Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Jonica Booth

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

Jonica Booth [Rap sh!t] is today's broad. Jonica, Olivia and Rachel discuss Jonica moving from Atlanta to Hollywood, getting kicked off her basketball team and how she ended up on Bad Girls Club. Jonica also talks about trying to understand gaslighting, her relationship with God and her brother’s sudden and tragic death 3 days before Rap sh!t started shooting.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, hear stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Broad Ideas.

Hi, guys. No, nothing. Why are you not talking? Why are you being so weird? This is super uncomfortable. I was trying to be like Rob. I want to be like Rob. If I could be like Rob.

Oh, is that what it is? I don't know. I never get lyrics right. Today we have Jonica Booth joining us. Yeah, we do. Yeah, we do. She started out.

She was on that reality show, Bad Girls Club. She was a chick magnet. She was the chick magnet. So her new show, Rapshit, came out. It's an original comedy series from Emmy nominee, Issa Ray. And she plays chastity on it. And she's fucking phenomenal. I am so excited that she is here to chat with us today.

I was so excited to meet her. So let's welcome Jonica Booth. of Rachel's little brain All these thoughts are swirling Round and round inside To join us on this journey As we take a little ride We'll talk about dogs and kids and things

We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings We'll talk about boys that a meet Because people die We're so happy to finally be talking to you, it's been like trying to get it going for a while. So we're really happy that you're here. Yes. And taking the time today.

Thank you. She's Rachel. I'm Rachel. So that's Rachel. You're who? Olivia. You're Olivia. Okay. I'm like, I knew Rachel. Olivia. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So Olivia has been my best friend for like 30 years and does this with me. So.

You don't, you don't say that all light. Like, I've been my best friend. Like, that's a big deal. That's my best friend for 30 years. Yeah, I know. I guess when you say that, it is pretty, it's a long time. That's family at this point. That's your, like, people don't have,

people don't have friends for 30 years nowadays, so that's a big deal. That's true. Do you have friends from third grade? I have friends from third grade. Yes. See, there you go. Yes.

Wow. And you don't live where you came from, right? No, I live in L.A. Yeah. I live in L.A. And some of my friends are. friends lived in Arizona, like my third grade. I don't even, because you know, you get older and you develop new friendships, right? But like where people you talk to more and they seem like they're closer,

but it's like those are my friends. Like when family things happen, we, we connect like nothing ever happened, you know? Yeah, it is your family. That's family, yeah. It's a true testament to real friendship when you can like go forever and then just pick right back up, right? Pick up like you left off. Yeah. Well, that's so cool. So you're from St. Louis, though, right? That's where you're born and raised. Yes, born and raised in St. Louis. Okay. And then did you come out to L.A. from there? No. I did a few months in Chicago. And then I end up living in Atlanta for two years. And then after Atlanta is when I was like, okay, I, like, Atlanta was my move. And then after that, I was like, that's when I, people laugh, but I say I was. was in black Hollywood, but I'm like, no, I'd rather just go be black than Hollywood. Yeah, I'm like, I'm going to real Hollywood.

So that's what I did. That's when I ended up coming out here. Yeah. So did you always know, like, did you want to be a comedian, an actress? Like, what was it like for you growing up? Man, Rachel, so growing up, I was just like, I just want, I kept telling my mom, I'm going to be famous. Right? I'm like, I'm going to be famous.

That's all I knew. I didn't know. And she was just like, oh, yeah, you are, you know. and then I went on a reality show and decided that fame is not what I was really aiming for. I thought fame came with money and it doesn't. And I think they should share that with the youth, like the kids. You know, the fame does not come with money guys. You're like, they need the bumper sticker.

This is a public service announcement. Yes, let them know. It's not what you think up there. But so that was the thing that I dealt with. like, I'm going to be famous, but I didn't know what I was going to do. I played basketball as a kid, and I honestly thought that was all that I was going to do. I didn't think I would be doing, you know. I was funny as a kid. I was, like, I'm bragging. I'm going to class clown. Like, don't go win class clown kids. I didn't want to do that. But I went to do that. I was winning class clown and best athletes. So I thought something I would do with being that. But acting, you know, where I come from, I don't have peers that do that. I didn't, I didn't think. that was possible for someone from St. Louis, Missouri, to be honest. Wow. Well, but it's so interesting because, like, so you didn't have your sights on it or whatever.

Obviously, you were funny and, like, entertaining. I'm sure all your friends and your talent was there, but you didn't really, like, know that's what you were going for, and you thought it was going to be basketball. Did you go to college for basketball, or did it kind of end in high school? No, I went to college for NAA. I play basketball. in college. I did.

I was the basketball. I took my team to districts. I was like leading. I had records and things. Wow. Yeah, that's why I'm like, I thought it was going to be basketball. Yeah.

So when did it change? Yeah. When did it change? Like, did something happen that kind of, you know, directed you elsewhere? What brought you to the reality show? Yeah. There we go.

The reality. Yeah, like, honestly, you know what's crazy is no one, I never talked about this, but I'll say, so when I was 17, I got in some trouble and it messed me up like mentally with basketball because it was like, it was before this whole Black Lives Matter and this racial thing, I had a situation like that, you know, I was three white cops sat on top of me inside of a mall and I grew up, yeah, And it was a big deal because I weighed, you know, I was probably weighing like 120. You know, the three white cops slammed me.

It was three white men. And we were in, I grew up in a predominantly white area. And it was during basketball season. And I grew up in this district. Like I went to elementary, kindergarten, all that. Even I went to daycare in the same district. And the superintendent immediately kicked me off the basketball team. For what?

For that incident, it had hit the news. My mom was like a known hairstyle. Like she owned a beauty salon and it was mind you wearing a predominantly white area so she was a known black stylist out there. My family was known but that incident

caused so much attention. My parents was kind of going at it with each other because my dad was saying it was bigger than basketball and my mom was like you know she just want to play because I was crying and you know it was a big thing in the community like it was huge because a lot of the black

cops got their hair cut in her shop. No one could talk. I would wake up and the news would be downstairs. Like you can't, yeah, like no one knows this happened because what the agreement was was for my record to be expunged. Yeah. And I'm sure if that would have

happened now, it would have been, like in today's time with how people are so vocal when you have social media, I'm sure it would have been like the whole, you know, thing, the Sue and all that, but you'd be playing basketball. Yeah, I would be playing basketball. Yeah.

So eventually, you know, it was like major meetings and stuff. And when my mom, they finally agreed to let me go back and play, but no one knew that I was, you know, emotionally just checked out. You know, I'm going to my, I'm going to practice and the newsrooms are there. And I'm feeling like I'm drawing the wrong attention. Then I were playing the games. And I was a starter. I was a captain.

I wasn't scoring. I just wasn't playing like myself. But I was so like, you know, I was messed up. Like, oh, damn. Like, you know, it was just the wrong attention, and I wasn't used to that. Wow. So it was trauma for sure, right? Like.

For sure. And that's a way different kind of thing than you were asking for. Yeah. That was my first fame. I said, I don't want this fame. No. Going through something like that, so young, right? Like, we're 17.

And no one knew that that happened. And I don't, I can't recall if it was before or, I think, Right before that, so this is all my senior year. When I got the D1 colleges on me and I'm, you know, I'm ready to play, boom. So this is all my senior year. And I think right before that I had something called nephrodic syndrome, they don't know where it came from, but pretty much you swell up. Like I went from wearing a size four to like a size 13 in two days. What?

What? What's the heck? I've never heard that before. I don't even know I'm telling you guys all this. Because they're not true here for. Yeah, we want to know. You know everything. That's what.

It's called nephrodite syndrome. And I guess it was my salt intake. Okay. To this day, I monitor my salt. Like, if my mom and my dad face time me, it was like your eyes are getting puffy, you know. So I have to kind of lay off the salt. But it was my whole body.

And mind you, at that age, I wasn't drinking. I wasn't, you know, sexually active. I wasn't. You weren't pregnant. I wasn't pregnant. Yeah. I was like pregnant. You know, you know how little things you'll be like,

well, maybe it could be this, but I was such a, I just wouldn't play basketball, you know, I'm eating healthy. I wasn't like that. So when that ended up happening, it was like, oh, damn. So that just happened in my senior year. And then the police thing, you know, happened. Basketball, I wasn't putting up any numbers and a lot of the colleges that I thought I was going to had dropped off.

And I ended up having two offers. One was a D1 college. But their accreditation was like, on the rocks. So basically, if you went there, you wouldn't, it wouldn't matter. And I wanted to go there and then it was the HBCU. And then I ended up going NAA. I played two years. And then at a Juco. And then I went to a four-year college called Missouri Valley. That's where I graduated from. But after, I got the degree because I'm like, oh, you know, my family, I'll be the first person in my family to graduate college. You know, I was excited for that. And in St. Louis, it's like, that. That's the big, that's like a big deal. Like, I'm going to be the first one. And after that, but in the midst of that, I wanted to go on Real World. Oh.

I was one done in college. Yeah. So that's how I was even in the system for reality TV. I didn't sign up to go on the reality show that I went on. So did you actually, so you tried to get on Real World? Yes. And I was in the system because it's the same. company.

Yeah. You need Marry or something? Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, I didn't get real world, obviously. But they sent the, um, they wanted me to audition for bad girls club.

It's funny. Another story. First time they wanted me to audition for bad girls club. We love to. We love the story. You know, a little story. I live it like, we love a good story. Yeah.

So they wanted me to audition for bad girls club, but I was in college. And at this time, I had also got an overseas offer to play basketball, but I kept saying, I cannot take a break from college because I will not come back. I'm that student. If I stop, I'm not coming back. I can't take a break. And so I didn't do it.

But my sister wanted to do Bad Girls Club. At the time, the auditions were like, if you get picked to go, you can bring a person. Okay. So I got picked. I brought a person. My mom probably doesn't know, but I drove, I snuck away from college, drove home to St. Louis so that my sister can go to the audition. That was the person I brought.

And I remember I had basketball practice like I had to literally drive right back and act like I never left the, you know, the town. And I took my sister. Now you got all these girls dressed up to do this audition. And I'm sitting here in my basketball, you know, and my practice call was ready to give back to college. And I remember sitting at the table with all these girls who wanted to be on Bad Girls Club. And you have the producer with the casting director. And she asked, like, who do you guys think a bad bitch is? And all the girls answered.

At that time, everyone was naming Lady Gaga and Rihanna. I remember those two names. And I don't want to be there. Keep in mind, I don't want to be here. I'm here for my sister to have this plus one. So when they get to me, they're like, well, who do you pick, Jonica? And I said Oprah.

So I said Oprah. And they're like, what? I said, yeah, Oprah, bad bitch. And everybody's named Lady Gaga. Yeah, she don't give us. You know, and I'm naming Oprah. And I'm like, and they're like, why? I said at that time, I stayed,

it was only a KFC in the town that I lived in like three restaurants. KFC was one of them. Oprah had paid that if you go to the KFC anywhere in the world, you can get two free pieces of chicken and a biscuit. And I said, only a bad bitch to give free food to the world. Only, like, yeah, like, we love Lady Gaga. Rihanna, she speaks to herself. But at that time, Oprah was my bad bitch.

I'm like, she just fed us. Every human That's still my bad bitch She's my one She's your one She's my one Yeah she is And you put it like that

That is so good And of course That's why they're like Okay we want you on the show Did your sister bet to go on too? They picked me from that whole But I didn't go I didn't want to go

I wanted to finish school So I didn't go Right I was still in the system So I graduate college They sent me another audition. And this time they say, basically, I can skip the beginning. They just want me to come straight to Chicago and do an interview. And my boy, my boy, Fred, he was like, you know,

he might, he my boy. He was like, uh-uh, bitch, you're going to do it. He ended up recording everything for me. I wasn't even, like, down to record. He recorded everything. We drove to, I remember we drove to Chicago. I did the interview. I came out. They end up flying me to L.A. and they said, I booked it. But I didn't, they was asking me about fights. I'm like, I don't have, you know, They picked me because I had multiple relationships. That's what I think it was. What do you mean? Like, I had, like, they were asking me about my love life,

and I was naming, like, three different girls I was talking to. And then they were like, oh, so you're out. And at that time, I was like, well, no, my family don't know I talk to girls. So I think it just was interesting to them. Oh, they were like, oh. Yeah, they were like, wait, what? They were like, so not only do you date women, you're dating three of them, and your family don't know,

and you're dating a guy that they do know about. This is some good stuff. And I was, in my mind, this was all normal. I'm like, yeah, like, what's the problem? Like, I don't see the issue. What's happening? And then they said I was a bad girl from that. I'm like, okay.

I get that. Yeah. I know. Now I'm like, wait. So what? Yeah, now I want to talk about. Yeah, I want to talk about it. And you try to do it on the side.

Are he still doing that? No, I was 25. People still write me about things from bad girls club And I'm like, Deion, I was 25, like, you cut me some slack. I grew up too. Like, no, I was young, but it was nothing wrong. I was single. Now I do believe in dating.

People don't think you should date. And that's so weird to me. It's like, if I'm dating you, I'm allowed to date other people we're dating until you and I become exclusive. Right. Or in my opinion. Yeah. That does make you a bad bitch, though.

You know what I mean? You brought a boundary for yourself where most people, especially women, I feel like, will bend themselves to what the other person wants. So if you date a girl and she's like, no, I want to be in a monogamous relationship, a lot of times it's easier to bend to what other people want, but a woman that's like, no, this is how I want it and this is how I'm going to do it. It makes you.

Right. I'm a bad thing. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. But that's what you're saying. Like you can date whoever until you're actually committed. You still feel that way.

Yes. And I truly feel that way. And, you know, and my whole thing was, don't ask me questions unless we're having sex. You know, if we're not sexually active. Yeah. I believe in audits. Like in relationships, I believe in having an audit.

Like, even with your friends, like, where are we, you know, like, if you're dating and we decide this is getting serious, let's talk about it so that everybody's boundaries can be respected. But if you, if your feelings are advancing without communicating that with me, then I'm going to think what we're doing and what we've been doing is okay. Right. That's the difference between agreements and expectations. I like that. Right. Like in all areas, I've found that that's like one of the anchors I always go back to. Like, is it an agreement or is it an expectation? And if it's an expectation, let's change it into an agreement if that's what I want instead of expecting someone to be on board. Yep. Or give, I always say, give me a choice and I'll give you a choice. You know, we've, we failed to do that, but that's literally the most mature thing, you know, especially.

in dating, it's like, just give people choices. If you're into something, you know, give a choice. Let them choose if they want to be involved in this with you or if they don't. Right. You know, we're human. You're, people are going to end up hurt, but let's just try our best to communicate, you know, the best we can to make sure everyone is happy in whatever this situation is. Right.

That's hard. Communicating is hard. Is it hard for you or you've got it? No, it's easy. That's why I'm like, Rachel, you think it's hard. Yeah. Why? I think because I get scared. I am not a confrontational person. I've learned this about myself, though. I have a kid, right? So with my daughter, no problem. Anyone fucks with my kid, I can be confrontational. But when it comes to myself, I can't do it. I get so scared. I don't know if that's like a product of, you know, experiences I've had growing up or if it's just, you know, my people pleaser mentality or what it is. But I wish I had more of that in me or I can just communicate exactly. what I want and be pretty articulate about it. And I just really struggle. Yeah, but not all confrontations have to be like bad, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, that's why I'm like, it doesn't have to be like a bad thing. But I've been said that I was a people pleaser. So, you know, like maybe it's with, with certain things. I'm a Pisces. So I'm a lover. I'm sensitive. Yeah, you know. You're a romantic poet. I'm a romantic poet. I am. But, but, but maybe. Maybe in certain situations, I can be like, you know, I know when, I don't mind addressing the elephant in her. Right. Now, that I will do because I hate being uncomfortable and I don't sweep things under the road. I'm not good at that.

We can't act like this didn't happen. Right. Do you have like an example of where you did that? That would sound like kind of crazy to someone like, oh, I could never do that. You seem so brave to me and I'm just like admiring everything you're saying. I'm like, do you have any pointers? Like right off the back, I can. can't think of something specific, but I do know that I learned from the younger me.

You know, I did things wrong sometimes. And growing up, I used to think, well, in my late 20s, I used to think that as long as you're being honest, it's okay. And that's not true. Right. You know, people still have feelings, you know? Right. So I had to, yeah, like, just because you're being honest, just because you say, hey, I'm doing this and doing that, that doesn't mean that it's true and it doesn't mean that this person have to accept it. So that was a turning point. That's something that I had to learn. And now that I'm in my 30s, I'm like, you know,

Jonica, just be delicate with people, you know, understand feelings. And I'm more of a black and white person and a logical, like, well, you said this and you did, you know, versus how do you, how does this person feel? Like, I'm trying to, I'm trying to step over into understanding how I'm making someone feel because the asshole and me went from, I'm not responsible. for how you feel. But it's like, are you, are we responsible for how people feel? That's a tricky one. That's tricky. It is tricky. I think we're responsible for what we put out, right? And what's behind it. How it lands on someone, we can't control, right? So everyone's going to have a different reaction based on their filter. And if you tried to control how to manipulate everyone's feelings, you're going to be exhausted.

But if you get, I think that the most important person to be honest with is yourself, right? And so if you're honest with yourself that you're in alignment and your intentions are good, then you can't control how it lands. But what I want to, you know, you're talking about being honest. It just made me think of like when people are honest, but just for selfish reasons, like I'm going to say this thing just to relieve my own guilt or whatever it is. Like I'm being honest, but it's really just going to hurt the other person. And it's just like a selfish thing, you know, because like I feel like that comes about a lot.

And I hear people, I'm like, why would you tell this person, you know, whatever it is to relieve yourself of it? So I think, you know, it's interesting how- Is that a form of manipulation or is that a form of gas lightning of some sort? Because I'm just now learning about this gas-lightening stuff. It's the most popular term, right? Yeah, for some reason, this stuff just came out of nowhere. And I'm like, I want to be able to identify it, you know, more. But is that an example of that?

Do you say it's an example of gasoline? In a way, because it's trying to manipulate how the person feels for selfish gains, right? But I think that in AA, for example, in the book, you do this thing called amends, right? Where you have to go and make amends. And it specifically says, except when to do so would cause harm to others. So it's like you make amends, you take responsibility for your actions unless it's going to harm someone. So say, so it's exactly what you're talking about of like, I'm going to be honest. Right.

But it's going to hurt you and harm you. But I'm going to feel. But I'm going to feel. So when it's for selfish gains. Right. Okay. Yeah. So it is.

I mean, it is manipulation. It is, but it's like, so now I'm wondering. Because now, because now I'm wondering. I'm learning this. So now I'm wondering. So does that mean we're not being honest with our own feelings to protect them? Why is it considered a selfish gain if that's for you? I don't know.

This whole manipulation thing is tricky, to say the least. But the way you decide, I know what you're asking. Yeah. It's when you check your motives, right? Like, it might be. Your intentions. Exactly. Am I being honest because this is for the greater good of all concern,

or am I being honest to relieve myself with something, or am I being honest to be of service, right? So you can look at your motives and get clear with yourself and know, like, I'm just saying this so I feel good. Versus I'm saying this because this is in alignment with my values, with my morals, and what's right. and however they take it, they're going to take it. But it's not too harm them.

It's not too. Okay. And see, one of the things, when you're asking for an example of something, one of the things that I did wrong that I had to learn was I ended a relationship with someone and I told them they did something wrong, but I already have felt that's not what I wanted. And instead of being honest, I made them feel like what they did wrong is the reason this isn't going to work. And I didn't, now think about this. I did this back in my 20s.

I didn't think that that was an issue until probably about two years ago. I met a girl and she was telling me about her breakup. And she said, exact words. She said, my thing is he made me feel like I was doing things wrong. But all along, he was dating another girl. Right. And she was like, and I said, well, you did something wrong too. And she said, but here it is.

I'm trying to fix me. Thinking it's all me, all me. But if had he just been honest with his true reasons, yeah, I could have fixed me, but I could have fixed me over there. And I'm like, oh, it just seemed like we are so responsible for other people. But moving forward, I won't do that again because I'm like, maybe I, maybe that is me not being, you know, I don't, I don't, I didn't really know how to take that because I've done that before.

Yeah. Well, it was you not being honest with yourself and having the courage to back yourself up on it, knowing that it was the right choice. Like, if you would have spoke your truth and been like, this relationship doesn't fit for me, period. Simple is that. Period. Period.

Right. I've done that. I've gotten out of a relationship just waited for an excuse or a reason for the other person to do something to get out of it. So I didn't have to just be up front. Like, I can't do this anymore or I'm not in love with you anymore or whatever it is. Like I could never do that.

And so I've done that multiple times in my life. Oh, Rachel, where the cowards. I think we all humans are. We all have done that. Anyone who hasn't done that is full of share. It's the easier thing, right? Instead of just being... Yeah, right, exactly.

But it is the easier thing. It's obviously always going to be harder to be honest in those situations. I used to start fights with people to get out in a relationship. You know what I mean? Like get them real mad. Get them upset and make it. And then you're like, and you cause this, knowing that. that you walked in like I'm starting to go with the day.

It's so childish and I'm so embarrassed for us three. It's the all of guys. Progress, not perfection. Oh, my goodness. It's true. Not perfection is exactly. Yeah, but you said your friend who was in the relationship and the guy was trying to make it sound like all these things were wrong with her,

but he was just dating other women. That's gaslighting. That's gaslighting. The example of gaslighting. That's definitely gaslighting. No, that's gaslighting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plus abuse.

I'm sure. Yeah, right? Because that's putting someone down just because maybe you feel shit about yourself. Yeah, and it's also psychologically damaging when someone thinks that their whole existence in the relationship is wrong when it wasn't even true.

That's definitely gaslighting. They are. We're learning this as a session. I should write this down. Did you guys want to teach me about narcissistic people later or something? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. They're the only ones you can't treat, you know.

Yeah, narcissism is not treatable. Yeah, not at all. So if you see it, run. Run. Run. But it's hard because it's hard to see it. FYI, my undergrad is in psychology. Oh.

Amazing. Okay. And my minor is in sociology. So I found I was drawn to studying people in the way we think. And I kind of felt like I was cheating in relationship because I was always studying the way my partner thought at a very young age. You know, so I don't have the long relationships of like the toxic shit. Like I didn't get to do that at the young age because I'll be like,

oh, that flag is not dark pink, that flag's red. I see that flag This isn't right You know But I kind of forced Myself to go through a toxic situation A few years ago Probably about four years ago

With someone Because I kept saying Jonica don't bail Because you see something wrong Try the relationships You got to stick through that shit And after doing that I think I'm back to

I think I like who I am Meaning you know I don't have to accept those things And I've seen the red flag I've seen the narcissistic behavior, it was with the woman, but her former relationship was her baby dad, it was a narcissism. And I think she dealt with it for so long that she became that. Oh, wow.

Like inherited narcissism? Because she was trying to fight him. But what I brought to the situation for her was that you can't win. You have to leave. You can't win. You can't win. Because unless he recognizes who he is, and go and decide to get some help, which is rare.

They're not, he's not going to see himself. He can't see the reflection. So I'm like, you can't win. But she, so she decided to leave and, well, and start healing, but it's a slow, it's a slow healing process. And I was, I was catching some of the things that he would do to her. I was catching. I'm like, whoa, it's not right.

Hold on. Wow. Like, you know what he? But she couldn't, I had to realize I can't win. Here's something that I would be curious about is, was he a narcissist or was that her projection the whole time? Ooh. And honestly, but honestly with where things are now, I wonder, I'm like, was he the, he did things that was so blatant, like, textbook. Like he would call literally 80 times within a 45,000.

minutes. It'll say like eight of his calls. You get what I'm saying? Or he was doing the abuse. So you saw it first hand. Yeah, I saw that and I saw the verbal abuse. I saw the put down just to lift up that you don't have anybody but me. You know, I've seen those. That's classic. Yeah. Yeah, like the club. He's the rich guy and you can't do that life without me. And then you're a bum. But yet I love you marry me. I want you back. I let's be a family. You know, I've seen all that. But I've seen her have it. But what I don't know and what I don't know And what I would never know is, did they meet each other like this? Right.

Did she adapt that from him? You know, because why were you able to stick with this for so long? Uh-huh. You know, it was just a lot of things that was raising red flags where I was trying. But this was, like, fortunately for her, but unfortunately for me is that this was the moment that I told myself, you're going to try to stick in a relationship. She's like, this is like, yeah. Carnival.

That's right. I said the one time I try to do it, this is what I was met with. And it was like, is this my car? Like, what the one time? The one time. And I was trying, I was trying. But I realized just like you can't beat him, I can't, I don't want to beat you. You know, but I want you to get help.

You know, and you have to see that you need help. And if I stick around, you. I'll feel like it's my job. So I have to leave because this is not my job. This has nothing to do with me. So, you know, I'm doing myself healing. I'm choosing to work on me. And to heal, that has to be a self-a-choice, you know?

We all say it. Right. Nowadays, if that's just so popular to say, I'm healing, but are you? Are you? Yeah. How do you heal? What is your, what is your way of feeling? My go-to is being still.

I have to find stillness. I think for everyone right now, life is just so busy and it's moving so fast. So for me, one of my healing, I have to sit there and be still. I try to get into like the books and the chakry. Like, that's not my thing. I'm really, I don't, I tried to meditate. And my friend said, she told me that you can go to sleep. So I was sleepy, so I went to sleep as soon as we started.

I didn't know this. You're like, these knobs that really worked. Yeah, I was like, this is a good. good meditate. So that's meditate. Oh, I can meditate. And she was like, no, you're supposed to like. And I'm like, I, you know, so those things don't work for me. I have to just be honest with myself. I'm going to try it again, but that's not. But for me, it's to be still, meaning no phone, just, no, just be with myself, no social media. Because I'll go down, I'll start on Instagram and start at my page. Next thing you know, I'll be your great aunt

cousin these page. And I'm like, how did I get, Rach, I know you're, I'm like I'm going to get here. I'll start sending you kid pictures of yourself. You'd be like, what? I said, I'll send you pictures of yours. Yeah. You'd be like, how did you get this? Now, how did you not?

Cute dress. Like, I have to watch myself. I know me. So yeah, I'm like, forget that. Put your phone down. You're so lovable. Oh, yeah. Thank you.

You are. You're so lovable. Do you have, like, a higher power? Do you believe in it? anything? Like, do you connect with anything? Or is it just anymore? No, I talk to God. I talk to God. And I have a new friend and she told me she was atheist and I kind of stopped and looked and was like,

the fuck, I just going to work. How are we going to be communicating? You know, but I had to realize, you know, communicate with who you want to communicate. You know, believing what you want to believe. That's your life. But I still freely and openly speak to everyone that's around me. You're going to hear about God. Because that's who I talk to. And my brother, on my chest, he passed.

And so I spent time being mad at God. And no one knows what it's like to be mad at someone, something, the entity you believe in and the higher, I believe in a higher power. You know, I'm not, I can't say I pick a religion because there's so many things that I question now. But I don't question God. You know, I don't question that.

But I argue with God. Like, we argue like he's sitting right here. I'm like, why would you take my brother? like so many other bad brothers out there you can take you take this one so it's like I have questions so yeah I do too do you talk about it openly your brother and what you went through and what happened yes you do yes how old was he he was 29 do you know it was three days before we started filming rap shoot what three days I don't know how you did it how did you do it how did you show up on set. I can't even...

I couldn't tell you. And it was literally three... And it was so sudden. We had just talked Wednesday and he died Friday morning, but like, you know, Thursday night, like that 2 a.m. period. Something like that. He died around that time. And from asthma. It was an asthma attack. So... He died from an asthma attack? Which is the most frightening thing in the world. Because it's so abrupt, you know?

You know, people die. We know people die. We know people are going to be. to die, but like, asthma? Like, you know, he's been dealing with his whole 29 years, he's been fine. But now that I'm in a clear space, I think about little things such as like we air drop videos. And if a video is going in the air, there's no telling what else is in the air that we can't see. So his asthma probably, it was worse because in July, he had had an asthma attack and he had

to pull over on the highway, call 911. And they said, had he not called. he wouldn't have made it. So that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, and then August the 6th, he passed. And it was just like, and the girl that he was with, she said that he said in exact words, hey, call 911, I'm about to die. Oh, my God.

Yeah. I was like the last thing he said. What was his name? His name was Kendall, but we call him Chubb. Chubb right there. Yeah, call him Chubb. It was crazy. That's horrendous.

That's one of those things where you're like, that doesn't happen. That doesn't happen. And I personally, it freaks me out too because I have a son with really bad asthma. We spent some time in the hospital recently went to asthma. And it sounds so common like, oh, everybody has asthma. But when you're touched by it in a way where you realize it's not casual. It is not casual. It's not.

But we think it's so like, you know, oh, we got to have it. It was, you know, that was the last thing I thought. that I would hear when I was in that phone call. You know, I didn't expect to hear that. I didn't even cry right away. I think I just... I was in shock. I thought I was dreaming, to be honest.

I remember just looking around, and I hung up when I first heard the phone call. And I thought I was asleep, so I woke up like, nah. That's not what they just said. My dad called me screaming. I'm like, no. And I literally was sleeping. I said, hello, and he was screaming.

And my dad is a mansman. I've never heard him scream. like not yell he was screaming he was like chub chub he didn't even brace me i should tell him that actually it was just like you didn't even say hey i need to talk to you but he probably couldn't that was a son he just screamed

chubbed dad and i said chub what and i hung up to this day i literally like two days ago when he read my text messages with chub my last message to him was like hey there's something not right like pick up the phone because i'm thinking you know like chubb's not dead these guys are overreacting.

And truly enough. And that day, I got up, I remember standing up. I stood up, I looked out the window. I was in Miami. I looked out the window. And I was like, okay, Chubb's dead. And I had to say it out. And I called a few people, but no one's, it's late.

You know, my mom's not answering. My ex wasn't answering. I called, I end up calling a friend who we haven't spoken in months at that time. And she answered. She was asleep. She was like, hello. I said, remember my brother, Chubb? She was like, yeah, I said he died.

And I just needed to say it. Like, I just wanted to get it out. And after I said it, I still didn't, I didn't cry. I called my sister, woke her up. She answered, and she just took it hard. And she was just, how are you? I said, I think I'm okay. Like, I don't know.

I couldn't tell you in that moment. I was fine until I went on set. I was with my two castmates. They play Shana and Mia. And I was in the backseat. We had to go to an HBO brunch. that Sunday. So I have shit to do. I have I have shit to do and we have we they were like let's go get close for the brunch but in that moment I decided I didn't want to tell anybody at work

because I didn't want them to think I wasn't capable of doing my job. I didn't know if I was capable of doing my job. Yeah. And I was just sitting here and I'm in the back seat but I have my ear pods on and I'm talking to my family and I just hear everyone screaming but I'm in back seat with my castmates on my way to go shopping and tears just fell from my eyes. And I'm thinking this is the worst time possible. And I decided I didn't want to tell anybody at work. I told my manager just booked me travel because I only had to work one day that week and then we were off for two weeks.

So in those two weeks, we buried him. We had to wait for his body to fly from Houston to St. Louis. And what's funny is I go to sit on Tuesday and it was a girl on set. Her name's Brooklyn. I don't know her. You know, we just happened to be talking. And I had a necklace on, and I knew, but what I knew about Brooklyn is that her sister had passed. I knew that about her.

She was very close to her sister. I knew her sister passed a few months prior, a few months prior, not even a year. So she asked me about a necklace, and she said her sister had that necklace. And I was like, oh, that's what's up. How many siblings you have? She said, you know, that was my sister that passed. And then I have another sister. I said, okay. She asked me how many siblings do I have. And I wasn't ready for that question, especially at work. I remember saying five brothers, four, six, five, and I was stuttering. And then I said it. And then I reached down. I said, look, I don't want you to think I'm slow or something. I was like, my brother just died Friday. I don't know if I should count him in or not. And she, I think she probably, yeah, I think she probably took that. And I just remember saying, I got to go. And I left. And. And then.

That night, much love to her. That night, she just called. She was, like, text me with like, mind you, we didn't know each other. We met. And she was like, can I just come sit with you? And I didn't even know I needed somebody to sit with me. Like, I didn't know. Like, I was just, I didn't know what to do.

It was the last thing I expected. And of something that he's been dealing with for 29 years that I'm like, As well, like, that's when I think I became angry with God. That was the moment. because I'm like, asthma? Like, we were just talking about his 30th birthday coming up, and you take him for asthma. Like, it, everyone has asthma.

Like, should we all be scared now? Like, right. So, yeah, that was, that was very tough. I mean, it still is, you know, I have to, I just. So how long ago was that now? So this August 6th made it a year. And it's it. So I went and set and, uh,

In Kabul, I went and got a room at a resort. I wanted to go by myself, but my sister was like, no, I'm coming. She came with me. And we just said, I just needed to, like I said, be still, be away, disconnect. I have to disconnect so that I can reconnect. And I have to disconnect. And I just want to cry in peace. Sometimes I cry and I love to take, like, I probably cry.

I probably cry every day. That's something no one knows. I probably cry, especially when I take a shower, because I can, hidey with the water. We've talked about good shower cry. Well, you're making us both cry right now. Man, I'm looking away to stop him and come up and come up and that crying. And when I look away, it's a pillow, it's a face, face on a pillow right here.

It's like, look up, Jonathan. Don't look at the pillow. But, yeah, good shower cry. That's what I do it. How many siblings do you, like, have had all this? My mom, my mom, yeah, my mom have me and my. my sister and my dad have five kids. Yeah, five boys.

They're all boys. I'm the only girl and I'm the oldest. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So, but your brother was on that side or on the mom's side? On your dad's side.

My brother was up my dad's side. So my dad have, what's three? My dad has had six including Chubb. But Chub, now that he's gone, we just say five. Has it been hard for you? I know when I've had lost in telling different people about it, a lot of the time it was harder for me to tell people because of what it would do to them versus...

I don't talk about it. Yeah. Because, like, I didn't want to... That's why I was like, I don't talk about it. Because I don't like, you know, I don't want to be the Debbie Downer. I don't want to bring the dark cloud, you know? And that's what I feel like I'm doing. And I'm torn.

Sometimes I feel like, yay. and sometimes I just, like, the worst question I get is, how was it filming rap shit? And I'll be like, it was interesting, but because for me, it wasn't a good experience. Well, you're great, yeah. It wasn't that the people wasn't nice. And the set, I don't remember, like, when I watched,

the first time I watched the show, I was so mad. I was like, why would you go to work and your brother was dead? Like, that was dumb. Like, I was angry at myself. And I don't talk about it because it's like I don't know Those my interviews are harder than what it may appear to be But that's because I have to think about What's telling me about the worst time of my life

Right. Yeah. And I have to find happy moments to describe the worst time of my life. I'm living a dream and a nightmare at the same time. But so why can't you be who you are with us? You know? Like why is it that we have to put things in a bow and be like, oh, it's fucking great.

Like, you doing that opened up our hearts today, and we have this connection now, right? And you're gifting the people that you're sharing this. There's nothing Debbie Downer about it. Like, it may make us cry, but like,

that's just judging that crying's back. And I felt I felt like, with you guys, I feel like connected. I felt like we were just, you guys make this so comfortable, you know, just the way you're sitting and talking. it's a conversation. So I'm like,

oh, we're talking right, you know, whereas with interviews, sometimes it seems so, you know, professional, it's like you do want to just make it a,

or the way they're asking a question like, I bet it was awesome. I'm feeling rap, your first big role. How was it? And I'm like, oh, it was,

and I don't know. If you could see her face. Yeah, I'll be like, it was, and I'm trying to think, Jonathan, think of,

you know, open your vernacular. Think of some words that can get out everything that make this make sense. And I'm like, it was an experience. You know, that's the word. My son swam in the ocean yesterday and his grandpa came out and said, are you having a good time? And he looked at him and it goes, this is profound.

What? Yeah. Like, yeah. How about it? He's six. He's almost seven. But it's kind of that, right? Like, how was it?

It was profound. It was poignant. It was everything good. No, no, no, no, no, no, the fact that just six-year-old said it was profound, that's not normal. That kid is special. That kid's going to play. He sure is.

You should see him, too. No six-year-old is running around. He's saying, that's profound. Said no six-year-old. In the ocean, too. They're like, cool, grandpa, you know, right, in the ocean, you know. They're like, it was great, grandpa. He's profound.

His finnacle is up there. He's like, profound. Like, what? But yeah, I'm sure there's a word for you that that's honest. And right now it's an experience. Exactly. That's all I can say without. Now, if people ask, I love when I'm asked because I'm like, oh, you care or you want to talk about it, you know.

And it allows me to release or, you know, to the, oh, because everyone deals with that. And I love sharing how I'm dealing. I can't say, I'm dealing with this. I keep saying I need to start like a grief group because all of us. a sudden everyone around me, they're losing people. Like, my friends lost her dad. And, you know, it's like, it's hard talking to people who lost someone before me and watch, and I'm looking at them still hurt because I'm thinking, oh, I'm doomed. Like, this isn't going away no time soon. I mean, Olivia, I don't know if you want to share or not, but Olivia had an experience

similar in really young age. So you obviously have a lot of experience with grief. Oh, I lost my dad at 15 unexpected. I mean, sorry to hear that. But still, 15 years old and people, my husband's mom passed away a few months ago and it's like this pain. And I was like, hate to break it to you, baby. It ain't going anywhere. It is something that you will carry with you for the rest of your life. Do you still feel like when you discuss it or when you think about it,

you still think like the 15-year-old you, like all of a sudden, does that version of you come out? Like, do you still see it vividly? So not that, not as much that version, but the version that's mourning my dad now. Right.

So like, like him not experienced. Like being at the beach and Elliot, my son, playing in the water with his other grandpa, all just get this like, rush, right, of emotion of like,

oh, like, it takes your breath away. Mm-hmm. But then I, I have a, relationship I feel with him still, we're all then turn inside or pray or, you know, make some sort of connection with him to kind of bring him into the experience. Because I believe the souls, I don't know what the hell they do, but I believe my dad's soul's been with me the whole

time. Nah, that's so emotional. That is. Because that makes me feel like, you know, I've been told I have friends who deal with this one of my friends Brooklyn and she tells me like you gotta start talking to him and I'm like I don't see how to do that you know like I'm still mad

and I have no one to be mad at you know and even if you have someone to be mad at like your case it doesn't make it doesn't do shit it's just mad and hurt now you know why add two different emotions to me and I'm already dealing with one

every you know every time I'm about something. So that's the thing. That's the problem because I think about all these great things I'm doing that we talked about. Exactly. And so every event, you know, it'll make me be like, you know, I won't be here for this. So and now you're raising. You're always going to feel like that.

I mean, like when I got married and when this and like it stays with you and you still forever are going to want to share it with that person. And so for me, it's easier to share with them and to just buy into it that he's there because he's either there or he's not there, right? You have one or two choices. Which one's going to feel better to your soul for you? Because you've got to live regardless. When did you start? Like at what age did you start feeling like?

Like he was with me? Like better. Yeah. I remember like being at his funeral and not wanting to go out because. I didn't want people, because anytime someone would look at my face, it would make them emotional. And just like them. And so I remember removing myself and being like, I don't want my face upsetting people. So I went and leaned in my aunt's bedroom and I was crying so much.

The tears felt like blood. It was like warm. And I got this like calm feeling that pressed over me that just no words, no nothing. It just felt like everything's going to be okay. But it felt like I could feel it, you know? And like the way of that. And from that moment on, I just felt like he was with me. Obviously, I was angry, very angry.

And we had to face the people that killed him. And so, you know, I think that I realized that I think from the young age, I knew each soul had its own career. curriculum. And that was my dad's. And this was my. And that was Chubs. And this is yours. And it's like, we as humans feel the pain of that so deeply. But us as souls, I think that there's a place where it's like, okay, that was his curriculum for whatever reason. That was it. It was written. There's no warning. And you're right. When you put it like, that's his curriculum. Like we, in a flip, we care more, but it's like, like he said, that's what was written. My grandpa passed on the day of the premiere. Oh, my God. You kidding me?

Right. Look, I said, next big event, I'm probably going to rent a house. And everybody's going to come sitting this house until this time. I'm like, don't none of you motherfuckers move. We're sitting in this house a lot. Don't know what I'm going to walk down. The step we're going to lay down. Tronica's got a premiere.

We're all... Put your seatbelt on. Put your seatbelt on. I'm everybody sitting on the couch with a seatbelt. We're gonna all be here like a bubble. Like, no, nobody moving nowhere. They're gonna be like, I want some wine. No, bitch, you're drinking water.

We're drinking water in this house until everybody wakes up alive. But I tell people, you know, it was very sad about my grandpa dying. However, he was 79. Like, we knew he was going to... And he was on a hospital. like, I've been saying goodbye to him for like, he's been on high school. He's like, like, on final day. He skipped that.

Like, he was on final destination. I remember back in my broke days, I flew home to say goodbye. I was like more mad than he was still here. I'm like, he still here. I'm like, I think I just paid final hours for him. He's still here? Like, he laughed at like three years after that. So this time when they say he was on hospital, I said, I ain't going.

And next thing you know, he left. I'm like, I got the worst luck when it comes to them. He probably wouldn't have gone if you were there. He's like, you know, like he's not here. I can go keep you. Do you think that God does, like I always say this and I really think it. God doesn't give with two hands, right? It's like something's given and something's being with help.

I keep hearing that. They're like when people, when I'm on the rise, like, I'm literally, I tell you, I'm going my dream. Everything I asked for is happening. everything I manifest is happening I just didn't know that it was going to cost this you know

if I knew my success would cost Chubb's life I would have been fine not being successful but that's see when you look at it that way though then you're putting out you know like oh because I have this this

happened right but that's not how we have we have to change the perspective and the narrative on it then why does it feel like that? Because it feels like that. It feels so unfair, right? Like, you look like this had to happen because this happened and it's too good to be true,

like that thing, right? But it's not. And that's our job to change the narrative in our heads. It's like, no, no, no. What did you tell me? You told me something recently about the negative putting up. It's not going to have a negative reaction. There's no, when we feel like, oh, this is so good, something bad,

it's going to have to happen. You don't have to... You can't manifest through negativity. Right. In order to manifest, it has to be in alignment with your highest good, right?

So when I say God doesn't give with two hands, I mean, it's a trade, right? But you didn't trade that for your success. His life did not go because you succeeded.

His life was, like we said, right? If we buy into... This was his curriculum. This is what he signed up from before even getting here and his gift is going to be your lessons you learn through it.

Take it as a gift. And it's hard to see, right? Yeah. Right in the moment? Yeah. It's cloudy. I can't. But it has to be, or it's not a gift.

If it was easy, it would do nothing to grow and expand and change you as a human and it wouldn't change your impact on the world. But because of the struggle that's coming with it, because of you having to go into depths of yourself you never saw coming. That makes sense when you put it and you put it like that. Yeah. She has to tell me all the time. Like I've gone through some trauma in my life or whatever and she'll be like, no,

but this happened. Because like now look what you're doing now, whatever it is. You know, there's obviously many examples. And it's not easy when you're going through it and you're in it. There's no way you're going to be like, this is a gift. Like, who's in my brother's a gift? You know, it doesn't. It can't look that way in the moment.

You have to feel the feelings and go through it. And grief, like they say, there's all the stages, you know. And when you finally get to acceptance, acceptance is the hardest thing in the world, no matter what area you're, you know, trying to accept. And once you get there, it's like a calmness and clarity that can come with it. But it's the hardest fucking thing. Yeah, I'm still far from the tip. And you're a way out from acceptance.

And I didn't get to grieve until January. I had to go to work. Yeah, so January, I don't think I did. I had friends telling me stop being hard on myself because I was like, you know, I should be doing something. I think I didn't do anything from January to like April. I think I just sat on this couch and was just watching to eat or eating. I didn't even realize in the moment I was grieving.

I thought I was depressed. Who knows? I could have been both. I don't know. Could have been. Yeah. Yeah. And then half.

I was like, I could have been. But I, but I was like how you just. film the show. Like, you should be happy. You should be happy. And then I'm like, you know what? I finally just said, start working out. You know, just easing to things. And that's what I started doing. But I tried to tell myself, now that you're about to be back in front of people, you know, the premiere to show is out actually coming out, things of that nature. You have to accept the depth. So I tried to expedite that. Yeah, that was a real awakening. That didn't happen. That going to play. I remember one moment I'm thinking, oh, I accepted it. And I think I had the

hardest random cry. And that was like, yeah, bitch, you didn't accept shit. And I'm like, God damn. You didn't have to pause me, put me on breaks like that. But yes, that happened. So I just finally said, I don't have to accept it right now. I don't have to do anything. Right now, I just have to exist. I did an interview with one of my castmates. And the person interviewing us, She asked everybody like, what are we doing with our life? And each, I said something, a chameleon says something. And Aida said, I'm just, I just want to be. I don't want to do it.

Like, I just, right now I'm just being. And I said, yo, that's so dope because she said what I feel, but we always feel like we have to say what we're doing or what's coming next. And honestly, for me right now, what's coming next is to just be. I just want to go with the flow. And, you know, and allow myself to just be. available for what God puts in front of me. Just be clear.

I just want to keep my path clear. That's all there is. I mean, what's better than that? That's what we're all looking for, right? And I think it's such a powerful message that you have that, like, you go off the show. It doesn't bring you happiness. Like, yeah, it may be cool to do, maybe an experience, but it's, you know, I think so many times people think when I get here, I'll be happier, when I accomplish this, I'll be happier,

or when I get the guy or the girl or the house. None of it makes you happy. It's a slap for me. It's a slap in the face. Well, to myself because I used to say, when I had this amount of money in my account, I'm going to be good. I have that amount of money.

I am so unhappy. I'm like, what can be wrong with you? You have everything. You can have anything you want, like any person, anything I desire, but you think you can have everything you want until there's someone you just cannot have. I lost.

Yeah, you know, I cannot have everyone. I can not have the person that I, if I just want to hug you, you know. But it makes me love the people that I love right in here in the flesh so much more. And like, babe, that could be what I'm learning. That's what I'm learning. There you go. There's one little gift right there.

That's my gift. Love why you can. You'll have maybe lots of those. even little gifts or whatever it is along the way, you know. But right now and you're saying just be here, that's, that's it. Just be, be present. It's really hard as a human to be present. Even without grief, it's hard to be present.

Yeah, that's why I stayed without it. So this on top, who. What stage do you think you're in? What are they? I'm not in denial anymore. I was in denial. Oh, boy, was I in denial? Denial, anger, bargaining.

Yeah. Would I be bargaining based off what I just said? You know what bargaining is? Like, I will give up my career to have him back. Yeah, I think that's why I was just speaking about. Okay, here it is. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Those were the five stages.

I think I met bargaining and depression. I look you think I flipped them. I think I did depression first because I'm, of that. I haven't accepted it, but I'm at the bargaining like, okay, like, I would, I would have done this. Like, I would have, do I want this career? Well, I don't have a choice now. You know, I talk to myself, I will think I'm going crazy in this house by myself, you know, because I literally say this type of stuff out loud. Like, give them back. Like, just give them back, man, I don't, I don't need this life or do I need this life? And it's like, you don't even

have a choice, Jonica. I think I'm crazy because I answer my own questions. It's like, I'm like, bitch, have you been smoking for it? Oh, it's not good weed. I don't have a glass of wine. Don't have a glass of wine. Drink water. Go for a walk. I'm fucked up.

I think we all are. Yeah. I think it's the condition of every human. It's just fucked up. Yeah. What do you guys have? Oh, we got the fucked up. Me?

I'm fucked up. Yeah. What are you? Fucked up. But like, who is it? Do you know anyone that's not? If they say they're not, they're the most fucked up. That's why I feel.

so sorry for like the kids and the social media. I mean, I don't know how old you guys are, but it's like the kids, it's like they think that everyone's not fucked up. And little do they know everybody's so fucked up. If you knew that,

someone asked me if I can go tell some kids something, what would I say? I would say you keep going. It gets better. It have no choice but to get, if you think this is the worst, it gets, there's something on the other side of middle school, because That's how young you're starting now to think life is over.

So it's something on the other side. Not only does it get better, we get better at it. Right. That's right. We get better at it. I like that. You have no choice. We're learning.

We have to learn. Because life is relentless, right? You know, it just keeps on coming. Right. That's right. But we do get better at it, you know? And that in social media with all the smoke and mirrors and, and, you know, face tuning and attitudining the body.

And not only do they think that people don't have problems, they think people look like fucking avatars. Yeah. Avatar. I know. It's so true. And I don't even want to look like an avatar. I'm like, look, this is what, that's not beauty.

You are beauty. That's whatever you look like in the mirror. That's beauty for you, you know? And we got so far away from that. So that's why I'm like, I would love to just, I would probably get kicked out of a fucking high school assembly because if I was to go to one,

I would say, we're all fucked up. That's my speech. Like, no. But that's really, they don't, I think that everyone is, think that everyone's so perfect.

And we're so far from it, you know? I just think about, you know, us raising our kids. And I think about social media and, like, going through high school. and all of that, having that part of it, as hard as it is anyways, you know, growing up as a teenager,

and I'm just like, she's not, she's never having a phone. I don't know. I'm going to, like, get a tracker on her, so I'm going to always find her, but like, she's not going to have a phone to have social media. Do you want kids? How old are she now? She's going to be eight next month. She's going to be eight. She's definitely getting a phone.

I'm sorry. But I like to tell myself that's not happening. Yeah, she's definitely Because you're going to need her to eat one after a while You're going to be like, why you didn't text me? I know. I don't have a phone. I know.

But do you want kids? No, I definitely, I want one. Awesome. Yes, I want one. I just want a little cute thing that looks like you and running around. I get that. Yeah. I do.

I want one. I want a carry. I want my mom. I want a baby. I do want that. Will it happen? I don't know. I met with this.

psychic, like about eight years ago. And he told me I wasn't having kids and I think it's stuck in my head. And I'm like, fuck, I hope I don't believe him. But the stuff he told everybody else, that was all saying when he was saying was right for them. Like, he was bringing up old things. They was like, how do he know that?

So when he got to me and that was one, he probably told me so much stuff that day, but that's the one thing I remember. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, wasn't right. And as I get older, I'm like, fuck it. No, don't buy into it. Don't buy into it. I have a psychic tell me all kinds of things.

and stuff like I was going to be with this ex-boyfriend. It was my head to toe soulmate. We were going to have two girls. And I was like that, okay, cool. We're done here. Yeah, that didn't happen. You know? That didn't happen.

I have two boys with a totally different man. You should go back to and say, yes, your friend. Refund. Yeah, exactly. Refund. Yeah, but you know. You just say you want to meet my school with this name. Now what?

Yeah. Yeah, I think, you know, we're all in control of what we want. If you want to do that, you do it. You do it. Yeah. I do. And now I'm like, oh, Jonica, will you choose your career or do I have to choose? You don't have to choose.

You know, I'm at, yeah, the age I met now, I'm 34. So I'm like, okay, I told myself, you know, I gave myself limits with things. It's just like, do I have to choose? You know, it's just, you just at that. I'm at that tricky age of making. the decision. I know. I feel about egg freezing.

We'll see. I think I'm, I think if I, if I get to about 36 and I don't have kids. Do it before because your eggs are better now. Do it now. Yeah. Your eggs,

your eggs, quality goes down every year. So if you were entertaining, doing it by 36, you might as well do it now while your eggs are fresher. I don't know. Yeah, but like a bunch of our friends right now are trying to get pregnant.

They're like 42, 43. Yeah. Yeah, but if they would have frozen their eggs at 34. And they'd be, yeah, they'd be pregnant right now. Because I was thinking about it at 36 because I know what's going to hinder me is my career. Because I feel like I have to succeed now. Now that I'm because of Chubb and I made a choice in the midst of that, I'm like, I have to go. I got back to top, you know, as far as I can go.

You know, so will I stop and have a child right now, no. I get that. You know, these are just, yeah. So it's like, when do I freeze the eggs? And she's saying 34. And I'm like, you could do it now. Just freezing and it's out of your mind. Then you get to play.

I mean, she does have a point. I mean, it's done. But then it's done. But then it's done. And you're going to date whatever you want, work whatever you want. And no, like, I got that all nights. Yeah. I got some eggs on ice.

Yeah. Like, yeah. Junkin, this was the most, like, incredible conversation. And so unexpected. Like, just beyond. enamored with you and you're just so amazing. I, like, I feel, I don't know. Kind of spirit.

Yeah, just like, talking with you just really made my day. You're incredible. Same. I love it. Like, I'm not saying, I'm so proud of everything. I am too. I feel proud. Thanks, Mom.

Yeah, right? Thanks, Mom. But no, it's so cool. Everything that's going on in rap shit. I mean, it was so cool. funny when I looked at rap shit initially a while ago because I was like, okay, I want to learn more about what it's in Wikipedia.

It says rap shit. And in parentheses it says pronounced rap shit. So I was like, I got that. I'm pretty sure, you know, because they have an exclamation for the eye or whatever. I thought that was so funny. Yeah. I got, I know what this. No, it's amazing. And it's an amazing

show. We got sex. Congratulations. For sure. On HBO Max. Oh, wait, but you have a podcast? That's what I wanted to ask you. Yeah, it's called Tidies Out. I fucking love that. We need a better, like, I'm the point that's responsible for uploading, so nothing's been uploaded in a while.

But I'm going to sit back down and upload it. We have, like, two up. I have, like, four in the chamber to put up. But, yeah, it's called Titties Out. Me and my friend, Sheko Huffman, we were just coming up with names, and I said, well, it's funny if my character on a rap shit, they call her Titi.

And I came up with this name before I even had the audition. There you go. Yeah, it's called Indivine Order, IDO for sure. And that's just right on time. But I said titty's out because I was like, women, you know, we wear bras. The most average woman, not me, I'm a 34A. I don't wear a. But I'm sure when you take your titty, your bra off, your titty, you feel free.

So it's like, for me, it's like titty's out. Like, I just want you to show up, be free. This gave me tities out. vibe because you guys just yeah this is a chint without conversation because it was just free it just flowed and that's that's kind of what I bring what we bring to the table with Tiddy's out I love that and that means so much

that's like the first thing when you walk in the door it's like draw off you know what I mean like now we can get down and be comfortable and talk that's right yeah's out Titties out let him on like You know We're chilling We're going places

We're going places We're going For sure Well we usually like End every conversation With a little game That It's just a tiny game

Fuck Mary Kill Fuck Mary Kill Or Mary Barry One Night's stand Whatever you're more comfortable with Hmm Mary Barry one night stand Let me see the name But then I'll see

Well Hmm we have we have some I don't know I was going to think we should let you pick them we can't wait we need a minute on it because the truth is

we had Ice Cube Eminem in common we did all rappers because of rap shit but now we're thinking yeah do we want to mix it up like you know what I mean the ladies in

ice cream in common let's do one with the guys with the guys and one with the leg. I didn't see I knew you were going to talk with it. Yeah. I'm like, let's get, let's get, that's the best of both worlds.

So you got, you say, Ice Cube, Common, and who else? Eminem? I'm fucking Eminem. Because he's just, he's so swaggy. He's just so swaggy. I'm going to kill Ice Cube.

I'm sorry. He just, too. I don't kill Ice Cube. But I'm a married Common because he's so conscious and I feel like he's going to help me like eat. some vegetables and shit. Yeah. Take my vitamins.

Yeah. That's perfect. Well played. Okay. So now. Okay. Ladies, ladies, ladies. Do we want to stick to like same theme, but we'll go female? Rappers? Yeah.

Okay. I mean, it's on theme, right? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, let's do it. Okay. Let's do Cardi B. Let's do Missy Elliott. Missy Elliott Missy Elliott and Eve

Awesome Eve Oh So Mary, Barry And what else One Night Sam I'm marrying

Eve Off the real Yeah, I'm marrying Eve And she's so fine And then Cardi fine too Oh So that gets tough

So Listen The sad thing is I'm not fucking Missy Ellis flat out. I got to bury her. Let me tell you something.

Let me break this down. I want to bury Missy Elliott and have a one-night stand with Cardi B. But the reason I can't say that is because I got a crush on Cardi B. Sister Hennessy, so I can't have a one-night stand

with Cardi. And I want to... So I guess I got a I got to have a one-night stand with Missy Elliott. Oh, fuck. And then I got a very I think that's what you have to do.

with that, yeah, I have to. Just so he didn't see won't meet me and be like, oh, so you had a one-night stand with a car, you know. That's strategic. I got to think about the future with it. That's the team. That's right.

Yeah. I respect that. I respect how you really thought it through and you did what works better. Yes. And if I marry Missy Elliott, then we can start our group car R.O.J.

And come out with eggs on ice because she's going to fight us in head. See? That's all working out. It's all coming up, Jonathan. I thought about, I took one for the team.

Manifesting. That's all we're doing here. Manifest. Oh, this has been so much of my time. Thank you for taking time on the Sunday to talk to us. Yes. Thank you so much.

Thank you. And so much love to you. Thank you. Absolutely. With everything. I want to see you like Rob. If I could be. like Rob, I want to be, I want to be like Rob.

Wait, first before we get into this, I mean, Jonica, she was so rad. But we have this huge box sitting on the couch next to, between Olivia and Rob. It was just Olivia's birthday. It was Olivia's birthday. And her husband ruined her birthday. He did.

He got COVID. Yeah, and ruined my birthday. We were going to have a game night. Yeah. There was a spatch cock chicken. involved. Oh shit. There was a scratch cock chicken and Barone's pizza. Oh, I fucking love Barone's. We got Barone's pizza anyways. Yeah, I know. You sent

me a picture of it being delivered to your house. That was just mean. That was cruel. That was not nice. You can hear my stomach. Grumbling? Can you hear my stomach growling? So Rob, I'm going to open the present. That's a very large box. Did you wrap it? I did Natalie. You did. You wrap me a present. You did actually a really really excellent wrapping job. I wouldn't expect anything less from him. Yeah, I can see that. I'm a terrible rapper. Mine are always like a kid, looks like a kid wrapped it.

But of course, robs are perfectly wrapped. Yeah. Wrapped. What is it? Oh, what is this? I can't see. I see something with macha. What?

I see something with macha. There's a theme going to rip it. What are you doing? Rachel, try and rip it. This paper doesn't rip. It's like real quality paper. Of course, only Rob would have bougie wrapping paper.

It's like it's unbreakable so you can reuse it. Oh my God. What did she? What is it? What is it? What is it? A matcha maker.

Oh my fucking God. I'm really excited. Rock is the best. He's the best gift giver. So it's, it's Kuz and Maw. You literally just changed my life. Yeah, that thing is great. You put whole leaves in the top.

Okay. Normally they just sell the powder. Yeah. You've got to get the leaves from them. It's hard to get leaves. But it's fresher. Because you put the leaves in the top, and then it grinds them up and mists them into water.

And whisks it forward. Oh, my God. Can you point it to me so I can see it, please? That is one fancy, handsome... Hey, I've really. really appreciate that a lot. That's an amazing gift. And Jeff is going to appreciate it even as much.

Oh, he's going to be so stoked. He's going to be so stoked. Thank you. Happy birthday. Oh, my God. I did my unwrapping on the show too, didn't I? Yeah, you got the poor over thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You're a really incredible gift giver. He likes to keep us caffeinated as I ya on. That is amazing. Do you understand how happy this makes me? because there's so many times, like, when I just want a match-a. In-between clients. You live in the middle of nowhere, so, too. I really don't.

I actually had a great macha by where I live recently. It was really good. She shared this with me. And I forget what it's called, but they make donuts and matcha. Anyways, there's so many times in between clients or meetings or whatever, and we are not doing an ad for this. This is the truth where I want a matcha, but don't want to run out and get it. Yeah, but you're not doing any kind of ad because

Machas is matcha. That's what I'm saying. But it sounded like I was trying to sell something. You're always trying to sell something? D-U-Z-E-N, Masha. I'm usually trying to sell my sex appeal. I can't wait to try that too when I come over. Speaking of which...

I know, I haven't been since you moved in. I moved fucking home, okay? And she has not been to my house yet. No. She lives very far. I haven't been there either. You guys are... How many times a week do I come to you?

Because you have to. And I think we were trying to come Friday, but for some reason we couldn't. I don't think it was our fault. And then Elliot's party briar was sick, so we didn't... We couldn't come. Oh, yes.

And Vincent was not sleeping well that day. You guys... You know what, Rob... It's a hike. You made up for it with the macho machine. Well, you haven't gotten my gift yet. You're not going to be as... I got one of your gifts.

Yeah, but you're not going to be as excited as that match a machine. No, I think he nailed it. Guess what Jeff got me? Oh, these are my favorite. A pair of socks. He got me nothing. He got COVID. He got you COVID, yeah.

He got me COVID. I love him. He tries. Listen, he's always like, what can I get you? What do you want? What do you want? And you would rather just... Some people are bad a gifts.

Yeah. You'd rather just buy what you want. Is that wrong in me? No. I love giving gifts. I think I'm a good gift giver as well. Rob takes it to a whole other level. Yeah, he does.

It's fine. Okay. Competition. What did I get Rob for his birthday? A fidget spinner. Pop it, fidget spinner. How would you take this? My mom got me Latisse.

Wait, like the eyelash grower? Yeah. Is that like a prescription where you paint on... She got a prescription. Is she trying to say something about your eyelashes? I'm wondering. That is so your mom. She got you, Lizzie.

She got me a Weight Watcher subscription. She did, huh? I could see her doing that. Me too. She'd be like, it's great. Yeah, no, and you just count your calories. Oh, my God. Why do I love that so much?

Well, she said I mentioned that I wanted it, which... Did you want it? Like in 2011 when it was all the rage? Yeah, I don't know. Huh. Do I do it? Have you ever done it? I feel like Veronique did it ask her.

I don't know. I've never done it. No. Well, everybody gets those like eyelash extensions now, which I'm not into. Can I just tell you? Yeah, please do. It's so obvious to me. And like when people have them on, let's say TV.

Okay, so Bachelor in Paradise, like there's this one chick that like has very long extensions on her eyes and like I can't see or look at anything else. else, it's so distracting. Yeah, I've seen it only a couple times on people, where it looks good. And I'm like, oh, that looks really pretty. Like a natural. No, you know what? I've seen that looks pretty. There's something you can do where it like, it's just like, it's almost like an eyelash curler that makes your, it makes your eyelashes like, what's the word I'm looking for? No. No. There's not, they're not extensions. It's just some kind of treatment that. Is it? Lettise? That's what I did. Mine. They look good. You did Latisse?

Oh. Okay. I can tell. What happens if you put Latisse in the wrong place? Do you think any hair grows? Like where? I don't know. I'm just saying.

You're trying to grow out your pubic hair? Yeah. What are you trying to grow? No, it's the opposite. But like, what if you accidentally like missed? Would you just grow hair? Anyway. Above my upper lip or something?

Yeah. What was your question? before? What do you think about guys getting eyelash extensions? Excuse me? Doing their eyebrows or dyeing their eyelashes. No, that's just all around a no. You mean guys in general are like straight men who are dating women? Straight men that are dating women. I mean, personally, that's a big turnoff for me. I can't speak to everybody's taste. Guess who dyed their eyelashes? Jeff. No, he has really pretty eyes, though.

Who? My brother. The one in jail? Yes. The one that looks like a cholo. He's super buffed. Wait, what do you mean? Well, are his eyelashes super blonde?

No. Sure aren't. One of his best friends came through with dyed eyelashes, and he looked really good. We're talking eyelashes and eyebrows, right? eyelashes. Eyelashes. His... Wait, the fact that your brother...

Yes. What? Like in jail? No. No. He was out of jail. Him and his buddy that is also looks like him. Yeah, very tough.

Very tough. Pre-jail? Pre-jail? Pre-jail. In between jails. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He came over and he was like, yo, I got my eyelashes tinted. He was like, taking me to get my eyelashes died.

And I was like, are you serious? And he went and did it because, you know, they do the gym and the thing and the thing. I didn't know eyelashes could be different colors. What? What? Have you ever seen like a really blonde person? No, they're not.

Oh, wait, Briar School's calling. Hold on. I have to answer this. Sorry. Hello? Hey. Hi. Oh, God.

I always get so scared when I see your number. I know. So Breyer was running around. That we did. She caught. Oh, God. So, yeah. kind of right below her eyes.

She was crying and, yeah. Aw, but she's okay. Yeah, she's okay. She's gonna see it through. Just try. All right, well, if anything changes or she's like, you know, just call me and I'll come get her. All right, well, thanks for letting me know.

And, yeah, if anything changes, let me know. Okay. All right, thanks. Bye. Okay. Aw. They always, they always do what? Her school always calls, if like, anything.

You know, usually a head injury or whatever, and I guess usually. Is it happen often? Well, I've gotten a couple calls about her hitting her head on things at school. But right now, her face, I guess, collided with a kid's head. You heard the whole thing? Yeah. But I never know in those situations. I just want to, like, run and get her.

It's so hard. She's fine. Yeah, she'll be okay. She's fine, right? Yeah. She's fine. She bumped her head. No, I mean, she doesn't have a black eye, maybe, he said.

She'll be fine. As long as she's not doing weird shit that demonstrates a concussion, she's fine. And they look for that and they know. They take it extra serious. I know. You can't do anything for her right now. I like that they always prep it. Like, it's not an emergency.

That's how they start. Yeah. I'm like, okay, but what happened? I hate that. Okay. She's fine. She is fine. Here's my anxiety, rearing its ugly head.

My OCD anxiety. She's 100% fine. You don't want to feel so bad? She hurt her head. Things always happen at school. Her first Beeston, and only Beasting was in kindergarten, and she would crying for so long. It's so hard to not be able to just...

Ugh. Okay. She's fine. Anyway. How far away is she? Half hour? Yeah. She'll be done by then.

Well, she's back in class now. Yeah, she's fine. She doesn't want you to pick her up. She wants to play with her friends and see the day out. I'd embarrass her so much. No. I don't think so. I think she really...

Oh, my poor little kid. Okay. Eyelashes. Really blonde people can have light eyelashes. I guess I've seen that. Yeah. So, like, you have dark eyelashes, right? But if you got your eyelashes dyed,

no one would notice it. They wouldn't be like... I wouldn't have Johnica. I was here to comment on this because I feel like I feel like she could There's certain people with like light eyes Like your eyes would pop like crazy So let's do it

Like Leah when she puts really dark mascara on her eyes really pop Exactly I get it Yeah okay so let us know how Latisse goes Well I'm scared to do it kind of Because I'm like why do you need a prescription Hmm You know what I mean?

What does Jeff say about it? I haven't told him. I was going to say, I don't think... You live with a doctor, I think you can... And I don't think he'll like it. You don't think he'll like my eyelashes long? No, you putting that on you. I know.

Mm-hmm. Because it's like a chemical, right? I don't know what I'm this. I don't even know what it is either. A steroid. Put it on him while he's sleeping. See if hair grows somewhere. Why is it funny?

Just like around his nipples. Why is it so funny? Okay, I have that ready. Any takeaways from today? A lot of takeaways, you? She's fucking awesome. Yeah. I feel proud of her.

I feel like she has been through it. She has been through it. And it was a really nice conversation to just be so open and, you know, share that, everything she shared. Yeah, she's funny and deep and, like, all the things. All the things. That I love in a person. What? Rob.

What? Rob. All the things phrase for me, you guys. We say all the things a lot? You guys say all the things a lot. We do. Yeah. All the things.

Well, because it's all the things. It's all the things. We don't want some of the things. We want all of them. Exactly. Yeah. And all I can think about is Breyer's going to have a black guy when I pick her up. All I can think about is our roast beef sandwiches.

What kind of sandwiches did we get? We got like a true like Italian every cold cut you could think of. Yes. And we got a ham and honey walnut situation. Mm-hmm. I know. Walnuts in the sandwich? No, it's like a um...

A paste. Oh, okay. You know, like a chutney of walnuts. Let's call it. Let's call it that. Do we call it up? Let's shut it up. Oh, shit.

I'm hungry. We should start a sandwich shop. called all the things. I feel like we could do better. I feel like we could come up with a much punnier name. The sandwich shop for people who really like sandwiches shop. Tell me you wouldn't try that. If you saw that, I'd be like, I have to go to that fucking sandwich shop.

It's for people who really like sandwiches. Do you agree, Rob? Because he's hard to impress. No, I would not either. If you saw. Well, it depends more than just the name. Postmates or DoorDash. Sorry.

Depends on the photos of the food. If it looked like a really good sandwich and it was like the sandwich shop for people who really like sandwiches shop. What is what tagline is that ripping off? It's like a men's warehouse tagline?

No. You've come up with that before for something else. Because that's what Jeff and I do is when we were going to, we wanted to start a center and we said it'll be the center for people who want to feel real good center.

I think it's like a Zoolanderish thing Remember when he's like Does the little Miniature thing of the school And he's like The school for people Who are going to get real smart school

We moved up to 1252 On our lunch order We have six minutes to shove that shit down our throat Seven Seven Eight You can be a few minutes late You can be a few minutes late

Not that late Kind of a few minutes So I'm worried about my kid. Are you serious? Yeah. She's okay. What are you going to be able to do for her right now? Well, I don't know. She's fine. Are you really worried about her? Well, I just think about her and like went to the office and the ice and she was crying,

couldn't have her little eye. But if you were to show up there, she's never going to learn how to deal with life. I'm just venting. I'm not going to get her. I know. But I just want to make sure she's okay. She's okay. punch Rob right under the I and C house. He does. We'll watch it and see where she's at. Okay. But she got in a fight.

Rachel wants to go. She's like, okay, guys. Okay, bye. I just feel bad. Our little parts of our souls outside of our body on their own. This is a public service announcement. Shit gets real.

Yeah, it does. It's hard. Okay, moving on. You're talking about your heavy flow. Even flow. It's actually not that heavy, but I will say period underwear is our game changers. We've talked about this, underwear's. And I have like the G-strings on now because I'm like, oh, it's super light.

Like, I'm just going to wear the thong, period underwear. but then in going to pee, I'm like... How does period underwear work? It's like the underwear material actually, like absorbs, right? Like a sponge? Yeah, like a pad, but like it's not as thick, it's just different material.

I don't know. But I don't know where it goes. And then you just like ring it out after... You wash it after. I don't... And that goes in your washing machine? Yeah. Yeah, Rob.

You wash it out in the sink and then you put it in the washer. It sounds like she does not wash it out in the sink. Not always. Oh, you don't. But I don't bleed as heavy as you. Oh, I wash it out in the scene. Yeah, I'm not like, you know, murder scene.

That seems like that would ruin a lot of pants, too. But it doesn't go through the pants. That's the thing. It's really crazy. It's like a magic underwear. We should get Natalie some. Would Natalie wear period underwear? Yeah.

She has the cup thing. Oh, she does the cup? I've never done the cup. I don't know that that would work for me. Does she like it? I mean, I think it's an environmental thing partially. So are the period underwear. Because you just wash them out.

I don't know. I wasn't down until you made me put them on. You know, my biggest pet peeve in life is full butt underwear. I hate it. Hate wearing them. We've discussed this. I know. And the period underwear is such a game changer.

Like, I will find ways to wear. I have to wear certain clothes, though. Because if I have an underwear line showing him, like, on my pants or something, I won't go, leave the house. Like, it's just like... Everyone's noticing that. It's a big deal for me. I don't know. It's some weird hang up of mine. No, it's a hang up of many masses of women.

Yeah, like if you see a woman's like underwear line, do you think, hmm, yeah. You know what I think even more peculiar than just a underwear line is when people are wearing athletic clothes, like stretch pants with underwear? I'm like, how could you even think to do that? Like, I feel like with every step I take, if I know an underwear line could be showing, I am so. hyper aware and uncomfortable. Who do you think is noticing that? Everybody. No one doesn't, Tom.

What about young girls, though? Here's a question. So, like, what about Breyer, right? Like, when she gets to age 13, 14, and she's wearing, if she wants to wear, like, tight pants, are you going to let her wear a small, you know? I will say I do notice, even now, her underwear with her laying. Look at this stupid kid in their underwear line. Do you think down on her because you can see her underwear?

Briar's always like, Mommy wears underwear that are no underwear. She's always like, your underwear, go up your butt. The underwear for people who don't like to wear underwear underwear. Yeah, I know. She's very curious. She doesn't understand, you know, because it looks so different from hers. So she's like, what it? And there's no good way to, like, have the talk of, like, why.

But it is more comfortable for me. But, like, I mean, I say that. But, you know, it's very. confusing. But why can't you just say you don't like your underwear line to show? Because you think then she's going to be like, got it, got it, got it. You don't want to do that, right? I just say it's more comfortable for Mommy.

So someone text me, and I think that it goes along with our thing. Someone texts me, fuck Mary Kill, power, money, fame. What? Yeah. Power money fame? Mm-hmm. But like that's just like a personal thing for you. answer? She asked all her friends. Willa, my little Willa. She texts me,

fuck Mary Kill, Power, Money, Fame. Oh, you're going to fuck Mary kill power, money, or fame. Yeah, what's your guys' order? I would marry money. Me too. Because I don't care so much about power. I would kill fame. 100%. I'd fuck it. Yeah. I would fuck power. I would fuck power. I'd fuck power. I don't have an intrigue with power for some reason. No, but like you don't need to like, You'd rather like fuck fame? Well, because fucking fame is like one night. Well, no. It's a one night stand.

Mary Barry one night stand. Oh, sorry, because we'd say two different ones and my brain just went. We're confused. You're going to, I see, you're going to have a one night stand with fame. Yeah. Which means you like do a little TV show and then you're done. Yeah.

Just like a rendezvous. Or you're going to fuck someone super famous. Been there, done. Yeah. the only point of fame is to get to the money part. But it's also like... So you've already got... You're married to the money. You're already married to the money, so you're just going to have...

Who cares about the fame? Power scares me, I think, a little bit more than fame. I mean, I can have a one-night stand with it. Okay. Like, you are directing your own movie. Like, that's power. It'd be fucked up if you're like, I'm going to marry power. I'm going to marry power.

I don't care if I'm poor as long as I have power. Other people marry... Willow was saying, like, some people are like, marry power, fuck money. And I'm like, no, I like money. The only reason for marrying money is for the security of it. Oh, see, for me, it's the freedom, which is security. What about you, Rachel?

I said. What are your thoughts on that? You made a look. I'm just about marrying money. Oh, no. She's like, well, I could. No. All right, guys.

Rob, do you feel complete? Do I feel complete for what? Do you feel complete? Like, you're done here? Or would you like to share something? 1253. Oh, no. This is not okay.

This is like sandwich roulette. It is like, oh, they're back. They're back. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye. That was a headgum podcast.