Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Jaime King on Narcissists, Shared Custody, and Past Lives

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

Jaime King [White Chicks, Sin City, Hart of Dixie] talks with Olivia and Rachel about self care, spirituality, and processing the death of her teenage years boyfriend. They also discuss icks, the spread of societal narcissism, and Rachel and Jaime being pregnant together on the set of Hart of Dixie.Broad Ideas is supported by Lume. Control body odor anywhere, and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off), with promo code IDEAS at lumedeodorant.com.Broad Ideas is supported by Magic Spoon. Go to magicspoon.com/IDEAS to grab a variety pack, and use code IDEAS at checkout to save $5 off your order.Broad Ideas is supported by Blissy. Get better sleep now with Blissy and use code RACHEL to get an additional 30% off at blissy.com/RACHELSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Broad Ideas.

Hi. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. We have my very good friend today. Miss Jamie King. Came on the scene as a model.

My God. Like the most beautiful face ever. And I have known her very long time. I've even worked with her myself. But people may know her from Sin City. Tixie, maybe. White chicks. I mean, honestly, her resume goes on and on.

But she's here with us today, and I'm so grateful. So let's talk to Jamie. Sometimes when the world's sick inside of Rachel's little brain, all these thoughts are swirling, round and round inside. To join us on this journey as we take a little ride. We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings.

We'll talk about boys that'll make you cry. We'll talk about death because people die. Hi, how are you? Good. How are you? Good. My beauty. It's so good to see your face.

And so you see you too. Something just came to me this moment. Yeah. I don't know if you'd be down to talk about, but I remember years ago I saw a video where you did something with Michael. Hayes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So Michael Hayes, he does like past life regression and stuff. No way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my husband went to him and I know his wife and like all of that. And I remember thinking I would love to hear about your experience with that kind of stuff too. Oh, absolutely. That's a long journey. Yeah, but it's so funny because I just read Many Lives, Many Masters. Do you know that book? Oh, okay. Yeah. And so all this past life stuff has been really present with us. So I didn't know.

that I don't know who that is though Michael Hayes. What did you say? Sorry, I got distracted. I have two kittens. Oh my gosh. Now I have three cats. It's a freaking zoo in here. They do this thing I call Spidey Cat where they're trying to get outside because they can't go outside yet. And they climb the door. Like the Yeah. Like the screen? The screen door.

Let's see. These babies. Oh my gosh. They're babies. Yeah, they're a wild. Yeah, Michael Hughes is awesome. And so is Alicia his wife. Yeah, I know Alicia. I love her so much. I went to the same school they did.

What one? USM. Me too. You went to USM? Yeah. Wow. How did I not know that? I first met the Hayes when I was 19.

And then I was in seminary school for, I was ordained when I was 20. And then I went to the Masters of Spiritual Science and Psychology. Yeah. And yeah, I've been doing that ever since I was very, very young. How did you get into that? I got into it when I was in New York and my boyfriend had passed away. And it really left me in like a lot of, like not knowing what to believe because I was so young, right? And so it was really kind of one of those things where it's like, okay, if there's some kind of God or something to believe in, like,

What is it? And I found this book called Spiritual Warrior. It's written by John Roger. Yeah. And what I loved about is like one of the first things that it said was something like, you know, if you read this book and believe everything in it, then you're an idiot. Basically. I'm like, I like this dude. He's punk rock. He's cool. And really what he's like, if it works for you, great. And if it doesn't have the what to let it go. But you've got to test it up for yourself. And so I started doing spiritual exercises. it's an active form meditation, free from writing. I started utilizing all the tools that were in this book.

And I had such severe anxiety at that age. And I never knew what anxiety attacks were. You know, I didn't know as a teen that they even existed. But yeah, so I booked my first movie, Happy Campers, and I was so afraid that if I went there and did it, that I'd have like a heart attack. Because I was so frightened to, like, the time about death that I felt really unsafe to not be near a hospital. And that sounds like

crazy, but it's not crazy at all because when you experience a loss like that at a young age, it's a hard thing to go through. But that book, as I utilize the tools more and more and more and more, it completely changed my life. And so a big part of the reason why I chose to move to Los Angeles, you know, completely when I had a place in New York and then I bought here for work, was ultimately so I could keep studying. Wow. And so I've worked with Michael and Alicia since I was a baby. They're family members to me.

Alicia is one of my sons' godmothers. Oh my God, I didn't know that. Oh, my goodness. It makes me emotional. They're really special people to me. I was just emailing with Mary Holnick yesterday. What? Mary Holnick is like the main teacher at USM.

She's like, I feel like she's an angel incarnate. She is. Like she's literally the most profound, poignant, dead on woman I've ever encountered. She's explicit. Yeah. That makes sense that both of you have this connection to these people, like knowing both of you, you know, so well and that you have this. These are really, really special people. So do you.

Karma is what attracts, right? Karma is not some kind of hippie-dippy thing. It literally just means action, right? And it's neither good nor bad, it just is. And so out of the billions of people on the planet, why is it that the three of us are sitting here talking right now? Why is it that you and I have worked together for so long and love each other so much and have been through within, you know,

I was thinking about the other day, like how many hours we worked, all this stuff that, you know, like, And that's lifetimes in itself. And that's one of the most amazing things about, you know, all of this is to really realize that we're not on this journey by ourselves at all. You know? Yeah. And to spread the light, you know, and not just in like a hashtag kind of term,

as to just be as close of a vessel of it as you can. You know, and if people are attracted to that and they ask questions about it, then great, you know, if not, it doesn't matter. you're just here, we're here to love and we're here to create and to inspire and, you know, hopefully pose questions through the work that we do and reflect back to humanity that they're not by themselves, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I think it's what I love in life is like when you constantly get affirmations when you're surrounded by the right people or you're in the right direction or whatever it is and you get all these like synchronicities and things lined up. And

when you are aware enough to really notice and appreciate them. And it's not everybody, you know, because I think people go about their days and these things happen and they're not aware. But to have that awareness, obviously there's like a spirituality to it. There's a lot there. And I think just being aware is such a beautiful thing. Yeah. And those things are the things that get me through life, you know, like no matter what's going

out. Like when it's when you're like, oh, man. like how can a particular area get more challenging or this. Right. And then it's like, boom, we get to have conversations like this. Right. Or, you know, or like it's an exchange, two-second exchange with someone, you know, at a grocery store or a glance or a glimpse of something that consistently re-reminds us that we're not alone and that, you know, there's an interconnectedness, you know, between all of us. Yeah.

Jamie, it's so, I'm always so fascinated because you have lived. such life. You know what I mean? Like, you started so young as a model. And like coming up in that world at that age, I mean, how do you think that has shaped you? I mean, it feels like I've literally lived five billion lives in this one life. You know, coming from Omaha, Nebraska to then going to a big city when I never had an opportunity like that before, then suddenly going to all these different countries. What it taught me is how to relate to many different people, you know, and to be educated by these brilliant artists.

And it also taught me to know when something was ready to be done and complete, like to master one area. And then there's this thing inside of me that's like, okay, you know, within that industry, right, I learned from every designer I wanted to work with. I got to work with them. I got to study them. I could do all that because for me, it's about the education. And then once I hit that point where I was like, you know, it's, it's time to move on to what I've always wanted to do, which is be a filmmaker.

There's something about sort of like with acting or with any craft of art, the beautiful thing about it is that you get to experience the opportunity to be so empathetic and so compassionate and to really look at a character or a subject or whatever that thing is. right? It's not just a thing, but how do we relate? You know, how do I relate with this artist and what the goal is and the intention is? And it's really about, it taught me so much about relationships and not just in a romantic way, if that makes sense. It taught me a lot about collaboration, creativity, the freedom in it, the restraints in it, the need for discipline. It just taught me so much it's hard to put it into words, you know? For sure. But it was just, I imagine, like, being so young and being exposed to so much and so many people and traveling and whatnot. Like, you go from, like, how old were you again when you first? 13. Yeah, I thought you were 13.

Yeah. At that age, and I'm thinking back to myself at 13 and, like, being just exposed to the world on such a level is just, you know. It was terrifying, you know. It really was scary. Really scary. Yeah. It was so scary. But then it gave me the opportunity later to then help change the laws and change the way that people have to approach it. Yeah. Wait, were you going to ask something?

I was just going to ask how it formed your relationship to yourself because I think that's a trickier one, right? Like you had the exposure to the outside world, but what did it do for you as far as your internal world at that age? You know, when I was at home, I was always bullied. I was always made fun of it. There was, there was never a place really that I fit, except for with a few people, you know, and I'm considered definitely like a weirdo, an eclectic and whatever. And then when I started in the industry, I was so young that I was the baby of the group. Yeah. You know, and so there was this constant, you know, push-pull of wanting my mother and wanting to be at home, but then not. then when I went home, that wasn't fulfilling me.

You know, there was that, this, there was a rub in there, you know, and I didn't really know where or how to fulfill that. And that really didn't come. I really didn't get that any sense of fullness in my soul and in my spirit until I really started doing the spiritual work because I realized it's not out here. It's not, I know. You know, and it's like traveling all over the world and doing all those things, a lot of ways made me feel more and more and more alone because the world had taught me that,

oh, you know, even though I was being able to, you know, get books that I had no access to that I always wanted, or, you know, to study these amazing artists, there was still the sinking feeling inside of myself. And I didn't know what it was. and then I didn't want to be ungrateful, right? So I was very grateful and it was very exciting. And I'm so thankful to God that I had all those opportunities, truly, because I wouldn't be here now with the same level of understanding and empathy, not only for myself, but for other people, you know?

Yeah. They say it's like the elevator to spiritual enlightenment is like get those experiences, get the job, the career, the guy, that they, of that and then see that none of that does anything. And then you're faced with, well, then what does? And so a lot of times people go their whole entire life trying to achieve those things. You're presented at 13 with it. Yes.

Right. And so talk about an elevator. Like that's really fast. It's like taking the fast pass. You know, like, oh, it's like. I wanted it to move. by the thing I was going to be this quick because then you're dealing with it a lot faster. So there's, in a way, in my experience, it's like when something happens, the reaction is, you know,

talking about, like it comes quicker because the intent of myself is to learn and to expand and to grow, right? And so when you set that intention, all of a sudden, it's like, oh, you really want to do this thing, then let's see, let's see. And then the more that the negativity pushes on that, thing, it becomes very nuanced and very like, are you sure you want this? Are you sure you want this? And it's like having this sort of truth, right, where you're cutting away any of the fact that's not, you know, aligned. And that's going to be until we've dropped this body in my mind. That's right. You know, but the feeling of the joy and the loving and the caring and the sharing, it's a different kind of a bliss because when I move so intentionally and we, it's, we're

when we do as a group or as a consciousness, it's so much sweeter. I mean, the amount of grace that comes in, the amount of miracles, even through like the, it's like, you know, hardcore, hardcore, but within that hardcoreness, it's like a greater kind of experience, a sweet, sweet nectar of life is really powerful. Yeah. To have all of these tools and knowledge, you know, you know, and to go through the type of work you do, being a mother, you know, with your kids. Like, I feel like that, just having that foundation and raising children is the most important thing. And I'm still, I still work on it, you know, and we all have our moments. We all do.

Yeah. There's no such thing as perfection on this level. I don't know. No. You know. Yeah. I was actually thinking about you this morning. It was like, oh, man.

I was thinking about what a great mother you were. I was thinking about, I was like, I wonder what TV shows she's watching right now. And then I was thinking about your daughter and you. And just what a great, yeah, what a great mom you are. And it's not easy doing things on your own, you know, because you're not on your own, because you have family and you have friends, but still, it's just a different thing, you know? Like without a, yeah, the other. part of the equation. Yeah. You know, it is like, it's interesting. What I've been dealing with

a lot lately is like all this guilt, right? Like the mom, because I'm, we're always together, you know, and it's just so funny that I was pregnant with her up until we stopped working, which was like, and you were pregnant on the same thing as well. Like, we both had our first babies through that journey, which is so cool and so crazy to think how long it's been and how old they are now. But I've been dealing a lot with the guilt. And I'm starting to wonder, because it's been summer and, you know, like, there's just so much more time together because they're not in school. And I'm starting to wonder, like, is it not the healthiest thing that, like, we're together all the time? Because, like, we're very attached. And I'm like, have I created, like,

this codependent relationship as opposed to, like, trying to set examples of, like, well, you know, people do things for themselves or, or, I don't know, that's what I've been. been struggling with lately as a mom. These are just like the current things. And I know Olivia's been telling me like we're together too much. I'm not saying you're together too much, but you're together too much. Well, I think that it's, you know, based on my experience as a mom, I think it's vital to practice self-care and to have some things that are for you and to have that space because there's no space for you to learn when it's all about her, you know? And it's like you need that time to get back to yourself in order to have a full tank to give. Otherwise, you're depleted. Right? No, it's true. But that's so challenging. Yeah. Yeah. It is. And Rachel and I are very similar in certain ways. And we're creatures of habit. You know, as most humans are, but in a specific way, I think domestically. you know, I mean, I don't know if you agree with this, but for me, I'm, I'm an introvert.

And when my kids are with me, I just want to be with them all the time. And the guilt that comes for me is rather than like putting them in some camp over the summer, I want my kids to be with me because I have to share custody. You know, and that's to me one of the most unnatural experiences one could ever have, as a mother for me, just it's completely unnatural. Right. And I, and I don't want to fill up their days with all these activities because I is it selfish who want to be with your kids all the time? I don't know. I feel like the guilt part comes in is that I have to work so much that I'm wondering if they even feel like I'm present with them even when I'm right there with them, you know? Right, right. As a single mom, it's like that sometimes, you know?

When they go to their fathers, do you make that time for yourself? Like, what is your relationship to self-care? Mm. Ooh. Interesting question. Yeah. Yeah. It's constantly shifting, and I think it's shifting because I've been going through really challenging, like, past few years that took a lot of internal and, like, interiorly and externally, it's taken a lot of adjustment.

And there's so much work that I'm having to do, you know, in the physical world, you know, to complete something that, you know, to take. the time to go inside when I do, it has to be very focused and very concentrated. It hasn't been like this kind of luxurious thing, you know, like that I would have before. Okay, I can do two hours of meditation and then I can, you know, go for a run or, you know, it's just, it's really like, even if someone can get 15 minutes of self-care in, that's a good thing. That's amazing. Because 15 minutes is better than nothing, right? And that's another thing that I was taught through JR. You know, it's like, if you can do it. at least do 15 minutes of something.

It's not at least. Yeah. Like you're doing it, you know. I don't think I even do that. No, that's been. Yeah. Everyone's like when you, when you think about your day, I learned this on the Peloton the other day.

It sounds so cheesy, but they were like, it's 20 minutes out of 24 hours. Yep. You can't talk yourself out of that. It's 20 minutes out of 24 hours. I mean, you can. Right. And we all do. Yeah. But like when you put it in 15 minute chunks, it's like, okay, maybe I can do that. It's a lot more palatable. Yeah. It's just not easy, Rach. I know. I know. And you know this too. It's just not easy. And how, again, how we relate to the issue of the issue itself, right? And that always shifts and it always changes. And I think self-care looks like a lot of different things. This to me is self-care. Totally. You know, like being with people I love and having real true communion connection, that is what fills me. And that's what fills my soul. So this to me is, you know, a great act of self-care. You are like the most supportive there at the drop of a dime, like diehard friend in the world to all of your best friends. And you have many for a reason, you know? And you're just always someone like.

If you ever needed anything, I know I could call you. And that quality in itself is beautiful, you know. And so what you say about, like, you know, having the community and everything else. And, like, you've created such a beautiful community for yourself. And you're right. That is self-care because it's like, fills you. It does. Yeah.

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it does take a village, right? It really does. This idea that a partner is going to be like your breadmaker, your best friend, your lover, your confidante, your therapist, you know, it's like everything in the village. Like, that's not possible. It doesn't work like that.

And also, not every person can give it that level of capacity, even as friends. It's just, it's so essential. It's so essential because it's not going to just come from one person. Right. Have you learned what you need from your friends and from your village? Like, what's most important to you? Like, have you learned, like, here are the things. Because I think a lot of times people expect versus ask for, right?

So they have an expect. of people and oftentimes are disappointed. Yeah, expectations lead to disappointment. Right. So do you, have you gotten clear on the kind of things you need from your village? Yes, that's been a process. Because I'm a very giving, naturally giving human being. And it's very much unconditionally.

and I think the thing that I've learned is boundaries, you know, because there's a lot of heart rate when you give a lot and you're the sounding board and you're holding the light for someone. And then for myself, it's really interesting. I can fight for, I fight for a lot of things for other people, causes, et cetera. And sometimes when it comes to myself, which is where the learning comes in, right? it's very hard for me to ask for someone to do that for myself or ask someone to do that for me. And that's a really big thing. And it's really suck so bad because it feels like such a betrayal, you know, when I've gone to people that I deeply love and I'm very close with. then I actually am in extreme tenderness, rawness, and vulnerability,

to then realize that certain people just don't have the capacity to give back in the same way. And then you start to realize that there's, you have your friendships, you have associates, you have close friends, you have family, but at what level? Because we have to relate to each other according to each level of consciousness, right? And sometimes it's just like, damn, like I didn't think it'd be. like that with this person. You know what I mean? There is disappointment

into it. And it's a weird disappointment when you didn't expect anything, but then you think that the bond is so close. And then obviously when you do finally ask for any assistance or support, then they make it about them. And that's a interesting thing. It's like this pattern that I've been noticing

than people, which probably is pretty obvious. And I don't mean like in totality. But this thing of like to share. something with someone and rather than being a sounding board or listening, that they immediately feel their own emotions about the thing and they make about their emotional reaction rather than really being neutral to hold that space for you. So narcissism? Yeah. It's not, it's not just narcissism. I do think going to USM, at least for me, taught that skill. Oh, yeah. Which I don't think

is taught in schools. It's not taught in homes. It's not taught anywhere. Like we did this exercise where you'd have to be neutral and stay silent completely and just hold the space for people to have their experiences and not give advice or feedback or whatever. And it teaches you to go into your heart and to listen and to not make it about you. But I don't feel like that's a skill that people learn unless they are taught it. And so I think it looks like a lot of narcissism, but I think it's conditioning. It's just human conditioning. Yeah, I think it's, I think there's everything is in the, in the mix with that one. And I think that it does take a high level of discipline, you know, because with what you're sharing, right, I have done retreats where there were weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks of holding the space. Like, and that is honestly one of the reasons why I love the craft that I do so much because it's, it's, it's,

naturally presents itself to do that. And Rachel, you're very good at that, both in your personal life in my experience and within what we do. And so I do think it does come innately to some people. I do too. Yeah. And this exploration of narcissism, I think, is becoming a disease, a disease. That is not just like something that people are like just throwing around as work. but a reflection about our society as it is. You know, and again, it goes back to what you're saying is, honestly, I think a result of that. The conditioning of the way that we're taught of it's like this, not just me, me, me, me, but there's a sped-upness into how people are relating to the world, right?

It's like swiping this, that, the other. anything that could distract someone from being present is available, right? And so that creates a much more slippery slope, I think, for people to become attuned to themselves to realize that it's not just about themselves. And I think part of this recognition, that awareness of it sucks sometimes. It's like, oh, crap, you know? Yeah. But then it's a greater springboard to find those people that really can hold that space, you know, and what is really for you and choose our level of participation.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do have a question for you on that. What do you do in that situation? Because I do think that it's so interesting. I just had this conversation this morning about the difference between conditioned self-obsession and. narcissism. You have that this morning? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And I wake up like this.

But I feel like there's certain people. And Mary's one of the teachers that said, she's like, one of the only things that we cannot help or cure is narcissism. Like true narcissism. It's true. And so if you have someone like that in your life, I'm just curious, how do you present it? is this something you would bring to someone's attention and say, hey. No. Oh, okay. I mean, you can't because when you're doing. I'm just curious how you deal with it.

You can't because it's get ready for a wild ride. That's not a fun one. True narcissists are dangerous and they're terrifying. And they isolate you and they can make you feel like you're crazy and they can take away your friends and they can, they present themselves outwardly. is it's like dealing with like a phone angel kind of energy. You know, it's like it's like some of the hardest Maya to get around, you know, because they're so confusing because they present just like this very charming,

vibrant, alive, active, engaging, you know, people and they're going to, da-da-da, and they slowly know how like pick off the things that you love the most, you know, and the people you love them the most. and it literally, truly isolate you because they get this dopamine hit from it. Right. And every time they get that hit from your reaction, right? And they know how to do it because they learn how to get into like every nook and cranny of everything that could trigger you.

It's their survival. They feel as if they need it. So they use you to get what they need. So crazy. Yeah. It's not just a feeling. It's they not just they completely use you and they think that they deserve to. There's no, there is no feeling bad about it. There is no, like, it's a smash and grab.

That's terrifying. It's straight up, a smashing grab of your heart, of physical, internal, of everything around and inside. And it's really terrifying. And in my experience, has really tested my relationship to spirit. Oh, that makes sense. really tested my relationship to the spirit because I didn't believe in evil. Right. Oh. And that at the core that someone's truly bad, you know, or wrong.

Because I've been at school for so long, you know, and, you know, again, since I was a teen. And was, you know, everything's about forgiveness. Everything is about going inside. I mean, the amount of work that I've done to. truly live and own an active vitality, a moving vitality of what my, what my nature is, to live in that and to be in a very close relationship in something like that really fractured my sense of self. It fractured my relationship to the world, to people, to, it totally made me question all of my choices. And I couldn't batten that.

anyone could ever be like that. And so when I say it was, and it has and continues to be one of the greatest tests, it's like, okay, God, why, why is this in my life and why did I choose into this? And what am I having to learn from it? And again, it's provided the greatest test, which is I don't want to move around this world thinking that people are bad or evil. Again, I never wanted that. and yet at the same time to recognize that this does exist and it's real and it's true

and that I'm spiritually bypassing by not acknowledging that and that's that that keeps me disconnected from the spirit and from truth because the only thing that can revitalize me is is my inner knowingness within side of myself but when that knowingness gets fractured in so many different ways because again, as we relate to this world as a mirror, right, of what we have succeeded and how, you know, and the beauty of what we've created with other people, et cetera, et cetera. And when that, when everything looks like a broken mirror, it's really, thank God I have the basis of the teachings that I have and the work that I've done

because that's a test because it's very, very, very, very difficult. to heal from that. And it requires that connection with yourself to do so. Like deeply. And again, it's about, you know, the first law of spirit is acceptance. And the second law is cooperation. So if I don't move into the acceptance that, oh, this actually exists. And it's like for real, for real.

Then I couldn't move into the cooperation of, okay, what are the next steps of going through this? And so, you know, Rachel, like when you said, narcissist, I feel you, I hear you. And I think, again, that there's a reason why, you know, this word is coming up more and more because more people are understanding it. And gaslighting are like the most used words that you hear all the time. But it's like, but actually telling the difference, like, is this actually happening? Is this person actually this? Or is it just like become such a common way or an excuse or whatever it is? Like, what's the truth behind it? Because gas lighting in particular, I feel like, don't you hear it like all the time? You do hear it all the time. And you hear it, it sounds like those two things go hand in hand as well. Right. They do. Which I agree with you, Jamie, in the sense that it's like, yes, it's being thrown around a lot. But I also think it's a societal problem where it's happening a lot.

And I do think that there are varying levels, right? Like, I do think some are conditioned. I think that circumstances, situations, environment can influence it and make people more self-obsessed than actually narcissistic, which is a real mental disorder. And I don't think one is more dangerous than the other because I think if you're conditioned, just like if you're conditioned to be violent or you're conditioned to be a racist or anything you're conditioned for that is dark or evil. in a sense is equally as dangerous.

But I do think it's more common because I think as a society, people are being taught to be more self-obsessed. Interesting. You don't think so with like the Instagram and social media and all of that is like, it's a lot of self. It is a lot of self. And I struggle with like posting anything like a selfie or like you have to do it. just feels unnatural, right? Doesn't it? Thank you. Thank you. I'm so glad you said that.

It does. Like a couple years ago, someone was like, if you just posted more selfies, you get somebody with more lights, I was like, homies, I didn't even, like, I don't care. Right. It's a weird thing. And I don't want to be my own stuff like this shit. Like, because now, what's interesting is that now the reason why selfies get more lights is because they've, we've literally changed the perspective. Yep. of how people see themselves and how we see ourselves. It's like switching a can't, like, do you know what I mean? Like, it's very wild.

It is. It is. It's just, you know, and I struggle, and we talk about this a lot, but like raising kids in this with this, you know. Oh, man. Do your kids, do they have, do the boys have phones? No. How old are they?

They're young. They're eight and nine. Eight and nine. Yeah. Leo looks exactly like you, by the way. Like, that is your face. Eight and nine. They're so close together.

They are. That's awesome. So sweet. Are they best friends? They're best friends and then they fight a lot too. Yeah. Because they're inseparable, you know? Yeah.

Do they physically fight all the time? My boys do not take their hands off each other. Oh, all the time. That's what they do, right? Yeah, this, what you do. Like rough and tumble, this, that, you know, and sometimes like, oh, my little, you know, but that's just, it's just different. That's the way they are, you know.

And like, when they were little, I was like, oh, my God, what's happened? and everyone's going to get hurt. What's the, da, da, da. And they're like, oh, it's just boys. And I'm like, I'm not just doing the whole boys or boys kind of thing. But then you realize it's a different kind of energy that's in their physicality. You know, that it's just like, yeah, guys, chill. Like, and I never know if I'm going to end up with, like, an elbow in my face somehow by accident.

Like, you know, like, because they're always flailing around and you get them calm. And then, like, Leo Thames is very, he's long and lanky and he's hyper. And then, then, like, James Knight will be like, oh, oh, yeah. Mommy, he must have to do this. And then, but they have like this love affair. It's really strange. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, like, it's like, like, it's like, like, stop it, stop it. And then we don't know, like, we'll have like, stop it. But then James not will be like, you know, like they love the sort of like the game, you know. Yeah. It's really sweet. Yeah. It's, it's definitely an energy thing for sure. Because like one girl versus like, I'm always around her two boys. It's like. So different, right? Oh my gosh. So different. Four and seven. Four and. Seven. Four and seven. Yeah. I walk into Rachel's house. I'm like, this is so silent. It's so weird. Isn't it so strange? It's constant noise. It's constant noise. Yeah. I, it's, but I also am like, you know, it would be nice to have one of each because then you get the experience. You're like, no. No. We're done having kids. I know. Done.

We're always like, now you get to this point where, you know, it's easier. It is in a lot of ways. Not in every way, but in certain ways for sure as far as like hands on, like all the time. Like, what are you touching? What are you eating? What are you doing? Yes, yes. That's a lot.

And also putting trust in the people that are with your children. I've been lucky enough, obviously, like, if I can't be with her, she is my mom or, you know, it's family. But, you know, especially with what we do. do, you have to put so much trust in, like, the people caring for your kids and, and I don't know. I'm, I'm, it's just kind of crazy to think about how long we in particular have to work and how to navigate that. And as a working single mom, like how much that adds, you know? And I know you can, you know, exactly. And it's like. And you're right. The thing about trusting the people that are caring for your kids is so big.

Yeah, yeah. It's so intense. Yeah, because you know, your family's not here and like if you're working or whatever. And it's again, it goes back to the community and the people that you've, you've gained in that support and, and however you do it. But I just really admire how you have been able to do it all and navigate everything you've been through and everything, you know, especially the past few years. And like just, I just think that single mom, all moms, not just single moms, But it's just nice to hear every once in a while. Like it's hard and you're doing great, you know? Like a simple thing just because you can tell the past few days, I've just been like,

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That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. You know? And you at like the MTV Awards with like Kid Rock. Oh my God. Disturbingly gorgeous. I mean, Jamie, come on. Like all of it. It's just like looking back at your whole thing.

I just want Rachel to invite me to like Cantors again. Oh my God. Our nights at Canters. She like me enough that I can watch her eat once. I know. No. I'm sorry. I know.

Me too. But it is, it's been such an interesting. ride, you know, and it's been a long time. And it's just so crazy to look back and then to look where you stand like now and everything you go through and you can realize like how strong because you survive all of these different things. You go through all these different things and you can like sit there and be like, oh shit. Like I did that. And I'm here and I'm sitting here. And it's just like cool to kind of sit back and realize, you know, through a lot of therapy. Oh yeah. A lot of therapy. A lot of therapy. Be like, oh.

I can do that. I can survive that, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Thank God for therapy. I think it's important, too, that people like you do share these kind of stories because, you know, I remember too when I first saw your face. I was like, I think that's my favorite face I've ever seen. Like, just, just wanting to eat it. Like, just, like, obsessed with your face. Loved it. It was universal. Universal. Thank you. And it's really good to hear that people that have that type of, beauty and success and all of that are still so human and going through the same exact

struggles that we all go through as human beings and that you're taking this opportunity to like really look at your curriculum and that in it in itself is the best parenting that anyone could ever give their children is really helping them figure out how to be human. Yeah. True. It's hard. Oh, my God. It is really hard.

It's really hard. Wait. Have you ever done any sessions about, like, who your kids were in a past life or anything? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the thing is, is that I also do very similar work. So, like, the only purpose to look into previous existences is if it shows up in this spirit because a person has come, like, if I'm working with someone, they come in with a particular pattern. Mm. And I'm looking and listening and, you know, muscle times.

testing it to see if another existence presents itself. The only reason to share it is because it's for the highest good. It's not to be like, oh, you're a Cleopatra and some other life. Who cares? It doesn't matter next, right? The only thing that matters is how is that pattern relating to what you're doing with now? You know, and how do we look at that, forgive it, clear, let it go. Because when we go into the past, we go into our karma.

When we go into the future, we go into fear. and is about being present. So again, all of these different existences, you know, are truly there to build who we are now, right? And so then when we get stuck on a specific crystallization or, again, an issue or pattern, sometimes those other existence will come up to be shown to the person that you're working with to say, like, okay, let's look at how this correlates. And we need to forgive this thing, forgive this thing, forgive this thing. And again, let it go.

so then, you know, we can move forward, you know, in a greater path of alignment. So you work with people doing this. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. That's so cool. I don't really talk about it. Oh, you don't talk about it? Not very often because, I mean, for me, it shows, like, people will ask me, people

will ask me if I will do it, people that suddenly pick up on it, then I will, you know, well and people will come to me so I can do sessions, but I don't charge for sessions or anything like that. And also when I'm just straight up with people, I'll also like, sometimes it's like this. It's honestly, it's like, imagine if a hand's just like in your face. And every time you try and look away, the hand's still there and it can be really challenging sometimes because it's like, damn, really have to give this piece of information right now. Because like, like this, their soul will be like needing this piece of information. I'm just trying to like check out with my ice with the store whatever do i mean and then it's like you can't deny it because that's part of like

the the service or the ministry it depends on everyone has different guests you know that's just i think that's one of the reasons why the haze and i are very close it's like the angel work and so special yeah so we all have that capacity we all have that capacity to to tap in in that way right everyone does and that's the beautiful thing it's not just something that is anointed to one person is that they're the chosen one. It's not like that. Right. You know, we all have the way show inside of ourselves and it's all presented and in such glorious ways. It's like I'm consistently in awe. I'm consistently in awe. I'm consistently in awe. I'm consistently in awe of our friendship, Rachel. I'm consistently in awe of being able to have this kind of experience both

of you. It's just, it literally makes me want to cry because I feel so. so thankful to be surrounded and to be able to be partake in such exquisite beauty. And I don't mean just on the physical. When I watch artists, when I watch human beings doing what they're doing, I'm just like, I'm just like, it's so majestic. I can never tire of it. It never, it's just, it's constantly, uh, makes me very grateful. and very humbled and there is nothing better than seeing people's light shine so beautifully, even if they're not aware of it. But, you know, like all the particular quirks and, like, very specific things to each person is, like, just, I don't know, I love it.

Yeah. I do too. Yeah. And I thank you for saying that because it's beautiful. Like you said, it's to be in the presence of people. like you that are willing to share yourself on that level is self-care. Yes. Yeah.

That's so beautiful. Super beautiful. And I'm also, I think it's so important, the forgiveness. Oh, yes, for one of my studies. It's like, okay, I'm going to double down on this one. Oh, my God. I was like, what did I do? So, um,

I decided for like one of, you know, basically like thesis that, you know, for one of my papers that I was going to do a really dive into this forgiveness thing. And I was like, so I'm going to do a forgiveness statement for every time that I judge something. Wow. I thought I was going to lose my freaking mind. Yeah. Okay. I was doing like 300 judgments a day. And I'm talking about micro, macro, macro this, like driving.

Someone's driving too fast. I'm like, I forgive myself for judging myself for judging that person for veering out of her lane. I forgive myself for judging myself for not being more patient. I forgive myself for judging myself for that as you do, it just keeps going deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper. Keeps going. Keeps going. And oh my God, you know, it was profound and a super intense, you know, agreement that I made with myself for school. And what I, my conclusion was and still is that forgiveness is the key.

to everything, literally to everything. Acceptance and forgiveness. Someone said the other day and I was like, that is so beautiful. And the world needs to hear this. Forgiveness lets you off the hook, not them. It does. I love that. It does.

Because we carry it. That's right. We carry it inside of ourselves. You know, so we've got to get right inside of ourselves. We got to, it's good, it's like good housekeeping. That's what it is. Right. You know, because us holding on to all.

the shit, you know. It's like if you look at celophan, if you pull on one side of the salivine, it's like that's what judgments do. That's what pain does. It's like, and like to have people pulling on yourself, it's like this, ugh, like that's what it does you energetically, right? And so the more we forgive the, we start, it starts to smooth out, right? As we are moving through this planet and our day-to-day thing, you know, we aren't stuck on. some kind of like, let's us off the hook because that loop stops, that loop of like. You get the freedom. The freedom, right?

And again, it's, like you said, it lets you off the hook, not them. And then they get to do with it what they will because it was, it's not our business. It's not our business. Nope. But also the nuance in it that is the most important is the judgment. So it's not like I forgive so and so for being an asshole. It's not that because you're still judging when you say that. It's I forgive myself for the judgment that I'm judging him as the asshole.

So it's not about the act that anyone else does. It's about our judgment to the act. Yeah, it is. So it would be like, you know, for instance, like, I forgive myself for judging myself for judging him for hurting me or for, yeah. I forgive, you know, it's like, but. And then it gets even more nuanced because it's not like they didn't do that act. Right. And it's not like they aren't an asshole.

Yeah. Because someone can still be, like one thing that J.R. also said was like, you don't have to like everybody, but you do have to love everybody. Right. And you can also forgive them. And then you get to choose again, our level of participation. I mean, like, you don't have to hang out with everybody if they're not treating, like, be wise. If someone's going to hurt you, stay absolutely. of the vicinity, you know, like that's just, right. That's just, you know, the way that it, you know,

ideally we can move. It's just not so easy. Right. Forgiveness isn't an invitation to have someone in your life. Yes. You can forgive someone and never see them again. Yeah, and forgiveness is letting go. And however that looks like, because we can forgive, never see them again, forgive. And maybe that through that forgiveness, it opens up the consciousness in a different kind of way for both people because the beautiful thing about doing this kind of work is that the more people that are doing it, the more we create the space, it's like if you're climbing up the ladder, the more people that are focused on this kind of work, it's easier for the people coming up behind, which is fantastic, right? Because it is a collective consciousness. So the higher the

vibration, the easier it is, the more open is for other people to be picked up in it, which is what we're going for, right? That's beautiful. And so through the forgiveness process, as it shifts inside, in my experience, as it shifts inside of me, a lot of the times what it's done has actually opened up the friendship or the relationship or whatever that is because that it's like trying to throw rocks into like the ocean, you know? It doesn't hit. Like if someone's trying to fight you and fight you and fight you and fight you and you're just saying in your loving, in the loving, in the loving. Yeah. Then eventually they get more mad. Like I just, I invite people to, um, if they see them.

argument to with other people. God bless you. I love a peace. We still just for the highest bit inside of yourself. And for me, when I started doing this, you know, if someone was coming at me or wants to have some kind of verbal fight, I'd just be really still and hold that space. And then they get really pissed because they think you're effing with them when you're not. You're literally just holding the light. You're holding in the loving. And so then they go up. And then eventually they just, you know, it's like a melting. Or they throw somewhere else. Exactly.

Because it doesn't land. Exactly. And if they need to throw, they're going to throw. And you don't have to be where it lands. And if you continue to hold in that, they will pivot and throw somewhere else. Hardcore. It's amazing. They melt or they...

Yep. It's exactly like you, people will only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. I think that the truth. Speaking of pivot. Pivot. Pivot. We're going to pivot.

We're going to ask some of our funny staple questions before we let you go. Oh. You got some staples in your mind? No, do you? Yeah. Okay, go for it. Well, here's one way. Oh, you got some sunflower seeds.

It's part of your birthday, guess. Oh, my God. I love you. You're the cutest ever. Oh, I want those right now. I know. Oh, that's just like so soothing. It's soothing to watch you eat them.

Okay, so if you... This is the first one I thought of. Okay, let's do it. If there was one song that would play every time you entered a room, what would it be? Rage. That's such a hard question. such a theme for music. I don't know. It'd have to be something like if that's hardcore rap, something like... Hardcore rap. I love it.

That question makes me want to laugh because I'm just thinking bonkers songs right now. Tell me the first song that came into your head, though, when you said it. I got the power. There you go. But I don't like that song at all. Doesn't matter. That's why I want to like... It's a message. But you know why? Because when I heard every time I walk into a room, because every time I walk into room, I swear to God, that freaking song comes on. It is, It is knitted itself into the lexicon And every kind of playlist mix or whatever

Whether you're in a restaurant, whether you're in a mall. Like so that's what my thoughts went to like what it like this song. I love it though. Because that's the first thing that came to your head. So that's just what you should go with because that's actually awesome. And you don't have to love the song, but it's a message. I got the power. I got the power.

Okay. Do you have one? That's a really good question, Rachel. That's a really good question. sandwich. If you could make your ultimate sandwich, did you? Because I always want to know. I know. The ultimate sandwich. Oh gosh. It depends on if it's like winter or summer. It depends if it's winter or summer. I like the specissifidity. Spesipidity. Chicken salad sandwich. Oh, yum.

With lettuce, tomato, mustard, and like a Kaiser. Okay. Kaiser roll. Love it. Maybe Swiss cheese. Maybe not. It depends on the day. Yeah.

Okay. What is your biggest ick with like a dude? The, like someone that doesn't have any passion about anything at all. Oh, they're just like whatever. This emoji. So you know what I'm going to do with a one-person show? I want to memorize every emoji and do it physically. Like to reenact every emoji? How would you be the poop emoji?

I haven't reached that one yet. I still have you memorized every single one. And it's going to take, it's going to be, it's going to be like a three-year prep for this, for this particular obsession I have all of a sudden. There's a lot of emoji. But I know what you mean. Like that emoji perfectly sums up that type of guy. Yeah. Yeah. Like indifferent. Indifference is is literally that I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't handle it. I mean, I can't, but I don't. want to. I don't want to be around it. Well, then what's the biggest, like, turn on with a dude? Someone that is, like, like, unapologetically into whatever it is that they're doing. Do I mean, like, so into it that you can learn from them that when you're watching them, you know, engage in that particular, it's just like, whoa, you know? Yeah. Like someone passionate and just like. Someone passion that wants to learn and grow and like, you know, you know. I thought you would like appreciate a sense of humor. That was the first thing I was going to say.

That's what I figured you were going to say. She's like hate it. Yeah. Like I don't trust anybody that doesn't like comedy or comedy specials. It doesn't have a sense of humor. I know. I know. It's crazy.

When they're like, I don't like comedy. Like who, okay, then I don't like you. You don't like laughing? Yeah. Yeah. No joy. Like what? Yeah.

It's the weirdest thing. I think no sense of humor. Yeah, that's a nick. Someone that takes themselves so seriously. I think it's big. It's, it's. that's it. Major. Major. Like, you can't take yourself so seriously. Take life seriously. Just not yourself. No, but it's boring and it's annoying because everything

seems so serious all the time. Like, when you're chilling with someone, you don't want to be like, oh, like, me, like, no, like, you want to chill and have fun. Like, they can just calm down. They can just calm down. What are you using? I don't know. I found it. It's, Our self-lip conditioner. Because you know what else I remember? I don't know if I ever told you this. It's before I knew you. So you were young.

And I was young in an article, you were talking about first the lip stuff he liked it. It was like when Keels first came on the scene. And it was like there. What was the name of the yellowy? It's the keels. The lip stuff. Yeah.

No, that's Elizabeth Ardite. You never have who was thinking. It's like the keels thick, yellowy. It was called like orange blossom. Something like that. Was that what is called? Okay. I don't know. And you were also talking about how you love blemishes because you love imperfections on people. And is that crazy? I still remember to this day reading that article and you saying these things.

And after I read it, it went out and got that keels because like, well, if Jamie, it's Jamie's favorite, like it has to be the best. And I didn't cover up my pimple. And I didn't cover up those pimples. But what a beautiful message to me sending, you know? Yeah. Like so young. I remember that being so young. I was probably like, I don't know, 19 years old, 18. Isn't amazing how we can love and admire people for so long? And then they're in our lives and you're just like, whoa.

It's amazing. And Rachel remembers nothing. Yeah, I remember nothing. So isn't that it's probably because I read it. Like it sticks in her and just remembering how obsessed I was with you. Yeah. When I was like, that's just insanity. Like how beautiful.

It was crazy. Crazy. But yeah, like I fully remember that. And it's just like, I know, it's so interesting, you know. It really is interesting. I know. You know, and then people that come to you life, you idolize. Has there ever been anyone that you've been a huge fan of and then you meet them and it's changed your opinion?

Oh, you mean, like in a negative way? Yeah. Or, I mean, I guess it could be positive, too. You could have, like, again, a judgment and then, like, meeting them, it was reversed either way. That's a really good question. It's also a thinker. I mean, I definitely met people like that. I was a big fan of it.

And then I was like, oh, fuck. That's, yeah. You mean? Were you like, no, not you, dude? You know, that kind of thing. You're just like, oh, man, that like disappointment. Yeah. There was one person that I was working with that I was such a huge fan of.

And then as we were working on this thing, I realized that they just did not care about anybody. Like, simply just would walk off where. we do our work, you know, it just be like, bye and like leave you to do it on here. Like that kind of stuff is like, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No. No. You do enough. You mean a lot of people. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where you're like, I don't think I like that person and then you walk away being like best friend.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that nice? It is. That's my favorite. Right. That's always, yeah.

That's always a better version. Right. For sure. Well, I love you so much and I'm so happy you talk to us today. So openly, and you know, I love when we have these types of conversations that show a different side, you know, and like we're not talking about work right now and you're not promoting something. It's like literally just being human and connecting and talking about all these things. And I just, I really love it. And I love you. I love you so much. It's so nice to be able to come and talk as friends. Yeah. Right. And as loved ones. Yeah. Yep. It was beautiful.

We just healed for the love, mom. I love you. Thank you so much. This was beautiful. Thank you, my love. Thank you so much. Bye, boy. See you soon.

Tell me life. Tell me sweet little lives. First and foremost, we figured out our word instead of saying stressed. I'm still not co-signing. Shocking, Mr. Contrary. Oh, you're not. Bamboozled. Bamboozled.

Try it. Try it. right now you want me to try it? Yeah, like talk about something that would be stressful and be like, oh, I'm so... Oh, man, I feel real bamboozled right now. Yes. I like it.

That's going to put you in a better mood. I'm feeling really bamboozled. You know what? It was a bamboozling experience. It was super bamboozled. All right, you just get in a car accident. That's different. And, well, you're feeling bamboozled.

That's exactly. Because you're just going to giggle on the side of the road and, It's going to magically fix your car? I do laugh in the most inopportune moments. No. That is my go-to. Yeah. You get in a car accident and you go up and you say, I am so sorry.

I understand you're probably feeling incredibly bamboozled right now. That's going to very be like. Yes. I know. There's alarm. Like what's the word. Like, yeah, disarm deactivating. You know what it's going to be?

It's going to be comforting. It's going to be comforting. It makes me think of Joey on friends. They're like, let's play bamboo. You totaled this person's car. Can I tell you a story? Hold on. You say, I'm sorry to bambole you.

Go and then I go. No, you go. Mine's a story, so you go. Tell your story. Okay, so this was a few years ago, more than a few years ago. Let's say five years ago. Okay. And we were out to lunch.

It was after our Vegas trip of Ezra. We met him to lunch. You weren't there, but Jill was there, I believe. Anyway, we're sitting having lunch and my car is parked in front of the restaurant when all of a sudden a car slams into my parked car. Like, totals it. You weren't in it though, right? No, it was parked. I watched it from the restaurant and I was like, did that car just, did that car just hit my car?

Were you pretty bamboozled when it happened? I was, this is why I was not bamboozled. I walked outside and the guy that hit my car was still sitting in his car. And you know what he said? He said, you guys, I am on special K. And I was just looking at that amazing rainbow. And so I crashed into your car. That fucking bamboozled you, didn't it?

And they indeed unbambuzzled me. I was like, oh shit, because there was like an amazing rainbow. That wasn't fake. There was like an incredible rainbow in the sky. And I was like, he really disappreciated this rainbow. He needed to see it. He needed to see it. And he crashed into my car.

He's like, I'm on special K. I kind of, I feel you on that one. And I was like, you know what? You know what, brother? Take it in. He got arrested, I'm assuming. No, I let him go. You let him go?

Okay, no, my memory, we know how I thought. I don't really. I think I got his information. Oh, you didn't even get a police report for this. I don't think so. You filed a claim on your insurance. Sure. I don't remember what happened.

Ezra was there. Ezra handled it. I don't know. Ezra handled it. Yeah. Anyway, that was just like an example of not being bamboozled in a car accident. I mean, my car was totaled. See, but that is, here's what I'm going to say to this.

That's a stressful experience, right? You get in a car accident. Yeah. A parent goes to the hospital. Friend goes to a hospital. Something happens that's stressful. Right? That is an appropriate right-sized response to the event. Picking your breakfast burrito and telling us we're stressed. Oh, this is so stressful picking what would Rob want. We're telling ourselves to feel the way it feels when someone gets in a car accident or someone goes in the hospital. So it's not an appropriate right-sized word for what we're actually experienced. That's not stressful. I agree with that, which is the kind of, I think, the point I was trying to make, that there

people can feel stressed. And you're changing the word to bamboozle just deflects that stress and that stress is still there. But stressful is also a word that's overused, like what we talked about, gaslighting, narcissism, stress. That's what I'm saying. It's overused as well. So we should use it if it's an actual stressful situation. I can sign on for that. Thank you. I just related that car accident to a bamboozled and not stressed.

Your story didn't help, but. But like from here on now, if we're feeling... Your problem's just overusing stress. And that triggering reaction in your body. Yeah. Okay. And then we're talking to each other all day long, being like, oh, this was stressful. Oh, what do you mean?

This is stressing me out. It's like, how is that conducive to feeling good? It's not. And these things aren't actually right-sized. with that work. And would you say this is mostly Rachel that's stressed about things that you need to tell her aren't really a big deal? Yay!

No, no, it goes both ways. Because I'll be deciding, you know, which school my kids should go to and I'll be like, this is so stressful. And it's like, is it really not stressful or these just really hard decisions? Hard and important decisions. Are you staying at that school?

Today. Okay. Are the boys doing okay? With it? Today. Okay. Yeah. All right. Shepard was saying, I want to, I hate that school.

I want to break that school. And I was like, oh, don't break the school. You probably would. Yeah. And then Jeff, bless his heart. Bless his heart. What? He told Elliot, I think it would be really cool if you made a new friend every day.

And so Elliot's like, okay, I don't really know how to do that. And he said, just walk up to one of them and ask him if they want to be your friend. Oh, no. And he did it. I can't see how that's going to go bad. Someone said, no, I don't. And I want to die. I cannot handle it.

Nope. Cannot handle that. So how would you tell a kid to make friends? I don't know that I would ever say, go up to them and say, do you want to be my friend? I don't know. I think it's more like for Calvin making friends is like he joined a rock climbing team. and his meeting kids there. He does rock climbing team on Sunday.

He's so raw. That's like you and your softball team. Yeah. Yeah. Or he's got rock climbing team. He's got soccer that he does on Saturdays, and he made a friend Ollie there. So that's great.

Like, Elliot started baseball. Because how do you get them to make friends when they're there? He's starting a new school. You have to, like, tell him, like, look and see, you know, it's hard. Because I've had this happen with Breyer where she's like, Do you want to play or can I play with you? And people will say no. And of course that's like hard on her, but it's also a life lesson.

Is it? Because adults don't do that. We don't put ourselves out there like that. We say no. We go up to random ass strangers and be like, do you want to be friends? Do you want to play with me? What do you guys doing when you go? I say that all the time.

She does. I think for Calvin it's more putting him in situations where he can have like a bonding and experience with someone versus like, hey, here's how you go make a friend and go say this pickup line and do you want to share me, got me fruit snacks? Go offer them this thing because those also aren't going to be the meaningful friendships he's going to make. See, my whole approach is they'll come to you. That, of course, is your approach.

Coming from the girl, okay? In your 20s, her saying would always be like, I love the way he ignores me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like, they need to, like, come to me. But I feel like they will. Like, to me, I'm like, it'll naturally happen.

Like, you'll either want to play the same thing or, you know, maybe they have something that you think is cool and you talk to them about it. I don't think you have to go up and actually ask someone to be your friend. I don't know. There's weird kids that don't make friends. And, like, there are. Wait, weird kids. What's that mean? Kids at your school that were like loners and introverted?

No, I'm not saying. No. I'm just saying that I don't think that circumstance would work for everyone. Right. No, I get it. And I think that if they're a weird introverted kid and they went up and said, do you want to play with me? People might say no.

Yeah, they're going to say no. So that as well. I don't think that. So that's not the approach. It's like, all right, where's the commonality that we can find that Elliot likes video games. Right. So put him in a video game club and he'll make friends there. Right. So what I did was I put him in a Minecraft shirt today.

Oh. Do we know how that went? I haven't seen him yet. Ask him how many kids you picked up in that shirt. I'm not kidding. Because I know a lot of the kids, they like Minecraft and that'll give them something to talk about. And it may... That was smart.

I'm saying... Or it may make him look a little thirsty. Has he... No. Has he made friends? He's made three friends. That's a lot. Yeah.

He's made three friends. From Jeff's... But Jeff shouldn't have put it on him to make a new... friend every day? Wait, so he made three from Jeff's suggestion? He did. Then maybe Jeff's not wrong. So Jeff's in numbers, guys.

Yeah, you know what I mean? Like three out of four, you're winning. He's like, great, keep going. You're going to get more. And Elliot getting that rejection is probably teaching him something. I can't stand it. I know. But if he got three yeses and one no, like, if that's how he feels about everything of like,

well, three out of four times is going to work. That's a better lesson for him than everyone's saying yes. Yeah, I think that sure, maybe it is just that simple. And he needs to learn how to deal with rejection because I still have a hard time with rejection and I'm an adult. I mean, I don't speak for everyone, but I know I think a lot of people feel that way. And that's a low-stakes rejection. Like, that's probably easier for him to take than him playing with someone for three weeks

and then being like, oh, I think you're weird. I don't want to play with you anymore. Oof. Kids. kids. Do you feel like that? Yeah, I feel like you guys are weird and I don't talk to anymore. You want to play with us.

Yeah, you want to be on the playground with us. Here's something. Here's a thing. Here's something unrelated. Maybe we've already talked about this. Like, how vulnerable do you feel on an airplane watching what you're watching? Yeah, we're talking about this a lot. Yeah, I know.

But, like, at length, Yeah. What do you mean how vulnerable? You mean like that other people are going to see what you're watching and judge you for it? Well, I always pick, I know you do this too. I always pick the last seat in first class. So that have. Shut up, Rob.

There's some partition. You're being such a little punk. Or like on your phone. I wouldn't know because I don't do that. You don't watch things on airplanes? She doesn't care about what other people think. What do you mean? I either have my children.

Well, I have my children. children. Your children on our on iPads. Have you met Shepard? Yeah. You think Shepard's chilling on his iPad? Shepard is not. So I don't watch things when I'm with my kids.

And if I'm buying myself on an airplane, I usually read because I never get the chance to read. So I'll like read. Oh, you're going to come off like someone who just reads on a... She's so intellectual. I'm just kidding. I read too. I read too.

Magazines that are disgusting and dirty. and read cover to cover it. You are your mother's daughter. I am my mother's daughter. Yeah, fair. I do read on planes too. But I do feel very vulnerable in those circumstances. I'll turn things off or like skip ahead.

If it's sexy or violent. Do you watch what other people are watching? I mean, I've noticed what other people are watching, but I'm not like, that's not how I'm consuming my content on the airplane. So there's an airline that recently passed. Oh, the kid thing. Yeah. For like adult section only. Yeah.

How do you feel about that? I mean, first of all, if it's not an all adult plane, what the fuck's the difference? Because you're still going to hear kids and whatever. But you could watch your porn without. Yeah. This is for people to watch. What it's about? This is for porn?

No. No, no. I'm just saying like you could watch whatever movie you're watching and not worry that the four-year-old next to you is catching it. You can watch whatever movie you're watching. I don't think it's more for, I feel like it's more for like less noise interference, blah, blah, blah. I don't think it's about like, oh, I can watch whatever I want because there's not a kid behind me. But people have brought up that point. Oh, they have?

Yeah. Oh, that's nice. At least I can watch what I want to watch without feeling like there's a kid looking over me and feeling guilty. I don't know that that's going to solve because it's still, I don't, for me, if I'm uncomfortable, it's not because a kid is watching necessarily. There's a nice old lady See this weiner. Yeah, there's a nice old lady behind me that thinks I'm watching porn. Last time I was on the plane, I put on, Don't worry, darling.

Yeah. And there's a scene where Florence Pugh gets eaten out on her kitchen table. And you see everything? Or just like the act of it. I mean, it's happening. You want to fast forward that. Yeah, and when Calvin was sitting next to me too. Oh, yeah.

I mean, he was on an iPad. He was on an iPad and didn't care. Right. Like they're not paying attention. And I wasn't. I'm not super concerned about him. I mean, I'd prefer him not to see that on the screen. But he's like, that's how it's done, kid.

Yeah. Yeah. It was more of the, like, lady behind me that thinks that that's what I'm watching. With my kid next to me. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's happened for sure. But I also even feel a little bit like if I'm binging the Bachelor.

I'm like, I don't want people to judge me. I don't really care about that, though. I'm like, whatever. But it's just a hyper awareness. of like people looking in into like a personal moment. Maybe that's subconsciously why. And I've never realized it until this moment. When I am on an airplane,

I will pick something like Sweet Home Alabama or practical magic. Like whatever the like cozy romantic kind of. I don't think that's why. I don't know that's it. I think sense is. I do that sometimes. I do that too. On airplanes. I'd rather watch something like for.

Familiar and cozy. Well, your emotions are heightened on an airplane. Yeah. So you don't want... I cry during commercials on airways. Yeah, you're going to cry during anything. And I cry anyways. So like on an airplane, it's literally...

Like, Breyer will be watching, you know, Dora the Explorer and I'll be like, hysterical. She doesn't watch that anymore. She told me if I said that. Why are your emotions born? Because you're very vulnerable. You're on a airplane. You're completely out of control of your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel that hardcore. So if you're going to go down, you don't want to go down watching the Jason Statham action movie. Maybe you do. Maybe you're going to survive. I'd like to watch Sandra Bullickers, something cozy like that. You want something that's going to soothe you as well. You don't want something that's going to bamboozle you. Because that's not true.

Yeah. You want something that's going to lull you. But sometimes I'll go there and watch something super serious that I would never watch on my own at home. I'll be like, you know what? I would never watch this, but I'm sitting here. I'm going to make myself do it. But can you go... Yeah, don't do that. Can you go like raunchy comedy?

Ronchy. Give me an example. Train wreck. That's a raunchy comedy. I don't know that I would call that... Strays. Oh, train wreck. Yeah. I thought transpotty.

Trains spot. Trains. I'm like, wait, that wasn't a comedy. The Amy Shimmer. And I was like, I don't think that... That fucking movie is really good and really funny. I love her in that movie so much when she does the dance on the basketball. I fucking die for her in that movie.

There's a little clip going around on TikTok and it's so good. And she's like, I'm just like in a bad mood. I don't know how she says it. But she's like, I'm just in a bad mood. I'm just like hungry. I haven't eaten today. I just had like cereal and muffin and it's just like some crackers and cheese. I'm fucking love her.

Oh, it's so good. It's really good. It is good. That's something out. Like that type, yes, I agree. I wouldn't qualify that as a raunchy comedy, though. It's not a raunchy comedy. It's a clever comedy.

What do you want? Yeah, no, it's a comedy, it's an already comedy, but. Wait. Like a Seth Rogen movie. Like a Seth Rogen movie. Like an Aetat or something. Not even an epitale. Aetatat.

Aetto is a little too, like, earnest for what I'm trying to ask you. It's too earnest. Okay. Like super bad? Sure. Yeah. More in that world. Like, there's a... There's a level of comedy I'll even watch on a plane that... Give us an example. That you wouldn't normally.

I think it needs to be semi-urnest as well. That's what I mean. But I never knew that that was why I chose that. Yeah. Clever? Clever comedy? What's... What's...

Brilliant? Oh my God. What's my go-to? I have many. I do love like a sweet home Alabama. Yeah. That kind of vibe for sure. You're too.

Me too. Yeah, that's usually my gosh on the board. That's your go-to. Whatever the recent Rees-Witherspoon movie is. I will always go for it. Me too. I really will. I mean, last flight, I watched that movie with her and Ashton.

Oh, you did? How was it? I think I did. I think I did. I have not watched that. Wait, I think my last flight that I watched a movie. movie was a Reese Witherspoon movie. What's the movie? Okay, there's two that came out at the same time.

It was like Natalie Portman and Ashton Coochard and Justin Timberlake and Milakunas. No, they were like friends with benefits. Yeah. I like those kind of movies. Love. Rom-coms. Yes. There's a name for that. Clever.

Clever comedy. Films. Wait, you find. With love. What's your favorite rom-com of all times? I have, what? I'm not going to say what you think I'm going to say because that's not a rom-com.

Okay. When Harry met Sally, I love that movie. I do too. It's not my favorite of all time. Serendipity, underrated. That John Cusack, right? Yes. I love that movie.

Underrated. It's really good. I would always watch that if it was on. It's a really hard question. I would, it is a hard question. See, I have so many, they got a wedding singer. Not really a rom-com, still. That's a rom-com, isn't it?

I don't know. Anything with Drew Barrymore brings me comfort. Yep. There's certain people, Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon. They're just like a blanket. I'm like, Miss Congeniality! Genius. Rob, this is Rob's nightmare.

That's what we should do. If Rob loses a bet, we're like, you have to sit down and do a marathon of our favorite. This is a marathon now, not just one? Because that's the punishment. I'm trying to think. I can't even think. You can't even think? No, my brain doesn't work anymore.

She just named like six. I did. I know. She didn't. And actresses that are... I can think of actresses. Meg Ryan's coming back in a rom-com. Did you see that?

That's what I heard. I want to say David Dukovney. I might be wrong, though. I like him. A lot. Yeah. A lot. A lot. Oh, I like him more.

Sometimes I get him confused. That's kind of your type. You can, can't you? I mean, Jeff's a little David Duccovney. Oh, yeah. He is? Yeah, yeah. I feel like Jeff is a cleaner.

Not physically cleaner, but like, Yeah, he's a more wholesome version. Holsom. He's a doctor. Holesome. Clever. Yeah, he's not Californication day for the company. That's what I'm saying.

Ah, I forgot about that show. Don't forget about that show. I will never forget about that show. Actually, I don't even know if you've probably never even seen that. I think I've seen it. That's a raunchy show that you probably wouldn't want to watch an airplane. Never. Really?

Is it that raunchy? I think there's nudity in every single episode. Yeah. All right, favorite sports movie. Field detrae? Any given Sunday? Oh, no, no. League of Heron.

League of Thrones great. Any given Sunday, I believe that's one with Cameron Diaz, right? L.O. Cool J or Jamie Fox? No, Jamie Fox. So the guy's eyeball falls out on with you? No, no, no. Friday Night Light, the Titan. Remember the Titans?

Wait, there's all these football ones. It's like I'm short-circuiting with all these football movies in my head. What's the one? Was Friday Night Lights? It was a movie before it was a TV show. It was? Yes. Farcy blues.

Farcy blues. My backward? No, it was a movie before it was a TV show, right? I don't know. I didn't watch the show either. Friday Night Lights. What's the one that's like, come on, Smalls. Sandlot?

Yeah, sandlot. I love the sandlot. Yeah. What's the best gift you've ever been given? My favorite is that Jeff gets her the same gift every year. It's stopped now. But there were many years. No, he just doesn't get me gifts.

Since we've started talking about on the podcast, it's stopped. Yeah, no. He gets me singing lessons. Every time. And you don't use him? No. No. because he doesn't actually like get them.

Like here, this is where you're going. This is the time. Da-da-da-da-da. He'll make me coupons. Was it a bit? Like, how does he... It's not a bit. How does he give you the same thing every time?

In her soul, she has always wanted to sing. I'm a singer inside. You know? But the outside doesn't mirror that. And so he's known that that is like my biggest passion. So he's like, take singing lessons. And I've taken singing lessons. I'm good.

Not at singing. I know what it's singing. I did get better, a little bit better, but he's like, why wouldn't you keep getting better at that if it's something you love to do? Here's a coupon. I'll pay for you to do it. Correct. Even though I'll pay for you to do it as not a gift. Even though I own his credit card.

Even though you share a bank account. Yes. Yeah. Receiving gifts from a partner now that you're married and share a bank account. Does it change how you feel about the gifts? Yes. I don't want him to buy me gifts. She'd rather just pick out what I am.

I would rather just pick out what I want, but I still buy him gifts because I feel like I get him good gifts. Yes. But if he pulled off like a really thoughtful gift that you wanted, you wouldn't mind? Here's the thing. He gives me gifts like he likes to receive gifts. So he likes to get things that are going to change his life. So if I hear things throughout the year, I will take note of it and be like, oh, he keeps saying he wants to surf. So I'll get him a surfboard or something. Or he wants to, you know. Sing. I want singing lessons. Get him singing lessons. I've gotten him guitar and singing lessons. I've gotten him things that change his experience in life. Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins. All the things that are like experiential. he's into. So that's what I get him. I want shit.

Do you know what I mean? Have you told him this? Yeah. So then he'll reach out to Rachel and be like, what should I get her? And then she'll listen and then just does what he wants. Yeah. So I'm just like, just tell me how much

and I would like to go get myself something. Because you enjoy that. Love it. Yeah. I don't want someone to actually. Give me a Visa gift card for $500 and I'm going to the mall. That's what you want? I don't want to $500.

I don't, yeah, I would rather be like, here, here's an amount. Go get yourself something you want. But if he were to do something like, I will, yeah, because I'm even weird about, like, I would say if he wanted to take me on a trip or something. But like. But you want to pick it out. That was, that was my gift. Yeah, I want to pick it out. My gift for my birthday was the trip up to mammoth.

Right. But I mean... You picked it out. I picked it out. I booked it. I paid for it. Oh. So how is...

Does that bother you? No, it doesn't bother me. You mean because she let you go with your boys? Yeah, for the weekend. Which is understandable. She stays with the kids and lets you go do it. That's a big gift. The gift is I'll deal with the kids this weekend.

The gift is time. Right. Yes. To me, that's amazing. Yeah. And that has become a more valued gift than like here's a new laptop. Yes. I agree.

Like if Jeff was like, no, that would work for me. If he was like, hey, my gift to you this year is a girl's trip. Like, you pick where you're going. You take the groovy. Actually, my birthday's coming up. Hey, we need a trip. That would work for me. Like, I don't really need shit.

But I don't want someone. It is fun for you to like pick out something new for yourself. Yeah. For sure. But you'll go buy something new for yourself if you want it. Yeah, but I'm a very reasonable person. is. She's not going to just go out. I'm going to buy myself a expensive purse.

No. I'm very, I'm very, like, I'm the one who's always like, we need to rein in. I'm the one who like keeps everything in order as far as finance goes. So I'm not going to just like drop cash on things. I'm the same. Then are you stressed if he goes and does a big purchase for you that you're like, oh, I don't want this and we can't afford this right now? I don't get stressed. Maybe a little bamboozled.

Here's the thing. If you're going to go drop a chunk on me, I would like to know what it is. And I would like to pick out of all, I want to be a participant in it. That makes sense. Because I'm like, you're going to do that. But really, I don't find that that valuable. But like being surprised with a new car would. Nope.

Yeah. I want to pick my car. I think in theory, that sounds like a. cool gift if it's a car that you wanted and like everything's taken care of you don't go to the dealership you don't have to like deal with any of the headache of it but if it's not the car you want but if it's not but that's a gamble right but if you said that you want a blue Tesla she would never say she wanted sure or whatever you want a blue Prius whatever or blue Mercedes why is it got to be blue because my car's blue but here's the thing is that I want a car anyway

That shouldn't be a gift. I have to have a car. So if I'm going to have a car, I want to say on what the car is and I want to pick it out. You have a dream car of like an old Mercedes as just like a hobby car. Okay. So like a dope old vintage truck. Sure. Yeah.

If he surprised you with that. If he surprised me with that, I would be stoked. That's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. Something he knows that you would. That is not a necessity. It's like an additive.

Right. Yeah, because it's, yeah, I guess a functional car that you're driving all the time you would want more saying. Yeah, that'd be like, hey, I surprised you. I got you new bed sheets. Like, you know what I mean? You got a new washer and dryer for three. Yeah, like what you've always wanted. But like a car.

Yeah, I agree. Yeah, that'd be a perfect gift, like dream gift. I would love a vintage. truck. That's cool. Yeah. I wouldn't mind. I would get like an old car, but I also wouldn't want that to be a gift and like that much money spent on a gift for me too. If you're going to do that much money, I want to say in it. Because I'm the one who like does it. I don't know that I want to. If I can definitively say that's the car I would want as a dream car, I just would never spend that much on a car to park in the driveway. And that's not my everyday one.

So my problem would be more of that. There's some such cool old school cars. And they do like the interiors like all like plaid and like, oh my God, it's so. If someone else gifted me it and it didn't come out of my bank account. See, that's a different story. I would be pumped on that. Right. Because if he did that, I'd be like, oh, I wanted to redo the bathroom.

Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Like there's other things I wanted to spend this money on. Yeah. Not giving myself this lavish gift. I'm the same. The same. What about you?

What does your husband do with your share bank account and gifts? No, but how do you feel? Would you rather pick out your own gift or do you want? It depends on who's giving it. It depends on who's giving it. It does. It totally does. So it's not just like a blanket statement.

All right. What's the best gift you've ever gotten? What's the best gift I've ever gotten? I like thoughtful things. Okay? To the sweater that I got you for Christmas. Yes. That was a good sweater.

No, like, I'll get things. Like, if someone, like, really, like, gets me, like, knows me, you know? Like, someone, like, got me stuff from Cracker Barrel because I know it's my favorite restaurant. Like, that to me would mean more than, like, favorite restaurant? It's my favorite. It's one, it's up there. Okay. It is.

It is. It is. I'm not lying. The whole experience is what it's about. You have the general store. You have the rocking chairs, the fireplace. It's an experience. It's not like I'm like, I need to go get the hash brown casserole.

I'm really craving that. Even though I love it. It's in gravy now. Yeah, but it's the whole experience. So you would like a gift bag from there that you didn't experience going and picking out? I'm just, my point is something thoughtful that really has to do with me and something I like is more meaningful if someone's like, I just picked out this. A fan from Sydney. Or whatever, which I would want to pick out myself.

You'd want to pick out yourself. Right. That's my point. Yeah. And I stand by my point. And that's why I got her salt. And that's why she got me salt. Yeah. I'm easy to please, I would say. I'm easy to pleasy. You didn't answer. You really went around the what's the best gift you ever gotten, though. I didn't. She said stuff from Crack. Cracker. Crack. Yeah. I mean, yeah. And my point being thoughtfulness is more important. So yeah, I'm going to go with that. Yeah. You know what I mean? I do. You like a thoughtful. Your favorite gift is a thoughtful one.

All right. We learned a lot about Rachel's. Well, basically what she's saying is something that it's not about, I'm not going to say this for you. Not a fancy expensive bag. Correct. But a fancy expensive bag that on their first date in Paris she saw on the window. Right.

She'd rather someone be paying attention to the things she's mentioned and yeah. send her a fucking t-shirt from Cracker Barrel. Ow! What's wrong? Am I dying? Do you have like a PO box? People can send Cracker Barrel.

Oh my God. Fuck, please. I don't need any more Cracker Barrel things. Everybody. Oh my goodness. It's just the point of thoughtfulness. But like really, you know, when you know some, like if you, it's like the cookie monster thing we talk about all the time. Yeah.

It's so weird because I don't care about that. Really? Because Rob made it sound like, oh, that's just a general thing. So you don't care about that. No, I'm saying, like, if Jeff were to do something really thoughtful for me, I'd be like, where's my bag? Where's my fucking vintage truck? I like it when you get me. Expensive clothes.

Expensive shit. All right, guys. once again yeah thanks for playing that was a hate gum podcast