Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Abigail Spencer

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

Abigail Spencer [Mad Men, Rectify, Oz the Great and powerful] joins Rachel and Olivia this week for an inspirational conversation around becoming a mother at 26 years old, the development of her career, and her father’s unexpected death. Abigail also shares the inspirations behind her floral company, Country Line Florals, and the various support systems that helped her with her grief recovery.  This episode is sponsored by Caraway. Visit Carawayhome.com for up to 20% off this holiday season.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Broad Ideas.

You guys are always silent every time I say that. You do not join in. You want this to be like a chorus? Yeah, ready? Let's try it. On the count of three. One, two, three.

Welcome to broad ideas. And that's why they are assholes. Today, Abigail Spencer is joining us today. I think that people probably are most familiar with her. She was on Mad Men, had a really fun role on that. She was on suits. She's good friends with the Megan Markle.

Is Megan Markle in suits? That was the show. Megan Markle did, yeah. I mean, I'm sure she did other shows, but that was the main one, I would say. I know Abigail from Rectify? Yes, Rectify. She's a new show coming out, but it doesn't have a name yet. It's a sitcom.

So go watch that. So go watch that. And she also has county line florals, which I think is the coolest thing, an amazing project, beautiful arrangements. She sent me the most amazing arrangement. Yeah. Do you want to like a peek behind the curtain, talk about what happened when she sent you flowers? Food poisoning. Oh, yeah.

Food poisoning turned into probably stomach bug. Probably a stomach bug. I had to reschedule, yes, because I was vomiting and shitting myself. Yeah, for like 10 weeks And she keeps me like, you have food poisoning We're like day I was like day three I was like I don't think this is

I know And then Breyer like threw up one Yeah And I was like well maybe it's not Yeah she's like come over It was just food poisoning No it was brutal Brutal oh my god

I blamed Projectile vomit and diarrhea Which five guys Well I'm not gonna say Oh which were the five guys She made a joke. I made a joke. It went right over my...

Because it sounded like, well, I blame five different guys, you know. Five guys. All of my five guys. But anyway, the lovely, beautiful, amazing Abigail joins us. So listen up. Sometimes when the way inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling, round and round inside. to join us on this journey as we take a little ride.

We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys that are neat. Because people die. You know what? Actually, we met because you and I did something for Art of Elysium years ago. Was it like one of the early ones? Yeah, I think we actually went somewhere.

and did. Like together? Oh, wait. Oh, wait. At the hospital? Yeah. Like we went. Or it was either the hospital.

It was like deep north Hollywood maybe. I don't know. Oh my gosh. Yes. I think it's the only time I've ever met you officially. Well, and I was cast as all the boy parts. I don't know. That's what I remember.

Because you go and you like bring your art. You act out. You bring your skill set. Yeah. And it was like, you know, we were acting out children's stories. Right. And I just remember like, you know,

all the boy part. You were the, You were the princess and I was the squirrel and then the knight. And then the prince. I was like, princess, princess, princess. And I started being like, appropriate, appropriate. Oh my God, that's hilarious. You're like playing all of her twists.

I do remember. Yeah, totally. I was like, you know, just like the pirate. And she's like, I'm the princess. Not by choice. Not by choice. Yeah, but I was like, that had to have been, God, I don't know, like 12 years ago. I don't even know.

It was a very long time. More than that. And it's so interesting. Because my son was a newborn. And I remember when I started volunteering, he was like a really, really small baby. And Jennifer Howell is a good friend of mine. And what she started with Art of Alessium is unbelievable. But going and volunteering, having a very healthy baby.

Oh, God, yeah. And then going, like, I remember that day, I left and I went to the parking. It was like I was, okay, I got to keep it together for everyone here, right? But I was like that well was kind of, you know, filling up. And the second I walked out, I fell into the parking lot and I started weeping. Oh, man. And it was just the hormones, but also just the gratitude of like, I'm so lucky. And I have a healthy baby.

And just witnessing what these families are going through, you know. It's very eye-opening, right? And yeah, especially having a newborn at the time. I mean, I can't imagine it, like you said. Yeah, it was wild. You're just like in a different world when that baby is new. I mean, you're just barely functioning, right? Yeah, because I hadn't had my kid yet.

She's turning eight this month. Oh, turning eight. Yeah. A little later. Yeah. But yeah. I mean, that's young, too. Well, yeah, you were so, so how old were you when you had to?

26 when I was pregnant. Wow. That's young. It's young for L.A. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. It's normal for like everywhere else outside of Los Angeles. True. Yes. Yes. But it was, it was an adventure. It was like my version of like skydiving. or like doing drugs.

I'm like, I'm going to have a baby before I was going to. I'm going to get married and have a baby and get a divorce and like, see what that's like before I turn 30. All of that, all of that before 30. Yeah, and my father died before I turned 32. It kind of all happened at once. You know, that movie, Everything All at Once. I'm like, that could be the name of my life story. Right.

But I had my son. My career was also really expanding at the time, which I thought was really interesting because all my friends who are actors. were like, by your career. Right. It's over. Like, everyone's like, it's over. And I'd been acting for 10 years before that, too. So I was, like, deep into an experience already because my first job was when I was 17.

Wow. I moved to New York by myself, start on a soap opera because of all my children. Remember those guys? Oh, my God. Sure do. The first version of reality shows. That's what I feel like. I feel like once reality shows came in, it's like, that's our soap opera now.

That's your soap opera now. Like, we don't need to be in the imagined version of it because now we have reality show. Right, right, right. But I know a lot of people said soap operas were kind of like, not boot camp, but acting camp, you know, just as far as learning, like, technical things and whatnot. Yeah. I mean, for me it was because, so, I mean, I always wanted, like my dream was to be an actor living in New York, making my living as an actor in New York. And by the age of 17, I got it. That's quick.

How does it have to feel to be like, okay, I did that at 17? It was wild. And I'm so curious about your journey with acting too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because did you start young as well? You know what? My parents were very, you're doing school and after high school if you want to do it. And I did, like, in high school, I did a play.

And my dad was like, you know, you're kind of good at this. Do you want to try it? And I was like, yeah. So I kind of did it right after high school is when I started. Yeah. My parents were similar. Like, yeah. Because when I was 11, I was up for the new Mickey Mouse Club.

Oh, cool. I made it to the final audition. Oh, yeah. Mickey Mouse God? Who was in it at the time? Well, I didn't know it, but I would have been a part of the class of Brittany and Justin and Carrie and Ryan. And we were like we're packing the car. I'm from Florida.

Yeah. So I'm from Gulfries, Florida. We're packing the car. I'm 11 years old. I've already told all my friends, I'm going. I'm in the final audition for a Mickey Mouse Club. And I watched it, you know, growing up. and Kids Incorporated.

Oh, my God. I was obsessed. 100%. Yes, mine as well. K-A-D-S. Yes. Looks like, I mean, we could go on and on. For sure.

Same time. Yes, thank you. Thank you for this. And then they were like, we're not moving to Orlando. Like, we're not going to uproot our family. And my dad is a professional surfer and he has family businesses where I'm from.

And my brothers are both surfers. and you're like, you can do this, like, when you're done with high school, but we're going to keep you here and you, you know, you can do it after you're done with this, but we're not uprooting our lives. Okay. I was devastated. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. That was tough. And also, I'm so grateful because I think, like, I can't imagine. I always feel like these things that come up, these opportunities and they don't work out. It's my soul protecting me on some level because. is God's protection is what I've always been told. Yeah, I believe that because there's been so many forks in the road. Like even, so what happened was I was going to go to Carnegie Mellon for musical theater.

That was my theater school of choice. And God, I actually met Leslie Odom Jr. No way. At my Carnegie Mellon audition. So we met at our audition and became best friends from that day, ended up both getting into the class. And that's where I was headed. And at my audition in New York, I audition for all the theater schools. Like they have this one hotel that you can just go to each one.

So it was like Cincinnati, NYU, Carnegie Melt. Like you can just do them all on one. And just so nice, by the way, that you don't have to travel all over the country. That is. Yeah. It's so nice. Convenient. It's great.

And I just remember at the dance audition for Carnegie Mell, it's like they bring in this giant room. And there's a huge mirror. and I see this gorgeous man, like dark melanin skin man in the back with his giant dreads. And I had really long curly hair. Like I always used to say that my hair arrived and I arrived five minutes later because it was just so big in Southern. And so I saw him and at the end of the audition, we just turned towards each other and started walking towards each other. And I was like, who are you? And he goes, who are you?

And we spent the whole day in New York together, ended up both getting into the class, got even closer. and then I postponed my, I guess it's deferred enrollment because while it was on that same trip, I ended up meeting the casting director of all my children. On a general meeting, she remembered me, then asked me to come up to audition in New York from Gulf Breeze. And I was like, Judy, I can't. I'm playing Rizzo in Greece. I'm doing one big of a small cigarette. Like I'm just in directing the show.

I assembly of no time to come audition for your show. I really was very busy. Yeah. Very busy. She pursued it. I'm giving you the super Cliff Notes version of it. But like she kept pursuing it and then convinced me to put myself on tape. So I'll send you some sides and just make it super easy.

I'm like, fine, what are sides? You know, I had only done television. I mean, I'd only done theater at that time. I had no idea how to be on camera or do any of that. So she faxed them to my dad's surf shop. I like had to take off the perforated edges and cut up each page, made a tape, sent it in. Wow. They flew me up like a week later for a screen test.

And I'm just like, I'm going to Carnegie Mellon. This is a fun story I'll tell one day on Rachel Billson's podcast. And like, that's all I'm thinking. And then three days later I got the job. Wow. Called Carnegie Mellon. And they said, well, just hold your spot. You know, this is why people come to school to get a job.

Yeah. Right. And I moved to New York while I was still a senior in high school. So to come back to your question, I'm a little bit of a squirrel. Like we'll always find our way back. Yeah, no, yeah, but that's what you're here for. Yeah. So I called them and they were like, you've got to do it.

So they held my spot there. Went to New York and like all of a sudden I had, you know, I wanted to be a professional actor living in New York making my living acting. And when I got everything I wanted, I wasn't happy. And that's when I actually had to go on a deeper journey with all of this because I felt like my identity, like I didn't know who I was. without it. And I think as an artist, it's like, what do you have to say? And I just felt like, I don't have anything to say. Like, all I do is show up and people put things on me and I'm saying

words I don't really understand. And also I had quite a bit of success out of the gate. Like, I was nominated for Best Newcomer of the Year and I won and I'm on national television. I'm 18 years old. That's so young. And my parents didn't, you know, my dad was a pretty famous surfer by the time he was 17. So they didn't, like, they were just like, you find what you love, you make a whole life of it. You're older. Like, go do it. Right. And so I went and did it and I was very good at making it seem like everything was okay when I was like, I don't, what am I doing? You know, what am I doing with my life? And so I was on the show for three years and back to the boot camp of it all. Like, what I wasn't getting from the conservatory, I was getting that onset experience. Like,

I can feel my light and my mark. And I do not, like, within an inch of its life. Like, all the things that they can't teach you. Right. Because I always say, I'm like, if you really want to teach people how to act, have one room where you have to do a scene and it's snowing. And you go to the next room and it's raining. And in the next room, it's 110 degrees.

And the other one, it's two degrees. Right. Like it's the elements. Yeah. Oh, for sure. So much more than anything else. So distracting. I felt like it refined this athleticism in me.

Absolutely. It's a skill set. It's a skill set. For sure. So I got a lot of that. And then I had to like go on a journey. Yeah. I had to go on a journey with it all. But I think that's so important because I think that that's the thing that everybody misses when they work their whole life to achieve something and then they get it and they're not happy.

And like you having that happen at 17 is kind of like almost like a spiritual elevator. It's like let's go quick to the point. And the point is none of that shit does anything, does it? Well, it was interesting because, I mean, I remember the moment. I was walking up 66 towards Broadway because we shot on 66 in Riverside and New York for all the people that know New York. And I just remember walking up and I was probably like a year and a half, two years into my experience on the show. And I was getting recognized quite a bit, like having some success. like my friends that like oh my gosh like living the she's living the dream and i remember walking up

the street and a few people were passing by me and i noticed that i noticed that they didn't recognize me or weren't noticing me and i was like why am i noticing that like like why does that matter to me and i noticed that when i didn't feel that my relationship to myself would dip like i felt like there was a worthiness that was getting attached to what I did and I didn't know if I knew who I was without it. And it really scared me. I mean, it was just this simple moment. It was like a few people passing and I was like, I'm in trouble. Like I'm in trouble. I have to go get a life somehow. But to have that awareness, that age is actually huge to be able to recognize that. That's why I say like my soul has really been such a protector. in my life. And just being, like, I've always been sensitive to that still small voice. And

and it really woke me up. But, oh, my God. Like, it was so hard after that. Like, it got really, really hard. I kind of had to lose everything. Like, I had a really big panic attack after I got off the show. So I was trying to get a job in the theater and nobody, everyone's like, you've been on a soap opera. Like, you can't act. I mean, there was a real stigma against it, especially in New York. And, It was kind of right as things were shifting into inviting more people from television and film into the theater space to, you know, that kind of big shift to draw people and audiences and more of the business mindset. And so it was really like I, in the middle of an audition, I had an anxiety attack. Like I was auditioning for this play.

It was an off-broadway theater and I'll never forget it. It was like it went dark. I started getting dizzy in the middle of the scene. I couldn't swallow. Like it was literally like, and I was like, I have to go. I was like, I have to leave right now. And I like ran out of the theater and like burst into like the sunshine of New York. And I was like, I got to get out of here.

I got to get out of New York. I like some things going on and I have to, I need some space to really figure out who I am because I don't know who I am without this. and what happens if I have an anxiety attack or what happens if I don't get a job, my insides and my inner life cannot be so attached because I'm so out of control. Like, I mean, we have no control in general,

but like I have no control in this space and in this industry. I mean, that's why I will say all the time that I love being an actor because I find it such a soul teacher because you really have to be in relationship with not knowing, not knowing what's going to have. happen and then also making decisions to create more agency and choice in your life. Like even just what you're doing here, it's like you, this is the thing you get to create. Right. And that's,

and that learning how to do that early on, like that's what I started to learn how to do was create things for myself. So then I didn't outsource energy for the day to day of the yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, because I was like, well, I'm not outsourcing that because I'm going to do my own things. And then that's going to be and and also like oh great and also i get to do that right that was a big journey and probably most of my 20s and a big part of it kind of coming back to having my son at such a young age because my son wasn't planned even though he was on some level yeah yeah um was it was that like it just put me in so much trust and like i i was like i may never act yeah well i don't know I have no idea. And I was so fulfilled becoming a mother. It was, I just, I loved being pregnant. I love becoming a mom. And I was like, maybe I'll never act again. And then all of a sudden the phone ring and he was two months old. And they were like, can you come do this job? And I'm like, you may not want to put me on camera.

Right. And you haven't seen me in a while. But it was just like, and then learning how to do that. So you worked when he was two months old? That was the first job that I had. so wild. I did a pilot when I was 23 kind of, there's always, and I'm curious how you guys feel about this too, but I've had like these gifts of jobs that really shift things. And some people have seen them and some people have not. And there were a lot of things that people didn't see, but I did this pilot when I was 23 years old called Introducing Lenny Rose.

And it was like, my dream job. It's about a singer, songwriter, artist who lives in New York and her artist friend. And a woman named Christopher Reneoff created it. And at the time, she was the number two on a new show called Grace Anatomy that hadn't premiered yet. It was like, that's what we're talking about. And we're 19 seasons in to Grey's Anatomy. Yeah, what's that? Yeah.

It was like this mid-season show. And she had this pilot. It was her first show that she created. And I read it. And I was like, my friend Andrew Leeds. Shout out to Andrew Leeds, because it's a big part of my life. He sent it to me. He's like, you are Lenny Rose.

And I hadn't worked in a while. Like, I couldn't get a job after the soap opera. Like, it was hard. I mean, the stigma of theater, and then I came out to L.A., like, okay, well, if I can't get a job in the theater, maybe, you know, television. Can that? Can that get? Yeah, and also growing up surfing and from Florida, the weather was a little. I was going to say you surf as well growing up.

Yeah, I did. Surf family. Big surf family. And, I mean, I am not a surfer. I surf. But isn't anyone that surf a surfer? No? I...

It's different. I think it's different. Like, surfers get up at 5 a.m. They don't care if it's cold. They don't care if it's warm. They don't care about the... They're not there to be comfortable. Right.

I want to be comfortable at all times. While I'm surfing. Yeah. Therefore, I'm not a surfer. Got it. Okay. Broad Ideas is supported by Carraway. It's time to ditch the chemicals with Caraway Homes

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favorite colors and products while you still can. I love Caraway so much. I feel good about what I'm cooking and putting in my kids' body because there are no harsh chemicals. Also, it's super pretty. I leave it out because it's that good looking. Visit carawayhome.com to take advantage of their cyberseason event and score up to 20% off your next purchase of non-toxic kitchenware. This deal won't last long. So visit carawayhome.com to shop all their incredible products for up to 20% off this holiday season. Carraway. And actually, acting to me is a lot like surfing, like creating a surfing. And I learned so much from witnessing my brothers and my dad. And my dad is the reason I'm an actor. And, you know, because I started surfing when I was three. And my mom was,

my mom did not want me to be a surfer. She's like, not enough. And I can't take one more. Yeah. Like my daughter can not be a surfer. So my dad put me in dance class because he called it land surfing. That's so cute. So he was like, well, it's close, you know. So I feel like, yeah, like, like surfer, it's that soul element. And I feel like I have that in me, but I am not. I'm not a surfer.

I do not. It is a live, breed, you know. Right. It's a beautiful thing. And I have a lot of deference for, and my brother. I mean, everyone in my face. That's amazing. Yeah.

Yeah. It's wild. It's very cool. Yeah. I can't remember what we were talking about. You were talking about the job you got, the Lenny Rose. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I got off the soap and it was really, I don't think I really got a job after that. Oh, you know what? I got one pilot. I got one pilot in between and maybe a guest star or something. But it was not an easy transition. But, man, I read this pilot introducing Lenny Rose. And I was like, who is Christopher Enough? Like, I felt like she was writing my insides on the page.

like, I am Lenny Rose, and they wouldn't see me for the role. Like, they wouldn't see me for the pilot. It was ABC, and it was a cast contingent pilot, so they were really trying to get someone. Get someone. Get someone. And I was not someone. And, but I wrote a song for it. Like I, because she's a singer-songwriter and I sing her songwriter and I sing and I play music. And my mother plays seven different instruments. Holy crap. Holy crap. A really kind of very artist-centric family. And I played piano for years and wrote songs. And so I wrote this song for it. And I was like, I'm going to bring my guitar player. And I'm just going to get him ready. I'm just going to start getting ready. Like, it was like, I was like, I was going to be ready. Because they kept saying no. I was like, I'm going to write the song. I'm going to work with my guitar player. And they kept saying no. And I wrote this

letter to my manager at the time. And I was like, they didn't want Julie Roberts for Pretty Woman. Like it was my manifest. They don't want Hattiberi for Monsters Ball. They didn't want Carrie Russell for Felicity, maybe they don't know what they want. We have to show them. And so my manager, like, passed on that letter to the casting director, Jeannie Backrack. Wow. Who had cast me in that one other pilot that I did. Okay.

And she just saw me really did. I mean, I just wasn't the character to her. And so I was able to get, like, a session with Krista and the producers. And I remember I went in for the first time and they didn't see me. I could tell that, like, nobody saw me for this part at all. And my hair was really long. I didn't hear anything for a week and I cut all my hair off. Like I just like was like, you're like, you let it go.

Yeah. And then they called me back. And they're like, can we see you tomorrow? And I cut all my hair off. Oh, God. And I saw me. And then it was like everything changed. And this, I'm getting to the Christa Vernoff of it all because I ended up getting

the part. There were lots of hoops to jump through, but I ended up getting this role. And making this pilot with Christopher Enough, who I've worked with eight times since. Oh. She's now the showrunner in Grey's Anatomy. Wow. And was the number two for many years, came back, and then I am now on the show. Yeah.

But I did many. I did Krista's next pilot. We've done movies together. We've developed things together. Like, I meet this person where I said I feel like Krista Bernoff is writing my soul. Wow. And then now, and then we have a whole, I mean, I lived with her when I was going through my divorce. Like, she's family to me.

And I guess, I guess maybe what I'm kind of like, exploring is I've just met so many wonderful people in this industry who are real soul people. Yes. And you meet those soul people and you really can make a whole life together. And Christopher Enough is probably, I would say, one of the most generous and wonderful people in this industry. And I'm just so lucky that I met her. But then all of a sudden people knew, they saw that pilot. And even though it didn't get picked up, it was like, I started working more.

I started working. And then I had my son in the middle of all that. And I was like, well, maybe, maybe, you know, Maybe I'll never again. Two months later, Krista Vernoff called me. We love Christopher. We love Christopher.

We love him. And she's the one that called me and said, I wrote a role for you on private practice because she was consulting on the show. She had left Raisinatomy, but they brought her over to kind of like, like, help out with private practice. She's like, I wrote a role for you on the show and like, I just have a baby.

You know, like I was like, you probably don't want to put me on camera. And she's like, just say yes. Just say yes. And so I just said yes. They figured it out, like I was nursing around the clock. They figured out on the turnarounds when I could nurse. She wrote this beautiful guest star role about a new mother who was dealing with postpartum. Shonda rhymes and Betsy beers were so incredible.

They ended up like putting me up for an Emmy for the part. And then Shonda ended up from that wanting to put me as the lead of her next pilot. Like it's just so. Yeah. It's just like. And the people that come in like. you know, Christ is one of my people. That's her.

Sounds like a person. Yeah. She definitely. What did she see in you? What do you think it was? Like, where did you go? What was the... We talk about this a lot because we have a 10-year age difference between us.

And we actually did her astrology. And she's like my aunt and my astrological aunt and astrology. Yeah. Because she had to do it. She's like, because we have so many alignments and so many things. Like something will happen to her and then it happens to me tenure. It's like she goes through something, learns the lesson, and part of like our soul journey together is for her to pass it on to me

so that maybe I don't have to go through this. You know, we go through things just hopefully kind of not bypass people going through things, but maybe save people so they have a gentler process, I think, going through this world. And pillow. Yeah. A little pillow. We have so many similarities. Like her father, my father died very suddenly of a heart attack on Valentine's Day in 2011.

and her father also died the same week, like 10 years earlier. Yeah, we have like a lot of really wild things. Crazy connections. Yeah. So I read that about your dad because you have that beautiful floral company. I mean, that was the most gorgeous. Oh, you're so sweet. How are you feeling, by the way?

Oh, my God. She was. I was really sure. It was a stomach bug. It was not food poisoning because it lasted for like 10 days. No, not 10 days. It was a week. But yeah.

Thank you. So amazing. And I love flowers. And like I think I would be a florist if I could be anything. I just putting them together and stuff. Well, we're hiring. I'm going to call you. I mean, we should do something together. It's a beautiful thing. And it's called County Line because he passed away and Ventura on the county line, right? But it was out of nowhere. No, I mean, going through that, that must have been, I can't imagine. Life, life changing, you know. Thank you for that.

Yeah, it was, it's been really interesting because I'm 11 years. out from 11 years out. What was this name? Yancey Spencer the third. I love that name. Oh, thank you. And my older brother's the fourth. So it's like it's a family name on his side.

Yeah, it was interesting. I guess that we're kind of in on some timeline through the story is like, you know, I met Krista, did Lenny Rose, I had my son, and then I was cast on Madman. I did that private practice. Kind of didn't work. All of a sudden I was getting calls to audition and I didn't have a nanny at that. the time so I'd bring Roman. Like, I didn't know how to do it because nobody, I didn't know doing it. No, there's no guide. Nobody was doing it. Nobody had a baby. And I was like,

uh, because you get these last minute calls. And I'm like, I don't have any, can I bring him with me? And so I would bring Roman, be nursing him while I was getting notes from like the producers and, you know, whoever else, the director and then have the casting director hold and like, do the audition. Yeah. Like, I was just winging it. And I'd walk in with the baby and all the other actors to be like, what is happening? Or sometimes, like, I'd see an actress in the lobby that I knew and I trusted, do you mind holding my son? Totally. And these were, like, you know, producers sessions, like, like, like, long audition things and. Wait, but don't you think it's so fucked up that there isn't a better system for working mothers in the business? Yeah, yeah. It's, it's mind-blowing to me.

And as my career expanded, because I worked consistently before I had my, son, but I worked way more after I had my son, which was wild. Like, everyone's like, oh, are we closing up shop? And it was like, all of a sudden, shop was open and we were, like, opening franchises around the world. That's how I felt. I was like, I was like, I could have gone anywhere at any time for anyone. And that didn't happen while I was free. And then I have my son. And now all the phones are, and you want me to travel all over the world. And I really had to say no to a lot of things, which is bananas. for an actor who's like

I want it. Yeah. And opportunities, you feel like you have to say yes to everything. But what I thought was so interesting is as my time got more valuable and as I valued myself in my time

and I had something kind of back to the street, the moment on the street. Exactly. Like, you know, when this, I break up with acting all the time. I break up with anything that becomes too important

in my life where I feel like... Except Roman. Except Roman. I always say. That is, I mean, and it totally changed me. It was like Roman was the priority. So now, and I think, again, I remember thinking before I was pregnant with him like, I don't want my life to be about me. And I was married and I was in a partnership and I was in a lot of charity work at the time. And I was desperate for my life not to be about me. And I didn't know how to not make my life be about me. Right. And then I got pregnant. I was like, okay. There we go. There we go. Also, though, too, I've heard this a lot, and I believe this to be true in my life, 1,000 percent, that the baby comes with its own abundance.

And it's almost like when they come, they open up, like, it's like, yes, those were your opportunities, but were they? You know, it's like they come with their own consciousness, their own opportunity, their own abundance, and it kind of works through you as mom. Well, I felt that. I felt like, I felt it all. I mean, it was just like a total creative renaissance, like shift. I mean, I was open-hearted and also a release because I was like, maybe I won't be it.

You know, like, I was like, I totally let it go. And then it came back in so abundantly. Because soon after that, I did the private practice. And then I tested for the lead of eight pilots in a row. Holy shit. The lead of eight pilots that pilot season. Remember when we had typical pilot seasons? Oh, yeah, yeah.

That was my life every year for a really long time. And I didn't get any of them. And I was like, okay, maybe we're coming back to the couch. And I feel like I have to give you this detail. I had a dream. I felt also when I was pregnant and after I had my son, my dreams got really. I also, right before I discovered Carl Young, and I started working with a dream,

She's an acting teacher. Her name's Kim Gillingham, but she also works with the artist from your soul. And it really opened me up. So I met her. My soul opened up. All of a sudden, I'm having a baby, become a mom. And then there was this, like, great expansion,

this great letting go. And I had a dream that I was supposed to be on Madman. Oh, no. Hey, I had that dream. I had this dream. My son was six months old at the time. And I had this dream. and I and I do when you open up and you pay attention and this has followed me around my whole life

I think as you can probably tell and I don't tell I've just started to really like tell people or I tell my friends about it but I feel like I'm feeling more comfortable to to say these things because I want to put language around things for people that might be feeling the same thing too and have more courage to to follow that that dream or that instinct and so I called my then manager and I said and he was kind of getting used to my like you know, hairbrained ideas. And I said, look, I had a dream.

I'm supposed to be on Madman. So I'm wondering Laura Schiff and Carrie Audino who are the casting directors. And by the way, I had not seen Madman. I'd never seen the show. What? But people would stop me and say, you should be on the show called Madman.

I'm like, what's Madman? They're like, this admin in the early 60s. It's the best. And I'm like, little did I know. And I said, you just think I belong in the past. You know, like I'd make a joke about it. And I was like, but I started to note it because it was happening a lot. Right.

And people were like, you should be on Madman. How interesting. So, like people on the, like strangers would be like, you should be on a show called Madman. And so I said, you know, people have said, I said, Carrie Adina and Laura Schiff were also two of my first, they're a casting duo, and they were one of my first meetings when I moved to L.A. So I leave New York, trying to get a job in television. can't get a job in the theater.

I actually think they were my first general meeting when I came to L.A. And kind of became very godmothers in my life as well. Like thinking of me, bringing me things. Like they cast me on my first series. They got on the air in 2006. Like I said, look, I love them. I know them well. I had this dream.

Why don't you just give them a call and see like if there's something coming up that I might be right for. And my manager at the time was like, yeah, you don't call the math. And say, and they call you because it was the show. I mean, it was going into season three, and it was huge. The show. Yeah. And I did start to see it everywhere. I think, you know, I started to feel it, but I still hadn't seen the show.

And he called Carrie and Laura, and they were like, oh, my God, we cannot believe that you called. We were just talking about Abigail for a role in the show. And it was crazy. Just talking about her for a role in the show. It's not right away. So just hold tight. we'll call you back later. He calls me back.

He's like, you're not going to believe it. I was like, I had a drink. You're like, I do believe that. Yeah. I do believe it. But I also think it's the mother, like I'm becoming a mother and just like all of that energy. Intuition. I was listening.

And I was still. I was so much more still than I had ever been in my life. So a month goes by. I don't hear anything. And I'm like, oh, they might have, you know, they might have forgotten, moved on right at that moment where I was thinking that the phone rings. it's my manager. They want to see you tomorrow. Tomorrow.

I literally was eating Ben and Jerry's on the couch, by the way. Like, Roman was napping. I'm eating Ben and Jerry's. I'm like, and they're like, it's fake sides. We don't even know what the role is, but, you know, you got to go tomorrow. And I remember getting the fake sides and I read it. And I was like, oh, I know this woman. Like, I felt like this woman was my mother.

Like, the energy of my mother, so many similarities. Also, her name was Suzanne. And then come to find out. So I, long story short, I go the next morning, I get cast by 7 p.m. I'm on set the next day. Holy shit. Yeah, it was that fast. And with a baby. And with an eight month old by this point. So nursing. Where's your husband at the time? He was working. I mean, he worked, he had a pretty steady day job. He worked at, I guess at the time he was working at Apple by this point. So Apple was starting up and he worked at Disney. So by this point, you know, he's got a pretty steady, not. on entertainment job. Okay. And I'm momming and auditioning-ish. And now, of a sudden, I've been cast on Madman. And they said it was going to be there the whole season, but they didn't,

I mean, they didn't tell me anything about it. But I just felt like I knew her. And I felt like I was there to say yes. And on top of it, I showed up that morning, I have very long hair because one thing I learned while being pregnant, and someone said, don't cut your hair. You're going to want to cut your hair a lot while you're pregnant. Whatever you do, don't cut your hair. So I really like had that in my head. So now it's eight months later and my hair's really long and falling out as one as it does after after giving birth and nursing. And I show up that morning and they're like, they take out the scissors and they're literally about to. And I was like, I'm sorry, wait, wait, wait, wait, what? And you're like, oh, did no one tell you that, you know, for the time period,

you can't have hair longer than your shoulders and, and Matt, you know, requires all the actresses to have hair above their shoulders. And I was like, no. No one told me this information. All of a sudden, I could only think of the Cocoa Chenoa quote, like a woman who's about to cut her, is about to change her life. Right. Yes.

It's true. So I was like, go for it. And cut it. And I was on camera like an hour later. Whoa. And my first scene was, for anyone that knows the show, you meet my character at this Maypole. It's Sally Draper's teacher.

and there's this maypole dance, and I'm wearing a flower crown, and I'm in this, like, white dress. And, like, it was just so interesting. Like, I still hadn't seen the show. So I was like, I don't even know. But I felt it in my bones, and I meet John, and I just felt like he's a journeyman actor, too.

Like, he's had a similar journey to me of just, like, working a lot, no one, no. And here we are. And it was, and I was like, I think I'm going to be seeing a lot of you this season. I said, but not too much because I'm nursing a baby. So, like, I'm going to, he's like, you have a baby? And I'm like, I have a baby, sir.

And it was just so wild. I was also just so happy to have somewhere to go. Yeah. Like to go be me. Yeah, outside of mom. The baby. Yeah. Did you feel that way too?

Like seven, eight months was when I felt like, okay, I'm ready to like have my life. You know, I waited. I didn't fully work. Like, I didn't take a full-time series, regular show situation. until she was three. Oh, wow. I worked as I did some episodes. I just want to say she was like one and a half or two.

But not before that. I was not ready. Yeah. You know, it's different. Everyone's, you know, journey is different. But I definitely, I was very committed to that. But yeah, you get to that point where you feel like I need to be doing something. Right, right, right, right.

Because it's a lot. Mm-hmm. And I didn't have like traditional help in this. I never had, you know, the nanny and night nurse or any of that stuff. So I really was doing it all. So I was like, there's no way I can do anything else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It takes so much.

It really does. And I didn't have any of that at the beginning. It was like the work kind of then called for me to have to start. Absolutely. Of course. More support. How could, yeah, there's no, I mean, you have to. Yeah.

And his father, too. I mean, you know, his father was very involved and is still very involved. So it's more like it was just a dance all the time. Yeah. And discovery and like, who am I in this new space? I found it very interesting that I was embodying kind of a very sexual energy on the show. Like, and I was a new mother. Like, there's, I always, I can't, I'll never forget when I was doing a fitting.

My character was like running. And they ring out the tiniest white shorts of everything. Oh, you're like, no. And I'm nursing. I just had a baby. And I'm like, I'm the bravest woman in Hollywood. Like, putting up white shorts and like going for, like, it was more like I had to, um, something I returned to again, just like,

just letting go of my, I feel like it's my ego, you know, my, just whatever attachment I had to how I felt. It just all kind of went out the window. I was like, I just have to show up and be courageous and brave in this moment. And, yeah, my soul just kind of like teaching me along the way. And so then I went and did that whole season while, you, Roman turned one while I was, it was, So crazy. It was wild. And then after the show premiered was really, that was another shift because, again, I'd been working for 10 years very happily. But nobody had really seen anything I'd done outside of our industry. And then when I did that, it was like everybody had seen my work. And going back to, I was ready for it this time around. You know, like, I don't think I was ready for it when I was. You were so young. Yeah. I wasn't ready for it. I think. I think I would have really caved into myself. Yeah. And then by the time that rolled around and being a mother and being a different place.

So Madman came out and then I had all these beautiful opportunities to do films and work with directors that I really wanted to. Like, it just everything shifted. And in that same time, my marriage started to, it had been falling apart for a while, but it really started to unravel in a deeper way. and my father, who was my best friend, came out to be with me while this was all going on. Roman was two at the time. And, yeah, I mean, I was getting ready to leave his father and my dad knew it. And so he's like, I'm just going to come out and be with you as you make this decision. I was 29.

And it was a very hard decision to leave my son's father. Yeah, I did not make that decision lately. And I felt like I did everything I could. And there were three questions that I spent a year asking myself. When Roman is of consciousness to know that we are divorced because he was too, I wanted, I know that the brain starts to fully form by the time they're three. And so I felt like I was in this window of protection of him. And if I really know, I'm going to make this decision, like be conscious of the timing for him. And when Roman asks, am I going to be able to say I did everything I could, you know, and this

is going to be the better path for all? If I never met anyone again and I stayed single for the rest of my life, would this be the more honest path for me? And then the third question was like, at the end of my life, you know, when I kind of look back at my life, will I feel totally clean and complete with this decision? Once I could say yes to all three of those, then I started to make a move. But I spent years, you know, kind of weighing those options and those questions. And so my father comes out to be with me while I'm making this decision. 29. My son is two. I'm also like I'm getting so much joy out of my work and career. Like I felt like I was really come around from when I was 17 and got everything I wanted, but I wasn't like now I could really enjoy it because I worked for it.

Right. And I really, I had lost it. And I felt like it had come back. in this beautiful new form that I was ready for because as a mother, I had something else more important. Like, I was like, oh, I'm ready for this in a different. I understand my responsibility in this. Like, and also the pitfalls of it and know that like my identity is not attached to it. Like, I was like, I feel ready. Right. And also making this decision to leave. And my dad came out and it was Valentine's Day, his last day of his trip, to be with me. And he was like, let me watch Roman for a little while. this morning and you go do your thing. And when I got back, he was like, I feel like I'm supposed to tell you something. My father's a very deep, as a surfer, a very deep, very spiritual person

and really had been through a lot in his life, like probably had every childhood trauma a human can have and, you know, lived his life with a tremendous amount of grace and generosity. And so we were really, really close. And he sat down with me. He was like, Abby, I feel like I'm supposed to tell you something before I leave, meaning the next day on a flight back to Florida to be with my mother, his wife of 34 years and the love of each other's lives. And he said, I feel like I'm supposed to tell you that you can't control the way that you feel, but you can't control your thoughts. And I just feel like I'm supposed to tell you that. I don't even know why. He was like, I don't even know why, but I just feel like that's something, that's the message coming

through to you that I want you to hear before I leave tomorrow. And then, he went out for a surf. Like, I was like, I'll stay with Roman. You go out to his favorite surf spot was County Line. It takes like an hour to drive out there from Studio City where I was at the time. And he's driving out and he calls me. He's like, it's a knockdown, drag out, beautiful day. Like, let's get Valentine's Day dinner tonight.

You know, like have Roman's dad watch him. And, you know, let's just have, we haven't been together. And my dad single-handedly kept Hallmark in business, I feel like for years. Like, he's a very, very sentimental person. I'm like, I would get St. Patrick's Daycard. Yeah. I'm like, I get St. Patrick's Daycards.

And just clippings, like, he would clip something out and be like, this just made me think of you and I get it in the mail. And he was like that with a lot of people. And so he's driving out, and I was like, yeah, dad, let's do it. An hour later, I get another call from him. And I'm, and I, dad, like, don't get out of the water.

Like, all the surfer wants is to not have to get out of the water, like that there's no time limit. Don't get out of the water. the water, you know, like stay as long as you want. Abby, yeah, I'm having a heart attack. What? I'm having a heart attack. I need you to call 911. Your sweet faces. Call 911, tell them I'm at County Line and I love you and pray. And they hung up the phone and five minutes later he was gone. It was wild. He didn't call my mom. He didn't call my brother. Like, he called me and it made sense because I was close, but he died so quickly.

He didn't get to call anyone else. And when the fire chief in Malibu found him in the ambulance, he was holding my mother's Valentine's Day card to him, looking out at his favorite surf spot. Like, he wanted to buy property across from county land. Like, it was his favorite. We would drive by that my whole life. And one of his biggest regrets was that he didn't buy the plot of land that was on sale for $50,000, you know, back in the 70s.

He should have done that. My greatest regret of his life. Oh, my God. And he just slipped away. You know, I asked the fire. I was like, was he in any pain? And they were like, no, as soon as the ambulance arrived, he was a little uncomfortable, but he was just holding, looking out at the waves.

And he had no preexisting condition. Like, this came out of nowhere, 60 years old. Really young, very young. And he said as a door open to put them, he just slipped away. And in that time, it was like, I remember I hung up the phone. My kitchen at the time, it's just so, like, visceral had these Carrera marble honeycomb flooring. And I remember was like falling to my knees and seeing that Carrera marble honeycomb floor and just being like, people survive heart attacks. David Letterman just had a quadruple bypass surgery.

Like, I can just pack a bag and I'm going to go out to wherever they're taking it. He's going to be okay. Like, this is, like, to not catastrophize. And I feel so fortunate. Two friends of mine who also had a bit were over at my house within five minutes to watch Roman, because Roman was taking the longest. It was like angels were like, sleeping him asleep, a six hours nap for Roman. And my friend Andrew Leeds, who brought me the introducing Lenny Rose project that brought me to Christopher Reneff.

Wow. In that moment, texted me, are you okay? Because I'd seen him that morning. I was like, I'm not okay. I don't have a car. My dad has my car. Roman's dad is at work. Has the other car.

And my dad just called me and said he's having a heart attack and he's a county line. And I've got to go. And he's like, I'm on my way. And I'm not kidding. Within 10 minutes, he was at my door in his car with my dad's bagpacked. And we were driving down from Studio City Hills right where the hand car wash is. Oh, yeah. So right at the hand car wash.

And I got a call. right as we were pulling up to Ventura. And I got the news, you know, that he was dead. And I don't remember what happened in that moment. All of a sudden, I was outside the car on the sidewalk next to the hand car wash, screaming. And like, I was like, oh, now I understand when I've watched the news and women losing their children in war. and like I was screaming so gutterily and so like it was animal.

You know, it was just, it was an animal and I'm just screaming. And on the ground and again, it's like I'm on the floor and I see the cement and I just look and I'm going to see the hand carwash big hand. And Andrew Leeds just standing there holding space just like, you know, giving me space while I just like screamed. And then we got back in the car. who's in Ventura at the hospital, and can you drive me to Ventura? I have to go, you know, I have to go identify him.

And so then Andrew Leeds takes me on the long drive during rush hour traffic on the 101. And then I'm like, I'm in the car and I'm like, oh, I've got to call my mom. Yeah. And I got to call my brothers. And I got to call his, my dad was the oldest of nine of a blended family. Oh, my God. I got to call his mother, my grandmother. So it was like I went into action.

And it was, so I called my uncle first, my uncle, J.B., who manages all of our, and runs all of the surf shops and was my dad's best friend. I lived five minutes from my mom. And I was like, okay, where are you and Aunt Midgie? Can you go get in the car? And they're like, why? I said, you need to get in the car. And you start driving to my mother's house and call me when you're in the car.

So they did. And they're like, what's going on? I said, I need you to, I'm going to tell you something that you're not going to believe me. but it's true and I'm just going to tell you what I'm about to say you are not going to believe it, but you keep driving to my mother's house because she's going to kill herself when I tell you what I'm about to tell you. And so they're like, okay. So I'm like, dad's dead.

And they're like, what? You know, it's not like dad's sick or he got an accident. It's like dad's dead. And I need you to hear that. And I need you to get inside the house because then I'm going to call my mom and I need you to hold her and make sure she doesn't kill herself. And I mean, just so much. So then we had to do that. And then telling my mom, and exactly as I had predicted, like, you're lying, like you're a liar. Like, why are you doing this, you know? And then calling my brothers because I didn't want, you know, I knew things would

probably start to get out. So I had to call my older brother and my little brother was in Hawaii. He was on the surf tour. Call him, call them, get my brother from Hawaii, like get him on a plane to L.A. to be with me and then just starting to make the calls because my dad is a pillar in my community and what it was going to do to the surf shops, to the family, you know, and just started to make these calls kind of one by one. And I remember Leeds saying he was like, it was like, it was like you had a plan. It was like you had been preparing for this moment. And I mean, but it, and there's no way to, but it was my greatest fear. My greatest fear growing up was my dad. It was my and so then it's like and now it's happening.

And it was interesting too because I was like, well, I think I'm going to have to pause on the separation. Oh, right. Like then it was like I was moving out in two days. Oh my God. So I was like, pause on that. I called my friend. My father has just died. I'm not moving into you.

Like I was about. Yeah. I was going into action and they say don't make any decisions for the first six months after you have a big loss, you know. And so I put a pen and everything. And I am very grateful to my son's father because he was very helpful during that time. And I will always be grateful for that. Just that long drive to Ventura.

And then the doctor was a surfer who knew who my dad was. And I remember showing up at the hospital and just walking through the darkness and this lone figure was outside waiting for me and with his surgical cap and scrubs. And he just broke down crying. I mean, couldn't help it. He was like, your dad was my favorite surfer.

I have a Nancy Spencer surfboard. So I'm holding the doctor. Oh, my God. Holding him. And they didn't want me to see him. They're like, you know, because he's like this sports figure and like remember him as he was. And you don't want to see him this way. And I said, how dare you keep me from the fullness of life?

Like I am seeing my dad. you were not going to keep me from any of this. Like, you know, the fullness of this experience is all of it. And, you know, it was a negotiation. Also, Roman's dad was there by that time too. And he didn't, like, nobody wanted me in there. And I was like, absolutely not. And so when I walked in and I saw him, you know,

and speaking of, like, I feel like soul is a big theme in this conversation is like, I really saw that our souls are different than our body. I was like, oh, he's at, his, his body. body is at rest. His soul is no longer. And I really felt, I really, I knew that delineation. Like, this is his body, but the, his soul. And, and then, and then I went on a whole other journey with that. Like, yeah. It was wild to be like that first 10 years was like, my soul protecting. What is this? And then to go on to start to learn about grief. Then what? And then, and then what? And then how do you connect with a soul? And it was not right away, by the way, like, I was

it really rattled my faith in everything at that moment. And so I went on a really deep journey around that and also was working and separating and then going through a divorce. And about two years in, I would say like something happened because what I did is I threw myself into work so completely because it was a space to feel. It was celebrated. Like I could put all of it there.

the scenes and camera between action and cut. Like it was, I felt, you guys are so sweet, by the way. Kids stop crying. No, but you're just such empathic listeners and I really appreciate it. Like, I really appreciate it. But also like, and I'm sure looking back now on how he went at his favorite surf spot and like with the valent. It's so poetic and like beautiful.

Yeah. In that regard. I mean, the whole thing. I just, it's, she lost her dad too. Young. I mean, much younger, but. How old were you? I was 15. But it was also unexpected. So it is, I really relate to those moments where you're like, oh, this is what I've seen on the news.

Like, this is what I've seen in movies. This is what I've seen. But then when it happens to you, that utter animal shock, crazy experience changes every fiber of your being. Yeah. Forever. It's, it is, yeah, it's been, and I'm curious, you know, your journey with this, but like it really moved me into a place of hypervigilance of like, I really, like, of high anxiety, hypervigilance, like I couldn't hear the phone ring for, because he called me, like, just like any, or managing my catastrophizing of like, if I don't hear from someone for a long time, And like to check in and like, you know, people getting home safe.

Like the anxiety. The anxiety. Like I dipped into, I went toward anxiety and hypervigilance. And then what happened to me, because I threw myself into work so completely about two years after this happened, two years after my dad died, I couldn't get out of bed one day. Like I physically couldn't get out of bed. And I didn't know what was happening to me. And I was in a relationship, a new relationship at the time that I loved. My son is four by this time.

I'm loving my career at the moment, and I couldn't get out of bed one day. And I was like, oh, I'm about to throw all this away. Like, I'm about to throw this relationship away, my relationship with my child. Like, I just was like, I could feel myself teetering and just happened. A woman named Deb Sparra, who's a producer in her industry, she had experienced great sudden loss. And I just happened to see her that week for dinner, like made myself over. And she told me, she was like, oh, it's grief. like you have grief trapped in your body.

And she went to a grief recovery workshop. And she got me. I mean, by that weekend, I was in it really radically. It set me on a new journey of healing and like dealing with grief. And because again, I just, I didn't. You didn't know. Other than Christopher Enough. Yeah.

I didn't really know anyone that had been through this. And so thank God for Krista that. But like I didn't know what was happening to me. And I guess by I was 31, so I'm like 10 years into that. like grief recovery and and part of that recovery has been working with florals too. Wow. Because my grandmother was a florist. My grandmother very sadly died a year after my father died too.

Like I had so much loss. His mother. She was very young. She died of a broken heart. Like she went to bed one night. There was nothing and did. But she was in such grief and just really trying to understand this like this energy that we all feel that we didn't have language for and thank God for having creativity in my life,

but also being able to create something out of it and, you know, what is this unspoken thing? And it's not a, you know, meeting this teacher who brought Carl Young into my life and the subconscious and, like, you know, being able to communicate with spirit in a different way. And it was really interesting, but my grandmother was a florist and she did events. And so I was around it all the time, but kind of like, it was always like very, like in my periphery, you know, she was doing flowers and events all the time. And my dad was surfing and I, and also I feel like I really got into the business of gratitude because the day that my dad died, the next day was just flowers, flowers, flowers, like, you know, flowers were meeting me in my

greatest grief. And they also meet us in our greatest joy. Like, you know, what's, so this kind of the expansiveness of that. So it was, and I think just in this bananas industry, like, I was sending a lot of flowers too. Like saying, well, I think, you know, because I just feel like this is, it's not a job, it's a life. Yeah. And people are always doing just such like going above and beyond and strange, miraculous ways. And so I was getting really into flowers during this time as well in a, in a new way that I just hadn't experienced. And, um, and kept wanting, like, somebody just kept following me around. Like, my dad wanting to honor his life and his death and county line and my grandmother like it just kept flower like and and so much so that like uh when i was cast on rectify

my character went to this bar called the county line oh wow and like the creator didn't it like like where i'd be in a show and a song county line would come on and i was like okay you know once you're like all the time i'm listening i'm listening i'm listening yeah so i just kept listening and kept sending flowers and then at the end of 2019, I was like, what is this other thing that I got to do with all this stuff? Because I also, I mean, this is actually probably the first time I'm really talking about it. Like, County Line gave me the opportunity because I didn't talk, because I didn't feel like it was appropriate to go on a press tour for a movie or a job

and be like, let me tell you about what my dad did. You know, like it just feels so. But it was kind of, that was what was going on in my life too. And so I kept it very private and all the things that I was going through. And so then I started doing these like flower showers on set, like kind of surprising different crew like departments. Like, hey, makeup and hair, it's flower day. You get showered, and like 30 bouquets would come in. And I was always been looking for creative ways to thank the crew.

And then culminated in a local flower cup. company I had ordered a truck from them as like the crew gift to come and make flowers for all 200 crew members. And it was glorious. And the next day, this was, this was kind of the moment. The next day, all these, you know, like, stoic, sweaty crew guys who never spoke to me. Also, I was playing a character that was very unapproachable at the time. I see him and I'm like, you have never looked in my direction. You're like walking up to me. And they came up to me like, tears in their eyes, that was the best crew we have to have ever gotten. You saved my marriage. It was my anniversary. And I got to bring flowers home to my wife. Because I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten that, like, it was my anniversary. And what they kept saying is my family could enjoy it. I brought it home. And I looked at it. Like, this, it went on beyond just the living life of its own. And I, it just affected me so deeply. And I turned to my assistant at the time. I was like, kind of line.

That's what it is. I'm going to go home. I'm going to find an old surf truck and see if I can turn it, like, elevate it and turn it into a mobile flower shop. So incredible. Call my friends in L.A. and be like, hey, you could bring the ice cream truck or the crepe truck, but or you could bring the flower truck. You know, like, just another option to kind of throw in the mix. That was it. And I was a county line florals. Like I got the Instagram and I like, I had an idea of a logo. A friend of mine did the home state logo. She's so talented. We know it too well. Yeah. You can't know it too well. They're every day. And so I reached out to her and I just kind of started putting it together in my mind and, you know, creating a path and working with flowers.

And so I bought the truck, put her in the shop and starting to put all this together. And then March 2020 rolled around and all of a sudden we're in a pandemic. Right. And again, the stillness, like all my productions went dark. And I was like, oh, my gosh. And I, you know, everyone is having, you know, we're still on this journey with the pandemic at the time. You know, from Madman to that moment, I had kind of what I said earlier, only been leaving town to work. Like I had been sitting by the phone for 10 years, like, to help me to go anywhere.

Don't want to go anywhere and only going places after. And my son, you know, I'd be flying back and forth. like I was doing a show in Vancouver and I'd work all night. You know, I'd work all night, Friday night, get on the earliest flight, like the 6 a.m. flight Saturday morning, fly to see an hour of his baseball game, sleep as much as I could turn around. Because if it wasn't my weekend, I couldn't see. Like, that was a whole thing too.

Like, so, you know, fly to see him and then sleep and then fly back Sunday night and be on set 5 a.m. And I did that for eight months and it really almost killed me. but I was just like I was burnt out. I was so burnt out. And I needed, I just needed a bright. And I needed to be with my son. And so like this forced stillness reeded this other creativity in my life.

I just started working with flowers in my backyard and, you know, knowing the floral industry was one of the first ones to come back. So I guess it was like April May. And so I started going to the flower mart. I started calling friends. Like I had people that I, knew that connected me with other people calling all my out-at-work actor friends,

hey, what are you doing today? Want to make some money? Like, you know, and just seeing like, how many bouquets can we make in a day? Like, how do we design? Like, what do I like? You know, what are we trying to, how do you do this? And met some incredible people that are still on my team now. Like, my head of florals came my very first day that I invited people over to make stuff

in my backyard. And it was just a wild time. So once a week, we would, like, the first time we sent out 35 bouquets, because I knew everyone was home. So I'd just send them to my friends. And they'd be like, what is this? And then the second time we'd send out 50 bouquets, and just to see if we could. And by the end of that second delivery, which was probably May of 2020, I was like, I had a business. And because everyone was like, I want to order these.

How do we order these? And I was like, um, let me. Like I felt like a Zoolander remember when they're like, it's in the computer. You know, let me see how to write up in order. And, you know, I had to take my assistant at times. Stephanie really helped so much. Like, just at my friends, like just come in. And I was like, what shop my friends owned businesses?

And I'm like, how do you start a business? And they're like, you have to get a Shopify. I'm like, what shopify? Yeah. I feel like people just came along. And so we just started to get organized. And then the truck came out of the shop. Her name is Betty.

Aw. Of course it's Betty. And this is wild too. So I wanted to name the truck after my dad. And it was two options. His name's Yancy or his nickname was Duke. So it was like either the Duke or Yancey, but I was like, I feel strange at having a masculine name. Like I felt like it's a very masculine truck, but it's a very feminine business.

Right. And I also had migrated up to Ohio during this time. That's kind of where I spent my, a lot of my pandemic was I found a, a Haven in Ohio. Nice. And I built, I built county line out of Ohio at the beginning. It's a good place to build it. Yeah. Yeah. It was perfect. It really met me in that time and ended up staying there for three, like just, I actually just ended up, I'm not there at the moment because where my son's going to high school. And so Betty gets out of the shop and I found the designers of all the Buck Mason retail stores and Buck Mason did a school bus mobile retail experience.

I wanted to find those designers. So I found them. End up they're from Florida. Of course. I'm like Florida. Their names are Alex and Corey. Maneuver Works. And I just like got in touch with them. I was, oh, it was my neighbor. My neighbor, Annie, she recommended them to me. And it was just weird. I just started asking people. And they were like, sure, we'll do it. And got the truck to them. They put it together in a week. And because it happened to be Father's Day. So now were in June. And I said, you know, I just think me really cool to take Betty out for the first time on Father's Day, you know, and they were like, done. So we took Betty out for the first time on Father's Day, which wasn't planned, you know, it's like it'd be so nice, but it just, so here I

get Betty in January. I think I'm going to call her another name. She goes in the shot, pandemic. She gets out just in time. They get their hands on her just in time. And the name actually came up during that week because I kept looking at her and I was like, hey, Betty. I just kept saying, hey, Betty, every time I saw the truck. And then Betty is a surf term for a beautiful woman from the 60s. That's right. Sorry, a 60s surf term for a beautiful woman. Yeah, she's a Betty.

She's such a Betty. She's such a Betty. So that's how her name transpired. That's so awesome. I want to see Betty. I want to see Betty too. And like, does she go places? Like, do people rent her for parties?

She doesn't get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day. Yeah. Does she go to? She's a supermodel, yeah. Does she go to, like, weddings? Like, where does she go? Yeah. Yeah.

So our first, it was, you know, so it was the first summer of the pandemic where we could kind of socially gather outside. So what we started doing is I would just take her out every Saturday or on the weekends. Like to hear out, oh hi, monocito, just like show up and see what happened. And we weren't even really selling flat. Like, it was just like, I don't know, like, it was like, just to bring joy in the middle of what was going on. And just taking her around.

then we get invited somewhere the next weekend. And then we go to Aba Kinney and then my friend downtown. And it was just like word got out. And so through that summer, just started taking her out every weekend to see, how do you do this? Like how many people does it take? Because I couldn't drive.

She's manual and I don't drive stick. So it's like I couldn't drive her, but like running her. And also we had masks the whole time. Right. So nobody knew it was me. And I'm having these amazing conversations with people because like whole gang,

of motorcycle dudes would pull over. Oh, my God, I like a truck. I'm not flowers. You know, like, it was so cool. And then I would have these really deep conversations with people about their loss because they're like, where is county line? And sometimes people will come up and be like, oh, my gosh, can I take a photo? And I was like, oh, they know it's me. And I had a mask. And so I'd be like, yeah, of course. And I'd stand. And I'd be like, no, can you get out of the way? They're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd like, oh, yeah, yeah. And I'd like, and I'd like, and I And I loved it. Like it was food for my soul.

I needed. It was such a hard because of doing everything. I was in the best shape of my life, by the way. Flowers are hard. I mean, it's like going surfing. It kind of became my version of surfing because you get up. You got to see what's out there. You got to catch the way.

Get everything. Like come back in. And then put everything together. It's very, very physical. And then like getting Betty out was so physical. And so to answer your question, we did. We started getting, you. know, invitations to show up places.

And then we did a wedding in Joshua Tree. My friend was getting married. And I was like, you know, there are no pressure. But if you want Betty for the wedding, let me know. She's like, oh, my gosh. Like, yes. I love that she's Betty. I know.

It's so cute. It's very cute. And so we took Betty out to Joshua Tree. She did her first wedding and me and one of my incredible, we're called Floristas. I say we're not florists for Floristas. Love it. We're making the daily brew. Like, we're trying to find something that.

elevated by daily. Like you're, because, and when I've traveled for work, I've, I found my brunch place. I found my coffee place. Yeah. But I could never find my flower place. And so it was something too. Again, I created this for myself because I wanted, I wanted it. Right.

And so we took Betty out there. So Sally, who's one of my lead floristas, and she's an incredible artist, like, been with me since the beginning and still does. So yes. And now we do weddings. Like now we just did a wedding this weekend at Cali. Amigos Ranch and Betty was there. I love it there so much.

Flower Crown workshops. And I have a team and we opened a store in Pliya Vista. My friends ran and Lindsay Parton invited us to free market, which is this retail collective that they've been creating across. They have one in Colorado, opened one in Playa Vista. They have one downtown and just opened one in Northern California. And it's just been invitations, word of mouth. And it's so wild.

The day that I started it, I started seeing a hummingbird every single day. And it was my dad. Like, I really feel it was my dad. And I'm curious, do you, do you see? I have a hummingbird thing too. Yeah. Yeah. And for the day you opened you.

Every single day. And I was like, okay, keep going. Yeah. Because I didn't, this is a very heart-centered project. Like, it's not, it's not in the ego. It's not like, I want to create a thing to get the thing. It's like it was birthed through you. It's something I feel like I have to take care of, you know.

Right. And like, you know, like birthing. my son. It's like I am responsible for this life blooming. And that's how I feel. I feel like I'm the caretaker of it more than this is mine. And also like constantly reevaluating, renegotiating that relationship. And I mean, that's two years from when we took Betty out and we're a little over year from when we open the store. And now we're doing weddings, events. Like Betty does them, but we also do them without Betty. Yeah. Yeah. And now it's like now, okay, so what, what do we want this to be, right?

Like, because we're going to be opening up a second location on Larchmont to and wild. It's so crazy. That's so fucking cool. Like I'm like, maybe it's time. Yeah. But they were the most gorgeous flowers ever. I mean, I'm stunning. You want to, I happily bring things over here and we can just make stuff together. That sounds like that.

I was going to say we should definitely do something with that. I love that. Absolutely. It's healing. It is. I love it. love, that's just like, there's something to it, right? It's just like this outlet of putting, I don't know, it speaks to my Virgo brain like massively, but also just so beautiful, you know.

It is, and it's, I will say, because I was doing that every day during the pandemic, it was so healing. And also it started to bring up some things, some residual grief that I hadn't really looked at since my dad died. And thank God I had that modality and that healing space. Because at the end of every day, I had all these flowers at the house. And even if no one was over, it was just like, that's what I do in the backyard. It was like, you know, just pour a glass of wine and just because no one could come over. And Roman would be inside. And I will say it was really, really lovely and really therapeutic. Very therapeutic. That first year was totally unexpected. And I will say, like, you know, that lesson to me of just allowing versus controlling because I'm not in control of this.

Right. So I'm so grateful for that reminder and still going. Like we're in the middle of this. I have no idea what's going to happen. I mean, we're alive. As long as we're alive, it's still going, right? Yeah. Like it sounds to me like you have had an incredible journey with yourself. And what a beautiful thing that something that you could actually give back came from your dad. I mean, I say thank you all the time. I'm just like, thank you, thank you, thank you. And I think for me, too, kind of being an actor and being the product, right? Like, I always had a very divided relationship, clearly, with being the product. And what it has given me is to say, like, look over here, I made this. Look over here. Instead of like, look at me.

Look at the thing. I'm the problem. You know, like, it's like I can say, I made that look over. there. And I really needed that in my life. And I need something with my hands to make with my hand. And so it has given me, it's, it's given me a lot of, a lot of that. And now I will say, like I have a team that is really running the show now, like, because I'm still acting. Yeah. Mother of a baby 14 year. Yeah. God. Yeah. 14 year old boy. How old are your kid? Six and three and a half. Six and three boys. Oh, no, seven. Sorry. Seven. Yeah. Very important. Very important. He just turned seven.

Just turned seven. Yeah. Two boys. And you have a girl? Yeah. She's, yeah. Just supposed to be eight. Yeah. I'm terrified of the teenage years.

And it is like every time you kind of feel like you worked something out in a season, it all changes again. Right. That's how I feel. And how do you feel about, do you feel like you've let that grief move through you? Yeah. As much as it wants to to this moment, right? Like I feel very aware that like when great abundance comes in or like real wonder and magic and like really good things, part of my work has not been to look to find the way to untrusted or the other or the phone call to come in. Oh yeah.

That's a lot of that's that's my. That's your work. That's my work. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting because I always talk about this with my husband because he grew up with two parents that were married. and his body doesn't know trauma. He never went through trauma.

And he'd always look at me like, why do you think the worst possible thing is going to happen? And I've explained to him, because when the worst possible thing has happened to you, you know on such a level that bad things happen. And so it totally changes the way you look at life, right? like where someone who hasn't experienced trauma isn't waiting for that call because they're like, that calls doesn't come.

Like just keep doing life, you know. But the people who have had the call don't know how to forget that that call comes in. Yeah. So kind of like I would say like along with, you know, county line and the floral piece of it, I got really serious about my work around that. And I can't kind of speak to where I'm at now. without saying like the tremendous amount of support that I have. Right.

Like I started with that grief, you know, the grief weekend, which was in Sherman Oaks, it was on Woodman. What? Yeah. It was the grief recovery center. It's no longer there. But like it was like, this is just on Woodman? Yeah.

Like on Woodman. They're no longer there. But, you know, and then along with Christopher Reneff, who has been such a loving, safe. space, professionally, personally, all the things. And I think anyone who knows her and works with her feels that way about her, I started to expand that. Like, it was like the widening of community. For my 40th birthday, because I felt it again. Last year was kind of, since my dad died, the worst year of my life. Like, I felt like it couldn't have gotten any worse. And then I went through it. I was like,

what is happening? Like, I thought I was done with this. I thought I was done. I thought the worst possible. And I'm very resilient, too. Like, I will say. One of my qualities that I appreciate about myself is I'm very resilient. I'm very willing to move towards growth instead of collapsing into my feelings. Because my dad said, I can't control my feelings. That's right. I can control. And also I feel like, and now I'm seeing it.

Like my dad died, but the fruit of that is now I've created, you know, county line came through that, right? So now I can see that it's the long game, right? It's like that we're on this long journey and the thing. You don't know what's going to happen. Never. So don't write the end of the story before, you know, before I'm living it. So it's like the return to the present.

But I went through a really, really tough time last year. And what I say is my energy is going sideways, like when I'm having a trauma response or when I go in a trauma response, my energy goes sideways. And my response is outsized to the thing that's happening. And I have a lot of awareness around it now. Yeah. So, and I've been in therapy. I mean, like, after my dad died, I spent my 30s really working with wonderful therapist and still working with my young young young, you know, dream acting teacher.

And she's been incredible. Sounds really cool. It's the coolest. Because it's also for anything you want to create. It's for being a human being. Yeah, yeah. Because being a human being is fucking hard. Is this, you know.

Life is relentless. It's relentless. I know. It's relentless. It's like surfing. I was talking to my friend yesterday, and I was like, it's a heartbeat. a human. It really is. It's so hard. It's so hard. You know

what, though? You're doing a really good job. You really are. You're facing it. You're looking at it. You're saying, what's being asked to me? What's next? Where do I grow? How's your mom? Oh. Rachel. I know, I'm thinking, you know, like, how is she on the journey? You know, you're over a decade, right? No?

Yeah. I mean, he was a tough act to follow, you know? 7,000 people came to my dad's funeral. Holy shit. And we had a traditional surf paddle out for it. So like there was the traditional funeral, non-paddle out part of it where like 2,000 people were at. And then 5,000 more came to the beach to do the paddle out. Wow.

And I say that because he was a very shy person, but a very thoughtful person, like the St. Patrick's Day and the notes and the thing. So he had touched a lot of people's life, even though you're like, you can barely hear him talk. He's so shy, you know? Like, that was always what was so funny,

but he was very thoughtful and very, very generous. And at his funeral, we actually learned how much he gave to people because he gave anonymously. My uncle's a pastor, and so he would give a lot through the church. And at his funeral, my uncle started telling people, started outing him. I remember the braces that were gifted to your daughter from the anonymous, that was Yancey.

Hey, the top tier. Top tier. Jeep, that was broke. That was Yancey. Hey, you know, so all these people. So it was like, and we didn't even know. Like, my mom didn't even know about a lot of things. Because he had this real thing of if you, if people know that you're giving, is it really giving?

You know, like, is it really pure? So he had some things around that. But so I say all that because everyone grieves differently. Yeah. And she's really, she's still really in it. You know, she was just out here. and I was really grateful and she's so good with my son. She's so good and she's so creative and like so talented and industrious.

And she made all my clothes growing up too. Like she's the real talent in the family. But the ripple effects of the loss have been tremendous and we've all grieved in different ways. Like I really do feel like my dad was the glue of our family. And we've kind of been at sea, you know, kind of each like we kind of drifted out at sea. And we bump into each other. And I think my approach was like, I'm going after this. Like, I'm going after this healing.

Like, I do not want to stay stuck in this. And I want to do something with it. And that's been my version of it. And my mom has been, you know, there's a real, it's, he's, she also still lives in the same house that we, you know, grew up in and the same town. And so it's so, yeah, it's really, it's really tough. Yeah, it's everywhere. Yeah. And I think she prefers it that way.

because then he's still close. Yeah, he's still close. Doesn't have to like fully let go in that sense. Yeah. Yeah. And everyone does it different. I mean, I have an aunt who when my uncle passed, gosh, it's been probably like 12 years or something. The quest will be like, are you going to date again, you know?

And it's just like she's good with her life the way it is in the sense of keeping him close, even though he's gone. Yeah. And I look at that and I'm like, you do you. Like whatever brings you comfort at the end of the day, whether it's moving on or staying in it, who knows? Yeah. Who knows?

And what I have learned is that there are a lot of places that can help, you know? Oh, yeah. And that's what I really needed, like kind of this really crazy year that I had in my energy going sideways. I was like, I have to get more help. Like, kind of look, what do you do with the trauma response? I was like, oh, because I felt like I really worked through a lot of, you know, I'm really integrated.

And then something will happen. And I'm like, oh, now it's time to go deeper. And so for my 40th birthday, I took myself to a place called OnSight, which is an emotional wellness recovery treatment center, beautiful 250 acres east of Nashville. Oh, east of them. Yeah. And let's book it. I know. I'm like, so what is this? I'm going now. I did it. My friend Miles Adcox, he is the owner, runs it. And what was interesting, I met him years ago and I started sending people there. Because if someone has a parent die, if someone's going through a divorce, if someone has a child. You know, and I feel really fortunate. Like I'm an early call because I've been through a lot of it and been doing it for a long time. And I love moving into a place of support for people. Like being able to hold space and I'm very comfortable in.

loss. And I don't mean that I can do it. I just, I'm very at ease with grief and with the fullness of life. And I don't feel like I have to fix it or apologize for it. It's really just a sitting and a witnessing of it. And that's what I've noticed is just the ability to hold space for that has been what has healed me and also what I hope I can bring to other people. And I found a lot of that type of support at Onsite. Because what I've noticed, is I needed a place where I could fall apart, like totally fall apart. And because I feel very responsible in my life, like I'm normally in a position of responsibility. It's one of my like walks on the plant is to be in great responsibility. And I'm also very comfortable on that space

too. And I need it to go see what was going on because I'm like, I am, I'm having trauma responses. And on site, they have group options. And then you can also do solo. So I did two days of just me with a therapist and I went into a five-day group. And also, it was amazing. Like, and also their modalities, I think, are so what I'm interested in too. They do a lot of, you get up on your feet and do work in your body and it's not talk therapy so much. It's really like working and trying to work the trauma through your body.

It's, it is amazing. And it's such a beautiful, like, it's, they call it like the therapy of hospitality, too. Like, it's from the moment you arrive. But they take your phones away. They take your computer away. That's great. We all need that. They take all of your anything that can distract you.

Everything gets taken away. For how long? Well, it depends. Like, you know, like you can five-day group or if you do solo, they can cater it to what your needs are. Yeah, I'm just like, I freaking love this stuff. But also turning 40 is an interesting time as well. So, yeah.

Interesting. Your year was like the year like 40, that transition. And we had gone back down into lockdown. Like it was like the pandemic had flared back up. Right. And I couldn't have a part. party and I was like, maybe I'd like 40 more years of joy. Right.

You know, like maybe that's a possibility. And so I called Miles and I said, look, I have this week. It happens to be leading up to my 40th birthday. I can't imagine a better gift to myself than in the gift of healing. Is it possible we could work something out? And he really made it happen, like him and his team. And it was transformative. I felt like there was a plug at the bottom of my tailbone and I had put it into the socket

of the sun. Like that I felt so energized in a way that I hadn't in years. And what was interesting was like all this deeper work around my dad. And I really started to look at some other things because when you have a great loss like that, it can kind of overshadow other microtramas or other relationships. That has for me. Yeah, it could be the low-hanging fruit that you can kind of pin it on. And speaking of my mother, I hadn't really looked at my husband, which I had to go do.

Yeah. So a lot of that opened up. And also you were not allowed to talk about what you do. No one's allowed to ask you. You cannot. So it's a really, I felt really safe. Yeah. And also no last names. Like it was, they really create an environment where, because I was like, do I want to do group therapy? Right. I know. When you said that instantly, I'm like, I don't know. I also had the stalker at the time too. So I was like, I realized I went there and I just didn't feel safe in the world. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. And I went. And I went. went there and it opened me back up. And then what was interesting is like, then it got even harder after that. But I had more tools and I was more in myself to be able to face it because I can't even imagine kind of getting through the next season of circumstantial things that were happening that I had to be ready for, you know, and I'm so grateful. And I also work with a team Casey Crown and Jackie Leonardini Smith. They're a psychiatrist and an energy healer. And they're a do these workshops called WellSol. And I went, I mean, again, it's just like these things you don't know. Yeah. But I went to a WellSoul workshop, Weekend Workshop in Ohio. Before I was, like something was

pulling me towards Ohio. Yeah. My friend Caroline Dajon had gone. She like told me about it. I was like, I got to go. Went to Wellesol. It was the week before the pandemic started. Like it was like, so I got to, you know, commune in this space and get some more help and more support right before going into the pandemic, Casey and Jackie have been incredible support. On site is incredible support. Going or not, they have a lot of like online modalities too because I always think that's the thing about support or retreats

or going somewhere is like what can you do to because everyone. There's always something you can reach out and do. Do no matter the cost. That's right. And they're so good about creating things because I've done their online courses too. Like during the pandemic I was just like I kind of. I got help. And well, soul, on site have been incredible, incredible for me.

I'm the biggest fan of support. You know, like without it, I don't know how people do it. It really does take a village. And I'm so glad you're willing to be open and honest about that because I think sometimes people really hold themselves back from getting what they need out of judgment, fear, and I think the more people talk about it openly, the more permission it gives other people to heal. I appreciate that feedback.

I noticed because I'm just turning 41, I am pretty private. Like, this is kind of the first time that I've started talking about it. And for my birthday, I was like, I don't think I can post any more wanderlust. Like, you know, I'm on social media and I have, again, it's like, what is this, you know, from a sole perspective, what is this in my life? I do feel like it's a part of business. And now with County Line and being in out of promoting, like, I'm in it. And but something, I was just like, I don't think I can not talk about this.

And so I talked about on site on my 40th. And then from my 41st, I decided to write something more personal. Yeah. And show it to my son first who, who, it was like, if you're not comfortable with me posting this like because it it brings him into it as well and he had notes for me feedback and i i was just like i feel like i need to say and also for the people closest to me um i wish i could just i can feel all of their energy right now like i have such a great beyond christa but like there's i've nina mcgill like i have so many women in particular in my life so much support who have come in and really

walked beside me. My friend Vienna, who I'd say is mindful MFT, like is a marriage and family therapy, one of my best friends. Like, I'm so lucky that I found these group of really support system. Very solid. So solid. So that when these things to walk beside me and also hold me accountable too, you know, through these things. And but I was like, I don't think I can not speak to this because that is what has really been going on. And it almost felt like disrespectful to the people. So it was very interesting. It was kind of I spoke about it. And I also like, like nobody reads this.

Nobody will read this. Like I always think that like nobody will read this. And showed it to my son. I posted it. And then I was coming back from Europe. I was on a 10-hour flight. And when I got off the plane, I had, it really, it was wild. Like I was like, oh, oh, interesting.

You know, people really, it opened me up to talk about it because I am very private. I have a child. You know, I have a personal life that I'm really interested in protecting, and I think I've always wanted to create some distance from me and my characters as well. But something is shifting, and I think County Line, too, it is my story. I feel like a liar or not talking about it because this is actually my life. Like, this is the thing that I'm doing every day. And I'm still, like, kind of coming into more integration around that and speaking to it.

and also just like and just incredibly private person. Yeah, but it's also like it's an opportunity because what's the point of this life, right? Like if you can't, for me personally, everything I've been through in my life, if it's not for someone else, then what is it for? Right?

If it's not to help people, if it's not to add a slice of comfort in someone's life or to help them see something, then it was all for nothing, right? I love hearing that. I feel like I need to hear that more and more encouragement around that, because I'm, and I'm curious how you feel about this as an actor, I struggle with not wanting it to feel like it's just about me. And I don't know if that's like just my actor-brain story of like, like, if I say anything,

will people see the message or will they just feel like it's more energy back toward me? And that, again, is like being the product, right? Yeah, no, God, you know, it's really interesting because, you know, you keep talking about it. your privacy and like being open and then what's going to come from that what are people going to think of that whatever and i've always been super private as well and like now doing like even this this podcast right and you're opening yourself up and you're saying things and you're telling stories that are so open but i think part of that coming into your 40s and just kind of owning it and like wait a minute i'm 41 years old i have lived a lot of life and

And if I can share anything, even if it's excruciating or even if it's, you know, uncomfortable, if I can share any of this and it can reach anybody and it's relatable, aren't we in a position to do that? You know, it's hard. When did that shift for you where you started to open up to that? I think after being like gone through real trauma in my life, it opened. you up in a different way. There's like a deeper thing inside you that's been ripped open. And you're like, oh, fuck, I have to deal with real shit. You know, things were kind of easy for a long time. And I

didn't have to really look at things or how to cope or how to survive. And having gone through those things and being like, oh, you can survive anything. Like, you're always okay. You're always going to be okay, but you have to go through the things and there's some people that can't see the other end of it. But being on the other side of things, you're like, okay, if I can share anything, and I'm not saying it's from an ego standpoint or from, hey, this is how you do this or whatever, but even just being open and transparent and whether it's like a mom thing, a family thing, a relationship thing, but just being relatable and having accessibility to your own pain and your own coping mechanism. I think it's a gift.

That's so beautiful. I mean, what I'm hearing is like just helping people feel less alone. Right. And in their, and holding space, right? Like, that's. For sure. And that's what I love to do privately. I just, I don't have a lot of experience doing it more publicly.

Yeah, and it is hard. It's super challenging. And I still struggle with it. And I'll go back and be like, do I really want to share that? Right, right, right, right. Do I want to keep, you know. I mean, that's beautiful to create something yourself because then it can be on your own terms. Right, it's on my terms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not what's written about you or,

you know, what people assume, because there's a lot of judgment and all of it. So it's like, oh, I have a platform where I can share what I want to share in a way I want to share it. But it's also, like one of my favorite Marianne Williamson quotes is she said, you know, when she was going to start teaching course of miracles and she got that voice in her head that said, who am I to do this? And then the voice came back and I'm botching this. But basically, who are you not to? And in this life, I believe our challenges are our gifts

and it is the ego that will come in and say, oh, well, then you're making it all about you. That's only the ego because your soul is never going to speak to you that way, ever, right? And it's also no, my favorite quote is, it's none of your business what other people think of you. My mom, what do I say that to me?

And that's a little bit of it too, you know? It's like, yeah, the ego will come in and say, oh, it's for attention or you're making it about you. But that to me is the difference between the soul and the ego is the soul will always be loving, will always be kind, and will always be growth-oriented. And the ego will always be contraction to keep you small, to keep you comfortable, and to keep you safe. Right. And when you do share yourself in the way you're doing, I guarantee you my life, someone, someone, well, if they don't reach out to you, they're going to reach out to me or Rachel and say, I felt understood today when they listened.

Please thank Abigail for sharing. Like, it really is a gift to be able to talk about the things that a lot of people can't. Yeah. Well, you guys created this phase. It is. I mean, I'm really, I'm in this moment. I feel like I'm in this moment in decision around this because, like, I was talking to my friend and I was like, it's a rebrand. I have this new show.

and we just got picked up and it's a comedy. Congratulations. Thank you. And, you know, and it's nothing I've ever done before. It's not what I'm known for. Well, it's stuff that I do. I mean, it's, but I'm not. You're like I'm really funny. Right.

I feel, I've always wanted to be in the comedy space and I've done a lot of comedy, but it's hard to break into that world. Especially when you are known and I've been so lucky to be on these beautiful cable shows, these prestige dramas, drama, drama, drama, drama. And this burnout that I had. And this past year that I've had, I was like, I want to bring joy. Like, joy is my word of the year. I want to bring fun and flowers and joy and after parties.

And like that's like I want to bring it back because now I have more space. Like I really walked through five. Like this past year and I came and I like who I was in January, I cannot even imagine, like could not have imagined sitting here talking to you right now. Like I would have, I mean, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Like, it was, I was in deep, deep despair, like on the bathroom floor. Like, I'd take my son to school, come back, lay on the bathroom floor, cry until it was time to, and work with different therapists to get back. Because I would, because here's the thing.

I know more now. And I'm like, I don't want to spend a year. Like, I know that there's a way through this. And so I've got to call on my support. I've got to lay on the floor and cry. I've got to lay on the floor. And I've got to do it every day. And so now, what you were just saying,

I do feel like I'm stronger. I can take on more. And what I want to move into is like, I want to make people laugh. Like I want to bring joy into people's homes. Like I'm shifting out of that. And also now with this beautiful floral company that's expanding into this hospitality company

that I didn't even plan to. Wow. It's like I want to welcome people in. But I'm very comfortable doing it private. But there's this thing that I can feel. And I was like, it's like a rebrand. And she's like, it's an ex-band. You know, I feel that. I feel like this and I'm excited. I want it. You know, I want things to be different. I want there to be fun and ease and light. And I want to bring that to people and meet them in their greatest grief, you know, and to know that it's possible

to be in that grief and end that with each passing day, like that the more you look at it, the more you hold space that it will transform. It will transform. And I'll laugh again. You will laugh. And I'll never forget the day my dad died and Christopher Reneff called me because she called to it was so wild. I mean, I'm telling you we're so connected. She called me the day. She didn't know my dad had died. It was actually the day out. She didn't know. I hadn't called and told her yet the next day. And she's like, can you come in to be the lead of my new show? Can you come audition for it? It's called Grace. Called Grace, of course. And I was like, my dad just died. She's like, oh my God, never mind, never mind.

I'm sorry. And then she called me back and she's like, I actually think you need this. I think it was a father-daughter show. And I was a dancer. And it was about a choreographer and his eldest daughter was running his life. He used to be a dancer. And so I got to dance. I got to say dad every day.

She's like, I actually think you need this and I need you. And I think one of you asked like, what is Krista? Like, who am I in her life? I think I activate her stories. Like, she's not an actress in front of the camera, but I can embody, I mean, she does. She says, you're my muse. Like, you can take my intonation,

the thing I want to say, and I can move it through you. And it's like, you can physicalize the things that I'm wanting to say, do, feel, and every version, but I'm always playing her. It's interesting, like, she cast me as her and all of,

when she's really needs something that is her story, it's me. And so there's just something where I know. Yeah. It's so cool. Because I am not the, I mean, she is a phenomenal writer. Like, she is a writer, writer, writer,

And she is an artist, but I feel like I've just been called to embody when she really needs to tell her story. Because I get to tell my story through it, too. Oh, my gosh. It's so, it's so fun. And such a great working experience as well. And what's your comedy that's happening? What's the Untitled Michael Mallee Project? Okay.

Okay, got it. I didn't know if you wanted to like, yeah. No, it's great. I mean, we just, like, literally found out last week that picked up. Oh, my God. Congratulations. And it's amazing. It is my dream.

We shot like I love Mary Tyler more. I grew up on sitcoms. Is it a sitcom? It's a sitcom. Hell yeah. Live audience multi-cam. You're so fucking lucky. I know.

That is the dream. It is the dream. It was a lot of things. It was the year that I just had. I was like fun, like light, joy. Also my son being a teenager. Yes. And not one.

The hours. The hours. And you know, he really, he really needs me. And I want to be in his life in a way that I haven't been able to for the past 10 years. Like, I'm in his life, but I was always traveling and leaving in, you know, that was a very intentional shift. And I read it and it's, it was just great. Like, Mike O'Malley, I don't know if, you know, his work at all. He and I had never met in person, but we had, he's an actor as well. And we were both cast on a show called Wayne, but we never met, which is a

comedy, but it's like a dark comedy. Yeah. Sierra Bravo. I play her mother on the show. Oh, my God. Yeah. She's phenomenal. She is so special. Oh, God. Isn't she? Like, like. I play. Beyond her years, man. Oh, yeah. My goodness. We weren't blown away by her. Yeah, she's incredible.

So I play her mother on the show. That's awesome. And it's like, and it was, that show is awesome. And she's awesome on it. And the creator, Sean Simmons is wonderful. And he was a big rectify fan. So that's how that happened. You got it.

So I, so Mike and I kind of cross paths, but I'm not known in common. Like, even though I had worked, I was just like, well, where do I show up for the audition? And I was like, I auditioned a lot for the part. And happily, too. And it was all on Zoom, too. Like, they do Zoomistry readings now. And I was like, it was my first time doing a Zoom audition. Right.

I was like, can do the comedic beats work? Like, can we do this? And John Cryer was cast as the lead. And so I read with him several times and love him. I mean, I was so. Talk about, like, oh, my gosh. Professional comedy sitcom. Like.

And I wanted to be working with someone who was really solid in that space. For sure. You know, especially since, even though I have a lot of experience and comedy and theater, like, you know. It's a different, it's a different world. It is. Yes. And it's a different art form and just, so I knew I was going to be on a quick learning curve. And so I was very grateful that we were not worried about John, you know.

Yeah. And then Donald Faison is, and we're not worried about Donald. No way. No. No, I know him. Oh, well. Yeah. Love him.

Love Donald. And it shoots in L.A. I mean, it's the dream. It literally was my dream. Good for you. And thank you. Thank God for my, I mean, my manager and agent found it. Like, they were just like, this is you.

And I read it and I was like, this is me. And just so lucky that I kept showing up and then was able to get cast. And then we shot the pilot in June. And then we just found out last week that it picked up. That's so fucking awesome. And I still feel it. I'm like, it's what a miracle. Yeah.

It's so hard. It is a miracle. It's a miracle. All these confluence of events have to happen for this one thing. And I'm always like, this is a miracle. It's beautiful. serendipity. But it sounds like you're working for your miracles.

It sounds like you're really showing up. And, you know, I think that, yes, miracles happen. But my belief is spirit meets you at your point of action. And it sounds like you are taking a lot of action to put yourself in the environments to create miracles. You are. Yeah. 100%. And I'm really starting to move into more trust, like trusting the universe, trust.

trusting, asking, like, I don't know if I haven't, but there's something, and I haven't, I don't have the language around it because I'm in the middle of it right now. It's just like, really noticing the universe showing up for me. And part of my work, too, is to work on receiving, allowing, having support, being supported. And like you said, moving into my for, I am, I'm in a different space with all of this. And, I'm really interested in creating spaces for fun and joy and managing for other people to find. But I'm learning today. I'm like, oh, part of my work is to remember to not just create it for other people but for myself.

Have a blast. Yeah. Right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. There you go. Yeah, so we'll see what happened. We start shooting next year.

That's so exciting. I'm so delighted by it and so curious. All the things that come in, you know. when you're doing the work and doing everything for yourself. I'm so curious how you two met. We grew up. We're best friends since high school. Junior high.

Yeah, we've known each other. Like grew up, yeah. A good 20 some odd years. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Now I understand. Yeah. Got it. But I mean. We're soul sisters. Yeah, that's right. But this has been so inspirational and just I admire you so much and everything

you've been through. Me too. And being so open and having. and having such beautiful conversation and coming here and all of it. Yeah, well, it's beautiful. This is, thank you for having me. Thank you. Are you kidding?

Yeah, I really, I really appreciate it. I'm so happy that Amy connected us. Yeah. I am just in awe of you. So thank you so much. You too. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

A couple things. Yeah, do you want to tell us about your week? Oh, my God. I don't get it. No. My week. Yeah. I'm still recovering from a very big birthday expedition to Disneyland.

For you. For me. My daughter's eighth birthday. Which I wasn't invited to. Nope. She sure weren't. Me neither? No.

What the fuck? We get invited to the trampoline park. Yeah, with the rest of her class. Yeah, well, that's where you guys belong. With the masses. Hey. No, we did. We took her and a few of her girlfriend.

Well, no, we have a hard time. because Olivia's son, Elliot, and Breyer are super close, but then sometimes you run into like the girl thing and boy thing, right? And Olivia's looking, she wants, she's staring dagger. I'm irritated. I don't like that story. Yeah, and I think Calvin and Elliot would have had a blast. A fucking blast.

Right. Yeah. If we would have brought them together because, like, I feel like they have to, like, bro down a little bit because when the girls were like... Elliot doesn't care. This is, like, kind of stereotyping, like, pigeonholing, like, girl versus boys. Sounds like you are. turning Breyer into this.

Yeah. Dude? All right. Fuck you guys. No. But here's the thing. Elliot would be like on his iPad or switch. And the girl.

Disneyland? No, I'm talking about like the whole thing like we slept over and they did the slumber party and like... Can't be fine. Elliot's best friends at school are girls. Calvin loves girls too. Elliot doesn't give a shit if it's girls. And if he wanted to be on his switch, he'd be on his switch.

But not at Disneyland. And they should be fine with... boys being in the atmosphere. I totally agree with that. What I was going to say was there were four girls, so it was even for the rides. If we had one more, then one kid was always left out.

I would have invited another girl from her school. Yeah, exactly. But here's the thing, I would have gone with Elliot on the rights. I know. I'm just kidding. And I would have taken Calvin on the rides. There weren't,

there were only a certain amount of tickets, and that's the number that we had. Okay? There's nothing personal. Two parents. to each kid. You know why. I'm just saying, Rob,

we're going to go to Disneyland. Yeah, without her. Without her. Do it. Oh. Do it. Anyway, so there's a lot of tension in the room today.

Yeah. But you know what? We had fun without you anyways. For the record, I didn't even think twice about this. But clearly you did. Of course I did. Well, because she does this whole Lake Briar and the girls. I'm like,

That's fine. Breyer can have our girls and Elliot can be around. Like, why are we excluding? He absolutely can. And he always is. You know how it is with your children. Yes. You're like, no. You know what?

You guys should be thanking me because it was. I don't want to go to this time. No, no. It was so exhausting. I am still recovering. My legs have been cramping. It was actually a very, doing two nights, like staying at the hotel and doing, it's very exhausting. Getting massages.

It sounds awful. No massages, okay? I want to stop fighting because I'm getting really irritated and I'm PMSing and I'm going to be like really grumpy. Wait, who are you irritated with? I'm getting irritated that we're talking about like all of this conflict right now because I would like to move on. You and I talked about it on the phone, Olivia. Yeah, I was very honest. I said, listen, I'm not going to make a thing of this because I get it.

It's done. I love you. But I would be lying if I didn't say my feelings. No, and we talked about it. our feelings and I did feel bad. I apologized and I understood. And she even admitted that it was selfish of her and I said, I agree. My mom was really upset too because my mom didn't come. I didn't get a call. I'm upset. Well, get ready for Sky Kai or whatever the hell it's called. But here's the thing. I think it's

important that we do discuss these things because I think so many times like you want to be evolved and like better than getting an upset. But if you don't admit like that things hurt your feelings, then that's how you get resentments. And so now I have no resentments. We talked about it. Because we talked about it. I agree. And obviously, you would never not be included for Breyer's birthday.

Like, if she wasn't having another party, you would have been at Disney, like, whatever it is. You know what I mean? You know that? I know. They're fucking, like, cousins. Like, Calvin on the other hand, I'm just kidding. Hey, Calvin and Elliot really did it off after a while.

They're both quiet and shy. But yeah, did they wind. I was wondering if they were like, bro down. Well, we lost them in the corn maze. We did. What? Yeah, we really lost them in the corn maze. You lost your children?

They ran fast. Yeah, they ran ahead of us. Yeah, those things are gnarly. Yeah. And then we, yeah. They're very similar, though. They're still there. They're still there, yeah.

We gave up. It was a good, like, three, four minutes of where are they? And her panicking. Yeah, it's a little panicked. I get it. But it was different because I didn't have Shepard. Oh, got it. I felt like...

She kept telling Elliot all day how much she missed Shepard. I did it. You mentioned it a few times. I'm just not used to going places. Poor Elliot. You're like, isn't this weird? It's just me and you hanging out.

I hate this. I did it. I had a great time with him. He's so easy. Like, when it's just us, too, I'm like, wow, this is really easy. If Shepard would have been there, that would have been a lot different.

Yeah. Okay. I mean, it was a lot of fun, and I feel like if there was another pair, it would have probably ruined. Well, yeah, especially a girl. If you would have brought a girl. Yeah, exactly. My point, exactly. No, disagree. I don't like the whole girl boy separation thing. No, I don't either. And we don't do that. They always play. They don't do that.

It was just, anyway. You know, I have nail polish on, and I accidentally hit my wall, and you know how nail polish colors your white walls. if you look at her. Trying to change this subject. Well, Rob looked at me. Like, what are you doing? She's hitting the wall trying to get out of this. I am hitting a wall. Abigail.

Yes. Love her. Love her story. Oh, my God. I know. Crying. It was really touching. And she, gosh.

She's one of those people that... Why are you shaking her ice cubes in the microphone? Shaking up our iced machas. You got to get the, like, step at the bottom. Yeah, you've got to really... We got to do a shake break. Oh, shake it, break it. Time for a shake break.

Kind of glitter. Kick it with that. I know. So, I used really cheap glitter on Halloween like two days ago. What were you? It's still all of three. Briar and I... I don't even know you anymore.

Breyer and I were matching witches. But what did you dress up as? Breyer's not a witch. I am, though. You're right. She's not. She's not. So Olivia's birthday

Came and went Came and went We had big plans Game night plans And they were canceled Due to sickness But since we have a tradition Of opening gifts

Whilst recording I have Olivia's gift One gift is missing I just collect things over time Well you already gave me one Oh I knocked that over You already gave me one gift

I did Which was My friendship Which was your love, which was a really cute pair of mustard-colored pants from the grade. Yeah. And T.J. Max. I love T.J. Max. Real.

What's this? Oh, what's going on here? The super special 90s throwback. Oh, you got me the pants. Yes, I did. Oh, yay. Rob wants the pair now? Rachel, I'm really, really, really, really happy.

And I just got a new pair of shoes that... Thank you. You're welcome. Those are big pants. Yeah, they're 90s throwback. Super dope. What brand are they? Lioness?

I don't know. And what's this? It's a very cute... Oh my gosh. You knitted that? It's a cute bag. I wish I could knit. That's so adorable.

Isn't that cute? That's actually... You know what's really funny? What? Is that I was bringing me. my computer here today to your house because I was going to work here afterwards. And I couldn't find the right bag to travel with my computer. Oh.

Well, there you go. Here he is. And then just cozy life. A sweater, cozy life. But I'm missing one present that I got for you. I love all of it. That would be really cute with these and I can't find it. This is amazing.

Here, I'm going to hug you. You don't want me to. Yeah, you're probably sick. I'm not sick. I don't get sick. I love you. I love you too. Happy birthday. Thank you so much. A lady birthday. One more thing will come to you when I find it. I'm really excited about the pants and everything. Yeah, I know. The pants are exciting.

What else did you get? I just wish I could find it. Hmm. Did you do the St. Anthony prayer? I love it. Robbery jealous of the purse. So jealous. And pants. This is exciting stuff, guys.

Yeah. Hey I don't know why we don't have more I don't know why we don't have more listeners Well we did the gift openings I know Oh Rob made a joke What are your three favorite movies

What are your three favorite movies? What are your three favorite movies? What are your three favorite movies, Rob? Did we do this? Yeah, we already did that We did. What did you say? There were some obscure shit that I've never seen because you're too cool.

Harold and Maude. They were like a day in November. They were like a Swedish film, you know? A day to remember. A Swedish film. The Mandy Moore movie. A walk to remember. It's a favorite movie.

Oh, God. That would be so good if it was. That would be, I feel like I feel like. A walk to remember. remember coyote ugly. Yeah. Coyote Huckley was fun. You can try to resist

being fun. Can't fight the moonlight. Yep, rack up those listeners. Here we go. Oh, Rachel. What? So, Jeff and Rachel have had the same therapist

for a long time, okay? and she retired, Rob. And yesterday, Jeff was telling me a story about how she was saying goodbye. And she was like, I'm going to blow you three kisses. And he was like, why? Is this on Zoom? On Zoom.

And she's like, I don't know. No, it was a person. Seven-year-old lady blowing him kisses? And then she said, and I want you to end the call. And then he told me that story, and I started sobbing. I was like, oh, Because it's so meaningful. Like she wanted him to be the one who ends it.

Because he's cured now. No, she strongly suggested he keep going to therapy. And Elliot comes in the room and is like, why are you crying, mom? And I was like, because daddy's therapist retired. And he was like, what's a therapist? And Jeff's like, it's someone you go and you talk about your feelings. Like, if you're sad, if you're upset, they help you work through it. And I said, well, you can also go.

So when you're happy, it's good to just have someone to talk about your feelings with. And he goes, any feeling? And we're like, yeah, he's like, disgust. And we said yes, discussed. And he's like, okay. That's the end of my story. You would disgust it at you? It was so funny.

He wanted to talk about. He wanted to talk about disgust. I was like, for sure, disgust. It's so good. Have you ever been to a therapist? Yeah. Do you currently go? No. Do you feel like you need to?

I don't know time. Oh, the biggest story in the book. No, I feel like I don't. I'm okay right now. When were you not okay? He's shaking his watch. Did you find a new one? No. She gave me recommendations. Did she make you blow her kisses?

We both cried when we said. I was supposed to have one last session. Like it was in the skis. schedule, but we decided I'm like, I can't say goodbye for a third time because each time it was like a grieving process. Like I was not okay all day. So I did not see her yesterday to say goodbye. I say goodbye the week before. And I cried or the week, whatever it was. I feel like I need to write her thank you note. Do it. She was, yeah, really special. And it's weird. It's like death because like you're never going to see her talk to this person again. And they like know you so into.

And it's like, it's just a weird, like, breakup or death and mourning process. It's, it's been, it's been hard. I'm having a hard time, but. You can't go your coffee with her? No. Did she say no? Did you ask her? I didn't ask, but it's not like that.

It's like a, it's like a secret relationship, right? So, like, confidentiality-wise, like, even her husband doesn't know who she talks to or whatever. So I think it's, like, very separate. Yeah. Right? I don't know. I have a hard time with that. Like when you're coaching. You don't know. I mean, you come on the podcast and talk about everybody's problem. Yeah. Yeah, but they don't say who they are. I was joking. Yeah, we were joking. Oh. I'm like, oh, you do?

But I have clients that like, we were with one of my clients this weekend. And I don't, I don't. Who? Well, I'm not going to say it on the podcast. What do you think of the person? They were nice. Yeah. Super cute. Yeah. But like. Like, I, when I, like, get close to people, sometimes, sometimes I agree with those boundaries. And sometimes I'm like, well, you know what? It's really easy to still be there for you in that capacity and also have you in my life. Mm-hmm. But I think that's because of AA.

Mm-hmm. Because, like, the sponsor-sponsee relationship, it's like it all becomes one big kind of, like, that makes sense. Family unit. Mm-hmm. That makes sense. So Rob, why were you in therapy? You want us to be real. My parents just had us go to therapy when we were younger.

And they weren't splitting up. They just had you go? Yep. Because my brother was a problem child. So they just assumed everyone was? Had us all go for a little bit. Okay. So that was the only time you were in therapy was as a child?

Yep. Hmm. Well, I wasn't in therapy until... Well, I feel like my parents sent me to someone as a kid, but that was just to help with why I couldn't pay attention in the classroom. What are you guys doing this weekend? Well, we're all going to the trampoline park. Oh, yeah.

That's this weekend, huh? Yeah, I've got a lot this weekend. What else? Seppie's birthday, Briars birthday. Wednesdays, and where? Saturday, somewhere. Disneyland? You're not invited, don't worry.

Libby's birthday. Geez. I know. Raging. I hate kids' parties. We had to go to one for Halloween this last weekend. But that's when you dressed up as a family. Not that one. We had to go to another one for Calvin's school. Calvin looked so... The teapot really worked well. It did. It didn't stand his head, so he didn't have it on most of the time.

Aw. No. What do you mean it didn't stay on his head? It just kind of like fell forward. It was too heavy. Well, we took the sandbags out of it. I think it just wasn't dirty enough.

Yeah, we got the photo. Did anybody know who it was? There was a couple people. Shepard didn't dress up. He just went trick-or-treating as Shepard? He would not trick-or-treat either. He wore his skeleton pajamas.

He would walk up to the house. Elliot would say trick-or-treat, and they'd say, do you want candy? And he'd go, no. He didn't trick or treat So did you have to sort through all the candy And take out everything Except for gummy ones

Yes So he could only eat the like Skittles Starbursts that kind of stuff Yeah yeah You had to eat I've eaten a lot of chocolate Did you bring the minty mouth? Oh did you forget it?

Rob! Yeah I ordered midmounsela Waste and I'll bring them Blast Is it? all mint. Where's my Girl Scout cookie stuff that I ordered?

Oh, the Girl Scout cookie stuff. We're sorting it on the 12th. The hall is the 12, yeah. So when should we expect delivery? I'm not going around personally, driving around delivery. Well, it's said on the choice. Yeah, that's what we paid for. Yeah.

No, you didn't. You didn't pay. If you paid, it would be delivered to your house. No, we paid. It was free. We paid for all our goods. Oh, yeah. And it said, Rachel will drop these off.

It said, do you want the Girl Scout to give it to you directly? And I said, absolutely. Yeah, so Breyer will go around. You're going to send her in an Uber. Yeah, in an Uber. Yep, that's right. She's going to Uber all the Girl Scout goods to everybody. Has she watched Troop Beverly Hills?

No, but we're going to do that. That's so fun. Yeah. Like a plan with the Girl Scout, you know, and watch it. Because it's absolutely the best. Please tell me you know Troop Beverly Hills, Rob. Oh, food's here. Do you know Troop Beverly Hills?

It's so good. Get out. Oh, good. Food's here. We've got to go. Okay, we got to go eat. Thanks, guys. That was a hate gum podcast.