Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Amanda Kloots on Dating as a Widow, and L.A. Men

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

TV-personality, dancer, actress, and fitness instructor Amanda Kloots talks with Rachel and Olivia about dating as a widow, the moon, and how men on apps in Los Angeles are overly obsessed with their dogs. They also discuss Amanda’s time as a Rockette, Broadway, and what's the right way and amount of encouragement for kids.Broad Ideas is supported by Blissy. Try now risk- free for 60 nights at Blissy.com/RACHEL, and get an additional 30% off.Broad Ideas is supported by Quince. Go to Quince.com/ideas for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Broad Ideas is supported by Sundays for Dogs. Get 40% off your first order of Sundays. Go to sundaysfordogs.com/IDEAS or use code IDEAS at checkout.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or, wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to broad ideas. Thanks, Rachel. Welcome.

Olivia. Thanks, Rob. You guys, I've had a lot of caffeine and no food, so this is going to go great. This is one we like you the most. I know. Or, as you would say,

if we're interviewing anybody, mail. She comes to that. I come to that. No, stop it. Today, we, We have Amanda Kloots, who... I knew what you were going to say.

Don't say it. What? I don't know. I thought you were going to say, who is not male. No? No, I wasn't. She is a TV personality, a dancer, which is... I'm sorry, so impressive.

She was a rockette. I think that is massively impressive. Actress, fitness instructor, she is on the talk. She was on Dancing with the Stars Secretly, like in another life. You should do dance with Star. I'm not going to do it. But you should.

But I really respect it. And I think it looks really fun. She should do it, right? Yeah. She has a children's book that is out called Tell Me Your Dreams. Also respect a children book off. Also respect a children's book author. She's doing it.

I'm doing the thing. No, I was talking about Amanda. No, I'm doing you. Oh. Let's have Amanda, join us. Sometimes when the one's sick inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling round and round inside to join us on this journey as we take a little ride. We'll talk about dogs and kids and things.

We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys that a... Because people die. He loves the compliment. It was so funny. We were talking to him. We were like... Talking about, like, guys' heights.

And, like, guessing their height, is it offensive? Like, it would be for a guy to ask a girl, like, what's his brought to you? You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it offensive to guess a guy's height? Mm-hmm. Oh, that's so funny, because I have a date tonight.

And I've never seen a picture of it. this guy, this is... Wait, you've never seen a picture? No. It's a blind date. You know what, guys? I'm so sick of dating that it's come to the point where I don't even care. Like, I'll just show up and go to dinner and have a...

It's not going to be good. So, like... You just know what you look like, it's not what you look like, to be honest. You're like, I'll just go. I go because that's where we're at. Yeah, contrary action. That's where we're at. So, like, these two people were like, you should meet my friend.

And I was like, sure. But what a great attitude to have. I mean, I guess. But then today we were texting. He was like, see you tonight. I was like, great. I was like, I don't have any idea what you look like. I'm blonde and tall.

And he goes, how tall are you? I was like, 5'10. And then there was it silent? And he said, I'm tall too. I was like, great. Okay. That's good. That's promising.

Yeah. Because you are. You're so tall. You're tall. I'm very tall. And if you put me in a heel, then I'm very tall. Right. And I love wearing heels.

Right. So how was that for you? Like, girl, I don't know. Wait, are we starting? I mean, I don't know. We just go into. I really can be. Yeah, do you care if that's in?

I don't care. Okay. Oh, I like it. Yeah, I love it. I love it. Because I do want to talk to you about all of the things. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I mean, because I always wonder, you know, and I was always very, like, short, but and small.

And my best friends are always so tall. And I always wonder, like, what it's like on the other side. What best friends? In elementary school. Oh, I was like, how dare you? Yeah. I was like, you have other people. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Not you. But yeah, it was a thing. I have dated, I was dating a guy that was 5'6, like a long, long, long time ago. And I, yeah, I don't know. It didn't bother me at all. In fact, I would like purposely wear heels around him.

But then Nick was 6'5. So like that spoiled me rotten. Wow. Yeah. That's so tall. That spoiled me. So now I do have a little bit of like, like if people are, are going to set me up, which is kind of, I only go by referrals these days. It's like,

I can't do any, I'm done with any other. So now it is sort of like, is he tall? It's always like, is he tall? Right. Yeah. Because on dating apps, they lie all the time. They lie, huh? Lye, all the time. How, what is the point of that? Because they're going to show up and you're going to see them with your eyeballs. I don't know. I mean, I guess they get you there. They get you there. So that's happening. They're never funny. You would hope they'd come with something. Oh, gosh, guys, I could write a book. You should write a book. You should. You should.

Oh, maybe I will. How crazy to go, you know, back in that scene and, like, have to date and all the shit and in LA and all the things that come along with it. And basically for the first time at 40, because I was married before Nick, I got married at 24. And the only person I dated before that was the guy that was 5-6. So then I was with my husband for seven years. Then we got divorced and that led right into Nick. So I'm literally dating for the first time. I'm 41 now, but I started dating at 40. Well, let me ask you because I just turned 42. And I feel like at this age, it's like the only time where I feel like dating, I'm fully myself. I know what I want. I know all these things. You know, and it's kind of like this really interesting mindset to go into it with.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I pretty much know. instantly if I would care, if I care to actually sit there for the rest of the day. Right. And also if I never want to see them again, yes. Right. Yeah. And I will see the difference between dating after a divorce and dating after a loss is like completely different. After a divorce, I mean, I didn't really believe in love and marriage. I was sort of just like, this is all a sham. But I was like excited in a way to like date again because it was going to be fun to like maybe find somebody that I was more connected with. But dating after a lot. Loss is really, I mean, especially at first, it sucks because you're like, you're leaving this

date and you're like, this shouldn't be my life. Like, why is this my life? This is not fair that this is my life. I had it figured out. I had a person. It sucks. Yeah. That's where like, and I'm over that now, but like, that's how it was at first. It was like not an easy get back for that reason. Yeah. I mean, I can't even imagine what, you know, like grief in itself is. such a fucking challenge. Yeah. Just the worst. And I mean, the worst.

And you had a very young child. Like, how old was? Elvis was a year. He was one. He was one years old. I know. Listen to this. This is just quick dating.

This happened to me not too long ago. Set up by a friend and blind date did not know the person at all. Had seen a couple of photos, though. So I walk in. we sit down and I go, this will be really fun. I was like, I, I knew nothing about you. So, like, this will be interesting. He goes, yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't need to. Because, well, you're a widow. What? What? That was his lead in? That's his opener. Like, let me. Oh. You guys, I started laughing

because I didn't know what to say. And it turned out fine like he was a nice guy. But like, way to kill all romantic vibes. Immediately. Off the gate. So you're a widow on an uptick. Like this is not, yeah, this isn't like, you know, I don't know. Yes. A celebratory statement. You're like, hey, you have this. Yes.

This is on your. Well, we both know, Rachel. Yeah. It was the weirdest. Like, I swear, it was just, it took me so off guard. And then I was just like, okay, well, now we'll just talk. Yeah, because, like, that's the opener. Yeah, like, romantic vibes are killed.

Killed. Might as well get to know you. Yeah. So you had a friend date out of it. It's very sexy. Yeah. Yeah. How did you get yourself back to a place where you were even willing? Like, what was that process like for you?

It was, I started off by just dating other widowers. Oh. Because it was like a safe, comforting space. But again, that was, I think, just to like rip band-aids off and, like, be next to a man in a setting that was like a date. But I would always drive there, like crying usually and then thinking like, this is just an adult conversation. You can have an adult conversation that it doesn't have to do anything more than that. Just be an adult and talk to another adult. So that was like my mind frame going into it.

And then we would end up just talking about our dead people the whole day, which really kills all right. Yeah. Right, right. But it was how I got back out there. But then it really wasn't until after Dancing with the Stars that I felt comfortable being around a man again and being touched by a man, held by a man, laughing with a man, connecting with a man. And like that whole experience, I mean, gave me so many things. But that at the end, I was like, oh, my God, I am okay now. Like, I actually, I want to do this now.

Yeah. I want to date and I want to like get, you know, in a romantic relationship again. Like that would be great. So, yeah. Who was your partner again? Alan Burstyn, good friend. He's still my good friend. I love him dearly.

That's so sweet. He gave me such a gift. Yeah. I was going to say the people that come into your life, you know, and for the. even if you don't see the reason at time. Yeah. And then reflecting on it and everything. But that's so beautiful.

And you were able to just... Yeah, because, like, you know, I grew up dancing. Right. And so dancing with a man was always normal for me. You know, being held by a man, touched by a man, you know, holding hands, getting close. So going into rehearsal day one and him, like, grabbing my waist and pulling him to me, like, if that would have been a man on a date, I would have been, like, get. off me. Like, what are you doing? But because we were in this dancing setting, it, like,

I was like, oh, yeah, like, okay, yeah. Like, how close do you need me? Like, what do you need to do? You know what I mean? And then that every day for hours and hours and hours. And then luckily, we made it to the end. So we got so close. And it just got so natural being in a man's arms again, um, that it made me like completely ready to like go for it again. Isn't that crazy? It's so cool. Beautiful is what it is. Yeah. It was like, so I told Alan at the end, I was like, you have no idea, like, how much you helped me, like, just push past this terrible thing.

Yeah. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. We haven't yet on it. Yeah. You know. You know. And what is that? Like, I know losing my dad young that when people would be like, oh, what happened? or are you okay and all that stuff.

I remember it would be uncomfortable to talk about, not because I was uncomfortable talking about it, but because of the way it made other people feel. Uh-huh. Yes. How has that experience been for you? When did your dad die? When I was 15.

Oh, okay. So a long, long time ago. But I mean, I remember when you do it with grief and you finally get good with it in a way, but then every time you talk to someone, it brings something up in them. Yes. Yeah.

You know, I'm okay with this nasty. I'm good now. It's funny. Like, it's been three years and I just, I just met a fellow widow that is new on the scene. And we met up and, you know, I try to do this with anyone that reaches out to me that's a widower or widower because it's such an awful club. And so I was like, let's meet up. Let's go for a walk. Let's meet for a coffee. And she was asking me like, so how are you doing? And I was like, you know what? I can finally say like three years out, I'm really finally doing good. Like I'm doing good. I can talk about it. Yeah. I can celebrate birthdays and anniversaries without having a terrible day leading up and the terrible

day of and the terrible day after. I'm at like a really finally a good place. And I think it took like this long. Yeah. Which is totally fine. There's no time. I'm not saying there's a time. Right.

Time limit on it. If it took me 10 years, it took me 10 years. And I'm not saying I'm even healed by any way, shape, or form. But, yeah, I feel like I'm okay now. Yeah. I know. It's just, you know, but it's a never-ending story. Right, right.

And going through it with a child and like everything. Yeah. You know, and having to be there for them and go through it all. Yes. And Elvis, I haven't even, that has a crossed. That'll be a whole other, like. of this onion that we peel once he starts. Like, Nick's birthday is on Sunday.

And so I'm taking Elvis out to Nick's favorite restaurant, which is Del Frisco's, which is the restaurant that we loved in New York. And so we're going to get all this stuff from growing up to Del Friscoe. So I was telling you about this. And he goes, is Dada going to come? I know. I know. I know.

And I was like, no, no. I was like, Dadda died. And he was like, he was like, oh, okay. Like, so he still doesn't, like, he doesn't understand what it's fully understand. Yeah. Yeah. So there's a whole bridge there that we have not even crossed, you know. And so who knows what, you know, what that'll be like for me, you know, I don't know.

Right. And for him. Yeah. You know. Yeah. But because he was so young, so he doesn't have, like, a lot of memories that he can, you know, that are graspable. Yeah.

Like, I'm sure there'll be. things, you know, but the pictures and everything. But it's like if it was going to happen and he was that young, it's almost like, okay, at least there's not all this stuff that you already knew, so to speak, I don't know, I'm trying to like, there's no. Yeah. But yeah. Yeah, no. I mean, he's four. He's four. Yeah. Yeah. It's true. Like, he doesn't, it is funny, though, like, because I think it's just things that I've told him that he remembers. Right. Yeah. Right. I mean, he loves looking at. I know. I know. I mean, he loves looking at. I know. I mean, he loves looking at. pictures of Nick and like, yeah, I mean, I don't know.

You know, I think that, you know, whether you lose and someone at 15 or one, I mean, it's like there's just, I mean, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Try to think that I do. I know. No, nobody has any answers, right? There is one beautiful thing I think about, like, for whoever your partner ends up being, there's almost something beautiful about the fact that

hopefully it'll be someone that can celebrate Nick as well and help share the memories or the stories and like, you know, which is different than if people get divorced or if people, you know, like there is something beautiful about that. Yes. Yeah. I agree. Sorry for crying. No, no.

And you know what? too is like that person, which I definitely hope to find one day, will be the father figure in Elvis's life. Right. Which is also a crazy thought. You know what you mean? Right. And it's a lot to ask if somebody. I always think of that too. Like, it's like you're asking somebody to jump in to that role. It's, you know, it's not easy. It's not an easy ass. Right. But I have a lot of my widow friends that are remarried and have kids. Yeah. Have told me that they're like, yeah, Amanda, this is the only way. Like, you need a partner that is so self-confident and self-assured of themselves that they can, yes, talk to Nick, talk about Nick,

celebrate Nick, see photos. And I mean, of course, like I can't have any other energy other than that. No. Right. I mean, and obviously like, Nick is. not a threat. It's like, you know, I'm eager to find love again. Right. We're not hoping he comes back. You know. So, yeah.

You're so, your energy and your attitude towards everything is really beautiful. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Sweet of you. Thank you. Yeah. And you're going to get to give that to your kid because how you frame it is how he's going to hold it.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And listen, we are doing this together. I mean, one thing I can say, about Elvis and like, you know, Nick went into the hospital and he was 10 months. So it has been Elvis and I pretty much the whole ride. And we have an insane bond. And I, I love it and I cherish it. And I feel

like, even though he's four, like he gets me. Like he knows when he's like, just going to, I'm going to give her some space. It's so random guys. Like, I feel like, like it's very, yeah, we're really, we're an interesting little pair. He's your dude. A little soulmate. Yes, he is. He's an old soul. I said it from day one. I locked eyes with that kid. I was like, I looked at neck and I was like, he's an old soul. Yeah. This is crazy. So, yeah. Yeah. We'll see. No, I know. But, you know, as like, I'm a single mom so I can speak to it. It's like this, it's like the two of you. You know, she has, of course, my daughter has a father and very apparent, you know, in her life. Yes. You know, when it is just us, it's like, you just form this thing. Like, oh, we're a team. Yeah. Like you and I? Yeah. This is a thing. Yeah. That's what I say to Elvis,

my handshake that go you and I are a team forever. Aw. Because you're right. It's like, it's, yeah, we're just, it's the two of us. Yeah. And you, you know, you've done such amazing for yourself, like career-wise and everything and just keeping things going. But I want to ask you as a mother and a single mother, like having to leave him and having to do all this. How do you cope with that? I mean, it's, it's crazy. Like, sometimes it's okay. You know what I mean? Sometimes, it's fine and good and you feel like everything at home is working so I can go out and do

this work stuff too and the balance is key. And then other times, you know, he's going, you have to leave again and he's sobbing and screaming and you're like, oh my God, I'm the worst person in the entire world. Like, what am I doing? I don't know. I don't know how to find that balance. I know. Because it's like you also have to fill your own cup. I truly, believe this, like, if you're married, you have to fill that cup first to be great parents. And if you're a single mom or single dad, you have to fill this cup to be there for your kid. So, and I love to work. Yeah. I love to work. I love to create and I love to hustle and I love to just like kind of be on all cylinders at all the time. Right. So including being a mom in that too. So yeah. I don't know. But it's also showing that.

If you love doing it, then that's the right message. That's true. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. And we say that all the time. Yeah. What fills your cup the most out of everything you're doing?

Like work-wise? Work-wise. Yeah, work-wise. You know, lately it's just been like, I just love creating an idea. And then somehow making it happen. And then when you see it formulate in front of you and materialize, it's like amazing. Whether I'm a part of the idea or it's just a creation of mine, I just love it. I love thinking of something, whether a book or a movie or a television show idea or something

and then just like making it happen. It's just so fun. Yeah. And again, what an example. Like, just like, okay, I'm going to do this thing. Yeah. It's like crazy. It's crazy when you like, I mean, I love manifesting in vision boards and all of that

stuff. So it's very crazy when like you put something out there. And then, you know, it happens, you know, a year, two years, three years down the road, whatever. But, like, it's crazy. Yeah. Isn't that the best feeling? It is. It's addictive. It's addictive. It is. It is. Lately, I have ideas. I'm like, I just want to happen now. Yeah. I know. Right? You get so just in on it. Yeah. We're so into manifesting. We talk about it all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What can we make happen? I know. It's so fun. It is. And that's the gift is in the actual doing is fun. It's not the end result. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Like you get the end result. Yeah. But then when you get it, you're not like, well, I'm done. You're like, what's next? Right. Because you get like off on that part. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But having the energy to do it's another thing. You get going. And then you're like, oh, I'm taking care of a trial. Did you guys celebrate the new moon yesterday? Was it a new? So my mom always tells me this stuff. No, we didn't. No. Ladies, it was a big manifesting moon.

What? How did we not know that? No. When was it? Like, yeah, last, what did we celebrate the? The blue moon was not too long ago. The blue moon, but no, the lion thing. Oh, the Lionsgate's a great one. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great one. We did do that one. Yeah. We did a whole manifesting. We were aware of that one. That's a big one. That's a big portal. Good job. Yeah. Where do you get your information on the moon? Instagram. I just follow all these like Pisces and moon things.

Right. And it'll tell you. Yeah. Are you a Pisces? Yeah. But I love that though because if you follow it's like so right on. Yeah. I know.

I feel bummed we miss the new moon. And my mom always reminds me. She's off a game. She's all her game. Well, maybe you can still get in on it. Maybe there's like, you know, a window. Yeah, maybe the window is still open. Yeah.

I like to think so. We're going to manifest that. Yeah. I think that why not. Broad Ideas is supported by Blissy. Who knew that a better pillowcase is all you need for better sleep? Let's talk about practicing self-care while you sleep. Set yourself up with Better Sleep with Blissy's award-winning 100% mulberry silk pillowcases.

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And Quince only works for factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I love that. I am obsessed with my fisherman sweater from Quince, but not only that, you guys, their bedding is so cute, so soft, and it really gave my bed an upgrade. Give yourself the luxury you deserve with Quince. Go to quince.com slash ideas for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's QI-N-C-E.com slash ideas to get free shipping and 365-day return. turns. Quince.com slash ideas. What is the biggest thing that you had an intention for and manifested and saw come to life?

You know, I think the Christmas movie I did last year. It was crazy. I was, it came to me laying in bed one night at like 2 a.m. And I was just like, and I was like, this could be a fun thing. And then, and then it happened. And there it was. And then, you know, and like, and like, And seriously, like, in all purpose, like, in all respects, like, it should never have happened. Because even though I'm an actor and I do love that, I've never created anything before, like, a movie. And I've never acted in a movie. I did Broadway shows and I was in the ensemble as a dancer. So CBS said yes to this plan where I was the star in this movie.

And they had never seen me act on camera because, guy, I had never asked. to make camera. And so like, do you know what I mean? Like, they just said yes. And luckily, worked out. I would too. But do you know what I would? I would say yes.

I would. But do you know how bonkers that is? Like, if you look back, it's kind of wild that they weren't like, we love the idea. Let's just do like a screen test on you to make sure that you can act. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I know, but you just, but they, what were you going to say? Oh, sorry. I thought I was cutting you off. No, but you just, it's so clear. Like, you just like beam like so much light and light. Thanks.

Luckily. No, I think that's amazing. And what a beautiful example. It was so fun. It was so fun. Do that. You got to do another one. Are you doing it? I would love to do, yes, more and more and more. Yeah. It was so fun. You know, years on Broadway, like Broadway is such a different, you know, it's a different medium. You're doing this. same thing every day and it's the whole thing every day. Every time. Yeah. Yeah. And then so when I was doing this movie and I was like, so like that scene's done. Like I don't have to, like those lines I can just. Yeah.

Yep. Moving on. I was like, this is amazing. Like I love this. Like all I have to worry about is that what we're doing today. It's like it was like. Right. Right.

Was it hard for you to adjust to? I know for myself it was hard coming from theater to adjust to when I did something and then it's out of sequence and you're like, wait, okay, where am I coming from? And where it's like when you're doing theater, you get to live the whole thing out. Right. Yes. Yes. Yes. That was, yeah, that was funny to understand. I didn't, yeah. I came into this. So green, you guys. I really was like keeping so much shut because I was thinking so many dumb questions that I was like, I can't ask this out now. They will fire me day one. But yeah, that was fun.

I was just like, so we're just starting in the middle. Right. Right. Just reckon rather. And then I think at one point, my acting coach was like, yeah, like, just so you remember, like every day, just like kind of like remember like where you left. Like if you're coming in on a scene, try to think about like what scene you were just in and like where you left that scene.

I was like, right. Right. It's not that easy. It's not. I know you're like, wait, I have to keep all of this information. Totally. I know. You can let it go.

You slide it over and move it to the left, but also you're like, wait. Oh, yeah, I was crying. Oh, my God. There's so many times I have to tell you where I have been caught, like, if you watch like an episode of something. And you see me in one scene. And then the next scene, they're like, that doesn't match anything. that happened or like what you were just going through.

And I'm like, oh, what? Like, you know, because episodic, you're doing them all the time. So bad. And so directors might not catch like, oh, well, this doesn't, you know what I mean? And like, oh. You're like, that's what I was doing. That's what happened. They'd be like, Rachel, you need to read the script.

Yeah. So even with like TV episodes, they film it like all over the film. Oh, yeah, yeah. Always. Yeah. So it's like, hey, it's hard to keep track. You're doing like so many. Yeah.

They can't expect you to understand where you just were. No, I can't keep track. This is all bleeding together at this point. They wanted me to read it. Yeah, they said I should read the script. You could be doing a breakup scene that's like pure tears and heartbreak and you haven't even met the person before. Yeah. Right.

And then the next scene, you're falling in love. Yeah. So it's like. It is so bonkers. Like, you know, in these Christmas movies, you have one kiss at the end. Yeah. And, you know, which is lovely. But we, yeah, we filmed that first kiss like day three.

I mean, if they would have filmed it on the last day, Paul and I would have given you a lot of a... Right. Because our romantic kiss would have been so much better because we like... Knew each other. Yeah. You know, loved each other as friends. And, like, we would have just been like, get out of here. Right.

But day three, we were like, hello. Yeah. Right? It's true. But they're organizing that on the daylight or nighttime or location. Nothing to do with the story. Yeah. I feel like there are.

I guess that's the part. That old chestnut. That old. No, but I do think there are certain directors and people that are like, I'm going to shoot this chronological. Not often. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. There are. Really? I feel like it was it. There's a really famous one. Is it? I don't want to. We don't want to butcher it.

I feel like Clint Eastwood would. do that. I think it's like... Someone like that. Like, Scorsese. He's a one-taker. Not Scorsesee, but like... Tarantino or something that's... I don't know. We're just naming all the biggest. We're like, we're just going to throw all these out there and one of them definitely does that.

But wait, though, isn't it like that you only do one take? One take? I've heard that. That's kind of amazing. I would love that. I think I would too. Oh, that's pressure. I think I would like that too. Me too. Yeah. Okay, done. Yeah. It's like theater. You don't have another take. You do it. Yeah.

That's why I would like it, I think. It's like Broadway for years is also a whole other thing. And like to be dancing and the onslaught was like music, you were a rockette. Yep. I did Rockettes too. Yeah. What was that like? I know.

I'm like, this is just mind-blowing. Rockettes was so fun, guys. I mean, I was 22. And then I did it again when I was 24. So you are just, you know, game face ready to be torn apart, ripped to shreds. and you just want to be perfect, which is the whole mentality there. Right. Ripped to sheds.

You have to be perfect and, you know, just be young and so that you can wear, I mean, the wear and tear on your body in that show is ridiculous. You were doing, I did five show days as a racquet. Not always, but I did do five show days. Now I think the most is four, but there are hour and a half shows. You don't stop moving. You change your costume like 13 times. And you're dancing on a steward.

stage in three-inch heels, you know, 200, 300 kicks a show. I mean, you're just completely exhausted. Wow. In every way, shape, and form. And then, you know, they tell you if, like, your pinky is out of line. I mean, like, literally they'll be like, you know, your pinky, it needs to be here. Whoa. Yes. I mean, I mean, it's that detailed. So it's very much like being military, you know. Yeah. Sounds like it. And I loved it. And it was like a life. long goal of mine, but I ended up loving Broadway more just because I loved having a character.

I loved singing and acting as well. You know, Rockets is just dancing. So I tended to, you know, want to just do Broadway after my two years as a Rockette. But I'm so glad I did it. I mean, it was so fun. Was it something that you just like dreamt of as like a kid or just happened? Yeah. My dad took us to, they used to do an Easter show. And my dad took our whole family once to the Easter show. I think it was like 1997 or something like that. And we took a tour backstage and I have like a picture. I don't know where it is, but there's like a picture of myself in the rehearsal studio with like my leg up. And I was just like, I want to be a rockout one day. So that's so, yeah. There you go. There you go. I know. And my opening night at Radio City,

my whole family was there. You were all crying and I was crying. And like, yeah, it was so sweet. Yeah, it was a really special. Yeah. Did you enjoy it? I did, yes. Okay. Met, I mean, here's the best things about it. You go to work at Radio City Music Hall every day during Christmas. So you are just like, it's so fun.

And you're in this like little sorority because it's all girls and you find the best of friends there. Like some of my best friends still to this day are those girls that I met doing Rockettes my first year. And now we've seen each other, you know, get married, get divorced. have kids. Like we've been a part of each other's lives for years. And it's like that bond where I could not see them for five years and you see them. And then it's just like immediately back together. So you have like the best of friends, the best of times. You get to do really fun, cool press and stuff because it's such an iconic, you know, group of women. So you get to go all over the country and all sorts of stuff. So yeah, it's just a fun thing. It's just also a very hard mental game.

game. And they, you know, like I said, they want perfection. I mean, you sign up for it. So it's not even something like surprise. It's like from the, you're going in. Yes. Like from the audition, you understand what they need from you, what they're looking for. Messing up is not an option. And yeah, it's a lot of pressure. Yeah. Oh, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. But for like a dancer, especially like leading into Broadway, it taught me so much about discipline and work ethics. And and how you act in a rehearsal space and studio, how you come to work, how you show up. Even still to this day, it's like that Rockette mentality, it's like ingrained in me. And they gave us media training.

So that has stuck with me my entire life. I mean, that was just, you know, I have no problem now doing any. I was like, what's my talking points? Got it. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're just like, boom. Yeah.

So it was, it was honestly like, yeah. Like the best kind of boot camper. everything. Yes. That followed. And they take care of you. You have a 401K. You have full PT all year round.

They give you scholarship money to go to school to get other degrees. Wow. Like they really, really take care of the girls. You are in, that's why a lot of girls will stay there for years and years and years and years. Oh, wow. I never. How old do they go up and tell them? I have a girlfriend.

No, not going to age out. She's not listening. No. I think she's 43, 44. She's, this is like her 22nd season. What? Yeah. Yeah.

And she is still killing it. Like you would never know. And she's gorgeous. And I can't believe her body still does it, but her body still does it. Wow. Yeah. That's her really good shape. Oh, my God.

Is that what got you into like the health and wellness, fitness? Yeah, a little bit. I mean, Broadway is such an up and down with. work, right? Like, you're in a show, you're on, like, the biggest high, going to your Broadway show every night. And then the New York Times comes along, gives you a horrible review and you're the next week back on unemployment back to nothing, right? So I found fitness as like the thorough line to, like, keep me stable so that, you know, I, of course, went in and out of crazy jobs, hostessing airbrush tanning people. I mean, like I had so many babysitting, of course, dressing up at children's birthday parties,

doing bar mitzvahs, bat mitzvahs, you know, I did it all. Yeah. And then I found fitness as like, okay, I could teach at this studio in the mornings. Early enough, I could still make auditions if I had to or get somebody to cover me if I had to. And if I'm in a show, it's a great thing to keep my body in shape anyways. So it was like this thing that I was like, wait, this is amazing. And it was like made even more sense. Yeah, perfect.

And so many Broadway girls taught there. So it was just like, yeah, it was, it was called Body by Simone. That's where I first started teaching. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's so cool. I think dancing is my favorite way to like exercise. It's just because you're doing something and it's not so, you know, like at a gym.

Yeah. And so Broadway show, that's where you met Nick. Yeah. Were you guys in a show together? It's over Broadway. No way. Yeah. It's a very short-lived Woody Allen musical as you can imagine why it was short-lived.

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Picking up what you're putting down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it was a wonderful time, and it was an amazing cast.

It's where I met Zach Braff, too. All the ensemble girls were some of my best friends from the Rockettes. And so it was like this amazing group of people. I mean, we had too much fun. Right. Yeah. Oh, that does not fun. Yeah.

And I'm like, why no bullets of brought? And then I forgot it was Woody. You forgot what? It was Woody. Oh. Yeah. I'm like, I know that. I'm like a big musical nerd, which I don't share often.

I don't know why, but I don't know. I feel like it's like one of those things that's, I don't know. It's not embarrassing. But like people, it's the thing. Yeah. Oh, really? People sometimes hide it. I think I'm a closet, like closet.

I love show tunes. I love all of it. Yeah. Our other best friend, Lee and I will just like. You know every single lyric to every single show. Oh, really? Yeah. I love that.

Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do. Yeah. It's a hidden talent. It is funny, like, being away from it now, like, because I left Broadway when I started my fitness business, so like 2016.

And now, like, even just watching the Tony Awards, and I love it so much. But it's just like, it's so funny to see, like, all the jazz hands and so much happiness and expression. And I'm like, oh, my God. It's like you're away from it and you forget how, like, natural. Like, it just comes. Oh, yeah. like, ha. So overly animated and, yeah, especially coming, now doing like film, whatever.

And then you see that. You're like, like, could you imagine ever doing like that big and broad? Yes. On camera. Try it. Let's see it. Like, did you guys ever see the SNL? It's one of my favorites kids with Catherine Zeta Jones.

It was when she was doing Chicago, but like she walks into a party and everyone's just in Chicago. like doing Fossey and they're like, hello. And I just doing all these things. And I feel like that's how I look at Broadway now. We're like everyone is just like always on. Always on. Yeah.

Yeah. I think there's people like that too that are always on. There are. You know? Would you go back? Yeah. I mean, I never say never anymore. Yeah.

I mean, I feel like it would have to be like the right thing. Of course. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's such a. special community. And it's a beautiful place to work and be a part of. And there's just no people like show people. They really are.

I mean, it's really like, yeah. And Rachel takes it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but truly it really is. I mean, especially like during COVID, like the Broadway community, I was blown away by the like the love and support. that they gave to us. I mean, it really just was a reminder of like, I am so lucky to be a part, to have been a part of these families because it really is a family. Every show is a little family

and every theater is a family. And you walk back in, I was just talking to my friend the other day about this. Like, you walk back into a theater where you used to do a show and you literally like, it's like you get chills. It's like ghosts are there. Like you just see everything. You remember everything and it just feels like coming home. And it's just so special. You know this is a special place. Rod Ideas is supported by Sundays for dogs. I love Sundays for dogs because it has a short list of human grade ingredients, so I don't have to question what I'm given to my little girt-gurt.

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you'll automatically get 20% off and free shipping on every reorder. Cancel or pause your subscription anytime with our 100% satisfaction guarantee. Every order ships right to your door, so you'll never worry about running out of dog food again. I love how easy Sundays for Dogs is because you just open it, you pour it, and they're ready to eat. Get 40% off your first order of Sundays, go to Sundaysforogs.com slash ideas or use code ideas at checkout. That's Sundaysforogs.com slash ideas or use code ideas at checkout. So special. I'm so cool to have had that experience. I'm very grateful for it. I just, you know, as a kid, like, they would take us in high school to, like, theater shows,

and New York, it took us to a trip to New York, and it was the biggest deal ever. And I'm thinking about my daughter now who really shows promise of, like, always wanting to perform, which I'm not encouraging. How old is she, Rachel? She's eight. She's almost nine. Okay. Yeah.

So she's really, like, oh, my God. This is the time. She's like, she's like. So good. Like, so in it. She is. It's a thing. It is a thing.

you know, but it's so cool, like, just exposing them to, to that, you know, and how cool to be able to tell Elvis. Like, his parents were, like, on Broadway. Like, I just think it's such an amazing thing. And I think, honestly, like, for your daughter, I think that age, like, I started dancing at 10. I think it's really, really good. Even if she does nothing with it to, you know, to instill that, like, you're brave, you're on stage, you're performing. Yeah. Yeah.

You get up in front of people. You have to do something. It's like, no matter what you end up doing in life, it's just good skills to have. You know, like in life. It's also confidence building. Yes. You know? And I've been talking about that a lot.

Like having her stick to whatever, if it's sports or she's going to learn an instrument. She wants to learn the guitar. Of course, she wants to be Taylor Swift. Yes. But like just all these things. And if you get good at something and you feel so good, it's just really instilling that. Yeah. Just that confidence.

Yep. And it's so hard because kids and at school and all the other kids and what they have to do. I know. I mean, you still have a way. Yeah. Thankfully. Yeah. Because, you know, but it's fucking hard.

hard. There's so many times where you're like, I'm going to go to school and I'm going to like scream at that child. It's not easy bringing them up. Yeah. But that's all you can do is just try to just really boost up their confidence. And unless they really suck. Is that what they're doing? Okay. No, I have a question for you about that because here's the thing. So I was away this weekend at a wedding and our friend's daughter who's 22 now, the daughter's 22. And she said she would have always wanted to be a singer, but that her mom told her, listen, honey, the people that do that for a living, they're naturally talented, they have really good voices, it's a lot of work.

Basically, you're not. You don't have that. She's like, you basically, like, you don't have the voice for that, right? And she said that's her biggest regret was telling her that. And I don't know what her voice sounds like, but part of me wonders, like, what is the right way to nurture children in that way? because even if they do, let's say, suck. Like, I sucked at singing.

However, I'd be better now if I went to see lessons. Right, right. If I was supported and not told, like, you're tone deaf. Right. You know? Yeah. But, like, I think it's important that whatever a kid's natural inclination is to, right, that we go in on it.

Well, I have a perfect example, okay? Because my mom's the opposite. She's like, you're the most amazing. Amazing singer, dancer, right? You know what I mean? Like, I can play one thing on the guitar and is the easiest thing. It's like, dun, dun, dun, and that's it, right? Party trick, though.

My mom tells everybody she's an amazing guitar player. And I'm like, Mom, I don't know how to play the guitar. You know? She's a natural. She's amazing. No, like, it's that. But, like, you think about that. And I think growing up, even her saying whatever,

and I think she believes it. She does. I think she definitely is not lying. Yeah. But I think growing up with that, regardless, did something. Elvis was playing the drums this morning and all he was doing is, and I was like, you're amazing. I was like, high-fiving him.

I'm like your mom, I guess. No, but I think that's big, you know, because if you're encouraging, even if they're not going to maybe be the best at it. Yeah. That's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. Because that's the hard part as a parent is you know their feelings are going to get hurt. Right. And so I think sometimes we come in and be, we're protective. Like do this thing. You're really, I see myself doing it with my son. I'm like, you're such an amazing artist because he is. Amazing.

He's not a good baseball player. Yeah. You know, he's not. Does he want to be? No. Oh, okay. No. No. He'd rather be drawing.

He'd rather be drawing. But I'm like, how much do we expose them to the things that they're not that great at and let them see what's humility like? You don't have to be the best. Like, it's tricky. You know, my mom and dad, I don't know how they did what they did. But there's five of us in my five things. And we all sort of kind of did similar things because, you know, as you grow up, like, well, you're brother was in band, so you're in band, and then you're in band, you know, like, it was kind of that.

But then also, like, if somebody wanted to quit band, it was also like, okay, like, you tried, you know, whatever. Right. So it was never pushed on us. But, like, they were never, they never were like, you're amazing. They never overpraised. They just were always there. They were just supportive.

They were at every recital, at every competition, at every concert. and they made sure that like if I said I wanted to do piano lessons, I followed through with it. But they were never like, you're the best at this or you're never going to make it. They just were always there. And I feel like maybe that's the answer because then it allowed us to each find our own way. Right. And what we wanted to do. And then like for me, like in my senior year in high school, I was like, I want to be on Broadway.

I want to do this. I'm sure that there was a part of them that was like, oh shit. I mean, can she? Like, they don't know because no one in my family had ever tried to move to New York and be on Broadway before. So they truly did not know if I was going to be good enough or not. But like, they just supported me and let me try.

And luckily it worked. But you know what I mean? Yeah. It was never, they never got too involved. To be honest. But they were always there. That's amazing. That is amazing.

I don't know. That's such a good... Yeah, maybe it is. Yeah. Because it's like really giving you the space to find your own way or what it is that maybe... It's hard not to over praise for me. Yeah. Oh, same.

Oh, same. Is it? Oh. Yeah, it's really hard. No, I'm like... That was the most amazing thing you've ever read it. Yeah. Oh, gosh.

Yeah. It's amazing. Like, the biggest hype man. Like, you can't help it. Yeah. Yeah. And they say that that's not... Is it hurting?

They say it's not the best, like, to be like, good job. You're great. Like, supposedly that then what they do is they try and keep going after that, right? As opposed to, like, the difference between being praised for being smart versus being praised for always trying. So if a kid's in test, they've studied it instead of being like, oh, wow, you got an A, you're so. So smart. Right. You praised them for, wow, you really stuck in there.

You really gave it your best. You really tried. They did studies where they studied the two different effects of it. And the kids that were praised for their efforts continued to get higher scores where the kids that were praised. Oh, I love that. Went down. I can see that. Yeah.

Yesterday's was, I, you know, from somewhere, I grabbed it and, you know, put it up there. And it said in very faint letters again. And then the again and again and again. And each time it said again, the letters got darker. And then the A started to slowly fade away and all you saw was gain. And it's that. It's like the more you try again and again and again and again, you gain. Isn't that cool? I love that. I love that. I love that. thing to see. But I feel like it just correlates to what you said. It's like, praise for the try. Right. Because eventually it'll be a game. Right. So right on. Guys, we are amazing. Let's just take a moment. Let's just take a moment.

Come on. I mean, you guys, we have got it all figured out. Yeah, we're trying. At least we're trying to learn, right? We are trying. We are trying. Again and again. We're trying. That's going to be a gain, okay? It is. Yeah. I see it in my daughter, though, like the pressure of always wanting to, you know. I feel like you're just starting at the age to where like it's just going to, like, you're going to get into like the thick of it.

It's coming. Oh, yeah. I'm aware. She just started third grade and it's different. It's like, you know, and she's feeling it. Feeling the pressure and everything. And I just, she's so sensitive, you know, and just trying to guide her in the best way. way. I think there's lessons every day, you know, as parents and women and single moms and

grief and like all of it. Yeah. And it's, you know what's interesting. It's like the universe is always throwing so much at you. Yeah. And then you always come out of it and you're like, I survive that. Yep. I survived that. Yes. I survived that. Yeah. But then there are times when we talk about this a lot, we're like, what the fuck? Another one? I know. And another one. Yeah. I'm sorry. Here's my new motto, though, that I've come up with. Ready? Yes. It is time to be ridiculously happy.

I love that. That is my motto for this season of my life. I had a really beautiful summer with Elvis. It was very healing and therapeutic in the best way. And I came out of it and I was like, no. Now it's time to be ridiculously happy. I love that. Thanks, guys.

You can take it. I know. I just need to hear you. I just need to hear you. Yeah, I'll tell you. Yeah. I'll text job of it. Rachel, ridiculously happy today.

That's all there is that we have to focus on. That's all there is. Yeah, it's been hard for a while. So it's ridiculously happy time. You deserve it. Yeah, it's ridiculously happy. Well, I think it is about giving yourself that permission. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. Actually, yeah. And manifesting it. Right. I literally sit with my eyes closed at some point every day and just imagine my ridiculously happy life and what that is.

That's what we got to do. That is what we got to do. Like maybe your date tonight, you're going to be ridiculously happy. Maybe I will. I'm like dying to know. Me too. Because you haven't seen like a thing. We'll see.

Apparently you'll let you guys know. Yeah. I will let you know. You didn't even have like an artist rendering of him. That sounds like a courtroom criminal. I know. They're like, but I have this. Oh, got it.

I can't imagine if it's like, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Right. Well, here's the thing. How do you, okay, so dating or whatever. Yeah. How do you feel about the first date who pays for the check?

I'm a bit of a traditionalist. And so I would say that if he asked me out, then I would prefer. It'd be nice that if he would pay. I'm not going to be thrown off guard or be disgusted if we let the bill. I would probably, I think I always. sort of do a reach or offer. Right. And I would say

9.9 times out of 10 I'm turned down. Like absolutely not. Like I've got this. But I will say I'm the type of person when I date somebody. I love to spoil the person that I am with.

So you'll take me out to dinner. But then like, you know, in two dates, I'm going to be like, I'm picking you up in 10 minutes and you have no idea what you're doing and I've covered the whole thing. So like, oh, hey. I want to date you.

Hey. I love. I love. Listen, I love love. I love. It's so fun and exciting. And like when I actually find somebody that is worth my time and I connect with and I'm excited about whether it lasts three weeks or three months or three years or forever, like I just kind of want to like go in. Yeah.

Because it's a rare, it's rare for me to connect on that level with someone, especially now. So, like, if I do, then I'm just like, well, I have this fun thing I'm going to. And I just saw this on the internet and like, I want to do that. And like, I love doing stuff and being adventurous. So then I'm immediately like, well, I want to take this new fun person that I'm excited about. Yeah. Yeah, I like to do those things. So I give, I give back in that way. No, I think that's amazing. I wish I could set you up with my husband. I'm like, that would make him happy. You're like, that would make him so happy. I've found I have a date for you.

I'm like, I won't even take experience. Didn't occur to me. I could do it. Oh, my God. No, it's so true. I love that you do that. I feel like I get it. He's slightly taken, but he's available.

Right. Slightly. Slightly. Oh my God. Can you imagine? What if you had like borrowed dates? Like, what if that was a thing? Like, anyway, I just went into like.

I don't know. I borrow my friend's husband a lot if I have like, you know, because it's hard when you are in this boat where you're like, I'd love to take a guy. You know what I mean? There's just sometimes you want a guy to take with you. And so if I'm not seeing somebody, which is usually the case, then my pickings are like my gay bestie who's great and I love him and he's always on board. And then also like my friends, husbands, who I know will be like, yes, you can borrow my husband for the evening. And so I do. I sometimes borrow husbands because it's something to just need a guy on your arm. I get it. I get it. What's like, what are the biggest red flags for you or what's your ick? The ick is a big trend right now. It's such a trend. I know. And I didn't know it until I was, I was dating a guy a little while ago. And I was saying a story and she was like, uh-oh, you got the ick. And I was like, what are you talking about? And she was like, he gave you the ick, the ick.

It's like, you're gone. And I was like, oh, yeah. I got the ick. All right. You want to know my ick? Yeah. Please don't take offense to this. You're unoffendable.

All right. Okay. And listeners, please know that I love pets. We don't have people listening. I love dogs. I don't like cats as much. I do love animals. Okay.

But my ick is every single man in L.A. Has a dog that they are obsessed with. And on dates, I am sitting there, and all I'm looking at is videos and pictures of their dog on playdates. Their dog at sleepovers, their dog at agility. their dog at agility training. Their dog eating, drinking, hiking at the beach. Look at him at the beach.

Look at him. Go. Are you a kid? Are you a kid? Are you going to go? Wait, he's running. And I, you know, here's the thing, ladies. I have an actual human that I take care of.

Right. A child who is a dog. D'orable. Sorry, but he's adorable. And I have yet on any dates, even if I'm on a fifth or six date with a guy, I have yet to take out my phone and show videos of Elvis, sleeping, eating, drinking on play dates. But you better believe, even before I go on a date, I'm seeing pictures of this dog all over the world. That's my it. Wait, hold on. Please don't tell me this has happened more once. Oh, every single man in L.A. I didn't know this was a thing.

That they are obsessed. Have you bet? Maybe you haven't been on a dating app yet. If you know, if you're on a dating app, there's three rules to every man and they have a dog, they surf and they snowboard or ski. And every picture revolves around those three things. And then there's usually one with a niece or a nephew. Just to show. I like that. I'm a funcle. I always hear people like, I'm sure. I sort of got to do love men. I'm sure there's the female equivalent to all of this, but I can't speak on that. Oh, I wonder what it is.

So I'm just speaking on the male and play the game now. I'm like, what would it be for the females? It's like at brunch. Oh, yeah, that could be. But, you know, at brunch. Probably playing tennis or something. Or like yoga. Pickle ball.

Yes, we're pickleballing. We're probably on a hike in some skimpy outfit on the beach and some skimpy bikini. I'm sure there's lots of. I'm sure we are equally as bad. People are always joking about guys holding up like their fish from fishing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then on the date, you hear about their ayahuasca, their recent ayahuasca Yes. Every day. Stop it. You're killing me. Every day, every first date is, it's like three, two, one. And I recently went to

and I went on an ayahuasca trip. Yes, please expand. Like, I want to know all about it. If you would have met me two weeks ago, I was a completely different person. You're lucky. You're meeting me now. Am I? Yeah. Am I lucky? I don't know.

I want to hear, I want, I really do want you to. I really hope no one's listening to that. Yeah. If anyone's listening. I'll never go to date again. No, I'm dying. I think that's so, it's so fucking funny, first of all. And I'm so right on.

I'm sure. It's so dead on. I want to go on someone else's just to look and, like, scroll through just to see all this shit, you know, because I think... You'll laugh because it's... Oh, yeah. I find it very entertaining. Yeah. Do you find people telling you about their ayahuasca trips the same as, like, telling you about a long, elaborate dreams that you're pretending to be interested in?

Yes, it starts. It always starts with Kundalini yoga. They're into Kundalini yoga. And then it goes into the ayahuasca trip. It literally is 3-2-1, guys. It's so amazing. Oh, my God. Do you think it's an L.A. thing?

And you're just like... Yeah, I think so. I mean, yeah, I would say. I mean, I can say it isn't an L.A. thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was on a dating up for almost a year. And it is a L.A.

Every day. It was almost. Pretty much. Yeah, pretty much. Oh, my God. Like, I almost was influenced enough to, like, fly to Peru and go on an ayahuasca trip. I mean. I mean, I'm not.

Yeah, it actually does sound amazing. It sounds a little intriguing, right? Yes. I mean, I'm half scared, half tempted at this point. But, you know, yeah. Yeah, I know. It's just, I'm giving you the facts. I love the facts so much.

Like, I just, I love it. And the fact, I'm just picturing these dudes. No, my favorite is the dog's on sleepover. Oh, yeah. I was away, so he was at my friend's house. Look at him sleeping next to Kirby. Why do they think? Like, I don't know.

I don't know. And the thing is, I had two dogs. I like dogs. I really do. Yeah. Yeah, no. It's just that it's just a very like, when the, it's a very obsessive. Like, when it's obsessive. Right. It's just starting to be like, okay, where am I going to fit in? If you're dating, you know, you're trying to figure out, like, how am I going to fit into this person's life? Like, right? Like, especially if we're on a third or fourth date, like, is this going somewhere? Is it a normal question to ask yourself? So if this dog is a very much obsessive feature, then you're like, okay, I'm probably going to always be number two to the dog. So and then do I like the dog enough to sleep with this dog, go to agility training classes with this dog? Like, because this will be. Go to Peru with this dog. Oh yeah. The dog is always there. So like, so then I'm like, you know, it's like a kid. So like you have to really just be like, Am I invested enough into this dog?

Right. But it's, as, you know, you sit here, like, with children, like you said. Yeah. You're just like, you have no, like, this is not. Yeah. I know. I love dogs. But also, wouldn't you think these countless journeys of ayahuasca would wake someone up to be able to read the room?

Of like, I don't do that with my kids. I may show one picture. If someone's like, oh, can I see your kids? kids. I might be like, here they are. They're really cute. Here's one picture. Yeah. Right. And that's it. I'm not going any further than that. Me too. Yes. If you ask me, sure, I will, yes. But yeah, you're right. I will keep it to a minimum because I also know, like, I'm obsessed with my child. I think he's the greatest and cutest thing in the entire world. But, like, I don't know you like that yet. You don't know my kid yet. So, like, I get it. You don't want to sit here scrolling through pictures

of Elvis. Like, right. Nor do I. Like, this is, we're trying to see if there's a, we're trying to see if there's a romantic vibe. Yeah. Right. You know? Like, yeah. But it's also like the type of person that like has the wherewithal or like you said, read the room, like just awareness.

Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I think that guys like dogs. They like dogs. They like dogs.

They just, yeah, they really. Yeah. It's an awareness thing. And I do think that that's either there or it's not. I'm not going to lie. I'm going to tell you the ayahuasca thing is a little. little bit of an ick. Not in the sense of doing it.

Yeah. Like if you want to go to do it. Talking about it. It's the talking about it and sharing the information as if it's going to connect us when really it's just kind of like about you and your experience. Yeah. And if I was on a first day, I'd want to hear more about you as a person. I'd want to be asked questions. That's a thing.

Right. Oh, I'm sorry. What was that? Yeah. Do you want to ask a question about me? That doesn't happen. Side note. First date with a guy, the guy never asks you any questions about yourself.

Hands down, that's nine times out of ten. Nine times out of ten. I will leave a date and I'll call up my best friend and I'll go, he didn't ask one question to me. But that's the barometer. That's our barometer. We're always like, how many questions? Yeah. You know?

But then like, you know, you'll date someone, whatever. and then they'll just be like, how's your day? I'll be like, oh my God, like, oh my God, he just found me a parking spot. This is amazing. They're like, this should just be normal. Right, right. Yeah. But we're like, oh my God, he asked me what my name was. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I also love it. How was your day? Because you're just like, well, I mean, like, hi. So then you just ended up being, it was good. Or do you like actually say? You're like, what do you say? Like, yeah, well, I woke up at seven and I made coffee. I mean, you know what I mean?

Like, it's such a generic base question, but you're also like excited that it would ask. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I think they need to learn it. Listen, this is what I'm saying. When I actually go on a date where there's a connection where he is asking me questions and we're laughing and talking and you haven't mentioned. Even if you have a dog, you haven't mentioned the dog.

It really is like, please can I see you again? Right. would be so lovely to go on. I thought you were going to say, please. Oh, yeah. I see your dog. So where do you live? Yes.

Let's go. Deng-da-na-n-n-k. Yeah, it is a huge selling point. Yeah. It is a rare day that there is a great first date. Yeah. This is so interesting. Yeah, I know.

Well, it just is. Yeah. And I often wonder for a guy, is it the same. Like, do guys just, I don't know. And I'm guessing, like, are there standards lower? Like, I don't know. Like, do they think about any and all of this? Like, did she ask me a question? Did I only just talk about myself? Like, you know, I just wonder, like, because I feel like so many women are in this boat, especially if you're like around my age and dating. It's like, it's the same complaints. So, like, I just wonder, are guys just out there killing it? I don't think so. I don't know. I really. I think some think they are. Some think they are, but what their narrative is is that it's impossible to find a good girl in L.A. that doesn't want, like, your money or clout or any of these things. And their perception is that women in L.A. are just trying to use you or get to the next level in some way.

And when they say that, I'm like, that's not even, I know so many incredible women. Same. It's a funk narrative. Yes. That want nothing from a man. of a great, awesome, fun, companion, too. Right. Like, I'm sure obviously the other exists, but it's like, what are your standards that are also

attracting that in? Or do you think that they meet those women and then they get scared because they're like, oh, shit, she's like the real deal. And, like, maybe I do want just the girl that doesn't want anything for real. I don't know. Sometimes I think that too. I do think that too. I get excited about a person.

And then I'm like, you know, dude, like, what are you doing? Like, I guess, I don't know. So then you start playing that game, which is half the time even worse than just having a bad date. Being like, bad date, write it off. Okay. I guess I'll be single for life. Honestly, you're a dream girl. Oh, yeah.

Very sweet. No, you really are. You're like funny and beautiful and talented and like everything. Oh, guys, stop. I'm not just saying that. No, it's true. You're a dream girl. We need to.

Well, if you know anyone. I'm like, this is what I'm like, we need to. Don't send him a photo. Just tell me where to meet him. Yeah. Wait, I have a question. How do you feel about making the first move? Asking a guy out, whatever it is. I've done that before.

Yeah. I have. I didn't mean like going in. Yeah. I could. You could have me. Yeah. I typically won't make the first move, like sexy move.

Right. Right. But I have made the first move. I've asked guys out before. I've slid in to a few DMs before. Yeah. Good for you. I don't have a problem doing that. Yeah.

Especially if I feel like there's a little bit of a vibe. Yeah. I don't have a problem. Yeah. But typically, again, like I grew up in Ohio. Yeah. My mom and dad are still married, 49 years. And so I'm a little bit of a traditionalist when it comes to like, I don't know.

If a guy, I still go to like, if a guy thinks I'm cute, like, he should be brave enough to be like, what do you doing on Saturday night? Yeah. And like, ask me out. You know. Right. Yeah. But I will do it. You will do it. I know. And I'm like, parents divorced. No, not like none of those examples, but I'm still such like a traditionalist, romantic, you know, all of the things. Yeah. It's just. It's just, it's nice. Yeah, I know. It's nice. Because I think again, like I said before, once I start to feel comfortable with a guy, then like you better watch out because I'm going to turn it up so hot.

I'm going to like, I'm going to come at you and I'm going to spoil you rotten because I love doing it. Yeah. So like at first, like, yeah, please make the first moves and be romantic. And then if there's a vibe, like, let's buckle up and go. I bet you get the most thoughtful gifts. I am good at gifts when it's not gift giving time. Got it. At Christmas or birthdays, I am at a loss.

I can't find a thing and I don't know what to do. But if it's a random day and a random time and I see something, I'll just buy it then and give it to you right then and there. Because I'm like, I just saw this stripe top and you love stripes and you have to have it. And they're like, this is the best striped top. But the birthday, you're not getting anything. Nothing appears. It's the pressure. I have no great ideas.

It's like, this is how it is. It's like she likes T-shirts. Yeah. Yeah. But it comes and goes. But I'm also not into get, like, I don't care about material things. I'd rather, like, if it's your birthday, like I said, I'm a surprise you with like a sleepover awesome thing or some experience or some memory or moment.

Like I'm a more memory moments person, adventure person than like a gift. I don't care about shoes or horses and jewelry or anything. It's probably time with, yeah. Time. Yeah. Time. Time. What's the thing?

I think. Is time one of them? Quality time? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Make me feel, make me feel wanted and spend time together. Like quality time together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't need a gift. No. I really don't. Me neither. It's quality time without your dog. Yeah. Quality time without your dog. That is the funny. That is the best. I think that's the best one we've heard. Yeah. It really is. It's so the fact that it exists. And it's so specific. I hope tonight. He does not. I need you to text us and tell us if he has a dog and you saw and you met the, maybe you even meet the dog. Oh, God. I hope not.

It just would be so nice. Yeah. Not have that as a. But we'll see. So do you always say yes? Like if someone wants to set you up or you always like, yeah, I will. Yeah. If somebody wants to set me up, I feel like even if they only know me a little bit.

they get enough of a vibe to be like, if they're thinking in their head, I might have somebody for you, then yeah, I think it is worth my time to go meet for like a coffee, a drink or a dinner or something. You know, what's the worst can happen? I can talk to a wall. So like, if I, I'll sit and talk to anybody and I love being out and about. So like, sure, I'll go meet you for a drink or dinner. Like, yeah, let's do it. And then if by chance, there's, it's an awesome person. Like, wow, that'd be amazing. Yeah. Yeah.

So you never know. It's great. I would imagine people want to set you up a lot. They don't actually. But I've gone through, I mean, I feel like it ebbs and flows. Yeah. Yeah. I have like a lot of people saying, go meet this person, come meet this person.

And then nothing. Right now, it's a little bit, it's a little bit people are reaching out, which is nice. Yeah. Because you're going to be ridiculously happy. I'm going to be ridiculously happy. We're all going to be. I'm ridiculously happy to talking to us. Yeah.

Good. Yeah. It's contagious. It is contagious. We're all really. Yeah, you're just so amazing and so happy that you said yes to coming. Oh, thanks for having me, guys. It's so fun.

I feel like we could just chat on. We could. We need to keep this going because I want to know. We're fully invested. We are really invested. Oh my God. I will let you know how this date goes today. Yeah, I can't wait to hear.

Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you. You guys. Yes. Last night,

Breyer and I, once a month, there's family night. Whoops. There's family night from her school, which is no homework. So after gymnastics,

Briah came home, we had dinner, and then we got in bed to watch a movie. What'd you watch? Zoe 102. So Zoe 101 was Jamie Lynn Spears' show

a long time ago. Yeah. And they made a movie recently. But it's like kind of an adult movie. It's like the kids from high school, but now they're 30. But like...

Isn't I Carly kind of do the same thing? I don't know. We haven't gone there yet. Show and then it's back. Unlike people. Then yes. Probably. It's the same cast.

They're a little grown-up. Same cast except my... Like Victoria Justice isn't in the movie. She was in the show. And we're watching it and it's kind of an adult movie. But you guys, I was loving it. Okay? There's a scene where they're like at a bar and they're karaokeing these two dudes.

And he's... They're like, competition and all of a sudden, now I had... Okay, so it's the dirty dancing and they're like battling and this one dude goes to fight the dude and he runs off the stage

to attack the guy, but the guy just goes and put them into the dirty dancing left. God, it was the best part of my night. I'm sorry. Oh, you're turning red and sweating. What are you drinking in there? What are you doing? It's just so much coffee.

That's just regular coffee? Oh, my God. I don't think I've ever seen. I've seen you so excited about something. So excited. About a movie. This is Rachel's pick for movie of the year. Yeah.

Did you watch the family switch? No. It's so good. Is that the Jennifer Garner one? Yes. No, we should watch it. It's really good. Have you guys, how have you been keeping up on?

The Kardashians? Yeah. Exactly what I was on the end. All the like Oscar contenders and Globes contend. You've seen them? I've seen none. We watched Barbie on the airplane finally. I still haven't seen Barbie yet.

It's good. Yeah, it's really good. Did you see poor things yet? I have not seen anything. Not a thing. You guys should go see poor things. Did we like it? See everything.

You loved it. Saltburn also. Oh, yeah. I keep telling myself I'm going to do that when the kids go to sleep. It's on Amazon now, for me. That's not the issue. I did see that, that it was on Amazon. I watched Elvis, and it took me three nights to get through it because...

The Sophia Coppola one? No. That's Priscilla. That's Priscilla. The Austin Butler one probably. Yeah. Oh, got it. But it took three nights to get through one movie.

That's the point. Oh. You know, it's hard. So you didn't love it. Oh, my God. It has nothing to do with the movie. Oh, it just has to do with you taking... No, it has to do with me falling asleep because...

Got it. Real. I went to movies by myself last night. Oh, that was your... Wait, and I sent you that meme. What? With the one person in the theater? I almost did.

I sent... I made a similar... one and sent his Jeff and I was like, I went by the seat next to the one. I sent it to him. And this person was like, there's one seat already taken in the theater and they went to reserve their seat and they reserved the seat right next to the one seat. And he's like, this person was just going to love. I sent it to Rob. You would do that. I almost did it. Exactly. Oh my God. What did you see? That'd be Jeff's nightmare. Went and saw a Godzilla minus one, the new Godzilla movie. No idea what that is. Wow. My kids would love that. It's great.

Yeah, they would love it. It's like the new Japanese Godzilla A movie. That is actually something I will go do with my children. They'll have to read subtitles. Duh. They don't care. They just like watching it. You know?

Okay. Shepard will be all about it. Shepherd has been a fucking nightmare. Sorry. Tell, do tell. Let's hear. It's been hard. It's been really hard because we started in new school.

We moved. It's tough. Lots of adjustments. It's a lot of adjustments. I met with a not mediator. That sounds like divorce. A medium. You went to a medium.

A psychic. I met with an advocate yesterday. And I feel like they were going to be really helpful. I started crying. Explain. So when you have a kid with special needs, there's all kinds of services, right? There's all kinds of things in the school.

There's all kinds of things you need. I have the laughing. It's like, should not be laughing at all when you're talking about it. Yeah. And that thing happened. She had her coffee, or tea on the. The thing happened where you're like the most like, where you're not supposed to laugh at all.

Because it's like so inappropriate. And I got it, got it. She's winning and me like I'm responsible. Oh. Oh my God. You're like, oh my God. But she's. You know what? If you can't break out in laughter when you're talking about these things, then fuck.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Oh, shit. Okay. I'm sorry. Can she continue? I don't need to continue. No, you need to continue. Basically, you hire someone to help you navigate all the systems that you have to navigate. And the girl, I met with her two women and... That's hilarious.

Oh, shit. I think it's to leave the room for you to finish. I don't want to finish. She's helping you figure out how to deal with this wrapper. It's good. It's good work. So you hired her. You're going to help you. Did we ever tell you when we did this at our friend's play?

We were front row. During Romeo and Juliet. We fucking lost it. Lost it. Like this, we had to walk out in the middle. Oh, my God. And the house. surprise. I'm the house of pies. I still can picture her. I can picture her too. The waitress

caught her laugh. She didn't know us. She wasn't even our waitress. So she would put a menu when she walked by us to not catch. I'm sure that helped. I did not catch it. She put the menu up and walked by. Oh my God. That was like 20. Oh my God. Wait. Wait. Hold on. We covered, we talked advocate. We're fine. We're fine. Okay. Okay. Fine. I, speaking of, like, house of pies days. Yeah. What?

No. No, no. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Speaking of House of pies, I should say. When we would frequent house. She lost it. Why doesn't Rob ever catch it?

Are you a sociopath? Are you? Oh my God. Everything's hot. Okay. Okay. I found these journals. Like, I was cleaning out a closet.

And I found these journals yesterday. What if I start crying into an opposite? Like you're talking about something funny. And I start crying. Okay. One. Actually, I don't even think it's going to be funny. But these journals were from like 2003, like when I first started the OC.

And it was in detail. And it's hilarious. A daily journal? It was like, Dear Diary. One, Olivia and I went to, was it the Grove? I said. We went to the Grove and saw Love Actually in the theater. Oh, yeah.

Which was like, oh my God. That was a long time. We saw it in the theater. I don't remember that at all. Not at all. Do you? The last time you guys went to the movie theaters? Yes.

Probably. So we're talking about movie theaters. My favorite part, though, is like, I'm talking about something. For the document. It's Love Actually. Okay. I'm just going to stop. Rob.

Tell us the story. No, please. Go. Your favorite part. Go, go, go, go. No, it wasn't my... It's something like at Olivia. You'll be fine. I don't think this is going to be funny. I was just talking in detail about that time. And then it just abruptly stops.

And the next page, so that's 2003. The next page is 2007. And then everything, like, I can't even talk about it because for it to be funny, I'd have to give the details of it. Yeah. Never mind. Welcome to broad ideas. So that happened.

That happened. We went to see Love Actually in the theater. That's actually something I had no idea happened. Yeah, right? Yeah. That's actually something you do. Love actually something. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I was thinking about something this morning. I wanted to know what you guys think about.

Do you know about the burnt toast theory? That if you smell burnt toast, you're going to have... Okay, sorry. No, say it. Say it. No, I don't want to get it wrong. There's something, though. If you're smelling burnt toast, they think...

What is it? So that's not it. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I mean... Isn't it? You're like having a heart attack or something. Yeah. Okay.

Totally different direction. Okay. So the burnt toast theory is like... It's the theory that the things that annoy us are really what makes us miss the flight that would have ended things or... It's what annoys us is what... I brought toast. Like, that's fucking annoying. I have to make my toast again. And it's like that two minutes could have changed.

I've got so many serious things to talk about. Don't look at me. That it could change. Don't look at her. And I'll just be a way. I need a menu. Okay, continue. Bird by bird.

That two minutes that you have to remake your toast could change. the whole entire course of your life. And if we could spend more time being grateful for the small annoyances, and knowing it's all part of the plan versus being annoyed. Does that ever cross your mind? Put the book down.

Put the book down. Put the book down. No. Oh, this is a small annoyance. Oh, I'm just kidding. No, I know what you're saying. But what's the question? Like, does that theory ever cross your mind

or do you just get irritated? Like when you're in traffic, you're like, so annoying. That theory never crosses my mind. Well, maybe you didn't know it was the pertstose theory, but does it ever cross your mind when you're in traffic that... Where did you hear about the burnt toast theory? It's something that passes around my circuits. Oh.

That makes sense. I bet there's people that are sitting in the car right now in traffic irritated that they're in traffic. Right. or irritated that someone cut them off and whatever, whatever, whatever. I always think about, I always do this. Like if something happens and I'm like, oh, what if, and if I would have just turned here, what if I would have died?

You know what I mean? Like those thoughts, though, of like those choices and whatever, annoyances or decisions. Good. Finally. Once I got serious, Robb's like, this is hilarious. No, because when you said it, you're like, yes, I always. always think about if I would have turned right, I wouldn't die. I do think about that, though.

Yeah, no, it's interesting. It's really morbid. I do that a lot. Anyway. I've had that thought. I remember when being a kid, there was like one of the streets, a tree came down and hit this car, smashed and killed the person. And, like, he was half a second faster or waited at a stop sign a little bit longer than that tree

wouldn't have got him. Right. What is it? Final Destination? Is that the movie where they always show all those things? Like the log being carried and it goes through the... Yeah. Don't you think that when you drive behind? And you see a logging truck? Yeah. Yeah. Do you think those things happen in the positive as well?

Olivia's like, that's what I'm trying to get at here and you guys just went down the dark stuff. And then when they die, when the axe cuts through their head? No, but like, do you think that there's... Because obviously, like, if when someone dies, you're always like Dang.

Like something could have pushed it another direction. It's like too big of a web to think about what could have happened. I mean, that's what everything everywhere all at once is. There's all these like little micro universes based on one little decision changing everything. So that's basically my question is do you, and I guess not because you're like, that's too big to look at. I was. Well, it's just not helpful.

Why? Because you could use it in the positive. That every choice I make has a consequence, whether positive or negative, so it gives you more dominion over your choices. But then that's also like everything is fully random and out of my control because if I let someone go in front of me at the coffee line, that could determine whether I'm at a street or like at a place where I'm crushed by a piano falling from a... Right. Yeah. I think about any time there's like a horrible...

story, which there's so many horrible stories. I know I went there again. But that's when I think about it. Like, what if? Yeah, one little thing that'll alter that. Yeah, when you hear about these crazy tragic things that happen that are like so unbelievable,

you're like, what if they just didn't step out off the curb at that second? Isn't that wild? My, don't laugh. No, what? Well, my grandfather, my great grandfather, the way he died. Oh, no.

He was hit by a trolley. Was he in San Francisco? I don't know. He died. That's how he died. You got hit by a trolley? Yeah. So it's like if he didn't step out at that moment.

Right. That's the same thing. Like that moment if he didn't. Yeah. But let's think about it. What if you had diarrhea the day you were supposed to audition for the OC? You know? So it's like it happens in those ways, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A good thing happened. by 30 minutes. You know? If you think, yeah. Because if you would have gotten a tummy ache 20 minutes before going in that audition or what if someone broke up with you the day before and you weren't on your game? I'm trying to think if there is an example that I can think of.

In the positive. Yeah. I think about it with even just making the decision to go to the school I went to. That was like such a quick decision I made and it changed the course of my life because I met Jeff there. I wouldn't have my children. I wouldn't. Like, that choice was made super fast.

How is that serving you, though? No, how is like knowing that this, like, seemingly random, spontaneous decision is the foundation for your family existing or not? What is that doing for you? Yeah, it's doing great things because here's a lot. But I think powerful choices have powerful consequences, whether it's positive or negative. Right? But aren't you talking about like little micro decisions that are seemingly not big decisions? Yeah, but that was a big one.

You asked me how that was serving me. So it served me in the same way as getting sober. That decision changed the whole course of my life. Right. You know, going to school changed the whole course of my life. Yeah, but we're talking right now about whether she's got diarrhea or not. I don't have diarrhea, you guys. We know you're winning.

Yeah, but I don't know. I mean, sometimes I remind myself when I'm getting super irritated or overwhelmed. Like, it's okay. This could have saved my life. Or, like, maybe sometimes it's running into someone in the elevator and you share something with them or they share something with you that changes your day. Right. I know you don't do that. You don't even go in elevators.

I get what you're saying, and I understand it. And there are like, yeah, moments you can point back to that are like that. I guess I just don't know what we're talking about besides that. Do you think things are orchestrated? Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. Okay.

I went to a friend's birthday dinner, and this is another example of that. Okay. This is the story I've heard already a couple times. Which one? Okay. go ahead. A couple times. Go. No, I'm just wondering. I just wanted to know which way you were going, but I'm going to find out. I'm not going to speak. No. I'm done. This is what I do to Jeff. I'm done.

Jeff the other day at the farmer's market again was like, it's really hitting me. Like, I never realized how much you and I are alike. They really, they really are alike. I know. They really are. Yeah. That's why I'm her workwife. Yeah. He's your wife. He's your wife, wife. Yeah. Okay. What were you going to say, though? I was just going to say I went to a friend's birthday dinner and it was name text, right?

Oh, like place settings? Yes. How do you feel about that? So that's a great question. Yes. Great question. The world has been waiting to know. No, it's a thing.

You'll have your turn. Go ahead. I felt great about it that night because I was sat next to someone I know. Okay. And so that felt good. And then I was sat by Jeff. And then there was someone across from me that I didn't know and I don't know the rest of her friends. Right. But the person that sat across from me, Yes. Happened to have a child with special needs. And we got into it. And she was teaching me so much.

And she was amazing. And I was like, hmm, by Alana deciding to put those place cards, she changed the course of our lives because that woman has a lot of help for me. Right. Did she lead you to this advocate that you met with? No, not her, but she's giving me a lawyer. Oh, okay. Divorce attorney. She has a podcast on.

Help, like, navigating children that are neurodivergent. What do you need a lawyer for? To sue the school district. Okay. I'm not there yet. I'm not there. That's not like you're a divorce attorney. No.

No. I'm happily married. Jeff is too much like Rachel. I choose these two. Happily married. We're some patico. Yeah. Did she intentionally put you guys across from one another?

Nope. No, but do you know people that? randomly put names down? But at least she put you next to someone you know and your husband. I hate when you go to like a dinner part or something and the host or whatever puts name tags and they purposely separate you from anyone you know. That is like crippling anxiety for me. I hate that.

You hate it too, but you love talking to people and you hate it. So I feel better that I hate it. Have you seen that curb episode? I mean, I'm sure layer. It's a newer one, I think. Oh, it is. No. middle tabling.

Oh, yeah, yeah. What is it? What is it? Yes, I saw that episode. Certain people have to be in the middle. Right. Otherwise. He's like, why am I not a middle?

They have to carry the conversation. Yes, they put the stronger, like, conversationalists. Conversationalists. And wasn't Larry like, why am I not a middle? Oh, he wasn't a middle. They go to a dinner. They put the wrong people in the middle.

Oh, yeah. And it's just like fully derailed and boring. Everyone's, like, so mad. And then he goes in the kitchen. And Susie's like, what's happening? He's like, well, you put the wrong people the middle. And then he just goes and switches it. And it changes the whole evening. Larry, he's like, I mean, it is in the middle. Love of my life. That's good stuff. I tell you. It is good

stuff. Okay, go ahead and ask the question. But how do you feel about the name tags really quickly if you're at a dinner or whatever? And do you want to bother you? Would it bother you if you were separated from the people you know? I wouldn't like that. People do that, especially at like weddings and stuff. Yeah. What do you, if they separate you and Natalie, like. Depends on what it is. I knew what he was going to say. Like, yeah. Because you always did that. I know. It depends if I know people there or not.

If it's like a bunch of people I'm comfortable with, then like, sure, let us up. But if it's not, that's so uncomfortable, right? If it's like all Natalie's friends or like people I don't know. If I'm separated, I'm going to just move seeds. One more thing on that. What? So, yes, I love talking to people. But I do think if you're sitting next to me, I'm going to have a greater chance of talking to people than if I'm alone.

It's like it gives you that like security blanket. That's how I feel. Yeah. I'm way more talkative if like you're with me or Leah's with me. Yeah. Not you. Wait, the two of you together somewhere alone? So awkward.

Me and you? Yeah. That would be a little awkward. We'd be wallflowers. You guys would be like, no. We would just be more social than you would think. Rob is. He is.

If I know. If it's full strangers and not. I'm saying to put you and Rachel with full strangers is something that I would want to watch. We would just like sit in the corner and whisper and like fully close off. Oh my God. My nightmare. Okay. She'd be like I have to pee come with me.

I know. I'd be like I have to peek on it. So good. It's been a good day so far. Yeah. I feel better. Good. Well, just being with you.

Yeah. Don't you? Yeah. See what this does for. you. That's why you moved closer and that changed everything. The course of your life. I paid my wife for sex. This seems like a terrible mistake, but I can't tell how bad yet. Wait, I paid my wife for sex? Yes, this is a 42-year-old male talking about his 42-year-old female wife. Okay. I've been married to my wife for 14 years. We have two daughters. For the first few years, we had a good sex life. Then it dropped back significantly.

She stopped instigating and would decline if I did. When I ask, she has several reasons she rotates through. We're too old. Nobody has sex that often. Or she's too big now. She gained a lot of weight. I know it bothers her, but I can't say which came first. She always seems to believe we've had sex in the last week or two,

even though it's been six months. Since the kids were born, we have sex three or four times a year, usually twice around Christmas and once or twice in the spring. and fall. It's the same every time and the way she's decided it should be. I rub her back and neck. She gives me a couple squeezes and tugs. I go down on her because it's the fastest and most reliable for her to have a couple

orgasms. Then she lays in her back and patiently while I climb on top. It's not ideal. Is there a question? Is there a question? Is this a little erotic moment? Pause for reaction? Yeah, pause for reaction. Dramatic pause? Okay. All right, this Christmas I got her a small gift that she really appreciated

afterwards. A dildo? When we had our Christmas sex, she went down on me briefly, which she hadn't done in years and asked if there was anything else I wanted. I asked if she'd get on top and wear lingerie, and she said, it wasn't that nice of a gift. She's funny.

I told her I'd get her two more. She wanted something else instead, and we ended up naming a dollar amount. At the time I really didn't care that it was weird or might have repercussions. A few days later, she mentioned something expensive that she wanted to buy. I gave her money for it. And that led to her cheerfully giving me the first blowjob I've had in years. It's continued happening since then.

Part of me is thrilled. I like that we're having sex. I like that there's variety. And I like that I get some input into what we do. I've been in a really good mood all year. And so has she. On the other hand, it seems like this is probably offensive and insulting. It seems like I'm too close to the situation.

I'm heavily influenced by the fact that I've had more sex this year than the last three combined. Am I being paranoid or is this going to blow up in my face? It was misleading to say he pays her for sex because he's just buying her gifts, things she wants. Seems like it is, though. It's in exchange. It's transactional. Yeah. It's like, I'm going to do this.

Right. I don't see anything wrong with that whatsoever. I love being paid for sex. I'm just kidding. But I don't see anything at all wrong with that. Why, if you're both happening. and if you're cool with the agreement, you're both happy, who care?

I just think it goes down to like all relationships have compromised, right? So if this is where you're meeting in the middle and you're both okay with it, I don't see anything wrong with that. It's making him uncomfortable that it seems transactional, then just then like talk to her

about phrasing it a different way. Well, I think he's just uncomfortable with the idea of it, but he sounds happy. Yeah. Right? So if you're happy, who cares.

Right. I don't see anything wrong with that personally. It doesn't sound that crazy to me. No. Is it supposed to be? Like, are we missing something?

No, I think it's just the transactional nature of it. Which, if that helps spark and reignite things in their sex life, then great. I know. I'm sure certain people need some motivation to do things. Maybe it's not their favorite thing to do, right?

Like acts... whatever in sexual relations. I'm so careful what I'm saying right now. I also think that there's guys that, like, I have a friend who used to have sex with someone, then he would pay her afterwards. What? Yeah.

I'll download you. But he would pay her afterwards and she didn't want the money. She'd be like, I don't need money. But then he enjoyed giving her money. And so finally she was like, okay. I was going to have sex with you anyways, and he's like, that's fine. Part of his kink was paying her afterwards. Part of his kink was paying her afterwards.

I mean, I was just, I guess, not super different than, like, buying dinner beforehand. That's exactly. It's like there's so many ways you are doing exchanges in so many different areas. If you feel good about it and it's not like a pressure on you, then there's nothing wrong with it. But if it's like, you have to do this for this, that's a whole different. I think that's where it could get slippery in that situation if he's just buying your things and expecting it. I bought you this necklace. Now you have to do this.

Right. There's a difference between agreements and expectations. Yeah. Yeah. So as long as they're clear about it, then I don't think there's anything wrong with it either. I'm going to start paying Jeff with his money. Yeah. I mean, that didn't seem that crazy.

see to me. No. Mm-mm. If you ever paid for sex? No. Would you, if you were single? No. Have you ever paid for sex? I've never, no.

I never had sex. I've never, have you? I've never had sex. Have you, either of you been paid? No. Been paid? Paid for sex. No. Or like...

Proposition. Proposite. Not... Have you had any sort of transactional, like, hey, you go take the dog out tonight and we can have sex? Oh, deals? Yeah. A hundred percent.

Yeah. No? I don't think so. Not that I can recall. Oh, I've definitely had deals. Yeah. I will do things for naps. That's true.

She was. I will work for naps. It's not even a joke. Yeah, she'll be like, I will give you. I will do this if I get an hour nap. Deal, deal. Both feel great about it. Is yours the reverse, though?

Like, you're asking Jeff to do things in an exchange? I'm the one offering. Yeah, she's offering so she can get her nap. He's not like, can I get a thing and you can get a nap? No. Well, no, no. But he's not like, I'll go do the dishes if we can have sex. or you're saying, or he's not telling you to go to the dishes so that you're willing.

Oh, I'm not working for it. No. Yeah. No, no, no, no. But I will barter. And I don't feel like there's anything wrong with that. I don't either. Do you guys barter?

Yeah, occasionally. It'll be like. Yeah. I feel like that's like maybe more common in like a marriage with kids or whatever. And you'll be like, hey. There's all this stuff to do tonight. And I'm not going to be. in the mood to do this unless

I get some help here and there. Exactly. I'm gladly go do these things. Yes. I think that's... I do think there's certain people out there in the world, though, that if you ever talk about

any of the acts of it, they're like, not into it. What do you mean? Like, if it's not spontaneous. Yeah. Like, if it's planned out. I mean, try being married

for 11 years and not ever talk about it. Right? Right. Like, the truth of the matter is... That's not maybe a reality. Like a realistic expectation? I don't think it's a realistic expectation. And I think that also...

It's like schedule and figuring out. Like, there's logistics to it. Yeah, we have it on our calendar. You have it on your calendar. I can imagine Robb having it all... And then, yeah, at noon, here's the thing. That's great. Spontaneity's wonderful.

All those things, right? But it depends on what both partners needs are. Sometimes the other partner needs to be like, I want to have sex. And they need to be able to have that need met too. And the other partner's need could be, I need it spontaneous. So it's like...

Well, I think a lot of women traditionally can't just, like, think about wanting to have sex and then get turned on. There needs to be a physical aspect that happens first where they're willing. There's certain times in the month, though, where I think girls are more willing. Okay. Well, we'll not have it gendered.

I think there are two different, types of people in sexual relations. One that's just ready to go thinking about it. I can turn it on and the other that needs a little more physical touch before they can get it. Or emotional touch. Or emotional. Or connection.

I've heard from so many women that they need that connection time first. Right. Which I find strange. But also, I think that people are. People's timing is different. It's like for a guy, it could be like, you could be in the middle of doing 300 things and they want to do it. And you're like, I'm like holding our children or the laundry or whatever. You're not necessarily in the mood.

But do you make sacrifices? Right. Or, sorry, not sacrifices, compromises. Compromises. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. I'll get back to you guys.

I hit my 12-year mark and I'll let you know how it's going. That was a lot of information. Yeah. We handled a lot of information, guys. Great work. I should check on our food. Yeah. I think it's here.

Let's go eat. Let's go eat. Bye. That was a Hidgum podcast.