Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Bobby Lee on Dick Rumors, X-Men, and Overcoming Fear

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

Bobby Lee talks with Olivia, Rob and Rachel about the internet wrongfully thinking he has a small dick, weird dates, and being asked for advice because he looks like he has things to say. They also discuss judging people based on looks, jealousy, and cancel culture.Broad Ideas is supported by Talkspace. Get $80 off your first month at Talkspace.com/IDEAS.Broad Ideas is supported by Zocdoc. Go to Zocdoc.com/IDEAS and download the Zocdoc app for free, then find and book a top-rated doctor today.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Broad Ideas.

Hey. Hello. Hello. Hi. We've got our first returning guest today. What, who. We do have our first returning guest, and what a guest it is, might I add, our beloved Bobby Lee. Now, I just want to say that we recorded this pre-sag after a strike.

So whatever's talked about, it was before the strike. Correct? Correct. Yeah, I don't think we talked about anything. that would even... I mean, I don't have any work going on, so I'm good. I don't know about Bobby, but...

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We got a big synchronicity coming up. Bobby talked a lot about his role on sex in the city. Ah, yes. Stay tuned for post episode. Did he say sex in the city? I don't know.

I still don't know which one it is. It's sex and the city. I think that's what I said. Sex and the city. That's what I said. Right, so we did talk about. Yeah, a little bit. But that was before the strike. Bobby Lee, obviously, he's a comedian. He's an actor. He's a podcaster. You can listen to Bobby's podcast, Tiger Belly, and his one with Andrew Santino, bad friends, wherever you get your podcasts. And we just really love our Bobby Lee. We're so happy he came back to talk with us. So let's get into it.

as we take a little ride We'll talk about dogs and kids and things We'll talk about chicks And tampon strings We'll talk about boys Because people die Do you watch the X-Men? Why would you, you don't know it?

Let me ask you something I want to ask you some questions Why would you do a podcast? Let me ask you guys something Okay, name me five X-Men Iceman Okay, there's the one that's all in all blue, The female.

Wolverine. Yes. Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing. Um. The all blue. I'll give you all blue. All blue. Yeah. What's her name? Mystique. Mistique. Okay. Well, I just, okay. So that's two. I knew. He just answered it. Give it a shot.

Yeah. An X-Men? I don't have one. What? X-Men. No, I've never seen it. Do you know what it is? I know it's my husband's screensaver on his phone, which is really weird. What? And you should know then if it's on his screensaber. He's trying to get his body ripped.

like Captain America isn't part of X-Men. Say Gambit. Gambit. Well, you can't say, you know, you can't give her a gambit because you're not in the game. You're not playing.

All right. Right, so Mystique and Wolverine and that's all you know. I got two. That's very good. Olivia, you lose. I lose. Yeah, yeah.

I know. I know. Okay, how about this? I know others. Things. Okay, name me five Avengers. Sandwiches. Okay.

Iron Man. Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing. Avengers, Lou, you got this. Okay. Black Widow. Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing. Okay. Your time, Rachel.

Shit. I got, okay. You said Iron Man? I said Iron Man. I'll give you hints. What's the big green guy? Oh, Hulk. Hulk?

He's an Avenger? Yeah. The web guy. Spider-Man's an Avenger? I was going to say Spider-Man, but I wasn't sure he was an Avenger. Just throw it out there. You're not going to lose anything. One more.

Batman is not an Avenger. Completely different universe, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. He's a superhero. Oh, no, ask me questions. Okay.

About stuff that I might not know about. What are the four characters from Sex and the City? He knows that. He was in Sex and the City. Go ahead, Bobby. Okay, we have Jessica Parker's character. What's her name? Her name is, give me the first initial.

C. Connie. Oh my God. It's so funny. Carrie. You know it's so funny? When I'm on that show, I always say, and they get so mad at me. I say Connie.

Because you know what? I just don't know, right? And then they'll just, they'll laugh. But then it gets a point where they're like offended by it. I don't know Carrie Bradshaw. Once you said Carrie, I know the last name. He got the little thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, I lost that game. You lost that game. Yeah. What about four? Four ways women can, what four different things women use for not ovulating for their period? Four? Four.

Yeah. Four. Yep. Can I just, I'm going to make stuff up. Okay. Before tampons. Yeah. Tampons.

Pass. Yes. Right? Yep. But I bet you back in the day in the caveman days, they used their hand. Like they just walked around with. They're like, oh, that's one. Yeah, yeah.

Because, you know, I've had diarrhea before and I've cupped this one. and I've cupped my back. You've held your diarrhea in your hand? Well, I just cup it just in case. It doesn't see how out, but I'm just saying. So is cupping one? Cupping in. There are cups.

Not your hand, but there's an actual cup. There's a cup. Okay, so that's three then? That's three. I need one more. Yeah. Stitches? Did they never stitch it?

Just doing that time of the money. You do after giving birth. Yeah, yeah. Okay. What's the fourth one? I don't know. Period. I was going to say, are you thinking period underwear?

Obviously. Yeah. You're a fan? Period. No, I don't even know what they look like. Are they thicker? Yeah. They have a thicker part just like that covers your vaginal region.

Wow. Can I ask you ladies a question? Always. Yeah. I mean, you know, you guys are older now. When does that stop? That party. The period?

Yeah. When does the period part start? The period party? It depends. It's different for everyone. Has your stopped? No. It's still going?

I'm going strong. It's like a rave. Fertile. It's like a fucking period party rave. Yeah. How about you, Olivia? Is that personal or? No, it's still going.

Okay, good. No, it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's still going. But at 50, I don't know. I think it's like in your 50s is more common. Bobby, did you think I was 50? No. You guys are young, viral women.

Young viral women. I don't know, is it viral even the right word, but, um. Fertile. Yeah, I just don't know the age. So, you know, you know, you know, You guys are your 40s, though, no? Yeah. Yeah, we are.

So does it stop in your, does some women... It can stop in your 40s? Okay. I'm 41. I'm low 40. I know. I'm not... I know.

It's like a... No, but with Bobby, once you hit 40, you don't exist to him if you're a few people. He wouldn't date us. He wouldn't date us. He said so. Oh, 30. Sorry. That's insane.

You never existed. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, so, all right, so 40 is very young. And I've seen girls in. their 40s? I find them very attractive. What? You find them attractive? You've seen them. I love them. I love them. We want to know what's been going on. Yeah, we need to know. Well, can you do a proper intro or you don't do that anymore? No, we don't do that. You don't need an intro. You're a permanent fixture here. Okay. Are you promoting something you want to talk about? No, I have nothing going on

at all. Um, what are you asking me? I'm asking, well, last time you were here, we got really into, like, your dating situation. And what did I say? You were sharing some of the things being sent to you. You had just broken up with Kalila. And I hadn't seen anybody at that point. You were about to see the girl in Vegas. Who sent you? Yeah, you went to Vegas. She ghosted me.

Uh-uh. I flew all the way over there. Well, then why? Is it after or before? I mean, I don't fucking know. I think it was just happening. And you thought she was going to ghost you. So I flew all the way to Vegas.

Oh, yeah. She hadn't responded. Yeah. So, okay, check it out. This girl on Instagram sends me, not dude, but like photos in her underwear and bent over, you know what I see? You know what I see? You know what I have eyes?

I'm like, I like, I like, right? And so then, so my friend Gene, my friend Gene goes, he's a producer. He's my friend too? Yeah. This is a different Gene. What Jean? Gene home.

No, it's Gene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why'd you raise your hand? I don't know. So Gene goes, I've got a hook up at one of the hotels. So he gets me the suite. And it's one of those suites where it's like they, you know, I guess rock stars get it when they have a party.

So it's like half of the fucking casino, like the floor. Right? There's bedrooms. There's a living. There's a whole thing. I go, this is great. So we have dinner with this girl.

And then I go, you want to come up? She was not really. I go, well, Jean will be there too to make her feel uncomfortable. And so she stays up there for maybe 20 minutes. She goes, I got to go. and she leaves, and now I'm stuck in this gigantic apartment apartment by myself all night long. And I'm just sitting there in my underwear.

I got like room service, like egg rolls or something. I was in my, and I literally was eating egg rolls and I burst into the tears. You cry? Yeah, I burst in the tears. Because I felt like I was lovable. Not a lovable, not sexual anymore to the opposite sex. You're so sexual.

left after 20 minutes? It hurt me so badly, but then... Who's your first phone call when that happened? To God. He's like my ex. Yeah, your ex, yeah. You know, for me, it's like, there's a rumor out there

that I have a small penis. You started it. I think I did, maybe, but I think that the internet thinks I have a small penis and it hurts me because it's so average. I have such medium-dig energy.

I really do. But people think that, you know, because you see Ken Jung in that hangover, I love Ken. Yeah. But, you know, it showed his penis, you know, right? And people think that that's how we rock it. I can't picture his penis. I didn't know he shows it. You probably close your eyes or something.

Or maybe you couldn't see it. Right. But it's like, you know, imagine, imagine if you had a reputation. Yeah. That you had a loose vaj. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? That would hurt.

It's like the bat cave. Cars coming out of it. You know what I mean? Oh, whatever, you know? And that was a rumor, you know, it would be difficult for you, you know. It would hurt you, I think, right? Olivia, if you, they said that you're like, you're, yeah, Olivia's vagina's like the Grand Canyon.

You get lost in it. What? It would hurt. That would hurt. That would hurt, right? So I just want to put it out there that I have a medium dick energy. Okay. All right.

I want to change. I want to rebrand. As what? As medium. Oh, I want to rebrand. I'm rebranding my shit. Okay. All right.

So I'm just throwing that out. Is that weird to do? No, I think it's important to do. Can I tell you something, though? Yeah, so you actually have big dick energy. And here's the thing that people behind it's true. You're welcome. I appreciate it.

Because I think the energy isn't. You have tight vagina energy. I did. You guys just throw that all the time. Yeah, yeah, very tight vagina energy. Yeah, go ahead. But behind your back, people do talk a lot about you saying how attractive you are. And I think it is a big dick energy, regardless of.

of the actual anatomy of your... A lot of people. Oh, man. I know what you're trying to do. Thank you so much. I think you're lying, but thank you so much. I swear on my life. What?

You swear on your life. I swear on my life. Oh, that's really nice. Women love you. But you know what, guys, it doesn't... At the end of the day, you know, it doesn't make me who I am, and I'm just happy to be here with you.

You know, I don't want to... You know, at the end of the day, it's like, you know, as a young man, sex is very important. Yeah. Right? How old are you? 35.

It's still very important to you, right? You're killing it. I'm married with two kids, but I'm a machine. You're a machine, right? My point is, as you get older, it just becomes third or fourth on the list. Maybe fifth sometimes. Really?

Oh, yeah. Huh. Right now, my PlayStation's above it. Oh. My place is a strong second. You know, me? Sobriety goes up there. Yeah.

Yes. my parent, my mom, I mean, my dad's dead. But my point is that as you get older, you know, I mean, you, it just doesn't be, it's not that important. You know what I mean? There's only so, like how many miles I would go for hooking up. How many? Well, as a young man, I would travel probably to drive to New York from L.A. From L.A., I would drive, right?

Yeah. Here, maybe to Venice. Oh, you're going. to the west side? I mean, and that's... That takes a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot.

Almost New York. Right. It's a lot of traffic, but not on a Friday at 5. Nothing's worth a Friday at 5. 2 in the morning, I know how to get there quick. Right? But Friday at 5, there's no way. No way.

Yeah, but before I would be like, I would... Yeah, you'd drive to Vegas. I could fly on it. I would go to Paris. You go to Paris. Why not? Yeah. Is that you re-prioritizing what you want a relationship,

or sex just doesn't mean... It just doesn't mean as much to my body, I don't think, and my desire. Is it because, like, you can please yourself on your own? Is that part of it? No. No, I think it might be broken. I mean, I should go to the hospital, maybe. But I think it has to do with, you know, where I'm at my life, I guess, you know.

Yeah. I'm not diving into anything right now. What is it like for you dating now sober? Well, I mean, you know, anything's sober. You can't. you can't manipulate your way into it. You have to be upfront and honest. And I'm, yeah, because you can't cheat when you're sober.

You can't do anything that's going to spiral you into relapse. And dishonesty and that kind of living spirals you into relapse. So it's like, for me, I have to be very mindful about, you know, if I am I being. Also, you know, we live in an age where, you know, people, get in trouble, right? So I have to be very, I'm very mindful about my taxes. I'm very mindful about what I say to people. So it's, you know, that's it's it's like, it's like, it also you can, it's so funny, I can, I can sense it at a first date anyway. Sent what? Because, you know, I've had a couple of dates where it's like, and this is going to make you mad, maybe, but I met this girl and I

took it to a nice restaurant. And then, you know, I, obviously, I pay for every day. And, you know, I, obviously I pay for every dinner. And then in two days later, she goes, can you take me out again to a nice restaurant? But can I bring my friend? No, no. I picked her up and she got, and her friend was with her.

Shouldn't even tell you? No. And they had also moved here together from a different city, right? So then at dinner, I realized, oh, they just want free meals because they don't have, they're poor. Uh-huh.

Right? And I just cut it out after that. But that's, you know. What did they order? Caviar. I mean, everything that the most, you know. Expensive. Where'd you take them?

Nice places. Why? Like, like, I don't remember which one maestro. I go to nice steakhouses, right? Yeah. But it's always, you know, when the price says, um, market. Market. Yep.

We want market. They don't even know what it is. We just want the market, right? And one truffles on every day. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, yeah. And it's the kind of places where they take the truffle. Oh, and they shave it.

They shave it. I love when that happens. Yeah. You know what? I want the whole, what happens if you bite in the whole thing? To a truffle? Yeah.

Too much flavor. And then it explodes? Really? And is it true that only pigs can find it? There's dogs that can find it as well. There's dog truffles? There are dog truffles. Where they can find it?

There's dogs that have been trained to find. Whoa. Yeah. You can't, if I can't go, I'm just sorry. But I'm just curious. I can't one day go, you know what? I want to be a true. Truffle farmer and just grow truffle.

No, you can. I don't think you can. You have to be in a certain area with certain, you know. Richel, I feel like you don't know. I really do know. I don't know. Have you seen the movie pig with Nicholas Cage? No.

Is that what it's about? He's got a truffle pig. Really? Someone kidnapped. Well, you can make a lot of money. So they haven't really figured out how to do it in North America. There's a place like in Ontario that maybe thinks they have, but it's mainly Italy, right?

It has to be a certain type of environment. Yeah. So I'm saying she's flexing. What butter? Cave butter. What's cave butter? I went to Major Domo. Yeah.

And I go, can I, I forgot what a, oh yeah, it was. The cultured butter. Isn't that what they have at Major Domo? Excuse me? Your tone right now, dude? It's just the way you're talking to me, dude. That's a question. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's no love in it. I'm sorry. Right, right. Find some love in your heart. So I went to Major Domo and I noticed, I go, this butter is different. And they go, I know the cave that we usually grow our butter. I don't know what it.

I don't know. Maybe that grow, but the cave butter, that place shut down. We're trying to find a new cave butter place. I don't know. I don't know. I'm like we need to Google cave butter. Rob's on it. Any of Rob, yeah, Gabe butter it.

But I'm just saying, but in my mind, I'm like, oh, I could have like a truffle, a truffle cave butter combo kind of a business or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Just racking the dough. Broad Ideas is supported by Talkspace. Do you think seeing a therapist or psychiatrist would be helpful, but you don't have the time to actually find one and meet with them or afford them? Try Talkspace.

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And there was no... Where did they move from? Do you know? Florida. Florida? In their 20s. And they're... That's why.

And actresses, obviously. Actresses? Yeah, yeah. Okay. And then I was being kind of a dick when I realized, you know what I mean? What did you do? It's not, it was always thinking. Ah, okay.

Like, every time they would say something in my mind, I go, you're never going to make it. You're just never going to make it. You're just never going to make it. You don't have it. You know what you're going to make it. It's a brutal town. You don't have what it takes. You know what I mean?

But everything, you know what I mean? My vibe was like that. I wouldn't say it out loud. It would break their hearts. And who knows? I don't know. They could make it. Nope.

You know how hardy is? I sure do. So anyway, I've had some strange dates. Yeah. And I can sense it. You know, I can sense what's going on. It doesn't hurt me. I'm just, you know, I'm turning into Pet Marita,

Mr. Miyagi. You know what I mean? And so it's like, you know, I don't know if the ladies like that look, but that's what I'm growing into. And I'm okay with it. Well, I would say that that's a popular. People like Mr. Miyagi? Yeah. Wait, you would say what?

Be honest. Yeah, Mr. Miyagi is popular. No, no. Sexy, though. Yes. No, he's not. You're going to wax on? Are you going to wax off?

There you go. Right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm waxing off right now, man, I think. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I think when you're relaxing off. But here's why I know this. What?

I have no knowledge about anything, but people come to me for wisdom. Yeah. That's how I know they think that I'm Mr. Miyagi. They'll show up the club and go, hey, I'm going through a problem. And I want to go, just because I look like this, doesn't mean I know what I'm fucking talking about. It's like a white skinny man with long hair and a beard. It doesn't necessarily look like Jesus, but doesn't necessarily. Right, but I'm like, people think that I'm like, because I'm Asian,

because I'm kind of roly-poly, right? And because they think that I'm like, you know, Buddha-esque, right? That I have wisdom and I have no wisdom. I don't think it's that, though. I mean, you give off. Yeah, you give off on your show that you're open and vulnerable. That doesn't mean that I have wisdom. I'm vulnerable.

Yeah. But I ask, you know, I have people that I go to. I have wise people I go to. Yeah, but that's wise. anyone that has, first of all, you're sober that just like jumpstarts you into wisdom. And then anyone who goes to someone else is like, I don't trust my own brain, help me.

That's wise. Right? You've been through a long-term relationship and you came out of it. You have wisdom behind that. You've had your career go from up to down to up. That's wisdom in that. I can give people stuff that I've gone through,

but that's not. Some people come up to me like, what's the meaning of life? type of questions. They're not even like, you know what I mean, I'm going through a breakup, kind of like a specific thing. They want, you know what I mean,

they come to me like, you know what I mean? Well, how do you respond? I try to do it. I would like you to answer that right now. Yeah. What is the meaning of life? Not that question, but come up with a question. Okay.

Okay, you guys are two people. Yes. All right? You guys are people, right? Yeah, yeah, we're people. Right? You guys are in a group and you come to me, ask me a question. Okay.

But make up your names. Okay. Let's get into it. All right. Okay. Yes. Let me, I'll, I'll, hey, hi, Sophia, Frank. Okay.

Toto. It's good to see you, Toto. Yeah, yeah. Hi, good to see you. Hi. Toto here. Yeah. Yeah.

What do you think we're doing here on this earth? Wow, that's very interesting question. No, I's open that way so I can think about what I'm saying. All right. Very. very interesting question. Hmm. Well, I believe that life is a mystery, right?

You ever walk down the street and go, you're mesmerized by the buildings, you look up at the sky and the universe, and there's all these questions that you have. You know what I mean? What does all this mean? But I think that is what makes life exciting, and that's where we're here,

is not to know about everything, but to ponder these questions and look at everything, you know what I mean, and be in the moment, you know what I mean, ground yourself. I don't know if you do this, but what I've been doing lately is I've been, wherever I'm at, I feel the furniture,

like I'm sitting here, I'm feeling the furniture. All my senses, right, are on fire, right? And that grounds me. And when I look in the universe, I don't have to know all the answers. In fact, I only know 0.01% of the answers out there. everything else is a mystery. We have millions of galaxies,

there's millions of planets. Is there a god, right? But that's why we're here is to be in the mystery, right? And that's what makes life exciting. See, that makes no sense what it just said. But if you're out there, I'm sorry, I get crazy.

Listen, listen. You basically said life is about the questions, not the answers. That's what you said. But if you're walking around town talking like that, that's why people are asking you those questions. If you're walking around town talking like that, that's why people are asking you those questions. I just said that for the first time. I'm just making shit up. I don't fucking know,

man. You're a channel. I'm a channel of what? The Lord? I don't know what the hell you're a channel of. You're a channel. Because sometimes when you, when you say things, I think comedians, I think anyone that's got that kind of, I think comedy is wisdom personally. I think when things come that easy to people, that they're channeling. I don't think you have much to do with it. You know, Toto? I regret even give you that name.

You mean, I'll give you a next, the next improv we do, I'm going to give you a better name. Okay? That was terrible of me. Olivia, I miss you and thank you so much. But my point is that people do, I think I look like I have things to say, which I, you know,

my comedy is about fart jokes. I don't really have anything to say, you know what I mean? My opinions, Are you like me? My opinion sway to day to day. Sometimes I'm like ultra-liberal. Sometimes I'm in the middle. You know what I mean?

I just, I sway day-to-day. I just don't even know what's going on really. But anyway. What influence is that? Well, that's a really good question. And I don't really want to... Tell you. No, I'm going to tell you in the right way to tell you without revealing things.

What's the question again? What influence? Your sways. My sways. Yeah. Well, it's personal things that happen to me that influence it. And, yeah. I mean, you know, it's like, well, sometimes, you know, you'll meet, you know.

I'll give you an example. I am kind of seeing somebody that is a Trump supporter. Okay. And I'm a guy that, and I'm going to tell you this. And you're not a Trump supporter. Depends on the day. No, that doesn't depend on the day. No, that doesn't depend on the day.

I mean, I have my feelings about him. You know what I mean? You know, I would never vote for him. Right. You know, I think that like all politicians, he's a snake oil salesman, you know. What salesman? Snake oil salesman. Oh, snake oil.

Did you not hear what I just said? You were that confused, Rachel? He said snake hole. You thought I said, and that's honest. Let me, can I ask you something? Has anybody on planet Earth ever sold snake holes? I thought snake holes were just ones in the ground. Shailabh.

The Shailabh. I still, I don't know what snake oil is. Yeah, I love him, by the way. Who? Shailabuff? I love snake holes? He had that movie Holes. Oh.

You never saw it. Do you like Shaya? I don't know Shaya. Oh. Do you know Shaya? I do. I love him. He's interesting to me.

Yeah. He's a man of feeling. He's a man of feeling. I like it. That's a good way to put it. Did you know his dad? I knew his dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was a comic. He was. Who? Loved him. You loved him? Who's his dad? I loved him too. He was just old man.

Old man, but could really, he could really. No, he was like hippie, long-haired, right tall, old man. Right? Yes. Yeah, yeah. He passed away. Did he die? Made me feel like I was in the right place at the right time at all times.

How do you know? Wait, Olivia, did he die? I don't know if he did. I haven't seen him in a long time. So I said, did you know his dad? Because I haven't seen him in a while. So I was like, is he not around? How do you know?

Jeffrey Craig? I think he's alive. We are speaking code. Yeah, that's him. Yeah. He's a wise man. Yeah. Okay.

But what are we talking about? Decating a Trump supporter. Oh, yeah. So. and you know she makes her points about why she likes him it's not that she likes him she just thinks that he right now between him and biden yeah that's just she prefers him over those two and um you know i used a year ago i would i would have been like if you're a trump supporter don't even look at me but now i'm like open to it all and i and i hear her point of view and um

yeah, I'm not mad at her. You know, that's just her opinion. Right. You know, and I'm not, and her, her reasons are to me, they don't ring true for me, but they ring true for her. I'll tell you what happened was,

you know, I'm sober a year and a half. And the last rehab I went to, it wasn't really a rehab. It's like a week of, it's in Arizona, and it's a week of psychotherapy, but you do from six in the morning to eight at night, every hour a different therapist.

It's intense. And the group is only 12 people, and that's all they allow for a whole week. So you're stuck with this group. And the first day of group, I saw a guy and he was wearing a MAGA hat. And in my mind, I'm like, I was sitting in the group. I was like, fuck this fucking insurrectionless piece of shit.

You know what I mean? But by the end of the thing, him and I were best buddies. and you still wear as a stupid mega hat. And I remember like, and we identified so much with each other. We shared so many similarities in terms of trauma, in terms of different things that have happened in our past. And it was the first time where I realized,

I go, we're just human beings. And, you know, you can find a commonplace with everyone, right? And so, you know, I remember hugging him, weeping, I'm going to miss you, buddy. You know what I mean? when the five or six days before that, I hated this man, just based on, you know what I mean? And so it's like I, you know,

so sometimes I change if I meet certain people, I'll change my point of view and the way I feel about things. But I feel like more people should be like that. I feel like that that is what everyone should move towards is like really getting to know people and knowing what their views mean to them. Because I think a lot of times, you just go based off of a hat, like we count a lot of people out.

Even if it's just for dating, like I used to judge people by what they wore and I wouldn't even date them if I didn't like their clothing. Wow. That's insane. She didn't like her husband's jeans when they first started dating. I hated his jeans. What kind of jeans do they wear? Now he doesn't wear those jeans. But what was it?

They were like true religion or something really like, they were like stitched. face. That's what I'm saying. I wouldn't, I wouldn't even talk to that guy. That's what I mean. Don't ever introduce me. Don't ever introduce me. I fucking hate him.

He doesn't wear him. I burned him. But the thing is he didn't know about jeans. He didn't care. He didn't care. He just wore whatever. You know what I mean? You have to care about jeans.

I have Okinawa. Okinawa raw denim right from self-edge. Okay. And if you're not wearing that, Don't even look at me. Okay. What if you're wearing that in a MAGA hat, though? Listen.

Oh, you're right. Okay. You mean true religions in a MAGA hat or open out of red denim in a MAGA hat? I'm saying true religions are to me the equivalent of a MAGA hat. Like, yeah, Von Dutch. Like a Von Dutch hat is the same thing. It's like, you know how Europeans will have like embroidery on their jeans? Yeah.

Yes. Go fuck yourselves. Ed Hardy shirt. Yeah. Ed Hardy is another one, right? So, yeah, I mean, for me, it's like I wear made worn t-shirts. I'll wear raw denim and I'll wear golden goose. You know what I mean?

But is that because we're pretentious? You're fancy. We're fancy pretentious pieces of shit. Yeah. And that's why, you know, they hate us. They? The Trump support. That's why they hate us.

Yeah, the red hat wears. We're pretentious pieces of shits. I wanted to ask you Yeah yeah yeah sorry go ahead So you're sober a year and a half But what I wanted to ask you was In all of your dating experience Because now you're doing it sober

How different is it for you Because did you use to lean on whatever it was Going to a bar and drinking Yeah or whatever Like to help you socially To make you more comfortable Or you fine either way How's dating sober like you know

Does that make sense? Well, I want to say something. Yeah. It's going to sound arrogant. And I might regret what I'm about to say. Okay. But right now in this moment, it's the truth for me is I was hanging out with my body. I'm on tour right now.

No. What? Oh, I come to you? Yeah, yeah. I'm on tour with my friend Andrew Santino. Okay. And we were in some city, Louisville or something. And he was like, why don't you get out there and try to meet somebody or whatever?

I can get, they're not going to like me. And he goes, dude, you're Bobby Lee, right? And I know that sounds weird, right? But we forget, like, so I've been leaning into that a little bit, like who I am and what I've done and all that stuff. And it gives me confidence. Good. You know, and it sounds gross. But so I look in the mirror sometimes and I go, because sometimes I'll say,

like, you know I mean, a Korean dude, which is what I am. But then sometimes I'll look in the mirror and go, dude, you're, you worked way too hard. You've worked, you've gone through so much. And you've taken so many risks and you have talent and you, you know what I mean? It's hard to say those things to yourself that you're, you have talent and you're, you know, good dude and all, you know what I mean? Because you sound arrogant, I feel like. I don't think so, though.

I think that's confidence. And I think that's what people need to do is pump themselves up and believe in these things. Yeah. So I've been pumping myself up. So when I pump myself up, guys, right? I'm out there and I feel like, you know,

the Korean Brad Pitt. You know, I mean, I go out there and I just go, you know, I have that. And it works. You know what I mean? Hey, how are you? It works. Yeah, I talk like that.

I mean? I like your true religions. I don't know. But it's been working for me, you know. And here's another thing. that because I've been rejected so much as a stand-up, okay? Because I was out of a dating game for 10 years. I had dating Kalila, right?

So you forget these things, right? But because I've had audience members boo me, but I had 20,000 people booed me off the stage. What? Yeah, it was terrible. What did you say? I just couldn't follow Leslie Jones. Oh.

She crushed, and I just went in front of this audience, and I ate it so bad that it, I still think about it. You're traumatized. A little bit, but I'm like, but if I can get rejected and still go up on stage after that, I've been doing that with dating,

so I get rejected all the time. You know, as a young man, it was hard to get rejected, but it's like, you know, when you take risks, you know, they're going to say no, not everyone's going to like you. And I've been doing that,

and it's, you know, it's been working. I don't really take that, ugh, you know what I mean, as bad. You know what I mean? Although I think that, I don't know if I said this last time, I do think that the women that do see me have an Asian fetish. I think you did say that.

I think they have a fetish. How do you feel about that? You're fine with that? Well, look at Mitch McConnell. Mitch McConnell, right? What? Mitch McConnell. Who is Mitch McConnell?

He looks like one of the Muppets. Yeah, it looks like a turtle. Yeah, he looks like a turtle. Yeah, yeah. He looks terrible. Beaker, the Muppet. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, in terms of sexuality, he's anti.

He's anti-sex when I look at it. Mitch McConnell. Look him up, right? And he's married to Eileen Chow. Yeah, that sounds right. Eileen Chow, I think, is her name. She's a Asian woman. Like, beaker, right?

Yeah, terrible, right? Like, in what universe, Rachel, would you date him? Well, I mean, I do love Muppets. Me too. I do like him too, yeah. He's also an awful person, though. Yeah. Well, politically speaking.

I'll have to agree. He has no spine. They're all spineless. Yeah. Anyway, so I think that Mitch McConnell has a fetish as well. You know what I mean? And, you know, it's okay because I have a fetish. What's your fetish?

Mine's not a color of skin. Yeah, what is it? It's style. Really? Yeah. What kind? Yeah. You know, it's like, you know, I prefer...

As he sits there with his golden goose and his... No, it's not even wearing what... No, it's not even that. Wearing, like, for instance, right? If I... Like, it's what a woman knows. Mm. Right?

So I went on this date and I don't see that this is... I like this girl. I don't think she likes me, but if she did like me, I would probably be her boyfriend. Oh. Yeah, yeah. And I think... we're just friends. I think I've friends owned. Oh no. What makes you think that?

She calls me buddy. I think buddy can be a term of endearment. No, she'll put me in a headlock and give me a nougie. What's up, buddy? You know what I mean? And I'm kind of like, I don't think this is, you know what I mean? I don't think this fucking is it, you know what I mean? Yes. I want to know what you like about her. What do you like about her? Yeah, I was going to get into, well, here, so I was here with the ones and she doesn't seem

like she would know this, but she was like, what's like that Velvet Underground song? You know what I mean? And it was a song from their third album. Okay. Which is, I think, their best album. But number one, kids don't, not kids, but people don't know the Velvet Underground.

No. Right? It's a deep cut, right? But it kind of made me go, oh, I love this girl. And she knew who X-Men were. All of them? All of them. She had taste.

Who's the one that's yellow? and black. What are you talking about? X-Men. Storm? Yellow, yeah. There's like a yellow and black costume, right? They all wear the yellow.

The X-Men outfit's all yellow and black. So it could be any of them. Okay, sorry. She's like, what's this X-Men thing? Yeah, yeah. Okay, sorry. I mean, she knew things like, you know. Yeah.

Like soulmate shit. Yeah, like let's say you went on on a date, Rachel, right? And I go, I'm just going to mention something, and I want to see if you agree, if you know what it is. Okay. Yeah, it's just like Aragorn. Erygorn?

Yeah. See, you don't know. I don't know Lord of Rang. See, if you knew that, right? I would have a heart on. Yeah. Right. It's just like,

you all? Rob knew. No, yeah, I'd fuck Rob before you. Like, if I went to you, Olivia, I go, yeah. You know, I'm really listening to a lot of Brian Eno right now. Who is he? I don't know. See?

But if you knew that, it kind of turned beyond. She would know that. Yeah. She would know that. So a little thing like that, you know. It's like a culture thing. You listen to Brian, you know, to go to bed. That's like,

who's Brian? Rob is your soulmate. Rob, if you had a vagina right now, we would be fucking engaged. I mean, you're married, I know. But dude, you're really turning me out right now, dude. You know what you just said that?

A little squirt came up. How old was this girl? Because I'm curious. 30. 30? Oh. Good for you. What?

I would just be more surprised. Wait, wait. Olivia. Olivia. what the fuck what the fuck does that mean what the fuck does that mean she thought it was going to be younger

yeah obviously no I like older women what's older than you though 30 30 to 45 wait so what's your that's your fetish is when they know the things is that what you're saying that's what I realized okay yeah I mean I have to be attracted to them

but it's like you know if they know things about things that I like yeah that our because I like obscure things. Right. Like I know so many things about Star Trek next generation that a man my age, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? But I'm very quirky in that way.

I just like certain things that people don't. But if you like what I like, it's a rarity. It just, it helps, you know? Yeah. It's like if, Rachel, if you and I, you know, were dating and you're like, like, you know, do you watch things with your boyfriend at night? like when you cuddle and stuff? That's a thing I would.

So but do you guys argue about what you watch? I don't, I mean, hypothetically, in the past. He doesn't have a boyfriend. I'm like, I can't remember. Yeah. No, no, it depends on who. But you're pretty passive with just letting them pick whatever. Yeah, I would let them.

So if he was like, I want to watch old boy. Yeah, it'd fall asleep. You would watch it. Yeah. Are you falsely? Probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Are you good with subtitles? I mean, it's not my favorite when you're tired. Yeah, but if I was like, let's go watch this movie with subtitles, would you be? Yeah, I'm pretty supportive. No, but do you like it? No. Do you want to go see past lives tonight? I keep seeing that.

That's supposed to be really good. What is it? It's the new 824 movie about a woman that, like, reconnects with an ex-lover, but her husband's. With 824, let me ask you something with Rachel about acting. Yeah. This is going to be a very difficult question to ask. Okay. And I hate this about myself.

Mm-hmm. By the way. Olivia, you can have an opinion about it too. Toto, whatever you want to go by. Do you get jealous? Of? Like someone did that A-24 movie? When your friend goes, I just did an 824 movie.

I don't have friends that do 824 movies. I know, but, I mean, do you ever get... I wouldn't call it jealous, but I would call it. It would make me more motivated to be like, fuck, I want to do that. So it would probably motivate me to try to make it happen. That's very healthy. Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

So there's never like... You're just jealous. No, it's not jealousy even. It's just like, it doesn't... I'm happy for them. Right. Right. And I hate this about myself, but then...

And I don't want to do this. but every once I'll go back to me. Right. And I'll go like, what am I doing wrong? But it's like, but I have a really amazing life. Mm-hmm. So it's like, because there's just so many people that want to be doing what I'm doing. Of course.

So it's like, I get shameful about those little feelings that I have. You know what I mean? Do you ever or no? I mean, I think, yes. Look, I think that it's a hard practice to be in gratitude for everything. that's what you're trying to do, right? And being grateful, like, but I do have this, this and this. But it's hard because you catch yourself because you're like, fuck, but I really want that.

There's still ambition. They're still ambition. But I don't think it's, like, shame to have those feelings because you're aware of those. You know? Yeah. But you're like, I know I'm having these and I do have them, but you're aware of it. If you weren't aware of it, I think that's a bigger issue, right? They're also natural.

Natural. They're natural and they're positive. It's, jealousy has been made into such a negative stigma in our culture, but the truth of the matter is it points you to your passions. And so when you feel that, like for me, I've changed the word from jealousy to ignited. Like, it ignites me. Like, fucking fires me up, you know? And that's a gift because it shows you what you actually want. I'll be honest with you.

Number one, I regret calling you total. And also, Olivia, I want to say, that what you just said to me right now, I'm going to take with me. You're my Mr. Miyagi. Oh, she's everybody. Because what you just said there, you're right in many ways. I get a little, you know, my engines roll. Yeah. And you're right. I think society has put that word in a negative light. You know what I mean? I think there is healthy versions of jealousy. And I think you're right about that. And thank you so much for that. I'm ignited. Stop me for me to enjoy things then?

Like watching things? Yeah. Like beef. Can you enjoy beef? Well, beef is an interesting one because I, um, they wrote me a part. So they wrote me apart. I'll just say it. Fuck it.

I just, you know. They wrote me apart. Then they had me read twice. Wait, they wrote the part for you, but then made you read for it? Right, but then made me read for it. I don't think it was the showrunner. I think it was the Netflix was. I don't know what it was, but,

so after the second one, they're like, we're not quite sure yet. And it's a small part too, right? So in my mind, I'm like, holy fuck. Like, so then when I was in rehab, they go, we want you to screen test, right? And I go, I can't get our rehab. And they said, well, it's going to go to somebody else.

So the guy still has, so Andrew Santino, my podcast partner, is in beef, right? and the other guy that he is in it with my friend Rex his character I think is Bobby and he's Your name?

I think they kept the name yeah and I think he But it turned out to be a really small insignificant kind of smaller part You know I mean Not insignificant but small It didn't start out that way Like when you were going to screen test

I don't I didn't read all the script It was just for that scene But I mean that show But you know I honestly in retrospect I'm glad I didn't do it Really? Yeah, I can't tell you why. Oh, okay.

I'll tell you later. I can't tell you why. Got it. I'm glad I didn't do it. But my, you know, all my friends are on it, and I'm very happy for them. Do you see it? Not yet. It's a great show.

I mean. Why did you bring it up? Who brought it up? I brought it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I honestly believe that I get the jobs that, you know, I look at it in the spiritual way most of the time. And I believe that I'm where exactly where I'm supposed to be. and I get what I get.

Like, I just booked an independent movie I'm doing in September, and it's a small movie, but it's a big part. I really like it. I really like the part. I read it. I was like, I'm going to campaign for this.

I got it. And, you know, in terms of comedies, no, I have six comedies, movies that I've done, independent movies, they have real legit stars in it.

They can't, that they're just waiting for, you know what I mean, to come out. And it's like, they just don't do well right now. What do you mean? I don't know.

I was going to say why. I don't know why they don't do as well, but it's like right now I think we're still in the Marvel, these gigantic like fucking blockbustery. Those are the things that people watch. I'm trying to think of what's come out recently. Like what? Well, you're competing with like the streaming wars too.

Just there's too much that people are consuming. So individually things aren't. I feel sorry for young actors because they're like, I know young actors are a billion things, no one knows who they are, and it's hard to make a living. You know what I mean?

They don't pay as much. You mean, the network fucking game is, you know, dying in a weird way. I mean, there are some shows that do okay numbers, but, you know, it's not, you know, you, you remember. Yeah.

I mean, the OC numbers, if any show got that now, it would be on every, magazine cover. Right. It would be the hottest thing on planet Earth. Even mad TV numbers

on, you know, back then for late night, it was not good back then. But if that was on prime time, it would be a hit those numbers. So crazy. It's crazy. Yeah.

It's changed. We're so lucky. Because we got a taste of the old Hollywood. That, when you say it like that, it's just like, oh, we're so old. Why you spin it like that?

Olivia, help Rachel. Why'd you speak on? Do you know the OC is going to have its 20th anniversary in August? That's why I spent it that way, because that's fucking insane. That's 20 years. That's insane. Right? Yeah.

You're like Judy Dench, huh? Whoa. No, um... Yes. No, but you shouldn't look it like that. I know, I know. And I look it like this. What?

I'm leaning forward right now. The reason why I'm leaning forward. forward. I want to say something fucking... Not profound. You know, stop doing that. I love you. So what I want to say is that back then, because there's so many

things out right now. You know, I know do dudes that book Sears regular on tape, right? But not when we were doing it. We had to go to a network, go into a room filled with executives,

right? You're also in the lobby with the two other people that also could get it, right? And there was a pressure cooker. When you tested back then, did you not? You weren't nervous? No, I have to tell you something. I have never tested. I, stop. Wait. No, stop? No, just for a second, let that sink in. It's fucked up. It's so fucked up. What do you mean? Because I was a guest star, originally. Oh, that's different. Yeah. That's different.

Right. So I wanted to finish. You've never tested for anything in your life. Like a proper screen, no. Yeah, you did. You tested for, you tested for a soap opera. I did? Yeah.

Remember you had to wear a bra and... What? Yes, you tested, this was before OC. You tested for a soap opera. Okay, I don't even remember. She remembers nothing. It's so. It's cool.

crazy. What are you doing right now, Rachel? You're doing these broad statements. Think about it. You don't remember testing for a soap opera. No. You did? You did? I don't remember anything, though. It's so funny. I agree. Because I've, you know, I've had actors come up to me and go, we were on a show together. I don't remember. But then I have to go, oh, yeah. Are you? Do you remember doing Mad TV with me and the O.C? We talked about it last time. I literally don't. But you don't. Didn't, right? No. I literally don't. Do you remember doing this podcast before? for? Yeah, that's why I'm here. I don't do, I don't.

You do them. You don't do them. Well, I do, I do them if it's like Burke Rice or in my family, but outside of the family. We're family. No, I know, no, we're family now. Yeah. No, but no, you're not what I'm saying, we're getting one saying. It's as comics, you know what I mean, it's like a little club we have, right?

And we generally, you know, we don't dip outside of that, right? And this is one occasion that I'll always do it. And it says so happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll always do this one. Because I'll be honest with you, Rachel. Yeah. I remember seeing you at an up-front or something years ago.

And I was standing near you. And I wanted to say hi, but you were too intimidating. What? That was too intimidating. You were, I mean, I'm like, look at that star. You know what I mean? You know, and you were like, you looked great. and I just remember just had really bad self-pers because we're on a,

I was on a late night show. It wasn't the same, you know what I mean? But I was just like, and so I'm a fan. And, but you know what I also love about you, and I love you too,

Olivia, so much. I love you. Do you really do? I really love you. We talk about it all the time. We're always like, we want Bobby back. But with you,

you're, you, you, You're the opposite of what I thought. Right? You're just so sweet and such a kind person. You're all right, Rob. You're all right to me, okay?

Because I feel like I got you into the game. You did? I don't feel like you treat me like that. I gave you that credit last time. I know you did. Yeah. Yeah. Now you're in the game.

That's amazing. Are you still doing the other ones? Mm-hmm. Good. The high life, huh? You're up there with your fancy friends, huh? No. Anyway, so you've never tested, but do you audition?

Of course. You still do? Yes. Okay. Yeah. You put yourself on tape, or do you go in? Does anyone go in? No.

No. Yeah. I'll tell you, Olivia booked her first movie. Olivia? On tape. I taped her in this room. And she went and filmed it. A couple months ago.

Off a tape. Off a tape. One audition. Yep. One audition. And can I, may I ask questions? You can ask anything you want. Drama?

Horror film. Independent? Yes. Great. I love those. Any other people that we would know in it? Shane West. Love him.

Shiloh Fernandez. Yep. And Rainy Qualey. Okay, good. So it's a little. legitimate movie. Yeah. With legitimate people, horror movie.

And where did it shoot? Pennsylvania. Were you nervous? I was nervous. I get nervous. Absolutely. I was so nervous at first. Her first day she was.

I was like telling Rachel, I was like, oh my God, like I'm nervous. My voice is shaking. Like I'd been out of it for so long. I'd been acting my whole life, but not professionally. So I was scared. Olivia? Yeah. I feel the same exact way as you do.

That makes me really happy to hear. You know, when I was using, this is the most horrifying thing. So I was in Hawaii and I was in a blackout drunk. And my agent calls it, they need you in New York tomorrow. It was a Saturday. Okay. We need you in New York. This is one of the reasons why I'm sober.

Because sex in the city, they threw in this. It's because of Sarah SJ's schedule. They had to switch things around, so they need you tomorrow. I go, oh, it's a Sunday. I go, oh, okay. So I get on a plane, go to New York. But on the plane, I go, I want to just, because I don't have to work until Monday, so I'm just going to get shitface.

I took like 600 milligrams of THC, and I got shitface. And I was in a blackout when I landed in New York. And I'm like, and I realize I go, wait, we're not. going to the hotel. What? And I go to the driver, I go, where are we going? Dude, my hotels in Manhattan. He goes, set.

They go, it's Sunday, what? He goes, yeah, we're shooting. You're shooting. Oh, my. Right? And I go, I don't even have the sides. Like, I don't even know what I'm shooting. Oh, my God.

And I'm, I can't even like, my face just split open and just my face just became drenched with sweat, right? And I remember going there being so high and drunk. And I remember grabbing, when I was reading the paper, like the script, I couldn't even understand what the fuck it was even saying. And it was the most difficult scene, too. I had to cross a street with her, Sarah. And it was, you know, it's in the middle of New York.

So we had to, when the light turned green, the crosswalk thing, I had to say my lines across. And then once we got across, we had to go back across and reset. Right. Right. And I had the first line. As soon as the thing that I could even say the fucking first line. Right.

It was a nightmare. And I remember saying to myself, I go, I don't know why I just brought that because I was nervous. And I remember going, this is never going to happen again. I had to get sober. This is insane. But my point is that even when that's not happening, I get nervous. Anyway, you get nervous? Yes.

For sure. Did you know Sarah before doing this? Was this a friend of yours? That was not the time. It was my fifth episode or whatever. So I had already, all my scenes is with her usually. So I already knew her. And she's super, I love her.

She's so sweet. Did you tell her that you were? No. If there's a photo online, I show you the photo. Did you pull it off? No, because she was leaving out of France or something the next day. So I had to fucking, um. Oh, my God.

That was it. That's an incredible photo. I'm like, oh, you know what the fuck? You know what I mean? But it's how insane our disease gets that, you know, that could have been a career ender. Yeah. For sure. And that's a highlight.

I mean, that's a big, it's a humongous show. I know. It was a huge opportunity. It could have been, it's insane what my disease does to me. But now, you know, I get really nervous like you do. but I think once I ground myself and I'm like

you're supposed to be here and it does you know here's like I'm going to tell you a story I'm going to lean forward again this is a great fucking so this is what happened once I hadn't worked in many many years and I had this audition for a network show

and back then you still had to go to the lot and there was like 30 people and I knew everyone in the room you don't hate when that happens you have to sign up and you're really you have to sign up And you read all the names.

And you read all the, oh, fuck, look at all these fucking people. Just give it to them, right? And I was so nervous. But when I was walking from my car to the audition, it was at Fox, I believe. One of those, right? A friend of mine who was shooting there was following me that I didn't know. Okay. And I was like, when I was walking from the fucking car to the audition, I was frantically

reading the script over and over again, the sides. I go into the fuck and I sign up, I sit down, and then all of a sudden my friend walks in. And he's a star. It was Eric Stone Street from Modern Family. Okay. Right? And Eric walks up to me in front of everyone and he looks at me

and he looks right in my eyes. I go, Eric, what's up? And he goes, it doesn't need to be perfect. Oh. And I almost burst into tears. It makes me want to cry. Because that's what I was in my mind. I was like, I have to get this.

I have to get this. I have to get this. I have to get this. Right. And once he said that, I was like, okay. And then later I called him. I go, thank you so much for that. He goes, go fuck yourself or whatever.

But my point is that he loves me. But my point is that he did that for me. You know, you get these, you know, sometimes. Pressure. Yeah. Yeah. But you also get these, you know, you forget that we're all people and you have friends, right, that understand what you're going through

and he's a good friend you know he's done that for me many times yeah what a good dude but you know did you get the part I didn't even get a call back my I didn't even get a call back it's just nerve wracking

it's nerve wracking the whole thing yeah I want to hear the craziest thing that happened though so and this is why am I boring people no zero I don't want to bore you guys with what are you kidding No, I just, my stories can be

Your stories are great. You like them? Rob would never say he does not give away compliments easily, so. Okay. But it's a show business story, though. I feel weird because, you know, the people listening, people listening, I'm just, I'm going to say something, okay?

You know, these are just things that I've learned, you know what I mean? And, you know, you can apply these stories to your regular life as well, okay? Because it's not about being perfect, okay? I think that's the theme of these. stories. Yes. Okay. So after he said that, one, a year later, I was just not booking.

So I just decided I'm never going to do it again. I'm just never going to read again, right? And because it gets to a point where it's like, I just, you know, after 80 knows and no traction, right? You're like, what's the fucking, you know, I spend three days of memory. memorizing this shit, getting an acting coach. You know how it is, right? So I meet

Kalila now. The relationship I was in. And when I met her, she was like, how come you're not on TV shows? I go, I don't get them. So you give up? And I go, I mean, it's pointless. Because I can't date you then.

I don't want to date a pussy. Right? And I'm like, what'd you say? say? Yeah, I just, you just riddled with fear. I just, you know, I, you know, I go, okay, I'll do it then. I'll start. So I call my agent and I go, start submitting me. So what I would, then, this happened a couple

times, I would get an audition and then pretend I didn't get it. And then the day of not show up to the thing and then tell my agent, oh, I didn't get it. My email or, or like, I forgot or whatever, right? But the third time I did it, I woke up and Kalila, because my agents called her. They started calling her.

And she wakes me up one day and she goes, all right, let's go. I go, where? I'm sleeping. She goes, NBC. And I go, I'm not, no, I go, I'm not. Kalila, I didn't read it. All right. And next time, I swear to God, I'll fucking read it.

But I can't, I can't go ahead. She goes, we're done. If you're a fucking pussy. She goes, I don't care if you ever read it. You're going in there. Right. So I go, we drive and we fight the whole way. She's driving me.

We get to the, you know what I mean, the gate. And we're sitting there in the parking lot and we're arguing for 15. It got to the point where she had to get out of the car, pull my hair and she dragged me. Like, I was like a little bitch, right? And she says to me, she goes, you may or may not get it, right? But you still have to try. You have to try Because you've given up on life then

And I can't date you If you're gonna be like this I go, you know what, you're right I go, you know what? You're right. I go, but I also said to her, I go, I'm just gonna read off the page Because I've never read it And it was 80 people in this

I was like, I knew everybody In this fucking lobby And I'm just sitting around I'm ass playing, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know, I mean? I don't know if that's the right term But you go, you know what I mean?

You don't literally grab ass But you're like, you know, fucking around you're fucking around, right? And I remember then go, all right, Bobby. And I go to, I turn to everyone in the room. I go, watch this. I'll be back in 10 seconds. Right?

I go in there and I literally don't see hide anybody in the room. I look around there. And there's also like 12 people in there. And I just put the page in front of my face. And I just start reading it. And then I crumble it up. And I just throw it in the waist of the basket and I walk out. Right?

Yeah. And I go, later. guys, right? I go in the car. I booked it. Oh, my fucking God. What was it? It was a sitcom. It was a pilot. Yeah. That my friend Scott Armstrong was

producing. And it was a remake. Anyway, great cast. But the reason why I got is because the character is like that. Right. Right. Right. The character is that guy. And you didn't even know that. I didn't read it, no.

I didn't read it. And also, and Scott was in the room, and Scott was telling that, I go, they go, well, that, he was rude. He didn't prepare. And Scott was like, trust me, this guy is so fucking funny. And I tested. So three days later, I tested. And obviously, I knew it. Right.

I had to, I go, I got a test? Right. And I fucking went in there and I hit another park and I got it. My point, though, being is that she was right. You have to try. You have to shoot up and show up. If you don't, you get nothing. That's right.

All right. Can I ask you something? Yeah. Are you guys scared about what you say? Yeah. I am. She's very scared. Yeah, but I know.

But why do we live in a world like that? It's really weird. No shit, but like what choice do we have? Just to do it. Yep. I know. It's just to do it because it's getting out of control. Yeah.

It already is. It's out of control. Absolutely. And I'm fed up with it. I agree. For comedians, like... I'm, Rachel, I know what you're saying. Yeah.

And I'm fed up. And I, too, live in fear. Right. I'm scared. Everyone should be. fed up. And it's at a point where it's like, I have friends that come on to my podcast and go, I only said this and now this is happening. Right. Right. And I'm literally kind of going, and I've had my own troubles with it. And I'm just kind of going, this has got to end. I can't

anymore because it's like, you know, I fucking, I have a producer now specifically on my podcast, have two that have to add it out 40% of that podcast because of things we say and they're fucking edgy shit it's crazy shit right but it's like it you know the reason why bad friends

the one I do with Andrew is doing so well is because Hollywood does one type of thing now they play it safe but the people in the world they want something else

they're thirsting for honesty they're thirsting for, you know what I mean, people that are edging, you know what I mean, the line, right? And as people that have opinions and as people that, like, you know, do this for a living, right? We're in shackles. Right. And it's like, and I'm the same way because I still want to book movies. Right. I still want it.

And it's like, and I'm not going to, I don't know, I don't know what to do. I'm scared. Yeah, but the thing is, is that not one person can know everything. How are we supposed to know every single thing that's right to each type of group of people? It's too tall of an ask. And I feel like the shitty part is that people are getting canceled not based on their actions. You know, it's on their words. And there's no looking at the intent behind them.

Yeah. It doesn't matter. One hundred percent. But it's like even what I just said now is going to get criticized. Right. You know, it's, I just don't know what to do, but it's like, I'm blessed, you know, and it's like, but it's like, I just, I don't know what the fuck, man. No, everything's under a, you know. I feel like it's also a small percentage of people that actually give a shit.

It is. It's interesting that you say that. It's the loudest, like 10, 15% that are like, I've got an issue with that. Yeah. I agree. But your fans, I bet don't give a shit if you say. They don't. They don't.

And my fans are there, okay? Right. And, you know, and I know this by me and Andrew go on the road. And, you know, five years ago, I could sell maybe a small comedy club out. You know what I mean? 200 seats. That was a miracle if that happened, right? And now me and Andrew are playing 5,000 seats places and they're all with us because we do this kind of comedy.

You know, Andrew does, you know, and I'm okay. I love it when he does it Asian accents and stuff and different things. Right. And before people would be like, wow, that's, you know what I mean? But I, as an Asian person, you know what I mean? Like it. They're getting offended on your behalf. Yeah. And I love, you know what I mean? I, listen, I love my people. Okay. And, you know, and there are Asian actors. I, I refuse to do an Asian accent. Right. But I come from to, I want, because there are people with accents. Right. And it's okay if you have an accent. And it's okay to also make fun of it. You know what I mean? But it's like, I don't know.

I'm just, you know, being a comedian, especially in the last couple of years, it's just been crazy. And I just, hopefully this pendulum will, is that the right? Pendium. Pendulum. No, say it, you say it.

Pendulum? Do you say it right? The pendulum will swing the other way a little bit. But. I do think there are still people that, just put it all out there, like, and aren't canceled, I think, right? Like, I feel like if I think of, like, Amy, Schumer or Whitney. Do you think?

But here's a thing. What? Your own cancellation, most people don't know about, but because it's directed at you, you know, you get DMs, you see comments, right? That, you know, I don't read your comments. I don't, you know what I mean? No one can say anything that's ever going to make me feel. differently about you.

That's why I don't read it. Right. I don't give a shit. Right. Right. You could see anything. Okay? I don't give a shit.

I'm always going to be a fan of yours. Okay. And I'm always going to be on your side. And you too, Olivia. Right. Thank you. But my point is that, you know, I know guys that you wouldn't even think we're canceled, but you go, yeah, this is, I've lost this.

Right. Because it's their own private thing. Right. And it's studios and brands that are making those decisions on behalf. It's insane. Some small percentage. It's insane. Right.

Yeah, it's insane. Oh, like Rachel getting a job pulled because she said she likes to get manhandled? You mean like that? True. True. Let me ask you something. Just saying. Have you talked about that in here?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And how do you feel about it, talking about it? I feel scared to talk about anything. Anything. Yeah. Yeah.

But even though that was taken out of context and someone decided to, you know, whatever. You know how it goes. Yeah, I'm scared to talk about anything. It sucks. God, I just, I just, um, I'm just so sorry. Well, people go after her specifically. Why? Anything like sexual. Why?

Anything sexual. Because there was, there was the manhandle one. I saw an article that had 10 other women say the exact same thing that you did. Right, but I got called out for whatever reason. It started because Whitney Cummings came on and talked about not having an orgasm. From sex, right? Yeah. Until she was 40.

And I was like, oh, my God, I can relate. It was like late 30s for me or whatever. And so they took that and it went viral, me saying that. Didn't mention Whitney, didn't mention anything. And then so now since then, anytime sex has talked about, I'm in the press talking about. But that's the reason why I like you. That's the reason why, you know what I mean? I'm like, oh, she's got layers, man, right?

Right. That's why I'm here. I'm an edgy, fucked up guy, right? And I'm like driving her and go, I can't wait to do it. That's my point. Oh, I love that. That's the whole reason why I'm fucking here. So don't change. Fuck them.

I'm tired of this shit, man. Anyway, let's talk about something else. Listen, I'm going to say this. Yeah. And this applies to both of you, right? Yeah. If I do anything, because, you know, me and Android, and other people want to do movies and so like that.

Because they're going to be in my movies. Fuck, yeah. You'll be first on, you know, you're the number one in my, in my thing. Oh, see? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I, yeah, I am gung-ho this, okay? So do not change. But here's the thing, Rachel.

That's who you are. I know. That's who you fucking are, man. Yeah. But that's the thing, is that it's people like you coming, here and talking, and they take little things she says, but the truth of the matter is, when you speak openly and when you speak candid and you're just yourself, you make everyone feel more comfortable. It makes people feel like, oh, that's relatable. I can talk about that because

nothing that you're talking about is things people don't fucking talk about. Yeah, I agree. That's what they know. And also, you know, Ken Burns? Documentary maker. Documentary maker. Yeah, okay. So he has one about Muhammad Ali. I find this interesting. And what I love about Ken Burns, it's very specific, you know what I mean? It really takes its time. And when Muhammad Ali was young,

when he was Cassius Clay, all right? You know, he would go to England. He fought that English guy. And he went up on stage and he wore a king crown. And the audience, if they wanted to burn him alive. I mean, every time he would perform, in a, you know, and I mean, do a fight, 90% of the audience would boo and hate him, right? And then because he also was outwardly like Muslim, and then, you know, his backers were like,

well, you can't Pepsi or Coca-Cola won't do ads with you. You can make me all this money. He goes, I don't care. It's who I am, right? And he stuck to his guns. And, you know, he's a legend now, right? But you think at the time it was hard for him? it was very difficult, but that's who he is.

Right. Right. And, you know, and also, and I've said this before on podcast, I don't know if I said on this, but this is true. I believe this to be true. When I was a kid, not kid, but I was in my, I was 24. I'm 51 now. I used to drive around Mitzi Shore.

You know what that is? So Pauly Shore's mom opened the comedy store, and that's the club that I play. Oh. So the comedy store is my club. If you ever want to see me perform, I'm always there every night. Okay. Thursday, Friday, Saturday I'm there this weekend. Okay.

And, but as a kid, as an open mic, I had no money, but I lived in San Diego and whenever, I don't know why. But every time she came in and told me, she said, I want that China man, you know what I mean, to drive me around or whatever, the Chinese guy, right? And I was like, I don't care. You know, you can call me China. But anyway. So anyway. So I would drive around. And so one time we were at this restaurant called Bullies, it's a steakhouse.

It's in Pacific Beach. And I was sitting there was so nervous. You know what I mean? Because, you know, I don't know show business. And I wanted to be a, I was a comedian, but amateur. And I wanted it so bad. And one day she goes, come eat with us. I ate with her.

And she looks at me and she goes, do you know what makes a star? And I go, I don't know. He goes, half the people, half. to love you. They have to love you. The half the people have to hate you as well. Okay. They're both necessary because as long as they're talking, right? I feel like we live in a day and age. If we get any criticism, right, we get broke. But the thing is, is that these people that are complaining about you, you're in their mind, baby. You know, I mean, they're thinking about you. That's money in your fucking pocket, man.

Right? But we're so sensitive right now. You know what I mean? I mean, I have forums on Reddit that want to bring me down. That they hate me. And I'm so sensitive, right? That I want to sometimes just quit and move to it, get a ranch and, you know, right? But the thing is, I always go back to what Mitzie told me. You know what I mean? That it's like you're in the right spot. You're in the pocket when that's happening. Okay. Yeah. So remember that. I will take that and cherish it. Remember that, Olivia. We have lots of wisdom to take with us today. My eight-year-old was in here before you got here, and I said, can you think of any questions we could ask? Go ahead. Her question was, how many times do you go swimming a day?

Oh. I haven't swim in a part of a year. Really? Mm-hmm. I have a pool, too. I literally have a pool. And I have a pool cleaner and I just look at it. I just don't, do you go, you have a pool?

Yeah. Do you go in? No. Why is that? I don't like, I don't like, I don't like to get wet. What do you mean? It doesn't shower now. I shower.

Yeah, yeah. Do you take baths? I do. I prefer? Yes. I prefer baths. But people think it's disgusting. I know.

I really enjoy a bath. I do too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went in a wave pool today. And you surfed? I body surfed.

You body served it? I did. With your kids? You know what? Yeah. And I had a really good time. She's like I went by myself. Not just alone.

Yeah. It was so fun. It was? Yeah. Would you do it without your kids? I would do it. I felt like a 13-year-old. I felt like a part of myself woke up today.

Well, over the past two days because I went to an amusement park and then a wave pool. And just feeling those feelings, I was like, I need to stop being so old and grumpy. and just get in the water. I'm always like, no, I'm okay. I don't need to get in the water. Get in the water today. Go swimming. You think so, huh?

Next time you come, you better have been in your pool. Yeah, but I do this once a year, right? As long as you do it at once. I'm the first. Twice. Why don't you do that more often? You should have a regular.

We just want you. You're a regular. And do you think that, let me, I'm going to ask you guys a question before I leave. Is it okay that I don't ever meet anybody and just be alone? It's important for you to be alone and be content with being alone in order for you to meet the right person. Be able to be alone. Yeah.

I think it's a good thing. Don't you kind of like it? I like it. I love it. Exactly. Are you living alone now? Yeah. So she moved and she got, I made her move like five minutes away.

Because we have four dogs. The dogs are with her. Because I go on the roads. I can't hear. I have the three cats. But I have to go and say hi. And you know, it's so funny that. that, and I don't know if this,

and my guy comic friends, comedian friends, think it's weird. And I want to ask you, if you think it's weird. What? I love her. Yeah. No, I get that.

And I want her in my life for the rest of my life. She's family to me, right? And she's been destroyed online. Why? Why? Yeah, she gets so much hate online.

And sometimes I perform, like, with Andrew and I'll say her name and half the crouble boo. Right? And I want to say to people listening, number one, she's never going to be out of my life. Number two, I love her. Right? And number three,

she's family. She's so important to me, right? But Guy comics are like, no, once I'm done with a girl, I don't care, I'm done. It's like, well, then you were only in it for sex? I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. Who fucking, you know what I mean? That's a little bit of the relationship, right?

Right. You know their heart. She's family. She's family, man. I get that. Do you agree? 100%. Yeah.

How do you feel, is she in another relationship? Or do you guys not talk about that? We do. It's not jealousy. It's not anything like that. I just don't want to really know the details. Yeah. But you're okay with it.

Yeah, yeah. Okay knowing. Yeah, yeah. I know them. Oh. Well, how do you feel about that? I'm sorry. I don't know, but can I just ask that?

Yeah. Leaning forward again. How do you guys feel about, oh, sorry. How do you guys feel about this? Your friends trying to match with her on dating apps. Your friends? That's fucked up. What do you mean?

That's not show. They're not your friends. No. I confronted one of them. And? He goes, no, no, dude. He goes, he goes, no, I just, you know, I just, I don't even look. No, he goes, I never get matches anyway.

So I'll just say yes to everyone and that, you know what I mean? So I kind of bought it maybe. Yeah, but it's been four friends. What? Yeah. And it's funny because. You're not your friends. No.

Really? No. They're trying to match. Not unless they ask your permission. Yeah, they're doing it behind your back and that. They're doing it, yeah, yeah. If they were genuinely interested and they came to you and said, I know things ended and I'd like your permission. Would you give them permission?

No. No. Also, it's also, it's just not something that I would do. No. You know? I would not. It's not okay. No.

Yeah, I would, yeah, it's like I would go to my friend and go, you know, I'll just be honest with you. You know, do you mind if I, you know, do you mind if I, ask, you know, so-and-so on a day. And if not, if not, I'm cool with it. I just have always kind of just liked her. And if they say, no, I'll be like, I'm cool. Right. Yeah, exactly.

But did they do it through the apps? That's so fucked up. No. That's sneaky, sneaky behavior. Yeah, so anyway, well, thanks for having me. I think once a year is a good thing. You told us before more than that. It was like every other month.

Yeah, I lied. Yeah, you lied. You're busy. You're busy. Yeah, I'm busy. I go on tour, but my point is... Yeah? Yeah, one...

We'll take you whenever you can. Yeah. You know, you change your mind. You just come back. You just are bored and you want to... Well, also, can I just say something? Yeah. You only reached out to me last week.

Yeah. No, I feel like there was a time before and then it was like... No, if I read the text, yeah. There's a text, I think we're on a group. I'm going to check it. All right. Bobby, we always want you. You know, if you're just asking me now...

But I will say, I did ask and you are here, so. that's good. Well, no, you went through my assistant. No, I texted you. I did. I did. Oh, you did? Yeah, I said yes.

And then Melanie said, okay, good. And he knew. I know how you work. You know how I work. Yeah. Thank you. Anyway, can I plug some things? Yes, plug.

So I'm on tour with Andrew. We're doing in the fall. Bad Friends is going to be in Boston, Denver, Minnesota, Chicago, and they're wild shows. And I, you know, I was in Atlanta and I got fine 10 grand because I showed the audience of my bun hole. So I, did you know it was 10 grand? No, I was not aware. And they asked for it. So it was that audience goes, show us your bun hole. So I bend over it. I guess you can't open it up. So I, you can show your cheeks, but I opened up my but then they were like, and I got off stage and they were like, you owe 10 grand, it's a fine. And I begged them not to do it.

And then they said, okay, but don't ever do it again. So, you know, if you're going to come to the shows, don't yell it out because I can't do it. Do you do video for the live shows too? Yeah. So it's the podcast life. What we do is me and Andrew do 20 minutes of stand-up each, and then we have some openers,

and then we play games. Oh, that's fun. That's fun. That's so fun. Yeah. Anyway, really good to be here. That's my plugs. And thank you so much for having it.

Bye-bye. I'm sore. Soar from what? Tubing. How do you get sore from tubing? We were sitting, but like holding on for dear life. We did it a lot. You know, your muscles if you're like...

If you're terrified. Yeah. Rob, where are you getting your matcha from in Santa Barbara? From Dune. Is that something you like sussed out? Yeah. I literally was one of the first thoughts I thought. I was like, I wonder where he's going to get his matcha.

And if he's going to like it, do you like it? Well, I do. but what I actually did was I filled up to go containers of matcha from Maru and just brought that with me. My mouth is wide open. First two days, I still had Maru. Wow. You're special. He's addicted.

That's what he is. You guys are in an Airbnb, right? Yeah. Do you bring a cooler and fill it? Like, do you grocery shop? These are the questions I have. It's so, so concerning. On our lake trip recently, my biggest thing is I need my cream and coffee in the morning. I don't care. I asked the rental place. I was like, what kind of coffee maker do you have? Listen, I am not precious or snobby or any of those things about anything in life. The only thing I care about is my morning coffee. If it's a curig, I cannot do it. Oh. Cannot. No, will not. I have a very strong, I hate using the word hate, but I hate curig pods. I hate pod coffee.

So what do you do then if it's a curic? You bring your own... I would bring my own drip machine. You'd bring your own machine? Yeah. If it's a drive, I'm not talking about flying. Oh, I was like, geez, dude. What about like a, what you might call it? A French press. Yeah.

I've done that as well. Like, if I go camping, I have that, you know? And I have been known to go and buy like a really cheap, really small little drip coffee pot. I thought you loved your pourover. I was into pourover. for a minute, but I'm back to drip. Okay. Yeah, it's a thing. Anyway, in my cooler, I had my half and half.

Yep. Because I had to know in the morning, I wouldn't have to think about it. What else was in your coolers? I am a plan aheader. I had made dinner before we left the house to drive up to the lake, so we would have dinner ready when we were there. So that was in my cooler. You are a plan aheader only when it comes to food. food, groceries, meals, trips, packing clothes.

Outside of that? Nothing else in your life. You are not a plan-aheader. Not any of the important stuff in life. Well, no, that's not true. You're a super plan-aheader when it comes to your daughter, when it comes to Briar and what she's going to do and where she's going to go. You're very much plan-aheader on that.

Just not anything else. You're not wrong, but I will tell you, we played the game of life. for the first time, and I won. So I'm winning at the game of life. That's my point. Yeah, well, we know that. Right, Rob, what was in your cooler? I mean, we were coming to Santa Barbara,

so we knew there were going to be plenty of grocery stores. So it depends on where you're going. Like, if we're going up into the mountains, we'll do a bigger grocery trip leading up. So this was mostly just food for Vincent. What part of Santa Barbara are you in? Where are you? Is Santa Barbara that big?

Yeah. There's different areas. There's the Mesa, there's the Riviera, there's... We're by Hope Ranch. Oh, you're by Hope Ranch? Oh, you're by Hope Ranch. That's my favorite. Has Olivia told everybody that she was born in Santa Barbara and live there until she was

six, right? Ten. Eight? Ten. Ten. Ten. Nine. Nine.

Ten. Nine. Sixth grade. I know I started sixth grade in L.A., so nine or ten, however. I want to tell you guys something. Do tell. You know, we were on a lake, right? I was always like, okay, scared to swim in a lake.

It's like dark and like, you don't know, you know. Always kind of creepy feelings. But after, I prefer a lake. Like, as far as water sports go, like, if I'm in the ocean, not as down. If I'm on a lake, great. Don't care. Fall in. Doesn't matter.

Is that because an ocean could have sharks and a lake's just going to have fish? Yeah, basically. But can't lakes have piranhas or am I making that up? That's rivers or anything? I mean, that's also like the rainforest. I mean, there's like snapping turtles. There's things, but... Catfish.

Big old freaking catfish. Okay, anyway, I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed it. You felt safer in a lake. Yeah, I did. Even though it's a little creepier if you really think about it, you know? but being on it, like on a tube, whatever, I was okay. I like a river. I think I like a river best.

Whitewater rafting. We're going to go whitewater rafting. I'm just going to throw it out there. That's like my favorite thing. I love whitewater rafting, and I would like to go. I do too. Have you done it since you've become a mom? I'm trying to think.

We went in Tennessee, but I can't remember if Breyer was alive or not yet. I know things change once you become apparent. They do. Things are scarier. But is that scarier for you to go by yourself or scarier to bring a kid with? Well, what we're referring to is like doing anything that like puts us at risk is scarier because we have these little people that depend on us. Like I always wanted to skydive, but that's out the window because I have a child. I don't want to skydive anymore.

You're not out the window. I'm not out the window. And does that change once your child turns 18? No, that never changes. Never changes. They're never not your child. Got it. My child, I'm going to just rag for a second.

She is a little badass. I was so proud of her. She was willing to do all the scary things, like tubing, everything. We caught some serious air. Louis, she sent you that picture. Yeah, it's amazing. Her face is, like, terrified. But she tried water skiing for the first time, and she got up.

It's amazing. And it was freezing in the lake. And she just did it. She went for it. I was just really proud of her. I was just a proud parent moment. I'm proud of her. You're allowed to be.

Yeah. It was very cool. I was not in that freezing cold lake for that. Like sitting and like waiting to wakeboard or ski and not as much of my tea. Can I tell you what that makes me think of? Yes. So I have two children, right? One of which is very daring.

My cousin decided she wanted to bond with Shepard because Shepard is really particular and weird about who he bonds with. And she's like not having it. He's going to bond with me. Shepard, do you want to drive the golf cart? Oh, no. All weekend. She taught him how to drive. He was gassing.

He was turning. He was obsessed. He was driving the golf cart, right? Was he? All weekend. How was he? You're four-year-old. Can he, like, was he standing to do it?

How can he reach the pedals? He was standing to do it in, like, in between her legs. Oh, okay. You know? Yeah, yeah. But, like, fully steering and even letting him gas and break and, like, she taught him how to drive. and we went on a night drive. We were in Paso Robles at this like campsite, right?

And we went on a night drive. It's, I don't know, 9 o'clock. It's not in the middle of the night. Elliot didn't like it. He was scared. He was scared of driving a golf cart at night. Yeah. He's a fragile one.

And she was like, is he being serious? She's like, what is going on here? He's delicate. He's like, I want to go back. This is scary. It was like totally lit up. Like, I don't know. It's just hilarious that Breyer's like catching air on jet skis and Elliot's in a little putt, putt, being like this too much, too much.

In the dark, he's like, it's too much. It's too much. It's frightening. Oh my God. It's so funny. I mean, kids are so different, you know? So different. You never know.

Would Cal be down? for all that? Yeah, he would be. Yeah. Absolutely. What are you guys up to in Santa Barbara? What have you done? Where have you eaten? I mean, I'm still working like half days. Oh. We've got a like ton of space at the Airbnb though. The backyard has like a big outdoor kitchen and fire pit and trampoline and swing set. Oh, nice. So they're playing there. We've done the beach twice. Is it really hot there, you guys? Or is there like a heat wave elsewhere?

No, it was like too cold on the beach. Not too cold, but it was not, it was not bad. It's hot here. We ate at Cone Vivo last night. What's that? It's at the Santa Barbara Inn. Oh. So fun. What's the funk area?

Funk zone? Oh, I know what you're talking about. There was a really, really good pizza place that we ate at right there, too. Lucky Penny. We ate at. It's a really good pizza. Los Agave. It's just for, like, traditional Mexican food. Losa Gave. Well, I think we're going tomorrow. So we're driving back to L.A. today.

Oh, you are? To take Cal to a show at the Greek tonight. Oh, my gosh. And then we're going to drive back in the morning. What show? Yeah. Manchester Orchestra, which is his, like, favorite band right now. Mm.

And they happen to be coming through. right now so Rob We're like sure We'll take you back Just you and Cal Natalie's gonna come too What are you doing with Vincent

A friend's gonna come watch him While he sleeps I mean it's late enough They play at 8 And it's close enough Like we're gonna be It's gonna be a 90 minute Excursion

They weren't playing the bowl The Santa Barbara bowl No they weren't I checked that The head and the heart are playing the bowl In like a month I think we're gonna come Oh, that's fun.

Up to see them. That's fun. And then I think we're going to go to Los Alamos or Los Alamos tomorrow. Los Alivas is where I got married. You've seen what they did to your venue, right? Yeah, Maddie's Tavern. Crazy. No.

Super cute. Super cute. But, yeah, I'm not a breakfast person, so we haven't done. Yeah, but they have these cinnamon rolls that are like fresh baked. It was on one of those food shows where they scout the best minds everywhere. and the cinnamon rolls and the dirty fries. Do you know oat bakery? Mm-mm.

There's like this, apparently this really good Scandinavian bakery. I actually want to spend more time there. We were thinking when I was there, I was like, I could live here. Like, why don't we live here? I know. I know. It's really. We thought about living there a while ago. Because you can't really make a living here.

Yeah, but everything's on Zoom. And you drive to L.A. It's an hour and a half. As of three years ago. Right. Guys, new twist in my plan. Tell me what you think. You're moving to Santa Barbara? I mean, you might as well. If you're in Woodland Hills, it's the same. That's what I'm saying. What we said, Jeff should open a Nex Health in Santa Barbara.

I thought you were going to say Jeff should open a nexium in Santa Barbara. You know. A branch of nexium. No, I'm looking at a house today in Westlake. You are? Yeah. Excuse me? I got real into the golf cart life.

this weekend. And I'm looking at a place where you could, like, get a golf cart and you can have a little boat on the lake and you can boat up to eat at restaurants and stuff. I don't know. So far. Yeah, but you've, it's Woodland Hills is you, you haven't seen me once since I've moved back. You haven't come to my house. I've seen you many times. I mean, you've seen me a million times, but I come to you. So what does make a difference? Listen, the lake life I get, I'm telling you. We, it was so cute. Like we took a boat in the middle of the lake. You know, there's like a gas station in the middle of the lake, but it has like a little store and ice cream.

And it was just really lifestyle, man. Except Elliot won't go on the boat. He will. He'll get you. He was, you know what? He was really cranky because he got sunburn. And he had been opening his eyes underwater. And so his eyes were irritated.

He was sunburn. He was crunched up supreme. How do he get sunburned? What happened? Because we spent the entire day in the pool. And we kept reaffirmed. applying, but he's fair. You know?

That's fair. Yeah. Honestly, this place was so cool. It would be fun to go again. Guys, you know, I'm not a drinker. I don't drink. Occasionally, I will have a hard cider. And I enjoy it. And last night, I was very tipsy.

What'd you do? Nothing. Absolutely. nothing but I just enjoyed it and I just wanted to tell you guys about it. Kenneth, that's the thing. Yeah, just me and grandma. You know how we always talk about how you like paying for a check when you're out? I saw this big debate on Instagram.

There was like a group of people out for a birthday and like a huge like argument broke out over the check because it was very expensive and people were like, dude, like I'm only responsible for what I ate. And other people are like, no, we need to split it all evenly. Where do you guys fall in that scenario? That's a great question. I personally happen to like to keep things easy. So if the crowd's like we split it even, I'm like, okay.

But when I was struggling financially, like when I was younger and that would happen, I remember it being really irritating because it'd be like, well, I purposely got a sad. So I didn't have to spend a fortune and then they got a steak and wine and, you know, so I think it depends on your circumstance in life and like who you're with and where you're at. And just paying attention to the other people in your party. Yeah, no. I would say. But so-and-so only got a salad. So you, you know, like I do.

You would do that. Yes, 100%. She would do that. I, you know, and I'm not a drinker and everyone I was always drinking. So obviously I was always way less, but I always offered. just a split because home wired. I'm just a pussy.

What about you, Rob? I mean, it's what you said. At this point, it's fine to split if it's easier, and that's what everyone's doing. But I'm usually like Rachel, though, where I'm not drinking and I'm not ordering a ton. And then I end up paying a little more, probably.

Yeah, this just happened to us when we went to Santa Barbara because a whole group of 12 of us went and it was like my aunt only got a biscuit, you know? So like when the bill came, I was like, let me, I asked for the bill, and then I just broke down how much everybody owed and told them because I didn't want people to pay, you know? Right. Well, as long as someone's taking, someone's got to take charge and do that,

because that's the other thing is if you are going to get that granular with it and then you're not taking the bill and then divine everything up and you just assign it to someone else to do. it, then that gets real annoyed. I'm always down to do that. I'm always down to be like, give me the bill, I'll figure it out. And it's because I don't want anyone to overpay. That gives me anxiety.

You were always in charge of the bill. Always. She's good like that. But then, do you then charge it to your card, or you give the waiter a math equation with a bunch of cards with names written by them? Well, in this case, they didn't take multiple cards. and it like set it on the menu, you know. There were many a time, though,

where we would hand over like eight cards. Oh, yeah. There was many a times where we'd be like this much on this card and this card and this card. Now that Venmo exists. Yeah, that's what I was getting at. Are you inconveniencing the waiter by doing that? Or are you just having someone pay for it?

Put it on one card. And then just everybody Venmo. Yeah. But I think that if you're doing that and someone's putting it on their card, everyone should do that while they're still at the table. Yeah. Not like I'll memo you later or whatever.

I think you should just do it right there. Then and there. Yeah. But I'm always fine with splitting it evenly. I just get anxious for other people. I don't see Rob ever getting anxious for other people. He's the one who pointed out that you have to be aware of the other people and what they get. And I said, you need to be conscious of the waiter as well, that you're not making their life a living hell.

Exactly. So take that, Rachel. Okay. Well, if you're having a dinner party for your birthday, I think you cover it. And like you don't ask people to pay for your birthday. I think that's weird. I don't think it's weird if you're not in a financial spot to be able to afford that. No, of course.

No, if you're not and people want to like throw it for you. But if you're throwing it and like inviting people, then I think that's weird. I don't think it's weird. I think a friend should then be like, we're going to cover Rachel's. It's her birthday. Exactly. Everyone else will chip in more. I think if you're rich,

if you're rich and you throw yourself a birthday and you make everyone pay, that's tacky. But if you're just like average earner and you want to have all your friends together for a dinner and they agree to go to the dinner, I think they're fine covering their stuff. Like I just went to two different birthday dinners, right? One of which was like, who's?

I went to Samarrow. Samantha's birthday. Oh, yeah, yeah. And she picked up the bill for a massive party, right? Because she can. And so she did. And that's beautiful. And that's...

This is Samantha from Sex and the City? Yes. And then I went to another friend's birthday and we all were like, we want to go to, you know, Casca for your birthday. And we all split the bill and covered her, covered our friend because she's not in a financial spot to pick up a party of people. I don't think that's weird. I don't either.

I think you treat it like a normal dinner. Yeah. Okay. That was my contribution, guys. Rachel, how often for your birthday are you planning a dinner? Never. I don't ever really... I don't really do anything for my birthday.

I know. That's why I was confused by the scenario that you painted, that you feel obligated to pay for your birthday dinner. Even just a regular dinner, I don't think you're planning. No. Last year for my birthday, birthday, I baked the hall of bread with Breyer and my mom.

And that's what I did on my birthday. I don't really care all that much about my birthdays anymore. No. But I will say this. If I have people over at my house, I get the dinner. Right. That would be super weird if I invited people over to my home. And then we're like, hey.

For the pizzas that I just ordered? Right. Yeah, that's different. Pervonis. Are you, uh, you both are like birthday week gales? Or like it's my birthday week? Nope. Birthday month?

Sure not. No. Not at all. Even my 40th. Like we didn't do anything. You got a taco person for mine at your house. For your 40th? Yeah.

Remember I was supposed to go to Italy and then there was the pandemic. She doesn't remember. Was that when we thought that the guy was sick? Yeah. We thought it was COVID and we were like freaking out. Yeah. Because it was COVID and we're like, he's like, he's like sneezing and blinding. And like we were so, we're like, he sketched out.

Remember when, remember we had a friend and it's like a funny friend, so it's even funnier if he knew who the friend was. Yeah. But like he was around like a group of people. So we wouldn't let him inside and we would only talk to him through the window. And like hand him food through the window. Oh my God, I'm dying. We did that plenty.

He had to sit by himself. I'm like, had a table house. I can't. At his own table. Just because he was around like a few people. But the funniest part is like the person who he is. I know. And asked like if you knew. Yeah, if you knew the person you'd be dying with us or you know.

Oh my God. Just picture the person that it would be the funniest to make. I have a question that I think is really important. Yeah. Do you make your bed every morning? Absolutely not Yes Do you make your bed

When you're on vacation Yes You make it in a hotel room I will Well depends on How often they're coming To clean the room And make it for me

We don't stay in hotels So I don't I can't answer that I usually stay in Airbnb You don't Wait you don't ever stay in hotel Unless I'm by myself Now with the kids

It's not enough space I'm not a bed maker But I When we were just on vacation at the lake, I did kind of make the bed. So you will never make your bed. I would love to challenge you to make your bed every day, anywhere you are, for 30 days and see how you feel. It can make the difference with my mental health. 100%.

All right. Would you be down for that? Every single day, no matter what, even if you're like, ah, shite. It's 5 o'clock and I forgot to make my bed make it. Okay. And I also think you should watch the documentary, The Minimalist. Oh, God. You know, I am what I am.

Right. We're trying to change that. Here's the challenge they do in The Minimalist, which Jeff and I are going to do, and I would love you guys to watch it and do the challenge with me. What is it? Day one, you get rid of one thing. Day two, two things. Day three, three things all the way up until 30 days.

Day 30, you have to get rid of. rid of 30 things. Do you know that I could get rid of 30 things in your playroom in like five minutes? Oh yeah. I could, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like there's 30 things in your kitchen we could get rid of. There's 30 things in your makeup drawer. Like old food? It could be anything. So are you guys going to watch it and do it? Nope. Do I have to watch it or can I just do the challenge? I think you should watch it because the idea behind it. It is, is that like how can we minimize the things in our life to create more space for experience. Are you guys planning to see Oppenheimer this week?

I want to see Barbie. That's not Oppenheimer. You know what they have up here? Drive-in. Pall of a drive-in. I know. Super excited to take Briar to a drive-in. Briar's never been to a movie before.

What? That's kind of great. I know. It sounds insane. She's never gone to the movie theaters before. But because, you know, she was young and she was always sensitive to movies. So, you know, we didn't take her. Then the pandemic. And also, I don't love going to the movies, you know. So I'm not like the first one to be like, let's go to the movies. I love a movie going to the movies. I don't love it. I really just don't. The popcorn, the candy. I'm down for that. It takes a lot for me to like sit and watch a movie. movie. Like, I'll always do it if someone puts it on and makes me. Anyways. So Oppenheimer, I think that's our assignment this week. Let's all go see it. I don't want to see it. Go see it. IMAX. I'm not going to do that, though. I don't know what it is. Is it Nolan? Who is it?

Yeah, it's Christopher Nolan. About Oppenheimer. Elabor. He's the guy who made the atom bomb. Oh. I probably would actually like this. It's apparently like a total dad movie Like fairly historical But Killing Murphy is supposed to be amazing in it I love him Me too So it's supposed to be really good huh

It is But also you guys should see past lives We haven't seen it yet But I really want to see that Oh I heard that yeah The only thing I would see is Barbie probably You guys I had a really interesting experience at

Orby Parker yesterday What? I went to the eye doctor and he prescribed glasses. So I went to Warby Parker because I was like, I'm just going to go to whatever, get some glasses. There was this woman in there. Yeah. And she was like, she came up to me. At a certain point, I thought I was on like totally hidden video.

Yeah. Because I was like, is this really happening? So she comes up to me and she starts like whispering to me. And she's like, don't buy the glass. And I was like, what? And she's like, don't buy the glasses. You need to get yourself some sunglasses, some fly-ass sunglasses. And get them turned into glasses.

Don't fuck with these. And I was like, okay. And she's like, come over here. She made me try on every pair of sunglasses in the place. And they were like big, flashy, like the bigger the better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was pulling out pictures on her phone. She's like, you need some fucking fireglasses.

Like, you can't be boring. You didn't come here to be boring. The whole thing took about 45 minutes. She would be like, you need transitional glasses that turn into sunglasses. So she'd go outside. I did it. She made me do it. No, you didn't.

Those are so, like, grandma. Those are the dorkeiest. She made. me do it. She was going outside showing me. Look at, watch, watch, watch. She'd kept the stun, and then she'd come back in, and she'd be like, fire. You see that? It's fire. And I'm like, oh, my, and the people working there are like looking at me, like. She didn't even work there. This lady worked there or no? No. No. She did not work there. She was there. She was there. She was there. She was there. Transitional glasses, Olivia.

Rachel, like, transitional glasses. Oh my God. I was being... You're going to... Like, honestly, I even thought I'm going to have to get whatever glasses and come back and return them because I'm not going to break this poor woman's heart. She put so much time and energy into helping me figure out what my glasses were.

I'm dying. But I had to stand up for myself and be like, no, those aren't me. Because they were like big and covering my eyebrows and like, Wait, so you guys, I made the wrong move. Absolutely. Transition. Like, my pop pop pop. My pop pop war transitional.

But why is it dorky? Because, like, as soon as you go into the sun, they turn in sunglasses. And then you go inside and they're still dark. And they're still, like, kind of sunglasses. And you have to wait for them. Like, it's like a grandparent thing. I'm not trying to be like, you know. All those listeners out there with transplants.

Transitional lenses are going to hate you. It's convenient. Everyone that worked there was like, oh, yeah, that's basically that's the business. Like, you meet the transitional. And they're, like, taking the flashlight and showing me what it does. Because it costs more. It costs more. It does cost more.

Yeah, that's why you're trying to get you spend more money there. So I should return them. I just picture my pop-up coming inside and, like, his sung-like, still having sunglasses on. And it'd be like, hang on a minute. These just have to transition back. No, I feel really weird about the whole situation. You always have the most random experiences with people. Rachel, you would have died if you'd see her go out to the sun and she'd be like,

let me show you. Let me show you. No, no, no. And then she'd come whisper and she'd be like, those ones are no fire. They're not fire. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That is really kind of made my day.

Wait, guys, now I have to return my glasses. I can't wait for you to walk into my house. Your transitional glass. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I'm struggling with the fact that I have to wear glasses, period. Wait, like all the time, maybe? I need glasses. Yeah.

The eye doctor was like, you need to be wearing glasses. And I was like, well, can I get contacts? He's like, sure. You're a good candidate for contacts. But let's start with the glasses. We get contacts. I think I need to get contacts. I have contacts.

I don't like having no... You do? Yeah. I've had contacts since fifth grade. What? What? Really? You have contacts?

Mm-hmm. Are you far-sighted or near-sighted? Which is which? Far-sighted is when you can't see... See close. It's opposite, right? Correct. I'm slightly near-side.

It's not, like, super bad. We're like, I'll sometimes only wear one contact. And it's fine. Like my prescription's negative one and a half. I don't know what that means. But I am scared to put it in my eye. You think I can do it? Yeah, yeah.

You're fine. You can do it. I think I need contacts. Yeah, get contacts. You're cute in your glasses, though. I don't like it. You don't like it? No.

It doesn't feel right to me. And I tried it on every single pair, and I was like, ugh, I don't. I'm not like, it doesn't work on me. I mean, contacts are going to take a little bit of time to get used to and to get comfortable with them in your eye. But yeah. You should have them just to have them. I think it's time.

I'd rather do that. Like there's certain people I look at and they look better with glasses. It's like cool. It works for them. It's not me. Like Oppenheimer. Cuchenheim? Especially certain men.

I'm like, it's like a cute look. They wear glasses and it's like a look and it's cute. Attractive. Oh, he didn't wear them. Oh, see, that's a glitch. the Matrix. That's what they're saying. When you remember something a certain way and you're like, I swear it was this way.

And then it's not. That's because the Matrix. That's called the Mandela Effect. That's the Mandela Effect, yeah. Have you guys watched How To at John Wilson? No. No. You guys should watch the Mandela Effect episode of that.

It's like a sort of documentary series, but done in a really weird, interesting way. I can't wait. Look up the Mandela Effect episode. You too, Rachel. It's on HBO. It's on Max.

I mean, I got to watch The Minimalist. No, no. How to John Wilson will serve you better. It'll be a good laugh. Watch both. What do you think of the Mandela Effect, Rob? I think it's bullshit. I think it's...

People just misremember something and then are too stubborn and just say, no, that's actually how it was. Explain the Mandela Effect. I think you're going to have to watch that episode because they show a bunch of examples of it. It's like... I saw examples of like, how do you remember the sun for Raisin-Brand? Does it have sunglasses or no sunglasses?

Sunglasses. Yeah, exactly. So that's an example. I know. It's just people think... Here, I've got a whole bunch. Yeah, do it. All right.

So is it Jiff or Jiffy? peanut butter. Jiff. Yeah, that is. Some people swear it was jiffy. Are there two E's and Fabriz or one? Two. One.

Well, one in the beginning, but two at the end. No, one. There's one at the end? Is it sex in the city or sex and the city? And. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, Fabriz. How do you spell fruit loops?

The fruit and fruit loops. With two O's. Yeah. You get all these. Well, I have a very photographic memory, so when you're asking me these things that I can picture in my mind, I'll get them right. Well, it's just all these stupid, subtle things that people get wrong that then are like so... What's the one with the guy with the monocle? The Monopoly guy?

Oh, the Mr. Peanut? Yeah, the Monopoly guy. Does he have a monocle or no monocle? Well, you just said the guy with the monocle. I know, but how do you picture it? Yeah, with, with. I picture it with. Right, he doesn't have a monophone. He doesn't?

These are just like stupid, subtle little things that people get wrong and then insist that they are right. So that's what the Mandela effect is. Right, right, right, right, right. And then how to is John Wilson. He goes through all of these and is like, there's, he goes to like a hotel where they have a meeting for this. And there's the people presenting their Mandela effect occurrences. And they are all just so insisting. that that's how things were and not that they just were misremembering,

which is all that it is. So stubborn. So, but how do we collectively misremember is the question? It's just thing, I mean... But we don't, because I wasn't misremembering. I think there's... You did on some of them, Fabri's, Monopoly, the Raisin Brand guy.

I would imagine there's an explanation to why we think the guy has a monocle because there's maybe a different character that does that looks like him that gets crossed up. I said Mr. Peanut. Like the New Yorker character, he might have a monocle. And I think the raisin brand sun we picture with sunglasses

because I think the raisins, remember there was like the dancing raisins, they have sunglasses. Yeah. The California raisins were sunglasses. Right. Right. And was it the Bernstein's bears?

Bernstein bears? It's the Barrens. Berenstein Bears. Yeah. Berenstein Bears versus Berenstain. Oh yeah, it's Berenstain bears. It's not the Bernstein bears. But that's just like people have mispronounced that for so long,

and it's a common mispronunciation of that. That's why people think it's spelled that way. Fruit of the Loom, is there a cornucopia on it? Fruit of the Loom? The logo. What's a cornucopia? You know, like it looks like a horn that has the... Yeah.

People swear there's a cornucopia, but there is not... It's just fruit, right? Yeah. Yeah, but I could see why, because, like, yeah, when you said it, I was like, Goosephoo. Curious George, does he have a tail or not? No. I want to say no, too.

He's never had a tail. Yeah. Monopoly Man does not have a monocle. Here's one that you should get, Rachel. Is this a line from Star Wars? Luke, I am your father. No. Yeah.

No, apparently it was no, I am your father. I don't. Star War? No, I am your father. It's not Luke, I am your father. So it's never been Luke, I am your father? Apparently you just said, no, I am your father. Wow.

Really? That's a big one. Sex in the city versus sex in the city. I remember discovering that and being like, I've been calling it sex in the city. city this whole time and it's not. Really? Yeah. In? You thought it was in? Yeah.

For years. Oh, wow. What is the mirror mirror mirror line? Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest of them all? Not even said. Apparently, magic mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all is the actual line. Hmm. There's a lot.

You might get this one, Rachel. So what was Ricky Recall? Hardo's famous line. Babaloo, what do you mean? Lucy, you've got some spleenin' to do? Apparently that never... Yeah. Apparently that never was set on the show.

It never was set on the show? There's one line that never made it into the show. Lucy, you got some splain and to do, never made its way on the airwaves. How do we all say that? Yeah. Lucy, you got some spleen into do. Maybe it's like a mad TV sketch or something that said it, that then... No.

No. That's weird. Weird. If you build it, they will come from Field of Dreams was not. Field of Dreams. It was actually, if you build it, he will come. He will come. I knew that.

I knew that. Here's a Barbie one. Barbie Girl by Aqua. Yeah. I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world. It's really I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world. I just found out something I've been seeing my whole life wrong. What?

Jeff turned to me and he goes, are you serious? Is that what you think she's saying in this song? And I was like, yeah, I have always thought it was a little intense. He's like, that's not what she's saying. So I had to look it up, you know, fast car. Yeah. There's the part where it goes, and your arms, this is what I thought it said.

I thought it was, and your arms and legs wrapped around my shoulder. And he goes, you thought it was your arms and legs wrapped around my shoulder like this. They're cradling the head? No. What is it? Your arms felt nice wrapped around my shoulders. Oh, I'm with you. You thought it was arms and legs?

Yeah. And your arms and legs wrapped around my shoulders. Yeah. 100%. But picture that for a second. Your arms and legs. That's really weird. I'm with you on that one.

All right. It's a homework. Everyone's going to go watch the Mandela Effect episode of How To with John Wilson. And you guys are going to watch the minimal. and get rid of things. I'm going to start making my bed is what I'm going to do. Okay. And I'm not going to watch the middolis.

But will you do the challenge if we do it? No. Why? Because he's already dialed in. I'm not getting rid of, what does that come out to? Like 300, 400, 400 things? No, 30. No, it's one, then two.

So it's three. Then three, so six, so four, so ten. Right, right, right, right. Right. Fine, be a party pooper. I can't believe the Ricky Ricardo. was never in the show. I gotta go pee.

All right, until next week. All right, guys. That was a hate gum podcast.