little dance okay yeah the audience love it okay everyone kind of a dance well how would you describe the dance not in two

sexual it's not it's not it's not it's not wap she's not twerking okay okay it's more like a betty boop like yeah yeah and a little bit of leg going up okay okay okay yeah prince charles every now everyone stands up they're cheering to love it prince charles looks like he's gonna vomit yeah i can't imagine he would like that that was a bad judgment call on her part he is disgusted yeah the newspapers tomorrow will be all about you ah he has his finger in her face like you bloody bitch you selfish cunt he just breaks a bottle

and goes at her he literally goes I'm driving to Camilla's house yeah yeah and just leaves her okay that's great and so next they go skiing

and Charles has like a near death experience he almost gets hit by a way a wave a wave of cowabunga like an avalanche avalan I never said a wave of snow

A wave of snow Yeah, okay So he has Like a near death experience He's like That's it I'm gonna divorce this bitch Right

Okay I can't live like this I need to marry Camilla Okay And everyone else is like You know Camilla's Married And she doesn't want to leave the husband

He's like No Do you know how hard it is to be Prince I'll talk around Boohoo He just cries He cries for about 20 minutes

Let me just I roll cry Cry cry Sorry, just talk for a second, James Oh, okay How are you liking the episode so far? Okay, yeah, I'm back on track, I'm back on track Thanks for that, okay?

Oh, you're very welcome So, okay, Philip and the Queen decided they need an intervention. Right. They're going to bring the couple in And give them a talk about marriage Yeah, because divorce does not happen In the Royal Family.

That is a big no-no. Yeah, okay. Yeah. And this is kind of a funny scene. The Queen basically, gives Diana a speech about how she needs to learn to look to the other way. Ah, I see. Okay. And ignore

infidelity. Yeah. And then they cut to Prince Philip like, oh, oh. Oh, it's just no one. And then he just locks onto the table. Better stop that now. Love a thing she's on to us. Oh, Missa Philip, I'm very sorry. Do I do a bad job? No, it was bloody lovely. I'll talk to here later.

That was a girl from Wales, by the way. Just a case you couldn't figure. How are Missa Philae, my name a Gwendolyne. Hello. Oh, no. Yeah. The Welsh accent.

Oh, problematic. The Welsh accent. James isn't very good to do it. So he gets confused. I'm working on it. I'm workshoping some stuff here. Come bad. Okay.

Yeah. So they give a speech and basically not to Charles, basically Diana being like, come on. Fucking cop on, will you? Yeah, yeah. Okay.

So Diana is like, you know what? I'm going to make this marriage work either of a kid. kills me. Yeah. And she decides she's going to stop seeing Major Hewitt.

Oh. Yeah. He was like a security in Buckingham Palace. Security guy that she had an affair with. He was, she were having it off.

Yeah. She were having it off with him, okay? Yeah. And it's funny, he kind of looks like Prince Harry, but that's not.

Yeah. Anyway, that's, don't say anything. That's a big, a lot of people do. No, it don't. There's no connection between him

and Prince Harry. Okay. Now, at this point in the story, obviously William has been born. Has Harry been born? No. No.

Yeah, no, a lot of people do say He looks nothing like the rest of him And looks like that He was born six months after she was with Major Huey Well, there's no connection there, all right So she's like, I'm going to Give up banging other people Yeah, I'm just going to be the perfect wife

Right, okay Okay, and This is kind of her fault She's like, what will I do On her wedding anniversary So On the wedding anniversary Charles buys her a book

Oh yeah And he's like It's the first edition Okay She's like Oh thanks What's the book Just some book of gardening

Or something like that Okay It's like but it's old Yeah So I actually want to read it So I'll just take it from you You probably wouldn't enjoy it anyway Yeah

Yeah So But what she does She gives him a tape A VHS tape And we're like Oh oh What's this?

She hasn't learned her lesson. It's a video of her dancing. Oh, God. And she's like, you probably didn't like it because the other people can see it. This is just for you. Yeah, this girl, she, uh, he's the wise up to this shit, you know?

This ain't how it goes. They immediately cut to him talking to Camilla and being like, it was ghastly. She was dancing. I didn't know where to look. Oh my God. He's such a wimy little bitch. He's like, oh, she was.

dancing, it was vile. He literally is like, oh yeah, she was dancing. If you can call it dancing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Prancing around like a bloody trollop. Yeah. He refuses, because of that, he refuses to talk to Diana for days. What a fucking dope.

I actually hate Charles so much. And you know what Diana does? She's like, ring, ring, hello major. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a mission for you. Yeah, yeah. Time for you to rise up the rank. If you know what I mean

With pleasure Permission to come aboard, ma'am Permission granted Yeah, I'm talking about sex Let's talk about Hughitt for seconds You didn't know what I meant there Okay, Major Shewitt So we're on this is going to be talking to the last episode

Okay We're going to be talking about the last episode No, we're going to talk to the last episode Hello Yeah What's your name? I'm the crowd Season finale

Oh weird accent Anyway go on I'm sentient So before we get on to the final episode Yeah Major Hewitt's interesting Because apparently Eventually

The race ship didn't work Okay And he felt suicidal Oh damn Yeah he was so much in love with her And she broke it off of him She wanted the marriage to work Yeah right

He was suicidal eventually he went off did a few you know private private sector right a couple of years ago he was arrested

with a CNN anchor for doing coke oh nice yeah sweet I like this guy yeah and he seems pretty cool

he doesn't really try too much to be like you know oh bang Diana yeah get me on TV he did he did release a book though

I did but you gotta pay the mortgage yeah sure no I understand of course it's not like he's I'm a celebrity and like you know

Oh, I'm going to eat these balls Like I ate your pussy I'll say I'll tell you, well this Remains me of lads What? Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah.

So that's all I know about Major Hewitt. Just a Coke. That's it, okay? Fair play at him. He wanted to slit his wrists, apparently. He was so broke up about it. Yeah, but he never did, did it? Which kind of a coward's way?

Yeah, exactly. The real coward's way out is not committing suicide. I'm just living with it. Okay. Yeah. So, final episode Okay The Conservative Party

Things aren't going well Okay Even her own members Of the conservatives Are like, I think we need new blood Yeah, they're starting to turn against her People don't like Thatcher Yeah, like this is kind of at the peak

Of Thatcher is a demon bitch Yeah, okay At the same time So it's almost like They want to break up With their prime minister while the relationship is falling apart of Diana and Charles

That's brilliant So it is it's that different But the same, isn't it? This is why the show is on Netflix Yeah, yeah, yeah I wouldn't understand I needed like you to sit me down And explain it for 20 minutes

So this is funny, okay They have a scene of Diana and Charles They have to drive to Prince William's private school Okay To watch them do rugby and they don't talk to her in the car, silent. And then when they're watching the game, Diana's like, come on, William, do it, do it!

And Charles's like, bleh, it's hard being prince. Look at her standing up and shouting. She's making a show of herself. Yeah, okay. And then when they're leaving, host, the paparazzi around, okay? And Diana gives her son a big hug. It's like, oh, I'll miss you, I'll see you. Oh, you're such a good boy, okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Charles, like, just taps his shoulder. And it's like, I'll see you at Christmas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Just gives a look, like, all right. Yeah, yeah. Like that to you who are grappling with men on a mucky field, hmm?

You big gay prince. You're a friend of Dorothy, are you? This is like a 10-year-old boy, you know? I could tell you liked that, didn't you? So now they have to do a trip to New York. okay. Oh, Bada Bing,

hey, oh, it's the fucking Prince and Princess hey. We get some of that. So Charles is so sulky

is like, don't want to go. She can go on her own. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And he's like,

she'll probably fail. She'll fail in New York. They'll hate her. And then they'll come crawling back to me. Prince Charles, the sexiest prince.

He's such a petty. Yes. Niveling little worm It's actually awful in this series Last series he was a kid He was younger So it's like oh he's a teen Okay

And this he's like 30 something He's like Charles are you getting out of the car No no I'm not going So Diana goes to New York Okay What's the purpose of the visit Just again like

Just like a press thing Look good Yeah look good Remind people that we're still got power All right So funny So Diana This is our first trip on her own

Okay And at first the pressure is too much Okay Because they're like screaming Okay Yeah yeah Yeah Oh your majesty

Let me see your assholes Yeah Okay So this is a nice bit of like A character arc Okay She goes to get bulimic again And she decides not to

No Because she has Sausit and pepperoni pizza From Satriagia Best slice in the world Oh Every slice of Coke, your majesty.

Okay, so she goes on her, like, little thing. She has to go to the projects, okay? And she goes to the projects, okay, and they show her, like, a poor hospital. And she goes inside, okay? Again, this is not just her wandering around. It's like a press thing. Sure.

There's people around, okay? And they show her these orphans, okay? And no one wants to adopt the orphans because they've all got AIDS. Yeah, yeah. They're kind of like just in a cardboard box in an alley with, like, free to a good home written on it

Or bad home Okay And Diana here's about this And she almost gets choked up Okay And she decides to hug one of the orphans Alright And they take pictures

And they're like Oh she's the fucking best quay Oh she uh hugging the little AIDS baby there It's fucking beautiful Best britt Hey if Bucking and Pallas Don't want her

New Yorkin ever Hey she's a proper New Yorker now All right We hug AIDS patients All the time Get that Freddie Mercury here I suck his dick This is New York

Baby So she's hugging And everyone There's like a montage I think this is all real footage Of people being like She's the best I used to hate the royal family

But she's okay Yeah Yeah And then they cut to Prince Charles watching Watching telly like Yeah Raging

Yeah Yeah Just breaks the remote Just a rage No no no That'd be a bit much Yeah Yeah

But they do have See him When Diana gets back he's like, do you enjoy that? Did you showing off? Yeah, you seem to be getting very friendly with that AIDS child, hmm?

Something you need to tell me, you whore? Yeah, like, oh, selfish, showing off. Yeah. You remember when you hugged that kid with AIDS? Selfish. You were just doing it for the press, treating them like a human. Yeah.

Yeah, it's hilarious, okay? Yeah. So as that's going on, the party you're turning against Thatcher's said, okay? And they're all like, you know me, Margaret, I'm for you.

But everyone else in the party's against you. So maybe you step down. I wouldn't tell you to step down. But everyone else is saying it. And they have a montage of like every single member of her party. All the people that she considers like close to her are all like,

I wouldn't say it. But everyone else is saying it. They're saying you're an old bitch. They're saying season 11 of the X-Files was shit. and they said the fall was contrived pieces of garbage

which it was the second X-Files movie wasn't good it was more of a case of the week story it should have been about the mythology two thumbs down

from Siskel and Ebert how does that make you feel did I say it right mythology I think you did yeah mology should have been about the monogogy

Melology yeah okay so we have a scene okay if Tatsher walking in they're like okay miss I'm fine

She goes up to her room Locks the door I'm sure Must be brave Margaret Yeah She again The mask cracks A little

A little slip of the mask There So eventually Poor old Tatcher Has to resign Yeah And they show her Doing the resigning

Okay And she gets in the car And there's actual footage of this Her face kind of breaks again for a second. And the news reporter's like, look, you can see her, she looks sad.

What a dope. Yeah, yeah. She's got the whole country despising her and wanting her die. And she's having a little boo-hoo. Typical woman, getting emotional about everything. It is kind of sad how the two

people who cried when they resigned for both women. Yeah. I'll tell you what, though. She didn't cry, she didn't make them, like, what's her name? Theresa May was way more embarrassing. Remember when she resigned? No. When she resigned she was proper like, and everything

I did, I did for breaking her voice like proper cracks. She's like, yeah, yeah. It's just fucking crawls away. Back under the rock yeah, yeah. Compared, like remember when Cameron resigned?

Yeah, and it was very like, do, do, do. He left his mic on. Oh, I'm out. He literally left his mic on. You hear him going, do, do, do, do. That went well.

Do, do. Give me that pig's head, boys. I'm celebrating tonight. I can do what now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, you know, whatever about Theresa May. Now, she was dealt

an absolute shit sandwich with the whole Brexit thing. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, I was, like, I'm not, like, a fan of her in any way, but, you know, she was giving the shit end of the stick big time, you know? It is funny how, like,

she wasn't even pro Brexin. Okay, do it Yeah, now she had to do it Yeah, yeah Do this incredibly hard thing That you don't want to do Yeah Thought you women were good at multitasking

Why you nosh me off At the same time Before we continue We don't want to say That we're pro Theresa May And just to remind people She was involved in the windbrush scandal What was that again?

That was when they accidentally Deport a load of people Oh yeah Yeah, you're like You're black You're probably illegal You're like I got on my document

Ah, not enough. Literally, like, some of the people, it was like, I've got 600 pieces of evidence that say I'm a legal member of this country. I'm a legal citizen. And I've got a shredder that says you ain't. I hit the bricks. Yeah.

I think they deported, like, 37 people. And don't get your knickers in a twist. Yeah, impressive. You said it right. Thank you. Thank you. That was me just saying crossing the tightrope there. Yeah.

Yeah, literally there was like 30-something people They were like, yeah, you go home now Yeah, yeah, yeah And they got separated from her families and stuff Me back to Birmingham? No, no, no, no. That's no why I meant and you knew it. Stop playing silly beggars now, on your bag.

So she was involved in that And she also banned Tyler, the creator from playing in the UK. Huh, so. Why? Because it's, you know, do I have to explain? What were the actual grounds? Because he promotes violence.

they said, but you can say it about any rapper. Well, like, look, Grime. Like, Grime is a purely British genre, and it's very violent. Oh, if Theresa May had her way, okay, there'd be people knocking on, like, Stormsey's house, they'd be like, uh, we need more documentation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, Stormsey, we all know you live in Equatorial New Guinea, okay? You're just here for the dole money. You benefits cheat. Yeah. These fucking Grime artists, okay, they come over here for the weekend. they play their little hip-hops fucking take money off your kiddies

and then go on benefits they collect their door and they fly back home in a private jet who's funding that eh and the record deal stuff like that that's just a cover yeah yeah those aren't even real songs they're just nursery rhymes

okay so Diana Tatcher is gone she resigns but the queen feels a bit sorry right so she brings Tatcher over

for one last one last chat and she gives her like some special medal okay and you know the Tatcher's like oh

it was all worth it for this it's probably like just like handmade with like so like you know construction paper

and preon and prit stick and glitter you know best prime minister ever. It was made by one of the mongoose cunts in the loony bin. You'll be funny

if the queen's like, my son Charles made this and Tatch was like did he make it when he was a baby? She's like no. He made it yesterday. Charles is just peeking his head around the door. Did she like it? I spent

no, I didn't go outside the lines or anything. Diana tried to make one in it with shit. Imagine he was like I'm real good with the glitter and then we see his face just covered in glitter is like coughing up

pritt sticks and golden stars yeah okay so that's basically we're coming to an end now it's Christmas

okay we have one final Christmas get together okay and none of the family will talk to Diana right because she's embarrassed them all

by being so she thinks she's better than the rest of us right right because she's all the charitable stuff and like yeah yeah she's obsessed with fame james yeah obsessed with it well they did kind of say that about her you know it's like yeah she goes out and hugs aids patients but it is a bit she never does it when there's like not a camera crew there you know what i mean it was very much all for show but whatever you know whatever i'm not gonna you're right no i'm not

saying i'm just saying that's what critics of her would have said oh yeah well this is what they're saying exactly yeah yeah yeah it's just a show off she's grandstanding that's what she's doing yeah okay show boating right okay yeah yeah

she's a big dick in it just an awful woman yeah just just pure scum oh wow yeah she'll uh yeah she's going for a little drive

pretty soon we don't get any dad in the series don't have any kind of little hints and there's no like scene of Prince Philip being like Jesus just Charles just like gotten the brakes

going for a drive my dear or like you know like Prince Philip being like geez the paparasty you're always chasing you around I bet day'd probably cause a bit of trouble you know if they made you drive too fast

you get me you get me bro wagwam let me ask you something you like spinning and ting with your boys in that some like fucking frog pack comes up and that

anyway I don't know whatever whatever okay alright let's just fucking end this shit yeah we're just we're near you over okay and the the other way there's two casts in the

crown so season two ended the same way season two ended with a picture okay they kind of like to do as a way just get the whole cast together one last time okay so it's Christmas and no one will talk to poor old Diana okay

like she tries talk to the queen Diana's like no she tries talk to the queen and queen's like oh god she won't leave me alone for a second yeah the mother of my grandkids fucking annoying me okay so the

they're all getting together and Charles's like oh yeah Diana's not coming downstairs you know what she's like yeah and Prince Philip

she's up there hugging a black yeah okay she brought a little AIDS baby home with her yeah what kind of Christmas presents

that I got her Elton John's greatest hints she gets me fucking Bing Bong from Pingling

whoever the fuck I don't know I don't know I don't know it's funny because the baby the kids from New York yeah

the projects where's that asia fucking bing bing bong land didn't she yeah what's the actual racist thing boris said oh no it was

Nigel Farage or was it Boris I think it was like the boat said racist things I think it was like bunga bunga land or something like that bunga bunga

I think it might have been look they've all said racist stuff they all said bad stuff yeah and they never get really like grilled about it they're always like

we've all said mad things in our columns for the observer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've all done it. Okay, so Prince Philip of all people, goes up to Diana's room, okay? Yeah. And they've always had a kind of a nice connection. Yeah. Because remember

they killed that stag together? Stag, right, and they've always kind of like had a good, like, because they both got the same sense of humor, kind of sarcastic and a little bit like, they're both kind of funny. Right. Okay. And, uh... Plus they're both kind of, uh...

Outsiders. yeah and like you know the only reason they're theirs because they're married to a member of the royal family so that's the point he made you you could write for this show i could oh i tried that's the point he makes i submitted a packet yeah most of it was completely unreadable you actually came up with that joke yeah and several others that they refused to put in the show you were like dennis tatcher can do a full 60 minutes on south africa if you want yeah okay too hot for tv yeah sexy so He basically says, like, look, we're a bit of a rough bunch, okay? But we're both outsiders, and you just got to live with it, okay? Eventually, you'll break. Yeah. And then you'll be happier. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stop trying to go against the current. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Just sink in. The nail that stands out gets hammered down. Yeah. Basically, pretend it's like you're drowning, okay? Stop fighting it. Just give in. Yeah.

Just like quick sand. The more you struggle, the worse it gets. Yeah. Sink into the bottom of the ocean. Yeah. And stop puggin AIDS babies. So, Diane's like, well, maybe I'll get a divorce. He's like, don't you dare?

Yeah, okay. He's like, proper grabs her. Yeah, he's like, just fucking suck it. No, yeah. Yeah, no, let's go with this. Yeah, he's like, yeah, suck it up, okay? Suck it up, not suck it. Suck it up.

Yeah, okay. You mean suck it off? No, I don't. The term they use a lot in this show is you got to play ball, you got to be on the team side You know You got to be part of this team Okay

So then they all go down They all sit together For a picture They take the picture They're all miserable The end Perfect And that's how season four

Of the crown ends And it's sad Because you get used to the cast And then it's gone again Is it gonna be a different cast Yeah Are they not gonna do With like Diana

Going for a little brum Brum brum Oh they will yeah But that'll be next series And that'll be a different cast But like Why a different cast? because they're not that much older.

Well, that's the way it works every two years. Well, they need this cast to last until the 2000s. So we're going to 90s and 2000s. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's going to be Amelda Sturgeon.

Right. Will be the Queen. Yeah. She's a British actress. Jonathan Price would be Prince Philip. That's a good one. And McNulty will be... Dominic West.

Yeah, he'll be Prince Charles. Too handsome. And then her name's Da Blinky. I think her name is. internet. The Blinky. I'll show you she's going to be Diana. Yeah. Okay. I'll show you a picture of her. You'd be like, Jesus Christ, that's

Diana it is. I'll be like, no, it's an actress. Be like, oh, no. No, don't believe it. She's still alive. So, yeah, I think I'll be very interested to see what happens seasons five and six. Yeah, okay. We've done about 50 minutes here,

so. Yeah. Any final thoughts or well, the thing I'm interested in, Okay, is, do you ever see the movie The Queen? No. So that's by... I have, no, like, not to sound, you know, kind of dismissive or whatever, but I'm really not into, like, period pieces, you know, the kind of annoy me.

I don't know why. It's definitely, like, a flaw in my character. It's very much a flaw. Yeah. Why? And we've all noticed it. No, no, that's it. I'm defending it now.

Yeah. Yeah. What, it's part of our history? Nah, it's not my history. History is written. written not recorded so that's a history is written by the

Victor that's the blinky there fwo yeah she's very attractive definitely looks a bit like Diana yeah very long neck well they can shorten it

genetics it's Netflix yeah yeah they can do whatever they want looks like a giraffe whit tape I just fit on the mic because it was so offensive yeah

so ashamed of you god yeah so anyway Peter, I think his name's Peter Morgan He's actually married to Gillian Anderson Ooh Yeah

Hmm A bit of connection day Yeah How'd she get the job Talent Yeah It's all about who you know Yeah

Who you blow Yeah Okay So he originally He did a show A movie called The Queen And that's about the Queen's Response to the Death

of Princess Diana Oh okay And I think Helen Mirren And James Cromwell plays Oh Philip That's good And it's a very good

movie, okay? But it's interesting now is he's already covered this ground. So he's going to have to do the same shit again in the crown. Interesting, yeah. And how does he betray it in the film? Like, is it, does she come across like she's real mourning or death?

Well, the movie is set directly after. Right. And it's Michael Sheen is Tony Blair. Okay. And it's basically about how they reacted. So the whole thing is that she was like, stiff up her lip and we must remain calm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone was like, why isn't the queen crying.

She probably loves it. No, and wasn't that a whole thing, like, you know, she didn't cry. They didn't put the flag at half mass. Yeah, yeah. Because she was divorced, so she doesn't count as a human. Yeah. Subhuman, scum. I'd cry for the car quicker than her.

Yeah. It was a good car. It was. It was a nice car. Yeah. So it's basically, in the movie, they don't cry. And Tony Blair sees a chance to pounce on this, okay? So he's like, she was the people's princess

And I'm crying so hard every day Because I love Diana And they were like, hey love Diana He's a good PM Good fucking let's support Iraq war Let's not go to Iraq So it was like Tony Blair became mad popular

Of that because he was like She was the people's princess It was actually insane The outpourn of grief for Diana I mean literally They had candlelight vigils And people were like openly weeping in the streets.

I'm like, really? For her, like, I mean... And the Queen's like, oh, a show of emotion. That's very unbecoming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uncouth. Yeah. There's some interesting stuff in the film.

Like, there's a kind of subplot in the film where Prince Charles is really worried about getting assassinated. Okay. By who? The Ra? Just the public, I think. I think there's so much public around.

He's like, oh. Do they in any... Well, do they ever hire... light or tackle the it's just in the immediate aftermath is it? Yeah. Okay, so they don't go into like the conspiracy theory. No, there's none of that. What do you think? You think they killed her?

Oh, I think they killed her. Yeah. At the very least, they killed her by being cuns to her. Right, okay. Because basically she was a horse they bought for Charles to inseminate. Yeah. And then they got jealous because the horse got too many sugar lumps, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they started banging a Muslim. I mean,

for typical horses, huh? Yeah. For those sugar lumps. Okay, Muslims love sugar lumps My lovely lady lumps Okay, so basically If this is any other relationship You'd be like if I dated a girl

And I was shit to her for years and years And eventually she had a nervous breakdown Yeah Oh be a villain You would yeah Yeah Double standard Put a crown on my head

I'm an emperor I'm an emperor A king Yeah And it's gone The amount of shit they gave her And obviously like a lot of the stuff Like the leaking stuff about her

And like they're talking to the press me like, why don't you're poor about this? Okay? Like, yeah, they definitely killed her Yeah. In one way or another. Okay. Some way they, there's blood on their hands, okay?

Either bring them out into the street, okay? Knock their teeth out. Everyone in Britain gets a free go. By the end, it's just, they're just like pissing on bloodsteads because they've been pulverized. Especially the little ones. Yeah, yeah. Give me a go on, baby, George.

Yeah. Go on, George. You're blood on your hands. to boot him over the goalposts. Babe, you killed your granny. Yeah, yeah, you scum. What is George now? I think like five.

Old enough to know. He knows what he did. I think there's also a bit in it where like in the queen where Prince Philip is like Elton John's playing the funeral. It's going to be full of homosexuals. Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh my God. Seems to me you lived our life like a candle in the wind. I've sold like millions of copies That song I think I might re-watch that film If I re-watched the film for the podcast

People get a little bit sick of this Yeah I think we kind of We've done the royal family now Yeah Yeah yeah yeah What else well It's a hat on a hat right there Prince Philip calls

The Queen My Little Cabbage Sometimes Yeah interesting Yeah My little cabbage Why come on here A cabbage They don't really show them having sex

There actually is one scene in season four where the queen leaves her bedroom door open and Prince Philip's like Hello And he comes in And he's like

Did you need me for anything And she's like Not for that He's like okay And he goes off to his room And just has a angry wank Yeah Just wanking

My little cabbage Yeah He's just sticking his dick And a cabbage patch doll Feralising the vegetables Cabbage snatch doll That's good Leds legs

That's good I think we can end it there I'm kind of A lot of slurs I'm really, I just don't care anymore, you know It's just like good It's their fault I'm a bad man

It's their fault for making you angry Yeah Yeah, that's right I think what you need You need to go to them I'm a bit annoyed A few of my servers got taken down there During the week

So I'm a bit annoyed Yeah Your special pictures Yeah No that's obviously very bad That's a story for another day Yeah we'll talk about that some other day Well

I don't do I didn't do any of that stuff That's all lies lies so that's the crown in season four yeah yeah very good show

I'd recommend watching it you can watch it James you don't need to go back and watch the first three series I'm not gonna watch it why no because I have no interest but is it even better

after you've heard me talk about it for two hours yeah yeah yeah I feel like I've watched it all several times in a row yeah it's actually better with my commentary I'll make it better

that should be like a thing on Netflix yeah Brian's commentary the option it's not on no it's not an option It's not optional. You have to watch it with me talking over it. You just send out like cassette tapes to people's houses. Listen to this while you're watching it.

It's for the elderly. Why don't you just die already? You're a drain on the public health system. You parasite. Let's end it now before we start getting too crazy. Nope. This goes on for another three hours. Yeah, okay.

So that's fun. I'd recommend it. I recommend it James says don't. I didn't say don't. I just said I'm not going to I'm not going to watch it again just to piss you off I'll be like Prince Charles

like oh they all love him because he's watching the crown again I'm also hugging kids with AIDS and stuff yeah the next few seasons will be fun it's going to stop after season 6 okay interesting I kind of don't see the point of doing the 2000s even

yeah what well 9-11 I guess I suppose, but it'll just be them going like, oh, that's sad, is it? And Charles is jealous, because it's distracting from him. Yeah. They says it's going to end the season six, and I'm glad. I don't want to see, near the end it's to be like, oh, they're old and sitting still. Yeah.

That's it. Well, I guess they could, like, I mean, it would be interesting to see them do, like, Prince Andrew, no, the Epstein thing, Prince Harry and Megan Markle I don't think Kate Middleton would be another thing Like I think you could Get a season out of it But I don't know if they will or not

The Markle thing about them leaving the family That would be interesting But Yeah I really do think they're waiting this out And they're kind of hoping that the queen dies Before season six comes out And they can just like I'll just wrap it up there

And I'll have one final scene of like The Queen going like Ugh my country The thing is the Prince Andrews story isn't done either Because like Galane Maxwell is as far as we know Still in custody Have you seen a picture? Have you seen a mugshot? Where is she Brian? That's what I want to know

Well, no She won't tell you Bloody Buckingham Palace That's what she is. Huggin' AIDS babies And Buckingham Palace Yeah Yeah Show off

Hore Yeah But anyway A bit much James She's a good woman That's problematic now She's a good woman Yeah

She broke a glass ceiling Yeah she certainly did with a child's skull let's end it now I'll keep trying to end it no I'm not gonna let you okay

alright yeah no let's end it so that was the crown season four a jolly good show a ruddy good show apparently I'll never watch next episode

might do we got some options might do jingle all the way yeah that'd be fun double man yeah it's double time

see that's something we can all love okay like the IRA wouldn't like the crown they'd love jingle all the way hey that's sitting bad he's fucking hilarious now i i i usually don't like them but i have to say he's a funny fucker hey let's end it's cut it you're literally doing that oh cut it call please i'm tired