Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson & Olivia Allen - Kristen Bell

Episode Date: May 30, 2022

Kristen Bell [] is the very first guest to sit down with Rachel and Olivia in the Broad Ideas premiere episode. The broads discuss Kristen and Rachel’s life-changing trip to Africa, they reveal their secret to fake crying, Kristen discusses how she had the sex talk with her kids and much more.Subscribe to Broad Ideas for a jam-packed season of hot gossip, deep conversations and unfiltered girl talk.Frozen, Gossip Girl, Veronica Mars, The Good PlaceSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hax is back for its fifth and final season, and so is The Hacks podcast. Join the Hacks creators and showrunners, Lucia and Yellow, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky as they unpack the Emmy-winning comedy series. On each episode, here's stories from the set, what goes on in the writer's room, and how these beloved characters close out their final season. Watch Hax streaming exclusively on HBO Max and listen to The Hacks podcast on HBO Max, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello.

My name is Rachel Bilsen. Hello. I'm Olivia Allen. And I'm Rob. Welcome to Broad Ideas. This is our new podcast. My best friend of many, many years, Olivia, is here with me. I am here with you.

Our loving doting producer Rob over there, Wobby Wob. Yep, I'm here. Yep. Instant family, Rob. This is very exciting. I'm very excited about this podcast. Why are you so excited about it? because I get to talk to you all the time and it's recorded. So everything that we say is now

being documented as it should. We need to talk to people about the things. It's actually super cool though because our episode today, our very first episode, we're talking to someone who I love so much, so dearly, and who is also a very old friend and is someone I look up to immensely. The one and only, Ms. Kristen Bell, she is joining us today and I couldn't be more thrilled. Me too. I love her. You've known her too for a long time. Yeah. I remember the first time we met her actually. I mean, I met her. You brought her to Molo. Remember Molo with the chewy chips? They made chewy tortilla chips. They were so good. It was like in Silver Lake-ish. No, Los Vila. That's where I met her and I loved her right off the bat. You brought her and you're like here, guys. Here you go. Love her. Kee. Here's Kristen Bell. Rachel's little brain. All these thoughts are swirling, round and round inside. To join us on this journey as we take a little ride.

We'll talk about dogs and kids and things. We'll talk about chicks and tampon strings. We'll talk about... Because people die. I told Rachel, it was funny, we were messing with Rob, that, like, we've both been crying today, so don't mind if we... Oh, yeah, we were talking about, like, you're such an easy cryer. And I'm like, don't worry, she cries easy too. I was like, oh, I was like, so are we all going to cry?

Who care? Like, we might, like, listen, all emotional options are available to us at all times during the day. And I'm just tired of people saying, like, you can only have this one at this time or this one at this time. Crying behind closed doors does no one any good. Let it out when you need to let it out. I mean, you don't have the right to ruin anyone else's day with it. That's like the one caveat. Yeah. Because that's just gross. Yeah.

First of all, thank you for being here with us. I'm so happy to be here. I'm really happy to see your guys' faces. I mean, it's, I don't know. I was trying to think the last time I actually saw you and I couldn't. It's been a minute. We've been text for a while. For a long.

Yeah, it's been a very long time. So Kristen Bell, one of my most favorite, cherished, loved people in my life, who I don't see enough is here with us. And we've been friends for, I was trying to figure it out. And I feel like it was like 17 to 18 years ago was probably when we met. Yeah, yeah. Because I met you before I had my life here. I met you when I was still commuting to San Diego, doing Veronica Mars Monday through Friday, coming up on the weekends. And I didn't really have any like roots here. It was before I met my husband. It was before everything. Before everything. You were my first friend that I met and made.

in the industry, you know, when we were, you were on Veronica Mars and I was on the O.C. And I feel like we were like at the same table at some in style like viewing party or something. God knows what. We were in over our heads. Yeah, we were in over our heads, really dressed very interestingly. I feel like I have a picture somewhere. I'll have to find some time. It's like you. And you and you and you and Olivia. Oh, yes. I know exactly because I did way too many curls that night. Okay. And I remember exactly what it was. You were in lime green. I was in purple. I'm going to find this photo and let you make. make sure that it gets out there. We're going to have to. You and I and Olivia Wilde. Yeah. And Olivia looked perfect, of course. Of course. And we were friends a little before that.

Before that. Yeah. That's just like in my mind because there's a picture of it. Yeah. And I remember that night. But yes, we were friends, but I can't remember the first time. I can't remember either. I think it was probably at some point during like weird young 20 something press where

they were getting everyone out and people were doing red carpets. And I just remember gravitating towards you because I was like, oh, she's so normal and so nice. It was nerve-wracking to not know anyone and go to these, you know, I'm using air quotes, industry parties. I guess I don't need to use air quotes because they are industry parties. That's accurate. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's not another layer to it. But I gravitated towards you because I was like, oh, there's nothing to fear about this girl. Oh. And I loved you so much. And then we just kept up. Yeah, the feeling was mutual. You were always the warmest, friendliest, just open, you know. And what I always loved about you is I always looked up to you for so many reasons, right?

Just like how you handle your child. She's not just saying that. Oh, yeah, your career. But what you do with your life and the power that you have and how you use it, you know, with the philanthropy stuff and bringing me into that. Like there's so many aspects of your life that I've always looked up to. Always just envied your ease at just how you handle everything. So beautifully.

What's funny is I could say the exact same. words about you because I feel like I did not know what I was doing at any point. I barely do now. And then I met you and I was like, oh, she's so together and she's so at ease in these rooms where we're supposed to be like, that was back when you were really supposed to be like networking at these things. And I was just like, maybe if I just hitch my cart to Rachel here and just stand behind her. And then you were just so, you included me in everything. I'm just glad that it blossomed because I admired you in so many of the same ways. Oh, that is so sweet. And then we got to take so many fun trips together. Oh my God, I know. I was going to say. So we have a mutual friend, Nicole, who was wardrobe on the OC and wanted to style,

and she started styling me. And I remember introducing you to Nicole way back when. And then she started to style you as well. This was after the in-style party, clearly. But Nicole is still, like, a formidable force in my life. I mean, she was over yesterday. I work with her weekly. She's been a big part of whatever you want to call my business. Like, she is. an intense part, and I'm so glad that you made that connection. Yeah, I love all of it. But I brought her up because the three of us went on this, for me, it was a life-changing trip together. It was pretty fun. That you brought us into. We went to Africa. We went to Uganda and... We went to a few places in a short amount of time, I think. But we were in Gulu the majority of the time. I wish I remembered because

I love that continent so much. There's so much beauty there. And I've gone five times now. So the trips sometimes blur a little bit together. But we did Queen Victoria Falls, remember? Hiked that. That was when it was like super like wet and windy. Yes, the Nile, we were like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes, we did. Right. Isn't that on the Nile? No? Maybe that's something else. Well, we did. We need to look at a map is what we need to do. Anyway, we were there. There was water. It was beautiful. We were hiking, but it was just the coolest experience. And I brought up earlier, I know you remember this. There was an outhouse. Oh, I remember. It talks my dreams. I was trying to like remember in detail.

You probably remember better than I. Yeah, I had to go wee-wee. And I went into the porta-potty. And you and Nicole decided it would be a really fun idea to push it over. Whose idea was that? I feel like that's probably Nicole driven. For sure. Like she just was like, hey, let's push this out.

She would be like, well, they also knew I got scared really easily. not, like scared. Like, when I'm startled, I cry, like, immediately. It just opens up my tear ducts. And I, yeah. And then I'm just, like, bawling. Like, if you were to jump out from behind this wall, for no reason, 100% I would be crying. And I don't know what. And it's just a, it's a, it's a physiological reaction. I can't control it. And I remember you guys went on the side and, like, push it over. And Kenny was there. Kenny Lab on here. And push it. It didn't tip. But I screamed so loud and came out and was just sobbing. Oh, it was wonderful. I love tricks, though. I love Prince. I love sex. Does that help? Like, would you give that to someone in acting? Like,

if you need to get somewhere in a scene, are you like, okay, this is a really heavy scene. I'm going to need someone to jump out somewhere and to get me there? Or can you just cry no matter what? Well, weirdly, I can cry no matter what. I think I actually have accessed a way to, I'm a very technical actor. I'm not very methody. Sometimes rarely when I really need to like get into a place if it's a way to. really heavy, like, set of scenes. But if it's just like you have to cry at the end of the scene, I'm not going to ruin, oh, this is so awful to say. I'm not going to, like, ruin my whole day, like trying to get there using air quotes again. Yeah. And I just, I can open my tear ducks. So I'm faking it 100%. This might come as a shock, but all the acting I've done has been fake. Fake pretend. They pretend. Yeah. I learned that really young. That was like my trick as a kid,

like my party trick. They'd be like Olivia cry on cue. You can do that? Yeah. I thought you were about to bust it out right now. I was about to. It's always like right there ready to go. Right, right. But I learned as a kid if I started to trick my body physiologically that then the tears would come.

100%. The body thinks it's real. Yes. And that was something I would do. Like the family would gather around and be like, can you cry? And I was like, that was their entertainment. Right. And I would start it putting it.

You just felt it didn't you? I just felt it too. I'm like, we could go there. It's crazy. Yeah. So I didn't know, though, if you used that scare tactic. No, I don't do a ton of method stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm with you there. I've never... I see how it's beneficial. 100%. And everybody's different. Everybody has their own... For sure.

But to be honest, that's why I like doing comedy stuff because I am so much more about my experiential self. Like, what am I experiencing today? What am I bringing home? What is my attitude? How do I feel today? Doing something really, really heavy. I did a lot of heavy stuff.

when I was in New York and early on in my career, and I was just like, I'm not as happy. Because when you go to a set and you're making a comedy, chances are you're laughing all day. If you're making a good one. You should be laughing all day. And I like that feeling. And I like bringing that home. And so, I mean, it's certainly important in any story that you're telling that it's not just all surface that there's some strength to it and it's grounded and stuff.

And there's reality. And reality is sad emotions exist. But I'm attracted to comedy because I like having a good. day and like that on sense. You're really funny. You're really funny. That helps. Well, and we just, you know, we watched your most recent show, which was so awesome. It was fucking amazing. You were so incredible in it. Just every moment and like all the things that were so heightened. It worked just flawlessly. And I was so entertained. I'm so glad that you say that because I don't know that I've ever taken a bigger risk than that project in my life. And I mean, this is like artsy-fartsy-fartsy-ta

But the reality is, if you're going to tell a story, you better know that it works. Yeah? Now, I've known these writers for a while. They're groundlings, writers, Rachel Hugh and Larry, and they're very, very smart. And I have worked with them before. So I knew we'd have fun, which is my first tick the box. Am I going to take this job? Like, well, I have fun with these people.

Is there a no jerk's policy? Is this going to be a nice set? And then Rachel Ramris, in particular, was obsessed with all these novels, you know, the woman under the floor boards or whatever, the man in the attic. And so she was just like, this formula works. well, it's time to poke fun at it. When I read it, it was really funny to me, but I wasn't watching it. I was just reading like the treatments. And when it came into script form and I was having to act some of these scenes, particularly with Tom Riley, who was my counterpart across the street, we were like,

as actors were supposed to say, this line is bad. Is there anything else I could say that's maybe not so on the nose? Like, that's what you do when you think a line is bad or doesn't feel good in your mouth. And every time Rachel was like, I'm sorry, we're not going to change it because you have to let the genre be the joke here. And you just have to say it. And so Tom and I felt like awful actors the whole time. Oh my God. We felt awful because we were like, we're not playing it funny. And it just feels weird and like not real. And she's like, that's it. That's it. And we were like, are you sure this is going to work? She was like, trust me, it will work. And then when I saw it all put together, I was like, oh, she was right. The genre is bulletproof. If you've got a mystery,

people will watch. You just need it. You need a mystery. You need a reddit. Herring, you need a conclusion that's crazy. But I was very nervous up until I saw the cuts if the show would actually work. And then for a minute, they wanted to change the title just to the woman in the house. And I said, under no circumstance, I'll die on this hill. This is the hill I'm going to die on. You have to have it be the woman in the house across the street from the girl in the window because that's such a stupid title that gives you zero information and has way too many words. That's a joke. You have to let people know what it is. They're watching. Because otherwise they could take it seriously and think this is just like a bad lifetime movie.

Right. My husband and my husband never watches TV, really, because he doesn't like to watch anything unless he's learning. He's like super. That's usually how I am. I'm like a documentary or stand-up comedy. He's like, I want to either laugh or learn. He wants something valuable from his time. Yeah, he's a frontline guy, a 60 Minutes guy.

You know, he's like, if I'm not getting anything from it, it's a waste of my time. I could be reading a book. So I said, will you watch the show with me? He likes you. It's funny. I was like, do you find her attraction? He's like, no, gross. No, he's like, I, I, because he's tough. He is very honest. He's really tough and honest. And he's like, I really do. And I was like, you little slut. Anyways, but he kept pausing it and looking at me and being like, what's going on. Yes. What's, like, how are, like, where are we going with this? Is this real? Is this not real? And I'd be like, just unfucking pause it. Just unpauseing.

just unpause it. And he got so addicted that he watched the whole thing. And I was like, that's a good sign when you have an intellectual watching it and they can't stop. That makes me really, really happy

because it certainly was not a show you could learn from. It was meant to be an entertainment dump of like, let's just poke fun at something we all know and love, which is this genre of thrillers, psychological thrillers,

the ones particularly that are written, by women for women. And let's just see what kind of fun we can have with it. Yeah. And then we paused it and then we said, so should we do what they just did when you did the on the stairs, on the kitchen counter. Oh my God. That was been fun. Okay. We learned something. It was okay. On the stairs. Yeah. The stairs. We don't have stairs. I was like, there's like little stairs outside of our house. Should we? No, don't do it. That's the point is like who would do that on the stairs? Who would have that level of intimacy on the stairs when it's like, I mean, the only other time I saw it happen was in a history of violence. They were having sex on the stairs.

And I was like, I paused it at that moment. I was like, no, no one would do that. No one would do that. But it was like about the violent aspect of it anyway. Right. Right. And you did. And you looked so fucking amazing.

I was very. Thank you. I was eating nothing but cottage cheese. Yeah. Clearly. Yeah. No. You looked amazing.

But it was just like high protein. keep me full. That's it. But it brings up something else I wanted to talk to you about because there's something very present with me right now. Okay, so being a mom and an amazing mom that you are and working about yourself. Well, she's allowed to say that about herself. I hope she does. Yeah, you know, but working and doing what we do and juggling that, you know, as a mom, you know, you're the leading your shows and the hours and the time it takes and stuff, but juggling that and how you deal with that and the mom guilt and stuff because I'm currently struggling with accepting a show

doesn't shoot here in Vancouver and all that comes with it. But I'm freaking out about the mom aspect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At was, you should be because your heart is tethered to another heart that's walking outside your body. It's an important thing to consider. I mean, I don't know that there's any balance to it. What I try to do is I was sick of feeling like when I was at work, I was just looking at pictures of my kids on my phone, wanting to be there. And when I was at home, I was feeling like a drive to be creative and career-oriented because at home stuff can sometimes be annoying. You could label it as annoying if that's the frame you're looking through. If those are the lenses you have on your eyes. And I decided a couple years ago that I had to switch those.

And that had to be an active choice I was making to be like, when I'm at work, I will soak up all this adult energy. I will be present and creative. And yes, I will still miss, my kids, but then when I'm at home, I drop everything. Right. I drop everything. I don't shower. If that 30 minutes away from my kid is going to, if they want to play Legos or something, I go, okay, well, but this is my time to be completely like eyes on the prize, this little person who I'm trying to engage with and see what emotion they're trying to work through because they're, you know, especially the young ones, they're trying on all these emotions that don't yet fit. Because they're feeling feelings. And they just.

just want to see, they're like puppies, like when puppies play fight. It's because they want to feel like what a cortisol burst is like if they're ever in the wild and have a fight. And kids do that. They do it with tantrums. They do it at how much is this person going to pay attention to me? And so I realized when I came home, I had to really just drop all of my own priorities and give close to 100% to my kids. And that was hard because then there's this idea of, you know, there's a lot of different definitions of self-care and some I agree with and some I don't. But the idea of going home and taking care of myself, I was like, no, I have to look at me going to work as taking care of myself. And when I'm at home, my job is them because my bones are telling me that's

why we're on planet Earth is to help these future people. So I don't know if that accurately described it, but I don't do a ton of things for myself at home. I'm really just a witness to my child's experience, if that makes sense. Yeah. But I get a lot of self-esteem from that. But I get a lot of self-esteem from that so it doesn't feel like I'm empty after I do it. Like we wake up in the morning and if I want to sleep in, I will still sleep in, but then I ask them what they want to do because I'm very into child-led play. Like rather than me suggesting something, they know we have art supplies. They know we have Legos. They know we've got a swing in the back. Like, what do you want to do? And I just kind of pour myself into them because I also feel really, really lucky that I have those two outlets because not a lot

of people do. And I look at women who are working and don't have child care because Dax's sister helps us with the kids. So I'm always able to lean on her. And I just think single moms and parents that don't have child care are incredible superheroes because I do have like a backup. Right. Yeah, you have a strong support system. Yeah. And yeah. And that's the thing is like the reality is when I'm working, because I have the financial means to have an assistant who can help me schedule things, that means I'm not going home and scheduling. And that is such a privileged thing because anyone in any other job who can't have an assistant doesn't have the ability to come home and be like, I'm going to pour 99% of myself and in my kids right now. Right. So that's the way

I do it, but I also recognize how privileged my situation is. Sure. But have your girls like ever expressed anything to you when you're working a lot? Like, does that weigh on you? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. But there was this New York Times article a long, long time ago about mom guilt and how you can feel guilty. And then your kids will also sort of give you guilt trips. But when they grow up, having seen a woman who was career-driven will actually be really good for them particularly if they're young women, I mean, and young boys. And I really took that to heart. And so when they have big feelings about me going to work and I know it's going to be a long day, I sit them down and I say, yeah, I know it sucks.

I'm going to miss you too. The reality is like, what makes you happy? And they're like, oh, my current dolls or whatever. What makes you happy playing soccer outside in the yard? I'm like, yeah, when you do that, you're not with mommy, but it fills your heart up. And that's the same thing for me when I go to work. And it's not that I'm choosing something over you. It's that I need a couple different things in my life to keep me balanced.

It's like I work out not for my body but for my brain. Same. Crazy if I don't. I try to witness what they're going through. I hate it too. I don't like being away from you. But it doesn't mean I love you any less because I also want this thing. You're going to want conflicting things in your life as well.

You're going to want time away from me soon in five years. You're going to be away from me. And they're like, yeah, right. And I'm like, yeah, but when you want that, I'm going to respect that. And you can go up in your room and listen to your music and have five hours of privacy because you think I'm annoying. Like you don't have to be next to someone to love them. Right. Can you sit my daughter down and you just have the conversation?

Sure. It is hard because the other thing is they're really good at trapping you into these little like emotional pools where you want to help them through this emotion. But I like to walk them through the emotion and sort of honor and everything that they're feeling. And I don't mean that in like a very woo-woo way. Like just genuinely recognizing like if someone's feeling sad or mad that you're leaving, they're allowed to be. Exactly. And this isn't like a, we don't need to sit around and sing about it. But like, yeah, you're

totally allowed to be mad at me right now. Absolutely allowed to be mad at me. And I still love you. And I still love you. And I will be home. And I wonder what you could figure out is fun to do without me here. I mean, it's really complicated. It depends on each of the kids. But yeah, I just think talking to them about it with a sense of reality and autonomy is vital. Because otherwise, you're creating a fantasy world for them where it's like, me wishes she didn't have to go away and I love you so much and I don't want to do. I mean, and sometimes that's the situation at work. You can say I don't want to be there. But I just think you have to be honest about your reality and my reality is that I do like going to work and I tell my kids that. Yeah, I think I've heard Drew Barrymore say that before or something like how she

puts it to her daughters is I love going to work. I don't like being away from you, but it was important for her to be like, I get to work and mommy get, you know, in which I think was a positive spin on it. It is because they're under a state of hypnosis. Right. And everything you're putting in them, they're absorbing. And so you also have to be mindful of like taking responsibility for like, what am I imprinting in these tiny brains? Because that is your responsibility as a parent. And if you're saying, I really have to do this thing I hate doing because I just wish I could be with you, you're teaching them that that's a relationship between work and I'm going to go struggle and do this thing even though I don't want to. That's what they're going to build into their

constitution. Versus when you're sitting with them and you take five minutes and you go, fine, I will be, I'll be 10 minutes late this morning. Why? Because she's having a big emotion and I'm going to sit here. And that's what I mean about being 99% available to them. I have been late for work because there has been a weird, rocky emotion that one of my children was feeling. And I have sat down on the ground and said, I am going to bear witness to what you're going through. I'm not going to change my construct of my day. Like, I'm still going to go. to work because I also don't think it's a bad thing for children to know that they don't get everything they want.

And particularly, again, this lens of privilege that I know I'm looking through, especially my kids who have a very cushiony life. Like, it is okay for them to feel that big emotion. I just have to allow them to have it and say, I'm going to sit with you for a couple minutes. And I often ask them, like, how many minutes do you need? And they know they can go between one and five. Like, I need you to stay five.

I need you to hold me for five minutes. And they just like will be sad and then I will go to work. But what I'm showing them is a woman who has a career making a very complicated decision and balancing it the best she can to fit her needs. Like I'm showing them, yeah, hard decisions exist. And I'll have to sometimes tell you no. And I'm not going to act like I don't like work. Yeah.

But I'm still going to cherish the feelings you're having. Right. Well, because more is caught than taught, too, right? Yeah. So they're watching that. And I know on the opposite end, Rachel and I talk about this because it's been hard for me as someone who really wanted a career. And it didn't quite go the way I really wanted it.

And that was deeply painful. And then just being with the children, it was like there was this gigantic pull to create something else. And the guilt of that of like, I can be with them 24 hours. And I don't want to be. You know what I mean? Like I really want that creative fulfillment and career and all of that stuff. And Rachel being like, and I want to be with my daughter.

And us being like, let's freaky Friday and trade positions for a minute. And then she asked me to marry her husband. And then I said, I knew it up to have sex with chat. And that's going to be weird. But I'll go do the show. And you go do the kids. And so I think that on either end as a parent, not just a mom, but as a parent. parent, the feeling of guilt always is going to want to come up. Always. And that's why I found the best

trick is to say, I control my feelings. My feelings do not control me. That's one thing I say to my kids a lot. I say, I see you're having a big feeling right now and we can let it out. But remember, you are in control of your feelings. Your feelings are not in control of you. So anytime you want to put this feeling down, you can. You might not want to for a while. Right. It might be too strong. but knowing that I had to make the active decision to love when I was at work, be grateful for it, and then love when I was at home and be grateful for it. I think it's a great mentality. I mean, it helps me mentally because it's just so conflicting. And the last time I did work that much, Briar was only three. So, like, that was so hard

because she was so young and it's harder to talk when they're three and, like, explain working and stuff. And I would come up with things to try to put a positive spin on it. Like, if I was going to be gone when she woke up in the morning, there'd be a treasure map and she'd have to go find things. And, you know, so there was a positive association. Like, if mommy was gone, there are these things, which it's conflicting. I think, no, but I think that's great, though, because you're taking an experience that she might have checked off in her head as negative and you're making it positive. I'm, like, all about that positive psychology. Until it turns into, like, here's the big Reese's at the end of the structure. Sure, sure, sure. Until it turns into your feelings and then we have

to backtrack a little bit. One of my favorite things too is like with kids and feelings, because I notice so many times people are like, oh, don't cry. I'll be back. Or it's okay. I've heard for a long time now through my mentor, she's always like, we feel our feelings so we don't become our feelings. Oh, right? We feel sad so we don't become depressed. We feel upset so we don't become angry. And like kids are allowed to feel upset, sad, pissed, pissed, mad, bad, That you're gone. And our job is to give, like, this is what Bray Brown's big thing is, like, give language to that.

Yes. Like, once you have the language to describe how you're feeling or at least label it in your head, it's just a lot easier to get through because it never goes away. So, like, there's never really a balance. And I think a ton of people learned by metaphor. That's something Jonathan Haidt says all the time. Like, I just read that happiness hypothesis. And he talks about people learning from metaphor because you actually, you can't take in new information or new theories until you're really. relating it to something that you previously know, right? Like you don't start with addition and then

move on to calculus. You've got to work through all the steps in between and you get there based on something else. So using metaphors with kids, any way you're able to give them language to digest an emotion that is a tiny bit higher than what they're feeling. And it's not always going to be right. Sometimes you're going to walk out the door and they're still going to be crying. And that is okay. It is okay. It's really hard to say. But like my husband always says, no one who grew up with any sense of like, and it has good character, went like, oh my God, my childhood, it was a breeze.

It was perfect. I got everything I wanted. My parents were super nice all the time. It was like perfect. No complaints. Nobody says that who has any good character. Right. I agree.

Kids are supposed to be anti-fragile. They're supposed to be, which is like one step further than resilience. Like you could be affected by everything, and then everything just wounds you. You could be resilient where it bounces off. off you, or you could be anti-fragile, which is what human beings are at their core, which is you take a negative experience and you learn from it and you either operate differently

in the future or you protect yourself from it or you learn how to work through it. Right. How much of your husband's sobriety leaks in, because I'm sober coming on 11, no, over 11 years. Congratulations. Thank you. That's a big accomplishment. It's the biggest accomplishment of my life and then my kids and all of that. But I wouldn't have it without that.

That's right. It has to be the number one. And I feel like the world at large needs it. Like, not about the substance, but the offerings that come with it. I believe that the 12 steps should be taught in elementary school. Don't you? I think they are the biggest game changer in the whole world. I have no substance abuse problems. I have no addiction to anything except sleep.

Because I'm a self-diagnosed hypersomniac. I think I need nine to ten hours and I don't care what any sleep specials. tells me this what I need. I do too. Yeah. But what those 12 steps do to your personality, when you have a roadmap to make a fierce moral inventory, to make amends, to challenge yourself, it is life-changing. Right. Life-changing. And always looking for your part in everything. Like anytime anyone comes to me, I'm like, okay, that's great. That's on their side of the street. What's your part? If you have a resentment, you have a part, period. We have in our family. So I created this thing called the Family Triangle or the

the family square. And when dad's there, it's the family square. And otherwise a family triangle, anyone's allowed to call it at any time. It is an incredibly safe space. And the only things you're allowed to say in that space are what you did wrong. Wow. So, I mean, you don't have to. You can also leak into like, she made me feel this way, et cetera. As long as you're using language that I feel isn't going to lead us down the wrong path into negativeville. But like when we call a family triangle, like my eight-year-old calls them all the time. And she'll start out and she'll go, will she just, and I go, wait, wait, wait, we will deal with her side of the street. That's right. With her. What is your side of the street? And we talk about sides of the street all the time. It is

the best metaphor. Yes. There we go. For children to learn from, I think, because it gives them a roadmap to what they're actually supposed to accomplish to keep their brains tidy. And there's also this other metaphor that I love. We were reading Peter Pan, the original, like the book. And I was like, Oh my God, why do I not read more Jamberry? Because it's so good. And the mom is saying, every night, Mrs. Darling sneaks into the kids' heads and tidies up their brains. And she tidies everyone's heads while they're sleeping. And so my kids, when we were reading it, looked at me and they go, do you do that? And I was like, absolutely every night. I'd say I hadn't read it before that moment. But I said, every night I come in there and I said, yeah, sometimes with you, I see a lot of,

like, you know what grenades are? Because my will blow them with a lot of anger issues. I was like, I see grenades everywhere. So I take them and I try to shrink it with my hands. I throw the ones out that I need to and put the rest in a bottom drawer. So you don't have to deal with them the next day. And I just tidy up your whole head. And then the other one, I'm like, and I see a lot of worries all over. So I sweep them up and I throw them in the dustbin. And so you can wake up fresh. Now that's also another metaphor on top of something we say, which is everything looks better in the morning. But they don't want to hear, that's hard to conceptualize. But when I say, hey, tonight, let me tidy up your head. That's so good. See, I told you I might cry. Don't do that.

I need to use that. For me, it's just telling them. Can you use that on like X's? You sure can. First of all, I was in your head last night and the shit that I saw was messy. But yeah, I think the 12 steps are an absolute game changer for everyone. I think it keeps people so accountable. And accountability is not something that humans naturally gravitate towards because everything happens to us. Right. Everything is happening to us all the time. And I just think that's a fucking cop out. Well, it is, but nobody taught us that right? And that's the thing is that my background I studied recently, spiritual psychology.

And in that, we're taught that everything that you perceive is 100% your responsibility. And I'm learning this at what, like 30 or something. when I first started studying it. And I'm like, why isn't this in school? Why don't they teach us how to deal with our brains that are inside of our heads? They do physical activities. They teach us about history and math. But they don't teach us about what's going to control.

Actually benefit. Well, that has to do with like a whole, well, first of all, that's public school systems. That has to do with like evolution groups, societies, cultures. Once you get them really big, it's hard for everyone to agree on something. So you have to keep it at the baseline, which is. like maybe let's just cover math and science, I guess, because not everybody buys into the rest. But when you do, it's like why you look for the language in your household and pay attention to it. It's why you look for after-school activities like the Girl Scouts that are building community and, you know, reverence for something.

And it's why you try to culture your kids sort of outside the school district that they're in, if they're in public. Or you look for something if you can afford something private or find a charter that you love that has like, like, Like, we go to a charter that I love and I'm on the board of and they have a weekly meditation class, the young ones, and they have a weekly, like, breathing class where they simply learn. It sounds woo-woo when you look at it on paper. And then my kid comes home and she's having a tantrum and she goes, hold on, I just need to do a box breath. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's why the skill set exists. Right.

Because our physiology needs to be calmed and regulated. Like Oprah knows that's science. That's not woo-woo. I know. That's the crazy thing. It's not woo-woo. It's not the witches. It's not. It's physiological.

It's straight science. It is our amygdala grabbing a ton of information before it hits our frontal cortex. That's right. And deciding to base it on old patterns like, oh, this is going to be scary. Well, it's like, no, just calm yourself down and see if it is scary. See if it relates to something you previously had an experience with. Like brain science, I love so, so, so so much. But also the 12 steps.

Do you know what? I was in an Allen on meeting a couple weeks ago. Oh, good. I was going to ask you about that. I wanted to know if you did I have a qualifier. I have to. You have a major qualifier. Yeah. But I was in a meeting and I love them. And the Zoom with Allen. By the way, you fully do not have to have a qualifier to go to Alon. I think everyone should go. I know. I've thought about that before, you know. It's an incredibly helpful community. It has a one hour meeting that follows a very strict process. There is no leader. There are readings that could apply to everyone. And I've really liked going to these meetings in Ireland. because you can go on Zoom and I go in at 11 a.m. and it's like 5 p.m. their time. And I love the accents.

And it's like eight or nine people or 20 people or however many. But everyone, now, first of all, I think being able to hear other people's stories is really, really important. You have to open your eyes to as many stories as possible. I think that's what makes a good human being. Like stay aware of other people and their struggles. But also being able to talk about your own because in Al-Anon meetings, it's not really supposed to be a venting situation. It's a little bit more supposed to be like a family triangle. You're supposed to say what the problem is and then how you related to it because it's all about forward processing. And someone said in the other day that I think I'm going to tattoo onto my forehead,

you are not responsible for your first thought, but you are responsible for your first action and your second thought. That's right. Wow. Wow. It's the truth. What? I know. That's just like, you're not responsible for your first thought, but you are responsible for your first action and your second thought.

And in my mind went into outer space. Yeah. When I heard that. I want to go to a meeting with you because I've been going to Allen on my whole life on and off. But I feel like you could go. I mean, after, yeah. You have qualifiers.

You have qualifiers. I do. For sure. And it teaches you, too, how to like, not. be codependent. Yeah. And how to not be a victim of circumstance or people, situations, institutions. Like, it's about what you can control.

Yeah. To say, okay, I cannot control what's outside of me. I can only control my reaction to it. The best way I know to describe it is it teaches you how to reallocate your energy. Mm-hmm. I think. And like, I don't go regularly either. Like sometimes I'll go a ton and then other times I'll skip a couple months.

But like, it's always there. which is really a peaceful feeling. And it really helps me reallocate my energy because we waste so much energy on things we cannot control. And then we ask, why do I feel so depleted? Yeah. What are you talking about? Because you spent six hours today thinking about something you couldn't control.

What if you took that six hours of energy and put it into yourself or decided to put it into your relationship with your kid? Yeah, it's just constant. Your mind and the stories. it's telling you and everything. Yeah. And like for me always, it's just the fear and that's what comes up. And that's what you have to like work on, you know, and therapy's helped a lot.

And Al-Anon, I'm sure it's like a form of therapy, you know, and learning from other people's experiences and stuff. Yeah, I guess I do have some qualifiers now I think about it. Yeah. Of course, you too. Also, CBT, do you know anything about CBT? No. Cognitive behavioral therapy.

Yeah. I love it. I love it. I love it. You do it to yourself and it's really easy. And I feel like I was doing it before I even knew what. it was. I do suffer with anxiety and depression a lot. The way I'm able to right size my brain is by writing it down and go like, well, I'm aware of how you're feeling this morning. Kristen, let's put it on

paper and see if you're in. And then it's all pros. And like, I can't think of cons other than I feel depressed. And I'm like, well, this is in your brain. This is a trick that's happening to you because you have your health and you have your family and you have all these good things. And sure, there could be lengthy list of cons, but I guarantee you the pros are more. And when you have a specific situation, like, let's say you were stood up on a date or something, you would have to write down, like, how you felt about that. I'm a loser. No one wants to date me. And then you have to make an argument, can anyone make a reasonable argument against this? Well, you're not a loser. And what could have happened is his car could have broken down or her car could have broken down. Or they could have just not

been interested. Have you ever not been interested in someone? Oh, yeah, there was that guy and he was lovely. Like, you just talk, it's basically talking yourself out of it, but there's a label that you have to give it, like, catastrophizing or there's like 10 or 15 labels. And it really puts it into a box for me and helps me. I talked myself out of this bigger feeling that I didn't have to own. What about when it's not connected to anything, though? So, like, for me, suffering from depression on and off for many years, and I know you have, and I know it runs in your family. But it's interesting because, like, if you hadn't been vocal about it, never would have known. that you were dealing with that, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, I very much believe in

cosmetic psychopharmacology. So do I? Yeah, I mean, which is, if you need a pill, take a pill. Right. I also believe that a lot of the big pharma are the devil and I also believe that things are over prescribed. So this is not like a vote of confidence. Like everyone should be on a pill. But I think that if you are, well, first of all, you have to be seeing someone. That's why doctors have to prescribe medicine because they have to make sure that what they're assessing, it would actually benefit you. But people have been on an antidepressant for three months of their life and never needed it again because they were going through a phase. They've needed someone like me, I needed it my whole life. My brain does not produce enough serotonin. And serotonin is a happiness

feeling similar to dopamine and oxytocin, but can't sort of get it as readily unless you're getting it from carbs or chocolate. And that's not an okay road. So yeah, I depend on it. And I feel like myself when I'm on it. And I don't feel shame about it. here's another for you. Would you ever deny a diabetic their insulin? Never. Right. No, it'd be like part of the process. Yeah, I'm a big supporter. I've seen it help people that I'm closest to for most of my life, really. And I had an even more personal experience with it in recent years. Someone, you know, it was like I was in really close proximity to it. Seeing someone go through it, I found myself depressed for the first time in my life. Sure. I didn't know how to cope. I was grieving. Like, went through a really crazy process

and also felt that I had gained anxiety in myself, like, learned behavior. Emotions are contagious. I had never been an anxious person, anxiety, and even since that, and granted, we've been going through a pandemic and that had a lot to do with it, and that's brought up a lot of things in people. I've been that way for, like, the past two years and these anxieties and panic attacks and all these things that I never dealt with prior to being exposed to it at that level, which was really interesting to me. And now I'm like, God damn it,

like, can't we just like go back and it would be a lot easier? But I've learned a lot. And I have this empathy and a different understanding for that whole side of things and best friends that have been dealing with it. Mentally ill for a long time. Hey, yo.

Basically. We're here for you, girl. But we're on the solution side. Yeah, and seeing how beneficial all of that is. I have a question on that really quick. Do you think that, because as you're saying that, I'm always putting the pieces together with her. This is what we do is put the pieces together.

But as you experience that, right? Like if everything we experience externally is a direct reflection of what we experience internally, chicken or egg. Like I wonder if I was always that way. Or if it was maybe wanting to surface and you didn't yet have an out left for it. Well, clearly I have it in. Because then you brought that in, like, so that you could bring it to the surface and deal with it. Yes. So thank you.

This is what I do with any problem is you start from the solution and you work backwards. Because when you're in the problem, you can never see anything clearly. Like your whole windshield is foggy. So you go like, okay, well, what's the solution? The solution is I feel good. And then you backtrack. And you can write it down on a pad of paper or do it in your brain. What's your backtrack?

Okay, well, backtrack is that I found a solution. Okay, well, what are the tributaries where I could find the solution? I could talk to a therapist. I could get more exercise. I could be on a pill. I could like all these things. And then you explore all of them and see which one leads to your solution. Rather than saying, what do I do, what do I do? What do I do? Which can be an endless loop. You start with what's the solution. I feel good every day when I wake up. I don't have depression and then work backwards. Right. One of the things I do myself and I always say is give yourself a set time to lick your wounds. And I'll do that. When something hurts me, I'm not trying to jump to feel.

feeling good when I'm not ready. And so I'll say, okay, you have two days to lick your wounds, to feel sad, to be as in it as you need to be. Day three, one action step towards solution. Yeah. And you know who's probably not going to have to do that? Our kids, because we are trying to be the type of mothers who are allowing them to feel it. And they won't actually have to go through that step program because they will know, I'm so sorry, I just need to feel right now. I need to lick my wounds and then I'll be out in a minute after I felt this so that I don't become this. Right. Giving them the tools that sure would have been helpful. It's so hard for humans to have to do it. We're born with this an itty-bitty tiny toolbox and we just

accumulate tools our whole life and it does make it better. Well also, you know, you've been so transparent with your kids like very vocally and even. Oh yeah, they know everything. They know too much. They know too much. They know too much. Well, yeah. Mine too. But you know, My friend the other day was like, so her seven-year-old finally asked them about babies and where they come from and that whole conversation. And I remember like you openly talking about how you had the conversation with your kids and my vagina. Yeah. So I said. Yeah.

My vagina is where you came from. But yeah. I was like, so what did you do? She's like, I told her the whole thing. Daddy's penis and mom's vagina. And she's like, do you guys do it in the shower? And she's like sometimes, but usually we're in bed, you know, in just a very sex positive open conversation. wherever we want. Right. On the stairs. On the stairs. Good callback. You know the one thing that I think

this was Michelle Monahan who told me this, but she said that when you're having the sex talk, the one word you should change to make it even more sex positive is rather than saying, and then the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina, you say, and then the woman takes the man's penis and puts it in her vagina. And all of a sudden you've completely changed the power dynamic for the woman hearing that story. Wow. So the woman. So, She welcomes that and takes it in herself. Yeah? There's also a great book that goes into way too much detail.

But it's called like the wonderful truth about where babies come from or something like that. But we have been reading it a lot. And my girls are just absolutely in stitches over the fact that they're going to have armpit hair. What age did you start talking to them about sex? Whenever they asked. Okay. So you were on even if that, because I feel like Breyer asked when she was younger. Yeah.

And I didn't, you know, know how to really talk. about it. Here's how we handled it when the three-year-old said it or something. We started talking about it. Well, Daddy has a sperm and Mommy has an ovum. And at that point, she was like, this is so boring. I'm going to go outside. And then I nipped it in the bud. Oh, wait. Actually, Jeff did explain that. My husband's a doctor. So he went into very deep detail. They get so bored. Yeah. But no, my son is really scientific. So he came and explained it to me. He's like, did you know that I have sperm inside of me? And I was like, I did. I knew this.

I knew this information. But he wanted to like explain it to you. But I don't think he got to the like penis in the vagina part. But I also think that it's really important, again, to like give them a little bit more context about how it's relative. And daddy and I do this because we have those feelings towards each other. There are feelings that we each get in our private parts for each other. Oh.

And we also get it in our brains and in our belly. And when in our bellies, it feels like butterflies. And in our brains, it feels, well, they know what oxytocin is or dopamine. But it's gross to you and it's boring to you or it feels weird because you don't have those feelings yet. But remember how you weren't interested in swimming and then you got interested in swimming. You'll hit a point where you're starting to have those feelings. And it's going to feel like butterflies are in your stomach and it's going to feel like your crotch is on fire. And it's going to feel like a whole bunch of things like that.

And they're like, really? And I'm like, yeah. And the reason that we have different perspectives about this when we're having this conversation is because I have those feelings to daddy. And you haven't had that feeling towards anyone yet. Right. So when you hit it, this will make a lot more sense. Right. And are you sure they haven't?

Because like my son gets... Oh, no, for sure. They're all over there. Oh, my God. Their fingers are everywhere. Yeah. Because my son has crushes and like he'll make jokes about like, oh, when, you know, he's given me little insight. How old is he?

Six. Well, in my six-year-old, who does definitely talk about crushes, I think it's way more learned behavior. You do? Yeah, of like, who you're going to marry? But then I think when they're like going to bed at night and their hand is in their underwear, that I don't think is learned. I think they're going like, huh, I'm having this weird sensation down here. And if I push on it, it feels kind of nice. Yeah.

But see, I'm not sure with Elliot if it's learned because he'll indicate to us something. Like he'll talk about someone and he'll be like, well, Izzy doesn't like me. And then his whole face will turn red and he'll get weird. And like, it's obvious. You know what I mean? But we're not like, oh, do you like Izzy? Do you have a crush on her? You know?

But like you see a different physical reaction in him. Well, I think like human beings are meant to procreate, right? It's like what. So I think that it can be the kernel of the feeling. But like the way we describe it when we talk. about, we tell kids about sex and we say everybody gets nude and then someone goes inside someone else. They're like, what the fuck are you talking about right now? And so I think like they would look at us like, you have the desire to do that with dad? And I'm like, that's why I said, well,

yeah, and when you grow older, you will also have the desire to do that with someone. Right. With weird people. Yeah, with anyone you want. And as long as you are safe and healthy and don't get pregnant, you're welcome to. You know, it is a weird thing. thing they'll all be in like a random place like full of people and I'll just be like, that's so weird. All these people get naked and have sex. Like they all do. Like go into the bank, go into the DMV. Like, isn't that a little bit weird?

That everyone has sex? When you're thinking about it for sure. I mean, if they're lucky. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I think it's very rare that people don't want to have sex. Yeah. I think another important thing that I have found with my girls is like,

in order to stay sex positive and not make any shame around it, particularly because like the shame is the worst when you have a kid that's an adolescent that's really horny that has somehow been shamed and then they feel like a failure. Yeah, that is not cool. I think that makes me sick. It makes me so sad. But like when we talk to them about sex, then you always say, and sometimes it leads to a baby because that's how we got here, right?

That's, you were asking how you got here. It led to a baby. I always tack on. Now, sex also feels really good. and that is our evolutionary biology to continue doing it so we continue having humans. Dax is an anthropologist, so he describes a lot of different evolutionary and cultural things to them. So they know that you have to procreate to keep your species. So the desire is something that feels really fun and you want to do it, but you don't always have to make a baby.

Now, in our societies, there are ways to stop a baby where you could be on birth control. Mommy was on birth control for all of her 20s. There are things. things called a condom, which make the sperm not meet the egg. There are many different ways where you can not have a baby at all, and you still get the fun experience with someone. Right. And you're having all of those conversations now. Unfortunately, yes. Wow. Yeah, I mean, I lost my virginity at 14, and I think for me, I grew up in a household with a mom who was very open, sexually, too much, you know, describing, you know, eating people out and like all those not me. She wasn't describing herself eating people out. Let me be clear. But even if she was,

that'd be great. But like having all those conversations with me really young and like knew the night I lost my virginity and like all of that, it was helpful to have an open dialogue, not wanting to hear it, just like you're saying, like, okay, that's enough. Like, it's boring or whatever it is. But I had the information. She put me on birth control really young. But it was nice to have that and to have the education behind it, so knowing kind of what I was getting into, which, you know, didn't lead to babies till much later. You were armed with the information. And like what you were saying, like, there is a spectrum of people. There are people who want to have sex like all the time. And then there are people who have sex more rarely. Your sexual

drive is different. Yeah. So again, to not pigeonhole, I try to add in the end of those conversations like, and then sometimes you will want to have the sex. with someone else, and sometimes you won't. Right. And you might want to do it a lot and you might not. Like, so that there's just always they know it's a spectrum. There's like those tiny little catchphrases at the end of our conversations that I don't know if I'm doing right, but in my bones I feel like, good job, Krista.

Yeah. You kept it opening. Yeah. It's tough, man. I have two boys. And so I'm like, ooh, when they get to the age, like, when do you give them a phone and then what do they have access to? and I don't, I like wish I could control the rest of their lives.

And I know I can't. I have no idea how that all works. I mean, I know like the preschool classes we took where she said to explain to your kids about red light, yellow light, green light when they're like watching a video of, have you seen it before? It's a green light. Then you know you can watch it. Have you not seen it before, but it looks familiar?

It's a yellow light. So take your time and maybe ask for a parent. And then if it scares you or makes you feel funny at all, it's a red light. put the phone down and come get me. And that was like for like weird YouTube stuff. But I mean, I don't know. I haven't entered that phase yet. And I'm sure it will utterly perplex me. But the one thing that I'm reminded of is Dax also says when I'm thinking about wanting to present the best life for my girls and don't make that choice, that'll be a bad choice. Whatever. All of those stupid little things that ring in my head. He goes, you know what's interesting

is that you were a goody goody. He went to Catholic school, went right to college. I, I was a drug addict. I lived in my car for a year. I drove around the United States. I finally entered college two years late. Then I was still a drug addict for a while. You started working really early and had this career. It took me 10 years of floundering and still doing drugs. And we live in the same house. That's right. And we have the same kids. And we make the same amount of money. I guess there's more than one road to get here. Yes. And I was like, too, she. That's what I tell my husband. Because I got kicked out of five high schools. I was like a bad girl, all of that stuff. He was a straight-A student doctor and he'll say things like that.

And I'm like, and we ended up in the same fucking place, didn't we? Yep. It's really important to remember when you see your kids doing something that you think is a mistake because you're like, you have to let them experience life. Right. You have to let them make their mistakes. It's hard. It's really hard.

Send them to school is hard, just out there on their own. Yeah. But they do it. They make it and they survive. And it's supposed to happen to everyone. Yes. You know, it happened to us. It's supposed to happen to them.

They deserve it. It's a right. They deserve it. They do. I think we're doing okay. I have a son that's, he has hearing loss, and he's got special needs and all this. He's not talking, all the stuff. He started preschool this week.

Called Rachel in utter, utter hysterics, just like, I can't do this. Like, I can't let him go and do that. It was freaking heartbreaking. And scary. And I picked him up and they said he had a really hard day. And I freaking, again, called Rachel in hysterics. And the next day was better. And it's just like you said, it's like...

Because he's anti-fragile. And they're supposed to have hard times. I know. I know. It was harder on me than it was on him. His hard day compared to mine was like... Well, it's like the thing you just told me last night. I was reading Glennon Doyle.

Untamed. Untamed. And she talks about how we're the flight attendant. And there's turbulence in life. And our children are looking at us to be like, it's okay. It's turbulence. But if the turbulent situations happen and we crumble as a flight attendant, then everyone panics. When we know these turbulence isn't going to take the plane down.

Right. And so she's like, your job as the parent is to stay calm and hand out the peanuts. I think I'm like a kid and metaphors really worked for me too. Me too. They work for everyone. It's fantastic metaphors in that book. It's the way people learn. Yeah.

Yeah. But it was like, yeah, how do you hand out the peanuts? I was like, Shepard was handing me the peanuts and I was the kid. He was the flight attendant. Right. Like, no, mom, I'm okay. I got this. I mean, it feels weird to like go from that.

We usually like, when we're ending these things, we do a little game. Tell me I love games. You know I love games. at all. Oh, that's all. But it's if you're willing. Of course. We have two versions where we can call it

Fuck Mary Kill. Or Mary Berry One Night Stand. Oh, I kind of like the ring of Mary Barry One Night Stand. It definitely has a flow. Are we playing with crew members like we always do on set? Anybody?

That's like the funnest game. Okay, so Rob, me, and Rachel. Oh, my God. She's fucking me for sure. Yeah. Rob's dead. Rachel's getting married. We usually think beforehand, like, who we're going to give you.

We did not do that. She's thinking about this one. Chris was like, hmm. I just love games. You know, I love games. That's what I love most about getting together with you and your friends. Like, it's always so fucking fun, charade, whatever it is. Yeah, we love games.

Very competitive. I know. I love it. It is playful. It is, yeah. Play is important when you're an adult, too. It is. I remember your 30th birthday party, your Hunger Games party.

Oh, yes. When you turn 30. Yeah. I turned 30. I dressed as Catniss. I had a bow and arrow. Obviously, I was in black spandex suit. And Dax had not yet read the Hunger Games, which I thought was blasphemous. And, like, Ryan and Amy came as tracker jackers and bumblebee costume. Everyone came dressed. And he was like, I just don't understand. It's like a theme party. He wasn't get like getting. No. He didn't get it. No. And I said, listen to me. All you have to do is carry around this loaf for bread. It's all you do. Just need to be the boy with the bread. No costume. That's all you need. And now. Just hold the bread. Just hold the bread. Just hold the bread. Just hold the. Just hold the. Just hold the. Just hold the. Just hold the. Just hold the. bread and he put it down sometimes and I said you're an utter disappointment but now he's much more used to it because like when we had one of our Game of Thrones party for I don't know it's like season seven or maybe it was the finale I can't remember I rented him a wheelchair to be brand I didn't see game of Thrones but I was wheeling him around in the wheelchair the whole afternoon before we watched the show and he was like I'm so sick of these costume parties I like the trooper I love it um

Really? What? Say who they are? Who are they? Peter Dinklage, T.I. and Zach Brath. Wait, wait. Who's Peter Dinklage?

What do you mean? Game of Thrones? He's also in the new movie Ciroin'O. Go see it. It's brilliant. Oh, did you see it? No, I got a couple good reviews from people I trust. I'm dying to see it.

Yeah. Oh, is this the same? He's very attractive. Oh, okay. You sell by your, yeah. Oh, okay. Well, because I worked with him on House of Lies, and he just has a ton of rhythm. Oh, sick.

Oh, so much rhythm. So much rhythm. He's just very handsome. But, like, his wife is there and she's lovely and whatever. I would never be a black widow. But the point is he's very handsome. Okay. So T.I. Peter Dinklage.

And Zachary. I mean, this is sort of easy. I would one night stand with T.I. I would marry Dinklage because he's also on my list. He's so fun and smart and witty. And then I would bury Zach Raff. I mean, go bless. I'm so sorry.

But wait, you have a list. Yeah. Like my freebies. Oh, yeah. I'd love to hear it. Are you allowed to say? Keith Morrison, Vincent Dinoffrio. Dach says there's, he says, this is why you're so alarming because there's no way to track what you find attractive.

Same. Let me see. Vincent Denevrio. Keith Morrison. Peter Dinklidge is on it. T.I. is on it. Rizamette was on it for a while. I'm a little bit...

Wait, who was? Riz Ahmed. Who's that? Do I know who that is? He's an actor. I bet if I looked him up. He sounds like very attractive. And then one time when we were at like, this was before the world closed, but Dax

and I ran into him on a red carpet somewhere. It was like golden globes or something. And Dax is like the most supportive wingman ever. He just wants people to flirt with people. He loves like human connection and he's like, he wants to talk to a pretty girl. He wants me to talk to a pretty girl or a cute guy. Like he just likes, he like, yeah. Yeah.

So he walked right up. I saw. Rizamed and I was like, oh my gosh, that's Rizamette. And he said, oh my God, let's go talk to him. And I was like, no. And he said, I'm your wingman. And he grabbed me over. And we walked over to Riz Ahmed and he walks up to him and goes, hi, I'm Dax. My wife thinks you're very attractive. And the look on his face was not great. It was like, is this a trap? Does he want me to say your wife's attracted to? And then isn't he going to punch me? Am I split like, the whole thing was confusing. Oh my God. But yeah. We have a list. My husband and I have a list that it has to be an equal swap. Oh, sure. So for couples, though. Okay. You guys are on it. I know. I know. Because it has to be even for both. Like, we would have to both evenly want the person and be attracted to them. Otherwise, it doesn't work. I totally get that. By the way, my husband would fuck you in a second. Good to know. Good to know. And if your husband's into like brain psychology, I would like even just sit and watch 60 minutes.

He's a really fucking handsome doctor. He's a very good looking doctor. No, but let me ask you this before we wrap up. People are so confused about the fact that Dax and I can talk about who we are attracted to and not immediately file for divorce. I don't know how to describe it, but the trust current underneath our relationship is that we know we're never going to actually do any of these things. But we also know we're married. We're not dead. And sometimes it is real. I'm like, listen, I got to be brutally honest. Jennifer Lopez is on his list. I said, honey, if you find yourself in an abandoned hotel with Jennifer Lopez and you guys

got nothing to do for 12 hours, God speak. Right. I want you to have that experience. I would love to have it as well. Yes. I feel like that's real love, though. I feel the same exact way as you. Yes.

And we talk about who we have attractions to all. the time and we tease each other about it. I don't know how to describe it. There is a safety there. Yep. And to be honest, the sexual component of our relationship, although it's great and wonderful and healthy, it is not the reason that I love him. It's not the thing I'm trying to keep him from others in the world. Like, it's who he is in my daily life and how he relates to me and our children and how he cherishes us and protects us that are infinitely higher. Yeah. Than the physical stuff. Yeah. Isn't it also a lot? if people say like, I don't think it has anything to do with a marker of a good or bad relationship

if you're attracted to people outside of your relationship because you're a human being. You're a human being. And it's a lie to say, oh, I don't find that person attractive. I actually get irritated with my husband when he doesn't find people I find attractive attractive. She grills them all the time. I grow my favorite game. Yeah. You know, I'm like, wait, you wouldn't fuck her.

Like, you don't find her attractive. But also, isn't that interesting? because I've said that to Dax about like some of my girlfriends and he's like, I just wouldn't. And then I sort of think like, oh, he's heard her come over and vent too many times. It's actually like lost the steam. And I'm like, oh, I get it. I feel that way about the majority of your guy friends. Exactly.

I know. Right. But to me, it's always fun when we find a couple that we're like, high five. That would be an equal swap. You know? Yeah. See, I just like it because A, it's just fun and it's goofy and it feels like you're in middle school. And it feels like you have that playful.

of talking about your crush. Yeah. But you're still with the love of your life. Yeah. I know it's completely perplexing to people that we do it. I think it's such a good message, though, and just shows strength and trust and real love. Because that is like, I love this person so much,

that stuff that doesn't really matter. Yeah. Like that physical or whatever, it's not what it's about. And like, it's about us and we can talk about it. And also they're your best friend. Totally. Yeah.

Like I've told Rachel, like if anything were to happen to me, She's going to have to move in. You have to marry him. Marry my husband and take care of my children. Like that's going to have to happen. That has been discussed. It's true. That's friendship.

And I said she would probably do that for me. It's friendship. Well, this has been such a fun conversation. And like, you know, a very open conversation about stuff and life and life's not always easy. And I'm sure we'll get a lot of. What do they call it? Clickbait from it. You know.

Lots of click bait. Lots of good stuff. Someone doesn't listen to it and here's a headline. Oh, yeah. Yeah. People are nice. Who cares? Who cares, right?

Who cares, guys? You know what? It will happen. But we have this here. This is love. That's right. That is for sure. Yep.

Thank you so much for talking to us. I'm so happy to you. I know. I feel like I'm not even close to done with you. I know. I love you. But I want to see you, see you, see you. Yeah.

For real friendship. For real friendship. Thank you. Of course. My beauty. Love you guys. Love you. Love you.

So after each episode, Olivia and I are in Rob. Sometimes. Sometimes. All the time. When we get them. When we're lucky enough. After each episode, we're going to do postpartum where we are going to recap and talk and talk and all that good stuff. Today was a really good conversation.

I feel like I'm walking away from it with more knowledge. Yep. More confidence. Yep. And some really good strategies and ways to talk to my daughter about things, including sex. You know what I love about her? What? She clearly is really accountable to herself and, like, takes this life pretty dang seriously, but also has fun.

But she's so thoughtful about everything. Everything. Which is really admirable. I know. down to like what she drinks, not alcohol, but like everything, you know? Right. She really looks into things and I've always admired that about her. She'll know what brands or products or whatever, like doing the best for this world

because she's always trying to better this world. And with like the millions of dogs, she rescues to introducing me to all her charities. And, you know, we spoke about going to Africa and that was all because of her. And opening my eyes up in so many ways. Do you think she has more hours in the day? than the rest of us? Or do you think it's the same amount of hours in the day? Like, what do you think that's about?

Sometimes I get inspired and then sometimes I get a little judgmental of myself. Like, whoa. Like, how do you accomplish so much in one day? Yeah. I've always, you know, envied that and admired that because how she goes about her life. And she always has time. She finds time for everyone. Like, her best friends could not be more love.

and she could not be more present and therefore. And her kids and her family and her husband and her work. And she's like a superhero. She shows up. That's what she does. I loved her talking about how she does it. And it's like, you know, they just came out with a study recently where they've discovered that multitasking is complete bullshit.

They used to say that it was like a really good quality to have to be able to multitask. But now they've broken it down in science world. and discovered it's not really valuable. You're just doing everything bad, right? Or everything worse? Everything a little bit diluted, you know? And it sounds to me like she gets that and she's not trying to multitask

and be present for her children while she's at work or be present for work while she's with her children. Like it sounds to me like she's kind of put things in appropriate categories where she can give her full attention to what she's doing. And I think that she should teach us everything she knows. I just want her with me at all times and having all my conversations for me. And like I said, even with my daughter, I feel like if she could just walk with me in this life, if she could just... She'd be a good politician.

She would be. Don't you think so? Yeah. Like I'd be like, yeah, please. I vote for her. It's really cool how Dax and Kristen are, because they're both on the same page, same level of transparency. and how they do things, how they can talk about each other's crushes.

I mean, Rob, you and your wife can do that? Yeah, we can do that. Do you do that? Do you have a list? We don't have a list, but if we're watching something. I mean, it's a... You don't have a freebie list? Who are your crushes? Yeah.

I don't have a specific list. You're such a liar. You know inside... There's like one person that pops in your head that you're like... There's one person that pops in my head. Who? Not for myself. Oh.

No, no, no. I think part of it is being around Dax and Kristen the last five years, too, is it wasn't something we used to do. So they've kind of opened you up in your relationship, sort of. Yeah. That's cool. I like that. Positive influence. That really is, I feel, like, what Kristen stands for.

Just positive influence. But you don't have a person. Does Natalie have a person? Who would she say? Like, who's your main guy? Well, she likes guys and girls. Okay. So I think that was how it kind of bridged into it was she would say it about a woman.

Like who? Like who? Like who? This is fun. Rachel Bilsen from Nosey. I mean, she loves Buffy. So Sarah Michelle Geller would be... I was going to say which Buffy because, you know, she watches Buffy the Vampires Slayer? Once a year, she'll watch the whole thing. Interesting. And so she likes Sarah Michelle Geller?

I think I was on Buff. I think it was like one of my first jobs and I don't talk and I'm insinuating a threesome with one of the characters on the show. That's right. She would maybe know. A zombie or something, right?

I mean, maybe not. I know the movie. See, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was one of my favorite movies growing up with Luke Perry, Cursie Swanson. Yep. You've seen it?

Yeah. It's so good. Pee Herman? Well, that's not his name. Sarah Michelle Gellar's hot and cruel intentions. Yeah, she's hot. Okay.

Okay. So, do you guys like, entertain threesomes then? Do you entertain? them? Do you... No. No, I mean... No, no. She would get jealous if that was a thing.

Got it. Would you rather do a threesome with two girls or two guys? Like, your dude and another girl? I could see getting jealous if there's another girl. Like, I don't want to see my dude, like, actually having sex with another girl. Right. That doesn't really sound fun to me. Right. Like, no,

let's just keep it clean here. Right. Buddy. I don't know. What about you? Oh, guys. Two guys. Two guys. Well, yeah. That would be easier in the sense of jealousy and then, you know, well, unless the guy, I don't know.

But I wouldn't want that with Jeff. Like, that'd be really weird. It's interesting, though. Yeah. Jeff and two guys would probably be cause for divorce, in my opinion. I've never, I've never done three some of you. No. But you wouldn't?

No. I know. Sorry. Well, I could forget. But the closest we ever came to is when we were like side by side. on beds in Vegas. Separate beds. Yeah.

But that wasn't even together. We were in the same room. Yeah. No. Rob? Nope. Natalie? No.

Okay. Oh. Okay. Well, it ain't over yet. I mean, we've talked about it. You have. Well, I feel like when you're married, it might get to a point where you might be more open to exploring things.

Yeah. I mean, you and Hayden all the time, right? No, but I've had that conversation. before in relationships where I'm like, if we get to 50, and that seemed very far away at the time, I feel like, you know, our 50th wedding anniversary, you know, maybe you can sleep with somebody. But emotional connection is way, it's a whole different ballgame. Like if it's, you know, somebody, no feelings, just physical, you just do the deed, you never see them again.

I was trying to see if I could wrap my head around that. It's probably worth doing it before you're 50 if you're going to do it. You're saying like you would gift. This isn't like a 50-year-old man coming into the attention. My husband's about to be 50. I was talking about my partner. Yeah. No, at 40, 50 is like a whole other thing.

But I was talking about my partner sleeping with a girl, not me with like that 50. I was thinking of him. See, that's my problem. I don't know if it's a problem, but I always go into relationships where I always think of him first. I put the guy first. And like, it's one of my things. But I'm working on it. Yeah.

Could you do that? Would you let Jeff? Never in a million years, never. No. Off the table. No. I couldn't. Not. Right. Well, the thought of that honestly makes me sick to my stomach. I think that's disgusting.

I just, I... Could you, though? Absolutely. I mean, yeah, I could. But I'm so, like, weirdly protective and, like, the thought of him even liking another, like, like, liking it. I'm like, no. It's fun to joke about and we talk about, but I couldn't actually... But I get where Kristen was coming from when she said, you know, you're a little bit. the same room with J-Lo, like, Godspeed, you know, like, go for it. And that does show it's just, it's a different, you know, person and whatever. It's very, it's very considerate. I think it changes in that situation. Like, I think before Natalie and I could have those conversations and it, it wasn't that I'm

going to be on Zoom with that person. It was never a reality. Not that it's a reality now, but it is a person that I could talk to. Right. Yeah. There's a possibility that you might know that person in some way at some point. Yeah, we used to have those kind of conversations. You know Jeff? Yeah. And then Jeff took a job at one point where he was concier medicine for like a bunch of people.

And he was making house calls. And I was like, oh, this is a reality now. Like he could actually smash the people that are on his list. Because imagine like a cute doctor walking in and you're single and like. And like the episode of Friends or Ross takes Isabella Rosalini off his list and then she walks into Central Park. Exactly. She's like, I'm never going to run into her. She's international. And then she walks in. Exactly.

Yeah. But I mean, like if Jennifer Lopez wanted to sleep with Jeff. You would let him. I feel like if I could know it was just going to be that and she wasn't going to want to like take him from me. Uh-huh. If it was. Well, then that's what we're talking about. But then that's like an decent proposal.

It doesn't work well. I haven't seen that movie any very long. We just watched it recently. And I fell into something. Sleep and I heard sobbing and I looked and it was Jeff crying his eyes out. You guys didn't answer it. Can you do that with Jeff? Can I do what?

Talk about men you're attracted to and him talk about women. Absolutely. He knows who like my main guys are. And who are they? I'm obsessed. I mean, I've got a lot. I have one. Who's your one?

Who's yours? Larry David. that is not mine he did not make my list um mine i'm i mean listen brad pit um i love joel kinneman is that how you said oh yeah i'm obsessed with him i saw him in an airport once i was literally like i had like felt like 10 bags it was probably three or well you're not really allowed to have more than whatever i had a lot of bags i was no one's going to come after you if you had more Yeah. Listen, TSA. Next time in the airport, don't flag me down. I think I had Briar with me. So, you know, I'm the mom. I'm by myself carrying everything. Getting through security. They took things from me. I wasn't supposed to have. I'm like, you know, dragging it up. And then the sky like walks by and I'm like, oh my God. That guy's fucking hot. Tall glass of water. And I'm sweating. Clos are falling off. Briar's right. It was one of those suitcases actually that she could ride on and I was pulling it. It was a real scene. And he walks by and he like looks at me and I like glance. and it's fucking Joel Kinderman

and he looks at me and he kind of like smiles but like laughs like oh look at this fucking this girl's a mess like dragging her kid and all her shit things were falling and she's sweating and it was him

and you know what it's still made my day and you guys fell in love and we fell in love and I find it really attractive Ryan Gosling I find really attractive Ryan Gosling is super attractive oh my god

I met him and I was like oh you're supposed to be my husband now this is pre-Ava Mendez like it was a long time ago But I was convinced that we were like made to be together. Like this is happening. We're in France. It's a sign.

International. Of course it's a sign. It was a sign in many ways. And you know what? I told him a joke when I met him. He made fun of me because I was on a boat. It was and we had to dress up. But I'm very little like I'm short.

And I like to wear heels when I'm out. But we were on a boat. So you had to take off your shoes. And I was like, no. But they gave me socks because my feet were cold and they were booties for the boat. And they had an L and an R to show you the sock goes on the left foot or the right foot. Yeah. I think I had him backwards, but he like looked down and he commented on my socks.

What did he say? I don't remember. What was the joke you told him? I told him, I said, what does a snail say when it rides on a turtle's back? What? And I acted out and he laughed. I think he called me charming. So that's my go-to joke just because Ryan Gosling called me charming.

He might have thought you were a child. Were you just like, it was like, you're a cute little girl. It's true. It's true. I know, but how did that come up? Were you just like, hey, Ryan Gossling, I'd love to tell you a joke? Do you want to hear a joke? It's my opener.

I don't remember how it happened, but that is what happened and that is my Ryan Gosseling story. Way back when, when I was convinced that we were destined. Clearly I was crossing. I felt like that when I, and I've never met him, but when I would watch his movies, I would be like, that's my guy. Yeah. Like, that's him. There he is.

100%. Yeah. And I thought that was clear to the universe and it wasn't, I guess. You and a lot of people, both of yours are very obvious. What do you mean? Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt. A little on the nose. I like the Larry David one.

Well, hello. Well, that's one thing, you know, I'm never getting near. Dennis Miller is one of mine too. Okay, that's off the beaten path. That's a little bit off the beaten path. But I find him incredibly. Incredibly. attractive.

Yeah, I get that. Don't you? Growing up, growing up, now let's talk about actors when they were younger. Val Kilmer and Willow. Huh. Really?

I can't remember Willow much. Oh, God. In Willow, as a child, I was in love with Val Kilmer. I was in love with River Phoenix. You know who I? Well, yeah, who wasn't? See, yeah, I like the typical ones.

You do like the typical one. I know. I was obsessed with Edward Furlong when he was in Terminator 2. I wasn't. Edward Norton? No. look him up.

I love Edward Norton. I love Edward Norton, too. I'm going back in childhood here because, you know, these are a little more obscure, let's say. Not at the time, though. Very popular people. Johnny Depp, cry baby. Forget it.

Patrick Swayzy, dirty dancing. Duh. But that's all like, those are all obvious. Leonardo DiCaprio was like, you know. I liked Leo, but I was never like the Leo girl. I was the Leo girl. I used to write about him in my journal and cry at night. Yeah.

And also, like, when new kids on the blog, was super popular. We sound like very old right now. Do you even know who new kids on the block are wrong? I was like, I don't like them. And then I would like secretly like my best friend loved New Kids on the block. And like she would walk out of the room. We were probably in second grade and I'd see like a poster of Joey and he, you know, from New Kids and I'd be like, Joey, I'm really your number one fan. I love you the most. I wouldn't tell anybody. It was a secret. It was a secret. Like maybe I was like, ah, and I can't go along with all of the popular things. Hmm. Weird, right?

into, what's his face? From new kids? No, Donnie. I was a Donnie girl. Wasn't his, oh no, Mark Wallberg. Donnie Walberg was in New Kids, yeah, yeah. I liked, he was like the swaggy one. I liked Marky Mark.

Yeah, obviously. Yeah, when he was Marky Mark. Like that time. For sure. Oh, my God. We better say, how did we get here? Temporary things here because, geez, let's start knitting. Okay.

Actually, I would like to knit. I would, too. I would be very very very, very, Recently. I wanted to take it up. It's a good thing to do. It really is. Yeah. We're on to something.

Knitting is what we're on to. You know what? Kristen Nits, doesn't she? She does she? I know. Does she? See? Damn it.

What doesn't she fucking do? I mean, literally. She does at all, doesn't she? She does. She does a lot. Yeah. This was a really fun time, guys. So out of all the people you've said,

Well, you've said more than three I was gonna see if you had to fuck Mary and kill, could you do that with all of your loves? Like Brad Pitt Jeff and... No, you can't put Jeff in. Like Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling.

And Jeff. No. Fuck Mary Kill. I would marry Jeff. I would because I would be lost. I would be lost without him. I would have to fuck Brad Pitt. He would let me.

But who are you killing? Joel Kendeman? I don't want to kill him. I really don't. It's not fun if you like everyone. I know, it's not as fun, but it's harder to answer, see? Although she answered that kind of quickly.

Well, because it's like I would have to do that for my people. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like that would mean a lot to a lot of people. Like taking one for the team. Yeah. The team being the world. Like not, like, Joel Kindman is more of like,

not as many people. He's not under the radar, but he's more of a under the radar choice. Who are your people aside from Larry David? You don't want to admit it. You're still doing new kids on the block thing. Can you tell lovers, do you have this conversation with them? Huh? The same thing that you asked me.

Like, could I have the conversation about who I'm attracted to? Yeah. Yeah. Not all. Not all. Of people I've been with. Yeah. I have some that are very cool.

more best friend like that absolutely so bill you guys are pretty open about who you were attracted to did he have any I don't even know that's my problem I don't remember things and a couple years ago forget it and might as well have not existed all right so we're not gonna let you off the hook

but yeah I feel like you're still doing the new kids on the block thing no I mean obviously if my the opportunity presented itself with Brad Pitt fuck yeah I'd go for it are you kidding me so the one time I did meet Brad Pitt you brought up good old Bill Hater we were on a red carpet and someone yelled,

Hey, her! Really loud, and he didn't hear. And I turned, and lo and behold, there, the golden god Brad Pitt himself. And I was like, oh shit, oh shit. Brad Pitt's going over. I was like really nervous. And actually, I didn't feel nervous at the time. But supposedly the way Bill had retold it was he came over and was really excited to meet Bill,

because he was a huge fan. And then Bill... And then Bill... Bill introduced me. Hold on. And Bill, hold it, sidebar.

And then Bill introduced me and I didn't know if I should like shake his hand or what and I was kind of awkward and he like shook my hand. I've read. Brad Pitt? Yeah, he likes high fives.

I think he shook my hand. Oh. Oh no. Can you imagine? If I were running to Brad Pitt, like hey, oh, bye.

We shook hands and Bill had told me after, he's like, you were so nervous. That's not what Bill sounds like, by the way. Surfer dude. Can we do a second take? Were you impersonating? How do you?

When you were like really nervous? He was like, you were so nervous. I was like, what do you mean? I'm nervous. I'm just Brad Pitt. Whatever. It's just a bird. That I just, you know, I was, it was a moment.

Because I don't remember things. I definitely remember that. I saw him walking down the street. And you gave him a high-fives? Two weeks ago. Where? Over by UCB. Yeah.

I saw him at Costa Vega. He was going out to have a cigarette. Oh, Brad. Still smoky? Tisk, tisk. I saw him at Costa Vega a few times. It's a restaurant in the valley. When he was with Jennifer Aniston.

Oh, yeah. She loves Casa Vega. I was wearing the same outfit as her. Was it the parachute pants? Huh? Oh. It was like a baseball. tea. I'll never forget it because Brad Pitt smiled at me and like looked that we were wearing

the same outfit. It was like a baseball tea with pink sleeves, jeans and like white tennis shoes. And I like walked up and she was there wearing the same outfit and he like looked at us and smiled and I almost pissed myself. Yeah. And I was understandably so. You could have this Brad. You could have both of us in the same outfit. That's a pretty good one. When I was a kid in the height of Johnny Depp and his crybabyness. He was at Hugo's on Santa Monica and my mom took me to eat. I was literally probably like seven or eight, maybe eight to ten, we'll call it. And Johnny Depp was there and he was with like a manager, I don't know, like an older gentleman at the time. And my mom always said like I walked in and Johnny Depp smiled at me. And he'll never

forget it. And I was like, yeah, Johnny Depp smile at you. The old man smiled at me. That's how I feel when I'm with you. So, I know where Brad Pitt frequent. So you want to go to lunch? Yeah, in Louisville? Yeah. Or in Costa Vega? No, I used to actually, like, low-key look for him every time I'd go to Costa Vega.

You know, I'm like, I hope to see him. You would go there every day and hope. Every day. I get it. I would be there. It's a very dark restaurant. It's very dark. It's also why it's popular with people like Brad Pitt.

Mm-hmm. We just blew his cover. Well, you wanted to blow something. We're heckling now. We're heckling. We're like these little old ladies. We are. We're going to knit.

We're like the Golden Girls. They're still my heart. I tell you. Were you a fan of the Golden Girls, Rob? That was a little before my time. Oh, shut up. He's so young. I know.

Do you know Jeff didn't know Golden Girls was an actual really good show? He was like, why do you watch that. I'm like, because it's an amazing show. And he's like, nobody thinks that. I was like, you're absolutely wrong about life. Like, you know nothing. It's, it's a perfect show. 1,000 percent. But don't you hate that one? You know something is like 1,000 percent right. And someone tries to argue it and they're just so wrong. And I cannot let it go until I prove to them that they are wrong. I did an Instagram poll on that. Yes. Did it convince him? It was like 90.

98% yes, it's a perfect show. Just to prove him wrong. But Jeff agrees. No, he's like everyone that follows you as an idiot. And I was like, well, that's not true. You should watch Golden Girls, Rob. I've seen some of it. Well, you should see all of it.

All right. It's quite good. By the next episode, I'll watch it. Did you watch Friends? Were you into sitcoms? Seinfeld. No, I mean, I've seen enough of friends. Okay. So you've got my Isabella Rosalini reference.

No. Isabella Rosalini. Okay. So we're going to do this every week. We are going to, we're going to do this every week. Sometimes twice a week. You know what? Sometimes twice a week.

Sometimes twice a week. We are going to cover a lot. I'm actually really excited to talk about some of the things we're going to talk about because there are things that I've personally never talked about before, but also having a very open dialogue with things that we talk about all the time and what women, even men, whoever, speak with your closest friends about that you don't always, you know, air your dirty laundry, so to speak. But it's helpful.

I find it very therapeutic. I find it helpful. And also some interesting stories. Yeah, you're not afraid to air your dirty laundry. I've learned. I'm not? No. Why do you say that?

Just say it when you came on. He's like, because when I walked in, there was dirty laundry. But, I mean, when we first met. On armchair? You did armchair. Yeah. You said a few things that you didn't ask, cut. I did.

think about it though. I was a little nervous. Yeah. But you know what? It was a good thing because I brought up something with myself and a fellow classmate from high school that hurt me. And we have since mended our relationship and friendship. And so that was the reason for it. And now we're doing this podcast also because of it.

And we're doing this podcast because that's where I met Rob. And Rob said, hey, you want to do a podcast? You like to talk shit about people. let's uh... Yeah, Rob was like, hmm, you're not afraid to talk spicy things. Yeah, no, but I really, really liked you, Rob, and I said, yeah, let's talk more. And I dragged Olivia on it on it on it.

Yeah, to be fair, we ended up having to spend an hour on Zoom after. What do you mean? After you came on armchair, because you couldn't figure out how to use any of your equipment or upload any of the audio. And so that's when you saw a future podcast. and me. She can do this every week. She's got this laptop that Bill bought her.

That doesn't work. We have to replace. And we did very quickly because it did not work. That was pretty funny, actually. I think that's what really got you. You were like, this girl's a mess. Let's record it. It's true.

But you know what? And you're here now. And you're here in person because literally you're probably too scared for me to do it on my own. And because we need you desperately. Yeah. And it is really exciting because our favorite thing to do in life is talk to each other about everything. In detail. In detail. What did you eat for lunch? We will go into full detail. So what people want to hear. Yeah. What did Rachel and Olivia eat for lunch? Well, let me tell you. So far today. Well, Rob was the first person to bring us courage bagels and they are God's gift to the bagel community.

It is literally the best bagel I've ever had in my life. Actually, you know, and I didn't even intend for that to be a plug. But since we're talking about it, Courage bagels, I'm not joking, the best fucking bagels I've ever had in my life. We have joined, collaborated, for broad ideas as a special thing. If you're in L.A., you can experience. I'm just putting it out there because it's very exciting. Yeah, we love courage bagels. We do.

So anyway, we will be here at least once a week, hoping that you will. will too. If enough of you listen, we'll be here more than once a week. Get ready. Every day. We're even going to like do topic ones. We cover a really interesting topic, Olivia and I. Stay tuned. Lay down. Lay down. Unzip those pants because pleasure is up next. That's right, baby. Yeah, yeah. Once a month, we'll do something topic based. Right. Rob's like, yeah, yeah, stop that. Zip those pants up, lady. Yeah. Yeah, but once a month, we'll drop a topic one. But our first one is pleasure. So enjoy. It's a good one. See you next week. That was a headgum podcast.