Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Gina Kirschenheiter on Real Housewives, and Bravo Recruitment Process

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

Gina Kirschenheiter [The Real Housewives of Orange County] talks to Rachel and Olivia about her combined family of 6 kids, her experience being “California sober”, and how she was cast for Real Housewives. They also discuss how Bravo recruits new Housewives, Walker Hayes, and rival reality shows.Broad Ideas is supported by Tropical Smoothie Café. Visit one of Tropical Smoothie Cafe’s 1400+ locations or order online or through their app.Broad Ideas is supported by Seed. Go to Seed.com/BROAD and use code 25BROAD to get 25% off your first month.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or, wherever you get your podcasts. Sometimes when the world's sick inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling round and round inside to join us on this journey as we take a little ride.

We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys that are me. people die. Do you keep all your receipts in your bags? Yes. And it's just the bottom of my bag. This actually, I just cleaned this out, but usually it's like, it's disgusting. Yeah. Every single bag I have has so much shit in it from like over like. Do you know this girl? Okay, wait. First of all, though, this is a public service announcement. You don't touch the receipts. Why? What do you mean? It's so. So my husband.

It's a gross thing. She has another thing. Oh, here we go again. No, it's actually really highly toxic. Why? What is it? Like whatever chemical they use for the receipt is like, my husband will not touch a receipt. He's like, no, I don't need it.

And every time I hold it, he's like, don't. Is it the paper or the ink? I think it's the ink. But is it different ink than a printer? It's either, then maybe it's a paper. It's one of the two. Supposedly it's incredibly toxic. So if you have the target app, you don't need the receipt.

I don't have the target app. Why don't you have the target app? I regularly get locked out of my own apps because I can never remember my passwords, you know. But I do have it. I do have. But also, I feel like there's probably way worse shit that I touch and eat on a regular basis. A hundred percent. According to him, no.

What? That's what he said, guys. I'm just giving you what I was told. And what does your husband do you feel like? He's a doctor. Oh, that check. That's good. That checks out. That has some weight. I mean, like he's a rustler.

Yeah. He's a longevity doctor. Oh, this is sound. Yeah. Maybe we should listen to this. Sounds like sound advice, actually. Yeah, no, I'm thinking he might be serious because he might know something about this. He's not afraid to eat a pizza.

Like, he's not afraid to like. His favorite food is a hot dog. Yeah. Like, he's not afraid to eat a hot dog. He's not extra. But he's not going to touch your receipt. But he's not down for receipt. I've never heard.

more validity. It does. Yeah. We move your mic a little down. It's blocking your beautiful face. My makeup on this morning. I have one lash that's just not quite quite. Did you do it yourself?

I do. I mostly always do my own. It looks so beautiful and professional. You know what? It's been, I've been, this has been seven years of my life. I've always been into makeup, even in college, like I was the one who would do like my girlfriends. Okay.

If we look back at pictures, it's very questionable as to whether you want that to yearbook or not. Yeah. But I was always so super into it. So it's kind of fun to play. And I've learned a lot. I'm like that type of personality that's like, okay, I'm not just going to sit in the chair and let them do it. I'm going to learn like while they're doing it. And then I just kind of learned how to do it. You really did. You did really good because I really did when I first saw you. I was like, oh, she's lucky. She went through glam this morning. Yeah. I got my three kids to school. I got up and got my Kids out, normal a-ass day, yeah, and you pack the lunches and got them out of the school.

You do all the things. You got to do all the things, right? Yes, we do. Or they're not going to get done. So, yeah. You're not going to get done. Oh, my God. Okay, so I want to start with, like, obviously, real housewives.

We want to know how. How would happen, you know, all of it. So my bestie, Tatiana, she's on the show sometimes, so sometimes people see her on there. she actually we got we were like fast friends we had like a mutual friend set us up who was like oh you're from new york taut's from new york he'll love each other and we were like no like that's so weird but then also like low key like yeah because when people are from the same place it's an instant click so we met each other we clicked right away but we didn't know each other that long and so one day tat was like jina i'm auditioning for real housewives of orange county and i was like what's an audition you know like what's

like all the music stops because, you know, I was a normal viewer at home. Like, I watched the show. It wasn't like, I never, like, followed a celebrity on Instagram or anything. I don't even think I had Instagram actually at the time. I only had Facebook and I had like a private page. I never followed anyone. And so I didn't really know too much about it, but I watched the show. So it was cool to me, you know? And then she did this like Skype interview and I helped her like set up her background and pick out her sequin dress and all that. And it was so cool just to be like a fly on the wall. She got passed through to the next round. And they were like, can you fill out this like nine page application? And there was a spot on there for like if you know anyone else who's interested.

She put my name in number and they called me. And like two months later I was on the show. Holy shit. Completely blow my mind. Okay. So here's the thing. We were, they were like, we're looking for a dynamic duo. We went to L.A. together. There's a lot of like levels to the process. which I'm sure, like, you guys, like, know this, like, from whatever when you audition for anything, right? Yeah. Yeah. So we made it, she made it all the way down to the end. And then they finally released her.

I'm telling you, Tatiana cried for one day for herself appropriately. She was very upset. And then the next, and I was like, well, I don't want to do this. Like, you know, without you, it was scary and all that. You know, I was like, weird, I didn't even really think this is really happening, you know? Yeah. And then after that day, she was like, Gina, you need to do this. for the both of us.

And I'm telling you, she has always been my biggest cheerleader, my biggest fan, her and my dad, biggest cheerleaders, biggest fans I could ever have ever. And she's like such an important person in my life, like on the show,

off the show, just like in general, because she's just, she, I call her positati. She's just like the best, most awesome person ever. Yeah.

So yeah, I mean, it sucked for her, you know, but she feels like truly everything. worked out the way it was supposed to be. The show can obviously be very extremely invasive. And, you know, even at that time in her life, I think it wasn't maybe the best time for her to have entered something like this. And she recognizes that. And so she feels very thankful that

everything worked out. And like, you know, like I even brought her along like today. Like she, she loves that like, I'm like, oh, I'm going to Rachel Bielsen's house. She's like stoked. Like, you know, just to be like a fly on the So we get to do like all the fun stuff together. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's just a great person.

Well, you know, you do learn a lot about people through those kind of processes. Like yeah. Right? I mean, for sure. I love what you said. It's like she gave herself the space to lick her wound. Yeah. And then she was like, you go.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. She totally wasn't even. There was a point where because I was married at the time when I was going on the show. And then we're like, we didn't know anything about this world. then I never thought I was going to get on the show, you know? So then when they offer it to you, you're like, you don't say no. Like, how do you say no to that, you know? But you don't even really

understand what you're saying yes to. Right. You know, at the same time. But it's just like a really cool opportunity that you're just like, okay, we're going to do this. And then my husband reported it to his employer who like very quickly shut it down because he worked for like a super corporate mutual fund company that was like based in Newport. And that's like why we moved to California from New York. Got it. And they were like, no. And so then I had to go back to the producers and be like, guys, I guess I'm out.

Like my husband's out. And Todd was like, you need to go in there and tell them that you were good enough without him. And like, I was like, okay, I guess I'm good enough without him. And I did that. And they went forward with it. And he never, it's funny because he never filmed with me while we were married. And then we went through like a whole bunch of really bad stuff.

And then came out the other side. it and now he now he films with me which is hysterical to me yeah we have like such a good relationship we co-opared so well like he's remarried he actually recently married britt who's my kid's stepmom and i adore her i love her so much like it's been so i'm so thankful that we still get to have you know like an appropriate relationship co-parenting relationship and that he's in my life because he's a father and my children. And I love that. It's just that we weren't meant to be in a romantic relationship. But we were meant to like parent these children together. Right. So that's like very like special. And that's like the thing that I try to keep safe the most

with all the craziness. Talk about the craziness. There's so much craziness. I mean, I guess for me it's just really, it's all. an adjustment. Like, I think if you grow up in it or, you know, it's something you're going for, or you're trying to achieve, like, as an actress, I'm sure it's like something that is in your head and you're thinking through if I do make it or when I make it, you know, there is going to come this celebrity or this level of success or, and none of this was ever part of my mindset. So the fact that, like, so many people know my business, you know, it's just weird. It's just kind of weird, you know?

But at the same time, like, it's almost like a relief. It's like everybody knows. Can I curse on here? Absolutely. Okay. Okay. Great. It's hard for me not to.

But, you know, it's like when everybody knows, then you have nothing left that you're, like, you're not holding back at that point. It's just kind of like, here's all my skeletons. This is who I am. Right. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Yeah. It makes it so there are no skeletons.

Yeah. You're just like, I'm not holding anything. Who fucking cares? Well, that's the truth, right? Life, what I realize is there are no skeletons. That's just life. And life fucking wallops us all. Oh, right.

It's relentless. Yeah, it's relentless. It's fucking relentless. It's every day. Every goddamn day. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, when shit goes bad, obviously, the instinct is to put it away or bury it or whatever.

But it's like, who cares if you let it out? Like, everybody's. And I do find that. I find that on the show people respond well to me because I'm relatable. That's right. Or whatever. And I think that that has actually worked to my advantage to just be a normal kind of messy person. Yeah, but I think that's what attracts.

It's, you know, anytime it's relatable, you know, we try to do it here too. Like when we're talking about things that are like, oh, like everyone feels that way or deals with that. Yeah. I mean, you're doing it on like a different scale, of course. And I know that there's like reality television that goes into it. there's like certain things, I'm sure. Like, do they try to, like, pit you guys against each other? You know, I mean, it's weird.

First of all, I will say that the show has evolved, in my opinion. When I first got on it, it did feel way more, like, free form and more natural. Honestly, like, I feel like if I would have started now, I'm not sure if I would have made it or been as successful because there is way more of, like, a production value, I would say to it at this point. It's a brand. It's like, you know. And it's a seasoned brand. Right. So, yeah.

So, like, there's certain things that come with it that you know are going to kind of, like, happen. But overall, there still is, like, an authenticity to it that makes it me able to do it and participate in it, you know? And, like, I know for me, I think everybody approaches it differently. For me, I always just show up. I'm my real self. I don't make drama or make things up. But if somebody pisses me off, I have a hard time not expressing. Yeah.

Yeah, expressing that. And like, apparently I have a lot of opinions, which you don't even really know until you're putting these situations. I'm not generally at a table with women who are so different than me, too. You know, you take a group of six or seven women from all different backgrounds with all different beliefs and value systems and everything. And then you put them in one room and, like, maybe laid it on fire with alcohol to a certain extent. And, like, you're going to get. drama, you know? For sure. But does it make you like, I mean, does it make you not want to drink? Because you're like, well, I stopped drinking. Oh, that's right. You did you stop drinking. Yeah, I'm so over for over two years now.

Congratulations. Yeah, yeah, thank you. I'm 13 years. Oh, shit, really? Wow. That's a long haul. It's a game changer. It's a game changer.

It's a game changer. It's a best decision I ever made. And the best decision you'll ever make in your name. entire life. Yeah, that's how I feel. There was so much stuff that contributed to it. Like, I feel like I went through a lot of trauma. Everybody goes through trauma. For me, like, I always say this. It's like, anybody who's been through trauma, it's like you kind of file things away in your head and, like, these files. And, like, they're safe in there and their own files. And then when you drink, it's like the files start flying out of the, the papers start flying out. Everything gets

confused and jumbled. And, like, that creates problems for you. Like, whether you're, you're out socially or you're like with your boyfriend or your whoever it is. Like it just creates chaos in your head. And I was like very done with that. So I felt like after COVID and then in combination with like the show and all of that, it was just, it was too much. And it was getting more control of me than I had of it. And I didn't like that.

It's not a good feeling. It's not a good feeling. No, you get hijacked. You do because like I was ringing like every day. Yeah. Which is not good. You know, it used to be like a. These are social drugs, right?

So it's supposed to make things fun. And when it stops being fun, that's where I think it's time to, like, figure that out. Yeah, it's almost like, you know, it's interesting the way you just said it, just gave me a realization that I've never thought of. It's almost like if you were responsible for your dreams. Like, you know, when you have dreams and you're like, why did I dream that she did this and that, that, but, that. And it's like, it's your subconscious working itself out. Right. But you're doing that in front of people when you're right.

And by choice, you know, you're choosing to confuse where you're really at mentally. Yeah. And then it go and then you go backwards. And then you're like, what do you? I don't want to be that person that's like, I'm sorry. Also, I don't want to be, we live in a very different time that we grew up in. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

I don't want to be everywhere I go now, you know, people recognize you, even if they don't come up to you always and say, I don't want to be drunk. On camera, so many, you know, a fan, it's just not the, I have kids, it's just not the look for me. Right. So, but I am, I'm California sober. That's great. Still a little fun. Yeah.

I still have a little fun. I just, it just had to find, like, the rate drug for me. Yeah. What is it? It's cannabis. It's cannabis. That's California sober. It's like, you still.

See, I'm so, like, far from that. I love that. Which is so many people are California and sober. Yeah. You know, I do. I thought it meant like any, like mushrooms. Like, is it specifically weed? Maybe.

It's probably a looser term. It comes from like smoking, you smoke weed or eat weed or whatever you do is California. It comes from. Yeah. Yeah. Now I think it's expanding out because they're basically taking like all these other drugs and making them like very light. medicinal.

Yeah. Like diet coke or what they used to be. Even like marijuana. Like marijuana. Like maybe. Yes. Right. And so I don't really like mess with all that stuff too much just because I'm not like a

pill person because I'm just not good at that. I'm not good of that. Yeah. We don't want to try it. Yeah. So I'm just like opting out of that. It's like that one bad experience I had in college was like plenty for me. Oh God.

Yeah. So I'm not, I've never been that person. So yeah. I would imagine too though, because I know in my drinking days waking up the next day and there wasn't, like by the time I got sober, it wasn't like Instagram, social media, all that stuff wasn't that huge, right? It also wasn't cool. Like right now it's very cool.

and trendy to be sober. It's extremely commendable that like 13 years ago, you just need a decision to get yourself sober. You know, it's a different, it is a different world. It's not like you're putting that on your social media for like street cred or whatever. That's like a very commendable thing. I'm like, what's that?

But I remember waking up and with just like the, you know that shame when you wake up and you're like, fuck, what did I say? What did I do? And I was always there to tell her. Yeah. Right. Right.

But now imagine there's what I'm saying. imagine there's a camera. Yes, yes. Like I literally, like, I can't comprehend what that must have felt like because it's not just you in your bed being like, oh, damn, I said that or blacking out or any of that stuff. But like, there was a camera. Yeah. How in the hell do you deal with that? The one thing that I will say is I never, that was never a thing for me on the show. Like, I don't identify as an alcoholic because I really feel like I'm not. I feel like people who are alcoholics, I almost feel like it's disrespectful for me to say that. Claim it? Yeah, to claim it because I

want. I feel like those people, they struggle. Every day is a struggle right. Every single day is hard to, and I don't have that. It was a habit that was very much, you know, I had a habit, but once I broke it now, like, I don't even think it. It's not a thing for me. I feel like people who are truly alcoholic

struggle every single day. And that is like so fucking badass if you are not drinking, but you have a disease where every single day really want to drink and you don't do it. Like, those people deserve, like, all the accolades. And, like, that's just not what it is for me.

It's just, like, I don't do that because it's not in my best interest. It just doesn't serve me well. Yeah, that sounds very healthy. Yeah. Like, that sounds like a really healthy choice. Yeah, it was, like, one of my good ones. That one goes in the good column. There's been other really not great ones.

Like, that goes in the good column. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, I, like, I have to get my diet and check. Mm-hmm. I'm turning 40 next week. But like because I don't drink, I stay thin-ish.

You know, now everybody's like, was I'm big thin? I'm not that. But like I'm thin enough for me, you know? And that is my excuse why I don't work out and I do not eat healthy at all. Like I'm a dumpster inside. It's disgusting. So did you turn to that when you stopped drinking? Did you go to sugar?

Yeah. I mean, I'm a sugarholic. And that's a thing. And I thought, girl, you might be an alcoholic. So I'm replacing something. So they, well, they say, okay, so I thought it was just the sugar that was like in wine. And so I was like, and somebody just told me this, that it's really just because you're looking to replace the dopamine that you get, the dopamine surge from the alcohol. And so then I literally was just like, oh, shit, maybe.

How do I get then the dopamine without the alcohol and without my kids fruit by the foot every night? Oh, fruit by the foot. Yeah, I really go in. You need to exercise. Yes, it gets gross. Broad Ideas is supported by Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Tropical Smoothie Cafe believes you deserve a little vacay every day, not just once a year. Get on tropic time with bright and refreshing smoothies, tropic bowls, wraps, and flat breads from Tropical Smoothie Cafe.

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From shipping to your door through digestion, without synthetic or chemical coatings. No refrigeration needed. Support your gut this summer with seeds, D.E. S.O-1 daily symbiotic. Go to seed.com slash broad and use code 25 broad to get 25% off your first month. That's 25% off your first month of seeds, DS01 daily symbiotic at seed.com slash broad. Code 25 broad. So alcoholism, there's so many misbeliefs about it, right? And one of the biggest things that they've now correlated is that a lot of people with addiction have dopamine deficiency. And so you take away the alcohol and you start craving sugar, you start craving sex, gambling, this, that, whatever you want to fill it with.

It's not just that you had that pattern and it's gone. It's that there's actually a wiring in the brain that's deficient on dopamine. And so it's looking for those hits, right? I hate to break it to you. You got to exercise. I know it sucks. That's awful. I don't see.

I don't. I'm such a sedentary creature. you don't have the need to want to do something. You don't have alcoholism. I don't have alcoholism. I have other isms. You do have other. I mean, it's this.

I'm really fucked up. She's super, super, super fucked up. But no. But you don't have that, like, I need something right now. Yeah. Right. Like, I get afternoon anxiety, like, regularly every day. What goes through your head?

I just think everything all at once. And then I can't do. anything. You know, it's like then you get overwhelmed and then like you don't get the simple stuff done. That's really difficult. I think that's actually less to do with the drinking or not drinking because I had it both. And more to do with the becoming a mom. I think it's something about that. It's your nervous system. Yeah. Because that started when I had a kid. A hundred percent. Because I would get nervous about the night and what the night was going to be. Oh my God. Anxiety every night. Like here we go again. What's going to happen? How much.

Am I going to be up? What's going to be happening with the baby? Right. I have that every single night when I'm having a kid. It's horrible. Yeah. It's the worst. And then it's like you get, and then even if the baby's sleeping, then you're like, okay, I have three hours to sleep.

Yeah. But then you're obsessing over that. So then you can't sleep. And then you're 30 minutes out from when they're going to wake up. And then that's when you fall asleep. It's a fucking disaster. No. Like the whole thing.

I love them now. It's like going to war. Yes. I am a warrior. We are warrior. It's true. It screws your nervous system so bad. Yeah.

And your nervous system can't recalibrate without recalibrating it. So how do we do that? You have to. We've got to get your husband here. I know. Yeah. Right? It's really a lot of exercise, meditation.

You've got to recalibrate your nervous system. I feel like I try to do that, but it's not through exercise or meditation. But I don't know what it is. Through, what do you mean? You seem like a very calm person, Rachel. I would say I'm a calm person. She is a calm person. She's got a little, she's got a hamster wheel that goes.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So constant up there. So it's really hard to. Well, it's a very good quality that you don't, it's not, it doesn't come out of you. No. You know what I mean? Like you have a very good, like you have a very comfortable essence about you, I feel like. Thank you for saying. Yes. Yeah. She doesn't take it out on other people. Yeah, that's great. No, I just, she just tortures herself. And one day you will blow. And one day I will implode this. Not yet, but yeah. Yeah, it's just interesting. Wait, I'm curious, you said that you try to do it in other ways.

I know, but I'm trying to think what my self-regulating is like. Yeah. It's like if I can lay in my bed and like watch, you know, anything I want. Yeah, that's the best. When you don't have that time in the day, when you're a working mom and all these things, I'm like, what can I do? And it can be as simple as that. Like if I can just lay in my bed, even if I, like, mindlessly am on my phone or like whatever,

but I just have that little bit of time. Yeah. It kind of helps me reset. I've started to like every time if I have a free day, like a truly free day, no kids, no work, whatever, to be like, I am going to do nothing, but I have to tell myself. You have self-permission. It's okay. And you know what?

Today you're going to sit in your spot on the couch and you're going to binge watch crappy shows. Maybe most of that time is just scrum. rolling to see what I want to watch. Hours of what I want to watch. When you're like, what do we want to commit to this question? I can't. I have commitment fear. Me too.

I go through every Netflix as they preview everything. And then by the end, I just turn it off and go to sleep. Right. Nothing is watched. I've done that so many times. I feel like a lot of people do that. Preview junkies. That's what we are, right?

Preview junkies. Yeah. I can't stop that. I want it to be the right thing. And then the one thing I want to commit to the, what, is it called? Like the preview. Yeah. Oh, there we go. The preview is then so good, but so detailed that I'm like, but I know what happens at the end of this rom-com. Right. How can I watch the whole thing? Yes. And we're in this day and age of the clips, the YouTube clip. I'm like, well, I feel sad. I got out of this what I needed to get out of this.

Yeah. I feel satisfied onto the next thing. You're totally right. See, I won't even watch the preview, though. I just look at the thing. That is fucking balsy. I will not watch a preview. Like my husband will be like, Watch this. Nope. Because I don't, I hate knowing anything. I'm like, I don't want to anything. Oh, when you're going to watch something. Yeah. I'll never watch a preview. That is wild. I've never heard anyone say it. No, because I need to be anxious when I watch it. Yeah. It takes me up to be like hanging out what's going on now. You know, and like I can't like, and then I need the subtitles now. For some reason, I feel like I just can never hear anything. So I have to read it. But do you retain it more if you read it?

I don't think I retain anything these days. I just hear nothing. Like literally nothing. No, it's the gray matter on the brain from having kids. I have so much. So much gray matter on the brain. Yeah. Our brains, we look at each other.

We do things. What? We don't remember anything. And it used to just be her. And now I'm like, I think when you spend a lot of time, like you, I'm sure you guys as best friends. Yeah.

You start to gain, what am I looking for, adopt, like manners and personal, like characteristics, whatever. So now I have given her my. You're synced up. Yeah. So now we just are going to start wearing tinfoil hats and we can just telepathically. I love that. That would be cute, right? You'd be adorable.

It's a great TikTok. You should do it. We should do that. You had a good brain. See your brain's working. You're constantly working. But it's like in and out and gone. That's the thing.

It's like, I'll have. bursts of like genius yes and then they're gone as fast as they came they're on oh my god how did your how did your podcast come about oh okay that's fun okay so i okay it's so real this is i am like a universe person yeah clearly like it's been reinforced through like these experiences that i've had in my life that just kind of come to me and that was one of them so my kids were obsessed with walker he's okay so apple we just had them on two days ago oh did you okay so i love walker he's a friend of He's such a phenomenal human. Oh, my God.

We love him. Phenomenal human. So even, so, okay, so let me, I'll get to it. But, okay, so my, he was performing at this venue that literally is around, literally around the block from my home. It's really like a horse. They do like, all this shit's different to me because I'm from New York. So I'm like, the horse stuff, you know, like the horsing things were happening.

Yes. Yeah. But they rented it out. They got rid of that and they were going to try to do concerts. And so they booked Walker Hayes. It was a very big deal in our community because they were taking like the ranch ride over there. It was like a whole big group. So my kids were obsessed with them.

They wanted to go. I thought I had secured these tickets. And between me and my boyfriend, we have six kids. So there's eight of us. It's a lot, right? And so I'm like, all right, I got these tickets. Long story short, I didn't do the thing that I should have done to actually secure the tickets. They fell out.

I was like, oh, my God. My kids think we told them we're going. How do we not go? I'm like, that's it. I have to do it. I shamelessly DMed Walker Hayes. I never do that because I'm like, I know. It's not, you know, like I just can't be, I just can't. But I'm like, this is for my kids. So I'm going to do it. You do anything for you. Yeah. So I'm like, hi Walker Hayes. You know. And like, thank God. It's like by the, he had no clue. Of course. But his manager, Marissa at the time was a big Housewise fan. So she hit me back. We got the tickets. Literally were on the way to the concert. And I'm. Googling who Walker is. I'm like, oh shit, he has six kids too. I thought my kids made up those Applebee's TikTok songs because they would do all the dances. And I was like, shit, my kids are like geniuses. A choreographed. I literally thought my kids made that up. I have no idea.

You know, I'm like, well, that's so great, guys. So we're on their way there. And they were so cool. Like, it ended up that we were like up in their camp with them, basically. All our kids were just running around like when it takes together. He brought us up and we were watching from on the stage. I mean, these are like things that no one gets to do. His wife, Laney, was there. We hit it off so well. And to be honest, like, that was like the first experience that I had from people from like the entertainment industry that I was actually like, I can hang out with you.

You're so normal. And I feel so comfortable. Yes. And so we just kind of hit it off from there. And then I was in New York shortly after that. for watch what happens live. I invited him out. He couldn't because he was going on like, you know, the Today Show or something is a little busy, you know, whatever. But his Marissa came and I invited like the other management and they, we all just like hit it off so well. And then I,

they wanted to represent me. And I was like, okay. Like I, you know, at this point, I have never even entertained that. Like I don't go, because I don't trust anyone. I'm not from this industry. So it's very difficult for me to know who to trust, who not. So I just don't do anything and I just stay in my lane. And so that was the first person I trusted and felt comfortable with. And then Shane was a huge housewise fan. So I came out to Nashville. Yeah. And we met up and we were like just nonstop laughing and just like having the best time ever. And we were like, we should just like do this but get a camera on it. Yeah. And literally the podcast was just bored out of that. But it's like interesting how it took a couple, like it was a couple steps removed.

But I just like, it just happened naturally. That's so amazing. We just did family feud with them. Yeah, okay. Yes. So that's the connection, right? Yes. They've played against you.

Yes. And walk, Laney, all of them, like everyone. Shane, we adore. We're like, he's, I know, hilarious. And I was like, okay, I love you. It was so funny. Oh, my God. So funny.

So amazing. Yeah. So genuine. Yeah, they are. And that's the same thing. Like, I can tell you're the same way. Just like, you know, attracting like the authentic people in a world of like inauthenticity. Yeah. The way they show up is so natural and grounded. And like they were a breath of fresh air for us. We're like, these people are freaking awesome. Yeah. So I can imagine you're like, what? Yeah. Also, I'm like with Sheen, I still think it's a stare at her own. I'm like, when you look at Sheen's resume. I know. I know. I'm like, dude, like,

you are the one that I'm blown away to be able to work with you. Of course. Let alone. I'm like, I didn't even do anything. I just, like, share my messy life. You know what I mean?

Like, I'm not, it's so to me, it's just kind of incredible how much people look at the whole, like, bravo sphere the way they do. It's still like an adjustment for me. But I get it. I get it.

You know, but at the same time, I don't know, it's still always going to be a little bit, it's always going to be weird. But here's the thing that I will say that maybe offers a different perspective. Like you're saying, yes, I just share my messy life, but you're doing something not a lot of people are capable of doing. And I don't know if you're giving yourself credit for that.

First of all, there's so many people that can't even be real in their daily life. Yeah, I guess that's a really good point. Let alone, put a camera on it and stick to their core and who they are and stay in that. there is a message in that and there is something that sets you apart in that. So I don't want you to discredit your what you're bringing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. Thank you for saying that. Yeah. I mean, I guess there is definitely something to that part of it. I always say though, and I truly feel this way, like, if anything, the show has just, like, grounded me more because you see a lot of like what you don't want to be. And you don't, you know, you get it. And I think that that's probably a comment for a lot of people is you get. you dabble into this world, you stick your toe in a little bit, and you're either going to

drink the collate and jump all the way in, or it's going to send you the other direction. For me, like, it's work. It's how I provide for my children. My children know that as well. Like, we talk about it. And, you know, I don't put any pressure on them. Like, it's always up to them to whether they even want to film or not, because, you know, they are working too.

Like, and they don't, and it's their lives. I don't know what they're getting a little older now. So we're having more conversations. Mine are eight, nine, eight, ten, and eleven. Well, and my boyfriend has three and they're all like the same age. So like now it is getting like harder. Basically there's like one point in the year where they literally will all be like nine, 11 and 13.

And then there's another time where they'll all go sequential. Wow. They'll be like 79. Yeah. We do. Wow. It's a Brady Bunch. Yeah.

What about like, do they play sports? Like how do you? Yeah. That's my whole life. My whole life. I'm going to go home today and I have to be on two lacrosse fields, a soccer field, and a cheer gym. Yeah. That's what I'm taking.

Yeah. Like, how do you? Because I have two and I'm like just as a lot. Because I honestly, I could not do it without having such amazing support, co-parenting with my ex and his wife, Brett. Brit is like, look, we can never lose Brit. Britt has, they don't have any together because Lord knows not of us need any more kids. But Britt has two children that she came into that relationship with who are like the sweetest kids.

Are they older? Gemma, her daughter is 10. So our daughters are the same age. And Gavin's a little bit older. He's 14. But there's still all the same wheelhouse. And he's like the sweetest kid. He's such a stud role model.

like he's a good kid, like she's doing, did a really good job, you know, and now she's doing a really good job with my, I mean, she half raises my children, you know, and she's a great value add to like all. And Travis, my boyfriend, like if it wasn't for all the, all of the people, like, I wouldn't have made it through filming if it wasn't for them because they do need to be a billion different places and everybody helps me pick up the slack. And like, I'm very thankful for that. But yeah, now it's like back at it. You know, some days we, I spend the whole day. just driving. Oh, driving. Yeah. So many things. There's so many. I have one and I'm like, there's so many things. But you know what?

It's relative. That's why I would say the only thing that makes one seem easier is two. And the only thing that makes two seem easier is three. Right. That's it. So it's the only thing. And you'll only get that if you have the next one. And then that's difficult.

So, you know, it is what it is. I mean, you guys went for it. We really. Well, Luca, my third was a surprise. I peed on the stick and then I cried for sure. Yeah. But now obviously, like... Your favorite.

Yeah. Well, they're all my favorite for a different reason on different days. But yeah. But yeah, I mean, I couldn't, I literally couldn't imagine life without Luca. Like, he's so random and weird. Like, I love him so much. Yeah, he's such a cool kid. Yeah.

That's amazing. I love that he's so random. He really is. Are you, like, done or would you ever together? I'm done. I'm done. Travis would, like in a heartbeat. Yeah, I think it's something about the fact that you finally find like this partner and this person that like you really would want to have a child together with. And that's kind of a hard thing that you have to almost like grieve a little bit. But I can't, man, I'm too old. Everything hurts already. I can't imagine. I cannot imagine. And I'm just so I don't. I don't. I don't. the baby fees was so hard and so gross. You know,

and I did the breastfeeding and all of it. I hated all of it. Everybody thinks it's magical it was disgusting. I was like, I smell every fucking day. I'm crusty.

I can't shower. And then when I would shower there would be screaming babies outside the tub. Like, I can't. It's too much for me. I can't go back there. And see,

one more thing I'm going to give you to take with you in your prizing yourself is that you're fucking funny. So you're not to share it. You're not. Just sharing your messy life. Yeah.

That's my favorite thing. Honestly, I love, I do enjoy making people laugh. Like, I really am. And I enjoy that you can, like, you probably experience this too. Like, you take a picture with somebody. You make their whole fucking week. That's so cool. That's a privilege, you know?

That's George out there. Yeah. Like, that's why I'm like literally. My phone number, man, because he's so excited. Like, to me, that fills up my bucket. It's very powerful. Like, I'm not, I don't care about the fame, if anything, like I have a little bit of social anxiety a lot of the time because I'm like in Target

shopping for underwear and I'm like everybody like sees me shopping around where like I don't know freaks me out sometimes but I am addicted to like making people happy yeah that's fucking cool what a great thing to be addicted to yeah yeah and like that's how I try to look at it like it's it's it's that is a really cool it's like a superpower for sure for nothing for taking a picture that is really a cool outlook I know your whole Look is getting To making people happy. Yeah.

And in such an easy Non-committed light kind of way. I don't have to commit to watching this. I don't have to answer an email to make this happen. You know, I just have the smile. Like, being somebody's selfie. It's so, it's so, it's fun.

Yeah. Yeah. I like that. It's refreshing to like share your take on everything. I like that. Yeah. It's been a ride. It's been, you know, you know,

take the good with the bed. But I mean, it's mostly like. I can't complain about the spot that I'm in now. Right. Right. And you said it's seven years you've been? This is my, I just finished my sixth season, but it's been like seven years overall. But yeah, I just finished my sixth season.

A lot of seasons. Yeah. The show is hard. The show is tough. How many months do you guys film? Like between three and four. Oh, okay. But it's like five days a week to sometimes three times a day.

I mean, it's a full-time job. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, you see us like, who goes to that many lunches? Not a fucking person. No, no way. See, I see that and I'm like, there's so many people sitting there and so many people you have to cover and how much time that's going to take.

But I know. Technical side. Technically, my brain just goes, oh, my God, you're never home. No, we're never home. So many conversations, so many things. Yeah. And even just like the walk-in. Yeah, it takes a lot of time.

There is, it is mind-blowing how much effort and work goes into these shows that I don't think a lot of people really get. Like that blew my mind, like how much of a production. Right. Yeah. No, it's like a real series of shooting. That's because it's reality. And how hard like the crew works.

Yeah. I mean, it's wild. On locations in weird places and very hot weather and they're like in the water. Like with their cameras and stuff. Like these people are to get. While we're like laying in the beach like this one's a bitch. Like, you know, they work hard. How would you like what are your thoughts on someone who wants to get into that?

Like how would they do? that what would they want? Like, would you recommend it? What if your kids? It seems like you have a constitution about it. Like, it seems like certain people could get swallowed by it. Yeah, I feel, yeah, for sure. And I see it happen a lot because, like, after Emily, Emily is my cast me,

he's like literally one of my best friends in the world. I adore her. She's fucking funny. But she and I started together. And since then, nobody's really been able to stick. So we watch them just kind of gets, and we welcome new people. When we got on, it was like it was like a survivor. Like they would try to get everybody out.

And then our mentality is, please come help us. Like, you know, welcome to the group. Like everybody, it helps when other people are successful, right? It's like you're only as strong as like as a team. So we would like encourage that. But yeah, I mean, it is, it is, it's really difficult. I feel like that's part of the problem is that so many people are. are trying to get on it. And I think when you're trying, you're already done. Right. Oh,

interesting. Yeah. Like, I feel like if it's not organic and you're not comfortable to be, and that is a thing, I think you guys brought this up before, but like being able to be yourself because I see it happen a lot. They say anything to get casted or whatever. And then the second, the cameras go up, there's two problems. Like, number one, those people who lie about their life and who they are to get on. Well, now you're that person. They hired you for that person. So you're committed to be that person. Right. And if a lot of people fall short and they don't because it wasn't real, right? So then they don't want to deliver on that. Or they get hired for who they are. But then all of a sudden, the cameras go up and they're like head to toe Dolce, Gabana, Chanel, like all dripping all over them. And it's like, wait a minute. But you, you, in your casting thing, you were saying you only wear your scrubs or you, you know, you're low key and chill. It's like, so why are you showing up here as a different person now? So, I think it's the secret is like I had the luxury of just auditioning as myself because I didn't know any better. Yes. But now the only expectation on me is to be myself. Right. And that's sort of a

luxury. What are the other types of it's, will it be specific? Like we're looking for a housewife that is more rough around the edges or one that's more like, are they specific in what they're looking For is it just kind of like... I think they just cast a really wide net. Right. And they look like for authentically interesting people, you know? And I think it gets harder and harder

to find the authentic part as the show goes on. And this, you know, BravoCon made this a whole other level. Yeah. So nuts. Yeah. It really is. Because you're probably getting replicas, right? Yeah. Yeah, he did.

But you're getting people like, if an act. was going to audition for a soap opera. They'd go in and try and play the role of a soap opera. So now you've got people being like, oh, I have to be a housewife. This is what it looks like, sounds like, feels like. Right. Versus you not knowing even what an audition was, it wasn't contrived to that formula, right?

Yeah. And then I remember like showing up to the first like all cast event where you have to understand too, they put you on this thing and then they're like, they'll feel. send you an email like here's the location for your first all cast event i'm like what's the all cast event like i don't know these i don't know where you're but okay i'll show up there and to me i'm like okay this is just a dinner at a table with these women i don't know like oh they're going to get pissed off that i'm just going to like be normal and say the things that i would want to say you know because it it is there is like a hierarchy and sort of like a culture that was already established in there and i remember like pissed off vicky

like the first dinner we had. And I was like, oh, shit. Like, I didn't even realize that. How? I honestly, I don't even remember. I, like, put an opinion in there about something that she didn't like or something. And then I remember my producer being like, well, what would you, thank God for my first producer, the first year. Stephanie Boerriven, shout out, love her.

She's incredible. Like, I don't think I would have been able to do this if it wasn't for her. She was very, like, nurturing, maternal. And she was always just encouraging me to just do what I would really want to do or be myself. She was like, well, what would you do? And I was like, well, if we're going to still have to be in the same group or whatever, I'd just reach out to her directly and be like, let's just talk about this. So I did that.

We took this walk. And like, I realized like, oh, that was good because I didn't even get it at the time. But that like pacified her so that then it couldn't become like a thing that then I was getting like it. But I didn't even realize that. It's just I was just acting myself. Right. So I feel like it is very important to just be yourself. But there's also like a lot of different elements that go into.

it now that are different where I think the newer people have like a harder time. It's harder to be newer now because they have a harder time figuring out what's real, what's not. Okay, you want me to be myself, but also like these are the things that like everybody was talking about at the last party and I maybe wouldn't bring this thing up, but you feel like maybe more pressure now that they should. They just have a harder time like figuring it out. Yeah. Oh, be yourself 100%, but hit this note, that note and this that you would never authentically bring up at a dinner table. Yeah. So that's a hard thing to adjust to.

And especially when you're new, then it is a hard thing to figure out. And I think a lot of people get messed up in that. So I don't know. I think it's really, if you do, like, survive now and you thrive in it, it's definitely like a testament to that person because it's more, it's harder. Hmm. Yeah. And different franchises do things different too.

Like as far as the cities you mean? Yeah, because like, because we have different production. Like different, we all have different producers. So there's different styles there. And I think some are more authentic. Some are, I don't know, you know, but I just hear things from time to time about the way different people do things. Interesting. Yeah.

It is interesting. Who do you think is the most least stuff? The most what? Like inauthentic. Is that, is that? Is that? Is that throwing too much shade? I wouldn't, I just wouldn't know to accurately say.

There's a lot, right? There's like so many different ones at this point. Salt Lake City. Do you watch any of them? I used to watch New York and New Jersey. I don't watch any of them anymore. I don't have time. I don't have time and I just have so much of it in my life already.

I don't want to, I just don't want it to take over my whole life, you know. For sure. And like, now that you're a part of it, like, then you get it. You see it differently. Yeah. However, I will tell you, I just met, um, Janet from the valley. Oh, yeah. How's that?

There's a valley one. There's a valley. That's from Vanderpump, though, right? Yeah, it's like a break because like Jack said, Brittany are on that. Oh, did you know? No. No. Or it's like a, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So I watched that. I'm obsessed with it. Is it new? Like, yeah, I just binged it up to D. I want to watch it. Because I'm going to.

where she's coming on orange country. And I'm like, yeah, it's incredible. It's, it's, it's, I'm now I'm addicted. We're valley girl. We grew up in the valley. Well, you have to watch it. I know we're going to. Yeah.

Apparently, it's very, very hot there. That's all they keep complaining about is how hot it is. In the summertime, it's very hot. It is very hot. But yeah, they're going on all our spots. They're like, what do you mean? Like, it's right there, Studio City. Like, they live off the Laurel Canyon and Ventura and they're doing Freiman and going

to the rest. Like, it's our. That's your hood. That's our home. Yeah. Yeah. You should watch it. I can't wait.

The stuff from where you're from. For sure. Yeah. But my only gripe and I haven't watched it is that they're not from there. They're not from the Valley? No. But a lot of people aren't from where, like you're not from Orange County of us. But Orange County is truly, I will say, a melting pot.

Yeah. So is the Valley. That is very real representation. You could, I'm sure, have been on Real Housewives then of New Jersey. Jersey, New York, whatever. Like, no. No. I just think I would be significantly less interesting there, you know?

Because, like, I am, I don't know. I feel like that's part of what makes me interesting here. Is that I don't, like, quite fit in. Yes. I don't, like, yeah, it is a little bit weird. That makes perfect sense. And it was like very, I only lived here like a year when I got on the show. That's so crazy.

That whole story is crazy. Yeah. It was, it was like, surprise. You're just going to be like a sub. Like, what? You know what I love about it, though? I just love that we really, truly don't know where life is taking us. Yeah.

Like, you think you're going one way. And then it's like, just kidding, you're going to be a real housewife. Right. Like, what? What? Like, you couldn't have written that. No way. Like, where am I right now?

Like, this blows my mind, you know? It's weird. I'm just supposed to be at soccer practice, you know? Yeah. And instead this is this whole other. And then, like, I do things like, Brabopon. I'm like, I'm like a rock star there for a weekend. Like, it's fun.

It blows my mind. Yeah. It's super fun. And you couldn't have written, like, how it was that you met Shane and now you're doing this podcast. Right. And like, all of it. And the way we met you is through family feud.

Through family. Yeah. And I did family feud with the, it's so fun, by the way, right? It's so fun. Can you say if you want to watch, I'm going to watch that. We're not only saying what he did. You can't say right. Yeah.

Well, we don't know what it aired. We're aired and we lost. To who? To the Atlanta housewives. Damn. I know. I was right in the last second, too, and I was like the one who. Were you captain?

I'll say, first of all, I helped us get most of the answers correct. Good job. I do believe that. But then it was the, I was the head-to-head one. Yeah, the buzzer. Like at the end. Yeah. Oh, that's money?

Yes. Oh. And I just, it was the fact that. you had to do this and the thinking. Oh, yeah. And I was like, this is like when I have to talk and, like, write a text message. I just can't do both. Right.

Oh, I can't either. The face off or whatever. Yeah. That's what you mean. Face off. Is that what it is? Yes, it was the face off, but it was like the sudden death one. Sudden death.

Oh, yeah. And I was against the Atlanta housewife who was also like an Olympic runner. She knows what to do with her body and her mind. This is bullshit. It's not fair. That was the hardest part buzzing first. Yeah. Because you think you're going so fast.

You're like, what are they fucking doing? I knew I wasn't. You know, they do like a practice run before you shoot, you know? The two people go up head to head and I was against Walker and I went so fast that I think I scared the shit out of the whole team that they were so fast the whole time. We were just trying to catch up. He's good too because he does all those trick shots. Oh my God.

His trick shots. I'm like watching that. I'm like, what have you seen? I don't know what that is. I've seen it on Instagram. He does trick shots with his family. Like they try to just do trick shots. Like getting things to like like he like a water bottle landing in a cup holder like the thing.

Oh like through a hoop and yeah down shares. Yeah. Yeah they try to do all. They're on like number 300 and something right now. Like they do it every day. What? Why don't I get bored? I just, I'm like I wouldn't get bored.

See I am like a competitive person. So I would be like, I need to get that trick shot. Oh, you would be over. I'd be all about it. I'd be like, I'm okay. Yeah, just thinking about it. I don't think I can think them up. But it's why I'm putting up to the challenge.

I would have to like follow through. I think guys should push you up to the challenge. I think it's Trickshot Bilsen over here. You never know. You never know. You never know. You never knew you'd be a housewife. No, yeah.

I know. That could be your win. Champion of the world. No, you have to see it though. It's impressive. Some of them I'm like, there really are. Like, I'm like, are you guys just making this up?

But there's no way that, you know, I'm like, no, they're really doing it. He had like an apple jack, like a cereal, like land on a straw. Maybe I'm making that up. No, probably not. They're like things like they come up with all different things. They're wild. We're just shouting out Walker's family. Yeah, we're just like diehard Walker Hayes family team.

Yeah. We really are. Like, every time they come out. We see. We actually went to Nashville last summer and we went out to their, they invited us out to their lakehouse home. And so we went out and it was like such a magical day, you know, because the kids were like in the lake just acting wild animals. And they're such a like laxed family. Yeah. You know, so it was, it was. It's been, that's been a really nice kind of connection.

And it's no pressure. It's just like whenever they're here, we're there, like we make an effort to like get together. But it's not, it's also not like, I like low maintenance friendships. It's not low maintenance. You know, the friendships were. You know, the friendships where. you're like, you feel scared to tell them something or like cancel a plane. I had those in my life for sure. Right. So then you meet people that are real friends and supportive no matter what. And you're like, oh, and then that's how you start weeding them out.

Yeah. Well, you definitely do weed out. Yeah. Right. I have a small group of, you know, friends that I've had since before this has happened and continue to be friends with like the same people. I mean, I'll make friends here or there, but it will be normal. more, still normal.

Like where I live is a very normal community. And it'll be like the moms, you know, the kids that my kids go to school with. Right, you make friends with the moms. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't really do the like, I don't go out of, I'm not like in the scene ever. Like I'm never trying to like do that. Yeah.

So it's just not, it's just not my jam. Right. Yeah. I wouldn't even go to Newport. And I'm like, no. No. That's too far. I'll be South County.

Yeah. Yeah. It's so funny. The connection. Like, because the OC and then Real Housewives of Orange County was the first one. I know that's wild. And it was like, I know, isn't that crazy? You're the O-G. You are the O-G. O-C. Yes. Oh my God. Yes. Yes. Yes. But it started that whole, I mean, it lit it on fire. I mean, well, the good show. That's what I thought all California was, you know, that was my

base line for that. A lot of people have said that. Yeah. And then and then, and then, and then, so that was like the beast line. And then between that and then it was when Real Housewives of Orange County started. And, and, and the other one, the Laguna Beach. Oh, I loved it. And the hills. That's what I thought all California was. Right. It is.

Yeah. It kind of isn't that off. It's not. It kind of is. There's parts of it that are for sure. Yeah. Yes. Those parts.

Yes. Valley, totally different. I hope they're doing a good job capturing. I think they are. Honestly, what I, okay, so what I was like pleasantly surprised by was they're keeping it real. Okay. Which was like a relief for me who feels like,

I almost feel like I almost feel like I would. would fit in way better on the valley because they have, you know, beautiful houses, but they're like normal. I love that like even the even like the one, I don't, I'm not good with the names, but there's one who's like beautiful and she has three kids two and under because she had twins and whatever. And she's dealing with some postpartum stuff. She's very authentic about it. She's clearly not putting that on. And although they seem very good as a couple and put together, their house is, you know, as it should be, kind of a mom in the background. And I love that. Like, I'm here for that. Like, we've gone to this place, I feel like in our world, the housewife world, where like, it's everything has to be perfect all the

time. And, you know, and that's, that's like, it's annoying because it's not real. Yeah. I feel like people are growing tired of that too. Yeah. Like the filters and the only putting the this and the that. And it's like, it just ends up making everybody feel like shit about themselves. Like shit. Yeah. And everybody is now the same. Nobody is special. Correct. Because everybody's filtered and perfect. Everybody looks like a filter. And then in real life, too, I'm like, well, why do they look like they have a filter on? See, I like that. I get, you look, even though it's, it is sort of a backhanded insult. Yeah. Because it's rude, but people don't really get it. So I let it go. Because it's like, people are like, oh my God, you're so much pretty here in person. That's true. So I'm ugly on TV, but that's fine. You know? But, but it. But it. But it.

It is like it's a thing where or social media, like I put my real self up there. So then when people see me in person, it's aligned, you know, where for most people, they put up this, that's not even them. Right. And then they can never go out. How do they go outside? Right. You're a different person than you're saying.

I saw that last night somewhere. Isn't that bad? What? What do you mean? Just someone that I know their face online. And then I saw it in person. I was like, whoa. That's not your face.

That's a different face. Your AI version of yourself. Yeah. And in person, totally beautiful, but just of a different age than they present. Yeah. On mine. 20 years older in person. So I'm like, how you know people are going to see you?

They just can't help themselves, I think. No. No, it's wild. But that's what's still like raising kids and girls, you know. How old are you? your heads. Mine's nine. Okay. So you have the same as me. I have a five and eight year old two boys. Oh yeah. Yeah. Five and eight. Are you done? Yes. Done, done, done. Not going to go for the girl. Done, done, done. Should they talk about it? We'd play around with it, but I'm, I'm so done.

My hands are full. I feel like you know when you're like satisfied as a mom. I've got a special needs kid. I'm like, I couldn't ask of me risk. I mean, not risk. That sounds so horrible. I don't have any more in me. I think that's very fair. You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. Well, also because you do have, if you do have a special needs child, that child takes a lot more. And so then you don't want to take away from that your ability to care for that child or your non-special needs child to you. Then you're just stretched so thin.

That's what I think. But then I did work with this woman who is, she was like my hero. She was a deaf and hard of hearing teacher. And I told her, I was like, on the fence. And she goes, I know what you're thinking. And I just want to say in 30-something years of doing this work, I have never once seen another baby take away from a special needs child. In fact, it only increases their life. Oh, I'm sure.

So then I was like, oh. But it's going to take away from you. Totally. That's the problem, right? Because you will stress. She's probably right. You'll stretch. You'll stretch to make that every child feel wonderful and perfect and amazing.

and make sure they have everything they need. It's going to take out of you. I want to sleep. Yeah. A little bit. Period. Right. Yeah.

A little bit. Right. Yeah. No. And that's like okay. Yeah. Yeah. I would adopt, though.

You would. Oh, yeah. Yeah. A little girl. Like a little, think about it for one second. Just think about it. A little girl that doesn't have a mom. Yeah.

I'm just thinking, don't. Yeah. I'm just don't have another. kid. Me? Yeah. Get a puppy. No, she has one and she wants to give it away. Oh. I love puppies. I don't like taking care of them. I know. It's a lot of work. That part. I know. It's annoying. I got that. Yeah. I got a puppy and I swear to God and I talk about this all the time when I got her because my daughter, you know, she was older. This puppy was up all night and I was, I had post-pupy part of them. It's horrible. It's a real thing. Yeah. I was like that too. Well, because also you're past that. Yes. So you're done with that. I was like, wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute.

Yeah. Wait a minute. I'm just sleeping and now I'm up all night. Like when did I bird this puppy? Yeah. And I love our dog. She's so cute. And I love puppies.

But like just mentally, you have to be in the space of being like, okay, this is what's going to be. And it was just me, right? So it's not like I have someone else. Are you married? No. No. Oh, so you're single mom.

Yeah. So it was just me. You know, so you don't have the shared responsibility. So I'm just adding more. And I was like, I was like, I. No. No, no. No, I was not.

I was mad. I didn't want a dog either. I have Meatball, our beloved. And then we got another one, Clover. He's a doodle, so he doesn't shed, which is great. The doodles are great. Yeah. And clover.

What is he? Aussie doodle. With Burmese in there. So he's like an Australian mountain doodle. Ooh. Yeah. He's a birdadoodle. But with Australian Shepherd.

Yeah. So he's like an Aussieie. I see Bernardudel, I guess. Yeah. Real cute. But yeah. But I said to Travis, I was like, I will do the puppies, but I'm doing very little for them. And I do do very, he's very good about caring for them because.

And my kids too. My kids help a lot. There's so many kids that we make them do things. That's good. They should. They should. Yeah. They're very self-sufficient, my kids.

That's amazing. They get out, they make their lunches. What? Yeah, my kids are very self-sufficient. I'm like, you need to learn how to be a human. I'm trying to do that more with my daughter, you know. Like, it's hard. Especially when you're single mom and like, it's just us.

That's very hard. Well, it's easier to do it than to teach them how to do it. Right. That's the whole thing. I'm like cleaning. Like, I'll just pick it up real quick, but they need to know how to do it. It's so much easier. She's a dad who's very much in her life when I say single mom and it's just us.

I guess I mean here at the house. On your side, though. Yeah. On your side. Yeah. Yeah. You know, just like as it comes out,

I'm like, wait. Yeah. You're like, she has a father. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's totally there.

Yeah. But yeah, it's just I, you know, if she has to, she'll get herself a bowl of cereal. But that's good. Yeah, Ryan do that.

That's good. I mean, my little one would do it all. He will, he'll be like, he'll come out and he'll bring me protein powder and collagen and go in the freezer and get

frozen berries and then go get the chair to get the blend of, I'm like, okay, you want to make a smoothie? And he's like, yeah. But my other son is like, Cheerios, please. And I'm just like, absolutely not. You have to get up and get it yourself. Right. But that was first born, last born. Yeah, because I have that too. Like, my youngest has never let me do anything. Like, even like, he wouldn't even let me wipe his butt. And I'm like, but you're not good at it, man. Like, this is a problem. He did not care, you know? So I have him,

he's still to this day, he wants to be. He wants to. help from no one. Right. No one. And then Nicholas, man. This is what I'm saying. Struggle boss. Yeah.

And he will do it. He does. He does a lot. And he knows. But it, and he's turning. Like he's 11. He'll be 12 in June. And I see him not, I don't want to say going to the dark side because he's still a very sweet kid.

But they're much more distracted. Mm. Where the priorities. Distracted. Yeah. Distracted. So it's like the priority of what I. asked you to do.

I went through this last night. It's tough. Oh my God. Her homework, but at the kitchen table, like there's a lot of stuff around, you know? Mm-hmm. Half an hour of like just... Brilliant. And she's like, mom, you know, I've told you.

Like, if I get distracted, there's so... Just take away the distractions. I said, go in the living room. Go to that table. It has nothing on it. By yourself. Talk to me when you're done with your homework. Yeah.

Hard. Sorry. The homework gets harder too. Oh, I can't. I don't understand it now. My son's in second grade. Yeah, it's horrible. Why is that homework?

They're at school all day. Why do they have to bring it home? Isn't that enough? Isn't that enough? Yes, I know. Homework is my least favorite thing in the world. I don't like it at all. And yeah, the math's tough.

It's all tough. I can't do her math. She's in third grade. I can't do it. I think God my son, like he's so good. So then I'm like, okay, you can show or Travis because I'm like without them, we would all be clunkers. Do you know how many times?

I'm like, Alexa, what? Oh, that's good. Oh, yeah. Very resource ball. Yeah. No, I'm like, you're not allowed to do that. But let's get the calculator. Yeah.

Like, I know. It's bizarre. Me, I do my son's homework. I don't do my son's homework. I sit with him every night while he does his homework. And basically how he's learning to do his homework is I'm like, make it make sense for me. And so he teaches me. Because then it reinforces that for him.

Yeah, because he'll be like, That is good. It's simple. This, and I'm like, I don't understand what you're saying. Right. I don't know what this means. Like the aeros and all of that. But it does help him learn it when he asks to teach it.

Yeah. Of course. No, it's a really good idea. But then, like, once they get through that, they'll never really need to do that. No, that's not. Do you know, I know this is not the right thing to do as a parent, but I'm always like, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Like, the test, it doesn't matter.

I get a good grade. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah. The thing is, okay. I'm the opposite. I'm like, you have to get good grades. No, but I just mean like the math. I'm like, listen, you enjoy it. You're good at it. I think that's great. Yeah. But a lot of this stuff, you're not going to use any of it. No. The thing is, though, I think the problem, it's for me, it's kid to kid. So for Nicholas, it's, no, but you need it because he needs the structure. Right. He needs it, right? So for him, The institution, the box is the best thing for Nick because he needs that. He thrives off of that. It makes him better. Right. My daughter, she is, she has like sensory processing stuff going on. And she is a creative out of the box learner, thinker. Right.

So the box does not work for her. No. So I do that. None of this matters, did it up because it's not. She's not, she does not fit in the box. That's not going to be where she goes. However, I got to get you through it. Yeah.

That's right. So we got to get through it. So then I just tell her, we got to get through it. And so we're going to, we will get through it. Right. You know? Because it's, it is a box and most of it doesn't matter, you know? I know.

It's just when they put the pressure on themselves, like, I have to be perfect. I have to do this. And that's when I'm like, that's when I really come with it. It doesn't matter. But that's why I do think that that's the rate, that's the rate, like, counter to that type of personality of a child. It's a child dependent. I think it all depends on who that, like, that's good mommy. Like, it's not bad parent.

That's good parenting because otherwise you end up with a kid that just put so, and then they all have fucking anxiety and shit in high school now. Yeah, I know. They all have like all this stuff now. They have all of it. Yeah, so I feel like that if you set that early because that is a child's potential for that. Yeah. Life is hard enough.

Well, also it's not, it's not valuable to put that kind of pressure, especially when nobody's doing it to you. And then the kids. do it to themselves. Yeah. And it's like second grade. It is second grade. Yeah. It's going to be okay, you know. My daughter lately right before she, did I say this yesterday? Right before she goes to sleep, she goes to like a fear thought or an anxious thought or like something that's scaring her or right before she's going to fall asleep, then she goes, mom, today at school, so-and-so was telling a story about this like Chinese legend myth and I could tell it was a scary story, you know? And that's the

thought she's having right before she goes to sleep. So I try to like change that and be like, let's, I hear you, like whatever, we can talk about it. But let's think about things that make us feel good, you know, so you don't, whatever. That's so cool though that she's sharing that with you. Yeah, she's good at that. That's really good. Talking about it. The worst is like finding out five years later that she was doing that and having no idea. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. And I do think that when you're close to the subconscious, like right before sleep is like when you're going to process those things. So it's almost like she's already tapped into her subconscious. But there's sometimes well, she'll be like, I told her story that my puppy got stolen when I was a kid, which

did. And like that really didn't sit right with her. And I thought after, why did I tell her that? Anyway, where did your puppy get? I'll tell you that another time. So she's falling asleep and she's like, mom, so what happened? Like the puppy got stolen. And I was like, you know what, Breyer? I was wrong. It didn't get stolen. Oh, honey brain. Yeah. And I changed the story because I could tell it sat with her. I love that. We'll just rewrite that ending. I just rewrote that story. A little bit. Yeah. Sorry. I know. I'd be like and then it died. And you're like it died. And how does that make you feel? You do have to kind of scare them to a certain extent though. I went through that. I grew up where my mother literally thought every single person in the world was a child molester.

So now I have that. I swear I think everybody is a child molester. It's so bad. But like I like literally. Any man with a dog. I'm like child must. Clearly, right. Any Uber we get in, she's like, we're being trafficked. We might be human trafficked right now. They put you in the dashboard. You could both fit in there too.

You're very, yes, you're at risk, higher risk for being tiny compartmentalized. Oh, we were told that last weekend. They're like, you too high risk. See, yes. The Uber driver. Oh, sure. It was like, you too. Yes.

They're going to snatch you. I know. And then things happen here. So I'm like, I do, I think I do. scare them maybe a little too much. Like there was gaming trucks they said. I said, Nicholas will be gone.

He'll be, he'll be so deep into Mexico. We'll never see me. They had these trucks that for birthday parties. Yeah. Yeah, I'm all over this. So birthday parties happens

where the parents will rent a game game truck in the context of it. But the people will be like, hey, you know, we're doing free games. Come in here. Oh, cool man, cool man. They shut the door.

These kids are playing video games. And before they, you know, these kids will play for two hours and then they're like, oh, but meanwhile they shut the door, they start driving. They'll drive them to Mexico. And they're not. And this is really happened? This is really happened.

Oh, you see what I'm saying? Yes. You put something else in her. Now I'm going to deal with this. Whoa. You have to sneak them. I've like pretended to like snatch my kids. Like put them in, like, you know, when they're like, I scare them.

I also, I'll be honest, Halloween. I also, I really enjoy scaring crap out of my kids. Like, it's like a pastime of mine. It's like the one time of year you can really like get. Like I just really enjoy it. We do it back and forth. me and my son, whatever. But yeah, I mean, like, they say, I know it sounds funny, but they're like, you should actually just like fake something in like a very minor way, you know, to like show them.

Like, look, it's, yeah. I'm going to lock them in the saw room. Whatever it is, I have to do. They're not going to get sneak. Because I'm telling you, my son will just go. I don't know if I should be like the, I need a leash from the little one. The, yeah, or just to get a leash. I'm not even kidding. I used to judge parents for that. I'd be like, they have their kid on a leash. Then I had Shepard and I was like, but he needs it. He needs a fucking leash. He needs a leash. What I think parents really lose sight of is like they think just because their kid is a

like everybody's kid is different. Every kid is different. Yes. And different kids have really do need different needs. Like I parent my three children. Three, I'm a different parent. Right. Which is good parenting.

Because you have to. Yeah. Right. Based on their what they need or don't need. Sometimes things are not fair in balance because that is the, you know, what the dichotomy of our ecosystem as a family, right? Right. So I have no idea what I just said. I just blacked out but it's sound, I feel like it's sounding good. You just chill. It's true. You just chill. Oh my God. Big girl words. Like, where did that come from? Like the recesses of my brain. Like, I have

no idea where that just came from. See, I can just watch you all day. Like that's right. Like I, like I. This is right. This is amazing. This is amazing. You are amazing. Oh my gosh. Thank you guys. I have no idea what I fucking talk about. This is why they pay me the medium bucks, you know? I fucking love you. It is what it is. Hey, those medium bucks are good. They're good.

They're odd. I'm a good. I have food on the table and a nice life. Yeah. Yeah. It's a blessing for sure. It's a blessing and it's fun and it's a ride. We are blessed.

You have met you and been in your presence. You're fucking incredible. I feel blessed. I love you. Yeah. Yeah, we'll do us every week. Yeah, I know. Just be a regular.

Right. Whenever. This was really fun. That was a hit gum podcast.