Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Ambyr Childers on Not Overthinking It

Episode Date: April 28, 2025

Rachel and Olivia chat with actress Ambyr Childers about acceptance, sobriety and dating as a single mom. Watch the video recording of this episode on YouTube here!Like the show? Rate Broad Ideas 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts and SpotifyAdvertise on Broad Ideas via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Thanks. Thanks, Kevin. You're welcome. What a jerk over there. Very dramatic. Very dramatic from Olivia. Geez. I just wanted to do that to you. Okay, thanks.

Today we have Amber Childers, and I would like to talk to her and not Olivia. Oh, he liked that. Brutal. I'm trying not to chew my mint. That's tough. I know. Okay.

Enjoy. I met you through the years, right? Like, through Alana. And one night, it was Alana's birthday. And we were going to dinner and I was telling Jeff, like, I'm just not feeling social. Please make sure I sit next to you because I... I remember this. Yeah.

I only know one of Alana's friends. and like I only know Rainey so I'm like either make sure I sit next to Rainey or by you because I'm just like not feeling social and I sat across from you and by the end he was looking at me laughing he's like you fucking love her and I was like she did she told me the story after dinner

she's like I didn't want to go she's like I got sat next to Amber like at the best night. Oh, that's so sweet. And I was like, not only do I love her, like she's one of us on so many levels. And it just goes to show like you just don't know. You can't make your mind up about what you're going to experience before you get there, you know, and then I came away with it with you and you've been so helpful and supportive of me. She has not stopped talking about you. I adore you. And we share Alana, who's, I been friends with since I was 11? No, not 11. Younger. What? I met her first. She was best

friends with my sister. And I was like nine years old. And I remember we went to elementary school. I mean, I went to the junior high to pick up my sister. And I saw Alana. She was wearing a wife feeder and a bandana over her head. Are you allowed to call it a wife feeder? She was wearing a slingshot. Okay, whatever it's called. But like what is the name for it? You know what I mean? A white tank. Can I put them? You can put them on our faces. I just want to make sure.

Comey. Get cozy. So she had a bandana on her head and a white men's undershirt tank top. And huge baggy jeans. And she was like all loud like with the guys. And I was like, that's the prettiest person I've ever seen with my eyes. And then she's like, hey. And she was just like, all on.

And then that mouth came. And then the mouth came. Yeah. And she's like, hi. And I haven't let her go since. That's a long time. Yeah. She will, she was best friends with my sister. I know. And then I took her. Yeah. And then you took her. Yeah. Like you take everybody. I take you. I took you. I took you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to take everybody now too. Yeah. How did you first meet Alana? We met through our ex-husbands, actually. Oh.

They're like almost one in the same. Oh, really? Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. You were young. How old were you?

When I met Alana. Like, let's start with how old were you when you got married? I was 19 when I got married. What? I know. I know. What? Here?

Yeah. We eloped in mouth. Malibu. What? I know, isn't it funny how you think at a 19, you know everything. Like I thought, I thought I knew everything. Holy shit. Yeah. Baby. And like 19 in LA and you got married. It's not like, you know. That's bananas, right? I told you it was young. I didn't know it was that. Yeah. She would like had said, but I was like, okay, young. 19. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's a lot. I had London at 21. And that was like, like, like at, at, I was like, at, like, at. Surprise. And you know, because I grew up Mormon. I was like, I'm not, yeah. Where are you from? California, but not Utah.

Yeah. I love when people say that. I know. They're like automatically assume Utah. Yeah. Okay. You grew up Mormon. I grew up Mormon.

And then, yeah, I was like, oh, we're having this baby because we're married now, I guess. And I didn't ever want children, but like I just, I loved babies. Like, I love babies. Yeah. Yeah. And so I was like, okay, we're doing it. And, you know, he was like, I guess he wasn't thrilled, but I was like too fucking bad.

And we had London and it was beautiful. And then after that, I was like, I hate you, but I need to give London a sibling. So can you just like take your sperm and like place it in this cup for me? Stop it. And then finally I got pregnant. So. When did you know you? Not from a cup.

A turkey baser. We did old school. When did you know that you wanted out of that marriage? How long were you married? Almost eight years. Oh, wow. Like just shy of eight years. Wow. Okay. I think I knew it was a mistake very early on because of a lot of things that happened early on, like even when I was pregnant. And I fought for it. You know, my parents have been married for that my parents met in high school okay well and they're still married wow so divorce wasn't even in my yeah vocabulary it was like not even a thing and then so I really fought I fought for like acceptance I fought for forgiveness I fought for my kids and ultimately like I stayed for my kids I did like I didn't want my kids to come from a broken home and after like years of just chaos and crazy

I had to leave for my kids and I had to leave for myself because by the end of the marriage, I wanted to die. Like I really did. Like when you feel so stuck and you don't know how to get out, but like you're fighting for your kids. So luckily there was like a pretty big incident that happened that really gave me the strength. And I was like, okay, whoa, this is like, not that all the other times weren't, I shouldn't

have left, but this one particular situation was big enough where I was like, if I don't leave. Someone is not getting out alive. And I don't like ham sandwiches. So I better leave. I don't want to go to jail. I don't want to go to prison. Oh my God.

No, you don't want ham sandwiches. No, no. Well, it depends on the ham sandwich. But the kind in jail are not going to be good. Yeah. Then you think, like, I'm really not mad at, like, white bread and ham. But I don't think it's even good white bread. It's probably, like, stale wheat bread with, like.

Wheat bread. Not the wheat bread. Not wheat bread. I'm not going to jail. Fine. Fine. All right. Wow. But what a thing to go through at such a young age and a young mother with kids and then making that decision. Like that's a really, that's a very hard thing to do. Yeah, it was hard. It was hard. But ultimately the best thing. Yes. Yes. And it's still hard. And I tell people, I tell people this now, like, when you get divorced, you think, oh, that's it. I'm done with the person. No. It's a life sentence. If you have kids. Well, yes, if you have kids.

Having kids is a life sentence. First of all, I tell all my friends that don't have kids, I'm like, just so you know. And the way the world is going. I mean, kids can't afford to live on their own anymore. I know. So, like, they're just, people are living in these houses together. I'm like, it's a life sentence. It's a beautiful life sentence.

But yeah. But yeah. With an ex, it could be extremely challenging. Having to deal with that person or engage with that person in one way or another. Yeah. If you're lucky. I mean, or unlucky in some circumstances. But like, I mean, for the children, you know, you do the best you can to keep their parents in their life if they're deserving, right?

Right. And I always told my kids I would never ever lie to them. There was a lot of like tricking, a lot of lying, a lot of manipulation. And even if I know something may hurt them, I mean, depending on this circumstance and what it is, I will always tell them the truth. Because I think that's all they want. Right. Thank you. I think all anybody wants is just the truth, even if it hurts.

Well, now that they're a little older, do they know someone of the truth? Oh, 100%. Oh, they do. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And that is something that a therapist once told me, she just always said, Amber, you'll never have to explain anything to your kids. Whether it was a public thing or not, eventually they come to learn and see.

Are you showing up? Are you keeping your promises? Are you doing what you say? Like, are you showing up to parent teacher conferences, to volleyball games, to, you know, just all these little moments in life? They're smart. They take note. Yeah, they'll have their own experiences. And that's exactly what happened.

And then, especially my older one, she is. I mean, both of my kids are hysterical. So different. But she always says, like, have you spoken to your ex-husband? And I'm like, you mean your father? And she's like, no, your ex-husband. And I was like, oh, okay, that's how we feel about him today. Wow.

Wow. So, yeah, it can be challenging. But, you know, one day at a time. Right. I mean, that's the truth of everything. Yeah. I also feel like to me, that's like the hill I am willing to die on is the truth. In those circumstances, we can't control other people. We can't control kids, teachers, friends, their father, any of it. But we can control what we're doing to help them develop their own intuition. Yeah. And when we lie to them, we're, we're, we're.

continually gaslighting them and saying what you're feeling inside isn't accurate. And that sets them up to never have self-trust, to not trust their internal guidance system, and to not trust people because they're like, I'm feeling this, but they're saying this, okay, right? And so I feel like our one job as a parent is, I will honor your internal guidance system and not gaslight the way you're feeling or shape shift and shimmy it to make it seem something right because that is his damaging as being absent in a way 100% and that's what they say like the first thing you do is like when your kid's upset you say I could see you're very upset or I could see this is upsetting you because one you have to acknowledge it like validating right like yeah yeah of course

so that's like the key and I think like for me this past year in my journey of sobriety I've learned it's it's acceptance that is the key of letting go Yeah. Acceptance is so hard. It's a son of a bitch. It's a motherfucker. It's a motherfucker. It is a motherfucker. It's a son of a bitch. Seriously. How long have you been sober? Next Thursday will be a year. Wow. Congratulations. Thank you. Wow. How does that feel? It feels really good. It's hard. Yeah. Like growth, you know, is really ugly. And I think like some people just make it seem I'm like, oh, it's beautiful. I'm like, I'm growing.

And it's like, no, it fucking sucks. It's ugly. It's messy. There's good days. There's bad days. But that's where, like, I have to stop. And I cry all the time. I literally think I've cried every single day since the day I got sober.

Since the day I was like, you know what? No more alcohol, no more drugs. It's a wild ride. You say the first year. The first two years for me were the first two. hardest two years of my life. Right. I'm scared of the second year. Like, I'm really scared. But then after that, it's like everything you think, right? It's like dismantling completely. And then you start to rebuild. And then you start to feel what it's like to have a new foundation. And so you kind of have

to dismantle your whole entire psyche in order to operate your system in a different way. And so it's a good think the thing you were just saying about growth is such a big deal because I do think it's made to look a certain way, whether it's media, social media, like growing, it's part of life, la la la. No human being that I know is naturally inclined to grow. That doesn't come natural for us. It's usually a force that happens to us that we hit our knees and say, okay, I have to face this. or we do it begrudgingly with massive resistance. No one's like, I feel like growing today. You say that and then you're not growing.

Yeah, well, usually what happens is I heard this in, maybe it was on social media, someone's like, yeah, I go to bed sober, or no, I go to bed an alcoholic and I wake up sober and I'm like, bitch, that's not me. I go to bed sober now. I wake up an alcoholic and the first thing I have to do is check my head. That's right. I have to check my head. And now I have the tools.

to be able to set myself up for a great day. And not every day is great. But now I have the tools that I could go. And like, now I get to also share those tools with my kids. So it's like reparenting myself while I'm parenting two daughters. Which is huge. Yeah. So you work the program.

Yeah. Yeah. I often like, I mean, I'm not an alcoholic. But I'm like maybe I need the program. Yeah. I mean, it's a disease of the mind. It's not even like the alcohol, the coffee, the behavior is the actual addiction, right? And so I, for me, you know, I just wanted to numb my feelings. I wanted to numb myself throughout my entire marriage because it was, it was just chaos. And I didn't know what to do. So like the only way that I could like suppress those feelings while I could manage my career. career, you know, the kids, whatever it is, was just to like, swig, swallow and go, you know, but I don't have to do that now. And now I could actually sit and say, whoa, this feels really

uncomfortable. What am I feeling? And then sometimes I have to put myself in a timeout, which I'm all about. I'm like, mom's going to take a time out. I'll be right back. What does that look like? Laying on the bed and closing my eyes. And like, I think for my. first year sobriety, I've taken a bath every single day. There's something about being in water. I don't know if it's like my astrology sign. I was about say, is it the cancer? I'm a cancer. I just feel like it's like I just will go in a bath and like, you know, it just feels like it's cleansing, renewing. I dance. Amazing. And like that's something that I always love doing growing up. And so it's funny, you think in your head, you're still a good dancer.

Like, I, oh, I can still like bust a move on the dance floor. But then as an adult, you're like, oh, shoot, I need to like get reconnected with my body. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Which is a very cool thing. It doesn't move in the same way. It doesn't move in the same way. And it's like therapy. Dance is like therapy. Yeah. Do you take classes or you just, oh, you do? Where do you go? So I have a couple of girlfriends. We all go to like Soho Dance Studio or, um, what's the other? place. It's like hip hop or? Yeah, it's like hip hop and they also like throw some songs might be like salsa. Yeah. And it's hard. And there's some girls that really can dance well, but it, I don't care. No one cares. No one's so free. Yeah. And it's just, it feels so good. What a nice outlet. Yeah.

You know? I was thinking the other day because the kids, my kids are addicted to their iPads, right? And so they're not allowed iPads during the week. They are limited on the weekend. and I was explaining it to someone as the same way I was with substances. If it's on the table, it's the first thing I'm going to choose. So if I have a feeling, I'm going to choose a cigarette or a drink or anything to take me out of that feeling. If you take that off the table, now dance is available, right? Now yoga's available. Now meditation.

Now any of the things that are actually going to help are available. because the discomfort of that feeling, you can't just numb. And so I see the kids doing it. And I'm like, if the iPads off the table, now what's available? Baseball, running, creating. But it scares me because I see these kids being like, that's my first choice. And I'm like, to me, that's addiction. That's exactly what addiction is.

Yeah, I explain that to my kids. Your brain doesn't know the difference between sugar and the, this dopamine hit by scrolling or doing whatever you're doing. Right. It's a disaster. What we're like the future, you know, generations are in for. And I even see my kids. I'm even guilty of it.

Same. You know? Of course. It's so hard. I mean, constantly on your phone or whatever and they're seeing it. But like, they can't do it. Right. Right.

Like, but you're not allowed to. You're like, I'm working. I say that all the time. I'm like, I'm working. He's like on Instagram. I'm like sometimes. Yes. sometimes. I know. It is so hard. Do you worry, and this is to both of you, that genetically your kids

will inherit the addiction? I don't even worry. I accept that their brain is different than their fellows because I don't see how it could not be. Yeah, I agree. I think so. I mean, I'm like, I'm, it's not even like, it's little things that we're addicted to, right? Yeah. It doesn't even have to be like, it doesn't have to be an alcohol. It's behavior. Right. It could be fantasy.

It could be anything other than the present moment. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. We've hit a, we've hit. Trigger warning. Yeah.

Trigger warning. As I said, you're knitting ferociously. You know, someone said or gave me this tool like when I'm having, you know, a moment. They're like, okay, where are your feet? Literally, where are your feet right now? Yeah. Right? I'm like, okay, my feet are on the couch.

It's April 24th at. That is so impressive. You knew the day. I was like, whoa. Wow. April 24. She is present. Yeah.

I'm like, fuck. I don't even know what the day of the week it is. Me neither. I didn't know. this week, actually. I'm a little confused. But that's only because I'm trying to find somewhere to stay for stagecoach and I'm looking at. Are you going to go? I am going. Riley, I finally, like, got tickets, but now I have nowhere to stay. And so I literally was on Airbnb and there's like this like motorhome trailer. Wait, I love that. I feel like that is really. I know,

but I was like, actually, I'm so down for that, but because I'm bringing Riley, like, that's your daughter. Yeah, yeah. What if, I don't know, what if ends up being a disaster or like, yeah, I don't No. Right. Like I would sleep in my car. I really don't care anymore. Yeah. Yeah. You know? I want you to stay in a place. I do. I want that for you. I know. Don't want you guys in a car. No. Oh, that's fine. Anyways, that's the only way I'd like know that today's April 24th is because of that. Yeah. Wait, that's so exciting. Didn't you go last year? I went last year. This is a funny story. So I got sober in January. I came in through Al-Anon. Yeah. And I went to stagecoach. I got tickets and I was like a friend invited me. I was like, oh my God, this is like a dream come true. I'm going to go find my cowboy. My blue collar guy that's going to like build me a house and help me with my garden who can change my tire and my light bulb.

And I could bring home to mom and dad. I was like, that was my fantasy. It hasn't happened yet. But I went and of course, someone's like, do you want to try shrooms? and I was like, yeah, no, I'm sober. They're like, oh, this is not really like, this doesn't count. I was like, okay. I had the best time of my life.

I love mushrooms. And they're like microdose, and it was a very specific brand that I got. And oh my gosh. I, yeah, I hope there's mushrooms in heaven. So. I hope there's mushrooms in heaven. How does that work? Did you keep your,

Blahis. Did you keep your sobriety date? So no. So I came home. And so I lost two months. So I, my, my sponsor, who's like 82 years old, she's like, nope, sorry. I'm like, man, but it was only two months. So I was like, oh, it was worth it. I was like, I should have done cocaine because I'd never done cocaine. I was like, I should have done cocaine while I was there too. No, because you would have liked it. I know I would, and that's why I never did it. Me too. I've never done it. I always knew that if I tried Coke, that was it for me. Me too. I was like, what's a point? I'm going to like it. Because I have ADD and I need a stimulant. Oh, shit. Yeah. You don't want to do that then.

Yeah. So it gets a little confusing with the sobriety and the psychedelics. Because like it's also a medicine. Mushrooms. Mushrooms they are using medicinally. There's a whole subgroup of people that are sober. There's like psychedelics and sobriety and there's all of that kind of stuff. Where's that meeting at? I don't know. I don't go to. I don't go to. to it. I've never done it. But I mean, I did psychedelics before I got sober. But it is a little confusing to me sometimes. It is confusing for me too. Where I'm like, how many people in this room are like low-key doing psychedelics? Well, I just feel like it's a different thing and it's a different It's any mind-altering substance. That's ultimately what like is the definition. So really what does that

stand for like coffee and Diet Coke? Because I'm not giving that up. I just gave up Diet Coke. You did? Yeah. Shocked. I know. But Diet Coke is the devil. I know. Oh, shoot. I love the Diet Coke. Me too. Love it. It's disgusting. I love it with lime. Yeah. And I went to sushi last night and I was like, I can't do it. I can't do it. I don't even want to eat the food. Wait, what made you give up Diet Coke? Like, randomly. Well, it's not random. It's that a friend of mine was having health issues. And I just decided to. to not contribute to my own. Diet Coke. Diet Coke is...

I know. I'm telling you. Every time you get it, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, so I was like, why am I doing that? Like, I have kids. Okay. I've got to keep my brain and my wits and my life and Diet Coke causes all kinds of stuff, right? Okay, so we're, yeah, of course.

So we're going to place it with what? Sparkling water with lime. A mocktail. I love a good mocktail. I love a mocktail. I had one for the first time the other day called A Dirty Rancher, if you had this. Oh, I mean, I want one of those in real life. Yeah.

Does it come with one? That is who you're looking for. In Mexico, we ran into some mutual friends at the airport and we went to their house. And the woman hosting us was so lovely. And she's like, take a sip of my drink. It's a non-alcoholic. And I was like, what is this? She's like, it's a dirty rancher.

It's sparkling water with lime juice and salt. What? That doesn't sound good to me. It's like a margarita. Can we put tahine around the rim? She did? Oh, that's my name. No, it's literally fantastic.

I was like, this I can do. Yeah. An iced tea. Ice tea. You know, I've tried a bunch of those canned mottles. I'm just not into them. I don't like the canned mottles. Yeah, I like the fresh ones.

Yeah. But a little, you know, rimmed glass and we're good. Yeah. But it was hard to eat sushi without it. Without Diet Coke? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I used it. It was a buzzkill. Interesting.

I love it. And it gets me a little jacked up, makes me feel good. Yeah. Regular Coke can do that too. But it's like the sugar, it's too sweet, it doesn't, uh-uh. Yeah. You get it. I do. I don't. What is it with people that are sober that love Diet Coke so much? They don't love Coke because it's bad. The chemicals, I don't know. You guys. Rachel's like, I hate diet anything. She's not an alcoholic.

Do you see? Now I'm going to take a poll about this Diet Coke thing with the alcoholics I do know in my life. Dude, my mom has had a two-liter bottle of Diet Coke by her bed since the time I was a little. Stop it. Still? Well, now you know what she does? What? She brings over her one little Diet Coke and she mixes it half with that and half with Pellegrino.

Oh. She's diluted it. And do you know that like the bottles are better than the can? Are you like that, like, I know what's in it? I could taste a difference. No, I could taste the difference between the canned Diet Coke versus the bottled Diet Coke. You like the bottle. I like the can.

But a plastic bottle? Guys. Joking. I like. Yes. Like full judgment here. Like plastic. And diet Coke.

And then now go to her Instagram and watch her workout videos. Yours. Oh. Like when I see you look like, I don't let anything near me. That's what you look like. Well, I mean, I have to have, I love chocolate. Me too. I mean, I'm like, I'm like, I literally would rather just like skip the actual meal and go straight for dessert.

Seriously. Yeah. It's, I'm just that much addicted to sugar. So I really have to, because I could blow up really easily. I eat a lot of chocolate. Do you know Candace, my Candace? Yeah, yeah. Okay.

So the other day, my friends were over and they're like, do you have any chocolate after eating? I was like, do I have chocolate? And I pulled out this big, huge bag with like every single chocolate you could imagine. And they're like, where in the world did you get this? And I was like, my beloved Candace. Oh. Oh, yeah. She gives me bags of chocolate?

What kind of chocolate? Oh, God, with hazelnuts with crispy's cornflake chocolate. It's the Ritter. It's the, what is it called? They have it in the fashion square, the whatever. Oh. You know those big. Oh, the candy store.

Yeah. The lollipop. No, not the lollipop. It's like big huge slabs of chocolate. Oh, yes. And they cut them off. Yes. I don't know what the place is called, but I do know.

It's Swiss chocolate. I think Dubai chocolate's a new thing. It is. It was everywhere last night. It's trendy. The Americana. It's like a place. Pistachio cream, but they call it Dubai chocolate.

Okay. What is it? But they have cups of like you get strawberries and chocolate and Dubai chocolate, which is pistachio something. And then these like crispy's, they kind of taste like a burnt breadstick. They did not like those. Anyway, literally they had like table set up with all this Dubai chocolate. During Easter and my girlfriend's house. I liked it, but I don't like.

Was it not pistachio? It is. It is pistachio. But I don't like. cream filling in the chocolate. Nope. Nope. Don't like it.

Yeah. Seas candy? Yes. Yes. I love turtles. Oh. Oh, so good. I did go to Seas Candy yesterday.

It's getting, it's getting embarrassing. I know. Do they know you there? Yeah, 100%. They're like, do you want the white chocolate for your son? Because he likes the white chocolate. I go every. Oh, that's sweet.

She does. Sometimes she gives me some. I know. I didn't. I didn't get you nothing. But not this time. I actually thought of it after I left because I went in briefly and I had to get like the teachers, you know, teacher appreciation week. So I had to get chocolates for everyone. Oh, is that teacher appreciation week now? Yeah. Shit. Okay. Sorry. And so I was trying to be like, I'm not going to get it for myself too because Candace gave me a world of chocolate. That's why I didn't get it for you. Because you didn't get any? Yeah. So I had to suffer with you even though I don't have chocolate at home. I'm going to get your chocolate on Tuesday. I go every Tuesday.

Oh, you do go every Tuesday. That's true. I know your schedule. That's cool. I'm holding you to it. I'll get you some next time. I want to talk a little bit about single mom dating life, if you don't mind. Shall we?

Yes. Shall we? How is it for you? How do you like it? How's it going? Guys, I never dated, you know, because I got married so young. You got married so young. And then after I was in a relationship for seven years after that.

And that was like, I just, I was so lost and confused. And I learned a lot about myself. And so when I woke up and I was like, oh, I don't know anything about dating. How are we going to do this? So I was like, okay, I'm just going to get set up through mutual friends and whatnot. And that didn't work out so well. No, no. Yeah.

And then like, random people, like my agent or my manager would set me up with people and that didn't work out. And then so finally had two of my friends that work out with me at Alo and they said, Amber, it's like you really want to meet someone you need to go on the dating app. I thought they were going to say you need to be at the gym. You need to be at Isle 7 or in Isle 7 at Whole Foods from 5 to 8 p.m. I'm dead. And so I was like, I don't want to, but they both met their person on an app. on a nap. Okay. And got married or getting married or whatnot.

And so I was like, okay, fine. I'll try it. And I had actually a guy friend of mine do my profile because like that feels so self-indulgent. I was like, how about this picture? He's like, ew. And then I was like, you want that picture? That's great. So you just, I can't see myself.

Right. So it was better to have someone do it for me. It's been really interesting. I've had a lot of good dates. I've had some not so great dates. I've gained friends through this. All from the app. All from the app.

But now I think it's time to like... Oh my God, I want to scroll for you so bad right now. I think I'm done now. I'm ready to deactivate both of my... I have two. I'm on Hinge and Raya. Okay. And it's...

I'm super focused with work. It's like volleyball season for Riley. London has her stuff going on. I'm like, I can't manage everything. And right now I, I, know what I want and and I'm not fine. You want an old rancher? What is it? A dirty rancher. I think that's what my parents want for me. They're like, can you just move back to

Nebraska and I'm like, mom? Literally, I probably end up. No. Yeah, but do I want like that? I mean, literally really like I love. Have you watched Farmer once a wife? No, but I want. I should be on that show. You should be on that show. I should be on that show. Okay, what do you want? Like if you were putting it out to the universe. So going back to dating, I was like, I don't even know what I want, right? Because how do I know what I want? Because I've never dated before. And so in this process, I've kind of like learned that, you know, my ex-husband was older

than me. And I'm like trying to close that gap a little bit because I think I'm such an old soul that I'm not running around. And like, I have kids and they're older. And so I think somewhere between like 39-ish and like maybe like 45. I feel like that's like a good age range. They have to be funny. They have to like to like to travel.

Funny so funny. Meaning like I want someone that just like wants to explore the world. Like we get such a short amount of time here on this planet. Yeah. Like there's so much that I want to see and experience. Yeah. You know, they have to love my kids. I don't need another parent, but like I need someone that's just going to support me.

So when I say like, hey, like so-and-so is throwing up on the, you know, toilet, I can't actually like make it out tonight or whatever. Like, it's me understanding. They don't have to be sober, but it's someone that's like accepting that I am sober and someone that actually takes care of themselves because I've noticed there are some guys that I've been on day. with, I'm like, oh, this guy does not. And I didn't know that that was something that I actually wanted. Like, I take care of myself. Uh-huh. But there's something sexy when a guy, but, but not like too much.

Not too much. Yeah. Right. Where you're like, settle down. Can you get out of the bathroom? I need the mirror now. Yeah. Oh, God.

Oh, God. I don't like that. But I like someone that looks a little rough, too. I realized, like, I think I like that kind of like. Yeah. Rugged. Yes. Yes.

Yep. Yeah. I mean, I would go for a man bun. My mom's like, do not bring a man bun. Do not bring a man bun home. I'm like, oh my God, that's so funny. I love a man bun. Yeah, a beard. I don't know. I feel like my options are endless. You're in your rugged era. A hundred percent. I love a tattoo. Yeah. All right. I love this wish list. This is a good wish list. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you're going to stage coach. So I mean. I feel like you could go up a little bit in age. Me too. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I would go up. I would go up. I would. I would go up. I would. I would. I would go up. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I Up at a 50? Yeah. Like my husband's 52 and he can even 52. He can run around. You know what I mean? He's not dead. He can run around. That's our standard. Yeah. Yeah. Like I think you could go up a little bit. Yeah. Maybe even down. Maybe even down a little bit. Oh, down. Down. Down? I don't know about down. Would you have more kids? You know, that's the funny. thing because I think they consider my age. I'm 36. You're only 36. Yes. I think that's,

but I think that's considered geriatric pregnancy now. Yes, it is. It's ridiculous. Okay, well, it depends on the partner. So you would, you'd be open to it. Yeah. Okay. That opens a lot up for you. That's why I'm saying, I think you could go down even a little bit. Okay. You could go to your own age at least. Uh-uh. No. No. Men, I mean, men do not, They do take a little longer to mature. Kevin's like you. I agree. Yeah, you're.

Do you agree? So you would say that women should like age up a bit? I can think it depends on the maturity, but I don't think you're wrong that guys can be a couple years younger, mature, wise than their actual ages for sure. That's true. Yeah. Listen, I'm open. Right? I don't want to be close.

You shouldn't, you know what? I wouldn't even put an age on it, to be honest. Okay, you know what, forget it. If they're 24 and it's like going to be fun. Yeah, this is what I'm saying. Let's throw the age out the door. Okay, fine, done, deal. I feel like that's just.

Because there are some guys at 36 that are actually more ready, more mature than a guy at 50. That's true. It's 100% true. We don't know. That's true. You don't know. What do you like and dislike about dating an actor? I want you to go first. Oh, well, I've only dated one and it did work out so well.

What was that experience like for you? It was great. You know what I loved about it? What? I love dating. So curious. I love dating an artist that gets me because I am an artist. Yes.

And we're beautifully complicated, very complex people that has to understand our business and the way it works. And like one second, you're like feeling really great. And the next minute you're on suicide watch. And then the next minute, you're like, off to Tokyo to film, you know, something. Yeah. It's, it's, it's chaos, but it's, to me, it's beautiful. And I am what I am, and I can't change it.

And, like, I know that the universe has given me these gifts. And I just have to find the best way to utilize them. And so finding a partner that really gets that, and supports that, I love. So this particular actor that I dated, he got it. Right. But at the same time, I think it could be, I mean, that obviously didn't work out for a few different reasons, but I want. Did he post a lot of selfies?

Rachel. Do actors post selfies? Some do quite often. Do they? Yeah, that's a selfie, a guy that posts a lot of selfie. That's a red flag. That's a red flag. I agree.

How do you feel about a guy that posts a selfie? Like, how do you feel about it? Even one. It's an ick. It's an ick. Yeah. You guys, can we tell you this ick that I experienced in Japan really quick? Yeah.

We were like, in the basement, they have like these thermal hot springs, right? It's like a bunch of jacuzis, essentially, like hot pools. And I'm sitting there and I look across and a husband and wife like get out of the pool. And there's like a couch. And the couch is like probably the size we're sitting on like a love seat, whatever. And the woman sits. And the man next to her curls up in the fetal position to lay down on the couch. And in that moment, all I could think was like, I can't wait to tell Olivia.

And this ick I'm. This ick I'm witnessing right now. I was like, oh no. Not the fetal position. On a left seat, the woman's sitting there. And he decides to curl up in a swimsuit with his towel in the fetal position. Like a baby. Mama.

I was like, oh, my vagina just turned inside out. Oh, my God. Yesterday was National Vagina Day. What? What are we supposed to do? Celebrate? Paint vaginas, I guess. I was going to like a vagina flag.

Anyway, sorry, I had to throw that. Like a vagina spa or something? Yeah, maybe. Oh, wow. Like a steam. Yeah. Anyways, that's a crazy story. Sorry, guys.

No, that was, that was good. Please don't be sorry. That's a really good one. No, a selfie. I mean, it depends on the selfie, though. Like, if it's just, like, a close-up of, like, their face. Stop it. You know what I mean?

You're like, okay. Why? Okay, so I gave my sister and my mom my phone. I was like, let's go through this one night. We were, like, all in bed together. Yeah. And I was like, oh, he's kind of cute. She's like, he is doing a selfie in the mirror.

Yeah. That is a no. That's a no. And I was like, oh, okay, that's a no. I didn't know that. I didn't know. But now, now I know. So I'm back to like dating an actor.

Oh, yeah. Let's get back to it. It has to be like a good dance. I feel like the actor relationship. Like I look at Kristen Bell and her husband and I'm like, they just flow. They do. He's not acting anymore, though. Oh.

But he was for a very long time. Yeah, when they were married. They still married. Oh, maybe I don't need an actor. Maybe I need a writer. I think so. Listen, I've had very good experiences with actors as well. That's not so good.

It's just depends. It's just a person to do something. They haven't been, we call it schmactory. You know, if someone's a little schmactory, which means they just take themselves too seriously. If you take yourself too seriously, no matter what you do. Exactly. Actor, whatever you do in life, if you take yourself too seriously, that is a no. Agreed.

That's all it is. Yeah. So if you're an actor and you're cool. Then maybe I need to open it up. Because every time I see an actor on Ryer, I'm like, no, no, no, no. See, but that's the thing. Yeah, I don't know about that. It's all about experiences and being open.

And what's it going to do to, like, feel it out, like one time? Feel it out, Rachel. It all. Feel it all out because you need to know. Okay. Don't get too invested before you know. You know what? That's true.

My sister, that was another conversation we had. What? Was like, did it happen to her? How, no, no, how, like, how soon do you sleep with someone? Because there are people that like, oh, listen, I've read a lot of books this past year. And like, a lot of people are like, oh, don't date, you know, don't sleep with them for the first three months if you really want them. And there's people that like the new people on, you know, my, I have a girlfriend, Sabrina. She's like a dating coach slash person.

I don't know how you define. She's also a person. Yeah. also a person. And she's like, no. She's like, I didn't intend to sleep with my now, you know, future husband. It just happened. Right? Like, it just happened. And I was like, oh, shoot. Okay. So you don't want to wait too long because what happens if you fall in love with them and there's a lot of issues down there? A hundred percent. But I also think that like there just shouldn't be any rules. You know what I mean? There's too many rules. I think when you're

younger, especially for me, it's like, I'm not going to sleep with him because da-da-da-da-da-da, whatever. And it's kind of like you just have to experience. and go with the flow and just see what happens. And if you put rules on things, you're just putting limits on yourself and like you're closed off in one way or another. So it's kind of just like, it doesn't matter. You know what I mean? All right. Let's go.

So I think it's to thy own self be true. Because I think for a long time for me before I ended up with Jeff is it actually did matter to me. And I was pretending it didn't. And so I would have these situations. when in reality I really wanted a committed partner. And so I would put myself in these situations and then be like, well, this isn't working for me. And I don't like the way it makes me feel. So by the time I got to Jeff, I had decided I'm not sleeping with anyone unless we're in a monogamous

relationship because it just doesn't work for me. It doesn't make me feel good. I don't like the feeling of not knowing if that person's out there sleeping with other people. So it's not about Trapping the guy or what's the right thing or the wrong thing It was this is what's in alignment with me and where I'm at right now So I told him that on we dated like A couple months and I was like by the time I got to that I said I'm only interested in this

You didn't sleep him for a couple months? No I wouldn't sleep with him until we're in a monomous Relationship. Yeah, I don't know if I could hold off But I knew what I wanted and I knew I didn't ever want to feel the way I had previously felt. And so I was committed to that. And I was sober, so I was like, I don't have space to be uncomfortable. Right. So I waited for it.

And it was a very easy, he was like, great. I was like, what? See, it was meant to be. I didn't know, though, you could ask for that. I was trying to play so cool. Like, I don't need it. You know what I mean? I think my problem when I first started dating,

I would sleep with these guys and then I wouldn't feel good about myself. Or I would sleep with them and I would get attached. And so I've said to myself, I've had to have a serious talk with myself going, okay, Amber, if you want to sleep with them, you can. Yeah. But that's, just expect that that's it. That's where it's stopping. Like there's no beyond. And I've actually, I'm super proud of myself.

Now I'm like, sleep with you and get the fuck out of my house. Like I'm done with you. Yeah. But then that's also a problem too because then that becomes a problem. like an addiction of like easy a revolving door and i'm not a revolving door like i want to find my forever partner yeah when the time's right i'm not in a rush like and it will just be like i just feel like when it happens like you just everything aligns perfectly right yeah well it's that goes back to thyself be true like you knew you were comfortable doing that so you could right and i think it also

In my experience, it depends on how much you like the person. I think it's a lot easier to be like that with someone you're not that into. Yeah. You can detach pretty easily. You can detach. But when you really like someone, it's a lot harder to detach. Yeah. And that's something I started doing.

After I go on a date with someone, I actually check in with myself. Like I literally just say like, okay, where's your nervous system? Or even when I'm on the date, like, I'll just like check my nervous system. I'm like, okay, how is he making you feel? Because I'm such an emotional, empathic, like, energy. I'm like, so I have to do that because if not, my head will lie and tell myself a story that's not true. So I have to really stay connected to my heart. Yeah, in your body.

I used to do that, too, all the time. I believe, yeah, this is it. You know? Yeah. And then you're like, wait a minute, I don't even like them. Like, literally don't. don't like them. Yeah.

But the fantasy stuff. It's like you can be like, oh. Or how about like the love bomby stuff? Oh, let's talk about that. I've been love bomb before. Oh, God. Bad. Bad.

And that put me through like a whole. I want to know. A spiral. I didn't even know that. I didn't even know what that felt like. Like you hear about it and you read about it. Right. Right.

But it was someone that I met on Hinge and it was just so easy and fun. And like I could tell he was listening. to the things I was saying. Yeah. And actually like going out of his way to make those things happen. Like if I liked a certain restaurant, if I like, you know, I love basketball, like whatever it was. Like he was really listening. And I was like, oh, that's nice.

Like he's, it's like when you drop little nuggets before like Christmas and Hanukkah and you're like, let's see who picks him up, you know. And he was doing that. And like he, I went out to his house and we went skiing and we had a great trip. And like he invited me back for the next. weekend, so I left a bunch of clothes there. And then out of nowhere, and this went on for like three weeks, out of nowhere, I get a text message and was just like, sorry, not happening. I can't do this. And I was like, he's like, it's not you. And I was like, wait, wait, because I was letting him take the lead. Right. That's the part about love bombing that's weird. Right. Because I was like,

because you're like, you're not doing anything. No, I want to be hunted. Yes. Of course. If you watch National Geographic, like, the lions are hunting. So I was like, oh, this guy's actually like making an effort and doing all the things that I want. This is beautiful. Like, thank you, universe. Yeah. But I learned like very much, very quickly. I got my clothes back, which was like not a big god, but I was like, it was still the point. It was just, it was a really shitty feeling. But at the same time, I'm grateful. And, and maybe like the universe. was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. Or it was like, this is a bad relationship. So we're going to like divert. But yeah, that was the first experience. Wow. And now I know the red flags

to look out for. You do. Well, that's what I was going to ask you. So what did you learn as far as trusting your own intuition? Like, were there flags that you saw along the way that you just kind of overlooked? Or did they not present until after? No, I definitely made excuses. Or I definitely made excuses. or I try to be like, don't be so judgmental, Amber, or don't, like, you question. But I already know, I have this, like, pseudo-psychic ability. And when I'm aligned spiritually, when I'm taking care of myself, I feel things, like, I sometimes, like, I have these crazy dreams and, like, I can manifest things really quickly. But when I'm not, I get really confused, and that's where bad decisions are.

are made. Interesting. I'm not spiritually aligned. That is interesting. So what is your practice to continue to get you to spiritually align? Well, I wake up at 6 o'clock. I make my bed. I go outside.

I sit outside by my fireplace and I just try to take in like the sounds of the birds or like I have this one squirrel in my tree that's like his name's Alvin. and he's like a maniac and he's so cute. My kids think I'm nuts. And so I like watch him jump. Like I just watch the nature, right? Like I watch the wind through the trees. I watch the sun coming out like at the different like fully present. Fully being fully present.

I'm drinking my water. So I started leaving like a mason jar outside and letting the moon energize the water. Hey now. It's like this new thing I'm doing. The water tastes so good. And so I drink water. I'll have, I'm trying to actually get myself off of coffee, which I'm struggling with that one. And then I will, I say like a morning prayer.

And I meditate after that for like 20 minutes. Sometimes I get in the bath. And this is all while Riley is getting ready for school. Because now she's old enough to like, you know, do her own thing. And that's it. Like those are my, I definitely have to set myself up in the morning. You know, it's really important for me. And also, again, like, taking care of myself, going for walks, pausing throughout the day.

If I could find 20 minutes to lay down and meditate, it's amazing what that would do for you. Like, just, like, finding a moment just to, like, reset your energy. Yep. I find, yeah, knitting for me has literally been, like, my meditation. And they say that it's linked. Like, it's the same kind of, it does something where it's like that. So I heard also when you walk, it's also like EMDR because your eyes are going back and forth and you're tracking. That's why they say walking meditations are so important.

So if you can like get out every few hours to walk for 15 minutes, it just lowers like that stress level. Yeah. It's interesting like saying like when you're in your body and you're present and you're doing your practices, like you're more in tune with like just your intuition and like things. And it's so funny because I think we were talking about love bombing. I had a situation where the guy was like so, it was like insane, right? And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And I remember, like, we were walking and he like took my hand. And I was like, oh my God.

Don't. Don't hold my hand. And like, I was like, oh, I need to listen to that. Because that was my body and like my gut being like, oh, like, no. And that was the aversion. But I didn't like listen to that. And it took, like, reflecting back on that and that moment. Yeah.

And, of course, I was right. Yeah. But it was just, like, that little thing of, like, your body will always tell you. Yeah. So if you're present, you know exactly where your emotions are. And that's, that's... Do not hold my hand. Isn't that crazy?

You can sleep with me, but do not hold... No, I'm just kidding. Just kidding. That's funny. You bring that up because what I've realized, holding hands is such an intimate thing for me. It's intimate. I love it. I love it.

Like, sex is nice. Having an orgasm is great. Okay, fine. But like holding a hand. You know, like when you see those photos of like old people dancing or holding a hand like on a part. For me, it's like touching your head, you know, like stroking your hair. You like to feel like a little girl. Give me picktails and pull them.

Yeah, or scratching your back. Yeah. Like all that stuff. Yeah, it's totally intimate. That's so cute. You did not like that. I was not okay with that. She crawled afterwards and was like, what?

You guys, I believe we had already slept together. You had because you were like. And I was like, no. No. But that was my body telling me. Do you think it would have a question though? What? Do you think it would have been different if you were in the privacy of your own home

and he went to reach for your hand? No. That still would have thrown you. Yeah. The whole thing with him threw me. I mean, she got love bombed. Oh, bombed. But I didn't, but this one wasn't like where I was like reciprocating or feeling it too. It was just like full on him doing it. Like I've been in another situation where it was reciprocated and I believed it because it was my first experience with it. See, that's why we had to go through these experiences. It's like there's no regrets. There's only lessons and like. it's so important, especially when you have children because like one day, I'm going to have to, I'm going to give these little nuggets of truths and understandings and wisdoms to my girls, as long as they'll listen to me, which I hope they do.

But they'll see what you do, though. They're going to see what you do and how you regulate yourself and take care of yourself and check in with yourself. They're going to learn more from that than anything you teach them. Oh, this literally happened the other day. I was making dinner and I was speaking to someone on the phone and I got upset and I hung up the phone and Riley turned to me. She's like, okay, mom, we're just going to take a breath. We're going to calm down. And I literally looked at her and then I looked at the babysitter and I was like, is this fucking happening thing now?

Like I am being parented by an 11 year old. And I was like, no, that's actually beautiful. It's great. Mm-hmm. So I was like, you know what? You're right, Riley. Yeah. So what were you upset about?

You know what we're talking about co-parenting? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that stuff. I don't get upset about a lot of things, but when it comes to my kids, like, oh, yeah, don't fuck with me or don't fuck with them. Right. Because I will eat you for lunch. When you have had quite the journey with parenting,

yeah. I mean, we've related on that a lot, and you've been a fierce protector and advocate for your kids. Thank you. Which is not easy to do. No, and you know what? We're going to be okay. And now I have a very clear vision of what I want for my life, what I want for my career, what I want for them. And they're going to be so strong. They already are. Like it's wild. Do you guys get, you know, when we were talking earlier about how things are different now for kids, right? They're living in the home, longer, it's hard for them to get jobs and it's a lifelong commitment. There's part of that that's really comforting to me. I'm like, oh, cool. Yeah. I'm like, stay. I know. Stay. You know those houses

that you could buy on Amazon and you just like pop them up. Yeah. Like, you're putting them in your yard. Yeah. I saw yesterday. They're moving out to the backyard. Yeah, 100%. These friends that have been friends for 30 years, bought a bunch of land together so that they could retire together and they did a whole mini home community for them all to have so that they could all just live in one community. I need that. I'm like, hello, why are we not doing that now? I would love that. As a single mom, I swear I would.

I actually have been looking to find like another single mom to move into my home. I know. Do you see that? It was, I saw something where these two moms were like instead of they had their husbands and they decided as single moms to move in together and just help each other. I'm like, they know what's up. Yeah. I'm writing a show about that.

Are you? Yeah. Yeah. Smart. It's a good show. It's called Milfs. Mom's I'd like to friend. Oh, that's cute.

Do you fuck them too? No, just friend. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. With a lesbian action. Yeah, it's a good show. That's really sweet. I know. It's true.

could use. But I love that like, you know, they say in like blue zones and stuff, like three generational homes. Yes. You actually live longer. So I'm like, okay, you know, we've looked at, people have said like, we don't know what's going to happen with Shepard. Like, will he ever be independent? I'm like, that dude can live with me until I'm gone. Yeah. London will live with me forever. For sure. London's the same way. Yeah. So I have a child who's neurodivergent, as you know. Yeah. And, but I want to be able to give her the. independence that she wants. So a small house. My parents have a ranch in Nebraska and they have like 800 acres. So I'm like, can I just have like one acre? Oh my gosh. Just give me like, yeah. You can. I'm

giving it to you. Right. And so my, the plan is to either build her a home or like, and that's, that's like the best thing. Yeah. Or wherever I go, right? And that's the other thing with finding a partner. If Lennon doesn't want to live out there forever, which I think she does, she does not want. to be in L.A. at all. On her vision board, she has, like, cowboys and, like, oh, it's so cute. But I want to be able to have, she's going to stay close to me. You know, she's going to need that emotional, like, just, like, a few steps away until, like, you know. Well, maybe we all go to your parents in the house. I know, like, 800 acres. We have a compound. Yeah, like, let's build our compound and all our kids can. It's so nice. I love being out there. It's the best. Do you want to

live there? No. No. You don't. I want to visit there. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I want, I need to be around creatives. You know, I need to be around other people and like, it's a gym would be nice. And like other people like, guys where I can meet guys. Like, listen, there's like there's like there, there, I'm sure there are. But where my parents live in Nebraska, they live on the western side of the state. There's no one. That's it. I remember the first time I took London and Riley out there. They were like, London was like, there's more cows than people out here. And I was like, that's a great observation, London. This is true. There's so many cats. My parents have a cattle ranch. And but it's nice, but you know, I like being independent and I like visiting. And I'm sure my parents feel the same way about me. You know, I'm the middle child. And so it's like,

happy to see her come and happy to have her go. Do your siblings live out there? So my oldest sister lives in a town called Scott's Bluff, which is like very close to my parents. And then my youngest sister, she lives in northern Colorado, which is like two hours. Yeah. Didn't we talk about Colorado? Yeah, because I was thinking about moving there. I was thinking like, that might be a nice place to move. Right. That's where my husband wants to move. Every day I'm moving somewhere. Me too. Yeah. This week was Austin. Oh, yeah. I looked at houses there yesterday. You did? In Austin? Yeah. I know. I'm not moving there. I just thought, Let's look.

We can, where would you want to go? I don't know. I was born and raised in L.A., but you would think that I'm like a farm girl. Yeah. Like I would thrive. That's what everyone says about me, too. Yeah. Well, L.A. just feels a little different.

And let's see what happens. Wait, are you going? No. No. No, I wish. Oh, yeah, that's right. I am. Is it just a two of you?

Yeah. That's so cute. Oh, my gosh. I'm just going to pick her up and we're going to go. Does she love country music? Yeah. She does. Yeah.

I'm actually surprising her and Riley. Well, sorry, I already surprised them for Easter I did. We're going to see Jelly Roll and Post Malone. Amazing. In Denver. We're going to see them in Denver. Oh, how cool. That's so fun.

Yeah. And then I was like, you know, maybe while I'm out there, I could look at houses. But I don't, you know, it's like, what are you running from? Like, what are you trying to achieve? Right. That's where my alcoholism shows. up now. Okay. Oh. So we've moved houses almost every year and my husband's like, enough. You're, it's is a me. Like, I'm in the new house. And it's not like, I literally will

start Zillow looking. Immediately. Immediately. And it's like, I've had that since I was a kid, though. My body's always wanted to be elsewhere. Me too. Yeah. And that's why I think I became an actor. It was so much more comfortable. being in someone else's shoes than my own. I didn't want to sit in the feeling. And for the first time now in sobriety, I'm coming home to myself. Yeah. It's such a strange feeling.

Like, oh, this is, like I actually the other day wrote like a love letter from my eight-year-old self to Amber Now. And it was really amazing what came out. Like I remembered why I fell in love with acting. Like what my dreams were. What inspired me? What movies? What actors? Like what would these little moments?

And I forgot about those. That's also because like pills make you forget how you have a bad memory. So like I'm slowly like regaining that like memory muscle. But yeah, it's amazing when you when you really like ask you. I'm so curious. Like I wonder why you feel that way. I've always. Well, we also moved every year as a kid.

So my body goes time. It just goes. It's time to go. My kids too. I moved when I was married. we moved every single year. No. Yes.

And all I've ever wanted was a house. Like all we want. Like women, we want to be like domesticated with our kids. We want a home. We want to feel like grounded in a place. And then we can go out into the world and have fun and do our things and have something to come back to. And I'll never forget. Three months after like the divorce was final, he went and bought this house, bought his first home.

I was like, I think I was. more upset about that than like anything else that happened in the marriage because I was like, that's all I wanted. Yeah. All I want. But now I'm like, you know what? Good. I'm going to fucking give it to myself.

Yeah. I'm going and that is why I think that's like part of my journey and understanding like life. Like no, you are capable. You are capable of going out and doing it and you're going to be fine and telling my kids like, we're going to be fucking fine no matter what. And I think when you have that like mindset, you're. And you've been acting since you were how old? Eight.

Oh, my God. I mean, that's insane. Yeah. I started out doing like commercials and soap opera. Yeah, I was 15 when I did. But before that, I did, I did like a movie called Dickie Roberts. I did a show called S Club 7. I did, what else did I did?

I did a lot. And then I went to New York. I graduated high school early. because I booked all my children. Yeah. I gave up my scholarship to play golf in college. What? And yeah, I was like, oh, I could be 80 and still play golf.

You can. Yeah. So I wanted to go to New York. I went to New York. I was there for two years. Came back to L.A. And just grinding it out, you know, as we all are. It's a real.

But you've gotten some big hits. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think it's funny. You is like the perfect example of a show that I didn't want to do. Oh, really?

What? Initially, I was actually on my way home from a voiceover audition. And my manager called me. He's like, hey, are you going to go in and audition for you? And I was like, I'm not even like prepared. Like, I wasn't going to because at this point it was on lifetime. And I didn't really want to do a lifetime yet. Right.

But it was with a casting director who I had known since I was like eight years old and auditioned for gossip girl, right? And so I felt like I owed that to him. Like it was almost a way of like, you know, I show up for these casting directors. And Sarah Gamble, who I had done a show on NBC called Aquarius. And she was, and so I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'll go in and just do my thing. Show up.

Show up. And of course I did. And I booked it. And that's usually what happens. Right. When you're like, you don't even care. Yeah. Yeah. And then I was like, shoot, I don't know if this is what I want to do, but I was going through divorce. And I needed the money. And I was like, you know what? Okay, we're going to do this. So I was the first season that I was on the show, we were in New York. And then when the show came out, it didn't do well on Lifetime for whatever reason. And Netflix had bought it over domestically. I think they had to have the interrupt.

international rights at that point. And so they they bought it from Lifetime and Greg Berlanti and Sarah Schachter. They released it here and with Netflix. Sensation. And it just, it was timing and it just blew up. And so I think that goes back to your point even when it comes to dating. Like any opportunity that you get, you never know what's, what's going to come from it. Like I did a movie in October that hasn't come out yet with Dylan Arnold. And I met this. wonderful girl who now I'm writing a show with her. Like, and who knew? Yeah.

You never know. Yeah. She was like the perfect person to like guide me, right? That's amazing. So yeah, you just. Yeah. You don't know. You don't know.

Just got to be open. I binged you. You binged it? Yeah. I loved that show. I thought it was fantastic. I only watched the first season. It freaked me out a little bit.

Did it really? I like to be freaked out. Oh, you do? Oh, live for it. She does. Not anything. I can do it in more. When I was little, I could. Not anymore. No, I'm like, please freak me out. I think because I live by myself with my kids. You know what I mean? And I don't have like a protector. And by the way, that's the other thing back to day. If you're going to feel like you're going to feel like you're going to be the man of the house. Like I don't want to be the one

going like, hey, can you go see what? Because I've had that situation with an ex. And I'm like, no. Fuck you. You're the man. You go check what's going on back and out back. Yeah. You know? Fuck. Yeah. So. No. You have had quite the journey and it's only beginning, I feel like.

Thank you. It's so cool to see. And we're just so happy that you came here to talk to us and we're so open about everything. And I'm so excited to hear who you meet at Stagecoach. And all the things we're going to talk about after we stop recording. Oh, yes. We're going to start name dropping now. Now we get to the good stuff.

Could we talk about Japan? How about my ick in Japan? That was pretty good. Yeah, that was awesome. That was amazing. I literally was sitting there like, I cannot wait to share this. You should have recorded it. I couldn't.

We had no phones there. What do you mean? Well, you can't bring phones or could you bring it in? To what? Oh, excuse me. My stomach. Humpty. You couldn't take pictures because it's like.

a private like spa. Oh, you were in a spa, I see. Yeah. So you couldn't take pictures. But it was epic. It's so good. I literally was like, I've experienced an ick firsthand. Yeah.

Witnessed. And I couldn't wait to share. It's really good. It was really good. And Japan was amazing. So fun to take my little girl. I don't know. The whole thing was just.

great. She's such a trooper, too. She was just, like, down. What was your highlight? Like, what was the most. Kyoto, Kyoto was my favorite. Had you been before? I had not been to Kyoto before. Cool. That's awesome. Have you, you haven't been to Japan. No, I really want to, though. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? You really would love that bullet train. I know. I've watched videos. It was great. Like, traveling by train, you just get on. Amazing. There's no seatbelt. You can have your bags at your feet. It doesn't matter. And it's two hours, but it goes really fast. Yeah.

And it's comfortable. And it was splendid, I must say. Yeah, I think I was, I enjoy a train. Yeah, I loved it. Like navigating it, like we had a little help, thankfully, because I would have been overwhelmed and a little scared to figure it out of my own. But it was really, really awesome. But Kyoto is fantastic.

I want to how I said it. Because I feel like you have to say it like that. You know, that's why I'm laughing. I know. I'm not the person like, I hate it when people like, I got a yiro. I hate it. It's like you got a euro. Like you're not. I don't know. I know. I know. I was having the same issue with Puerto Vallarta when people are like, where'd you go? I'm like, Porta Varta. They're like Puerto? Yeah. Yeah. Remember because in high school, that was our senior trip was to Puerto, but everyone would be like, I'm going to Porto. Yeah. Like the Valley Girl. Yeah. My sister was like, how was PV? And I was like, excuse me.

See, when you say PV, I think Playa Vista. Me too. I was like, why are you saying it like that? She goes, because if I say it the way it's actually pronounced, I get made fun of. Oh. That's funny. Yeah, Olivia was in Mexico while I was in Japan. And you were in Chicago.

Yep, visiting family. We did a big, we were all over the globe last week. We were. Yeah, it was awesome. We really cornered the world. She was on a train and you got trained cookies. Yes, I did. So, honestly, we hit all of the.

major transportations. He just really likes trains. He likes them so much. I was thinking when you were describing about the trains, the meme of the couple in bed that's like he's probably thinking about other women. For me, it is like pictures of trains in different parts of the world. Like, man, that would be so cool to go on that. Oh my God, that is hilarious.

That's amazing. That's really funny. That's really funny. How was Mexico? Olivia. It was great. It was awesome. Yeah.

Highly recommend it. Yeah, no, love Mexico. Well, the one place that I really loved was we took a boat to this island. And the whole island is an adventure park. So you get there. Like zip lines, like what do you mean? Like zip lines, water slides that shoot you off into the ocean. Really?

Donkey rides. I didn't. Okay, because I couldn't picture you doing that. Did the boys? Jeff would. Yeah. And the other boys did it. my kids did not.

Yeah. No. There was a jellyfish bloom, so there was tons of jellyfish. Elliot got stung a couple times. And he was just kind of like over getting stung by jellyfish. Sure. I mean, that makes sense. No one wants a jellyfish sting.

Have you ever been stung by a jellyfish? No. Yeah. Fortunately not. I have. It hurts. It does hurt. It like, you know, I got stung, but like, I think I was in Barbados and they were like

these tiny ones. These were tiny ones. You don't even see them. And like, it's just kind of like a. sting that lingers and you're like what what and you don't even know what it happened the sneak attack yikes these were like this they were like the size of like uh my brain only wants and sand dollar food i was like a cookie okay so talk to us about the food in japan it was so good it was really funny my daughter was like i want Kobe beef so now she just wants

cobey beef and i'm like oh boy what like taking me and Kevin through a day of eating. Do you want to know what my favorite part was? Yes. The breakfast buffets. Oh. It's the best. I am a huge buffet fan.

Yeah. You know, that might be controversial because people are always like a buffet. Who doesn't want that many options? Yeah, it's awesome. I've grown warm to it. Really? I'm going to Vegas next month and I'm excited just because of the buffet. The buffet.

The buffet life, yeah. A Vegas buffet freaks me out a little bit. Well, I got to tell you guys, because I am very indoor. Slightly a germaphobe. In cigarette smoke. Yeah. Yeah, whatever. Nineties buffet.

Part of the experience. Yep. I am a little bit of a germaphobe, so I don't love a buffet in the sense of, like, everybody touching the same thing. I do go back to the table and sanitize my hands if I go up to the buffet. That's extra. I am extra. Yeah. I have that thing.

What was the breakfast buffet like? though. I have pictures. Okay. And videos. It was just really what dreams are made of. Like what? I need it. In Japan, the fruit is so fresh and like colorful. The hotel we stayed in in Kyoto was amazing. The food there was, I have to show you this picture of an egg. The yolk is like fluorescent orange. What a yolk. What a yolk. But yeah. I'm really. I miss the buffet. I miss the buffet in Mexico. Right?

Every morning because it's like... Yes. You go home and then you're like, where's my... Where's my buffet? Where's my fresh fruit and... Yeah. And all of the... My pastry.

Where's my zip line? Yeah. Olivia just misses the zip line. Oh my God. Yeah. The buffets were everything. The best ramen I've ever had. And I'm not like a huge ramen person.

Love it. it. Nice. What about the sushi? Sushi was great. I mean, all around, it was, and then we went to this like traditional restaurant that was like chef's choice. That was one of the weirder experiences. Why? Interesting. Chef's choice. Like they just, you know, and it's like 10 courses and like we're so jet lagged and Briars like laying on the floor. Sure. You know, it was weird. Yeah. Was the food weird. It was like a white asparagus steak with like weird sauce at one point. Like that was one of the weirder things. But then they had they they brought Kobe beef as well. Nice. What about desserts? Great question. You guys. This is what I want to tell you about.

Okay. So you think mochi like were you sure like mochi here? Yep. No. The mochi there. You guys, the best way I can describe it with this is going to be so gross. Like, you know, like after you give birth. What? Like, what? Like, the, like, the shit that can come out of you, like, jiggly, bloody, disgusting. Like, that texture of, like, after birth. That's what it looks like?

It's the texture. See, this is why I love you. But do you know what I'm talking about? Like a jiggly, bloody, clotty vibes. Yeah. That is what mochi is like What? What do you mean?

That is like the texture I got this I was like I'm gonna try I tried like a fancy dessert of mochi And I was like This is kind of weird Okay Then I got this drink

That was like a macha ice like mochi Yeah The amount of mochi in the bottom You would suck it up And it would just be that like Jelly jiggly texture was not for me I'm having an a version right now

Well I wonder why Why? That's what it reminded me of. And I was like, no one's going to understand. And I'm like, I need a woman who is given birth. I'm not into a jellyish texture. It was so jellyish in texture. But I will say, the match is the best match I've ever had.

Really? Yeah. Hot or iced? I got hot. That drink was iced. That drink was a mistake. But I got the hot macha. And I had like traditional, you know, where they said.

They whisk it and they stir it in the, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I had a little socky. Oh, hey. I'm not a drinker. And they would bring you like this little tray and you got to pick your socky cup and they were all different and really pretty. Did you get tipsy?

No. I had like a sip of socky. I really love it when Rachel gets tipsy. I am a fun drunk. Really? Oh, yeah. Because she doesn't get drunk. I don't.

He's never been drunk. Like, I've seen you drunk a couple times. But I mean, like, you'll just get a little tipsy. I'll get a little tipsy and I'm really fun. Yeah. I've gotten drunk when I was like younger and alcohol poisoning. Oh. Not good.

I distinctly remember one time when you were drunk. Yeah. We were at, what was that place called? It was like we used to rent it out for parties and it was like an upstairs. Oh, the dime. Was that a thing? That sounds right. I can't picture it, but that name sounds right.

Did we have your birthday party there or something? Oh, yeah. That was like my 22nd birthday birthday. Yeah. And I just remember you being drunk on the toilet. Yeah. Peeing. Peeing. Yeah. And we were all having a conversation with you. There's a picture of it. That's why I remember it. Is there a picture? There's a picture of me peeing. And I remember being like, I like this version of her. Yeah. I was, I'm really fun. Fun drunk rules. Yeah. Yeah. I am a fun. That was a fun party. Is that what it was called the dime? Maybe, but it was a fun party. Yeah. It was like the first year of the OC. Like everyone was there.

too. Yeah. Oh my goodness. What a time. What a time. My new red flag with bars is when one of my friends knows the bartender, I now will leave a few hours earlier than I was originally planning because the amount of free drinks that like bartenders give friends. Like when I think of the last, sorry, when I think of the last few times I've been drunk, it's been like a bartender going like, my guy, what's up? Oh, no. Not my guy. Not my guy. You know where this is going. Pictures of margarita on the house and I'm just way too drunk because I'm like, well, this is free. We got to do it.

And then all of a sudden it's like, all right, I have to go home now. Oh, yeah. That is a red flag. If you hear my guy, that's a red flag. There's my man. Yeah. We're going to overdo it tonight. Whatever it is.

In your 20s, you're like amazing. This is awesome. And now in my 30s, I'm like, I can't. I'm doing two and I'm going home. Good for you. That is responsible. Do you get hung over? if you drink?

Yeah. I don't get really bad ones, but I will, the last few times I feel like that I've gotten like too drunk, I've like thrown up that night. Oh no. But I haven't like woken up the next morning.

I'm like cancel my plans and stuff. Ooh. It's not that bad. Yeah. So not, I'm never sending like apology text. No, that's not true. What was your last apology text?

Yeah. Oh, you're going to love this. Okay. So it was a similar thing of went to like two things back to back. Friends birthday party who Leah's friend and they knew the bartenders. We got a bunch of free booze. It was awesome. Then we got invited to an Oscars party and I was like, I initially didn't want to go to it.

But because it was like kind of back to back and a little late. And then four or five, five, six drinks in. I was like, let's do it. Why not? Well, tell them we're on our way. and that Uber to their place It all like hit me I was like I'm too drunk

I should have gone home Oh no And so we showed up to this party And it was whatever like six friends or something And I sit down And I'm very quiet for like 10 minutes And someone was in the middle of telling a story And I stood up and said

I'm really sorry I ordered an Uber home I'm too drunk to be here Oh Oh And they all laughed at me We've all been there we've known them for a while

and they were all laughing and then I text them the next day and I was like sorry sorry I left 10 minutes and they were like don't worry about it. That's not bad at all. I thought it was going to be like sorry I told your wife I thought she was

whatever annoying yeah exactly whatever whatever one would say sorry for yeah yeah no it was just an abrupt exit yeah not even an Irish goodbye. A, like, full stand-up, like, goodbye every, like mid-story. I wish I could do that. Yeah, I would love to leave mid-story most of the time.

I think my husband does. He's just like, I'm out. You know what's crazy? I hate the taste of alcohol. Hate it. I know. I get it. I'm allergic to vodka, too. If I drink any vodka, I will pupe. Ooh. I know. That's weird. I know. I hate it. I still like a vodka.

Yeah. Like, I liked to dance. I just dazed and confusing. We should end it right there. Yep. Bye, everybody. Bye. That was a headgum podcast.