Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Emelia Hartford on Custom Cars, Losing her Father, and Big Dreams

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

Content Warning: SuicideEmelia Hartford [Gran Turismo] talks with Rachel and Olivia about losing her father to suicide at 15, and working through that trauma by building custom cars. They also discuss kids and mental health, silver linings, and the time Rachel flew a plane?!Broad Ideas is supported by Talkspace. Get $80 off your first month at Talkspace.com/IDEAS.Broad Ideas is supported by Quince. Go to Quince.com/ideas for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Broad Ideas is supported by Blissy. Get better sleep now with Blissy and use code RACHEL to get an additional 30% off at blissy.com/RACHEL.To hear more from Emelia, check out Car Stories with Sung Kang and Emelia Hartford, available now wherever you get your podcasts.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or, wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I just wanted to give a trigger warning because on today's episode, we touch on the subject of suicide and other sensitive topics. So we wanted to give our listeners and viewers a little warning in advance that some of the

stuff is sensitive to listen to. Thanks. Welcome to broad ideas. Thanks. You're so welcome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Amelia Hartford is here with us today. She's an actor, a race car driver. A custom car builder, too. I'm sorry. I think that's so badass. Like when she got here,

you had her, you had her look at your car, you had her do some tune-ups, you had to fix some piping. No, she did help. I had a fly in my kitchen bathroom and she did help me with the outside water system. I'm not going to lie. But Olivia came in here when she got here and was like, dude, she just backed her car in. to the spot. And I was like, uh-huh. But like she's like, no, but like the way she did it,

Olivia does not back in cars for what it's worth. I don't. But I can imagine the way she did it was impressive. I would be impressed by it too. But just the fact that Olivia was like, she fucking backed her car in.

It was impressive because she pulls up and then you can hear the car coming and you're just like, okay. And then she like zooms in and just like, whack,

bam, you know, like, It backs it up in a way that you're like, that was super swaggy. Yeah. No, I totally. I've never done anything like that in my life. I've never backed a car up.

I think you've ever backed a car up or in. Shouldn't even be driving? Let me ask you, are you a backer in her or a head in her? I'm backed in right now. I like to back in sometimes. Yeah, it's easier to get out of your driveway. There's certain driveways that I back in. You're a masculine driver.

I know we're not supposed to use sexes because that's sexist, but you're a masculine driver. You drive like a dude. Is that a compliment or is that scary? I'm attracted to that. So when you drive, let me tell you. Should we welcome her? Yeah, she's waiting outside.

She's back in the car in. All right. Welcome Amelia. Sometimes when the one's sick inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling round and round inside. Join us on this journey as we take a little ride. We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings.

We'll talk about boys. Because people die. So, you know, I walked into you guys already talking. And I'd like you to continue because I feel like it's a conversation. Yeah, I need to be a part of. As I walked in, the first words I heard were crooked toe. and I was like, what's happening here? So let's get into it.

Yeah, we were talking about getting comfy, taking shoes off, and letting the dogs out or not. And I always wear socks or I try to crop my feet out of photos because I didn't realize that I had, one, there is such a world of, like, feet out there. Right? But, too, I didn't, like, I knew I had, like, a little crooked toe. I just didn't realize it was, like, really crooked until I posted a photo and, like, these open-toed heels.

And people were commenting? Oh, big time. It's a new insecurity for me. Well, people love to point out. Thank you for that. But there is a thing called WikiFeed. I've heard of this. Have you looked?

Feet finder, I think is another one. Feet finder. And where people, there's pictures all of your feet. They're rated. My feet are up there. I feel like we're just sending people are now going to look up our feets on Feetfinder and these WikiFee. We've really just dug a hole for ourselves because now people are going to be staring at our feet.

But also, don't you find it weird that people feel the, like, freedom to just comment on anything. Someone else's body. Yeah. Yeah. And also it's like feet. I know. It's not something that you can do anything about. I know. You know, it's not like, oh, she didn't brush her hair today. It's like your toes crooked. Like, yeah. Your toes. I was born that way. My option is to like surgically fix my, I'm not going to do that.

No. And it's also. I like how this is where my mind went after like several comments on. Yeah. But you're like, what the hell? I just don't, you know, it's not. very nice. And people love to make negative comments. And I think it's messed up. But, and then your mind is like, I want, do I get surgery on my toe? Yeah. And it's like, no. Yeah. Of course you're going down that rabbit hole. But of course, now I like, can I see your toes? I think there's off camera. You guys can see my feet afterwards. I'm like, how crooked is it? It's like turning some people on just so you know. She's like off camera, you can see my feet.

But people do have foot fetish. No kidding. You can make a killing on Onlyfans. With feet? With feet. It's I bet you there's a thing for crooked toes. Oh, yeah. No. I'm serious. People are like just the way that it angles and can get in places. I don't know. If I strided an only fan's for my toes, I feel like people would recognize my feet.

And then it'd be a thing. And I don't think I can't. I can't wait that. I mean, but seriously, I always find it weird like these fetishes people have. And like we have a friend who has a boyfriend who has a big foot fetish. Yeah. I never understood the feet thing. I don't get it. What's sexy about it. And she would paint her toes with like French tip.

Uh-huh. And that's not my, I find it weird. I don't know why it looks like. French tip toes? Like on video she would paint them. Like they were away and she's like just to turn him on. A video of her painting French manicure. Maybe she does. I don't know. I just mean like French tip on the toe, it's like another level of commitment. I don't know what that is. I like getting French. Oh, you do? I was going to say, I feel it. She's kind of quiet.

She probably has it right now. Wait, guys, should I stop doing this? This is the thing? No. I guess apparently it turns people on. Well, now I'm going to stop doing it. You're like, less attention on my toes. You know what it was?

It's that she doesn't even do her nails. So when I started noticing that she had a red tip on her toes, I was like, what's that? Why the toes not the nails? Why the toes not? the nails. Turns out boyfriend likes the toes. But what does he do with the toes? I honestly, I've never

asked. I don't want to ask. I mean, because like, people do things with toes. Oh, yeah, we've heard some shit. We really have. We've heard some gnarly stuff. I kind of want to hear but I'm also like, do we, like, is this okay to talk about?

Yeah, you're safe. She's not worried. She's not talking about her. So they'll get canceled. You're fine. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. It's not my own personal experience. No. No. But people have actual sex with feet. Oh, God. Yeah. I don't know what you thought you were coming into here and I'm really apologizing. I thought you're going to say like suck on a toe. Like, oh. No. But you thought that was inappropriate. Oh, God, I'm so modest. I realize. She's like, I want to leave. You're like, well, because it's disgusting.

She's like, I came to talk about cars. Now I'm here for relating toes with cars. I do get a lot of DMs about me driving stick shift barefoot. What? Yeah. Wait, what do you? Like, as a turn on? Like, people want to pay me to send.

I've never done it. I never will do it. Yeah. But I get a lot of DMs about people offering money for me to drive barefoot. Like a video seeing you drive stick barefoot. Yeah. How much are they offering? I'm like, thousands.

You've done it. Thousands. Yeah. But you won't do it. No, I won't do it. I won't do it. I mean. I'll do it any Tuesday, Wednesday. She's like, I don't know how to drive stick shift, but you'll see my bare feet.

That could be a thing too. It could be a thing. Yeah. All right. Well, let's get into cars a little bit because this is so fascinating to me. I've always been, but I actually really appreciate cars. I know a lot of cars. Awesome.

I love cars. I know them personally. I have met them many times. No, but like I'll get into it. when I'm getting a new car and I get excited and I know a lot of models it makes, whatever. Also, side note, that game where they show you like car logos and you have to say what the car maker is, I'm really good at that. Where's that game? It's like online.

Do I do it? Yes. Am I a fucking nerd? I didn't even know that was a game. I want to play it now. You're going to win. Well, you're going to kill it. But anyway, okay, so let's go back.

I want to know how all of this came about for you. really quick before you do that. Why? Well, she pulled in and I let her in. And just the littlest thing, like her car sounds like, I can hear it. Yeah. I'm like, what is she driving?

What are you driving today? It's a CT5V black wing Cadillac. It's a supercharged V8 stick. Yeah. I find it so... That's really hot. Hot. That's what I said.

It's so sexy. And I was like, you can park right there. And she just, like, roomed and, like, backed into the spot. I've never backed into a spot in my life. Not what we would call a driver. A driver. But I'm just saying I got to witness even just her backing in. I was like, there's a lot of confidence.

Yeah. A lot of confidence handling machinery like that, for sure. That's sweet. I mean, I don't know. I'm sorry. I missed it. I feel like once you start backing in a spot, you never just pull on a spot because it feels weird. Hmm.

Yeah. If you pull in a spot, you got it back out anyways. I backed in this morning. You did? I did. I've never once back in. I was a doctor's appointment now and you're going to have to do it. She's not going to do it.

Listen, unless you had one of those cars that automatically parks for you, she's not going to do it. We're not going to, she's not the driver here. It's okay. I'm a good passenger. She's a good passenger. Passenger princess. Yes.

I love that. If we go anywhere, I'm always driving. She's not driving. Rachel drives a little bit. And I know this is sexist, but you drive like a dude. Is that sexist? I take it as a compliment. I'm okay with it.

I mean it is a compliment. Yeah. She knows how to operate a vehicle. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Now, ask her the questions. Let's get into cars. Oh, my God. My story kind of takes a turn. Because I wasn't always into cars growing up. I grew up around a bunch of guys, so I was always into, like, video games and crashing our scooters into curbs because we thought jackass was cool. And cars wasn't really a thing in my life at that time. I, at 15, lost my dad to suicide.

At 15? Yeah, 15. He shot himself in the head. I was the only one home with him the week that it had happened. He ended up doing it in his car down the street. I didn't see it. I just woke up to my mom screaming bloody murder because she got home that day to a suicide letter.

And this was right before getting my driver's license. And at the time, you know, my mom was into cars. My dad wasn't either that I was aware of. Unfortunately, I didn't know him too well. You know, I was young. I didn't get that opportunity to grow with him. And one of my first big decisions in life was, all right, I need a car. I need that sense of freedom and escape and I need to get out.

What car do I buy myself? And I went on the internet. And I was on the racing forums and I didn't know it at the time. No way. And the internet had told me that I needed something rear wheel drive. It had to be bigger than a four cylinder and it had to be a stick. Wow. I end up buying this infinity G35 for my first car.

And I'd never driven stick a day in my life. Completely roasted the clutch, getting home with it. But you taught yourself. Yeah. And it was a great distraction at the time because it gave me something to like obsess over and put my mind to of just wanting to like perfect it and get better with it. And I built this relationship with the car. And then my mom hadn't worked so she couldn't afford the cost of living in. California, and we packed everything and drove cross-country and moved to Indiana.

Indiana is where I found my love of cars. I was driving with a friend, this was my fourth high school at that point. I was driving with a friend in the passenger seat, and this guy pulls up in this old Crown Vic, which is what the older police cars used to be. And she yells out the window to this guy, this completely stranger, don't you love my friend's car? And I was like, like, Jessica, please, you're like, this is embarrassing. But he was like, I do actually. And he gives me an address in a time of where to show up to because they do these car meets. You know, looking back, I was then 16 to go in the middle of the night to a random parking garage in Indiana.

You know, I don't know why I did it looking back. I probably wouldn't advise it looking back, but I did it and I didn't think twice on it. And I showed up, and I'm just going up this parking garage, and there's no one there. And I'm like, oh, did I make a mistake? Is this sketchy? But when I got to the top, it was just all these cars. And a lot of the attention was focused on the engine versus the looks of it, which was new for me. And there I met the car community. They went by B-Crew for Bloomington Crew, Bloomington, Indiana.

And I met Booch, who ended up becoming a mentor and a best friend to me. And these guys kind of pulled me out of a dark time. instead of partying on the weekends, which, don't get me wrong, I definitely want through dark times, and there's plenty of that. They were these incredible fatherly figures and big brothers to me, and we were working on cars on the weekends, and, yeah, just opened this whole world. And now wherever I travel, I feel like I have this found family, which is the car community. Wow. So, so crazy. So you find that kind of like when you're traveling anywhere you go. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it's always there.

Yeah. I eventually moved back to California. I couldn't turn on the TV without feeling guilty that I wasn't pursuing what I'd wanted to do, which was acting. I'm very passionate about action films, and that's what I'm pursuing and I'd been pursuing. When I moved back to L.A., I worked in food and service for six years, never got a job or an opportunity. My mom was the one who actually told me, like, oh, honey, you should YouTube. Have you thought about YouTube?

You're still working on these cars after your restaurant shifts. Why don't you do that? And I was like YouTube. Like, come on, mom, what do you know? Mom was right. Mom was right. Mom's always right. And I started vlogging, working on cars.

And that eventually took off. And it's just been a constant grind of three videos a week for the last seven years. Wow. This past year, I've tailored back to once a week so I can focus more on acting opportunities. and it took nine years to get my first acting job. I'm very grateful for everything that had happened because I feel like it made me a stronger person. It gave me this kind of like independence and appreciation

and groundedness, if that's a word, that I don't feel like I would have learned on my own otherwise. But yeah, and that's kind of where wanting to do something about mental health in this world became so important to me. I mean, in the last decade, there's been over half a million deaths to suicide. And I feel like a big thing is prevention more so than when it's too late. I found this nonprofit called Alive and Well. And I was so excited about it because I've worked with a lot of different nonprofit organizations in the past. And I actually donated

a percentage of all my merch apparel sales to different organizations. And when I found Alive and Well, there's still this new company. We're still growing. And I was really happy to end up becoming on the board of this because I feel like, you know, you donate money. You never really know where it's going. Right. So for me to be involved firsthand with an organization was huge. So now I actually know where things are going and how we're helping and high level. trying to help subsidize the cost, if not make completely free mental health care. And Alive in Wall's slogan is, you know, we'd rather put a fence around a cliff than an ambulance or a hearse at the bottom.

Wow. So it's all about prevention, all about education, you know, teaching the skills and traits of how to work the mental help out. You know, if you're physically fit, you work on, quote unquote, you work on the physical. If you want to be mentally fit, you got to work on the mental. So it's helping to educate and really just train and be kind to yourself and things like, you know, simple things that not a lot of people do or meditation or even if you don't meditate, just go sit outside for five minutes. You know, you can journal. There's a lot of things, a lot of ways just to help and educating that and hopefully being able to bring that into schools. so it's something you're taught at a young age.

When I found out I lost my dad. The next day I went to school, like nothing had happened. Wow. Because I didn't know what to do. And I was sitting in a finance class. And I just started tearing up in class because I was like, oh, my God. I was in a continuation. So their curriculum's a little different than what typical school systems are.

And I remember just thinking, like, no one's going to teach me this stuff. Like, I'm officially on my own. And that was a big awakening moment. And then they shortly pulled me out of class after that and had me sit down with a therapist and a therapist just like, she had no idea what to say to me. Really? I appreciated her coming and just sitting in silence with me because at the time, like, that was hugely helpful. But, yeah, I think just trying to help educate and be involved. And we have incredible, I'm going on a rant now, but we have an incredible director. Dr. Galen Cole, who's been, he worked with the CDC for over 20 years. He's been a practicing psychotherapist for over 23 years and just kind of doing what we can. Broad Ideas is supported by Talkspace. Feeling down? It's okay if the holidays aren't so cheery. Days get shorter. Issues

with the family can sometimes come to a head. Online therapy with TalkSpace can help you feel better and give you the tools you need to navigate this time of year with your mental health supported. With Talkspace, you don't have to wait to get an appointment or travel to an office. You're able to access your provider from the comfort of your device. At Talkspace.com, you can sign up online and get a personalized match with a provider that's right for you, typically within 48 hours. It's incredibly convenient to have virtual sessions with your licensed therapist from the comfort of your home. As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com slash ideas. To match with the licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com

ideas to get $80 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's talkspace.com slash ideas. Broad Ideas is supported by Quince. I love gift giving, but it can really add up. That's why this holiday season I'm shopping Quince. Quince is my go-to place for luxury essentials at affordable prices for everyone on my list, including me. Quince offers a range of high-quality items with prices within reach, like 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50, washable silk tops and dresses, cotton sweaters, and comfy pants. The best part, all Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. That's why I'm giving the gift of Quince's buttery soft cashmere to my nearest and dearest this year. I also have recently discovered their bedding in their home section,

and oh my goodness, the colors. I am so excited to redress my bed. Take the drama out of planning and outfit and upgrade your closet with Quince today. Go to quince.com slash ideas for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash ideas and get free shipping and 365-day returns, quince.com slash ideas. What did you notice out of curiosity with your own experience, looking back at your relationship with your father? Did you know he was suffering? Was it something that I love that you asked me. I love that you ask me that. I feel like a lot of time people are too scared to ask questions. I'm such an open book with it all. So when I was with my dad the week before, I knew that there was something wrong. My mom was away visiting family. My brother was at like a

wakeboarding camp. So he was just supposed to be watching me. I knew something had happened. I didn't fully understand what had happened. That he, for just for a backstory, he was addicted to pills and alcohol and drugs. And he was paralyzed in the whole left side of his body from a motorcycle accident. So he struggled with that. There was a level of abuse, unfortunately. And I never want to talk so much about that because I don't want to speak ill of the dead. But the week leading up to it, like the day before it had happened, I just like, there's a weird, there's just weird energy in the air and I couldn't really, it's hard to explain. And the day before he was leaving the front door and I don't know why I was 15 years old. And I went up to him, I was like, hey, are you going to

come back? And I don't know why I asked that question. And he asked me, do you want me to come back? And I said, yeah. He's like, okay, I'll come back. And then he left. He came back later that night. And we had like a TV dinner, like a microwavable dinner. And I was like talking about like music like bass systems for cars. And I was like, oh, did you know that I learned that there's a base strong enough that it can make you skip a heartbeat and it'll kill you. And he was like, oh, sign me up for that. And I just remember sitting in silence eating my like meal in like this plastic plate of like, oh, I like, I wish I would have just told him. I don't want you to die. But like as a kid, you're like, like you're not thinking that someone's going to take their

life. No. And but yeah, he ended up doing it. the next day and left a suicide note on the bed that my mom found. When your mom, did she come back? She came back that day. Yeah. That was the next day. So she was coming home. So I had a partner at the time I was seeing who snuck in the middle of the night

and stayed the night. And my dad didn't really care for them. but we had stayed the night in my room, but we heard my dad rustling really early in the morning. And I was like, oh, go walk out there. Like, you just got here this morning and pretend like you've been here. So it doesn't seem like you stayed the night. And they went out there and came back. And they're like, I've never seen your dad happier in his life.

Oh, wow. And he was wrestling in the office. And I was like, oh, maybe things are better now. we went back to sleep and that's when I woke up to my mom screaming bloody murder turns out he was in the office looking for a gun

but I think he had made peace with his decision and that's why he had seemed so happy Wow right but how interesting that you had your partner go out at that moment

and was able to witness that and bring that back to you because I feel like that would offer some you know I mean I don't even know know. I mean, obviously, not having gone through it, Olivia lost her dad at 15 as well. Really? Would you lose your dad to? You don't mind me asking?

He was shot by a police officer. Really? Yeah. Drunk driving. So I understand. Just one day life-changing. The life-changing trauma. Yeah. Yeah. Same age. Yeah.

What did you do to get through it? I drank. Yeah. I did. Yeah. I had a, I don't talk about it. but I definitely had a phase that I'm not proud of. Yeah, I partied. I was with my friends, my boyfriend, just escape, escape, escape.

Yeah. But it doesn't work. No. You know, and then, you know, I think one of the things, one of our dear friends' fathers took his own life too. And one of the things that happens, I think, when you lose someone in one of those traumatic ways is you start to question yourself. Like, am I okay? Yeah. Right? And your DNA and addiction, all of that kind of stuff, were those things that you looked at to when he went or later? Or did you

go through any of that with the mental health? I definitely went through a lot of that myself personally after it, like, yeah, I'm not, I'm not proud of a lot of the stuff that I went through in that. I did. And that's why I think I'm so grateful of the car community too, because I do feel like, like, I feel like I owe my life to them. Yeah. Because I really, like, sincerely, like, wouldn't feel like I had a purpose or people who cared for me if I didn't find them. I mean, God, God bless my mom's heart. Like, she went back to school, got her master's degree because she was like, I need to work. So she went back to school full-time, which I'm, like, she was setting such an incredible

example at the time, too, I was like even more, you know, separated from family and alone. But again, I think it was good for me because it just, you know, I ended up getting four jobs while going to school part-time, trying to just fill the void with things, you know, just trying to stay busy and whatever. it was, but yeah. And what about your brother? Is he younger than you? He is younger than me. Okay. Yeah. He

is in the military. Oh, wow. He actually ended up moving to Canada for a while. We have some family up there. And then he recently came back to Indiana and lives near my mom. So I'm really thankful that they're closer together now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's all just so... Were you crying? No. I mean, I'm crying on the inside. Yeah, no, for sure you are. Yeah. I couldn't tell. But, you know, I mean, I think it's so beautiful that you are such an advocate for mental health and all of that because it is massive. And even you were saying the statistics of people that do take their own lives. And, you know, it's such a delicate topic. But to have people like yourself or anyone that is so open and willing to talk about it, I think is the biggest gift.

I know that there are a lot of people that I think, you know, feel very much so in the dark and, and, but if there's people that look up to you and everything you're doing and the cars and the community and you're following and everything, but you also have this message along with it. And I think that is just a rarity to like, thank you. Thank you. Have it's a gift, you know. Yeah. I, I always knew that I'd wanted to do something to give back and help. And I mean, obviously I went through struggles myself and openly to this day I struggle with anxiety and depression. As a lot of people do. Absolutely. I, after you build enough of a name or an influence, the next thing people typically look at is selling merch and selling clothes.

And I just didn't want to, I felt weird selling stuff with my name on it. I'm like, why, like, you guys are supporting me enough, like watching these videos and just helping me grow this brand and being my family online. Like, I just always felt weird asking for them to buy more things so I could, what, have more money to buy more cars. I mean, sure, that sounds great. But it just, there's something weird about it. And I was like, well, if I'm going to ask people to buy something, I at least want there to, one, be a message. Yeah. And two, to at least have some of it go towards a good cost, because everyone had been asking me to sell stuff too.

And that's the way that I was able to make peace with it was knowing that I was doing something with it. And yeah, it ultimately led to being able to help spread awareness, people telling me that it's helped them dearly. And, yeah, eventually leading me to alive and well. One of our best friends made a film who's a suicide survivor. And it's so profound and so beautiful. And the proceeds go. There's probably some sort of connection that we could match up something with you guys. Sure.

Because Rachel and I are producers on that as well. Or even if I can just help spread the word. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's a way we can help each other kind of get behind those because we care so deeply about. about this topic and this issue, and it's why we have the podcast, is so that people feel a little bit less alone so that they can hear some truths and maybe laugh and maybe also feel a little less alone. Because what you're explaining that the car community did for you is exactly what anyone's

suffering needs, because the opposite of addiction is connection. And the more we can connect, whether it's a community of people building cars or a community in a 12-step program or hiking, whatever it is, there's communities of people that can ease the suffering. Right. Right? Totally. I just wonder, you know, like, you're so young processing all of it. You know, and at 15 and your mom, like, and we're moms now, like, thinking about that

and like your mom having to navigate everything with two young kids and, you know, her husband not being there anymore and moving you guys to Indiana and all these decisions. And I just, do you remember like what was your relationship like with your mom at the time? The relationship with my mom at the time wasn't the best. I don't know if it was teen years, daughter and mom. I don't know if I was frustrated that. that she treated me at the time more like a kid of like, you don't need to know these things. Like it's just focused on being a kid when it's like treat me like an adult.

We're doing adult things. I don't fully know what it was. We didn't get along the best when I was younger. But, you know, when you're in a household of abuse and not seeing someone stand up for themselves, it's hard to watch. And I don't know. No, it was... Did you feel like resentment towards your mom?

I don't know if resent... I mean, maybe. I don't know if resentment's the right word. Because I loved and cared for her deeply. I just like, I didn't understand why she wouldn't stand up for herself. That's what I mean by resentment. Yeah. You know, like watching the female figure you look up to, maybe not being able to do that.

Yeah. And having those feelings. And even after my dad passed, I don't think I fully, at the time, gave my mom the credit she deserved for, like you're saying, having two kids, having to move across country, dealing with the loss of, you know, someone she'd been married to for, I think they're married over 20 years. I should probably know that. But they, I don't feel like ever gave her the credit. But as I got older and I matured, I was like so grateful of her. And now it's funny because everyone who's met my mom and met me, it's not really a mother-daughter relationship.

It's more of a best friend relationship. And we treat and talk to each other like sister. So I'm so close with my mom today and I tell her everything and I'm so thankful of that. And it was pretty cool that I was able to surprise her with a car. How fun. Yeah, her dream car, which... What's her dream car? It was in all-wheel drive hybrid route four. So, because she lives in Indiana.

Yeah, she needs all the drive you get around. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. and she was trying to be gas conscious. But I surprised her with that and that was a really special moment to be able to do that. So cool. That's awesome.

Yeah. How many cars do you have? 13. 13. Yeah. Do you have like a special garage somewhere that you keep them? I do. I do.

I do. I mean, a lot are at my house. I'm very grateful that I have such nice and kind neighbors. Wow. But I also do have a shop that I keep most of them at too. 13. Just remembering to pay the registration is challenge. Yeah, you need a...

It's a lot of time. Full-time employee. What's your favorite car out of all your cars? Everyone always asks me that, but I don't know if I have a favorite. Do you have like a top two that you're like, oh, or for a reason? It's tough because they're all built for different things. Right. I joke and always say, well, my favorite one's going to be the next one.

And I heard someone say this and it just put it in such perspective to me, be your mother and you have kids. or a father, you probably have a favorite child if you have multiple children, but you'll never say which child it is. She does all the time. I don't. I'm just kidding. I don't. I'm just kidding. I don't. So I'm like, well, my cars are my kids even to have a favorite. I probably shouldn't say it, you know? No, that's a fair point. What about the acting? Because I love to hear that you have two passions. Because I've always experienced that myself. I'd have one thing that I was really passionate about and then also acting being a passion. And I think sometimes it's hard when the current of one

thing takes you. Like the current of the cars have taken you in a certain area. What is that internal relationship like when it comes to the acting? So I always give 110% to everything I do. But if you're focused on two things, you'll never be as good as the person who's focusing on one thing. Right. So it was a very tough line for me to walk of focusing on cars and also focusing on acting because I wanted to be the best that I could be in both areas. So when you're devoting, I mean, realistically, 50, 50 of your time, you're not really giving 100 into it. By nature, it's kind of impossible. But depending on when this comes out will lead me to talking about the movie that I did, it was a very special thing to be able to do a movie that was about cars.

Isn't that wonderful? I wish. I'm in Grand Turismo. Yeah. Oh, awesome. Awesome. Yeah, so that was really special. We shot in Hungary and just being, and it's funny, like, I knew some of the

stone drivers because of just being in the car community. Yeah. And it was just such a cool project. I remember sitting out there and I'd never been in so much piece. in my life than being out there on that set because I was like I didn't feel like I had to chase anything anymore. I felt like I was there and I got to just absorb that fully. But it was like your two loves, man. Yeah, but isn't that kind of how it works? It's like you allow yourself to follow your passion, whatever that passion is. And it could be cars, it could be acting, it could be

cooking. And then all of a sudden it's like, well, here's a part where you play a chef. And it's like, how did that happen? That's the magic of the universe. Yeah, I agree. I think you put, you get back what you put out. Yeah. I also, a lot of people say, oh, you're so lucky. I believe luck is when hard work meets opportunity. I agree. I feel like you have to put out into the universe and work towards it and the universe will give back. Yeah, absolutely. And not to go off on a tangent, but I also believe people want to see other people succeed. And I don't think anyone really ever wishes ill on anyone. And I, at least my character is if I can ever help someone I want to, so I can only believe that's what everyone wants to do for other people everywhere.

I love that attitude. Yeah, I know. You also, you get what you focus on. So if you look at the world as a bunch of people that don't want to help you, you're going to experience a bunch of people that don't want to help you. That's actually one of the practices in the pre-education for Alive and Well, it's, that's one of the big key things that we talk about is that you, what you put out is going to attract. if you put out negative thoughts, you're going to receive negative things.

If you say, I don't want this, the world's going to focus on the this and it's going to come into your life. So focus on the things like positive, positive thoughts, positive things. Like, you're going to feel what your thoughts are, even if your thoughts are subconscious. So, I mean, it doesn't hurt you to think, you know. It's going to love it. So true. The biggest.

Yeah. And it's like, I, you know, just naturally so programmed to be like, oh, like this. I don't want this or focusing on like the negative thing because I don't know like for whatever reason internally being programmed that way but just like consciously being aware and that's the biggest thing and just changing it. It's like no, no, no. Don't focus on what you don't want. You focus on what you want. Right. And you manifest and you do all these things. And like that's living proof and like your movie and literally being put into like the most comfortable set you probably ever could have been put in to like get your feet wet and get started and

how amazing. And it just goes to show. And I can tell your attitude is so beautiful and positive. And everything around you is a result of that. Broad Ideas is supported by Blissy. So I've been sleeping on this Blissy pillowcase and let me tell you, I did not know that a pillowcase could feel so good and make such a big difference in my life. It is time to upgrade your sleep with Blissie's award-winning 100% mulberry silk pillowcases. The holidays are just around the corner. And if you're looking for the best gift you can give, look no further than a Blissy Silk pillowcase. Silk is honestly the most luxurious gift to give your friends or family. These are the perfect gift for any occasion. Plus, it comes in gift ready packaging they'll be sure to love. Give yourself the gift of Blissy today, and you'll

want one for every room of the house. I love my Blissy pillowcase. Not only me, my daughter loves her Blissy pillowcase. Honestly, I think that all tangles have gone away, and her hair looks so good in the morning. It's a miracle. Blissie silk pillowcases are the best silk pillowcases on the market. They have a ton of different prints and colors and they make great gifts because there's an option for literally anyone. Men love them too. They have over 1.5 million raving fans and you can be next. Try now risk free for 60 nights at blissy.com slash Rachel and get an additional 30% off. That's B-L-I-S-Sy-Sy-S-Y-com slash Rachel and use code Rachel to get an additional 30% off. Give yourself the gift of a good night's sleep with Bliss.

Do you build engines? Like, you just do all of it. Like, you can literally just get... This is where I'm just like, this is the coolest thing. I know I keep going back to that because I think it's so fucking rad. Oh, thank you. Yeah, but like, you'll just be like, all right, this old beat up car, for instance. Like, you can get something from like, you know, junkyard, so to speak.

I just bought a 69 Camaro a week ago that I'm going to be rebuilding. My goal is to finish it by the end of the month. By the end of the month, that's it. Yeah, it's two weeks away. I started doing everything. by myself. I've had some incredible mentors along the way. Thankfully, today now I have this team that's like my family that I'm really grateful for because we're also two weeks away. It's so cool. Like today I would say I couldn't fathom doing everything just alone because I feel like you need to

grow with people. So I couldn't do something like this in two weeks without an incredible team of people I trust and I admire as well. And I also never want to be the smartest person in the room anyways, you know, because then you stop growing. Yeah. But yeah, no, I love it. It sounds like you. you've done a lot of work. Internal work. Yeah. For sure. Yeah.

Is that because I'm an overthinker? Well, we all are. I mean, you're speaking to the choir. I think that that's, look, I always say God doesn't give with two hands. Some things always been given and something's always being taken. And I think that one of the things of having such traumatic experiences as a young adult is, or a young child, really, 15. You're not even an adult.

But with the anxiety and the depression and the things that come from that, it's like you're forced to look at these things faster. And you're forced to do something about the mind. Yeah. Right? Because otherwise it's one of two ways. And like you were saying, like the first reaction, and we've said this so many times, is like, oh, focusing on what I don't want. And people will try to be positive and it doesn't feel natural. and the part that we heard,

I think Kristen Bell is the one who said this to us is you're not responsible for your first thought. You're responsible for your second thought and your first action. I love that. That to me is everything. I've never heard that before. Isn't that brilliant? Because then it's like if you are cranky about something

or ungrateful or negative, you don't have to be so hard on yourself and be like, what's wrong with me? You can be like, okay, I see that. Yeah. What am I going to choose now, though? I heard another thing. the other day that was like there's three frogs on a log,

one decides to jump off how many frogs are left. Three, because decision without action is just a decision. Oh, that's tricked us. I was like, but the one, you're like, but when do you jumps? When the kids and it's a frog? It's like the monkey. A child song about the frog that jumps in. That's what I thought you were going to do.

I thought you were going to be like. I was waiting for you to hear that. I was like, they all jumped off following the lead of. You know what I'm talking? I do it. I don't know the same. Sorry, we're moms, obvious. We sing a lot of kids songs.

Yeah, but it's true, you know, and I just, it speaks to the same thing. And I think that is so beautiful that Kristen did tell us that. Yeah. But it's true. Because the mind wants to, it's easier to go to the negative. It is. Because there's no change that has to come with that. And that's the part about positivity that I think it doesn't feel natural for people.

And I think that's okay. It doesn't have to. takes effort. You have to effort. That's the work that you have to put in. Yeah. Work. Yeah. What did work look like for you? Was it therapy, like a lot of, or is it just a part-care work? Yeah. Well, I think I went through different phases of that throughout my life. I think when you're kind of in a way forced to raise yourself, you're more conscious of the things around you. And like, it sounds weird to say, but I like studied a lot of people who I felt like they had their life together, even those who I felt like didn't, because like, how do you behave? How do you? How do you?

you respond, like even learning, like, shaking people's hands and, like, being courteous and being kind. Like, it's all things that, like, you go out and you learn. And I think being receptive to that was something that was hugely helpful. It took me years to find a therapist that I'm happy with. I'm so thankful for her. But I want to so many therapists. I literally, like, I'm, I would sit there and tell people to go find therapy and I couldn't find it myself. Wow. It took so, because I knew it was important and I've seen it help people firsthand, but it took me so long to find someone because it's really, it's not an easy thing.

Yeah. Especially when I was on, I was on food stamps and the Medicare system when I moved back out here because it's not like, I literally spent everything in my bank account to move back out here and pursue this ridiculous dream. And I went through the Medi-Cal system, and I was looking for therapists there, and the experiences that I went through were, like, scary. I'd be in like, I'd be in like, I remember one so vividly of this guy and the, he had this, like, dark gray little office. And there were stains all over the couches and the walls had stains. And it was just, it just, the vibe.

It was just, it was dirty and untrue. pleasant. And he just kept asking me, and how did that make you feel? And how did that make you feel? And I was just like, this isn't for me. It might, that type of reflection might help some people. But for me, I felt uncomfortable in that setting. And I think, too, having to go through that as well of not having, I had healthcare, obviously, through Medi-Cal, but I wasn't getting top of the line therapist. And I think going through that experience too is like I think it's so important to try to provide that health for people you can't afford it. That's more than what is is reachable right now. So I think why no providing you know free mental health care will be hugely important to people.

So that's just that was another awakening for me to be like it's it's important. I'm sorry. I feel like I just went off on. No, no. It's a crisis. It is. I mean there's a mental health crisis. There is. I, you know, my daughter's school, the head of school was like, you know, going to have someone available to the kids because even transitioning with the pandemic and back in school and like a lot of kids are struggling. And, and I think it's beautiful to provide someone to talk to because, you know, sometimes your parents, they're not going to cut it or they are. Well, they also don't have the tools necessarily. Right. Like not everyone has the tools or knows how to navigate certain things. So I think. Or is a sort of like not all parents are certified psychologists, you know,

Who? No, they're not. Certainly not. Yeah. And it's like, you know, I will sit down with the psychologist or whoever, you know, for the school and try to ask questions. Because I think having that help and that resource is a big deal. Mm-hmm. Totally. And especially for children. Like I'm watching, oh my God, it's so cute. So my little one, he doesn't really speak much, little bits. Anyways, he does a mix of sign language. And the other day, my older son was getting really upset. And we started them at this new school where they do social and emotional learning.

So every day at the start of school, they check in on their emotions. They give them a toolbox of different tools they can use for breathing, for reflection, for. Oh, that's cool. It's insanely cool. And so my little one, my older one was getting upset. He was getting mad about something. And Shepard, the little one came up to him and was going like this. No.

And holding up his hands and doing the numbers to breathe. And I was like, okay, they're in the right place. They're in the right place. Like he's learning those tools in school. Yeah. That's so cool. And we all needed that, right? It's something that should be taught.

But when I went to school, wasn't. I'm so happy to hear that that's something that... I feel like it's come a long way. You know, there's like mindfulness at my daughter's school and they do the like things that kids can conceptualize, like the hot chocolate, you know, like you sip the hot chocolate, you breathe out the, or whatever. I'm not saying the right thing. But they use like examples that kids can relate to. They give them hot chocolate. They give them my chocolate and they feel great. It makes everything better. What are they putting on hot chocolate? I know, right? But it's like the bubbles and you have your, you know, whatever. Yeah, they do it in kid-friendly language. Like, they've got toolbox with different color microphones. And it's like, if you're feeling the red microphone, you pick it up because that's anger. That's cool. And so you can express it through the red microphone, but we all know now that that's what you're expressing. Yeah. So it's not like, so that they start to learn the difference. Yeah, even to have the tool of like being able to express your emotions. And if you're feeling something, knowing what you're feeling is so important. Like, there's definitely a time my life, I'm like, I'm like, there's definitely a time my life. I'm like,

I'm feeling this and I don't know what this is because I didn't, I never went through having to categorize what different feelings were. And then when you know what they are, then you can try to like figure out a fix or a solution to them. Yeah. That's so cool to hear that they're, it's so important. Yeah. It's so important to know what you're feeling. Oh yeah. Instead of just shoving the feelings down. Yes. Yes. And I think it's made at least my daughter more open talking about her feelings, you know, and vocalizing for herself, which I think is really great because I know I never did that as a kid. Everything, I would hold everything in. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what we were taught today too. Yeah, because it's coming off of like generational stuff. They didn't know.

Yeah, they didn't know. But my mom is very spiritual and has always been very open about all this stuff. So I guess to a certain degree, I had an advantage in that very open household. Too open at times. But I think that it's just so great that it is available now. It's just, you know, and kids and observing them, because there's my daughter, my daughter's so many friends and it's like constant kids after school, kids did a thing, you know, and you're just like watching all these different kids and just the way they communicate. But I will say what I'm witnessing is all of them are very confident and open with saying exactly how they feel.

That's awesome. Yeah. To the point like where one joined us. for lunch and, like, ask, like, are you disappointed that I'm here? Oh. And one of the girls was like, well, it's not the worst. Like, it was like, I was like, oh my God, wait, they're so honest, but like maybe we can turn it back a little bit. Wait, that is amazing.

I know. I was like, wait, wait. It's like, you're like this message of like, yes, advocate for yourself. I try to like it. Be open. Be honest. You know what I mean? Yeah.

But then, yeah. And then there's feelings to consider and whatnot. That's, that comes. That's, you know. You learn to experience, I've done learned how to do it in a kind and nice way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But it's just interesting to observe. Yeah. You know? Do you want kids? I don't know. At least right now in my life, I don't know. I don't go. My cars are my kids.

Yeah. I also couldn't imagine living life without having, like, children or family. Mm-hmm. After losing family and really only having my mom and my brother who live on the other side of the country, family is important to me as I get older. If you would have asked me last year, I'm like, nah, I'm good. I don't want kids. But as I'm getting older, I'm like, you know what?

I couldn't imagine the thought of being old in a home by myself and not having someone family to experience those years with because I don't think my partner, like I can't expect them to be alive with me for the remainder. of life. I mean, it's a dark way to think after losing, you know, someone, but it's the truth. You know, someone's got to live longer than the other. Right. And I don't want to be alone. And maybe that's a selfish reason to have kids. But as I'm, yeah, as I'm getting old, I'm kind of like, well, it'd be pretty cool to have that family and, and do the things I never got to do, like, have, like, good holidays and celebrate those and instill things that I'd like to leave behind on this earth, like in still goodness, I don't know. Yeah.

That's not a word. No. No. It's a work. Yeah. It's still a working process. I've been thinking. I mean, it's been something that I've been thinking about.

I don't know if I'm ready now. But the thought scares me of living the rest of my life alone, whether that's me having kids or adoption or whatever it is. I feel like eventually there will be something. Yeah. What do you have to say to people that don't. don't have a thing that don't have. Like a passion or something?

Because that I think is what people stumble with a lot. Is like if they had the thing, they'd feel better, right? I wish I had the right answer. I didn't find cars. Cars found me. And I feel like it'll come to you, whoever is listening, when it's supposed to. And I don't think you need to stress on it. But I also feel like you need to put yourself out there.

And it's what we were talking about earlier. What you put out in the universe is what you're going to get. If you're not willing to go out and experience things and find what you love, it's not going to, like, you're not open to it. So life may not give it to you. If you're going out there with a good mindset of like, I want to try new things and find what I love, then that might come to you.

Right. At least that's what I believe. But I also think everything happens for a reason. And I believe life has good intentions for people. It's so interesting to hear you say that, you know. And like, so do you look back on what happened with your dad? Do you have a positive spin on it? Yeah.

I'm, it sounds so fucked, but I'm grateful for the outcome of it. Obviously, I'm not grateful. he's not here today. I wish he still were. But I'm, I'm grateful of the person I've become because of what it happened. I, like, I sincerely just feel like I have this drive, maybe pun intended, I know. That I wouldn't have if that didn't happen. Right. Right. But you've taken something, and I think a lot of people that have tragedies in their life and traumas. And, but if you can take it and you get a lesson from it or you, you know, have learned things and grow in certain areas and can like spin it and try to find the strength in it or the positive in it, which obviously is very challenging.

And some people might be able to do it a little better than others. But it's a beautiful thing to be able to. Yeah. And don't get wrong. It didn't happen overnight. You know, this is over a decade later. I've reflect back. I'm like, okay, now I can see how it's the trajectory of my life has changed for the better. Yeah. And do you have a spiritual connection as far as like your father goes? Is there anything outside of yourself that you connect with? I go back and forth. I really don't know. I feel like there's been some like there's been times in my life since my dad is passed from like, man, there's a guardian angel looking over my shoulder. My dad's looking after. My dad's looking after me. Right. I feel that, whether I know that that's true or not, obviously, I don't know.

I'm not religious, really. I was raised in an extremely religious household, so I think that might have deteriored me a bit as I got older. I like to believe I'm spiritual, but there has been, it's been some weird fucking coincidences, and I've been saved in really weird times for me not to believe that there is something. Something. Yeah. I love your honesty. Yeah.

You're just such an honest human and it's really beautiful. Thank you. To witness you, it seems like you just have like a really strong connection to your integrity. Yeah. I mean, I'm an open book. I don't always have the answers, but I appreciate you saying that. Yeah. I mean, you also have a podcast, right?

I do have a podcast. Yes. Yeah. So it's funny you say Fast and Furious earlier because my friend Sung Kang, who's in the Fast and Furious franchise, he and I started a podcast together called Car Stories. And we feel cars is everyone has a connective tissue to cars. Most people, and if you're fortunate enough to have a car who have had a first car or maybe a car experience elsewhere growing up, a lot of people have a memory with a very very. vehicle. And I don't know, maybe it was your first kiss or whatever it is. You know, it doesn't have to be racing or modifying. But Cars is kind of like a connective tissue in a way. And we've got

to talk with some pretty incredible people. And Cars is always kind of the grounding of it. And we hear their stories and what makes them tick and more so what legacy do. they hope to leave behind and more high-level conversations of just kind of getting deep with it. Yeah, I love it.

You say that and I'm like, oh my God, like all these stories like in cars, you know? Like, you're so right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, at first I was like, I don't. And then I, and then you said... And it took me right back to like,

there's certain cars that when I see them, I feel my dad. Oh. Or like when I have my mess. memories I can feel and smell the leather or the way the sound, like the steering wheel, the smell. Like, I'm like, I love that's where you went. I was like my first car. Oh. Like my Jeep Grand Cherokee 97 with like the pink and white stripe around it, sitting with my high school boyfriend listening to ghetto superstar and kissing in front of his house. Yeah. And that's us. That's us. In a nutshell.

Yeah, but that's so true. You know, like just the car member. It's really cool. Yeah. And really fun. And I'm sure people have crazy stories and what, and whatnot. Yeah. You guys, I had a car phone in my car. I did too. You did? Yeah, my brother got it for me. Oh, your brother got it for you. Yeah. Yeah.

I never had a car phone, but I know what you guys are talking about. You're so young. You're like, you plugged it in with the lighter. I know of the car phones. Yes. Because my dad was like, if you're in a car, I need to know if there's an emergency. Yeah, before cell phones. Before cell phones. Yeah. It sounds so boozy. It was so big and I'd have to pull this out. We sound like we're so old. They're like our big car phone.

We are old. We're old. It's a different generation. But yeah, oh my God, it just brings up so much. And I think it's just so cool and everything that you're doing. Oh, my God, thank you. I want to like see all your cars. You guys are welcome.

I want to go to drive with you. Yeah. Do you like race at all? I don't race in a competitive series, but I do, road racing and I do go to the drag strip and I do a lot of drag racing and I at one point, I don't like using the phrase my claim to fame, but what I grew a lot of recognition for in the industry was at one point building the world's fastest new generation corbett. So cool.

So building and piloting that. So then I kind of became obsessed with wanting to take her cars and make them faster and push the limits and find where the limits are and then take them to the drag strip and try to set those quarter mile times with them. Oh my God. That is so fucking cool. Do you ever let your partner? I don't know if you're in a relationship now, but do you ever let your partner drive? I try to keep that side of my life private. In terms of friends, I'll let some friends drive, not all. I can sometimes be a backseat driver and I really don't passenger well.

I would imagine. I would imagine you not being in the last year's. I don't even like, I don't even ride in airplanes very well. I get that. Because you're not controlling it. Yeah. I totally get that. Which is a weird thing.

When I was here, I was like, yeah, no problem. This is like in the past like five years, it's become more of a thing. Wow. Do you want to fly a plane someday? I'm actually working on getting my license right now. Of course you're getting a pet license. How many hours do you have? I have eight.

I don't have that many. You only have eight now. Got it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What is it? Like, a thousand?

How many do you need? Like 30, I believe I'm going to speak. And then my coach or my, the pilot I'm studying under is going to hate me for this. But I'm still so new into it. Yeah. But eight hours is still. It's good. It's a commitment.

That's so cool. But in time. Yeah. So cool. I flew a plane once. Like, it was a birthday present. You did? What?

Yes. Did they let you land or take off? No. In the air. Oh, God, no. It was like, you know, my first time ever. It was a little Cessna. And I flew the plane.

What? Yeah. What kind of plane? Cessna. It's like a little tiny, like a single one. You have like, I'm supposed to know what it is. Cessna is. She's like, it's a Cessna.

You know the smaller planes that have the propeller in the front, just one? No. Okay. But yes, sure. Anyway. I get it. Yeah. That is what I put.

Assuming, yeah, assuming that's what you flew. Yeah, it may have had two. That's even cooler if that's the case. Don't quote me on that either. So by you're saying you flew the plane, that means you held those things. I steered it and I had to like make a good. go up and make it go down. Oh, heck. Yeah, I flew the plane.

No. I flew the plane. Yes. Flying's fun. It was cool. I would imagine it's fun. I was like, I'm happy. I didn't have to land. That is intimidating. My first time doing an introductory flight, they had me land. Oh, my God. They're like, she can handle it. And I like, I did. Oh, my God. I was scared. It was crab walking a little.

I didn't. He's like the, the guys there to, the pilots there to take controls if needed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but you handled it. As far as I know, he was still helping a little about me noticing because it was so tunnel vision of like... Oh my God. Yeah, that's what would scare the shit out of me is landing. Yeah.

Yeah. But are you comfortable with it now? Again, I'm still like so beginning with my hours that I probably wouldn't say comfortable yet. Yes. But it did also make me learn things like when you're in the air, you know, you're safe, but then take off and landing. Those are actually the more... We would say they're scared of flying. Yeah.

Things to really be scared of flying are like... the takeoffs in the landing. That's what I'm always afraid of. Yeah. Yeah. But why? Sorry, excuse me. Why is that?

It's just... Let's enhance my fear right now. I feel I'm not like the right person to speak on arrow design. But it's, I, from what I'm aware of, and again, I'm still learning, it has more to do with stalling the airplane. And when, you know, you have your airplane. boils or the wings of the plane in order to fly, there has to be a positive pressure on the bottom side and then a negative on the top and that's what keeps you above the ground.

And when you stall, it's when you don't have that pressure, so the plane falls. So if you're taking off and the plane stalls, it's going to fall down because you're not, you don't have the pressure under the wings. And when you're falling, you can't get that again. And then same when you're landing. Great. Versus if you're in the air, you can. I don't know why.

I don't know why. I don't ask that question. There's no way I had the two propellers. It was just the one. You could have. I don't know. Sorry, my brain. This is my brain now.

And I'm like, what did I? And you're scared the shit out of her, though, by the way. She's already scared of flying. And now she's going to be thinking like, you're positive and the negative. I'm like, did it catch the thing? I know. I know. But at least you're on the ground.

For cars? Yeah. Oh. Like I don't love the idea of like free falling from the air. Well, again, take off and landing. The chances of that happening in error, like slim to none. Right. So you're going to be close to the ground anyway.

Well, even if like you're in flight, like, if something were, like, it's just so hard to just randomly follow the sky. Like, it's just like that's not really possible. Well, they say dying in a car, obviously. This is cozy. This is a great conversation, you guys. This is uplifting, you know, people driving to work in the morning. They are. They're driving.

You guys are safe on the ground. about to take off as we're talking about this right now. Oh, my God. Go ask to fly the plane. Oh, I just got anxiety thinking if I was listening to this about to do me there. I would turn it off. I would turn it off. You'd be like, fuck these guys.

It's sorry, just remember I only have eight hours and I don't know what I'm talking about. You're like, find comfort in that. Yeah, fun comfort. We'll leave the driving. We'll leave the driving statistics alone. Let's go back to talking about feet. Okay. Yeah, let's bring it full circle.

We're back to feed, cozy. flying barefoot. 100%. Would you do that? No. No. You're not doing any of it. I mean, I might fly

barefoot, but I would never record it or like set people videos. That's so cool. Just like, yeah, just so comfortable flying a plane with a fly barefoot. Do you ever drive barefoot?

No. Do you? No. Uh-uh. It doesn't feel... I like having the flat surface. Yeah. Huh.

And I never learned how to drive stick show. Me neither. The cars are so, they make them so easy nowadays to drive stick. Do you think? The ones that they build, like manual, like the new ones? Yeah, they make them so easy. Did we ask what your ultimate dream car is?

No. It's a Ferrari F40. Okay. It's like an older Ferrari. It was the last one that Enzo himself built. Technically the F50 he designed, but he wasn't alive for it when he came out. But the F40 is like my dream car. It was like a groupie rally.

car, which was like an old style of racing that was super dangerous, but so cool. That's my favorite car. It's only a couple million dollars, 90s. It's 90s. Yeah. Couple million. Oh, my God. Isn't that so, it's so crazy to me.

The cars are that much money. It's insane. Yeah. It's a few houses. A couple houses. Yeah. It depends where you live. Yeah.

It depends where you live. Exactly. Exactly. Well, I think your whole story, everything is so fascinating. And to hear you speak about everything so eloquently and openly is awesome. I think everything you're doing is so cool and inspirational with all of it. So I want to thank you for bringing it to the world. Thank you guys for having me on. Yeah. I appreciate it. Let me take my shoes off with a comfy blankie. Yes. Of course. So we aim to get cozy at all costs around here. Not with our

conversation about planes falling on the sky. Or anything. Or anything ever. But we do it while being cozy anyway. Yeah. We talk about some real uncomfortable shit while putting a blanket on you. While in a sleeping bag. That's our tagline. Yeah. But thanks. And then Car Stories, your podcast, super awesome. Thank you. Yeah. I appreciate you bring that up. Yeah. For sure. I mean, it sounds, yeah, instantly. I was like, oh, my God. Ghetto Superstars. Hang in my mind. So fun. But thank you so much.

Yeah, thank you. It's very fitting that Amelia is our guest because I was just in Vegas for five days. That's true. Watching some races. How was that? Oh, yeah. How was that? It was very long an exhausting trip.

Was there joy in it at all? Yeah, it was fun. And it was cool to see the scale of it. Lots of good food. That's all that matters. You were with Roy Choi. I was with Roy Choi. He snuck us into his restaurant.

Why do you have to sneak you in? Why couldn't you walk in? It was last minutes and it was race weekend. So there's a lot of people there. You mean he got you in. He didn't sneak you in. Yeah, he got us a reservation. Like you didn't have to go in the back door.

An hour before we, yeah, we'd have to go in the back door. Did you have to put a jacket over your face as you walked in? I'm jealous. See, I want to go to Roy Chui's restaurant. Me too. Let's go. It's in Vegas. It's in Vegas.

You have the inn. Can you get us in? Yeah, yeah. You guys, okay, something I want to talk about. Okay. Okay, it was just Thanksgiving. And my niece was really sick for the first time. She's five months old.

She got her first sickness. And this is a question for you guys, okay? Because I know there's like people of the mind like, kids need to get sick, blah, blah, blah, you know. Or the people that are like, if you have a kid that's fucking sick, don't bring it around my baby. Right? There's like different mentalities. And I want to know where you guys lie in that. Where do you think I lie in that?

Well, the audience might not know, Olivia. Someone's sick. Don't bring them around. Right. Yeah. Yeah, but there's a lot of people that think, oh, it's just a cold. It's just a cold. Like, no big deal.

They're at school. Kids are at school. They're going to be around. But when it's a baby, I would definitely never bring a sick kid to a baby's house. Right. If there's a kid under a year, right? Is that what we're saying? Under a year, baby or under two?

There's not much you can do for a baby under six months old. Am I right? What do you mean do for? Like Tylenol? I was wondering. No. Right? Is that right?

I don't think so. I had to read it. I don't quote me on it, but I thought maybe. But yeah. So like my- I hope everyone quotes you on that. Thanks, Rob. So, you know, they had friends come over.

And I guess my mom was there at the time. And then like when she was leaving, she heard like the kid that was there, like, had a bad cough. And she was like, what? No. I mean, there are sometimes, like, for instance, our friends invited us over not that long ago, and they weren't having any kids over, but they were like,

Elliot and Shepard can come, but could you just be mindful if they have any sort of viruses or whatever not to come because our kids have to go do something, right? And be healthy for it. There's a little bit of due diligence you have to do as a parent of an infant. Like, during COVID times, like when Vincent was born, people around him had to wear masks for the first. like six months. Right. But even if it's not a baby, like in this case, these weren't babies that we could

potentially get sick, but we were like, for us, we're like, of course, we're not going to bring our sick kids over to your house. However, we're like heads up, though. When Shepard gets a cold, we're talking three weeks later, he'll still be coughing from that cold. So he could still have a cough. A lot of kids could still have a cough three weeks out. They're not contagious. anymore. So I think that if I was going to bring a sick kid to the, if I was going to bring a kid that still had a cough, I'd be like, just so you know he was sick three weeks ago, still has a cough that lingers. Are you comfortable with that? So supposedly the mom said, oh, he's been sick for like a couple weeks old, like something, you know? Yeah. But he was still all over the

baby and like coughing and stuff. Oh, I would definitely keep him away from the baby. Yeah, but they didn't keep him away from the baby. So like that's on, all of them. So the baby has RSV now? Yeah. Yeah. And the other kid. We don't know. I don't know. We don't know.

We don't know. At this point that's where it came from. We're assuming because a kid, a young kid came over and had a gnarly cough. So you would assume and was like around the baby. The baby doesn't really go anywhere. So for Courtney, I think she might need to start doing what my friends did when they invited us over. Just like, hey, if your kids have anything. What about if it's just kids our age?

Yeah. Are we kids? No, our kids around Calvin and Breyer and Elliot's age. Like a cold. It's not a big deal. Yeah, you're not really flat. But for her, for Olivia, it is because of Shepard. But I still heads up people.

Sniffles? I was still heads up. Yeah. Because I don't like it when people do that to us. Obviously, I'm more protective because of Shepard's lung issues. But if we were going to go play with someone, I would say heads up, Elliot's got sniffles. If you want to meet somewhere outside.

that makes you feel more comfortable if you don't. But I would never bring, like, I would never bring a sniffling, even if it's just a cold, Elliot, over here without getting permission. Right. Or checking. How do you handle that, though? Because what if you are a little uncomfortable, but you also don't want to be that person? What do you mean?

She's asking for advice. She's like, I want to be that person, but I'm not sure how to be that person. What do you mean? Which person? So you're bringing Elliott over with the cold. You warn her. Yeah. And she wants to be like not keep him away.

How do you handle that? Well, it depends on. I think that you just are honest. Right? Am I, was that accurate? Well, yeah, like, if you're like, I really don't want to deal with a cold. But then I also don't want to be that person.

It's like, don't come over with a cold because it's just a cold. You know what I mean? I, it depends. If you really don't want to deal with a cold, I would say that. I'd be like I don't want to be that person. Well, to you, yes. But I mean people that aren't like your... this, right?

Yeah, you say, I hate to be that person. Can I just tell you why it's harder for, I'm not going to say harder for me. It's hard for any parent to deal with a sick kid, but it's just me. Yeah. Right. Someone gets sick. You know, and so if she goes down and then I go down, it's like just us, right? So it does create an extra level of like, oh, fuck.

Well, I think there's only so much you can do having a kid at school. They're going to be exposed to all of that anyway. Of course they're sick all the time. But you can limit having a little. a sick kid in your house knowing they have a cold. Right. That's a sure way to... I've definitely like eased up on like the colds of the world because it's like... Well, we all live through COVID. Right. And if we were like, all right, whatever. We'd all just be inside all the time. We've had to kind of give in that it's out of our control a bit. Right. And we usually say yes

to like, like say we are going to meet your family and you're like heads up, Vincent has a little cold, we'd probably still go. Go to the park. Exactly. Like, Jeff would be like, we're going. I don't care. It's cold. But I would feel better having had the option than just showing up and being like, oh, cool, your kids are sick. Well, it's because, like, if you're going to go see your 98-year-old grandma the next day, maybe you wouldn't come. Exactly. It's just, yeah, having awareness. Having awareness. I have a question or story. I don't know. This is a good one. This was Calvin's soccer practice.

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. I sent you guys the video of it. So there was Calvin scored a goal in a soccer practice. And there's this kid on the other team that gets really aimed. Practice or a game? It's like a training course that they do drills and then they do a little scrimmage at the end. So in the game at the end, Calvin scores a goal.

This kid gets mad and pushes someone else on Calvin's team. he just gets like... Because Calvin scored? Yeah, because his team was scored on. He gets really upset and pushes this other kid. And the mom of the other kid starts like yelling. And then they like pull him out and the coach and the dad are talking. Calvin then scores another goal.

And he's just like fuming from the sideline as they're talking. And then balls in again, Calvin's like on a breakaway about to score another goal. This kid comes flying, like runs away from the dad and the coach, and just kicks Calvin in the thigh, like scrapes up his leg, knocks him over. She had cleats on. Yeah, he had cleats. Just takes him out. And then...

What happened? I mean, Calvin was hurt, but he... Did Calvin, like, say anything? Did he cry? Did you run over? I didn't run over. I was kind of letting it play out. I was watching all this happened.

And the dad and coach were... were like kind of already intervening and this program they don't like the parents to get too involved anyways. Like it's meant to be. Sure, sure. There's like four or five coaches too that are doing it too. That's an excessive amount of coaches. That's very excessive.

Yeah. I mean, he was hurt. That was mostly what happened was he couldn't really run as well because it was, I think, stinging. He had like a big scrape up his thigh. That's horrible. And then afterwards, I like asked him about it. in the car and he's like, yeah, that guy's crazy.

I don't know why he was getting that mad, but. That guy's crazy. That's accurate. Yeah, I'm glad he wasn't pissed. He didn't like get up and shove him or anything. And I was taking video as it happened to and the dad like swoops in and grabs the kid again because he escaped. He escaped.

But it was wild. Deathmatch stuff going on. that really well, though. That's a really well-adjusted way to look at it. Like, ooh. Like, it's not him. Nothing he did. He was like, that guy, clearly unhinged.

You know. Duck gets taking it too serious. Oh, yeah. That's good. Little cow. Yeah. But then it also made me feel. What did you say?

I didn't. I was just like, yeah, you didn't do anything there. Like, he's, he is taking it too seriously. Right. Made me feel bad for the kid, though, as well. because I took a video, I had a video of all three incidents. And, like, the end of the second goal, you can see him just yelling. He's, like, crying and screaming at Calvin.

And Calvin, I don't even, Calvin's just, like, oblivious and like, oh, yeah, I just got a goal and he's going to run back. And then, yeah, that happened. That kid has some stuff going on, I think. It does make me wonder, like, where this kid's learning. it? Is it something that is learned behaviors, is something he was just born with? I don't think we'll have any information on that unless you knew the people more.

Because there's things that my kids do, Shepard in particular, that I'm like, that was never modeled to him. Like, that is a regulation issue. Or that's, you know, sometimes kids have sensory issues or they have, you know, different regulation issues. And they don't have the same nervous system as the rest of us. So it could be that. It could be that the dad rages every day.

We don't know. But I think it's more important to look at how do we deal with our children in those circumstances in response to that. Because there's always going to be those kids where you're like, and I've been the mom where someone's freaking side eyeing me at sees candy. Like do something about your kid. And you're just like, lady, if I could. I fucking would, you know?

Right. Right. Yeah. That must be hard. It's so hard. It makes me want to numb chuck people. Yeah. It just goes to show.

You don't ever know. You don't ever know. Mm-mm. On a lighter note, it's not lighter. Speaking of soccer. Yep. Ryer had her last game of the season. They lost every single game.

Yeah. Do they, is it just, it's games or practices? No, it's game. She's now in 10 U, so it's actual games. Are they good or is it? Clearly they're not good. They were last in their division. Is it like organized?

Is it just 20 kids on the field running after the ball? No, this is actual positions now. Last year, yes, but this year it's actual coach and positions and whatnot. And the girls tried so hard. Good for them. They were just so bad. I mean, that's why we did the program. Yeah.

Because, like, having a six-year-old play games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. But then they don't keep score before. This year was the first year they do. It was our last game and we were up. One-nothing. Then we were tied.

Then it was really, the girls, they tried so hard. They lost every. I can't. It's like a Ted Lasso. Game. But here's the thing. That's why I think that it's good. for them is because I think kids need to learn that.

They need to learn. But at least they scored in their last game. You know, I'm like, at least you guys scored a goal. And Breyer's little friend knows, she's like, but we didn't win. I was like. Is that the first goal of the season too? No. Breyer scored a goal this season.

Good. Oh, the look on their face when they, I, it's the best in the world. They feel so like just, you know. Calvin's always like scanning the mixture of watching after he scores his goal. Of course. Then just like proudly runs. back. Aw, it's very sweet.

Yeah. I finally finished watching the Beckham documentary. They talk about he's had affairs, like he talks about it openly? They allude to it, right? So I guess they allude to it, and I don't know. Do you think any successful marriage when you're like that couple, that infidelity is inevitable and they just work through it? No.

I don't think it's inevitable. I don't think it's inevitable. I don't think. Some of those relate. But you know what I mean. I would imagine some of those relationships that's, like, part of the rules. I think... I think that's a traveling, like, even if you're not a celebrity,

I think any job that makes you travel that much and be away from your partner so much, I think lends itself to higher risks. And you look like Danny Beckham. I mean, he's a god. He's literally a god. He's figuratively a god. Okay. Okay. I don't know. I find them to be a success.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. This is a good question based on what we just talked about. Okay. Is it normal to be frustrated at my girlfriend because she wants to close our open relationship? My girlfriend and I have been together for nine years. We are both each other's first companion. A year into her relationship, she expressed her desire for an open relationship, explaining that she didn't want to regret ever only having had sex with one partner. And that love and sex are two different things and that you can be attracted to one person

without it changing your love for the one you love. I agreed with his reasoning and so accepted his proposal. Anyways, it turns out that during these eight years as a free couple, she's had the opportunity to have fun elsewhere many, many, many time. As for me, it's been a total desert, not even the slightest flirt or kiss. I knew it was more complicated for men than for women. I had no idea it would be this hard. But against all odds, over the past month, I've become very close with a friend who's

also in an open relationship. And I think there's a serious way of going further with her. But yesterday, my girlfriend announced that she wanted to close our open relationship. She announced. That we're going back to an exclusive relationship because we've had a lot of fun, but we've got to go think about the future now and getting married and having kids. Can't go along like this forever. and since we've agreed that each of us could close the relationship whenever we wish,

had no choice but to say yes. And so we are exclusive again since yesterday. She obviously is unaware of my re-approachment with this friend, nor of the fact that for me these years have been a desert in terms of sexuality because the rule was everyone does their own thing without telling the other. I contacted this friend today to tell her about the situation and the fact that now it's better to cut contact, and she accepted. So here I am today in an extremely depressing.

pressing situation. I can't help feeling frustrated against her. I know she hasn't done anything wrong, but to think that for years, she's been having fun. And when it's finally my turn, it's suddenly over and too late. It frustrates me. She 100% checked his phone, saw that he was getting really close and an emotional connection, and she decided to pull the plug on the open relationship. Well, he, I mean, that's kind of against the open

relationship rules, too. Yeah. I don't think it's fair. why does she get to run the whole show? Well, she also doesn't know that he hasn't been sleeping with people the whole time. Right. There's a few, there's a few things to unpack here. Yeah, but here's the thing. It's like when Jeff decided he wanted to move to Roseville. I was like, okay, that's your choice. The next choice is mine. Yeah.

Right? So then I choose L.A. If he were to be like, now it's Texas, I'd be like, no, it's my choice now. Right? So it's the same. This is back and forth. That's your rule. Yeah. Not a like joint decision? The joint decision was if you take that, I get the next.

So I think that if you're going to have an open relationship and you say, hey, I want an open relationship. And the person goes against what they really want, but they're doing it for you, that when it's time to close it, you give them the opportunity to have their saying now. Because you're the one who... Maybe he picked where they went for lunch, and now it's her turn. No, you get your say on the relationship. I think if he wants to keep it open, he should get to keep it open

because he was willing to have it open for her. Now she needs to be willing to have it open for him. Yeah, but also, the fact that it's a close friend... Yeah, no, it's... It seems like he's trying to... Danger zone personally. That's not just like... He's depressed because he was actually connecting

like emotionally connecting and wanting to explore. Yeah, and falling in love with this other... Yeah, but that's her fault. Right. No, I know. You're right. Sure, but isn't the point... He needs to voice how he's feeling.

Right. That's the... The communication is the issue. They're not communicating. He's not communicating to her. But... But how do you say, wait... You're saying aren't the rules, like,

non-emotional. It's impossible. But the point of an open relationship isn't it that, like, you're finding the relationship and love aspect here and then you're having the sexual fun aspect elsewhere. That's how he phrased it as well. So the fact that he is falling for this other person that he's friends with is also maybe problematic.

Sure, but the thing is, is that for some, it's not a one-size-fits-all approach. Like some people to get, some people, like he said, it's really easy for her as a woman to just go out there and get sex, right? But as a man, he may be the kind of man that it takes a little bit more effort and connection to get to that level with someone. And so for him, that's part of having sex. He's got to fall in love with them first. Apparently. He might need to connect with them. I'm sorry. They said that they've been in a nine-year relationship and after a year they decided an open relationship. So for eight years, he didn't get other action. I'd let him happen.

Well, I think it's a fair point for him. I would. I think it's a fair point for him to be like, yeah, you had fun and I didn't. Like, you had this element satiated and he was not. Their situation is so sticky. Yeah. I mean, if I was him, I'd be like, it's my turn, lady. But it's my turn with this girl that I'm developing feelings for that she probably knows if it's their friend or his friend.

But we don't know what the girl did. We don't know who she was having fun. What if she didn't either? She was with the other partner? Eight years is a long time. Open relationships are a tricky concept for me, but I know people that can do it successfully. But I find it hard to put those parameters on like you're allowed to have sex but no feelings. You can't control that, though.

How do you control that? Yeah. Trust me, I've tried to control that. You know? Like, that's not... Yeah, how did you control that, Rachel? What? What? How did you master sex with no feelings? Well, guys, since I have you here.

I just don't think it's that easy for certain people, for some people it is. Right. Right. Right, which may be the people that's not easy for, open relationships aren't for them. Right. Maybe it's not a viable option for them. Would you be in an open relationship? No, no, I don't think so. Who's you? No.

No. Okay. I don't know. Really walking that back. No, it's hard for me to say because I'm not, you know. Totally dependent on... Yes, also. Me, as a person, I know that if I'm in love with someone, I don't want to share them with other people.

But if David Beckham texted you and was like... He's never... Listen, I think he's a beautiful man, but that's not who doesn't. You haven't watched the documentary. Fair. All right. Who? Who?

Who? Brad Pitt texts to you and is like, who am I picking here at that? I don't know. I don't think I have any. We can be in a relationship, but I can't be faithful. I don't think I have any celebrity crushes. Barack Obama texts to you. Could you do it, though?

If they didn't need to be open. If they didn't need to be open, but like, go ahead. But you can go do whatever you want? Here's the problem. I prefer an emotional connection to someone if I'm going to sleep with them. That being said. Well, no. It's a major problem.

No. It's pretty fucked up, Rachel. Weird. No, so, like, if they were, like, you can have an open... I would only be doing that if I, like, had feelings for someone else, and then everything's fucked to begin with, because that's an emotional affair, and you know how I feel about that. And that's kind of what I'm saying about this guy.

Like, it seems maybe cutting that one off, if it's, like, a weekend away and he's in an open relationship, and, like, that seems to be the lane that makes... sense for that. A one-night stand at a bar. Yeah, but what if you, I don't know, it's tricky for me. I feel like it's almost like sobriety. It's like once you put that line in the sand and then you move it.

No, I don't think, I'm not an open relationship type of person. Do you think that they can work successfully? With certain people? Have you ever seen one work? No, not firsthand, but I will say this. and I have vocalized this before. I think as I've gotten older, I noticed that, like, you don't need someone 24-7 days a week, like in a relationship.

Like, time apart, stuff like that doesn't bother me. Like, it used to. Do you know what I mean? And I know I've said that before because, like, I know people that, like, the husband, you know, has to go work for two months and then comes back for two months. And, like, they have a beautiful marriage. And, like, I've always looked up to their relationship. like how well it works and they're not together all the time. And so it's kind of like changed my

perspective. So I have kind of been like, you know, and especially for myself who, you know, I've been a single mom for like a long time, whatever, like I can also see how that could fit to not be day and day out traditional for me personally. Yeah. I mean, it's good not to put all your like relationship needs onto one person and like spread it out with your. friends. I never thought I could be, you know, because I was always very like, you know, wanting the person. All in. All in all the time. And then as time has gone on and I've gotten older, I've just kind of realized like, you know what? I don't like people that much. No, I've just realized that like every situation can be kind of different and different things work

for different people. I think that's also maturity though. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's like getting older. You're not as needy. You're just like, oh, that's that. That's a big part of it. And when you're younger, you're way more needy. Like, or even like more jealous or insecure or whatever. All of it. All of it. You care. You actually care. And then you get older. You're like, I don't give a fuck. You're like, what? Whatever. I just want to do my thing. No, but you just want someone. Look, you want to trust someone. You want to have love. You want to have all these things. But you don't, all the little things that you thought you needed when you were younger. It's not what you need in like a real loving relationship. I agree. Thank you.

Yeah. Separate bedrooms. Yeah. I know. I know. But it's like you understand things as you get older in a different way. Yeah. Yeah.

Well. There should be a Hallmark card. That note. On that note. Let's go eat some tacos. Let's go eat some tacos. Bye. That was a headgum podcast.