Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Autumn Reeser on Hallmark, Parallel Parenting and Spiritual Journeys

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

Autumn Reeser (The OC) talks to Rachel and Olivia about solo-parenting, her spiritual journey and being the Hallmark queen! Check out Autumn's new film, Junebug, playing now on Hallmark. Broad Ideas is sponsored by Blissy. Go to Blissy.com/RACHEL and get an additional 30% off- your hair and skin will thank you!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. It looks fine.

I hate it. You're making me do the thing and it looks fine. But guess what? What? I hate it. And I went in the mirror right now and I saw myself in the mirror and I went, ew, look horrible. And then I went, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then I said, you're beautiful.

I love you. Please keep that in. Please keep that in before we start. Welcome to broad ideas. Yeah. It's just Lou and I. Hi, Rob. Hi, Rob.

Hope we're doing well. We're really sorry that Rob's not here. I know. And I know everyone else is too. They love them some wabiwob. People love them some Robbie Rob. They really do. Like, do we even, we're doing an intro right now.

Do we even continue? Do we even continue? Oh. Autumn Riser. Dear, dear friend. and known her for so long, and she's wonderful, and she's here to talk with us today. And she talks about her movie that came out on Hallmark, Junebug. Anyway, it was a beautiful conversation, and let's just get to Autumn.

Sounds like a really good podcast. Guys, I reattached it right. You are, you're not only in front of the camera, you're behind the camera. Ladies and gentlemen, Rachel Wilson does it all. People don't know. What don't they know? That you are running this show, running the cameras, the audio. I know.

If you guys could see what Rachel's running around and here doing. She's all over and herself. It's going to be soft focused and they're going to be like, she does not know what she's doing. She's also happens. I think you did a great job. It also happens. Do you guys want to know a little tidbit of information? Always.

This is a confession. Uh-oh. A confession. I auditioned and went to producers on the part. You played on the O-C. So I was always super triggered by your face. I'd be like, it hurts. She got it.

You went to producers? Terrible. Yes. And Josh did not. Yeah. Yeah. I must have known that. Have you forgiven me enough for us to do this podcast today?

This is the important question. I asked myself that same question yesterday. It's good that you're asking. I always have to ask. I love that we can talk about it 20 years later. Yeah. No. It hurt for a long time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would see you and I'd be like, oh. I'm sorry. It's so, it's not. I've had those triggers. It's not your fault. It's life, right? But also because I think Taylor and Summer

ended up being such good friends and you guys are such good friends. That would have been so fun for you. Thanks. I'm sorry. But I feel like, I have to name it, right? We have to name it. We have to put it out there. And I know, I know what you mean because there are shows that I was like, oh, oh, and I got so close on it.

Yeah. And so there's so many years that, like, Jennifer Goodwin. Oh, I'm mad at you. And also you're amazing. And also you're amazing and you totally should have gotten that part. Okay. All right, right.

It's this weird. Yes. I don't know, but I understand that feeling for sure. But I will say that I remember going back and watching you and being like she was the right person. You were Taylor Townsend, 100%. It was very generous. You really were. Well, thanks, Rachel.

I couldn't. I mean, I tried. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But she was Taylor. She was. No, I've healed it. You're safe. Clearly, she's healed it. Clearly, clearly. I did ask myself that, though. As I was, like, researching you and looking, I was like, how do I feel? Like, am I past that? Is there still hurt there? I'm really glad that you just checked in. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, no, I feel really good about her. This feels complete. Good, good timing. Yeah. Yeah. So welcome. I love that. Thank you for having me. But it is true. Like, there are parts when you lose out and how long do you hold on to the triggers.

Like, Amanda Safreid, like, triggered me for a long time. Yeah. Because I was up for Dear John. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then she got it. And I, but I, you know what? It's, you get older and you're like, that was so stupid.

Like, good for her. Yeah, but it wasn't. It's not necessarily stupid. It's just natural. Well, okay, fine. But, like, immature. You know, like, does you get to place? It hurts at the time because you're, you're hoping and it's always right around the corner that

This is going to be the thing. This is going to be the one. And then when a show goes on and is a big success, too. And you were like, I was this close. Right. Yeah. That's tough. Yeah.

When the Dear John knocked Avatar out of the top slot, I'm fine. I've healed it. Clearly. Yeah. But it's true. But it's the same story with the O.C. Because the part, wait. No.

Everwood. I was up for. And a girl that actually looks very similar to me got the part. And that was hard to swallow. Yeah. But then I got OC because of that. And so, you know, it all works out. Yeah.

I didn't get no OC. You got this podcast. I'm just kidding. Yeah. Yeah. No, it, but I think that that's the part about being an actor that's really difficult, right? What? Comparison.

Oh, yeah. The rejection, the trying, the being close, then even the getting it. And then the, I mean, right? Am I wrong? Definitely. Yeah. No, yeah. It just got silent. I was like, oh, never mind.

No, I remember driving down, especially when you're first starting, you know, and I remember I started here, I started auditioning when I was like 19, 20, 21, something like that. And I remember going to, I was to a test for some show where Melissa Gilbert was going to play the mom and I was going to play her daughter and there was horses and I was like, this is my dream job. And the show never ended up making it on the air. But you don't know that at the time. And it was down to me and one other girl to play this daughter. And I was driving on the 101 to get there and feeling really good about it.

I felt really good about my audition. Then it got dark and I'm driving home on the 101. And the rain starts and I get a call from my manager saying, you didn't get it, honey. And I just go, I just like was young and burst into tears just because it feels like there's never going to be another opportunity. And this is the one. And then that happens enough and you realize you survive. Right. And so you put down the crying part and you just go, okay, on to the next one. Right. Yeah. It all, it happens to everyone. What if you never put down the crying part, though?

And every time. You can keep it. You can keep the crying part. Right. It would be rough. That would be rough. You can't keep it. You need to process however you need to process. You do. But there's so many things you go through in life, right? And you think, oh, I can't survive this or I can't do this again. Yeah. But every time you get back up and you do it again. And no matter what happens, even if you wind up crying, sobbing in your car, you still. just get back up again. Yeah. I love the, I love the phrase, you are a match for your mountain that I've used a lot. Yeah. So whenever you're encountering something and it's like, this is too big for me. Why is this how you go into victim mode? Right. This is too big. Why is this happening? I can't do this. You are a match for your mountain. Wow. That makes me want to cry. Me too. You're welcome. Here, I give it to you. This phrase is for everybody. Yeah. No, it does. Because sometimes the mountain doesn't feel like a match.

No. Right? Yeah. It feels insurmountable. But that's how you, you know, in having to face that challenge, in having to climb over the mountain, it's like you gain all the tools that you need. You might not have them at the start of the journey, but as you're trying to figure out how to climb over this rock, suddenly, oh, now you have a rope. And then you have it for every, every mountain after that. You know, I heard this thing today, actually, that I thought was really cool. Speaking of that, they were talking about the journey, right? And it was Esther Hicks. I don't know if. You're familiar. Yeah. And she was talking about the journey. And she goes, you hear that so much. I'll enjoy the journey. Right. And she goes, but think of it this way. And I was like, what a good analogy. She's like, okay, let's say you're going to go on a vacation. Let's say you're going to go on a trip. Right. And then after your trip, you're going to get home. And that feeling of going home, you're like, oh, I'm almost home. I'm going to go home. And that's the completion of your trip. She goes, now just don't go on your trip and you're home. she goes, was that the point? Or was the point to go on the trip? And I was like, oh my God, that makes so much more sense that way. Right. It really is about the journey. Because otherwise, you could just go home.

I do like to be home. But then you should pack, right? Right. And then just unpack. Right. I would love that. It's really would. Terrible.

But doesn't that make sense? It's like, it's really not about going home. Right. So, obviously, we've known each other so long. So, at this point. I mean, we're in the 21st anniversary of the OC, which is insane. That's crazy. Like, how did that much time go by?

I don't know. We have had kids. Like, entire life. We've lived another entire lifetime. Another entire lifetime. And before we started, you were saying, you know, you were in your relationship for 13 years, right? 13 years, yeah. Because you were with him when we were on the show.

Yeah. Yeah, we met in college. Yeah. My ex-husband and I met in college and we started dating, like, right after I turned 21, moved in together, six months later. Like, I had never really lived a solo life as an adult until after I got divorced. Like, I never dated, really. Because he was like, you know, my college boyfriend. Right. I had never lived on my own. I didn't know what my own style was. Oh, this is very important information. I lived life, like, kind of backwards. you know, because by the time I was 24, Rachel, when you and I met, it was like, I had a little four-bedroom house that I rented and a little dog. Gets me. It gets me. And I threw dinner. And I threw dinner parties. And, like, I was very much like checking all the boxes, doing everything right.

And then, you know, got divorced at 34, left my marriage 33, 34, and had to basically adult in on my own for the first time, which was amazing. But what a better age to do that? Like, I feel like you say backwards, but you kind of. of like, don't really know who you are. I mean, for me, until you do get older. So it's like, yeah, you had that whole experience. Yeah. And it's always perfect. That was the perfect experience for me. Right. And, um, how old were your kids when this? I, I left when they were three and 11 months. Oh, wow. Yeah. So very, very little. Yeah. Most of my, most of my experience of parenting has been solo parenting. My primary experience, yeah.

What's your stance on that? Like, just you have like a general stance or like how has it been for you? Yeah, how about for you? How much of yours has been solo parenting? Since Briar was two. Yeah, okay. So really similar. Yeah.

Really similar. Yeah. You know, in so many ways you'd never have to run anything by somebody else when it's, when they're in your home. Right. Right. You're like, okay, well, this is how I, right? Here's how I do things.

It goes like this. This is, this is, this is, my household and here's how it's run and that feels really good, but you still have to deal with, deal with like, the other household does things differently. Right. You know, and so, but my kids have only ever had that experience. And so they've never had to do the, like, oh, wait, it was one way, and now it's a different way. It's always been two households for them. Right. That's what they can remember. Yeah. And so that's what, that's what they've experienced. Yeah. I mean, how do you, how do you make a stance on that? It's like, I, on one hand, I wouldn't have consciously chose

it like I was married and this is what I thought I was doing. But on the other hand, it's been the experience that was destined for me in so many ways. It doesn't feel like it wasn't supposed to happen. It feels like, oh yeah, okay, I get it. I get it. Yeah, I just think when you have two boys, right? So you're single mom with two boys. And I think for me, like I have one girl. Yeah. So I'm not going to say that's like easier, but it is the same, you know, gender and I kind of know how things go. Have there been any, like, things to navigate? Has it been any different because you have boys, I guess, is my question. I'm sure it has.

Like, we only know the experience that we have. Right. I think the one thing that I've been conscious of is, I think one of the things that we're missing in the culture is initiatory experiences, particularly for the masculine. Because they're wanting to be challenged. They're wanting to be pushed. They're wanting to prove themselves as protectors and as, as warriors, right?

And so she has a story. Oh, yeah, I want to hear your story next. So I really have tried to craft those experiences for them. So when they both turned 10, I initiated them by taking them on solo backpacking trips. Like, you're going to carry all your own stuff and we're going to cook all our own stuff and we're going to hike into the backcountry, just the two of us. I see when you post, like, I'm like, that is so cool, like what you're doing. Yeah.

And it's, I feel, I feel really proud of it. It's like there's so much that I'm not, I think, going to be able to give them because I'm not in a male body, right? That's not my experience. And so they're going to have to get that from other places. Other, they're from men, from other people. And so I do what I can as their mom. And that was something that I could do because I'm very confident camping and being in the backcountry and all of that. And so I had that one on one time with both of them.

And then this summer for the first time I took them both backpacking. We did part of the Trans Catalina Trail, and it was a really hard. Definitely in the middle of it. I'm like, what do I need to do this again? And then you get to the end, and it's amazing. And they had such a great time, and I'm so proud of them. And one of my sons is actually at Wilderness Camp. Dash is at Wilderness Camp down the street right now.

Are you serious? Yeah, and they have him, he's at this camp, and they have them bring their own knife. They teach them, like, yeah, survival knife skills. He's 10 years old. Wow. And he was very proud of this. and learning how to be responsible, and he's, like, whittled all these sticks and spears this week. He's loving it. He's feeling really proud of himself. Yeah, I'll give you, I'll give you the details for it.

Is there dad in their life as well? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He definitely is, and we're co-parents. I would call it parallel parenting is what I'm parallel parenting. What does that? It means. Like, they're there with him and he does his thing, and then there with you and you do your thing. Yes. It's not a co. Then we try to minimize the amount of communication. Got it. Is he remarried? What I would call it? He's repartnered. Repartnered?

Yeah, we'll call it. Did he have more kids? Yeah, he had two more kids. Oh, wow. And that's, that's its own experience and own thing to navigate for sure. And what's the age difference between their boys? His kids are like babies. They're very little right now.

Yeah, they're like two and like two months. Oh, wow. Yeah, very little. Very little. Okay. And how do your boys feel about siblings? They're great. They're so, they're really, really.

They're so much older. They're so much older. They're 10 and 13. Yeah. So it's almost like two different experiences. And my mom had that. It's funny how these things... Isn't it?

Yeah. The ancestral patterning. It's like, yeah. So my mom has two brothers who were like 10 and 13 years older than her. Oh, wow. From her mom's first relationship, which she was in, you know, she was like a farm girl in South Dakota and married at like, you know, 17 and had two boys back to back. and then was solo parenting by the time. And this was, you know, in the 40s.

Your mom was solo parenting. This was my grandmother. Oh, your grandmother. This was my maternal grandmother. It was solo parenting. Two boys by the time she was like, I don't know, 21. Wow. So we see these sort of patterns and the way they show up.

I want to hear your story that you were talking about, about initiating boys. Yeah, protective piece. Yeah. It's, I already told this, but one of my little one, my little one, got beat up at school last week, and he's five. He's five. And he's five. And it was just like when you hear you match your mountain, like when those things happen, I'm like, I can't take it.

I can't take this. You know? And then they went to camp this week. And the older one, Elliot, I felt like he was taking over responsibility for Shepherd because he stuck with him all day and he wasn't playing with his friends. And then I talked to the counselors and I was like, hey, can we try and like rope him into other things? And they were like to make sure he's a kid. And I was like, yeah. And they were like, I want you to know that we chose five kids out of 200 for this special token at random. Right. And he's like, it wasn't random. We all decided who these

standout kids were and why. And he's like, I want you to know we selected your son because we watched the way he protected and cared for his little brother. I know. I know. It's too much. I did start crying to a total stranger. I like sobbing. I was like, oh my God. You know, but it is that thing, that natural protector. And when he got beat up, Elliot took Little Shepherd into the bathroom and washed him. I can't. And he even said to me, he's like, Mom, if I wouldn't have washed him, I don't know what you would have done when you saw him. I'm going to cry. I know.

I'm sorry. It's a lot. It was a lot. This was just. This just happened. So I'm sorry, Mama. Like that's, it's okay. It's okay.

And they're eight and five? How old is you said eight and five. Yeah. But there is something that he said the other day. He said, I know what I want to be when I grow up. And I was like, what? He's like a babysitter. And I was like, oh, okay.

I was like, you don't have to grow all the way up to do that. Like, you can start as a teenager. And I was like, I'm curious your reasons. What makes you want to be a babysitter? He's like, that way I could get paid to take care of Shepard. I know. I know. It's too much.

My God. I know. It's too much. But when I hear that, when I hear that protect. Like, I think it's a beautiful thing to nurture. And, you know, this is something I'm curious about not being a single mom. and I've thought about this recently, it occurred to me. I'm like, what does a single parent do in this situation? I blame everything on their dad. Do that? But like everything. I don't blame it on him, but like if they're like, oh, I want my iPad. I'm like, well, dad's not home. We're going to have to talk to him and see. Or I want a popsicle. Well, we're going to have to see what dad says. And he's not here. Like I feel myself using him.

using him a way out. A way out of so many things. I don't know. We'll see what dad says. Yeah. But I guess you guys can do that too. I mean, not over. Can I have a pause?

No, you can't. You can't. I know. I've been kind of to come up with like reasons that are usually probably true. Yeah. I think the hardest part is when you want like when you get home and you're carrying all of the stuff and then something else has to be done. And really all you want to do is just sit down and like have a moment. You can't. There's nobody like to do the thing to do the next thing.

So you have to constantly be like not only handling the current thing, but having a plan for the next thing and the thing after that. Yeah. You know what I noticed, which is kind of interesting. Like because I've been doing it on my own for seven years, seven years, before like, I've been known to like rely on someone else or a dude or whatever to like do the things, you know? And I'm like, I just do shit myself. Like I don't wait to carry my heavy ass suitcase upstairs or downstairs or put it in the car or do this. Like I just always automatically do all the things. And I was wondering if it's because I've just, you know, been on my own and doing it for so long or if it's in me naturally.

I don't know. But I had that thought, you know? Well, no, I saw TikTok the other day and it was really funny. it was like this woman going, oh my God, I don't know how to travel without my husband. Like, he carries my ID. He knows the itinerary. He knows, like, you just don't have to think of certain things when you have a partner. Just like my husband doesn't have to think about coming home and making sure, you know, we have our different roles. Like, he doesn't have to think of the things I do and I don't have to think of the things he does. And when you don't have that person there, you have to think of all the things.

Well, I was thinking of all of the things even when I was married. Yeah. Oh, okay. It's not that different. Right. Yeah. Right. That might be why it didn't work out.

Yeah. For sure. Yeah, but there's always that. But I think you become so dependent or codependent on the other person. Is this an intervention? This is an intervention. No, but I watched like, I watch my brother and his wife and I'm like, oh my God, how would you even order your lunch without her. You know, like, they're so dialed in. And I actually think it's

really sweet with them. But you do notice, like, you become so codependent. I think everything's a system. Anytime you get more than one person with another person, it's whether it's you and your kids, whether it's you and a partner or roommates or whatever, there's a system that falls into place. Yeah. Right. You know, it's just what happens. And so I think most of my focus has been on creating healthy systems. Right. Healthy systems in my household. Healthy systems with my extended family,

healthy systems with my friends, and that's where my focus has been. What is like a healthy, you know, you say you set that out. Yeah, I mean, teach me. Please think it's different. I think it's different for everybody because everybody has a different way they like to do things.

Like you see households that function in a very specific, very traditional way because it works for everybody there. But then there are other households that function in a very traditional way. And it doesn't work for everybody there because each person is their own mini-system. And it's like, I really think it's about knowing yourself really deeply and then having the courage to communicate that. And a lot of times we don't do it because we go, ooh, that's weird that I want to do things this way. Right. You know, but when you have the courage to just be like, hey, here's how I want to do this.

What do you think about that? And if you're in relationship with people who can hold that and you can call that and you can create around that space. Like, okay, you want to do, I mean, some stupid, some stupid thing. You do drop off and I do pick up, whatever it is. But coming to agreements as opposed to just falling into patterns. Yeah. Right. Right. Agreements versus expectations is a huge one. How do you, I'm with five guys in my house right now. Okay. Five. I was thinking about that when I went to sleep last night. I was like, there's five men peeing in that. toilet.

Okay? What in the heck kind of system can you come up with to not get the kids to pee on the floor? Or to pee on, like, I'm like, I don't, I'm a very feminine. Do they put their toilet seat down? They, Rachel. They don't even lift it to pee. It smelled so bad like pee in the bathroom this morning. I was like, where are they peeing?

Like, where are they actually peeing? I don't know. But I do think that finding your. system. What's your peeing system? My system is I don't share a bathroom with them. Yeah. That's my system. Yeah. That would be good. You know, like they have their own bathroom. I kind of let it be what it is. But I also think sometimes the hard part, and we talked about this off camera, is being in relationships is really hard as far as growing and changing and evolving. And when you come into a relationship, and you have a certain system that works.

And then one person wants to break that and change that and disrupt that system for their own peace of mind, for their own development. It breaks up all the other systems around and makes people really uncomfortable, whether it's friendship, family, relationship. Can you speak on that a little bit? Yeah, that's such a great question. I was just talking about that yesterday, actually, about one of the reasons that people, So I do a lot of transformational work with people and a lot of coaching around that.

And one of the things that keeps us from doing that is exactly that because when you are a piece in many different systems. And when you change your vibration, when you change how you function, it requires all of the systems around you to change. Ultimately for the better, because if you're raising your vibration and you're getting into higher alignment, ultimately everything is being upgraded with you. But that's a really scary process because it requires. people to put down patterns that they've been using to function. And a lot of times, if those people are not on a growth path, they don't want to do that. And they might want to make you wrong for doing that, right? Like, how dare you? How dare you? I like this like this. And it's like, yeah, because you're

being complacent a lot of times. But also, I've learned to have a lot of compassion for that because the journey of transformation does require courage and bravery. And not everybody's ready for that, just because you're ready for it. Somebody else might be in a different part of their process. And so having patience and compassion, but also not, you know, betraying yourself and going, okay, I'll keep existing in a system that doesn't serve me or a system that's abusive or a system that doesn't allow me to be in a process of growth. Like, you can't do that either.

No. And it's tricky because a lot of times the people in your life that you're the closest to will do everything in their power for you not to change. Yeah. And that's not coming from a negative place. It's coming from a I love you place don't change, right? And I think I've had that. But it sounds like a selfish place.

Well, it's so deeply subconscious that they don't realize it. Like even when I first got sober, I remember it was incredibly lonely because the friendships that I had held on to the dearest, I had to let go of a little bit in order to find my way. And I remember having a trust, like, if these people are my people, it's okay to like, you know, sever those ties for a moment. And it was never like I'm cutting these people out of my life. It just was a natural process in that growth. And the coolest thing was to watch them come back in in their own growth. Right? Mm-hmm. Right. I think there's this part of transformation where you have to be internal more. You have to protect.

basically like this little nest that you've built to birth your new self. You're like this little egg, little egg who's a little sober egg in your face, right? And the sober chick has to crack out. And she needs a safe little nest. And she can't have all of this noise and old patterns around her. And so I think that's the other thing that I spent a lot of time reassuring people on that it's okay to go into that nest space or your cave space for a little bit. And like you said, your people will be waiting on the other side. The people who are really for you. Right, you know. We'll still be there.

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how did it come about for you? It's something that like you've always, you know. Oh my gosh. Because I'm trying to, you know, thinking back, like, I don't know. Yeah, it wasn't really part of my life when we knew each other. Yeah, I, yeah, it's hard to figure out how to talk about because it's so, it's so big, but basically I had an initial spiritual awakening experience at 33. That's the number.

I didn't know at the time because I wasn't identifying as somebody spiritual. It was basically, basically I turned 33 and within three months, it was, it was everything had changed. Gatsby was killed in front of me. What? Yeah. What do you mean? So when basically I turned to 33, a month later, and I'm like eight months pregnant at this point with Dash, a coyote jumped over my backyard fence and killed him in front of me. No.

He died in my arms. And yeah, so very, I know. I know. I don't like coyotes. I'm sorry. But this can be, now I'm able to look at this and go, yeah, in many ways, this is an initiatory experience that I was going through. Like death, death and birth, death and birth. Yeah.

And then a month after that, I gave birth to Dash alone in standing up in my bathroom. What? What? What do you mean? How? Yeah. So he, I had a 20-minute birth with Dash. What?

Yeah. Dash. This is a name. Perfect name. Oh, my God. It's like they name themselves. But he was late. My due date was late.

And so I was like, this is going to be this silly name for him. Like, okay. But that's what his name is. Okay. And then he was, I basically woke up in the middle of the night. two days past my due date and was waiting, laying in bed going, oh, okay, think I'm having contractions, okay. And then finally got up and called the midwife.

And then it was like everything was full on. This is your first or second? My second. This was my second son, yeah. And basically, I mean, basically it was like, and I mean, that's a longer story. My ex eventually got out of bed and was handling other things there. But it was just very, very quick. everything was very quick.

You were literally alone. Yeah. And so, yeah. So basically my, I'm standing up and I'm like, oh my God, I have to push and I yank my clothes off and I have a contraction and his head comes out. And I, uh-huh. And I throw a towel down on the ground. One more contraction, I reached down and pull out my baby.

Oh. Were you screaming for your ex at the time? I was not at that moment. You were just like I got to handle this very. You were just in go mode. I was just very, it was. I was very much like... And you're telling me you couldn't find Advil at Vons today?

Oh, God. Apparently, I don't need the Advil. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but that was my... I've never shared that publicly, actually. You haven't. Uh-uh. What a crazy, like, amazing.

I mean, experience because obviously everything... Okay. So, umbilical cord, what did you do? Yeah, what? Happening for a reason. And very much, like, the veil's very thin when you're having children, right? And so I'm getting all these... messages and very much being, oh yeah, and very, there's a direct relationship between Gatsby's

death and the way he breathed in my arms when he was dying and Dashel's birth and the way he breathed in my arms when he was being born. Like direct. Oh my God. And I'm aware of it. That's really making me cry. And I'm in between these two experiences. And Spirit is saying, you can do it.

You can do it on your own. You can do it. You can do it. And I'm going, I don't like your message. I'm supposed to be in the birth tub and we're supposed to be, it's supposed to be perfect. I'm supposed to be orgasming while someone runs my feet. Right. Yeah. Right.

Oh my God. And instead I'm just looking at this like little squishy eight pound eight ounce baby sitting alone with just the two of us and just going, all right, we got this. Oh my God. That is so intense. So intense. So intense. I can't.

But, and so that from. me was very much the beginning of my spiritual journey because it was like not I couldn't I was completely all control was removed from me by the divine and they were just saying I was being held and just saying surrender you yeah surrender surrender surrender so that was like the start of my 33rd year all in the space of like two months wow yeah and you can't really turn back from that you can't go back to a previous version of yourself, I was reborn. I was born anew in that moment. And then it was many years of going like, what the fuck is happening? What the fuck is happening? Right. What's going on? Right. No, I was used to like navigating life through thinking I was in control. Right. And that was all

absolutely blown up. Wow. And I just had to start like, yeah, what a gift. Exactly. Exactly. Just have it had to start listening, trusting the guidance, listening to God, feeling held, and surrendering to what the next piece was that I needed to do. And so by the time, and there was, I mean, there was a lot. The marriage was already not healthy by that point. And so I spent the rest of the year basically, like, trying to get that piece on track and finally just going, this is so not happening. This is, and then having the courage.

to leave, which was the scariest thing I'd ever done, ever. And it was just you doing it. I mean, that's a, that's a little baby, too. Tiny. They were so tiny. They were tiny. You're saying the marriage. So you're saying? I thought you were saying the marriage was another baby. No, I meant like her baby was only 11 months old. You meant what she thought you meant. No, I meant her baby. Yeah. I'm curious in that moment because it sounded clear to me, you can do it alone. Yeah. Did you know at that point?

I was hanging on for dear life trying to make the marriage work. I was like, I'm, I was. This is the thing. Yeah. But it had already, I had in 2012 been on a show in Hawaii. And that, you know, Hawaii is so. There's the veil is. Yeah.

Yeah. And so there was a lot that was coming in at that point. And I was very much already going like, yeah, okay, this isn't healthy. And putting in a lot of work to. on my own to clean up my side of the street, right, to make myself as healthy as I could be, to be a clear communicator, to ask for what I wanted, to be really clear about what wasn't working. So I had already been on that journey by myself. So by the time I left, I was like, there is nothing else I could have done. Like, I can walk away knowing that I gave it my

all, that I gave it everything that I could. And because it's, again, it's a system of two people. Right? And so one person cannot, like one person changes, everything else has to adjust. And if it doesn't, then the system's broken. Simple as that. Right. And yeah. So, so that was the beginning of my spiritual awakening. And then I did, I've explored many, many different healing modalities as I think you have to. Yeah. I'd love to hear. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Where do I even start? I literally don't know where to start. I went back during COVID. I went back. to school, to grad school for depth psychology and archetypes, transpersonal psychology. Oh, wow. In psychology, I got very in, so I've like, I did you go to what's in Maca called? Pacifica. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When did you go? I went in COVID, so during 2021. Okay. I didn't finish because I was like, yeah, the system, the systems of school and read this, now read this, now read this at this time. I was like, I am too. My inner rebel was like,

I will not. We'll not do it. So. But I got the whole reading list and I loved everything that I learned. I just didn't like the prescribed timeline. Right. It's very, very hard for me. And hard as a single parent, too. Like just, yeah, very different. Yeah.

How do you do it? Yeah. I have a friend, Max Hoffman just is going there. Really? Yeah. How funny. It's amazing, amazing teachers. I hear it's incredible.

Yeah, it was amazing. And, but you can study all of that. You can continue studying all of it all about. I just kind of like to go, be able to go. Yeah. Go down. go down the rabbit hole. You read one book and you get turned on to an idea from there, from another author. And so you want to be able to go follow that.

A lot of different studies. I went studied with Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes. She's an amazing. She wrote women who run with the wolves. Oh, yes. Yeah. So I went out and studied at a workshop with her called Original Voice, basically about, you know, bringing your, your creative voice forward. And also, you know, she works very deeply with archetypes in the spiritual realms. So that was really powerful, too. I need to read that book. It was recommended to me by someone I really adore and respect. And I was like, oh, yes, I've got to read it. And then I bought a house and they left the books. And sitting right there was that women who run with wolves. And I was like, oh my God, it's a sign. Yeah. So I brought it when we moved. I brought it with me. I still have it.

Never read it. This might be your sign. This might be your sign. Yeah. It's really, it's like life-changing. or it can be, can be depending on where you're at. I'm curious about like what some of the modalities that you've tried and worked. She's in. No, I've tried. I went to USM. Do you know USM? No, I don't think so.

It's universities, Hannah Monica. It's spiritual psychology. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have a friend who has a degree from there. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, she's an amazing spiritual psychologist. Yeah.

Do you, I'm like, I wonder if I know. Jessica de Leon. She's amazing. Hi. I don't know. Jessica. So I did that, but I started my journey. my journey started when I was a kid, I would just kind of get curious. I remember I started going to church by myself and my family was like, we don't go to church. And I'd be like, I do, you know, and I went to like a Christian church. And then my grandma was Buddhist. So then I started studying that. And then I started studying all different, you know, like church's self-realization. I've just always been super hungry for knowledge when it comes to.

anything other than this. Because I always kind of felt like there has to be more. Yeah. And so that started me on my journey. And then Rachel's mom actually is someone that got me clear on my journey because I was really struggling. And so I started going to her mom once a week and she would read my tarot and counsel me. And she's the most incredible psychologist, counselor, guide, whatever you. you want to call it.

Wait, that's amazing. I didn't know this about your mom. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She's next level. That's amazing. No, you'd fall in love with her. Sounds like it.

Yeah. You walk into her home and you feel like you're being held by like something. It's her. It's her. It's her. That's so cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So then, yeah, all of, she's into all of that. She's, you know, she turned me on to, um, Louise, hey, and Esther. pigs and like just all I just went so deep into it that I've never come out. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I, for me, I mean, and in many ways, it's very similar to acting. Acting's exploring the human psyche and the behaviors. Like, why is this character doing this? Why is this character saying this? And then you get to be with this character

and go into her shadow realms and try and figure out why she shows up like this. It's the same thing. Agreed. As doing psychological healing work, just just expressed differently. Same. So I also coach a handful of people, and I've tried to explain this and you're going to understand this. Coaching is the same thing as acting as it is psychology, as it is anything. It's the art of storytelling. And I think that we live our life based on the stories we tell. Yes. Yep. And so all I do when I'm helping people is help their storytelling. Yep. So it's the same as. Yes. acting, writing. Yeah. It's all the same. Yeah. Yep.

And getting them into a vibration of truth within that story. Yeah. Right? So that the story serves them as opposed to pulls them back into the past. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's amazing, though, just having that, even the tool of like the stories you tell yourself and raising children and being able to explain to them when they're ever they're saying something negative or this happened. I'm like, no, this is a story that you're telling yourself.

Yeah. That's not a true story. Yeah. So you can tell yourself, you know what I mean? And like having that, because I, you know, as a kid, I didn't have that. Even my mom's spiritual and I had a lot of things. But just that one tool of the storytelling, it's something that you can actually grasp and understand. And I do it with Briar all the time.

Yeah. I did it today, dropping off Elliot because he's like, today is going to be worse than yesterday. I said, with that story it is. Right. I was like, you absolutely will be. I said, but let's change the story. How about today is going to be even better than yesterday? And you're going to, I was like, come on, give me a new story.

And he was like laughing. He's like, it's going to be horrible. And he got what I meant. Yeah. And I was like, if you speak that into existence, boy, it will, it'll come true. Yeah. If you say so. Yeah.

It's great to just say that. If you say, today's going to be terrible. If you say so. Yeah. I don't have to tell you. You know what's nuts. And I just talked about this yesterday, which I think is. It's so simple, but human beings, we have so much faith in the negative as a human being, right?

If I were to tell you, okay, I want you to take a few actions a day in different areas of your life. I want you to go in and just kind of fuck work up a little bit. I would like you to just like pick little fights, maybe start making some really shitty choices on what you're going to eat, like things that are really bad for you. you'd be like, no, that's going to have a negative effect. But if I tell you, I'd like you to just try meditating for 15 days, maybe make a little positive affirmation, take a step in this direction. The human experiences to fight that and be like, it's not going to work. What the hell?

But you're certain, 100% certainty, if I told you to make these negative choices, that they're going to have a negative consequence, you're all in on it within 30 seconds. Wow. But if we do it in the positive, it's so much harder to get people on board with that. Yeah. Is that nuts? It is. We have these self-protective parts that pop up, right?

It's part of us protecting ourselves from that change. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. So I am now challenging everyone to be like, of course it's going to work. just like it would in the negative. Yeah. Of course the positive steps are going to amount to something, right?

Yeah, but it's so hard to do because, like, you'll even do it with yourself. Like, you'll get stuck in the, you know? That's why I'm saying. My mom does too. She'll, like, say everything and it makes total, like, yes, absolutely. But then she'll do the opposite with herself. Because it's the human condition. But that's why you are what you eat.

Yeah. That's why you need people around you that are there to remind you. you when you forget and you to remind them when they forget. Right. I think I need people around me to feed me. Yeah. So much work sometimes. Right. But I think you do need people around you to feed you. You can't do all the feeding? No. But can we talk about, this is a little bit of a segue and more literal, what Instagram has done to me is like, I can't eat any of the food I normally buy. I can't drink out of any of the containers you have drunk out of your whole life. I can't wash laundry with, you know what I mean? Like, no, I'm totally lost.

Well, just like ingredients and plastics and things, but like quite literally. Sorry, I've been so fixated. I'm targeted now. I know. I'm like, I'm obsessed with this girl named Crunchy Mom on TikTok. Wait, because I don't follow any of these people. She's on Instagram. I live for her. I've changed my whole thing. She's like five things. A Crunchy Mom would buy it Costco. And I'm like, homeschooling and has her like homestead and like all of that? All I know is that she don't know. You just know what she buys at Costco. I know that my oat milk is really bad.

Oh no, there's this dude I've been listening to and he's like trash. Yeah. Oh, I think I deliberately don't follow any of these people because I'm like, I don't follow them. I'm targeted. Oh, because they like send you this sponsored ads. No, it's so good. We need to do it. We need to do it.

Oh, I'm doing it. I bought all new glassware. Oh, my God. I don't know. I'm only drinking Mountain Valley. Olivia. It's so funny that this is happening to us at the same time and we hadn't even talked about it. Parallel. No. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. No, this is fascinating. I'm learning a whole new thing. And now I need to like go check out my oat milk.

Oh, don't drink oat milk. Okay. Well, no. Make your own oat milk. But you can't do, you have to get what oats are you getting. You guys, there's too many rules. There's too many rules. I know. I know. This is what I've decided. Too many life rules. I can't keep up with all of them. But the oat spikes your glycemic index. I don't drink oat milk, so I don't know. I know. I drink a lot of oat milk. I don't know. All I know is there's too much information and yeah, too many rules and all of it. But there are a few things that I feel like I would feel better about if I make a conscious effort. I'm doing it too. I'm revamping my whole entire life right now.

Oh my God. That's so funny. I think that's all we can do is kind of do the best. We can in the areas that we can. Because sometimes... We can't do all of it. No. It's not like you can't have Skittles if they're offered to you at a birthday party.

You know what I mean? But also sometimes it can feel... Maybe not Skittles, though. Maybe you can not. I think I'm going to say no to Skittles. They have giggles, which are like the good version of Skittles. There's number five dye in it. It's the die, but it's in other things too.

See, there's a whole rabbit hole. Right. And now I'm like spending all of this mental energy thinking about like, everything that's going to kill me. Right? And it's like, well, I'm going to die eventually anyway. Right. So everything's going to kill me ultimately. And live in the fear of it all. I mean, there's that. Right. For sure. But I also think, you know, for you, for you, especially, like, being in the public eye, there can be so much, like, outside pressure on what you're allowed

to wear, like opinions about what you wear, what you drink, what you buy, how you spend your time. Like, there's so, it feels like sometimes like there's a free for all of people's opinions. But you know, people have opinions. Yeah. And they feel they can. She does. She doesn't care. Anything. You're not, you're really good about like not. Because I know it's all just people talking and whatever. You're not sensitive to, she's really good about that.

Yeah. You really are. That's really good. It's true. Because otherwise you'll just live the rest of your life, like going, oh, okay, I better have to, now I have to worry about this opinion. Right. I have to worry about this opinion. But there are certain filters that are heightened for sure.

Yeah. You know? And I think that just comes along with it. But, like, yeah. I'm like, oh my God, do I have a plastic straw on camera? You know what I mean? Like, there's things like... Oh, that's true.

Yeah. She loves a plastic straw. It's a problem. It's a problem. Because there's sea turtles, because the sea turtles, right? That's the reason. You can't have it. I'm a horrible person.

I know. I know, but it's so good because your energy is going towards things it should be and not like obsessing at night down these rubber holes. Of all the shit we should not be consuming. Only because of exactly that. There was this point on my. on my journey where I was watching, I was in the middle of like one of the most spiritual aspects of my journey in like 2020,

the beginning of 2020. And I was watching the news. And I was literally like almost seeing the vibration of the news in the air and going, this is toxic. It's literally, if we're talking about things that are toxic, that's toxic. It's literally intending to spread fear into this room. That's all it is. Yeah.

That's the other thing. And even the feed on Instagram, like every story is like, this person died in a freak accident, tragedy, disease, that's all the, like, headline stories are. What? Because they're targeting you. They're picking on you. Because I don't get any of that. No, but any news, like any of the main feed, it's like even like TMZ or something like that.

Like it'll be some crazy, tragic thing that has happened that like, why is that the only like feed and like all the headlines are these fear-based things. I took a break from the news. I don't watch the news because of what you're saying. I took like a really long break. But then I started to feel like I didn't know what was going on. Yeah. And that's tough.

That's a tough place to be because we have important decisions to make, right, as voters. But to know enough. I mean, I feel like if you know the basics of what's going on, like, in the world, in your country, and like whatever. I think mostly it's about just staying in the driver's seat of your own consciousness, your own attention, because there are times where it's like it's important to be a witness to what's going on. Right.

Right. And that's important. But then it's like, okay, all right. And now I'm going to put my focus over here on my kid, right? And but remembering you're always the one in charge of where you're placing your attention. And it's like this crazy video game we're in, especially with the online world, right? Because they're always competing for your attention. Right?

Right? Pay attention over here. Pay attention over here. And that's the game. I started to just look at it a game. Oh, okay. Did I just give away my attention, my eyes, my consciousness? Did I just give it away? Okay. All right. Do I want to come back to center? And that's where meditation comes in, right? Teaching us how to how to be able to breathe and have more space and be a witness within our consciousness. Then I have more agency over it. Well, because the way you're explaining it is very accurate as far as you're basically giving your dollar to ads. Yeah. Right? You're buying in on it at the most expensive rate you possibly can, which is your time. Beautiful. There's nothing more valuable than your time. And you're buying in on something that doesn't necessarily align with you at all.

Yeah. Right? It's kind of wild when you think. I feel like that even if I look at Instagram. I'm like, why did I just put my assets into something that did not, I didn't come out any better for it. I didn't learn anything. I felt a little crappy being like, why are they in the South of France? And I've never even like tried to go to the South of France.

Yeah. But that's, I mean, it's an amazing teacher. Just like I think like the best, the best place to practice compassion is in a car. because we all want to be like, how dare that person cut me off, blah, blah, it's an amazing teacher. The car is like an amazing classroom for practicing compassion and practicing not giving, giving yourself over to your emotions. Instagram and online and everything online is basically a great place to practice staying

in your center and staying in where you want, what you want to consume, basically, being in control of that. So if you're having negative experiences, okay, well, what is this bringing up in me? Why am I choosing to have this experience? Yeah, right? You have this amazing button that says unfollow. I love it. Like when people tell me, they're like, I don't like the content you're posting. You're in charge. There's a right follow button. You don't have to. Yeah, I know. It's so true. And I'll have like the craziest, most outlandish or negative, like, comments or whatever. And I'm like, why are you even here? Right. It literally would have taken them so

much less time to just go unfollow than it is to like write eight sentences. about what you're doing wrong. I figured out where those people should go. I did. I did. I figured it out. Where? To WrestleMania. Because I went to a wrestling match and these people in the audience were so passionately screaming. Wait, you went to it. Hold on. Back up. You went to a wrestling match. How did you find this? Where? Where? We had an incredible female wrestler on the podcast. we fell in love with. She's outstanding Soraya. And she invited us. So I was like, I'm going to go.

Okay. And we bring the kids. And we went. She doesn't just go. I don't just go. But now I might. But they basically, the whole audience are trolling these people.

Right? They're like, you wear leather, you suck. Like everybody's screaming the most outlandish stuff. But it's in good fun. Okay. they're getting something out. I was like, these people are getting something out

that needs to be expressed. That's really negative. But they're doing it in a forum where people signed up for it and are having a blast. And I was like, you know what? They're using that energy towards something. I was like, that's where all the trolls should go.

And they should... Oh, my God. I'm not kidding. It would be a healthy, really... giving away 100 tickets to next week's WrestleMania. They could yell anything they want. It's welcomed. It's welcomed.

That is amazing. It's fantastic. And I think it would be a very healthy way for them to get that out. Yeah. And have a blast. You have it figured out. Yeah. It's a very good prescription.

I'm actually being serious. I felt it in that moment. I was like, this is a really good way to channel what needs to be expressed in these people in a really positive way. But it's love that's where your brain went. Like you were there and you were like, this is the perfect place. The answer. Only you, by the way.

But it's so good. But think about it. It goes back to the gladiator days. Yeah. The human energy has to move. Right? And there's a lot, there's a lot of stuck energy in the world right now. A lot.

Right. People are scared. And there's a lot of energy that needs, it needs somewhere to go. It needs somewhere to go. And that's a very healthy place to put it. Thank you. I feel seen. He has the answer. But I loved what you were saying before and it reminded me of my mom when you were like in the car. Like that's your perfect class. You know, because she's always, she's really big on surrendering, right? Yeah. And the whole thing. And it definitely has influenced me. But I, you know, I have my moments. But I just love putting it that way and also literally putting it that way when you are in your car and you want to yell at the person. Yeah. The car is like an amazing classroom, not just for the other people who are.

out there, but it's also just a good place to, like, I don't know, I just have imaginary conversations in my car, moving energy, right? Like, okay, let me get down to the bottom, trying to figure out why I'm mad about something or why I'm upset about something. I think the car, you just like, imagine conversations in the car. Yeah. You're like, if you ever see Autumn driving next to you and she's talking and there's no one in it and it's not on the phone. That's what's happening. No, one time I was doing it in the car with my kids in the car and Dash was like, are you practicing your lines? And I was like, yes. Yes, I am.

I am. I am practicing my lines. That's great. I have that great excuse as an actor. Right. It's if you see me talking to yourself, I'm practicing my lines. That's what it is. That's so funny because I remember when I first met Adam Brody, he was like at a party and he was

talking to himself. And I was like, that's weird. Like, he's talking to himself. And then I went up and I like asked him something. He's like, I'm trying to remember my lines or something. And I was like, oh, he's not talking to him. He was actually doing his lines, but like at a party? Maybe it wasn't a party.

Maybe it was like at someone's house or something. But still. But maybe he was doing that thing where he was like, I need to be back. Yeah. I just started. I was like laughing when he said it because I can picture him just like talking to himself a lot. Maybe he was doing the car thing. Maybe he was having imaginary conversations with you, Rachel.

Just trying to like. Always just like, I can knock it through to her. I remember I liked it when I had kids because. I was like, oh, now I can talk to myself out loud and not look like a crazy person, like, going through Target and being like, do I need this? And I'm like, it just looks like I'm talking to my kids. Do you do that? Yeah, I talk to myself, but I've never had a thought that like or cared if someone saw me doing it. Does that make sense? Oh, that's interesting. Like you were like, oh, now I have kids, so I don't look like I'm just talking to myself. Most people

feel a little embarrassed when they're caught talking to themselves. Why is that? I will call myself out. Like, if I'm doing that in an aisle and someone walks by, I'm like, I'm sorry. You know what I mean? Like, I'll just, like, call it out. But I don't care. Oh, my gosh. Rachel, I used to shop at the, every now and then I would shop at the Whole Foods in West Hollywood.

Yeah. And there was a checkout guy there who every time I was there thought I was you. And so literally every time he'd go, hey, Rachel, nice to see you again, every single time. Are you serious? I'm dead serious. I just remember this. I'm like, I have to tell you this right now. I never corrected it.

him. I just said thank you. Thank you. So I don't know if you used to live around there or what, or if he just got everybody on the show mixed up. But it was hilarious to me. Where is it? Which one is that? It's on like, it was San Monica. Yeah, I think I used to, yeah, drive by it on the way to go to a hike or something. Anyway, it was years ago and it was the funniest. And I just remembered it as we're talking about talking to ourselves in the aisles of the supermarket. It was like, hey, Rachel. You were somebody from that show. Must be this one. It must be that one. That'll work.

Do people still, like, comment or, like, recognize you from the OC? Yeah, I mean, mostly it's from Hallmark because I do a lot of work for Hallmark right now. Amazing. We can talk about that. Which is so lovely. Yeah. But, yeah, every, it's, it's all different things. And it's funny, though, I showed it to my kids before I was coming on, coming on the OC show to talk to you about it.

And I never showed it to them before. And we're so, we're so much younger. And my kids were like, which one is you? You're like, really? I was like, bet. Are you the guy at Whole Foods? Yeah, we were lacking in diversity, so understandable. But yeah, it was, it was really, it was really funny. No way. That's so funny. I wonder, like, when I'll show Breyer and not the O.C.'s, the storylines, like, you know, that'll be a little later. Yeah. But that's so funny and so interesting. But yeah. I showed Elliot your heart of Dixie.

Like an episode? Yeah. Oh, that's more. He loved it. There was an alligator. He was. Bert, that's Bert Reynolds. Elliot asked me if you could, so cute, he asked if you could call his favorite YouTuber to get him to meet him for his birthday.

Well, I did help him to meet God, so. You did, but you're going to have to help him meet Fulton. Okay. Okay. Yeah, the YouTubers are the most famous right now. You're going to have to do that for Elian. Anyway, so I love a Hallmark

movie. I do too. It's so, It's so comforting. It's so comforting. You can put them on and nothing is going to be inappropriate for children or your grandmother. It's like people go home. I love that. I put them on. It gives you something to focus on. And really, I think there's been a lot of really beautiful things about working for the network. One, they're so supportive of me as a single mom and everything that I need in order to spend out. Yeah. And I started producing a couple years ago. I have one coming out August 3rd called June Buzz. and I executive produced it and developed it for the last five years. And finally, like, you know, we got it off the ground. And last year and Summer Israel Johnson is the writer. And I'm just really proud of the story. I'm really proud of the story. It's basically about inner child healing.

Hey now. Trying to sneak in sort of psychological work into these. But ultimately, it's like that they're all stories of transformation. They're all stories of coming back home to yourself. expressed through romance. Right. And they're really beautiful. And so this one is about a girl who's juniper.

She's basically been compromising everywhere in her life. Like, her life is fine. Right. Her boyfriend's fine. Her job's fine. Everything's fine. And she's about to turn 40. And suddenly her eight-year-old self appears and basically tells her everything that's

wrong with her life. Oh, wow. It says if your younger self came into your life right now and said, what's going on? Wow. You're not living up to my dream. Oh my God. I love this. I love it too. I'm really excited for people to see it. Oh my God. And it's funny and it's quirky and yeah, I just had a really good time making it. That's beautiful. So fun. Yeah, I had a really good time making it. And then I'm going to hold, because I've been wanting to figure out how to merge these worlds of

transformation and healing and artistic work. And so I'm going to hold an online container for inner child healing for like a month after with a friend of mine who does this type of work. Jessica Amos. So yeah, I'm excited. Inner child work is my very favorite work of all of it. Oh, tell me why. Because I found the most healing in it. And I can use it every single day in a nanosecond.

It's right there. I can turn inward and give whatever aspect is hurting or needs to be seen or loved or held or whatever, that attention. Yeah. And I think it's the most powerful. tool in the box, in my opinion. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, it goes the deepest, I think, because then when you're confronting things in your regular everyday life and you're like, why is this pissing me off so much? Or why do I feel so hurt by this thing that this person said? You go back to the original root of it. You love that. And then it doesn't trigger you so much

the next time. Yeah. Yeah. It's powerful. And even on-erring, too. It can be fun. Yeah, it can be. I was explaining this to a gal that made a short film on Inner Child Work, and it was so beautiful, Ashley. And she was saying something like, oh, what do you do with it? And I explained to her, I was like, the only reason that I still act or want to or do any, it's all for inner child. Oh. It's to honor that part that's still going, but I want to do it. And so it's like, okay, me as the adult can nurture and honor that part that still doesn't feel seen. Instead of being like, be quiet, go away.

Yeah. I'm an adult now. It's going to that eight-year-old self and being like, okay, I will give you opportunity to do that. I love that. Right? I love that. Yeah. That's a great way to look at it.

So there's still those little pieces that we still can be like, you know what? you want to go to raging waters? I actually really do. I was thinking about that this morning. Like, should I go from a birthday with everybody? Okay, so six flags water park has if you go on, yes, if you go on Friday, they have, it's called the dive-in movies.

And you can be in the pool and watch like Avatar or something. What? Yes. Odd. I just learned this. Yeah, or Aquaman, probably water-themed movies. That means. Probably water-themed movies.

Probably. But you know. Yeah. It's weird. You can just stay there all day and watch a movie. Wow. There you go. Happy birthday.

Thank you. We should go to a water park for your birthday. Maybe we will. It's on a Sunday. I don't love celebrating my birthday. Just because not for any reason. Like, I don't care. You know, I just don't like attention.

I'd hate when people sing happy birthday. Like a lot of people with a cake. I don't like cake. Is it because you feel like there's too much attention on you or? Yes. I don't like that. It's like awkward. You have to like sit there or stand there or whatever for however long. She's not a normal actress. Would it help if they like put a crown on your head during it and just like amplified that?

On a throne, I might accept it. Just lean all the way into it. Take all the attention. Yeah. But I always had, yeah. Anyway, that's another side note. Okay, so Junebug is August 3rd. Yeah. And then they rear. They reared them a lot. Yeah, of course. You can't miss it. That's so far. fun though. But what a great setup. You know, like, and you've been working with Hallmark and it's a great company and you're happy and you love it. And yeah, and it's been, it's been so beautiful to step into these other aspects of my creative work, to step into producing and developing and to feel, to also just strengthen my, my trust in myself as a writer, too, as a storyteller. Yeah. And go, oh, okay. Yeah, it's given me the strength to write things on my own.

Okay, yeah, no, I have some good ideas. Yeah. I don't know everything. And that's perfect. It's perfect. But some ideas that I have are good. Yeah. And moving into that to have had this, this play space and a place where I feel valued and people trust me. And it's just, like you said, it's this, it's the inner child part of myself just gets to like

still have fun being on stage, being on screen. Yeah. I think it's really cool. And I think it's a testament to the work you're doing. Because if you think of it, it sounds like alignment, right? Because you've done all this work and it feels like a. good feeling, a good vibration, a good frequency. So it's no coincidence that you're working with people that are asking, what do you think? What do you want to incorporate? And you're doing

projects that actually make other people feel good. Yeah. You're not like doing it in some weird dark form of television, which I happen to love. But imagine living in that every day probably wouldn't be the same alignment as the cozy home. Yeah. And I've definitely done those type of movies. And they're important in terms of what you were talking about earlier, purging the shadow and bringing these parts that are present to the surface. Those are important. But yeah, it's not really what I want to spend the majority of my time.

Yeah. Because it takes a toll on you for sure. Whereas these movies are their medicine in and of themselves. I have so many people come up to me and they're like, this is how I got through the death of my husband. This is what my mom and I watched while she was dying and now she's gone. And these movies will always be the last thing that we experienced together. It's beautiful.

It's so, it's so beautiful. And so I feel very connected to the people who love these movies because we're very much a significant part of their life journey. And so, yeah, it feels really aligned for me because it's all, everything I do, whether it's coaching or it's storytelling and the stories I write and the stories I act and it's all heart-centered is kind of how. how I view it and that can express in many different ways. But that is the theme running through all of my work that I've been able to find. I love it. I love it. That's so cool. Thanks, you're welcome. Thanks for sharing everything today. That was really special. Thanks for having me on and asking good questions and giving me a place to talk about it. Yeah. Love it. Well, I think you're amazing. You're doing amazing.

Same. Can't wait to see Junebug. Me too. Sounds like our cup of tea. It does. We can watch it while drinking tea. Or maybe you can get them to put it on the screen at a Hurricane Harbor. You never? Is there water in the movie at any point? Because that's how I'll pitch it. We're like she drinks water. She's having lots of water.

Oh, my God. Well, happy early birthday. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks for coming on. And nice to finally meet you in person. You too. Yes, after all these years. So many years. Yeah. And I hope it wasn't too traumatizing for you. So I hope it was good that we made it through. I feel healed.

Okay, good. Good. Be chill. Full circle. I could be part of the healing. It is a whole healing experience. Yeah. Hi, Olivia.

Don't do the thing where you don't talk. We talk so much. Now it's just you and I without Rob. What are we going to talk about? What are we going to talk about? I mean, there's so much to talk about. That we can't say on mic. Not a word of it on the mic.

So in our intro, Olivia was talking about how she was talking to herself in the mirror. Yeah. That's a big thing. Yeah. Do you ever do that? No. Never. No.

Ever. Talk to myself in the mirror? Yeah. I'll do the thing where I'm like, ugh, you know. Yeah. Negative like. Really. It's never like, great.

You look great. I'll never forget this one. This makes me sad. Oh, no. It's really sad. I had this friend name. Alex. Do you remember Alex? Which Alex? She was friends with Veronique and she worked at yellow and she had like really pretty eyes and she was like very like, like, sounds familiar.

Sounds familiar. Punk and Gotham. Okay. One night we were out, she died. She died. Yeah. Like recently? No, it's been years. Oh. It's been years. But I'll never forget. This is like, this way. I know. I know. So that was the story. We're so fucked up. I know. I'll never forget we're out one night and we're in the bathroom. And she goes in front of me in the mirror and she looks in the mirror and she goes, fucking Angelina Jolie, beautiful.

And I was like, yes. She looked at herself in the mirror and was like, oh, no. And you were like, yes. No. She was saying it to herself. I love that. She looked in the mirror and went fucking Angelina Jolie, beautiful. I love that. And I was like, wow, that's amazing. And I think of that often. Like sometimes I'll look in the mirror and I'll go fucking Angelina Jolie, beautiful. Do we know anyone else like that? Yes. Here's the thing. I've had to learn to talk to myself in the mirror.

Right. It's like the most uncomfortable thing. But I used to be really mean to myself. a very large portion of the time. And that wasn't good for me. So then I had to start doing like positive affirmations in the mirror. I had to start looking in my own eyes and being like, I love you. Aw. You're beautiful. Because why is it so.

And beautiful doesn't mean aesthetic. It's like you can be so mean to yourself. And I remember always being like, I'm fat. And like looking back, it's like I was not. You know, at all, no. But my brain would say I was. Right. So then I had to start saying, I love my beautiful body. And I would hold it and touch it and be like, I love my beautiful body. I love your beautiful body. So you've never had to do anything like that? No. I have had like therapists tell me to put like a little picture. Yeah. Up as a little girl and like love the little

girl. Did you do it? No. I should do that. You have one. Of me? The one with you and your mom. I don't have it like visible. Like she means like on your bathroom mirror like you see every day. Yeah, I make clients do that. Yeah, that's a good exercise.

You know, it was really cool. When we were at USM, there was 200 people in one room. And one day every single person had to bring a picture of themselves as a child and hold it up. And then you had to go look at each person. and look at their eyes and look at their inner child without saying a word and just see their loving essence, you don't look at the people the same. I totally get that. You're like, oh, that dude.

I totally get that. That little baby. So does that mean you have empathy for, like, anyone if you see a baby picture of them? Yeah. Because then it can go dark, like, serial killer, right? And you see, like, their baby picture. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Do you mean, oh, the empathy? Yeah. Yeah, it's rough. I've thought about that. Yeah, that's what I'm just saying I'm thinking it through. Yeah. What does that look like? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? I do think about that, though. When you're like, how did something go so wrong with someone, that was once someone's baby? I know. That, like, kills me. This is like another conversation where it feels like we're like out of the body, like figuring shit out. But it does change the way you look at people when you realize, like, that they're just

like a little. Like Jeff's little squirt. That was the squirt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When I saw that picture of him holding a phone as an infant. He was holding a phone.

And I was like, you're just a little squirt. Did he have a name for you when he saw your little picture? No. But I feel like mine's more obvious. What is it? No, no. I just mean like I still feel very in touch with that like little girl. Yeah.

Right. Like I can see your little girl. It's very visible. It's very accessible. But someone like, like Jeff. Jeff, that's like a grown man that's put on a lot of walls and stuff, when you see that little kid, it's different. Yeah. I get that.

You know? Totally. See, now I want to do the game of like people who you don't. see their inner like child right away. You don't see their square. This is very actually, uh, therapeutic. No, poignant after Autumn's conversation. Yeah.

You know? No. I don't know what you mean. She talked about all inner child work and like how the movie was like that. Yes, yes. Yes. Got it. I was like, wait, what part?

O-C. But also there's different parts of us. from all the different ages. I don't want to go near a 13-year-old me. I don't want to go near a 13-year-old, too. Oh, me! That's not I ever going to say you. I thought about that the other day, actually.

What? Just the fact that you were so hard on your mom. And so far in this life, Breyer's been really easy. Mm-hmm. And I was like, I pray to God. that it stays that way? That she serves her. No, just kidding.

I, no, I was like, I pray she doesn't have to go through that stage. You know? She's a different person than you. Yeah. Yeah. Like she, yes, she's not me. Like, she's me in a lot of ways, but she's not that side. She's not that side.

Why do you think that was? Because I was harsh on my mom. We were both hard on our moms. We were both really hard on our moms, but we had to do. single moms. Yeah. What's up with that? They deserved more empathy and compassion. All of it. And it's always kind of confusing to me because I would never take anything out on my dad, even though if you look at it on paper, you would think you take it out on the dad, my dad, you know. Same. Right. But we both did the same thing. There's a lot to, I think.

To that. Yes. You couldn't say a bad word about my dad. Right. But about my mom, I'd be like, me. Like, I could still say a bad word about it. But, you know, I wasn't hard on my dad at all. I wasn't hard on my dad. Like, I mean, like a lot, like, you know, but not the way. It's because they were our safe space, though. And we could do anything and say anything to our mothers.

Yeah. I just wondered, like, why did we feel they need to? And how do we get our kids to, like, not have that need? to be mean to us. Yeah, because we were dead. I think it's very common, though, for kids to take out most things if they have like a very, you know, prominent maternal figure in their life. Yeah. It is aimed towards that.

I think it's probably a general thing, you know? I'll still, like, I catch myself and I try so hard. I'm the same. But I'll call my mom and, like, they'll ask a question and you'll be like, oh, like, you're the most. irritable with your mother. Yes. I know. Why is that? And they're the best. And we love them more than anything. And my mom is like an angel from heaven and does so much for everybody. She's my best friend. But like, why do we do that? I don't know. I don't know. I hope a lot of people listening aren't like, you guys are just asshole. No, because we're not. We try. No, we're so good to

our mom. And we've grown leaps and bounce. Of course. Of course. We're just. We're just. We're just. We're And then we're also very protective at the same time. Oh, 100%. Like we could be like that, but if anyone even remotely mistreats in any single way, Nope. It's weird. I thought about that with my dad recently because my sister was really hard on my dad. And she's like, you never were.

You never got upset with him. I wonder if it's because you were younger? But I got upset with my mom. I know. Isn't that strange? Yeah. It's really interesting. Yeah, so I did think about that the other day.

I was like, I really hope she doesn't go through that teenage. But is it just being a teenager? I think it's part of it and hormones and stuff for sure. Oh, yeah. But Briar's definitely a different kid than I was, like 100%. You know? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, you know her. I know. I know you too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But hormones will play into it, you know? Mm-hmm. Like, Breyer is to the point where it's almost like, and I almost feel weird, like, talking about it with other parents because she doesn't throw fits and she does, it's just, it's not how she is. So if there's ever a time where she's off or gets, like, kind of upset about something, it totally dysregulates me. Do you know what I mean? Because it's so doesn't happen. Well, why do you feel weird talking about that with other parents? No, I just mean it sounds like, oh, my kid doesn't throw fits, you know?

But I'm like, no, it's actually the truth. It's not doing the thing where like my kids, whatever. Yeah. You know what I'm saying. Yeah. But she really is that way and she's so kind. And like it's just her inner being. But I find myself if there's like the littlest of like, oh, but I really wanted to do that or da-da-da-da-da-da.

It just throws me like yesterday and I got so grumpy. And I felt so bad afterwards because I found her like, we were running an errand at Target. I found her being like, Mom, are you happy doing this? Because you normally love, because I love Target. Love. She's like, you normally love this and you don't seem happy. And like inside, because I was, I was tired and I was crunchy because I was like, you know. Long day.

It was like 5.30. And we hadn't had dinner yet and whatever. And I just told her, I was like, oh, I was like, oh, I was like. oh, honey, no, I love this. I love doing this with you. I'm just, I'm tired. Yeah. And it was true. But, like, I thought back, like, this morning and I wanted to, like, apologize to her because I felt bad. I was a little crunchy. I know. It's normal. I know that. It's so normal. I know. I know. But she, I could just see her being like. Why? Yeah. Mom, you love her.

I love you so much, Mommy. And thank you so much, Mommy. Like, I got her something, you know. And like the guilt. Like, it's like, I think it's an OCD thing, though. I wonder if it's different with girls. Because I don't have that. Yeah. I really don't. Yeah.

I'm just like, you're fine. Right. And my kids throw fits all the time and it's like just background noise. Yeah. I'm just like, yeah, you throw a fit because I said no. Right. Like, I say no a lot. And so they throw fits.

And I'm just like, that's fine. You can throw a fit. Like, that's normal. Yeah. It's not going to change my behavior and I don't feel guilty about it either. Right. But I wonder if I would feel different if it was a girl. That's interesting.

I wonder. Do you get what I mean? Yeah, I do. Because there's almost like this like... It's just different. It's so different. Yeah. It's so...

There's not like massaging of feelings. Right. There's no, like, let me make sure you're okay with this information. Right. There's none of that. I think some girls are like that, too. What do you mean? Like, where you can just talk whatever and they're fine, you know?

I have a very sensitive child. Yeah. You know? I mean, just getting through homework? I don't want to think about homework. The fits? She hasn't started school yet. I'm so gnarly.

I'm like, you have to have your homework done by the time you get home. Oh, yeah, do it at school so much better. I do not think kids should have homework. I don't either. They're at school all day. They should not have homework. It's fucked up. It's also messed up for us.

Well, of course. I mean, there's so many other things, right? And, like, my mom, when she was teaching, said she would never give homework. And I agree with that. Like, they're in school learning all day. Let them have those couple of hours. Yeah. You know, of, like, free time to understand.

wind and decompressed and whatever, then you put it on and then it creates the tension because they don't want to do it and you have to make them do it. You just sit with them to do it. Horrible. Especially me when it's just Briar and I, like, and I am doing that with her and then making dinner and da-da-da-da-da, you know? Yeah, it's awful. I'm like, you have to have it because then we have sports now. I know. So do we. Four days, five days a week. Yeah, no, that's crazy.

You know it's crazy. What? I sat down next to a mom the other day at sports, and she said, Like, I know you. Like, you're so familiar. Where do I know you from? And I was like, I don't know. And she's like, did you work at Macy's?

Like, a week? I was like, when I was 16 years old, she's like, yeah. You worked at Macy's for a week? For one week in the lingerie department with her. Are you kidding? And she remembered. Well, you have a face. You don't.

I was like, that is some memory right there. Did you remember her face when you saw her? No. You worked at Macy's in the lingerie department for a week where it fashions wear? Yeah. I have learned so many things today that I never knew. One you'll hear later, but that's crazy. Anyways, I was just thinking of sports.

He has four coaches on a soccer scene. That's a lot. One of them was in the Olympics. What? On the Olympics. Is it your club? AYS up. Oh, it's AYS up?

Yeah. Are you serious? Isn't AYSO just parents? Yeah, I guess. He's an Olympian? The parent. No, the dad was like, I've never coached before. So my friends were like, we'll help you.

So they got three of his friends, one of which was like an Olympian soccer player. I was like, Elliot, you just won the soccer lottery. That's crazy. It's amazing. Yeah, AYSO is just parent run. This guy recruited him. some friends. I was like, he's got good friends. Serious. I know. You know. Who's roughing? Did you and Jeff sign up to ref? Are you a ref? Everyone has to be something.

But you have to ref? No, I don't ref. I'm not roughing. I'm not roughing. I don't know how to play soccer. I don't know the game. I know sports. That's the one sport. I do not know. No, I don't know any of them. I know you don't know any of them. I'm learning because you have to. Yeah. Yeah. Like I know, you know. What do you know? I know that Elliot's a good striker.

Oh. Yeah. I don't know if he really is or if that's what they just told him to make him feel good. Yeah, Briar, this is her third year of soccer and I still don't really know the terminology. AYSA? Yeah. Oh, so she's doing, you're doing that whole thing too? Yes.

It's her third year. Oh, my God. We have our first meeting on Monday. So much. Mm-hmm. Sure is. I have both kids in it and fall ball. No, that's too much.

I don't think you should be doing two at once like that. Speak to the square. I know. It's a lot. But, you know, they got to do what they got to do. It's good for them. It's good for them. But it's a lot.

Homework. I don't know if it's a controversial topic, but why would it be? I wonder if some parents are like, no, absolutely it's beneficial. And I'm sure they're, you know, know, whatever. But I just so, I'm such a hard know. I did go to a school where he didn't really have homework, Elliot. And I did have an aversion to that too because I was like, ooh, is he going to be like left in the dust? Interesting.

Yeah. Because it did make me feel a little bit like, hmm, how is he going to be able to keep up when he gets to middle school if he's like, I don't know. That's a good point. Okay. I know. All right. That's information. We'd like to know everybody's opinion. We would. So please let us know. things. And about switching your kids' schools. Like, what are your thoughts on that? Olivia, stop. You have to stop switching school. I love his school. I love his school. It's not the school. I know, but please do not take him out of another school. Everyone, please weigh in.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for listening to Autumn's episode. We'll see you next week. Hopefully Rob will show up. Yeah, where is he? Where is that guy? We'd like you to weigh in on that too. We're in the world is Wobby Wob. Send pictures, videos. That was a hate gum podcast.