Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Broad's Holiday

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

Join us for this special holiday episode of Broad Ideas! Rachel, Olivia and Rob discuss traditions, Elf on the Shelf and more, play festive games, and open musical gifts from this season's guests. We also bring on some very familiar guests to share special memories. Broad Ideas is supported by Caraway. Visit https://carawayhome.com to score up to 20% off your next purchase of non-toxic kitchenware. Broad Ideas is supported by Milk Bar. Get $15 off any order of $80 or more when you go to https://milkbarstore.com/ideas.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, here's stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. This message comes from NPR sponsor, Grammarly.

Get to the point faster and accomplish more with Gramerly. Go to Grammarly.com slash podcasts to sign up for a free account. And when you're ready to upgrade to Gramerly Premium, get 20% off for being an NPR listener. That's G-R-A-M-A-R-L-Y.com slash podcasts. brain. All these thoughts are swirling, round and round inside to join us on this journey as we take a little ride. We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys. Because people die. Welcome to broad ideas. Happy holidays. This is our

holiday episode. Happy holiday. You guys are silent for during the intro because everyone's happy at the holidays. I love the holidays. There's nothing cozier than like a Christmas tree with lights on it. I thought you were going to go straight into a nap. There's nothing cozier than Carraway. Yeah, exactly.

We're feeling the cheer this time of year. The holidays are near. Watch your rear. I see deer. How early do you guys start decorating? The day after Thanksgiving? Me too. Yeah.

You started. I followed. Rachel hired someone. Are you kidding? I have Christmas lights that have been on my house for two years that don't work. Oh, you just leave everything up. Yes. Those are up for sure.

It'll be mid-July. And it's like there's a really cute stalking over the. chimney. Hey, great question. Yes. I want to know the answer to this. Colored or white lights? On the tree? Yeah. I grew up colored lights. I go white. You got white? I grew up white. Well, we had, I did grow up a white boy. We had colored lights growing up, but I go white now. So what's the, what's your relationship to it? How does it feel? Yeah. It's too much going on with the colors. Yeah.

White matches with everything. Right. Me? She's having a real issue with decision-making undercolored or non. I grew up colored, so that feels like cozy. But when I was little, all the families that seemed and appeared to have it together had white lights. So I wanted to be that person. So I did white lights, and it didn't feel right.

Mine's more of like a design aesthetic, though, because you've already got the, like, base green. Hmm. And then you, I have red garland usually and some gold beads. Yeah, I get it. And so I did that. And then white matches all that nicely versus red, green, blue. But growing up, I always felt like, and I know we talked about, like, other people's trees and the people that had, like, the white lights and everything was, like, perfect. It just made me feel, like, uncomfortable.

Yeah, see, it made me feel like that's what I wish my family would be. Right. Uncomfortable. You guys have a lot tied to these lights. Mine is just like pure aesthetic. But you don't want to feel like you did when you were a kid. So I did white and not this year. I did color because last year I did white and I didn't feel right.

Didn't feel like cozy? So we did color this year and then I was having that same conflict. Because she always wants what she doesn't. have. And this happens like at a restaurant. Have we talked about this? Like she'll order something and someone else will order something. She'll always want what the other person ordered. So that's why I like to split have seats. Yeah, that's why she has to or she has to know what other people are ordering first. It's a thing. We do wind up sharing a lot. Yeah. But I do white lights on the outside of the house. Really? Yeah. Do you do colored? If I had lights that worked, they'd be colored. They are colored. Did you

know that they sell them? The colored lights remind me of like a Christmas horror movie that I saw. Oh, well, don't make me scared of my own house. That's just like the image I have of colored Christmas lights is from that movie. Colored lights are so cozy, but white are very pretty. I don't discriminate. I just haven't landed yet. Do you guys do elf on the shelf?

Yes. Should we do a warning if anyone still believes an elf on the shelf? Not to listen. Or a trigger warning. Or a trigger warning. All right. Warning. We're going to talk about elf on the shelf. So if you still believe in elf on the shelf or you have a child around.

Listen, yes. Put some earmuffs on. Earmuffs. And your children should not listen to this. No children should be listening. But if you're an adult that still believes. Go listen to it on a podcast. Turn this off.

If you're an adult who's still a child, well, welcome. We lose ours every year, though. Every year. You know how many I've bought? Five. I bought five fucking elves. Why don't you just pack them up with your Christmas stuff? Because then it's in there.

What if you're on paper? Oh, why don't we, Olivia? What's wrong with that question? You made that very mistake this year. It was packed up with your Christmas stuff. So the boys were going to see it because you took out all the stuff to decorate. So she thought she would hide it until it was time to use it. Where did she hide it on the boys' bookshelves?

Nothing smart. They're never going to see it there. Well, I didn't think. they'd be looking for it. Olivia. I get it. I started too early. It was a day after Thanksgiving and it was already on and popping.

We left ours at Big Bear last year. Oh, no. But we were supposed to go there with our friends. Yeah. And it was COVID times. So I don't think this was maybe the year before. And we decided not to co-mingle. So we took it for the first half and then they took it for the second half.

Uh-huh. So they were able to get it for us. And then they held onto it for like six months. Well, Calvin would have gone home and the elf would not have been there. We were there on Christmas. And then he goes away. Oh. Or like we left Christmas Day.

It worked out, okay. It's a real thing, man. My elf is, well, I don't know if it's my elf that's sexually confused or the... Or you. Or me. Elliot cannot decide what he thinks this elf is as far as it's gender. What is it? It's a fucking elf.

But I mean, it's an elf. They do come like female, male. It's a they. You have a they out. Completely. And so he named it Crystal. Okay. And originally, in his mind, it was a guy.

Yeah. But then he's like, this doesn't feel right as a guy because of its eye. lashes. And I was like, well, guys have eyelashes. And he's like, okay, well, I think Crystal's a girl. And I was like, Brad, okay, Crystal's a girl. So then we call Crystal she. And then he's like, not feeling right. I think it's a he. And I'm like, okay, cool, he. And then when I say he, he's like, I don't think he's a he or a she. And I'm like, okay, great. So he's non-binary. Mm-hmm. You know. And does he know what that means? Oh

So you said non-binary Yeah That was my way of like planting the seed Right You know? Yeah Like this is You have a they elf

I have a day elf Calvin named his Quago Oh What does that even mean? No idea Quago And then we got him

A reindeer this year You know I've had a fucking reindeer It's still in that closet for years And I just keep Does it moving back? Yeah it's like their elf pet Well You're allowed to touch

the reindeer though. You are? It comes to the book. The reindeer you're supposed to snuggle with and give it magic. And then on Christmas, it flies away and becomes one of Santa's reindeer.

God damn, and I need to take that fuck around of the closet. Calvin found the box. Oh, yeah, you told me that. And we had to improvise and say that.

Quago bought him. I just loved that his name is Quago. Quago. Yeah. K-W-A-G-F. Friars is North Pole. Real.

Clever. Yeah. Real original. One of her best friends at school had never had an elf, you know, and they come over to the house. And so, Bray are super into her elf. And I love that she still believes in the magic. And so this girl, they made a wish. They asked North Pole for an elf for her friend.

And I had to text the mom. And I'm like, dude, I am so sorry. But I have three of them if you want. Yeah. I'm like, you're screwed. I'm so sorry. And then they got her one of the females. elf and her friend named it Marty.

That's cute. I know. I like that. It's so cute. It's so cute. But yeah, I was like, I'm so sorry. You really, I owe you. You fucked them. Yeah, I totally fucked them. Do you or Jeff have to, who takes control over where the elf goes? It's both. It's really, it's a very organic flow. Like, if I go to sleep and he's up, he'll move it. But like, how creative are you? You just move it, right? No, we just move him. We bought one of the... They have so much shit now for it.

I still have stuff that's not open that came, like kits of creating scenes for them. I don't think that's a lot. It's not necessary. It's a lot. But I do like sometimes being more creative. When I have the time, it's super fun. I don't always have the time. Like this morning, I stuck a straw in an orange, and it was like, oh, he was drinking orange juice.

Oh, I just stuck him in the wreath this morning. Yeah. There's some morning he was in the stocking yesterday. Yes. And she's happy with that. We had one where he had his little anchor hook thing. Yeah. And we tied that to like the light fixture over the kitchen and he was hanging.

And we forgot to move him. So we had to tell him he got stuck. I did the same thing. Ours was hanging off the TV and he was there the next day. I was like, he must be stuck. He looks stuck. There's a lot of stuck elves out there. Yeah.

We had to cut the rope off because he got stuck. And Calvin's like, make sure you don't touch him. Oh. I know. Briar had to like, she did this, you know, they say you put cinnamon on them if you touch them. So they regain their magic. Oh, I didn't know that. So, F.I.

It's a thing. We've looked it up. It's just cinnamon on them. Yes, I've Googled this. With her? Breyer needed it. You know, it's so concerned. You know it's not real, right?

What? The one thing she remembers from last year is he had like a little fishing pole and there were goldfish crackers. That's really cute. That's a good one. And she still talks about it. She was really into that one. What other traditions do you guys have?

You always go to Canada. We, yes, we usually go to Canada. There's lots of traditions. But growing up, the main tradition I remember is my mother would make ham and eggs, like scrambled ham and eggs and bake Pillsbury cinnamon rolls in like a round tin. So there'd be one in the middle with no hard edges. My brother and I would always fight over the middle. Did he usually get it?

Probably not. We always did midnight mass on, You did? I did that with my grandmother. Me too with my grandma. Yeah. It was a thing. Yeah.

Should we go to midnight Masses here? Well? Well, we can. My son goes to a Catholic school. He was in a play. A Jesus play, right? And when she came, it was time for her to be delivered. He did a really good job.

He really did. He did not have stage right. Of course I watched it. He was pretty powerful. He was powerful. He commanded that stage. He really did. I was shocked.

I was toying with recently. What's that? Starting a religion. Starting a religion. My period was like super late and I knew there was no chance. Oh, you thought the Immaculate Conception happened to you? 100%. I started questioning it last night.

Is this real? I mean, I was funny. But it was literally, this was the conversation I was having with other, I was with other moms from Briar School that, like, we were hanging out last night. And we were talking about my period was like two weeks late. And I'm like, you guys, is it possible? No. Is it possible for sperm to somehow hang out somewhere inside and then find an egg, a little lone egg that's like, what if they were like searching for each other? Their whole lives? I'm picturing like a wintry wonderland deserted.

Why don't you stop picturing that, please. But no, I was like, okay, it's Christmas time, macula concept. She's like, I always knew I was special. I knew I came here for a big reason. The second coming. Yeah. No, but it was like never happened before my life. So I was like, you guys.

Do you have any updates for the audience? I've got my period this morning. Thank you. Christmas cheer everywhere. Christmas cheer all around. That's my brain. Welcome. What other traditions do we have?

Yeah, what do you do on Christmas even? Well, God. Do you have new traditions that you and Jeff? I hope so. I appreciate it. We better hope so. Well, let's go then to

what's the most traumatic thing that happened on Christmas to you? Oh, no. Those are real questions. Those are real questions. Well, this is a real podcast. This isn't a pretend podcast. I'm not going to lie. Christmas's growing up were a little rough.

It was always hard. It really was. Well, elaborate. Because someone would, well, I grew up with alcoholic parents and someone would always get, it would always get ugly, someone would always get drunk, there would be ambulance. I mean, it was a thing. And so I hated Christmas for a long time because I was like, Christmas is when people fuck up. Was this because you have family getting together or they just use that as an excuse to get more fucked up?

Well, we'd have family getting together and I think that that would create nerves. and then put alcohol in the mix. And then the people that weren't supposed to be drinking would be sneak drinking. And then the people that were allowed to drink would drink too much. And it was just alcohol and our family doesn't work well. So you think about Christmas growing up and it's not like a positive feeling. I'm not going to lie. It makes me feel nauseous.

Yeah. Which is why I realized I always liked Halloween because no one ever fucked up Halloween. There was no pressure. It wasn't like all the family. family's getting together. It was like the kids go trick-or-treating. Christmas, never great. However, now we've started our own traditions. Right. And we do like, we bake cookies for Santa the night before. Yeah. Yeah. And we do the carrots and the milk and the cookies. And it's all cozy vibes. Love it. I told you what Breyer said to her friend about, what did I tell you this,

about Santa? They were talking about Santa. And this is Aria, the girl who named Marty, the elf. And she's like, do you believe in Santa? And Breyer's like, of course I believe in Santa. And she's like, yeah, me too. And Briar goes, my mom could never eat all of those cookies. Oh. If that was my kid, they would be like, I think my mom eats of cookies.

Exactly. I love it. I love the baking. I do. Yeah. Do you have anything specific you make every year? Well, I kind of like to carry on my mom's traditions of cookies. My mom does all the same cookies. I don't do all the ones she does. How many does she do?

Want me to list them? Sure. There's like at least five different variety of cookies she'll do. Snickerdoodle. No, she'll do like Mondlebread, which is actually my great grandmother on the Jewish side of the family. Butter cookies, which are also called like Spritz cookies, you know. I love those. Me, those are my favorite.

Those are my favorite. I love them. We do Cracker Candy. Love. We do, she does Pitzels, which are like an Italian. They kind of look like a waffle iron cookie, but they're really thin. She does this biscotti thing, but it's not Biscotti. It's like Biscotti Dolce.

It's a different, and it's an Italian thing. Am I missing any of the cookies? Chocolate chips. Does she do the milk on the cookie cookie cookies? Rob makes a cookie as a tradition. I do. I make a oatmeal. with cranberries and white chocolate.

And they're delicious, and why are they not here today? All right, we have a special song that I'm going to play. First one. First, there's more than one. Oh, my God. This is a surprise to us, too. I'm just touched. Where?

Yeah, this is a surprise. In my immaculate conception. Yeah. finest gifts we bring pa rum pump pump fun before the king rum fum fum fum fum fum rum fum fum peace on earth

can it be years from now perhaps we'll see see the days of glory the days when men live in peace live in peace again Every child care enough to give all the little bade. I stood beside him.

Rum, pump, pump, rum, pump. My child and your child, too. He'll see the days of glory. The days live in peace, live in peace again. So I asked some people that have been part of the show the last year to sing their favorite Christmas songs for us. Oh, that's Genevieve. That's Genevieve.

That does our theme song. Aw, that's her favorite Christmas song. Yep. That's so sweet. Beautiful. So we've got a few more of those. A few more? A few more.

A few more of those. Oh, my God. Okay, I'm so excited. I love it. I love it. I love a surprise. I know. I feel really vested.

I put Christmas lights in the room. See, you guys are warming this heart of coal. We're changing your heart group 10 times. Now this is going to be our Christmas tradition. Opening presents from Rob. That's our weekly. We've got a game we want to play now. We're going to break up into teams.

And we're going to reenact some scenes from some classic Christmas movies. And the odd man out is going to have to try to guess what movie it came from. Okay. All right. Do you want to start then with me, Rachel? Yeah. Okay. The first one? Let's do scene one.

It says scene one, right? Yep. Okay. And Olivia has to. Wait, do I listen to the whole thing in Nengas? Yes. Yeah, listen to the... Okay.

I don't even rehearse this at all. Oh, man. All right. Santa? Yeah? You're bringing my present early? No. But I never told you what I wanted.

I said I didn't bring it, dip shit. Okay, good. I want a stuffed elephant, a pink one. Yeah, well, wish in one hand and shit in the other. We'll see which fills up faster. Okay. I'm going to be staying here a while. Things are all fucked up at the North Pole.

Mrs. Santa, she walked in on me fucking her sister. So I'm out of my fucking ass She's taking half of everything This will do I'm gonna crash here You and me Like, you know, bachelors Do you and Mrs. Santa have kids?

No, thank the fuck Christ What about the elves? Yeah, well, them, they stay with Mrs. Santa. I get them on the weekends Run me a bath, will you? What about the reindeer? Don't start with the fucking reindeer. What's their names?

Who? The elves. Oh, fuck. I can't remember. Sneasy, dopey. That's a seven-year. Dwarves. Shit.

Is that not, I just, fuck, I don't know. I'll just say, hey, Bub, look, I, fuck me. I don't know this fucking shit. Why is everything a fucking test with you? Do I get to guess?

Yeah. Bad Santa? Yeah. I know. He's my thief. I know. My dog, I name my dog after Thurman-Merman from Bad Santa.

That's how obsessed I am and was with Thurman. The dog you don't have anymore. The dog she gave to her mom. Thurman died. He was a real. real asshole. He had issues. But I named him originally. He was the cutest puppy, and

he had a cute name. He had a cute best name. And it wouldn't pickle for you. I covered it wouldn't pickle for you. I love Bad Santa. It's so good. Probably my second favorite Christmas movie. It's your second favorite? What's your first?

Which you can't say because... I can say. It's in Bruch. Oh, yeah. And you claim that it's not a Christmas, but it's Christmas movie. Have you guys seen it? You know what? I don't know that I've ever seen it, but I haven't. I haven't. I'll watch it. I'll watch it, but I don't think anyone would have guessed that. You give good movie recommendations, Rob. It's Martin McDonald.

Okay. I'll watch it. All right. Are you guys going to go now? Yeah, let's do a scene. You read Bad Sienna really well. Thanks. He had a missed calling. All right. Let's read ours for Rob. All right.

Who's who? Are you, H or R? I think you should be R. Okay. Okay, ready? Yeah. Wow. Okay, I'll have it, thanks. Do you want it gift wrapped? Yes, why not? Indeed.

There we go, just pop this in here. Excellent. Not quite finished. Blue or Burgundy? Ah, blue will be fine. Look, if we could just get on a bit. Certainly, sir. Ready in the flash of all flashes.

That's great. Oh, thank you, sir. We try to make things beautiful. Well, you certainly do. That's great. Oh, Jesus, actually. need a bag, I can just put it in my pocket. This isn't a bag, sir. Oh, really? No, sir. This is so much more than a bag. Could we be quick, please? Certainly, sir. Prontissimo.

What, Miracle on 30 Fifth Street? It's 34th Street, first of all. Miracle on 34th Street? No. Would it help? It's a wonderful life. Sorry, would it help if we did this? Where they sing, um, the song. I don't want a lot for Christmas. There is just one. Just one. One thing I need. Don't care about the presents. What about the other song they do? What's the other song they do? The love is everywhere.

You know, the good thing says. Oh, it's famous for if I wanted to say something to you, but I didn't say it. And I held it up. Flash cards in front of me and you had to read it as I go through them. This is the Bob Dylan song. No. And then there's the song that the guy does. Oh, as the rock star.

Yes. The love is everywhere. Yeah. And Hugh Grant plays the prime minister. Does this love actually? Yeah. I don't think I've seen this. What?

What? It's my all-time favorite Christmas movie. Can you guys pick the rom-com? Yeah, we wanted to stump you. Hello. Love actually is everything. It's literally my favorite Christmas movie. Okay, Rob, let's do our next one.

All right. Ready? I know what it is. How's the live bait business? Can't complain. How are you doing? Not that good, actually. Your company killed all the people in India not too long ago? No, we missed out on that one.

You're pretty well set so far as shopping goes. Can't lie to you. The truth is, things aren't going good at all. I said I borrowed the RV from my neighbor. It's mine. We live in it. I sold off the house and the barn and the 10 acres. All I kept was a 50-foot plot and the pigs in the worm farm. If I had back all the money, me and Catherine sent that TV preacher that was screwing the hockey players. What about the kids? I sent the money to the preacher himself.

His kids can fend for themselves. Your kids. Oh, well, that's the bitch of it. I don't know what to do. We coasted into town on fumes. Gas money run out and Kankakee. Kankakee. The Chicago suburb.

Kankakee. I want to help you give the kids a nice Christmas. I couldn't do that. No, no. We insist. I'm not one for charity. I know that, but it's not charity. It's family.

I don't know. If you don't tell me what they want, I'll get the stuff on my own. Boy, this is a surprise. Just a real nice. surprise. Here's a little list. Alphabetical, starting with Catherine. And if it wouldn't be too much, I'd like to get something for you, something real nice. Are you done? Yeah. Is it John Candy? No. That's not a movie. That's not a movie title, Olivia.

I feel like you're in the right, like, generation. Is it Chevy Chase? But what's the movie? National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation? Yes. Yep. You got it. Oh, I got it. Okay. All right. Yeah, you know, it's with Randy. Randy Quaid and... Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. He's got the shitter. He's like, he brings the shitter. I remember. I love... Natalie had never seen Christmas vacation until, like, two, three years ago, and I made her... Calvin watches with me now. What?

That's cute. Okay, well... Let me see if I got it. Let me just see... Wait, we have one. Yeah, let me and I are up. Oh, you have one. Okay, I'm Googling to see if I can find a scene.

Okay. Well, you got to see if I can find a scene. Go ahead, guys. I'm listening. We know how well you multi-task. I'm listening. I have it up already. All right. Okay. Go. Christmas is about resolving differences and seeing through the petty problems of family life.

Yeah, and it's about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs, and your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip, and they stop speaking for years. Your mother waxes her upper lip? She has for years. It sure doesn't show. Do you really want to live? listen to my father and your father go at it over who suffered most during the war? That's all part of it. You take the good with the bad.

The damage is done. They're all coming. But just beware that it's not going to be all sweetness and light, especially since my dad had its back operation. He's extremely touchy about it. No problem. Nothing's going to spoil this Christmas. Not even your dad. What? Not even your dad. How about a little home shopping? It's so late. Can I just, can I just thumb through your catalog? Okay. If I can go through yours first. Oh.

What a big catalog this year. All the better to serve you with. What is this? You're in the sporting goods section. I mean, the first thing that came to my mind, and this is me going off instincts. I don't know if it's right. It's a family stone. But it's not, right?

No. Family stone. That's Rachel McAdams. Don't. Yeah. But I know this scene. I can like, and. It's like, and then the families are coming together.

And they're, like, getting married this couple? No. No. They're already married? They're married. They're married and the families are coming. How famous is it? I kind of played a trick on you.

Why? We shouldn't have told her that. Well, right now it can. You played a trick on me? She's flailing over here. A little bit. Well, he played a trick on both of us. It's not a Christmas movie?

It is. What is it? It's Christmas vacation? You just did it twice? Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, you did trick me because we already did it, so I wouldn't think it was that. Yeah.

Well, it worked. It did work. Fuck off. Okay. Now, where's those vinegar shots that you got to take? Shut up. I sent this to you. So see if you can pull it up and we're just going to read this.

Okay. All right. Okay. Well, that was a fine meal. Yes, it was. Wasn't it? Yes. Where shall we go now?

Let's have a lunch. Oh, good idea. Now quiet down, you must. Melons. Hey, I'm being stolen. Hey, help, help me. Hey, put me down. What about my nose? Ow! Banana peels coming down. Come along, ladies. Here's a nice Christmas turkey. Turkey. Get your Christmas turkey. Hey, what? Get back in the box there. What's your guess? I don't know if I have one for this either. The next lines go. Are you really not going to guess? You can't Google anything over there. I wasn't, I wasn't Googling that.

Okay, sorry, say yours. Rizzo! Hello! Welcome to the Muppet Christmas Carol! I was gonna pick the Muppet Christmas for you to guess. Well, I would know it. I know, I would not.

I said I'd love that movie so much. Have you watched it? I've seen it, yeah, probably a few times, but not often. It's in the singing of the street corner choir. It's getting home and getting warm by the fire. It's true wherever you find love, it feels like Christmas. You are a Muppet. I fucking love Muppet.

Do you guys have Christmas movies? You have to watch every year? Love actually. Love actually? Mine's just friends. We were trying to do Just Friends, but we couldn't find the script anywhere. You guys could not, I mean, I would have known it by first word. We wanted to stump you, though.

How? And humiliate you by not having you get it. Calvin got really into Home Alone last year, so we've burned through, though. No, we haven't done, what? Did you know Scarlet? Johansons and like the third or fourth one? Did not know that. I've never seen the third or fourth one. Well, you should watch all of them.

Well, I was thinking about showing Briar Home Alone this year, but then I was thinking about it. I looked up how old Kevin is. He's eight. I feel like it would be traumatizing for her a little bit. Why? She's so, but you guys, I'm not for like, I don't think it's traumatizing for kids. She's so sensitive. Like, I feel like she thinks that that could actually happen to her. We made the joke last night, Ellie and I, that what would happen if we just left Calvin?

home while we go to Texas for Christmas, what he would do. Did you just do it to him? If we did it. And what did you say? We didn't ask him. We were just, we were hypothetically saying what would happen? What would he do if he was just left home and we were gone? I mean, he'd go to our neighbors. Oh, see, I think Kelly, it would be fine.

I think Calvin would be fine. Yeah. He would figure out what to do. We would get arrested. He'd be cereal. Yeah, he'd play his iPad. He would draw. He would do everything he does anyways.

we just, he's really into sit-ups right now and push-ups. What? Yeah, he's making a workout video. He's like getting like, what's the movie? He's like, Jane from Batman? He's like literally like, I need a plate of vegetables right now. Mom, I'm getting shredded. Some raw eggs.

And I'm like, okay, kid, I give him like plates of vegetables to give him strength for his 200 sit-ups and 200 push-ups. Oh my God. Yeah, I just don't know how Briar would react and I mean that. Like, I think she'd be fun. You don't think she can, like, it's a movie. Disassociate from a movie that she's watching. She does handle live action better than animated, so I think she would be okay.

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event has been extended so you can get non-toxic kitchenwares at the best prices. Save up to 20% on all Carraway products, including their internet famous non-toxic cookware set. For the first time ever, you can now save on Caraway's food storage, tea kettle, and mini cookware. This exclusive deal won't last long. Make sure to shop your favorite colors and products while you still can. I am so in love with my Karaway products. Not only do I have the cookware set, I got the minis recently, the pan, and the pot. And let me just tell you, not only are they the perfect size, they're so pretty to leave out, and I feel good about what I'm cooking in them, which is usually for my daughter, because it's the smaller portions, and there's no chemicals I can feel good about what I'm giving her because of how

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given back to me have I been good enough to ask for your love you're the only girl I've got on my list I write your name I know it's foolish I chase the feeling

you keep me dreaming. I can make your mind, make your mind this season. Make your mind, make your mind, make your mind, make your mind this season. Bells ring out on the street, snow falling at our feet, lights glowing in the trees, will you dance with me? Have I been good enough? to ask for your love. You're the only girl I've got on my list. I write your name. I know it's foolish.

I chase the feeling. You keep me dreaming. I can make your mind, make your mind this season. Make your mind, make your mind, make your mind. Make your mind, make your mind this season. Put a star at the top of my tree. I just want to make you mine.

It's light is going to lead you straight to me. I just want to make you mine. You're the only girl I've got on my list. I write your name. I know it's foolish. I chase the feeling. You keep me dreaming. I can make your mind, make your mind this season.

Like the horse with your mind, make your mind. Bows of horse. Make your mind, make you mind. Come on, baby. Make you mind. It's Christmas time. You're the only girl I've got on my list. I write your name.

I know it's foolish. I chase the feeling. You keep me dreaming. I can make you mind, make you mind this season. That was Tegan and Sarah. That was so beautiful. They wrote that for happiest, in that Clay DeVall movie.

It was Aubrey and Allison Brie and Christine Stewart. So amazing. It's really gorgeous. Gorgeous. Make you mind this season. That was really sweet. Thanks Tegan and Sarah. We love you guys.

And Genevieve, this has been such a treat. All right. Do we want to call our siblings? Oh. For this one? Well, some of us can call our siblings. Come of us can't. All right, I'm going to call my brother.

He's going to be like, what? Hello. Oh, hello. Hi, brother. Hi. Hi. How's it going? We're recording the podcast.

Olivia and Rob are both here. Hi, John. Hi, John. Hi. Have you met my brother yet, Rob? I don't think so. Oh, man. You're in for a tree.

We're both of a Dodgers game, though, I think. Oh, yeah. Do you know what Jeff does with the boys? Every night of our lives. What? Body slamming John. They get in line for a body slamming John. That's so cute.

So there's a home video of my brother and I from what like the 80s in our duplex. And my brother is on the bed going body slamming John. And he like hits his elbow and then he body slams the bed. Was this before after you lost your virginity to his friend? Oh, Rob, you don't know my brother. You can not go. this is how we're starting this fucking conversation fucking Rob really just soured the whole fucking thing

they're called believe it or not it's a holiday episode why believe it or not because of what Rob is how he started it off oh yeah and we're talking we're calling family members about like holiday memories Christmas memories growing up okay do you have any of us

Well, that's a smooth transition. Isn't it? Yeah, just any random story of us during the holidays? Any memories? Preferably a good one or an embarrassing one about Rachel. Oh, God. Yeah. Wow.

I know. I don't have a lot. So you called me to try to fill in these gaps. Dude, you know, the thing is, is like, I'm racking my brain for, you know, our holidays are like the one time of year where everything isn't all fucked up in our family, you know? So, because it's like, it's all wrapped around our mother who, uh, you know, makes all these, like, amazing Italian dishes and like, it's the one thing that we look forward to. So it's kind of like, it's kind of like a joyous time, which is, I know, quite, uh, shocking.

because most people's holidays are terrible. But, like, ours are actually good. Do you remember the year, and mom's not going to appreciate me telling this, that she got so stoned on Christmas Eve where she couldn't do anything and, like, couldn't clean, couldn't even participate? Or was that Thanksgiving? No, I thought you were going to be like, or was that me? No, I don't know. I mean, I could tie in a little bit.

So, like, okay, so I had a good friend growing up. up who yeah Rachel lost her virginity too and that was like a huge beef and I fucking I just I basically could never forgive the guy and um

he barely forgave me but for many years before you know his mom was around and she was friendly with our mom and so it was those two moms it was our mom and my buddy who took Rachel's virginity's mom

Oh my God. Hang it out in the kitchen and they're like making all and they're both Italian and they're making all the Italian stuff and they hit this joint. Next thing you know, all the fucking Italian dishes are burned to a crisp.

The sauce is like fucked up and stuck and sticking to the fucking sides. And they're just, and I come in there and it's like, you know, it's like a whole fucking kitchen fire and they're just like hunched over like laughing.

convulsingly. They can't even control it. They just fucking, they're like, fuck it. We're going to order whatever the fuck we ordered that year. Did you want to order? I feel like that. Yeah, we couldn't. An exaggeration.

I don't know, man. I don't know where the, there was no meatballs. There was no sausage. There was no fucking pork. There was no brajole. There was none of that stuff. And, yeah, it was all because they got so goddamn high. and like and that touched off a lot of years of you know

of being too high Jan but yeah yeah she smoked so much dope after that he's joking she could never get together man all the time but I will but but on a nice note I will say yeah I should have forgiven my buddy a long time ago And I did to a certain degree, but I feel bad about how much I raked him over the coals for it.

But, you know, it's like you fucking live and learn. And I don't fuck around with my shit. That's right. That's right, brother. She is your shit. Yeah. I know. Don't fuck around with my family.

That's my big brother. And it gets, it just gets, it just, it gets too messy. It does. It gets a lot like that. You know, that, that, that story of the dinner going wrong is quite a nice analysis. because it's just when shit gets too messy, you just got to order out, you know. Don't go in-house. Don't go in-house.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I love you so much, and I appreciate you participating in this. And I did say that on Christmas mornings, we would always fight over the center of the Pillsbury cinnamon rolls when mom would make them in the circle tin. Yeah. And that wasn't really a fight. You just got it. You did? Yeah.

Oh. Little baby Ray Ray. My brother ate everything off my plate. Well, we appreciate our big bros. We talk about you all the time. And I am the person I am for the good of it all because of you. And I love you. Yeah.

And I appreciate it. And the bad. I love you too. Love you so much. Thanks for talking to us and putting up with Rob. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Oh, you're Rob. I think we need a whole interview with John. He's my brother's the best. He is the best. When you said that, I was like,

oh, fuck. Like, that is like his trauma. It is. Yeah. Yeah. It is. But he's okay.

He's worked it out. Hi. Hi, Mom. We're just pulling into the garage and walking upstairs. Okay. What's up? What's going on? Well, I have you on a call with,

I don't know, the world. Because we're with the world. We're recording our podcast right now and we have you on the line because we're calling our loved ones to talk about special Christmas memories if you happen to have any. Let's see. I have a lot of them. My favorite Christmas is for all. with children. All of my children, I can't think of a single favorite.

They were magical, you know, and now with my grandchildren, it's the best. Aw. When I see Shepard and Elliot, when I see Elliot with his enthusiasm, when he gets a gift, it cracks me, it's just fabulous. Cool. You know? And I'm lucky to have grandchildren. We're all so grateful.

Which one is your favorite grandchild? All of them, just like you're all my favorite kids. We know that I'm your favorite child. We all know that Olivia is your favorite. Yes, and Sabrina believes she's my favorite, and David thinks he's my favorite. But who's your real favorite? But that's the way it should be, right?

But we know who my real favorite is, you know that. It's Steve, isn't it? You know, your dad. And I had a lot of happy memories and sad ones. You know, like on Christmas, we finally got dated his bike. And he went over with a kid and rode his bike to La Cumber Plaza. And then he had to go pee. And he peed like somewhere and came back and the bike was gone.

Oh, no. That was a sad one. Oh. Oh, I have another Christmas memory. Okay. Your dad and I stayed up all night putting together a swing set. Yeah. For you guys when we lived on Cathedral Oaks.

And our friend Neil came over and sat on the swing and bent the rod in half. Was he a little hefty? He was hefty. No, he shouldn't have been doing that. And the whole thing just, you know, was dipped in half, so half of it was not usable. And he was hurt from. He felt terrible. I'm sorry, you had to go through that.

I have memories of much worse Christmases than that, but. I'm sorry. I don't, see, I don't remember them. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. All right, Mom, that does it. You did it. You shared.

We love you. I love you so much. Love you, Rachel. Love you so much, Patricia. And your family, you mean the world to me. I'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye.

Hello. Hello, Greg, Rob's dad. Yes. Hi. I'm Rachel. I'm Olivia. There's your son. Hello.

Hello. We're calling you because we wanted to see if you had any embarrassing stories about Rob that are Christmas related. Oh, as long as they're Christmas related, I don't have anything. As long as they're not embarrassed. The more embarrassing, the better. Do you mind if I get my wife on the call? We would love if you got your wife on the call. Oh, good.

She's got a better memory for these kinds of things, and then once she starts, I will. He doesn't remember anything about you. You are being recorded. Hi. I'm on space right now. This was a question about any memories of Rob and Christmas. For the Christmas season, he got pneumonia and he had to be home. And he decided to, he was about eight or nine, and he made all of these Christmas pictures

with all kinds of glitter and stuff on. I still have all the pictures downstairs. And he would give them to people. He would give them to people. In the family, he like made him for, you know, different family members and stuff. That's so sweet. Sounds like Calvin. Doesn't sound like Rob, but.

Right. It sounds like Calvin. Yeah. Aw, that's so sweet. You know, your son's a very thoughtful gift giver in person. So that makes complete sense. It does. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And he's all time just coloring. and putting glitter all over in the picture. I just love that there was glitter. Yeah, I really like the glitter. Oh, that is so sweet. Well, we'll have to see if you have any of those laying around.

Maybe you could snap us a picture and send it. Yeah, a picture of those. We'd love to see them. Okay, I'll see if I can find them. Thank you. It was so nice to meet you both. We hear about you all the time and we can put a face to a name. Thanks for the call.

Yeah, happy holiday. Bye, guys. Bye, bye-bye. Bye, Dad. See ya. So sweet. That was cute. We got another song.

Okay, let's do our song. Guys ready? Yep. Sunday Christmas, men won't play. My kids play with toys. One, one December, our hearts will see a world. be what christmas is for when we have found where life's really worse

shun-day all our dreams will come sunday's so cool it was gorgeous i feel so special What a nice Christmas present That's really I love her voice I love her voice It's so good Everyone's voice Obviously

Yeah But hers is really Oh that's so awesome We have to do gifts Let's uh open your guys gift Look how nice he wraps It's a box Oh my god

This wrapping paper is like Very spandexy What does that say Linguafranca Are you Rob got all of us. That is beautiful. They're cashmere sweaters with Rod.

They're absolutely beautiful. They're beautiful. Oh my God. Okay, who did you have in mind for what color? You have to tell us because we won't decide. I had Rachel. Rachel, you have the purple, and you got the blue. Great.

They're so beautiful. Rob, he fucking killed it with it. You do kill it. You kill it. That's really sweet, Rob. And actually super duper duper cute. So cute and cozy. Hell yes.

Oh my God. Thank you. I'm surprised you don't know about this company. I don't know about this company. We actually saw the ones that they do embroidered at the Great and we were like, we should get broad ideas. Remember? Nope. But I believe you.

This was like two weeks ago? This was like last week. I sent her the embroidered sweater and said, we should get this with broad ideas. Oh. And she said that's a great idea. And then look what you did. Thank you so much.

Oh, I'm so sweet. Okay. Rob's present isn't. So, Rob, did we print a picture? We printed a picture of Rob's present because it has not arrived yet. I'm opening this? Open the little things first and then the, and then the main thing that's in the envelope. Which ones first?

No, it's just a little. I told you about that this morning, the one I wrapped this morning. Nice. This is for our podcast to start using. prompts. Your prompts, Rob. Thank you. Aren't you so excited?

So excited. We should open it. Rude science. Nice. This seems appropriate for me. Yeah, rude. Right. He's so rude.

Thank you. As we just open these beautiful cashier sweatsh. Here's your book. It's a rude book. Grandpa. He's like a grandmom. He's super grandma. He's a grandma.

A little cozy Rob situation over there. I can't get this on the loop. A podcast starter kit. Includes a condenser microphone, one filter, shock mount. You bought me equipment to have you set up and used. For you to make me like try podcasting. Thank you. That's not what we got you wrong.

It's not. He was like, you suck. Did you see the disappointment on his face? There was no disappointment. Lies. You were like, uh-huh. It's not what we got you. That's not what we got you.

We just thought it would be funny if you were open it. Olivia did see that yesterday at DJ Max and sent me a picture of it. I've seen that. I've seen that. I think we've had a host send us that and say, should I get this? Oh, really? No. Does it work? I mean, it's fine.

Rachel was saying I should have gotten it for a white elephant gift. Yeah. Wouldn't that be amazing? You got what else. Right? So your present isn't here today. You had got little presents, but your main present isn't here. You're not unveiling it.

No. All right. No. You have to wait. Open this. I just wanted you to open something. You're so cute. Let's see

Battle of the Besties game Dude We've got some besties to battle Fuck yeah we do We should have Alana and Sasha Battle us because it's a besties battle Oh Like we battle us

Other besties Other? Ather? Just become Russian I did I did She did She went there

That's fun So fun We should play this It's a hilarious game that will find out who truly knows their besties best. Love it. Love it. I think you guys should have to play that with me. Oh, yeah, like who you know better?

Who knows me better? Oh. Okay. Let's do it. Well, this was our holiday episode. Is it over? It's over. It's done.

A exciting holiday episode. Wait, last question. Really quick. Favorite Christmas song everyone has to pick. Like, wait first? Yes. Mine was always grandma got run over by a reindeer. Interesting.

We used to have it on cassette tape and played in the car. And then it went missing one year. And we think my grandma took it and ran over. She hated that song. And we would play it. it all the time when she was around for Christmas. Do you think she was scared? Because was it her husband who ran into a...

No, no, no, no. That was the other side. Oh, okay. All right, what's yours? Mine is Last Christmas. Oh, yeah. By Wham. Yeah, you love that one.

Love it. You know, the first thing that came to mine is specifically Judy Garland, who sings it and meet me in St. Louis. She sings, have yourself a merry little. Chris, that one. What's it actually called? Why don't you sing the whole thing? Have yourself a merry little Christmas, I think?

Isn't it? I love that song. You know, and she's in the window, and it's Christmasy, and it's snowing, and she's so beautiful in that movie. Actually, wait, I have a really quick story. In elementary school, I got voted to be, like, the captain of the drill team where you made up dances and stuff, and there was a Christmas pageant, and everybody had to pick their song and make up a dance for the drill team to perform for all the parents for Christmas.

The other girls, you know, years past, it's always jingle bell rock, all these things. Well, it's a good one too. I like Jingleball Rock's good. So what I did for mine in sixth grade was Christmas and Hollis by Run DMC. Christmas and Hollis? You don't know that song? It was a 7-24-3. No, no, no. Do you get... My backup dancer over here, my fly girl. I'm saying that's my last name. Hollis, but it's spelled... That's not how you pronounce your last name. Hollis? Yeah. I guess I never say your last name, bro. Yeah, but that's not how it was pronounced in my brain. No. Well, that's my last name. I got in trouble, though, guys, the teacher had a drill team.

Like, all the parents were so pissed, you picked a rap song. What? Yeah. Because I didn't pick. She also didn't like me because she really wanted my best friend's other best friend to be the co-captain, but I got voted to co-captain and she always had it out for me. But anyway, I got in trouble for doing Christmas in Hollis, but that was me in sixth grade. It's fitting, and now you do the podcast with Hollis. Oh, boy.

And that was a humble brag. Fuck yeah, it was. You guys, well, I hope everyone has very happy holiday, no matter where or what it is. And we appreciate all of you listening week after week. And we wish you a very, very happy holiday season and a wonderful new year. Yeah, and to end the episode. Yes. Got one more song.

So this is who I'm spending Christmas with this year. Is it Santa? It's my friend Matthew Logan Vasquez. He is in the band Delta Spirit. And he... He likes you enough to do this for us? And to spend Christmas with me. It's crazy.

Christmas? Let me do Christmas with me. I'm spending Quithmas with me. Oh, my God. That's so cool. So here's Matt. Thanks, Matt. Matt.

They'll conspire To face unfraid The plans that we made That was a hit Rachel Billson The song We're having a day That was a head

That was a headgum podcast