Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Becca Tobin

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

Becca Tobin [Glee, Turner & Hooch] is today’s broad. Becca, Olivia and Rachel discuss motherhood, Becca’s surrogacy journey and the judgment she’s faced for making that choice. Becca also talks about her experiences on Glee, her new book Lady Secrets, Kim Kardashian and much more. Broad Ideas is supported by Caraway. Visit Carawayhome.com to take advantage of their Cyber Season Event and score up to 20% off your next purchase of non-toxic kitchenware.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to broad ideas.

I feel a little annoyed because Rob made us start over. We had gold people. And yep, and he cut it out because he was being his true self. Yeah. Okay, today, Becca Tobin, she's an actress, singer, dancer, and host

who starred in the iconic role of Kitty Wild on Glee. She also has a very successful podcast, Lady Gang, which I was on. They're awesome. We love to listen and we love to have her on. I actually feel really weird sitting in this scene. I know. Olivia is not next to me.

Rob's next to me. For some reason, Rob felt the need to switch position. I don't like having eye contact from both of you throughout. He wanted eye contact with just me. Yep. So Olivia. But it feels weird. You know when you're always in the same seat and then you switch?

Yeah, it feels weird. It feels weird. It feels weird talking to you across from me and not next to me. Yeah. Okay, well, it didn't feel weird talking to Becca. She was so open and lovely. Yeah, it has a lot of inspiration and wisdom and experience to share. So now let us share it with you all. Welcome Becca Tobin. Sometimes when the work inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling round and round inside to join us on this journey. As we take a little ride. We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings.

We'll talk about boys that are neat. Because people die. Rolling. Rolling. With the homies. Do you guys ever pour out? Do you guys ever pour anything out and not say for the homies? I've never done it.

Now I'm in. Oh, I've never poured anything out. Like if I'm like pouring my coffee out of the car, like to get a new one or whatever, there's never a time I pour something out and I don't go for the homies. Wow. Where are you pouring your coffee out, like just on the side of the road? Just like. Yeah. Like if I have my coffee mug like when I'm driving to Starbucks in the morning and then I get another one and I want to throw the old cold coffee out.

I'll just like throw it out the door. Oh, so you're one of those people. You're very ego. friendly. You are what I'm striving to be, but it's really hard. How is that ego friendly? Because you're reusing it, right? No. She's, oh, you're reusing? No. That's what I'm saying. Becca, I'm like, no, no, no. I think you have this wrong. I'm not reusing. Okay. I'm just getting rid of the cold coffee to bring it in and not spill it on my shirt while I'm bringing it in. I actually suck and still get straws. Me too. Yeah. Although LaCroi just sent me a gift in.

situation. Oh, what's that? What is that? It's like a glass jar with a, like, wooden thing and a glass straw. Oh. Yeah. I'm committed to, like, the glass straws at home,

but I'm not going to be traveling with straws and I still want to use them when I'm other places. I mean, in a glass draw, like, why? Yeah. Well, it reminds me a little bit of mess or cracks a little bit, right? True, yeah. Sorry. I like that's the first place.

It reminds me of my youth. I love it. So Becca, Olivia and I have been best friends for whatever, 25 plus years. We grew up together. That's where she comes from. Just so you get the basics. It's so nice to see you again. You too.

Talk to you. We loved you on our podcast. You were one of the fan favorites. Oh, my God. I love hearing that. Yeah. That's awesome. And your podcast is so awesome.

And I love everything you guys are doing. And obviously it speaks to us greatly because we like to be very. candid and talk about all the things. Yeah, love it. I actually just listened to your Eliza Schles. Oh, you did? Schles singer. I love her. And it was, it was great. Oh, thanks. She was awesome and so funny and open and. Yeah. She's a gem. Yeah. Well, thanks for listening. Yeah, of course. We were so excited to have you here with us and to talk to you about all the things and, you know, about reusable coffee cups and, you know, and, you know, about reusable coffee cups and, and, and whatnot. I have to tell you guys, so my daughter, every morning, we wind up having breakfast

in the car on the way to school because mornings are so rushed and insane. And it's hard when it's cereal. So, like, she had cereal yesterday and hands me a bowl of milk. And now I'm driving around holding a bowl because, like, it's going to spill in the car. So I had to do the thing where I had to empty out the milk so I could put the bowl on the floor. So I... And you didn't say for the homies. I did not say for the homies. And we could have used that. The homies could have used the rice Krispy milk. I just can't picture. How old is she? She's almost eight. I can't imagine a young child eating cereal. Like, I can't eat cereal at a kitchen table. Right. Not in motion without spilling. So I'm really impressed. She's pretty responsible. She's a responsible kid. And we have to drive down a

hill to get to school. So it's always really risky, whatever she has in the morning, what her breakfast is. And I'm always like, hey, hold on tight. And it's like a game, a balancing game. Yeah. Yeah. She's gotten used to it. When does she wake up? Because that's crazy. Because she doesn't go to school till late. Yeah, her school doesn't start until nine, but my kid won't wake up till like eight. That's great. It is great, but it's also hard on school mornings.

How old is your kid? He's only eight months old. I was going to say, yeah, I thought he was a baby and you weren't anywhere near this yet. No. But I can tell it's going to be here in like two seconds because it's already flown the first eight months. I'm like, what is happening? And everybody tells you all the things. They're like, hey, good.

goes by so fast, let them sleep on you. It's not going to happen forever. And meanwhile, he's like six weeks old. And I'm like, I wish this baby would sleep in his crib. And now I regret feeling that way. So I should have listened. But, you know, this is just motherhood, I guess, in a nutshell. I know. Wait, what do you mean you regret feeling that way? Well, because he would sleep on me. I am somebody who needs to be in motion all the time. Like, I need to be productive. I just don't know how to not like I have a zero to a hundred. My zero is like veging out watching the real housewives for like eight hours a day. This was before having a child. Right. But then I don't have any like in between. So when he was really teeny tiny and he would be sleeping on me, I would just be thinking of the eight

million things I needed to do around the house because I can't handle not doing something around the house or like having something like laundry that hasn't been folded. And it's, It's just my own shit, and there's, like, not enough therapy in the world to really get this, shake this out of me. So I don't know. It sucks. I really am envious of the women who can soak it in and just be, like, were you able to do that with your kid?

Yeah. Well, I guess I'll go first. So with mine, because she has, too. But I was able, you know, I had just, I was pregnant with my daughter at the end of a series I was doing, Harded Dixie. And I worked up until 37 weeks. So I was like super pregnant on the show. And it timed out where the show ended and wasn't coming back right when I had her.

So I was like, okay, I just worked my ass off for four years. I was able to just do that. Right. So I didn't feel like there were all these other things. So I loved that. But, you know, I can totally see where you're coming from because there's always so many things to do. And when they're like, you nap when they're napping. It's like, no, fuck that.

You cannot nap when they're napping. So many things to get done. So in that respect. like I never, I never could do that. Yeah. Right? I always napped. Well, you still nap.

Give me a reason to nap. Just like, please. She's one of those people that can just fall asleep no matter what. I don't understand it. I want to be you. Yeah, I can sleep anywhere, anytime. Like, I will schedule my meetings and my calls sometimes around my kids nap so that I could lay with him a nap.

Wow. And you can just head. hits the pillow and you're out. Sleep. Isn't that impressive? That's impressive. What is that? That's like a superpower.

I think it's narcolepsy. Well, I want it. You know what it is? I think that sometimes it's my escape. You know, like I look at naps as like a gift, a treat. It's like the thing I look forward to. I'm like, oh, go get in that bed with him and take a nap. And my son, my little one will be four in February and I still sleep with them.

Oh, I love that. Yeah. I need to try. But I get it. Everyone else, I feel like I'm the rare person who would actually nap when they nap. And everyone else is like, do, do, do, do, do. Yep. And I have to tell you, my kid who is almost eight is still in bed with me.

So I think the way you did it was probably really smart because you have like your freedom and your independence and your relationship that you can focus on. I still have my daughter in bed, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Broad Ideas is supported by Carraway. It's time to ditch the chemicals with Caraway Homes' non-toxic cookware and bakeware collections so you can make healthier cooking a piece of cake. Carraway Homes' non-toxic kitchen wares are all designed for the modern home and feature a chemical-free ceramic coating so food can be prepared with peace of mind

that no hard-to-pronounce compound will leach into your healthy ingredients. I love Carraway so much. I have been cooking with it for at least a year, and I love knowing that I'm not putting any harsh chemicals into the food I'm making for my daughter. This only happens once a year, okay? Carraway's cyber season event is almost here. Save up to 20% on all Carraway products, including their internet-famous non-toxic cookware set.

For the first time ever, you can now save on Carraway's food storage, tea kettle, and mini cookware. I just got the mini, it's awesome. This exclusive deal won't last long. Make sure to shop your favorite color, and products while you still can. Visit carawayhome.com to take advantage of their cyberseason event and score up to 20% off your next purchase of non-toxic kitchenware. This deal won't last long, so visit carawayhome.com to shop all their incredible products for up to 20% off this holiday season,

Caraway. That's the thing. I just think that, first of all, there's just really, truly no good way or right way to do it. And I do get sad when I think about how my husband and I just made this commitment to just not be the kid in the bed people. But every single cell in my body wants him to be in our bed. So I just don't, and I'm like, I know that once I give in, and this might be wrong, parenting experts might tell me I'm wrong, but I'm like, I feel like once you rip the Band-Aid off, then it's hard to go back. So we're just sort of committed to this. And he's a great sleeper. And I think that when I, when we decided to have a baby, I was like, I just need, he can be anything he wants to be just, I really need him to sleep through the night because I can't

function without it. So I'm just trying to like focus on that every time I want to just pull him out of his crib and put him in the bed with me. Like it's just the sweetest having a kid in the bed with you. It's the best. I don't love it. Really? No. I like napping with him, but at night, like we don't have him in our bed. I'll go put him back to sleep in his bed because I don't want anything. on me, like while I'm sleeping. And they flip and turn and kick. But for a long time, you did have them in your bed. We had both of them in our bed at one point.

But we got them both back into their room. We sleep trained my first and not my second. And it was a huge mistake. Like, if I could go back, I would have sleep trained both of them. Right. Because you have more freedom. Yeah. Like you're going to be able to let other people put your baby down.

And, you know, it just comes with so much more freedom. And if I could do it again, I would have slept trained. Good to know. Slept trained. You know, I will say, like, I'm like, oh, it's the best that she's in bed with me, whatever. She's like eight now and very long and huge. And she refuses to sleep normally, vertically. Like, last night, I had both of her legs draped across my chest, right, kicking me.

And I have, it's a king-sized bed. I have, like, three inches of mattress to myself because she has to be, like, glued to me. You know, and she's moving around and I get whipped in the face and all of that. And I was so mad last night. Like, I kept throwing her legs off me. Like, not caring if I wake her up. I was like, oh, my God. Like, I was so annoyed.

You hit your breaking point. Oh, my God. I was just like, oh, dear God. Just, you know. And it's just us. So, you know, single mom. So I'm like, and I'm sure people will be like, oh, my God. Your daughter's still in bed with you.

But like, it's just I do sleep better when she's there. And she sleeps later when she's with me. Otherwise, she's coming into my room at, like, 5.30 or 6 in the morning. So there's, you know, there's benefits because she has done her own room. There's been spurts. But, you know, but yeah, what you're saying is like once you do that and you're like, no, I'll just bring them in. You're fucked. Like, that's just. When she goes to bed at night, do you go, you lay down with her until she falls asleep and then you go, you can get out and like do your own thing or do you stay in there? Yeah, but normally I just stay in there because like,

I'm so tired and I'm just like on my phone and you scroll and you read and do whatever. And, you know, I should get up and like watch a show or like do something for myself, but it doesn't happen. I'm exhausted. Yeah. You're doing what you need to do. Yeah. Yeah. I've been falling asleep and putting them down and then getting back out and forcing

myself to watch a show. Really? Yeah, because I feel like if I don't, there's no time for me. And I think it's really important to have a break from everything. And like watching shows is one of my ways to. escape. Yeah. Are you guys on tour right now? So we were on our book tour and like live podcast tour for three weeks on a tour bus. And that was hellish and amazing all in one. We finished that and then we have like the West Coast, but we're not going to be on a tour bus

for that portion of it. But I stupidly scheduled this tour thinking that I would, that I was going to be so cool. I'm like a cool mom. I can get back to work. I can be away from my kid. He has a dad. You know, like he's got a nanny. He's got a wonderful family.

I don't need to be there. Well, like, it was so dumb because it doesn't matter that he has all these people taking care of him. I didn't get to be around him. And I was just really resentful. I had to work on it the whole time that I was out there being really aware of not having resentment for making this choice. And I have two other partners that don't have to,

children and they were so wonderful and understanding, but at the same time, you just don't get it until you have children. And I was that person for 36 years of my life where I didn't get it either. It was really tough. And it's also because I didn't really bond and feel like a mom until he was probably five or six months old, truly. And I left at like the six month mark. That's tough. It's hard. And I was traveling so much right after he was born. You know, we used a surrogate, and I obviously didn't breast, not obviously I could have breastfed, but I didn't breastfeed. So I don't know if there's a combination of just that is why it took me a little bit longer to bond, but then I've talked to women who've carried their children and have said the same thing that like, until they're reacting to you, you kind of don't feel that thing, the like maternal instinct. So I traveled a ton after he was born, not a ton, but like enough because I just had to keep working to pay for our surrogate.

shit is not cheap. No. And it was easier. It was so much easier when he was teeny tiny. And it's just gotten harder, like the older that he's gotten. And the first time I left him to go out on tour was like the first day that he started to reach for people, like he was being held by somebody. And I was rolling my suitcase out the front door.

And he reaches for me. And I just start, like, sobbing. And I was like, oh, my God, this is happened. Like, I'm finally a mom. But this is also, it's like the best. feeling and the worst feeling all at once. Oh. That's exactly right.

Yeah. It's like the absolute worst and the absolute best. Because you're screwed now wherever you go, there's like a part of you missing. Yeah. So what was that like? I think it's such a beautiful topic to bring up because we have a few friends right now trying to get pregnant and all different things that they're looking at, whether it's egg donors or a surrogant or sperm donors or, you know, just fertility issues.

Yeah. And what that experience, are you open and talking about that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I feel like a huge, like, silver lining of experiencing so much fertility issues is that I'm able to share it on a platform of mostly women. Mm-hmm. Because I just didn't really hear about it a lot when I was struggling. And it started, you know, five or six years ago.

And I guess you hear about people doing IVF and you hear about there's all these options, but you don't really hear about the process and what it entails. And so I'm really open. I just sort of got up to a point where my husband and I, five years in, we were like, okay, we started this a little bit later wanting a child in general. And I just hit, I hit the wall. Like I just, I was at my breaking point and I was like, I'm either going to do it this way that's unconventional and people are going to probably judge

or I'm just not going to do it at all. And I just don't feel like I should I should take that opportunity away from my husband night just because I'm worried about a stigma. So we did it. I have zero regrets at all. If anything, I couldn't speak more highly of the experience that we had. You know, it's just incredible that there are people out there who enjoy being pregnant, who want a way to provide for their family, get a secondary income, take care of their own, you know, biological children. And our surrogate was a single mother with two children who also took care of two other children who were her sisters.

She works, but obviously any extra income is helpful in that situation. And she loved being pregnant and wanted this opportunity to do this. And we were just so grateful the entire way through of this, like, walking Earth, angel who wanted to give us this opportunity. And I'm like, you know, this is, this is a modern story. I waited really late to have a kid and our bodies are just not the same. It's unfortunate, but this is the reality of science and nature. And I don't know. I'm just, I loved it. It was expensive. There's like no secret there. IVF was expensive. The surrogacy situation was expensive, but I don't really regret it for a second. I'm like, we work really hard.

and if I'm going to spend my money, it's like to make my family the way that I want to make it. Yeah. I think it's beautiful that that's even an option. Yeah. Right. Right. But what I'm so curious about the surrogate process because it's so amazing to me that, like what a gift, right?

And to be able to do that. But what's that process like? Like, do you interview people? Is it an agency, you know, just for like maybe people who don't know anything about it? Yeah. So I was really fortunate that somebody, from my, like, past Broadway performing days. I stayed in touch with this guy named Taylor,

and his second career has actually been in a sperm donor, egg donor, and surrogacy. Their agency does all of that. It's called Elevate. And he and I connected when I was struggling so much with my fertility journey, and he asked me, would you be open to trying a surrogate? And at this point, I was up in Vancouver during COVID. The border was closed. I was working on a series for, like,

seven months and I just, I had done IVF, I had frozen embryos, and I was literally like separated from the embryos. Like they were in San Diego and I'm in Vancouver. And I'm like, at this point, what the fuck is my life anyway? I'm so sick of this whole thing. I'm ready to throw in the towel. But we had this amazing conversation and my goddaughter is actually born via surrogate. So I was really familiar and so I was fortunate to have had that experience. But he said to me, I'm going to send you some profiles of some women who have applied and who have been cleared to be surrogates because it's a really intense, rigorous process. He was saying for every 100 women who apply, sometimes one will pass through the whole thing. So it's like sometimes they'll get nobody out of that whole. You know,

they do a psychological exam. They have to have like perfect pregnancies, near perfect deliveries, like really no complications. They have to have biological children of their own. So, he sent me a profile of a woman who strangely was an hour away from us, who lived an hour away, because a lot of the time you can't get surrogates in the same state. It's like really challenging to find them in general. So we read this profile. I felt really kind of connected. And we zoomed because I was away with my husband and with her and her partner. And we just sort of felt like we were aligned in the way that we wanted this to work. And the rest was kind of history. But yeah, you have an agency that sort of does the legal stuff for you and they do the

psych evaluation. So they're making sure that it's not just, you're not walking up to somebody at like the supermarket being like you look like you'd be a great pregnant person. You want to carry my baby? So you feel really protected. And, you know, more people are doing it. Obviously, same-sex couples have been doing it for longer. And, but I'm finding that there are a lot of heterosexual couples that are doing this because, again, women were not all perfect baby-making specimens. No, do you think because I feel like this whole fertility conversation, I feel like it's so much more out there now. And I'm wondering, like, is it just because women are more open about it? Or is it because of the world and science where it's more of a common struggle?

I think it's a combination of our generation, like the millennials have just started having children and later. And so it's just a fact that your egg quality and quantity and all that fun stuff kind of starts to decline. We've all been really generalizing this whole situation. We've all been really career-based and career-driven, and it's been wonderful for that. But then I also think there's people being more open about it. I think that it's becoming a little bit more, I'm trying to think of the word, accessible. You know, IVF used to be probably, I don't know what the number is, but it used to be less affordable, if you can imagine, it's still so expensive. But it's just there's more fertility clinics popping up.

There's more women willing to talk about it. I just think it's kind of a combination of all of those things. Because if you look back, you know, there are a lot of celebrities who have used surrogates. They just haven't shouted it from the rooftops. Probably for the same reason that I was really scared to open up about it because people will be like, oh, you know, Kim Kardashian, you just didn't want to carry your own baby. And in fact, Kim Kardashian had like a life-threatening situation with her pregnancy. So judgmental, right?

It's so judgmental. And I'm like, what is the harm in doing it this way? If both parties are more than willing and really desiring this partnership, it's not like the intended parents are begging some woman to carry their baby. It's like, I want this and you want this and it's going to work out. And yes, it's like a business transaction. But, you know, it's also. I don't know. It's silly and it like drives me insane. I can't help but think that if men were the ones who carried babies and used surrogates, it wouldn't just be like you could get a surrogate at Kmart down the street. Right. So when you said that originally, I flagged it when you said that you at first weren't, you know, wanting to shout it from the rooftops because of the stigma.

Have you experienced that since sharing it? Definitely. I really a ton. Yeah, people are pretty... What is wrong with people? I know. What the fuck, dude? Yeah. Especially for someone like you who's like being honest and vulnerable and like really bringing attention to it and making other women feel seen and heard and understood that they're going to shame you for that.

What have they... What is it? So I've gotten a lot of people who have shamed me about not going to be. through adoption. I've gotten a lot of people who, you know, I posted a picture of my son having a bottle because he's formula fed. I mean, listen, I could have tried to lactate. That is something that you can do. That's a whole other journey. It was not my choice to do that. And I still got this woman who, you know, I posted about bottle feeding him with formula because I'm also very passionate about letting people know what's out there and what's great products that I really genuinely love,

because it's so overwhelming. It's just so fucking crazy, the baby world. And this woman made a comment about how I first, I bought my baby. And now I'm poisoning him and I've taken away an opportunity for him to have been breastfed. The only way a baby should be fed, I've gotten comments about how terrible I am, that there are babies out there who need homes and who aren't being loved. And instead, I did a science experiment because I'm narcissistic and wanted to create my own. I have had some really nasty things said to me, but it's not the first time. You know what I mean? It's like, as soon as you become a public figure, which for me was starting in 2012 when I was on Glee

and I was like thrust into this crazy weird hit show. and it started at that point. Like the skin just started to get thicker and thicker and thicker. And it never bothered me until it was about my child. Like truly, I could have heard anything about myself and I have. But that was like, ooh, that was tough. Oh, yeah. That makes mama bear come out.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like there's certain things, right? Like, yeah. I've obviously experienced a lot of that kind of stuff. And Olivia and I have been talking about this recently as well because she's never been like on a platform.

from where people can comment on her personally or, you know, the attacks that come, the trolls and all of that. And I, like you said, your skin gets thicker and thicker, the more exposure you have to it. But there's certain things. Like, don't fuck with my kid, my personal life, you know, partners, whatever. And it's just people have no, it's like common decency, you know, and it's like really hurtful things. Like what they were saying to you is so beyond judgmental and fucked up. And it's so fucked up. Like, you, I'm like, you. I'm like, you can tell me my face is ugly all day long. I don't care. It's just, but what you tell me that I'm, I've, my making my child was like out of a handmade's tail. That was another really good one.

People were like, this is like handmade's tail. I'm like, well, it's not really. But like, what about the emotional journey you've been on? And I'm sure you guys tried to get pregnant naturally for a long time, right? Were you ever pregnant? We did. Yes. I was pregnant several times. The furthest I got into a pregnancy was 13 or 14 weeks. Wow. That's late. Yeah. One of the pregnancies, I actually talked about it in the book that we just wrote for a lady gang. It's kind of like a culmination of like ladies' deepest, darkest secrets. Some of them are like hilarious. It's called ladies secrets, right? Yes, ladies secrets. We can't wait to read it. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. Some of them are like silly and hilarious and some of them are, you know, heartbreaking. And I just sort of decided to

write about one of my recent miscarriages. I was nine weeks and I went in to go see the heartbeat. And up until that point, I had had the worst depression I've ever had in my whole life. Like, I've never actually felt this in my entire life. Like, past any kind of grief I've dealt with, it was just so dark. And the whole time I was pregnant, I was like, oh, my God, I've been trying so hard to get to the finish line. And I'm, again, I'm like on the ride. and I can see the end.

I'm like, we're at a successful point in the journey. I'm supposed to be ecstatic. And I was the complete opposite. I was certainly not suicidal, but I would sit there in my bed and I'd be like, I would not care if something happened to me right now. I felt like I couldn't, there was nothing I wanted to live for. There was the darkest, most awful feeling I've ever had in my life. life, this is so uplifting. I'm so sorry.

No. No. This is, to me, this is the most comforting thing. Truly. I'm like, this is just, you're like, we get it. Everybody listening is like, we get it. It was fucking terrible. But I don't know.

I just feel this need to go into it because my biggest pet peeve is when people sort of share, but they don't really share. And they're like, I was depressed. And I'm like, well, that can mean a lot of things. That can mean whatever. So there's a spectrum of things. I just think it's important to just open up the fucking floodgates and just explain exactly what my experience was. So anyways, we go see the heartbeat and I'm with my husband and my OBJ-W-Wan is like, I'm so sorry, there's no heartbeat.

And I start sobbing and my husband's crying and I'm like, oh, I'm crying because I have to do this again. Yeah. I'm not crying because there's no heartbeat. Like I am fucking devastated that I just got through nine weeks and that's going to have counted. counted for nothing. Like, that is fucked up and dark, but that was just exactly how I felt. And so I had been through that so many times, and I just was like, this is, this is not, there are other options. Women don't need medals. You don't need a gold medal. You don't have to suffer. You can not be a martyr and become a mother. Yeah. And, um, how many pregnancy, what number of pregnancy

was that for you? Um, four. Wow. I, I have, Yeah, the one that went into the second trimester was really like a total mind fuck. I think that that was the point at which I was like, oh, this is never going to be fun or happy or whatever. And I know people have gone through so much worse. That's the other thing is that it's all relative. And I know that there are people out there who would have kept trying to do it the old-fashioned way and who would have kept, you know, because they want to. Yeah, but each miscarriage represents a trauma or, you know, it's not an easy thing to go through. I've had miscarriages and I can be open about that because I think there shouldn't be a stigma against it.

And I think it should be something talked about. And it is not an easy thing to go through. You know, I had two prior to having my daughter. And, you know, it's so hard to be pregnant as it is. Like, look, it can be great and there's a lot of positive things around it. But if you've, experienced miscarriages, there's such a fear that you have to work through that comes with each pregnancy because you're like, okay, I've made this mark. Okay, what does this mean? Oh my God, are my boobs still hurt? Like, you're constantly like squeezing and abusing your boobs to make sure they're still sore. Like, and people are watching you as you grope yourself constantly. But it's, you know, it's all a part of it. And it's a personal experience. And it's so hard when people think they can

have a say or judge or comment on anything like that that you're going through so personally. for you to have been pregnant that many times and get to that point and get to the second trimester. Like, oh my goodness, Becca, I am so, like, that is, that is not an easy thing to go through. And I just, I commend you for recognizing, you know, and acknowledging, being willing to look at other options because knowing what you, you wanted and having been through all of that, that is so much to go through. And I really commend you for being so open and talking about it so openly. Thank you. Yeah, I think you find that so many women are whatever it is, there's so few

stories where it was all good all the way through, where you're like, oh, it was what you see in the movies. It was this, it was that. You know, I actually was talking to a girl this past week. I was at a wedding, and she stopped me, and she and I kind of knew each other were acquaintances. And she was like, I just want to talk to you about the surrogacy thing because I, I'm really interested, but I'm really insecure for the reason that I want to do it. And I was like, well, first of all, it's nobody's business what the reason is. The option is there and legal and, you know, for anybody to make. And you don't have to show a certificate from your doctor saying, you can't carry a baby in order to, you know, go have a surrogate. So she opened up to me a lot about

the fact that she got married to her husband and neither one of them wanted children. And he has changed his mind since being married like five or six years into the marriage. And she is still very reluctant, but she doesn't want to lose her husband. And she's like, he doesn't want to lose me. So he will go the rest of our lives without having a child. But I think I want to do this. I'm opening up myself to it more and more. And she said, but quite frankly, I'm really terrified. I'm A, the breadwinner of the family. So I am scared to be pregnant. And what if it's not great? and B, I've struggled my entire life with an eating disorder. And I have humongous trauma surrounding my body, and I'm finally in a healthy place,

and I'm so terrified of what that experience of being pregnant is going to do to me. And I'm like, first of all, that's five more reasons than you need. You could have zero reasons. But it's so crazy. She's like all of my girlfriends when I ask them what their opinion is. They all tell me that I'm being superficial and shallow and vain and blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's just like as women, I'm so fucking sick of us and I've been guilty of it myself. I'm not just being like, whatever your choice is, if it's affecting no one other than you and your family,

then do whatever the fuck you want to do. Right. Like, I support that choice. So if your choice is to not put yourself through the trauma, to not take that risk for yourself, and that's the way you want to become a mother, then great. Go for it.

I don't even comprehend what's wrong. Like, is it religious people that seem to have a problem? Is it? Because no rational human is, can actually tell someone what's right for them. There's no right or wrong way. Even when you bring up the bottle, it brings up so much anger in me.

Because we had to bottle feed my second. Took him six weeks to latch. And we had to give him formula. And I remember feeling like, I don't want to post this picture of me bottle feeding him. And then I was like, whoa, what is that? Like the truth of the matter is, this bottle is keeping him fucking alive, period.

it. My body wasn't producing enough milk to keep him alive and he wasn't latching. So I had to pump and do all this stuff. And it's like, I was worried about someone judging that when the truth of the matter is it's a miracle that we have formula. It's a miracle that we have bottles that can keep our precious babies alive that wouldn't be in the past. Yeah, for sure. And, you know, even if someone has an issue with their body, it's like they're a miracle. for facing that, for healing that, and for them to know that the safest thing to do would be to protect the mom. Yep. Right. Right. Yeah. Because how are we supposed to mother our children if we're not safe? And it sounds to me like that person has enough consciousness to know, that's not safe for me. And that shows a sign of a good mom. Yeah. You know, it's never been, that's actually like that concept of like feeling safe is something I've never really thought of, but it's absolutely what it is. It's like the way that you want to, the choices are all keeping you safe. And the moment that you don't consider your own safety and your own comfort, it's like nobody needs, need you to be a martyr

like that. Nobody, and I think that's what it is with the judgment is, well, first of all, there's a lot of religious people who have told me that IVF is terrible and God gives you what you can handle, which, you know, I'm like, I guess God gave me a bunch of shitty eggs. God gave you a surrogate. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, how far should we take this? Because we could really kick this on down the fucking hallway. But, no, it's a lot of people said that, you know, God gives you what you can handle.

And I also think that women have, maybe women who didn't have the opportunity. And also, it's expensive. It's not something that the average woman can afford. That is the reality of it. So maybe there is some judgment connected to it because there may be not jealousy or envy because that's something that another woman would necessarily want if she could afford it. But it's triggering for people who couldn't afford it. And I get that.

I totally, I completely understand. But I don't think that it warrants you making nasty comments on somebody's Instagram. I don't think it warrants even the judgment in general. No, and especially if like the person maybe if they're a mother as well or whatever, but like you're still a mom and that shit is hard and you're tired and you're taking care of this little human like that in itself it's like don't attack me i'm raising this little human i'm keeping this person alive and i'm trying to take care of myself and my family you know and it's it is the hardest job in the world being yeah any kind of parent caregiver you know because it's it's it's it's

So it's the most important job as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. And it's just so frustrating and like hearing that anyone has these comments when you're just out there taking care of this human, you know, surviving, taking care of yourself, like doing all the things. And especially if I haven't ever been a parent or anything like that. It's just like you get it's just it's hard to because, you know, I'm always reactionary and I work on that. Because, like, you constantly want to react to things and get so mad and comment back and, like, talk shit back to all the people commenting on Instagram, be like, well, you don't know or like, whatever. And it takes such, I don't know what the word is, but I've practiced it trying not to react and, like, calm yourself before doing any kind of reaction or respond rather than react. Right.

Respond rather than react. So you take time. And Olivia helps me with this a lot. But it's really not easy. And the whole thing isn't easy. And even talking about all of the paths you've had to take, it's just like, it's just very frustrating. I also think, though, too, that yes, it's expensive.

It is something that, you know, you have to have a certain amount of money to do. But I feel like the awareness, it takes the people that have the money to do it, to be open about it, honest about it. and upfront about it to spread awareness, because if they didn't and they kept out a secret, then the women who possibly can't afford it aren't even going to know that that's something that they want, right? Right.

And it usually, the pendulum always swings. And it used to be that things were so out of reach in so many different areas, but the more attention they get, the more people figure out, oh, well, maybe there needs to be a foundation for women's, you know, fertility for low income or maybe, but without the attention to it first, it's not going to happen. Yeah. No, that's a great point. A friend of mine just had breast cancer and

she had to freeze embryos before she went through chemo because that essentially, I don't know exactly, it destroys your, you know, your reproductive system sometimes. And then she's not able to carry due to the breast cancer and she just started a foundation. for women who can't carry that have been survivors of breast cancer to find surrogates. Wow. So you're right. And actually, thank you for saying that because sometimes it's sort of hard to like not feel like, you know, some entitled person in Hollywood so out of touch that like on my soapbox and people are really struggling financially. And so I, it's all I want to do.

I really just, I would love it if every person who wanted to be a parent had every option available to them. And it would be even better if there were ways in which they could afford the ones that were more expensive. And that's the other thing, too, with adoption is that I've had a lot of friends go through adoption and it is not an inexpensive venture. And there's a lot of heartbreak involved and a lot of failed journeys, if you will. So even that is something that I felt that was one of the reactive things that I wanted to do on Instagram when people were commenting like, you should be adopting.

You know, I wanted to tell like the stories of the women that I know who've gone through some pretty terrible times with that. But it's like, again, it's so I have worked on that a lot to really have restraint and just allow people to feel the way they feel. It doesn't affect me and just sort of move on and hope at one point in their lives they, they are. enlightened, but most of the time they probably won't be. Right. Do you want to do it again? Do you want more kids? Well, I do want more kids. We always said we wanted to. But I'm in this place right now where I'm really loving being with my son and he obviously is only eight months old, but I could absolutely see myself just having him. Like I just, I just,

there's something really special about only children. I have a lot of friends in my life who are only children and their relationship with their parents is so beautiful. And this is, of course, generalizing. But every single only child in my life that I know has a closer relationship with their parents. It's just, I don't know. They get a bad rap, but I want that with my kids. It'd be so great if my son wants to, like, go on vacation with me as an adult. Because I'm not doing that with my parents, but my only children friends are doing that with theirs. So, you know, there's, I think there's like no wrong or right way. I would be surprised if we went through it again, but I don't know. Who knows? Yeah. Like so hard to decide. I can speak to that having just my daughter

and myself. Yeah. That I always was like, no, she needs a sibling. Like I only children and that same thing, the stigma that comes with that. Yeah. But we are so close. She's my best friend. Yeah. And the relationship we have is so awesome and special. And I'm like accepting, you know, I'm 41. So I'm like, okay, I'm accepting like my one kid, but we have such an awesome thing going. So it helps me, even though I always wanted more, I'm really appreciating what we do have. And it is unique, you know, and I love that you said that because I think it's true. I never thought of it like that. It's very, it's very true. The only children that I know are also females. So it's their relationship with their mother. especially is so incredible. It's really similar to what I have with my sister. I, my sister's my

person. I call her, you know, five times a day. She's who I turn to. I can't imagine my life without her, but then I do know that having my sister did create less of a bond. I mean, I love my mom and we're so bonded, but if my sister wasn't there, I think that I would have that with my mom. And that's exactly the kind of relationship that my, my girlfriends who don't have siblings have with their mom. It's just, I don't know. I think it's so interesting. Yeah. And you also hear a lot, too, like, I remember hearing this when I had Elliott, my first son, people would be like, oh, you need to have a second so they have someone, you know? And I always thought, okay, like that makes sense. Sure, that's not why we had a second. We had a second because we wanted

a second. But now my son, when he goes to sleep, he's seven years old, and he shares with me each night, worries about his brother. And I hope he talks because of this. And I hope when he's older. I mean, he's sitting there figuring out how he's going to live with. And I'm like, dude, he's stressing him out. You know? And like, you hear like, oh, okay, well, you do it for them. And I'm like, I almost feel like, like what you're saying, like, you really don't need to do it for them because you never know No. What it's going to do to them. And I'm not saying I have, I mean, zero, zero, zero regrets.

I'm obsessed with my youngest. But I do see the effect it has on Elliott and really kind of. Well, you have a unique situation as well. I do have a unique situation because my little ones got different needs. But you never know what you're going to get when you have another kid. Right. No, it's been true. Do you know what I mean?

Like there's no guarantees in this life. And it's like, everyone should do what feels right for them. Mm-hmm. No, it's true. That's the thing, too, that you just don't even know, you can't guarantee that they're going to be best friends. No. I have so many people in my life who are, who, they never get along,

have never gotten along with their sibling. And it only causes them, you know, disappointment and heartache. And it's, it's tough. And I also think, like, another thing with the only children is that everyone's like, what do they, what do, um, they need somebody to like help them take care of you as you get older. You know, it's like having that person. I'm like, well, that's kind of crazy. First of all, how often do you have like every sibling coming and equally and like taking care? It's always, it's always the oldest. Like, I know that my sister's going to be that person. So it's like,

it doesn't matter. And, and I find that my friends who don't have siblings have married or have partners who are incredible. Like it's, you know, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, partner on the podcast, Jack, she's an only child, she's engaged to this wonderful man, Jared. I'm like, he's going to be more helpful as her parent's age than any, like, deadbeat sibling that you can imagine. So she's also chosen somebody who is so loving and is going to be that. And the partner that she needs throughout her life. So there just are no guarantees. And you're right. It's like, whatever feels right is really what's right or whatever happens is kind of meant to be. And how is that with the girls? Like,

You said they've been really understanding and has it changed any dynamics with your show or the tour? What is it like for you now doing that as a mom? You know, to be honest in the beginning, I, and I've talked pretty openly about this, like I was, I was such a bitch. You know, I was such a bitch because I was, well, first of all, before we left for tour. Like, we're business owners. The three of us own, you know, this, this is, we're all equal partners and a lot of work goes into it, not just podcasting. It's, you know, the writing of the book and the planning of the tour and the brand partnerships and all that. Like, we are doing all this leading up to the tour and I have the baby at home and I'm being

spread too thin and I'm not speaking up for myself. And I'm trying to do that thing where I'm like, no one's going to feel the effects of this baby. I'm not going to, you know, punish my partners by being a slacker for having this baby. So I'm going to like not skip a beat. And both of them were, they laughed later. They're like, we were just waiting

for the moment for you to realize that you're a mother now. You know, it's like, we didn't need you to be superhero. You needed to speak up for yourself. I didn't advocate for myself whatsoever leading up. We get on the tour and I am just a raging bitch.

And everything that's asked of me, like I have never been this person. Like, Rachel, I'm sure you've seen it on a set where there's somebody who, always difficult. And that person is asked to put their shoes on. And it's as if you've asked for a body part. The person, it's like, they are so inconvenienced. And yet they're in this position of so much privilege. And you're like, what? It's, I can't wrap my mind around how you can be such an asshole right now. Yeah. Oh yeah. And then I became that person.

I love your honesty. And I was like, everything that was asked me, it was like, like, hey, the sponsor needs you to do this thing. You know, can you come take this picture? Can you come? And I just, I was really not my best self. And I had, you know, I had to, like, have a really tough, like, self-reflection. I had to have my partner. My partners are, they're like sisters to me, and there's an unconditional love and acceptance that we just have over the years of doing this together. And I'm just so grateful because anybody else would have been like, this isn't working. But they just sort of gave me grace and I tried to move on. And when I was having moments, it's like communication is so important and it's like beating a dead horse, but any partnership, whether it's a

relationship or, you know, our business partnership, like I just needed to speak up. I just needed to say my life has completely shifted. My whole priority, like everything is out the window and I'm struggling a lot and I just need a moment. And if I had just done that, it would have been amazing. I've had so many years of therapy, and I still wasn't able to come to that realization until shit hit the fan. And was it them that brought it to your attention? No. What's crazy is they were just going to let me do it. They were just going to let me, because it's been seven years of this business together. And I've always been the person that we don't have the asshole. The three of us just work hard. You know, there's nobody on set who's bitching because we wouldn't be still in this

together if that was the case. So I think because we've had so many years of knowing who I really am and that I didn't just change overnight, there was obviously something that has changed in my life. They just let me go. And then I finally had this moment where I had so much awareness, it hurt. And I was like, oh my God. I am, and it was that, I said that exact same thing. I was like, oh, my God, I'm that person that I hate at work. I am that person that I want to shake and be like, you're an asshole. Nobody's forcing you to do this. You're getting paid to do this. Like a job that eight million other women want you're doing. So shut the fuck up and do your job with some gratitude. Like I had to say that to myself. It was not them,

which I would have probably, if the shoes were on the other foot, I probably would have done it. Said something. Yeah. Totally. That's so, I mean, it's just such a funny, not funny, but like the comparison, you know, just experiencing people like that. But everyone has their moments. Like, yeah. When I'm like really tired or PMSing and I'm like, oh, no, I don't want to. like do another thing. I don't want to post on Instagram. Like I get so annoyed, you know, I'm like, stop telling me what to do. I remember being on the set of Glee and it was like my first season and everybody else was like third and they would come up to us and you know how when they come up and they want to film the behind the scenes. Yes. And they're like, we want to do some BTS and,

you know, they come over and they grab you between like setups and they're like, you've 10 minutes. You come and talk to us. And I would always get like so excited. I'm like, yeah, this is so cool. like, great, I'd love to, like more, whatever. And I would look around and, like, all the people that had been there from the beginning were, like, dodging this person and, like, rolling their eyes. And they were, like, so pissed and they wanted to be left alone. And I remember being like, what is their problem? You know? I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to do this.

And then I get to my third season. And I'm like, okay, I get it. Like, everybody has their limits. Granted, I don't think you should ever be an asshole. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.

Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. There's no excuse. there's absolutely no excuse.

For the amount of money that you get paid to literally stand on the mark and memorize lines is shocking. No, I know. There are so many people on that set that are doing their job and working hard. And like I am always considerate of every single person

involved down to, you know, who the building the sets, like all of it, right? So, and of course you can get grumpy or whatever. And I'm like, oh, another interview or whatever. But you do it. It's your job and you do your job well. And like you have to always have gratitude

and that's something that I've always carried with me throughout everything. But it's like, you've no excuse to be an asshole. Like, you're so privileged to be doing what you're doing and I never lose sight of that. But it's so frustrating to work with people where you see that happen and you're just like, you know. It's hard to understand. It's hard to comprehend. I think it too, like when you brought up entitlement, like you were saying that, you know, you had this fear of like, I don't want to be some entitled person that can have a surrogate or I think the same. same theme comes up with the way you were treating your, um, your girls. And what I think the touchstone to not being entitled is, is gratitude. Right. So we're allowed to have these gifts in life,

whatever they are, whether it's career, whether it's family, whether it's love. Like, and I think so many people nowadays, because so many people are under attack for so many different things that there's almost this like apologeticness that comes with any sort of success, whether it's someone else carrying your baby to having a show. And I think that we really all need to give ourselves space to celebrate what is going good and what is a gift and an honor and a privilege versus feeling entitled. I think the only way we can be entitled is if we act like assholes and we're not grateful, right? That just blew my mind.

You're right. She's a mind blower. You're a mind blower. No, it's so true because I do accept anything, you know, and there's like, if you look at up and down the spectrum of privilege and like just entitlement and whatever it is, it's like, you can always find somebody doing better and you can always find somebody doing worse. And you can always make yourself feel like shit for not being the first. person doing worse, and you can always feel like shit for not being the person that's doing

better. But the thing that really actually solves all of those problems is having the gratitude for what you do have. And when I look at people who have so much, I really don't have any issues with them having so much. Like, you know, people give like the Kardashians such a hard time and they talk so much shit about them. And I'm like, well, I do know for a fact that that Kim Kardashian is one of the most gracious people in person. I've heard that as well. And professionally, and she's, you know, So to me, it's like, she can have the world. She can have, you know, she seems to be a very gracious human being. I don't know about the rest of them, but I do know, you know, Kelty, my other, the other host of our podcast, she was in entertainment journalism for a million years.

And she interviewed every single celebrity you could possibly imagine from Julia Roberts to Kim Kardashian, whatever. And she was like, no, really, like, she will say who's an asshole. Like, she's actually written it in the book. So she's not afraid of that. Good. I can't wait to read it. We will report back. Well, she had an interesting experience with Julia Roberts, but...

Ooh. I could kind of smell that. Love to hear it. But she's like, Kim Kardashian for the 10 years that I've been interviewing her is so incredibly generous and lovely and warm and professional. And you can see who's an asshole in those situations, especially, because they really don't give a shit who they're pissing off. So, yeah.

I mean, every time. I hear, and so now when I hear about her successes, I'm like, that's cool. Great. I'm glad it's not an asshole. But you know what we have to give her credit for is the transparency and how open and honest, you know, and I think she's always very forthcoming. Obviously, you know, they have their reality show and so they show every aspect of their life. And I don't know what's, you know, exaggerated or whatever, but like as a person, she'll just be super honest. And whether you agree with it or not, she's coming with this transparency that you have to respect because you're like, so many people are filtered and so many people in her position are completely filtered and

don't share a lot of things. So you have to respect that. That's how I feel. I do too. I really do. Olivia, your face. No, no. I mean, I don't have any negative feelings to the Kardashians, especially, you know, Kim is dear friends with one of our closest friends, Zoe Winkler. And I know that she's given to her organization. I know that Zoe is an incredible human being. And there's no way she would have maintained this lifelong friendship with someone that didn't have some sort of gold underneath. And I trust that. And I think that it's true. It's like when we can celebrate other people's successes and not make them feel bad about it, because I do see that so often now that people, especially doing this podcast because we talk to a lot of successful people. And there is this almost apologetic,

like they're apologetic for where they're at in life. And I think that we have to stop that. Yeah. Well, men certainly aren't doing it. Men are not doing it. No. Not at all. No, they're not. Well, and I think also, like, I heard so many interesting statistics, like throughout the years of the podcast, you know, just from women who have come on. And statistics of like when women hit a certain point in their salary, their likelihood of donating compared to a man goes up like exponentially. And just, you know, I think that women... Look at Bezos' ex-wife. Oh, my God. Right? Right? Like this is... She's like, I'm billions and billions of dollars. And he's like, here I am on my yacht with my new girlfriend. I'm in space. I'm in space.

I just, yeah, no, it's like, and I do believe in the power of women. Like, I know sometimes we can be horrible to one another. I think the root of being horrible to one another is that we've been pitted against one another for so many centuries. And we've been, you know, kind of treated like, oh, there's one seat at the table, you know, have at it, ladies. And if you can't fight about it, we're going to make fun of you. And we're going to, you know, it's like make a mockery of you. And it's just so fucked up. But I believe that more women in more positions of power and more people,

just with more platforms, we're going to do more good than evil. Like, I just, I firmly believe that there are so few women out there who are going to reach a certain point of success and not reach her hand down to help a woman that's behind her to come up or kick a woman down. It's like, it's so, it's so obvious in like a million different examples that we really are people who, if there's enough space and if we create enough tables on our own, that we really just don't need men ever. Right.

Right. No, we've been talking about this and like, no, I'm sorry, go ahead, Olivia. I was just going to say it's funny because even when we looked at your guys' podcast, listen to your podcast, you have your book coming out, all of that kind of stuff. It's already out, isn't it? Programs, right? My first programmed thing is we're going to take them down, right? Literally.

I love you. Yeah. We're going to take them down. And then the second thought was, okay, how that, that feels negative. that feels toxic, that feels, it doesn't feel right in my body. So then the second thought is, we're going to join them. Yeah. We're going to join them. Like there's enough space. There's enough people that want to hear or see or do. Like it really does take that pause, though, to retrain your thinking and be like, no, we're for each other. We're not against each other.

Yeah, and that's a natural, believe me, I think like just at my core, just being in like the entertainment industry too, you're just extra monstrous. Like when you have any kind of competition, because it's like just we're programmed to be psychopaths. But I, I, what's crazy is like when we started the podcast thing, there were not a lot of other female podcasts out there. Like it was 2015, we were kind of forging our own way. It was really exciting. And then all these female podcasts started to pop up. And, you know, we had the exact same feeling where we're like, no, no, you can't. We're doing really well.

Like you can't possibly create any more competition. But in all these like, you know, panels that I've done and just summits and whatever, it's like, well, one podcast listener listens to on average four to five different podcasts a week. So if you guys have a girl that you've brought on, you know, she's coming on her first podcast that she's ever going to listen to. She's such fans of yours and she's going to listen and she's going to be like, oh my gosh, I love this podcast. She's also most likely going to say, what else is out there? And so by you guys starting your podcast, she might have also found ours and vice versa. So it's having to like know that those things are, that's how men have been doing

this for so long. They're like helping their buddies out and the more the merrier. And it's like, we have to kind of think of this as all of our empires. And we all have like our own little job within the empire, but it's all for the greater good. And it's only going to help us. Right. That's beautiful. And it does make that training, though, to like really, because it's the instinct that comes in from so many years of being programmed. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. To pit, you're pitted against the other woman, right? Constantly. Yeah. Constantly. Like, I had to stop following people on social media that would make me do that. Like my knee jerk was to be like, she's not prettier. She's whatever.

She's this. She's working. Like I had to, I like work on that part of myself. But really admittedly, I just don't want to feel icky. So I just don't look anymore. But I wish I could just kind of evolve even more so to the point where I could be like, she's doing really great. That means I could be doing really great.

I'm not quite there yet. But I really hope to be there. Is that why you don't follow me? It is. Busted. I knew it. I so appreciate that honesty because it's so true. And I think it is so hard to the doom scrolling and all of it and just being like, there's so much happier or whatever.

And like I suffer from that a lot of the time because depression is kind of like a new thing in my life that I've been dealing with. And it's like it's not helpful. But to get to that place where it doesn't bother you. I mean, it takes a lot of work. And, you know, and I appreciate you saying. you know, you're not there yet. Because it's true. It's not easy. And it's not easy being a woman in this world. It's not easy. Being a mom. And I think just having all the transparency is so beautiful and what you guys do with your podcast and that book. Like I'm so excited to finally read it.

Because it's it's all of the things that you do say, or even if you say them to yourself, just putting it out there. And it is like this big group or this huge group of women. And so having other podcasts or whatever it is, it's like there's just more space and opportunity to share. And it's a beautiful thing. Yeah. And we're really craving not feeling that way anymore. Right.

Right. But it takes that moment of recognizing, oh, I feel icky. And maybe it's silencing the stories for a while while you feel what feels icky. And then revisiting it when you've gotten some space from it. I've done that with people. I've had to silence them just because whatever they bring up. And then it's like you take the time. But we always have to remember to actually do something in that time. Yeah. Because it doesn't go away. You click back and let them back in and you feel the same exact way unless you really get to the root of like, what is it being triggered inside of me? Yeah. That's a lot of the work that I do in therapy is like the shadow self. Have you heard of that concept?

Oh, yeah. So, I mean, essentially, like, you can sum it up to any bad feeling you have about somebody else is really just a reflection of something that you really are ashamed of in yourself. So the work that I'm doing is like, this is so deep and weird and woo-woo, but it works for me. But, you know, we all have stuff that we don't feel proud of and all these feelings about ourselves and all these things about ourselves. And what's really amazing is that there's this, like, kind of a fix that I have felt is that, that like I've just been okay with accepting that like humans are not perfect. We're not supposed to be perfect. And so the like, I know it's so cliche and the pursuit to perfection is like everybody's so sick of hearing it.

But I really doing all this work on the, I don't know if this is making sense, on all the stuff that I felt ashamed of and like I hated that I was jealous. I hated that as an actress as a female, I finished a show and every single actress that got a job on another. show after that made me feel like shit about myself. I would cry. I would suddenly have bad feelings about whoever that actress was. She could be a good friend. I was in such a dark, dark, dark place. But I think what I had to do was work on that part of myself that just felt fucking sad. Like, I just had to accept the fact that I'm human and it's okay to feel sad and feel grief and feel loss over something as, you know, inconsequential to most people. people, but it meant something to me. And so anytime I sort of see somebody that's triggering a

bad feeling for me, it's usually something that I have not really accepted in myself, if that makes sense. Of course, it's always it. And I always say our triggers are our gifts. Like, whenever we're triggered, it's showing us exactly what wants to be healed, right? Because you could put 100 people in the room and only two will get triggered by the same thing, right? So it's always independent of what we have that's unheeled or unresolved. And so when we are triggered, that's our gift. It's to be like, wait, what is that? And it's most of the time in our child work. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. So much of that. So much of that. And everything like that is triggering is our lesson. And they're sometimes people and there are lessons.

A lot of people. Oh, yeah. Always. Some are lifelong lessons. A lifelong lessons. I mean, Becca, you're so awesome and just amazing. And thank you for being so open and sharing and all the things you're doing. And I know you have your baby to get back to. Rachel has therapy to get to. I do have therapy to. That's true. I do have therapy.

Good for you. Love it. Couldn't live without it. Nope. We always end our conversations with a game, which is really, really feels. Feels right. What we've been talking about? It just feels right.

Mary, Barry, one-night stand. Are you ready and willing? I'm willing, yes. And able? I am. I don't know if I'm able, but let's try. I always like to call Rob out when he comes up with the people. So Rob solely came up with our options today.

Okay, I love it. Chris Martin, Stanley Tucci, Tay Diggs. Okay. Random Rob. I know, random Rob, Chris, this morning. Okay, all right. I mean, this, I went with my gut. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, you got to go gut. She's like, I want to fuck T-Degs. Obviously, T-Diggs is my one idea. Obviously. I would marry Stanley Tucci. Who wouldn't? Yeah. And unfortunately, I would marry Chris Martin. But.

Okay. No shade. He's just not really like, he's never been my thing. Yeah, that's totally fair. He gives away those pins, you know? Have you said this story? What? No. He carries around with him like these pins, like, you know, the button pin that you can put on a jacket or whatever. Like you collected Disneyland. He carries them around.

I forget what's on them. But he, if he has like a nice interaction with someone, he just, like, gives them a pin. So there's like... It's like very 1950s of him. Like, I pinned you. So there's like all these people around the world who have been given a pin. Chris Martin. And I'm like, that's sort of sweet. But it's like just not, that's, that doesn't give me big dick energy. You know what I mean?

Okay. Yeah, I like that. I don't want to rip that guy. I like that. Yeah. You want to, you want to give him like a scarf or something. I don't know. That's so, I've never heard that. Yeah. I did not know that. That is really interesting to me. Yeah. And a little odd. Yeah. And if you marry Stanley Tucci, you can go eat around the world. Exactly. I mean, that's all I want. Like, take me to Italy.

Give me some homemade pasta. Same. Same. I love him. We're wedded. Well, thank you guys for letting me have verbal diarrhea on your podcast. We love verbal diarrhea. We appreciate it.

We wear your butt anytime. All right. Well, thank you guys. Thank you. And congratulations on your little one and all of your success. And I can't wait to read Lady's Secret. Thank you. Thanks, Becca.

Rob. Hey. Becca cut her hair in a bob, and it looks really cute. Oh, since we spoke to her? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Do you guys hang out? No, but I'm on...

We follow each other on Instagram. You've become an Instagram pro. I am an Instagram. People watching out. You are. She's in Beast mode. You took over our page. I used to be really resistant to it, and now I'm enjoying it. You're good at it.

Thanks. Exercise your talents. Yeah. So this morning, I had to tape an audition. And Beast Mode, Olivia was in the director's chair. But Rob, Rob read with me. It was really funny. But every time we started, because we have to record, Rob would hit the button and go, action. We're rolling. Just so you know that it's running. But like it wasn't necessary.

It was completely necessary. Because when I didn't say actions, you just sat there. That never happened. You never didn't say action. How would you know? Oh my gosh, it was so good. We had to edit everything. And in the front of every day. Well, you guys also did- Olivia, you press the button then so that I can stop saying action. We're like, you don't have to say action. Just stop saying action.

Well, the other thing is you guys didn't know you could edit a video very easily. Well, we did. And trim it off. No, you didn't. Yeah, but it would be really fun if people would. could have watched that because Rachel had to get sexy and steamy. And we made Rob hold the paper with his face. I was never looking at your face. Yeah, it was a hand job. Yeah. Oh my God. Rob had to literally put the pages in front. I was like, do not look at me. Yeah. Not until that camera

goes off to you bring those pages down. But I did the same thing when I was reading it with you. I wouldn't look at you when you say those lines. Yeah. Because then I'd be like, Wait. Are you going to jerk me? Wait, are you going to whip out my wiener? Yeah, like, am I getting my hand? Oh, man. It was fun. It was funny. I have to say. I'm a good director, though, Narnat.

Yes, you're very... Olivia's good at coaching anything in life. I can't wait to see how she does with Elliot's baseball team. Shut up. Olivia signed Elliot up for baseball. He's so mad. Wait, are you coaching the team? I will be shortly, Ralph. What if she was?

No, I signed him up and was really excited for him to start baseball, and it turns out I signed him up in Sacramento. We don't live in Sacramento. It's going to be a far commute that's on Saturdays. He was probably so excited. He was like, no, I don't want to do baseball. Oh. So I asked him, because a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to do like a little part in a movie

and have Elliot do a part and be a kid and say some lines, you know? And I was like, well, I don't know. Let me ask him. Let's see what he says. So I said, Elliot, would you want to do a small little part in a movie? And he's like, what do I have to say? And I was like, you just have to be like, oh, look, mommy. And he's like, yeah, I can do that if you make me a deal.

And I said, what's the deal? And he said that I'm the star of the next one. Elliot's responses to everything in life are amazing. I know. But I'm like, with that attitude, you just might be. It's funny because he hides all of that attitude. Yeah, he does. He's very shy and quiet.

I mean, I know him like that. Yeah, it's like Rob. It's like Rob. He's very similar to you. Yeah, Rob. People would think, oh, he's just like a quiet, nice guy. introvert doesn't talk much. But then you get those

sideways comments that are coming at you when you're in the inner circle. Oh yeah. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Do you do this to Natalie? Do what to Natalie? Do you rob her? Nope. You don't?

Yeah, I probably do. Do you ruffle her feathers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course he does. That's what he does. She seems a little unruffleable. Unruffleable. You know, yeah. I mean, she,

used to it at this point. Rob's pretty unruffleable. Does she serve you? No, not really. I don't think she's got the patience for it. Yeah, she's like, I can't. I can't even be bothered by with you. Rob took a picture of me today,

eating a very large piece of toast, full of ricotta. And jelly. And jelly. That was good. It was all over my face. And he sent it to Olivia. and I, or so he thought.

Accidentally went to my mom and Natalie. He sent a picture of me. Taking a huge bite out of a very thick rioche ricotta toast. I'm sure Natalie's like, I'm really happy that that's what you're doing with your time.

Yep. Well, especially because she asked me if I could watch Benson. I was like, I got to record. Oh, I have to record, Rachel. Taking a big bite of me. Eating. Ricotta toast.

Oh, my God. It was delicious. That's good. It was good. Not going to lie. No. From squirrel. Mm-hmm.

Silver Lake. It's really good, squirrel. It is really good. Olivia, I was going to talk about the brain thing. You can talk about the brain thing. Olivia has a brain thing. Did you forget? No, explain what we're going to do.

So, Jeff. got a brain scan, right? His company works with a company that works with the company. Anyways, he went to this place, Amen Clinic. Amen. Amen. And they scan your brain and they do these tests and then you take tests. And the cool thing, too, is they had me take tests for Jeff, like answer a bunch of questions from my perspective. So they take all of that into consideration when evaluating your brain health. And they were so dead on with issues he struggles with and like all of this kind of stuff, but they were scanning his brain and they could see like bumps in certain areas. And then they can decipher like what those bumps would be from. Like is this head injury, trauma, toxins. Like they were

saying it would present differently if it was like bumps from toxins in molds compared to toxins from alcohol, THC. That was shocking. You haven't done yours yet? No. I'm going to do it. I'm making Rachel do it too. And you. What were we talking about? As I was listening, I was like, Rachel needs to do this brain scan because they were talking about people that all of a sudden in the middle of a conversation will drift often to a daydream. And I was like, Rachel needs to do a brain scan. She has the brain of a hockey player.

Yeah. But then they have like supplements and stuff. I have major head trauma. But that's what I'm saying. I really think you should get a brain scam because you do. I know. And there might be supplements. Like Jeff's going to do hyperbaric oxygen treatment and supplements and like all this stuff.

He needs to go get a sleep test because they're like by the looks of this, you have sleep apnea. Crazy. I've been telling. Like them. Motherfucker. He's got sleep apnea, it sounds like. But I thought people could just snore. I didn't think that was always sleep apnea.

One is like super aggressive. How do you know? Because my dad has sleep apnea. Oh. Does he wear like a seap? Yeah, he's got a seapap machine. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

He still snores. The machine just kind of drones it out. That's fine. He's just losing oxygen to his brain. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you have that, you're like, struggling to breathe. Right.

Dying while he's sleep. Yeah, and they could see like all the areas that are discolored and stuff and have dips and crevices due to lack of blood flow, lack of oxygen, where he would need support, and what would be supportive.

Are you about to say that you can never date someone that had a CPAP machine? No, I was going to say I couldn't sleep in the same bed as someone if they snored loudly. That's what I was going to say from. That is not the same thing. The CPAP drowns it out. That's like even more shallow.

I would like the seat nap. seepap over the... I have said that I wouldn't mind not sharing a bed, even without the snoring. So, no, it's not more shallow. Thank you very much, Rob. I told you statistically, the marriages of people that sleep in separate beds

live longer. Live longer or their marriage lasts longer. They live longer. Because you're getting better quality sleep. Huh. Yep. I believe it. But when I sleep with my kid, I can sleep.

you're not sleeping. You're getting kicked in the head all the time. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's a terrible sleep. Sleeping with kids is the worst sleep ever. If she stays, if she doesn't kick me or wind up on me, then I sleep great on the off chance. But wait a minute, what are your thoughts on the THC thing?

Because that surprised me. He said that when people take CBD, if it's not smoke, it doesn't present bad in the brain, but that THC is actually highly toxic. Only if you smoke it or if you just ingest it in any way. Any form of ingestible THC. Oh, you're fucked. Well, I already knew I was fucked.

That it's really toxic. Well, yeah, that explains so much. And then I said, because he said something about Adderall, and I said, well, isn't Adderall toxic? Right. And he said, if it's at a proper dose, that it's not. So I'm like, so THC is worse than Adderall?

That goes against everything I've ever heard. It depends on if you need Adderall, right? To balance your chemical. If there's an actual chemical. Right. So if you're needed for. Oh, yeah. He was like, let me be clear on, you know, whatever.

But it's hard to believe. I don't want to misquote anyone. Right. Yeah. But what I heard was that THC alcohol, super toxic to the brain, that like you can take these NHL players, have a damage brain. take them off of booze, THC, give them supplements, and treat them with, like, oxygen therapy

and all this stuff, and that they actually present different on the scans. That's so crazy. Yeah. I find it fascinating. And now I want to do all the things to see. He also said, we need to be eating 12 vegetables a day. Do you don't need 12 vegetables a day? 12 servings of vegetables a day?

Yeah, you don't. You don't either. I definitely don't. How many vegetables do you eat a day? I don't. I got to give my kid more vegetables. You don't eat vegetables? I mean, there's days where I don't eat any.

Sure. Yeah. Right? Yeah. We need to be eating at least five to six servings of vegetables a day. I don't think I eat five to six servings of anything in a day. Yeah, you do. Maru. Maha-Ru-Machau.

Two. But you do double, so four. And that we should only have 100 milligrams. of caffeine, which is only one cup of coffee. Well, I only have one cup in the morning, usually. I'm a little scared to do it because I know. There's going to be so much wrong with my brain. It's going to be a black kid.

It's also how I feel like, because I've gotten so ragey, like PMS ragey, and I'm like, I have to check my hormones. Like something's wrong. But my friend, I was talking to my friend, and she's like, yeah, no, it's gotten so bad. So I got my hormones check. She's like, well, they're perfectly fine. So now I have no explanation. So I'm like, well, shit, do I want to actually have them checked?

I don't think your brain's going to be fine. No, my brain's not going to be fine. No, it's not because he was describing things and I was like, that's Rachel's brain. You know? But the good news in that to me is like if they find things, that means that there's solutions. She's reading her phone. No, I'm not. She's doing the little squirrel brain.

There's nothing on my phone. I was looking. My daughter's face caught my eye and it was like, that's so cute. I was not. I'm listening, though. We're going to have to get one of those boxes for phones for Rachel to put her on my phone. You guys, I'm not on my phone. I'm going to be like Dave Chappelle. When you talk to me, you have to lock up your phone.

In a little pouch. I watched a little bit of SNL this weekend. How was it? Who was hosting? It was Amy Schumer. There was like a funny little part about like a support group for people that have really big dicks. That's definitely a nod. That's a result of this show. Duff. You're welcome, Estinnell. Well, Rachel should be saying you're welcome. Okay, okay, moving on. Any hoosies?

Any hosies? What did you do this weekend, Rachel? What did I do this weekend? Jump, jump. Everybody gonna... Breyer had a trampoline party at the epicenter of COVID. It was terrifying. No, it was just so crowded.

We literally saw a kid. It wasn't part of our party. Yeah. Were you there when this happened, Rob? The kid that died? No. No. This kid, like, tripped and fell, but not on the padded part, like on the hard surface. Face first, smashed his nose. It was all. Like, you heard it? Oh, my God. It was brutal.

Was that where you were making them go find their parents? I saw you doing that. I didn't make him. I took him to go find his parents. Because he wouldn't talk to Jeff. He wouldn't talk to Jeff. And I couldn't tell if he had a concussion and he didn't know his name or if he wasn't saying it because he didn't feel safe. But he wouldn't tell Jeff his name, but he told me his name. So, you do the math. His nose didn't look good. His nose looked super broken. Yeah.

Can we talk about the other thing that happened? What? Whether there wasn't enough pizza for the adults? No, no. No one. He didn't save that little girl. Ruby? Ruby.

A little girl got scared. And like a superhero, he just scaled that wall. That's right. Well, you know. He's got special powers. We know this. Daddy to their rescue. All of the moms were.

of like drooling over. Were they? One that happened. I missed that. Rob notices. Yeah. Rob was drooling. I was rock hard.

Oh. There he is. Oh my God. Oh, yeah. So anyway, trampoline. That was a shit show. I don't ever want to go there again. Yeah.

I don't think Calvin's a lot of trampoline parks anymore. Here's my question. question to you, Rob. Did you feel like there should have been more pizza? I didn't care. Oh, good. See? Rachel? It was, you guys, we were at a trampoline park. They had dominoes and we ordered dominoes for the kids and cupcakes, but there's also fruit and veggies. Yeah. I think ideally there would have been like a kids food section and a parents food section. Well, I wanted to do that and then... I'm not saying you should have done it. I'm just saying it was awkward for parents. It would be like... Hold on. I'm gonna go get pizza. Hold on. Hayden supplied nachos and corn dogs and all was saved.

Once again, Superhero. Saved the day. Saved the day. Okay. Okay. Okay. Did you eat a corn dog?

I didn't eat anything at the party. I didn't eat. Did you? No. You didn't need anything. No. Calvin had a cantaloupe, watermelon, carrots, and a cupcake. He didn't have pizza?

He doesn't eat cheese. Oh, he doesn't eat cheese. Why? He doesn't like the texture of it. Is he okay? Vincent already eats cheese, so. Of course he does. That's so interesting. I've gotten him to eat like Parmesan.

He likes fancy cheese only. Of course. Of course. Calvin's outfits, too. He picked it out. He's fly. He comes up fresh, dude. He's so fucking cute, that kid.

And he's so sweet. So sweet. He's so sweet and like soft-spoken. What did you say? He says it really fast and like... On Halloween, someone did a magic trick for him, so he was going around trying to do it and was whispering into people's ears how to do the trick. For like two minutes, he was whispering the sight. And then it was just a stupid hat trick. Did he do it? He did it, yeah. Were people amazed? Yeah. We should go to the magic.

Castle. That's very fun. Don't you have to be a member? I've been though. You have to be famous. Well, maybe we could ask one of our guests that we have on the show to get us there. Yeah. I'm sure Rob knows somebody. Yeah. Rob likes famous people. Love some. He loves going to coffee with them. He really does. He's like, I have a coffee meeting. I mean, gonna go to coffee. Who did a coffee meeting with Rob? I was getting coffee with something. You said I have a coffee meeting. Well, it's kind of didn't want to have to reschedule because they already moved it earlier for you. Early. What do you mean? I moved

my schedule around because you weren't available. You didn't tell me you were doing that, though. You said Tuesday, I'm cleaning this out. So I said, all right, I'll see if I can move my coffee. You didn't say I'll see if I can move anything. You did? Absolutely. Anyways, all is well.

We're here. I like getting coffee. You like getting matcha. Masha, yes. Only at Maru. Only a morrow. Snobby. How many a day? Two or three.

Two. Sometimes three. Three will make me feel sick if I have to watch. Really? Because it's strong matcha. Hmm. Have you tried that matcha I got you? No, because you don't want to make it for yourself.

Have you noticed the guy's face that works at Maru that has like the most beautiful face? Is there a beautiful face? Do you know who I'm talking about? No. Well, maybe. But I was... Are you rock hard? Yeah.

Yesterday I was talking about it. where, so I've been going there for like two and a half, three years since we moved over there. And they all know my name and they know what I order. Yeah. But I don't know any of their name. How old? Why haven't you asked them? We're going to go with you and we're going to be like, hey, you get any drinks all the day.

What's your name? Well, it's because I didn't ask the first, because they just to be nice, they like have to. Well, they take your name for your drink. I get it. But I've never been, I've never been like, what? What's your name? Why? Because there's always a long line of people.

I don't like to do little chit-chat. You need to just do it. I know you're not an extrovert in that way, but you need to literally be like, look, I feel really bad. Like, you obviously know my name. You know my order. I know you. I feel weird that I never asked for your name. Yeah.

What is it? It makes people feel special when you remember their name. Well, I was going to say, the last like two, three weeks I've started learning their name. Oh, good. But it was this weird. someone to say it? Well, I, I, the man while I was there walked up and said the same exact thing and was like, I don't know if your guy's names. I come here every day. She just wrote on someone else's saddle. Well, and there were other ones that I heard here and there and I remember. Okay.

I almost sent my friend Nina in there who's a modeling agent that I'm really close with because the guy's so beautiful. And I said it to his face. Is it the blonde hair guy? No, he has brown hair. He has brown hair and He asked. I was like, you have an extraordinarily beautiful face. And he was so kind. And I want him to show it to the world. He's probably trying to. Well, this is a public service announcement for any big modeling agent.

He looks like he's just really pretty. Was he there when I was there? No. Okay. Is he this guy? Rob has sent me a purple picture. where I can't... Photo.

Yeah. Look at that face. Let me see. But, I mean, it's like purple in that picture. You see, you can't really... It's his band photo. But he has like a... It's just like a really unique, unicornish type.

Yeah, it's got very... Features are very striking. Very striking. But when I told him, he didn't act like, oh, yeah, I know. I hear it all the time. He gets... He, I think he does get hit on all the time there.

Of course he does. He's beautiful. I wasn't. hitting on him. I was like the old lady that's like, darling, you're beautiful. That base. Look at his base. I feel so, okay, here's one last thing. I feel so old. I was at a dinner last week and like, you know how I have social anxiety. Like, I don't like going somewhere by myself. Like, I was really nervous. I didn't have a plus one. She's very, you're very hermody. I am very hermody. And so I went to this dinner and the way it was set up was.

like tiny two tops like separate all in the room so I basically was set up on a blind date no it was just like me and another person like I think that's better yeah I was gonna say would you prefer that or a table of six people

and you have to like butt into conversation yeah that sounds much worse is it worse well I will say it turned out to be the best blind date I've ever been on but my point is so it was that actress Kiernan

Shipka you know what she is? Yeah, from Mad Men and... A lot of things. Oh, that's who you are with. Yeah. I love her. Yeah, no, no, I have to tell you guys.

I first thought you meant Karen Colkin. No, no. That's what I said that when she said. No, Karen, no. She could not have been lovelier. I fucking love her. She's 22. She's turning 23 soon.

She was telling me about her birthday party. Like, she's the cutest, most amazing. And I'm like, these. kids these days. Like I felt so old. Then two other youngans came up to me. I felt like granny at the party. Like 100%. Like your said. You looked like it.

I looked like granny at the party. You look gorgeous. Christina Ricci was the other young one. Christina Ricci was my fellow mother sitting next to me. We were having our mom talk. She was great too. I mean, it was a great group. And it taught me that it's okay. You just go and it's all going to be okay. It is.

Sometimes. times. All the time, Rob. We're going to get... Yeah. But then these two young, lovely girls came... Lovely.

Everyone's lovely. Exactly. That's what happens when you get old. Everyone's like, well, lovely and darling. So we wound up having like the most loveliest

blind date ever, and it taught me that it's okay. And you know what? You just ask people questions. Yeah. You know? Just keep it. Like, and it was totally...

I had a lovely night. Lovely. Did you get her number? I did. We even exchanged numbers. I would call it a first date success. Is she coming on the podcast? Are you guys going on a second date?

I will message her soon. I love that. You know, I was somewhere recently where I felt uncomfortable for the first time in a long time. The pumpkin catch? Was the pumpkin catch? With Rob. That would be amazing. I was like, it was with Rob and his family.

No, it was my friend Libby's birthday. Oh. And it was just like 13 women and I didn't know any of them. And they all seemed to know each other and do stuff with each other. I put it in your head. Well, Libby wasn't there yet. Got it. It's the thing.

Like everyone came early to like help set up for the dinner and then she wasn't there for like an hour and I was sitting there. And this woman sat down and started talking to me. And then at the end of the night she's like, I sat down because I could feel you seemed shy or uncomfortable. and I just wanted to make sure you felt okay. But it was weird for me to be that person because I don't normally feel that way. And I was like, oh, this is kind of awkward and uncomfortable. By the end of the night, we were all like, you know, breastfeeding each other. We were all 69ing.

It was fine. Yeah, but so you just always feel. I experienced that and I was like really uncomfortable. Wow. Welcome to our lives. I thought of you guys. I was like, oh, this doesn't feel good. But then, you know, it always ends up being okay.

Just give it a moment. Yeah. But you know, it was different for me in that time. Normally I insert myself and we'll just like, start talking to people and stuff. But I didn't feel called to. And instead of like pushing myself to, I was like, it's okay to just sit here. Like, I don't have to like effort. You know what?

It's so true because at first at the beginning of the dinner party, like they're remote. Like I was just standing there by myself. I didn't pull out my phone. Right. You know, I just was like, you know, I did. You were texting us a lot. I was not, shut up, Rob. I, I, so they had a special drink and I'm not a drinker and I was like, all right, I'll have a drink.

And I thought they said it's a paper plate. So I was like, oh, paper plate. Like, the best drink ever, you know. It was actually really good. She was saying that to herself. I was saying it to myself. I was talking to my friend. I was like, I heard the best drink.

Have you ever heard of a paper plate? And they were like. This girl in the course. You're like, you mean a paper plane? Oh, that's like a thing? Yes, it's a drink. So the whole night, and I planned on taking it on the road and ordering the drink again. I was calling it a paper plate.

What was it? So I think it's usually bourbon, but they did it with socky that night. But it's like lemon juice and like apirol and like, I don't know, it was delicious. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Say more. Yeah.

Say it slower. But anyway, it's not a paper plate. It's a paper plane. Yeah, but I think that's cool to just like not force yourself. I'm done efforting. Yeah. Well, we do a lot of efforting in what we do. Yeah.

You know what I mean? That like when you go places. Yeah. I'm going to stand in order a paper plate and I'm going to stand there quietly by myself. Well, you just have a paper plate. Yeah. Yeah. That was a new real.

We both had the same thing in the same week. We did. But it's weird too because then I, the week before I was with a bunch of people I didn't know on a trip. And you thrived. Thrived. But then I'm like so. But you had a friend with you. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, so I was like it was like a little security blanket. So I felt safe to, you know, join. And not like I wouldn't at Libby's house. She's one of my dearest. But it just. Yeah. I didn't know them.

Yeah. Yep. So interesting. And they're all very spiritual. Mm. You know? Yeah. Well, today was lovely. And darling?

Lovely and darling. You know who's lovely and darling is Becca? And I do like her new Bob. I think it's really cute. I have to look at it. It's cute. You started a trend. I think Nicole started the trend.

Nicole started a trend. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks, guys. It's been real. I'm going to go order a paper plate. That was a headgum podcast.