Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Aya Cash

Episode Date: July 25, 2022

This week, the broads are joined by Aya Cash [The Boys, You're the Worst, Welcome to Flatch]. The three chat about open relationships and sleeping around in your 20’s, how social media affects our mental health and the importance of gratitude. Aya shares her Ketamine Therapy experience and her conscious choice to not have children and the societal pressures around that.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome.

Oh, that was annoying. Welcome to Broad Ideas. Hello, broads. Hi, Rachel. Hi. Oh, my goodness. So I was like really, really excited in learning more about our guest today.

She's so talented. You know her from, you're the worst. The Boys. Her latest one, Welcome to Flatch. She's so talented. She's one of those people that you talk to me. I'm like,

you're a really good actress, and I feel like an idiot. She's also like really cool. Yeah. And super funny. And very funny. But I was so excited that she was willing to sit down

with us and talk to us today. Virtually. Virtually. Sit down. But she was sitting. Yeah, she was. Virtually. Across the country.

Yes. Why is that so important? She wasn't here sitting. Rob just felt that we needed to know that. Yeah. Okay, let's welcome the beautiful, talented Aya Cash. Sometimes when the weekend side of all these thoughts are swirling round and round inside to join us on this journey as we take a little ride.

We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampa. On strings, we'll talk about boys that a need... Because people die. Hello. Hi. Hi. We are so happy that you're here with us today.

Thank you for taking the time. I'm so happy to be here. Today, we have a very special guest. Ayakash. So we're all having this super awkward, like first date moment starting this podcast. So this is going to go great. I like to start as a massive disappointment and work my way. Same seats. Yeah. You know what? The expectation is low and that's the only way to really accomplish

anything in life, I find. Were you a good dater? I haven't dated since I was 22 years old, so I have no idea. Right when I turned 23, I met my husband. So I didn't date that much. Oh, you're lucky. But I used to like dating. Yeah. Yeah. Like when I was in New York, I knew no one. So I sort of dated my way into friendships because I just didn't have any way to meet people. So, I went out with every single person who asked me, and it was fascinating. It was like a, it feels like a self-help book, like the year of yes. It was very much. I actually read that book.

I just, oh, that's a real book. Oh, gosh. What? Yeah. Oh, well, then amazing. Wow, I didn't know that. I should have read that book. Yeah, we have friends that, you know, met their husbands really young, like 21 years old,

and we're married for a long time. And now that they're nearing 40. some of them feel like they missed out a little bit, you know, like on their 20s and going out all the time and with a bunch of guys. I mean, it sounds like you did like your version of speed dating within, you know, saying yes to everyone. But do you ever feel like, oh, you know, you missed your 20s at all? Or was it like that more enriched because you were with your partner? Like I should have fucked more people? Absolutely. Basically. All right, cool. We can go there.

100%. No. In fact, my husband and I have talked about it. I mean, there was like a time when it was very clear that we were sort of struggling because I was like, oh, I've never done all these things that all my friends have done. And my husband's older than I am. So when I met him, he was 30 and he had actually, he was doing a year of celibacy. Yeah. So he had sort of been through his bloody 20s. And I had not. And I really was upset about that. I was sort of like, I did not mean to meet my husband so young, meaning, I wasn't like I met him and I was like, this is the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

I very much thought, oh, I'm sort of a serial monogamist, and I was in a relationship and I thought it would end eventually. And it just didn't. So then I looked back and was like, oh, wait, no, I think I actually said to him on our first, not our first day, but he was like struggling. He was like, I don't know if you're the one. And I was like, if I'm the one, I need to fuck a lot more people before we end up together. Like I was very clear about that.

And so then, of course, the time came. And I was like, wait, I should fuck other people. And he was like, excuse me. But I ended up realizing that it was probably not in my nature anyway. Even though I wanted to do that, even though I feel like I missed out, I probably, if I wasn't with Josh, would have been in multiple long-term relationships rather than, like, I tried to have a one-night stand once and dated him for a couple months. Like, I can't.

I have a weird attachment. Nine months. So, you know, when- This is my first one-night stand. Nine months later. Yeah. He turned out to be my neighbor. And I was like, well, this is convenient.

And if the sex is good, you stay. Right. But that's, you know, I. So there's this whole thing, right, around numbers and getting your number up and your experiences and everything. And there are some people that are just okay with it. But, so what I find, like, I know. know people have the conversation like, you know, for your 50th birthday, we're still together,

you can, you know, sleep with someone else. No feelings attached, supposedly, right? That's the goal. Do you think that's crazy or is that something that you would entertain? I don't think that's crazy at all and it's just not an option in my relationship. Like, it's very, you know, like, I don't know how I would feel if I was with someone who was sort of accepting of that or interested in that because my husband is not. And I think often when someone has a very strong view of something in a relationship, the other person is allowed to fantasize more about it. Like I could be like, absolutely, like go have a good time. Like once every 10 years, we have an open door. In theory, but because he is so firmly not that,

I think I can feel that and not worry about the actual emotional consequences of would I be able to handle that. So I can look like the more easy, breezy, like it would be fine with me because he's very monogamous. But I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I mean, I have so many friends

who have crafted the relationships that work for them, and sometimes that's included taking on another person in the relationship or opening it up or closing it back up. I mean, I think relationships are hard, whether you're polyhomerous or monogamous or whatever your choices are. And like, whatever works for you as a couple is what's most important rather than like a set of rules. Yeah, it's like, know thyself, right? Totally. I was talking to someone yesterday and, you know, I was like, look, maybe it's time to face that you're not equipped for sleeping with people when you're not in a relationship. And I think that that's something that everybody needs to know how they operate and what works for them and what doesn't.

What I'm curious about, though, Rachel, is who's doing this 50th birthday party open relationships? No, no one's doing it. But there's been conversations. Like, I know I have, like, thought it in the past. Like, you know, maybe if you're in this long-term thing, you can give them that. I mean, but now, thinking back, like, there's no way I could have done that. I mean, I'm not 50 yet, but you need something to look forward to. Yeah, well, it's a very personal thing, you know, and I know people that tried it in a relationship

and they wound up not together after. So it's really interesting to witness. Sometimes it's an exit plan. Sometimes it's like a more comfortable exit plan. Like we want to stay together, but we're going to sleep with other people and we're cool with that. But really, it's just a way for like two people to like both leave the relationship. And sometimes it's brought people together. I know. people that brought together because communication, like my husband is an over-communicator, meaning I'm the one who's like, we really need to talk about this. Like, I loved therapy with him because it was like a set time where we could talk. And then he wasn't allowed to bug me

with stuff. You know, he likes to process and he's, you know, really smart and likes to deal with emotions more so than I do. So I feel like if you are in a relationship where there's not a lot of good communication, it goes either way. But I have a friend who it brought her closer with her partner because they had to talk about everything when they were seeing other people to make sure that it was safe. And like now their communication is so much stronger because they've had all these kinds of discussions. Yeah, it can work. I think it can. But you would never do it. No, I wouldn't. Also, I got married later and my husband's a little bit older than me. And it's almost like we're on our second round anyways, we're tired. Like the last thing we want to do is go,

you know, have sex parties. We're like, let's get in our pajamas and lay in bed and watch a movie. That's like a big deal for us. You have kids too, right? You guys don't, right? I did my homework. I listened to the podcast like a good. That's amazing. Aw. Did you learn anything? Yeah. I learned everything. You knew you could say fuck. So you don't have kids. And you, that's a conscious choice, right? You guys made. I read that in an interview you gave. Yeah. It's interesting. You know, I think I've said I don't want kids since I was a kid. I mean, I never wanted children, but I think that secretly I thought that would change at some point. Like, everything changes. And I was sort of waiting for that to change. And it never did.

And I think that my husband would probably have a kid if I had been interested. And if he was with someone else, he would probably have a kid. So we've had a lot of, even before we got married, I was like, look, this thing may not change. And we need to make a decision whether or not that's something you're okay with, because I don't want to prevent you from having a child, if that's really important to you. And he said kind of the perfect thing, which is if it's a choice between you and kids, I choose you. But like, keep an open mind. And so I've tried to keep an open mind as I've gone through. And now I've decided to invest my time into my friend's kids because I need someone to take care of me when I'm older. but I'm pretty okay not having children.

See, and I think that's amazing, and I think that more women need to give voice to that, to be honest, because I feel like there's a lot of societal pressure to become a mother at a certain age. And the truth of the matter is, not everybody should be a mom, nor do they need to be. And I feel like with women, it's not talked about a lot. It brings up a lot of questions about, like,

what is something? that needs therapy and what is an actual choice that you are making from a healthy place. Like I spent so many years thinking like there was something maybe wrong with me that I didn't want this and I needed to interrogate it. And I don't think that's something that men traditionally tend to go through just because there's not that pressure. But I did have some sort of societal pressures that I felt or internalized pressure about it. And I wanted to, to make sure I was making a choice with interrogation. But I also feel like I've always known, and I don't know that I needed to look as hard at it as I did. Rachel Cargall talks about

not having kids and why she doesn't have kids and says it much more eloquently than I do. So go check her out. Yeah, but I think it is that interrogation that if people really look at what it entails and look at themselves and really discover, is that. this right for me in my life, less people might have kids. Well, and that's good. Yeah, I think at a certain age, you start to know too much because you've seen your friends have kids and you've seen them struggle so much. So I think it gets harder as you get older to go in to having kids. Like, I joke, like, if I could have upped an adoption at some point, like, maybe I would have a kid. Because I'm also just profoundly, like, the idea of pregnancy is super overwhelming to me. But, you know,

But there might have been a time where I would have been okay if I had just had a kid and had to be thrown into it. But now I've seen so much. I know what I'm giving up. Right. And I'm sure I would love a kid if I had a kid. But it's not something I'm looking for. Yeah. Well, in this country, there's a lot of women. They're going to have kids whether they're not at this point.

They certainly are. That's a whole idea. I will not adopt your baby. And that is not a solution. Yeah, but you know, we have a best friend that didn't have kids, but she is all of our kids' favorite person. It's like, oh, you were here to just be the favorite auntie and take care of everyone and enjoy it, but also you can give them back and it works for her and her life. And listen, that's definitely appealing at times where you're like, oh, I can just borrow this kid. I don't have to keep it.

And it's interesting. I feel like it was a conscious choice for her. or maybe it was subconscious. I don't know. Yeah, maybe not. It was a little of both, I think. It was circumstantial and conscious. Right. But there is so much pressure on women and I know I felt it. By the time I was 32, I was like, I got to pop a kid out, you know? And I did. And obviously, nowadays, you can have kids much later, but it's just interesting the pressure on women. And I really respect the choice of like knowing, no, this isn't for me and that's okay, you know? And I think that more people should speak out about it because I think it's awesome. Like it's, it's respectful, it's cool, and there isn't

this pressure. And I think that's a really nice thing. I work with girls that are deciding, you know, all different stages of life, but some of them are deciding like, should I freeze my eggs and have a baby on my own or exploring all those options, right? And one of the things that I've found to be the thing that motivates them the most isn't the desire to have a child. It's the desire to not feel regret. You know, to me, what I try my best to teach people is the difference between instincts and intuition, because I believe they're very different, and instincts alarm us with fear. And intuition provides us clarity, right? And so they're not making their choices from clarity. They're making them from fear, fear of regret or fear of missing out all of those things. And I feel like that's what

motivates a lot of people to do it. I like that idea. I think about the difference between discernment and judgment, too. I have a very strong critic, both of myself and others, and it's something that I work very hard on. I can feel myself very reactive, very quickly, and judgmental about other people and more so myself. But it's that discernment of like, is this person a good person?

Is this, you know, what am I actually getting? and that judge of the immediate sort of wash of something. I love that. And I work very hard to try to figure that out. And it's really tough to go between the two, just like, you know, instinct and intuition. Like they're so closely related. Sometimes it's hard to differentiate. Does it feel different?

Like, for me, judgment feels different in my body than discernment. Kind of like intuition and instinct. Like discernment feels like a clear. I'm getting a signal. I feel this way about this person. Right. Judgment triggers my shit. Definitely. I'm also quick to, I'm also quick to anger. And like sort of a righteousness that is not necessarily always earned. So like, yeah, I get hot real quick. And that's kind of what happens with the judgment too. I'm like, mm-mm. As opposed to curious. Curiosity is actually, I feel like the cure for that. Yeah. I think, well, you know, when you say hotness, it just makes me think of because I also,

found out that your mother is Italian Catholic, is that right? Or raised that way? My mom's the same and my dad's Jewish and your dad's Jewish. And I was like, we are same same zees. And like that, that Italian heat, I'm telling you, I don't know if that's where you think it comes from, but like I can go from zero to 60 very easily. And that is also reacting and trying to calm that down and find the tools to deal with it better. But, you know, But it's also, you know, judgment in the business that we are in, there feels like there's so much judgment. And putting yourself out there and having such success that you've had in all the shows and everything else, you're putting yourself out to be judged, it feels like, at times, right?

And so trying to figure out how to handle that or how to ignore that. And I think that's huge because everyone feels like they have the right to, say things about you negatively or positively too, but like more so the judging. And I feel like you really have to have a thick skin and learn how to deal with that. And I think, Olivia, you were telling me that you don't read comments. Yeah, there was some interview where you said, you saw it on social media comments, which you have stopped reading. Right. Tell us about that. I mean, it's kind of like, you know, touchable. fire get burned, right? Like I was like, I mean, there's there's also so much positive with,

you know, quote unquote fan interaction, but, um, which is actually probably just as dangerous, uh, to be engaging with as the negative. But I had never had, um, I'm almost reticent to talk about it because it's like it, um, feeds it gives it energy. Yeah, it gives it energy. But I had never had the experience that I did with attention, the way that. the boys brought attention in a social media space. And in some ways, I felt like I was just really lucky with social media. I had used it as a way, I've said this before, but I used it as a way to, like, engage with the Trump uncle I never had because it was a way to talk to people who thought very differently

than I did. And I was able to engage with people. And then the boys happened. And just I think from a numbers game, things blew up in a different way. And it's not like I have a huge social media following in the grand scheme of this business, but the boys brought a whole swath of people that, one, were engaging with me because they were watching this wonderful superhero show. But two, I was playing a white supremacist Nazi, which brings up lots of issues. And so there was just a lot more of the actual crazies

coming at me. And, you know, sometimes I've listened to, like, Lindy, West has that this American life where she confront her troll, which I think is fascinating. There was another actress who just did it on, there's a podcast where people like engage with their quote unquote haters, which I think is fascinating. And there's so much less intention behind it than you think. There's so much like, oh, what? I never thought you would see or I didn't know. Or I was just in a way, but it feels so pointed when someone's like, I'm going to blow your fucking face off. You know, and so yeah, I had to step away.

And like, I do think that my relationship with social media is just massively healthier now. But I also don't share much anymore. Like, I don't do a lot of personal posting anymore. I use it as a promotional tool, which used to, I think, be gross, like, used to judge people for that. And then I, you know, still say when I think I have something to say about an issue. I think there is something to be said about the way that we have promoted things on social media in terms of political causes and I would call them human rights causes actually. But without full information and I also have taken a step back from being as vocal because I want to make sure I have all my facts in order and that I have something that I actually feel equipped to say rather than sort of this, you know, there's a certain sort of like post. and be done thing that I think is a valid critique as well. So maybe in some ways it gave me the gift

of knowing my shit better. Right. Good. You know, there's a lot of mental health stuff that's, like, connected to social media. And I have a lot of fear about it, raising, you know, we both have kids and raising kids in this world where, you know, they know what Instagram is. And I can't imagine being in high school on Instagram existing. I mean, that would have been an absolute nightmare, right? And so all the mental health stuff connected to it, it's like, oh, you're looking at how many likes you have and you're concerned about that. You know, and I remember going on a, I think it was like a six, eight week break from Instagram. And I was like, oh, I'm engaged with the world. I'm reading more of the news, which actually wasn't that great.

But, and it was just like having that space from it and turning your likes off or not going on it. It's just like a jerk reaction. And I think it's much better to have a healthier relationship with it and not give it too much attention. And Olivia, who hasn't really put herself out there in the way she is now with this podcast, was reading comments on the podcast and, like, read some negative stuff about her. And I was like, Olivia, the first thing you need to do is not read anything. Like, do not look at the comments. It's not going to do any good.

It's just going to make you feel like shit. Even if there's like 20 positives and one negative, you'll only remember the negative. Yeah, I was naive. But for me, really? Yeah. I was like, oh, what are they saying? You know? And then I was like, oh, they hate my voice.

Interesting. And like nobody's ever told me that before. That's really fascinating. You hate my voice. Yeah. Okay. But the truth of the matter is, as I did call Rachel, and I'm like, it hurt my feelings. And she's like, okay, you're not supposed to be looking at these things.

And I was like, rookie over here. It didn't occur to me just because I hadn't been in that world. It was naive and, you know, I learned my lesson. But the thing is, is that humans are humans and it's in us to kind of want to stay in the village, right? It's like written in our DNA to connect and be loved and be liked and all that stuff. And so when people go against you in any way, as thick as your skin is, I'm sure on some level it hurts. Totally. And that's why you don't read it. It's because it's actually not my job to be subjected to that. It's not your job to be subjected to that, right? People can say whatever they want and we wish that the world was a different place. But like at a certain point, I can only take responsibility for my own interactions with it. Like I can't control the fact that somebody might do that. And like the best thing is to do something like call Rachel who knows you so well and is going to tell you what's real and what's not because you can kind of go down a path of like, well, are my friends?

is just not telling me if I don't have a weird voice. Like is that, you start to think like, oh, this is the truth coming from the outside. I should really think about that. Or they articulate the one thing that you're insecure about. And you're like, they fucking saw it. And that's true. And everybody sees it. And it's just not.

And you have to go to your, you know, your community and get that sort of reassurance. And if there is something that's true, your friends will tell you. Right. Hopefully. Yeah. No, it's funny because... You have a beautiful voice. Oh, thank you so much.

I remember when I did an acting job early 20s, it was one of my first parts. And we watched it at our friend Zoe Winkler's house. And her dad is Henry Winkler, someone that I always admired. Nicest human on the planet. Niceest human on the planet. And they had a little party for me and had dinner and we watched my episode. And afterwards, I felt really insecure. And he asked what was wrong. And I said, my voice makes me really uncomfortable. And he said to me,

he said, well, then sweetheart, take voice lessons. And I remember feeling like, oh, he agrees. He agrees. You went to the negative. I went to the negative. I was like, he, out of everyone else is like, like, what are you talking about? But the one I admire was like, take voice lessons. I did. I took voice lessons. I went right away. And I was like, this is a master telling me to do it. I'm going to do it. So you're right. The one negative comment out of whatever hit the one insecurity. And it is that kind of weird thing that you never know people are dealing with until someone comes in and pokes the bear. See, I would have said in that situation, that's what makes you unique. You know how many times

people have told me I have a weird voice or I talk straight? Like, that's, I think, why I, it's why I've avoided certain traps in this business is because I don't fit that thing. That may be a critique, but is the thing that will actually give you different opportunity. But, you know, also, and I don't want to genderize totally, but there is sort of a masculine, feminine behavior in our society about that, which is a fix-it. Right? So he's like, oh, you don't like something. Here's how you fix it. And like, there's another way to handle that, which is, let's think about what you don't like and why you don't like. And yes, maybe the ultimate goal is to do voice lessons if it's something you really want to change, or is it something that you

can embrace and actually make more unique versus less unique? Right. That's actually one of the things that I find the most compelling about you and your work is your voice, to be honest. Well, thank you. Speaking of your body of work, I am so impressed with your acting. I mean, you as a person as well, but all of the shows that you have done in movies, I just think that you're so respected and it's obviously well earned. And it's been so fun familiarizing myself more with all the things you've done. And the boys, I had only known because they had like a very large penis on Chase in the ads at the beginning. And I was like, what is this show? Which, uh, I guess they, I don't know. That was not real. I take it. His character is supposed to have it

extremely. I mean, I've never seen Chase's penis. Sorry. Yeah, but that's definitely got the attention. And then it's a great show. And like you said, your character on it, that must have been to play a white supremacist like Nazi. I'd imagine that's not true to yourself and putting yourself in these roles and these characters. I mean, it can be a challenge. Did you find that challenging?

Or was it just kind of like another job, you know, another day? I don't know about you, but like I don't find like different, yes, different roles are challenging for different reasons. But honestly, like, the boys is challenging for logistical reasons. Like, the suit I couldn't pee in. It was like, you know, a full to do. They fixed it and everything. And it looks so amazing. Like, L.J. is a brilliant designer. But, you know, they're just what they are. Like, you know, you don't wear that kind of ship on a daily basis unless you're, like, a cosplay person. But the only hard parts were the days where I had to be actively racist, like saying, a slur to someone or those, those felt horrible.

But everything else felt just sort of like another job. In some ways, it's just like the most kidlike I've felt acting because there's so much imagination involved and you just have to be like, I'm going to look like an idiot and they're going to put beams coming out of my hands and make me look badass. And I'm just so not that person, even like physically, I'm just not that kind of person. I never thought I'd be in a superhero show. So it just felt like this sort of wild ride where I got to play pretend in a real way versus a character that might be sort of more close to me where it was sort of more naturalistic

to just do that. I got to really imagine. There's also like a part of me, I'm like reticent to say this, but this world is so crazy. Like I grew up watching you. And I think you might be even younger than me. But like, so that's not an age thing. It's just crazy. to have watched you and then to have you be like, I'm familiar with your body of work.

Sometimes I lose sight of how fucking lucky I am to have this career. And as you know, as we all know, the inside of it feels sort of in a vacuum and like there is no forward movement and no nothing. And you're sort of doing everything in a whole and getting rejected all the time still. So it's just, thank you for saying that. Yeah. It was, it's just, it's just. sort of dropped me right back into feeling like, holy fuck, I can't believe I get to do this for a living and that people watch me. And I've been trying to like get people to watch me since I was can. It's amazing. You know, being grateful, you know, gratitude is like a huge thing and a huge thing for me. You know, even back when I, and that's, I think, I love that you watched, was it the O.C. I'm

assuming it was the O.C. Yeah. And just going back to that and I remember even at the time and I was 21 when I did the show, just being grateful and realizing like, oh, this has given me everything. And, you know, and some other people might have felt differently. And it was just so at the forefront of everything I did was just having gratitude. And that's carried on throughout the whole career. And it's so important. And I feel like, you know, there's a difference in people who really recognize, like, how lucky they are to be doing what they're doing. And it is a hard business. And, you know, you still get rejection. I still, you know, deal with it all the time. And just coming from that place of gratitude has helped me greatly. And I'm like also a fan of yours and everything you've done.

So to be talking to you and hearing your perspective is just, it's really cool. And it feels like, you know, there's a community of people that feel the same in such a fucked up business. And it's always comforting to hear. But you grew up in San Francisco. So you weren't around this business or L.A. growing up, right? And your parents weren't involved or anything like that. Yeah, no, my mom's a poet and my dad is a Buddhist teacher. So amazing. My family is much more interesting, honestly. I am such a product of them in a way that they are not a product of their own upbringings

that I'm much more impressed with. Me becoming a quote-unquote artist, which still makes me gag a little when I say related to acting, but fuck that. I'm an artist. Yeah, my dad came out of Detroit. His dad owned a grocery store and he, like, joined. naked street theater at age 20 and then like was maybe a drug mule for a while and then a musician and then he fixed instruments and he fixed my mother's flute because she was a musician and then a

poet but she also had a bunch of odd jobs and um yeah they were together very briefly basically enough to to make you to have me but they were very encouraging of anything artistic so I wasn't involved in the business, but I definitely had like support to be some sort of artist. Why does it make you gag to say that when it comes to acting? Well, as we've discussed, I have a very strong judge that comes in because there is this sort of commerce aspect, like we're all selling dishwashers on TV. Like there's this sense or like I'm not always acting in a way that I find artistic. So I'm doing jobs that I don't consider necessarily art, but are the things that pay my bills and are adjacent to the thing that I am interested

in acting, which, by the way, I've started to shadow to direct. And part of it is because I don't want to do acting jobs that I don't think are art anymore. Like, I want to make my money in a way that is not necessarily acting related. Like, I want to be able to move that way, which, you know, hashtag blessed if I can. So I feel a little icky by calling actors artists. I think there's also like very self-serious actor that I have a big reaction to where I'm like, you know, I am not someone who will live in the character. I am not someone who, and no shade to those who do, but a little shade, obviously. So there's all that tied up in it. It's like, it's a confusing thing. But we call them, can I say this, Rachel? What? And I'm closer to this. We call them schmactors. And I'm closer to being a

schmactor. Like, I love theater. I love acting classes. You're not a schmactor. I'm closer to a smactor than a lot of people, you know, like I could probably live in a character. But don't you think there's a difference between, like, so my friend, and I like doing work acting too. I'm not someone who's like, I just like say the words and like what I like, like, you know, reading and doing stuff at home. I just don't necessarily bring it to set. But I have a friend. who's like a super like, I mean, she looks at script. She breaks them down in certain way. She does all the sort of what you're calling schmactor things.

But she's a joyous, lovely person who's not like sitting there telling you about it all the time. I think that's what makes a shmactor. There's a difference. I've known you 40 minutes and I've decided that you are not because you have awareness. Because the central thing is that lack of awareness. And because we live in a world where people tell you bullshit all the time, you can fall into that and think like, oh, I'm super important in a way. And the way that actors sometimes talk about

acting, I find icky. So I just want to be aware of that. I get that. I totally get that. And my one argument to it is just that I remember when I was, I don't know what I was doing. I was young and depressed. And I remember talking to a mentor mine saying like, oh, I want to create. And she was like, you can be creative making your bed. You can be an artist getting ready. in the clothes you pick, in what you do. And I remember thinking that's so cheesy and such bullshit. And then I started doing it and I was like, oh, I get it. Even when you are making the paycheck and even if you're playing a superhero

or doing these things that may not be what you would design artistically, it's still poetic in a way because you bring the nuance of you to it, which is an art. It's very Buddhist, you know. It's like being present to the dishes you're washing. And I think that's a great way to look at life in general. You know, because I grew up in such a hippie-dippy world, I am skeptical of it because I've seen a lot of hypocrisy in it. But it doesn't mean that I don't have, you know, I've done the artist's way like four times.

I still do morning pages every morning. I just did ketamine therapy. Like, I'm going there. Yeah. But I also don't even, this is probably too much information. Like even in my ketamine therapy, I was. like, I feel like I'm in an NIA CD from the 90s. Like, I can't help that like there's a part of me that feels like there's the discernment part, like the skepticism is what keeps me from joining a cult.

So, because I do see how slippery that slide. Yes, right, which is healthy. Yeah, I'm healthy. I was telling someone out the other day, I'm like, there's a level of healthy discernment versus judgment. They're two completely different things. want to do ketamine treatments. I mean, I'm sober. I don't know. There's like a little stickiness around that. I want to know what that was like. I think as with all drugs, it was different than what I thought it would be. So I think the most important thing is that sort of open mind about it. It is something I will probably try again to work through some things. I think it's particularly good for trauma. But I would say that the most important thing is doing it. I, you know, this is all legal. I did it with a therapist and finding the

right person who knows you and can help you through those things. That's what I would say is most important. But it was interesting. I haven't done any psychedelics in many, many years. But I do think that psychedelics can be incredibly helpful. And it's been many, many years since I've done them. and I did them as, you know, recreationally before. So I think it's fascinating. And I basically wanted to open a door to something so that I could do some other work because I felt very stuck in talk therapy.

I love it. You know, it's so funny because when I think, even you're talking about, you know, any psychedelics, like instantly, I feel like I have to go to the bathroom. Like my stomach gets so nervous at the thought of it, you know, because I don't know if I've ever been able to be that open and like accepting of whatever that is to come. And you said, you know, with a therapist or whatever,

maybe someone that can help you through it is huge because, you know, even in high school experimenting with things and instantly like the panic attack sets in. And then someone you need there is like a buddy to talk you out of it or talk you down. And it's just like this instant reaction. And it brings me right back to that where like instantly I'm like, oh my God, my stomach hurts because it's just like nerve-wracking.

And I would think being raised around Buddhism and all of that, you know, probably really helped mentally to be open and present. And it's something I've always struggled with and I try to remind myself. And for me, my mom, who was raised Catholic, but like definitely rebelled and went the hippie way in her adult life, I find myself rebelling against that at times because it was so in my face as a child. So it's like almost had the opposite effect. In some areas, yes, open with my friends and stuff, talk sexually, like whatever. But in a lot of other, but in a lot of other areas, it has made me kind of go against it, which I'm still working out in my therapy. I was trying to figure out like what that's about. But I just think to be as open as you are and

were is very admirable. And it's almost like when I look at my kid, how present they are. It's like that's the constant reminder for me. It's like, oh, think like a child at times and just be just with what's in front of you. But it's always hard for it. me. Are you really good with like finances? Absolutely not. Are you a bill payer and a I'm like terrible or anything business related. And by the way, I figured out what your issue was with that. What? You don't remember? Yeah. We were at Miraval and we were sitting in, oh no, we went to like a meditation class and it like downloaded. I was like, oh, I get why Rachel resists this. Because your mom when she went through the divorce with your dad and then got breast cancer and she got really into

her spirituality and the meditating and the being present and all of the spiritual work that she did through that incredibly painful time, your brain was forming, right? And from zero to seven, there's no rational thinking. You're just being hypnotized, right? There's no like discernment. It's just all going in. And what you witnessed associated with those things, was incredible pain. That's why I think you've subconsciously pushed it away. I like that. I'll go with that. Thank you for doing the work for me. As always. It just came to me one day. I was like, I get it. I know why you have like a wall up to it is because you've got it associated with pain. Hmm. Listen, this has been a really great therapy session, you guys. And I have learned so much. I love this friendship. Thank you.

This is such a lovely friendship. Do you have friends that you grew up with, like to this day? Yeah, I have a few. I'm one of those obnoxious people who says best friend about five people. Right. So that, you know, and everyone's like, you can't really say that. But I do. And they're all sort of separate.

But I grew up with a now woman who is a therapist and she diagnoses autism now. But she and I met when I was 14. And then I have another good friend from when I was 15. And then my other besties, oh God, are from my early 20s. Oh, nice. And you live in New York now? Is that right? Yeah, I never actually lived in L.A.

I shot in L.A. when I was working there. But I never moved, moved there because it just didn't feel like home. But I've learned to love L.A. There's plenty about L.A. that I really like and actually miss. I haven't been since the pandemic. Oh, wow. I miss L.A., including one of my friends who lives out there. So I don't hate it anymore. It was doing so much damage for me to hate it.

Didn't seem to be doing anything to LA for me to hate it. So I was like, well, might as well learn to like it. Right. Yeah. I was going to ask if your experience was because you're the worst comments, obviously, on L.A. Was your experience close to that? No, because I don't really have an issue. I think a lot of the critique was about like hipsters, which, you know, I like my nice pour over coffee and I listen to records. So like I can't really, like, whatever. That's. you know, I lived that life. And I'm fine to be made fun of for it. Right. The things that I found negative about L.A. were more just the inescapable industry is that like you go to a cafe and everyone's on their laptop writing a script. And you'd walk into a restaurant and everyone would sort of

look and see were you anybody. Yeah. So there was a constant like, no. Oh yeah. You know, anytime you walk in anywhere, the disappointment that you're not. I ended up reading Jonathan Gold and like eating my way through L.A. And that's how I found joy in L.A. Like, there is such incredible food there. Yes. And then you have to sort of participate in all these different cultures and experiences that are not a part of the industry. And that's how I learned to love L.A. And, you know, I like making a place be my regular place. And I would go to Jit Lada every week. Jitlada. You know, that was like my hangout. I've been there in so long. Up north. where I am, nobody is industry whatsoever. And growing up there and living there, there was a part of me

that always judged it. Like, oh, everybody came here for something, that whole thing. And now being away from it for three years and going back and like getting in an Uber and being like, how are you? And they're like, oh, I'm making a record and I'm doing this. And I'm, there was a part of me that was like, fuck yeah, good for you. Like, good for all of you being here. And like coming out of some small town or for wherever you were from and like being here to pursue your dreams. Like I have a new appreciation for the hustle of L.A. now. Interesting. Well, you also probably have a better sense of self now as, you know,

somebody who is not in their early 20s. Like, I'm a very porous person. Like, I don't like to hear shit talking on set because it comes in. And then I'll start to look and be like, is that person being that? I don't want to hear that. I want to have my own experience of people. And so, you know, when you have a better sense of self, you can sort of enjoy everybody's unique crazy that's around you and the hustle and appreciate that like everyone's really working for something rather than it being threatening to you. Totally. In some way. Yeah, but I get it. I mean, I keep moving further and further away from like L.A. proper. So it's just it's a thing. But you know, you mentioned pour over coffee. Now, I have to talk to you about this. Let's get to it. Okay.

I'm ready. This is the real stuff, okay? For the first time, I had never done it, but I went away last week and they only had pour over coffee, like, in the room. And I was like, all right, let's get into this. I googled it and watched YouTube videos. Like, it is a whole thing. But I have to tell you, it was the most delicious coffee I have ever had.

Now, do you have a method? Because I'm still learning, and I feel like it's like a club, and you have to know. All right. Um, listeners trigger warning for really boozy bullshit. So I grind my own beans in my burr grinder, you don't want to metal blade. Yes, I have heard this. And then you have to find your perfect setting, not too thin or it goes too quickly, not, you know, either it doesn't go quickly enough.

If it's too rough, then it goes too quickly through. And then you just put it in a thing and you pour some water over. but I do have one of those special kettles, so it's a slow pour. You do something, I'm, yeah, I'm going to, this is the moment. I just want to clock this as I'm about to say what I'm going to say, that I will be thinking about tonight and regretting. But I have my pour over. There's something called the bloom where you pour a little bit

and you let it sit and just wet, just wet. Should I do this like a, like it's a sex? Yes, please. You just, you just wet. the beam. You just wet the beans. Just a little bit. I'm doing like an ASMR video and let that go. And then after 30 seconds, you do your final pour. And I drink my coffee black. So I like really good tasting coffee, because I don't put anything in it. That's impressive. I will say, the bloom. It is a thing. There's something very satisfying about this whole method. Now, I know we sound like assholes, like,

you know, but I was just so impressed with it. I now feel like I have. have to invest in the whole thing. But what's asshole-y about liking good coffee? It's just a privilege? No, but we just don't, you know. Well, first of all, that whole setup, that whole setup I described is not cheap. Yeah. So well.

Yeah, the burr grinder. One asshole aspect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's more asshole to this, but that's number one. If that's your fix, like the whole coffee ritual and that and instead of other things, I will take it. I think of it like, you know, like a tea ceremony. It is a meditative thing.

Like, it's a ritual in the morning. And it really, I've been into coffee for a while now, but really during the pandemic is when I started to go kind of nuts. I would go to sleep and be excited to wake up in the morning so that I can make my coffee. Do you know that's every single night? I'm like, I cannot wait to wake up in the morning just because of coffee. But when I sleep at Rachel's, she has to make me the coffee. I don't like good coffee. She's so weird.

I'm weird. I don't like. She doesn't want fresh ground coffee. She wants her prepackaged pizza's her preference. You know, nothing against it. I don't like the bitterness and the like, it's just too much for me. I have her own little coffee pot for her. Yeah, she makes my own when she stays. Wow. Okay, I have good friends. I don't know if I have a friend who would keep a coffee maker around just for me. That's beautiful. I'm also gluten-free. And when I get there, she'll fill baskets of gluten-free treats and crackers and get my favorite cheat. I mean, There's a Monica in me.

It's a thing. It's a thing. Yes, it is. But, you know, the people you love, what else is there in life, right? Speaking of people you love, we like to conclude our interviews. And if you listen to the podcast, you might be familiar with Fuck Mary Kill or if you prefer, Mary Barry One Night Stand. Absolutely. Let's burn some bridges.

Let's do it. I love it. Okay, here we have three for you. Anthony Starr, Jesse Usher, and Carl Urban. Oh, God. They will all kill me. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to fuck Jesse Usher. Because he's A-Train. He's fast.

And I'm tired. No, that's a terrible reason. And I like to have very quick seconds. But Jesse's also just smoking hot. And they all are. They all are. I'm going to kill Anthony because he's one of my dearest friends and he'll understand. Will he forgive me for saying Anthony? If it's Anthony, I'm so sorry. He will. He's not precious. He needs to get more famous before he gets precious. There's a like threshold of assholesness that happens at a certain level. Ant's not there. No, I love him to death and he'll forgive me for killing him. And I'm going to marry Carl Urban because we've barely spoken.

And it's a great way to get to know him. We never worked together. Like two and a half months in, I met him in the makeup trailer. And he had his shirt off and he was covered in blood, which was super hot. And we just never worked together. So we had like a picnic in the park. When I was in Canada, because we were a quarantine during COVID. and I went and I quarantined for 14 days and then did one day of shooting.

But we all had a picnic in the park while I was there. And I finally got to talk to Carl, which was so lovely. Because we didn't do press either, the same way you do press. Like now they're on a world tour, but we were all over Zoom. So I never got to know Carl. And what better way than married at first sight. I love that. You're going to be the new reality couple on that series.

They do that, you know, married at first sight. Did you imagine? No. No? No. No. But I have to say, I mean, different cultures do things differently, right? And I don't think that there is like a, I'm going to make up some studies as if I have some information.

But as far as I know, there's not a huge difference between the happiness levels of arranged marriages and non-arranged marriages. So look that up. We will fact check that for you. I believe there's something to that. Absolutely. Well, this has been very informative, educational, therapeutic. It's been such a lovely conversation with you, and I'm such a fan. I think you're so awesome and really appreciate you taking the time to talk to us today. And hopefully we get to meet in person in the future. Let's meet in the future. I will see you there. Great. I'm in. I'll see you in the future. Awesome. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you. I cash. Such a good name. Such a good name. Not a fake name either. Not a fake name. Have you ever wanted a different name? Were you ever bummed?

with what name you were given? I've always liked my name. You have a good name. What about you? I probably wanted it. There was three Roberts in my elementary school. Really? What would you have wanted your name to be?

I didn't have one picked out. There was just a Robbie, a Rob, and I think I was Robert. You don't know? No, I don't. Do you have a middle name? Yeah, I have a middle name. What is it? Gregory.

Robert Gregory. That's a very... Very traditional. It's my dad's name. Oh, well, that makes sense. You don't have a middle name? Yeah, I do. It's Christina.

Oh, yeah. But you never, we never say it. We don't. But I do say Rachel, Sarah. Do you? I'll say Rachel, Sarah, Bilsen. Oh, yeah. Not on the show, though.

You've never said your middle name on the show. Olivia? Yeah. Or Sarah. Or mine. Rachel. Sarah Bilsen. I get in trouble a lot more than Olivia, so my middle name is used.

Of course I knew your middle name. Yeah. Do you know the origins of it? Please tell. My middle name is after my dad's sister, Christina, who went missing. Was she ever found? No. Never?

Never found. Can you tell the story? What's the story of it? Yeah, you can tell the story there. We don't really know this story. We know that the last time anyone saw her was at my parents' wedding, and then she was in She worked in Venice. Venice, okay.

Venice Beach. Venice Beach, California. And I know she was friends with like bikers and Hulls Angels and she was a little rough around the edges. But that was it. She went to a bar and nobody. Never seen again. Never seen again. She's one of the unsolved mysteries.

Is she actually? Like, has it been an episode on her? No. Hasn't been an episode. But. We're going to do a spin-off podcast. I mean, I would love to. Finding Christina.

I would love to. And people have contacted my aunt and said, like, if you would like to reopen these files now, because now with DNA and stuff like that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And she doesn't want to reopen it? I think she was actually curious to, to see. Well, are you curious?

I've always been curious just because what happened. Right. You know? I would definitely want to know. Yeah. I have a secret, like, pass. passion inside me to be a detective. Well, here's your first case.

I mean, seriously, though. Like I... Yeah. Like a bored to death? Did you watch that? Oh. With Jason Schwarzman? No, but I know.

No, I didn't watch that. But I heard it was really good. I feel like that'd be you. Well, no, I have to watch it. No, like, I just love it. I do too. I mean, I watch all those shows. Like snapped?

Yeah. It's the best. All of them. Welcome to Flatch. Welcome to Flatch. Is it probably? I was like, wait a minute. She's a lawyer. No, but that fascinates me. Like, what happened to her? Do you think she was killed?

I believe so, because there was never a trace. It was actually really incredibly sad because the last time they saw her was at my parents' wedding. And, you know, that's not a great way. Do you look like her? No, she was really tall, really tall, like six foot. Big old chest. I definitely didn't look like her. How old was she? boy I would say 27 maybe was she close with

family my dad was really close to her yeah isn't your cousin's name Christina yeah my cousin is named after her is named after her as well yours is just the middle name

yeah yeah yeah I mean I knew your cousin's name was Christina but I meant was she named after yeah unless she was in love with your dad and then when he got married Rob my sister Rob just likes to go there

it was his sister Rob Robb do you love Do you love your sister? Yeah. Do you have something to tell us? No. I mean.

Anyways, where'd you get your middle name? I told you, I feel like Phoebe sometimes. You did say that. Yeah, I don't know, but my name is like, I learned, it's a very biblical name, and it couldn't be further from connected to the Bible. I mean, right? Rachel, Sarah, aren't both of those names in the Bible? Rachel, I think my parents just liked, and Sarah is after a relative.

I believe. You don't know. Sounds like a butter company or something. Rachel Sarah, like Sarah Lee. Rachel Sarah Biscuits. I would change my name to that. I actually quite like it. Yeah, Bilsen was hard growing up because in the elementary school they would call me bison and think it was so funny.

It's not that funny. It's not. And do you know we only have bison in North America, not Buffalo? That's a little known fact for you guys. Did you research that when they were making fun of you? I did not, but I have. been to a bison farm in North America and they inform me. The Bilsen Farm?

The Bilsen Bison Farm. My long lost relatives. No, there's just a little fact for you. I, something you probably don't know this about me, Rob. Olivia does. I have many, many, many, many random facts in my brain. Nothing of value. Nothing.

Nothing of value. I'm starting to uncover that. I think I did know that's actually. But I know a lot of facts. Like, I'm actually weirdly good at Jeopardy. and if you met me, you would be like, there's no chance this girl would survive on Jeopardy ever. But I actually do quite well.

I sometimes think, like, oh, I would love to go on that, but I think I would just embarrass myself because I would be nervous or something. But my problem is answering it in the form of a question. So, Briar and I have a new... That's your problem, not the answers? Yes, exactly. Yes.

Briar and I have a new thing where, before bed, we watch an episode of Wheel of Fortune, and someone was answering Pat and the puzzles, like they were on Jeopardy. They're like, what is? Right. I would say that in a puzzle. And it made me laugh because it was funny.

I think you would do that. I would probably do that and then not do it on Jeopardy. Yeah. I would just be like, you know, World War II. And they'd be like, sorry, you didn't answer in form of a question. You'd fix it, though, after like two times doing it wrong. Yeah. Also, I was watching Family Feud with Breyer until I realized it is so incredibly inappropriate.

Oh, yeah. Why? It's literally like... What would you do in a threesome with your wife? Oh, really? Like, what does that mean? And I'm like, it's a candy bar. Have you tried one?

Have you tried one? Yeah, so I was like, we're going to pivot to wheel. She loves it, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Anyways. So that's where I've gotten to in my life with my child. And we have moved past, well, you know, when we were at Rob's house, Calvin is asking, like, most kids are like, I want to hear Zombies 3 soundtrack.

And Calvin's like, Can I hear what's his favorite song? He loves Dr. Dog and the head and the heart. Yeah, like super, like cool. Real cool. And he like rocks out to it. And I'm like, man, this is such a different household. He does a pourover for his bottle.

He loves a pourover. He loves a pourover. Listen, pour over is delicious. Oh, you know how I was saying like, oh, that's what I'm going to think about when I go to sleep? Yeah. like I shouldn't have talked about. I had the same thing happen with the Henry Winkler thing where I was like... Why?

Because afterwards I was like, I just want to be so clear that when I was saying he said, maybe you should get voice lessons. Yeah. That he was not saying it because he thought you needed it. Something was wrong or like, here's how you fix it. He was saying it just from like a loving, supportive... Well, even singers get voiceless. Totally.

Yeah, no, he's just being helpful. Like literally like, well, if you think this is do this and this is a solution. And yeah, it had nothing to do with him thinking that your voice did sound funny. But that's how you heard it because you were in your insecurity. Exactly. So I thought about that later and I was like, I just want to make it really clear that Henry Winkler is a gem. Yes, he's the kindest human on the planet. But like how many times do that in life where you say things and then you're going to bed at night and you're like, fuck.

Not as much since I quit drinking. Used to be worse, I tell you. Yeah. I'd be like, oh, don't. Yeah, what did I do? What did I say? I was a witness to some of those. Shut up.

Do you ever do that, Rob, when you're going to bed at night and you're like, why did I? Oh, yeah. Give us an example. I don't know that I have a specific. Come on, Rob. Oh, man. That makes you human, you know? Just all those things that you wish you didn't do.

Yeah. used to do that a lot. Yeah, I put my foot in my mouth a lot as well. Okay, so it was interesting, you know, Aya has chosen, like, no kids or whatever. And so that makes me think, like, because I've been thinking about this lately, like. You want to get rid of your kids? I was going to say, you want to get rid of one? How old do you think is too old to have a kid?

I was just looking that up. Oh. Yeah. Well. Well, biologically, isn't it, like, 40? No. I have, like, three friends currently right now looking into it that are 43. Yeah.

It's not 40. It's definitely, like, Jeff's aunt had a kid at 45. When Jeff was delivering babies, he said he would see women well into their 40s, delivering children, healthy children, all that stuff. It goes down. I was just reading about this because we're talking about, I want to adopt a baby. And Jeff would like to see if it was possible for us to have another healthy baby. And so we're looking into like the statistics and the ages and all of that stuff. And it goes down drastically with each year.

But I want to say anytime before you hit menopause, right, as long as you have eggs. But I feel like having a baby at like 50 is probably not a... Didn't Janet Jackson? Oh, did she? Yeah. Maybe she did. Probably just high at risk, the older... It's just high risk. It is. But if you can do it, like 50 is.

it, you do it. It's higher risk and the egg quality goes down. Right. So it's harder to actually. Well, it's harder to keep. Like there's more higher chances of miscarriage, higher chances of chromosonal abnormalities, like Down syndrome, all of that kind of stuff. That's even once you hit 35, all that stuff comes into play because you have to get like all those tests once you're pregnant after 35. Yeah, because you're considered a geriatric pregnancy. I know. It's so crazy, right? At 35 years old, like, oh, geriatric pregnancy. Yeah. I mean, I was pregnant with Briar at 32,

so I didn't have to do all of those things, but... I did. Oh, yeah, you did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the answer is, we don't know. The answer is if you're fertile.

Until menopause. Until menopause, right? I guess so. But it is interesting because you're really more ready for kids, I feel like a 43-year-old compared to like a 15-year-old. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think there's also greater chances of, diabetes or...

Did you have that with either of your pregnancies? No, right? No. I didn't have it either. I think all that goes up with age. Our friend just had that with hers. Had gestational diabetes. But she's like... She'll have that. Yeah. It's very common.

I think it's like random too. How old would you think would be the cutoff for you to have a kid? I think 43 would probably be the cut off for me. Me too. You feel the same? Well, I felt... You're going to turn 43. Yeah. I felt done when I got

pregnant with Shepard. Well, do you mean physically carrying a baby to term or like adopting a baby? Oh, no, I want to, I feel like I want to adopt. Jeff and I both are considering it, but he would rather see if we could have a baby on our own. Do you have an age cut off, though, for? I'm at it. For adopting.

Oh, no. Oh, yeah. You'd say, like, 65, I'll adopt again. I would say for me personally, I wouldn't want to do it past maybe 45 just because I don't want to get through the young years of the kids' lives and then have to start all over again. Like I feel like if we're going to throw in another one, now would be a great time to do it. But I know the adoption process can take a while. Can take a while. Yeah.

And Shepard requires a lot of attention. So we want to make sure that we're not jipping him. But you have like your whole year of 43. is what you think to do it if you wanted to do it naturally. He wants to spin. So you get a girl. He wants to spin. So not only do you get a girl, but you can check.

Yeah, explain them. They spin the sperm to determine what you're going to have. I thought you meant just like spin you on the room. It's proven to give you a girl. He wants to turn me upside down and spin me around. No, I think he wants to, he wants to, he wants to spin you. a girl. Not only does he want a girl because Shepard had a chromosonal abnormality, he wants to check the quality of the egg, but then there's the confusion like, are you playing God when you put that

much control into it, you know? Can you tell with like an egg, like the chromosomal stuff? Oh yeah. They can test the eggs. So like if you were going to get your eggs retrieved to freeze them, they check the quality of the eggs. Right, right, right. So they wouldn't freeze ones that have abnormalities. Right. So you would have to go through that. So you'd have to have your eggs extracted. Yeah. And he'd have to like deposit his sperm.

And then yeah, it's in vitro. In vitro. But they can spin. They can spin to get the sex. Correct. I would like to talk to Jeff about the science behind that and how that works. Oh, he would like to tell you about it because he's researched it. How do you feel about that, though, like controlling it like that?

I don't know. It's conflicting for sure. I don't understand how it works. So maybe if I understood, then I could have a better opinion. Does that make sense? Like, how much are you actually interfering? He wants a girl. When we found out Elliot was a boy,

I don't know if he's going to like that I said this, but he cried. He really wanted a girl. And then we had a second, and he was more warmed up to the boy thing. But now he's still like... Once that little girl. Do you feel that way like you want a little girl?

No. No. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Do you feel like you want a boy? I don't know. I mean, I'm super content with what I have. I don't know.

I feel like I would never spin because I'm open to either. Like, it'd be nice to have a boy and experience that, you know? I've had such a great experience with my girl. Yeah. I don't know. That's like, I don't know. I don't really know the answer. Yeah.

I feel like there's babies that don't have moms, and that's what really trips me up, where I'm like, why wouldn't we just take one and take care of it when we have what it takes to do that? I totally support that. My cousin adopt, one of my very dear friends adopted two kids. Like, I am all for adoption. I think it's amazing. And I would, if I wanted another kid, I would totally be open to adoption. Mm-hmm. For sure. Would you, Rob? Yeah, we've talked about adoption, too. Have you? You have? Yeah. I just feel like for us, it would actually be good for my children, too, and good for Shepard. to have someone younger than him and, you know, I just, who is it?

Thomas Wrett. Do you know who Thomas Wrett is? Yeah, the country thing? Yeah, I love him. Oh, yeah. And they have, yes. A beautiful family. Beautiful family. And I went on a hole down her Instagram.

Went down her hole. I went down her hole and came out at one point sobbing to Jeff and was like, there's babies that meet us, you know. But let's see. Yeah, well, options are out there. I understand the need for people to be like, I want to have a child or I just need a child. I want to provide for a child that needs providing for.

I can understand all of it. And I think, I don't know, it's hard to say because I already have one, and I knew always my whole life that I wanted to be a mom. So it's different for every person. Yeah. I can see it all. I can also see why people would want zero Like Aya

Yeah for sure I get people that don't want kids Have you ever done spin class? I did one spin class It was too intense for me, have you? Never Have you, Rob? I have a Peloton

So that is like spin, right? Yeah Do you use it? Yeah You do? I mean, I have not a lot Since Vincent was born Can you picture Rob's getting on the Pelot?

Since Vincent is born. Are you both sweetie? Four months again. I just don't have time. Where is it? In the like studio in our backyard. Oh. I couldn't be like, all right, take both kids.

I'm going to go ride the bike. I hope Natalie would like chop your wheel off. She's like, fuck you. Yeah. Take the kids. I'm going to go ride the on the balance. Sounds. Oh my God.

Sounds like a lot of husbands. I feel like I would get motion sick. No. No? No. It's hard workout. Yeah. I can't.

Like, I can't, I'm not at, like, gym person. I can't go to which. I need to, like, do something. I like Pilates now. I love yoga. I like a class. I like a bar class. I like sex.

Oh. I'm just kidding. Oh. I like dance. Like, if you're dancing or if you're doing something as an exercise, that's good. How often are you dancing? Never. Or having sex.

Yeah. Never. I never have. I have to exercise or else I'm meant. unwell. Yeah, I think that's true for a lot of people. But you've never had sex? No. She just watches it. So Breyer was like divine birth. Yep. I just think that I don't know. Could you ever go to a gym? Could I ever go to a gym? I go to a gym. No, but like go and like work out at a gym. I go work out at the gym. I hate the gym. I go on the treadmill. You do? I feel like you don't even know me.

What's your name? Maribel Maribel You just think of Enkanto Is Enkonto run through your household yet? No, Calvin doesn't really like that He gets scared of some part of that Bruno probably

Yeah, well I tried to put it on the other day And he was like, I don't want to watch that part That's how Briar is too, actually Why don't you try a gym with me? I do not like gyms I'll do Pilates with you Okay, every day. Love Pilates.

Let's do it. And you won't do yoga either. I'm not into, you know, I'm not a yoga person. I don't understand that. I don't know. Do you want to play softball? Have you done in your league? I actually would play softball.

Like, that's the thing I would do. Can you play? Yeah, I played t-ball when I was little. I played baseball too. I was second base in center field. Come play a game with that Sunday. I never played softball. It's fine.

It's what we will have to hide you probably anyway. Does that mean? Not put you somewhere important. Rude. You just said you can't play. I play softball, but I play baseball. I actually can play some sports. I know that sounds weird because...

I know it doesn't. Well, I like sports a lot. I like to do sports and watch sports. I do. Yeah, see, I'm the opposite. I don't want to watch it. I don't want to do sports, but I love exercising. I like bike riding.

She had a peloton. I feel like I would get sick. I don't think so. Aren't you watching a video while you're riding a bike? You're mostly listening and taking an insight. instruction. Okay. What don't you like about yoga?

I don't know. It's not my thing. It's so my thing. I remember one time Jill forced me to go to a yoga class in Los Felis. It was a very long time ago. On Hillhurst? Yep. What kind?

I don't remember. This was very long time ago. And they, like, made us do headstands. And I fell. And everybody laughed at me. True. I don't even know if that's true. That's not true.

It is true. It's the way you saw it. I saw myself fall on the floor. No, it was fun. It's just not my thing. I like Pilates. Let me have my Pilates. Don't force me to do yoga.

I want to force you to do it once with me. I don't like yoga. I feel like maybe you didn't, I feel like you don't know. Because the way it makes you feel afterwards is like ecstasy. No. Yes. Like I'm a better human when I do it. I totally understand it.

I get why it works for people and I love the idea of it. I think it's great. It's not my thing. I love that for you. I love that for you, but for me, not going to work. What about hiking? I like, love a hike. Great. Let's hike. I mean, I wouldn't say love a hike. I like a hike. Rollerblading. Swimming? No. Yeah, see, you like more activities. I like more classes. Yeah, I like activities. I like to be active. I like hot yoga. I like that the best. Yeah, I could see doing that because I feel like more of a result maybe because you're like sweating profusely. I could do that. Oh, good. Let's do hot yoga. I'll pass out, but I can do it. No. Only Rob does it with us. Sound bath and hot yoga. I like sound bath. Yeah, I love sound bath. I love a sound bath. I made exercise, but it's great. Jeff did yoga recently with me. Good. No, I totally. He's not very flexible. Calvin used to do yoga during the pandemic. That's so cute. class, they would do yoga.

Do they do that, Elliot does one on the video, it's the Cosmic Kids. Oh, yeah. You, Breyer did that with them. Namaste. No, I respect it, but yeah, I like to be active. Like, that's more of my thing. My thighs are sweating right now. It's hot in here.

The furnace is on, I'm telling you. It is. It's like hot yoga. It is. Now, okay, downward dog. Okay. Okay. Yes, Mrs. Adams.

What? Is that his yoga? Look how little! Is that him and Natalie? Mm-hmm. That's so cute. There's a picture of them doing yoga. It's so cute. Oh, does she do yoga?

Yeah, does she love yoga? She does yoga. Is that her preference? Like, what's her preference? Yeah. Yoga. I got her in the Peloton, but... But you use it?

I use it more than she does. But is she, like, an exerciser? Mm-mm. Well, I think it's for me for mental health. Yeah, I get that. No, I totally get it. And I'm saying like, no, no, no. I just, you know.

I think you've got to try it again. I really do. I mean, I have tried it many times. I will do it with you so you leave me alone. Okay. I'm an open person. I am a yes person. I will say yes to anything at least once.

Not anything people. Not that kind of anything, but like, you know, anything adventurous. Yeah, you will. I will. You're what they call down. So are you? When we're like 6 a.m., we're going in the first. freezing cold to go wakeboarding.

Oh, yeah. Paddleboarding. I'm there. Olivia was there and we did it. Yep. I mean, I did do that. I did it in my sweats. I went paddle boarding in the ocean wearing sweats and you put on a wet, wet suit and we're

freezing, but we still did it. At sunrise, that's my girl. That's right. And I will jet ski right over a wave. Oh, my God. Wave runner. That's the best story of all times. Olivia gunning it over a very large wave doing a stunt.

I did my stunt performance that trip. That was the best. Anyways, follow rate and review. I'm just kidding. You can say that. Follow rate and review. Broad ideas. No negative reviews.

No nillies. No negative nillies. You know, I just don't even bother. Reviewing. Reviewing. Yeah, yeah. Just listen. They're all negative.

Just listen. Okay. guys. That was a hate gum podcast.