Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Jamie Lee on Hair Disasters, Writing and Tattoos

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

Actress, comedian, and writer, Jamie Lee (Ted Lasso) joins Rachel and Olivia today to discuss everything from botched hair dye jobs and the best facial laser treatments to dating etiquette on apps and the world of stand-up comedy. It’s definitely a fun one!Give Jamie a follow at @reallyjamielee on Instagram.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Sometimes when the one's sick inside of Rachel's little brain,

all these thoughts are swirling round and round inside to join us on this journey as we take a little ride. We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about boys that are me. because people die. And I was like, but my hair is brown, but my roots are tangerine. And she was like, this has never happened before.

They must have changed the formula. By the way, this woman is an ambassador of Swartzcoff, like the product, like whatever the hair dye. She's an ambassador. And it was orange. Right, orange. It doesn't make sense. And then she was like, I mean, I can, if you have time, I can try and do it again. I was there for like four and a half hours.

And I was like, this is. insane and then I had to go back the next day for another two hours and she finally got it to a place where I was like it looks amazing well then when I got back here oh you had it but it's not fried how did it not fly I don't know because I think she was just fucking with the roots yeah so like the rest of it didn't but you should I mean it was disgusting I've no I was like did you take pictures yes I took pictures at I took pictures at the maroon stage oh maroon yeah too horrified to even photograph it ha ha couldn't laugh at it was just And then when it turned maroon, that was stage two, that's when I...

That's when you were like, all right. That's when I was like, okay, this is a little funny. Like just a little bit. Yeah, we need to see. I will. I'll show you. I mean, the hair trauma is real. Oh, my God.

It was so disgusting. Wait, where is it? Do you see how red? Oh, yeah. That was face, too. And do you see brown here red here? In high school. Yes.

Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. In the age of glint. Oh, my God. Yes, I do.

I had like maroon glints. Maroon. Yeah. That was it. Yeah, but do you see the delineation? The brown is here and then it becomes awful. It was horrible. But also not owning it.

But that's never happened. Not owning it. Like, this has never happened before. It's never happened to me. And I was like, like, leave your ego. I know. But it happened and it's on my head. It happened to my head.

It's not okay when it happens to your head. I, in college, are we starting? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Can we pause once we get the drinks? Of course. Okay. Let's pause.

Let's just take a breath. Let's settle in. You know? Why would we? Why? Absolutely. And I'm really glad that you're placing this importance on the drinks. Yeah.

No, it is. It's a big deal. I can't remember what I was just. Oh, I was just listening to, I want to say this is Mel Robbins podcast. I'm like, whatever. She had this like. Oh, we're having her. Yeah.

You are? Yeah. Yeah. Huge. Me too. Love her. But she had someone on who's like a social, basically telling you how to be better in social situations, whatever. And this one woman was talking about the importance of having a drink in your hand and how like essential it is, like the comfort of having the drink. And I'm like, there is something so true to that when you're at a party. You're speaking to an alcoholic. Okay, great. Well, great. And I knew that. I stand by. But no, I'm saying. No, no. It's agreeing. It is.

comfort. And so when I quit drinking and I was uncomfortable, I was like, oh, there must still be a drink in the hand. You have to have a cup. So then you have to get a cup. Yeah. You have to hold something. Yes. It's like a binky. It's like a binky. It's adult binky. It's adult binky. Oh my God. And so I realize it's not just the alcohol. It's the actual having something to like ground you. It is. It's the grounding. Yep. That's so true. I'm like, do I have to know who this person is? When you're at a party, do you feel like you actively are like, I have to go get a drink. Whether it's alcohol or not. I'm not, I'm not an alcohol, but I don't really like alcohol. You don't see. I feel, I don't either. I'm not a drinker, but I feel like, I need to stand in line.

I need to like club soda. Do I ever, I never drink club soda on my own. Ever. Right. But I was like, but I'm like, yes, I'm a club soda person now. And I get, yeah. And I get it. And then I'm like, thank God, I have it. And it's like, what? You're not even thirsty. She doesn't even drink her drinks. No. Oh, real. Like alcohol drinks or all. All, no, no, all drinks in general, couple six. I don't consume much. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. That's what it is. She doesn't consume things. I don't. I'll take down four drinks in the time she's had like a sliver of one. That's so far. I think I might be that way. I don't really drink. Sometimes coffee I'll finish.

Well, I will have my cup of coffee. Yes. 100%. You just said sometimes coffee I finish. I've never not finished it. Finished coffee. It depends on the coffee, though. I'm with you.

I can't finish a cold brew. I don't, I don't like cold drinks. We first, we first got you an iced oat milk latte because we didn't know what to do. Oh, love that. Okay. Well, you can have that too. Oh, it's coming? Yeah, you have both.

You have both options. Love that. We keep people happening. That's a really, that's a really thoughtful drink. We talked it out. We really talked it out for like, a 10 minutes. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't respond.

No. No. Oh, my God. No. We were like, well, we have to have something. Oh, we're like, what did she get when we went? went to life. Oh, my God.

I'm going to figure it out. Wait, you're the nicest people. I can't believe you. That's so nice. No, but then your response, you were like, oh shit. No, wait. You wrote this a long time ago. Like, forget my order.

And we're like, there's no way we're forgetting your order. Like, especially with that response. We will stalk a person to get it for you. I know. I was like, oh, my God. You know a covert mission in the other room. Yeah, we're in bed. In bed.

I know. I'm like, sorry, Olivia's in my bed. She retreated to the bedroom. Come with me. Get this damn drink. We're like, oh, no, she wants decaf. We got her calf. Like, we'll spin out on decisions.

Decisions. Just decisions in general, though. I will spend out on the simplest decision. I will spend a solid 10 minutes in an aisle at a shopping. A shopping mart? What? At a shopping cart. I've never, my life said shopping mart.

Yeah. Ever. Yeah, I loved it. I think we're excited. We just really love you. I love that. I'm really excited. I'm really excited.

Thank you so much for having me. No. Seriously, this is so fun. It's so fun. Thank you for being here. Are you kidding? When we first met... Oh my God.

Yeah. We met at the Mammoth Film Festival in a blizzard. Yeah. The blizzard of all blizzards. The blizzard of all blizzards. And I remember at first we went to dinner with Derek Waters. We are. We are?

Yeah. Oh, wait. When did we start recording? No, that... Oh, sorry. When I was just moving around the room. Yeah, we just fucking... Love that.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Should I throw you in... Now I'm all awkward. See, we shouldn't have told you. You should never. We should have just been like we don't do it for like an hour. We do some warm up and get some limber.

And then I would have started like telling you deep dark secrets. And then I'm like, oh, and it just ends up on the pot. Yeah. No big deal. Okay. Yeah. Great. Well, I'm very natural and this has changed absolutely nothing knowing that I'm recording.

Oh my God. Oh, shit. I'm dead. No, so when we first met you, we went to dinner with Derek Waters and he said, we're like, how was your ride up or whatever? And he was like, I had the best time I met the funniest woman. Oh, that's our coffee. Our drinks are here. Hold that thought, everyone. Because we're holding. Yeah. Or you can make them laugh, you know.

No pressure, but you know what? You're on. Open mic. Open mic. Oh, my God. It is open mic. Teach us how to do open mic. Lou, thank you for going. Yay. Yeah, no. We're not keeping any of the hair stuff at the top of the person. Oh, you don't care? Okay.

No. I mean, it's funny. Yeah. Up to you. I went, like, in college, I went to, like, the mall. Mm-hmm. And I was like, I want highlights. Sure.

I didn't really go to college. I went to a community college in San Diego, whatever, for a semester. Okay. But went to the mall and was like, I want highlights. She? No. Stripe. I knew it.

Bright orange, striped. It was like a tiger. Right. Like juicy fruit gum. A hundred percent juicy fruit gum. And I should find a picture of this because it was like, you know, you're like 18. Right. Whatever.

Can I ask? At the time, were you horrified or were you like, we can work with this? I'm trying. I feel like I was like clearly this is bright orange, but also do I care? Right. I was smoking a lot of weed at the time. Nothing really mattered. Right, right, right.

I was going to the salad bar and the commissary and getting down with some ranch dressing. Like, I just, that's all I cared about was the food. Oh, my God. I care about my orange stripes. Oh, my God. Just piling on ranch dressing and gross toppings, harbilled eggs, chunks of ham. Yeah, and like suns fodder seeds was really important too. Yes.

Well, that is important. That's important. Yes, because of the crunch factor. And it sounds weird that I brought up salad bar in a college commissary. Not at all. but that was the highlight for me. You're sitting there with the stripes of orange. Stripes in the hair.

Right. Stoned eating and straying down on wilted romaine. Yes. And it was the best thing ever. Right, right, right. If I could go back to that. Right, right. Right, right. Yeah, it's a gorgeous slice of life. Wow. Wow. I hear a little shake, shake, shake of something. Oh, my God. There are options. Oh, you got iced for yourself, too. I did. Thank you. Look at your beautiful nails. She has? Oh, my God. She could be a little. She could be a little. a hand model and a foot model. Your hand looks like that poster that's in every nail salon.

With the hand that's in the claw position. With the rose. She knows it. No, I don't. Yes, you do. You don't even have like veins on your hand. No, she knows it. We've talked about this.

Her mom was a hand model. Your mom was a hand. You didn't know. Your own mother was a hand model. I don't know about that, Rachel. Oh my God. Wait, are those who are real nails? They have the gel X.

The gel X. Yeah. I got to go get mine done. Wow. The shape, though. The shape is epic. You know, I do get a lot of talk about my feet. She has requests for pictures of her feet.

I think she should do it. Oh, yeah. You can make so much money. But how do you feel when you wake up in the morning? You just made money. How do you think I'm going to be like, okay, that felt good? Like, I know what they're doing with those pictures. Like an anonymous account.

Like, does it have to be like Olivia's feet? But then how do you promote it? So then how do you get the money? Oh, I haven't figured out. My friend has the most gorgeous feet. And we started an account for her and OnlyFans. And you give fake name. That's so true.

All the people that are requesting my feet. You're basically catfish. people with feet. Yes. And that way you can reap the financial rewards without having a beat you. Oh, my God. Part of me feels like, this is brilliant. This is a genius plan. No, this is a genius plan. What should we name her? Carolyn. Carolyn. Choncy's feet are unbelievable. I love Chauncey. She's an unbelievable. The feet. And then they're like, well, can you show us pictures of your face? And you're like, no. Now that costs $10,000. $1,000. Yeah, exactly. But I have a very specific tattoo on my flight. Oh, well, then you get, you have to

charge more. No, you just cover it with makeup. You don't think they want that little heart? Do you think that they're going to be able to compare your actual, like, feet to Carolyn's? Oh, my God, the guy who does the side by side. Well, I did meet someone recently. We were sitting at a dinner party and we had our shoes off because we were outside and we were sitting like this. I'm sorry. What? Yeah. Wait.

Okay. Yeah. I have to hear. I said wait. What I really meant was don't you dare stop. Go faster. And I'm sitting there next door. It was like a, you know, family kids party thing, dinner party.

And we're sitting there with our shoes off and we had the same exact tattoo in the same spot. Oh. Her name is Zoe. And she has my same. We're like, oh, we're soul. Like we have the same exact tattoo on the same. I know. Wow.

So maybe there's... Same foot? Same foot. It's not... I've always disliked his tattoo. Okay. That's because you weren't there for it. No.

You guys fixed it with like an outline on it. But when there was three of them that did it. Okay. It was not... I think she might have felt a little left out. I don't have any tattoos, so I was not... I wouldn't have gotten it. That's because you weren't invited to do that.

I haven't been invited to a lot of things that have just been uncovered lately. We don't need to go there now. No. I don't love. It's not my favorite tattoo. Because of like the way it's drawn. Show it. Is it like a thick?

Yeah, I got to see this now. Oh, wrong. Oh my God. No, but my toes have not been done forever and I'd be bragging about my feet. Let's see. It's just a little heart. Oh, I see. So it used to look like a cigarette burn.

Until we got the outline fixed. She understands why I don't love it. I do. Oh. I do. Oh. Well, only because that I, I mean, it's so small. Yeah.

Yeah. But I could see that if it were just red on the skin, you would be like it needs to be delineated. Yeah. Because it might just look sort of like some kind of gross. Like a cigarette burn. Yes. Yeah. And that's what it looked like.

Right. So then I did that outline. Or like a mold that needs to be removed and look at under a microscope. Yeah. But now it's okay. Oh, she's giving me the side-eye. Oh, my God. Well, it's tattooed on my, yeah, it's there.

Do you have any tattoos? I don't have any tattoos. I have flirted with many men. Many men in my life, in my long, long life. But, no, I've thought about what would I get, and I just can't land on something that I care enough about to have. And I would worry that I would regret it. Like, I would not regret doing it, but look at it and be like, that's not what I should have gotten.

I should have gotten a decision thing again. It is. It is a decision. Yes. And that it, well, that's the thing. I really believe there are people who are like, who's, who are mentally capable of handling a tattoo, like the change to the body of a tattoo. And then there are those who are like, that's like, it's just like, there's something

in my personality that's like keeping me from making that kind of commitment, which is crazy because I love following tattoo artists. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I follow a lot. I'm like really interested in the art of it. Interesting. Yeah, it's a really weird thing, but I just, I've come close to being like, maybe it'll be, and then I'm like, I don't know. I'm always like searching for the significance of something. Or I'll look at an image and I'll be like, oh, maybe I'll get a lemon. And I'm like, hmm, like, what does a lemon mean to me? And then I try to like reverse engineer like significance. Right. You just like the way lemons look. Yeah, one point I was like looking at a lemon. Like I liked the idea of like a fruit with like some kind of leaf on the stem. And yeah, just... What was the meaning?

Do you remember? There was, I didn't have... I had no meaning. I was just like, oh, I like the shape of that. But I meant, like, when you looked it up? It was, like, the Beyonce album. I don't remember. I'm sure there was some kind of meaning,

but I was just like, I don't know what the significance is to me, so I'm not going to get it. And then that's how I talk myself out of it. My husband's dad, his wife, his husband's mom passed away. And he has now, since she passed. away how many tattoos? What?

He's like maybe 20. He's fully tatted now. And never was. And one of his tattoos I thought was amazing. He did their home that they spent. Really? Really? Oh no.

53 years in that house. And it's the outline of their home. That's sweet. I was like, that's good. That's, see? There's like there's meeting to it. Yeah. Yeah.

That was cool. That's really cool. That is really, really cool. Do you feel like it's a curse to tattoo someone's name on you, like a significant other? I don't know about a curse. Like, in a way, there's something kind of, like, cool to me about it because it's like, you don't really know the permanence of a relationship, but you're willing to take the leap of the permanent.

I mean, obviously, you can get a tattoo removed, but it's not easy. So let's say it's quite permanent, you know? I'm like, there's something like risk takery about it that I'm like, ooh, That's kind of cool. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. I would love my neck, yes.

On the neck? Oh my God, I would love that. Really? She loves. Yeah, I like it. I like it. We love the neck. I like the neck tattoo.

I feel like it would be so painful to get a neck tattoo. Like if he put Olivia right there, I think that's. If he got it or you got it? Oh, not me. I thought you were saying, oh, my God. Olivia, I was like, Olivia, you're just going to, I was like, who are you post Malone? I was like, what is going on? I'm like, I thought I knew her.

Shocked. Yeah. We both were like, sitting there with her stunning nails in her totem sweater. And she's like, yeah, I'm going to get a neck tattoo. I'm like, wait, what? I was so confused. You are full of surprises. The caffeine is hit.

Wait, I have to take a sip. I haven't done it yet. No, do it. Wait, oh, mine's decath. Yeah. Well, you have caffeine in hair if you want it. Okay, I'll circle back. Yeah, you could just party.

Yeah. But I'll get the placebo effect of drinking de-cath, but feeling like I just took a hit of something. Yeah. Wait, does it make more sense on a man? Well, I think if a man gets your, yeah, there's something definitely hotter because it's like. Don't you think? Yeah, because you're like, ooh, like ownership. There's sort of, yeah, sexy ownership, but then also like I didn't have to do anything.

Right. But you are really committed to me, which is great. Oh, my God. That's amazing. I feel like that's one time my sister met a guy and he came up to her, he's like, you're going to freak out. And she was like, what is it? And he lifted up his sleeve and her fucking face was tattooed his arm.

And he was like, I've never seen anything more similar. It was her. It was like her face. Did she hook up with him? She dated him. It ended up being her boyfriend. He was a tattoo artist. Oh, wow.

Yeah. It was her face. Whoa. Like she showed all of us. Obviously, when he started coming around, we're like, that's your face. That's so crazy. That feels like the beginning of a movie. Yeah.

It does. That's like a, there's something. Are you a writer? I might be. I was like, that's a good premise. That is, though. Wow. I know.

That's like a black mirror. Like, yeah, it's either sweet or it's like black mirror scary. I can't quite decide. But I do, I do love it. Yeah. It's her face. Yeah. Like a fan?

Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. My mom. My mom. My mom. Yeah. There's been, I think, like, one or two I've seen.

Are they good tattoos? Like, do they look like you? Yeah. They're her. I'm trying to remember. Wow. I feel like there's something like characters from like shows and stuff too, you know? Yeah.

Well, there was one that was like face. And then there was one that was like the Spider-Man thing was in there. Oh, really? I think so. Like this, they did like a Spider-Man. And kiss and it was you. I don't remember that. There's multiple.

And they like, did they send them to you or they tag you in them? I think that sounds right. Yeah. Do you like how I'm like, I think that sounds like. I think that is correct. I think that is correct. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

I think that, I don't know. I guess I would get my daughter's name if I got anything. That feels, yeah. That feels like, you're like, 100%. You're not going to look at your daughter's name and be like, no. Why did I do this? Yeah. I regret this one.

I was with you when you got that. Let me see. I can see. It's something called a sigil. Oh. So it's like an old magic tool where you would take the first three letters of whatever it is you want to like manifest and bring into your life. And then you create your own sigil. Like your own.

It's like a crest kind of thing. Oh. So I did that. And then everyone's like, oh, why did you get a basketball tattooed on you or a grenade? And I'm like. Oh, I haven't heard grenade. Greenade. Wait, let me see why.

Let me see the grenade. She keeps showing all of her fucked-up tattoo. Let me show you my C-section. It's far. Oh, it does sort of look like a basketball. Yeah, an exploding one. But the grenade, oh, because the little hook on the end is the thing you full. But you can, like, reframe it, though.

You did it when you turned 30. That's true. You know? So it's like a symbol of that. Yeah, yeah. Just yesterday. Fresh. It's like, it's still.

like it was yesterday that I, because it was yesterday. Yeah, it was definitely. But you just have to spin it in your head because it does represent that. That's true. See, I like that. Love and basketball. Yeah. I do like that. Hi, Jamie. Hi. Wait, we started to talk about how we met you and then. Oh, yeah. So Derek. Yeah. Do you remember? Derek was talking about how he met the funniest person he's ever met because you guys flew together or and travel. like flying up there was so interesting to me. It was trauma bonding. I mean, should we have taken off at all?

Probably not, given that the skies were chop, chop, choppy the entire way. I think someone threw up on our plane. Oh, my God. I'm pretty sure. Oof, oof. Yeah, I was like, does not sound like the move. I mean, I drove up alone following you and your husband. Yeah.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, I care of him. But still, even in the car, I was like, what are we driving into? Yes, it was a semi, a semi-private plane, which I was like, ooh, okay. And then you get there and you're like, oh, no, this is scary. Oh, no. Because it was, yeah, there was a blizzard that weekend. And we were told it's really not very safe to fly.

But then the pilot was like, it's fine. And we were like, oh, he seems confident. So let's just go with that guy saying. Oh, my God. Were you scared the whole time? I was pretty scared. Yeah, I was. Okay.

I was also scared because. when you're on a small plane with a group of people, you are sort of like, this is like, talk about like, this feels like a movie. I was like, this is the movie. It's like you've got these sort of strong characters, all on a really strong characters, got some, you know, actors, directors, sort of on a, on a plane, you know, lots of like, you know, one guy on the plane was wearing like head to toe like Gucci. Oh.

Just like a big flashy outfit, you know, and I'm in like disgusting sweats just being like, hope we don't die. Yeah. And this guy has never looked more fabulous and fashionable in his entire life. It was just like a very funny mix of characters. Yes, yes. So, but yeah, Derek and I, yes, Derek found each other. Yeah, we found each other. He's my best.

He really is. He's so cool. We hung out that whole weekend. Yeah. He's fantastic. Yeah. And that's why I've been you guys. I know.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he was like, I'm going to come with my friend. And he kept saying how funny you were. And we didn't know that meant you were a comedian. We just thought you were just funny. We're like, really got to him because he kept really, he really was emphasizing how funny.

Like how funny you were. We're like, okay, he thought this lady was funny. God, no, I'm terrified. Yeah. Now you have to. Yeah. I'm like, oh, sorry. More pressure.

Sorry, I got to be. listeners. I'm drinking deep-calf. Okay, good. Yeah. I'm really, yeah. This is the real me. This is Jamie unplugged. I don't always, guys, I don't always have to be on, okay? Do you ever feel pressure like that, though? I should. I think sometimes I wish I felt it more because I think there's part of me that's like, and this may just be a defense mechanism, but I'm like, well, if you're funny, you don't have to be funny all the time. You can just trust in the fact that you have it. when you need it. But then I've heard myself on podcasts and been like, well, James, you know, maybe you could have given them something, you know, just getting a little some piece of something. So, yeah, I've definitely been like self-critical about that. We've had, is what you're going to say? Yes. Yeah. Like comedians stand up, whatever, like on here. Yeah. That have been so just straightforward.

Yeah. Nobody comes on in is. That's good. Okay. That makes me. Never. Every time we're like, well, we just had like a really like deep conversation. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Conversation matters. Nobody so far in our experience has come on. Well, not. Bobby Lee. Oh, Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But outside of Bobby Lee, it's more earnest. It's been more like real grounded conversations. Okay. That's nice. Which is actually really nice. Yeah. I think so too. I also do think that like, Comedians are pretty, I mean, you know, not to like pat my own back. But I do think we're like pretty soulful people. And like that is probably why we do what we do. So like, yeah, it's nice to just

kind of unwind and like have a real conversation versus being like da-da-da-da-da-da. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But how do you feel about the stereotype of like the darkness that comes along with comedians? Um, I mean, to me, it's more like everyone's pretty dark. It's just like how in tuned are they with it, right? Oh, thank you. Thank you so much, Olivia. But yeah, I feel like everyone's really dark in the people who are like, but I'm not. I'm like, oh, you're probably the darkest of all. And you do a very, very good job of like not excavating and trying to figure out, you know, what's going on. Right. Right. Yeah. By the way, like, I'm married to someone who I really don't think is very dark. Are they, is he a comedian? No, he's not a comedian. And he is, he's

definitely funny, but he's just like a really content person. And I'm just like, wow, what's that like. Right. He's so, like, fine. I mean, he has his ups and down, you know, whatever. Yeah. Hard day or whatever. But for the most part, I'm like, this guy's pretty steady eddy. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And then that's where I come in. And I'm like, get ready for me to shake the bed and the house and make everything just like come falling down. Oh, my God. But, you know, you said he's funny. We keep talking. about this. This is a big deal. They have to be funny. Oh, funny is huge. Get the funny. Like, for sure. It is so massively important. Yeah, it really is. It might even be number one.

It's like, well, also, I noticed. So I met my husband on a dating app and I had never been on the apps before. And so I, when I, I had been married and then I got on dating apps. And I got on, actually, it's not even true. I didn't get on apps. I got on an app. Right. I got on N-Up. I went on Bumble. Shout out to Bumble. And I remember looking through profiles and everyone was trying to be funny in their profile. And I landed on my now husbands. And I was like, it's so dry and straightforward with information that I was like, I bet this guy's really funny. Oh, my God. I was like, I just have a feeling because I was like, he's not trying. And there's something confident about not, not that you want to be like not trying like a slob. I don't mean that, but I mean like there's something about not putting it all out there. It was just like, oh, I appreciate, like, there's something really grounded about that, especially when it, like, it is competitive. Like, it's all, like, people are swiping past, you know, almost like mindlessly sometimes. So you have to, like, feel probably the pressure to stand out. So what did he do to stand out?

Yeah. You remember? Well, the fact that he's hot helped. Right. I was like, not a bad photo. But then when I looked at the profile, if that profile had been with someone I wasn't attorney who I might be like, could go either way. Like, maybe he's great, maybe.

I don't know if we'll have something in common. I'm sure. But there was something attractive to the fact that like he wasn't, I don't know, making jokes on there or something. I like that. Yeah. Well, it's also, it can be really cheesy. Yes.

Right? Where you're just like, oh, that's not funny. Yes. That guy said that too. It's not that clever. But it's also like the photos and all of it. Like I've seen friends like put profiles together, male, female. And I'm like, I'd rather you show me a picture of chicken parmesan than like you do, you know, when they were like setting it up.

Then you, I know they always make the joke like guys fishing or whatever. Yeah. Or on top of Chishina. Like they're the only person who's ever been there. Right. You're like, calm down. Right. When they're like, I love travel.

I'm like, yeah. We all love travel. Yeah, that's like saying, who doesn't love travel. I like to eat. Yeah, I like to eat. You like to eat? Yeah. I mean, that's crazy.

Yeah, I love music. And that's, I think, why, by the way, like, I get why people write these types of things because it's like, until you really get to know someone, you're not going to say much more than that in advance. Because you don't know, you know what I mean? It's not like, it's not like you know people. So you're like opening up. It's like, no, this is like the first impression. So I want to stay pretty neutral. You know, it's confusing.

But then so I'm like, well, if you're going to stay neutral, then you definitely don't need to try to be funny. Like, let's just see, let's go on a date and then we'll see like our real personalities. I don't think you have to put it all up front in your dating profile. Don't try so hard. You know, it's interesting, though, is when I went on a dating profile right before I met my husband, same pick, like did my pictures, did the thing, right? Some action, whatever, like some here and there, like, fine, nothing. nothing, you know, that interesting. And then I started, like, working a little bit on, like, why am I on this?

And I was like, why am I on this? I want to get married and have children. Like, I want something here. I'm not fucking around. Right. So I kept the same picture, everything the same, but I wrote the truth. And I was like, this is who I am. This is what I'm looking for.

This is what I want. All of a sudden, I got funds. Really? of attention. I got a letter from them being like, your numbers have gone up exponentially. Wow. And I was like, that is cool because the truth is it wasn't based on the looks. It wasn't based on a picture. It was when I finally was like, I am so sick of pretending I don't want this thing that I'm just going to. Right. You're trying to be like cool girl boy with like witty. Yeah. I'm just like, that's so many people hitting me up. Yeah. Yeah. I was like I want a real relationship.

I'm blah-b-da-but-but-like I got real with it and then it shifted wow that's how you met your husband that's not how I met him no it's not but I think taking that brought yeah right got you a step closer to like being in in touch with your own intention of like this is what I want out of my life that's really cool also like there is something like you're it's not dissimilar to what I went through with Sam or I was like Sam was being pretty straightforward yeah like it wasn't there wasn't a lot of like flowery, funny, quip-be. It was like, this is my deal. And I think there is something really sort of confident to just saying like what your deal is without being too, I don't know. I'm sure that the funny works for plenty of people. I couldn't be further from a

dating expert. I must make that disclaimer. But that is- You actually could because you're a success story of it. You don't want to hear something even crazier? Yes. He was the first. date out of my marriage. I went on Bumble. I flirted. I don't know you say flirted, whatever, communicate, did a little messaging back and forth with a guy who definitely was trying to be funny to a degree that it just went to a very strange place where he was doing these like icebreaker conversations. Oh no. Oh God. And he was like, how would you rather die? No. By falling down an elevator shaft or being hit by a bus. And I was like, that's an it. That's an Are you okay?

I know. And I just remember being like, this is like, do you also, also do you really want to know this? Or are you just trying to be like, look how like subversive I am. Yeah, that's exactly what it was. Yeah. That feels so transparent. I know. And I was just like, oh.

And then I, whatever, when I was Sam and that first date, it was my first date out of my marriage. So I was so incredibly not just nervous, but like a complete mess. The week leading up to my first day with Sam, when I tell you, I went to Intermix in New York, I spent $1,500. Oh my God. Multiple times. Trying on clothes, returning. Trying on clothes, returning.

For the day. Picking out the outfit. Then on YouTube tutorials, makeup tutorials, how to do the perfect wing, how to do the perfect messy bun. I was a full, I lived a montage and a romantic comedy for a full week of my life, just draining my bank account just to, like, feel hot. Oh my God. Because it also was in the pandemic and I was like, I'm like, oh my God, I have a thing to like look forward to. Yeah.

Right. I mean, we had to go eat at a restaurant with like the windows open and it was below zero outside one of those. What restaurant? It was just a restaurant. I think it's called FOLLAA, F-O-L-I-A in New York at like third and 13. There's something around that area like Union Square-ish. But yeah, I mean, I was just like a mess.

And then I went to the date and I remember he was talking. And he, at one point he goes, he was like, so what kind of music do you like? And I was truly like, the blood drained out of my face, my stomach drops out and I was like, oh my God, I'm on a date. Like having someone ask you what kind of music you like, you're like, holy shit. Like, I am on a date right now. Wow. I was like, what? What kind of music do I like? What are we 12? I couldn't believe it. I was like, oh, people actually do. talk about this still? I was like, I don't know good music. Like I'm not even, all of the music. What's my favorite band? Like a podcast. Like I don't even listen to me. I don't even listen to music

anymore really. Like it was just such a awakening. And I was such you ask him back. Oh yeah. Yeah. But then I remember thinking like, oh, Jamie, you're asking him back. I was like, I was like, I was so inner monologue. Like I was like, oh, here we go. Like you're asking him what he thinks. Like he asks you, then you ask him. You're like, oh my God, we're doing this song and dance. Like, it just, I could, I was so, like, is it outer body or out of body? Out of body. Out of body. Out of body. I always want to say outer body. Yeah, because that works. It's an outer body experience. It is out of body. I think it's out of body. I feel like, I swear I'm a writer. But anyways. I'm like, I don't know words, but I do make money, right?

But I, yeah, I truly, like, floated out of myself and I was like looking down at myself just being like, oh my God, you were like doing like, you were acting as. someone who is on a date. Right. You're, yes. Like, human on a date. Yes, I'm a human on a date.

And then I was so in my head and I was like, I'm bombing. I'm so boring. I'm so fucking boring. Oh my God, I got to get out of here. I was like, I have nothing to do with him. I was just like, Jamie, you are literally the most boring person who has ever existed. Like, you need to get out of this situation before you like make this guy, I want to claw his own eyes out.

And then the next morning, not even next day, the next morning received a text. So it was like, we should hang out again. And I was like, the fact. that he followed up quickly really meant a lot. Did you get out with anyone after him? No. That was it? Thought about it for like a split second.

And then I was like after we had gone on three dates, I was like, this guy's like kind of great. And then I remember having the conversation. I was like, I deleted the app. And he's like, oh yeah, I deleted the app. And I was like, what? And then that was kind of it. I feel like that's such a thing. And such a thing nowadays, like deleting the app.

It is like that is the gesture. That's a big deal. That's the new. Yes. It's like the new. It's like, that's the play I love. Yeah. That's right before I love you.

Right. I feel like. It's like, I love you is coming next. When did I love you come? People always want to know. When is it too soon? When is it too late? Like, when is it?

I'm searching. I'm remembering. I think it came maybe a month and a half in. Oh, that's early. That's long. What? Well, like when you're in it. A month and a half? This course is the reason we listen to podcasts.

Everyone has to rid opinions. It's so hard. But I agree. I don't know what, I think that was going through my head, both of those things. Like, it's too early. It's too late. It's fine. It's it. Like, I had no idea. But I remember I was, we're like, this sounds very post-coital. I promise it wasn't. I'm not, not that it would be bad if it were, but I was like the next morning, whatever. We wake up, we're hanging out in bed. And then I remember putting a pillow over my face. and I was like, I have something to tell you. And I said it first. And I remember me like, but I like danced around.

I was like, I think I happen to be falling in love with. It was like, I couldn't just be like, I love you. Yeah. I was like, I think maybe there's a chance that by some regard of the, like, I couldn't just say it. And then he was like, yeah, I love you too. And I was like, oh, that's cute. Okay. It's nerve-wracking.

Yeah, I love you too. Like it's not a big deal. You're like sitting there trying to come up and he just says it. Yeah. So frustrating. It was really cute. directness. Yes. So direct. Yeah. I like that. It's good for me because I'm like, you know, over here being like bumbling and, you know, well, literally bumble. But yeah, literally.

Bumble. And my words being like, I think maybe it's time for me to, like, I couldn't just spit it out. He's like, I think I like you. He's like, I'm fucking, yeah. He's like, I'm in love you. Yeah. It's like so easy. You know, I said that. And then I think like I've also dated people for a really long time. That's what I'm saying. So it's a different. on the situation. Yeah. You had it said to you and then you can't say it back. Yes.

Oh, you have? I've never done that. Oh, God. Wait, how does that happen? Like, if they say, yeah, what do you say thank you? Is that what they, is that what happened? You say thank you. I think, or like, maybe I did like a, oh.

That's so sweet. Yeah. Horrible. But it's very hard to say. Have you said it back when you didn't love them? No. See, I can't, I can't say it if I don't mean. I don't think I've ever been in that situation.

I probably should have just said it so the person didn't feel horribly rejected. That's something I would do, like, just because I'm a people pleaser. But it's like I love you too. But it's also a hard position to be it. It is. It's super awkward. Because you feel like you're letting them down or like you don't want them to feel rejected. Because you're also like if I did that and then they didn't say it back, like how

horrified I'd feel or whatever. But yeah, it's hard. Oh, I think I've seen. I mean, maybe. What? Did it or had it said? No, I don't think I've ever, I don't think I've ever led someone to feel like, I was always so guarded.

So no one was ever coming and being like, I love you. Because they're like, are, am I okay being here, you know? And I'd be like, I don't know. So it was like, there was like a guardedness for so long that no one was ever like, coming forward unless I was letting them in. Unless I feel that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So I don't think so. It's like a vampire. A hundred percent. You had to invite them in. Yeah. Yeah. I'd have to be in love with them before they even knew who I was.

Wait, say more. Say more. I need to know. I've always had an aversion of people liking me. It's deep. I get that. You do? I had that with my college boyfriend who's incredible person.

Really? And I fell so in love with him. But when I found out he liked me, I was like, what are you, a fucking loser? What is that? What is that? Do you think it's like just a way of protecting your heart? I wonder. On some level.

But it's like you almost get icked out by them liking you, which is like also kind of sad because you're like, why? Like, what does that say about me if I don't think. Is it saying I'm not worth them liking? Like is it actually like a weird self-hatred move? I think it, well, for me, I think that it came down to trust. Sure. Because I remember having such like faulty beliefs about myself that if someone liked me, I didn't trust them because I'm like, they don't see.

They don't get it. You know what I mean? Like I'm like, something's off with them. I think that's, yeah. Yes. So, yeah. Yeah, you're almost like, yes. Oh, that's really interesting.

Yeah, I'm like, they're not trustworthy. I wonder if, like, everyone's kind of like that a little bit. No, some people love to be liked. They like the attention. Leah, our best friend, she could, I mean, she'd walk in and you'd be like, I think she might want to have sex with me. You know? Like, she just is so open to make you feel everybody's got a chance.

Wow. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Right, like she thrives off of the, like, connectivity. She enjoys it. Yeah. People can like her. I mean, my husband's dad hit on her.

Like, she makes you feel really special and, like, you might have a chance. Wow. So I do think that people, I think lots of people enjoy attention in that way. Yeah. Yeah. So if you, so I know if you're married now, but like if you were single and at like a dinner party and someone was flirting with you, would you be like, ew? Or would you be like, hmm, maybe? Now that she's married, she'd be like, oh, she loves the attention.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. You do. You like the attention. No. What? Why, it's fun to be on a podcast with best friend. Yeah, exactly. It's really sweet.

I don't think I would like it unless I felt they were somehow a little bit out of an asshole. Whoa. Oh, shit. Okay. Yeah, it's a thing. It's a thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Really interesting. Oh, you're interesting. Yeah, if it's not, you're like, whatever. If it's not, it feels... Nicole told me there was like a 27-year-old that hit on you at the dinner. Like a hot, like 27-year-old kid. Of course, it's a kid.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. You didn't even tell me. I didn't, no. Anything under, like, 35 is like a child. A child. That's what I... I know.

I'm like, the kid. They're like, he's not a kid. I'm like, no, he's a kid. No, he's a kid. I told Jeff. And? Well, because he... Everybody got a new jacket for being at this thing, and the guy came and...

spoke to me and, you know. Oh, did he speak to you? He spoke to me. And then he walked away and he left his jacket and I was like, I'm going to take that for my husband. And I went and took his jacket and gave it to Jeff. And I was like, have you know the person that was supposed to have this? He wanted your wife. Did you tell him that? I did. Oh, I've had that happen where I told, I can't remember the specific person, but I definitely like let Sam know, like, just so you know. Like, she can still get it. By the way, he doesn't ever try to make me jealous at all. He's so not a threat.

Like, I don't ever have to worry about. Like, he's the most loyal, like, trustworthy. But I'm just like, well, you know, could go at any moment. And it's like, what am I doing? He's like, the love of my life. We all do it, though. Like, I need you to know. But even though it's true and, like, these things happen.

Yeah. But what is that in us? That it's like, just so you know. Just so you know. I know. And guys, not all guys. But there are guys that do not give a. Fuck. And they're not jealous at all. I know. And it's really frustrating. He normally isn't jealous, but then he kept coming up to me all day being like, you're acting weird.

Oh. And I was like, oh my God, that's ridiculous. Was the guy cute? He was very good looking and believe a model. Oh. Yeah. Well, yeah. They tend to be good looking. Listen, it does feel nice as you age to be like, oh. You got attention. I'm still attractive to because, you know, I'm a mom of two kids. and a wife and it's like... This bums me out so much because I'm like, you're so hot. I'm like... Thank you. But you are. It's like...

It's so sad that we're like... We're aging. It's like such bullshit. You look great. Thank you. People would kill to look like you when they're like 22. Well, maybe we should, um... You should tell me that.

I'm your ringtone. Yeah. Every hour it goes all. Yeah. You know, but that is a thing. I think that it is true. we had a woman on the podcast recently, and she was talking about how when women age, it's women who have affairs more than men.

Right. It's women who blow up their lives because we aren't as sexualized or we're not, you know, we get to a certain age and that shifts in the society. Right. So for men, it doesn't. Right. It's like men, no, I still got it. I still got it.

I still got it. Right. Where women, there is something that happens when you, start to, I'll speak for myself, there is something where you start to see that you're aging and go, oh, I'm not that 20 year old anymore, but I still feel like her. Mm-hmm. Right? I mean, you're younger than us, so I don't know.

You are. I mean, I don't, not by much at all, but. But have you dealt with that at all? And like, yeah. I mean, my, my whole thing. I just came from like my grandmother was like kind of, I was very close to her, but she also kind of had like some narcissistic tendencies. And maybe this is just a generational thing. So I don't even want to pin it on her necessarily. But like, you know, very looks focused.

She was like voted most beautiful in her high school. And like there was just kind of a vibe of like the second I like gain weight in high school. It was like, Jamie, what's going on with you? Like it was just that. So yeah. I think. I think I've always been like pretty self-critical just because I kind of grew up with that voice around. Yeah. But it's weird. I just kind of go back and forth where I'm like, I think I like myself more than ever now. And then I'm like, but are you allowed to do that? And then it's like, but wait, who says that you can't like yourself more now? But then you're like, well, everyone says that according to like society and like birthday balloons to say over the hill or whatever. You know what I mean?

You're just like, it's just the messaging is so. all over the place that, yeah, you definitely have to find it within yourself. You have to get to a place where you're like age is just a number because it's really true. Yeah. Yeah. Like we've sort of, everything is like decades. It's like my 20s, my 30s, my 40s. It's like you could also just be on a continuum.

Like why does it have to be so broken out into these sections? It's bizarre. It is so silly. But then there's also, you know, I think that, yeah. Yes, it's society. And then yes, it's like there are things that change. Oh, for sure. Oh, my eyesight's going.

Yes. Or I can't remember. And then you're like, oh, that's real. Or like you pulled something just by like turning your head. That stuff is crazy. There's little things where I'm like, okay. Yes. Yeah.

That is probably the crazy. Because I remember like when I was in my 20s when I'd hear people in their 40s talk about how like, yeah, you could just like pull something. I was like, what do you even mean? Right. Like, I didn't even understand. I was like, not that I didn't believe it, but I was like, I don't understand what that, what does that look like? Yeah.

And then you have it happen and you're like, oh, that's crazy. I was dating someone who were, they were in their 40s. I was in my 30s and maybe I shouldn't be so specific. She's like, and it was. His name was. But they like threw their back out, just taking the trash bag out of the trash kitchen trash. Like threw it out so bad they fell to the floor like couldn't move. And then you fell to the floor?

I was like, that's not possible. Right. I'm dead. I can't because the image in my mind is so clear. I know. Oh my God. Anyway, I was just like how is that? That's not possible.

Were they in decent? Like, were they naked? Yes. Oh, well, that was not my question. But I'm so glad I know that detail now. But also did they like were they in decent? physically, like, did they work out? Yeah.

Or did they... I think they were working out, but it's not someone that you're like, I'm crying. I'm just such a maniac about, like, functional movement. That's my whole new thing. And my platform is functional movement. I'm like, everyone, like, I'm very into, like, weightlifting, not for, like, getting jack curbs, but just... I have been, yeah.

Where do you do it? Come with me. Oh, my God, I would love to come with you. Yes, my brother's my trainer. Really? Really? Yes. She goes every morning.

Every morning. Oh, I would love to go. Yeah, I'll let's go to you. I'll even go that early. I go every day. I've been going like four to five days a week. That's amazing. It'll make you do it if you have someone to go with.

Like, I've been doing Pilates three times a week because my friend and I started doing it, you need like, you need somebody. I know, I need a buddy. Yeah, it makes all the difference in the world. Yeah. Yeah. But still. We'll map it and see.

You're a little closer than me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A smidge. Yeah, a smidge. Yeah, a smidge. I wouldn't be doing it if I was alone.

No. So hard. It's also so hard to like stick to a schedule. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. You're like, what's my wife? Held you accountable to them. Right. That's exactly right. And then I'm a jerk if I don't show up. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Wait. So you're into functional movement. I'm just, I'm just trying to, yes, I feel like weight lifting for the purposes of just like staying as flexible as possible is is like very important because it's that thing of like, you know, it's not just about lifting weights. When you get older, like, can you lift up a bag of groceries? Can you lift it overhead? Can you put it on a shelf? Can you?

It's like just the most basic stuff seems important. How do you handle? I really hope this is so far off for what she was talking about. I can not wait. Wouldn't that be amazing? No, carry on suitcase in the overhead. I'm a big check it. You're a check it girl.

Yeah. Or it's a bag that goes under the seat. I'm really not a big overhead. Over then. Okay. Because I pack way too much. Yeah. No, I mean, I do suffer from that as well, but sometimes I'm forced with that.

So you just return to someone else to be like. No, no, no. I have a method. I'm determined I have to do it myself. Oh. But I pick it up and I rest it on my head. Oh, yeah. And then kind of bop it.

And sometimes someone will be there and be like, you know, and help. But I would never ask someone to do it. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah. Well, have you seen those videos where they're like, if you can't do this and they have them like doing the weightlifting.

things that you won't be able to do this and it's like throwing the grand baby up in the air and all that my mom that's really heart wrenching I am trying to get my mom to go to they open like a really nice like YMCA near her house like a brand new facility and I was like just go and sign up and get a trainer and like just do it I was like even if it's once a week big deal I was like what or even if you start with one and then decide I'm good on my own but I was like just to get you motivated yes yeah I really want her to like be working out where she's one of those people like just walks which by the way that's good walking is huge yes not minimizing walking right but i feel like my mom doesn't walk that much and then also doesn't like do any other kind of functional how old is she 72 yeah that's a good time

yeah i mean my 80 year old mom just started the peloton wow just started the peloton wow and she's doing it three times a week never worked out in her life wow wow so there's that's amazing good for her that's huge it's so hard to start at any age yeah it's really hard to start yeah yeah and i'm not like some bodybuilder over here i'm just like well to like get that's me to make it that is you but to be really consistent with it is amazing yeah it's all the rage right now they're like you can't the long jet your longevity depends on muscle mass i feel like that changes so much It's like, well, what is it? Right.

You know what I mean? Right. What's actually going to do it out and wait it out. I'm just going to wait it out and wait it out. I'll see. Yeah. I'll see how it goes for you. Well, yeah, because then next, though, you're going to be like, oh, the thing that's killing you is the muscle.

Yeah, but now it's like caffeine is like the best thing for what, like longevity. I swear. Is it caffeine or nicotine? No, I, nicotine is too. What? That's what they say. Oh, yeah. Nicotine.

But not smoking cigarettes. You're saying like. No, I'm not smoking. Like a microdose of nicotine? Something that's the latest. Yeah. What's his name? Dave Aspery.

You can look into it. It's like a whole thing on the nicotine. Yeah. Wow. Wow. See? That's what we're saying. Wow.

That is a curveball. I never thought nicotine would be like. No. Celebrated. Ever. Celebrated. Celebrated. Wow.

Yeah. Wow. I don't know anything about it. So don't. No, no, no. But still the fact that you even hurt something. You know. I will not.

I'm not going to go start vaping. Okay, good. Yeah. Now that I've been here, I'm not actually not going to. You were on your way before. I really was. It's so good. Oh, my God.

How, okay, let's get into your career because the truth of the matter is you are an incredible writer. Oh, thank you. The world knows that. You have how many Emmys? I have two. That's a lot. That is. That's huge.

It's huge. It is. It's, yeah, it's definitely more than I ever thought I would have. Do you lift weights? I should. Yeah. They are really heavy. See, they're functional.

How are you going to hold on my knees if I don't go work out? Yeah, exactly. They're very heavy and they're very stabby. The wings are very sharp. Yes, but I am, yes, it's really wild to, yeah, it was like never a goal either. Like, I mean, I guess it wasn't not a goal, but I just never thought in terms of like awards. So when I won them, I was definitely like, wait, what? So where did it start as? Did it start with a passion for acting, writing, creating? Where did it all start? Yeah. I mean,

I, well, I definitely did acting when I was a kid and then I was really interested in stand-up when I graduated college. And then I kind of realized like, well, I mean, stand-up definitely is sort of the best of both worlds because it's and acting. And then, yeah, I kind of always was like in this space of being like, I want to be like a true hyphenate. Like I'm really interested in a lot of different things. I love performing, but I also love writing. And when I started, I feel like there was kind of this vibe of like, you got to pick your lane,

kid. Like people weren't really into, they almost were like, you just sound like you're not focused. And now things have changed because now people are like, oh, so cool, you're a hyphenate. Like, there's a name for it. Like it actually is like, oh, you're a hyphenate. And so now I feel like I finally found my place a little bit. And I don't feel like embarrassed by my career path. Whereas when I started, I think it was just kind of like, I think people kind of thought like, oh, she's like not focused.

I'm like, no, it's really not that. I just like want to conquer a couple different things. I love that. I really do. because there's so many, we talk about that all the time, there's so many things we want to conquer. Yeah. And sticking in one lane doesn't feel very expansive or creative. Yeah, and it's also just like people change and like your interest ebb and flow.

And like you also start to realize like, oh, I'm actually more fulfilled by this one thing than I ever thought I would be. Like I used to always be like, I have no interest in directing. Like I don't know anything about it. And now I'm like, I think I kind of want to try it. I don't know. And I know that a lot of people are in that zone. We're like, I direct. Now I'm a director. Right. But like, I actually was like, yeah, I was like, that's cool. Yeah.

There's really cool about that. Like, I completely get it. So, yeah. But writing, yeah, I really do love all of it. And then like I was at when I met you guys, I was at the Mammoth Film Festival for a movie that I acted in with John Heeter. It was like a straightforward romantic comedy called Planned. be. It's very cute. And yeah, and that was really fun because I was like, oh, I didn't have anything to do with the writing process. It was just acting and it was like also very fulfilling. How was that for you? Yeah. Really fun. I will say like because I'm a writer and a comedian and I

guess I do have like a specific voice, it is tough sometimes to like shut that part off and like, whatever, get into like, I know they say you're supposed to bring yourself to a role, but. I would love to not feel like I have to add lib lines for it to feel more natural for me. It's hard to make other people's, people think acting is so easy and it's really not. I know. It's really hard to make other people's lines sound natural. That's not an easy thing to do. Yeah.

When you can do it, it's like incredible. But a lot of times it's not that easy. Well, and some writers, I think, are like, please say it as written. and I'm so not that kind of writer. Like if I wrote something that you guys acted in, I would just be like, you know, this is like a blueprint. Like feel free to do what you need to do so it flows or whatever. Like I just don't have the like, that's not the norm.

That's not the norm. Right. But then I, my head I go, but it doesn't it make it easier on everyone? Because then you're, unless it was like you're adding something where like that changes the story, I just don't. I just don't. I'm not that precious with words. If you add like a hey, I was.

wondering instead of I was wondering. Exactly. Make all the difference to one person. Just that hay. The hay, I'm such a big ad of, I need that hay. Yeah. Yeah, every audition I do. I'm like, I got to throw in a hay or oh, by the way, or I have to something to get me into it. It's like the drink in the hand. It's the drink in the hand. Yes. Yeah, it gives you the thing that's you that hooks you into connecting to it. Yes, yes. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's, yeah, it's grounding to have like, this is how, this is my way in or whatever. Right. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So what we were going to say? I was going to say, and I'm like, it's a stupid joke. Oh, I want to hear a stupid joke. So, you know, like on set. And then it's totally natural.

I listen, I stopped myself, okay? I genuinely laugh. Yeah. I like it. I like it too. Well, because I love my stupid jokes. I do too. Me too. Stupid jokes are my, like, dad jokes. Also, the word pantsless is very funny.

It is. It's just a good. It's not as gratuitous. It's kind of like more accidental. Pantsless. Panclous. I was like, oh, I forgot to put on my pants. Yeah, literally just no pants.

I happen to forget. I'm picturing you now, though. Because I always am. Patless. No, you're not. Is it pantless? This is the second time I've done this to do. I'm like, is it out of you?

out of body. Pantless. Pantless or pantsless? I think it's pantless. Paneless. Pantless sounds better. I feel like that's better. Panless is better.

Panless is better. Yeah. I'm very curious about the, I'm curious about the writing. Yeah. So did it start with, okay, I'm going to write my own stand up and then turn into, oh, fuck, I'm good at this? Like, how did you gauge that you were going to move forward and actually start pursuing that? as a career. Right. I definitely felt like it was going well enough to keep giving it a shot. And I got really into it. I was in New York. And there's a lot of performance opportunities in New York. So stand-up

is, it's very easy to, like, have it consume your life. You don't have to, like, seek it out. It's like, you could be doing like five shows a night easily if you wanted to. So I was really just full throttle, stand-up, stand-up, stand-up. And then I remember when I went to the Montreal Comedy Festival. At that time, my friend Pete Holmes also had a show coming out, and he asked me and some of his other friends to write for it. Amazing. And so that was my first, like, writers' guild job. And that was not a narrative show. That was like a talk show. So I was really just writing like jokes and sketches and stuff. And then Pete ended up getting a narrative show called crashing that was on HBO with Jud Abattow. And then I remember when he told me that he thought,

that was going to happen. I was like, cool. But like, I had no idea, like, if it would actually go. And then when it got greenlit, they had a writer's room for that. And then I was in that room. And then that really was, like, my first narrative show. So it was like two Pete projects that sort of broke me into writing. And then from there, yeah, and then other shows came up after that. But that really was. And then I got to act on that show as well, which was a big deal. Because I was definitely like not thinking I would be considered, not that I wouldn't be considered, but that like if you're in the writer's room, there are shows where it's like, we love to cast our writers. And there are other shows that are like just kind of, it's not that they're not thinking of their writers. It's just like a little

more separated in their heads of like our actors are over here. Our writers are over here. And I've been in both situations. And in that one, it was very fortunate that they like let me audition for it. So that was very cool. That is cool. Is it hard when you're in that situation? I feel like it would be hard for me on both ends. Yes. Like I'd be like, I want to act. And then I'd be like, but I also want to be in the writer's room. It's a constant struggle.

I think about it all the time. And it's really hard. I think that's actually the hardest part is that you'll, you're like, oh, this part would be really good for me. But then you're like, I don't, at least for me, I can't speak for everybody. But like, I get really embarrassed that I even want to because I'm like, oh, I feel like I'm here for this like one specific job. And I'm sorry that I had this other interest.

because I feel like it's getting in the way. But then I have to remember that like, well, actually, it would be, I mean, if you're the person that they want to, like, great, like, you're already here. So I have to kind of like allow myself to just accept that part of myself because there have definitely been times where I'm in a writer's room and I'm like, yeah, I mean, it comes up a lot for me where I'm like, oh, I'm like dying to act in this. But then I'm also like, oh, like, just like just separate it out. Like don't conflate those things. But very, very. hard. Luckily, most shows now, a lot of them do cast the writers that the writers have interest in acting. I do feel like that happens more. I like that. Yeah, they're already in the family. They're

invested in it. They're going to know how to deliver the public story. They also know the character in and out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a big part of it. And it's not like you're like, I want to audition for the grandma. Yes. You know, you're going to know what is right for you. But I could imagine that being incredibly hard. So hard. And I always think it's going to go away. Like I always think like, well, Jamie, you have other things you're acting. And like, you can just, I know. I'm like, I always think, oh, well, you like, whatever. If I, like, filmed a movie. I'm like, well, you, you already did that. You don't need everything to be that. But then if you do like performing, it's really hard to shut it off. Yeah. It's so annoying. It's repulsive. It is. I'm like, why can't it? I'm like,

Why can't I remember like, because I, whatever, wrote on Ted Lassow. That's what I won my Emmys for. And like, no big deal. No big deal. But with Ted Lassau, I remember Bill Lawrence, the showrunner, saying to me, he's like, oh, man, like, it's such a bummer you want to act. Like you should just like, not an unfriendly way. Right.

Just like, God. I mean, you should just like keep making shows, produce shows. Like, you'll have a nice life. And I'm like, I think about that all the time. I'm like, he's so right. Yeah. Like, not that that's an easy path at all. But you know what I mean?

No, but yeah. Oh, yeah, just turn it off. Jamie, just turn it off. Just turn the valve off. Have you ever thought of hypnosis? No, I'm just saying. I don't know. I've totally, we've talked about that so many times. It's like, to me it's almost like alcoholism where people are like, well, can't you just like have a drink and then not drink and be done with that? Like, even though you haven't drank in this amount of years, why is still an alcoholic? Because it doesn't go away. It really doesn't. It needs to be treated. It needs to be treated. It's a similar thing. Yes. And like, you know, often like, you know, if people want to know from hyphen, it's like, what do you like the best? Like what's it? I'm like, I wish I had a frontrunner. That's the problem is that I really do love all of it. So I like the control of being a writer. I like, I do love the act of writing. Like I just wrote a movie and truly every day sitting down to my laptop, I was like, God, I really do fucking love this. Like, I really love it. Yeah. And then. In that regard, I was like, actually, I don't want to act in that one. I, like, if that ever got made, I was like, I actually have no desire to be in it. So it was really interesting to be like, oh, okay, so it's not all the time, but it is most of the time.

Right. It's not all the time, but it is a lot of the time. Yeah. But when you're so talented in all of the areas, it's like, how can you just, you know, sit back and not pursue it? You know what I mean? It's also with stand-up. Stand-up is performance as well. That is the scariest to me.

It's so scary. It's still scary. It's a different type of performance. It is. It is. I've been to your stand-up. We went to. Oh.

Yeah, we went. I went with Jeff, my husband. Oh, yeah. It was during the Netflix is a joke. I hated that show. I'm so sorry. Why did you hate that show? I just thought it was so, the audience was so rough.

Not you guys. You were loved it. It was me. You're like, it was your laugh. I recognize it. No, but I really was like, the show is so, I really felt so weird that night. But anyways. I had a blast.

Thanks. I'm glad you. I. I sat way too close to the front, though, and I'll never do that again. Oh, my God. I ever. It is so. It's so.

It's so nerve-wracking. And then the person before you... Yeah, they, like, pointed me out and I had to answer something. Oh, my God, Olivia. I was like, kill me. Oh. You know, that was awful. Yeah.

You were fantastic. Oh, thank you. Hilarious. But it's different than acting. Yeah. Because here's the thing I was trying to explain to Jeff. He was like, if you're going to, like, what is the thing? And I'm like, there's something about, which is different than stand-up,

there's something about the collaboration where you're doing this and it's bouncing off that and you're working with this and there's all these different elements that are coming together. Totally, totally. Versus you up there just kind of funneling the material. Right, right, right. Like I would imagine, I've not obviously never even stand-up. No, I think that's a really, no, it's a really smart point. Like, yeah.

I mean, I think with stand-up, I think that the performance, yeah, I think it's cool to be. For me, like when I started out, I was really, it still is this to a degree. But for me, it felt very much like a boys club, which I know we hear a lot. But to a degree where I was very self-conscious and I think that I was afraid to really, like, step into who I was. And I also don't know that I knew who I was. So my whole, my whole, like, secret weapon was like, you're just going to be the best joke writer. And those jokes don't have to be true. They just have to be, like, solid, like almost one-liners.

And so I was really focused on just, like, crafting these, like, quote-unquote, perfect jokes. Not that they were perfect. But, like, that was my whole mission was just, like, economy of words and just write a bunch of one-liners and, like, string them together. And then you'll have bits. and then you can have these like whatever, just very economical bits. But the problem with that is that's actually not really who I am. I don't need to be like the cleverest. I'm not, I don't feel that insecure about that the way I used to where I'm like,

it's actually kind of nice to just kind of like say what you think and if you're wrong, like whatever. So I think like now when I'm on stage, my whole thing is just trying to like seem more like myself because I was really not being that for a long time. I was like too scared to do that. Interesting. So now I'm just like, yeah, that's why I wouldn't people are like, how do you like write jokes and stuff? I'm like, honestly, if you can just like get up there and start saying shit, more power to you because maybe you'll like stumble through and like whatever, not be like saying things perfectly, but at least you're like flowing. And I remember a comedy teacher once

telling me, because I took a stand-up class when I first started, she told me, like, well, if you can just talk to the audience, like, they're your friends and you're telling a story, like, they'll listen. Like, it's not as hard as people make it. And the best comedians in my mind are, like, pretty effortless. Who are the best comedians in your mind? Oh, my God. And there's so many.

But, like, a special that I watched recently, I love, like, Nate Burgotsie special on crime. I can't remember which he has so many, but he had one that I was like, he just feels that he's talking to you. Like, just not, I mean, granted, so many brilliant lines woven through. He's definitely, yeah. Yeah, he's not, like, just, like, off the cuff by any means. But, like, yeah, it's just really nice to watch someone, like, kind of just make it look easy. And there's something about just making people feel, like, comfortable.

Like, you're not, like, you like yourself. If you, like, seem like you like yourself on stage, not in, like, a hoity-to-dy way, but just, you know, like, you're going to be fine. Like, you're going to be fine. I'm not a mess up here. I think people, like, relax. And enjoy. That's like Dave Chappelle. Like he enjoys his fucking, you know. Right. Totally. Great example. Yeah. Every time you're just like, we're having a good time. Yeah. Who's the comedian that always goes, we're having a good time? Do you know who I'm talking about? No, but I love that. Oh, we picked it up and

use it in our family now. Oh my God. He does his whole show and like every now and then he'll just be like, we're having a good time. And you're just like, oh yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. We're having a good time. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I think I made it. it really, really hard of myself. And I think it really backfired. Like I was just like making it like too difficult and like too, too technical or something. It doesn't have to be that technical. Do you think you were working harder because you're a woman? Like you had to work against all that boo hockey? Probably. I don't think I let myself think about that at least at that time when I was first starting out. But now I'm like, oh, oh, well, that was crazy. That was crazy. That was crazy. That was

crazy. Yeah, I think I was, like, afraid to live in that world where, like, I start, I don't know. I was like, oh, you can't, like, don't, like, feel sorry for yourself. Like, I equated it with that. And it's like, that's not what it is. But that's what I thought it was if you, like, thought about that part of it of, like, how you do have to work harder. Yeah. Yeah. That would be. I was just like, no, no, no. Like, let's not go there. And now that I have some distance from it, I'm like, oh, wow, that was really wild what you went through. Wow. Yeah. I mean, there. It is different still, though. Yeah. Like there's, oh, just statistically just percent. Numbers wise.

100%. I feel like people themselves are all starting to look a little AI. For sure. Do you see that happening in real life? Yeah, I think the aesthetic is. What's going on? I don't know. It's really, yeah, I do feel like there's a specific sort of like face happening.

Mm-hmm. And it's almost like if you don't have that face, you're sold that, like, you should maybe kind of have that face. Right. Like, oh, this is the face. Yes. It's supposed to have now. And body?

Yes. Body is a little more. I mean, body has always been tricky because, well, like in the 90s, obviously it was like different. Yes. And so I feel like there's sort of like weird trends, but we are ultimately trending upwards towards like more like like body positivity. I think so.

I think the trend of body right now is actually moving in a better. The faces. Yes, faces. Faces body are not really treated the same right now. No, they're not. I feel like, because body is like health, take care of your workout, build your muscles and eat and eat protein and like, freaking thrive.

And they're like and then fuck with your face. Yeah. And then fuck with your face. Yeah. It's really weird. Was it always like this? No. No, because before it was almost, leave your face alone, but definitely, like, make yourself, like.

Hungry. Yes. Yes. And I, right. And that, it's moved sort of away from that. It hasn't moved away from that. That still exists, but it wears different outfits now. It's, like, pitched in different ways.

And then also, I think there's at least. more awareness on the other end of the spectrum now. So it can co, it is still toxic, but can coexist with, like, other schools of thought, whereas face is really just moving one way in this way that's really upsetting. Well, I think it's because of the filters, right? Like, they started with the filters and then people started filtering. And then in real life, people are starting to look like the filters. I know. So I think they tried it on and were like, unless there's real people like I ran into a friend the other day who's so beautiful that I'm like oh you look like a filter wow but she just looks like that wow wow it was man in she just looked like like you look like

like the people who are putting the kitten ears on you know like your face looks like that wow but I do think that it's a bizarre thing that this kind of natural not natural not natural at all this morphing into one unified look. Yes. Scary. Yeah, and it's so rare. I saw the med spot that I go to is I have one out here, but I really try to just go when I'm in New York because I feel like at least in New York, I mean, the aesthetic we're

talking about definitely exists, but there are also so many other types of people and it just feels more versatile and diverse. But I liked when I went to my med spot in New York, I was like, and this is not me making a judgment about anyone who's had this procedure. It's really about the way that my doctor handled it, which was I go, oh, I thought about getting my lips filled. And she was like, I don't really could. I just liked her kind of like. Yeah. There wasn't this like, uh-huh, and we can this.

And she didn't get excited. She wasn't like, here's an opportunity to make money. Right. It was just kind of like... Genuine. Yeah. It was also just sort of like, you could. Right.

You know, it wasn't even a... It was like her just kind of not caring felt really like comforting and safe in a weird way. Totally. I just appreciated that. Yeah. Because I think that if I had asked, I mean, look, we don't know. I'm sure there are plenty of med spas that would say, don't do it or, or, you know, whatever, have their feelings on it. But for the most part, I feel like out here it would be like, well, of course.

Just a little. Yeah, just a little. Just a little. Yep. Yep. I'm still lip filler curious. I'm like, where would it? Because I have two friends in particular who have their something that looks so good.

So good. But they're also not in L.A. Again, I don't want to say that the L.A. aesthetic is, I know. I'm sure there's great people in L.A. who do a great job. Yeah. But my friends happen to not live. in L.A. And so in my head, I'm like, oh, it's because they do it different where they live, you know, whatever. They might. I don't know. But I was like, they look so good.

I know. I know. I love the honesty around it, though, because it's like, you know. I know. I'm like, people try things. And of course. Yeah. Yeah. And it's so to each his own. I did Ulfaira. And that was. What's that? So it's like a skin tightening. And essentially they do like passes. So it's like they kind of like move, it's like one, hold it there. It feels like you're burning a cigarette into your face. And right when you think you can't take it anymore, they release and then they go to the next thing. And it is so wild, but I will say like, I was really into the results. Your skin looks beautiful. Thank you for saying that. No, it's true. It really does. I know. It looks really good. It looks really good. Well, I also did some lasers that I recommend.

Which ones? Okay. So I love the can not say how hard I loved. Tixel. What is Tixol? Unbelievable. The woman that I said whatever about filler. She was like, but I'd do a Tixel if I were you. What we need a, I want a Tixil. Unbelievable. You guys don't need anything. What is it? I want it. I know, but if you want it. She's like, I don't know what it is yet, but I want it. I don't really need. I didn't need that third cup of coffee, but I want it. Okay. Well, if there's a want, if there's a deep, deep want, Tixel is, it's a laser. It's kind of pain, it's not that bad. But they do it on your eyelids and it lifts in a way where I was like, you know, and death becomes

her when Meryl Streep goes to the mirror. And right, after she, whatever, that takes the potion and she's saying it and the boobs like start to lift in the mirror. Yes, yes. And it's like, do, do, do, right? I like literally had that moment with Tixel after it because you peel so bad. You're like, this is horrible. I look horrible.

And then, like, once like the new skin starts to come through, you're like, do, do, do. Like it's crazy. Wow. That was the, that to me, I was like, fuck, Tixel is the real deal. A pixel. Wow. There's also pixel. So I think if I'm not wrong, there's a pixel and a Tixel.

No, Tixel with a T. Okay. The one that's incredible. I've also heard of pixel. I don't know what that is. I don't know. But Tixel's unreal. I got to try.

Is that why you're so smooth? Honestly, maybe. Yeah. But then I also did another one. What did you do? Jamie, here's the deal. This is good intel. But I got to say, I feel like Tixel was more of a turning point where is this one,

I'm like, I don't really see a difference. I did Moxie, which is not as much for skin tightening. It's more for like resurfacing. But I don't know. I also, that was just a week ago and I still have like skin sloughing off. So we'll see how I feel in like a week from now. I've never done any of that. The lasers, man.

I did BBL, not the Brazilian butt lift. Okay. So apparently the ultimate, like, the thing to do is a moxie and a BBL at the same time. Apparently, they're a brother-sister. And it's a great combo. What is BBL? The BBL is the broadband light. I did it because I'm starting to get rid of these, like dark spots. Oh, okay. And your skin's incredible. No. Then he said I had to stop because I was in the sun too much. And he's like, you need to not be in the sun at all. You can't have that. And he's like to get. your face completely out of the sun for X amount of time before I touch you again. Oh, wow. Okay. So I was like, okay. Okay. It feels so nice to put your face in the sun sometimes, though. It's so good. But he's like, because it picks up any darkness. So if you have tan, like any sort of tanness in your face, it'll, like, start to pull it or something. I don't know. Okay. Okay. Wow. Honestly can't do it. Oh, interesting. Okay. Will you come back? Oh, my God, please. Or never.

leave just be here with us always. I would love it. This is so fun. So fun. Yeah. What a great time. Oh, now I moved my thing. No, okay.

No, you're fine. What a great time. This is so, so lovely. I know. One point four. I mean, these are staggering numbers. 1.4 million women in America do Only fans.

There's a lot of women. I mean. But listen, that's, And I found out that 82 million American men 80, 82 million men? How many do it openly? Like how many are married? You know what I mean?

They're going to tell you right now. 90% are very. 90. 90. I played that for Jeff and I was like, what do you have to tell me? Yeah. I was just going to ask, what would you do? if you found out he was subscribed to only fans but didn't tell you.

I'd be really annoyed. Yeah. Yeah. What did he do when you showed him that? He said you should feel lucky that your husband is in the 10% of whatever. I mean, the difference for me, for a man to be married and do it behind a woman's back is that they can actually put in their request and have conversations and... Oh, it's like interactive? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like live chat stuff? I believe they do live chats and they do like, you can pay them to be like, I want you to X, Y, or Z. And if you subscribe to them, they may or may not do it. But like. Oh, you pay for a subscription. So.

You pay for like. Only fans? To view the person's content. Because like you can make a lot of money if you're the person. A ton of money. Making the content. Yeah. Huh.

What are your thoughts? Because, like, the content isn't necessarily, like, pornographic, right? Like... It runs the gamut. It runs the gamut. It could be as basic as showing your toes to... Um, full-blown live sex. Oh, really?

Yeah. So there's actual porn on it? I believe so. Why, no... Yeah. I don't... I mean, I don't... I mean, I don't know that much about it.

Other than, yeah. Because I think there's someone, yeah, that would do it live. I know there's definitely, like, girl on girl shit. That's for sure. Hmm. Yeah. Are men on OnlyFans song? Like, men have OnlyFans accounts.

It's men and women. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Hi, Kurt. My question is, what is the fascination? with, and this is across a board. So not just the sexual fantasy or fascination, glorification with youth.

So that's running in every industry that's running in sexuality, that's in career, that's in business. Like what is it that is so captivating about that pocket of age? Interesting. Right? Yeah, because it's every... It's everywhere. What's interesting is also the majority of people who aren't only fans. What'd she say, between 18 and 24?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Hmm. I mean, I understand from a biological standpoint that that's the fertile ages, right? So you're supposedly... most attractive when you're ovulating, right? All of those kind of things. But you're still ovulating.

Yeah, but that stops. Right, but I mean, we're in our 40s and still ovulating. Yeah. Well, that's why we're still as attractive. It's fine. Yeah, but no, I mean, it's an interesting thing, and I wonder what's behind it. I'm really curious about it. Right.

Do you think it just comes down to biology? Because the truth is, there's no one more confident or capable than a 40-year-old woman. Yeah. I know. I agree. So what is it? Because you don't feel that great from 18 to 24. No.

I mean, you really know. I mean, I didn't. I shouldn't generalize. Like, I for sure had so much to learn. I'm completely different now than I was at that age. Right. You feel better, right? Then it trips me out when people are together since they were, like 18.

I mean, you can grow together, but think about how different you were at 18 than you are. No. I don't even worry. I mean, like, to me, that's not as daunting as just being with someone that long. You know what I mean? Like, and not. There's something different with settling down a little bit later because at least you've tried. You've had a lot of experience.

You have. Whoa. Right, but like, oh my gosh, 18. Like, yeah. The first boyfriend, you're like, oh, I'm with this person forever. Yeah, you really believe it. You really believe it. Wholeheartedly, yeah.

I know you did. I even did. I got a promise ring from my first boyfriend. Yeah. I still remember. He tied it to a little stuffed leopard animal. And my favorite color was purple, so it was a ring with like an amethyst or something.

How would you feel if one of your friends dated him now? That particular person? It would be weird. Right, but how would you feel about it? Him? Yeah. Let me put it this way. That one's a little harder because it's a little bit different.

My first, like, boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, like, just different. Mm-hmm. There's no way I would be okay with a friend dating him. Right. Are there any boyfriends you would be okay with your friends dating? You really? No. Like, no, but seriously.

No, I think there's like a, I think there's like an ownership thing. There is one thing I would like to say, but it's so fucked up, that there's one person that I would rather them date this one X of mine to not be with the person they are now. I mean, I've felt that way before. Do you know what particularly I'm talking? No, but don't you agree? Yeah, that would be amazing. Yeah, no, but it would still bother me.

Like... It would still bother you. Yeah, because it's nice to fantasize and still think that you're the number one for that person. Right. Even though that's unrealistic and not true in so many ways. Yeah, but it's still be... But then there's people where it wouldn't be annoying. And then there's people that it'd be real annoying.

You have people that it wouldn't be real annoying. You have people that it wouldn't. It didn't be annoying? No chance. No, I mean, there's been people that I, like, slightly dated that I would be fine with, like, Yeah. It's different than a relationship. It's definitely different than a relationship.

Yeah. Did you just go potty in my room? Did she? I'm talking to Olivia. What were you doing in there? My dog, doesn't matter how old, whatever, loves to pee. Really? On carpets, on beds, on beds.

It doesn't matter. Sorry. Does she do that at your mom's? Yeah. She doesn't anywhere. She goes. Oh, she's not potty trained. She is potty trained, but she is sassy as fuck.

And if she has to go, she has to go. Yeah. You know? She knows where to go to the bathroom. But like, if she has to go, she was like, listen, I got to go. Okay. I kind of respect it. That dog?

Boundaries. Boundaries. I will piss wherever I want. That dog has motherfucking boundaries. Okay. Let's talk about boundaries. Oh. That is an act of practice.

My goodness. How do you feel about being, are you down to be nice and welcome your ex's new partners? You can't generalize because every relationship's different. Okay. Right? Like I can have exes where I see them happy and love, success, whatever, and genuinely feel happy. for them. Do you think you could ever become friends with their girl? Yes. I'm not talking about all. Some. Some. Yeah. Most. You know, because I really feel like when I'm done in a relationship, like, I'm done.

Right. You know? So I feel like... Like, go to their house for dinner and... Like, I'm thinking of, like, specific, a specific few right now. And yes. Yeah. You too. Yeah. And you have. I have. Yeah. 100%.

Mm-hmm. I've always been a little weird about it. Like extra. Talk about that. Like needing to nurture. I want to be friends with them because also I like still being able to have the connection with the person. And so I want whoever they're with to feel safe and feel like, you know. Like you're not a threat.

Like I'm not a threat. Like I'm not a threat, even though... You're a really deep threat. No. But a lot of people would never do that. They'd be like, hell no. I'm just trying to think of, like, is it people you dated or just relationships? Because there's a difference, you know?

I'm saying relationships. Yeah. I have no memory. I'm like, who was I in a relationship with? And then it's also helpful. Like, I've had times where you can call each other. because you know that person like nobody else. So you can help the person.

I'm friendly and fond of almost all. Almost all. Yeah. And the ones you're not, I still think you'd be friends with their girlfriends. Yes. Yeah. Agreed. I do.

I think you'd be like, whatever. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Okay. How do you feel about your friends staying close with your exes? Depends on who it is. Like, it's so hard to say generally. Like, you're close to an ex of mine.

That's true. I love him. Yeah. We're still friends. I like that you're close to him. Yeah. How do you feel about your friends being close to your partner while you're with them? Love it.

Yeah. Me too. Yeah, you want, it's like a family. Well, some people wouldn't. They're like, no. What? What do you mean? Well, some people are weird about that.

That's, what do you? Wait, why? I don't know. Like they're just, they just want to keep church and state separate? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I think so. But like we're so, like, we all hang out.

Like, it's just not possible. Although it is possible because one of our friends dates someone that we won't hang out with. Right. You know? Yeah. So it's possible. I don't know. I don't think she cares.

She definitely doesn't care. No. I mean, I think she cares in the sense, like, it's hard for her, not to incorporate things she loves together. Right. Probably, you know. Yeah. Are we dicks?

Are we? Are you starting to feel like a dick a little bit? I do. It makes me feel a little stingy sometimes, you know? Like, I feel like I'm going off of, I'm putting my beliefs above hers. Right. which I don't feel like, feels a little selfish, like self-involved in a way. Yes. I feel like I'm out of place like if he was around, that's fine, but I will never be fake.

Me either. Meaning I wouldn't be able to be warm and open to him or really engage at all. because if I did knowing me and my personality, no, I mean, that's not even true. I think I just would be very short and not engage. You're always short. Yes, my birth. I think I would always be kind because I don't have it in me to not be kind, but I too can't be. No, like a kind greeting, but I would not ever like engage in conversation because I don't see that going well.

It's really hard. It would just be surface. You know what I mean? Yeah, I hate that. Yeah, I don't like doing that either. I hate it. You know, it's just like bullshit, bullshit. So that's the question is like one of the things is like, who's comfort am I putting first?

Right. And in this situation, I'm definitely putting my own comfort first because I don't like being fake. I think, for example, like her next birthday and if time goes by, whatever, she's going to want him there and he's there. Right. But putting it on comfort for, sure, sure, sure. But your beliefs are your beliefs, whatever, I'm never going to, I'm not going to, like, I'll have to do the cordial surface shit. But I don't see myself being totally myself. And, you know, I don't know, maybe that's fucked up that I'm not in full acceptance or something. But I just. so strongly don't believe what this person's beliefs are. But then I think about other people that I love that have different beliefs and it's okay. So I don't know where I'm coming from. Well, I think the difference is you love them.

Right. So your level of acceptance is directly proportionate to your fondness for the person. Right. Like I loved them prior to whatever. Yeah, but you love them. So you're more accepting. It's really hard to hold space and experience. accept someone when you fundamentally are not in alignment whatsoever and you don't have anything

compelling to make you like them. Right? That's tough. Because we never liked him prior. Right. It's really hard. It's a hard, it's a hard position to be in. And I think it's a huge question of like how much space you give to someone else and how much grace

you give them. how much, obviously, acceptance is the number one answer, right? I do feel like I accept it. I'm in full acceptance. That doesn't mean I have to pretend to feel otherwise. Right. So you can accept something and not like it at the same time. I've accepted it because it is what it is.

It's reality. Right. But I don't have to like it. Yeah. I like clothing. Excuse me? What does that mean? Oh.

Got it. I was like, wait, what? Oh, yeah. You have a question? Yeah. What are your thoughts on your friends or other people having sex in your bed? What? Yeah, like if they stay at your house, like you're gone.

They stay at your house. But my friend, like best friends, I don't care. What if it's like friends you're not that close to and they stay at your house? I mean, they got to strip the sheets and put them in the washer. I don't know. Because think about it. There's Airbnb, like, whatever. Like, that's just not.

You would feel weird? What if me and, like, a boyfriend or something? That's different. Okay. I would lend you my room. I'd feel like, go take my room. You know, that's different. But if it was someone I'm not that close to, I think that's gross.

Like, in my bed. Like, that's, you know what I mean? Like, that's my bed. I don't like it. Okay. You like it? I don't know that anybody that wasn't that close to me would be sleeping a good bed. But like what about like your aunt and her dude?

Whatever. You don't care. No, she's as long as they're washed, I don't care. Okay. You're no fun. I don't have a marital bed though. My bed isn't like a marital bed. My bed is a kid bed.

I know. You know what I mean. I don't share mine with a dude. Okay. For celebrity crush. First, probably Patrick Swayze. Oh, yeah.

I had his picture taped up to the top of my bunk bed. I was on the lower bunk, and I would say, good I did him every night before I fell asleep. He was mine, too. Of course. Johnny. What smells turn you on?

Oh. I'll turn you off. Smells? I don't know if there's a smell that turns me on. I know what would. What? Like tacos? No, this doesn't turn me on.

Cookies. You get so excited. Cookies make my nipples hard a little bit. They really do. I get like really kind of excited. And the smell that turns me off is when someone goes to the bathroom and the bathroom. What? Like if someone goes to the bathroom and you can.

I don't like smelling other people's poop. No, especially if you're going to do the sexy time with them. If you could live in a movie, which would it be? I think dirty dancing. Oh, yeah. And the cat skills. Yeah. I just want to go.

You can go there. Great. Let's go. I'm in. Would you rather have intelligence or looks? I don't have either. Hello? I don't like that.

question. You can't not answer the question. You have to answer the questions. Intelligence. I see what your answer is. Could you date someone in a different political party? Yeah, but ugh. Okay. In this moment, that's a very hard question. I know. But generally, I think there are things that, like, you can agree to disagree on. Okay. You're breaking out of jail. What's your plan?

Do I want to Taco Bell. What? What? What? I would run for the border. Oh, my God. You just did the Taco Bell Chihuahua. Yeah.

Yeah. And first I would hit up Taco Bell. You really would. What's your weirdest turn on? A close parking spot? Oh, okay. That was on deck. You had it.

Who would your dream podcast guest be? Rachel Billson from the O.C. You did. Oprah. Yeah. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you during sex? During? Yeah.

Yeah. Someone calling me the wrong name. Did that happen? Yeah, it's embarrassing to my soul. Someone, that happened? That's happened a couple times. What? Yeah.

Was it like? Tell you offline. A casual encounter? No. It was not casual. Oh, I know one of them. It's happened like three times. Three different men.

Yeah. Okay, you'll have to tell me. All the same woman's name. That would be amazing. What is the dorkiest thing about you? There's so many. The dorkiest thing about me? I don't know.

The dorkiest thing about me? I mean, I like to collect weird things. This hasn't happened yet, but I have recently thought about starting a salt and pepper shaker collection. That's dorky. Thank you. Tell us about your worst one-night stand. I've only had one. Okay, I'm sure you have some kind of story from it.

Well, I did have to, there's nothing. I mean, it wasn't bad. Yeah. But I did have to go with him to Kinkos the next morning and go in with him to do his printing while I was dressed in my club here. That was pretty bad. Wait, why did he have to go to Kinkos? Had to go to Kinkos. Does Kinko still exist?

I don't know, but that says how long ago it was. Wow. Yep. I had to go to Kinko's in my high heels. Not Kinko's in your high heels. Mm-hmm. What movie would depict your life? What were you going to say, you asshole?

Runaway pride. That's amazing. I'm like pretty woman. I don't know. Those jokes are better than an answer could be. If you could listen to only one album for the rest of your life. That's... It's so hard.

Really hard. I've thought about it before. Only one album for the very rest of my life. I feel like it would have to be... This is going to be real weird. But I think it would have to be... Well, it's not weird, but I think it would have to be Madonna. Yeah.

Which one? like with True Blue and like back and the day back. Oh, wow. Because that was the first time I fell in love with music. And I would listen to that album and. So you have like a. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I feel like Madonna is what made me want to do everything I wanted to do in life. That's a big statement. I think she was a really powerful influence. Influence for sure. Oh, yeah. I sing like a prayer in my bedroom like this is nobody's business. Yeah.

And she was like a storyteller. Like that's when I fell in love with story. Mm-hmm. Makes sense. What is something people would be surprised to learn about you? Well, I've already given my salt and pepper shaker hopes and dreams. Mm-hmm. I have recently taken up knitting ferociously.

No one will be surprised by that. Just not surprising. No, because I'm such a grandma at heart. Yeah. Surprising. I love it so much. Much. Surprising would be like that you like to gamble or something.

Like that would be surprising. Surprising. Like you're an avid hip hop dancer or like something. I do like that. I know you do. They like surprise us. They baked bread. That's not surprising.

Surprising. Back into parking spots really well. That's surprising. Is it? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Okay.

Who are two people you'd love to see box each other? Can I box someone? Mm-hmm. Um, hold on with the questions for a second. Okay. We'll wrap it up. I don't know. I was going to say something and now I forget.

I don't know. I had an ending point, but I don't remember now. Are you being serious? Yeah. You happen? No, I don't. I was like, well, I could do something and then we could just end it. I don't feel right.

My brain doesn't feel right. You know what I mean? Today, it's like, me. I haven't been totally normal or right. Ever since everything. Understandably, I mean, everyone, obviously. Just a lot. Everything just feels so heavy.

I agree. I really do. Yeah. So it's like hard. It's hard to feel like lighthearted with questions or like answers. Like my brain's just not. Keeping up. All I can do is knit. Okay. Well, let's go and you can knit.

Okay. Love you guys. Love you. That was a hate gum podcast.